#emily dickinson would approve
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I feel like I'm the only one in the Good Omens fandom who doesn't get the subtext behind the "aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear" quote. Do you have thoughts to share on what it means to you?
Ooooh do I. This is probably one of my favorite lines in all of Good Omens. And that is saying something because I'm one of those with an old dog-eared copy of the book AND the S1 script book, both full of underlines (don't tell Aziraphale, he'd be horrified). So, here is my unhinged passionate explanation of what that line means to me, and how I think it actually applies to multiple moments through S2, specifically moments where there is some kind of performance/deception taking place. I will try to keep this only marginally long, so I will break down the three moments I think are MOST important, and then sum it all up at the end. Ready? Here we go!
What the line means in 1941
"Aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear" clearly applies to the mechanisms of the bullet catch in S2E4, so let's start there. What does the bullet catch tell us about their relationship? First, they are always being watched. By humans (the audience) but also by their respective sides (in this case Hell). Second, they have to pretend they don’t know each other but still have ways to communicate throughout their charade. Third, they HAVE to trust one another. Like, a LOT because - Fourth, their relationship puts them both in danger.
In this context, the line is really interesting because the idea of aiming for the mouth and shooting past the ear can also be interpreted as speaking and acting in ways that either pacify or confuse those watching, but that clearly communicate to one another. There is SOMETHING about the fact that in the presence of the Nazis Crowley speaks very plainly but in a way only Aziraphale would REALLY understand - “If the bomb does land here, it would take a real miracle for my friend and I to survive it” - yet when they are being watched unaware the line that the Nazis manage to get is “banana, fish, gorilla, shoelace with dash of nutmeg” because never, not even alone, do they speak in a completely straightforward manner. This does not mean they do not communicate, it means they communicate in their own language.
What the line means in Job
But wait! There is MORE! Because 1941 isn’t the first time we’ve seen these two perform for an audience! "Aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear" also applies in Job. There is one big difference - at the start of the story, Crawley is performing alone. He is saying all the right demonic things - "I want to. I long to destroy the blameless children of blameless Job, just as I destroyed his blameless goats." And at first, Aziraphale is in the audience, unaware of the sleight of hand taking place in front of him. But Crawley offers to read him in by showing him… the crows. And Aziraphale ends up stepping into the roll of magician’s assistant as Crawley works to save Job’s kids, human and otherwise.
What I find interesting is the way you can think about mouths and ears here - Crawley lets him hear the crows bleat (shoot past my ear) which lets Aziraphale understand who Crawley really is. Then Crawley offers him the ox rib (aim for my mouth) which in some ways makes Aziraphale begin to actually examine who HE is. Both are necessary if they are going to eventually become An Us, and it really starts here, with Job.
What the line means in the Final Fifteen
By the time we get to present-day S2 “Aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear” has taken on such a deep meaning for these two man-shaped beings. Their communication is so rich and layered, where they speak in metaphors and puns and have rituals like the I Was Wrong dance. I mean, just look at this silly little act of love -
I. Simply. Cannot. These two! They deeply enjoy one another. BUT this very complicated language they have developed together only works when they are ON THE SAME PAGE.
What happens in the Final Fifteen? They stop speaking the same language. For the sake of this analysis, we are assuming that Aziraphale is feeling threatened, and is aware that Metatron has ill intent, okay? Okay. In that context… just like 1941, they are AGAIN being watched (this time by Heaven), pretending they don’t know certain things about each other, need to trust each other and their relationship has put them in danger. But here is the kicker - they have slipped back into their roles from the start of Job, except reversed. They don’t have the same information and awareness. Fell the Marvelous is desperately putting on the performance of his life, and Crowley doesn’t even know they are on stage. There was no time for a backroom conversation to discuss the finer points of the trick. In the end, Crowley decides “fuck shooting past your ear, you aren’t hearing me."
And in the MOST devastating way possible, these two aimed for the mouth and shot right past each other's ears. Ouch. OUCH.
*Clears throat, dries eyes* in summary, this little line of poetry does a heavy lift for S2. It applies to scenes where a performance/sleight of hand is taking place, but it reads differently in each one. Importantly, "Aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear" only works out when they are properly partnering not pretendy partnering. If there is information withheld, or they aren't in agreement (this applies to Edinburgh toooooo) things just implode. They have to have TRUST for this to work.
Just in case I seem even remotely normal at this point, here is the little poem I wrote after watching S2 the first time, as the brainrot started to take real hold:
aim for my mouth and shoot past my ear
tell me the lines but show me your eyes
so i learn how hearts can hide truth in lies
here beside you
aim for my mouth and shoot past my ear
i promise to burn you if you hold the match
you walk through fire but i'll turn to ash
a shade grey for you
aim for my mouth and shoot past my ear
show me the words i can't seem to hear
give me something to hold as i go through my fear
and here return to you
#aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear#good omens meta#ineffable idiots#good omens brainrot#its the poetry of it all that kills me#emily dickinson would approve
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The downfall of media representation: a look at the massive cancelation tide of queer-woman-led shows of 2022
A little more than a year ago, I published a piece on what I called “the queer renaissance” where I reminisced on Lexa’s legacy (The 100) and showed optimism on the representation scenario given the variety of shows airing or to be aired with queer woman among their characters, and the grand amount of WLW couples in committed relationships that had on-screen marriages between 2020 and 2021. But even then, when things were still looking up representation-wise, I pointed that a cloud of worry was coming due to the end of many beloved shows that featured queer characters. There, I mentioned Black Lightning (Grace and Thunder), The Bold Type (Kat and Adena), Supergirl (Alex and Kelly), Brooklyn99 (Rosa), Atypical (Casey and Izzie), Genera+ion (Riley and Greta), Dickinson (Emily and Sue), Motherland Fort Salem (Raelle and Scylla) and Killing Eve (Eve and Villanelle). Little did I know that my optimism was foolish and that the worry brought by the end of the above-mentioned shows would only grow stronger after a very disturbing 2022.
The first cancelation tide came in April. When rumors started regarding the selling of The CW, queer fans immediately started worrying for their beloved shows, specifically for DC Legends of Tomorrow and Batwoman. Turns out they had a reason to worry because even before the network was sold by Paramount and Warner Bros. Discovery to Nextstar, The CW axed a long list of names from their portfolio. The shock was evident since The CW traditionally renewed their shows and allowed departing series to have a final “goodbye” season, as they did with Supergirl. But what called everyone’s attention was the fact that Legends of Tomorrow last-airing season (the seventh of their run) had done great regarding to critics and ratings. It also had more views than shows that would get renewed, like Riverdale. Media outlets later revealed that the apparent cause for cancelation was that the uncertain future of the network at that point led Warner Bros. to not want to commit to another long-term lease on the sound stages in Vancouver. The fact that they also did not renew their deal with Netflix for distributing content largely affected their revenues as well. Not to say that any of these issues did not play major parts on the future of our beloved shows, the fact remains that series that were in similar conditions, that is, also shot in Vancouver, also distributed by Netflix, and with similar or lower ratings and approval from critics, were renewed. In contrast, Legends of Tomorrow and Batwoman were not. The difference between then and the ones that got renewed: both were led by woman who loved other woman. And one of then was led by a black woman.
It was not easy moving on from such losses and being left without a proper ending to beloved characters and couples. But the cancelation wave did not slow down. Gentleman Jack was canceled in July by HBO. Despite BBC’s desire to move forward with the show, they still needed HBO as a co-producer and global distributor. It was hypothesized that the gap between the first and second seasons, caused by the pandemic, led to lower ratings and, thus, cancelation. But the untold reality was that HBO somewhat sabotaged the show by changing its time slot to air in the US and not pushing as much publicity for season 2. This kind of approach reminded me of the way Nickelodeon treated The Legend of Korra, constantly changing its time slot and ultimately moving it to streaming for the fourth and final season. Korra was a pioneer in queer representation for animated series.
The Wilds was canceled after a second season mostly focused on new male characters instead of the group of girls that led the first season, including the couple Shelby and Tony. Some shows had briefer runs, like Prime Video’s Paper Girls and Netflix’s First Kill. So short indeed that it makes me believe that genre TV for sapphics is the ultimate streaming queerbaiting. It is worth mentioning that many people, including LGBTQIAP+, stated that these shows were better off being canceled since they were poorly scripted and had terrible CGI. Addressing these issues, I have to say that poor visual effects never stopped series from getting renewed (just see Supernatural) and shows with really horrible scripts are constantly made and renewed by streaming platforms (Netflix’s Elite is a perfect example). However, I do not agree that they are badly scripted at all. Despite heavy criticism, First Kill had an expressive number of views and ranked well in Netflix’s Top 10 in many countries, also showing great numbers on socials which were at least comparable to Heartstopper (already renewed by Netflix).
But it was not enough for Netflix to cancel First Kill, and the news about the cancelation of Warrior Nun hit colder than ice. Warrior Nun was already a beloved show that grew its audience during the pandemic. Although some had reservations for the first season because of a possible queerbaiting, this possibility was erased by season 2 and the beautiful slow-burn romance between Ava and Beatrice. The momentum the show gained by the launch of its second season was impressive and it was impossible to go through the Twitter timeline without seeing some post or photo related to the show or Avatrice. The impact was so big that made people go back and watch the first season as well. Rotten Tomatos season 2 critic ratings were 100% and audience score was 99% with 7925 reviews. In fact, season 2 had the highest Netflix audience rating ever. The audience, already aware of Netflix MO, grew the engagement of the series on social media, despite Netflix showing zero effort for advertising the new season whatsoever. And again, despite the great ratings, views and engagement, the show got axed without much explanation, leaving a passionate audience with multiple unsolved cliffhangers.
Netflix, having one of the largest portfolios among networks and streaming platforms, is naturally the home of many shows with LGBTQIA+ characters. It does not feel like a coincidence that these shows, especially the ones featuring lesbian and bisexual woman, are the main targets for cancelation. The cycle continues: platforms pick up shows with a queer character for producing to fill the diversity box; they offer little to no support for the people involved on the actual making of the show, offering lower budgets compared to other equivalent series; besides the low production value, they also put little effort on advertising these series, making very hard for the show to do well outside the queer bubble; still, some audience, specially queer woman, sign to that platform to watch the series, grow attached to the characters, ship the couples, engage on social media, and do what they can for it to get to as many people as possible, since the network or streaming is doing virtually nothing in this regard; ultimately, the show either performs poorly as far as visualizations, mostly due to the sabotage of their own producing platform that offered a low production and advertising value, or performs well, but never well enough to them. In the latter case, it feels like woman-led shows are always held to a much higher standard than the male-led ones, having to do so much better to get same recognition. Misogyny and lesbophobia are the two words that come to mind describing this heartbreaking cycle.
At the end of the day, what we are left with? Series that give terrible endings to their sapphic characters, like Killing Eve. Series that are giving us kind of a bad type of representation, like The L Word Gen. Q season 3 (destroying character evolution and pushing outdated plots). Series with great representation which we are so afraid to get attached to just so we’d be disappointed again (like A League of Their Own and Sex Live of College Girls). And series that we will never even know the ending (choose any of the above-mentioned series). It is worth pointing out that all the fandoms are fiercely fighting for their shows to get pick up by other platforms and find new homes, as they should. A great example that the fight is worth fighting is Wynonna Earp. The show was canceled after its third season, leaving the audience with many cliffhangers. The fans fought hard and SyFy pick up the series for two more seasons. Ultimately, season 5 never happened, and its only owned to the creator Emily Andras, who did not want to make the same mistakes as season 3 and leave multiple loose ends, that we got a satisfying beautiful ending at season 4. But even with only one extra season, it was so worth it. And one final season could be all we needed to feel a sense of closure for all these falling series.
It is worth highlighting that LGBTQIAP+ representation is so important for so many people to recognize themselves in the characters and feeling less alone in this world, for helping people accept themselves, come out to their families, and just to normalize in general the existence of LGBTQIAP+ people in all sorts of environments and genres. We are currently seeing undoubtedly a major regression on how media approaches representation in general. We started back then being either sexualized or straight up killed, evolved into great characters with diverse well-thought-out plots, only to now have our shows canceled. And, although we are all exhausted, we cannot go down without a fight. A unified fight with all fandoms from canceled shows. As we did in 2016 after Lexa’s death, we need to make our points to major media outlets, go after the sponsors of the platforms, make a fuss in social media, look for alternatives. I still hope that, together, we have the power to make a difference if not for the series that were already canceled, to at least avoid that the shows that are still running or just starting to have a similar fate.
#lgbt#lgbt community#queer#representation#lexa#clexa#avatrice#warriornun#firstkill#calliete#gentlemenjack#batwoman#legends of tommorow#papergirls#wynonna earp#sex lives of college girls#a league of their own#the l world generation q#killing eve
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❄️ December Writing Challenge ❄️
Day 15. Matching Pyjamas
Pairing: Richard Alonso Muñoz x GN!Reader
Words: 754
Warnings: none!
December Writing Challenge masterlist
“Do you think this is cute?” Richard turned the catalogue that had been placed in his mailbox this morning towards you, a nervous frown creasing his features. You lower the book you were reading, a collection of Emily Dickinson poems, to peer at the page he held open. There were two beautiful models leaning towards each other, mistletoe dangling above their heads as they held a small gift between them. Their bodies were twisted uncomfortably towards the camera to display the clothes they were selling; a pair of matching button-up pyjamas in festive red with gold lining.
“Couples pyjamas?” you asked, glancing questioningly at Richard. He gave a half shrug, cheeks dusting pink in embarrassment as he fumbled with the pages of the catalogue.
“It was a thought, never mind,” Richard mumbled almost incoherently but you heard enough to know he was deflecting from his true feelings. You noticed that with Richard. He was sometimes too afraid to say exactly what he felt. Instead he tested the waters, threw out a suggestion, making out it was only half a thought. But you knew him. And you knew he wanted couples pyjamas.
“I’ll make us a tea,” you suggested, patting his knee comfortingly on your way to the kitchen. You made sure you weren’t observed when you typed the catalogues website into your phone and searched for a pyjama set.
-
Neither you nor Richard wanted to make a big deal out of Christmas this year. You both had a couple of days off and you’d decided to spend it with each other at home, watching holiday movies, eating a wide range of food from both your cultures and settling down in the evenings to play games and read in each others company.
As soon as you were ready to get into your pyjamas, when the sky was becoming dark and the hot cocoa was at the forefront of your minds, you turned to Richard with a content smile.
“I brought you a new pyjama set. Would you wear it for me tonight?” Richard looked at you in surprise. Already beyond grateful for the presents he’d received this morning he couldn’t believe you’d brought him another gift.
“You are much too good to me,” he kissed you sweetly, pulling back reluctantly with child-like excitement in his eyes.
“It’s on the bed,” you said, prompting Richard to hurry up the stairs.
Richard was a careful dresser. He secured every button carefully, tied every lace firmly, positioned collars perfectly. So you knew you had time to ready your final present. You reached over the side of the armchair to retrieve the bag you’d secretly placed there a few days before, pulling out the pyjamas you’d brought that matched the ones Richard was changing into upstairs. They weren’t the exact pyjamas he’d seen in the catalogue a couple of weeks ago but they were just as festive. The fabric was good quality cotton, a shade of light grey adorned with red berries and green holly leaves with a silver lining running along the edges of the collar, cuffs and down the front where pearl white buttons sat. The trousers were the same pattern with a red drawstring waist, the bottoms folded over and sewn. It was a beautiful set that you hoped Richard would love.
You got changed and sat on the couch until you heard his tentative footsteps walking down the stairs. Your heart thumped with both excitement and apprehension. Your breath caught in your throat when Richard turned the corner, his hands nervously flattening the front of the pyjama top over his belly as he looked to you for approval. He was adorable in the pyjamas; the top button was low enough you could see some chest hairs poking over the top, he was walking slightly on the bottoms of the pyjama legs but he’d folded over the sleeves to free his hands. You walked over to hold his hands, giggling softly at how you two must look; silly, but completely in love.
Richard leaned forward to kiss you, underestimating the distance and landing a peck on your nose instead. You didn’t mind, there would be plenty of time this evening for as many kisses as you both wanted.
“Thank you,” he said sincerely with a wobbly smile. You took his face in your hands, your thumbs rubbing soothing circles into his cheeks.
“It’s my pleasure,” you replied, receiving a toothy grin. “Anyway, I think we look cute.”
Richard nodded, pulling you into a hug.
“We do.”
#december writing challenge#the letter room#oscar isaac#richard alonso muñoz#richard alonso munoz x gn!reader#richard alonso muñoz x reader#richard alonso munoz x reader#wwdilfcember#richard alonso muñoz x gn!reader
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hey girl, I'm happy to hear that you're feeling better! 👊 listen, it's cold in my country right now and I want to keep warm. Tell me your fav european GL(not Asian, pls, I'm tired of it) when you're able to write long posts. You can take your time. The cold weather is forecast to last until May 20 😪
hello, anon!!!!
im sorry to hear the cold weather is gonna last so long in your country, i hope you're keeping warm and drinking lots of tea or other hot beverage of choice!!!!!
i can definitely give you some recs for wlw shows, although i need to give two little disclaimers first:
i actually know of only one european wlw show, so i hope it's okay if i expanded this list to include western shows in general ;;;;;;;;
networks and streaming platforms are my mortal enemies because they love cancelling sapphic shows after one or two seasons (AND FUCK THEM ALL FOR THAT TBH), but if i didn't put those series on the list, this would be very short and i also think we would be missing out on some great television, so im adding their status to let you know what to expect before getting into it
OKAY AND NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADO LET'S GET INTO IT
a league of their own (comedy drama - 1 season - cancelled)
based on the 1992 film of the same name with new characters and storylines, the series, set in 1943, is about the formation of the rockford peaches, a women's team in the nascent all-american girls professional baseball league.
one of my favorites on this list and im so upset it got cancelled AMAZON PRIME YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES
anne+ (drama - 2 seasons + a movie - complete)
the one actual european wlw show of the list, this is a dutch drama series that follows the main character, anne, as she tries to navigate her early twenties as a young lesbian. upon bumping into her ex-girlfriend one day, anne reflects on how her past relationships have contributed to who she has become.
honestly for being from a smaller indie production this is such a relatable, engaging, and well-done series, i definitely recommend it!!!!
dickinson (historical comedy drama - 3 seasons - complete)
based on the life of emily dickinson, the series focuses on her relationships with her family, her friends, her society, and on her long-term romantic relationship with her childhood best friend and sister in law, sue.
another big favorite of mine, it's fun, wild, has an unique modern twist, and both hailee steinfeld and ella hunt are incredible
first kill (fantasy drama - 1 season - cancelled)
the series focus on the relationship between teenage vampire juliette fairmont, who needs to make her first kill in order to enter adulthood and take her place among her powerful family of legacy vampires, and calliope burns, who belongs to a monster-hunting family and needs to slay her first monster in order to gain her family's approval and officially become a hunter herself.
look, i know there are a lot of mixed reviews on this show, but personally i enjoyed it a lot. it's good, campy fun, and a breath of fresh air from the hetero love stories that pervade the genre
gentleman jack (historical drama - 2 seasons - cancelled)
based on the collected diaries of anne lister, which contain over four million words and are written in secret code, documenting a lifetime of lesbian relationships. the series starts in 1832, when anne leaves hastings brokenhearted and heads to halifax, to restore her uncle's estate that she has inherited. while restoring the estate, she finds that the family land has a coal mine that it's being stolen by two brothers and develops a relationship with a woman named ann walker.
genuinely SO UPSET about this one being cancelled, it was such a gorgeous show with the most delightful english humor and complex relationships WHY PEOPLE CAN'T RECOGNIZE QUALITY TELEVISION
gypsy (psychological thriller - 1 season - cancelled)
the series follows jean holloway, a therapist who seems to have it all, but who secretly obsesses over the people her patients talk about in their sessions. this leads her to seek out sydney, one of her patient's ex-girlfriend, with whom she starts developing a romantic relationship under a secret identity.
i wasn't sure whether to rec this or not because i have very mixed feelings about it like the concept is very intriguing to me but the execution wasn't the best imho. it's still a solid show tho, and naomi watts is. well, naomi watts
the haunting of bly manor (horror - 1 series - complete)
loosely based on the novella the turn of the screw by henry james, the series follows dani clayton, a young american woman hired as an au pair for the children of the wealthy wingrave family in england. after arriving at the bly estate, she begins to see apparitions that proceed to haunt the premises.
i personally LOVE all of mike flanagan's series, and this one is no exception, however (unpopular opinion) i do find the second half of it kinda lacking. it's still a fantastic show tho, and i adore victoria pedretti
killing eve (thriller - 4 seasons - complete [but at what cost])
the series follows eve polastri, a british intelligence investigator tasked with capturing an assassin named villanelle. as the chase progresses, the two develop a mutual obsession.
once again i wasn't sure whether to rec this or not because while the first two seasons of this show are honestly some of my all time favorite, and the third season is still acceptable, the last one is honestly one of the biggest disappointment i've ever experienced in television. still, i think it's a staple of wlw shows in the last decade so i had to include it
warrior nun (fantasy drama - 2 seasons - cancelled, but we should be getting a revival as a trilogy of feature films. hopefully)
the story follows ava silva, a a 19-year-old orphan who wakes up in a morgue with a new lease on life and a divine artifact embedded in her back. she discovers she is now part of the ancient order of the cruciform sword that has been tasked with fighting demons on earth, and powerful forces representing both heaven and hell want to find and control her.
when i tell you i was so skeptical when i started this show but it's honestly SO GOOD, it really has it all: talented cast, beautifully-written three-dimensional characters and relationships of all varieties, gorgeous cinematography, amazing fight scene choreography.......THEY BETTER DELIVER THOSE MOVIES OR IM GONNA BE SO UPSET
AND NOW LET ME ADD SOME SHOWS WITH WLW RELATIONSHIPS IN A BIGGER ENSEMBLE CAST
sense8 (scifi drama - 2 seasons - complete)
the story follows eight strangers as they discover that they form a cluster of "sensates": human beings who are mentally and emotionally linked, can sense and communicate with one another, and can share their knowledge, language and skills.
i don't think i could say something about this show that hasn't already been said tbh. it's wonderfully queer and explores issues related to identity, sexuality, gender, and politics. it's honestly a must watch.
the wilds (drama - 2 seasons - cancelled)
the series revolves around a group of teenage girls who are left stranded on a deserted island after their plane crashes on the way to the dawn of eve program, a young women's empowerment retreat. while the girls try to survive, they are unaware that they're actually the subjects of a social experiment.
AMAZON PRIME YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES PT. 2 STOP CANCELLING MY FAVORITE SHOWS 😭
yellowjackets (horror - 2 seasons - on going)
in 1996, a new jersey high school girls' soccer team travels to seattle for a national tournament. while flying over canada, their plane crashes deep in the wilderness, and the surviving team members are left stranded for nineteen months. the series follows both their attempts to stay alive in 1996 and the lives of the survivors 25 years later, in 2021, as the events of their ordeal continue to affect them many years after their rescue.
i. freaking. LOVE. this show!!!!!!!! but it also comes with a mile long list of trigger warnings, including cannibalism, SA, abuse, animal killing, etc. maybe it's silly to point this out considering the genre of the show, but still. just be safe if you do decide to watch it!!!!!!
and this is pretty much it!!!! this is obviously not a comprehensive list, im aware i left out some popular shows and other ones that feature sapphic relationships between side characters, but these are my personal favorites and they also feel like the series where the wlw part of the story is fairly front and center, at least imho ;;;;;;;;
#OH GOD THIS GOT SO LONG IM SORRY#i do hope you can find something that you like in this!!!!!#and thank your for trusting me with this question!!!!!!#hope you're having a wonderful day all cozied up and warm in your house!!!!!! 💜#wlw shows#show recs#long post#m: ask
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Incredible Lyricism
Aside from having an incredible range of genres, Taylor Swift is arguably the most immaculate and poetic lyricist of the 21st century and can be compared to poets like Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson. The imagery she is able to create through the articulation of her words paint a story that seemingly no other artist in this time period is capable of. Though all lyricists are poets, Taylor Swift is truly an artist of language. Take for example Illicit Affairs off of Folklore. She states, “Take the words for what they are; a dwindling mercurial high” To describe a love that is unstable, that is hot and cold, that is losing momentum. To describe a candle that is burning the very end of the wick. Another great example comes from All Too Well (Ten Minute Version) [Taylor’s Version]. “You kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” followed by “ Did the twin flame bruise paint you blue/ just between us, did the love affair maim you too?” To describe a secret love, and in a fleeting last attempt for approval she is asking just between the two of us– did that hurt you like it hurt me?
Taylor Swift’s lyricism is just such advanced language that it takes a certain level of intelligence to appreciate her music. It’s actually a widespread joke between fans that people who do not appreciate her music simply don’t understand the complexity of her lyrics. In The Lakes, which is a bonus track off Folklore, she quite literally calls herself out but the language is so advanced most people didn't even catch it. She asks, “is it romantic, how all my elegies eulogize me?” later followed by “... with my calamitous love and insurmountable grief” -The Lakes (bonus track) off folklore She is quite literally calling herself narcissistic and self centered by saying all of her poems/ music praise herself, her disastrous style of giving and receiving love, and her experiences of love and grief. Another example of her calling herself out is on her most recent album, Midnights. On a song that she chose to be the first single, meaning it would be the most popular and most overplayed. Other first singles are We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, Shake it Off, You Belong With Me, etc. She calls herself out blatantly in Anti-Hero with less advanced language: “did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism, like some kind of congressman?”
Photo by Steven Lovekin obtained from Shutterstock free for editorial use.
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here I am to answer while I almost fall asleep again, mainly because it's almost 2am, I don't know how I'm still standing ye ye ye. It would be funny if you weren't, but since the topic was that anon's ideas, there was no way you weren't right. naaaah, I don't need to do it, I think you're doing great. I will continue my hard work, which is to keep laughing 😔
I don't believe you anticipated that I was going to say something... but um, if you were multitasking I think it's okay? I guess you're right and emily dickinson approves this statement. I heard that in some countries the word “chemistry” doesn’t exist, so they use gwen and peter as a synonym. kind of yes? because you will have transformed into him and you'll know that you are there... I don't know, it's quite confusing. yup, the multiverse is pure madness.
nope, that's not me. exactly what I've been doing up until now... maybe I-- kdhskskssksk yeah, but shhh, don't think about it too much 😶 c'mooon, do you really think my only brain cell is capable of doing this? I mean, If you want me to finish the sentences it would only be fair for you to do the same, right? 👀
I feel like I should be offended by this. good to know you didn't think about doing exactly that, it would be horrible if you thought about doing that. since you're not thinking about sharing any more thoughts I wouldn't want to hear it either because it wouldn't make me more excited. and since you didn't ask, I'm not going to answer that it would be interesting for half-smut, like, to almost happen but R isn't ready for it yet and the fact that Kate respects this decision would also be something “shocking” for R.
okay, I'll trust you and your words then. so it looks like your days of semi-refreshments have arrived. ksjskskak I'm going to start writing a little line on paper every time I understand a reference you make.
I've never seen anyone say that english is weird, you couldn't be more right lmao. wowwowow, paris? that's so cool- even though you couldn't speak french hsjskakk 😭 what was it like when you went there? I swear I could make fun of you for that, but then I'd be attacking myself too because I'm exactly like that lmao. and okay, your fear of sounding like a gringa is totally plausible because it really is embarrassing af- I'm glad you agree that their relationship goes beyond that, even if it's something obvious lol. I wonder how much pain she really hides, not only from others but also from herself, you know? that would be so cute stop ashwajdksk she was definitely going to turn into a mess, but a happy mess, like, look at her making friends and finally having people around 🥺
– 🌟
i want to scold you for being awake at 2am but i can't bring myself to do it because seeing another message from you made my night 19x times better so 😶 it’s about to be 10pm for me so, it's not super late but i’m definitely a little drowsy. [also, i’m starting to realize we both overestimated the time difference between us lmao] look at you, finally starting to admit how right i am all the time, i knew you could do it. hmmm, nope, i think we ALL require a comment from you. definitely not just me.
well, believe it ‘cause that's what happened 👍 look at that, even more evidence of me being right, i’ll take that star any time. skskdkdj yup, that sounds about right. i think i need to go watch the amazing spiderman now 😅 i think we can excuse narcissism this time, right? i feel like the context makes it...better lmao. you could almost call it the multiverse of madness…get it? …i’ll see myself out 🙃
whatever you say 👀 says the person refusing to give me another star, when it comes to compliments though well, let's just say you… uh huh, i’ll stop thinking about it, say some more obvious things and wake up to everyone calling me out about it. subtlety isn't really my strong suit, as i’m sure you've noticed. i’m sure you and your one braincell will manage just fine. and before you start, you're the one who started the unfinished sentences thing so you owe me at least four sentences before i even think about giving you mine.
nope, you should take it as a compliment. i’m glad we’re on the same page about all the things i certainly won't be doing. i don't have way too many thoughts about alpha!kate at all and i definitely don't want to talk about her at all. it’s not like the only thing stopping me right now is my tiredness, not at all. i’m so glad you didn't answer the question i didn't ask because it's not like i think that's a great idea and i certainly won't be stealing it. and i definitely don't want you to ask any questions about this AU or alpha!kate at all.
thank you, i appreciate your trust. you’re going to run out space very quickly, i make like two references per message and we have…about four conversations going on rn.
really??? i saw it once somewhere and it's never left my mind. it's such a pain in the ass sometimes which is probably why i ignore most grammar rules and just write what i want lmao. which usually means i add a crap ton of commas to every sentence. Grammarly hates me. my spanish came through and saved my ass ‘cause my french was very limited at the time. i honestly had a great time though, my mom and i decided it would be much more fun to travel for my 15th birthday instead of having the traditional quinceañera thingy and i absolutely made the right decision. i love traveling and paris is lovely, i don't care if it’s overrated. i’m glad you understand my pain and my fear, it's also embarrassing af having to pronounce certain things [like carne asada, for example] the “American Way” so people understand what i mean. it's exactly why i don't go to Chipotle. [i also just don't like it but that's not as fun to say] yeah, i think kate just really needs someone to be in her corner and who better than her literal idol, right? i feel like she's very self-aware of how obsessive she sounds sometimes but she does it anyway to annoy clint. she probably hides any and all pain she's ever felt and then makes a slightly heavy joke that makes everyone go like ‘???’ which just makes her retreat even further. oh for sure. i think she’d also be genuinely surprised that yelena doesn't seem to hate her. they're definitely friends but they act like they have a rivalry going on which is all fun and games until yelena accidentally hurts kate’s feelings which just results in endless puppy dog eyes.
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i know its irrational of me but im kind of uncomfortable by that tv show thats a fictional version of emily dickinson’s life im like....i dont think she would approve of this. i wouldnt call it unethical i just feel like. she is my friend and she doesnt want this i know it
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So is Taylor writing from Sue’s perspective on the song Ivy? I was reading the article on how Taylor approved the song to play after the love scene in Dickinson and realized it seems to be from Sue’s point of view. Do you get the same thing?
I don’t know that I would definitely say that ivy is written from Sue’s perspective or that she wrote it with their relationship in mind, although it fits like a glove and I will never think of anything else when I hear it and will always talk about ivy being about Emily and Sue… I leave room for it to be about multiple things if that makes sense. With folklore and evermore Taylor left a lot of lines blurry on purpose and I actually loved that. Ivy fits multiple sapphic storylines and it was clear to everyone when it came out that it was about a love affair with another woman and it describes all the feelings that go along with an intense love like that so perfectly. Yet somehow the we (the lgbettys) are the only ones who talk about it and appreciate it for those reasons.
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Your mess is mine
Sue may only be a math major, but she knows this much about telling a story: it needs to have a beginning, middle, and an end.
If she were to sit down and write one, here is where it would start — Emily laughs and she falls in love. It doesn’t matter the year, the month, or the minute; when Emily laughs, she falls in love. Sue’s a little slow when these things are concerned, love doesn’t come to her as quickly or as easily as it has historically come to Emily. I saw you in the coffee shop and I knew you were the one, she’s fond of telling Sue, usually during fights. It’s highly annoying that Emily thinks it’d work on her. Even more annoying is the fact that it does.
Alright, does she have moments of intense déjà vu sometimes? Like when they’re lying in bed, after one of Austin’s house parties, and Sue curls up into Emily’s soft shoulders, plays with her pretty, pretty hands? Or when she catches Emily conked out in front of her laptop in a corner table at the café on her break and gently wakes her up? Sure. But isn’t that what love is? The same five gestures repeated in infinite ways, creating a well of infinite affection. So if walking the steps with Emily settles deep into her bones without flinching, as if they’ve done this before, she’s convinced that it’s because they’re well and truly perfect together.
(Definitely not because — and this is something that has been occurring to her more and more lately — they were star-crossed lovers in a past life a century ago.)
(That would be crazy.)
(Right?)
*****
Falling in love aside, Emily can be really, infuriatingly, secretive about the worst of things. Sometimes it is charming, watching her having to pick her way through multiple explanations, create long-winded detours just to attempt to confuse Sue into getting exasperated enough to drop the subject altogether. But that’s at the very end, when it turns out that she was going to all this trouble to make sure Sue wasn’t going to find out she’d gotten her that one Hawaiian shirt Sue had off-handedly admired once, aeons ago. Or that she’s been holed up in their room all day because she’s been setting up lights in honor of it being exactly six months since they first hugged. Which is why she is more resigned that surprised when Lavinia sits down in front of her, leans in, and asks her what she’s doing for Emily’s birthday next week.
Sue sneaks a look at Emily who is currently chatting with an old lady who usually comes in on the weekends. Her girlfriend happens to be one of those baristas who is beloved by the elderly, God only knows why. All the older ladies will hang back at the counter and tell her all about their grandkids’ schools and ballet recitals. In return, Emily will rant to them about college and apparently, Sue as well, which was something she discovered one day when she walked in and two old ladies gave her teasing yet approving smiles from their table.
(And then took her aside to whisper — Showing a little skin wouldn’t do any harm and would keep your girl on her toes — which near about killed her)
The entire situation is hilarious. Also the most adorable thing she has ever seen.
“Why haven’t you guys discussed your birthdays yet?”
“It’s just never,” Sue muses, “come up, I guess.”
Austin rollerblades past, swivels to a stop and bends so he’s approximately level with their faces. “Are we talking about,” he says, lowering his voice to a comical whisper, “Emily’s birthday?”
Lavinia pulls him down, so he’s sitting on the spare chair. “And Sue’s, apparently. Did you know her birthday falls, like, nine days after Emily’s?”
Austin stares at her, wide-eyed. “That means it’s on the.... 19th?
Sue nods.
“The 19th of December? After Emily’s birthday, on the 10th of December?”
“Y....es?”
He swipes at his phone, taps a couple of buttons, and then looks up with a smug smile. “I knew I remembered something. Look.”
Lavinia has to angle her whole body to see, but it registers for both of them at the same time. A certain poet and her muse, who also apparently shared the same birthday as her and Emily.
“Huh,” Lavinia says. “Maybe there is something to Emily’s theory after all.”
“You mean Emily’s theory that we’re the reincarnations of those two?” she asks, hearing her own voice get progressively more hysterical by the word. She clears her throat, takes a deep breath, adds it to the list of rapidly growing coincidences in her head that she’s never going to give a closer look to, because that would be crazy.
“Really the only part of this I’m genuinely shocked by,” Lavinia says after a long pause, in which Sue is struggling to reason with the logical part of her brain, “is that Austin remembers Emily Dickinson’s birthday.”
Austin smiles proudly, and the thought is so funny that it drives potential insanity out of her mind eventually.
*****
“Why didn’t you tell me your birthday’s tomorrow?”
Emily startles from where she’s staring out the window of the car, and Sue has about a moment to regret blurting it out before they’re looking at each other. She’d spent the entire week setting up the entire thing for Emily and now it probably won’t even be a surprise, but she’s insanely curious. No better time for it, either way. She’d planned everything perfectly, from picking up Emily at the café in the classy car she’d borrowed from Austin, to making sure it wasn’t too late after dinner. And yet, here they were, surrounded by cars and honking people because traffic was a fickle bitch.
“Is that why we’re taking this trip?” she asks, wide-eyed.
Sue extends a hand towards her, ruffles up her hair, feeling fond. Trust her idiot girlfriend to not have figured it out yet. She moves her hand to Emily’s cheek, and feels Emily cover it with her own. Feels a soft kiss pressed against her palm.
“What did you think it was, dumdum?”
“Well, it is the three month anniversary of—” Sue’s alarm is probably showing on her face, so she backtracks quickly. “Kidding. Kidding. There’s nothing tomorrow.”
Sue pinches at her cheek. “Except your birthday. Speaking of which—”
“Eh,” Emily shakes her head, shuffles around on her seat awkwardly, “it’s.... uh, complicated.”
“Is the complication that you happen to share a birthday with a poet from long ago?” she’s only half-joking.
Emily laughs at that. “Caught on, did you? Did you also check—”
“E-yup.”
“That your birthday is also—”
“E-yup,” she says. Then turns to look at Emily. “Wait. How do you know when my birthday is?”
Emily opens her mouth, but before she can say anything Sue hurriedly cuts in. “And you’re not allowed to say you have your ways.”
Years ago, when Sue was fourteen, one day her dad and her mom came home with the same vegetable. Same quantity. It was beans, and she could vividly remember all three of them staring down in mock dismay at the two separate huge bundles of beans that now took up most of the space on the table. Then they started comparing prices. Turns out her mother’s bundle had cost a couple cents lesser than her father���s. But it’s not the same , her mother had insisted, holding up both the bundles. See, yours weighs more. I think the grocer I bought it from took some off .
To this day, she defines love as the way her mother’s hand fell over his, combined with the way her dad looked at her next — like a child who had just been told that the blanket fort he’d spent hours constructing, wasn’t going to be torn down. Like someone had just handed a piece of the world to him, and told him to make of it whatever he wanted.
Sue recognizes it in the way Emily looks at her. Like she’s saying — Of course. Of course, you know me well enough to guess the next stupid thing that comes out of her mouth.
(She’s not very good at love, but she hopes Emily can read the answer in her eyes just the same)
“Birthdays are complicated,” Emily says, slowly. “I’ve had some very good ones and then some very bad ones.” First girlfriend who she asked out on her 20th birthday, and second girlfriend who she broke up with a week before her 23rd; Sue fills in the blanks as she talks. “So I guess I try not to tell people so I myself don’t expect anything out of it. Neutral birthdays are better than euphoric ones or sad ones, because at least they don’t haunt me forever.”
“Baby,” she says, and then trails off. Sometimes she likes calling Emily endearments, or just say her name out loud, randomly, even if there’s no statement attached to it. The sentiment’s always the same, however. I’m glad you exist. I’m glad you found me. I like your name. I love you.
(Emily’s fallen asleep by the time she’s driven to the top of the grassy knoll, by the time the clock hits midnight. Sue lets her sleep through it. There will be time to sit on top of the blanket and watch a sleepy Emily blow out the candles on a tiny cake that looks like a typewriter, to stare at the stars all night long while they listen to soft, slow songs on a pair of shared earphones. For now, Sue watches Emily sleep, head tilted against the glass and decides to hold off on telling her she loves her until the day after her birthday. It’s a perfectly neutral birthday. No use in spoiling it.)
(Emily says it back though, in case anyone was wondering)
*****
Sometimes, when Sue sees Emily cooking for her, she loses her breath.
(And sometimes, it’s not even due to the smoke from a burned dish)
But there’s something peaceful about watching Emily cook, especially if she hasn’t yet cottoned onto the fact that Sue’s watching her. She’s one of those annoying people who always has their headphones on, so most of her cooking in the kitchen involves perfectly timing the beats with the swipes of her spatula. Sometimes she spins around in the middle of a pancake flip to see if she can catch it in midair. Juvenile shenanigans aside, what really gets Sue, even after almost a year of having watched Emily dance around in the kitchen is the care with which she handles food that they will eat. It’s so different to the kind of food she cooks when she’s just cooking for herself. Sue’s seen her slap on two days expired cheese on top of a tortilla and call it lunch. And yet.
And yet. Sue will have the best of things. Lasagna that’s still steaming. A sandwich filled with the most delicious ingredients. Waffles topped with cream that Emily will get up early in the morning to get for her. Food enhanced with care, made better with love.
Why don’t you make those nice things for yourself, she’s asked on multiple occasions, to which Emily’s always shrugged. It’s just me. I can have almost anything.
(Emily deserves the best. Sue will make sure she has it)
There are flowers on the table, an assortment of daffodils and lilies arranged on a vase. Right in between two shiny plates laid out with napkins folded carefully beside them. Sue slides into one of the chairs quietly, rests her elbows on the table and waits for Emily to finally turn around.
There is a panicked scream when she does. Sue doesn’t want to be that girlfriend, but this is definitely going on the list of stories she’ll tell their future kids when they’ve grown.
(Another day she would worry about how the term — Their kids — moves around in her chest comfortably like a sip of hot cocoa. Today, exactly one year to the day Emily told her she liked her, she shrugs it off)
“You weren’t supposed to wake up for another half an hour at least.”
Sue hums. “You did tire me out last night, that is true.”
“Sue!” Emily says, scandalized, face rapidly turning red. “I — that’s highly — okay wait, first things first....”
She walks over to the table, and bends to kiss Sue.
“Happy anniversary.”
Sue closes her eyes, kisses both her cheeks in response. “Happy anniversary, my love.”
Emily grins back, then stands again. “Either way,” she says, as she ladles soup onto a bowl, and gathers multiple plates on a tray to subsequently bring to the table, “brunch! Courtesy of your beautiful girlfriend who finally managed to figure out how to make the perfect chicken pot pie without burning down the house, or worse, giving you salmonella.”
Sue inspects what lies in front of her. “Babe, this looks amazing.”
Emily looks proud, as she sits on the other chair. “And that’s not all, okay? This is just the start. Today evening I have gotten us both tickets to—”
“Move in with me.”
When Emily blinks, Sue startles. The words that had just come out of her mouth definitely weren’t well-thought-out, but now she was thinking about it and it seemed like all she ever wanted in life. To go to sleep with Emily, and wake her up in time for her morning classes, to be able to see her all the time, and not have to watch her go.
“That wasn’t my gift, by the way,” she adds, speaking fast, thinking of the limited-edition original copies of a book she’d driven five hours to the next town to get. “But it’s what I want. Us. Living together. I love you. We should.... uh, live together so — uh, okay Emily make me stop talking please.”
Emily shuts her up with a kiss. When they separate, she stays close to Sue, looking right into her eyes with that soft, soft expression.
“Are you sure?” she asks.
Sue takes in a deep breath. Nods. “Yeah.”
Emily considers that for a moment. Then says with a teasing smile — “I thought this violated your relationship rules.”
“What ae you—”
“No kissing before the second date. No celebrating six-month anniversaries because that’s for dummies. No moving in before at least two years of dating—”
“And if you remember correctly,” Sue cuts in, smoothly, “I kissed you two days before our first date. And serenaded you with a Taylor Swift song at the café on our six-month anniversary.”
“You did do that,” Emily says, quietly.
“And as long as we’re on the subject, I hate staying up past 11, or listening to sad girl music in the car, or watching that horrendous show about those two annoying men fake-dating,” Sue tells her, “but — it is my greatest honor that I get to do that for you. And with you. Emily, if you haven’t figured it out already, you’re kinda the exception to every single one of my rules.”
Sue reads Emily’s answer in the kiss she receives next.
*****
The middle, the middle, everything boils down to the middle. It’s what Sue sometimes hears Emily muttering to herself in the middle of the night when she has an assignment due the next day. Sue will blink, look over to the desk where Emily is planted with her nightlight on, hands in her hair. Sometimes Sue will keep blinking slowly, taking in the sight of Emily typing until she falls asleep. Sometimes Emily will notice that she’s up, walk over to the bed, and hum snippets of songs until she’s drifting off again.
And for all the beauty of the beginning, of first kisses and first dates and first times, there’s something to be said about the fifteenth time Emily plays her something on the ukulele, warning her beforehand that her voice might crack. Or the sixtieth burger she runs across the campus to hand over to Emily when she knows she’s got back-to-back classes scheduled. About the hundredth time she falls into bed, and scooches over, eyes closed, until Emily’s wriggling body is aligned against hers. There’s peace in knowing that a first time will inevitably lead to a second time, and then countless others.
(There’s peace in knowing the middle lasts the longest)
*****
She knows she’s in trouble. Has known she’s in trouble the minute she came out of the store and discovered that there was a pileup on the highway. And then when Lavinia called her panicking because their house-warming slash house party was getting out of control because of a lack of beer and a general overabundance of Austin. And then when her phone died in the middle of her conversation with Emily.
(So much trouble)
She’s exhausted by the time she makes it back to her apartment (their apartment , she corrects herself, smiling at the thought) and makes her way up the stairs, hearing the volume of the music increase with every step. Opens the door and is assailed with extremes — the tiny sparkling mirror ball someone’s managed to hook up to the ceiling, the dancing crowd in their living room, and a very loud and weirdly on-point Austin making guitar noises on the karaoke microphone.
“Lavinia!” Sue calls out in relief, when she catches sight of her. “Where’s Emily?”
Lavinia excuses herself from a group of frat boys hanging onto her every word and walks over. “Sue! Emily!”
“Yeah, I know! Tell me where she is!”
Sue points towards the ceiling, and in the same smooth motion, grabs the crate of beer from her hands.
Sue’s out of there before the first cry of “Beer” permeates the air. She climbs another two floors, and then the metallic ladder to find Emily sitting there, wrapped in her blanket, glaring up at her.
“You promised,” she says, flatly.
Sue drops onto her knees and takes Emily’s cold hands in hers. “I know.”
“No, you,” Emily repeats, then pauses, looking like she’s struggling, “you promised you were gonna be here, okay? I agreed to the housewarming thing only because you told me there wouldn’t be many people and you’d stay with me the whole time—”
“—baby....”
“No, don’t baby me. Let me finish.” Emily waits until Sue nods. “And then you went off to the store.”
“We ran out of beer,” Sue says, feeling sheepish.
“I know — I know that, okay?” Emily says. “I know there’s a reason, and probably a valid one but I’m mad, okay? You promised me something and then bailed. That’s not cool.”
Sue adjusts so she’s properly sitting down right in front of Emily. “I’m sorry,” she says, and means it. “It was inexcusable.”
Emily sighs, and seems to relax a little. “Okay. Thank you for saying that.”
Sue nods. “Some party, huh?” she says, after a while.
Emily smiles a little, then. “Did you see Austin? He was performing the High School Musical songs when I left.”
She laughs. “When I came in, I think he was doing the guitar riff to Bohemian Rhapsody.”
“Hey,” Emily says, after they’re done giggling at that. “I never asked. What took you so long? I thought you just went to get beer.”
“Uh,” Sue says, “I’d rather not tell you.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because I don’t wanna charm my way out of you being mad at me.”
“Oh,” Emily draws the sound out, teasingly. “It can’t possibly be that charming.”
If she wanted to play it this way, then okay.
“I stopped at an animal shelter on the way home. There’s a young cat there I thought we could adopt. Consider her a housewarming present.”
“Oh,” Emily says, then in an undertone. “Damn it.”
“Charmed?”
“Ugh, fuck, okay,” Emily admits, then pulls at their joined hands till Sue gets on top of her lap. “I hate you. I love you, but I hate you.”
Sue kisses her in return, settles in more comfortably.
“Tell me about her?” Emily asks, softly, in the quiet.
“Well, she chased the light reflected off my watch round and round so it’s safe to say she’s not the brightest.”
“I love her already,” Emily assures her.
*****
On her eve of her 25th birthday, Sue walks into her apartment and finds Emily, Lavinia and Austin panicking over how to fit the last half of her last name onto limited space on a handmade banner. She says hi to Juggers and Iguana, their two cats, then picks up their two-month-old puppy Rooney, all before one of the three already present humans in the room realizes she’s there.
“Sue, I’m so sorry,” Emily says, walking over to her and looking at her with a slightly desperate look in her eyes. “We tried baking cake, but it’s half burnt, but we can’t decide what to get and all we have are balloons but then Austin’s going crazy trying to keep Juggers from bursting them, because guess what? The cat is the devil—”
“—babe—”
“—no, I tried to make it a good birthday, I really did!”
She puts her hands on either side of Emily’s face, which forces her to quiet down. Then she looks over at the others.
“Have you guys been here the entire time I was taking classes?”
They nod.
She feels a little overwhelmed. “Guys, I — thank you so much,” she says, then takes stock of the situation. “Can you order pizza? We’ll ring in my birthday with pizza tonight.”
Lavinia side-hugs her on their way out to the couch, and then they’re alone in the kitchen. She kisses Emily on the forehead, then on both cheeks, trying to drive away the frown.
“What?”
“I just wanted you to have a good birthday,” Emily says, despondent.
“You’re here, aren’t you?” Sue says. “And so are our friends, who sat and worked this hard for hours trying to make me happy. And we’ll have pizza! We like pizza.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“No, you idiot” Sue explains, fondly. “I mean it. We’ll have burned cake, and we’ll fight over the pizza, and even if the animals are outnumbered, we’ll probably lose to them. And then we’ll probably watch a movie, and somehow all fall asleep on the carpet because Austin always claims the whole couch. Either way, it’ll be a good birthday, because I’m happy. And you know why I’m happy?”
Emily’s still pouting.
“Emily, why am I happy?”
“Because we’re together,” Emily completes, in a small voice, and then finally, finally smiles.
(It’s the messiest birthday Sue has ever had. Also the best)
*****
Here’s the thing about endings: everyone who writes stories knows they don’t really exist.
A famous author once said that they weren’t really the end of the story, just where you chose to stop it. Well, Sue agrees. Which is why this story in her head never ends. The imaginary typewriter in her head will keep typing long after, filling pages with anniversaries and birthdays and emergency dog adoptions. Maybe the next page talks about the day Sue breaks her arm, and Emily proposes to her with an onion ring she gets out of the hospital vending machine. Or the day Lavinia loses Rooney, walks around the entire block with Austin to find him and finally discovers he’s hanging out at the old café they used to work at.
So. Yes. This is where she decides to leave it. Finish it. There will be more stories to write later.
The end.
(Wink wink. Nudge nudge.)
#dickinson#emisue#fanfiction#emily dickinson#dickinson fanfiction#alright - so this is a modern emisue domestic fic about them being happy and in love or whatever bullshit people in love do#and technically it's a sequel to my first dickinson fic - although i don't thikn it's necessary to read that first to understand this#i've been working on this a while - so i hope you guys like it#also i made anohter playlist to vibe - think i'll put it in a reblog just in case anyone wants to check that out#and yeah#that's it i guess#happy reading!
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since you write so well, i figured you might be a fan of books and i will LITERALLY read ANYTHING you recommend so pls drop a book rec or fic rec or anything that i could read that has your approval
oh my gosh I love finding some peace in reading! I’ve made this list for you so I hope there’s something on there you might be interested in checking out 😘
fiction:
19 love songs by david levithan (he writes stories for his friends for valentine’s day and this is a collection of fiction and nonfiction centring on the idea of love)
air kisses by zoe foster (if you like the devil wears prada then you’ll probably like the idea of the main character in this bluffing her way into being a beauty editor for a magazine)
all the bright places by jennifer niven (one of my favourites. I can’t bring myself to watch the movie because I enjoyed the book so much and don’t want it to be ruined)
breathless by jennifer niven (I love this and I love that it’s based on her own love story)
burn for burn trilogy by jenny han and siobhan vivian (the ending was not at all what I was expecting – in the best way)
every day by david levithan (I haven’t read this since high school but the concept of this book is so wildly unique. I don’t understand how they made a movie based on it and I don’t intend to find out)
honeybee by craig silvey (hard but very good reading. deals with transitioning, transphobia, abuse)
I am out with lanterns by emily gale (I read this last year and it was one of my fave books that follows multiple characters. it’s also set in melbourne and I love a good book set in aus)
I was born for this by alice oseman (as a long time 1d fan I loved the premise of this book. if you’ve ever used fandom as escapism this is definitely a rec)
jasper jones by craig silvey (by far my favourite book we studied in high school; I finished it long before anyone else in my class. the movie version isn’t as good)
let it snow by maureen johnson, john green and lauren myracle (my annual holiday reading. maureen’s story is my favourite. do not even bother with the netflix movie it has literally nothing to do with this book and shouldn’t be allowed to say it’s based on it)
loveless by alice oseman (a book hasn’t hit me like this in so long and hasn’t since I read this last year. I’d never read anything like it before and I connected in a way I wasn’t expecting when I first bought it)
one of us is lying by karen m mcmanus (where my love of her ya mystery novels started. I didn’t enjoy the sequel one of us is next quite as much but still worth reading as well)
outlander series by diana gabaldon (this series is a long investment but completely worth it. the accompanying lord john novels are also recs – you can probably read them on their own as they’re separate from the outlander journey but there may be things that make more sense if you’ve read outlander first)
strange girls and ordinary women by morgan mccarthy (follows the lives of three very different women)
the wardrobe girl by jennifer smart (a funny one with the drama of behind the scenes of a soapie)
the wonder of us by kim culbertson (an honest look at friendship)
turtles all the way down by john green (I love the way he wrote the very end of this book. would also rec the rest of his work if you haven’t read already)
two can keep a secret by karen m mcmanus (idk about you but I wouldn’t go to a place called murderland halloween park especially not when a girl was fittingly murdered there but this is another well written ya novel)
nonfiction:
bloom by beau taplin (for if you like poetry)
challenge accepted by celeste barber (for if you enjoy her instagram and are interested in knowing more about her)
dior by dior the autobiography of christian dior (for if you’re interested in couture)
grace by grace coddington (very interesting read if you’re a fan of grace or the fashion industry in general)
hope is the thing with feathers by emily dickinson (I got into her work watching the show dickinson and this is a really nice collection of her poetry)
it by alexa chung (I love alexa and this book is so aesthetic)
the beautiful fall by alicia drake (really in depth look at the lives of yves saint laurent and karl lagerfeld)
the divine feline by belinda alexandra (for chic cat ladies)
the little book of gucci by karen homer (for if you’re interested in the history of the fashion house accompanied by pretty pictures)
#tysm for asking this!!#i really hope there’s something on here that catches your eye#if anyone has any recs for books along these lines please hmu!#anonymous#answered
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Emily Dickinson, A 440, 440a, The Summer that; (verso) I feel like wasting, n.d. [about 1883] [Emily Dickinson Electronic Archives, Emily Dickinson Collection, Amherst College Archives & Special Collections. Bibl.: Marta L. Werner, Emily Dickinson’s Open Folios. Scenes of Reading, Surfaces of Writing, The University of Michigan Press, Ann Arbor, MI, 1995]
The Summer that we did not prize,
Her treasures were so easy
Instructs us by departing now
And recognition lazy —
Bestirs itself — puts on its Coat,
And scans with fatal promptness
For Trains that moment out of sight,
Unconscious of his smartness.
– Emily Dickinson, The Summer that we did not prize, [to Otis P. Lord], 1773 (source)
I feel like wasting my Cheek on your Hand tonight – Will you accept (approve) the squander – Lay up Treasures immediately – hat's the best Anodyne for moth and Rust and the thief whom the Bible knew enough of Banking to suspect would break in and steal
Night is my favorite Day – I love silence so – I dont mean halt (stop) of sound – but ones that talk of nought all day mistaking it for [racy?] –
Forgive you
– Emily Dickinson to Otis P. Lord, n.d. [about 1883 (source)]
#poetry#correspondence#manuscript#book#emily dickinson#marta l. werner#emily dickinson collection#amherst college archives & special collections#the university of michigan press#1880s#1990s
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Marzi, I love you, but sometimes I feel like you pick stances on things just to be angry about something. Dickinson (the show staring Hailee Steinfeld) is a comedy. It's made with the general intention to not be /super/ historically accurate. At the very least Dickinson's relationship with Sue is depicted in actuality. The fact that the showrunners decided to make her family disapproving of her writing was a stylistic choice, and there are much worse interpretations of Emily to gripe about.
I appreciate your support, first of all. I really, really do.
I would love to be angry about fewer things, and especially this thing in particular. But making things up whole-cloth about a historical figure is not “a stylistic choice.” It’s lying. It’s misrepresenting the truth of a real person’s real life, in a setting where it’s not made entirely clear to be false. As far as I can tell, it’s not even played for laughs.
Look, if there was a Funny Or Die sketch or something that depicted Emily Dickinson stomping around in a Joan Jett “I don’t give a damn about my bad reputation” way while her ogreish parents try to force her to be more ladylike by giving up everything she cares about, I wouldn’t be complaining. That is media that’s well and truly understood to not be historically accurate. Dickinson is different in that a lot of it is being played straight (no pun intended).
I think people know the twerking and modern music/slang aren’t accurate. The rest...people don’t go home and look things up, generally. Oh, they all say they know what isn’t real, but it still winds up shaping their perception of a historical figure. I spend my days at the museum listening to people bring up firmly held and totally incorrect beliefs about history they got from the media. Because like it or not, that’s where a lot of our “common knowledge” about history comes from.
Everyone thinks they know that all Victorian parents would disapprove of a daughter who wrote poetry. Of course they would! It’s well-known that respectable women never did anything back then besides sit still in one place, unable to move because corsets and skirts, until they were married off to men 50 years older who beat them, and then died in childbirth. If they did anything else, well, they must have been Badly-Behaved Rebels Making History, scandalizing all around them with their shocking displays of agency.
Gods forbid audiences be forced to confront any reality more complicated than that. Gods forbid we be asked to realize oppression isn’t always being locked away for Hysteria(TM); that being happy and having societal approval doesn’t negate it.
Sometimes it’s someone removing an em dash, erasing a name from a dedication, banning Whitman while encouraging one to read Latin, spinning lies about "The Belle of Amherst” even while she happily fed the neighborhood children pastries and told them tales about the spices in her famous garden.
And sometimes rebellion is flying under the radar, keeping all the little rules while quietly breaking the big ones, to have your gingerbread and eat it too. Telling all the truth, but telling it slant.
After a century and more of “The Myth,” we owe her better than flying straight to the other extreme of stereotyping.
#ask#anon#dickinson#emily dickinson#also I've heard a lot of 'don't complain about this; at least it's gay' and like#I won't be bought off with gay stories that nonetheless make mincemeat of the facts of historical figures' lives#I AM glad of that but#we queer people deserve better than distortions of our own ancestors#Anonymous
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Day 6: Christmas Jumper-Lucien
“I felt it shelter to speak to you.”- Emily Dickinson
Words: 692
The knock at the door, caused you to jump up excitedly from the sofa you were sharing with Lucien, and you rushed to the door, almost slipping as you ran across the smooth floors in your fluffy socks. Lucien watched you confused as you bounced excitedly in front of the door, you exchanged pleasantries with the delivery boy and collected the package. You turned around shutting the door with your foot, and you bit your lip trying to contain your smile, as you looked down at the package. Lucien stood up, placing his coffee on the table and padded his way over unbeknownst to you, due to you being transfixed upon the package. He pushed his finger on your forehead, startling you, causing you to look up wide eyed at him.
“So, are you going to tell me what’s in the package?” Lucien raised an eyebrow and knocked his knuckle lightly on the top of the box.
Seeing your eyes light up, Lucien knew he had asked the right question, you pushed past him and plopped down on the floor, placing the box on the table in front of you. Lucien during this time, popped into the kitchen to grab a knife, and when he returned, he watched you pout sadly as you tried and failed to rip the packaging tape with your bare hands. Seeing Lucien’s grey socks enter your vision, you looked up and when you saw that he had a knife you patted the space next to you anxiously waiting for him to open the box. He sat behind you, his legs caging you, and you leaned back so he could have a clear access to the package. Lucien cut the tape in one clean quick motion, and once he was done, he watched amused as you batted his hands away to open the box fully. Reaching in you pulled out a black jumper and shimmied it in front of him, turning your head and looking at him with sparkling eyes.
Lucien hummed in approval and nodded, “I’m sure you’ll look very cute.”
You smiled at him and placed the jumper to the side, before pulling out an identical jumper in a bigger size, “Ta-dah!” you opened the jumper with a flourish, and then you turned to look back at him, “There now we can match!”
Lucien blinked once, twice and thrice at you, his eyes throwing slight glances at the garment, the silence stretched out between you and your smile faded and you lowered the jumper thinking you had upset him somehow. Lucien snapping back to reality at the sight of your frown, and shook his head before wrapping his arms around your waist, and drawing you tightly back against his form. He nuzzled his nose into your hair before pressing a few kisses to your temple.
“You’re not mad?” you asked softly, fiddling with the ends of your hair, nervously, peeking up at him.
“Sorry, I’ve never been given something like this before, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Lucien admitted softly into your hair, eyes now firmly fixed on the black garment.
Hearing his admission, you shuffled around in his arms and threw yours around his neck, resting your forehead against his.
“I’m glad you like it, I actually bought it for the company Christmas party...” you trailed off nervously.
Lucien chuckled, “Are you by chance, asking me to attend as your date?” his nose knocked lightly against yours.
You giggled, “Maybe.” you said with a lilt.
“Well, as you already have our outfits sorted, I guess I have to accept.” Lucien said, reaching over your form to lift and appraise the jumper for himself.
He was impressed and he told you so, specifically he was impressed that you picked a Christmas jumper for the two of you that not only embodied the holiday spirit but also was simplistic enough to not look gaudy, with more toned down colours rather than the usual bright fluorescent colours regularly found on mass-produced Christmas jumpers. The two of you then spent the rest of the evening discussing your newly-made Christmas plans, ready to experience what the season would bring.
Tag list: @bubblyblossomx, @deathkat657, @your-sylphofhope @xumos-hoe. @quzbea, @minvirsa, @kaemoonx
If you want to be added to the tag list (can be for all or just a specific character, just message me :)
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That Damned Universe - Chapter 6
When Cyrus woke, the whole world felt perfectly right. The universe felt as if it had settled into place, as if the final puzzle piece of the jigsaw puzzle that was Cyrus's life had fallen into its place. Over the course of the night, their fingers had come undone, but they'd gotten closer- TJ's arms were wrapped around Cyrus's waist.
When Cyrus noticed this, his breath stuttered slightly, but he disregarded it, reaching for his phone on the nightstand. An e-mail from Headmaster Arlington awaited him- the same e-mail that he was sure awaited every other student on campus.
The e-mail rambled something about the lack of cooling systems in the academic halls- which Cyrus didn't read, as his eyes caught only the subject line: 8/26 - Classes Canceled.
A wave of relief flooded over him as he pondered how much work he could get done with the day off. He was so busy deciding which book report he should write first that he didn't realize TJ stirring until his arms were disappearing from around his waist.
"Oh, hey," Cyrus said quietly, setting his phone down and turning back over to face TJ.
"Hi," TJ responded. The bed was small, and their noses were nearly touching as Cyrus set his head back on TJ's pillow. "Sleep okay?"
"Yeah...Classes are canceled today," Cyrus stammered slightly as he spoke.
"N-nice."
"Yeah," Cyrus agreed, sitting up in TJ's bed. TJ followed his actions, crossing his legs as Cyrus stood up to grab his bag and laptop. He sat back down next to TJ, laying out all the homework he intended to get done that day- it was an ambitious feat, but he was determined.
"That is... A lot of homework," TJ said.
"I've got time."
"...Right." TJ watched as Cyrus determinedly opened his book, typing from the sticky notes on the pages. He silently followed suit, starting an essay on Shakespeare's profound influence on the English language.
"Is this a weird thing to do?" Cyrus asked. TJ swore his heart stopped for a second- he did not want to discuss their sleeping arrangement right now, or ever.
"Wh-what?"
"You know, spend our day off in bed doing homework?" TJ sighed in relief, shaking his head with a chuckle. "It feels abnormal."
"Wow, I was so wrong on that one," TJ muttered to himself.
"What do you mean?" Cyrus asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I just thought you'd say something else," TJ said quickly, waving his question away as though it were a pesky fly, buzzing just a touch too close to his nose.
"Like what?"
"Um," TJ sputtered, trying to find a lie to pass off as the truth. He was all too disappointed to find out that he, in fact, couldn't lie to Cyrus. "I thought you were going to say something about the...the way we fell asleep last night."
"Oh. No, I- I wasn't. Were you?" Cyrus asked, turning to meet TJ's eyes.
"Not if you weren't," TJ responded quietly, refusing to break eye contact with Cyrus.
"Well that's good, because I wasn't," Cyrus stuttered.
"So you said."
"So you don't have to," Cyrus continued.
"I don't," TJ agreed, nodding and leaning forward.
"So we don't- what are you doing?" TJ smiled silently, leaning forward to kiss Cyrus, his heart racing as though it were a bird - clearly strong of bone but weak of wisdom, given the situation - attempting to make its way from the harsh confines of his ribcage. However, he wasn't quite successful in kissing the other boy, as the second he got close enough for their noses to touch, Cyrus's ringtone caused them to jump apart.
"Who is it?" TJ groaned.
"Andi," Cyrus responded, putting his phone to his ear.
"Tell her I hate her."
"Got it," Cyrus nodded, before focusing on the phone call.
"Cyrus!" Andi exclaimed.
"Hi, TJ hates you," Cyrus greeted.
"Wow, he's met me once-guy moves fast," Andi remarked, chuckling. "I need your help-and ironically also TJ's; how much does he hate me?"
"Well..." Cyrus glanced over his shoulder at TJ, who looked like he was struggling to decide whether he was embarrassed, angry, sad, disappointed, or simply confused. "I'm gonna call that a six out of ten. No, five, or maybe a four. No...Okay. He's at like a 5.237 out of 10."
"Cyrus, you know I love you, but I really just need like a few words of summary here."
"He's not mad directly at you, he's mad at your timing," Cyrus summarized quickly, grinning at TJ's shrug of approval. "What do you need?"
"...Help?"
"Andi, specifics would be lovely."
"I need help with Amber," Andi admitted.
"Amber...Kippen?" Cyrus clarified.
"Wait what?" TJ asked, looking up from where he'd resigned to going back to his work. Cyrus nodded, putting her on speaker and listening as Andi explained her case.
"I want to ask her on a date, but I don't know how!"
"And you felt the need to call Cyrus to find the answer?" TJ exclaimed.
"Yes!"
"Alright, we're on our way," Cyrus sighed, making eye contact with TJ and gesturing towards his door. "221," he said, noting TJ's look of confusion. TJ nodded, pulling on his shoes and holding the door open for Cyrus.
They walked the entire way to Andi and Buffy's room encased in a heavy silence.As Cyrus considered the situation, weighted with such an oppressive quality about it, he was reminded of a poem he'd read in passing.
"There's a certain slant of light, winter afternoons," he recited to himself without a second thought. "That oppresses, like the heft of cathedral tunes."
"Emily Dickinson," TJ noted. "Good choice."
"Choice of what?" Cyrus asked, laughing slightly.
"I don't know! Good choice of...poems to recite in this incredibly awkward moment?"
"You feel that too?"
"Cyrus, I think all of Stanford feels that."
"You know, I don't doubt that," Cyrus nodded, turning onto Andi and Buffy's floor.
"So..."
"TJ, we almost-"
"Please don't make me discuss this right now. We're here to help Andi, remember?" TJ interrupted, knocking on Andi's door as emphasis. "We can talk about this later?"
Cyrus simply nodded, resolving to smile at Andi when she opened the door, hugging her happily.
"Get in here!" Andi exclaimed, pulling Cyrus and TJ inside. Buffy, glancing up from her work at the people rushing into the room, chuckled and picked up her books.
"I'll be in the library."
TJ and Cyrus spent upward of three hours in Andi's room, before finally convincing her to just- find Amber. They laughed together as they left, their hands brushing together as they walked down the stairs.
Cyrus, in a moment of all too rare bold confidence, took TJ's hand, letting his fingers intertwine with the other's. TJ squeezed his hand gently, looking down at Cyrus with a glimmer of confusion in his eyes. Cyrus glanced up at him as they stepped off the flight of stairs they'd been on- finding themselves in the stairwell between floors three and four.
"So, we almost kissed."
"Oh, we're having this conversation now?" TJ asked.
"I don't see why not."
"We-we're in a stairwell!"
"We're alone in a stairwell!" Cyrus rebutted. "And we need to talk!"
"And talking cannot be done in our own room?"
"Quite frankly, not really!"
"Why not?" TJ asked.
"Alright, though I cannot answer that question, I want to talk!"
"I don't!" TJ exclaimed.
"What would you rather do?! Sit in uncomfortable silence?"
"No!"
"Then what?"
TJ stared at Cyrus for a moment, before nearly stomping forward to kiss Cyrus, wrapping his arms around Cyrus. cyrus jumped slightly, before allowing himself to close his eyes and letting himself melt into TJ's kiss.
What felt like the most perfect of eternities later, TJ and Cyrus pulled apart, each taking a deep breath. Cyrus and TJ caught eyes, smiling with a chuckle.
"...Did we just make out in a stairwell?" Cyrus asked after a moment. TJ grinned, nodding as he rested a hand on the back of Cyrus's neck.
"Yes we did. How would you feel about doing it again?"
"I think I can make that happen."
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Tell all the Truth but tell it slant
Moveable Type is a permanent art installation in the lobby of The New York Times building, in far west Manhattan. It was created by an artist and a statistician. Sentences and phrases are culled from the entire text corpus published by The New York Times newspaper since its founding in 1851, then displayed on 560 screens, arranged in a grid pattern on two big walls. (It is evocative of culturomics, a not-too-accurate digital humanities approach to studying cultural trends by analyzing massive amounts of textual data, but without the pretense.)
And if you happen to come into the lobby late at night... the artwork, like the paper, will be mostly asleep but “dreaming” — rummaging, “Finnegans Wake”-style, through articles and captions and headlines going back generations.
--News Flows, Consciousness Streams: The Headwaters of a River of Words, The New York Times, 25 October 2007.
Historical content is combined with a real-time textual feed of news and reader comments from the online edition, but weighted toward the present. Movable Type is intended to resemble a ticker tape of current news, including typewriter key clicking sounds.
The phrase I used as a title, “Tell all the Truth but tell it slant” was mentioned in the article as well. This is the source, a poem by Emily Dickinson, written in the 1850s.
Tell all the truth but tell it slant —
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth's superb surprise
As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind —
Tell the truth but not too bluntly. Slant it, in order to be less distressing, less uncomfortable.
Foresight?
The New York Times was still the paper of record in 2007, when Moveable Type was commissioned. It has changed considerably since then. In 2013, the Times' public editor, Margaret Sullivan, wrote an article about the importance of impartiality in reporting the news. (She has since moved to the Washington Post, and is anything but unbiased.)
In 2014, Times editor-in-chief Jill Abramson was fired. She had repeatedly criticized the Obama administration's lack of transparency, and their harassment of the media. (Dozens of associated Press and NYTimes reporters were subject to surveillance state scrutiny, including FISA court approved wiretaps for reasons that weren't made clear.) Abramson said that even during the worst days of Operation Desert Storm, the Bush administration had been accessible. The same was true during Bill Clinton's eight years in office. By 2016, during the run-up to US presidential election, the New York Times was struggling financially. Quality and credibility started to slip. From 2018 onward, most Times news articles and opinion pieces were slanted toward the viewpoint of a narrow demographic, probably representative of its most loyal subscribers.
I wonder if Moveable Type is still in place. I would like to see it.
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Today i read a poem by Emily Dickinson. In this poem, she writes about being Nobody. She finds being a Someone dreadful. And its true. Because in the poem, the Nobody's are the people who are constantly doing things just for attention. The attention isnt where it stops though. They seek approval through the attention. This approval gives them confidence and makes them feel valued. I, like Emily i suppose, do feel that seeking approval and attention from others to feel valued puts you in this general area of society where you are seen and counted, but blended into the scene. To be a Nobody is to hold something special.
I love the way she capitalizes "Nobody" and "Somebody". Especially Nobody. It emphasizes the fact that she is still someone, just in her own way.
I just wonder what she would say now that her work is so famous.
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