hey, sorry to come out of nowhere with this, feel free to ignore! just wanted to get a bit of perspective on the c3 negativity i've been seeing for so long, which i've tried and failed to avoid and has been bumming me out more than i would like. this is my first campaign, it has brought me so much joy and company, but every time i end up reading a deeply negative take i can't really shake off the feeling that they're actually right, cause some of it makes sense to me and i can't unsee that. i know i'm being paranoid about it and truly setting myself up to be miserable and ruin the whole thing, which at this point i might've already done, but i just get sad wishing i could've had experienced the things everyone raves about (like different pacing and a lot of RP) for this campaign, which i'm so close to. do you think c3 is actually, objectively, worse or shallower than the previous ones? is there truth to the criticism (about it being too plot-driven, about the characters making each other worse and not being a good fit for this story, about the cast not being as into it and so on) or is the internet being the internet, and i should basically touch grass? it's not like i would drop it, honestly, i'm just sad thinking about how this story and these characters could've worked out if the "quality" was the one i keep seeing everyone talk about in regards to c1/c2. i know it's not that deep and it shouldn't matter in the long run, i'm just struggling a bit to not give in to the negativity and wanted to get your take on it, as someone's who's navigated this fandom longer! and again, truly sorry for the unprompted rant and thanks in general for being cool and taking the time to make gifs and recaps :)

you said it's brought you joy and company and it's seeing the negativity that's starting to ruin it, which is, honestly and sadly, a common thing that happens in online fandoms. negativity will bring the mood down regardless, because it just spirals into further misery. personally i stopped looking at fandom opinions and i've been a lot happier ever since! half the stuff you've said in here i've never heard before, that's how off the grid i am now lmao.

to answer your question, no, i don't think c3 is necessarily "worse" because, while people are entitled to their opinion, i think that's such a lazy, basic ass way of looking at it. also i just don't think a dnd game with people who are storytellers for a living can be shallow unless that's their goal, quite frankly. are there aspects of c3 i dislike? of course! but the same is true for all campaigns. there were parts of c2 i thought were very weak, despite the entire internet praising it like the second coming of jesus. there are things i think c3 does better than c2, even. and there are things c1 does better than both c2 and c3, and so on.

do i like that most of the campaign has been bells hells vs. a ticking clock? not really, it does mean certain sacrifices are made. do certain characters get on my last nerve? absolutely (but that's not exclusive to c3 lmao). at the same time though, i get the three women front and centre of the main plot, which has never happened before. i get a laura/marisha character romance after watching them have great chemistry for years. i get c1-level stakes and fantastic female npcs/villains, which c2 was mostly lacking. i get ashley full time (!!!) coming out of her shell and being her best and most chaotic self. and i get SO MUCH of the c1 characters? i'm fucking spoiled if you ask me.

maybe some of the criticism is very real and warranted (again, haven't seen it and don't plan to) but at the end of the day, this isn't my game of dnd or yours or any of the viewers'. we are literally watching other people play an improv game where they're crying one minute and making dick jokes the next, you just have to be along for the ride. going into the campaign with certain expectations is really silly and critiquing it the way you would a tv show just doesn't work. also unless these people are friends with the cast and speaking to them irl, how could they possibly know they aren't enjoying it as much like be serious 💀

i'm gonna be so honest here: idk if the people who are constantly spouting negativity are just miserable, but they sure look it! also stupid! why? because normal people who hate something simply ✨ stop watching and move on ✨. sure, hatewatching can be fun if you and your friends are in someone's living room or discord call shooting the shit, but doing it online day after day after day? honestly i just feel sorry for those people. happy people do not spend their time throwing essays worth of negativity up for the big wide world to see! how do i know this? because i was that person in my teens and i was severely unlikeable!

if you've enjoyed something without the bias of someone else's opinion, then you've enjoyed it! but your opinion can also change as the campaign goes, that can also be true! i would be interested to hear the reasons you loved it initially, because i think you'll find that most of that core stuff is present in all three campaigns.

the recent plot of c3 has been more stressful than any plot in previous campaigns, so understandably people have big feelings. my advice: the block button is your friend but so is the follow button! criticism is healthy, find people who deliver it in a way that's not some whiny entitled baby. letting someone else's opinion influence yours will never make you happy.

imo the perfect series finale for south park would be for them to dedicate their last couple of seasons to their junior + senior year of high school (yes live action because i think it would be awesome if done right, not insanely gritty and emo like riverdale). same startling humor and amusement, but kind of with a slightly more mature feel (because they are teenagers now after all; even though they don’t exactly “act their age” in the show, you can still tell their naive youth plays a big factor in a lot of their reasonings and motivations behind their actions and decisions) like yeah, they’re still being stupid and getting caught up in the weirdest shit, but this time they’re being dumb teenagers instead of dumb kids. also! feel like romance would definitely be a core thing, because you know. teenage hormones. no explicit scenes, but definitely make outs and the like, and their relationships would play a more crucial factor in the show. for example, i think that at the start of the live-action saga, wendy and stan would still be entertaining their on-and-off-again-friends-who-make-out-and-have-a-different-response-each-day-if-you-ask-whether-or-not-they’re-together and pretty soon, they’d eventually just break it off for good, and that would be a major coming of age moment for stan as he realizes he was only staying with wendy because she was “safe” and reminded him of being a kid.

PROM EPISODE (for junior year)!!! it would be so lit. huge, huge potential there to get everyone dolled up. stan and wendy would already be broken up by that time, so naturally stan and kyle would just go together as FRIENDS. MUTUAL BACHELORS. DEFINITELY NOTHING MORE….not like kyle turned down heidi’s ask because “i don’t want stan to feel alone” even though cartman and kenny don’t have dates either? also stan definitely doesn’t sneak a bottle in and definitely doesn’t skulk outside and kyle definitely doesn’t find him and just. sits and talks and just laughs and talks shit with him outside for the rest of the night and nothing is said about any sort of feelings kyle might have (if he’s even fully aware of them yet now that stan is 100% available for the first time in years) but. you can tell, everyone can tell that something is there, something is starting.

main highlights for this adaptation idea!

- bebe (cheer captain!) and wendy (heavily involved in asb, voted president senior year; there’s a whole episode dedicated to her campaign against kyle at the end of junior year, she wins by just a few votes) as the queens of the school, most popular girls (bebe in more of a gorgeous-can-have-any-guy-do-whatever-she-wants-and-have-them-all-want-her kind of way and wendy in a beautiful-and-powerful-top-of-the-class-but-definitely-not-an-outcast way)

- cartman still cartman but not nearly as volatile as he once was, still generally considered to be a dick, though. at first glance you think he’s a stupid football player meathead, but he’s actually incredibly smart when he wants to be, kyle is annoyed by this every time he shares an ap period with him and he actually does well.

- ordered class rankings (top 5): wendy (valedictorian), kyle, butters, cartman, heidi

- shelley moved across the country for college the second she graduated, so it’s just stan, randy, and sharon. naturally he spends the night at kyle’s so often that he leaves an overnight bag there and the broflovskis are never surprised to see him stumble out of kyle’s room in the morning

- bendy canon literally like two months after permanent stendy breakup. poor stan is helplessly confused: “has she been a lesbian this whole time????? did she think i was feminine??? is that why we were together for so long???”

- creek thriving as per

- kenny does musical theater and show choir. greatly enjoys it! butters is always front row and has never missed a performance.

- kyle captain of the debate team! wendy is vp, and there’s kind of been a weird tension between them ever since stendy split, you can practically hear her say “i know what you are.”

- stan enjoys volunteering at an animal shelter whenever he can, he keeps this a secret for as long as physically possible and this becomes a big plot point as he makes up increasingly suspicious and not very believable stories and excuses as for why he is rarely available after school despite having no job or clubs. rumors that spread: | randy has managed to get access to harder drugs and is using stan to deal them across south park | stan is a whore-for-hire and will give you an excellent bj if you pay up and meet him somewhere discreet (cartman started that one) | stan is part of a crime group conspiring to kill the mayor and control the city (this one has him end up at the police station with his head in his hands).

- gerald really wants kyle to be a lawyer and practically has all of his schools picked out for him, thereby unintentionally giving his son an existential crisis on what the heck he wants to do with his life because he does not want to do what his dad does but he also doesn’t have a good enough alternative to combat him.

- heavily hinted bunny, it’s literally right there but they tell everyone they’re just friends. ongoing gag of them being caught in compromising and/or suspicious positions but somehow having a seemingly reasonable explanation each time.

- college decisions would for sure be a big plot point towards the middle of their senior year, especially for kyle. he only applies to two schools and is accepted to both of them: princeton (college of his parents, their pick for him to study pre-law) and stanford (his pick, unknown to his parents that he even applied, to study psychology). yes it is absolutely insane that he only applied to two ivy leagues but what is even more insane is that his parents only wanted him to apply to princeton and no other schools. haha well now he has to explain to them that he is going to california and is not following their carefully constructed plan for his future haha

- stan is similar to shelley, he doesn’t really care where he goes as long as he gets to leave south park! he also knows he wants to do some sort of career helping animals but is unsure what exactly, so he just puts zoology as his major and applies to a lot of different schools. he ends up committing to uc davis! sharon is incredibly proud of him and cries when she sees the acceptance letter, randy is kind of bitter because he wanted stan to stay and help out with the farm since shelley booked it but eventually comes around (also stan would’ve gotten a job at 7/11 before he started working at tegridy alongside his dad).

- butters gets accepted to the university of rochester for biomedical sciences. kenny doesn’t plan on going to college, but him and butters decide to share a flat in the city, and kenny works odd jobs while also doing performances at various clubs in the at the area. also him and butters choosing to live together across the country is purely platonic!!! there is nothing romantic going on at all, they are just really good friends!! nobody buys this anymore

- cartman literally gets accepted to ucla on a full ride football scholarship for business management and it makes kyle want to tear him to shreds! liane would’ve absolutely somehow paid for his entire tuition anyway if she had to

i feel like the length of each episode would be about 45 minutes with the series finale being like 90 minutes, the first half being their graduation with wendy giving an incredibly corny yet oddly emotional speech as valedictorian that pretty much summarizes their entire lives in south park. and then the second half would kind of be just like providing conclusions and tying up loose ends such as:

- shelley flying back home for stan’s graduation and reconciling with him; she’s a junior at NYU and actually became a lot nicer and at peace with the world + herself after she was able to leave colorado

- randy actually having a good father-son moment with stan as they discuss his going off to school in california; stan realizes that his father definitely is not great, but he maybe also isn’t the worst person in the world

- a moment of “this is the last we’re ever gonna be like this, huh?” when the main four are hanging out at cartman’s, traditional teen paranoia of the future

- bunny finally 100% confirmed as scene shows with Kenny having his arm loosely hung around butters on someone’s couch, lightly pressed kiss on his cheek

ok i have a lot more but my #1 idea for the finale would be this:

- stan and kyle just aimlessly hanging out in the latter’s room about a week or two after graduation, easily talking about everything from college to music to new films to their friends; just enjoying each other’s company before fall comes (they are unbelievably dramatic. uc davis and stanford are like a hour’s drive away from each other but coming from best friends who have lived in the same city together their entire lives, an hour away may as well be a whole ass country away)

- occasional comfortable silence. kyle has come to terms with his feelings about stan at this point, but has chosen not to act on it in favor of keeping his longest friendship intact. nobody knows, he never told a soul. unbeknownst to him, stan has been accumulating the same feelings towards kyle, but likewise has been keeping them sealed tightly in so as not to ruin anything.

- eventually, they somehow start talking about relationships. stan never dated anyone else after breaking up with wendy at the start of junior year, and kyle has never truly dated anyone, not if you don’t count a faint fling with some loud city girl when he spent most of sophomore year summer with his mom’s family in new jersey. he came back from summer break more certain than ever that he was 100% gay. he recounts this story to stan for the first time (he’d been too embarrassed to tell anyone when he had come home) and it’s met with an enormous fit of laughter.

- they start talking about how weird it is to love someone, to have these strong urges and desires towards someone in a way that’s entirely unprovoked. to feel like you would do absolutely anything for this person, and to have life be unfathomable without them. they both agree on all their points, but no names are mentioned though!

- it’s the early morning hours before stan realizes how long they’ve been talking, and despite knowing he could stay the night, he decides to head home, suddenly flushed and overwhelmed with some sort of..something. does he really love kyle that much? in that way?

- the air is lightly tense as he leaves, kyle left feeling confused and slightly perturbed. against his butter judgment, he chases after stan outside, as he’s placing his key in his driver-side door to unlock his car.

- “wait!”

- stan turns his head, looking puzzled and faintly apprehensive. it’s summer, so the early morning is not bone-chillingly cold, yet also not as scorching hot as it will be come afternoon. it’s the perfect temperature, and it’s the perfect time, and before he knows what he’s doing, his feet are carrying his stiff, trembling body towards stan, whose eyes tell a thousand pictures despite his frame not moving a muscle.

- he stops in front of stan so that they’re gazing slowly, directly, meaningfully into each other’s eyes, and stan feels his throat go dry and his mind go blissfully blank. it’s slow and tender, the gentle yet firm way kyle stares up into his eyes, like he’s been waiting a lifetime for it (and he probably has) and he can feel his familiar breath whispering across his face, and all of sudden the careful movements, the gentle intention, all of it is gone in a flash.

- the very last scene of the very last episode of south park shows kyle slam his lips against stan’s, and then, lips still pressed together, the show ends.

.... and you're NOT gonna tell us about the Shadowgast Playlist? Please 🫴, hand it over.

I said in my original post this was my toxic trait... nonetheless I am SO glad someone took the bait 😈

I'm not going to post the link because I value my spotify privacy and also I have an embarrassing username that no one needs to know about. However, since you asked nicely (and let's be honest, I wasn't expecting anyone to care! so thank you!), I will share ✨ my personal top 5 shadowgast songs ✨ with a bit of context for each.

If you're just here to roast my music taste, bear in mind... I said toxic trait. Proceed at your own risk.

1. Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce

"If I could make days last forever / If words could make wishes come true / I'd save every day like a treasure and then / Again, I would spend them with you..."

This one has two meaning imo: first, early-campaign Caleb wishing he could change the past to save his parents' lives; later, Essek wishing he had more time to spend with Caleb. The original version is beautiful, but there is also a cover by Yungblud (yes, it's on the Hobbs & Shaw soundtrack) that's badass but a very different vibe.

2. Lilith by Halsey

"I'm perfection when it comes to first impressions / I romanticize and then I get to stressing / Big brain like I'm teaching at a lesson / Baby, it's a blessing..."

Every time this song comes on I legit yell ESSEK ANTHEM! because it is. This is the Hot Villain theme song. The beat is so sexy. The lyrics are on point ("I am disgusting / I've been corrupted / And by now I don't need not help to be destructive"). The vibes are just immaculate.

3. No Halo by Brockhampton

"Went to church for the hell of it, stumbled in drunk as shit / Been going through it again / Been talking to myself, wondering who I am / Been thinking I am better than Him..."

Look. I could write an entire essay about this one song. Wizard hubris, depression, and the crisis of faith Essek goes through when the Nein find out about his betrayal. Also, for those who theorize Essek is the unwilling chosen of the Luxon - he could, in fact, be "God's special mess".

4. X&Y by Coldplay

"I dive in at the deep end / You become my best friend / I want to love you but I don't know if I can / I know something is broken / And I'm trying to fix it / Trying to repair it / Any way I can..."

Two characters who both think they are terrible people that don't deserve love, trying to be better and trying to better each other? And they fall in love? And they're narrative foils? No one is doing it like them! (Plus the chorus "You and me are drifting into outer space" just screams ~wizards in the star room~.)

5. All The Stars by Kendrick Lamar feat. SZA (album version)

"Tell me what you gon' do to me / Confrontation ain't nothing new to me / You can bring a bullet, bring a sword, bring a morgue / But you can't bring the truth to me..."

I don't know how this song manages to be both broody and uplifting at the same time, but it is and it's perfection. It's the grimness of reality and the hope for the future, the refrain of "All the stars are closer" symbolizing all the possibilities that are now within reach.

And oh boy, I don't have time to write about the whole playlist but if you've made it this far, here are some bonus mini listicles because this is my Roman Empire 😌

Entire playlist of just shadowgast-coded Hozier songs:

Arsonist's Lullabye

In The Woods Somewhere

De Selby (pt. 2)

Someone New

Like Real People Do

Moment's Silence

From Eden

All My Homies Hate Trent Ikithon songs:

Heathens by Twenty One Pilots

Eat Your Young by Hozier

Buzzkill by Mothica

Another Brick In The Wall, pt. II by Pink Floyd

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark by Fall Out Boy

Other ships? In my shadowgast playlist? It's more likely than you think:

The Cave by Mumford & Sons (widobrave)

Cringe by Matt Maeson (widojest)

Tessellate by alt-J (blumendrei)

EDM wizard songs if you're into that sort of thing (I am):

Time Stops by Virtual Riot

I'd Love To Change The World (Matstubs Remix) by Jetta

I Could Be Anything by the Glitch Mob feat. Elohim

New Eyes by Echos

Keep in mind this is just a handful of songs out of like a hundred, so I welcome you to give me the benefit of the doubt and fill in the rest of the playlist in your mind with whatever makes me seem cool to you.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk, I am sorry it took me four days to write this... 😅

favorite/least favorite Byler and M!leven scenes?

Ciao, anon. Thanks for the ask.

If you follow my blog I hope you know that I'm not a fan of Mike and El as a couple. I like a few scenes, but I don't think their relationship is good for them or that they're actually in love.

Ok, if you're still reading, let me explain.

I never found them cute, not even in S1. When I watched it I didn't understand why the writers were writing such a good story set in the 80s, but with El and Mike it felt like I was actually watching an 80s show with the typical story, boy and girl kiss/end up together because... boy and girl must date. It felt wrong to me. It wasn't what ST was about. Now I understand that I was supposed to feel that way.

That being said, El and Mike are beautiful, complex characters, so these are the scenes I like.

1. El would (understand). Ok, not saying this is a Mlv scene, but Mike can be vulnerable with Will and say how he really feels. And I love what he says about El. He's right. She would understand. The funny thing, is that I think she would (and will) understand Will much better than how she understands Mike.

2. I feel for them here. El's been isolated for so long, and Mike misses her and feels guilty for what happened to her. Interestingly, Castle Byers is playing here...

3. From one look you can see the joy, the relief and all the pain this kid must've felt. Amazing (one of Finn's best performances)

4. If I remember correctly, this was actually Millie being exhausted, not El, and Finn helped her. But it's in the show, and I love it.

This s pretty much it.

My least favorite mlvn scene: 3x01. How they left their friends on Weathertop, and them making out and laughing at Hopper's face. Lol, those little shits.

With Byler, it's the opposite. There's only one scene I don't like. The dnd campaign in S3. I know it's important and even foreshadowing of events in S5, but like the rain fight it reminded me of something that happened to me. That's all I'm going to say.

Now, my favorite Byler scenes...

1. Probably my favorite scene of the show, imo one of the best and also Finn's best perfomance. The shed scene is such a pivotal moment, when we learn, along with Will I'm sure, that asking him to be his friend was the best thing Mike has ever done. It all started with Will and Mike. Their bond is special, and it's forever. They were the ones who started the first party and they will start a new one together.

2. You can feel how much they need each other and want to be close again. A precious moment that almost made me cry.

3. He's quiet today. Four words that mean so much. The fact that Lucas says He's always quiet informs us that Will and Mike's relationship is different. That Mike knows Will better that the rest of the party and that Will opens up to him. And Mike does the same, as we see in the Crazy together scene.

4. Mike's head on Will's heart. Adorable

5. Another little moment that is so important. Just a Not possible, a flirty look and Mike's smile. They don't need anything else. Steve would've felt it, the electricity.

6. Speaking of Mike's smiles, the ones in the van are something beautiful

7. Crazy together. What else can I say?

8. I love Will's sweet voice here: "It was you guys who saved me. It was you guys." Mike tries to hide a smile (he's so happy that Will is saying that he helped save him) Then Will's flirty: It always is, isn't it?" And Mike melts. It was too much for him.

Honorable mention:

And this (Gif credits to Celebslive)

the script is finally out and i have a lot of thoughts. god.. first of all, i think it’s very byler-coded (“his face can light up a room” like BRUH, and also like iiiiih, lmao no i’m not fangirling idk what you’re talking about). we don’t get very much of mike’s perspective (kinda sus imo 👀), but what we do get, i think is very very interesting..

SO, “what are you, like 12-years-old still, dude?”.

i don’t know why (i do know why) this line screams internalized homophobia to me.. but it sure does! i don’t necessarily think this is mike’s exact train of thought, but i do think it is from his perspective. but just because it’s something that may have popped up in his head, it doesn’t mean that’s how he’s actually feeling. i think that line absolutely is a call-back to mike and will’s fight in s3. in that fight and throughout the whole of s3 mike’s train of thought usually comes back to the fact that he feels he needs to grow up. to him, that mainly means letting go of the feelings he has towards will, and getting a girlfriend. focusing on what boys at his age “should” be interested in and care about. and that’s certainly not his very-non-platonic feelings for his guy best friend. i am wholeheartedly sticking to the theory that mike has always had feelings for will, he’s ALWAYS been in love with him, but has never realized the extent of his feelings because in s1 and s2, when he was younger, he felt those feelings were normal. they were kids and will was special to him because he was his best friend, and nothing mOoOore??? he didn’t have to take it one step further than that. mike can’t tell the difference between platonic love and romantic love to save his fucking life man. i.e. why he’s together with el. BUT, as he got older and the feelings for will didn’t go away, and maybe were even stronger than the feelings he was supposed to have for el, he had to find an excuse for that. he couldn’t accept that fact. accepting that fact would mean accepting something he didn’t believe himself to be. mike doesn’t at this point know that he’s gay (or queer). he doesn’t want to be different, he wants to fit in, at least in s3. so he comes to the conclusion that feeling this way is childish behavior and how will feels is childish too. they HAVE to grow up at some point. and to mike that meant leaving those feelings behind, even though he realistically can’t, he isn’t able to. queue repression and projecting onto will.

in their s3 fight, after will gets upset, mike impulsively tells him “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”. guys, the first sign of projection. it’s beautiful :’) and really fucking sad, but anyway.. he also says “we’re not kids anymore”. here he’s not referring to the dnd campaign, we know mike loves dnd and in s4 he’s gone back to pursuing the things he likes, unapologetically. but he’s talking about him and will, their relationship. he’s basically saying “we can’t go on like this, we can’t act on these feelings. we’re supposed to grow up and do grown-up things and that does not include spending every minute of every day with each other. it’s not normal anymore, that’s something we did, and could ONLY do, when we were KIDS”. he doubles down on this way of thinking when he then says “i mean what did you think, really? that we were never gonna get girlfriends? that we’re just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?” and will responds with “yeah. i guess i did.. i really did.”. OUCH. the first time i watched that scene i thought will was overreacting and i didn’t understand the extent of why he was SO upset. yeah, mike was being a dick but it felt like i was missing something, and what i was missing was that this conversation really wasn’t about dnd at all. the subtext is really fucking strong in this one, and on second watch, i realized it’s not even subtext. when i first heard mike say “i mean what did you think, really? that we were never gonna get girlfriends?” i assumed he was talking about the whole party. like did you not expect me, OR lucas OR dustin to get girlfriends and for our dynamic to change? BUT, what i realized is, he’s not talking about the whole party. he’s talking about just him and will. we know will’s not had any issues with lucas or dustin getting girlfriends. it’s actually been the complete opposite, he’s been supportive and happy for them. the only relationship he’s had a problem with is mike and el. it’s the only relationship that’s caused him pain and he even blames SOLELY mike for their party falling apart in this very fight. NOT lucas. NOT dustin. MIKE. “YOU’RE ruining our party [...] YOU’RE destroying EVERYTHING, and for WHAT? so YOU can swap spit with some STUPID GIRL?”. if this fight was about the whole party, lucas and dustin would be there. but this is NOT about them. it’s about mike and will, JUST mike and will. and again, mike’s response confirms that take on things. “el’s not stupid!” and “it’s not MY fault you don’t like girls”. mike is aware that will is having trouble with MIKE AND EL’S relationship SPECIFICALLY. that’s what he’s alluding to when he then says “did you really think that WE were never gonna get girlfriends?”. he’s literally saying:

haven’t you realized that YOU AND I would HAVE TO get GIRLFRIENDS at some point?

and i have to say that realization BROKE ME. because that little shift in narrative changed the tone of the scene SO MUCH for me. it hit so hard. FUCK. like mike’s basically saying “did you never think you and i would have to move on for each other and conform to what society expects from us?”. ow ow ow ow. it really hurts to think that mike has convinced himself of that, and will’s response just solidifies that theory while also making it so much worse, because he says “yeah. i guess i did.. i REALLY did.”. will’s saying he doesn’t care about the expectations others have of them, he doesn’t care that he’s also terrified of the prejudice, of how hostile society is towards gay people, of how he’s feeling towards mike and what that means for both of their lives. because before el, he thought that mike felt the same. that they were on the same page in all of this. s2 mike would surely make you think so. and now he feels like mike has rejected him, but even then he still wants mike to know how much he values him and their relationship. saying that none of that other stuff matters to him if they’re together. because how much he loves mike surpasses all of that. will thought their bond was so special that nothing would change that fact, ever. well, until now.. i reiterate, ow ow ow ow.

so how does this relate to the s4 script? well, the “what are you, like 12-years-old still, dude?” i think is s3 mike rearing his head. throughout s4 mike’s feelings for will have been brought to his attention again. been more pressing, because mike’s starting to realize things about himself, like having issues telling el he loves her, and how much he really misses and loves will since he moved across the country etc. but i still think, i mean we still know, that mike has trouble accepting these feelings. so he doesn’t know how to act around will, and i think he gets impulses like “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” even now, but maybe he can at least keep those feelings in his head at this point. which is why we get a glimpse of mike’s confusion when a thought like “what are you, like 12-years-old still, dude?” pops up. and that “still” reaaaaaally emphasizes and confirms that this is truly just a call-back to s3, to their fight. this is something mike’s had an issue with before. mike’s internalized homophobia, the devil on his shoulder if you will, is trying to convince him saying “how can will STILL think like that? you know that’s not realistic”. and i think it’s also really telling how will reads this behavior as mike worrying about el, when he’s really not. like william “i hate who i am” byers wouldn’t be able to tell that mike’s in love with him even if mike fucking told him so lmao (i’m laughing through the pain).

we know mike’s actually the one who’s been trying to reach out to will since the end of s3. not will, but mike. he’s trying to go back to behaving like he did pre-s3, which is his unfiltered, usual, protective-over-will-self. he wants to go back to being super close with his best bud and soulmate and future bf will. and he tries, but he doesn't feel like will reciprocates that. mike even acknowledges that in their fight at the roller rink, and later on when they have their heart to heart at home. will could have reached out more. but instead mike feels like will’s been pushing him away, like he’s “losing” him, which will also confirms in the van scene by explaining that he’s tried to “rip off the band-aid so he doesn’t get more hurt”. they are doing it in an incredibly roundabout way, but THEY ARE trying to tell each other that they actually want to be with one another. they don’t want their relationship to be like this. they both want more. and i can’t fucking stop thinking about the theory that mike’s been trying to call will all of the frickity frockity time since he moved away. because we get dustin saying “joyce has this telemarketing job. always on the phone. mike wont stop whining about it”. and we know mike can’t call el because it would put her at risk, that wouldn’t make any sense. so who the fuck is he calling but can’t get through to because the line is busy all of the time because joyce is on the phone constantly but he gets frustrated because he really wants to talk to this person and has trouble writing to them probably because his girlfriend would see the letters too and like it’s complicated and maybe would be seen as romantic and aaaaahhhhhh i don’t know what to do with all of these emotions???? IT HAS TO BE WILL. like there’s literally no other explanation. and it would kinda make a lot of foking sense why mike’s behaving the way he is in s4 because of that, and why a thought like will “being childish” would come up now that they’re finally seeing each other again and spending time together aaaand talking just them over and over and over, with their billion heart to hearts. because now, mike’s more exposed to and forced to face BOTH his romantic feelings towards will AND the destructive feelings holding him back from him. like bruh. i can’t with this. byler is endgame

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If you could cross over two of your favorite games, which would you choose? Please explain, why that crossover would be a good match.

Oh you’re going to regret asking this one, I’m bout to GET SERIOUS.

So Pokemon, obvs, I love the whole world it’s built in, but the games imo are REALLY boring, I haven’t enjoyed one a lot since gale of darkness, the main ones just are a little too linear obvious plots, pretty standard setups for story and style. Speaking of style, the games lack personality, the models aren’t animated well, moves have no dynamic energy or visual difference at times, and the turn based battle style just feels kind of, I don’t know, old? Slow? Just doesn’t suit what I enjoy personally, gives me a FInal Fantasy vibe and I just cannot stand the speed at which things happen in those games, plus not into 3rd person ‘let’s build a team of people’ much, but that’s a problem for another time. With this all in mind, the game I wish would happen is like gen20 Pokemon, far future sadly, I doubt I’d see it in my lifetime but god I’d be happy if I did!

Ok so take the newest Zelda graphics, the visual treat that was BOTW, open world, puzzles, not JUST combat, you got side missions, hunt the chickens, find missing pets, parcels, items, whatever. Love it! The horse taming?! Amazing you funky little game. Now take the bad guys and beasts from that. And put Pokemon in instead. Give them the diversity, the life and believable natures that BOTW gave the animals, I followed a frog in BOTW for 15 minutes, and it was a great experience, it felt like it was believable. Above world spawning, ACTUAL difficult gameplay, rare spawn rates, make dragons hard to get again, cmon, it’s too easy now, make it so we need a certain set of Pokemon for certain tasks. Water types big enough to carry you will be able to get you to new areas, rock types that can help you climb mountains faster, or break through blocking boulders. Actual towns with more than 4 houses in them, shops, barns, farms, homes. Like little link with the heat, maybe ice types would struggle in volcano areas, or bug Pokemon not be so comfortable in gale force winds. Give the weather more of an effect on your partners. Mounts, don’t even get me started that Pokemon Let’s go had you able to ride any of the larger species, but swsh did not???? Bitch please, give me my rideable Pokemon. The wild area too was far too closed, limited, online was laggy and a mess, camping is limited, let me do more with my team. Pokemon for me is all about the actual creatures, how they live with humans, and the many wonderful things they’re capable of. Yes of course it’s cool they can fight, but like what else you know?

I’d love a game that lets me buy a plot of land, maybe plant things, custom build things. I’m a sucker for the fallout4 settlement builds when they’re modded to hell and back, they’re fun! It can be a really calm and creative process. If I could do that and skip the main campaign and all the battles for a bit? Amazing, it sound perfect for me. I am that distracted hoe collecting flowers while the kingdom burns in the background. Side quests are everything to me. Let me give homeless people enough money to get them in a home? Let me adopt Pokemon that are stray around the town? Plz oh plz bring me a Pokemon game that allows me to work WITH my team to do more than KO other species. I want to save and buy a plow for my buddy gogoat, and grow amazing foods to sell to get currency to spend in decorations, to spoil my team. Give me actual game consequence, if I ignore that sick and injured Pokemon I find in the wild, later maybe it’s family don’t want to help me out with a different problem, too stricken from grief. I am all about the average bits, the old women who need help, the lost pets board in town, the general day to day stuff. Let me get cosmetic items for the Pokemon I keep, cute outfits, special gemstone items, let me actually live with them, or even feel remotely like they’re realistic.

Ok so in game, if it’s looking like BOTW it’s pretty beautiful but also stylised, I’d have it so you can send out a maximum of 3 Pokemon from your 6, using bumpers and such to throw them out. If you hit the trigger you switch from controlling the human trainer, to the Pokemon you’ve targeted with a standard lock on targeting system. You then can be the leader, but be the Pokemon. You could technically defeat the game without a human if you wanted, which incorporates the mystery dungeon games I think, and caters to that crowd. I’d love to see the use of attacks out of battle, things like using water gun to grow plants, using ember to start a campfire faster and stave off the cold. There’s no consequence to Pokemon anymore, and I think that’s where it’s lost me. I have to admit I miss the days of a poisoned pokemon fainting if you don’t heal them soon enough, I miss gym battles that were actually tough, damn, try picking charmander in red and beating brock without grinding in viridian forest first, it’s not easy. And I loved that. Yes it’s a child’s game, it will never be difficult again, but god it’d be nice to have a bit of a challenge, or maybe a difficulty setting, so some could play it with hostility turned off, great for kids, or you can be n adult like I know so many Pokemon fans are, and play it on expert mode and ACTUALLY have to work hard to beat the game. Alternate skill trees anyone? Train gun a fire type to ACUTALLy combat water moves?? Please! Cmon! It frustrated me that every challenger has pretty much a systematic set of moves to use to win. Grass opponent? Fire attack spam until you win. It’s dull, so at least with very difficult tricks to either find or learn in game would make it more achievable if you can send that fire type in and I don’t know, train them so much the heat evaporates the water mid-battle and you suddenly have a shot at winning. Pokemon has taught me that if you work hard enough you can achieve something, but the games just have such strict ways to win. Feels wrong.

In terms of battling, let us BE the Pokemon, let us learn to dodge, train our speed, train our defence, make a team of truly tough Pokemon instead of just, average? Some species have a cap on their skills, a squirtle has lower stat points than a Charizard, but you can’t ever change that? Let me choose the Pokemon I believe in, and let me work with them until they’re just as good, if not better than the game tanks. This would also make online battles more interesting. Everyone picks the top trio. Fairy, dragon, legendaries. And yknow what? It’s boring. That one IRL fight with the monster Pacharisu that won in the world tournament with follow me and the situs Berry? Unbelievable, I love that little rat so much because of this, so let us all have a chance to build a team that’s strategically viable, strong, and potentially a winner formula, even if they aren’t fully evolved, or the biggest Pokemon in the world. Yeah maybe you have to grind way harder with your unevolved Pokemon, but you get to the end game and win, because you put love and time into species that you enjoy, not just good fighters.

Unfortunately I am beholdent to Todd-idiot-Howard, and I love the Eldrescrolls and fallout games (before they got dumb, not that I don’t play the new ones. 76 I’m looking at you, you big asshole game.) honestly I hate online games, so none of that junk, just a good old fashioned open world sandbox game is plenty. Games for me are an escape from others, not an invitation to socialise. To each their own of course, and I do play online games sometimes, just pretty short lived ones, over watch and rdr2 for example. Would they be sometimes better on private servers? Yes of course, fallout76? Want to play with others? No. I do not. Please leave me alone. And if you buy a private server you’re feeding the monster that is Todd Howard, the man the myth the asshole, then we’ll get more bad games like 76. I just so desperately want the Pokemon company to see what a beautiful potential game they’ve got on their hands, that could be suitable for far greater audiences, but instead they’ve focused on the kids. It’s fine, it’s functional, but it’s lost to the fans from day 1, that are all 20+ years old now and want something meatier to play, something far more broad and inclusive. I also hate that there’s no wheelchair option in any Pokemon game. Like cmon, it’s not hard to include that.

In short, BOTW + Pokemon, with a sprinkle of open world sandbox to it, less fighting, more fun. Or, at least both options. Sure, go fight everything, great, but I want to farm carrots over here with 6sunflora, plz let me have some peace.

Edit: I forgot about harvest moon, chuck some of that in there too.

SECOND EDIT: someone in the comments mentioned to put this in Unova? Plz love yourselves, this game would be ALL MAPS. Stuff one singular location, this is the ideal game, put every map in it, join them, put islands in, make them more explorable, more detailed!

Between the Lannister trio + Tywin who do you think was done better in the show and who in the books? Also, best casting among the four (although they are all perfect let's face it)

As a self-admitted show stan, I'd have to go with show for all of them, I think. ;D Other than perhaps Tywin - I don't really think any of the kids got the better of him in the books at any point (obviously before Tyrion's crossbow adventures), iirc, but they did get the upper hand in the show on occasion. Other than that, IMO, they were all done better on the show:

Tyrion is arguably more morally grey in the books, but his characterisation is more consistent on the show (and I'll never shut up about this, but he didn't give Dany bad advice - he a) had conflict of interest and b) was a politician and she was expecting him to fill the role of a strategist as well. Politics-wise, she would've fared much better in Westeros if she'd listened to him about her campaign, but alas).

Jaime's a bit tricky because a lot of what happens in his chapters is internal monologue, but I do think they did a great job with him on the show - I haven't checked and yet am sure that this is an unpopular opinion, but he's a more well-rounded character there, and feels significantly more mature in the way he acts - he starts off as someone quite disillusioned as is, and his relationship with Cersei is grounded in reality rather than a pedestal, which is a good change from the books.

Tywin is, well, Tywin. I don't think there's much change there, really.

Cersei is also a bit complicated to me because I pretty much view book! and show!Cersei as two different characters (though tbh I do this with Jaime, too, I just pay less attention to him than I do to her in the books so it's more obvious with her). This is gonna sound bad, but it's true and I should say it: show!Cersei is less obviously written by a man, which is something she suffers a lot from in the books. GRRM spends a considerable chunk of each of her chapters to at least a little senseless violence or cruelty to remind you that yes, she's indeed very evil and the show keeps those characteristics while making them a little less tropey - she's still just as impulsive, prone to anger, occasionally paranoid, very power-hungry and so on and so forth as she is in the books, but they leave some room for her humanity, too. The show's narrative is certainly more understanding and generally gentler with her and the reasons for why she's the way she is, and she has a stronger support system there, which I obviously also love.

(Not to mention: I've always found the way book!Cersei is written from other people's POVs - mainly men, up to and including Ned - to be like... troublingly aggressively sехualised, as if she's a succubus or something instead of literally just. a human person. Which happens less on the show; in fact, the times when people focus on her physical beauty rather than literally anything else about her are treated as something negative from her POV, but that's a different can of worms entirely.)

Also: book!Cersei has hints of this as well, but in the show it's more obvious and I love it for that: she's incredibly self-aware, no matter what the fandom says. She knows she's terrible but she also knows that she's powerful; she knows what she can get away with and how to manipulate the narrative to sway people to her side. She's a politician! She's one in the books, too, but she's less refined at it, or at least more heavy-handed at times; one of the reasons season 7 is such a favourite for me is that you very much see this side of her and it's the best narrative this show has given me, tbh. Idc about the ice zombies, give me political drama! I could write an essay or twenty on Dany and Cersei's Westerosi queendom-related campaigns and never get bored!

And yeah, casting-wise, I agree - there are no weak links in the Lannister cast. ;D (Literally, even the twinсеst kids - when put next to one another, all three pretty much have the exact same face with different haircuts, which is *chef's kiss* as far as casting goes). I know people complain about how Peter Dinklage is too attractive and also should've had his nose chopped off during the Blackwater battle, but prosthetics are a pain in the everything for every episode seven seasons straight, and also it's genuinely not that important, IMO, and he's perfect for the role. Charles Dance is excellent, too, and you all know how I feel about the twins - no one could have done it better. ;D)

book-and-show

My preferred mix of the two canons is basically ‘The Untamed, but Wei Wuxian lost control of his zombies by his own goddamned self, and also plot/logic holes are taped over by explanations from the book when needed and possible.  And we know that wangxian are together and will be married, but we're left with spaces to fill in the details.’  (One of the cool/interesting things about having multiple versions of a canon is that one can mix and match!)  But there are definitely things that I prefer, separately, about each.

[two very long lists.  all of which are all about personal opinions/preferences, and none of which are looking to start discourse!]

Eight Things I liked better about the show:

1. "Who am I to you?"  "I had thought, that you were the one who knew me for my whole life."  "Still, I am." is *twenty zillion times* more romantic than a stolen blindfold kiss, in a way that pretty much encapsulates why I so much prefer show to novel wangxian overall.  And in this TED talk - I mean, in another post, hopefully, in not too long, I will.

2. Lan Wangji's explicit questioning of and overturning his understanding of 'what is right, and what is wrong,' rather than simply being motivated by 'if loving Wei Wuxian is wrong, then screw everything else.'

3. Introducing so very many characters earlier in the chronological timeline, and showing us more about them and their relationships prior to Wei Wuxian's death - and outside of the key moments in which they're involved in the plot.  Wen Qing and Wen Ning, Jiang Yanli, Mianmian, Songxiao, Xue Yang, Meng Yao - this list could also be its own post.

4. More focus on the Sunshot Campaign and its aftermath, pre-death, specifically on the period when Wei Wuxian is the feared necromancer, and he and his loved ones are dealing with that, against a background of war and then possibly more war.  It's by far my favorite part of the narrative, just because of my preferences re: genres, so I appreciate it being foregrounded rather than just a backstory that's shown in flashbacks.

5. The successive confrontations between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji over 'leaving the right path'!  In the courtyard, when Lan Wangji pulls Bichen on Wei Wuxian to make him listen; in the sad umbrella rain, when Wei Wuxian holds Chenqing out in front of him, defying Lan Wangji's efforts to rein him in.  These things probably fall under the umbrella of the TED talk from the first point, but they're the beating heart of WHY I LOVE THIS STORY.  And they're not even in the novel...!  I thank the CQL team for my life.

6. Also, THE COMB STORY.  I'd never have thought either that 'how do we improve an m/m romance novel?  By adding a het romance subplot, of course,' but the fact is that I love the dimension it adds to both Jiang Cheng's and Wen Qing's stories.  Highlighting their shared loyalty to their clans - except not shared, because they're from different clans! - but their shared *understanding* of what righteousness, justice, etc., is, and the way it leads to their tragedies, and the way it's a counterpoint to Wei Wuxian's and Lan Wangji's different and ultimately shared understanding of 'what is right' and the way *that* brings *them* together is just... so good.  I am getting over it approximately never, and, again, it's show-original.

7. And I think the last big thing - other than, the acting's wonderful, imo, the visuals are great, (even the 'bad' special effects? I like 'em kinda ridiculous?), and when the prose-in-translation of all versions is iffy at best, (not judging MXTX's prose! or the scriptwriters'! but I unfortunately cannot read or understand it) it's REALLY NICE to have other major dimensions of the story that aren't lost or diminished in translation.  Honestly, I am only watching cdramas and not reading cnovels (I only read MDZS so I'd know what's in it) for that reason alone.  But in terms of *story* stuff -

8. I think that censoring wangxian's relationship down to the '(really really loud) subtext' level counterintuitively also makes the rest of the story seem considerably gayer.  If wangxian exists in hints and looks and narrative parallels etc., then likewise, so do the 3zun and Yi City triangles.  Not as much as wangxian, but they're more minor characters, and they're on the same continuum... to the extent that I legit thought that songxiao and xiyao would also be novel canon.  (They are not.)  If Wei Wuxian shocking Lan Wangji by showing him gay porn in the library, and commenting on Lan Wangji's beauty, is because he is actually into guys, then maybe Nie Huaisang lending Wei Wuxian that same porn, and also commenting on Lan Wangji's beauty, means the same thing, if that's all we have to go on. etc.

Nine Things I liked better about the book:

1. There's something about Wei Wuxian's narrative voice, the running commentary that he gives about others and most of all himself that is... funny?  Yes, it is, but that's not the part I love.  It's hard to pin down, but the pattern of the things he judges and the things he doesn't judge at all, even though maybe he should, but he really has so much empathy - in the literal sense, I mean, as well as the magical - is very specific and endearing?  He's exactly like that in the show, too, but we hear much less of it when he's not telling the story.

2. Getting to hear A-Qing in her Empathy fleshes out her cleverness and her bravery, again, in a way that's not easy to replicate seeing it from outside of her head.  (I think we may have more of all of the ducklings/juniors, actually, but I'm just not all that interested in their friendly banter.  Not when there's life-rending trauma in the OG of the same story!)

3. From the chronological start of the story, the Wens' domination and power-hunger is portrayed in a realpolitik way that's both more interesting and fits the rest of the story better, with the Jins later filling that same vacuum, and fearing Wei Wuxian's potential to do the same sort of thing to them, etc., as chronologically following and competing different takes on the struggle for power, without any need for the flat fantasy mcguffins of the Yin Iron or the 'spirit snatch.'

4. Wei Wuxian ~appreciating~ Nie Mingjue's dead body parts is hliarious. I love him hanging out with the corpse girls.  I love the Wens risingout of the blood pool for him ;___;.  Overall his relationship withthe corpses that he magics is such a cool weird fun part of the book,that is missing in the show except his friendship with Wen Ning for'let's make a show about necromancy but pretend it's not' reasons.

5. The fact that Wangxian don't split up and go their own ways at the end of the story, even temporarily!  I could go either way on 'Lan Wangji becomes Chief Cultivator' - I like the way that it moves into 'the future will be better than the past, and we'll work to make it that way', in the same way that 'the kids are alright' does, and the fact that Lan Wangji hates diplomacy and is bad at it can make for good amusing stories!  But I also approve of the fact that the personal win condition for so very many of these characters is to peace right the fuck out of sect politics, (like Mianmian our true hero does <3), and I believe in that as a happy ending.

6. Wei Wuxian's and Lan Wangji's complementary ~ravishment~ kinks.  I don't like the exact way they're written in the novel (and extras), but I *will* take and run with the existence of them, nevertheless.

7. The post-resurrection plot makes, um, sense?  Let's not forget the importance of that!  (But, honestly, 'must a plot make sense'?  It's not all that important to me, lol.)   Going from one place to another to collect the pieces of 'our dead friend's' body rather than seemingly at random makes the journey feel purposeful rather than direction-less, and gives an indication of progress that's not simply 'amount of the story read as per chapter count.'  Though it's still not clear to me why the juniors squad needs to be in Yi City!

8. It has more of Wei Wuxian's inventiveness.  Whether founding the Diabolic Path rather than 'just' inventing some tools and talismans within and also outside of it, or figuring out/explaining how some sort of magic works, whether lecturing to the juniors or working it out for himself, or something like that one night-hunting extra where he's being a supernatural consulting detective... it's fun to see more of his ~mind at work,~ in a way that doesn't fit as well either into an audiovisual medium or under the constraints of 'what is happening? definitely not corpse magic!' that censorship imposes.

9. The structure of revealing what happened in (what I can't help thinking of as) the main portion of the plot - who Wei Wuxian is, what his life story is, and Lan Wangji's part in it - through interleaved and not even necessarily in-order flashbacks is... so interesting?  Unfortunately I can't tell how well it would've worked for me in terms of changing my understandings of characters etc., because I watched the show before I read the book, so I came to it knowing the outlines of the story.  But it's a cool idea, and I wish that I could experience it properly!  (Though I would never have read the book without watching the show first, I would've failed out at the start due to translation issues and then if I'd persisted past that due to all the gay chicken stuff.)

{ re:mind thoughts & feelings!

i’m absolutely not gonna run through every single detail, especially when it comes to things i’m solidly neutral about, but i live to write about my impressions, so here they are!

**WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS!!! please be cautious!!!**

negatives:

my biggest concern going in was how they’d handle kairi, and while having her be playable for the duration of a major battle is a huge step forward and you can tell they put a lot of effort into her moveset and animations, everything else felt like two steps back and i’m not very optimistic for her future. despite the entire premise of the dlc revolving around her, she says and does so little. most of her lines, if you can even call them that, are just Sounds. affirmative hums or confused, “huh?”s. which is a huge nonverbal mood, but doesn’t work as a mood for HER seeing as she’s a very talkative and forward individual. it’s almost like she was only there to be rescued, look pretty and nod along with whatever sora says! reaaaally don’t like that they put her into a coma for an entire year, either. everyone else’s roles in sora’s search seem so proactive and hers is completely idle, like usual. they could spin this around and have her traverse the sleeping worlds while she’s unconscious, but i’m not willing to give the team that much credit until i see it for myself.

we’re retconning vanitas being the wholehearted manifestation of ven’s negativity and darkness now, huh?? he was his own entity beforehand, you say?? they’re not halves of a whole anymore?? okay. cool! absolutely detest that with every fiber of my being and it makes zero sense, but great! canon is only established to be rewritten on a whim, after all! (it’s NOT! not like THAT! what the ever living HECK!)

plot holes, awkwardness and rushed nature of the climax and ending is still grossly present. there’s nothing anyone could have possibly done to remedy that short of reworking all of it entirely, so i wasn’t expecting it to be remedied, but it sucks to relive it for the 358th time.

the ~20 minute segment where it’s all base game gameplay and unaltered cutscenes is torture.

when you consider the price of the base game and the fact that the ~4-5 hour long story campaign was so thoroughly padded with re-used content, $30 is kinda steep.

not to be mean, or anything........ but............ all of the story content in particular.............. probably should have been in base game kh3 in the first place.........................

positives:

terra and riku recognized and talked to each other! ven and roxas shared compliments! those are DREAM interactions, right there.

exploring scala was amazing! everything was expansive, detailed and beautiful and it was very nice to receive explicit confirmation that it was built up from the ruins of daybreak town, even if that was pretty obvious.

visuals and aesthetics were gorgeous in general. kh is always really good about that.

for as many issues as i had with kairi’s writing and presentation, her and sora were ADORABLE. that floaty, twirly hug! their finisher! their added cameos in the ending sequence! PRECIOUS....

battling as an op version of roxas filled me with carnal energies i haven’t experienced since i was 16 years old and i’m honestly living for it.

voice acting was prime! i had some beefs with base game deliveries but everyone really brought their A game for the dlc, however little or much they spoke. naminé, vanitas, yozora, yuffie and cid sounded the best, imo. master xehanort’s new voice actor also did such a wonderful and standout job even though he had two massive pairs of shoes to fill. rest in peace.

it has lots of limitations and there are a couple of design decisions i don’t agree with, but photo mode is a PARTY and i’m gonna be going absolutely feral with it when i have more time/energy.

the uncontested BEST PART was the guardians of light working together to battle off the xehanort replicas. it screamed personality and charm and left room for cute little character interactions that the cutscenes didn’t. i’m super impressed with how well they pulled it off from a technical standpoint and would adore seeing more segments like it in future installments.

Little Ven Things(tm):

really appreciated sora lunging to try and catch ven when he was flung through the air because that’s probably as close to a canon hug as i’m ever gonna get.

not sure what to make of the “Darkness” lurking in his heart because i don’t ux outside of what i hear from friends, but i’m so ridiculously interested to see where it goes. his arc’s not over yet, kids!

hearing ven say, “vanitas. you’re coming home too,” destroyed me on the spot. that’s gonna be playing on loop in my brain nonstop to infinity and beyond.

i like my vans and vens with a healthy dose of banter and to have vanitas go on a contrary monologue in response to ven’s extension of kindness, then see ven turn around and say, “okay! fine! fuck you, actually! go away, then!” was RIVETING. ripped straight out of my soul. 10/10. absolutely do not endorse the retcon nonsense that prompted it, but i’ll take what little i can get.

he and aqua were such a good combo in battle and i never got tired of watching their limit. i’ve complained before about how limits were one of the biggest things missing from bbs and this really made it up to me.

HE WORE HIS CAPE!! it was only for a split second but HE WORE IT!! AND HIS ARMOR!! my son is off to the realm of darkness to find his crush and he’s gonna look dashing as hell the whole time he’s there.

ven and riku are the oldest of the minors and their heights are still so wildly different. i eat seeing them next to each other up and re:mind did it at two different instances. god bless.

i’m sure i’m forgetting a subject or two, but that’s definitely the gist of it!

all in all, i went in with pretty low expectations since base game kh3 let me down so badly. re:mind disappointed me too. i’m just not gonna let it bother me much! regardless of the path canon takes, doing the things with ven that i wanna see done is still my MO. that’s why i roleplay in the first place!

anyway, i wanna end on a good note, but i’m honestly unsure of what else to say since i’ve rambled on for so long, so here’s some snaps from the very first scene i made in photo mode! }

June 22: 1x03 Where No Man Has Gone Before

Today, the second pilot, aka Kirk fights his ex-boyfriend, the superhuman space mutant.

Whaaaaat TV screen by the chess set? That’s such a funny transition for me for some reason.

Spock thinks he can win lol. I love that he’s sassy from the start. And throwing shade at Sarek, which is how I choose to interpret “my ancestor married a human woman” when he very well knows it’s his dad.

“Materializer.”

For a moment, I thought Spock was of a lower rank but then I realized the pilot uniforms only showed three different ranks so who even knows.

I’m barely even paying attention to the plot, I’m too distracted by the outfits and the banter.

Are you certain you don’t know what irritation is, Mr. Spock????? Are you SURE?

THIS ELEVATOR SCENE IS STILL MY FAVORITE IN THE WHOLE SERIES. Kirk is so obviously in love with Spock already, like just the way he looks at him??? And Gary is bitter. Did you finish your GAME GUYS? How was the GAME?? You like that CHESS?

Lol at Kirk’s microphone. I love how different the pilot is and how much more obvious the differences are because it’s sci fi. (Their screen/windshield is also hilarious for some reason? It looks very fake.)

Sulu is head of astrophysics?? Really got a demotion there. This needs to be a thing in fic though, somehow.

Kirk is so brave. Gonna explore this weird space thing to save future space travelers.

New drinking game: take a shot every time there’s a random shot of Kirk looking beautiful.

My mother asked if Gary was hoping he could hold Kirk’s hand when the alien force field attacks and I said yes. Dig it in there Mr. Kirk.

Kirk and Spock flying the ship.

Sulu looking gorgeous.

Some gratuitous k/s arm grabbing.

Love how they show the ship has no warp by having it move really slowly across the screen. But actually--completely underrated problem that I forgot about it what with the whole Gary God Complex thing--if you have no warp capabilities you are stranded for real.

It took me a suuuuuper long time to figure out why most esper people died and two became supermutants. The force field targeted the most susceptible but was too much for most of them.

Also I love how the force field was just literally never explained. It just is. Nor was it explained that that other ship was, which Kirk seemed to think shouldn’t have been in deep space in the first place.

I can’t believe Dehner is telling a literal alien “this is how this thing is and there’s only one version of the thing and these are the limits.” Like??? He has all sorts of abilities you don’t know about? Why do you assume that things as they have been observed on Earth are the only way things can be, especially outside Earth? When you are talking to someone whose very existence would be impossible by your measure?

Looking at medbay, can’t help but feel that McCoy really spruced up the joint.

Gary rearranging himself just so for Jim’s entrance.

I legitimately don’t know what “this long hair stuff you like” is. I was born in 1988 so, that’s my excuse.

A STACK OF BOOKS WITH LEGS

IN LT. KIRK’S CLASS YOU THINK OR SINK.

Kirk is giving Gary those “I love you” eyes. They’re exes. Clearly.

I mean “I outlined her whole campaign for her”? First, putting unnecessary characters into a story because the short version is homosexual is ITSELF homosexual and second--that’s very gay on its face.

Kirk is clearly trying to be the Cool Ex (and, uh, boss) and Gary’s still bitter. “Friend Captain.”

No privacy on the Enterprise I see.

“The one you used to know,” Spock says, clearly jealous.

Love poem from 1996--so ancient.

Imo Spock is glad for this opportunity to shade Gary Mitchell openly. Finally, I can tell Jim my real thoughts: we should kill him.

Dr. Dehner is awfully enamored of this whole “new kind of human” thing given that she must have some knowledge of Earth history, including, you know, the horrifically deadly WWIII fought over exactly this idea but w/e.

Sulu bringing the math.

Spock saying “Jim” again. He definitely actually does this a lot? Maybe later he pulls himself back on purpose on account of Too Many Feelings.

D E L T A V E G A .

Forgot they poached that name. Should have kept it a mining planet. I wonder if it is supposed to be the same place and if Ambassador Spock was thinking about Gary while he was there.

“You’re talking about Gary!” This Kirk and Spock scene is really good too. Just about as good as the elevator scene. I literally cannot read this through anything other than the “ex and future boyfriend” lens and it makes it so much better. (Not that it’s not a good story on its face because it is. But just like the additional layers??)

“Our task: maroon my ex-boyfriend on this abandoned planet.” They’ve known each other 15 years.

Kirk and Spock taking Gary down.

That is 100% a drawing taken from the cover of a 50s sci fi novel.

Spock is so ridiculously, comically armed. Pacifist who? They keep on saying he doesn’t have feelings and yet ALL I see are feelings. Arming himself to the teeth for Jim. Clearly bitter about Jim’s feelings for Gary. Ready to thrown down all the time.

RIP Kelso. Good thing he got that commendation.

“Command and compassion is a fool’s mixture.”

“Don’t wake up Spock until I’m gone or he’ll follow me.” True.

Just Jim and his ridiculous weapon now, off to ruin Gary’s date.

Kirk and Spock would love all these flowers.

“You were a psychiatrist once--ten minutes ago.”

“Did you hear him joke about compassion?” I know the powers corrupted Gary but...did they do all the corrupting? Or did they just allow him to say some stuff he really means?

That “phaser rifle” looks like a supersoaker. (Mom: it probably is.)

Gary claims to know Jim so well but he doesn’t even know his middle name.

He’s so dramatic. SO DRAMATIC. Calling Jim “James” all the time; clearly his personal name for him when they were together. Whereas Jim continues to call him by his last name, which is funny.

And then Spock sees Jim is about to get sad and makes sure to come right over. “I felt for him too,” he admits, reluctantly.

It’s weird how much more dated this ep looks imo. Like I strongly maintain that even on the basis of style TOS ages very well (better than TNG which is 90s to the hilt), but this one looked very...50s/60s sci fi. Not in a bad way, just in a very obvious way. I feel like even the Enterprise looks a lot different after the pilot, in ways I can’t really explain or describe or pinpoint. It’s just subtly.... more unique. More real.

Mom and I were discussing where this fits in the timeline. She thinks early 5 year mission, which is what I’ve always assumed...but I’m bothered by how 99% of the crew is different. So now I’m thinking, like, pre-5 year mission? Maybe like a short mission? This is Kirk’s first command, maybe they sent him out for like a year first. It doesn’t explain how Gary and Spock have “worked together for years” but Dehner could have been wrong about that, or she could have meant they both have 15 years + in Starfleet.

The AOSverse should have rebooted Mitchell instead of Khan and that’s all I’m saying about that but it’s true.

I have always assumed Gary is First Officer in this ep but I don’t remember it actually being mentioned and now I’m wondering if we’ve all just collectively made that up.

Next up is the absolute classic The Naked Time. Maybe I’ll find an opportunity to watch it in less than a week’s time?

All the TOP 10 OF THE DECADE posts made me want to make one of my own, so here’s my 10 fave games this decade:

Yakuza 0  Shovel Knight  Nier Automata  Metal Gear Rising  Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger IX Final Fantasy XV   Scott pilgrim vs the world the game Undertale Persona 5  Doom

Danganronpa 2, New Vegas, Touhou Luna Nights, Katana Zero and Mario Odyssey all only barely missed out, and it was a tough decision not to include them. I loved the shit out of those games but thinking it through I decided they were just slightly less loved by me than the above.

Below the cut are some extended thoughts (of varying length) on the games included:

Just CTRL F if you wanna find a specific one

Yakuza 0

Every Yakuza game is delightful and this is definitely the best one, in my opinion. The Yakuza games appeal to me for a lot of reasons: the combat, the story, the variety of activities, the look of it all and the music. I feel like its a very unique game experience with its blend of weird in-depth side activities, serious crime drama, manly man masculine combat friendship melodrama, metal gear-esque convoluted conspiracies and a surprisingly compassionate view of the world it takes place in. 

The combat is what drew me in initially because it just feels good, the feedback of stomping on a dudes face in yakuza is delivered perfectly, and the attacks are brutal, hard and flashy. Its a very solid and satisfying combat system and in 0 its the best it has ever been. The ability to switch between 3 different and equally fun fighting styles on the fly really lets you mix things up and adapt your approach, every style feels fun and useful. If i had to pick a favorite it would be slugger, but its a tough choice, and they are all very viable and FUN.

Yakuza 0 also gets big points for having the best story in the series. The protagonists feel much more interesting in this era, the fights feel more earned in this game than others, the relationships are incredibly touching (I’m almost mad majima didnt stay with makoto) and the substories (and some parts of the main story) are the funniest they’ve ever been. Stuff like the quasi-stealth mission where you have to make sure women don’t see you buying a porn magazine for a child, and the extended scene of kiryu trying to guess the right business manners for a meeting had me laughing so much i was i was almost in physical pain.

The extensive business and host club substories get you tons of extra game content and are good enough to almost be there own game. The other games in the series have extended side activites of varying quality, but i think 0 had a rare case of all of these being, basically, perfect. The team obviously agrees since host club management came back repeatedly, but never as good as it was here.

Being set in the 80s elevates almost everything in the game because of the outfits, money flying out of every enemy you attack, the classic sega games you can play at the arcade (Outrun is so much fun and I’d have never have given it a proper go otherwise) and the disco minigame everyones made a meme out of (that music is so catchy).

As a final note this game has the best boss fights and music in the series, which is a very high standard to surpass when you look at the rest of the series. The dual final boss fights, the recurring boss for kiryu and almost every majima fight are highlights of the entire series for me. 

0 is going to end up being one of the few games I’ll never sell my copy of because i want it available for me to play forever, its a complete delight.

Shovel Knight

This game has been analysed to hell and back, so i wont have much original to say i suppose. Admittedly i did enjoy the first campaign but it didnt completely win me over, plague knights campaign and beyond was what really made this an all time greats for me. It’s one of very few games that gets the NES+SNES platforming appeal 100% right and essentially surpasses most games of the day, with almost perfect pacing, challenge and level design. IT helps that the whole world and story and look is charming as all hell. It’s an easy game to love and the more you play it the more that feels justified. Being PACKED with great content is also a plus. If you liked the first campaign you can just keep going through a set of campaigns about as good that only really rehash some level assets. I would say its one of the best 2D platformers ever for me, if not quite my true number 1.

ALSO JAKE KAUFMAN KNOCKS IT OUT THE PARK WITH THIS SOUNDTRACK

Since i have little else to add to the shovel knight discussion, here’s my ranking/thoughts on each campaign

Plague of shadows. BEST storyline, great levels with a really cool gameplay gimmick, the characters are all cute and the ending really makes me feel for him. both sorry for him at first and then a very real AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW for LOVE

King of cards. king knight is just fun as hell to play as, he doesnt have that many tools but his movement is just crazy fun and i love the flair in all his animations. also has that rad final boss. joustus is ok i guess.

Shovel of hope. uuuuuuh what can i even say about this. its good, and the melancholy dream bits add a lot to the mood of the story. we’ve already analysed this campaign within an inch of its life i dont think i can say anything new. wish we could fight the battletoads on pc.

Specter of torment. still fun and i appreciate the tone change, but i didnt care as much for the characters and the mega man-esque level select doesnt suit shovel knight imo. specter knight has a lot of fun movement options though. mainly i just love GRINDING and the diagonal slash. i dont give a fuck about reize

Nier Automata

I feel a tiny bit ashamed i have so little to say about this considering it is one of the most emotional experiences i have ever had with a story. If i lsten to the final version of weight of the world i still cry just from remembering this game and how it made me feel. i think its one of the greatest narratives of the century but i can barely get across the appeal to anyone who hasnt already played it. its a story about hope, despair and the nature of the human race that never feels like its preachy or pretensious or taking on more than it can handle. it made me feel all kinds of emotions deeply and intensely, it genuinely made me burst into tears about 10 times, maybe more. even putting aside the ggrand narrative, theres so many cool character moments and bits of world building and visual eements and tragic little side stories that you would need a whole book to talk about them all while doing any real justice to them. i loved it so much that im paying £70 to see an orchestra do the soundtrack live. I want to hug and kiss 2b and 9s better. i just love it deeply and i find it hard to explain why it makes me feel that way, but its a dark beautiful and hopeful story where every moment feels earned. the despair of the story giving way to genuine hope with the rest of the world helping you fight for it is such an intensely emotional moment that you could never replicate outside of this kind of story and medium. how the fuck do i explain that to anyone that doesnt already get it. I’m glad this game exists

Metal Gear Rising 

Well, complete tone shift here. Platinum made a lot of great action games in the last decade that all dig into that same itch for DODGE SLOW MOTION BANG BANG BANG alongside great soundtracks, visuals and awesome set piece moments. Just intense, flashy, awesome combat. Picking a favorite of the decade was the hard part, because a platinum game had to be one of my faves of the decade. The closest was transformers, but mgr has a couple of things about it that put it above the rest of the platinum catalog for me.

The story actually works very well at still being metal gear while in the platinum formula, its about the cycle of violence and FINDING YOUR OWN PURPOSE and it works weirdly well. The strangest part is that it feels like a legitimate sequel to metal gear 4 tonally while still being the crazy action game it is

Raiden is just super fun to play as, while I’ll always miss the DODGE SLOWMO in a platinum game parry and zandatsu give a great flow to fights and there’s real exhilaration to parrying a hard chain of attacks and tearing out a bunch of enemies spines at once every time

raiden is also just  a fun protag, it truly allows me to embrace that kind of stereotypical edgy cool anime swordsman he embodies

BEST PLATINUM SOUNDTRACK DO NOT @ ME

Bosses just rule

one of the best final bosses ever, in my opinion? maybe that’s controversial, but armstrong gets an insane amount of characterization and pure PRESENCE out of such a small amount of screen time and the fact he feels like such a perfect rival to raiden so quickly is kind of nuts to me. within about half an hour you are ready for the ultimate final showdown with everything at stake, and then the gameplay 100% delivers on that with a fight that is challenging as hell and just feels climatic and intimidating. its a little thing, but having this dude just smack you around with his hands and almost no fighting skill after a game filled with crazy flippy cyborg ninjas makes him feel TOUGH and the way you finish him off? it just rocks, plain and simple. I don’t think i need to justify slices a massive dudes chest open and ripping out his giant still beating robot heart as the music climaxes and our cool edgy protag literally says WE’RE DONE HERE. truly, it has to be this way.

Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger IX 

For fast twitchy 2d platformers this barely beat out Katana Zero and Touhou Luna Nights, but i think its just a little better. The skill ceiling on this game is high as hell and once you really get to grips with it, its an experience you cant find anywhere else. its just satisfying as hell to be able to get through the point where you can ZOOM  through these levels by making use of copen’s dash and lock-on and weapons well enough. once you get good enough to get through a hole level without touching the ground, you just cant go back. I liked this enough to get an S rank on almost every level. this game just rules, man.

story, art and music are all great as well. but they pale in importance next to zippy jetpack zoom zoom fun time.

also great for having a cool twist that i genuinely did not see coming at all

Final Fantasy XV   

For context, my experience of FFXV was not the base game so i cannot personally address the concerns of the version at launch, which i hear from others was a total mess! The game has been updated and changed so much that it is probably almost unrecognizable aside from the absolute base aspects of it. The version i am talking about is, as far as we know, the “final” version released right before Episode Ardyn. There was of course an update after this, but it only added DLC compatibility and a few items, so it means very little in the grand scheme. I also played all of the dlc and watched all the periphery material to get the full, messy disjointed experience. it is also worth noting that the only other FF game i have played is the classic title Mario Hoops 3 on 3 Basketball. I feel it important to tell you this before getting into things so that you can have a full idea of the perspective i come at the game from.

This was chosen over Mario Odyssey and someone will probably kill me for that. I just think its a great emotional story that does a fantastic job of making you care for all the characters, and the world feels massive and full of cool stuff to see. It’s my favorite open world game and i love The Boys.  its not the kind of thing i usually play but i think it genuinely had a great story and its a very fun game to just explore and spend time in. ffxv truly understands the emotional bond between The Lads and it is fun to kill big monsters with your party

(they kinda ruin the last cutscene in english, in japanese he says I LOVE YOU GUYS and it makes me cry but in english he goes U GUYS ARE THE BEST which just isnt the same. a small nitpick though. a lot of this game made me cry regardless, its just great at creating an emotional bond)

I admire the insane level of ambition in the visuals and scope, and i bought every dlc for it because it was just that good. the ifrit boss fight and all the giant monsters are just amazingly epic in scale. the “found a cool rock” post is what i truly admire about this game summed up. 

all the ancillary material for the game is great and worth getting into, with the exception of the Comrades multiplayer expansion. Everything else adds depth to the story and the world without being entirely necessary for you to get through the story. the anime and the dlc all really feel worth getting into without being something you have to see to get The Full Experience

the giant monsters are cool

Scott Pilgrim vs the World: The Game

Being from 2010 this game only just makes it in, but it was my favorite beat em up this decade and a source of great nostalgia for me. It had a pretty big impact on music and art tastes in regards to games, and in retrospect this games existence was very much a dream team scenario. Paul Robertson is a great sprite artist who does a lot of good work, Anamanaguchi have gone on to become one of my favorite bands (another winter is still one of their best tracks imo) and at the time this came out i was obsessed with scott pilgrim. That plus the beat em up gameplay makes this kind of a perfect blending of a lot of my specific tastes. Playing this brings me back to the time in my school life that i played it very distinctly, a more comfortable time in my life for sure, and i think the game still stands up excellently. I hope that someday it will get a rerelease so others can enjoy it. I give this another play through every year or so, but i wish id gotten the dlc while it was still available

Doom

ITS VIOLENT ITS FAST ITS FUN ITS METAL

i like this game because of the intense adrenaline rush and violent catharsis it gives me, essentially a constant dopamine rush

fun game good

Undertale

I’m glad i got to this before the massive wave of spoilers and popularity came about. It’s a great story with some fun gameplay, and i think SANS UNDERTALE was one of the best boss fights this decade. Its a shame that for so many new players this experience is going to be ruined by spoilers

Persona 5 

Danganronpa 2 and fallout new vegas were close contenders for this last spot. I actually made a post about my thoughts on this game before https://journaloftomfooleryandjapery.tumblr.com/post/184341270554/nue-is-great-love-his-goofy-design-when-life-will but essentially 

Essentially, its got a great cast of characters, a cool slick look, great monster designs, a fun gameplay loop of collecting monsters and grinding stats while waiting for the next big event, and a surprisingly good story

No idea if royal is any good, but its on a pretty small list of games that i might actually take the time to replay

wait what’s penumbra?

Oh youve done a terrible mistake because ive been mentally writing why you should start listening to the penumbra podcast for hours.

SO GOOD EVENING FOLLOWER AND WELCOME TO THE PENUMBRA!!!!

The Penumbra Podcast is a well podcast available on youtube if you into easy free stuff but you can find it also on spotify or itunes or stitcher(podcast ep) and im sure there are other places but eh these are the ones i know about

Sooo umm what its about?

Well glad you asked, first of all we need to separate that to 3 categories which are Juno Steel Stories, Second citadel stories and one shots because um its a lil bit confusing so let's get into shall we??!!!

Juno Steel stories

They are about a private investigator on Mars solving cases who has an amazing secretary who needs to be a protected at all costs and also he is in love with a thief who is v homme fatale and Juno is very annoyed by the feelings he is feeling. The first season is about Juno finding martian artifacts! Its really great and most of the reblogs you see on my blog rn are from Juno series. Also there are two versions of the first story because they remastered it ariund the time they finished s1 finale and tbh I only listened to the remastered version and was hooked immediately.

Second citadel stories

This is completely different series that has nothing to do with Juno stories, you can technically skip Juno if you find SC more interesting or skip if you prefer Juno. Okay, so Second citadel is a high fantasy series with knights and monsters. This one an ensemble cast and there are 9ish main characters. Its really um.. wacky world? Like I was thinking like how should I describe the vibe of this series and I think it feels like D&D campaign or at least what I think D&D feels like cuz Ive never played it but it reminds me of a tumblr post which was something like

DM:... And you can see house in the distance

Player: is it something i have to fight?

DM, writing down stats: IT IS NOW

So yeah I think it kinda feels like that to me at least. Also this one is for me 'it gets better' series because i didnt really enjoy the first story but yeah its great and I love the characters

First story for SC is 'Second Citadel - The head of the Janus Beast' which is 9th episode overall

One shots

Ok to make this weirder there are also 3 one shots and like again each of them is set in different universe blah blah nothimg in common with the other stuff

Shaken

A horror story about a woman who made a beautiful painting and now she has to top that one to stay relevant and like theres a lot of pressure... It gets yeah v unsettling

The Coyote of the Painted Plains

Be gay do crime. WESTERN WLWS Mary Anne is engaged to some guy, gets kidnapped by a hot bandit and her fiance tries to save her 1(tho gay love is too powerful).

Home

Another horror story tho for me it was more of a idk thriller? Im bad with genres but imo it wasnt that scary. Its about a little Lily who is supposed to move to a new house with jer parents and brother. On the i think last night(or one of the last whatever) she is left home alone with her brother and stuff starts happening. Dun dun dun

Oh did I mention that its really gay? Honestly there are barely any straight characters (i can honestly think of one thats like yeah he is most likely straight but others are either lgb+ or not confirmed)

Also Juno is bi and canonically nb with mostly masculine um presentation and he uses he/him pronouns also there is a character who uses they/them pronouns. They want to also include binary trans characters and more diversity in general but they want to do it right so it doesnt feel forced etc.

Also in second citadel there are characters in poly relationship!

Im honestly doing my best to not start every paragraph with also but here i go again so also most of the characters that have canon um look? are poc

And also Juno has canonically depression and I cant speak on this subject but from other people's posts its handled well!

So yeah hopefully i didnt forget anytbing cuz its like nearly midnight here and my brain is refusing to word words but yeah priorities also hopefully ur sold and if you have any questions im here 👀 hmu, please listen to the penumbra podcast im begging

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22 July Film...

So I watched the Netflix movie last night, and I have a few thoughts.  

Warning: This turned into a personal rant with some anthropology-thoughts thrown in. TL;DR: I think this is an important example of the kinds of stories we need, and the debate about the representation of the terrorist on-screen as an ethical one seems to me a moot point.

Second warning: SPOILERS (kinda, vague ones)

I would love to see the Norwegian Utøya - 22 Juli (U- July 22) and do a better comparison of the perspectives. Both films were released in 2018, one by Norwegian director Erik Poppe, the other by English director Paul Greengrass. But that’s for later... after I’ve recovered a bit lol.  

Culture is an interesting thing, and so many of the critiques and comparisons of these films involve the ethical question of portraying a terror event and a terrorist him/herself as a story, or on screen at all. 

This was interesting to me, because the intended audiences for each film seemed to be so diverse, one was telling the world of the event, while the other (I have not seen it, so I can’t confirm) seems to be giving Norway an art piece preserving and telling the story of the event to the people who know it and need little context - cultural or otherwise. 

Terror and disaster are culture shaping and defining. How we respond, how we react, the consequences and the way we tell the story, they are all revealing. And how/why we portray them to ourselves and as outsiders is also revealing.

If this film did one thing perfectly, in my opinion, it was the portrayal of PTSD and the sudden and immediate flashbacks, often sounds, that don’t go away, the isolation and exhaustion that they cause, and the feeling that vulnerability is a weakness you can’t afford. I’m speaking from experience that I’m not ready to elaborate on here, those things are powerful and extremely misunderstood and misrepresented in American culture. PTSD is often used as a MacGuffin, a simple plot device that causes chaos or explains some rash and nonsensical choice, and is often reserved for stories about soldiers returning from war (thanks Hemingway), but sorely left out of conversations about rape, or abuse, or bombings, or terror attacks or any other trauma we go through (then again... so is the representation of those stories). 

It was so hard for me to watch, and I had to fast forward through a few parts, I didn’t sleep because of my own triggers and whatnot, but looking at it from what I would consider an “average” perspective, of people who haven’t witnessed or experienced something so traumatic, it puts viewers in a position they are forced to empathize with. And I think that is a valuable and powerful cultural perspective. 

How did human empathy get tied in with a connotation of weakness? This film challenges that cultural assumption, it asks us to consider: how did emotion and fear become synonymous with coward? How did we twist the world so that victims become responsible and personal forgiveness is a sin?

Maybe I pulled more questions from the film because of my personal experience, relating or overcoming my own challenges - it was something of a challenge to push play and it sat on pause for nearly an hour after the first 20 minutes. The film doesn’t give you answers, but it does seem to provide a safe place for asking questions as our primary protagonist, Viljar, learns to cope. We, the audience, are, if we allow ourselves to be, challenged with an unspoken question: have you chosen to live? Have you chosen hope? Or are you angry all the time, are you defeated and nihilistic, are you passive and apathetic, do you want to ignore and run away and hide in fear? Have you taken steps forward to face your life and made a conscious decision to live it lately?

And that was hard for me to hear because it’s what I’ve been working on, on living consciously and making choices consciously and forming thoughts and opinions and understanding my own values, and not living in my head where everyone else is more right, more valid, more everything; where I dismiss myself and my experiences because of what they are. I’m still working on coming to terms with a lot of things, Jake divides it between acknowledgement, acceptance, and growth or adaption. 

I’ve acknowledged the things that happened, [SPOILERS] and I think that’s what Viljar does on the snowmobile. I’ve accepted the things that happened as beyond my control, I think that’s what Viljar does by deciding to appear in court, what his father does by encouraging him, and what his mother does by... well, personally I think she does this when he tells her to win the campaign for mayor, she decides then to carry on and try her best to reassure them and fight with her boys, not for them (the younger brother could have used a bit more character, but I get it). And then, for me, I’m struggling with the adaption, and we see Viljar struggle, constantly: physically, emotionally, mentally, it is his speech that tells us the truth - he is going to keep struggling, but he is ready to adapt to that, to grow from it, to choose to be vulnerable and depend on his friends and family, to reach out to them and to try, to understand himself and how this event has impacted him so that he can continue to live a life he values. 

This is where I, and I think a lot of people, get stuck, and why I think this film had to feature the terrorist, though I do understand the ethical fears of giving a terrorist a platform by featuring them. But this was a real event, and by giving the guy a face and a story, we see how it juxtaposes Viljar’s growth, how the terrorist did not grow or learn from his fears or struggles, how he isolated himself and what that intentional ignorance does to a person. If we do not grow from our trauma, if we do not adapt to the ways it has impacted us, like in Viljar’s speech, how he acknowledges that he pulled away from his family and friends, he avoided Lara’s calls for weeks, but he’s ready to understand that he is different now, and that’s okay.

We tend to leave this out of our stories in America, and probably other places as well. We end with the happily ever after when the physical body is saved and we rarely go into details about the mental or emotional journey that is yet to start. We can perceive it in films, we can write tumblr posts about Tony Stark’s PTSD and Steve Rogers’ issues, we can transpose ourselves onto these characters, which makes them so universal, but we do not see them specifically address or combat these problems. We do not see Captain America lamenting a world he knew or the confusion and trauma that would result from such a drastic transition, we do not see the Hulk’s loss of identity plague him as anything more than a good one-liner (okay, this one is a bit more debatable). These are good films, and they have limitations they have to work with - source material, fandoms, broader story archs, time limits, etc. But the mental health journey is nearly always left to subtext at best. 

Of course we struggle to understand our mental health in context in America, our stories don’t remind us of the importance of responsible emotion, of the pains of growing that last our whole lives, they don’t tell us about our changing identities as adults, or give us the tools to cope or find help after trauma. There are always exceptions, obviously, but collectively, they seem few and far between. But when they do happen, they stick around for a long time, like Christmas classics It’s a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th St. that look at adult growth and development from the primary struggle. Then there are your intentional dives into mental health, diversity, and trauma like, A Beautiful Mind, Good Will Hunting, Rain Man, Room, Charlie Bartlett (a personal favorite, oh, also Gran Torino imo), even The Breakfast Club. 

I think we want stories that teach us how other people get through trauma, so we can learn from them, see ourselves reflected, and grow and adapt to our new identities after something has happened to us. We want to deal with difficult subjects, but to do that, we’re going to have to start talking about personal ethics and consumer responsibility more and more. We can’t dismiss that as classroom conversation or over-analysis or invalid. We’re going to make bad stories, and we’re going to mess up, but at least there will be more variety and we won’t just be repeating the same shallow stories that end as soon as the physical person is in a physical or economically stable place, occasionally a romantically stable one too. 

To encourage directors to look at mental health and tell new stories, we have to support them when they do. We have to watch and then discuss. We can’t just write it off as inherently right or wrong, because our worldviews are so different. People like that terrorist exist in the world, and ignoring it and not representing that social fear in our media does not even attempt to acknowledge the problem. Trauma hurts us and we’re often told to put some pretty tape around our cracked and broken selves and make do. We teeter through life fearing exposure, anxious, depressed, hidden, and we just keep cutting ourselves on all our jagged pieces. 

But films like this say it’s okay to be broken, it’s okay for Lara and his brother to feel the same as Viljar, even if they weren’t shot, it’s okay for them to face their fears in different ways and to be patient and understanding with themselves as they fit all those cracks back together and learn what they can do to glue them and sand them and make themselves whole again. It’s okay for the parents to struggle, to feel inadequate, terrified, and consumed by guilt and fear, and then to grow and gather strength from their own children and learn to be stronger together. 

We have this independent mindset, that to overcome by yourself is stronger, the lone wolf is the awesome badass, but we know, even our stories know, that we require teams. Even the Avengers need each other (getting into Civil War territory here lol). Our YA masterpieces teach us about the power of friendship and teamwork in developing our identities and overcoming pain and trauma. But we still walk around jaded and in pain, we don’t know how to talk or listen to each other, and we get frustrated and angry when others begin to talk about their vulnerabilities. 

But work like this, it gives us an opportunity to understand what we might not have the experience to relate to, it gives us the ability to be empathetic to something we may not be able to completely comprehend. It tells us that it’s okay to hurt, and it shows us that we can still grow, if we so choose, and that the choice we make is what we control. And we get so overwhelmed by our choices these days, there are so many, and yet so few. I think it’s hard for us to remember to choose to grow and reflect and redefine ourselves at all, hard to find the time to even consider our options. But it’s the most important choice we make every day. It defines who we are and we spend so much of our lives ignoring it or building a protective wall around it. 

This was not a perfect film, but it offered perspective in-context and I think it did justice to the trauma, and the resilience and growth required to overcome it, to choose to have hope. And I don’t think it could have done that without also showing us how easy it is to give up and assume we are right, like the terrorist, to assume we know best and can fix the world ourselves with our own walls firmly planted between us and our own identities. 

This film needed an antithesis to prove it’s point, for the same reason The Silence of the Lambs requires a Hannibal Lecter (and, like the greatly respected Anthony Hopkins, the actor, Anders Danielsen Lie, who played the terrorist, is an accomplished and greatly respected Norwegian actor, and that seemed important to me; this was not an opportunity for a new actor, this was an experienced artist telling the dark side of the story). 

We need filmmakers and story tellers to break rules so that we can all adapt and grow as a society. We need to start telling our stories and stop repeating our own folktales and bedtime stories over and over again. They lead us to sweet dreams, but they forget to help us learn how to stay asleep, and how to wake up, determined to live each day. 

We do not need to simply exist, and while existential crises are frickin’ impossible (there’s that personal experience again), and seem to be a massive current social problem, maybe they are not the cause of our lack-of-hope endings and false identities and fake happiness, but rather the result of a society that doesn’t allow itself to be broken, and therefore doesn’t allow itself to grow. 

You’re allowed to fail. You’re allowed to be wrong. You’re allowed to mess up and make mistakes and hurt the people you love. You’re allowed to be hurt and vulnerable in your life. 

And when you’re allowed to be these things, you’re allowed to be forgiven and grow from them, instead of hoarding all your broken pieces where they cut you over and over, or only revealing them to anonymous Tumblr netizens. You are not a static object, you are not made of stone that can only be cutaway, you are human, and flesh grows back. You can grow back. And I try to tell myself these things every day, to step into the world knowing it will hurt, but that I will grow back. 

Viljar has a hard time facing Lara, he doesn’t call her back, but when he meets her before the trial, she forgives him, and because of that allowance to grow, she is able to be persistent and keep being his friend, and he is able to be vulnerable and strong, which translates into his acceptance of help. We need art to tell us that it’s okay to be human, and to stop comparing us to these things that are supposed to be better than us - aliens, superpowers, mutants, super-spies, the wealthy elite, etc. 

And I think we need to focus on more than just romantic relationships, we need parents and friends and siblings and teachers and idols and well, more diverse romances; our stories reflect our values, and if this were a “Hollywood film,” I don’t think it would have done the story justice or let its audience come to its own conclusions. What does that say about us? Do we not give ourselves enough credit? Or do we intentionally misinterpret art that challenges our perceptions of reality, like trauma and relationships and other personal ethics because we find it offensive? Can we even hold others accountable for what offends us? Is there a line there involving accuracy and representation and culture, or is it all subjective?

I don’t know, I’ve just been thinking about all this while I spent all night and morning not-sleeping. So I thought I’d just get it out there where it can float for a while. I thought it was a good film, because it was a good story, and it was a good story because it focused on that elusive symptom of trauma, that nihilistic existential identity that refuses to reform. And because that is the story I am living right now, that is the story I needed to hear. Because we are social learners, like all primates, and if Viljar can choose to live and be vulnerable and strong, then maybe I can do it too. 

This turned into a personal rant more than a review... whoops. But I don’t have context enough to compare the film, I think I would have to see the Norwegian-made one (though the cast and setting were still Norwegian in this one), to really compare, and look at what happened in real life, how the world reacted to that event, and basically do a full lit-review to get an understanding of whether this film was accurate or if its portrayal was “good.” But then I would have to define good, and we all know where that will lead. 

So in my opinion, we need more stories about tragedy that don’t end with the acceptance of others, but the acceptance, acknowledgement, and reformation of self. And this movie followed that whole story, or at least, I think it did, and I appreciate it for that.