could cozy up to me- ahem

Courting Gifts~ One Piece Omegaverse Headcanon Part 1!

Starring: Ace and Luffy! x gender neutral reader Genre: Fluff, sfw AU: Omegaverse, Omega Reader Wc: 1180 TW: Mentions of battle Masterlist~ Part 2~ Is ready! Thank you everyone for all your support! All characters involved in this fic are legal age or older in my au hope you enjoy!

This Goofy goofball knows exactly how to court. He gives me soft alpha/strong beta vibes. And he learned from Makino the ways to court long ago.

HOWEVER that being said, he also likes making you laugh. Courting gifts when it was just a crush were often goofy and maybe small inside jokes, or even mini pranks. 

Like a cupcake with sour flavored icing, still good but not at all what you were expecting. Boy did he giggle and laugh when your face puckered up with confusion.

Once he realizes these feelings are here to stay, or if you take initiative and heavily hint or gift him something. Then he gets sincere and downright smitten and soft

I hope you like the color orange, because he thinks you look so cute in the fuzzy luxury fur blanket with orange silk lining. Yes the fur has been dyed orange to match as well and you stick out like a sore thumb on this winter island but you're warm!

He is much more of a simple gift kinda guy, first sign is him not just sharing his food with you but getting a plate and filling it for you before looking after himself. 

He long ago memorized your favorite food 

He uses his devil fruit as a gift for you as well…yes in his mind warm hugs or warm handed deep tissue massages count as courting gifts. They're a promise from him to you he will take care of you forever if you allow him.

He has never understood collecting shiny rocks, seashells, and the like…until now. Something about courting makes every exceptional seashell and rock extra special now and if he thinks theyre pretty he will pocket them to give to you later.

“The way it shined reminded me of your eyes/smile”

He's much more of a physical show rather than buying gifts. So his presents may not be noticed immediately.

Giving you rides in his flame boat (he has to carry you so his flames dont set you on fire and boy does he love carrying you now)

Insisting on being the one to be paired up with you for anything and everything. From crew game night, to exploration parties, to mission assignments, even to his previously hated cleaning duties. 

Soft touches, on your waist, your hand. To help you get across a large gap (if he doesn't just pick you up). To reassure you if you’re expressing a moment of doubt/trouble. When he thinks your smile is especially bright and he just needs to touch your cheek to ensure you’re real.

 Or to push you behind him in times of danger or conflict, yes you can take care of yourself BUT he wants to be your support and fighter. He is first to cheer you on in a fight, but if he can prevent a needless dangerous encounter he will put himself in front so any animosity is directed at him not you.

When he realizes you might want clothes, or scented items he goes to Marco.

He understands the process, he gets how to scent something. However he wants his brother figure and the very honest bestie to help him judge which ones are best. He doesn’t want to over scent something and have it be oppressive. And he knows he’s rough on clothes so he’s making sure the things he’s giving you are good quality still so they’ll last as long as you want to keep them.

He also gives you a nickname, you’ve always had one but it was more of a teasing best friend kind of thing. Suddenly you have a much more dignified and polite nickname…its also a very classic 50’s romance sort of nickname like Doll, or Pumpkin, or Kitten…or Angel

Okay he’s alpha, if that wasn’t evident from his emperors haki and being captain etc 

Unlike his brother he is dumb…very dumb. Has never cared about courting a day before in his life. Used to say “EW” and stick out his tongue (even at 16)

He doesn’t even realize at first that the things he is doing is courting when he first starts. Probably because he doesn’t realize at first that he has feelings for you.

Robin did from day one, Zoro did maybe the first week, Sanji had suspicions too after a month or so, and the others later feel like they should have seen it coming since he constantly talked about how mouth-watering you smelled and loved to cling around you and just burrow in your neck to snuffle you. He learned not to nip when Nami yelled at him for it the first day he met you. Like I said the others feel they should have seen this sooner.

Giving you bits of his food, scenting you, constantly asking to hold your hand, and giving you every single cool thing he sees for you to “keep safe” but if you try to give them back he’d “no thanks you keep them!” then laugh and bounce off

Unlike what anyone would have expected Luffy figures out his emotions for you very quickly. It didn’t take Robins hints to him, he knew after you all finally got in a large altercation together against the world government or some pirates. He was always protective of his nakama, but before the enemy could land the devastating blow to your back in the battle. Luffy was screaming in rage. Bounding across the battlefield to you to protect HIS friend. His…ohhh…

He talked to Robin and Nami, they advised him on courting and how to make you his. He only grasped 30% but he’s trying

He would make the ship go broke in order to buy you every cool thing, or every soft nesting thing, or all the food you could eat. 

The king of bringing you random plucked wildflowers (several have been confiscated by Chopper as they were poisonous plants, Luffys eye for weird things haven gotten the best of him)

They're messy but he learns to make flower crowns for you both to wear. Talks about making them for your future kids

He didn’t used to own much clothing, but now he is expanding his wardrobe just so he can have more things that smell like him to wrap you up in.

You have exclusive hat permission, don’t abuse it but if you ever ask him, he does not mind putting it on your head for a while

He thinks you look so good in it too, makes him puff up his chest and yell to the world how awesome you are.

He has bought you one very nice present, one he had to work his butt off to get. Literally, Nami made him get a job on an island to pay for it and he was actually sincere while working there (sorry Baratie). 

It's a unisex gold bangle bracelet with a red ruby with your and his initials engraved in the gold along with the date you joined his crew (because yes he remembers the date perfectly)

ranking all bob's burgers holiday episodes except in different categories to be fair to the holidays i don't care about <3

VALENTINES DAY

v for valentine-detta (AMAZING episode so funny and the introduction of nat who is iconic!!! also adorable subplot w/ bob and gene. not even really about romance)

can't buy me math (SOOO FUNNY tina and darryl have the best dynamic their fake dating was so stupid. don't even remember what bob and linda did in this episode tbh but im sure it was cute)

bob actually (super cute episode!!! jimmy jr and tina are so nerdy/adorable and i love rudy and louise's kiss. bob and linda were cute too <3 don't really care abt gene's subplot with the cafeteria lady but its not bad or anything and i prefer it to him having an actual romance subplot)

my fuzzy valentine (i actually forgot this episode existed bcuz i don't rewatch early seasons very often but its cute!!!! it has the kids wearing raincoats and jumping in puddles so it automatically gets an A+ from me)

the gene and courtney show (I FORGOT THIS WAS A VALENTINES DAY EPISODE LMAO its actually very sweet and genuine?? i think gene and courtney work better as friends but their relationship was very cute and gene's song for courtney was an actual 10/10. your hearts not broken its only growing 😭😭💕)

romancing the beef (this episode is okay!!! fun to rewatch and i love gene and louise's hijinks when serving the customers and their slow dance song Also the origin of the iconic arm hair line from linda and teddy. this is also the lastest appearance of hugo when will he return home from the war <\3)

ferry on my wayward bob and linda (a late addition because for some reason this episode isnt listed as a valentines day episode on the wiki??? idk i enjoyed bob and linda they were cute :) and i loved jen's stupid boyfriend and his stupid voice that subplot was. soo)

bed, bob and beyond (this episode being last makes it seem like i don't like it very much BUT ACTUALLY I THINK ITS A SUPER INTERESTING EPISODE I DONT REALLY GET THE HATE bob and linda having an actual argument is something we rarely see and it was interesting to see how the kids responded to it and also everything with the broken bed makes me laugh for some reason. we love dirty laundry and broken beds in this household)

HALLOWEEN EPISODES

the apple gore-chard but not scary (no real reason this episode is my favorite i just dont care abt most of the halloween episodes and this episode is VERY silly and fun. loved bob and louise going on a field trip together and gene/tina/louise's absolutely ridiculous costume like What is their problem)

the pumpkinening (a gayle episode where she's actually pretty okay and not the antagonist wow?? also i love having a peak into her and linda's high school years and their pumpkin smashing. very fun episode honestly my favorite to rewatch ALSO GAYLE AND LINDA SAY I LOVE YOU TO EACH OTHER AND GAYLE SAYS OF COURSE SHE CARES ABOUT LINDA AND WANTS HER TO BE HAPPY THEYRE SISTERS <33)

tina and the real ghost (FULLY unhinged episode but very funny i love louise lying about the ghost and tina's extremely fake ghost boyfriend. bob immediately knowing that louise was lying bcuz she is her Fathers Daughter. also jimmy jr and zeke were great in this episode love their philosophical debate about life after death)

the hauntening (GREAT episode i love the family working together to scare louise!!! truly a worthy successor to what an (april) fool believes but everytime i rewatch it all i can think about is how louise has been obviously scared SO MANY TIMES in episodes before this so her saying she's never been scared before is just straight up lying. like she faced Death she had a gun to her head cmon now.... but also it kinda makes sense that a nine year old would lie about that it feels very in character. cute episode)

heartbreak hotel-oween (this is such a weird episode i feel like everybody forgets it exists?? teddy linda and bob's subplot is a little gross but the story about the woman and her dead boyfriend who she tries to summon every halloween like GIRL WHAT???? idk its such a weird sad pathetic episode im kind of obsessed with it. how did they even come up w/ that one and why was it a 70s halloween party. many questions)

teen-a-witch (WE GOT MR AMBROSE IN THIS EPISODE HELL YEAH‼️‼️ other than that not very memorable but louise and gene's relationship w/ tina in this episode was very sweet they're great siblings But also they did use her magic to cheat on their homework and get free tater tots at school.....)

nightmare on ocean avenue street (not a bad episode i just forget it exists sometimes LOL but teddy's extremely gay subplot with the handyman was hilarious and the kids were cute too. easy episode to rewatch around halloween without it being too freaky)

the wolf of wharf street (THIS EPISODE IS SO??? love teddy's sexy nurse costume and kinda's cher costume?? gene is my favorite fruity boy. there are some good jokes but otherwise not an episode i think abt too often)

full bars (gun to my head i couldnt tell you a SINGLE thing about this episode i haven't ever rewatched it so it feels almost unfair putting it on this list bcuz i don't remember much?? they went to king's head island and bob accidentally killed teddy's pet rodent or smth. probably not a bad episode and i believe this was the first introduction of king's head island which eventually gave us sasha and ducan so of course i can't hate it)

pig trouble in little tina (this episode is so WEIRD like not bad and i think the hayride is kinda cute but the dead pig corpse.... god that fucking corpse haunts me)

fort night (dont like millie in this episode AT ALL and don't like how they almost die and nobody gives a fuck. don't like bob and linda in this episode who don't care that their kids never came home for their costume and get passive aggressive about it when they were KIDNAPPED???? don't like millie in general and this was her first appearance. but i think their box fort was pretty cute and i would like to see it again, plus all the neighborhood kids hanging out together was fun)

MOTHERS DAY EPISODES

amelia (IT TECHNICALLY COUNTS OKAY IT WAS AIRED AS A MOTHERS DAY EPISODE anyway maybe one of my favorite episodes of the entire series so heartfelt and beautiful. louise's presentation + exploration of cultural misogyny + the ending song make this episode an absolute killer and an amazing season finale)

sauce side story (it was a tough call between this and mo mommy mo problems but i LOVED learning more about linda's family history and gayle was so great in this episode. still obsessed with gayle pretending to be their mom its so funny this episode is so good)

mo mommy mo problems (cute episode!!! for some reason i really appreciate the detail of the snack bar inside the ferry in this episode and the seating area bcuz i have taken MANY many ferries and boats in my life and i rarely see that aspect of island culture represented in media?? very unhinged ending with the squirrel blood SHE PEELS THEM LIKE FRUIT ROLL UPS but overall a sweet episode every character is so likeable and fun!!!! also just a hilarious episode tbh)

mom, lies and videotape (fun episode!! not really too much to say about it bcuz it was another three stories type episode but the kids were very cute and i loved gene's REAL performance where he was out of synch for literally every line of that song. god bless America. also louise's fictional play was very fun you can tell how much they all love and respect linda <3)

tell me dumb good thing (not a bad episode but the main storyline was pretty boring so i dont think about it too often. LOVED bob's subplot with the fucking internet cucumber however this might be one of my favorite subplots in the entire show they gave him such a big win. he loved that cucumber so much AND THE CUCUMBER GUY LET HIM INTO THE BASEMENT??? TEDDY TOO???? it makes me cry its so wholesome and sweet. also appreciate the clever way that they connect bob and linda's storylines in the end)

THANKSGIVING EPISODES

dawn of the peck (this episode is actually tied w/ stuck in the kitchen with you BUT i decided to put it in first place bcuz i think i maybe enjoy rewatching it like 0.5% more. every line of this episode is comedic gold like easily one of the funniest episode of the show if not the actual funniest it should have a higher rating than it does on IMDB. i dont care how high its rated it should be higher!!!! also rudy my beloved)

stuck in the kitchen with you (i dont expect this episode to be ANYBODY ELSES favorite but for me its such a wholesome and fun episode to rewatch and pretty funny too. bob and louise's relationship is great. the parade the kids throw with zeke's help is so funny. linda's subplot with sargent bosco is HILARIOUS and bob telling louise "i was being too much of a cook and not enough of a dad" is something i think he could stand to say more often in thanksgiving episodes. but also he's autistic and i understand)

i bob your pardon (very fun heist episode?? louise running out to protect the turkey from the ACTUAL WOLVES and bob saying that he'll save the next turkey from wolves gets me everytime. this episode is honestly just fun and silly its a great time)

turkey in a can (maybe this episode should be higher?? its SO FUNNY and also confirms bisexual bob is real. wholesome ending and i love that bob invited teddy and mort over for thanksgiving dinner along with gayle <3 they're his family)

thanks-hoarding (teddy focused episode :) loved finding out more about his family and relationship with them and learning a bit more about his mental interior and how he copes with stress and childhood trauma. very fun episode to rewatch)

putts-giving (ACTUALLY I REALLY ENJOYED THIS EPISODE louise and tina's relationship is always interesting to explore esp as tina grows older and matures/leaves her siblings behind. loved the mini golf setting and i would like to see it again someday but i think they got a lifetime ban.... from the mini golf course......)

an indecent thanksgiving proposal (absolutely unhinged episode?? any episode w/ fischoeder is great and i love drunk bob mourning his turkey friend even if his jealousy of the kids and linda kinda makes me sad <\3 HE LOVES BEING LINDAS WIFE HE LOVES BEING THE KIDS DAD OKAY HE DOESNT WANT IT TO BE ANYBODY ELSE and linda saying at the end of the episode that she doesn't want to be anybody else's wife not even for pretend is very sweet)

gayle makin' bob sled (this episode is very interesting and i love gayle's relationship with bob in it. also linda and the kids trying to cook thanksgiving dinner without him is SO FUNNY like gene and louise especially oh my god. "maybe its a good thing if your family annoys you sometimes because.... it means you have one" 😭😭)

the quirk-ducers (this episode is CRAZY but also very funny. louise spraying dead animals guts and blood all over the play's audience was deeply unhinged as was them publically performing tina's erotic friend fiction as a play to their families and teachers. amazing song which im assuming gene wrote)

now we're not cooking with gas (bob was just SLIGHTLY too crazy in this episode and i feel bad that he couldn't cook his special turkey :( but the kids getting the giant log from the park and almost killing somebody always gets me like?? WE ALMOST DIED AND MAYBE KILLED OTHER PEOPLE BUT THATS NOT IMPORTANT WE GOT THE LOG bob needs more wins in thanksgiving episodes i think)

diarrhea of a poppy kid (this episode is really sweet tbh!!! louise and tina comforting gene when he's sick by telling him stories and him being holed up in the bathroom playing with makeup and writing a thanksgiving song which was of course very catchy. him and bob were also adorable in this episode and i love bob saying that he loves to cook for gene!!!! <3 they're both so supportive very cute episodes but the stories they tell are not very memoriable tbh)

CHRISTMAS EPISODES

the plight before christmas (this is such an obvious choice but it really is an amazing episode there's a reason its the highest rated episode of the show!!!! its so incredibly sweet and loving with really solid pacing and jokes throughout the episode and gene's musical ability saving the day without being turned into a joke. obviously tina and louise's relationship in this episode too. and i see my sister with something that looks like gingerbread on her glasses 😭😭💕 louise's poem GETS me every single time. also weirdly helpful birds eye view of seymour's bay at the end

father of the bob (INTRODUCTION OF BIG BOB!!!! honestly this episode is just very cute and interesting love analyzing the dynamic between bob and his dad.... it almost seems like big bob likes linda more than he likes bob. cute ending and i always like learning more abt bob's family so this episode is a 10/10 from me)

yachty or nice (THIS EPISODE WAS SOOO CUTE jimmy pesto and bob actually having a bonding moment and the kids subplot with teddy 😭😭💕💕💔 love that they call him their uncle father santa teddy and that he knew in the end they would do the right thing bcuz they're good kids so he saved a special toy for them. he loves those kids so much. jimmy pesto redemption arc could be real if we believe)

the bleakening (this episode was very fun!!! AMAZING songs and i really enjoyed the ending with the gay christmas party and everybody dancing together. some very funny jokes in there too and i just love the creepy vibes of the kids sneaking out of the house and tina being smart enough to bring the emergency phone along w/ them. genuinely a great two parter episode)

god rest ye merry gentle mannequins (THIS EPISODE IS SO???? still dont know what was going on with the crazy mannequin guy but i honestly think its sweet that lily's brother let him live there for free for so many years even when he didnt really need to. also i believe the first time bob's mom is mentioned in the series??? idk this episode is really fun and i love all the different holiday displays they do)

have yourself a maily linda christmas (nothing too interesting to say abt this episode its just silly and fun!!! linda episode!!!! also something about tina and bob trying to entertain the grandparents and keep the peace while everybody else is gone is SO funny theyre the worst at talking to people. the ending with louise gene and tina was adorable too)

nice-capades (honestly its been a minute since i rewatched this episode but from what i remember it was very sweet and silly. LOVE how many random adults were willing to drop everything to help these kids put on an ice shaking performance for santa. also louise being worried that she isn't a good person. gene giving rudy the last taco just because he Cares about him and wanted them to be happy. this episode was cute and they really are such good kids)

better off sled (I ALWAYS FORGET THIS WAS A CHRISTMAS EPISODE because the main plot doesn't have anything to do with christmas it feels like the die hard debate of bob's burgers holiday episodes.... either way bob and linda knitting scarves for the kids was cute and i liked the snowball fight subplot. very sweet and simple episode)

the last gingerbread house on the left (fun episode?? there are some funny jokes and i liked seeing linda and teddy go singing together w/ the kids while bob is tormented and experiences the horrors of gingerbread houses. lily mention!!! noticing that christmas episodes tend to be the episodes where bob's family gets brought up the most i wonder why that is???? absolutely unhinged gingerbread house competition btw but they should let felix join them :(

christmas in the car (i remember this episode being SO STRESSFUL like he tried to kill that family Good god. teddy was very funny in thjs episode and i did enjoy it otherwise)

gene's christmas break (i feel bad putting this episode in last place bcuz I LOVE GENE but it wasn't that interesting an episode tbh 😭 i did like getting to see younger gene even with his terrible autotuned chipmunk voice and seeing how he uses music to relate to his family. we need another gene-focused christmas episode at some point they flew too close to the sun here)

ONE-TIME-ONLY HOLIDAY EPISODES

what an (april) fool believes (AMAZING EPISODE proably one of my favorite episodes of the entire show tbh. bob and fischoeder are so funny + homoerotic and gene not wanting to scare or upset anybody by pranking them is so cute <3 my baby)

eggs for days (the one and only easter episode!!! honestly this episode is really fun overall just a great time. love bob and linda being Extremely Hungover and the rotting egg and the raccoons.... they need to bring back easter episodes tbh there could be something there)

flat-top o' the morning to ya (this episode is so weird bcuz in order to make it a saint patrick's day episode the description and promo has NO MENTION of the main plot of this episode and only focuses on teddy and linda's subplot for some reason?? which makes it extremely hard to find the main plot of this episode if you dont remember the subplot despite it being Literally the focus. but other than that honestly i think its very funny and bob's story with the kids is sooo..... me when i accidentally rope my kids into committing Grand Theft Auto w/ me. sad that bob never got his discounted plates that man deeply needs a win)

absolutely. consider as well that alex almost certainly has not been able to take care of himself with the operator having his full attention. hes probably been living off of whatever scraps tim had in his house and avoiding going outside unless necessary. hes already physically exhausted, but after all is said and done and tim and jay are both there and not trying to hurt him theres no way he can gather the strength to move let alone kill them. i can imagine his confusion when the two start treating him so...gently after what just happened between them. he doesnt understand why, but jay brushing the hair from his face and tim speaking in such a low and soft voice makes him feel soothed. hes been so out of it for so long and so isolated that suddenly this kind of treatment feels alien to him, but he craves it anyways. the mania and adrenaline thats been keeping him going just fades away and now hes feeling every bit of soreness and hunger and exhaustion that hes been unable to. hes weak and vulnerable and he knows tim and jay could kill him easily. SHOULD kill him. but they dont. its like they both recognize the shift in his mind before he does. he doesnt understand them at all. but the silent agreement between jay and tim has them both checking alex over for injuries, cleaning him up. caring for him.

yes yes yes yes yes yes

the attention is so soft and caring, and alex is weak to it. when he and tim both feel strong enough, the three wobble to the bathroom and make use of the shower. scrubbing dirt out of alex's hair and using the soaps that tim has been sorely missing while he and jay were away for so long. alex feels fuzzy and warm and clean, and then they go and manage to pull together a meal (ordering pizza) and alex has fully changed his tune. this is safe. whatever theyre doing, its keeping the operator out.

i like the theory that the operator strikes people when theyre already mentally unwell and then just feeds on that and makes it worse until theyre in the state that alex was in. but if that fog can be lifted for long enough to start turning things around and improving their mental health, then it can be kept at bay. i feel like thats what tim learned to do in order to shut it out, and even though jay was starting to get worse, this chance to save alex has given him the boost in morale he needed to finally listen to tim's advice too.

could you tell us about umami and grendel?

YES i CAN, theyre kind of also my group playtime ocs so they have a variety of AUs, but theyre pretty consistent thematically throughout, so for the Basics Umami: Gentle and gregarious giant from a pack of communal punks relatively cut off from the rest of society, good natured and primed to be ripped apart by the realities of life Outside Home. Grendel: Only child with basically 0 support network and chronic conditions that rig their entire life from the jump, prone to self destructive habits, especially if things start looking Too Good. MORE BELOW...

Umami is adopted, sometimes this means being a baby left on a doorstep in Appalachia, other times this is being a fuzzy puffbaby found on the icy fields of a tidally locked snowball, but either way she always sticks out like a sore thumb amongst her peers. Tends to feel like she doesnt quite fit, both socially and just. Physically, in some cases more than others, so you get a very restless late bloomer who finally leaves the fairly cozy farmy life on her own little adventure! Her house is a bus, and at some point it doubles as a food truck- which she charges absolutely not enough for, so once she's Really out by herself that alone is a struggle. But she tends to do well by pure charisma- and parking near bars with $3+ Pay What You Can burritos the size of a baby Grendel on the other hand has just had shit luck from the get go! Bare minimum care-taking, running around with packs of half feral kids stealing stuff, typically gets mauled by some animal in a thievery attempt gone bad and then is promptly sent to one of those...you know when instead of going to jail or juvie some kids get sent to those.."character building" nightmare camps. That kinda thing, in their "canon" it involves working on the coast and doing oyster farming and isnt actually the worst for awhile. They do get in trouble there though and then go to Actual Prison and continue to dig a hole because even getting out on good behavior, they're still kinda kneecapped by.. ~The Prison Industrial Complex~. They usually make money via theft and Whatnot bc they are trying to keep up with medicine for maintaining a heart transplant or something similar. Canon/sci-fi grendels are in somewhat less dire of a situation and just have an Experimental one shoved in there- though there is probably money on their head for that No-Maintenance billionaire heart...(which they escaped with). Their maintenance problem comes Later. Zombie au grendel gets Bit and steals a bunch of proto-cures that only work on a monthly or so basis, sci-fi grendel sips something they shouldnt, etc etc. Eventually the two of them meet and the more Grendel learns about Umami the more they cannot fucking stand her- they just get So Mad about the differences in their situations that they decide to fuck her over by stealing her whole ass house/bus and ditching her somewhere. Thus thrusting poor unprepared Umami Directly into the middle of everything with Nothin, and leaving Grendel with the GUILTIEST CONSCIENCE..and a bus! Now everything after this i don't have especially figured out bc Solo and Friend Sandbox makes things happen differently fdhjgf Oh yeah also their 'canon' setting is a sorta capitalist hellscape where reality is a little bit broken and there might be little a monsters? Ish and her mud family also live there! Grendel is also my little meow meow but they kinda take turns with umami in the baby rotation, but its kind of a different Vibe. UMAMI PLEASE DONT GIVE IN TO THE VOID, TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE vs OH GOD GRENDEL STOP SABOTAGING EVERY CHANCE YOU HAVE AT A RELATIONSHIP

thoughts/ideas that ive had with the rise turtles under the cut (btw its kinda long and its just me rambling. youve been warned)

ive had 2 ideas for aus. One of them is like a splatoon au and the other one ive just titled “bad ending”. I’ll elaborate a bit more on that lower but first the splatoon stuff:

ok so the turtles might be octolings just because I want to stay more lore accurate so ig living in a sewer would be the splatoon equivalent of being an octoling before splatoon 2 (and octo dlc) events (but I really wanna just make designs for both species for all brothers anywayssss)

also new idea I literally had while typing this but what if eye masks were color of masks. so like raph having a red eye mask, mikey have a orange one, etc

ANYWAYS ive already decided (for now) what weapons each brother uses:

-raph uses a splatling, probably a hydra. or maybe tenta brella

-donnie uses a charger or a blaster (but most likely the charger.

-leo uses any splatana. I dont think he’d care which one in particular

-mikey will either use a slosher deco (since it has zipcaster) or an inkbrush. uhhhh yea their ink would probably be different colors. maybe the ends of the hair would be tinted green though. or maybe during specials itd be the same colors for all of them. btw specials would be the same as using their ninpo

splinter would be like cuttlefish to the agents in regards to the turtles. so he’s not their biological father nor the same species but hes still a father figure. april would be an inkling

OH OH NEW THOUGHT. since in the show mikey would hide in his shell sometimes I think the splatoon equivalent of that would be going squid form (or in their case octopus form)

uhhh I havent watched the movie yet but I know a lot about it SO I guess that the equivalent of the krang in this universe would be like. mr grizz. I dont think itd be like a tartar type of infection because you can physically remove the krang from your body and once youre sanitized you cant remove it (unless its like an agent 3 thing) but personally I think an infection more like the fuzzy ooze would fit better because unlike getting sanitized it makes the victim feral WHICH has more similair behaviors to the krang than getting sanitized

OK NEXT IS THE “bad ending” au idea

again, havent watched the movie yet (trying to finish the tv show first, im on episode 14) but basically its an au where everything is bad and nothing is happy (<- could not for the LIFE of me figure out how to phrase it and ended up with this. sorry lol)

but uh ig to make it a bit more clear (man my grammar sure is something rn huh?) I wanted to make an au where the ending was already “set” but I could add things like backstories and lore sooo imma have fun with that once it happens >:D

ill have to watch the movie to flesh out the events a bit more but what I have right now is that casey was never able to find/warn the turtles in time of krang invasion and that ended up with each of the turtle brothers getting corrupted. AGAIN. I WILL WATCH THE MOVIE. AND READ LORE. sorry if this seems inaccurate to movie stuff (even though this au really only needs the lore from the very beginning of the movie)

a little spoiler for the au (because I kinda wanna make little comics or stories for them..) but raph got corrupted first, then mikey (but hes not technically “fully” corrupted), then donnie, and then leo. april and casey are both still alive but splinter is missing. not dead or anything but just missing

ANYWAYS. *claps hands together* HEADCANON TIME (also ideas that ive had to draw. you can use them too if you want just credit me mk)

once raph got flipped over on his shell and instead of helping leo used him like a beyblade. he was NOT happy

mikey has (on several occasions) drawn on his brothers shells when theyre asleep or not paying attention (for donnie he draws on the battle shell lol)

if mikey really wants their attention he'll scream really loudly

sometimes leo will put stuff in donnies coffee to make him sleep especially if donnie hasn't sleep in a while (cause donnies a stubborn bitch who thinks sleep isnt real)

raph once got so mad he broke an entire arcade game and then had to go get a new one (haha L)

all of them dont think they need therapy (they do)

sometimes when donnie talks for too long leo will just go "BREATHE."

final headcanons below because I wanted to separate them from the rest (what happens in arguments depending on the brothers arguing)

mikey barely argues with anyone but when he does argue (and is serious about it) he does NOT hold back

raph and donnie arguments are usually what its like to have arguments online (donnie tries to explain why hes right and raph just goes "nuh uh ur wrong and im right")

raph and leo arguments are much more common and heated than stated above. raph will usually raise his voice towards leo and then leo will just not care and try to make a joke out of it (that always turns out badly). sometimes they even cry lol

donnie and leo arguments are VERY physical. leo would say something and then when donnie says something back hed push or shove him and then that turns into a full blown fight

they always make up though :3

heres the end. you made it through this. congrats and thank u for reading my rambles about stuff. this will not be the last time btw. feel free to ask questions about any of this or use my headcanons for stuff (credit me though if ya do). thats it buh bye (this is all queued ill still probably be asleep by the time this posts lol)

my upcoming genshin impact comparison issssss

star crossed myth MC and nahida!!!

[MAJOR spoilers here][be warned]

When I woke up, I was riding in a flower carriage. I'd just had a dream...I dreamed it was my birthday.

In the dream, the Knight of Flowers and his retainers found me, "Oh Archon, we've finally found you! The people can't wait to meet you."

-

In the end, I'm just the Moon. The real Sun is long gone.

to be frank i dont remember much of mcs personality because its been so long since i played it lol so this comparison might not be very accurate but idrc because this has been my brainrot for weeks and i love these characters a lot so lets begin

theyre both incredibly compassionate, caring and wonderful in their own way — mc as the former goddess of fate and nahida (lesser lord kusanali) as the god of wisdom. funnily enough the aranara that are considered to be nahidas friends and the children of the forest can be considered as the zodiac gods bc theyre all very silly silly😍

to start with, the goddess of fate chose to sacrifice herself by offering the stars in her eyes to save the earth(even this information is a bit fuzzy im sorry💀 scm fans will know) and became a mortal in her next life. greator lord rukkhadevata chose to sacrifice her power in helping the scarlet king eradicate forbidden knowledge, causing her to exhaust her powers and her form to turn into that of a child's.

by being there for irminsul as the cataclysm happened in khaenriah, she knew irminsul was plagued by the forbidden knowledge because she too, was infected by it. being connected to irminsul meant that unless she herself was removed from it, forbidden knowledge would continuously flow into the world in forms of eleazar and the withering. so - she chose the healthiest branch on irminsul and broke it off, creating a new form of life with it — now known as nahida. the message and clue she left all the way back, amidst khaenriah's destruction, explained how she full heartedly knew that she would have to disappear from this world and from irminsul to save it.

mc's selflessness i feel would lead her to do this exact thing before choosing to disappear, "let the world completely forget me". though she knew it would be heartbreaking for everyone who knew and loved the goddess of fate - especially for the new form of herself that she would've created, she would stay until the very last moment, comforting the new goddess and reassuring her, (rukkhadevata telling nahida that nobody can know what kind of archon she would grow up to be, telling her that she might just become even greater than she was because nahida looked up to the greater lord so much...it just screams goddess of fate for me) telling her that she's found her own answer and can lead her nation with great power and kindness ("I'm the one who posed this question, yet also the one who sought a solution...saving the world with the dreams of the people used to be my answer, and now, you've also found your own answer, and I shall return all the dreams to the people"), it's all so...mc to me. both as lesser lord kusanali and greater lord rukkhadevata.

if you read through that all THANK YOU idk what came over me this is so long 💀probably because ive been so in love with this lore dump aNd because its about one of the major characters im talking about lol

nsfw jesstra headcanons

we need more jesstra content so here you go, this is with yellow hair clip jesse in mind but it can be read with all female jesses, and jesse went with petra at the end of season 2

petra has a small chest and she thinks jesse wont like this but jesse doesnt mind and if anything she feels honored that petra trusts her enough to show her herself at all

jesse and petra are switches, i dont rlly see the two of them as bottoms or tops

petra and jesse were virgins when they first did it, but petra seemed to know what she was doing when she didnt because of the years of waiting for jesse to let her in, she was desperate to make up for lost time

jesse is either loud or really whimpery; nothing else

petra likes to be quiet but sometimes she lets a moan out if shes bottoming

i like to think in the jesstra world they kissed in the admins cabin, not nsfw but i'd like to throw that out there

they do NOT do public sex, public edging, risky sex, etc. because that kinda limits what they do and they don't want some random seeing them naked.. bc they're kinda worldwide famous.. yikes?

they also dont like quickies; when they do it, they mean it

following the last one, they only have sex when its meaningful like they almost died on accident on an adventure or theyre feeling sad and nostalgic about their pre-hero days

JESSE HAS A LIPSTICK KINK AND SHE LIKES TO SEDUCE PETRA INTO LETTING HER USE WATERPROOF LIPSTICK you cannot change my mind

they dont rlly do hickeys on the neck because its easily visible and they dont want ppl to know about their relationship by a hickey

speaking of which; theyre nervous about coming out as a couple so they keep it secret

jesses obsessed with trying to make petra moan but she (petra) feels a little girly when she does it and she likes being butch n stuff

jesse shows petra its ok to be weak later in the relationship, but petra only ever feels ok to be weak around jesse (song suggestion: monster by adventure time feat. king princess)

again, following the last one, they didnt actually do it like touch touch eachother until 2-3 months in because they were nervous of what the other thought

until then however they did have steamy makeouts and kinda grind on eachother

they rarely use dildos, but when they did.. lets just say petra had to keep jesses mouth shut with her hand and yes petra used the dildo first

i feel like they enjoy peaceful sex, very soft and gentle unless they almost lost one another, in that case theres a tension in the air to show the other what they mean to them

they like to try and top the other when they both almost get badly injured

however if just one of them got hurt, the injured one kinda lets the other take over

if petras hurt, jesse likes to put bandages on, stitches if she needs, etc to the best of her abilities and petra feels all fuzzy inside at the fact jesse cares so much for her so when they cuddle after, they start to makeout and it turns into jesse praising petra and petra being a subby mess under jesse

if jesses hurt, petra likes to lightly scold jesse while practicing precision and caution in attending to the wound(s). after petra puts their foreheads together and tells jesse how she (petra) really really really cant loose jesse because shes one of the few, if not the only person she can show her softie side to, and before petra can start crying over her feelings jesse shuts her up with a kiss and then they have rlly soft sex

they only do it in bed. not on the couch, not in the kitchen, and not in the shower. again, when they do it they mean it.

heres a funny one: they almost got caught by radar when they went back for the holidays bc the boy goes to jesse to fill out legal documents abt the town and stuff, they didnt get caught bc they were just starting, aka kissing so they just pulled apart before the door opened

..they lock the door when they get intimate now

no clothed sex bc these women wanna see all their lovers blemishes and scars and love on them <33

no handcuffs either bc jesse likes being grabby to fluster petra and petra needs to keep jesses hips in place

jesses a bucker

petra shivers

i feel like petra and jesse know a lot abt the others body, hence it being almost like a competition to who can get the other to cream the most

winner gets the bestest aftercare bc these muscle girls can go ALL night if they wanted to

dw loser gets kisses after the other gets proper treatment

they arent messy, they dont throw their clothes to the floor, they just haphazardly toss them to the end of the bed where they'll be out the way but not on the floor

jesse gets horny easily just watching petra to daily activities bc shes so muscle girl so the arms the hands the abs, ALL of it makes her wet and then she dissapears for 15 minutes to give herself relief

if petra ever finds out.. pray for jesse. maybe send flowers. might do a fic on this one if this gets attention

petra doesnt shave baby smooth, i mean she trims it so its not a bush but she doesnt see the appeal in putting that much effort in shaving down there only for it to grow back

jesse likes to keep hairless because it makes her feel good bc she doesnt like hair in the way of her wetdreams at 2pm but she doesnt mind petras short hairs, she loves her butch either way

hope this feeds the mcsm communitys hunger for jesstra

A NEW Daydream about welcome home because Im insane:

New (Neurodivergent) character comes to home, unexpectedly and without a house of their own. OC knows there something wrong because they were from the real world and know about the ARG but because its new they had no effen idea whats going on. So they start to sneak around, they stay suspicious about their neighbors but especially about Wally.

Wally and them don’t really butt heads, but there’s this weird tension when theyre together. OC thinks it’s mostly them because they’re hyper aware of everything around them and no one else is (except said puppet) Where Wally does know there’s something wrong with this new comer and is told by house/ He really isnt trying to intimidate them but OCs paranoid just makes it seem like he is.

So OC goes about their day, stays ‘kid friendly’ cause everyone else does but still has mindset of someone from our world. They eventually really start to like this world because they dont really... need anything. They can keep doing their hobbies without worry, they eat when they want to but dont seem to need to, and the neighbors are sincere with their kindness! if they were a simpler person they could really just live like that.

But they cant. So they keep digging further (It’s at this point that Wallys appearance seems to deteriorate and while he says he’s ok he just seems all... fuzzy and out of it) They go out at night more. They stir up some trouble, and one or two times accidentally drop their little kid friendly act and set the Neighbors on edge. it would have been shrugged off if Wally didn’t catch onto it... and by extension Home.

So eventually OC get’s into Home for some reason and pretty much goes through a horror-esk situation until they reach the basement and kill Home. They get out as Home is set ablaze and watch as it burns down- screaming all the while.

And then the rest of the neighbors come out, along with Wally who OC thought they accidentally killed in their struggle, just to watch the house burn. It’s revealed that the town- all individually without each other knowing- were aware that there was something deeply wrong with Home, and it was affecting Wally but no one knew how to stop it. As all of them were on the more ‘cautious and scared’ spectrum of personalities everyone was too scared to take the next step to get rid of Home for good. Because of OCs impulsive personality they were able to go in and take care of the threat- of course not without incident. The conclusion would be that if they had all spoken to each other instead of trying to protect the outward appearance of this perfect little neighborhood things would have turned out better. But since whats done is done they now have to move forward.

 And move forward it does! OC gets a place of their own and the Neighbors welcome they with opened arms (Again!) Wally takes up residence with Barnaby while also trying to get closer with OC. He dosnt feel like he ‘owes’ them anything but he is very thankful that they nosed their way into the chaos and honestly really likes them! The world starts to settle into something still kind of kid friendly but without the pressure to keep up the ruse they had going before. OC, who wasnt very friendly or willing to open up before, starts to become more extroverted around everyone. They share hobbies and communicate their feelings more. The townspeople also start to communicate their concerns more instead of hiding behind an ‘always happy’ charade. Its very cute.

And sure, there’s the possibility that whatever that thing was will come back, but theyre ready for it, Because this time they will face it head on- together! 

rant & slight idolish7 spoilers warning !!!!!

i verbally cannot describe how much comfort i7 brings me, genuinely. no matter how many times i watch it i just dont get bored of it, instead i notice new details and see new meanings behind certain words, scenes and actions. i love the characters so much ... theyre just so ... so adorable and relatable, you cant avoid them growing on you. the songs too !!!! the songs and characters make me so so happy, i adore them !

sogo and his violent impulses 😭 its always the quiet and composed people i swear. him collapsing from stress is very relatable. i admire his reasoning for doing music, i wish i had the same resolve HAHAHA except i vant even bring myself to tinker with my piano anymore :,)

tamaki and his childishness. it might be annoying to some, and he is very hard to deal with for sogo, but i think its endearing. hes self aware about being a bit on the dumber side but still tries his best .. i just wanna give him a hug and headpats and i hope he and aya get to be together again soon :( let the siblings be happy fr ...

yamato and his sincere want for the others to be happy and successful. what started out as a revenge mission became genuine affection toward the other 6 and i think thats amazing. he just gradually took on the role of the older brother/tired dad without even realizing and now hes stuck with them doing his best to ensure their happiness because he genuinely loves them :(

nagi and his comedic relief and wise moments ! i think nagi is reduced to simply comedic relief by most as he is just a silly pretty boy 80% of the time but hes actually very smart and theres so much we still dont know about him !! i sure hope we get some insights to him soon. and haruki aswell !!! i need to know more abt their friendship and the songs and everything !!

iori and his cute traits. he may be the youngest but he acts like the most mature (after yamato and sogo ofc) and his sincere want to ensure the success of i7 is admirable if im being honest. i adore his less composed moments though! makes me realize even picture perfect people have their quirks :) i love his friendly banters with riku and how he likes cute things and stationary and how he takes care of riku and mitsuki and and i love iori a normal amount i promise

riku and his sincerity. whatever hes feeling, you can just tell. hes so easy to take care of and while he might be insecure, hes really what holds them all together. he just shines as their center and hes so precious and his energy just makes you all warm n fuzzy and his smile just radiates joy and . i wish i could keep him in my pockets and carry him around.

mitsuki and the way i relate to him. the insecurities and being swallowed by them, running away from my problems and being the 2nd choice or not even a choice at all, not feeling good enough and just being average at everything i do, always being outshined and everything. hes so effortlessly funny and precious and i love his energy and his pretty smile and the way hes just so .. sunshine. yknow? i kin him can you tell

i could talk about i7 for ages but this is tumblr and not a fic so nobody will read it anyway HAHAHA i feel like im writing a diary entry or something. i could go on and on about how happy this show makes me even if i cry because of those specific mezzo n mitsuki insecure arcs but im gonna keep it short for this post haha

sorry i nerded out on the tl! if you read this i hope i piqued your interest in i7 (if i didnt still thank you for reading!) and if you didnt i hopr you have a great day after scrolling /gen

maybe one day when someone asks me abt i7 irl ill go on a longer rant and my eyes will sparkle and ill wave my hands around animatedly while talking about the show but then ill realize im rambling and im probably annoying and theyre not really interested but theyll be looking at me and asking me why i stopped talking except that wont happen bc fics arent real and i genuinely am annoying to most people HAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!!

Wrote 1k in silly response to this, indeed, fic-slash-maladaptive-daydream discussion so. Winning ! -> I was talking abt fuzzy coat Seth Rollins booker abt like. Whats the deal. Monday night messiah ? (cunt. I love wrestling. Im Seth rollins’ biggest fan no I dont watch the product) but like honestly 2tone mullet kind of everything to me or like the Kenneth o’ Meghan vibe of looking absolutely horrid trash on purpose (he’s the hottest girl in wrestling) 

NICO LOOKS. He’s hard. He’s difficult to pin down. <- everyone laughs at my pun. Instinctively Im like well surely he just looks like mox like honestly I think a lot of mox’s vibes fit Nicky in that first of all this isnt actually abt Nicky but can we talk abt Jon moxley being the one whose intro song is wild thing . Wild thing you make my heart sing etc etc . Deeply fun to me. babygirl theres something wrong with him. Anyway I think Nico’s intro song would also be wild thing + I like that mox doesnt use the tunnels to come in I feel like thats a bit Nicky except then Im wondering is that safe like where does the heel/face dynamic come in w his feud w joe. But anyway. Getting off track. (also I dont think nicky:mox is 1:1 bc mox moves weirdly and languidly when coming into any event which is STRANGE btw he’s so weird. But it works for mox but I dont think itd work for nicky.) anyway all of this to say I think Nicky would just show up to the function like ‘im wearing cargo army pants.’ Except mox’s pants are still a great fit nd Nicky wouldnt have that. SO LIKE basically to wrap up this tangent I think Nicky would either wear dadjeans or cargo shorts + kick pads OR he’s go the full punk route and like even tho he’s one of the hottest things in wrestling & also a full adult w self respect he still shows up in budgie smugglers printed with the Italian flag (ultimate heel move) 

Or you’ve got dan the dad who’s great but its a different sort of Nicky vibe. Thats like. Adjacent addtional 2nd au of an au.  (btw when I said Andy’s nile’s sting I meant that more in terms of the dynamic going on there but actually Andy in sting face paint is a marvel to me.) 

Yassified house of black kills me. (look at this art btw. yassified house of black ily) Im now also thinking abt how itd work in a situation where Nicky & Joe r feuding but they do end up on the same faction so not to steal absolutely everything from the house of black story line but the whole spitting in the face thing that happened w Julia hart I think itd be cool if that happened w either Joe or Nicky (OR BOTH!) To get them on the same faction. Actually itd be so fun if it was like Joe and Nicky’s feud is STILL going on and its not that ppl are getting sick of it its just that ppl are getting. Sick of it. Theyre like well girl take care of it in the back stop making it OUR problem. Ppl are like well this is clearly at least 50% shoot and its getting uncomfortable. -> and then nile (house of black nile) runs in & spits black mist in BOTH their faces. And now theyre the house’s tag team. But they still hate each other a lot. But also theyve been fighting so regularly that they work like a dream bc they know exactly what the other’s gonna do. 

splitting up the response for ease of reading. Unless this is more confusing in which case well I still did it so yk) ^ u kno when ur going thru the insanity stage of thinking up a new au and all avenues r still open to u so u might say things that dont make sense w what you’ve said before / what youre going to say next bc BOTH options are good and it doesnt matter that it doesnt work together ? Disclaimer that this is what that is. Bc joenicky tag team is one thing but joebooker tag team and then booker turns heel to join capitalism Dudley (scream) is another and I have to marinate in that one for a while bc a) yes b) ough . Part of me’s like booker turns into wardlow but I actually have a deep seated love for mjf and dont want to compare capitalism Dudley to him. And ig merrick already has his wardlow in that other dude (completely forgot the names I havent seen this movie in like . forever.) but still i do feel like the pinnacle does somewhat work as an existing equivalent to the merrick dynamic. OR . Speaking of Kenneth o’meghan. Booker’s bulletclubcleaner era ? I actually think that could work bc a) cleaner is a fucking vibe of all time nd b) I think booker would do good going from one gimmicky faction to one which is if anything even more gimmicky like if we’re doing a mostly 1:1 equivalency I think house of black in general (and togofblack) might be this evil heel faction but also I KNOW they paint each other’s nails and gab about their emotions. I KNOW that faction has emotional regulation. And I know the bullet club doesnt. So then I think in booker’s mind that move also makes sense cause he’s SAD , like All The Time but he doesnt actually wanna talk about it too much so now he moves to bullet club where he can be sad but also hide it behind kayfabe. Its full circle. We’ve performed faggotry at the wrestlemania.

Anyway yes andy in daddy shorts and face paint. Andy in daddy shorts and face paint and quynh interrupting a promo and Andy swallowing her own tongue and breaking kayfabe immediately. Wrestle-nile who’s standing next to her like uh Andy ? R u ok ? <- surely she like knows who quynh is (or not it could be equally fun if nile is clueless she really was just olympic darling nile and then said nah time for a new thing idk shit about any of these ppl btw) but like if she knows who quynh is she for sure doesnt know how #Real it is btwn Andy & quynh. Very fun. Nile rly thought oh I’ll just switch careers to become more of a performer and that’ll be a good time and surely won’t cause permanent damage to my psyche (wrong) (all of this happens in like 3 months. Welcome to the business nile we’re so happy to have you here !)

Cabaret style narrative is sooooo ……. Literally I could never do that bc I’m too impatient for shit like that but it would literally be so insane and delicious. <- I feel like Im watching this play out already and already Im like in the comments on ao3 screeching my head off waiting for the next chapter. If You Were Writing The Fic Etc Etc. If We Were Writing The Fic Etc Etc and not just doing this in your inbox and the replies of my posts (though Im sure everyones having a great time clicking back and forth in btwn our blogs and sharing our brainrot. Im sure)

Also yeah catharsis kink. Thats what tog is all about. You got your joebooker for catharsis you got your nickybooker for star wars (literally such a good comparison)

WE’VE ENTERED READMORE TERRITORY & I HV A WORD DOC, WINNING IMDEED.

Booker would also be the hottest girl in wrestling, you’ve nailed his vibe. What if he looks like someone started dissolving him in lye scalp-first, AND he’s got a fuzzy coat. Dual wielding. With sheamus mutton chop + soul patch facial hair

The roadblock I was hitting was LITERALLY ‘Costco cargo shorts’ echoing in my head like an apple tornado warning. Hive mind. Bc yeah, on one hand, nicolo is not cool. On the other, bondage harness. Jon moxley vibes splits those uprights, I like that. Or the effy fit from the gif what started it all.

Fucccc everybody’s music tho. Digressing for Joe and la hafla. Or Sophie. His face is the front of shop :)

ANYway I think wild thing would work for Nicky, bc it’s ironicsexy. Is he coming onto u with a boom box? No but you had to ask. However—like, ok, in my opinion modern au Nicky should feel like he’s done meth a LITTLE. So I also wouldn’t mind him w/ a Funeral Derangements intro. Or hank Williams III Hellbilly. Especially if he’s normal, the fuckedness of the music should rise w/ how many pockets his pants have. If his outfit is Dan the dad’s then he comes out to Cocaine the White Devil. Also I’m still a lil stuck on Nicky/booker tag teaming from the orig posts, & their intro is stooges’ I wanna be your dog SEND POST!!

Not using tunnels is killing me bc Yusuf absolutely has a curated parkour entrance. He gets up on the fuckin. Corner pole thingy and backflips into the ring, and starts almost eating shit looking for Nicky. Without fail, when his dumb psychobilly wraps, that motherfucker appears and swings under the ropes like the satan of gym teachers. It kills Joe bc he gets over w/ what he KNOWS is just low effort disguised as jumpscare. It also kills him bc he can’t find him either but that’s different. (Nicky is usually in the empty behind-camera seats, eating stolen popcorn like ‘he looks good. I should learn to backflip.’)

Andy should absolutely have face paint. And cowboy BOOTS. I hv a rollerderby wip where I gave her an optio helmet plume, and like. Just saying. Also I can’t thread the needle between Andy and Memphis style right now but I want to

Being willing to alienate the audience/ruin their careers to beat ass is extremely yusufnicky. Getting vibes of like…a, ppl are getting sick of the shoot, and so Joe tries 2 rebrand w/ Andy and quynh’s face clique (replacing lykon who dipped bc [dialup noise], also I just Feel andy starting as a face). & Quynh, who strikes me as very gimmick savvy/a great storyteller being like ‘Hey. brosuf. you know what would fuck severely. bring ur weird dog and we have a deal.’ And they have a face run until The Fuckening. This also works 4 me bc I feel, before he internalizes and seeks out booing simultaneously, Booker’s baby-depressed, a jobber dying to live vicariously thru being a face and winning abt it. But like, AS he joins house of guard, Quynh is gone and Andy’s done a heelturn bc she’s emo in real life, and Booker is like *sad wojack*

Or b, the four of them aren’t a faction but they’re always on the same cards. Joe and Nicky fuck up so sincerely. Like, they fuck up through 3 cameras, the ref, and the parking lot. I think it would be funny if it was a ‘last ride’ match that went off the rails. They get blackballed from most sane venues is my point tho. The quynh fuckening happened offscreen. Andy comes up craving conflict, don’t ask why, but do they want to do fucked up hardcore so niche it’s barely profitable? And Nicky is like ‘BET’ bc again, there is something so wrong with this man, and Joe is *sad wojack but disgruntled*, bc he wanted to get WWE-famous & say something fucked up on live Saudi tv. Like Kanye. But then he realizes he’s doing impact play on straight ppl professionally, and it’s a smaller victory, but equally funny.

This one works for me bc they give starving artist vibes. Like, they should be poor and obscure. Disgraced post-fame. Do not know why. It’s funny if Nile is like, didn’t I sneak out of bed to watch you on Monday night raw? and Andy is like yes, now hit me with the thing they beat Jesus with.

Either way you’re so right abt Julia hart Nile.

Is Copley the ‘smark’ that helps them take down the merrick team for like, insider trading or whatthefuck?

Vibing to the bullet club thesis. That’s the perfect bimbofication of his canon conflict. Also. Booker trying to wallow around heterosexuals. ‘The risk I took was calculated, but FUCK’

Nile’s like OH THE OTHER MILF I COMMITTED KID CRIMES @ 9PM TO SEE—oh you’ve taken back the cat o nine tails—oh you’re committing seppuku with it. I’m going to have an investigative journalist moment with this later.

Nile as a fan who has a ‘hm’ moment abt how oh, you’re fucked up. I see. The POV introduction to the cabaret thing, 1st look behind the curtain into the binary.

Speaking of songs. Which we weren’t anymore but. Speaking of them. Quynh & sympathy for the devil. She comes back from [etc etc] w/ a masked gimmick. Part of it is legitimately no one knows who she is. Andy splashing her face in a shitty bathroom after the interrupted promo & the lights are flickering bc the arena is taking so much power. In the bg you hear PLEASED TO MEET YOU. HAVE YOU GUESSED MY NAME?

This is so ranty as a first post back and im so sorry---

Tw for bad language

(sorry im on mobile and it wont let me add a keep reading)

(spelling mistakes are because im shaking)

But im sick and stuffed up with some kind of cold

And im not at my best but goddammit im trying to be for my partner because shes worse off than me sickness wise and i have to take care of them while theyre stuck finishing their shift with a fever that could possibly get worse by the hour and no way to take over or help because im too sick to take their shift tomorrow and i want to help but i dont fully know how to take care of her properly with my head all fuzzy

And this fucking dick.

This fucking dick of her moms stupid bastard boyfriend starts yelling stuff over the phone while im fighting off a panic talking to her about what to do, if she can pick us up more medicine after her work tomorrow, if we have any Tylenol to try to bring her fever down if the liquid medicine isnt working and hes yelling shit that he KNOWS and has been told repeatedly makes me amd her severely uncomfortable and im trying to tune him out and then he opens her moms bedroom door(im downstairs scrambling to find the medicine and get my raingear back on because cali is swamped with storms)

And he opens it

Laughing his fucking ass off as he yells down the stairs that i was on speaking and he could hear everything and keeps just fucking laughing as he slams the door back shut

Motherfucker already made passive aggressive accusations at us earlier today about locking him out(the house isnt in the safest area for him to just leave the door fucking unlocked for hours at randoms times of day and night while he goes and fucks around or drinks or whatever the fuck hes doing when he leaves the house)

And now hes laughing when i called her mom desperate for help taking care of her while im also deteriorating.

And i get told he "cares" about us really, he wasnt mocking us really he cares he wants to call my partner( while shes currently IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORK SHIFT) and "make sure shes ok" and that he really DOES care even if it feels weird or uncomfortable when he says it.

....

As im being texted this they seem to forget in the silent living room i can fucking hear their talk come through the closed door and down the stairs

And hes loudly saying hes going to come down and talk to me. He should do that right hes going to go do it now.

I almost broke down from the stress of akl this bullshit right then.

I know im not supposed to hang out at her work(our work we work different shifts at the same establishment) unless its right before close

But i shoved my stuff on and hurried out of the house on the verge of either full panic or tears im too drained to even figure out which

And i ran all the way to work and started breaking down as i gave her more medicine

Ive had it im done

I texted her mother that i cannot believe when he says he cares after his attitude and behavior this past couple days and that im tires of him tryinf to pick fights with us and being a dick to us when were now actively avoiding any interactions with him and their relationship, we want nothing to do with it, we are both sick of it and now neither of us are well enough to deal with it or him any longer

He needs to not call my partner while shes at work

No i refuse to talk to him anymore after this.

I am done and i will not deal with his bullshit anymore.

He can not will not bother my baby boy when he gets off work tonight. She needs as much rest as she can get and the last thing he needs is extra stress piled onto him and make him worse.

We are done.

I am not.

Im not well enough to keep my temper down anymore and i will not stoop to his level and be rude back.

I may be cold and clipped when i dealed with him but that was me being restrained. That was me keeping my distance and being an adult in a unfavorable situation. I was cold and treated him like he is, a stranger that has messed up any chances i gave him. But i was never openly rude.

I am not going to be nice next time.

Im done. Im fucking done.

You want the bitch motherfucker? Youll get the fucking bitch.

Dont ever come near me or my baby again.

If he tries im cutting it at the bud, and im not afraid to burn this bridge

Everyone else in this house except her mother hates you more with every stupid action you decide to do.amd every stupid thing that comes out of your transphobic, idiotic mouth.

Your only ally is the woman you cheated on multiple times and fight with every fucking night

You have no one here you lazy drunken leech.

And when things burn down im going to watch the flames smiling.

I hate being a shitty person. You are the one that brought us to this point.

Theres no one to blame but yourself.

I refuse to talk or interact or even be in the same room as him again. Im done.

Burn in a ditch bitch.

.........

..,..ok ok rant over....time to go draw some homestuck and try to calm down and not cry

Vantas out i guess

sorry king ive got strict instructions not to give out any identification

but i dont think theyd mind me saying they're a writer, i think they said a of writers follow you??? idk. also i feel like its pretty obvious theyre a writer bc who the fuck sexts like that

the dick is like 6" ive seen it, looks like itd be fun to bounce on /plantonically <3

they have 3 facial piercings and 7 tattoos

totally unrelated question but how do you feel about short kings hehehe

It’s ok it will be out little secret I’m really great keeping them 😘

All I know is getting those in my inbox make my brain fuzzy… so I don’t care if they are a writer or not because. They got me on a leash Bark Bark

I think it would be funny matter how you ride it. Platonically or not….

Also stop it right now…… I’m so unwell.

Short kings? The easier to handle is what I always say 😵‍💫😵‍💫