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darklydeliciousdesires · 6 months

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Immortal Beloved - A John Shelby/Vampire OFC Story.

Well, guys. It's happening. Kinda happening. Testing the waters, yep. We'll go with that. I'm not convinced it's any good despite my best efforts, so I thought I'd see what you thought by sharing the prologue. Who knows? You might love it and then I could feel a little much-needed cheer when I'm going through a bit of a black spot at present, but if not then I know I have to go away and work harder on it. Either way, your feedback matters to me, and I thank in advance those kind enough to leave it.

The story will differ slightly from canon here and there, as you will notice, but not so much that's unrecognisable. Slightly AU, shall we say!

Here we go!

Tag list - In the comments

Words - 1,956

Warnings - Adult themes + vampire content throughout. Minors DNI!

Prologue

He stumbled, muttering cusses that fluttered off to permeate the silence of the night, rooting his feet as he straightened, pulling his overcoat around himself more. The cobbles underfoot already twinkled with a smattering of frost, the air thick with winter mist and pungent coal smoke, John feeling his pale skin tremble. The bitter December cold greeted him with her usual sting upon that night.

“Don’t get so pie-eyed that you don’t know what’s what, John. That goes for all of us.”

John Shelby wasn’t always the most proficient at following orders, especially when a bad business day had led to his arrival at The Garrison, a decision to sink nine whiskies one after the other and six pints, thus leading to him sitting there sloshed and grinning.

His troubles had been far behind him as he’d revelled in merriment, loudly championing to his cohorts exactly what he would like to do to Clara Bow, for instance, should he have the screen siren within his lustful clutches for long enough. He’d heeded Tommy’s advice to begin with, but on that day, the loss of over a grand thanks to a horse who should have lost, and a jockey with other ideas, his elder brother’s words of warning had fallen on deaf ears.

“Fucking Rasmussen’s,” he muttered, sniffing as he at least attempted to walk up Watery Lane in a straight-ish line. “Bastards can fucking try and ‘ave me, but they won’t. Fucking Geordie cunts.”

The Rasmussen’s, of the family Rasmussen, were a definite thorn in the side of anyone with the surname Shelby at that moment, the Newcastle criminal outfit currently making their presence known, and loudly. Barges that moved through the canal systems anywhere close to their areas within the north had been firebombed, their cargo sunk, Shelby bookmaking stands ransacked at the races, and threats to the family delivered with malicious intent; stay out of the north, or else.

The Shelby’s were not the type to simply back off, though. They were the type to be on their guard against any reprisal attacks, vengeance against the kind of Shelby retribution the likes of which had - after quite the bloodied brawl - sent the Rasmussen’s scarpering from a race meet in Derby two weekend’s past.

The family would not simply roll over and take the threat lying down, and neither would the Rasmussen’s. They were great in number, and where hand to hand strength lay, perhaps the most formidable in force that the Shelby’s had ever encountered. That strength did not seem normal, more deity gifted than naturally arising.

They bred ‘em hard as nails in the north, apparently.

As he staggered, lying down was exactly what John wished to be doing, once again standing to root his feet upon the slippery cobbles, looking up at a streetlamp which had begun to flicker slightly, the bulb then suddenly popping with an audible bang.

First assuming a stray bullet had been responsible, it was just the sobering shock he needed to quickly take stock, his sky-blue eyes scanning the darkened street for any kind of movement through the thick fog, drawing himself up taller as his hand automatically hovered over the gun nestled within his ever-present holster. Bang, bang, bang, another three streetlamp bulbs all shattered, plunging the lane into darkness, John feeling the effects of the whiskey diminish as his senses prickled on high alert.

He stood statuesque, his ears pricked, eyes still darting from left to right while his hand curled around the thick handle of the gun, primed, ready. They wouldn’t get the better of him, oh fuck no. He blinked, and a figure finally came into view a couple of hundred yards ahead, seemingly appearing from nowhere. He blinked again and saw that the woman dressed in white and stained with blood had moved again, John shaking his head in confusion.

It must have been the drink. People did not move from one side of the street to the other at such a speed, seemingly vanishing and appearing once more within a blink.

She appeared to be on high alert, John watching as she sniffed the air, a deep, foreboding rumble sounding through the night. He wondered whose dog was out at that hour, until it hit him; the growl was coming from her. It was a noise neither of human nor beast, an eerie, echoless reverberation, his heartbeat amping up a notch as he watched.

Another blink and she was once again moved, a tearing sound filling the air, followed by a shrill cry, gurgling noises, spluttering. Looking to his right, he witnessed the woman dragging a man who had been concealed within the shadows out into the street, her mouth clamped upon his neck. John stood motionless, his eyes widening as he viewed the scene, a cold snap of horror shocking his bones as he witnessed her yank the man’s head clean from his neck with frighteningly swift finesse.

His jaw began to tremor, his grip upon the gun in his hand tight as she walked to him, her fingers tangled in the black hair of the severed head she carried, a shock of crimson painting her chin and neck from where she had gorged upon the blood of the now lifeless, headless body slumped upon the cobbles.

“Who the...” he began as she halted before him, changing track. “What the fuck are you?”

Her lips curled into a smirk, holding the severed head aloft, blood and sinew dripping onto the ground below. “I am the one who saved you from Samuel Rasmussen. He waited for you.” Her head jerked back a fraction in the direction of the darkened lane. “Same as his three friends.”

The silken purr of her voice was so alluring, it almost overrode the fact that John stood so terrified, he honestly did not know what on earth to say next. Had he truly seen what he saw? Was this merely a whiskey hazed dream? Surely, he was about to wake with a start, a thumping headache accompanying the morning that followed such peculiar dreams, for this couldn’t be real.

Could it?

Dropping the head to the floor, her hand reached for him, John’s shaking grip upon the gun solidifying as he thrust his arm forth, attempting to press the barrel to her skull. He found himself disarmed faster than he could comprehend, the Webley revolver landing with a clatter upon the ground.

“Shhh,” she soothed, her enchanting eyes flitting over him, her long nails gently trailing his cheeks as she viewed him intently. “I mean you no harm.”

Studying her up close properly, it was then that he noticed them, the two long, pointed teeth in place of where her canines should have sat, the smooth white smudged with red. His heart pounded like a war drum, his entire body feeling light. The lithe muscles of his form pinched tightly in fear, yet a juxtaposing sense of calm seemed to swirl through him at her softly delivered words.

“You can trust me. I wish nothing more than to instil that within you.” What on earth was that accent? He couldn’t place it at all.

How exactly, he could trust a woman who had just decapitated a man with her bare hands after drinking his blood, he didn’t know, but he felt on an instinctual level that he could. Unless it was the whiskey. Whiskey, of course, had the power to lie.

The woman, though, seemed to be earnest in what she had told him, her nails stroking her cheeks as she studied him, her blue eyes flitting, taking him in. Oh, how she approved of what she gazed upon. He was magnificently handsome. Her nails stroked a hail of goose bumps over his alabaster skin, reaching his neck as she leaned forward, sniffing him. A contented sigh fluttered over her lips.

“Your blood smells like earth and fire, honey and dark orchids.”

What?

He frowned, perplexed, opening his mouth to speak. No words came forth. He was so overcome by her that speech was beyond him. It felt like she was pouring soothing waves of calm into him, and little did he realise, but he was correct. Her kind could transmit energies to humans in order to placate their fears.

Staring down at her, it struck him sharply, how much she didn’t quite look like she belonged there. Striking she was, with her milky skin that matched his own, her throat and chest covered in tattoos, symbols and swirls he didn’t recognise whatsoever. He knew tattooed ladies existed, but he was yet to witness one up until then, the dark-haired, blue-eyed woman smiling, her nails like sensual daggers upon his neck.

She was unlike anyone else he’d ever encountered, a woman of distinct enigma.

There was something about her that didn’t fit, decapitation and blood drinking aside. She looked as if she’d come from another time, a different age. This yanked at his interest almost as much as her allure, her pale skin seeming to glow beneath the light of the moon, now unincumbered by clouds as it shone its rays down upon them.

“You are perhaps the most beautiful creature I have seen in a long, long time.”

No, it was not he who uttered those words. It was the woman, her statement one of parting, John blinking and finding her vanished once more into the night. She’d left him breathless, with every hair on his body feeling like it was standing on end.

Vampires tended to have that effect on the living.

While the third youngest of the Shelby men made his way into their abode, the vampire moved at speed, perching herself atop the roof of one of the opposing back-to-back houses. The dark slate tingled against her bare feet, but being a creature of zero body heat unless she was sitting close to a source of warmth, it was of no bother to her.

She sharpened her senses to the night, listening intently to every noise, every rustle. A bottle rolled over and tinkled over the cobbles a few streets away, a gentleman a few further on than that regurgitated the many beers he’d sunk in a nearby pub into the gutter, too, but other than that, all was quiet.

Well, mostly all.

Within the homestead she had been watching over, she heard the brand-new object of her desire being berated by the woman named Polly, as she’d gathered. Closing her eyes, she saw the one she knew to be named John there in her mind, a throb reverberating through her. Goodness, how handsome he was close up, perhaps the most divine man she’d encountered in a while.

He carried himself with such pride and confidence, being a member of a notable criminal outfit, of course he would. A vampire of her age could tell so much more about a person, though, just by studying them, as she had with him and his family from the shadows. For all his acts of violence and authority, of which she had witnessed a couple, she sensed a man a little less ruthless than his elder brothers, with a heart a touch softer.

It was the softness within him that pulled her in the most.

She had gone there that night with the view of a single-minded agenda, only to encounter John Shelby up close for the first time and realise that her plight was perhaps not going to be quite as polarised as she’d first envisioned. Confident that the family were safe from any further acts of violent subterfuge, the vampire took one last look at the house.

“Until next time, beautiful creature.”

She was gone into the darkness within a blink.

#john shelby #john shelby fanfiction #john shelby x ofc #john shelby smut #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders #peaky blinders smut #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders fic #john shelby fanfic #john shelby fic

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o-uncle-newt · 5 months

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Cabin Pressure Advent Day 19: St Petersburg

I fucking love everything about this episode. When someone asked me for a top 5 a while back, after a great deal of VERY difficult determination this came up at the top and has been unassailable there ever since.

The only flaw in it, and it's one that JF says was left out for time, is that we never find out what Douglas means by saying that Gordon tricked Carolyn into letting him book the office in her name. But that's so minor that it really doesn't count.

Everything else from here on down (and there will be a LOT) is going to be unmitigated gushing, so get ready:

The thing that makes this episode really great is the stakes. Stakes that have been unspoken until now- or at least, since Douz, to which this episode is a fantastic mirror- are explicit, but they're also bumped up a level.

The stakes, of course, are the continued existence of MJN Air. This is something that was first established in Douz, when Carolyn tells Douglas that she runs the airline on a deficit, they're always one bad day away from folding, and she's basically holding on to preserve her dignity and self-image. At that point, we see Douglas realizing that his job is on the line, and he becomes the "Douglas saves the day" guy. This recurs over the course of the show, with things like needing to pass the training in Ipswich and needing to get the contract from Mr Alyakhin, among many others, implicitly important because without them the airdot will fold. Douglas needs to either a) get over his massive ego or b) come up with a clever plot, as the case may be, to help out.

As I noted in my Douz post, Douglas realizing that he will be unemployed if he can't solve the problem is not just him getting his act together, it's him deciding that saving the day is more important than fucking with Martin. And, in the end, it's also him (even if only incidentally) taking Carolyn's feelings and dignity into account. And while we still definitely see him taking selfish moments to get back at others, especially Martin (see Qik, though he does kind of tone things down when Carolyn asks him to, in his own deeply weird way), the well-being of the airline is more important most of the time, if they're in a real fix.

Martin, interestingly, is getting there also, but in a very different way, and he's not QUITE there yet. He is very crucially NOT privy to the conversation between Carolyn and Douglas in Douz, and he's also not aware that Gordon keeps trying to buy Gerti, even though WE know that from Fitton (and Douglas presumably knows that from years prior). But he doesn't need to know any of this, because his motivation is to be a captain, and he knows that nobody but Carolyn will let him do it. He just tries to make things work each time because it's in his interest. But the way that he's grown over the course of the show, he's mellowing out a bit, trying to reclaim his dignity and control over his finances, etc... he's about to hit the point where it's natural for him to want to leave the nest even if it means he's no longer a captain, as shown in Newcastle, where we see him looking for a job opportunity elsewhere for the first time since Boston. So he's, in theory, going to get less invested in staying with MJN, and that's a good thing... except that like Douglas, he's been learning to value these other people who he works with and the airline that they are holding together "with gaffer tape and string." That way, in S4, when Martin hears about Swiss Airways going international he is concerned about the fate of MJN if he leaves- something that never crossed his mind in Boston or Newcastle.

In other words, Douglas grows because he is forced to care about the well-being of the airline, and Martin grows away from the way that he started off caring about the airline. But they still both grow in the same direction, which is their mutual care for the airline, Carolyn, and Arthur.

Because that's how we get to the genius of this episode, which is Gordon Shappey.

Arthur is someone who has taken a lot of shit from basically everyone else at MJN basically forever; it's why I don't find Ottery St Mary to be too much, and it's why I find the ending of Ottery St Mary to be so satisfying. We know they care about him, but they're not always great about showing it. But faced with Gordon Shappey, saving MJN isn't just about the airline, Douglas's job, or Martin's (still-important to him) captaincy- it's about defeating Gordon. He's a proper mustache-twirling villain, partly because of how he treats Carolyn but mostly because of how he treats Arthur. THEY can be mean to Arthur, but not HIM, not like THAT...

That's another way that this episode is a great mirror to Douz. There are a surprising number, actually- the hot desert vs the freezing Russian winter, a hairy landing with Martin landing rather than Douglas (which has such DELICIOUS parallels of its own)... and of course the existence of an unmitigated bad guy who they must foil. The other episodes actually mostly don't have that- they have situations with people who may be annoying, but ultimately they have to please or mollify or just plain deal with. Yves Jutteau and Gordon Shappey they can just defeat.

The thing is, with Jutteau they defeat him in order to save MJN. Those are the stakes. He's held them hostage and they manage to escape. In St Petersburg, they've already basically confronted the fact that MJN is over, and that they'll have to sell Gerti for parts. It's when Gordon sneers at Arthur, and they see why Arthur is so freaked out about him, that he becomes the enemy. (He also smears Martin and Douglas, and they're clearly none too pleased. But do we really think that's the motivation?) When Douglas saves the day, he does it for Arthur.

And I think that happens in two ways. The first is that when they're in that flight deck with Gordon, the (beautifully, BEAUTIFULLY laid out and Chekhov's-Gunned) plan circles around Arthur- they manage to make their point about how they've seen the way he treats someone they love, and they are taking revenge. But in a more metaphysical way, Douglas has clearly, even after he sees no way forward, put some thought into how he can solve this. He knows that Arthur is relying on him, and thinks that he can do it- and we'll see in Zurich that this will continue to be a motivator for both Arthur and Douglas, that Arthur believes Douglas can do anything and that Douglas (a bit in loco parentis) therefore has to do it and take responsibility.

Martin is along for the ride, but his growth doesn't come from the scheme against Gordon- his is manifested in the landing. He's panicking but he's technically sound, he takes control and Douglas accepts it, and he manages to land competently in dangerous circumstances. He's grown so much! He's been pushing his captain-ness because it makes up for all the ways he's not the pilot he dreamed he'd be (a paid one, a cool one, a skilled one...) but this is proof that he's gotten so much closer than he's been. And I love how at the end he manages to not just get a point in the rhyming journeys game, he rhymes MULTIPLE cities and they're so proud of him- this isn't him being helped out (as in Gdansk) or winning and then being undercut (as in Limerick), it's him just being able to be competent at something, even if it takes a while and he's not as good as Douglas. He's just allowed to be happy about that and that's beautiful. Overall- this episode, he is able to just be GOOD, and not to feel like he needs to be the best (and fail). That's going to be vital next season.

You'll notice that I haven't brought up Carolyn and Arthur here. Arthur, well, the main thing here is that this situates his happiness at MJN- and what he'll lose when it's gone- as a contrast with the way others in his life treat him. Arthur may be teased at work, and his mother works him hard, but we've known since Fitton that this is where he wants to be. His fear of Gordon, and the contempt we see Gordon show him, show us another one of the stakes that we need to bear in mind moving forward.

With Carolyn, though, I think it's a bit of a moment of learning. She knows that Douglas, and to a lesser extent Martin, are there and helping her because they want to be and they're invested, not because she's the alpha dog or because she scares them into it or because she's bribing them (mostly Douglas). They're doing it because they care about her, her son, and her business- and their places in it. She already had to show vulnerability in Douz to Douglas by revealing why she keeps MJN running, but there's another layer of vulnerability in realizing that people care about you and accepting it,. It's the same vulnerability she'll have to learn to express in Zurich to Herc.

By the way, if you notice that a lot of these are similar to- in the sense of being prior versions of- what JF wrote in his magnificent Zurich post as what the characters need for sitcom graduation... you can believe me or not but I promise I didn't realize until I was doing Carolyn's. It's just a sign of how seamless and strong his character work and forward planning are, that's all I can say.

And on that note, actually- I'm really curious to know at what point JF decided on the actual ending of the show, as in what the mechanics would be. There are three years between when S3 came out and when Zurich came out, so presumably about the same amount of time between the writing of each, and I really want to know when he made the decision about the mechanics of the ending. Because I found the moment when Gordon corrects himself about why he wants Gerti back to be FASCINATING, because we know why he does, and that it has nothing to do with getting back at Carolyn, but the dialogue still makes it seem totally natural that he corrects himself. Did JF have in mind the gold-lined airplane, or just some more general plot?

(Incidentally, and I was going to wait for this til Zurich but may as well do it here because it fits... I also want to know because the S5 finale of Community came out in April 2014, about eight months before Zurich, and it also included a plotline with a machine made with gold wiring. I've been dying for years to know whether JF had the idea first or not- he uses it very differently regardless, but still something I've been so curious about. If he HAD already planned this out years in advance, to the extent of planning the mechanism... I can imagine he'd be very annoyed to see it on screen months earlier lol, though I don't know whether Community was really popular in the UK and if he'd have known.)

Anyway... obviously, besides for all of the above, the episode is perfectly written, amazingly plotted, hilariously funny (and the COLD OPEN IS BACK!), and just all around amazing.

#cabin pressure #cabin pressure advent 2023 #cabin pressure advent #john finnemore #st petersburg #incidentally #i should add that i love how this episode created a sherlock meme #that to this day people still think was ACTUALLY in sherlock #it's just really funny

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iloveasunflower · 1 year

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Roland's Tour Diary: 7th May

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text version:

Saturday, May 7, 2005

Well, another intense period is finally over for TFF, I can stop obsessing about my voice and leave the calorific honey and lemon to one side for a while. I feel we left London on a high, even if some of the reviews have made out otherwise. The mind boggles as to how people read body language – Curt and I are getting on famously – if we weren’t, you’d soon hear about it and I could indulge in some fantastic bitching during this tour diary – but no – live, we are a band and have no desire to ‘Wham’ it up with fake buddiness.

I’ve read some of the comments posted and can’t say I disagree with even the more negative ones. We were caught slightly off-guard by the lack of awareness of ELAHE in the UK, and I think Glasgow was the peak of a mutual ignorance, with us clumsily dividing the set into old and new. It wasn’t until Newcastle that we remedied the situation – and boy, what an audience! Shades of New York!

I also think we have too much of the new album in the set. Admittedly, the touring was designed to get the point across, but I do think we could make a better show, if we increased the repertoire and started to replace some of the newer songs – more upbeat tunes would work in our favor, and as we are hitting the US in the summer, it might well be time for a change. (Points taken about RATKOS – however, bear it in mind, we do three songs from ‘Big Chair’ – ‘Listen’ would be impossible and ‘The Working Hour’ requires a saxophone – any offers? ‘I Believe’ – maybe. )

Cardiff was as close to a home gig as we could get, with a couple of busloads crossing the Severn Bridge from Bath and Bristol. The atmosphere was very casual and relaxed, and the gathering in the green room, after the show, did resemble a wedding. One great thing about being a ‘seasoned professional’ is you learn to take things like playing in front of friends, family and neighbors in your stride – you just imagine you’re throwing a big party!

Points also taken about the dance remixes that are accompanying the UK single releases, although I would say I have a fondness for the ‘Call Me Mellow’ ones. I guess like Tony Blair it’s time to listen to the electorate and start working on some obscure beauty in the form of B-sides, that would titillate the fans, and keep us interested. I’m also touched by some of your comments about RATKOS – I believe that album must have sold by word of mouth, as it didn’t receive much attention at the time. Over 700,000 copies now sold (unless I’ve been misinformed – can’t be that many hardcore fans) – not bad considering.

It’s off to Paris on Sunday for more delightful press and promotion – things, however, have gone our way there with the CTTH video getting a nice bit of airtime. As you are probably aware, we are playing a show in the French capital on June 18 (with Moby and Garbage), and the record company has certainly filled up our days over the coming week. I can’t wait for the late, late night chat shows with some poor sod trying to translate our perverse asides!

Anyways, thanks for all the interesting posts and glad that at least some of you enjoyed our UK adventure. Now is the time to put in your requests for live songs as Big Brother will be watching very intently over the next week ;)

Roland

#roland's tour diary #roland orzabal #elahe #everybody loves a happy ending #2000s #2005 #moby #garbage #uploads #tears for fears #tff #tearsforfearsfans

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 1 year

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I watched this movie Blue Jean last night. It’s an independent movie about a lesbian gym teacher, and some other lesbians, living in Newcastle under Thatcher’s Section 28 (link because I hadn’t known about that specific law, not being versed on every bit of British history from the 80s and 90s beyond “Thatcher very very bad, miners on strike”, though I know Canada’s had similar legislation). I realize that plot sounds like something someone would make up if they were trying to describe the stereotype of a hypothetical indie movie. I really, really liked it anyway. Or maybe I shouldn’t say “anyway”, as though I liked it in spite of it being a stereotypical indie movie. What’s wrong with being that?

I’m the sort of person who should be really into indie movies, given everything else about me. My dad and I share an interest in Canadian folk music and British comedy, and he’s also really into independent movies, and by rights I should share that one with him too. But I’m just not that into movies generally. If everything that happens is on the surface, two hours isn’t long enough for me to get hugely invested the way I do with a book or TV show, and if there’s enough subtle artsy stuff going on to imbue it with extra meaning, I tend to not know enough about how that works to catch most of it.

There are exceptions. I think my favourite movie might be The History Boys, for which I try to find a lot explanations for why it’s not really equating homosexuality to adult male teachers who touch up male children. Obviously that would not be the message from Alan Bennett and the real message is about what homophobic repression does to people, but also, sometimes it’s hard to justify when the surface message very much is “homosexuality means adult male teachers who touch up male students”.

Anyway. Blue Jean. It is not The History Boys; it has a gay teacher but she very specifically does not touch up any of the students. It is really, really good. I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed a movie that much. I don’t know enough about cinema to explain this, but I’m pretty sure the acting was very good. And the directing or editing or whatever leads to all the shots that convey a hundred things in eight seconds with no dialogue.

All right, this got long, so after finishing this post I’ve come back up her to add a “keep reading” link. It also takes a turn for the increasingly personal after this point that I didn’t really plan, so... fair warning on that. Also, honestly, this post was kind of hard to write, so I’m not going to edit it, sorry that it’s full of errors. I feel better for having written it, though.

The intensity with which they make you feel everything that happened is amazing. Or that was my experience, at least, and I usually come out of movies where people say that’s what’ll happen and think I don’t get it. I got this one though. They did something right. My attention span did not even begin to waver for the 95-ish minutes.

It was an interesting way to learn some history, a bit of what it was like to be gay in Thatcher’s England, specifically in a school setting in Thatcher’s Northern England. And harrowing how little some of it changed for a couple of decades, which I hesitate to say because I’m incredibly lucky to have no idea what it was like to be gay anywhere in the 80s. But also, fucking hell, they took a few little shots to make the horrors of being gay in a high school gym class change room radiate off the screen. That, at least, was not that different in Canada in 2005 from this blue-hued indie movie in Thatcher’s England. You feel that terror just from a few seconds of watching the movie. And you say, “Ah, this is how movies are supposed to work, getting you that invested despite not having that much runtime.” Again, by “you”, I mean “me”.

It did really starkly remind me how much that was the scariest part for me, as a teenager. It took me a couple of years to go from “okay, as long as I never tell anyone this and never write it down or say it out loud, it’ll be okay and doesn’t have to ruin my life” (age 15) to “yeah I’m pretty much out, I’ve told most people I know well and I no longer swear people to secrecy when I tell them… except telling them not to tell girls on the team, obviously” (age 17). It wasn’t until several years after that that I stopped worrying about girls from sports knowing, that one was terrifying for so much longer than everything else. Being in change rooms with them and doing contact sports with them was scary enough just when I thought they might know, and sometimes, those fears weren’t unfounded. Sometimes, they did say shitty things in change rooms, because teenage girls can tell there’s something off, whether you tell them or not.

This of course makes me think of rhetoric around trans people now. I hate saying “what people said about gay people in the past is what they say about trans people now”, because it ignores the fact that they still say those things about gay people, and they said those things about trans people back then too. Also, it’s not separate, it’s a general sense of anyone who seems like they don’t “belong” in the safe space of the change room being targeted. Trans people who have the wrong bodies, gay girls who will look at the straight girls the wrong way – all unsafe, predators just by being there.

But these days, there is a lot of specific mainstream rhetoric around trans people just existing in change rooms being a threat to girls and kids generally. And somehow, that rhetoric manages to pretend that cis gay people are the victims of those trans people, rather than being the victims of that same rhetoric that thinks the wrong people being in a change room is an automatic threat. Change rooms are supposed to be a safe space for girls to not have gross people looking at them sexually, and any gay or trans person has always been seen as a threat to that (even though, I hope it goes without saying, gay and trans people are overwhelmingly likely to be the ones carefully staring at the change room wall in fear of being accused of seeing anything they shouldn’t see, they’re not looking at anyone sexually in there), which is how people end up calling someone an abuser or a predator just for being trans near a child.

I read something just recently about how trans women ruin change rooms’ status as safe spaces for teenage girls, and all I could think was how they did not feel safe for me as a teenager. I don’t need to get into all my high school gym class experiences, but the change room was definitely not a safe space free from fear or harassment for me. I’d probably have felt safer if I’d had some trans people in there, feeling like I wasn’t the only one ruining their otherwise perfect environment.

Anyway. Despite all the flashback-inducing shots of high school gym class from a gay girl’s perspective, that wasn’t what brought back the most memories. That would be the main character, a gym teacher who makes every move carefully, watches every step, for fear that she’ll be found out and accused of being a predator just for being a lesbian in the presence of teenage girls. Fucking hell, that was well done in that movie. I’m pretty sure that main actor was very good. I don’t know enough about acting to say, but I’m pretty sure good acting was involved in why that hit so hard.

That brought back fun memories of the time I was 22 and had a fifteen-year-old girl come to me for help because she was suicidal and in an abusive home, but beg me to not tell anyone, and I got to navigate the line of “break the trust of a teenage girl who came to me in confidence, who’s already had every adult in her life violate her trust and she told me this left her unable to talk to anyone but I’d been so kind to her and she was so scared that she took a chance on telling me”, or “not tell anyone what she told me and possibly have a teenage girl kill herself because I didn’t do enough to prevent it.” While also knowing that just about anyone I could report it to would tell her parents, and I had good reason to believe that would only make the situation worse. I remember her sending me a text that said “I Googled what to do if I want to kill myself and it said to tell an adult”, and I almost wrote back to say “Yeah holy fuck go fucking do that”, until I realized she was doing that. Again, I was 22.

Long story that spans the next year of me making lists for her of confidential hotlines and sources of therapy and professional crisis support, and making anonymous calls to her school board to find out how much she could open up to them about without her parents getting told so I could encourage her to talk to a guidance counselor, making her promise to call me if she needed me, making sure my phone was always charged and always had the volume up loud enough to wake me up if it rang in the middle of the night, missing social events and sometimes my university classes to take her calls every time, having nightmares about her dying and it being my fault.

Her mother never knew most of what was happening, but at some point she found out I was gay and coaching her daughter, and then decided that the small amount she did know of her daughter’s mental health problems were my fault. That I was a predator grooming her daughter and trying to make her like me. She threatened all kinds of things, and then I had a new thing to be terrified of. Either I’d respect the mother’s demands that I stay away from her daughter and then a girl might die if she was cut off from support, or I tried to keep in touch anyway, get accused of horrible things, and my life is ruined. Coaching was my life, I knew I wanted to pursue a career working with youth, all that would be gone.

Stayed in this difficult position for about six months, still taking the girl’s calls but terrified of her mother. I started having people I knew come to me to tell me this mother had cornered them to tell them that I was a danger to teenage girls and they needed to know there was a gay predator in their midst. God knows how many people she said that to who didn’t come tell me about it.

At the national championships, my friends told me they saw this mother yelling at her daughter outside, at first they wouldn’t tell me what she’d said beyond the fact that it was really bad, but eventually I got them to tell me one direct quote, which was: “If that fucking dyke ever comes near you again, I’m calling the fucking cops.” Weirdly, my first question was who else was around to hear that – I guess because I already knew the mother hated me and the daughter knew it, but if my friends who already knew the story overheard it, then some people in our community who didn’t know the story but did know me might have heard. They said our university coach was standing nearby and they were pretty sure he heard.

I had this confirmed a couple of years later, when that university coach got worried that I was trying to recruit one of my former athletes back from him (which I fucking wasn’t, he drove that guy away all on his own, but that’s another issue), and he told that athlete not to trust me because I have an history of being sexually predatory toward my athletes. I was devastated when I heard that, because that guy was my coach for two years. My high school coach was horrible (again, different story), but my university coach seemed like a nice guy when I was there, helped me through some difficult stuff, gave me good advice, I looked up to him and trusted him. And he knew me, I was shocked that he’d believe something like that about me just from overhearing a few things shouted by a woman he didn’t know. Honestly, he probably didn’t believe it, he was just using it to play politics. Playing politics with something that absolutely traumatized me – I mean, you’d think that some things would be off limits even in the cutthroat world of recruiting one fucking kid for your varsity team. Though he may not have known how bad it was for me. I wouldn’t know what he thought, I haven’t been on speaking terms with him since this happened like eight years ago. I did watch him yell pointlessly at an athletic director in a coaches’ meeting at a tournament two months ago, though, and wonder why I ever gave a shit what he thought of me.

It didn’t work, either. The athlete he was trying to turn against me did know me, and he knew the story of why that mother had spread those rumours about me. He didn’t tell me what the coach had said, though. He told a mutual friend of ours, and made her promise not to repeat it to me. She got drunk and told me about a year later. Desperately hoping she’d somehow gotten the story wrong, the next time I saw that athlete, I asked him, “Last year, when [coach] was trying to turn you against me, did he say anything that you’ve never told me?” And he said, “Are you sure you really want to know?” And I said, “I think you’ve just told me.” And he said, “Did she get drunk and tell you?” And I said, “Yep.”

And he said, “I’m sorry, I only tried to keep it from you because you’d already been through so much and I didn’t think you deserved to hear something so awful. You know I’d never believe a word from that homophobic asshole, right?” And then he gave me a hug and told me I’d been like a mother to him. And for the record, that guy is Muslim, and everyone in this story who treated me like shit is white. I’m only mentioning that part to say that people who think Muslims are the big threat to gay people can fuck off right alongside the people who think trans people are the big threat to gay people (yes, Islam and all religions can be a threat to gay people, but Islam is mainly a threat to gay Muslims, so hating all Muslims is not a great solution).

Anyway. Writing all this is making me want to say “trigger warning” about that Blue Jean movie, because it turns out if you watch it and you were once accused of being a predator for being a gay woman who works with teenage girls, it might drag up some traumatizing memories. But that doesn’t mean people shouldn’t watch it, it just means, you know, maybe save it for a time when you can handle that. I meant for this post to be mainly about the movie, and did not realize how much I needed to write all this out until I started doing it. That movie did bring up some stuff.

In case anyone was wondering, the girl survived. She finished high school and moved several hours away from her mother, and we’re still in touch sometimes. She’s just started a PhD. She came out as gay a couple of years after high school, and I had a small breakdown, terrified that her mother had been right all along, I had, in fact, been somehow grooming her and turning her gay (please note that I did have the sense to not express this to the girl in question). One I had a horrible panic attack about it and expressed this fear to someone at a mental health hotline, a number I still had in my phone from when I’d first sent it to this girl when she was fifteen. The person on the phone pointed out that if there’s any way in which it’s not a coincidence that she came to me for help and turned out to be gay like me, it’s because she sensed that I she could trust me because I was like her, even if she didn’t know why yet. Which I think may be true. I saw her in person a few months ago, when I went to a tournament in the city where she’s living now. She told me she’s now several years older than I was when she first came to me for help, and she now realizes how young I was and how hard it must have been for me, but she appreciates everything I did for her. She did not say I made her gay.

After I finished watching the movie Blue Jean last night, I watched the new Hannah Gadsby special, Something Special. It’s lighter than he last two shows, about how she fell in love with, and then married, her now-wife. “Show that’s all about how I got into my relationship” is usually not a type of comedy show I love, but that one was pretty perfect for last night. Watching Blue Jean made me really enjoy seeing a lesbian who grew up in the 80s and 90s tell us her love story with the woman she married. Because as much as I’ve been through some shit, I have no fucking idea what it was like to be gay under Thatcher, or under those similar laws in Canada at the time, or anywhere in the 80s and 90s, or in a place that’s liberal than urban Canada now. I’m very lucky to not know that, and I felt genuinely inspired by seeing a woman who has been through that tell a positive story. I don’t even want to analyze its merits as a comedy show or anything (good though, it was good), it was just perfect for last night.

Watching those two things in a row last night was pretty cool. If anyone wants a night of watching cool lesbian things, may I recommend the movie Blue Jean followed by the Hannah Gadsby show Something Special? Made for a very gay night – the gayest night I’ve had since I broke up with my girlfriend last year. Anyway. I’m doing fine. I’m going to go back to listening to The Bugle now. With Andy Zaltzman, who was making jokes about the absurdity of anti-gay marriage arguments in 2007, and that wasn’t exactly a revolutionary stance for a leftie alternative comedian to take even back then (I’m still not clear on exactly what an “alternative comedian” is, but whatever definition you use, Andy Zaltzman is it), but still, it wasn’t the mainstream view at the time. Also, Andy Zaltzman has an agender sister (I believe the specific identity is “unsubscribed from gender”, and I’m pretty sure Helen Zaltzman is still cool with the word “sister”, correct me if I’m wrong) whom he fully supports, and the only time I’ve heard him make a joke about trans people is when Boris Johnson said “We’ve sacrificed to keep Britain safe” during the pandemic, and Andy pointed out that it is “overwhelmingly a good thing” that people can use any pronouns they want these day, the only time when anyone should be stopped from using any pronoun is in that one instance, Boris Johnson doesn’t get to say “we” there.

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blackghostm2o · 1 year

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Lately I’ve been reading Hellblazer for the 1st time and I’ve just finished issue #27: I’m really enjoying it, it’s really particular and sometimes strange.

My thoughts of some issues (probable SPOILERS ahead)

#13 (nightmare iirc): it is so bizzarre, I know it wasn’t supposed to be funny, but honestly I’ve laughed like and idiot while reading it (especially when the two headed seal was born, mostly because I am deranged and I immediately thought of a part of the “Divine Comedy”, pliz don’t ask me why)

#1/2 (mnemoth): Really liked it, R.I.P. Larry, John is a fucking bastard, but the the type that I like (at least he felt bad) and he was a pathetic lil meow meow (plz don’t kill me people)

#11: (Newcastle): Mucous membrane is a really unusual name for a band. Also John is an idiot for doing that, like… Man… Calling a demon to fight another demon without having a lot of experience? Really risky, but he is a gambler after all, so it checks out, I guess... Also R.I.P. the lil girl.

All the Resurrection crusade and Damnation army thing: I know that he didn’t have much choice but c’mon… leaving Zed, a woman that he loved, to die like that? Also those bastards killed Ray, fuck them and their shitty cult. I’m glad that John could save his niece, Zed did good to that hideous strangler, but I feel bad for the other girls. The 4 dudes fused tougher that destroyed each other for football stuff were hilarious. I loved how John was haunted by his dead friends and his grief, I really liked seeing him as a broken man. I also loved the way John killed Nergal using the computer world with the help of Richie, but Richie taking Constantine’s body and John bluffing (at least I thought he was, idk) to take us back was magnificent lol

The Fear machine: pretty interesting, I wanted him to just live pace fully with Mercury and Marj, but that’s not possible. The fear thing has a really cool design and it’s also disgusting. Zed is alive!!! But that cult (?) is really strange. John chained to the tree and left there was unintentionally funny, but the whole egg thing was strange. I felt bad for the dude that stabbed his own eyes and for all the ones sacrificed by that “butcher” (the gays and the Russian, but the director deserved it). Towards the end I was finding it a bit boring but the all hell was let loose.

The thing with book characters taking Larry (?): Ok… A bit confusing, but I loved how they portrayed Hamlet. I don’t feel pity for the dude that was addicted to bargain after reading the family man chapter

#25/26: I really liked the art. The story was enjoyable. I further think that it’s better for people to not be Constantine’s friend, my goodness almost all of them end up badly.

#27: Have you ever wanted to eat an artsyle? I loved it’s art wow, idk why but the sketch looks was really great. The story is really simple, but I really liked it’s ending, Jacko just wanted an hug and John was just: “Aight”

Wasn’t expecting to see people from the LGBTQ+ and they are just normal fellows (I really liked what Rey said about aids since he was right), I was pleasantly surprised (because of the comic’s age)

Sorry for the rant and thanks if you read the whole thing.

#hellblazer #long reads #long post #sorry for the rant #john constantine #long text

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nerdychick13 · 10 months

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Greetings from Casa Amor! It’s me, Finesse, catching a spare moment to write these few thoughts before I return to my handsome bedmate, his three equally dashing companions, and of course the gals from the villa.

Let’s start things off with when I arrived at Casa Amor. It’s so cute here. Very festive and tropical like a vacation away from vacation. But the best part were the lovely lads I met when I entered. Andy was a dear to meet me first. I just love how sweet he is. He has a cute face and such a sexy six-pack. I also love that he’s good with animals because I’m a huge animal lover myself. Then I met Francis, the self-proclaimed hippie. I got so many good vibrations from him. I love his chill demeanor. I need more chill in the villa, honestly. His ombré hair is gorgeous but his smile is even better! Next I met Hamish, the estate agent. He could sell water to a fish with a face like that. His chat could use a bit of workshopping, bless him. Finally, up on the roof terrace was Marshall, Ozzy’s identical twin! You all want to know who I think is more handsome? Well after much consideration for three whole minutes of conversation with him, I can honestly say the more handsome twin from Newcastle is … OZZY!! 🥳

I know. All that build up and you’re loyal to your villa boy. Ozzy has a certain quite confidence, a humility, and maturity that Marshall lacks. Marshall tries to tell jokes but they land like a brick in the NBA Finals. He also bad mouthed Ozzy. Ozzy never once spoke a word out of turn about his brother but in my first conversation with Marshall, he feels the need to degrade his brother. That isn’t classy at all and immediately put me off him. The kissing game we played in Casa was quite fun (any excuse to snog four handsome men, right!) and I chose to share my bed with Francis that night. The next morning they all decided to make me brunch! It was so hard to choose between Hamish’s bacony fry-up (I do love a dirty fry-up) and Andy’s pancakes. Ultimately though I chose Andy’s pancakes with mixed berries and whipped cream. He’s so charming, in another circumstance I’d repurpose that fruit and whipped cream for another dish at my table 😏. Sorry, Casa Amor has me a bit frisky as it were. I learned a lot about the Casa lads in the Kiss and Tell challenge. Hamish cheated once or twice and can’t remember (or won’t say) just how many times or what the situation was. I don’t trust him, but then he insulted me by saying “I’d rather put my eggs in the other girls’ baskets.” Of all the gall! Well he needn’t come looking to me to carry him back to the villa. Francis chose to share how his girlfriend peed on his jellyfish sting. I could have lived without knowing that fact. Andy posed for a nude calendar for charity. My, oh my do I need this calendar. We must support causes we care about (yes that’s what matters here). I didn’t pay much attention to Marshall. I can’t get past how he spoke about Ozzy. Moving swiftly on…

Amy, Chloe, & Grace were quite shocked to see me. I couldn’t forgive Amy for kissing Zeph, not yet. I have to make her work for my trust again. We had an absolute blast in the Sexy Charades challenge. Francis, Andy, and Chloe made perfect partners for each round. Marshall seems to think we should be together because of our twin-ness. I highly disagree. I don’t care for him as a person and I don’t want him in my bed. Francis, on the other hand, is caring, gentle, attentive, passionate, and very skilled in female pleasure. At the risk of over sharing, I’ll close this chapter by saying he left me with a very satisfying ending to my second day in Casa Amor.

Oh! I found a mysterious note in my suitcase. I wonder who thought to leave me something so sweet? I do so hope it was Ozzy. He & I are so compatible, patient, and attracted to each other. I’m getting proper melty over him! Oh my days, my heart aches for Ozzy but at least Francis is good company until I can return to my love.

With hugs & kisses from Casa,

Finesse

#litg spoilers #litg #litg grace #litg ozzy #love island the game #litg2 #litg headcanons #litg mc #litg francis #litg hamish #litg andy #litg season 6 #litg marshall #litg casa amor

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tiny-tigers · 1 year

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Oh I meant in like a public setting where you can get in trouble with the law - but yeh I've noticed on the pitch that Fred is notorious for running into drama when it kicks off 👀 I hate it 😂😩

Seriously if there's a scuffle on the pitch, I count down from 3 and Fred will be involved somehow...

I was really annoyed about the one in the Italy game until I saw it from a different camera angle and realised he was defending Ollie 🥺(who'd been pushed over into a vulnerable position and was basically pinned down) so Fred dragged the guy off him and got taken to the floor by about 3 guys in return 😭☹️

I don't know the Montpellier one you're referring to though so I'll have to look that up!

Not that concerned about the R.V following, kinda shows that nothing bad happened between them - also if you're really heartbroken by a split you don't usually carry on following/liking pics which makes me think it wasn't that serious? I sometimes wonder what they actually spoke about...she seemed the quiet one of all the lboro girls and a quick LinkedIn search shows she's back home in Gloucester working some random grad job...

P.S is it really weird that I'm hoping he doesn't bring some random insta girl to his graduation/World Cup? he's worked so hard to get both and I'd hate for him to share his big moment with some random instead of close family 🥴🥺

It was indeed Montpellier ! Challenge cup and I have the little fight bit into the video I did loooong ago

Oh yes he always seems to be involved somehow... But he is also very good at restraining Jack because against Owen Williams he was almost starting to punch that poor ex tiger and Fred blocked him just in time. Pat pating the J. I am having a bit of mixed feeling about fights, Toby period I was condamming every bad gesture and trashing anyone even spitting on the pitch, George period I was used to him controlling OwenF not to fuck up everything with high tackles so I never had to complain about G he is a saint almost.... J ????? He is so tiny and softie usually that when he growls like a tiger cub I am a bit turned on nglieeeee I love a little bit to see that side but also terrified

And in Newcastle that panel never recovered from J's fist... So... Don't know if it is good to like an emotional sponge

Yeah I never noticed her tbh but I am not quite observing about Fred. So it means with ZN it was pretty serious on the opposite. She was eating at christmas with family , even met his grandpa and they went on fam vacay together so I think it was massive moove for Fred when I see how close he is with his fam. Shame.

No I think it is a logical wish from a fan. I am the same in that matter I was happy he shared his grand slam only with his fam and friends and his first cap with his momma ♡ and having a good crycry in her arms. I am sure at least for Fred's Seat in the RWC and wow I am a bit emotional. I have a vivid memory of him taking the time for everyone after the match the first time I met Jack and he looked so genuinely happy to do it, not like a duty and effortless. Not saying Jack is selfish with his time, this day he wasn't playing anyways but he seems less genuine sometimes ??? More mechanical smile and I understand it but Fred seems authentic and fresh each time with everybody. (Again I think in a way what I Will say is in opposition with what I Said earlier because Fred looks more authentic but I think he is just more used to fake when J looks less authentic and is actually more : tired when tired / angry when angry / upset when upset / I have seen a range on his face more pronounced than Fred but he can't hide when he is doing it for duty like Fred you see ?)

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ng25fj · 1 year

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— Forest were busy again this window. We knew Gustavo Scarpa was joining from Palmeiras but he was joined by teammate Danilo for (approx £16m). Scarpa is already looking like a quality attacking player. Plus another Brazilian in Felipe from Atlético Madrid. FOUR Brazilians in the Forest side now!! Chris Wood and Jonjo Shelvey also joined from Newcastle. Wood on a loan with an option to buy and Shelvey on an undisclosed fee. I can see why both these were signed. Experienced players and, with Wood, someone who has got goals in a side threatened by relegation before when he helped Newcastle out last season. I think he’d have definitely ended up at Leeds, Everton or Southampton if he wasn't here. There's been a pattern this season in getting more than one player from a club or nationality at the same time. I wonder if this was strategic? With the team being so new it would at least make the players feel a bit more comfortable with someone familiar next to them? Another signing was a bit of a surprise... Keylor Navas on loan from PSG. Sure he’s getting on a bit but 36 isn’t too old for a keeper and what great cover for the injured Henderson. All the signings here make sense and are a reaction to the current players injuries and what was seen to be needed to make improvements. I can only hope they hit the ground running and do well. Outgoings saw a lot of loans. Loic Bade (loan from Rennes terminated). Bit of a weird transfer in the first place this one. Never got a game and smacks of a bad, rushed decision by the previous recruitment team. Josh Bowler (on loan to Blackpool after Olympiacos loan terminated) another weird one, I don’t think Bowler is a bad player but this was done in a bit too much of a hurry. Dale Taylor (loan to Burton Albion), Loic Mbe Soh (loan to Guingamp), Aaron Donnelly (loan to Port Vale), Ateef Konate (loan to Oxford United), Brandon Aguilera (loan to Estoril) and Jordon Smith (loan to Huddersfield) all make sense as these players need game time. On more is Lewis O’Brien whose loan to Blackburn has still to be confirmed. Bit of a shame as he looked good but with Danilo, Mangala, Freuler, Yates, Lingard and now Shelvey his chances are going to be limited. Forest’s transfers this season have been wild and it is unprecedented to sign this many players. Its been a bit like when you pick your fantasy league team for the season and then after the first month you've got a much better idea of who is going to work out and what's needed so you play your free card and change a bunch of things. Some players clearly weren't Cooper’s idea or at least weren’t ticking the boxes for what he needed. The removal of the summers recruitment team followed by Dane Murphy leaving last month speaks volumes. Hopefully there is a more joined up approach with manager and director of football now. One thing though, Marinakis has made good on his promise to give Copper every chance with the players brought in. ....... Update 02/02/2023: Add Andre Ayew (free agent). Cooper knows him well from his time at Swansea and its just until the end of the season. You're hoping that Cooper can work some man management skills and get the best out of him for the last half of the season.

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baekhvuns · 1 year

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Hey bestie, RM defeated Barca in La Liga and Copa del Rey 11:1, 8:2 as well 😭 wtf was going on then, teams used pull such big numbers?! It still happens from time to time, but it seemed much more common in the 40s/50s. Bayern is on some hard shit for sure, they got the power. It's funny that Borussia can defeat Bayern, but they're still less known and don't do as well overall.

Zidane should have never left RM, man got us 3 CL wins!!!

I didn't expect the PSG x Al Nassr to go easy, but from what I've seen it was definitely personal 👁👁

I saw the Chelsea news, they need to do something because TEN PLACE in the Premier League??? And Liverpool 8? I told you, this is alternate reality, because Arsenal 1, Newcastle 3. Juve 10 in A Serie now 🙉

Also can I just say him and Busquets and then Pique were always my least favourite Barca players, but I didn't expect THIS

I don't know if I'll be able to feel bad for Charles, but I can understand that he and Harry are very different people who show emotions differently.

Honestly, SM sent Kai to weird Euro festivals, Exo and Taemin were in Berlin once, Shinee were in London. I heard NCT's concerts aren't selling as well as predicted, because of the prices. A whole mess. SuperM sold some of the questionable songs to me, idk why GOT isn't doing it. Tbh I understand BoA's disappointment and I'm pretty sure SM's shitty promo is part of the problem, but also consider this... the song and the MV sucks odhshwhrjabshsgahsvaha. Not her fault ofc, but yeah. Much ado about nothing

Oh you started iiiit, the beginning is a frustrating rideeeee. Eunhyuk is so sweet, but I hope he tells her soon. There were subtle hints from the beginning, him only having one earplug on and "ignoring" her (boy just couldn't hear 💔), in one chapter they were listening to heavy metal and he went "it's relaxing" and girlie went "????" 😭

Yes VHS (ancient times), I used to watch the first two HP movies religiously as a child! Ah yes Oppenheimer's cast! Miss Flo, Emily, Rami too... omg I totally forgot about that Adeline movie, but I watched it yes! I also liked Michiel in The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society with Lily James

One thing you need to know is that snakes aren't slimy, the texture of their skin depends on the species, it's soft and glossy, but a bit rough if the skin is more scale-like, it's honestly hard to explain. When I volunteered in Australia I had this corn snake friend who would wrap himself around my leg

Omg when CB called Ailee a cornball? But tbh I find it hard to believe Ailee didn't know about him, I remember seeing something about it 🙄

Yes, Baek, it's the colonialism <3 I always hated when I searched London and it showed me Canada?! The colonisers just plagiarised the names and called it a day. Googled Brampton and got whiplash lol

Can Hwa be my uncle and give me money 🤲🏻

Omg that Sehun tweet is my man Doyun! From the webtoon I ranted to you about, because it has an unnecessary love triangle and 3728 misunderstandings

Hoshi getting a sugar d*dd* lol, work I guess

Ohhh that Yeo art. We'll never see such long hair on him HA HA HA (pain)

Hwa usually looks soft barefaced, but he looked like such a bitch that day lmaooooo, yes bad boy. And That's why he is serving every time, he gets the best selection of clothes! - DV 💖

hello!!

im not HEARING ANY OF IT BFBDBD YOO UR RIGHT,, what was going on in the 40’s-80’s like 18-6’s and 10-0’s????? maybe the fields were smaller but damn, how easy was it back in the day 😭😭 bayern are monsters, im convinced they do some pogba witchcraft before matches bc how tf???? no yeah, borussia the only one who can defeat them properly yet we are blind when it comes to that club <3 rightfully so tbh <3

Zidane should have never left RM, man got us 3 CL wins!!! /// I didn't expect the PSG x Al Nassr to go easy, but from what I've seen it was definitely personal 👁👁

im seeing ancelotti being scouted by brazilian national team, which if he agrees (def won’t) would mean zidane rm 2.0 aND THEN HE CAN DO HIS MAGIC,, but apparently zidane might go psg, tbh he should, he can keep psg’s main ego in check,,, him messi and ney would actually be mAD

so personal that bro got punched by his own ex teammate 😭😭😭 i loved every bit of pettiness in it <3 the way psg we’re not even serious and roaming around and cr7 was playing like it’s his last fhwndhsj the biggest surprise / shock was the bollywood meet and greet so random???

FBWKFBWKJCJCJC ITS SO EMBARRASSING LIKE WHAT WENT WRONG 😭😭😭 need chelsea to pick it up or pACK IT UP, arsenal and man city’s match is gonna be nuts,,, haaland v saka??? want arsenal to lose on purpose fbwkhfkw

Also can I just say him and Busquets and then Pique were always my least favourite Barca players, but I didn't expect THIS

NAH LITERALLY always had certain vibes from him, tho a great player,, the vibes were off maybe bc his eyes have this very naughty cleverish stare and was kind of unsettling AND NOW THIS IS MESSED,, the victim also refused whatever money he tried to pay her off with + he changed his testimony like 3 times and hers stayed the same,,, video evidence of club too apparently jail deserved,, hoping busquet’s leaves this summer

I don't know if I'll be able to feel bad for Charles, but I can understand that he and Harry are very different people who show emotions differently.

yeaaahh it’s tbh kinda annoying to hear him say crap about charles when bro did his best to be the best father to him, worked for will why not harry 😭😭😭my kid saying that to me, id be fuRIOUS

YEAH !!! YEAH !!! i think the most sm sent their groups FULLY outside was during like 2014-2015 era,, also bc sm was innovative at that time w music and music videos + promo,, sucks to see how they’ve become now,,, did not know about the nct thing! damn their seats are $$$$ and i thought blackpink’s were the expensive-est damn that much money for what 😭😭😭 (bp’s contract renewal is so funny bc why is it like football transfer contracts 😭😭)

i also think the way they have GOT promo kinda made their hype go down,, esp the sm town concert where they dropped the full stage performance before the mv + song’s release and the somewhat of a hype it was died down VERY QUICKLY,,, at least superm had a chemistry to show even if they were completely diff,, their song cohesion is nice unlike the gUGUGUGUGUGUGU yEAH the song is a no no, the mv looks like snsd’s you think mv but yassified 😭😭

I DID AND WHEN HE APPEARED FBWMDKW SCREAMED AND WENT FOR A WALK INSIDE MY HOUSE 😭😭😭 STOPPPPP THATS SO SAD 😭😭😭 NOT RELAXINGJWJVCJC

anon, ur a fossil BFWMBDWMJCCK THE FIRST TWO ARE SO NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART,,, just being introduced to everyone and everything about the word magic ✨🤌🏻 the things i would do to wanna see that movie again for the very first time,,,, oppenheimer is def def going to be a blockbuster! cillian, rami, robert d jr, emily 😩😩 matt damon AND DEVON BOSTICK????? WIMPY KID???? this is like avengers but better omg,,, we need blake back idc idc her movies are so top tier >>> michiel is so fine, he’s my token white man <3 him in the haunting of the hill house too!!!! he chooses his movies really well!

i am fucking sorry, it would fucking do what.

That's what I've been saying, Pique was always an asshole and it's not just me being petty (well that too skshsjhdjsjsks), I never understood why Shakira got with him. 12 years??? Glad they didn't marry /// Omg when CB called Ailee a cornball? But tbh I find it hard to believe Ailee didn't know about him, I remember seeing something about it 🙄

no bc the way it was an open secret that he’d keep cheating on her??? found this on a reddit post and damn,, FOR 12 YEARS AND TWO KIDS U SPENT WITH HIM GOD DAMNIT SHAKIRA 😭😭😭 usually would take things from reddit as a grain of salt, but if it’s pique it’s true

HE DID???? NO WAY DHWJDHAKHDSK no srs her saying she doesn’t know him is like meghan markle saying she didn’t know who harry was, LIKE BRO AILEE UR FROM COLORADO 😭😭😭

Yes, Baek, it's the colonialism <3 I always hated when I searched London and it showed me Canada?! The colonisers just plagiarised the names and called it a day. Googled Brampton and got whiplash lol

IT SHOWS U CAN??? LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭 we are so trapped in this colonialist era, we’re never getting rid of this 😭😭 the Liverpool thing really shocked me fbwndbjccj yeah…bramptons…like the birmingham / bradford of canada

Can Hwa be my uncle and give me money 🤲🏻/// Omg that Sehun tweet is my man Doyun! From the webtoon I ranted to you about, because it has an unnecessary love triangle and 3728 misunderstandings

can i be his niece’s aunt 🤲🏻 IS HE??? 👁👁 did u end up finishing the webtoon??

Hoshi getting a sugar d*dd* lol, work I guess /// Ohhh that Yeo art. We'll never see such long hair on him HA HA HA (pain)

LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭 hoshi x usher collab dropping soon u just know it too,,, THE WAY ATEEZ NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT GOING LONG HAIRED, ALL OF THEM, NEED TO GO LONG HAIRED GIVE US BIG BANG FANTASTIC BABY

Hwa usually looks soft barefaced, but he looked like such a bitch that day lmaooooo, yes bad boy. And That's why he is serving every time, he gets the best selection of clothes! - DV 💖

HE REALLY DID LOOK LIKE A BITCH 😭😭😭 but a bad one, his stoic face would be so perfect for runways, with long coats and hands in his pockets,,, the day he get’s with a brand is the day my dreams will begin to come true bfmwbddn

anon…🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️ basic manners...morals??

HE 😭😭😭

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

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marireadshellblazer · 3 years

Text

Hellblazer Issue #10

This is, in my opinion, the first (but not the last) trippy issue in Hellblazer. I love these trippy issues. They remind me a lot of Swamp Thing (which was veeery trippy during Alan Moore’s run 10/10). I think for some people these trippy issues are confusing and maybe a bit off putting. After all, it goes from being very grounded in a relatively realistic reflection of the real world and addressing real world issues to…well…this.

Of course, in context, it does make sense that it would be trippy. Seeing as how it’s a crossover with Swamp Thing it needed to be at least somewhat trippy. Without context this issue may not even make sense to some readers. Here’s the cliff notes: Swamp Thing is basically a representative of The Green, which is basically all things green and leafy. He kinda dies and leaves Earth, meaning The Green makes a new representative. When Swamp Thing comes back, bad shit starts happening because there are two of them at the same time. Apparently, there can only be one at a time. Rather than killing the new rep, who they call The Sprout, he and his girlfriend decide the thing to do is give it a body to inhabit. That way it can live and won’t interfere with what Swamp Thing is doing. And how better to give it a body than to make one…the natural way. Thing is, Swamp Thing is a plant. Kinda hard to get your girlfriend pregnant if you can’t make that human sperm. So, due to reasons, they decide to use John as a donor. Now, John knew about what was gunna go down and was gunna volunteer. However, in a move that I can only chalk up to weirdly selfish dickishness, Swamp Thing tentacle rapes him, possesses his body, and basically actually rapes him via sleeping with Abby. John had pretty much no say in what was going on. Just woke up in the US naked. No memory of how he got there. No talk beforehand like “yeah I’m ok with this”. No talk about consent or anything. IDK seems like rape to me. So, this chapter fills in what happens to John while Swamp Thing has control over his body, which is pure nightmare fuel. All in all not a good time, but here we are.

Okay so as weird as the chapter is, you can’t argue with the quality of the art. It’s amazing. Don’t get me wrong, I love John Ridgway, but Richard Piers Rayner did a great job here. The sperm thing at the beginning is kinda…weird, but it works perfectly.

I love how they depict him moving through the astral plane here. It’s abstract, and not quite like being a ghost. He moves through things the way you’d think a ghost or spirit would, but he’s unhindered by the concept of time. This is the first time we see this sort of thing in the series, and it’s pretty cool.

Ahhh poor Zed. This is the aftermath. John is a cruel one, but it had to be done. Once again, I’m glad they are showing the regret and guilt John has over this. It would be so easy to have him be nonchalant or use the moral high ground to brush the whole thing off. I think a lot of people write John like that and it’s not accurate. John really is tormented by his own shitty behavior, justified or not. His humanity is such a big part of the story. It’s part of what redeems him in the eyes of the readers; he summons demons, runs headfirst into trouble, gets into fights for no reason, and is an asshole. Yet, he isn’t numb to it. And it’s this dichotomy that makes John a fun, complicated, and at times heartbreaking character.

Not gunna lie, the hell dogs bursting out of Nergal’s chest was…unexpected. In hindsight, considering the rest of this chapter’s contents, it shouldn’t have been a surprise.

I mean, where else would hell hounds come from?

WOOOOOOW. Rude. Not his fault. If anything, she should sicken him for basically assaulting him. But hell, that’s just me.

This memorable quote:

Now, the carnage that John comes home to is pretty horrifying. But it’s a lot worse if you read the Swamp Thing half of this part. When Swamp Thing possesses John, he sees that John really does feel relaxed and safe at his apartment, and rather likes his neighbors. Having this addressed right before all this happens is kind of heartbreaking. This place of safety has been violated by, as John finally realizes here, one of his greatest enemies. The demon who changed everything for him at Newcastle. And realizing he was behind it makes it all the more awful. Poor John. He has not had a good day.

And now, the moment we have all been waiting for! Up next: The Newcastle Incident!

Words I had to look up:

scupper- to sink deliberately

#Hellblazer #Issue 10 #reading #Thoughts

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be11atrixthestrange · 3 years

Text

Wendell Wilkins

Ludo Bagman meets a peculiar man at a bar.

It seemed like a normal bar. A normal muggle bar. And he really needed some normal right now. Ludo figured it unlikely there was anyone from the Ministry waiting to arrest him in an Australian muggle bar, so he took a deep breath, and stepped inside.

He took a seat at one of the barstools and noticed his reflection staring right back at him. He observed his appearance from a few different angles in the mirror on the wall behind the bar. His self-transfiguration was holding up pretty well. The red tint of his hair still looked relatively natural, or at least, like a natural attempt at an amateur hair-dye job, which made him look even more like a muggle. His eyes were unrecognizably brown, and his stature was exactly the same, because he knew that a completely different appearance would look suspicious to a British Auror.

Ludo had gotten himself into quite a bit of trouble back in England. As it turns out, it's hard to hide magic from muggles, especially if you're married to one. Eleanor's gullibility only took her so far, and when she caught Ludo levitating objects around the house, he couldn't explain himself.

He did his best to convince her it was all in her head, but unfortunately, gaslighting her wasn't the savior to his marriage he'd hoped it would be. When he came home to find her standing in their empty home, bags packed, he knew he'd never see her again. So he pulled out his wand, and wiped himself from her memory, even though it broke his heart to do so.

He was almost relieved to receive that letter from the Ministry notifying him of his crime— breaking the statute of secrecy. He laughed when he read it. If that was the only crime they had records of, good on him. He wasn't concerned about getting caught, he was concerned that they finally knew his address after all these years. But he was grateful. It was the perfect excuse to flee the country, and finally leave the memories of his happy marriage behind him. Another fresh start.

"I'll have a Newcastle," said a familiar accent beside him.

Ludo stiffened in his seat. He wasn't expecting to hear another British accent in a Melbourne bar. The likelihood of randomly sitting next to an incognito Auror was so small, he convinced himself not to worry. At least not yet.

The man next to him appeared about ten years older than him. He had dark but greying hair, thick glasses, the appearance of someone who had just gotten off an airplane, and was trying to kill time before checking into a hotel. His clothes looked expensive, but it also looked like he hadn't changed them in days. It was a peculiar appearance.

"What's the name for the tab?" asked the barkeep.

The man next to Ludo paused before he answered. "Wilkins."

Fake name, thought Ludo. He would know, because he frequently had to pause in order to remember his alias of the day.

The man named 'Wilkins' accepted his Newcastle, thanked the barkeeper, and then pulled out a notebook from his bag. Ludo turned to observe the man more closely. The notepad was already covered in neat, tiny writing, and he squinted as he read it again, a thoughtful look on his face. Ludo thought it unlikely that he recognized him, and figured his best approach would be to make conversation with the man. Worst case scenario, he'd know quickly if he had to make a run for it. Best case, he'd find out the man really wasn't a British wizard in disguise.

"Did you just fly in from London?" asked Ludo.

The man turned to look at Ludo, eyeing him up and down before shaking his head. "Been here a few months. You're from England?"

Ludo nodded. "First time in Melbourne." He extended a hand toward the man. "Leo Wilson," he stated, offering a fake name.

The man looked him in the eye before accepting his handshake. "Wendell."

Wendell Wilkins, thought Ludo. It still sounded fake, but then again, so did Leo Wilson. "Nice to meet you, Wendell," he said with a nod. He turned back at the barman. "I'll have a Newcastle too."

When he had his drink in hand, he raised his glass to Wendell. "To England," he said. The two men clinked glasses and took a sip.

"What brings you to Melbourne?" asked Wendell.

Ludo shrugged. "A change of scenery," he said. "What about you?"

Wendell paused and took a long swig of his beer before he answered. "Honestly, I'm not sure. I guess me and my wife just wanted something new." Ludo narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the man. It sounded like he hadn't quite thought through his backstory. Wendell diverted the question expertly. "Do you have a wife?"

"Had."

An empathetic look crossed Wendell's face. "Sorry to hear that."

Ludo shrugged. "It happens. What about you?"

Wendell nodded. "Monica. But if it makes you feel any better, things with her haven't been great since we came to Australia."

This sparked Ludo's curiosity. "That's too bad," he said insincerely. "Problems with the ladies. That calls for another round, I believe." He had an ulterior motive of course. Maybe if Wendell drank just a little bit more, he would reveal whether or not he was a threat. He ordered them each a second beer, and the men toasted to their marital problems, and drank.

He listened intently as Wendell recounted his relationship issues. Evidently, things had just felt off between him and Monica since their arrival in Australia. They couldn't quite remember why they decided to move, and they argued about it constantly.

There were some weird things they couldn't explain, like the general fogginess, the forgetfulness, and the constant deja vu. They couldn't seem to agree about very simple aspects of their former lives, such as what town they used to live in, where they worked, and who their friends were. Something big seemed to be missing, and neither of them could put a finger on what it was.

They blamed it on each other, and assumed what was missing was passion. Love. They decided they had moved to Australia to reignite the missing flame of their marriage, but clearly, it wasn't working.

Wendell had other theories, but they didn't sit well with his wife. His theory was that something was missing from their lives, it had nothing to do with their marriage, and it wasn't an accident. Wendell thought something sinister was going on, but Monica thought he was crazy.

"Be honest," said Wendell after draining his second beer. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

Ludo motioned to the bartender to order a third round. "No, I don't think you're crazy."

It was true. Ludo didn't think Wendell was crazy at all. And unless Wendell was a particularly gifted actor, he definitely wasn't a wizard in disguise.

Wendell was a muggle. An obliviated muggle. Ludo was sure of it.

There was no recognition in Wendell's eyes as he talked about his past life. It was the same empty stare he saw in Eleanor after he wiped himself from her memory, and it broke his heart. Seeing that same fog in Wendell's expression broke his heart all over again.

"What's the notebook for?" asked Ludo, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Wendell looked hesitant at first, before sliding the notebook over toward Ludo. "Sometimes, when I drink, I remember things, and I write them all down. I draw them if there aren't words."

Ludo studied the writing on the page before him. At first, it looked like gibberish, but he started to decipher patterns in the letters. The letters "HJG" appeared over and over.

"What is HJG?" he asked.

Wendell glanced around him as if he was concerned someone would overhear him. He shifted closer to Ludo before he answered. "I think they are initials."

"Your initials?"

Wendell shook his head. "Although Wendell Wilkins doesn't feel like my real name, I've given up trying to remember my own initials. I think those were the initials that I was meant to forget."

Ludo scowled at the paper. He turned to a previous page, where Wendell had drawn a picture of a large orange tabby cat. He turned the page again, this time revealing four words in a slanted scrawl that repeated across the page.

Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus

Ludo felt his breath catch in his throat. "What does this mean?" he asked, although he knew perfectly well what it meant.

Wendell sighed. "It's Latin for 'never tickle a sleeping dragon'. It sounds mental, I know." He took another sip of his beer before shrugging. "It felt important."

It was important. Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus was the Hogwarts school motto. There was no way Wendell had written that down by coincidence. The motto was part of the school emblem, which appeared on the uniforms, the school post, and any memorabilia that a student might take home to their parents. Ludo remained certain that Wendell was a muggle, because even the most skilled obliviater couldn't wipe their own magic from someone's memory. There was only one other way Wendell would know the school motto.

"Wendell, do you have any children?"

Wendell sat up straight and looked Ludo in the eye. He appeared to study him, as if determining what answer he should give. He must have seen an earnest expression in Ludo because he eventually nodded. "A daughter. At least I think I do. I just can't quite remember."

They sat there in silence for a while. Ludo couldn't help but think about his wife— ex-wife, and wonder. Where did she go when she walked away from him with that blank stare in her eye? Did she have a notebook full of scribbles that hardly made sense to her? Was she currently sitting at a bar trying to remember her marriage? Was she also living in a constant fog, questioning her own sanity?

He had never once stopped to think about the lasting effects before he wiped her memory. Instead, he naively assumed it simply erased his problems, and moved on. But now, watching 'Wendell', sipping away at his third Newcastle, he was faced with a harsh reality. This man clearly hadn't been home in days. He looked like he hadn't slept in longer. He was three drinks deep on a weekday morning, scribbling nonsense into a notebook, and telling a complete stranger about his forgotten daughter. He clearly wasn't doing well.

Ludo was positive he'd never see Eleanor again. He'd never be able to help her. But maybe he could make up for that, by helping Wendell right now. He'd already broken the statute of secrecy once, what would be the harm in doing it again?

"Wendell, do you want to find her?"

He squinted at Ludo, assessing his seriousness. "That's what I've been trying to do."

Ludo nodded and looked straight at Wendell's somber, yet hopeful eyes. He took a deep breath. "I can help you."

Wendell narrowed his eyes skeptically. "How could you possibly help me?"

Ludo took another sip, as if to fill him with more courage. He was good at lying to muggles, but not telling the truth. He tried to ignore the feeling of foreboding that came over him, telling him that this was a bad idea. If he couldn't give the truth to Eleanor, he owed it to Wendell.

Wendell needed a friend, and so did he. This would be good.

"I can help you, because I'm a wizard. And I know what happened to you."

There was a prolonged silence. Ludo stared directly at his Newcastle, but he felt Wendell's eyes on him, burning a hole through him. He reluctantly turned to face him.

Wendell's expression was unreadable, but the blankness that characterized his eyes before had all but disappeared. His face was filled with recognition.

Was it hopefulness? Sadness? Shock? Ludo couldn't tell. After all, he didn't really know Wendell. He was a complete stranger. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything at all.

Then Wendell spoke softly and stiffly, as if it required a great effort to steady his voice. "You're capable of making people forget?"

Ludo sighed. Then nodded. "I'm also capable of helping them remember."

"Are you the one who did this to me?" he nearly whispered.

Ludo shook his head firmly. "No."

"Did you do this to your wife?"

Ludo froze, regretting sharing any information about Eleanor. Although he never answered affirmatively, his hesitation confirmed Wendell's suspicions.

"Shame on you."

"Wendell, just trust me—,"

"No!" Wendell shouted, loudly enough that a few people looked up. He looked around self-consciously and whispered, "I could never trust you."

Ludo studied him. Anger, and fear. That's the expression he read. He saw the same emotions on Eleanor's face right before he obliviated her.

"Everything ok here?" asked the barman, clearing both Ludo and Wendell's empty bottles.

"Yes," said Wendell, still glaring at Ludo.

"Ok then," said the man, before disappearing behind the bar.

"Don't talk to me anymore," said Wendell, who swiped his notebook back, and turned to face the bar.

Ludo could have left it at that. He should have left it at that. But his moral compass had never pointed due north, and he couldn't stand the thought of someone else knowing he was a criminal. Especially someone who didn't trust him. He was supposed to be in hiding.

Maybe he could fix it. He fished for his wand in his pocket, making sure to slip it almost entirely up his sleeve before pulling it out. He pointed his forearm toward Wendell, who must have felt Ludo's gaze on him, because he turned toward him.

Wendell's gaze drifted down to Ludo's sleeve, and his eyebrows shot up. "What the hell are you—"

"Obliviate," muttered Ludo, and he watched the anger and recognition fade from Wendell's eyes, and they were suddenly strangers again. Wendell turned back to the pages of his notebook, and ran his fingers over the words Draco Dormiens Nunquam Tittilandus. Ludo felt his stomach sink as he mourned the loss of a potential friendship. Part of him wanted to try again, because he really could help Wendell, and Wendell seemed just as lonely as Ludo. He opened his mouth to speak, and almost introduced himself for the second time.

But he didn't. Even though his moral compass wasn't always correct, it sometimes got close, and at this moment, it seemed like the right thing to do was to let Wendell be. So he held his tongue, and hoped he would find his daughter someday. Ludo fished his wallet out of his pocket, and left enough muggle money on the bar to cover Wendell's last three drinks.

"I'll have a Newcastle."

It was the last thing Ludo heard Wendell say, before he stood up, and left the bar.

#hp fanfic #hp ficlet #hp fandom #hp fanfiction

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thecursedhellblazer · 4 years

Text

(( I had told myself not to write anything about this, but I kinda have a lot of feelings on the matter and I’ve seen several posts around, so I thought I could share my opinion too. This are just some random thoughts, so forgive me if they are all a bit all over the place. ))

(( Under the cut because the post got a bit long. ))

(( I’ve recently caught up with Legends, after having missed the two latest episodes, and I’m absolutely torn over the kind of twist some of the sub plots are taking. Behrad’s death was kinda expected, but I was still hoping that they would have kept him around for a bit longer. Of course, there is still the chance that he gets back, considering that we don’t really know how the whole Loom of Fate ordeal will end, but tbh I wished we had had more bonding between him and Zari before he was taken out of the picture. I understand that his death, together with meeting her older self, is important to Zari’s character development, but I still feel like it was a bit rushed. ))

(( One thing I really liked, even if maybe is a cliched, was Charlie choosing the Legends as her family and breaking away from the conditioning that her sisters have tried to force on her, even after all that time. And the fact that it was during the episode with the Spn setting...The whole “family doesn’t end with blood” trope was quite fitting. I love that she has found her place with them, after millennia spent on the run from a her “biological” family, which was obviously abusive. ))

(( Another nice surprise was Astra choosing to team up with Ava & Co, choosing to trust John, other than giving into Lachesis’s siren call. I’m really excited to see how they will deal with her character. In the comics, John eventually manages to free her from Hell, but we aren’t given much closure, especially not after how deeply John’s whole storyline is affected by the Newcastle clusterfuck. It seems that the show is trying to take another route to deal with it and I’m really curious and hopeful for what concerns it. Also, I do like the idea of her having a more active role in changing her destine. Quite literally. And Ava sharing her backstory with her, trying to convince her to be her own person? That was really good. Also because it shows the growth of Ava’s character too. ))

(( Now, the thing that has been bothering me the most. The turn in Constantine and Zari 2.0′s relationship. Personally, I don’t like it. I wasn’t a fan of Nate & Zari either, but pushing her towards just makes me straight out uncomfortable. I found myself looking away in the scenes where they were getting romantically physical and I’m not sure what I’m going to do if they will make them an official couple. I really don’t see the chemistry between them. Don’t get me wrong, they are funny, they have a good dynamic, the way their characters clashes because of the differences is interesting. They do have chemistry but as friends. I don’t really see how a romance could work out, and let’s not forget the whole Nate factor. I’m going a bit more in depth with this, even if no one really cares about my meta xD But since I’m at it, I don’t see why not. ))

(( Zari 1.0 and John had some very nice moments. Their relationship was different, also because they had more common ground. They had both known tragedy, they had both made bad choices and paid for them. Zari 1.0 could relate better to John, because, while she was a good person too, she knew what it meant having to do the wrong thing for the right reasons, and that something that John does a lot. I didn’t ship them, but I really loved their dynamics and I will always treasure that scene when she gives him the picture of his mother she had taken. There was a connection there and it was a really good friendship, not so different from the one John has with Charlie. ))

(( Now, Zari 2.0 is a completely different person. She has a completely different backstory and, as such, a different personality. I didn’t like her at first, but she has grown a lot recently and matured too during her time with the Legends and she has got back being a great character, relatable too. However, she still lacks all the common ground that Zari 1.0 had with John. This isn’t a bad thing, don’t get me wrong. The fact that they come from completely different worlds is one of the elements that makes their dynamic interesting, but it also underlines the fact that Zari has no idea of who John is and of how his world truly works and she probably will never understand it. She kinda reminds me of Kit (one of John’s lovers in the comics, perhaps his most important relationship together with Zatanna) under some point of view, even if the two characters have some very profound differences. Kit and John were very close, he was head over heels for her, but it didn’t work out because, while she knew him, she couldn’t grasp or accept his world. The magic, the darkness, the bad things he does because it’s what he is. And so it ended very, very badly between them. Honestly? That’s the only kind of dynamic I can picture in a romance between John and Zari. And it’s already a stretch, because Kit’s character had some traits that made her compatible with John, traits that Zari doesn’t have. Not to mention that Kit had a lot of history with John before they got together romantically, and that was what made them work, for a while. Zari doesn’t. So, it might be a way to make it sort of work (still forced for how I see it), unless they break his character...and I would HATE that. He is my favourite from LoT and I’ve waited a long time to see him brought back after his show was cancelled, so...please, don’t ruin it for me. ))

(( Also, their “romantic” connection really felt shoved in out of the blue. They have never really interacted much before and sure, being forced to team up can bring two people close, the timing is awful. Let’s not forget that Zari had just decided to blame John for Behrad’s death. She was supposed to have a grudge against him. Moreover, she is grieving the brother she was finally starting to properly connect with and she is struggling with a quest to rebuild her identity after she has found out about her other self. She is looking for her place in the world and a person who is dealing with that realistically doesn’t go and fall for someone just because they have shared an adventure. It feels forced and rushed. Maybe in another context I could have tolerated it or given it the benefit of the doubt, but not in this moment of the storyline. It’s out of plance to say the least. I had expected them to work out their differences in that episode, but instead all they do is bickering (which is fun) and then they fight together (which was great, tbh, because it shows them both that they can be a good team). However, there’s not a real moment when they properly talk about what has happened, about their conflict . We just see them being shoved together and forced to touch and then there’s that almost kiss moment and it’s just...bad timing. It feels awkward and yeah, forced too. ))

(( Also, let’s not forget that in the previous episode, Zari sleep-walked in Nate’s bedroom and half of the crew, including John, found them in the middle of a somewhat compromising position in the middle of the corridor. John joked and teased them as everyone else and wasn’t upset in the least. On the contrary, he was basically rooting for them. And this was perhaps the day, or a few days at most, before the whole romantic innuendos got thrown in the mix. Yet another reason why I feel this was forced and rushed and brought up out of nowhere. ))

(( As for John, his current focus is on getting the Loom back together and keeping his promise to Astra. We have seen him being reckless and single-minded about it, to the point that he almost got himself, Charlie and Sara killed. And did get Behrad killed, because he didn’t think his shit through. It doesn’t make sense to me that he suddenly finds the time to notice that he might or might not have feelings for Zari. It’s almost out of character. And it clashes with how he has been behaving so far. You don’t stop obsessing about the one thing that would allow you to FINALLY make amends for the greatest regret of your entire life just because you realise that one of your teammates is actually a nice company, all considered. Plus, he too has already too much on his plate in general to have the space for a romance. And, personal preference, John is good on his own. He needs friends that can help him picking up the pieces, not a relationship that will eventually just bring him more harm and complications. God, I miss Chas. ))

(( Someone could argue that they shared a moment during the Romeo vs Juliette episode, but I disagree with that too. That episode was all about Nate and Ray. The dialogue between Romeo and Juliette was not about John and Zari, it was all about Nate and Ray. They are the star-crossed couple of friends (lovers in the play), not John and Zari. That kiss was a symbol of Ray and Nate reconnecting with each other before taking different paths and it had nothing to do with John and Zari. At least, that’s the feeling I had from how the whole episode was built and I think that I’m not completely misled in that regard. ))

(( Last thing, I don’t want the whole thing between Zari and John to be a source of drama. Because that’s what we’ll get, because Nate is still very much in love with Zari, both Zaris. He has started to chase after Zari 2.0 thinking that she was his Zari, but he came to like her for what she is too. And maybe, yes, perhaps he needs to move on from her as some people have pointed out. It could be one way to go around it, but that wouldn’t spare us the classic love triangle crap we get at some point in every damn show and I’m starting to be a bit bored with it. And it wouldn’t really change my view on John and Zari’s relationship. ))

#lot spoilers #legends of tomorrow #lot 5x10 #lot 5x09 #john constantine #nate heywood #ray palmer #ava sharpe #zari tarazi #zari tomaz

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vanmccantfish · 4 years

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best and worst pictures of Bondy, Benji, Bob and Van? Best interview and best festival gig in your opinion? Also what do you think is Van's favorite travel destination, Bondy's fav weather condition? Bob’s fav holiday and Benji’s fav time of the day? Weird questions I know

okay my guy there's a lot to unpack here, let us begin

first of all, and i cannot stress this enough, there will NEVER be a bad photo of those boys (but if were talking about the least best pic? we all know it's this)

and wow it's tricky to pick my faves but for today at least let's go with these - accidental b&w aesthetic but if there's anything sexier than these lads it's these lads in black and white

NEXT, best interview, another toughie, the one that springs to mind is the amoeba one with van and bondy, because I could listen to those boys talk music all day long, and then also not a proper interview but that mtv takeover where they were just pissing about the whole time, proper chaotic vibe, loved it

okay best festival gig, love love love trnsmt 17, stunning show, just from the second homesick starts the crowd goes absolutely mental and it's incredible, but then again the recent manchester arena one was ethereal so i'd recommend checking those videos out too if for some reason you haven't already?

rapidfire the last few:

van's travel destination = has to be home, does too much travelling as it is

bondy's weather = sunny and cold, winter mornings, but like proper freezing, when the wind is all over the place and you can't feel your face because that's good old newcastle weather 24/7/364 (tends to warm up a bit on 22nd august)

bob's holiday = somewhere peaceful, I'm thinking retreat-y destinations, bali type place but remove all the influencers, chill like himself

benji's time of day = benj, i believe, like myself, is a nocturnal being - and the witching hour is the time we truly come alive

FIN

Thanks so much for the ask! Loved answering these, no such thing as a weird question my dude

#ask #answered #catfish and the bottlemen #catfish #catb #thanks!!!#answered to the best of my ability #which is poor #but yknow #loved it anyway #great questions #fun for quarantine

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amoveablejake · 4 years

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The Inevitable Preview Piece

Right, I’ll say it now. This piece was inevitable, even if I didn’t realise it at first. Ofcourse I was always going to write a Premier League prediction piece, it was just a matter of time as to when this fact would hit me. As the season starts this weekend the past week or so has been full of predictions all over the place from podcasts I listen to, to different articles online and now I have this platform I thought why not put my thoughts in, which when the league ends I will undoubtedly look back upon and laugh at. Anyway, shall we begin because we have a fair bit to get through and I can already tell some of you may be skipping to the next segment. I promise I’ll try and make this at least somewhat interesting for those of you who don’t care. Maybe I’ll try and give each team a little title, that will keep you reading, right? Right? (Sigh)

Arsenal: The train that runs out of steam.

Arsenal always start well. I know that, you know that, we all know that. They are a team who always start well by playing exciting football and for a while their fans start to think, hey, maybe this will be our year after all. The thing is though, the first ten matches of the Premier League are the days of wine and roses and they don’t matter as much as you’d think. Its always after this honeymoon period ends that Arsenal hit a slump and run out of steam and maybe they’ll pick it back up at times but they never truly get back on track. I do however think they’ll do slightly better this year so I’m going to say they’ll finish fifth. I like Arteta what can I say.

Aston Villa: The Royal team.

Whilst Prince William supports Aston Villa I don’t think even his Royal support will spur them on to play exciting football. They had a relegation scrap last year and I see the same for them once again. I will admit that until I looked at the list to see who is in the league this year I had forgotten they were still in the top flight. I think that speaks for itself. I think that Aston Villa will finish seventeenth and will survive once again by the skin of their teeth. Sadly.

Brighton and Hove Albion: Seagulls take flight.

I don’t know why, but I have a funny feeling Brighton might do a bit better than usual this year. They always seem to finish around the middle to bottom of the table but I think that they might keep themselves in a European conversation, for a little while at least. The addition of Adam Lallana is a very positive one and I think they will prove to upset some of the bigger name teams over the course of the season. Plus they have a very swish new home kit and I sort of do have a soft spot for them. Predicted finish: Ninth, hey, its on the right track.

Burnley: You again?

Burnley is another team that I always forget exists, let alone in the Premier League. I’ll keep this one short, I think they’ll finish fifteenth. Now I’m not being mean, I hope that they have a nice season and their fans enjoy watching them play. I won’t though, I have paint to watch dry.

Chelsea: Money can’t buy happiness.

Okay, okay, I’ll admit it, I do not like Chelsea. At all. Yes they have quite a nice new home shirt and technically, technically, they are the closest Premier League team to where I was born however, they don’t get my support. To me Chelsea have always felt like the bad guys and perhaps that is unwarranted but what can I say. I just don’t like the Death Star. The boys in blue have spent a lot, and I mean A LOT, this summer but will it work? I don’t think so. They have bought excellent players in but the problem is Frank had a good team of youngsters already and I think by bringing in a lot of new players he has shown he doesn’t have faith in those younger players afterall and I don’t know if the team will form a solid base this time around. I see Chelsea coming in sixth and honestly, I don’t know if Mr. Lampard will make it to the end of the season.

Crystal Palace: Please, just let Zaha leave.

I’m never that convinced by Crystal Palace. That isn’t to say they’re not very good, they do have moments of prowess and do show signs of making it into the Europa League but then they tend to lose silly matches. I think the club might be nearing the end of its relationship with Roy Hodgson and after he leaves it might get a little shaky for a while. And the will they let him go or won’t they dance they have with Zaha every year is getting very tiring and I can’t imagine its good for the team’s atmosphere. Please, just let the man leave whilst you end up finishing in thirteenth.

Everton: Just how Everton can Everton be.

Everton are managed by Carlo Ancelotti. Everton. That is quite something. I’m still not sure if I believe it and honestly, I don’t think Carlo does either. Yes he has signed old pal James Rodriguez this summer which for my money is a fantastic new addition however, I don’t see Carlo seeing out the season at Merseyside. Its not the club for him and thats fine. I think they will show moments of looking pretty good but ultimately Everton will do what Everton is destined to do. And that is finish tenth.

Fulham: Don’t Cry For Me Brentford

I’ll keep this one short. I wanted Brentford to go up in the playoff final. Fulham didn’t deserve it. Thats right, I said it. I don’t want them here, I am still bitter and I’m not crying, you’re crying! But whats this I see through my years, I see Fulham finishing in nineteenth and me tasting sweet, sweet revenge.

Leeds: They used to be quite big right.

From what I’ve heard, Leeds used to be quite a big team. People were scared of them. The thing is, I am too young to remember those days so I don’t have the respect for them that some do. I am pleased that their fans finally got to see this return and I don’t think they’ll shoot right down again, in fact I think they’ll do reasonably well. I see them finishing fourteenth, which isn’t bad for a first season in the Premier League. They will show moments early on I think where people will say they’re going to do exceedingly well, but once again, never trust the first ten games.

Leicester City: Believe in yourself.

The foxes feel like a team that are running on the water and then when they realise what they’re doing they lose their confidence and sink. They are a team which as we know can be exceedingly good, they can be a joy to watch and whats more their players always look happy to be out there. Last season they were flying very high indeed especially on a rainy night in Southampton however, they tend to lose their confidence in themselves and I think they might do the same again this year. Also, Vardy is a great player but his back must be getting heavy carrying that attack. I think that this time around Leicester will take eighth place. Thats not a comment on them but more so on how close I think those top eight places are going to be.

Liverpool: Foot off the gas.

Liverpool are the best team in Britain at the moment. Maybe. Well they were for the past couple of years but now, I’m not too convinced. Why, why do I doubt such a strong team, its because there have been no changes. There haven’t really been any transfers and hey if something isn’t broken why fix it. I’ll tell you why, because whilst you were out there on your boat, enjoying the sun, looking around at your crew who you realised that they are all getting that much older and they’re very comfortable in their roles. In fact, they don’t really have to fight. They seem to have lost that hunger, a hunger that all the sharks growing underneath the boat certainly have and you better believe the moment they smell blood they’re going to surface. I think Liverpool will finish in third. They will still challenge for the title but it won’t be coming back to Anfield this time around.

Manchester City: A team with Pep.

Manchester City were bad last year. Yes they came second but they were so far behind Liverpool it was not a successful season. They only won one trophy also which by their standards is not good and it wasn’t even the Champions League or FA Cup. I think this season they’re going to be back to their old ways, not in a perfect way however, there are a lot of holes in that team (a new defender and striker would be good) but they do have Kevin De Bruyne and that man is from another realm. Do I see City lifting the Premier League, honestly, no, I think they might win everything else but not this.

Manchester United: I’m allowed to be biased okay.

Yes, I do support Manchester United and yes I do know that makes me biased however, I do have a sneaking suspicion they will win the Premier League. Whys that, well it might not look like it yet but I think some more transfers are coming both now and in January. The arrival of Van De Beek is also very welcome and I think the squad will start to believe in itself more and they’ll definitely improve as that confidence comes back. Don’t get me wrong, it won’t be a beautiful win, infact I think they will win on the final day and the whole title race this year will be very close but I don’t know, I have a feeling that they’ll do it. Either that or I’ll be crushed when they get relegated.

Newcastle United: Mike Ashley out.

For once Newcastle have made some good signings this summer, good sensible signings and they have kept Steve Bruce on which I think is a good thing however, with Mike Ashley still being the owner and that ever present cloud hanging over the team I don’t think they’ll ever really hit their stride. Sadly I see them finishing in sixteenth although I would really like to see them finish higher.

Sheffield United: My soft spot.

I have absolutely no idea but ever since I was little I have had a soft spot for the Blades and after their very impressive performance last year I would like to see them do well again. However, I think the end of the loan spell with Dean Henderson will hurt and they didn’t look as strong post the lockdown pause so I see them coming eleventh which is still good just not as good we’d like. We being me and a team always keep an eye on.

Southampton: It was nice whilst it lasted.

Southampton again had a very good year last year and I’m sure that their fans are hoping for more of the same however, I think that this time around the top half of the table is going to be a much fiercer, closer battle and sadly that will be at the detriment of teams like Southampton who will find themselves twelfth and it won’t really be their fault. I would like to see them head into Europe as they are my local team but I don’t think that they will this time around.

Tottenham Hotspur: No prime delivery.

Despite the fancy Amazon documentary coming out and Jose being Jose, I think that Tottenham will do exactly what their fans have sadly grown used to which is showing signs of being a top four team but ultimately making silly mistakes and losing against teams that they really shouldn’t which will slide them down to seventh. I hope for their fans that they win something this year, anything really but when it comes to Spurs you just never can tell. What am I saying, you can and they won’t.

West Bromwich Albion: Someone has to do it.

Someone has to finish last and it will be West Brom. Do I really need to say anything else. I suppose I should say something nice, um, I’ve heard that you can buy a nice pie at their stadium. A nice pie to soak up the tears when they get relegated.

West Ham United: Time to learn.

I want West Ham United to get relegated. Why? Because they need to learn. Not the players, not the manager but the club. The club is run horribly and they constantly make bad decisions whether it be getting rid of promising young players, signing players at big costs to no avail or to have a constant merry go round of managers. Its a shambles and thats a shame because they have a very nice home kit and I do sort of like West Ham. With that in mind they’ll finish eighteenth and I’ll be happy about it so that they come back stronger.

Wolves: Hear them howl.

I like Wolves. In fact my favourite animal is a wolf but thats not why I have a fondness for Wolverhampton Wanderers. No, thats because they are a good team, with a great manager, who make sensible signings, seem to be run well, sadly have a horrific kit but play very good, classic football. I like the players, I like the team and I always want to see them do well and upset the establishment. Even when one player rubs baby oil on his tree trunk arms so the other players can’t grab hold of him. He’s good enough to not make someone do that but hey, there are worse jobs to have (see playing for Burnley for further details). I think Wolves will finish fourth this time around and will reach the Champions League. I also think they’ll do well in the FA Cup and will win more praise that they definitely deserve.

So there we have it, we made it. How will these predictions pan out, probably not very well but hey, its not like I’ve written them down so I can be mocked with them later.

- Jake, a man who is fully aware he can never go to Burnley now, 13/09/2020

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sunsetsover · 5 years

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i’d love to read one of your posts about ben’s actions tonight? like, we all understand /why/ but you have such a lovely way with words and i like pain. thanks 🥺

thank you, you’re so sweet!! usually i like to answer asks in order but imma let u skip the queue just this once bc this one’s time sensitive and ur so nice 🥺

so……. where do i even begin w this……..

the thing is ben has such horrible self esteem issues and a lot of ppl (both characters on the show and ppl in the audience) don’t realize that bc he comes across as very confident and bold and unfazed by anything, but the thing is….. that’s a front…….. he is not confident, he is not bold (not when it really matters) and he’s affected by pretty much everything. like massively so. what other people think of him - particularly people he cares about - affects not only how he sees himself, but also how he behaves. he seems to almost want to be a self fulfilling prophecy - remember how everyone thought it was ben who hit phil over the head, so ben was like ‘well seeing as though everyone thinks i tried to kill him, i might as well actually do it’?? yeah. he’s very susceptible to allowing other people’s opinions on him dictate his opinions of himself, as well as the course of action he ends up taking.

so it’s very easy to see how that lead to what happened with callum and their date. ian making a comment about it? well ben gives back as good as he gets, and this is ian we’re talking about, who is as obtuse as they come. but you see as ben leaves the beale’s that despite seeming unbothered by it, that comment actually got to him. it got him thinking: what if ian was right? what if he has a point? literally ben was already doubting himself after a snide comment from ian, that’s how affected he is by other people’s opinions (and also that’s how much he cares about callum!). and then you’ve got jay piling on top of that, and ok maybe his comments were innocuous and maybe he had a point, but with what ian had already said? the doubts really start taking hold. like maybe ian isn’t just full of shit, not if jay’s thinking the same thing - jay, who probably knows ben better than anyone. so maybe he and callum aren’t right for each other. maybe they won’t work.

and then you’ve got stuart who just puts the giant fucking nail in the coffin. he sets the disaster snowball rolling down the hill. and he does it in a really clever, manipulative way too (it’s a similar type of manipulation we see ben use on callum when he sold him that van!): he disarmed ben with an apology and with this newfound openmindedness, offers ben an olive branch by saying ‘i care about callum and i think you do too’ - essentially lowering ben’s guard - and then goes in with the ‘bad things happen around you so you need to stay away from callum because i don’t want happened to paul to happen to him’. and that undoubtedly completely fucks ben up - we didn’t even really need ian and jay putting doubts in his head before that tbh, i think what stuart said would have been enough to screw ben up on it’s own. and you know, i think even with ian and jay’s comments, if stuart hadn’t said what he said they might’ve been alright. ben might be a little bit off, but it probably would have been recoverable. but as soon as paul was mentioned - as soon as what happened to paul was mentioned - it was all bets off the table. we’ve seen how much paul’s death still affects ben, how much he still blames himself. so to have stuart basically insinuate that yeah, what happened to paul was somehow because of ben and that the same thing might happen to callum - someone that ben obviously really cares about - again because of ben? it was game over. stuart softened him up then went right for ben’s rawest spot. like how the fuck was he supposed to recover from that in a matter of hours?

and yeah, he probably should have done the decent thing and just cancelled. but that’s not how ben’s brain works. ee have already established that doing this exact thing is a pattern of behaviour for ben - he broke up w the guy he was seeing (that he was into!) in newcastle for the exact same reason he purposely sabotaged his date with callum: because he ‘had to, because if anything had got, like, serious, then [ben] would have ruined his life’. those are ben’s exactwords. now who does that sound like? what kind of paranoia is that kind of thinking feeding into? this is what ben thinks about himself. this is what ben worries he’s going to do to the men in his life. like this is what ben does!!! which is why it really surprised me that some ppl thought his behaviour yesterday was OOC. it seems to me that if anything this behaviour is perfectly in line with both his character and his previous actions. and to be perfectly honest, i think if ben hadn’t tried to deliberately fuck it up now, then he probably would have eventually. at least if he’s doing this right at the very beginning the two of them have a chance of working through it.

so why didn’t ben just cancel? well callum would’ve wanted an explanation. and what could ben have said, when he had been so up for it until then? ‘sorry, a few people have talked some sense into me and i realized i like you too much to ruin your life’? that wouldn’t have worked. ‘i changed my mind’? callum’s gonna ask why. ‘something came up’? callum might ask for another date. and ben clearly likes callum quite a bit, and he knows as well as we do that if callum had asked him out again, he probably wouldn’t have been able to say no. so he thinks: i have to break this until there’s no chance of recovery. i need to destroy any chance there is for us, get rid of any interest callum has in me. i need to make him angry at me, because then he’ll stay away from me. i need to make him hate me, because if he hates me at least he won’t be hurting. and if i do have to hurt him, it’s better to hurt him now rather than further down the line when it will hurt him ten times more. it’s flawed thinking, obviously, but ben’s a flawed man with a lot of issues and no self esteem who thinks that a) he doesn’t deserve someone like callum and b) that he’ll only end up hurting him, or that callum will end up hurt because of him. so in his own fucked up way, he was really trying to protect callum - from ben himself, and whatever pain ben’ll inevitably (as far as he’s concerned) end up inflicting on him. (and don’t forget paul and what happened to him was now at the forefront of his mind too, so i’m sure that only made him even more determined to make sure he gets callum as far away from him as possible.)

so what does he do? he completely fucking destroys this date. invites other people along, pays callum no attention, makes 0 effort, literally cops off with someone else in plain view and then makes it clear he’s not bothered what callum thinks about it (although it backfired a little bit bc callum’s such a sweetheart and also has no self esteem so he went the ‘no hard feelings’ route which must have infuriated ben bc like no!! he was supposed to kick off!! swear!!! call ben a bastard!!! anything but be so painfully understanding!!!!) and he does all of this to basically fuck their relationship up beyond repair. bc if he does that then callum will be able to move on and find someone else, someone kind and safe and normal who won’t hurt him or fuck it up.

and i know it won’t make sense to some people, but he did all of it with the best intentions. with callum’s feelings in mind, not ben’s own - in fact, ben’s feelings and what he wants are practically redundant in this situation bc he’s so set on doing what he thinks is the best thing for callum. what ben wants and feels about it doesn’t matter.

and he manages to do a pretty good job of ignoring his feelings up until the very end, when he’s essentially alone. then - and only then - do we get to see how fucking upset ben is about the whole thing. like he’s sitting there drinking by himself trying not to cry! he’s fucking heartbroken! because his actions during the date, that wasn’t him wanting to be cruel or vindictive or hurt callum. that was him trying to protect callum (and i know, i know not everyone will understand or agree with that but i promise you that’s exactly what he was trying to do). his own happiness, his own feelings, they don’t matter. he’s fucking devastated, but it doesn’t matter. callum is safe now. he’ll be alright, and as long as callum’s alright, nothing else matters.

and the most telling part of it all? the fact that ben didn’t go home w that guy he’d been kissing earlier. he could have. he so easily could have - the guy was into him, he was up for it, and we know ben’s not opposed to random hook ups. but he didn’t. he wasn’t at all interested. why? because he wanted callum. he caresabout callum. he was just using that guy to make his point - that ben is bad and callum shouldn’t be interested in him bc because he can do better. he had 0 interest in that guy and the minute everyone was gone and no one was around to witness it, ben made that very clear - he didn’t even want fuck him as a rebound or to prove he doesn’t care about callum or whatever. he couldn’t even pretend.

like ben just really cares about callum and that’s exactly why he did what he did - because he thinks that it was the best and kindest thing to do.

idk i just hope that this helps give people a little bit of perspective on why ben did what he did bc i feel like some ppl were kind of unfairly harsh on him. the way he behaved was not at all fair on callum, and i don’t condone what he did, but as someone who has been there myself (not literally the same situation, but the same ‘i need to scare them off now so i don’t hurt them in the long run’ way of thinking) i can confidently say that it was from a place of good intentions. completely twisted and fucked up and unfair, yes, but his heart was (mostly) in the right place.

but yeah lmao i’m glad you like my way with words bc you just got a lot of them!!! and perhaps a lot of pain too lmao 💕💕

#ben mitchell #ballum #eastenders #GOD this is long sorry lmao #benthighway #question

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