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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year

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KPMG audits the nursing homes it advises on how to beat audits

Tomorrow (May 10), I’m in VANCOUVER for a keynote at the Open Source Summit and a book event for Red Team Blues at Heritage Hall and on Thurs (May 11), I’m in CALGARY for Wordfest.

Auditors are capitalism’s lubricants, who keep the gears of finance capital smoothly a-whirl, allowing investors to move their money in and out of companies without having to go pore over their books and walk through their facilities. Without auditors, the gears of capitalism would grind themselves to dust:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/18/ink-stained-wretches/#countless

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this thread to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/09/dingo-babysitter/#maybe-the-dingos-ate-your-nan

Unfortunately for capitalism, auditing is irredeemably broken. The Big Four auditors (PWC, EY, Deloitte and KPMG) have merged to monopoly, becoming “too big to fail” and “too big to jail.” These four gigantic firms have spun up fantastically lucrative “consulting” divisions that advise companies on how to cheat on their audits and attain incredible (paper) gains. The work of these “consultants” is worth far more than the accounting and auditing jobs the companies do, and the weaker the audits are, the more profitable the consulting is:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/04/aaronsw/#crooked-ref

This crisis has been a long time brewing. Back in 2001, the accounting/consulting giant Arthur Andersen was at the center of Enron’s fraud, which lit $11B in shareholder capital on fire. Enron had been making everyday people angry for years, engineering rolling blackouts and incredible energy-price gouging, but no one cares about working peoples’ complaints. By contrast, stealing $11B from rich people was something the authorities couldn’t ignore. They gave Andersen the death penalty, trying to teach the surviving accounting firms a lesson about what happens when you fuck with plutes.

But those other firms learned the wrong lesson: the collapse of Andersen was so disruptive that it soon became clear that the authorities would never take another giant consulting firm down, no matter how egregious its conduct was. They doubled down on crime, and then doubled down again.

It’s hard to pick a winner in the Big Four Accounting Firm Corruption Olympics, but KPMG is a strong contender, with a long history of just being monumentally inept and wrong. Back when Enron was unspooling, KPMG devoted itself to threatening people who linked to its website “without a license to do so”:

https://web.archive.org/web/20020207141547/http://chris.raettig.org/email/jnl00040.html

A couple years later, they declared war on wifi, trying to convince normies that wireless networks were an existential risk to human civilization:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/2885339.stm

But there’s not much money in wifi scare stories or licenses to link. KPMG are good dialectical materialists, devoted to money over ideology, and boy did they figure out some wild ways to make money. For one thing, they figured out that they could get more accountants certified by cheating…on ethics exams:

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/the-kpmg-cheating-scandal-was-much-more-widespread-than-originally-thought-2019-06-18

KPMG’s top managers bribed regulators to give them the answer-sheets for ethics exams. What did they bribe those public employees with? Jobs at KPMG:

https://www.pogo.org/investigation/2020/01/how-accountants-took-washingtons-revolving-door-to-a-criminal-extreme

There’s hardly a month that goes by without another KPMG scandal somewhere in the world, with enormous monetary and social fallout. During the lockdowns, Justin Trudeau’s Liberal government outsourced the creation and maintenance of ArriveCAN (a contact tracing app for people who entered Canada) to a grifter called GC Strategies, who billed millions for their services. GC Strategies didn’t do any work — instead, they paid KPMG $1,000-$1,500 day to hire freelancers to build the app. The app itself was a catastrophic failure, and that failure didn’t just embarrass the government — it also failed to protect Canadians during a once-in-a-century global pandemic. KPMG raked off a 30% commission:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/31/mckinsey-and-canada/#comment-dit-beltway-bandits-en-canadien

In the USA, KPMG helped Microsoft work up a radioactively illegal tax-evasion scheme. Microsoft poured the millions it saved by cheating on its taxes into dark-money operations that lobbied to defund the IRS so that KPMG and Microsoft could cook up even more illegal tax-evasion schemes:

https://www.propublica.org/article/the-irs-decided-to-get-tough-against-microsoft-microsoft-got-tougher

But KPMG doesn’t content itself with screwing over everyday people and rotting our democratic institutions — it also engages in the dangerous business of helping billionaires steal from millionaires. KPMG was the auditor that signed off on the scam “oil company” Miller Energy Partners, a fraud that operated for years thanks to KPMG’s rubber-stamp on its crooked books:

https://www.desmog.com/2021/06/03/miller-energy-kpmg-auditors-oil-fraud/

The company was run by serial fraudsters with long rapsheets for stealing millions. They staffed their C-suite with executives from disgraced companies that had been busted for running Ponzi schemes, issuing press releases praising those execs’ “proven track records in raising capital.” KPMG ignored every red flag, ignored the hundreds of millions in fraud on the books — and when the whole thing came crashing down, the responsible KPMG partner kept his job for years, until retiring with a full and fat pension.

More recently, KPMG made millions by confidently certifying the stability of a large regional bank, assuring investors and depositors that it was managing its risk and could be trusted. The name of the client that KPMG was so bullish on will be familiar to you: Silicon Valley Bank:

https://www.wsj.com/articles/kpmg-faces-scrutiny-for-audits-of-svb-and-signature-bank-42dc49dd

KPMG epitomizes the idea of Too Big To Fail and Too Big to Jail. Despite being at the center of virtually every major finance scandal, it continues to thrive and grow. Remember the Carillion bust, in which billions went up in smoke and swathes of privatized government services vanished overnight? Not only did KPMG sign off on fraudulent Carillion books, but it escaped fines for doing so — and got paid to help administer Carillion’s bankruptcy:

https://www.reuters.com/business/finance/uk-watchdog-fines-kpmg-24-mln-over-carillion-regenersis-audits-2022-07-25/

Despite this, KPMG continues to find willing buyers for its services. After all, when the sector is dominated by four giant, lavishly corrupt firms, there’s not much choice in the matter:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/29/great-andersens-ghost/#mene-mene-bezzle

This is bad news for the investor class, of course, but it’s even worse news for the people who rely on the services that KPMG certifies, even as it helps grifters destroy them. Every kind of business relies on audits, from transit to aviation to day-care to eldercare.

Here’s a scary one for you: in Australia, the job of auditing residential eldercare homes’ compliance with safety and anti-abuse rules has been outsourced to KPMG. While KPMG earns a mid-sized fortune from these audits, it earns far more advising the owners of residential aged care homes on how to beat those audits:

https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2023/may/04/firm-performing-australian-aged-care-audit-also-charging-providers-for-expertise

KPMG says that the division that ensures the safety and dignity of elderly people is firewalled off from the division that advises companies on how to spend as little as possible on that safety and dignity — but KPMG also went to great lengths to keep the fact that it was selling services to both sides a secret.

Once the secret got out, an anonymous KPMG spokesmonster said, “When considering a request to perform an audit, we undertake a detailed process to ensure the engagement is free of conflicts.”

It’s hypothetically possible that this is true, but anyone who believes anything KPMG says is a sucker. The company’s rap-sheet goes back decades. This is, after all, a company that cheated on its ethics exams.

Catch me on tour with Red Team Blues in Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, DC, Gaithersburg, Oxford, Hay, Manchester, Nottingham, London, and Berlin!

[Image ID: Two business-suited male figures seen side on; each has a bomb for a head, and each is holding a lit lighter that has ignited the other's fuse. Each bomb is wearing a green accountant's eyeshade. In the background is a fiery mushroom cloud. They wear KPMG logos on their lapels.]

Image:

Vectorportal.com (modified) https://vectorportal.com/vector/business-deal-illustration/23215

CC BY 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Inspired by an illustration by Matt Kenyon for the Financial Times: https://www.ft.com/content/07184d86-81cf-11e2-b050-00144feabdc0

#pluralistic #too big to jail #too big to fail #elder abuse #eldercare #conflict of interest #auspol #kpmg #nursing homes #dingo babysitters #australia #auditors

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verfound · 2 years

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WIP Wednesday: 9/14/22

I took my break, but I’m back to most of my writing time being on the weekend with work back in full swing. 😩 I did take a little writing break, during which I was sleeping rereading PH to catch up on where we were, but I’ve also been fiddling with this “How to Nab a Last-Minute Babysitter” plunny Quick threw my way...

Now, in Fred’s defense, the circumstances leading up to Luka Couffaine spotting a giant box making its way up to his front door and flipping the hell out wasn’t exactly his fault.

It was, as most Incidents in Luka’s life had been, Dingo’s.

It had started a few months back, when there had been a knock on the door and Luka had gone to open it, halfway through doing up his tie, to find a largish-sized box sitting in the hall. He had been confused, as the delivery company usually came pretty early in the day and – as far as he knew – neither he nor Marinette had ordered anything. He was also pretty sure neither Harmony nor Melody had ordered anything, either – they’d been checking their account daily since the Magic Wand Incident, and nothing suspicious had popped up in their order history recently.

Luka had looked around, but the delivery person was long gone.

“Darning?” he called, leaning back into the flat. “Did you order something?”

Marinette walked out of the back, her head tilted as she put the backs on her earrings.

“No,” she said. “Why?”

Luka bent to the box, but…there wasn’t even an address slip on it. What the hell…?

He warily poked at the side, and the box…giggled? He made quick work of the tape sealing the top, pulled one of the flaps back, and came face to face with his nephew.

“…Kurt?” he asked, blinking at the giggling boy.

“Hey, Uncle Lulu!” he said, the name sounding more like ukulele with his lisp.

“What…uh…what’cha doing here, buddy?” he asked. He opened the other flap and the boy sat up, grinning at him.

“Sittin’,” he said. Luka’s eyebrows soared as he started climbing out of the box. “Daddy said.”

“Where…where’s your daddy, bud?” Luka asked, looking around, but the hall was still very empty. He tried not to scowl as he stood – Kurt was still watching him. “Ding! Come on out – this isn’t funny!”

There was no answer.

“Dingo! C’mon, man!” he called, a little louder. “We have plans!”

Kurt just giggled and toddled past him into the flat, and Luka groaned as his head tipped back. He picked up the box, tossed it somewhere in the living room (which only made the kids squeal louder, as boxes made the best toys to an overactive mind), and fished out his phone as he headed back to the bedroom. Marinette’s eyebrows rose as he came in, searching for the sitter’s number.

“That asshole better pray Priya is ok watching another kid,” he grumbled, raising the phone to his ear. “And he’s paying her tonight.”

#wip wednesday #miraculous ladybug #luka couffaine #marinette dupain-cheng #dingo king #kurt king #ver fic #house band #babysitter fic #y'all this fic has been one train wreck after another #dingo starts it #juleka finishes it #heeeey y'all'll finally get to meet the flower garden!#well three of them

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bananaquilava · 1 year

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My dingo ass could never be a babysitter. 😂😂😂

#sorry for this one

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bandnameserver · 1 year

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Dingo Babysitters

#band names

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janeelyakiri · 2 years

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S/O was going through an antique shop and scores this very cool (but obviously very cursed) music box. They buy it as a gift for Skele, but as soon as they get home poor S/O passes out.

When they wake, Skele is hovering over above them. But... that is odd. Skele is always big, but not this big. And... why this urge to eat nothing but candy, play on the monkey bars and watch cartoons? And why are they swimming in their clothes?

Oh. Cause they are now an 8-9 year old child.

Yup, that music box was completely cursed! But good news, the effects will wear off in a few days.

How do the boys react?

Bonus... what if Polly was turned as well?

The curse being what it was surprised me so much i didn't even notice POLLY there XD

Macaw- WELL, S/O is about to learn how badly Macaw is with kids. Huh, maybe this is why Smoothie (his frisk) barely hangs out with him? He's awkward and has no idea what to do, even though it's /just/ his S/O who's a kid now.

Lupo- OH!! Oh dear! Well, he's glad he kept some of his old babybones clothes! He helps get them dressed and does very nicely over the next few days caring for them!

Falcon- Oh shit. Well, he raised Jackal. This can't be much harder, right? He does take many a picture to tease S/O with later, heheheh.

Jackal- A perfect chance to prove how amazing a father he can be! Granted S/O now has a very strict schedule to adhere to. But he is a patient and just skele.

Jay- He's worse than Macaw. He's got not a clue what to do. He ends up buying *DIAPERS* at one point! For a 9 year old!!!

Fox- Having helped deal with Sass (his Chara) he's prepared. Though he's a pushover when it comes to sweets. Sure, he supposed ONE more slice of cake is okay...

Crow- Coos and fawns before easily finding some new clothes for them! He'll make them food and keep an eye one them! Buuut S/O might find themself being dressed up a lot.

Hound- Well... he's grabbing the camera. He'll take care of S/O but like the cool uncle babysitter and not.. a proper responsible adult.

Vulture- UUUUUHHHH??? CHILD??? IN HIS HOUSE??? Oh. It's S/O. He knew you were tiny compared to him but not THIS tiny. He gets his brother to help.

Hyena- Oh my STARS!! SO SMALL!!! He's carrying S/O everywhere and guarding them jealously.

Robin- No. He's leaving for as many days as it takes to get you back to normal. Dingo's in charge. Soemthing about human children makes his LV spike and boil. Even though his AU's human was a young adult... Oh right, Shattered has them go after Frisks and Charas in other aus.

Dingo - Not bothered one bit. Just means he gets to be a bit more silly with you. Acting like you're a pup he's caring for. Though if you go on a sugar rush, he will flop an arm on you like a big lazy dog stopping a kitten.

EDIT I FORGOT POLLY

Polly- you thought adult Polly was a handful? HAH... HahahahHAHA... Their boys are about to learn how much chaotic energy 9 year old Polly had...

#kertneyk #macaw!sans #lupo!papyrus #falcon!sans #jackal!papyrus #jay!sans #fox!papyrus #crow!sans #hound!papyrus #vulture!sans #hyena!papyrus #robin!sans #dingo!papyrus #robin once again proving himself the WORSE #asking bone bois

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bluekat12345 · 2 years

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Cody Quarry: What if Quarry raised Cody?

I've had this thought for a while, and I'm actually surprised no one has already asked me about this. But I'm not patient and I don't want to wait for an ask, so here it is.

What is Quint Quarry raised Cody?

I imagine it would be a tough time for Quarry at first, he's still recovering from his short-term girlfriend abandoning their son, and now he's responsible for a kid.

And him trying to find a suitable work-life balance would be a struggle for a while, so I imagine Cody would be with babysitters a lot.

In a more optimistic and ideal version, Cody would've spent a lot of time with his Grandparents, maybe even live with them for most of his infanthood while Quarry works.

Quarry would be awkward at fatherhood at first, but would learn as he goes, being a pretty decent Dad. He loves that kid.

While Quarry would still have his hunting business and how he primarily makes his money, I also imagine him doing animal rehabilitation as something a front, so no one knows he's a hunter.

He would do everything he can to make sure Cody never finds out about his hi-tech big game hunting. He doesn't want Cody to be part of his illegal activities in anyway.

If Cody ever asks about his mother, Quarry will lie and tell him she's dead.

When Cody's old enough, Quarry would take Cody to travel with him, and would introduce Cody to animals, where Cody would bond with them, and learn about them.

I honestly imagine Cody being like Steve Irwin in this AU, and I imagine him having Quarry's accent, since he's raised by Quarry here.

Cody in this AU would be very knowledgeable with animals, loves them and they would love him, and he desires to work in animal rehabilitation. And I imagine him a very charming boy, sweet-talking, smooth-talking, maybe even a bit of a flirt. But he would have a huge heart and wants to help all animals in need.

I also imagine Cody having an actual pet in this, like a dog or maybe even something a bit more exotic, like a dingo, a coyote, or even a lion.

But despite getting to travel with his dad and all the animals he gets to meet and work with, Cody would grow up a bit lonely, since he and his father never stay in one place long enough for Cody to make human friends.

Quarry would be aware of this, so when he thinks he has enough money, he and Cody would settle on Griffin Rock, deciding to give his son a sense of stability. He would work in any animal related work to keep himself busy and Cody would join him and get to meet and befriend humans.

That's how Cody would meet the Burns in this version of the AU, and since he wants to help animals, I imagine he and Quarry would interact with the Burns family quite a bit.

However, Quarry is a hunter at heart and eventually the desire to hunt again becomes too strong, especially with the robotic animals he sees.

So, he secretly goes off to his hi-tech hunting again, but would not bring Cody into this. He would claim that he has to do some work off Griffin Island and occasionally leave Cody with a sitter, or even the Burns, while does his business. But he never stays away too long, he doesn't want to make his son think he would abandon him.

But eventually, the Burns find out what he does, and Cody does as well. Quarry would be so ashamed of himself that his own son knows but can't deny that this is who he is.

Cody would be disappointed in his father but wouldn't hate him. Quarry is his dad, and he loves him, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

So, when Quarry gets arrested, Cody is taken in by Chief Burns, not wanting Cody to be sent to foster care, and he feels a bit of guilt that Cody is now fatherless.

It would be a tough time for Cody and Quarry, but they would communicate through letters and phone calls

Also, after the whole thing with Chumley, Quarry wouldn't break out of prison and disappear, he would stay in Griffin Rock jail, willing to serve his time if it means he'll get to see his son again. And now, Cody can visit the jail and see his father, not just write or call.

#Transformers #Cody Quarry #Transformers AU #Rescue Bots #Rescue Bots AU #Transformers Rescue Bots

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k-llama-llama · 5 years

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Tori’s Masterlist

Stray Kids AU (Tori)

This is in (mostly) chronological order, so if you’re new here, please read from the start! About Tori

Tori’s Relationship with the Guys

Tori’s Outfits: Hellevator | Tori’s Outfit School Life Performance | Tori’s Outfit Tori’s Concept | I am Not trailer District 9 Music Video | Tori’s Outfit Grow Up Music Video | Tori’s Outfit My Pace Dance Practice | Tori’s Outfit I Am Who: Concept Photos My Pace MV Insomnia Street Version | Tori’s Outfit Awkward Silence | Tori’s Outfit KCON Thailand Stage I am YOU Outfits MGA Outfit Mixtape #3 Outfit Get Cool Outfit Get Cool Dance Practice Outfit MAMAs Outfit JYP Special Stage | Outfit

You’ve Been Recruited

I Got You

Welcome to the Group

Never Leave Again

You Did What?

Is Our Time Up?

The 9th Episode 1 Pt.2

Lotte World Pt.1 Pt.2

And Where Have You Been?]

Five…Four…Three

Not Gonna Happen

It’s Time to Stop

Me Likey

Team? Part 2

Reactions to Fans Shouting for Tori

Take Care of Yourself +Twitter Reactions

How Tori Comforts the Members

Reactions When Tori Fall Asleep on Them

Windy Days +Twitter Reactions

Bleeped

Reactions When Tori is Crying

I Was Bored

How Stray Kids Wakes Tori Up

Get it Down Perfect Part 2

Stop! It’s Pocky Time! +Twitter Reactions

Tori and her Boys vs. The Internet Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5 Pt.6 PD Reacts

I Believe You

Ready or Not

I’m Blaming the Backpack +Twitter Reactions

And so it Begins…

You’re A Liar

Reactions When Tori has a Panic Attack

Paper Kisses

Cuddle Time

Sick Days Pt.2

Total Boss

Pizza Bring Us All Together

Crushes

Times Can be Tough

Something Wicked…

Hobbies

Get It

It’s Raining…It’s Pouring

Our World

Never +Twitter Reactions

Reactions to Tori’s Time of Month +The Time Jisung Made Her Cry

Why Don’t You Believe Me? +Boys’ Perspective

Tengo Hambre

Talk To Me

Spa Day

Noona? Sequel: Skinny

Tori with the Guys Drabbles: Seungmin Woojin Aussie Line Changbin Jisung + #2 Criminal Minds?

Stray Kids in New York Pride +Twitter Reactions Random Dance Play

Milestones

Not the Only Problem (Find in the March Section of the Tori p.2 Masterlist) Pt.2

Talent Show

Family Matters

Heart to Heart

Backstage

Wipeout Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Social Media

Bubble Pop

Anytime

School Days

Oh My!

Cold Hands

True North Bond

For the Fans…

Tori’s Birthday Scramble Birthday Girl Pt.1 Birthday Girl Pt.2

I am Who | Comeback Era Break Time Stress Gets to You Ramen Hair Intro Episode 1 Concept Photos Scrolling Chicken Date Presenting Edit into the Night Run Run Pt.2 Cinnamon Interviewed Unveil My Pace MV Tori vs The Internet My Pace Line Distribution Stay + Reactions Ice Cream Dance Practice Reactions Tori in Insomnia Insomnia Reactions Picnic Dingo +Social Media Mixtape #2 Meow Time

When Tori gets Jealous + Jealous bonus fic

Changbin’s Birthday Jisung’s Birthday Felix’s Birthday Chan’s Birthday:Our Leader Minho’s Birthday | Detour

Big Sister

Hot Chocolate

Shopping Spree

ISAC Pt.2 +Social Media

Blisters

Bareface

SK-Player #1

Kissed Part 1 Part 2 Social Media Chan Hyunjin

Dance Off

Kitchen Dangers

We Love You

Book Club

We Made It

Album Haul

Movie Night

Buttons

Breakfast Plans

Name Bros

Pranked

Fanboy

It’s Raining | Performance Fic

I Am You: Comeback Era Cookie Late Nights Internet: #1 #2 Mama Bear Back Off Babysitter Don’t Do That Nerves I am YOU Lines I am YOU MV reaction I am YOU Outfits A Whole New World Chipmunk Work Nights Convince Me Red Light Snuggles MGA Outfit Rookies +Social Media Smoothie Time Sweater Weather Yes or Yes Tell Me Mixtape #3 Outfit Get Cool Outfit Get Cool Dance Practice Outfit Fight With Me Don’t Talk to Me Freeze Oblivious Close Your Eyes Two Kids Room | Tori & Felix Barbie Girl Ahoy Imagine Ballet Practice Friend-Date Cover Dance AAAs Social Media Reactions Remember Us? Proud of You: MAMA 2018

Winter 2018: Snowy Mornings D1: Locked Out D2: Ice Skates �� D3: Snow Angels D4: Eonnie D5: Gingerbread Family D6: Mall Dates D7: Syrup D8: Ugly Sweaters D9: Marshmallows D10: Dance Dance Revolution D11: Our Little Christmas D12: Decorating Squad D13: Dog Days D14: The Nutcracker D15: Scared Straight Day 16: Not Fair D17: Santa’s Village D18: Snapshot D19: REMOVED D20: We’re (W)rappers D21: Home Calls D22: Sing for Me D23: Elf D24: Mandu D25: Christmas Morning Rest of December: Reveal Under Pressure Handsome Face

REQUEST HERE

#masterlist

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rainbowshipping · 5 years

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If for some reason the show retcons what’s in the bag to NOT be the frozen head of Charles Dingo, then my next best guess as to what it will be is season three of My Babysitter’s A Vampire

#yes i think im funny #andi mack #icarly #my babysitter's a vampire

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caramelpears · 5 years

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“You guys don’t need to stick around all day. M’ not gonna dust if I don’t have babysitters, you know.” Its ten in the evening, and Pear has grown tired of Predators and Prey’s hovering, well-meant as it is. And he’s firm on the fact that, if he needs them, he has a cellphone, and yes, he will call them.

Reluctantly, they leave him be, and he breathes a sigh of relief.

He orders a bottle of Vodka, and settles down for what must be his fifth drink that evening, empty containers scattered around the tabletop.

“Hey.”

Pear lifts his gaze, and turns his head towards the monster that had spoken up. Migosp is nearby, eye gleaming with barely concealed malice. A Loox and a Whimsun stand behind him. The former seems to be advising against rash courses of action, while the Loox gives a short, cruel laugh that has Pear sitting up straight, his own eyes narrowed as he gives a growl.

“Look what we got ‘ere. The queens dog. An’ looking like shit, to boot. Ain’t seen yer ugly mug ‘round here in weeks. Then, ya show up with those two freaky twins?” Pear gives another growl, moving to stand up, only for his back to hit the booth’s seat once more as a foot plants against his chest, with enough force that his bones creak under the hoodie he wears.

On other day, Pear would have kicked the fuckers face in, but the world was off-axis, and an unpleasant feeling settled in his gut.

"Ain’t done talking, trash. Ya ‘judged’ some of our pals a couple months back---as if they even did anything worthy of that shit. So, now---I’m thinkin’ that---maybe, we’ll judge you---GET BACK HERE!” Pear essentially vaults over the booth in front of him, attempts to book it for the door---only to trip over the foot of a nearby occupant of the diner, who’s leg was stuck out. Its that goddamned deer monster, Faun, who often hangs around outside Snowdin, spray-painting anti-Royalty graffiti on the sentry stations between the town and the old ruins.

A boot slams down on his back as he tries to stand, and his face bangs off the floor, sharp pain shooting through his jaw as something becomes detached for the second time in a month. And here, he thought he’d done a better job of re-attaching that gold tooth to its proper place.

“C’mon, losers---help me drag ‘im outside.” Pear can see Muffet pacing anxiously behind the diner counter, and he raises one hand to deter her from doing anything to escalate the situation, such as sending spiderlings to try and entrap the monsters taking hold of him. Someone---the Loox, it feels like, has wrenched his cellphone out of his grasp. He can’t call for help.

For a fleeting second as he hits the snow outside, he feels regret over sending the two swapfell skeletons away. But as blows begin to fall, feet slamming into his ribs, one arm curled protectively over his head as they screech and jeer at him, he remembers another option, one hand raising, moving towards his mouth, only for two fingers to slip into his jaw.

𝐅𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐓.

“What the fuck--” ‘My ears!’ “Stop that!”

Another sharp kick, this one catching him in the elbow---and he’s forced to stop the whistle, and curl in tighter on himself, praying that the magic whistle he’d used would actually get his attention, different timeline or no.

Dingo---’elp me!

#[ The Man himself | F2F ]#dengoes

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1800-fandoms · 6 years

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The Reckless Tale of the East Side pt.2

Pt.1 Pt.2

Tags: @celebsimagines

I was watching from the window of the kitchen as a police car rolled up. Soda was at the table finishing his homework. Darry was in the shower and Ponyboy was in the family room with Dally and Johnny. I heard a knock at the door as the shower shut off. I thought it was going to be a policeman bringing Two-Bit but it wasn't. Three policemen stood at my door with solemn looks on their face. They told me they were looking for Darry and I welcomed them inside as they waited. The gang gathered in the kitchen as Darry spoke with the policemen. I hit the floor…. My parents are dead.

I woke up with a scream, tears were running down my face. Within seconds I heard the creaky door whip open and the comfort of Darry’s arms around my chest. He tightly held me as I thrashed and kicked, “THEY CAN’T BE DEAD!” I screamed over and over again. There was nothing Darry could do other than attempt to quiet me to avoid waking my brothers.

“Sh,” he spoke lightly squeezing me tighter to his chest. “baby, you need to snap out of it.” Soda and Pony ran into the room slamming into the door with wide eyes. This wasn’t the first night this had happened and I pray every night for it to be the last. But, to no success and no sign of a way to calm the nightmare, this was life. If it wasn’t me, it was Pony but, when it comes down to it though I’m living in hell I’d rather be the one to brace it than my brothers.

“I-I'm sorry g-guys..” I whispered, my voice hoarse from the screaming.

“It's okay baby girl, everything is okay” Darry whispered as he looked up at my brothers. “She will be fine, get back in bed.”

“Em-” Pony started, I gazed up at him forcing a smile. He was our worrier and as he was he baby the important thing was for us to This had become a routine since mom and dad died in the car accident almost a year ago. Darry is the only one who can calm me down out of my brothers, but Dally has become accustomed to waking me from my nightmares as well. Dally isn't as bad as everyone thinks, he just doesn't understand love. Though all excuses aside without us, he’d be hood. All the boys treat me like their little sister and are all extremely protective of me.

Darry slowly laid back still clutching on to me, I nuzzled my face into his chest.

He smells like dad...

I listened to the sounds of Darry’s slowing breath as he fell back to sleep for the last few moments before sunrise, his chest rising and falling under my head. The sounds of shower turning on and then back off 15 minutes later and the soft patter of Soda’s feet as he walked back into his room. I heard the grumbles of Pony as he dragged himself into the bathroom, accompanied by his careless, tired stomps. Then came Darry’s sudden and stiff movements as he woke up from his cat nap.

“I’d love to stay with you longer, but I have to get to my job.” He slowly slid out of the bed and stood on the side, “how are you feelin’ now kiddo?” I slowly pushed myself up, my head still spinning as if my body had gone into shock, again.

“Numb,” I whispered.

“Are you going to try to go to school?” I shook my head, I wasn’t in the right mindset. I’ve had the dream of the day mom and day died for months. Every time I do something bad happens. The last time I had the dream was the day before Johnny and I got beat up by the Socs. Darry nodded understandingly, he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead before walking into the kitchen.

I took my time to regain my composure before following. The whole gang sat around the table, their usual banter almost nonexistent as I slowly made my way toward the kitchen. I stopped hearing Darry’s stern voice controlling the room. “Dal, I need you to stay here,”

“Nah Dar, I got business to attend to.”

“And that business is here Dallas, Emmie had the dream again and someone needs to stay with her.”

“Dar-” silence I knew that meant the dad glare had come into play, guess Dallas is my babysitter for the day. I chose this moment to make my entrance. Various “hey Em” and “morning Em” came from the chatty boys. I made my rounds with hugs to everyone except for Dallas and Soda’s girl Sandy - we aint on the greatest of terms. We just aint the gettin along type. She came by in the mornings every so often, only speakin to Soda and here and there to my brothers..I went over to the stove to grab some breakfast all that was left was a single blue pancake. I looked back to the table and everyone held a full plate including Sandy - who was just picking at her plate and moving it around with her fork to avoid the conversations at hand. I placed the ceramic plate back on the shelf and turned to the food cabinet. I guess I am stuck with cereal this morning. I sat down in between Dally and Two-bits and tuned out the latest gossip from the DX

“Was anyone on the couch last night?” I whispered to Two-bits. He nodded still listening to Steve’s rambling about a Soc girl that wore a shirt that showed “everything and I mean everything.”

“I was.” I looked at him with guilt and he gave me a small smile.

“I'm sorry Two” He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I leaned against his chest as I ate my cereal.

“No worries Emmy-Lee” he whispered before placing a kiss on my head, despite his never ending immaturity, he was the one to turn to in tough situations.

“Are you going out tonight, Soda?” I asked through a mouthful of cereal, just to piss off Sandy who scowled at me.

“Yeah, Stevie and I are taking Sandy and Evie to the Dingo tonight. It’s Rocks Your Socks Off Night.”

“And I got Johnny and Pony tonight,” Dally pitched in “We are going to the drive-in, Em.” Two pushed on my shoulder telling me to lean forward allowing him to grab a beer from the fridge.

“What to do something dangerous?”

“Nah, watch a movie, pick up a broad or two” He smirked and wink high-fiving Two-Bits. I glared at both of them with disgust.

“ I think i’ll stay here, Dal, I have a ton of homework to get done”

“alright kiddo,” Darry started placing his hand on my back. “You need to rest baby, only out for emergencies. I left the number for my work site-”

“Darry I’m gonna be fine,”

“I know baby I’m just nervous, maybe I outta stay how.”

“Go!” I laughed “I’m fine” Dar paused before nodding and kissing my head. He gathered his stuff and headed to work.

“I’ll be around later Em,” Two started, “Let’s go Pony, Steve”

“See ya Two, and uh, maybe actually go to class. You know that's what school is for.”

“Don't poke fun Emmy-Lee”

Everyone chimed in with goodbyes and soon everyone else followed leaving me with my thoughts and Dally.

“You know you don’t have to stay here” I flicked on the tv and settled in Darry’s recliner.

“I know that, I have no rules” He stood in the doorway, with slouching posture and a hand above his head attempting to appear tuff. He slowly placed a weed in his mouth and attempted to light it.

“Actually you have one.” I replied standing up from the comfort of the old recliner and walked toward the bleach blonde boy.

“ oh yeah?” I nodded and removed the unlight ciggie from his mouth.

“Don’t smoke in my house.” I threw it on the floor and returned back to the chair.

“You know what, I don’t have to stay here.”

“and , no one’s stopping you Dally-boy.” I heard the heavy stomp of his work boots and the loud smack of our soon to be broken screen door.

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assholemurphy · 5 years

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Hey! You should talk about your headcanons/thoughts on Craig! It would be awesome if you did 👀👀👀

I assume you mean Craig from the 100? Cause idk of any other Craig, lol.

Alright so....

Modern!AU:

Craig loves animals. All animals. From domestic pets to actual wild and dangerous ones. Mbege had to physically stop him from trying to pet a dingo when they went on a trip to Australia.

“But it’s so cute!” “It’s going to eat you.” “Then I will die a happy man!”

He’s absolutely amazing with kids. He wants to be a teacher, preferably third grade, and he’s spent most of his life waiting until he could finally graduate college and be a teacher.

His first job was as a babysitter for the kids across the street from him when he was fourteen. It didn’t pay much, but he was so good at it that by the time summer came around, he had a whole legion of kids he was watching and he and his brother (Drew) decided to open a daycare for the summer. Eventually they had to hire a couple of other friends to help out.

Craig’s parents are upper middle class, so he didn’t really struggle growing up, but they were cold and neglectful, always expecting excellence from their kids.

He met Murphy, Mbege, and Richards in Junior High and they became great friends, always hanging out at one of their houses after school and upon finding out about his parents, Arthur Mbege ‘adopted’ him, just like he had Murphy (except Craig didn’t live with them like Murphy did, but he spent enough time there that he may as well have).

Craig’s and excellent swimmer for no apparent reason. He just likes it and spends a lot of his time at the pool when he’s not in class or with his friends.

Craig fell in love with Mbege when he was seventeen and he had to wait until he was nineteen for Mbege to admit he liked him back.

Craig’s asexual and panromantic.

He hates gender roles just like Murphy and it’s not uncommon to find him in a dress or with makeup on just because he felt like it.

Craig knows Krav Maga and has no problem using it on the assholes who try to start shit during protests or when he’s walking home late at night.

Craig is a world class champ at Mario Kart, second only to Mbege, who stoically beats him 70% of the time.

Craig, despite his easily distracted nature, is great at chess. He’s absolutely ruthless and can beat anyone in less than ten minutes, provided they don’t take forever to move.

He failed his driving test four times because he kept braking for squirrels and drove too slowly through areas where he was afraid there might be children playing. He still thinks it was unfair of them to take points off for that.

Canon Verse:

Craig was Mbege’s boyfriend since seventh grade and when Mbege got locked up, he went to see him every chance he got.

While Mbege was in lock up (and even before then) Craig bonded with Mbege’s father (I hc his name as Arthur) since his family was pretty neglectful, save for his older brother.

Arthur helped Craig study and keep his grades up so that he could be a teacher on the Ark one day.

Craig lost his mom to sickness and his dad and brother died when the Ark fell to Earth.

When Craig learned Mbege was dead, he spent three days at his grave and the only person who knew he was there was Murphy, who brought him food and a blanket and listened to him tell stories about Mbege from the days before he was locked up.

Craig and Murphy bonded a lot while following Jaha into the desert. Neither one really believed in Jaha’s faith talk, but they didn’t have anything left for them back at camp, so they figured they may as well leave.

Craig was entertaining as hell, he always had a joke or story or something to keep spirits up, and he made friends easily among the rest of Jaha’s disciples.

Craig quickly got tired of Jaha’s bullshit, his frustrations coming to a head when they were on the boat. He had little patience for people who didn’t care about other people and it was clear Jaha only cared about Murphy and not the people they had lost.

Craig’s death was the final straw for Murphy, having lost the only friend he had left and the only connection he’d had to Mbege, who’d been like a brother to him, which is why he decided to break away from Jaha once they reached land.

Before leaving Alie’s island, Murphy carved Craig’s name into a rack near the shore, so that maybe one day he’d be remembered, even if just as a random name in someone’s mind.

#craig the 100 #the 100 #craig #most of the modern ones are from my pg verse #bc that's my main verse for him #but that's the basic characterization i use for all the stories he's in #i love him so much #almost as much as i love mbege #also! those two being in a relationship was purely accidental #i didn't mean for it to happen but it did #bc i can't control my characters v well at all lmao #thanks for the question nonnie!!!#wears sunglasses at night #iz talks to ppl

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mostlysignssomeportents · 2 months

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Brinkwhump Linkdump

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in TUCSON (Mar 9-10), then San Francisco (Mar 13), Anaheim, and more!

Once again, I find myself arriving at the weekend with a giant backlog of links, triggering a linkump, the 15th such dumpage, a variety-pack of miscellany for your weekend. Here's the previous editions:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/linkdump/

Let's start with the latest incredible news from KPMG, the accounting and auditing giant that is relied upon as a source of ground truth for a truly terrifying share of the world's economy. KPMG has a well-deserved reputation for incompetence and corruption. They first came on my radar in 2001 when they sent a legal threat to a blogger for linking to their website without permission:

https://memex.craphound.com/2001/12/05/reason-4332442-not-to-ask/

The actual link was to KPMG's corporate anthem, which remains, to this day, a banger:

https://web.archive.org/web/20040428063826/http://chkpt.zdnet.com/chkpt/uknewsita/http://anthems.zdnet.co.uk/anthems/kpmg.mp3

Don't miss the DJ remixes (and the Nokia ringtone!) that the internet thoughtfully provided when KPMG decided that it didn't want the world to know about "Our Vision of Global Strategy":

https://web.archive.org/web/20011128153057/http://corporateanthems.raettig.org/

Now all this is objectively very funny, a relic of the old, good internet from one of its moments of glory, but KPMG? They were already enshittifying, even in 2001, and the enshittification only intensified thereafter. Nearly every accounting scandal of the past quarter-century has KPMG in it somewhere, from con-artists selling exhausted oil fields to rubes:

https://www.desmog.com/2021/06/03/miller-energy-kpmg-auditors-oil-fraud/

To killer nursing homes that hire KPMG to audit its books – and to advise it on how to defeat safety audits and murder your grandma:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/09/dingo-babysitter/#maybe-the-dingos-ate-your-nan

They're the architects of Microsoft's tax-evasion plot:

https://www.propublica.org/article/the-irs-decided-to-get-tough-against-microsoft-microsoft-got-tougher

And they were behind Canada's dysfunctional covid contact-tracing app, which never worked, but generated tens of millions in billings to the government of Canada, who used KPMG to hire programmers at $1,500/day, plus KPMG's 30% commission:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/31/mckinsey-and-canada/#comment-dit-beltway-bandits-en-canadien

KPMG's most bizarre scandal is literally stranger than fiction. The company bribed SEC personnel help its own accountants cheat on ethics exams. The corrupt officials were then given high-paid jobs at KPMG:

https://www.nysscpa.org/news/publications/the-trusted-professional/article/sec-probe-finds-kpmg-auditors-cheating-on-training-exams-061819

I mean it when I say this is stranger than fiction. I included it as a plot-point in my new finance crime novel The Bezzle (now a national bestseller!), and multiple readers have written to me since the book came out a couple weeks ago to say that they thought I was straining their credulity by making up such an outrageous scandal:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865878/thebezzle

But all of that is just scene-setting (and a gratuitous plug for my book) for the latest KPMG scandal, which is, possibly, the most KPMG scandal of all KPMG scandals. The Australian government hired KPMG to audit Paladin, a security contractor that oversees the asylum seekers the country locks up on one of its island gulags (yes, gulags, plural).

Ever since, Paladin has been the subject of a string of ghastly human rights scandals – the worst stuff imaginable, rape and torture and murder of adults and children. Paladin made AU423 million on this contract.

And here's the scandal: KPMG audited the wrong company. The Paladin that the Australia government paid KPMG to audit was based in Singapore. The Paladin that KPMG audited was a totally different company, based in Papua New Guinea, who already had a commercial relationship with KPMG. It was this colossal fuckup that led to the manifestly unfit Singaporean company getting nearly half a billion dollars in public funds:

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2024/feb/24/incredible-failure-kpmg-rejects-claims-it-assessed-the-wrong-company-before-423m-payment-to-paladin

KPMG denies this. KPMG denies everything, always. Like, they denied creating "power maps" of decision-makers in the Australian government to target with influence campaigns in order to win contracts like this one. Who knows, maybe, this one time, they're telling the truth? After all, the company whose employees gather to sing lyrics like these can't be all bad, right?

The time is now to lead the way, We share the same the idea That may win by the end of the day. Our strength is here to stay. Identity, one energy, One strategy, with sympathy. These are the words that will lead us into a new world.

https://everything2.com/title/KPMG+corporate+anthem

You may find it strange that I'm still carrying around the factoid that KPMG once threatened to crush a blogger for linking to its terrible corporate anthem, but that's just my "Memex Method," which helps me keep track of literally everything that seemed important to me through most of my adult life:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/09/the-memex-method/

One of my favorite quips from the very quotable Riley Quinn is that "leftists are cursed with object-permanence" – that is, we actually remember what just happened and use it to think about what's happening now. The Memex Method is object permanence for 20+ years worth of stuff. A lot of those deep archives never see use, but there's a surprising number of leading indicators buried in the stuff that happened in years gone by.

Take James Boyle's 2014, XKCD-style comic about the experience of driving a notional Apple car:

https://www.thepublicdomain.org/2014/11/07/apple-updates-a-comic/

Apple, it turns out, spent the next decade working on just such a car, and while that car has now been canceled, Boyle's comic correctly anticipates so much about the trajectory Apple's products took. It's uncannily accurate – real "don't invent the torment nexus"/"cyberpunk was a warning, not a suggestion" stuff:

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/torment-nexus

But no matter how many times we insist that the torment nexus shouldn't be created, the boardrooms of end-stage capitalism continue to invent them. Take HP, the poster-child for enshittification, edging out even KPMG in the race to turn everything into a pile of shit. After years of tormenting people to punish them for wanting to print things, HP has announced a new service that so mustache-twirlingly evil that it lacks verisimilitude:

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2024/02/hp-wants-you-to-pay-up-to-36-month-to-rent-a-printer-that-it-monitors/

Here's the pitch: HP will sell you a printer that you don't own. In addition to paying a monthly fee for your ink – which you pay no matter whether you print or not – you will also pay a monthly fee just for having HP's printer on your premises. You are absolutely, positively forbidden from using third-party ink in this printer, and must use HP's own ink, which sells for about $10,000/gallon.

But while you aren't allowed to use this printer in ways that are bad for HP's shareholders, HP is absolutely free to use the printer in ways that are bad for you. When you click through the signup agreement, you grand HP permission to surveil every document you print – and your home wifi network more generally – and to sell that data to anyone and everyone.

What's more, HP reserves the right to discipline you with punitive credit-card charges if you disconnect this printer from the internet, on the basis that doing so makes it harder for them to spy on your printer.

I'm sorry, this is just more torment nexus shit, the kind of thing you'd expect to drop on Apr 1, not Feb 29, but I guess this is where we are. I can only conjecture as to whether HP's businesses strategists are directly taking direction from my novella "Unauthorized Bread," or whether they're learning about it second-hand from a KPMG consultant who converted it to Powerpoint form and charged $1,500/day for the work:

https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

All of this cartoonish villainry is the totally foreseeable consequence of a culture of impunity, in which companies like HP and KPMG can rob, cheat, steal (and sometimes even kill) without consequence. This impunity is so pervasive that the exceptions – where a rich criminal faces real consequences – become touchstones: Enron, Arthur Anderson, Theranos, and, of course, FTX.

FTX was arguably the largest-scale corporate crime in world history, stealing more than $10 billion dollars, mostly from rubes sucked in by hype and Superbowl ads. When news that FTX founder and owner Sam Bankman-Fried was convicted of fraud and was in for a lengthy prison sentence made a huge stir, because criminals like SBF usually walk away from the wreckage with their hands in their pockets, whistling a jaunty tune.

One of the very best commentators on cryptocurrency scams generally and FTX/SBF in particular is Molly White, whose Web3 is Going Just Great feed is utterly indispensable. White's newsletter, "Citation Needed," dives deep into the wrangle of SBF's sentencing:

https://www.citationneeded.news/issue-52/

Bankman-Fried's parents – prominent law professors at top law schools – helped brief the court this week on their son's punishment. According to them, SBF faces 100 years in prison, but should be sentenced to 5.5-6.5 years at the most. Why? Because he is a vegan, who is not greedy, and feels remorse, and cares for individuals (recall that SBF presented himself as the avatar of the batshit "effective altruism" philosophy while privately admitting that he used this as a smokescreen).

The most bizarre note in the 100-page filing is SBF's mother declaring that her son is an "angel of mercy," apparently unaware of the grisly meaning of that term:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angel_of_mercy_(criminology)

America's prisons are a travesty and I wouldn't wish them on anyone, but that's not the argument SBF's parents are making; rather, they're arguing that their special boy doesn't deserve the treatment America metes out to poorer, less white people who merely steal hundreds or thousands of dollars. A crook who steals ten billion should be handled the way a casino handles a whale – with concierge service.

The problem is, there are so many of these remorseless, relentless crooks that there's no way we could scale up that white-glove treatment when we finally round 'em all up and make them pay. Writing for The American Prospect, Maureen Tkacik tells us about the ransomware attack that shut down America's pharmacy system last month:

https://prospect.org/health/2024-03-01-zoomer-hackers-shut-down-unitedhealthcare/

The attack brought down Change Healthcare, part of the monopolist Unitedhealth, which serves as the "pharmacy benefit manager" to a vast swathe of American pharmacies. PBM is one of those all-American finance scams, a middleman garlanded with performative complexity put there to make you feel stupid for asking why independent pharmacies all have to pay rent to this malicious, unaccountable – and now, manifestly incompetent – gang of crooks.

Tkacik's breakdown of this scam – and how it rendered Americans' ability to get the drugs they depend on to go on breathing – is characteristically brilliant. Tcacik is fast emerging as my favorite Explainer of Scams, a print version of John Oliver or Adam Conover. You may recall her work from my post last week on how private equity has taken a wrecking ball to America's hospitals:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/28/5000-bats/#charnel-house

I always try to finish these linkdumps with some upbeat news to carry you through the weekend, and this week brought two genuinely wonderful – and totally underreported – pieces of amazing news.

The first is that Starbucks has sued for peace in the war against its workers' unions. Hundreds of Starbucks stores have unionized in recent years, but not one of them had a contract. Instead, Starbucks had waged dirty war on their own workers, from denying gender-affirming care to unionized employees to simply shutting down whole stores after they voted to unionize:

https://www.cnbc.com/2022/06/14/starbucks-union-company-threatens-that-unionizing-could-jeopardize-gender-affirming-health-care.html

But the workers held fast and after years of this, Starbucks has caved, promising contracts for all unionized stores and an end to its campaign of terror against workers seeking to unionize more of its stores. In a postmortem for Jacobin, Eric Blanc rounds up "seven lessons from Starbucks workers' historic victory":

https://jacobin.com/2024/02/starbucks-sbwu-contract-bargaining/

This is the kind of listicle I can get behind. According to Blanc, the Starbucks unions won by deploying worker-to-worker organizing, a tactic that many of the new unions that are shaking up formerly impossible-to-organize jobsites are using (Blanc has a book about this coming from UC Press called "We Are the Union: How Worker-to-Worker Unionism Can Transform America," so he should know).

Other tactics that made the difference for Starbucks unions: new digital training and support tools and partnering with established unions for support and infrastructure. Blanc also calls out the success of "salting" – the venerable but largely disused tactic of union organizers applying for a job at a non-union shop in order to organize it.

Blanc also mentions government policy, including the outstanding work of NLRB general counsel Jennifer Abruzzo, a shrewd and committed tactician whose understanding of the technicalities of labor law have let her push for bold measures. For example, in Thrive Pet Care, Abruzzo is arguing that when a company refuses to bargain in good faith for a contract with its union, she can step in and order them to honor the terms of a contract at comparable unionized competitors until they produce a contract of their own:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/06/goons-ginks-and-company-finks/#if-blood-be-the-price-of-your-cursed-wealth

Abruzzo is one of several smart, competent tacticians in the Biden administration who are working to kneecap corporate power. Another is Rohit Chopra, chair of the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau, who just announced another bold, important initiative that will help Americans fight corporate corruption and get a fair deal:

https://prospect.org/economy/2024-03-01-public-option-credit-card-shopping/

Chopra is taking aim at credit-card comparison sites that purport to show you where you can get the best deal. If you're an affluent person who doesn't carry a balance, this might not matter to you, but if you're an average working stiff, high interest rates can gobble up a massive share of your paycheck. What's more, credit card margins are higher than they have ever been:

https://www.consumerfinance.gov/about-us/blog/credit-card-interest-rate-margins-at-all-time-high/

The most expensive credit cards come from the big, monopolistic banks, but you wouldn't know it from the leaderboards produced by Credit Karma, NerdWallet, LendingTree, and Bankrate. All of these sites take bribes from the big banks to list their credit cards above those offered by credit unions – who are typically 10% cheaper than the big banks' cards.

The new CFPB rule prohibits this fraudulent ranking, but the Bureau is going even further. They're using their administrative powers to force banks to report their rates to the Bureau, which will publish them on a publicly funded, neutral website – what David Dayen calls "a public option" for shopping for credit cards.

This policy makes a perfect bookend to the last CFPB initiative I wrote about here: a rule that forces banks to allow you to transfer your account to a rival with a couple of simple clicks, importing all your history, payees, and everything else you need to switch to a better bank:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/21/let-my-dollars-go/#personal-financial-data-rights

Combine that ease of switching with reliable information on which banks will give you the best deal and you get something that will directly transfer millions and millions of dollars from giant, wildly profitable banks to low-income people who've been tricked into paying them punitive interest rates.

So that's it, this week's linkdump. I promised you I'd end on a high note, and I did it. The world may be full of all kinds of terrible things, but workers and regulators are scoring big, muscular victories in battles where the stakes are real and important. Have a great weekend – we've earned it.

And remember!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/02/macedoine/#the-public-option

Image: Stacy (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/notahipster/4402860361/

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

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verfound · 1 year

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FIC: How to Nab a Babysitter: Couffaine Style (MLB; Lukanette; House Band)

Rating: T / PG-13 / Teen

Characters/Pairings: Harmony Couffaine(OC), Juleka Couffaine, Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Melody Couffaine (OC), Violet Couffaine (OC); Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Juleka Couffaine/Rose Lavillant

Summary: Luka had planned everything for their anniversary…except the babysitter. Good thing Dingo had played a relatively harmless prank a bit back that gives him the perfect idea of how to procure one last minute.

Author’s Notes/Warnings: Quick knows what she did. 😝 See. She likes to send me little videos, from Insta and FB and such, that I still click, and them BAM. If y’all are wondering how the HB portion of the Hoard is doing, Quick has personally trained my Insta to throw these vids at me.

I think this is also the first time Juleka and Rose’s Flower Garden has made an appearance? I’ve had them plotted out for ages now, but they have not actually worked their way into a fic yet. There are seven of them total, but featured here are Violet (their only biological child), Iris, and their twins, Lavender and Basil. (Rowan is technically alive at this point – he’d be around four – but he is not adopted until he’s nine.)

“How to Nab a Babysitter: Couffaine Style”

Fred didn’t get paid enough to deal with this shit.

The job at the delivery company was supposed to be temporary, anyway. Something to get him through until he finally got his big break and could stop playing coffee shops on the…well, weeknights, as he wasn’t actually well-known enough to scrape together weekends. Or…well, good enough, if you asked the owner of the little shop, but not everyone could be Luka Friggin Couffaine, right? Some people had to work for it!

And when he had seen the name on his third delivery of the day, he had actually been…well, a little excited. There weren’t that many Couffaines in Paris, right? It couldn’t be a coincidence, right? So maybe Fred had gotten a little excited. Maybe he had even been hoping the man himself would be home, and he could play him something (he always carried his trusty accordion in the back, anyway), and maybe M. Couffaine would be so impressed he’d actually offer him a contract, and…

…what he hadn’t been expecting – after struggling to lift the box that easily weighed as much as a small person, waddling it up to the door of the apartment complex, somehow opening the door without setting the box down, struggling over to the lift, and then managing to make it all the way up to the flat at the end of the third floor without dropping and breaking anything – was for Luka Couffaine himself to be standing outside said flat, checking a stack of mail as he fiddled with his keys. He also hadn’t expected the rock star to take one look at him, throw the mail above his head, and shout: “Oh, HELL NO, asshole – not tonight!”

Before slipping inside the flat and slamming the door in his face.

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nopressurejohn · 6 years

Link

Dingo Babysitter-gate

As it wrestled with accusations about a fake cyberattack last spring, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) purposely misled several news organizations, choosing to feed journalists false information, while at the same time discouraging them from challenging the agency’s official story.

Internal emails reviewed by Gizmodo lay bare the agency’s efforts to counter rife speculation that senior officials manufactured a cyberattack, allegedly to explain away technical problems plaguing the FCC’s comment system amid its high-profile collection of public comments on a controversial and since-passed proposal to overturn federal net neutrality rules.

The FCC has been unwilling or unable to produce any evidence an attack occurred—not to the reporters who’ve requested and even sued over it, and not to U.S. lawmakers who’ve demanded to see it. Instead, the agency conducted a quiet campaign to bolster its cyberattack story with the aid of friendly and easily duped reporters, chiefly by spreading word of an earlier cyberattack that its own security staff say never happened.

Short version of what follows: Pai basically had some of his people flog a story (off the record) about how we were a DDoS attack...both times. And they knew that story was horse shit. BOTH TIMES.

Servant of the people Ajit Pai, everybody...

#Ajit Pai #FCC #Net neutrality

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teenwolfficrec · 6 years

Note

do you know any boss!Derek, employee Stiles fics

☺️☺️

Not Like Bond & Moneypenny

Summary: (AKA, the Ugly Betty AU where Stiles is totally Betty)

Stiles thinks he’s finally getting a break when a job at the sleek, sophisticated, Alpha Magazine opens up - but soon realises he’s not going to be writing anything and instead is playing tutor-slash-babysitter to their new Editor-in-Chief. Derek’s spoiled, grumpy, in way over his head…and so painfully attractive it makes Stiles want to lick his face. So there’s very little choice in the matter.

“Totally not like that,” he maintains, “It’s not like we’re Bond and Moneypenny.”

Scott gives him an excited grin, chuckling. “Dude, you’re totally his Miss Moneypenny!” he says, eyes wide like the world just finally started to make sense. “You’re the only one who won’t sleep with him even though you’re dying to.”

Read Here!

—-

What a pair we make

Summary: When Stiles’ boss unexpectedly goes into rut, he offers himself to the lycan, knowing all too well how utterly terrifying it can be. Will his gamble pay off, or ruin everything…?

Read Here!

—-

Excuse me sir, but I think a dingo ate my cameraman

Summary: Stiles is living the high life. He has a great job, an amazing roommate, and a new best friend. But when said best friend goes missing after a night of drunken shenanigans, everything goes to shit. And for some reason, Stiles seems be the only one who cares that his grumpy boss is also missing.

Or the one where Stiles finds the best dog ever and adopts him, much to said dog’s reluctance.

Read Here!

—-

accidentally?

Summary: BOSS: “know why I called you in here?”

ME: “because I accidentally sent you a dick pic”

BOSS [stops pouring 2 glasses of wine]: “accidentally?”

yup.

Or, in which Derek receives a surprising email one morning.

Read Here!

—-

get into my pants

Summary: “Stilinski!” Derek’s voice comes loud and sharp. Stiles winces and turns around slowly. Yep, there is his gorgeous boss standing in the hallway with his tie a little too loose around his neck wearing a scowl. Derek does not look happy. Stiles lifts his hand up slowly in greeting and presses his lips tight together. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Of all days, it just had to be Derek who caught him.

“Heeeey there, Derek.”

“It’s Mr. Hale,” Derek corrects. Stiles closes his eyes for a moment and nods slowly. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He’s so fired. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I–it’s not what it looks like, okay?” Stiles says, trying to breathe.

Read Here!

-> Follow me for more fic recs!

#sterek #ao3 #workingtogether #teen wolf #teen wolf fic rec #sterek fic rec #ask

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tf2humbug · 7 years

Photo

More About the Driver

Basic info:

Name: Flannery (surname unknown)

Age: 30-35

Defense/support hybrid class

Health, speed, and size comparable to Engie

Official duty: Transport

Male height: 5'9" (174cm) & Female: 5'4" (163cm)

Practical skills:

difficult terrain driving

stunt driving

navigation & map-reading

automotive repair

emergency medical training

Commands the McMANN vehicle:

Mann.

Co.

Mobile

Assist

Nearby

Nexus

(also nicknamed the Paddy Wagon)

Driver's primary weapon is her vehicle, obviously. When fully sealed up, the McMANN is incredibly tough to penetrate thanks to its sophisticated armor and panic lock-down system. Installed on top is a swiveling machine gun with some utility in creating a distraction or picking off enemies within a certain range. It's useless for hitting anything nearby that's smaller than a shed, however.

I based the McMANN primarily on the ATF Dingo, a modern German armored infantry vehicle, with some cosmetic alterations to fit the TF2 aesthetic.

When in full mobile mode, the McMANN is a powerful destructive force, good for running down vulnerable enemies or ramming obstacles, but it is possible for it to get stuck in hazards or traps. Best to exercise caution.

In a physical altercation without the protection of her vehicle, Driver is vulnerable but not helpless. Her secondary weapon is the same simple pistol used by Scout and Engie, which she keeps tucked in her jacket. When that's not an option, her melee attacks are either swinging a tire iron/wrench or delivering hard kicks with her steel-toed combat boots.

On a personal level, Driver is as different from her teammates as she is in her field contributions.

Averse to unnecessary bloodshed, she sees her new role on the team as, ultimately, peacekeeper. It may sound hypocritical, but she'll think what she has to in order to get the job done and do it well. She sees the worth in targeting these radical cells of cult members who would do others harm. At the very least, it's a clear-cut mission that she and the others can execute efficiently, unlike the miserable quagmire that was her time in the Vietnam War. For that fact, if nothing else, she's grateful.

Her peacekeeper mentality extends into her interpersonal strategy with her teammates. After establishing sufficient rapport with them individually, she's the one most likely to take the edge off awkward moments or defuse arguments with charm or humor or whatever seems best in the moment. On a good day, she feels like an integral part of an extended family; on a bad day, a harried babysitter or worse, an annoyance.

Her time in Vietnam, nearly a decade ago when she was in her early 20s, still tugs at her mind. In retrospect, she's grateful her role in the army was as a non-combatant ambulance driver, as much as it wore on her at the time. She witnessed the deaths of too many soldiers to count, but she was spared the shell shock slowly eating away at many of her fellow veterans. The worst symptoms of her anxiety are survivor's guilt and chronic insomnia.

Maybe it's due to the lack of sleep or maybe it's just a mental quirk, but Driver can easily lose herself in daydreams. Some are pleasant, some not. A few are nearly as powerful as full-blown hallucinations, which can bloom into true dreams on the occasions she loses track of herself and falls asleep wherever she happens to be. She's good for that a couple times a week, but never on the job. She's very careful about that. To help ease her abundance of daydreams, she reads whatever books she can get her hands on.

Secretly, Driver likes to write and draw in a private sketchbook. Never anything finished, but sometimes ideas and images will come to her in her daydreams that she has to get onto paper. She's actually very good, unsurprising since her brother is an accomplished creative type himself. She does her best not to resent him for it. Anyway, maybe she’ll do something with one of these ideas someday.

The time when she's most focused and awake is during field work. Behind the wheel, the hulking steel around her thrumming right up through the bones in her legs, the McMANN is truly an extension of her body. When she's fully in the zone, fulfilling her purpose, harmonizing her senses with the tactical input and kinetic thrill of the tool of her trade, it feels like flying.

#tf2 #tf2 tenth class #tf2 10th class #tf2 oc #10th class #tenth class #oc #driver #art #illustration #concept #tf2 driver #mcmann

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