Lil chara sketches

i can’t go one day without thinking of blitz. welcome to hell i guess

This is the most stupid I've ever drawn him

I hope you're not too down on your luck & that all things work out for you.

(not sure about you, but I am not really ne that likes to be hugged when feeling negative & wanted to be sure for you to! So head pats)

Thank you Moon head pats will do just nicely ;; <3

This whole week has just felt iffy and off to me, the latter half of today felt worse. Idk if its depression(cuz it sure has been a while since i felt that) or my trouble with sleeping or if I'm just dissociating again but i do feel like im having some sort of emotional disconnect with a lot of stuff lately. It's just been all so blehhhhh ＼(;´□｀)/

Alright one thing I will never stand for is the Ursa hate

So many people (especially Azula fans) will write her off as an awful mother who favored Zuko and was abusive to Azula.

WHEN THAT COULDNT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH

She was a young woman who had to leave her life behind and was forced to marry a monster

She was a victim of both Ozai and Firelord Azulons quest for power. In spite of that she tried to be there for her children

BOTH OF HER CHILDREN

And before anyone starts with “She abandoned her children” or “She didn’t even try to be there for Azula” I’m just gonna say SHE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE

If she didn’t listen to Ozai then Zuko would’ve been killed. Ozai has made it very clear that he sees Zuko as a failure and would have no problem getting rid of him.

And as for Azula SHE NEVER SAID SHE DIDN’T LOVE HER. Ozai was the one who played favorites, he’s the one taking Azula for extra training and filling her mind with all these harmful thoughts. Ursa was trapped in that palace with absolutely no power, if he said he favored Azula there was nothing she could do about it.

Now I admit she may have gone about things the wrong way and she did inadvertently make problems for her children BUT she was in a horrible situation. She had no friends, no family, and no way out. Oh and I doubt Ozai even considered asking for her consent at all during their marriage.

Yes, she wasn’t perfect but she tried to be the best mother she could.

So if you wanna hate anyone maybe we should hate the ABUSIVE ASSHOLE WHO WAS THE CAUSE OF ALMOST EVERY CHARACTERS TRAUMA

currently 3am and i am having extremely normal and healthy thoughts about kar'niss

someone cold emailed me to ask if i was going to a writer's conference in los angeles and was putting together a panel or caucus for queer poets or if i knew anyone who was...buddy you are severely overestimating how much i network with other poets (i don't) and how often i attend writer's conferences (never) 😭

unrealted but what does endo mean? /genq

Short hand for endogenic! Which usually means anyone who is plural for non trauma reasons! or who doesn't relate their plurality to trauma. if you don't know what plural means, there are a lot of definitions! I'd recommend googling around or talking to plural people, because i dont have good words today. plurality is often associated with DID, but that's not the only source or cause :) another common one is MADD (maladaptive daydreaming disorder) or immersive daydreaming!

take this with a grain of salt, though - people will often change their personal definitions of what it means to be plural or endo to exclude others. perhaps because of their own internalized ableism, or exerting control over their online spaces is the only control they readily get, or because picking on a subculture of a subculture means that their targets often won't be defended and they can get away with using them as stress toys. Similarly to queer infighting, and aphobia. Thumbs up emoji

just spent 5 hours straight playing sims 3 again

hahaha

the only feeling worse than knowing you're having a manic episode is the terrible sense of dread of it ending 👍

i think i would genuinely benefit from being institutionalized

It just will forever baffle me how unfair he has been. He kept constantly blaming me for all that was going wrong in his life, he could get upset to the point of wanting to hurt himself or worse over things as little as me disagreeing with his creative ideas or not wanting to listen to something he wanted to share at the moment, he abandoned his friend he knew for two years because he got interested in me too much to give her enough - and then because he convinced himself she didn't care for him anymore.

And I knew, all along, that I was not right for him. I kept telling him to keep reaching out and seek friends that he'd actually like and actually get along with. I kept insisting that he was doing it to himself by clinging to me where clearly he hated me to the point I could've hurt him by as much as setting up boundaries, having different opinions or having limitations as a human being. I told him that that friend he abandoned still cared for him and he could not just decide FOR her. But over and over, he denied everything and begged me to stay, saying how much he wanted to have future together, how I was like a sister he lost a chance to have, how we were supposed to share life experiences together and how I was the only one that felt "real". I kept sticking around despite the abuse, despite how much he was ruining my mental health and my social life (being abused distances you from even close people), all because I could not stand seeing him so hurt and alone. And the last deceit hurt especially bad, because he made me truly believe him. He said something that made me lose my guard, my focus on the fact that I was just a placeholder in his life until he finds someone fitting.

And just like I kept saying, as soon as he got enough money for good life, his mental health improved upon switching meds or something, he met a new friend and reconnected with that exact one he abandoned earlier - he declared me a dead weight on his life that has only been "killing" him and declared that the almost two years he spent with me were just a bad dream he was happy to finally forget.

I knew all along that the best thing I could do for him was to leave him, but I never did. I should have before he stopped caring for me entirely out of blue, because now he didn't even learn anything. He lost nothing of value in his eyes, just a person that "wasted his time". So what if his current friends """fail""" him again? He'll just seek an outlet in new ones, until they prove "useless" and he'll ditch them too, and so on. Some people just can't appreciate someone's personality, they only value people for what they can give to them. Or.. is it just me? At times I am genuinely annoyed when people tell me I am a valuable person and anyone who can't love and appreciate me is an idiot, because on the contrary, in my life all people that despised me and saw me as a waste of their time the most were all high IQ, very well-read and educated, very sophisticated individuals. Clearly, there is a correlation between being very smart and deeming me as human garbage - in a way jealous haters, hypocritical control freaks and callous ableists I've met online never could.

Honestly, sometimes I should decide for someone else. I always knew he hated me and splitting with me was to the better for him, but I let his tears and clinginess force me to feel bad and go back every time. And to doubt that maybe I was the delusional one and could not be sure of someone else's needs. Honestly, guys - when you are given every single indication that you are hated and only kept around out of their fear of loneliness and low self-esteem... it is all there is. It is not a situation where you should listen to your heart, to hope or to give benefit of the doubt. Being abused is something you can only comprehend with mind and knowledge, there is no bigger story and no intricate matters.

Still, I hate how as painfully stupid and naive for my age as I am, I've been able to understand things way more correctly than a much older, much more mature person with high intellect and tons more of life experience. I was right all along, but I hate being right sometimes. And I hate always being discarded as soon as people's lives improve. I hate always being just a placeholder. Apparently, no one whose life is good would ever want to burden themselves with me.

My girlfriend loves me so much...

I'm totally not going to bury this in the backyard and light the very ground on fire...

@pastthebutterflies

Did anyone else struggle with a “rough housing” compulsory issue? Like you’re laughing with someone and you smack them or like when you’re sibling walks by and you want to push them or something like that.

Something happened at work and I don’t even have the words to ramble about how upset I am about it I just feel so defeated and I don’t know what I can even do or why someone in a position of power would choose to do this to someone like as human beings

DROP THE GIFSET BESTIE IM HERE TO TEMPT YOU

i literally hate you do not stop