#depends how I'm feeling ig
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Aro culture is your friend sending you a romantic rejection when you genuinely just wanted to see a movie that looked cool and wanted to have someone to talk about it with. Leaving you puzzled and hurt on why your friend thinks you think of them like that knowing that they know that you know that theyre in a relationship. Leading to what's likely the end of your friendship
:/
.
#mrblackcubes#aro culture is#aro#aromantic#actually aro#actually aromantic#ask#mod phoenix#ugh#best i can really give is just... sometimes people are silly about that kind of stuff#and depending on what was on their mind when they received that message they may have interpreted it through a difficult to contextualize#lens - like... it's not super uncommon for someone to fight with their partner about time spent together vs with friends#and then get messages while still totally in the zone of 'if i spend time with others i'm (interpreted as) fucking up my relationship'#and then... honestly self-justifying after that wears off#doesn't mean it doesn't suck when you're just sending a casual message#but i'd wonder if asking 'hey - ig i can see how inviting someone to a movie can be seen as a romo coming on but i really just wanted#to see the movie and prefer to watch stuff with friends' might help to de-escalate similar types of situations#i think... basically: it's a rough situation where i can see both parties feeling offended by the implications of how they may be viewed#by the other in that moment#when it really has nothing to do with that and everything to do with an outside influence
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I should make some silly Jalph fanart it's been too long
#or sad just depends on how I'm feeling ig#lord of the flies#lotf#lotf fandom#lotf ralph#lotf jalph#lotf jack
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what i love about aziraphale and crowley presenting as female is that they don't switch vessels to do it, there aren't other cis actresses on the side lines for the feminine presentations of these characters. when crowley presents as feminine he doesn't change his face, it's still crowley and it's still aziraphale. i just think it's nice to see gender fluidity represented in a way that doesn't require the person to become cis passing as the gender they present as in the moment
#as a genderfluid person its nice to see that crowley being played by a cismale actor doesn't have to change his entire to appearance#to appear more like a conventionally attractive cis passing woman like no crowley looks how crowley looks and presenting as a woman doesn't#require him to change that#she can still be a woman or a man or neither regardless of how he looks#idk thanks gaiman ig#good omens#gender fluidity represented in shape shifting creatures (for lack of a better term) is so frequently represented by that person changing#like physical shape and played by cis women/cis men and its nice to see a sort of representation that doesn't require that#when i identify as a man one day and a women the next i may dress different or wear a binder depending on how i feel but i do not suddenty#become a cis man or a cis woman i'm still me and i still look the way i look and that doesn't make my identity any less than what it is#does any of this make sense or am i screaming to a void of cis bitches
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Me at my appointment this afternoon when the doctor lady asked what my heart rate usually is: well I don't have like. An Overall Average but I can tell u the range it has from today?
Her: sure
Me: ok, since midnight it's been between 53 and 135
Her: *one of the most confused, mildly horrified faces I have seen in a hot minute*
#like. what do I do with this information#I take it this is obviously not a normal range#suppose it's a good thing they're gonna refer me to cardiology and get me to do a holter monitor lmao#and also that's not even the most intense range I've had. one day it was from 46-178#like. when I'm actually asleep it's usually around 50 but when I'm laying down awake it's 70-80 and when I'm sitting up it's 100-110#walking can b anywhere from 120 to 180 depending on how I'm feeling that day lmao and it just. randomly spikes and dropps all the time#old neurologist wanted to get me tested for POTS but was told they didn't test minors and then I never went back so. ig we'll never know#and like. apparently I have a bunch of other weird rhythms that nobody bothered to tell me abt????? which seems important to know??????#armchair speaks#actually disabled#physically disabled
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#to be clear I have drawn A Lot so there might be a constant stream of my art for a while lol#which is why I'm asking#no gurantee I'll go through with this either#It depends on how I feel later ig
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ok yea but don't forget about what daigo did in yakuza 4. how could he throw away his most valuable officer like that? he made such terrible decisions there. he was not a good choice and kiryu should have known better. (i am not prev anon btw but i do agree with them)
i didnt forget: i make fun of him every other day for it actually. His Widow Era, i dub it
but in all seriousness i never said daigo was perfect or the "perfect choice"- every time i defend him i emphasize that he isn't perfect and more or less joke about yayoi being chairwoman. but i don't intend to make him seem perfect- i just want to say he's not totally helpless and he didn't run the tojo into the ground like people seem to believe. daigo making one fuck up that got resolved in a week isn't fair enough grounds to brand him a failure for his twelve years of service
plus, who else was kiryu supposed to choose? we already went over how kashiwagi isn't the kind of man to lead people- guide, sure- but not lead. and majima surely didn't want to lead the tojo, he hardly even wanted to be there. kiryu made it clear his options were exhausted and anyone but daigo would be an irresponsible choice (and that was made evident with the likes of shindo running around). again, it was a gamble, and luckily daigo managed to work things out despite his inexperience and hasty inauguration
BUT this ask has inspired me to make a general timeline of daigo's career complete with W's, L's, and things totally out of his control so we can all come to our own conclusions on whether he was cringe fail or not
text version below, left to right:
(Post-Y2) Daigo's Inauguration - January, 2007
Peace Period - January 2007 to March 2009 (2 years, 2 months)
(Y3) Daigo is shot in an attempt to protect Kazuma Kiryu's land - March, 2009
Peace Period - March 2009 to March 2010 (1 year)
(Y4) Daigo is cornered by Isao Katsuragi and the police - March 2010
Peace Period - March 2010 to December 2012 (2 years, 9 months)
(Y5) Daigo slips from the Tojo to visit Tatsuo Shinada and causes a potential rift between the Tojo and the Yamagasa family - December, 2012
(Post-Y5) Daigo resolves the tension between the Yamagasa family and the Tojo Clan - December, 2012
Peace Period - December 2012 to 2015 (3 years)
(Pre-Y6) Daigo, alongside Goro Majima, are framed and arrested for the fire in Little Asia - 2015 to January 2017 (~2 years)
(Post-Y6) Daigo and co. are released from prison, deciding not to get revenge for Kiryu's sake - January, 2017
Peace Period - January 2017 to Late 2017 (~1 year)
(Pre-Y7) The Tojo Clan is pushed out of Kamurocho as a part f the Kamurocho 3K Plan (Late 2017)
Daigo, Saejima, and Majima are forced into hiding - Late 2017 to Mid 2019 (~2 years)
(Y7) Daigo and Masaru Watase put an end to the yakuza and go legit as a security company - Mid 2019
#snap chats#i could probably also include daigo's charisma being able to recruit mine#mine's involvement in the tojo is what gave them grandiose funds#tho i excluded it since we don't see that tree bear fruit- if anything it just makes a problem in Y4 💀#i did consider daigo's arrest in 2015 as out of his control- not to mention majima was arrested a well#it wasn't that daigo made an agreement with the police they literally just came and arrested him and majima#unlike Y4 where he had the choice of whether or not to work with the police#i've marked the jima's hiding as out of his control though i guess you can argue it was in his control#but it was a long-term plan so it's like. EHHHHH up in the air ig#yes the tojo was pushed out but it was also a long-term plan to protect them and liberate them from the government#it's an L or a W depending on how you see it#i feel like im missing something but im tired and put more effort into this than i should have#if we wanna talk bout daigo's capabilities as a chairman i'm all ears because i am that post i just rb'd about becoming your pfp#for now im making a hijikata compilation bye
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crazy how watching workout videos makes you want to workout
#ok im not watching a WORKOUT video but there is working out. in the video#i rlly should have gone to runnign club last night...oh well#arsenal made it worth my while!!!!#and maybe ill go on a fun run today. long run tomorrowjfjfjffj.#i actually...don't know how far i'm supposed to run#i've done 2 18s#now under 6wks to the marathon#this week is TECHNICALLY supposed to be a fast half marathon but i did that basically on sunday?#so ig im back on regular long run???#idk. so maybe 20+ if i'm feeling good 16 if i'm feeling eh.#then next week a little lower depending on what this week is. then 22 the week after? and thats it?#and then it's the cruiseeeeeeeeeee to the race. slash taper. though actually my fatigue isn't crazy rn.#tetrapod runs#i'm doing such a sketchy job training for this race like i'm fit obvi i'm just so not following my plan in any meaningful way#juuuuust long runs
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was thinking about this in my lesson this morning, how it’s really common for woodwind players to have multiple instruments. like i have two oboes in addition to my english horn but not even including other instruments like EH or d’amore, most oboists i know (especially professionals) will have two or three or more. i know flute and clarinets who’re the same way but i have no idea if it’s A Thing for string or brass players too
#sasha speaks#i know i have string player mutuals so i'm curious do you/your sectionmates only have one instrument?#like your primary instrument. i don't mean like a violist also having a violin i mean like a violinist having like two violins to choose#depending on the situation#like i Get It for something like clarinet cause both A and Bb parts are common so it's just useful to have both an A and a Bb insturment#(and in the case of cl i think A and Bb are close enough to be considered 'the same' for this post and not separate#in the same way that i'm considering oboe separate from EH and d'amore)#and obv if someone has an EH there a 99.9% chance they also have and play an oboe#but like. our principal flute in orchestra has at least two flutes not including picc#i have seen our new grad oboist with. at least three different oboes. modern* ones#(i've also seen him with at least one classical oboe and one of his 'modern' ones is from like. 1899 and has a pre-conservatoire key system)#(which is bonkers. it feels like holding a toy.)#plus i know he's got an EH somewhere cause i've seen reeds for it in his case#anyway. i have two oboes and an EH. i usually only play one of them unless it has a technical problem#so my second is more of a backup#but i definitely know people with different instruments they play in different halls/weather/for a different sound/etc#or an instrument with like a plastic lining in the top joint for outdoor playing or something#tldr it's really common for woodwind players in my experience to have multiple instruments and i wonder how common that is#for other sections. sound off in the notes ig#sorry i don't have polls yet so i have to get responses from you guys the old fashioned way still.#oboeposting
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Me: Hey I'm trans.
People: Read The Bible
Me: only finding affirming things in bible study ... Yeah I'm doing that. I'm trans.
People: >:[
#personal#fr it's a little ridiculous#I'm just. so tired of *gestures at the State Of Things*#tired of people saying I'm an ''ideology'' and that I should be eradicated#tired of people saying my friends should be eradicated#tired of people trying to take away our access to safety and medical care and the ability to use the bathroom#like come on I just want to live#just let me be my genderfunky little Christian self#I am legitimately going to be moving to somewhere safer after college because there's no way I'm gonna feel safe here#but even so depending on how other things go... if national stuff goes down hill#it's going to be devastating#(main post only vaguely connected to this ig)#oh but also so many people just. don't get how genuinely hard it is to be queer and Christian#we were ''discussing'' why it can be hard to have faith in sunday school today#and like I brought up some very real reasons I struggle with faith sometimes#(other people. policies actively harming us. being called wrong and bad and whatever when we very much aren't.)#and the group just kinda backed off and was *scared* to have an actual discussion#like they didn't know how to react#and a lot of my queer friends aren't religious anymore so it's hard to have conversations about specific things like this with them#also genuinely when I've been studying in the bible I don't find anything anti-trans#I just find things that are really good to me and helpful *and that are supportive of me being trans*#yet for some reason I'm the bad guy#for some reason ''love others as I have loved you''#and ''greater love has no man than this; that a man should lay down his life for his friends''#has turned into ''eradicate trans people''#''force people to either conform to your idea of Right or be severely punished''#''it's ok to blatantly misgender and disrespect people''#i. just. want. to. live.#I want to be a college kid messing off with friends and going to classes and not worrying about getting kicked off campus#I want to be able to sing in a register I can't reach by an octave when I try sing it
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Love it when I tell my dogs to go to place somewhere as an excuse to give them each a bite of my food or a french fry or whatever and immediately release them after but they stick to place like glue anyway waiting to see if it will get them another bite
#they wont usually if i release them after giving them a normal treat they'll generally leave#but when it's something like a french fry or a piece of pepperoni...#they will wait to see#and depending on how yummy the thing is they might wait a long time#like manding using place ig to ask for more#if im not actually going to give them any more then ill give them their 'no more' cue with jazz hands and then they'll usually leave#but sometimes#sometimes maybe hermes falls asleep in place waiting because he's a good boy#and sometimes#sometimes it's so cute and good of him that I'm just like 'here dude have my whole pizza crust love you'#thats extra love because the crust is the best part lmao#love my good dogs#pro trainer tip though for average pet owners#you can still spoil your dog with human food if you want without feeling bad about it if you just make them go to place first#and then you'll also build a really sticky place behavior over time#lazy training ftw
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i really want to make gifs of fuuta's 2nd trial mv while it's still really new. idk if i should post them if ever though... <- has never posted any of my edits of any sort and gifs. even icons
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚#nah i only have like. access to canva for paid. and it's education and not even pro LMAO ty to school for providing canva education <3#yeah but i only really use canva and photopea and take a fucking long time doing anything related to editing#it's fun and a great way to pass time esp bcs i take a long time but for time efficiency... not really <//3#i'll do my homework first and then ya ^___^#i want photoshop but if you get me i don't want to YEAH. not only do i hate yeah i also don't like paying often#like ofc i do for what i need but i. barely spend my money (it helps knowing that idk how much money i even have)#idk maybe it sounds good like 'yo you don't waste money' but also it sucks idk how to handle money at all and stuff#i rmbr being so excited planning for getting ffxiv. laying out the costs and all. LMFAO ya i only really pay for xiv sub and that's it#cash shop i only have a few stuff bcs i've been there for old events and my friend (very generous. big brother guy) gifted us stuff#fuuta's voice is so good. man i keep getting distracted this went from editing to money and then ffxiv and then fuuta#UHM ANYWAYS...... anyways............. yeah i just do really simple edits. just literally changing the color and all#but you see i often like things most when it comes from me. or my friends. or if it is personalized#so i don't like taking random things! idk the process feels best when it comes from me but i also love stuff that have heart in it#and if it's yk. oh. this is for me. ig i'm just used to mostly having to do things for myself bcs i don't get it often from others </3#braindead. it is 1 pm. i will finish my homework (soon!)#i love all milgram characters. i was a bit yk to muu and kotoko but i think i understand kotoko better after studying fuuta more#and i get now ^^ it's a bit hypocritical to vote her innocent and fuuta guilty but at the same time it depends on what you value#and also did people really not expect her to. do that. hello. i saw that coming from a mile away but yeah you can't predict the future#so makes sense too! tbh im a fuuta innocent guy but i do believe guilty first trial is best but also wow the effects of guilty 1st trial#were yeah. but taste of his own medicine (real!) i just hope the others get that too. in time.#specifically muu and kotoko bcs though i love them they still iff me a bit (is that even a word)#tbh my feelings on milgram characters are complicated but i think i'm complicating it too ngl.#obsessed with mikoto though. his voice!!! his va slaying as always#tbh w kotoko it's mostly that i think she's getting ahead of herself. in a way. i think that's how to say it but i'm not sure#with muu. i think i get her but it's more of fuuta for me and i think that's why yeah? but i like muu she was one of the first that#caught my eye from b4 i watched the mvs and all!! i think it might be that she reminds me a tiny bit of myself#but in a way i'd rather not admit or something i don't like about myself that makes me like her less. curious#hi um i wrote a lot more tags but they stopped after 30 oops. i took screenshots tho <3 anyways this is a 20 minutes post BYE
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I’ve seen a few too many posts and reactions to my personal theory post that made me realize that some of you don’t remember literally how chapter one ended. Noe literally said at the beginning of the series he’s going to kill Vanitas with his own two hands. Mochizuki isn’t hiding this. Vanitas is going to die by Noe’s hands by the end of the series guys.
#shay speaks#vanitas no carte#not tagging as spoilers considering this is the first goddamn chapter#i have a whole post on my thoughts abt how it'll go down but#the series is about the journey to get to the end point. getting us invested in vanitas' and noe's relationship#and them as characters to build up that tension when the time finally comes for vanitas to die and fulfill what we should#in theory always have known was going to happen#and it will not hurt any less#i think we're still a ways out from that too personally though ig that depends on how mochizuki's health does#also isnt pandora hearts a tragedy???? wouldnt that be in line for her second series????? to also be a tragedy?????????#im not mad im just. it feels like we r reading different series when i see people say they want a happy ending#like. that's never been in the cards. at best it'll be bittersweet though my money is on straight tragedy#ESPECIALLY after noe and vanitas' fight that mikhail started. like. there's a lot of stuff going on#anyway i'm gonna rb my theory post once i find it
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is it too much to ask for a decent fucking piercer
One is insanely expensive forgetting he operates in a small town ig and the other one is a masive dick like come one
#I get that he can't tell me the exact price since it depends on the jewelry but at least some orientational one shouldn't be that difficult#and like sorry but I'm not gonna send you 200 crowns when I don't even know if you're free on that one day I can get to the town#where his shop is#no need to be rude asshole just because I asked if you are even free on friday without trying to book anything#also he told us that if we want it as cheap as possible we should do it at home no matter how weird it sounds so idk man#anyway I didn't know you pay deposit before agreeing on a date I thought it's usually the other way around but ig I was wrong#(also for amusement the expensive one asks for 800 crowns for a lobe piercing fucking comedian)#but if it goes on like this I just might get needles and do the piercings at home fucking god#tbh I would feel way better if the piercer was a woman as well these guys are so weird
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it's just hit me that maybe the reason i don't call myself 'trans' much is i don't want to have to transition to being a different gender to my agab. i want my gender to be something i can quickly change around depending how i feel
#personal crap#obviously the other reason is I'm enby and i feel like it doesn't quite apply to me#but ig my ideal would be if i could be seen as a guy or a girl or neither depending how i feel at a given time
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*guy who has put his entire life on hold until he can physically transition because he can't do even the simplest task without being disgustingly conscious of his body voice* "yeah its really no big deal i can put stuff on hold for a few years ive been waiting this long right lol" < if he isn't ever able to have access to these surgeries for whatever reason he will sooner kill himself than figure out how to live with it
#dawg i wish i was one of those guys who could be totally happy without bottom surgery but nooo i have to feel completely and utter horrified#disgusted and lost when i take even the smallest second to think about how i'm stuck like this until i can get through the long as fuck#process that is talking to therapists surgeons and doctors to even get on a waitlist which can then go up to five years depending on who yo#you're trying to go to#whoever said they're just surgically transitioning people willy nilly these days is a liar and a freak#whatever i'm normal and fine and don't go into weekly depressive episodes thinking about this#suicide mention#vent ig
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i’ve tried to write this into several fics and it never quite fits but im in throes again about the clothes kaeya came to mondstadt in.
#personal#like. were they made in the style of mondstadt’s clothes? or another nation’s depending on the story they wanted to sell?#or depending on just where he was living ig#or if they looked more khaenri’ahn—how did he explain them away?#did he keep them? was he allowed to?#did he wear them until they were threadbare and too small or did he keep them tucked away and hidden#we know he’s sentimental towards physical objects but how does that sentiment manifest when it’s objects that are so entrenched in use#ones that he can so easily and quickly outgrow#and they’re not exactly something that’s easy to hide#but if given the option would he sacrifice their life to feel the sensation of wearing them again#aside from his letter what little trinkets did he hide away in his pockets? were any permitted or did he sneak them all?#i always like the hc he has a little knife or two i'm thinking that sort of thing#or something like jewelry! parts of the outfit but also not#the khaenri’ahn elements on his outfit now—i must assume they’re intentional#are they added with reference to pieces he has preserved lovingly or are they approximations from his best memories?#it’s just everything so much all the time wow
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