uni is driving me FUCKING INSANE OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. IM GOING INSANE. OH MY GOD. GET ME OUT OF HERE WTF WHAT. WHAT IS GOING ON. GET ME OUT. GOING INSANE. HATE IT HERE I DONT REALLY BUT I DO A LITTLE BIT SOMETIMES OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. IM GOING INSANE. OH MY GOD.

someone gently encourage me to write I woke up from a nap and now im off schedule

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

I will laugh so hard if it turns out that John is making a sincere effort at being a decent parent and it's such an awful outcome for Gideon that I feel like it's plausible. He's giving off such man who thinks of himself as a good guy confronted with oops baby vibes.

jim: he was your friend

me screaming at my screen: NO HE FUCKING WASN’T

Louis ft. Oli

kaiju i envisioned like 2 years ago . his name is krokòdeilos

Is it hard to breathe wearing a corset?

I know that's the common joke about them, but nah! Not even remotely, actually. that said, corsets are very easy to loosen if you do feel too constricted- the lacing at the back is highly highly customizable.

🎶I am filled with so much anxietyyy🎶

i have been diagnosed with a concussion. this is my second (known) TBI

the last time i had a concussion i realized i was transgender. what wizard powers will i discover this time.

when she steps up to say "a few words" and the entire audience and cast start laughing

was about to just post 'be real with me guys would you say that i have any skills at all' as a genuine question before remembering that they DID tell me that i could expect to experience mood swings on this medication which is entirely about throwing my endocrine system down the stairs backwards and then doing a sick flip at the bottom & growing a patchy beard

RILEY HALE has been moved to @haelestorm bc miss girl wanted her solo page back

Batman is peek Manipulate, Mansplain, but skips straight past the Manslaughter to Manwhore

Hey do you guys wanna see the single funniest video I’ve ever come across

someone please give me the strength to not yell at someone for implying i'm wrong about special interest.

anyway. angels can be hurt by things other than angelic steel; specifically blunt-force trauma (splat against Alastor's shield; Lute giving Vaggie a bloody nose by smashing her face off a table); Carmilla is not a reliable source of all things that can hurt an angel; and Lute herself implies in the first episode that exorcists have been hurt by sinners before.

(The specific line is "they've never managed to kill one of us before," when she's talking with Adam - it could just be because the specific thing they're talking about is the dead exorcist, but the specific word choice of kill over hurt (when they! know! exorcists! can! be! hurt! at least by other exorcists!) sticks out to me.)