#d.constructed
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“don’t do this, cas” is not “don’t confess,” it’s “don’t leave me”
#da.txt#destiel#cas#deancas#dean#dean winchester#d.constructed#dean studies#bold text#italicized text#it reads: dont leave me
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ok so quickly back to this; i truly do think that dean’s romantic boundary with cas was before he even met cas But even afterwards, it was a deeply ontological boundary to start. it was deep and entrenched. he truly thought cas couldnt love him back.
that’s likely why he never protested the many times cas was dialectically presented as his lover. he barely even flinched when cas talked about liking or growing attached to “the subject” in his charge. dean really just thought they couldnt be together despite having sex with anna and having that thing with amara im gonna throw up
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sorry i know this wasnt necessarily the point you were making with it but i just read your post abt dean and cassie and i literally didnt remember her at all. i am so sad. i havent srsly watched spn in years but i hold such fondness for dean and to see him over and over again try to find good things, good people, happiness, to have them in his hands, only for those things to be taken away truly at the whim of the writers is just. i mean its insane. im projecting a little here but i literally think about it so often
hi friend!
uhm...yea. that's disconcerting maybe but the show also had a lot of characters. cassie was notable for me specifically because she was played by a black actress and they had great chemistry. i firmly think the writers wanted to make her irrelevant and that's why we got lisa. her character very easily could have been a series regular.
but yes. i, too, love dean and think in terms of happiness we could have seen more of that coming from his relationship with cassie. she was a good person and loved him very visibly. the plot point of taking good things from dean is partially what i hate about the show and think it was often overdone for the sake of jensen being a pretty good actor.
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the pep talk dean gives himself in "defending your life" feels silly but in reality is so insidious...he had to coach himself to want to take that woman bartender home to bed...saying "you are dean winchester and this is what you do" or whatever...like talk about being a shell of person because of your rearing.
he literally called it a "low ball" acknowledging he just had to let it happen by "lowering [his] mitt". he just had to, what, take it like a man or something, wtf? like...what is consent if you talk yourself out of thinking you can really give it? as if it is just required of you?? what's the point?
john taught dean he wasn't a man or was less of one if dean really wanted what dean really wanted. this is the case in many aspects but especially here it's so vile to me. that's not even consensual nonconsent, dean strips himself of internal permission and decides to autopilot bc thats what he thinks he's supposed to do. at damn near 30.
but he's not the man john thought he was or even who dean thinks he is. he is displaced from within himself. by this point, john is dead and dean is his living memory, long tired, and itching to get out of his skin. tired of so many things. so instead he ends up being a man who seeks tenderness in what he thinks are his dying moments where it can't even find him: in the ghost of a young woman who has to kill him. who was 8 years Younger than him and, in life, had a crush on him who he turned down relentlessly on principle which she mirrored but died helping him...bc that is...*checks notes* easier than habitually being tender/sensual with men onscreen outright??? i just
anyway, YES, dean was never the same after his first solo hunt having to burn the lesbian nuns' bones. true. but he was fully unable to recover or keep that shell intact after cas died. he had to push himself in that pep talk, plus he was drunk. he didn't want to do it. but john taught him being a man meant seeking that. truly a disgusting father idc
#07x04#like i'm not over it#anyway stabbing john repeatedly in my mind rn#i dont even know how to tag this#no bc really#what is consent if you talk yourself out of thinking you can really give it???#i need to know#dean and i are not dissimilar in this but at least i have a therapist and not-dead friends#dean studies#dean is bi#hi dean bi dean#spn meta#da.rewatch#d.constructed
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dean winks at cas and calls him "partner" in frontierland, cowboy culture is depicted as notoriously homosocial and yet the men of that era still tag him as gbq. incredible.
#06x18#dean#dean studies#destiel#anyway dean is bi#people are being interesting about the word queer again#da.rewatch#d.constructed
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“defending your life”, 07x04 is so wild to me. as much as the writers suck for making dean kill amy in 07x03. it was even shittier that dean had to stand trial to be found “guilty” basically for people being in proximity to him. it was emotional manipulation for it to have been based on dean’s guilt. he didn’t have emotional reassurance as child to set his baseline, he had john and that was barely. and then to have his loneliness weaponized is fucked.
john was not stable as a baseline, he amplified dean’s loneliness and pushed his baseline by parentifying him. and sam literally couldn’t be that for him as dean’s charge. like, ofc he would feel guilty with or without extenuating circumstances. he became a home for guilt, there wasn’t even room for himself in his own heart. like…free him.
#ultimately the writers and chuck both suck for this but like#also the racism of using a white man to kill an egyptian god#like go away#07x04#they piled too much into season 7 tbh#i always remember that#its why s8 felt like season gr8 when it first came out#i always forget how much i hated s7 omg#dean winchester#dean studies#da.rewatch#d.constructed
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i hate dean's overuse of "bitch" in season 7 and it surely doesn't help his sexuality allegations....he's never beating those allegations.
#s7...i always forget how much i hate it#my dean is bi and hi dean bi dean tag is filled with dean and men#the writers are so ass omg#07x07#da.rewatch#d.constructed
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about me!
"first of all, through cas all things are possible, so jot that down" - me
hi! i'm ren. 30. queer/bi. trans (tme). Black. pronouns: he/they. femme (ish). outside of tumblr, i write on ao3 + vocal! feel free to tip!
fics: but i’m singin’ like a bird ‘bout it now. aka my self-indulgent hoziernatural communicationnatural 15x18 fix-it fic [ complete! ] + floorboards creak... [ch. 6/10!] aka my nycnatural brownstone!au with beekeeper/cat cafe employee!cas, mechanic/aspiring photographer!dean wip fic!
poems: long distanced kiss + what makes them fit to be king? + the hem of his garment
casual projects:
#dirtangel500 - 500 follower celebration!
#dirtangelrewatch - my thoughts/ramblings on my next go around
#dirtangelastro - gonna expand on this later when i have spoons but basically figuring out chart activation. what in each person's chart facilitated actions, not justifications (i dislike justifications)
#d.constructed - curated thoughts about dean
i’m tracking tag #da.tags & my url @dirtangeldean, feel free to tag me in anything! no need to ask. ✨
i'll also trigger warning or tag whatever is necessary for you to have a great time, feel free to message/dm/ask whatever you feel most comfortable with!!
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i missed spn fandom so i remade and came back, i heard there was a wedding?
but seriously, i'm not too huge on multilevel fandom labels bc i'm a deancoded cas gay with billie flair and jack sensibilities but i do ship destiel & deancassie plus deanbenny and i think samwena, saileen, casmick and drowley are all variably interesting. really i like most ships i just want people to be happy but no winstuff or kline stuff pls i cant no angels either for the love of all things pls they’re siblings
uhm, idk what else to share so i'm gonna end this by saying i may start writing poetry and fics. spn was my first ever fandom experience. and i've liked spn since the start of the live premiere so after my rewatch it'll be personally interesting to me to see what i create and share after folks have shared so much. idk! i'm excited ✨
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ongoing project: currently in the middle of cataloguing random heritage posts from/about spn tumblr. check it out! it's 2k13,2k12, & 2k11 respective from jail and here. various/misc/post 2013 lore will be here!
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i have a postlimit space which is a side blog aka @dirtangeldeanjail
currently jailed: yes [_] or no [x]
idk how to end this so bye
xoxo - dirtangeldean
#don't rb it's just to pin tbh#i mean if you want to#i guess#this is edited as time goes on!#tags i use:#da.tags#da.txt#da.cat#da.writes#da.astro#da.pics#da.asks#uhm also#da.me#da.poems#da.rewatch#old tags:#dirtangel500#tagged ✨#da.words
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