Works In Progress 2023: A Cyberpunk 2077 Year In Review
I thought for a hot minute about doing one of those snazzy templates that’s been going around, but editing photos just ain’t my MO and rather than going by month I picked 12 favs that I’ve posted in 2023. Some of them were popular, some of them weren't. Overall, I think I did pretty good for just doing vanilla photomode on console.
You might be wondering why there's a picture of a sticky note. I don't remember when I started doing this, and I'm horribly inconsistent as you can see by the dates, but I'll jot down my word count for my wip chapter and then jot it down again when I remember to later.
I write slow. A lot of times I sit down to write and it feels like the wheels are spinning in place. My minutes and hours don't stretch very far, typically don't add up to much. But days, weeks, months. That's when I can at least measure the progress.
Fic: So It Goes 40/44 - 438,946 words
My V x River Ward and tinfoil hat conspiracy theory long fic. I've spent way more hours on this then I have on any of my VP.
I got tagged by @just-a-cybercroissant @therealnightcity and @wanderingaldecaldo to do some WIP Whenevers. I post my VP pretty regularly, so it’s always seemed silly to do work in progress posts for them, and I don’t know when I’ll have any new writing to share since in between work and the holidays, I haven’t had much time to sit down with anything since my last chapter update. And I've been feeling very... stingy, lately. Especially when it comes to mine and other people's writing. So take this WIP/Year In Review as my offering. Both these series, as am I, are all very much still works in progress.
I confined my reflections for this year below the cut. If you don’t want to read my long-ass essays, you can admire the pictures, maybe check out my fic, or just move along and have yourself a lovely day.
We’ll start with the easy one.
VP
After at least a year of multiple playthroughs (I’ve played all the lifepaths, done all the endings), it only occurred to me at the beginning of this year to start taking VP. Part of the reason I never did before was because I didn’t realize it was a thing and then by the time I did, I figured I didn’t have much to offer. I play on PS5 and only have access to vanilla photomode, so seeing everyone else’s high-fidelity, ultra ray-tracing, modded, posed, full on virtual photo shoot photos, I was like there’s no way. (Not that I’m hating on PC modders, it’s just not everyone has access to mods or a PC capable of running the game, and I’m all for making art and creative endeavors accessible.) On top of that, all I’d ever heard from most other folks was how much vanilla photomode sucked. In the glamorous world of VP, I didn’t think there was any room for me.
But I started snapping pics anyway. And sure, there are a lot of limitations with vanilla photomode. But what that really translates to is opportunities to get creative. I am also a hoe for subverting people’s expectations, and very much believe when there’s a will, there’s a way.
Environmental and landscape shots were my first subjects before I started branching out into portraits and then capturing story moments. Through VP I found an entirely new way to enjoy a game that I’d already played a ridiculous number of times along with also finally being brave enough to share my V with other people too. I’d always worried about that before, if people would like her. Granted, I know Grandpa’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but whether you like her or not, I certainly think she’s made a name for herself over the past few months. Even if most people haven’t really gotten to know her the way I’d hoped.
I’ve taken hundreds of photos this past year. Most of which I’ll never share. There’s a lot of flops, a lot of weird experiments, ones that didn’t quite turn out the way I’d hoped, but I’ve learned something from every single one of them. I know how to spot good lighting, frame shots to create optical illusions, get a very limited toolkit to work in my favor, parkoured on all of the things, and heck, I even figured out how to make Grandpa smooch other NPCs. I’ve done atmospheric, mundane, down right goofy, as well as things that most people probably thought weren’t fucking possible.
I can’t say how long I’ll keep doing this, I’m sure I’ll move on at some point, but for now I’m still enjoying myself. There's a lot to explore in this game and I just can’t stop digging Night City.
Now, for the more complicated thing.
Writing
So It Goes… My peace, my war, my greedy and most ravenous of ghosts.
I’m operating under the assumption that most people following me here probably haven't read my fic or aren’t all that interested in reading it to begin with. It’s fine. But you need to understand this fic, my writing, is the main thing that brought me here. This is also Grandpa V’s story. Most of you have met her, but unless you've been reading, most of you do not know her.
I wrote around 185,000 words and posted 10 chapters this year. 2022 was about 253,000 words and 30 chapters, along with several unrelated one shots. However, I don’t think I’ve done a single chapter this year that was less then 10k, and my longest managed to hit 27k. As of the last update I posted, the fic is currently sitting at around 439k words, 40 chapters, and still isn’t done.
I have four more chapters to write. I have written a metric shit ton of words. This is, by far, the longest and most intense creative project I’ve ever endeavored to complete.
When I started writing, I was expecting this fic to be around 100-150k. That seemed to be the average for most long fics. I did not plan on being an outlier. I'm not sure you can ever really plan for that, but I guess I enjoy subverting my own expectations too.
For those of you who are reading my fic, it is my sincerest hope that it shatters every expectation of where you think it’s going. It’s not a joke that I tagged my fic “#an ode to my tinfoil hat”. An ode it has turned out to be. I’ve been sitting on this theory for two years. I have told no one about it. I hope it sticks the landing and hits the way I want it to. I don't know if it will. But fuck, I just want to be done with it so I can move on with my life, take a break, and give myself the opportunity to make and focus on other things before I have to get back on the damn horse.
I wrote less this past year then I did in 2022. I had a lot of life changes, most of which were good, but with times of change come times of adjustment. Along with some realizations that maybe you don’t understand as much as you thought you did. Looking back, I’ve been in a state of unsettled, kuzushi, for a really long time. Which is not a good place to be. It’s how your ass ends up on the ground with a knee knocking out all your teeth. I thought I knew better. Thought I had enough practice to get away from it. But bad habits have good memories.
I think given the circumstances, I accomplished a lot with my writing this year. I don’t know if my writing is exactly where I want it to be. I doubt it every will be, but it’s evolved, grown, and I wrote a pretty hefty stack of words considering I started working full-time again, bought a house with my partner, moved, and have been dealing with the millions of other beans that life tends to throw one’s way. That being said, and for full disclosure, I’ve also been dealing with some of the worst cases of jealousy and envy I’ve had since I was a teenager.
Frankly, it sucks. They walk with me every fucking where I go, hold my hands to whisper back all my doubts. Try to persuade me to my baser instincts, to be cruel and lash out. But that's not aikido. Luckily, I’m not 16 anymore so it’s at least been easier for me to identify the problem. Though I’m still coming up short in terms of actually being able to do anything about it, and will be for at least a few months more.
Yeah, I keep talking about it because I don’t know how many people know that I've been feeling this way. And I’m tired of not talking about it in a room full of creatives, because yeah, I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. And not talking about it just makes all that pent up resentment worse for everyone.
Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. But with the way I work and think, it’s a slow, tedious, and incredibly time-consuming art. With how much my fic has snowballed over the course of writing, it’s left very little room for the other hobbies in my life. And as my fellow writers probably already know, writing is an incredibly insular craft. And unlike a picture or an image, which only requires a glance, reading a bunch of words requires time and commitment.
So, when you put yourself out there and share what you wrote, it’s a lonely feeling not knowing whether or not anyone connected with what you put on the page. Especially, when the people who do read aren’t compelled to voice anything and when the people you’d hope would read don’t. And then you're stuck in the dark, not knowing, because neither of us says a goddamn thing.
I started writing this fic prior to actually joining the CP2077 fandom. And I joined the fandom because I felt alone. I’ve been here a while now, albeit in a few different places, and that feeling still hasn’t gone away. I’m still trying to find camaraderie with my fellow writers and carve out something that kinda sort of resembles a home or a sense of community. I watch my peers around me as they seem to build that with each other, except me.
I’m envious of the things that people make and jealous of the relationships those have created and fostered between said people, because for the life of me, it’s been a struggle to cultivate that since I got here. I know it’s selfish, but I also don’t know what about me makes people so hesitant. There have been a handful of strangers that have shown up for me regularly, but as far as people I call friends in this fandom that have shown up and actually stuck around, I can only name one right now. (I know we're all busy. And I acknowledge my writing's not for everyone. I know maybe some of you are quiet, or shy, or probably a thousand other things. I get it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. People will never know unless you say. Never know unless you take the time to interact or engage. Be brave. And that's true for a lot of things.)
The propensity is for the negative to outweigh the positive. I've got a lot of numbers on my fic, so you would think things would be fine, but at this point they just feel empty. They don't bring me any comfort or real satisfaction. And I hate feeling like the people I know don’t care and that most of you are just talking around me. That I’m some kind of annoyance not fit to interact with. Which may or may not be the case. I don’t know. Again, most of you have never said anything. And maybe I need to accept the fact that most of you never will.
But this is me trying to start conversation.
It’s really shitty, knowing that the thing I want the most is also the thing holding me back. I know how to work on it too, not that it’s any guarantee. The problem is I’m still writing and in a needy state of greed. And because I’m slow, I don’t have the time or the energy to be generous. I can only take right now. I can’t give.
Relationships require both.
I can’t bring myself to read other people’s writing. I can’t comment, or like, or share if I haven’t read anything. I'm desperate for conversation, but I also don't have the time or assurance to facilitate it with other people right now. And for some reason people never seem to want to talk to me, especially when it comes to writing. I want to be part of conversations, talk deeply with other people. But I can’t speak right now, I'm not in a place to offer generosity without someone first giving it to me.
And generosity and grace is what we all need.
Four more chapters and I hope my ghosts will finally let me read in peace.
34 notes
·
View notes
THEVIRIDIANBUNNY - VIRTUAL PHOTOGRAPHY 2023
TEMPLATE BY @wanderingaldecaldo -!!
As the end of 2023 draws near I have decided to fill in a fun template - showing some of my fave pieces of VP from each month of this year (you can see the full images under the cut)
creating virtual photography has been something that has made me very happy this year - i've made so many wonderful friends through interacting with the fandom ((pssst @another-corpo-rat @halsin @heywoodvirgin @dustymagpie @fereldanwench @miss--river @wanderingaldecaldo @chessalein @imaginarycyberpunk2023 @chipped-chimera i'm talkin about y'all~ ))
Anyway - enough of the soppy stuff - here's to 2024 and more vp - more blorbos and more happy yelling about the loml and lovl (love of viridian's life) <3
January - date night at corpo plaza 💌
February - playing dress up with Viridian ;u;
March - non sexual intimacy by beloved <3 just the blorbos sharing space - laying together after coming home from a gig
April - TWO MERCS IN A BD BOOTH - WHATEVER WILL THEY DO?? *eyes emoji*
May - *CLUB TROPICANA BY WHAM BLARES LOUDLY IN THE BACKGROUND*
June - Bunny's first NPV (in the form of @wanderingaldecaldo's Valerie Vermilion)
July - Viridian's birthday <3
August - moody after dark shot
September - TWO EX CORPOS WANDER INTO A BAR (featuring @imaginarycyberpunk2023's Macha)
October - Girls night @ lizzies (featuring @wanderingaldecaldo Val again!)
November - started to play around with props again - and the ACU mod - shot for my matrix au
December - love in full bloom (i mean- this is a november shot - but we are almost halfway thru december and i have no spoons for cyberpunk vp and probably wont until the new year - so we're callin it my shot for december <3 )
33 notes
·
View notes
I FIGURED OUT WHAT’S WRONG WITH CYBERPUNK 2077'S MAIN STORY!!!
Aside from the obvious problem with the pacing, I mean:
They were trying to do a "Bioshock Infinite" where they SHOULD have been doing a "Fallout New Vegas."
In Bioshock Infinite, everything you see and do is kind of confusing because your character knows more than you do, but you feel like you kinda catch up at one point. Everything is intrinsically tied in to what you're doing and who you are, more or less, and the ending gives you a seemingly out-of-nowhere mindfuck of a twist that leaves you going "oh??? Okay i guess???"
Meanwhile, in Fallout New Vegas, it's all pretty simple: You're a courier. You got shot in the head. You survived. Go Get the motherfucker who did that. You are a nobody. You get looped into this massive shitstorm through sheer coincidence, and you make EVERYBODY regret it. The ending largely depends on your choices, but there isn't much in terms of a mindfuck twist because YOU ARE THE THING THAT NOBODY SAW COMING.
Cyberpunk 2077 tried to pull off a weird kind of intriguing, mysterious mindfuck situation with the relic's technology and the hopelessness of it all and cyberspace and Alt and construct technology and, even though you more or less choose the ending, it still almost always feels like you are at the mercy of your circumstances, like in Bioshock Infinite.
But you are a nobody. You got looped into a shitstorm by sheer coincidence. You got shot in the head. You spend a LOT of time, money, and energy making everyone else regret looping you into this. You are the twist that no one saw coming. The writers should have kept it like that and followed through with it throughout the story.
I'm not even necessarily saying the endings should be different, I'm just saying that the story should have followed the vibe of the game: V is an unstoppable beast who died and came back, and they are DONE with ALL of this shit. Just like the courier.
I guess what I'm saying is Cyberpunk 2077 should have taken itself about 15% less seriously.
35 notes
·
View notes