#cringing into the wall as they fight. exchanging glances squeezing hands. whispering little distractions | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yandere-daydreams · 5 years

Text

Some Yandere!Kyoya/Reader/Tamaki for the lovely @lunalightmidnight . It’s been too long since I’ve written for these boys, honestly.

Word Count: ~2k

You could hear the door to your room start to unlock before you saw either of your captors. Twelve deadbolts, all lined-up vertically, lightly worn from both your efforts to break them and normal wear-and-tear. You briefly considered getting up and attempting to hide in some dark corner, but one glance around the small, cramped cell freed you of that possibility. Maybe it would’ve been better if you had some closet to lock yourself in, or a window to crawl out of. Instead, the only comfort you had was the small, paper-thin mattress, laid next to the books Tamaki had been kind enough to give you.

Forcing yourself into a corner, you pulled your knees up to your chin, hiding your face the best you could. You could vaguely hear the door crack open, Tamaki and Kyoya stepping inside, but stopping before they reached you. You knew they were whispering, but neither of them had ever been good at that sort of thing.

“...she’s not eating,” Tamaki said quietly, the harshness in his voice still coming through clearly.

Kyoya sighed. You could almost see him rubbing his temples, in only out of habit. “I know, love. I can see as well as you can.”

“Well, what are we going to do?! I swear, if you say-”

“We aren’t going to do anything, and that’s final. Things will work out, you’ll see.”

There were a few seconds of tense silence, before Tamaki huffed, taking a few hesitant steps towards you. A hand ran through your messy hair, smoothing it out. Or trying to, at least. You knew he was kneeling in front of you, that damned smile still spread across his lips, but you didn’t dare to look up. You only shifted when his palm pressed against your cheek, the warm skin a stark contrast against the cold room.

“Hey there, darling. Are you alright?” He asked, almost sweetly. Gently, he tilted your chin up, forcing you to look at him. Both he and Kyoya were still dressed formerly, like they’d just gotten home. Half of you was touched that the first thing they did was come visit you, while the other half wanted to beg them to leave. “Why aren’t you on your bed? Is something upsetting you?”

You choked down a sob, trying to keep your voice as neutral as you could. But, acknowledging your situation while maintaining the unfulfilling level of emotion you wanted to display was… difficult, to say the least. “You kidnapped me. I’m never going to be ‘alright’ again.”

Finally, Kyoya stepped forward, putting his hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “I think what he’s trying to say,” Kyoya paused, glaring down at his counterpart. Tamaki took the hint, letting go of you and slotting himself into your side. “Is that we’re trying to make you as comfortable as possible. Is there anything you need, (Y/n)?”

“My family,” You stuttered out, frantically. You’d already tried asking to go outside, to leave your room, to roam around while they weren’t home, but all you’d ever gotten was disappointed stares and a lecture on how you had to be good before you got any privileges. Small things got a response, at least. “Are they looking for me?”

The two exchanged a look, but only for a moment. Tamaki nodded, and Kyoya gave up trying to stand, just sitting in front of you. He took your hand, and for once, you didn’t resist. As long as he told you what you wanted to know, he could do whatever he wanted. “Not exactly… I mean, I wouldn’t call it looking.”

“They filed a missing-person report,” Tamaki added, optimistically.

You pursed your lips, squeezing Kyoya’s hand, coaxing him to continue. He averted his eyes, dropping the empathetic pretense. “They don’t care. But, that doesn’t matter. You’re home now, with us. You shouldn’t have to care about anyone out there.”

At that point, you couldn’t take it anymore. You felt Tamaki wrap an arm around your shoulders as you started to tear up, pulling you closer when you actually started to cry. You didn’t try to push him away, too busy with trying to cover your mouth and retain the growing break-down that you’d been putting off for weeks, now. Kyoya rubbed circles into your back, seeming hesitant to touch you.

But… you were glad they were there. This wasn’t ideal, not in any sense of the word, but you didn’t want to be alone, either.

“You’re getting heavy, (Y/n),” Tamaki laughed, pulling you further onto his lap. Despite the new cot they’d gotten you, he still didn’t like you sitting on something so… lower-class. Whenever Tamaki visited you, your feet never touched the ground. And even when he wasn’t nuzzling into your side, a vast collection of pillows and stuffed animals easily made up for his absence. “Guess this is what sitting around all day gets you. I’ll barely be able to lift you, in a few months.”

You punched him playfully, too light to actually prove anything. It took more self-control than it should’ve to keep from smiling. You missed domestic moments like this, badly. But, you didn’t let yourself fall into the illusion. Your arms are around his neck for support, you told yourself. It would be too much trouble to push him away. Playing along was easier. “Shut up! You don’t get to keep me in the same room all day, then complain about me gaining weight.”

“I could never complain about you,” He purred, bringing up a hand to pinch your cheek. “I’m just observing.”

Kyoya cleared his throat, dragging your attention towards him. The boy was sitting cross-legged next to you, back pressed against the nearest wall. The distance was normal, his affection more reserved than Tamaki’s. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss the feeling of his hands brushing hair out of your face, or the tiny, genuine smiles that just made you feel so special… But, you couldn’t want those things anymore.

You couldn’t want Kyoya anymore, or Tamaki. You weren’t allowed to want any of this.

“So, you’ve been well-behaved, lately.” The words sounded practiced, like he’d been waiting to say them for a long, long time. You didn’t mind. You’d been waiting to hear them for a long time, too. “We’ve had a room for you, one of your own. It would be nice if you could share with us...” He paused, fighting back a few choice words. “But, we’ll live with it.”

“I’m getting my own room,” You mumbled, not bothering to repress your grin. You tried to move forward, already eager for the change. “Does it have windows? Do they open? And a computer?”

Tamaki moved with you, draping himself over your shoulders as you kneeled in front of Koyoa. With his chin propped on your shoulder, the blonde interjected. “I had to convince Mommy that you wouldn’t run away, but there’ll be windows. No laptops, radios, or phones without our supervision, though. We aren’t that dumb.” You felt yourself cringe in disappointment, but there wasn’t much you could do. Not now, anyway. “Besides, there’s nothing but trees around for miles. Why would you want to look at any of that, when you have your loving, handsome partners right here?”

Kyoya nodded in agreement, and you clenched your fists, trying to shrug Tamaki off of you. “There’s a balcony, too. We knew you’d want one.” He slowly reached over, laying his palm over yours. It was a sweet gesture, until you tried to pull away. You forced yourself not to look down as his nails dug into your wrist. Seeing the blood the drew so often would only make not fighting back harder. “But, the cameras are staying. I know you don’t like them, but it’s for your safety.”

“Fine...” You smiled, moving forward and out of Tamaki’s arms, letting him fall. “I won’t complain, as long as I get a twin-sized bed. Nothing bigger.”

“Queen-sized,” Kyoya compromised, finally letting go of your wrist. “You don’t want to see Tamaki cry again, do you? Personally, I don’t think my eardrums would be able to take it.”

Muffled rebuttles came from the blonde, but you just narrowed your eyes. “Twin sized,” You repeated, more sternly. “Or else I’ll start crying, too.”

With an exasperated groan, he relented. Tamaki pouted, find his way back to your waist. You got the feeling that he wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon. “Fine, but I’m getting you a collar.”

“Don’t you mean a choker?”

“No.”

As time passed, you found yourself lingering in the hall between the two bedrooms more often. Running your fingertips along the walls, curling up in the huge bay windows that you might’ve been able to jump through, making conversation with passing maids and butlers… the normal stuff. But, at night, you would trail through the hall, pauseing outside of Kyoya and Tamaki’s door before talking yourself out of knocking. Ultimately, you’d drag yourself back to your bed, berating yourself for ever considering something so desperate as an option.

But, your little ‘method’ got harder to keep up as weeks turned into months, the advances of your captors growing more… accepted, something you’d come to expect whenever they came home. Tamaki’s whines and shameless compliments grew endearing again, like they had been before he went off the deep-end. Kyoya’s gentle, soft gestures were something you started to crave, enough to behave well if a reward was promised.

And worst of all, you started trying to ignore their worse habits. You’d sit quietly and distract yourself while they argued about what you would wear on any given day. You didn’t bother asking to go outside anymore, sympathizing with Tamaki’s ideology of ‘there’s nothing worth seeing unless we’re with you, so there isn’t a point’. You stopped trying to avoid the view of their security cameras, just settling into one of your marked blind-spots whenever you wanted real privacy. Even that only happened once or twice a week, now.

You could feel complacency wrapping its hands around your neck, but there was nothing you could do. Not unless you wanted to get yourself killed, or be locked in that awful, awful room again. You’d tried once, screaming at Tamaki to stop touching you and to let you go, but he’d just frowned, asking if you really wanted to let Kyoya hear you say something like so heartless. After that, you’d stopped forcing yourself to be mad at them. It just wasn’t worth the effort, not for the response you got.

It was a dark, stormy night when you finally broke. The rain wasn’t loud, but the constant noise was enough to keep you awake, enough to keep you uneasy. Suddenly, the room you thought you’d gotten used to was too big, too open, too empty. Without thinking, you swung your legs over the side of your bed, standing as soon as your feet hit the ground. It took three minutes to find their door in the darkness, and four more to convince yourself to open it. As you slipped through the narrow entrance, Tamaki stirred, sitting up completely by the time you found your way to his bedside.

“I… the rain kept me up,” You lied, rubbing the back of your neck. Tamaki eyed you suspiciously, but luckily, kept his mouth shut. “Your room is practically in the center of... wherever we are, so I thought it would be quieter.”

He reached down, tilting your chin back up to face him. He was smiling sleepily, still blinking the sleep out of his eyes. “You know you don’t have to lie to me, darling. Everyone gets lonely.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but he shushed you, taking your hand in his, guiding you onto the bed and next to him. The sheets were soft, silkier and more comfortable than yours. Between them, the house seemed warmer, safer. More sheltered than it had been since your arrival. “I’m not lonely,” You whispered, firmly. “I just can’t sleep. There’s nothing else going on.”

“Sure, (Y/n), whatever you say.” With that, he laid back down, fingers tracing your face as you followed his lead. After a few seconds, you felt Kyoya lay an arm over your waist, pulling you into his chest and cuddling into your neck. “Finally,” the boy mumbled, his closeness already filling you with comfort. “I was starting to think we’d have to drag you here.”

1K notes · View notes

middle--fingering · 7 years

Text

New Man - Chibs Imagine

Concept: Reader and Chibs are on a break and reader goes on a date with a new man. Chibs crashes the date and tries to win her back.

Taglist: @yourcroweater @soaimagines @supersecrets101 @telfords-glasgow-smile

You looked yourself up and down in the mirror. You looked hot and you knew it. The red dress clung to your curves and your hair was curled to perfection. It had been a while since you had dressed yourself up for a date. You had recently broken up with your boyfriend Chibs and you felt the need to start moving on. It had been a four months and you were sick and tired of moping and crying around your apartment. You decided Tinder was the best option for you and you had found several guys that piqued your interest. You were going on a date with a guy named Jared in his mid twenties. You decided it'd be best to start dating guys in your age range seeing as Chibs was so much older than you. You couldn't shake the guilty feeling from the pit of your stomach. You felt like you were betraying Chibs somehow. You shook your head in an attempt to get that thought out of your mind. Chibs was probably fucking other girls by now and you needed to stop thinking about him. Your phone buzzed and you saw a text from your date telling you he was outside. You grabbed your purse and headed downstairs to his bright red sports car. You climbed in the front seat and was taken aback by how handsome this guy was. His black hair hung in his face and his eyes were a bright piercing blue. He was dressed in a navy suit with brown shoes and his smile was cheeky.

"Nice car." You smirked, leaning over to kiss Jared on the cheek.

"Matches your dress perfectly." Jared replied, looking you up and down.

Jared began to drive in the dark streets and you could feel the sexual tension bloom. You knew that this wasn't going to be the greatest love of the century, but you at least wanted to see his penis. You couldn't deny how hot Jared was and you found yourself not thinking of the Scotsman.

Flirty banter and witty conversation filled the silence alongside the sound of slow R&B music and your laughter. You felt wild, free and sexy. You couldn't remember the last time you felt this way. The car pulled up outside of a fancy looking restaurant and Jared stepped out of the car quickly to help you out. He held your hand as you walked up the stairs and he threw his car keys at the valet attendant. You felt wooed by his charm and his flashy antics. You were sat by the attendant at a specially laid table overlooking a harbour view. It was spectacular and breathtaking and you couldn't believe that this was all because of Tinder. Jared looked at you more than the menu as you glanced at the expensive options. You suddenly felt uncomfortable at the prices. You didn't have this much money and you felt incredibly guilty for not being able to pay your share.

"Um, Jared?" You said, clearing your throat. "I, um, don't have enough money to pay for this."

Jared's blue eyes softened as he gazed at your embarrassed face. "(Y/N), there's no need to be embarrassed. I'm taking you out for a date, this is all on me." His hand disappeared under the table and his long fingers grazed your exposed knee. "You get whatever you like."

You felt like a princess and suddenly felt silly for thinking he'd expect you to pay. It was evident that he was trying to show off his money and you were happy to let him. You bit your lip and continued to study the menu.

The dinner was going smoothly, you were drinking expensive champagne, talking about life and exchanging flirty touches. "So tell me (Y/N), what's a stunning girl like you doing on an app like Tinder?" Jared chuckled, taking a sip of champagne.

You felt your cheeks flush. "Do you want the real answer or the generic one?"

"Now I wouldn't have asked if I wanted a fake answer now would I?" Jared replied, cocking his eyebrow.

You knocked back the remaining champagne in your glass before continuing. "I broke up with my long term boyfriend four months ago and I decided it was time to get back on the horse."

Jared nodded. "Interesting. How long were you with the guy?"

"A little over a year. The age gap really set us apart after a while." You gulped.

"How big was the age gap?"

"A little over fifteen years." You winced. Usually the age gap didn't bother you but somehow saying it out loud made you cringe.

"Well shit." Jared laughed. "Didn't know you had a thing for older guys."

You shrugged. You really wanted to stop talking about Filip. "I don't. I much prefer guys my age." You ran your foot up Jared's inner leg, hoping to distract him. Your eyes met and shared a glance of flirtatious lust.

Jared licked his lips. "Maybe we should go back to my place for a night cap?"

You smirked. "If we can make it back there."

You stood up and began to saunter away. The valet attendant informed the two of you that the car was parked in the basement and the two of you headed promptly to the elevator that would take you down to the basement. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. You walked in and leaned against the back wall, watching Jared walk in with glazed eyes. He immediately launched at you as the doors closed, grabbing your face with his hands and securing his lips to yours and pressing his already hard crotch against you. Your tongues fought passionately and your fingernails clawed through Jared's perfectly gelled hair. You moaned in his mouth, feeling his hands move from your hair to your ass, squeezing it firmly. The elevator dinged once more and the doors opened. You stepped out first, recognising the red sports car, and also recognising a bike next to it, and the person atop the bike.

You stopped in your tracks and confused Jared. His hand flew to your shoulder and he leaned down to whisper in your ear.

"What's wrong?" His warm breath made you shiver but also made you feel calm.

"That's my ex." You replied.

You were confused and scared. You knew that Chibs wouldn't hurt you, but you didn't know what he'd do to Jared. You wished you hadn't gone on this date and you felt like crying. Anger began to bubble in your stomach as you quickly snapped out of your depressive mindframe. Who the fuck does he think he is? You began to storm over to the motorbike, Chibs sitting silently, pretending he couldn't hear anything.

"Filip fucking Telford what the fuck are you doing here?!" You shrieked, pushing Chibs with all your force.

Chibs turned around slowly, a look of indifference on his face. "Sorry lass, did I ruin your hot date?"

Your teeth clenched down as you looked at the menacing glint in his eye. You weren't letting him win this one. You placed your hands on your hips and scoffed at him. "I can't believe you. How did you even know I was here?"

Chibs shook his head and stood up, only slightly taller than you in your stilettos. "You forget I have eyes and ears everywhere don't ya lassie? You think I was going to find out that you were fucking the newest member of Darby's meth slinging cronies?"

You gasped and turned to Jared who's face had turned into a more menacing glare. The cogs in your brain ticked over as pieces of the jigsaw clicked into place. "You knew I was his old lady didn't you? No wonder you have all this money you prick." You almost yelled, striding powerfully toward Jared but Chibs' leather covered hand pulled you back.

"Break the woman, break the man. Isn't that right Scot?" Jared sneered, looking at the two of you in disdain. "This won't be the last you've heard of me. This is just the beginning (Y/N)."

Your breathing increased in fear as your mind raced over the threat Jared laid before you. You felt so incredibly stupid for every decision you had made that night and you just wanted to go home and go to sleep. Jared's red sports car racing out of the dingy basement didn't phase you as you stood motionless, looking blankly at Chibs.

"Take me home." You whispered, kicking off your shoes.

Chibs silently handed you his helmet before kissing the top of your head. He knew you were going to fight him in the morning but he didn't care. You helped you onto his bike and he roared the Harley to life, roaring out of the basement.

You unlocked the door to your apartment with shaky fingers, feeling incredibly unsafe knowing that Jared could turn up anytime. You flicked on the light of the living room and threw your shoes on the floor next to the door. Chibs followed you silently as you walked to your bedroom. You tied your hair in a bun and stripped out of your dress, exchanging the tight fabric for the relieving comfort of an oversized sweater.

"You can sleep here tonight." You said to Chibs. "Couch or the bed, it's up to you." You felt so defeated and fearful in this moment. You were in a shock-like state, not comprehending what had happened to you.

"I'll take the bed." Chibs replied, stripping off his leathers.

You chewed your lip, looking off into the distance as your brain conjured up every possible scenario of what Jared could and would do to you. You knew Chibs and the Sons would protect you but for how long? You weren't Chibs' old lady anymore and you weren't even sure if you wanted to be. You felt Chibs sit down next to you and place his hand on your shoulder.

"(Y/N) tell me what's going on in that head." He pressed, wanting to know what was plaguing you.

"He knows where I live Chibs." You whispered, tears filling my eyes. "This is only the beginning."

Chibs pulled you into his chest and caressed the side of your face. "He won't get ya, I promise with me life. He'll have to kill me before he even looks at ya."

You felt comforted by his words. You always knew that Chibs would lose his life for you but you didn't think it would ever come to that. You wanted him to protect you and to hold you and to love you but you didn't know how to let him. You always remained closed to him and you didn't want to do that anymore.

"I'm sorry that I went out on a date." You said.

"Don't apologise. You have nothing to be sorry for." Chibs soothed, rubbing your arm.

"I've done you so wrong. I'm sorry for being a terrible girlfriend." You apologised tearfully. Chibs deserved the world and you gave him hell.

"I'll always be here for you love, you know that. You can't get rid of me." Chibs chuckled. "I love you lassie."

"I love you too." You sighed, returning his hug.

#soa #sons of anarchy #samcro #soa imagine #sons of anarchy imagine #samcro imagine #soa fanfiction #sons of anarchy fanfiction #samcro fanfiction #chibs telford #chibs telford imagine #chibs telford fanfiction #imagine requests open

372 notes · View notes

joonbird · 7 years

Text

Comfort Inn Ending | 6

➭ “It was you who Jungkook gave his heart to- that is, until the day you broke it. And it is you now, hoping that some faultlines can be repaired, and that some broken hearts can be put back together again.”

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: angst

wordcount: 5.5k

Jungkook was dreaming again.

It was always the same dream. You were standing in front of him, your shoulders slumped.

He had the fleeting thought that you looked beautiful, and sad. Your lips were quivering, your eyelashes fringed with fat tears.

He could feel it, cresting from within him like a wave. Confusion, as he reached out for you. He held your face in his palms, and you leaned into his touch, your eyes squeezing shut as you gathered the words. Jungkook could hear his voice speaking, calling out to you. He always wanted to be there for you, like an anchor, strong and steady when you were shaking.

“Y/N? Why are you crying? What’s wrong?”

He was starting to feel it now, the dread. This was a dream, and it was a familiar dream, but he couldn’t quite remember the details. But still, the dread was gathered in his stomach, like his insides were curling at the edges.

You opened your eyes, you were crying in earnest now, tears rolling silently down your face. It was as if your heart was splitting open in front of him and all he could feel was concern.

“Don’t cry,” He murmured, brushing some of your tears away.

You shook your head rapidly, stepping out of his touch just a few centimetres, but it was enough. Jungkook hesitated.

Time stretched, and slowed, even now in this dreamlike state, he felt his breath catch in his throat.

“I slept with someone else.”

It was at that moment that time completely stood still.

Even now, in the dream, the words sliced into him and seemed to reverberate throughout his entire body. His brain started to chant no, no, no. Not this, not you.

His heart seized up painfully as realization sunk in. He had heard this before. This had happened before. This wasn’t merely a dream but a memory.

The haziness of the dream sharpened into a crystalline focus, he stared at you, feeling his head start to spin. This had happened. This had happened, months ago, and it was happening again. You were still crying, but he felt dislocated from you and even from his own self as his hand let go of you, dropping to his side like a dead weight.

It was strange, this moment. All he could hear was silence. Your words were still hanging in the air above the two of you but he couldn’t absorb them properly. This isn’t real, he told himself. Wake up.

But he couldn’t.

You let out a tiny whimper, and his heart felt like it was crippled and folding into itself. It hurt, it hurt so much. Jungkook recognized that sound, he had only heard it once in his life before, when a close family member of yours had passed away a few years ago. You had crumpled to the floor and cried silently, letting out a series of tiny sobs that wracked your entire body. This was one of those sobs. When that had happened, he had been consumed with a need to protect you, to find out what exactly it was going through you mind, to dissolve that sadness from you. It was the same feeling that had rippled through him instinctively when you had started crying earlier.

And now, that feeling was gone.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered.

And then Jungkook woke up.

He was jolted awake, and the only sound that filled the bedroom were his labored breaths. He panted breathlessly for a moment, before realizing numbly that his hands were clutched around the bed sheets, and his chest was dotted in beads of sweat.

It was just a dream.

“Fuck,” Jungkook muttered out hoarsely, glancing down to his side. You were fast asleep beside him and he let out a long, shaky breath. He stared at you and it felt like his heart was going to slide out from under his ribs and fall onto the floor. It always felt like this when he looked at you these days. It hurt.

It hurt to look at you and know that so much had happened, so many horrible words had been said and exchanged. So much damage had been done and Jungkook was beginning to wonder if the fissures in your relationship were repairable.

God. He ran a hand shakily through his hair, shaking his head a little as if to get his own thoughts out of his mind. Carefully, he stepped out of the bed, hovering for a moment as he gazed down at you. Your face was peaceful and still, you were sleeping and he felt a strange twist in his heart looking at you sleeping so restfully.

He hadn’t told you this, but he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in months. Ever since that day he saw you again on that rooftop, he hadn’t been able to sleep. It was always the same dream, or nightmare really, replaying that exact moment you told him you had cheated. Jungkook was starting to wonder if it would ever go away.

He let out another soft sigh as he padded out into the hallway of your apartment. At this time of the night, the air was so still and so silent that is didn’t feel real and he wondered idly if he was dreaming again. He pinched his forearm and let out a soft, humourless laugh. He wasn’t dreaming, but he was probably going crazy.

He stepped outside of Y/N’s apartment, settling down onto the steps and letting his head fall into his hands. He was exhausted, emotionally, and physically, and he knew that what he was doing with you was taking a toll.

Tonight was a breaking point for him, and he knew that. He hadn’t wanted it to go down like it had, but then again, that was the nature of his relationship with you these days. Things just seemed to come together and fall apart with no warning signs whatsoever. He hated how he had talked to you before he had left for the party, yelling at you, getting jealous and angry and possessive when he knew he probably didn’t have a right to be.

For God’s sake, he had been the one to insist that the two of you weren’t really back together. He knew he had only said that to protect himself, he had been so afraid of letting you back in his life and into his heart that something as meaningless as a label of ‘back together’ and ‘not back together’ seemed like it would protect him.

“Sometimes, I’m really an idiot.” Jungkook mumbled aloud. He shook his head again, here he was, talking to himself. He really was going crazy. He wanted nothing more than to calm down, and go back upstairs and get some God damn sleep, but he couldn’t.

He felt tense and on edge, restless for something and he didn’t quite know what. He was sleep deprived, sure, but he was deprived of a lot more too. He felt so unstable and he needed something solid to grip onto. That used to be you, the pillar of support in his life when everything else was stressful and overwhelming. But he didn’t lean on you anymore and learning how to stand on his own two feet was proving more difficult than he gexpected.

Going to Yoongi’s party tonight had definitely been a bad idea. Fighting with you had put him into the kind of headspace that definitely wasn’t conducive for a party, or for alcohol, but he had been too angry to see that clearly. The minute he had stepped into the dorm, all he wanted to do was forget.

How many shots had he done? God, ten? Twelve? He honestly couldn’t remember, he cringed now at the memory of the alcohol sliding down his throat and burning its way down into his belly. He had never been a big drinker but he just wanted to forget about you and prove to himself and to everybody else that he wasn’t completely wrapped up in you still.

Yoongi had been loving it, laughing and shouting, clapping him on the back like a proud father, making sure shots of tequila kept appearing in front of him like magic. Jungkook had gotten drunk, so drunk, that he was staggering around, blinking slowly and smiling because finally, finally he felt relaxed. He felt like he could fall asleep, because all his thoughts and worries were muted and fuzzy around the edges. He couldn’t even remember your name or your face and it was a welcome break from his usual stream of thoughts, 99% of which seemed to rotate around you these days.

Jungkook squinted, he couldn’t remember much about Yoongi’s impromptu dorm party. He vaguely recalled the feeling of the sofa he sank into though.

He remembered opening his eyes and seeing, God, what was her name again… Mina? God he couldn’t remember, even now… but her, flopping onto the couch beside him. Her eyelashes were fluttering at him, she kept touching his arm and laughing at whatever bullshit was coming out of his mouth. She was talking too but he couldn’t hear or register anything she was saying. He had fucked this girl before though, he vaguely remembered pushing her against a bathroom wall and hate-fucking her, imagining she was you as he pumped in and out of her. He had felt a little bad about that, which was why he didn’t move from the couch.

She was touching his arm and it felt nice. He remembered that much. The thought crossed his mind that he could kiss her. He could fuck her again. He didn’t have to do everything thinking about you, he could move on. God knows he wanted to. He wanted nothing more than to break free from this cycle of loving you, and then doubting you, hating you, and wishing he had a time machine.

The memories of the night were cloaked in an alcohol induced haze. Jungkook had been so close to kissing her, that girl, because she was sitting right next to him and she smelled like strawberries. She smelled very different to you and he wasn’t sure if he liked it, but it was different and distracting, so he didn’t pull away. She was saying something, he wasn’t sure, he was drunk- so drunk, and the next thing he knew, his phone was ringing and the girl was answering. She was talking and he was still squinting at her trying to decide if he was really going to do it, going to try and kiss this girl and stamp an end to whatever it was that he was doing with you, when she turned to him, his phone outstretched in her hand.

“It’s your ex.” She said bluntly, irritation lined her face but Jungkook noticed it and dismissed it within a second because once again his thoughts were focused on you. Anger laced his thoughts as he grabbed his phone.

“Y/N?” Jungkook could still remember how he had snarled out your name, anger and heat and frustration all coiled in his stomach like a thick rope, weighing him down and pinning him in place. He was tired of feeling this way, he was tired of you, your voice, everything about you, being unable to get you out of his head…

“Shut up.” His vision was swaying slightly and he wasn’t sure if it was from the anger that was simmering inside of him or from the alcohol, or both. He honestly had no idea.

The thought of alcohol just reminded Jungkook of you, sitting in a bar somewhere confiding in a bartender about your relationship with him.

His heart flared with a mixture of jealousy and insecurity, hating the images that his mind was procuring. His mind went involuntarily to these images of you and a stranger curled up in bed together, heavy breaths against skin, intimacy or fucking or whatever it was that the two of you had done.

He cringed, shuddering, he hated that his brain now seemed to be stuck in doubt mode when it came to you, and he hated that you had done this to him, changed the way his mind worked. He hated you, he decided suddenly.

“Fuck you Y/N, seriously.” He said his words as viciously as he could but the slurring diminished his desired effect. He was vaguely aware of the way your voice was starting to lower, he knew you were close to tears but instead of feeling sad about it, he felt numb and hollow. He wanted you to feel hurt, he realized, and he wondered if he should feel guilty about that but he was too drunk to care.

“Jungkook, please come over. Let’s talk this out. Please.” You were pleading with him and that felt guilt, raw and uncomfortable. Jungkook immediately wondered if he was a bad person. It seemed like the constant battle in his own mind was whether you had cheated because you had made a mistake and fucked up, or whether it was because of him.

Maybe he could’ve gone back and done things differently. Maybe he could’ve loved you harder, given you more of him. Fuck, he didn’t know anymore and he was sick of feeling guilty every time you cried. He was done, done with bending when it came to you. He didn’t know what it was about you, your touch seemed to melt steel and no matter how many times he gave himself a stern talking to, no matter how many times the guys held interrogations and interventions for him, he just crumbled.

It was so unfair, that you had this grip over him and he didn’t seem to have that effect on you. While every one of his thoughts was coloured with your voice, it seemed that you just went about every day life without even considering him.

“Why don’t you call the bartender? Or that stranger you fucked?” Jungkook snapped out the words and felt jealousy, hot and searing, in his chest. It had been months ago and he still felt a bitterness in his mouth when he thought about you sleeping with somebody else. He was always thinking about it, wondering if he touched you in the places that you liked to be touched, if you moaned out his name and fluttered your lids closed. Fuck, he hated this. The questioning, the constant to and fro in his own chaotic mind.

“Jungkook I-” You began to say something, and Jungkook interrupted.

“You had sex with him, maybe I’ll have sex with someone. Even Stevens.” Jungkook knew he was trying to just hurt you now, blatantly trying to cause you pain, and he felt an unsettling mixture of guilt and stubbornness as he hung up on you.

He was breathing heavily and he gazed around to find that girl from earlier gone. He blinked slowly, hazily, feeling uncertain. He didn’t recognize anyone at the party, he wondered where the members had gone off to as he stood up, a little shaky on his feet.

Your face flashed in his mind, unwelcome in his thoughts but intruding anyway. He missed you, why was he missing you? He had just spoken to you. Jungkook let out a tiny groan and leaned forward. His head was spinning and he was beginning to hear his own words just then, over and over in his mind like a broken record. He had been too harsh, too cruel… or had he not been harsh enough?

“Fuck.” Jungkook whispered to himself. He was suddenly hyperaware of his unsettled stomach, his head was spinning wildly now from the alcohol and he made a beeline for the door, swaying on his feet. He ran straight out of the dorm to the backyard, heaving as he threw up. He felt awful- his stomach churning, tears filling his eyes and worst of all, the horrible ache in his chest that wouldn’t go away.

There was a hand rubbing his back in soothing, circular motions and Jungkook had blinked up through his tears and drunken state to see Namjoon there, Jungkook wondered how Namjoon knew, how he always knew.

“I fucking hate her hyung.” Jungkook groaned, he was so drunk the words felt garbled but Namjoon as always seemed to understand what he was saying. “I fucking hate her… I hate me… I hate this,” He added out, his voice cracking as he let out a soft groan.

“I know,” Namjoon murmured, Jungkook straightened and wiped his mouth, feeling his head spin.

“I’m sorry hyung… I’m sorry about everything. I know you didn’t want me to be like this, but I can’t help it right now.” Jungkook mumbled.

Namjoon just let out a long sigh.

“You know how I feel about this. Don’t apologize to me.” He said quietly. “I know you’re wasted right now but… please. Stop worrying about everyone else and what they want. What do you want, Jungkook? Put yourself first.”

After that, Jungkook genuinely couldn’t remember what had happened, all he knew was that he had somehow stumbled into a taxi and ended up at your place. Your place, where that awful fight had happened. And even though he had known then that the smart thing to do was to walk away, he couldn’t leave you crying. So he had slipped back into your room and back into your arms.

“I’m so weak.” Jungkook muttered now. Everything tonight seemed to prove his weaknesses, his faults He let out a deep sigh. Jungkook knew he had his faults. He was stubborn, he was competitive, and at heart he was a perfectionist.

The creases in his relationship bothered him more than they would any other guy, because Jungkook wasn’t like any other guy. He didn’t want to be a failure. He had grown up with a constant myriad of expectations - to perform, to succeed, and to become an adult when he was just a child. His entire life growing up he had taken so much of his identity from his tangible achievements- the time he beat Seokjin in an arm wrestle or the time Bang PD-Nim told him he was truly vocally talented. Jungkook had spent his life measuring and counting successes and he had never been satisfied. Until he met you. You had taught him how to slow down time when he only new how to count time. You had taught him how to accept his own shortcomings instead of constantly being self critical. You had shown him that he was valuable within himself, not just because of his achievements. Perhaps that was why he couldn’t stay away from you. But then again, you had taught him painful lessons, lessons of heartbreak and body ache and betrayal. Jungkook was still feeling conflicted and confused, and he knew he needed to make some decisions. All he wanted to do was sleep. All he wanted to do was go back in time. But it instead, he was here, frozen in time, shivering in the cold.

He hugged his knees to his chest like a child and rocked back and forth. He had no idea what he wanted or where to go from here. He glanced down at his phone, it was sunrise and he was exhausted. All he wanted to do was sleep.

Standing up, Jungkook sighed, glancing up at your apartment and then out towards the street, daylight was starting to break in the sky. If he hurried, he could make it to the dorm and hopefully, get some rest.

Jungkook’s day was going from bad to worse.

His attempt to catch up on sleep had failed dismally- he had tossed and turned in his bed all afternoon. The dorm was surprisingly empty for once, the members were all off somewhere, so it was the optimal time to catch up on sleep but his mind was too active.

As a result, he was so exhausted now that he could barely keep his eyes open. Today, he had suffered through a long nighttime practice that involved way too much hardcore choreo for his hungover and sleep deprived physical state. He had been sluggish, one beat behind everybody else, and he could feel the other members growing more and more frustrated at him. His body wasn’t cooperating, and he had no one to blame but himself. The moment practice was over, Jungkook was gone, feeling frustrated at himself.

“Jungkook, are you alright?” Jungkook glanced up to see Hoseok walking towards him. Jungkook nodded at his older friend, shrugging. “I’m fine.” Hoseok wasn’t having it, giving Jungkook a disbelieving look. “You were off all day. And you were a mess last night.”

Jungkook hesitated, Hoseok was staring at him so intensely that Jungkook couldn’t hide from him any longer.

“It’s just… Y/N stuff. It’s stupid.” Jungkook muttered, looking at the ground. Hoseok fell quiet, leaning against the wall beside him.

“It’s not stupid. Relationships are complicated.” Hoseok said finally.

“Yeah.” Jungkook shrugged. “I just… I really thought I could get over her. And I’m no where near that. If anything, it’s gotten worse rather than better.” Saying the words aloud had Jungkook’s face flushing crimson, he hated this, admitting his vulnerability aloud.

“It’s gonna take time.” Hoseok said finally, crossing his arms. He had a pensive look on his face. “Well I mean, you guys did have your happy times.” Hoseok mused.

Jungkook sighed, his brow furrowed, before letting out a sigh that he didn’t even know he was containing.

“It’s weird, I haven’t even let myself remember those times. The happy times.” Jungkook admitted. “It feels like everything’s been divided into a Before and an After, from you know. What happened.”

Hoseok nodded slowly. “There were some good times. There’s no point trying to hide from that. Just gotta accept it, and figure out what you want to do.” Jungkook nodded, absorbing his advice.

“There were,” He echoed quietly. He laughed softly to himself, shaking his head.

“I remember… oh my God. This one time, after practice once last year, Id came home and I was in the worst mood because I completely screwed up something… and she was there and I just couldn’t stop pushing and prodding her all the way from the airport to our place. I was being an asshole. And when I walked into our place she had cooked dinner and cleaned everything.”

Jungkook swallowed at the memory, feeling tears prick at his eyes. He rubbed at them furiously, embarrassed at himself for getting so sentimental over such a small memory. But the minute the words had come tumbling out of his mouth, the memory was snapped back into his mind razor sharp. Smelling his favourite seaweed soup in the air, going into the bedroom to see all his clothes neatly organized. It was such a tiny little gesture but remembering it all of the sudden had every cell in his body aching for the past.

He stared at the ground. It had been so long since he had let himself feel positivity in regards to you, that it almost felt foreign. He had been so afraid to let himself remember the good times.

“Do you think we’ll ever get that back? After everything that’s happened?” Jungkook asked. He didn’t know why he was asking this question but he needed to hear an answer.

“Honestly? I don’t know Jungkook. Only you do.”

Jungkook nodded slowly. He knew that Hoseok was right. He knew that the guys had sent Hoseok out here to talk to him, because this in between period was taking a toll on everyone. Something had to change, Jungkook just didn’t know what yet.

“I’m gonna… take a walk. I need to think.” Jungkook murmured.

“Good luck,” Hoseok said.

Jungkook met his gaze and nodded. He needed it.

Jungkook went back to that familiar rooftop and stood still, breathing in the air. His mind was a tangled mess of thoughts and he needed to figure out what it was that he wanted to do.

He was on the brink of making a decision and it felt like he was being pulled apart. He had so many different people telling him different things, and he couldn’t help but feel like he was disappointing everybody. He was disappointing the guy, by doing this, this endless cycle of suffering and pain. He was disappointing you, by treating you this way. It seemed like no matter what he did, he couldn’t win.

Namjoon’s words came back to him now, ‘Stop worrying about everyone else and what they want. What do you want, Jungkook?’

What did he want? He felt like he had the answer but he wasn’t sure if it was the right answer. He let out a long sigh, staring around him at the rooftop and out to the city below. He had to trust in his instincts.

He pulled out his phone and pressed ring, his breath rising and falling with each buzz of the dial tone in his ear.

“Hey.” Your voice was soft, quiet, and it sounded like you had been crying. He stood there for a moment, staring out at the skyline.

“Hey.” He replied finally. “How has your day been?”

There was rustling on the other line and he realized he was pressing his phone hard against his ear, waiting on your response.

“It’s… it’s been okay. I’ll tell you about it later?”

He nodded slowly. Your voice sounded far away like this over the phone but he felt his body settle at your words.

“Yeah I’m… I’ll be home soon.” He said, breaking the quietness that had fallen between them.

Home. He called your place home.

“Okay,” You said back.

He hung up, staring at his phone for a second before glancing up to stare back at the sky. Home. The concept of home was in Jungkook’s mind. He was thinking about when he had shared a home with you, the memory from the past he had recalled earlier of long, hard days ending with you there to comfort him. He was thinking about home now, and how even after everything that had happened, he still associated home with you. You were his home.

Finally, it all seemed to be falling together in his mind. He had never been a believer of moments like this, epiphanies that were talked about in movies and books when all the pieces of the puzzle slotted together neatly. But it was happening to him. It was all making sense and for the first time in a long time, he felt the tension drain out of his body.

He knew now what he wanted to do. He had never been more certain of anything in his entire life.

He loved you.

God, he loved you. He always had. From the moment he had locked eyes with you across the busy street in Seoul, something had pulled at him from within and never let go. He was always going to love you. You had shaped him, you had changed him, and every experience in Jungkook’s life he wanted you there by his side. He was going to have to work hard, harder than anything, to get over this. You had smashed his trust but he was determined now to try. He had to try. He couldn’t give up on this and he couldn’t give up on you.

He let his head fall back against the wall as his body relaxed for the first time in what felt like an eternity. He loved you. He felt it wash over his body and for the first time he wasn’t scared of it. You had always gripped all of his heart in his hand and the last few months had been a tug of war, him battling to gain ownership of it again. But he didn’t want to do that anymore. He wanted to give all of himself to you again. He wanted the past again.

The fear was there, the fear of getting hurt, the fear of being vulnerable but Jungkook had always prided himself on his bravery. Perhaps this was the biggest test of all, giving his heart back to someone who had split it in half.

Perhaps forgiveness was the most terrifying thing to do.

And if there was anybody he could do it for, try to forgive, try to heal, to forget…. It was you.

You heard the door squeak open and you closed your eyes instantly. You lay perfectly still as Jungkook pulled back the covers and crawled into the bed, the springs creaking slightly with his weight.

“Y/N?” He whispered into the darkness. You stayed frozen as he reached out and gently touched your shoulder. Your heart was beating so loudly in your chest you were terrified he would hear it. But he didn’t, he just let out a little sound and settled into the bed properly.

You were awake, so awake that you could feel it seeping into your bones and into your skin as Jungkook curled up beside you, his face by the nape of your neck as he placed one palm gently on your waist. He let out a sigh and it brushed against the skin of your neck and you squeezed your eyes together harder, fighting everything in you that wanted to turn around and open your eyes, stare into his gaze. But you couldn’t.

Today had changed everything. God, today. You had a million different voices bouncing in your head from today. The members sitting on your living room couch, and most of all, loudest of all, your own voice.

It was as if every tiny little decision, every moment had let to this, to today.

It was over between you and Jungkook. You were going to end it. Tomorrow.

You were going to sever the ties, the ties that you had so carefully tried to construct back together with him. Whatever it was that was holding you and Jungkook together so delicately, you were going to cut it clean. You had to.

“I love you.” Jungkook whispered out so quietly that you wondered if he had really said it. You wondered if he knew that you were awake.

You responded with silence, feeling your eyes pool with tears.

Dread, and sadness, and every little grey emotion you had ever felt in past, prickled inside of you.

You lay still, as his breathing slowed.

You listened as he fell asleep, into a deep, restful slumber, while you lay there, wide awake, your heart breaking.

A/N: The next installment will be the final one. All loose ends will be wrapped up and there will be a very concrete ending. i guess you could say the next part truly will be a comfort inn ending ha hahah ha ha (i’m sorry)

#Jungkook angst #bts angst #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x reader #bts scenarios #jungkook scenarios

1K notes · View notes