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inessencedevided · 4 years

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What your favourite mdzs/cql ship says about you

So, by absolutely nobody's request I made a shitpost based on Eldena Doubleca5t’s awesome youtube videos. I included the link to the channel in the source because this post won’t show up if i put it here. Go give her videos a watch and then read this post in her voice because I swear to you it'll be a 100% funnier

Also, these are absolutely NOT to be taken seriously. I was just procrastinating by taking the piss out of these characters. I’m not here to start any ship wars. I don’t even have a legit opinion on over half these ships ^^ (though I DID jokingly include why I ship some of these. You can guess which)

Lan Wangji / Wei Wuxian (cql)

You’re always a slut for period dramas.

Lan Wangji / Wei Wuxian (novel)

You’re always a slut for the exact OPPOSITE of period dramas, which is sexual tension culminating in kinky consensual dub-con sex and copious amounts of pda.

Nie Mingjue / Lan Xichen

Your ideal high-school romance is jock/nerd.

Lan Xichen / Jin Guangyao

You’re a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of devotion, deception and despair.

Wei Wuxian / Mo Xuanyu

You were looking at that tumblr memes about fucking your clone and thought “Mhh ...”

Wei Wuxian / Wen Ning

You don’t understand people who say they wouldn’t date their best friend. Like, aren’t you best friends for a reason?

Wen Ning / Wei Wuxian / Lan Wangji

You either just wanted good things for Wei Wuxian (and really who wouldn’t?) OR you’re just ... really horny.

Luo Qingyang / Jiang Yanli

You read mdzs and watched cql and each time a woman was in a scene you just thought “Aren’t you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go ape shit?”

Wen Ning / Jiang Cheng

You are YuBin. (there’s a post on his Weibo. it’s brilliant)

Wei Wuxian / Xue Yang

You have a secret necrophilia kink that you won’t admit to under threat of torture.

Wei Wuxian / Wen Qing

You want a girlfriend who not only can kick your ass, but will do so upon request.

Wen Qing / Jiang Cheng

You are a firm believer in 👏 men 👏 getting 👏 pegged.

Baoshan-Sanren / Lan Yi

You are a lesbian who loves MILFs

Jin Zixuan / Jiang Yanli

You’re ideal relationship dynamic is sitcom-wife/sitcom-dad

Lan Wangji / Jin Zixuan

Your ideal date involves awkward silence and stilted conversation.

Wei Wuxian / Jiang Cheng

You're really into sibling incest, but manage to pretend that you're not.

Ouyang Zizhen / Jin Ling

You're always a slut for grumpy “tough” boys who go soft for one ☝️ man.

Wen Qing / Jiang Yanli

Your ideal relationship dynamic is just girls bein’ friends, gals bein’ pals.

Jiang Fengmian / Yu Ziyuan

This is just the same joke as Wen Qing / Jiang Cheng but you also have a strong fondness for MILFs

Lan Sizhui / Jin Ling

You got your start in online fandom shipping drarry.

Lan Sizhui / Ouyang Zizhen

You love soft boys (too good for this world, too pure) so much that one day you were like, “Hey! You know what’s better than one soft boy? Two soft boys!”

Lan Jingyi / Jin Ling

You're a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of being bullied.

Lan Sizhui / Lan Jingyi

That’s just the same joke as Wei Wuxian / Jiang Cheng, but you just can’t with all their trauma.

Song Lan / Xiao Xingchen

You don't understand why anyone would care about a couple with a canonical happy ending when there’s a worst-timeline-au parallel ship right there.

Song Lan / Xiao Xingchen / Xue Yang

Based on my experience with this side of the fandom you‘re either into hardcore psychological horror or fluff so sweet it’s cotton-candy and there is no in-between.

Xue Yang / Xiao Xingchen

That’s just the same joke as Song Lan / Xiao Xingchen / Xue Yang, but you never forgave Song Lan.

Cangse Sanren / Wei Chanze

You're a firm believer in keeping things ☝️ canon and keeping things ✌️ wholesome.

Yu Ziyuan / Cangse-Sanren

You love the dynamic of teenage Wangxian, but you’re also a lesbian.

Jin Guangyao / Xue Yang

You were absolutely fucking thrilled when be gay do crime became the hot new meme.

Jing Guangyao / Su She

You’re a firm believerin the inherent eroticism of class-solidarity.

Luo Qingyang / Wen Qing

Honestly, this is just the same joke as Luo Qingyang / Jiang Yanli, but you’re also into girls out-topping each other.

Madam Lan / Cangse Sanren

You just want good things for Madam Lan and really, who wouldn't?

Wei Wuxian / Jiang Yanli

That's just the same joke as Wei Wuxian / Jiang Cheng BUT you're also heterosexual.

Nie Mingjue / Jin Guangyao

Your new favourite meme is that exchange that's like "go fuck yourself!" - "fuck me yourself, you coward!"

Nie Mingjue / Lan Xichen / Jin Guangyao

You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of failed conflict negotiations and unsolved moral dilemmata.

Nie Huaisang / Wei Wuxian

You're ideal date involves wacky hijinks after which PAIN ensues.

Lan Xichen / Nie Huaisang

You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of shared trauma.

Lan Xichen / Jiang Cheng

You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of shared trauma AND working through it together.

Wen Ruohan / Lan Qiren

I can’t say for sure that you wanna fuck dads, but you definetly want to fuck father figures.

Luo Qingyang / Luo Qingyang's husband

You’re always a slut for characters who are in dire need of more screantime.

Lan Wangji / Jiang Cheng

You don't understand why anyone would care about a happy marriage when there's an unstable love/hate relationship to fuck around with.

Luo Qingyang / Lan Wangji

You ... are Wei Wuxian

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ol-razzle-dazazzle · 7 years

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1-50 for the ask game and I'm not sorry. ✨

WYV ILY

ALSO TAGGING MY GF BC IM GAY @perfect-murderer

Under a read more bc long post

1. Wake her up with kisses lesbian or play with her hair while you wait for her to wake up lesbian- Wake her up (wake her up inside) can’t wake up (wake her up inside) SMOOCH HER

2. X files lesbian or twin peaks lesbian- X-Files, I’ve always been gay for Scully

3. Pit Bull lesbian or corgi lesbian- I’ve never though about this but corgis! they look so happy and small!

4. Sweet tooth lesbian or saturates-everything-in-hot sauce lesbian- I can’t stand spice and I love sweet stuff (like my gf...and lemon candy)

5. Sunflower lesbian or white lily lesbian- As much as I love lily gay symbolism, sunflowers

6. Rose gold lesbian or white gold lesbian- this hit that ice cold I actually prefer rose gold

7. Dunkin’ donuts/Starbucks lesbian or strictly local cafe lesbian- I’ve never had Dunkin Donuts/Starbucks so cafe!

8. Sunrise lesbian or sunset lesbian- Sunsets, they also tend to be the best time to go crab catching~

9. Emily Dickinson lesbian or maya Angelou lesbian- I THINK EMILY DICKINSON (IS A LESBIAN)

10. Dark sexy ball gown or cute bright ball gown lesbian- depends...if the dark one shows too much skin (I tend to not like showing skin personally) then bright, but I love a dark dress as much as anyone!

11. Strawberry lesbian or watermelon lesbian- Watermelon lesbian all the way, though nutella dipped strawberries...

12. High waisted shorts lesbian or loose rolled up jeans lesbian- Loose jeans...I’m too ‘thicc’ and too short for any jeans to fit me comfortably tbh

13. 60s chic lesbian or 60s hippie lesbian- chic

14. Band lesbian or orchestra lesbian- NO THIS IS SO HARD I MEAN...WELL I DON’T PLAY BRASS SO ORCHESTRA BUT I PLAY TUNE PRECUSSION SO BAND BUT I LOVE BOTH BUT I LOVE BIG BAND STUFF BUT I LOVE ORCHESTRA I’M JUST A MUSIC HOE BLEASE I mean prob band

15. Choir lesbian or garage band lesbian- Garage band, most of the choir girls who’ve I’ve had crushes on turned out to be homophobic :/

16. Twirl her around lesbian or get twirled lesbian- TWIRL HER TWIRL HER TWIRL HER but like, if there’s a dip I’m fuckinG DIPPING BUT I LEAD OKAY EVEN IF I’M TERRIBLE

17. Sit com lesbian or artsy independent dramatic romance film from France lesbian- I like the ‘gal pal’ sweet lesbians but they’re both paired up with guys sadly (COUGH COUGH PARKS AND REC) so probably dramatic? I’m a drama loving bitch

18. Bicycle lesbian or bus lesbian- Mike on his bike and bus lesbian is wlw mlm solidarity (blease ask me about the legend that is Mike) but yeah sadly bus lesbian, I can’t ride a bike and whenever I do I hum the HGSS bike theme and fall. Trains and ships are better

19. Jelly fish lesbian or dolphin lesbian- Jellyfish!!! BUT CRABS ARE PRIME!

20. Biology lesbian or physics lesbian- Biology lesbian by far, gimme that gay bats and crabs and sexual mitochondriac tension

21. Studio Ghibli lesbian or Cartoon Network lesbian- As much as I love SU and OK KO and whatnot, I gotta go with Ghibli (is there a gay Ghibli movie? blease say)

22. Take the spider outside lesbian or scream at her to take the spider outside lesbian- take the spider outside! I always do that, even if I’m scared

23. Serena Williams lesbian or Ronda Rousey lesbian- Serena...those muscles...those legs...she’s absolutely gorgeous

24. Prismacolor lesbian or faber castell lesbian- Faber Castle always, though I have gotten Prismacolor for birthdays and they’re high quality it always seems too...elite for me

25. “Campers are for the weak” lesbian or “I will die before sleeping on the ground” lesbian- Campers are for the weak, but use a damn sleeping bag and tent yo

26. Calling every female character they see their girlfriend lesbian or “Dana Scully isn’t your girlfriend, I am” lesbian- SCULLY I’M GAY but the latter, I wouldn’t want any character to actually date me they should date each other

27. Roller skate lesbian or ice skate lesbian- when I was a wee bean roller skates but like...I always used to fall. So Ice Skates? No yoi but like it’s cold and cute and lowkey holding my gf so she doesn’t trip more like clinging onto her legs as I do the splits and break all my bones

28. “Christmas carols are dumb and over played” lesbian or belting out all I want for Christmas is you at the top of their lungs lesbian- Dumb and overplayed, I will listen to my gf and join her but like,,,tragic shopaholic mother backstories,,,always, always playing, always there.

29. Buy her something lesbian or make her something lesbian- depends, I love making things but I have like, no dexterity so probably buy?

30. Cherry mojitos lesbian or cherry flavored vodka lesbian- ...I must betray the rat bois...but mojitos. I hate mint but it’s so fucking ~*fresh*~ (I don’t drink but I’ve made ‘mocktails’)

31. Write her poems lesbian or bake her cookies lesbian- Y’ALL ALREADY KNOW I’M A GAY ASS POET MY MAJOR ENGLISH WORK IS LITERALLY GAY POEMS BASED OFF FLOWERS

32. Tummy kisses lesbian or thigh kisses lesbian- t...thigh kisses....////

33. I’ll fight anyone that makes my girl cry lesbian or I’ll psychologically destroy anyone that makes my girl cry lesbian- Both, nemo impune lassit bitch- Edgar Allen Poe

34. Fall asleep in her arms lesbian or rub her back until she falls asleep in your arms lesbian- rub her back until she falls asleep in your arms

35. Floral pattern lesbian or tie dye lesbian- floral pattern, love those rainbows but plants dude,,,

36. Snake lesbian or frog lesbian- *tries not to make a kanako/suwako reference* Snakes, they blep, as much as I love memes.

37. Send her memes lesbian or “if you call me the rarest Pepe one more time I swear to god”- SEND HER MEMES SEND HER MEMES I WANT TO NUT (Never leave her Unconditionally love her Treat her right)

38. Star Wars lesbian or lord of the rings lesbian- Star Wars, i’m not hugely into either but star wars

39. Spice girls lesbian or 5th harmony lesbian- no clue,,, but probably 5th harmony?

40. Pink hair lesbian or blue hair lesbian- depends, light cotton candy pink but on someone else blue (gimme that dark or lilac purple any gay tho)

41. Maple syrup lesbian or berry syrup lesbian-Maple syrup slorp slorp slorp

42. Vinyl lesbian or cassette lesbian- Vinyl?

43. Paris lesbian or Amsterdam lesbian- never been to Amsterdam so probably Amsterdam?

44. Jazz lesbian or swing lesbian- hHHhHHhHHHhhHhH DONT MAKE ME CHOOSe I LoVE THEM BOTH oKAY????

45. Pin stripes lesbian or plaid lesbian- Pin stripes forever, flannel looks good on other people but not my thing

46. Mini golf date lesbian or bowling date lesbian- bowling because there’s usually an arcade and snacks! I usually enjoy the shoot em ups and pinball and I’ll fuking destroy at air hockey and cause copious collateral damage, but mini golf is senseless whacking destruction so if there’s no security cameras mini golf

47. D E S T R O Y her at Mario kart lesbian or let her win lesbian- try but end up losing, but at least I have the cutest character-cart combo

48. Pullover hoodie lesbian or zip up hoodie lesbian- Zip ups forever, but like, not those shitty half crop top zip up shit, gimme an actual hoodie you heathens

49. Band tshirt lesbian or fandom tshirt lesbian- I got pokemon t-shirts so fandom?

50. Love her with your entire heart lesbian or lover her with your entire soul lesbian- uhhh both??? If souls are actual things then souls, bc giving someone your blood pumper would be messy, and I’m a gay ass demon

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