#coming from someone whose liked sp for years
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sooo takes off huh
#it was pretty good#coming from someone whose liked sp for years#finally gave my girl roxie the justice she deserved#roxie richter#roxy richter#i hate when people spell her name like that#its literally roxie#scott pilgrim#roxie#scott pilgrim takes off#spto
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This might sound like a weird question, but have you ever come across a camera with a Bird Watching setting? I have an Olympus SP-800UZ and one of the modes it comes programmed with is literally called that, for taking pictures of birds in the wild.
As someone whose special interest is birds, I love this setting and use it a LOT, but I've never been able to find another camera with a setting like it, and at some point I told myself I didn't want to replace the camera until I could find one with a similar setting.
The reason I ask is because I've been following for a while, and I've come to respect your opinions on photography.
I tried researching your camera and figuring out what exactly the bird watching mode does and even the official manual did not say. If I were to guess, it just sets the camera up with certain parameters that are usually ideal for photographing birds, but I don't think it does anything special that other cameras can't do. You would just have to set a different camera up to those parameters rather than the camera doing it for you.
If I were to guess, it probably enables a certain autofocus mode for small subjects and limits how slow the shutter speed can go so you don't get motion blur when very zoomed in.
However, I know exactly which features are important to get good bird photos, so as long as the camera has the following features, you don't really need a dedicated bird mode. Though if a camera has a "pet mode" it would probably work similarly to the bird mode you are used to.
Most important bird photography features...
Good autofocus
Good zoom range
Image stabilization (Either optical or sensor, not digital)
Autofocus has come a long way in the last few years. It's difficult to assess the autofocus from specifications alone, so you will probably need to rely on reviews to know if the camera locks in on subjects well. Some cameras have pet and wildlife autofocus features that can be very helpful in tracking smaller subjects like birds. So I would look out for any camera that has a pet autofocus mode or a review that says it locks onto smaller subjects well—even if they don't mention birds. If it can lock onto a chihuahua, it can usually do so with a bird too.
Birds and wildlife in general tend to get spooked easily and it is often difficult to get close without them running or flying away. So having a longer zoom range can really help you keep your distance and not startle your subject. I would say the minimum focal length for getting good bird shots is around 300mm (on a full frame camera). Some cameras only quantify their zoom by magnification (20x, 30x, 40x, etc.) and don't really say what that is in relation to. So focal length is a better metric to assess how zoomy a lens is. 10-35mm would be wide angle. 50mm is about like our eyes. 100mm is slightly telephoto. And 300mm and above would be very telephoto.
You may need to google the focal range equivalent to a full frame 35mm camera. So you would search "[camera model] 35mm equivalent focal range" to figure that out. And as long as it goes past 300mm, it might be a good candidate for birding.
When you have a camera that zooms in that far, any movement will be exaggerated—especially if you have naturally shaky hands. Not only can that introduce motion blur into your images, but it can make it very difficult to track your subject. Looking through the viewfinder will result in a wiggly mess and you won't know what you are pointing the camera at.
Image stabilization helps negate that exaggerated movement.
There are 3 kinds of stabilization. First is optical, which is built into the lens with a floating glass element. Then there is sensor stabilization (often called IBIS for "in-body image stabilization") which allows the sensor to shift and move to counteract any motion introduced by your hands. And the last form is digital stabilization which is done using the camera's software.
The first two are physical solutions that can adjust on the fly much like a chicken's head.
The digital solution is mostly just fancy image cropping. It zooms in a tiny bit on your image and then aligns a continuous crop to give the appearance of a stable image.
The lens and the sensor are still a jiggling mess, but this constant cropping allows you to see the illusion of a stable image in your viewfinder and in the videos you take. And while this is very helpful for tracking subjects and capturing video footage, it will not help you negate motion blur—which is why the other two methods are preferred for still photography.
Bigger cameras can often forego stabilization because the zoom lenses are bigger and heavier and don't shake as much and they let in a lot more light so you can raise your shutter speed to freeze motion. It's still nice to have, and if you have IBIS and optical stabilization combined on a big camera you can almost take pictures in the dark without camera shake, but all of those conveniences can get costly.
The camera you have now is called a "bridge" camera or a "superzoom". These are (relatively) inexpensive cameras that use a smaller smartphone-style sensor but with a more classic camera body surrounding it and a non-changeable lens. Small sensors have one big advantage where if you put a zoom lens in front of them, they can see from Alaska to Russia.
For instance, your camera has an 840mm equivalent lens. That is near telescopic.
For reference, this is what an 800mm lens looks like for a full frame professional camera.
It weighs 10 pounds and costs about $13,000.
Granted the image quality of that lens is in another universe compared to your superzoom, but if you are mostly interested in documenting the birds you are encountering, a superzoom is a neat tool to have. It's like digital binoculars.
So I guess the question is, do you just want to document your bird adventures or do you want to delve into artistic bird photography?
You can upgrade to a nicer superzoom and get some improved clarity and ease-of-use features, which is totally valid. You could even get a "premium" superzoom that can do artistic bird photography in ideal lighting conditions.
Or if you go with a more professional interchangeable lens camera system (ILC), you can achieve some stunning artistic photos like these...
Freezing a bird midflight while catching a fish is just not really feasible with a basic superzoom.
Let's talk about the advantages and disadvantages of a superzoom bridge camera as compared to a more professional ILC setup.
Superzoom Pros
No learning curve. These cameras are designed for novice photographers and have very good automatic functions. You can pretty much pull them out of the box and start taking pictures without knowing the fundamentals of photography.
Incredible zoominess. You can get amazing zoom power for a fraction of the price.
Budget friendly. The top of the line superzoom camera is still only about $1500 as compared to the top of the line mirrorless ILC (for wildlife) which is $6500 *without* a lens. And the lower to mid range superzooms are even more affordable, especially if you consider used options.
Superzoom Cons
Noisy images in low light. These cameras are mostly suited for bright sunny days. The small sensors and cheaper lenses do not capture very much light. In more challenging lighting situations you will tend to get very noisy images due to using a high ISO to compensate.
Inconsistent image quality. Under the best of circumstances, you can get some really beautiful photographs. But when you push the camera to its extremes, the image quality can start to deteriorate. Low light causes noise. The more you zoom in, the softer your images will get. Low megapixels limit your options to crop in on far away subjects—which is often an issue with wildlife.
Deep depth of field. A lot of bird photographers like using shallow depth of field to blur the background so the bird really stands out in the photo. Small sensors can have a very hard time blurring the background unless the subject is quite far away and you are zoomed all the way in. But when you are all the way zoomed in, the image can get soft and lack detail. So you trade image quality for a blurry background.
Lack of professional features and accessories. There are many advanced features that can make bird photography much easier. Some cameras have advanced motion tracking that can allow you to capture birds in flight. The latest generation can even track a tiny bird's eye. There are also accessories that are only made for ILCs. Like motion activated shutter triggers that will take a picture of a bird automatically if you set up a camera near a feeder. There are flashes that work at very long distances. You can get camouflage skins for your lenses so the birds can't see you. Stuff like that.
ILC Pros
Lower image noise. With a bigger sensor and better lenses you can shoot with a very low ISO in good light and get incredibly clean noise-less images.
Better high ISO performance. If you are in low light, you can increase the ISO and still get a very good image. The noise on an ILC is much less distracting and easier to deal with—especially with advanced noise reduction software.
Background blur is easy. Due to the much larger sensor and telephoto lenses, almost every telephoto image will have beautiful blurry backgrounds no matter how small the aperture is.
Sharper, faster lenses. The lenses are much sharper and let in a lot more light. The quality of the image does not decrease as you zoom in. And the sharp optics allow a lot of leeway for cropping. So even if a bird was super far away, you can crop the image after the fact and it will still be quite detailed.
More megapixels. A lot of bird photography needs to be cropped in due to subject distance. Having more megapixels allows for more cropping. (I know I keep talking about cropping, but it really is a huge aspect of most bird photography.)
Advanced autofocus. This is the big game changer, especially on the new mirrorless cameras. The latest Canon and Sony cameras have eye detect autofocus for animals. You can literally lock onto a bird's eye while it is in flight and get perfect focus. It's bonkers.
ILC Cons
Steep learning curve. A lot of people think they'll get a big ILC and immediately get better pictures than their smartphone. They are often disappointed when that isn't the case. You really need to learn the fundamentals of photography to get good photos out of an ILC (free course here). They do have automatic modes, but without learning about aperture, shutter speed, and ISO (the exposure triangle) and how to balance them and when to prioritize what, you might end up with *worse* photos than a smartphone.
Wildlife photography can get very expensive. Big lenses with a lot of zoom are some of the priciest available. There are some budget options, but you will have to sacrifice quite a bit of zoom and light-gathering capabilities. The quality of the photos is usually worth it, but you may have to learn how to get closer to birds to photograph them.
Heavy as heck. Superzooms are very light and portable. A wildlife ILC configuration is very unwieldy. The camera is heavier. The lens is long and heavy. Carrying all of that gear into the wilderness can be quite a hassle.
Some camera suggestions...
Superzoom Options
If I'm being honest, in the sub $300 range, I don't think you'll be able to drastically improve over what you already have. All of the cameras in this range are quite similar and while a few might have some features that are helpful, the image quality is going to be roughly the same.
You are probably going to need to spend at least $400-700 to get a meaningful upgrade from what you have.
The top-of-the-line superzoom would be the Sony RX10 Mark IV at $1100 used. You can get the previous model, the Mark III, for about $900 used. It's a wonderful camera and the image quality and features rival or even surpass some ILC options. If you don't have the time to learn an ILC system but want the best possible quality, this might be an option. But an ILC will still give you better results if you are willing to put in the time.
For more mid-tier superzooms, you might look into the Panasonic Lumix models. They use slightly larger sensors than most superzooms and are known for their lens optical quality along with their stabilization.
The FZ1000 is getting very old, but it is still a powerful camera at a good price. The only downside is the focusing system isn't as advanced as newer cameras. But it will be better than what you have and you can find one used for around $400.
The newer FZ1000 II or the FZ2500 would be great options that have more modern autofocus and a lot more bells and whistles. They are fairly similar and can both be found for around $650 used. They do great video as well.
These are not the only options, but they are ones I know of and models I have heard positive things about. If you want to see what else is out there I would google "bridge superzoom cameras" and then maybe add your price range as well. Read reviews and watch YouTube videos to get a sense of the cameras you are interested in. As long as the camera has decent autofocus, I don't think you need a specific bird feature—so I wouldn't limit yourself in that regard.
ILC Options
When trying to come up with a good bird photography setup for interchangeable lens cameras, there is basically an easy, medium, and hard mode depending on how much you spend.
As I mentioned, the top-of-the-line mirrorless cameras have autofocus tracking that can lock onto a bird's eye while in flight. They have both IBIS and lenses with optical stabilization. They have burst modes that let you take 30 photos per second. They have 50 megapixel sensors that allow you to crop to your heart's content and still have megapixels left over.
It's quite dreamy if you have the money.
But I'm guessing if you are coming from an Olympus bridge camera that is probably a bit more of an upgrade than you were thinking.
So if easy mode is not viable, let's talk about medium and hard mode.
If you still want the bird detecting autofocus, in body image stabilization, and a pretty zoomy lens, Canon has some newer mirrorless cameras that would take amazing artistic bird shots. It's still spendy, but not $9000 spendy.
The Canon R7 is a great APS-C mirrorless camera with IBIS that can be found used for about $1300. It has 32 megapixels and due to having a slightly smaller sensor, you even get some bonus zoom out of all your lenses at about 1.6x. It's still a much larger sensor than a superzoom, just not quite the size of the Alpha 1.
Alpha 1 is Full Frame. R7 is APS-C. And Superzooms don't get any bigger than the 1" sensor.
Pair the R7 with the RF 100-400mm lens ($600 used) with optical stabilization, and you would have a stellar bird photography setup for about $1900. (It would be a 160-640mm equivalent lens on the R7 due to the 1.6x crop factor.)
Which is probably still way more than you want to spend.
So we have the hard mode option.
No bird eye autofocus. No stabilization. You have to learn the fundamentals and practice in order to get good shots. However, wildlife photographers have been getting AMAZING photos with the gear I'm about to suggest. In fact, all of these photos were captured with the hard mode ILC combo.
The Canon 7D Mark II has been a beloved camera body for wildlife photography for many years. Many pros still use it to great effect to this day. It doesn't have bird autofocus, but it still has one of the best DSLR autofocus systems that was ever developed. It can even track moving subjects, it just doesn't know it is tracking a bird so it is more prone to error on occasion. It can be found used for $500-600.
The Canon 400mm F/5.6 telephoto lens is one of the most affordable lenses Canon ever made for wildlife. It is an old lens, but it is sharp and takes beautiful images. No stabilization, but it is big and heavy so that isn't a huge deal. You can also carry a monopod rest it on. And on the 7D II, it is the equivalent of a 640mm lens. It costs around $650 used, which is very inexpensive compared to other telephoto lenses.
So you are looking at around $1200 for the combo. But the photos you can achieve with these two items will blow pretty much any superzoom out of the water.
To sum up...
ILC photography is always going to have a steep learning curve and expensive barrier for entry, but you can achieve some truly stunning results.
Superzooms are getting better and some of the newer ones can still take excellent pictures of birds under the right circumstances. They are lightweight and hassle free and allow you to get incredible zooms for a low cost.
If you mostly take photos of stationary birds outside on bright sunny days, you will be fairly happy with a superzoom.
If you want to take photos during darker times like sunrise or sunset or in a dense forest... or if you want to take photos of birds mid-flight, you will probably have to get an ILC.
I hope that was helpful. I know I overdo these answers, but I try to help as many people as I can by giving a broad overview of the topic and the myriad ways to go about things.
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2023 GPF Thoughts - Sr Women
kaori sakamoto (jpn) is the best female figure skater in the world. full stop. i love her SO GODDAMN MUCH. (see icon.) her power, her jump height, her expression, her strength, her flow, her surety on the ice... i could go on and on. and her lauryn hill free skate. GAWD. i love. absolutely stunning, 10/10, no notes (other than the 3f turnout). 1 SP / 1 FS / 1
loena hendrickx (bel) is an icon, and i love how unapologetically herself she is. and those JUMPS. they're so big, and when she's on, they're SO solid. she has some of the best spins in the field too, but i mean, what did you expect from jorick hendrickx's sister. another powerful, strong, sure skater. i've loved watching her over the years, and i am SO HAPPY that she's finally getting the recognition she deserves. 2 SP / 4 FS / 2
*side note: it pleases me to no end that the top two female skaters in the world right now are skaters whose styles lean power/strength heavy and who do their own thing. i was so sick of the onslaught of one-note delicate, balletic programs that did nothing for the skaters.
hana yoshida (jpn) had a great free skate (the speed of her 3a!!!) and redeemed herself from her mess of a short, but to me it looks like her coaches are trying to mold her into kaori 2.0. and it's not working. let her find her own style, her own way of skating, her own preference for music. she has a more graceful and delicate way of skating, and the continued use of ultra powerful, beats-heavy music is not doing her any good. 4 SP / 2 FS / 3
nina pinzarrone (bel) still reads like a junior. a strong junior, to be sure, but a junior. i give her major credit for having consistency throughout gp events and qualifying for the gpf, because that's HUGE, but... i'm not seeing the quality i would normally expect for senior women. she's got fun programs and a heapload of talent, for sure, and i can't wait to watch her develop over the next few years. 3 SP / 5 FS / 4
isabeau levito (usa) redeemed her terrible short program with a clean free skate, and i'm so glad she was able to do so. i was worried, since she's still so young, and this was her first major world-level competition, but she pulled it out! i've watched her come up through us figure skating for some time now, and while her technique and skating style is not my favorite, i can appreciate her hard work and the dedication she has for the sport. her free skate is ten times better than her short anyway, so i'm interested to see what happens at us nationals for her. 6 SP / 3 FS / 5
rion sumiyoshi (jpn) unfortunately has the combined problems of nina and hana. she reads like a strong junior skater, and her programs do not match her style of skating. i feel she needs something a bit more lyrical, instead of the heavy music she has. again, i appreciate her consistency during gp events and getting a spot in the final, but i don't feel that she's fully up to the level of senior skaters. 5 SP / 6 FS / 6
**another side note: whoever they had doing english language commentating on the streams was.... interesting. they kept saying kaori's lutz was on the wrong edge when it wasn't (and the tech panel didn't call it). and they were super repetitive when talking about components, like someone had given them the isu communications and said 'here say these phrases minimum three times'. weird.
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Generation VIII Pokemon Nicknames, Part 1
I might as well see this through and get "caught up" in a sense, even if this one is years late.
... And let's see how many Yakuza/Starcraft references make it... And again, I'll only nickname those that I can see myself making, and if I can come up with a nickname.
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Grass drummer, huh? Hmm... "Dalin". Read as Dal-in, the Korean-hanja term for an expert/master. If read in Japanese, it would be read as Tatsujin. So this is a Taiko no Tatsujiin reference, which is apparently an actual standalone game, but I only know it from a Club Sega arcade minigame in Yakuza 5.
Hey, I know this one! A sportsman fire bunny! No problem. I'll call it "Tennis Ace". But it's supposed to be a soccer pl- It's tennis now. Tennis Ace the job in Yakuza 8. ... So that's 2 for 2...
... Hmm... those are good stats for an Sp. Atk focused guy. Power creep? Ahem. So it's a Water type chameleon? Ability Sniper. Fascinating. And it's even blue, like a certain someone who appeared in my top favorites ranking. So this guy obvious gets the nickname of "Ghost". As a chameleon, I'd imagine this guy can blend into the background, like a Terran Ghost with Cloak research, and Ghosts carry sniper rifles. Even had the ability Snipe in Starcraft II, which was later changed to Steady Targeting, which everyone calls Snipe anyways.
That's... a fat squirrel. Has the Spd stat to match. I would never make one. If I did, I'd probably call it "FatRat", who... I think is a Halo speedrunner? Pro? Something like that? I don't know that scene very well.
A Flying/Steel, and not a Steel/Flying, so this thing would end up in my Flying Box instead of the Steel one. ... If I made this thing for whatever reason. This is like a more well-rounded Skarmory, which isn't a good thing, so... I would not make one.
... That looks like a Megaman boss. I used to watch my cousin play X4 and X5. I think it's from one of those. Hmm... high defensive stats, low HP, Bug typing... not ideal, so... nope.
Dex filler fodder minion. Pass.
Another defensive thing with low HP. Since I'm not studying each Pokemon extensively and instead, just glancing at the stats and typing, I wouldn't know the full extent of Pokemon capabilities. This one... meh. Could be strangely useful like Whimsicott, but Whimsicott has Prankster. This one doesn't. So... pass. That said, the spore on its back kind of looks like a cross between a golf ball and a baseball, so I might've called this things as "Bolf".
A fodder sheep-ram? I would've called it "Sham" but... I would never bother.
Another fodder. So far there's been a lot of crap that I wouldn't bother with, so I retract that power creep comment.
Hmm... decent dog. A faster, weaker Luxray? ... I got nothing.
A pile of coal. Hmm. The Japanese name sounds like "mountain of coal". So this is like a beefed up Magcargo. Which isn't good, since that thing sucks. Well, that's unfortunate.
Huh, the Apple Dragon is back. Or rather, it was here first then appeared again as a better Dragon in Generation IX. So if I named that better Dragon as "Invaluable", does that mean this one would be named (if at all) as "Unvaluable"?
Ehh...
Fodder.
Hey, this is that Kilo that Shield has! I remember this thing's insanely focused stats! A barracuda eh? Hmm... I might call this as "Machete". In Yakuza 8, there's a gang called the Barracudas, whose boss is Dwight Mendez, and his boss battle theme is Twin Machetes.
Hey, another thing that Shield has. I'll call it "Declawed". Because I thought for certain that this thing had claws when I wrote the short story, and it turned out it didn't.
Ugh. Massive centipede... Crap stats, so... pass.
Not a Water type? Huh. ... "Careful. There's no escaping this guy's headlock. He kind of sucks you in." This thing looks interesting, but... 42 Spd. Nope. Unfortunately, this is the kind of thing that pops up in a Battle Tower-esque thing that promptly gets one-shotted by my vanguard Salamence and only serves as fodder for Moxie.
Another Cuphead name? Um... I think there's a teapot somewhere in that game, so... that name?
29 Spd. Why is everything so f*cking slow, or insanely fast? The hell is thing is supposed to be, anyways? 136 Sp. Atk so I'd probably make one, but exclusive for Trick Room? I don't know.
60 Spd. Another slow-ass dude. It has Prankster, but... blech.
An armored Linoone? Finally, something with a respectable Spd stat. Not too high, not too low. Too bad the rest of thing sucks.
That thing looks like a Meowth who's seen some sh*t. ... 50 Spd. Nope.
Looks like this Corsola fought its way out of a Toxapex's stomach and reclaimed what was left of its body. 145 Sp. Atk is ridiculous, and 130 Sp. Def is amazing, but 50 Def and 60 HP with 30 Spd means it dies immediately to any Ghost or Dark type that has a physical attack. Boo. So this would be one of those things that I make but never use. "Leftovers".
Hey, Sword's Pokemon! That useless ass bird finally got a purpose. 65 Spd... ... It will finally get made, and then get stuffed in a box for eternity. "Short Legs". Because one, it has short legs, and two, this is kind of like a Zealot in Starcraft if you forget the Leg Enhancement upgrade from the Citadel of Adun. Or the Charge upgrade from the Twilight Council in Starcraft II. Yeah, it has a lot of damage output, but... it needs to reach the target first.
Last one for this part. And another one of Sword's Pokemon. An English gentleman Pokemon, huh? ... If I recall, there are Gentleman type enemy trainers in Pokemon games, and so this guy is that class Pokemon-fied. Thus I will call this thing as... "Sujimon".
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||| ARC 1 ; erased timeline
Follows show canon. Michael, after learning what his purpose is and getting in touch with the Cooperative while growing more confident in what he is, spends around two years among the people. Incognito, to learn more about the world he hasn’t really seen anything of before. All the while preparing the apocalypse/new world order in the background, preparing the outposts etc. The erased timeline ends with Michael dying but I’ll explore alternate outcomes via interactions. His backstory, however, stays entirely canon. I won’t write him in his teenage years.
! For muses whose universes play around the 70's-2000's I'll use this arc and arc 2, just placed in said time. Nothing changes about him but I adjust the technological advances.
||| ARC 2 ; reset
Takes place post canon. Mallory ran young Michael over with the car, he was clinically dead for a hot minute, then in coma for a while. This way the underworld could believe in his demise and grant Mallory her favors. However, he did indeed survive, having no clue why someone wanted to kill him. He couldn’t go home. Still unaware of what he was and of his purpose, he was 'found' by the Robichaux Academy’s witches. No coincidence. Mallory is at advantage knowing the future that’s bound to come with the antichrist having survived; now it’s upon the coven to try and change his course. They must prevent him from crossing paths with the satanic church and the warlocks. Michael can’t learn who he is supposed to become or how strong he'll be. But due to him being in the world solely for one purpose, the devil will find ways to steer his spawn into the foreseen direction. Wanting to be accepted despite being the chaos in a world full of lies, Michael might have a hard time opposing the witches around Cordelia if he’s come to like them.
He finds out what happened and brought him there. So he takes off and never looks back. He meets the cultists at last, who open his eyes and from thereon he schemes... Of course doesn’t he forget to live in between. This is my default verse, in which he also meets Alice Turner ( ravenskeeper ); main ship for this verse.
||| ARC 3 ; welcome to the Sanctuary
Tied to 1 or 2, assuming Michael succeeded again and everything except the end repeats itself. From the outposts he picked those he’s deeming worthy to populate the new world. And he took them to the Sanctuary, which is an alien spaceship roughly the size of a city like NY. It’s ‘parked’ by the pacific ocean in an area with comparatively little radiation. But the earth is still not inhabitable for humans and animals for decades at the very least; they’ll live together with a bunch of celebs and, you guess it, aliens ( refer to THIS HEADCANON ). However, this arc simply focuses on a future beyond what the canon material gave us and anyone who interacts with Michael in this arc is automatically assumed to have been chosen for survival by him. I keep this verse devoid of any strict red thread and want it as flexible and open as possible. It’s a new world order and rich and poor don’t exist anymore. And god isn’t here.
||| ARC 4 ; a new Supreme has risen
Completely alternate original timeline. Constance threw Michael out after having had enough of his murderous outbursts. Not knowing where to go, he ended up checking into the Cortez for a temporary stay. Michael learned about the things happening there soon, having a keen sense for all that’s close to death and especially to chaos. Evil. James March is the one who encouraged that helpless boy’s destructive nature that he couldn’t hide from one like James, pushed Michael to become what he is instead of trying to fit in when ‘being your most spoiled self is the best thing you can offer the world’. More and More, Michael forgot about his previous, weak attempts to be good and embraced the darkness. He lived among ghosts. And inevitably ran into Queenie, who’s trapped there, this way learned about the existence of other people with special abilities and that there’s an Academy for them. But just for girls. So there has to be one for boys, too?
Michael started to do some research and found the Hawthorne Academy. Applied, unaware that his father he hadn’t an idea about yet ensured from the background that he could financially afford the attendance. After an aptitude measurement, Michael got accepted. They saw in him the first male Supreme in the history of witches and warlocks due to his wide range of abilities. They pushed him a bit harder than other students, helped him refine his techniques etc, and after initial reluctance, Cordelia let him take the seven wonders test. He passed. Mallory either doesn’t exist in this verse or isn’t a candidate to take Cordelia’s place. Meanwhile, Michael starts to dig into the history of witches/warlocks/magic and so forth, desiring to learn how it can be there’s been no man before him with that power. And he finds answers, which he keeps to himself. However, Cordelia wilts and eventually he assumes his rightful position and leads ... but not only does it change the gender of the new Supreme. This era changes everything.
** This Arc has become my default timeline for tvd universe crossovers
||| Alternate Universe ; the Sandman
Exception to my ‘no fandom AU’s rule’ because it’s easy to fit him there sans stripping him of his origin or tossing him into middle ages etc. Not much about his goals and struggles changes, but his arrival in our planes of existence. He’s Lucifer’s son, or rather creation, would’ve originally appeared like a hideous demon upon ascending from hell if he hadn’t possessed some lonely boy who doesn’t stick out. Tactic. Barely anyone would notice changes in his behavior and such. The boy’s name, you guessed it, is Michael Langdon. That demon sits in his soul like a parasite that slowly but surely takes over and assimilates the poor boy completely. He claims that appearance, the identity, it’s his now. What or who helped him get into that poor guy? Probably Gabriel, which I totally don't take from the Constantine movie. He’s out to overthrow the entire world, likely to ally up with other malignant forces such as demons and rogue nightmares.
NOTE: my muse won’t be assumed to be Lucifer's child, as in, having been born from a sexual encounter, but was simply created by them. Michael does regard them as his father but so do angels and humans address g-d.
||| Alternate Universe ; Lucifer [show]
Michael is Rory's twin brother. They both search for their father, although while she's mad at him for abandoning them, Michael isn't because he just accepted that he might be dead. However, when Chloe dies, Rory's hatred for Lucifer's absence sends her back in time whereas Michael grieves their mother. His sister's power is time travel, obviously. Michael, unable to handle the loss of both mother and time-traveling sister on top of absent father, discovers that he can reverse time and all its events while he himself remains unchanged, which means he simply undoes years and years to the point where Lucifer is still there. Which inevitably means he'll change the past, whereas Rory didn't but solely placed herself in a timeloop. But doing this also had him hit his limits and it'll take years for him to recover that power.
In this AU, Michael doesn't have all those abilities he does in his original canon. He also doesn't plan to end the world, but given that he threatens to change the past, it might become the result. Cosmic balance etc, the scales tipping. As discussed, @multi-royalty's Chloe will be exclusively his mother in said AU.
||| Alternate Universe ; The Boys [show]
It starts with the new timeline. After he got kicked out of home for his outbursts and scaring everyone around him, Michael aimlessly wandered about in search for a place to stay. Not being entirely in control of his powers, he was sooner or later caught by authorities, seized and brought to the Sage Grove Center. Along with the other test subjects he got out when Lamplighter fucked up and Cindy freed everyone. Now he wreaks havoc after having learned to control his abilities during captivity. What nobody knows is that he never had a compound V injection, but was born with all that due to his origin he keeps a secret. His goal to end the world as we know it is deeply anchored in his DNA, so to speak, especially since he learned to connect with his father while locked up in a cell. First thing he needs to do is get rid of any Supes who could try to stop him, not to mention his hatred for the Vought figures due to what was done in the facility. But who knows? If he'd meet supes who also hate the majority Vought-brainwashed foot soldiers, he might find useful allies?
** AU because a crossover using his default arcs won't work. Other difference to canon; he didn't live in L.A. but N.Y. since the Boys plays there mostly. I reduce his powers a little down to superhuman strength, telekinesis, teleportation, he's bulletproof and uses self-revival should he die.
||| Crossovers
Supernatural: With Jack's birth, portals get torn into time and space, because he's considered an anomaly that warps everything around him. Michael is from one of those alternate dimensions those gates lead to, ends up joining the Lucifer from their home-timeline into Sam and Dean's main/original dimension. They're going to fight g-d, right? So Lucifer and Michael sure as hell want to be part of it, especially since they've already turned their own dimension's world into ashes.
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What it’s like to be an sx-user (submission)
Not every sx-user is like Megan Fox, a seductive bombshell who doesn’t think twice before revealing her French-kissing exploits on national TV. What about people who seem quieter and more decorous and whose culture has repressed them from blatantly displaying their sx? I’d like to share my experience as an ‘in-the-closet’ sx-user.
I am a ‘good girl’. I come from a culture which punishes women very harshly if they show any signs of sexuality or indecorum. I doubt anyone in my life would be able to recognise how much I use sx. I’m not a siren; I dress modestly; I’ve never done drugs or smoked; I’m not a party person; I hardly ever drink; I am usually polite and restrained in conversation. I’ve only ever been intimate with one man, I don’t participate in hookup culture, and I don’t want to have any kind of physical intimacy again until I’m married. But….I still use sx.
How do I know? Because sx goes deeper than just what shows on the outside. It’s not necessarily about decadence. Sx is being obssessed with attraction and finding a mate, and being engulfed in raw intensity of emotion. Ever since I was a child, sx has taken over my life. I was unusually young (only eleven) when I first experienced all-consuming emotions for a boy. It wasn’t like the fleeting, light crushes my sp/so friends had on people they thought were cute. It was a deep, intense obsession - every thought centred around him, nothing was interesting unless it was about him, I craved a level of intimacy with him that was completely out of proportion to my young age. In fact, I sounded like an adult when I wrote about my feelings for him in my diary. I was also obsessed with my looks and how attractive I was (or not) - again unusual in most eleven year olds. Sx made me precocious.
You wouldn’t have known all this just from looking at me. I kept up good grades and was a hardworking, polite and quiet child. I scored top of my class each year, never broke any rules, and was known to be a teacher’s pet all through school. Due to my moral principles, strict upbringing and culture, and natural shyness, I never did anything wild and had a reputation for being ‘innocent’ (in fact, I didn’t even have my first kiss until my first relationship at age 19, which was also the only time I did anything sexual). Yet, on the inside, my head and heart were always consumed by some kind of intense passion for someone or the other, each year. I was excessively preoccupied with my own level of attractiveness (‘Am I pretty enough?’ ‘Will I ever find The One?’ ‘How do I look?’). My friends would tease me about needing to visit the bathroom several times a day to adjust my hair! I was desperate to attract attention from the opposite sex - when I was just twelve, I scribbled my name over and over on the desks of the boy I ‘loved’ and wanted to change schools when he wasn’t around anymore.
I’m sad at how much sx dominated my youth. I don’t have many normal childhood memories (eg. playing sports) because…..my inner emotional landscape got swallowed up by sx. The craving for that ‘juice’ is real. Purely platonic relationships or activities unconnected to the 'juice' always felt curiously colourless and unsatisfying to me….like stepping into a sepia-tinted landscape. But I look back and mourn the richer and more worthwhile activities and self-development I could have attained if I’d been tuned into so and sp (enjoying friendships and family, taking up hobbies, self-care, etc). Getting addicted to a different boy each year seems like a waste of my youth. I have lost precious opportunities to make the most out of the wholesome and platonic aspects of life, in my pursuit of the 'juice'.
I’m not judging any instinct as good or bad (it is what it is) but there’s been grief and sorrow involved in realising how much sx has controlled my life. After doing inner work with the Enneagram, I’m now trying to tap into sp and so more, and it feels healthy. Giving back to my community, which doesn’t depend on my physical attractiveness; taking care of myself; and putting the obsession with mate-finding on hold. I feel myself stretching and expanding, breaking out of the narrow cage my stacking put me in. Here’s to liberation and multi-dimensionality; it’s never too late to grow.
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Hey! I just really adore infj's for some reason you guys are the only people whose feelings can have logic behind them just wanna let you know!
So umm I have been in this mbti stuff for a while and honestly I have such a bad self-awareness that I went from INFP to ENFP to ISTJ to ESTJ to ENTJ.
I really think that my Fi is pretty low because many times I really don't know what I am feeling or what I want sometimes I really even miss snide remarks etc and yeahh I can go into a feelings spiral if I am unmotivated. Idk my motivation reduces when there is uncertainibg in future and if I start any new habit I am think is this sustainable or not like say coffee I like the energy it gives but what if I get too addicted and someday I might have to live without it and suffer with headaches? I really don't want that so I quit coffee like that
But I know that I am a type 3 that feeling worthy only if you are productive or popular or loved by others is something obvious in me and so because I change so much and fake so much I cannot even gauge my type based on my behaviour.
I fear changes atleast the ones not informed to me I want all the info and some time to prepare for any new changes and I have a very strict routine that is almost a ritual at this point and breaking it makes me feel paranoid and I just keep following it even if I know it's not at all effecient just to not risk anything.
I am quite in touch with my feelings in the sense I prioritise them when they appear atleast most of the time I know if I don't get my feelings in order I can get paralysed so I journal and relax.
And I am an sp 3 so I am not that extreme with anything like I won't go beyond my limits I used to before with exercise and dieting but now not so much even after following all this routines I still try to make them more and more effecient and try new methods all the time.
I enjoy philosophical discussions a lot and theories and history and essay writing expressing my thoughts and my opinions, one thing I noticed recently was that I rarely ever sit and think about a particular subject nor do I have any opinions on it but once I start talking about it I can present well made arguments in the spot I just don't know where those came from.
I love writing like the act of writing with a fountain pen in cursive but I question it so many times many people praise my handwriting but idk it feels like a pressure and I always wanna change it to print but I remember once that someone told me that cursive can impress the teachers correcting my papers and like many said that they like my cursive more but I know that it looks pretty but is very hard to understand and I must decide between my thinking of writing in print because notes are better but I don't wanna give up cursive tooo it's a topic in my head for years sorry!
I am very much a homebody and rarely like to go out and when I go out I get tired when too many people are there but intresting conversations energise me so much I can talk for hours with one person or few I like talking to introverts and like getting their pov and just learning about different cultures, viewpoints is very intresting to me but I can be really cold when you first see me but I am like a kid later 😂😂😅
I really think that too much planning bogs me down and my thinking is that if I think too much I will never start so just starting works out all the time for me and as time goes on I can figure out the way things work and more and more I can optimise it. I really think I compare my present to the past a lot like I first try the methods that worked for me before but I realise I am a different person from that time but Idk if I have Si or not is what I am saying.
My most likely type I think is ESTJ but whenever I fix on a type it's done and later I start questioning it, Idk if that makes sense.
If you read this far Thank you very much! And I would like to hear your output.
Hello anon! Thank you so much for your trust to come to me with this! :)
First off, from a lot of what you're describing and the way you're describing it, I feel extremely called out cause it sounds a lot like Ni to me. These are things that my INTJ brother and I both have had plenty of conversations about because it's something we both share and it's something that my dear ESTJ friend calls me insane for when I tell her about those thought spirals like your coffee story. For instance, I moved into a new apartment last year and I knew it was only going to be for a couple years, so my mind started spiralling like "I want pictures on the walls, but when I put nails into the wall, I'll have to cover them up when I move out and I don't know how to do that, so why should I bother learning how to do that if I have to move out again anyway, like why make myself comfortable here if I'm going to have to leave soon, I'll only miss this place more when I like it, so I better do everything to not like it here, so I won't put pictures on the walls." My INTJ brother, who is a teacher and has basically a contract for life at his school and thus will never really have to move again, bought a bed made out of carton to be prepared for the unlikely situation that he still might be forced to move away and thus doesn't have to carry heavy furniture down the staircase, fully accepting that he will never be able to sleep comfortably just once because of this. This is the insanity of being an Ni-dom. Also the complete lack of motivation if there is no concrete goal to work towards, is absolutely a thing. We are not made to simply live day by day. That just causes anxiety and an existential crisis. We need a reference point in the future to fixate on to be able to move forward.
Improvisation and adapting to sudden changes is also not something that Ni-doms tend to be good at. When I took my first walk in the new neighbourhood I moved to, I had a proper breakdown. There were too many changes that I was not prepared for, like the Earth smelling differently here or using other greeting customs in this region. Too much new sensory information. My INTJ brother is even more rigid in his routines than I am. We always need to know everything beforehand. When I have guests over, I plan my greetings, the sound of my voice, how I will carry myself and which facial expressions and gestures to use. I need to be prepared, even though I know it's stupid and I won't be able to fully commit to my plan once I'm in the situation.
The same holds for you saying that you don't really think about any particular subjects at all, but somehow you still come up with eloquent arguments and opinions for something on the spot, is an Ni thing. The thing about strong Ni is that you never really know what's going on inside your own head. You know that something is going on somewhere in the depth of your subconscious, but you are not aware of any of it and can live with a rather peaceful and quiet mind. I always say that I don't make decisions on anything. Instead, I wait until they come to me, like a whale breaching from the deep blue sea to tell me what my mind has decided for me. Words are coming out of my mouth that I have never consciously thought about in my life, and I have no idea where they came from.
All this trying to be more efficient in your routines, being productive, trying new methods etc. sounds indeed a lot like Te. Sorry for all the personal references, but my INTJ brother literally gave me a book about that for Christmas after he studied it himself religiously to be more efficient himself. (I, on the other hand, never even bothered to read a single page of it though.) And getting paralysed from uncontrolled emotions sounds indeed a lot like low Fi.
Your fountain pen dilemma also is something that I have a hard time believing anyone but an NJ typically has. Debating the efficiency, the effect it will have on teachers and other people, and your own little sensory enjoyment of using it sounds again very very familiar. Pretty sure an ESTJ (or at least the ones I know) would tell you to just pick a pen, write what you have to write and be done with it without needlessly complicating every little thing.
In the end, you are the only one who can look inside your head and fit the puzzle pieces together, but from everything you've said, I'm leaning strongly towards you being an INTJ, possibly ENTJ.
Hope this helps! And if you have any further questions, feel free to write to me again! :)
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Kisses 17 and 26 and Touches 15 with MKsdadshipping?
Affection meme
17. kisses as a promise
26. giggling while kissing
15. hugging each other
For some reason fluff wasn't coming to me for these, so I said to myself "how funny would it be if i managed to make this an angst fill?" and now here we are
this just in: three middle aged(-ish one of them's immortal) men in a polyam trio are completely blind to what they bring to the dynamic and all consider themselves as the 'awkward third one whose just kinda there lowkey ruining things'
--
It was more than he deserved.
All of this.
To the point where every so often he’d have to peer at the world around them and the two of them just to be sure he hadn’t somehow been fooled and was being left to rot in an illusion, or perhaps that calabash those silver and gold brothers still had about.
But no, the world was as it should be around him, unless whatever it was was so thoroughly good at crafting its illusions it could fool even the Monkey King himself. For all intents and purposes, he was in reality.
And in reality, he had his two greatest loves back. It wasn’t perfect of course. Neither of them remembered their pasts alongside him, sp as far as their own histories were concerned, he was in fact the interloper while they’d been around each other for years already. He was… an untested variable.
An interloper.
It wasn’t like this was as it was back then, when the three of them had slotted together practically as one despite the superficial dynamic of master and two eldest disciples.
But they didn’t have that anymore, and he was okay with it. It was probably just the echoes of Sanzang and Baije that made them decide to bring him into their little fold, and he was okay with it.
Besides, it made for a lovely view. The way Tang would tease and taunt Pigsy with that adoring glint in his eye just because he thought he looked cute when he was mad. How he was pretty sure Pigsy would purposely rise to the bait more than he actually was getting angry because that was simply how their relationship worked by that point. How before too long had passed the two would stop and begin to laugh. A sweet domestic peck shared between chuckles.
It was beautiful in its simplicity. He was glad he was allowed to peer in.
It was more than he deserved for how he'd failed them so long ago.
--
Look, here’s the thing.
Even before they’d found out about all of this reincarnation business, Tang had been possibly the biggest Monkey King fan in China (Though Xiaotian may have given him a run for his money if all of that successor nonsense hadn’t started up) and that was all well and good when he might as well have been just another historical figure.
And then he was a far more common figure in their lives and Pigsy had grown a bit… worried. Mostly that his husband would embarrass himself in front of his idol of course. Then… you know.. Sun Wukong proved himself to be a complete and utter dork and the mystique began to fall away, and Pigsy found he liked Sun Wukong a lot better than he’d ever liked The Monkey King.
And then… well.. Sometimes things really do just fall into place, don’t they?
Of course, nothing was without its bumps, and Pigsy was man enough to admit that sometimes he just couldn’t keep up with his husband and boyfriend when the two of them got rolling on something. Bouncing from topic to topic fired back and forth like a Ping Pong Volleyball match right when he realized he might have something to add to a topic of conversation they were already about three subject changes away from it. And he wasn’t about to be that guy that says ‘back on that earlier thing though-’ and derail the whole flow.
After a certain point he’d just feel lost, catching up let alone keeping up a far away dream. Sure once one of them noticed that they’d gotten carried away they’d both apologize and be all awkward about it, usually stay on a topic for quite a bit longer, but Pigsy could tell it was just to include him so he usually assured them he was happy just listening.
He’d watch as either of them got back into what they were talking about, and whatever historical document Tang had offhandedly mentioned he’d give a limb just to peer at Wukong would mention he had a copy off off-handedly. And he’d at least get a laugh out of the shocked/awed/excited look that only Sun Wukong seemed to be able to bring out of him, as the Monkey King promised to be right back, he just needed to pop over to his mountain to grab it. Gently peking Tang on the cheek and winking at him before shimmying open the window and taking off.
Tang was always practically vibrating when he’d get back and they’d go back to whatever they were talking about without skipping a beat and… you know…
Pigsy wasn’t stupid, he graduated with top marks from culinary school.
But he just wasn’t quite on the same level as his husband, and that had been fine when it was just the two of them, and he certainly didn’t regret bringing Wukong into their lives like this but…
He couldn’t help but feel like he just… couldn’t keep up.
--
Tang had always known he wasn’t particularly good at… people… he talked too much, didn’t understand the line between playful ribbing and outright bullying, allowed his passions to drive him to the point of making some pretty bad choices.
He’d figured Pigsy (and to a lesser extent Sandy) was probably the only person he’d ever really have in his life that didn’t mind all of that. That liked yelling about as much as Tang liked making him yell.
It had honestly been a dream come true to not only MEET Sun Wukong, but to realize he was cut from a similar cloth. His ‘fears no heaven nor demon’ attitude made anything and everything slide off his back, even some pretty nasty things said with the intent to hurt (though Xiaotian was a noticeable exception, he took almost everything their kid said to heart) But by that line Tang had been so excited that he actually COULD talk to him about almost anything. And so they did. They talked quite a lot.
But… the thing was… they debated and explained and dialogued, and flirt if the mood stuck (and wasn’t that trippy to experience for the first time) Tang just… couldn’t shut his damn mouth. He didn’t really realize it until he’d been coming home one of those rare days Pigsy had the shop closed but he had to give a lecture and had just been quiet enough to see what Sun Wukong and Pigsy got up to when he wasn’t around and…
It was quiet. Very quiet. Tang almost didn’t want to breathe. He’d been able to keep silent, but he was sure Sun Wukong had sensed his presence just as the doorknob had turned. He was just a bit… distracted.
Distracted by being curled up against Pigsy’s back as he threw together lunch for the lot of them. It occurred to Tang quickly that Pigsy never let him be affectionate while he was cooking. How he was ‘distracting’ and ‘always sneaking tastes’ and such, whereas Sun Wukong appeared to be content in just hugging his husband close as he cooked. And… it was a sweet scene really. Pigsy was always embarrassed over his more animalistic instincts around him, but every time he’d poke his head in on him and Sun Wukong he was getting more and more comfortable with them.
He was the only human in their little trio, and he was sure that came with its own baggage beyond being the one the other two had to protect when Mystic demon business came up, but he supposed what made him the real oddball was simply that he sucked at slowing down.
He couldn’t keep his mouth shut for long enough to enjoy someone’s presence quietly. Sun Wukong and Pigsy probably didn’t talk near as much when he wasn’t trying to drag them into conversations or playing ‘topic volleyball’. Just watching the two of them doing their own thing, probably long since knowing he was there but waiting for him to speak first, it was so obvious how quickly they’d gotten comfortable around eachother. How quick their relationship had been to run deep.
It had taken Tang five years to worm his way into Pigsy’s heart. Sun Wukong did it in five months, and he was starting to think it maybe was because he’d never learned how to take a quiet moment for what it was.
And then the silence was unbearable and Tang made a teasing remark, because he was probably incapable of anything else.
Pigsy huffed and puffed in that cute way he always does, Sun Wukong pulled away from him and went to lean against the opposite counter, the moment thoroughly ruined by his big mouth. Again.
Seemed like he was more annoying than he thought.
He wondered why the two of them even put up with him.
--
Send me stuff
#the Pigsy Section really kicked my ass for some reason idk what was up with that#I tried to go for the usual 'Tang being a fanboy' angle but it kept looking too much like garden variety jealousy#and I was here like 'that is some early relationship bumps in the road bruv we working on 'well established' rn'#MksDadShipping#Vega Writes stories too#Letters to Vega#Affecton meme#lmk pigsy#lmk Tang#Lmk Sun Wukong#tigerseye46
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Losing Time
This story is not in my usual continuity, but was written for Wendip Week 2021, topic "Time Travel."
for Wendip Week 2021
---
Mabel faced a hard decision when she called in that favor.
She was nearly thirty, she was a successful clothing designer, she had a steady romantic partner, life was good. But then on a visit to Gravity Falls, she visited the grave of good old Waddles, whose heart had given out the previous winter, while she was off in New York.
And she hadn't been able to say goodbye.
And despite the fact that she was all grown up and everything, it ripped at her heart—that she hadn't said farewell to her most favorite pet of all time. It wasn't that he hadn't been well cared for—Soos saw to that, giving the pig all the comforts and plenty of food. It wasn't that he was cut off in his youth—seventeen is a good long life for a pig. It's just that—
Well, now she knew how Dipper felt.
Speaking of whom.
Dipper and Wendy were coming up on their tenth wedding anniversary, they had adorable twins, age six, names Alexander and Amanda, and they lived in the Mystery Shack. Grunkles Stan and Ford still technically owned the place, and Soos ran it, but over the years he and Melody had expanded it until their own growing family caused Soos to have a separate house built just across the road, and he and his family of six—he, Melody, Benny, Betty, Alma, and little Stanley—had made the short move. Dipper had inherited Grunkle Ford's role as investigator of the weird, Wendy was a nationally-known consultant on forestry issues, and they took over the living space that Soos had left vacant.
Ford, now semi-retired, still came over to work with Dipper down in the secret labs when some project was afoot. Grunkle Stan came over to help when the Shack was swamped with tourists in vacation season, but he spent a lot of his time visiting casinos all over the world, where his odd luck always brought him a steady income.
The attic bedroom had become disused.
"Can I stay?" Mabel asked in a small voice just at sunup that day. "Just for a couple weeks?"
"Sure, Mabes!" Wendy said. "Any time, you know that."
Dipper, now sporting a goatee and wearing glasses to correct mild myopia, said, "Sis, what's wrong?"
With a sad smile, Mabel said, "You can tell, huh? Just getting all sentimental. Missing Waddles."
"Oh," Dipper said. "That. We're sorry you couldn't make it back in January."
"It was so unexpected," Wendy said. "He was OK, you know, kinda slow and sleepy all the time, and then one morning we found him in his stall. He'd passed in his sleep."
"He was comfortable to the end," Dipper said. "The heat was on. He didn't freeze or anything. He looked peaceful."
"We buried him down the hill," Wendy told her. "Come on, we'll walk you down."
The place was pretty, a small clearing off to the right of the Mystery Trail. Grass had greened the mound, dewy now with the dawn, and—Mabel couldn't help sobbing—Dipper and Wendy had put up a marker, one of those you could buy for a cherished dog or cat. It read,
---
WADDLES
2012-2029
Always Loved
---
"Could you just leave me here for a few minutes?" asked Mabel.
Dipper hugged her. "Sure, Sis," he said. "Take y our time."
Wendy hugged her, too. "You gave him a good life," she said.
When the two had left, Mabel took a deep breath and took something that looked like a thick button from her jeans pocket. She held it between finger and thumb, close to her lips, and said, "OK, Blendin Blandin, you owe me one."
And without fuss, explosions, or special-effects noise, he was there, beside her, in his old uniform. "M-Ma-Mabel," he said, smiling. "Hi. It's be-been a wh-while."
"Yeah," she said. "You're looking—exactly the same. How's Time Baby?"
"Te-te-teething," Blendin said with a grimace. "The ne-next thou-thousand years are go-gonna be hard. I gu-guess you want your fa-favor now?"
"I do," she said. "Waddles passed away last January. I don't want to bring him back to life or anything. I've learned better than that. But I didn't get to see him before he went, and I really want to visit him one last time. So—could I borrow a time tape?"
"I pro-promised," he said. "I always carry a sp-spare these da-days. Here."
"And I also need your advice," Mabel said, accepting the heavy time-travel device. "I want to visit Waddles on the happiest day of his whole life."
"You-you'll have to a-avoid meeting yourself," Blendin warned. "That would be cat-cata-catas—bad."
"Agreed," she said.
"Let me find out how to se-set the co-coordinates, then," he said. "Just a se-second."
He blinked out of existence for just three seconds, then reappeared, slapping at his hair, which was smoldering. "Th-that was two we-weeks of hard wo-work!" he said. "Lucky this-this is m-my va-vacation month. OK, I've reviewed Wa-Waddles' s li-life and this will ta-take you to the ex-exact day when he was happiest. You can ha-have the wh-whole day, or eight hours any-anyway, bu-but remember to a-avoid me-meeting yourself."
"Will do."
Blendin set the time tape, warned, "It will br-bring you ba-back to the present automatically. Ha-have a g-good time-tr-trip."
The strange noiseless explosion, a moment of spinning disorientation, and poof! there she was, at the edge of the woods behind the Shack. The sun was just rising.
"Out you go," she heard a girl's voice say from the back door.
She saw a rectangle of yellow light. Oh, my God, that's me, in my old sleep shirt! I'm twelve! I'm so young!
Her younger self held the door for Waddles—He's so cute and tiny!—and the pig stepped out, sniffed the air, and waddled over close to the woods to take care of his morning business.
Let's see. I always let him out, then had breakfast, then called him back in, so I have about half an hour before I have to duck out of sight.
"Waddles," she called softly.
He heard and galumphed over to her. He knew her. Her different size, her different voice, didn't matter. She scooped him up. "Oh, I love you!" she said as he curled into a ball and nuzzled her cheek. "Let's go for a walk."
She set him down, and they went down the Mystery Trail, past the Bottomless Pit—not yet fenced off—and as far as the bonfire clearing, where she sat on a log and played with him, laughing through tears. "I'm gonna have to say goodbye, later," she whispered. "But remember, no matter what, I'll always love you!"
Too soon she heard her own younger voice calling, probably for the second time and more loudly, "Waddles!"
"Go on," she told the pig, patting his bottom. He trotted back to the other Mabel, his Mabel.
What day is this? Mabel wondered. What day made him happiest?
She sat too long. Someone spoke, startling her. "Whoops, sorry, didn't know anybody was here!"
Wendy.
Mabel stood up. "I was just, uh—I used to come here when I was a girl—" she began.
"Mabel?" Wendy asked, blinking and staring. "Mabel? Is that you?"
"Haven't changed all that much, have I?" she asked. "Oh, my God, you're so young! Can—can I hug you?"
She was a little bit taller than the fifteen-year-old Wendy, who would add a few inches to her height in the next two years. Mabel couldn't help crying again. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to let anyone see me. Time travel. I came back to—to visit Waddles."
"Oh, man," Wendy said. "Dipper's told me about this kind of stuff! Come on back to the Shack and surprise him!"
"No, I can't," Mabel said. "Don't even tell him you met me. That would cause problems with time."
"Oh."
Something in Wendy's voice hit her then. "Uh—what's wrong, Wendy?"
"Just—just the end of summer," Wendy faltered. "I—I hate that you and Dip are goin' home today."
Oh, my God! Of course! Waddles thought I was gonna leave him, and I nearly had to, but Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford made the bus driver take him aboard—of course he was happiest on that day!
"Oh, yeah," Mabel said. "Our birthday was yesterday. We turned thirteen."
"Technical teens," Wendy said with a ghost of a grin. A tear ran down her cheek.
"But you don't have to cry," Mabel said.
"I—I guess I can tell you a secret," Wendy said. She sat on the log, and Mabel sat beside her. "See, Dipper admitted to me a while back that he has a crush on me. I already knew, but I had to let him down. You know, me fifteen, him twelve. But now he's going away, and I'll never see him again, and—I just can't tell him I'm kinda-sorta in love with him, too. It's hard, Mabel."
Mabel bit her lip. "Listen," she said. "I may get in big trouble because of this, but—OK, I'm gonna say it. You gotta give Dipper a note. Have all his friends here sign it. You sign it, too. Here's the most important part—write on it 'See you next summer.' And wait for him. He'll come back. And he'll grow up, Wendy. And if you wait for him—it's gonna happen. I promise. Just stay in touch, and—most important—when the time comes, the age difference won't mean a thing."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Trust me, I know. OK, I've got a few hours today. I'm gonna stay close to the Shack and get in as much time with Waddles as I can. Then I'm going back to the future, and thirteen-year-old Mabel and Dipper are going back to Piedmont. But he doesn't just have a crush, Wendy. He really and truly loves you. So write the note, give it to him before he gets on the bus, and things will all work out. Promise me?"
"Yeah. I promise."
"Oh—and tell Grunkle Stan that when the time comes for us to leave, to make sure Waddles gets on the bus, too! I—Oh, I love you like a sister, Wendy! You won't believe how happy you're gonna be with Dip."
"That—that means a lot to me, Mabes," Wendy whispered.
"OK, you'd better get back. Don't say anything to anyone about this. Be sure to do the note thing. Oh, and Wendy—do me one more favor?"
"Sure, what?"
"Tell Pacifica that Mabel's waiting—in the future. Don't explain."
"All right," Wendy said with a lopsided smile. "I'll do it." She mimed zipping her lip.
The day passed. Out of her eight hours, Mabel spent about three in Waddles's company as her brother and her younger self got ready to leave Gravity Falls. She spent more time standing out of sight, watching things unfold—finally the kids coming out, glum, with their suitcases, the bus pulling up, Dipper and Mabel and—finally—Waddles climbing aboard. And all their friends running as far as they could to see the twins and the pig off.
She stood alone near the Shack. The flash came. Benjamin stood there. "How d-did it go?"
"It went good," Mabel said, handing over the time tape. "I said goodbye." She sniffled and a tear ran down her cheek. "I'll still miss him but I—I can handle it now. Uh, how much time has gone by while I—?"
"A m-minute," Blendin said. "Well, I-I g-guess we're e-even."
"Thanks, Blendin. Goodbye."
"N-no, I d-don't think it's g-goodbye," he said, smiling. "I'll s-see you again. In time."
He flashed out of existence.
"Aunt Mabel!" It was red-headed Amanda, running down the hill to meet her. "Hi!"
Mabel swept her up in her arms. "Hi, Sweetie! Where's your bro-bro?"
Squirming, Amanda laughed. "He can't find his shoes!"
Carrying the six-year old up the hill to the Shack, Mabel laughed. "When your dad was six, he had the same problem! All the time! Every morning!" She paused and looked back at the green grave. "Hey, let me tell you a story about the most special pig in the whole world," she said, and they went back to join the family.
---
The End
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This is the project I’m working on! It’s basically a physical way of plotting out my original story. The picture shows an A4 page landscape that has been printed out with a simple table that I created on Word (though Excel would work well, and other programs with similar abilities). The topmost line of the seven columns are named. In order from left to right, they are CH (Chapter); Location; POV (Point of View); Scene summary; Purpose; Con to MDQ (Connection to Major Dramatic Question); Con to SP/themes (connection to Subplot/Themes). The rows beneath the named columns are blank to be filled out with handwritten notes.
I’m not sure if it is of any interest, but on the off chance that it is, and because I like talking about stories and writing, I will explain what each of the columns mean and how I use this table.
The leftmost column (Chapter) is straightforward enough. I would write the chapter and scene here. Though this varies dramatically, a chapter (in a novel) tends to be made up of 3 or 4 scenes so I would write 1.1, 1.2, etc.
The second column is location. I like to start from biggest to smallest, so landmass - nation - region - city - city ward/suburb - street - street number - dramatic location. I wouldn’t include all of these unless they were pertinent or wanted the information for my worldbuilding, and there are times when they aren’t applicable. For example, in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Lucy’s location of the lamppost might be “England - manor house - wardrobe - snowscape - lamppost”. The lamppost here being the dramatic location. The dramatic location is usually the specific name for where a character is that has a dramatic impact on the scene. This could be “bathtub”, or “sky” if they were flying by magic, “airplane seat 12B” if they’re flying by non-magical means?, or even a less physical space like “dreaming”.
The third column is POV. This is fairly straightforward, only requiring the name of the character whose POV this chapter is written in, though if you’re planning something tricky, don’t assume you will remember the trick later. Tell yourself what you were thinking! Trust me, there is nothing so exhausting as being bamboozled by your past self who thought they were sooooo clever 🙄. For example, if you have a character pretending to be someone else, write Thomas (in disguise as Pete). If the POV changes partway through the scene thanks to something strange, write it down.
Fourth is Scene Summary. As the name suggests, it is a summary ONLY. This document is to help get the plot down in such a way that you can visualise the main aspects but not to get bogged down in detail. Switch to another document if you do - I’m certainly not going to tell you not to write if an idea comes that you want to flesh out. But maximum four sentences per scene in this document!!
Next is Purpose. This is a funny little column I don’t use often when I begin to fill this in—it’s something I tend to come back to when I understand a scene’s place in the story. Purpose generally amounts to only a few words, such as “conflict”, “rising tension”, “emotional payout”, that sort of thing. It’s ok not to fill this out immediately, it’s ok not to know what it is, but later it will help you see the shape of the story and rearrange things or cut scenes that aren’t working
Next is Connection to Major Dramatic Question. This is something I learned about in a workshop last year!! Basically the major dramatic question (MDQ) is the summation of the story that can be answered simply by a yes or no. Sometimes the answer isn’t quite that simple: yes but with consequences, no but almost, maybe, not as expected, etc. The example the speaker used was every book of Harry Potter series—the Major Dramatic Question of the series could be “Will Harry defeat Voldemort?” Or, alternatively, “Will good win over bad?” Like purpose, this column tends to be a little harder to fill straight away, but sometimes if they are major plot points, that’s all that is required to write. If it is a scene that shapes the answer to the MDQ, you can write a little about that in this column. For example, if your answer to the MDQ is “Yes, but...” think about why it isn’t a yes. Using Harry Potter again, “Will Harry defeat Voldemort? Answer—Yes, but not without losses.” So in the scene in which Sirius dies, or Remus, or Fred etc etc, that would be a scene that colours the MDQ.
Next, Connection to subplot/themes. If there are scenes that are tied to subplots, I will note in this column which subplot and how it affects the subplot. This could be summed up with a word or two such as “genesis”, “complication”, or “resolution” but a little more detail helps remind you of how the scene might direct the subplot. I also mark themes here so I can see if one theme is repeated too often or not often enough enough, or simply to see if there is a theme that emerged that I wasn’t aware of
If this seems extremely involved, it doesn’t have to be. In reality, the scenes summary is the main point of this exercise. The other stuff I have added because I think it will help me but they aren’t necessary. Hope this was interesting to someone, even better if it was helpful! Have a great day ☀️
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memory traveler ➳ gavin (mlqc)
➳ PAIRING: reader x gavin bai (mlqc)
➳ WORD COUNT: 3383
➳ GENRE: winter world! gavin, slight divergence from canon (at this point do the elex writers even know what’s going on), angst
➳ SYNOPSIS: contains spoilers for chapter 24+, direct references from gavin’s SP karma date dream traveler.
i. parting
In the light of the sun setting over Loveland City, he sees you again.
Sitting at a park bench along the road, you’re wrapped in a soft woollen coat and a light scarf draped around your shoulders, hands tucked into your pockets and seemingly lost in thought as you watch the traffic and pedestrians move before you like a vignette film. Yet, you’re the only thing in that frame that doesn’t move, still and painfully out of place, a strange expression on your face that he can’t quite put his finger on - as if you’re searching for your place amongst the crowd.
Gavin knows he’s on a mission, but he can’t help but slow his footsteps as he walks towards you, as if drawn to you by an invisible force tugging at him. As he steps closer, a shining gleam on your wrist catches his eye - a small ginkgo charm hanging from your hand reflecting golden evening light.
Slight regret pulls at the seams. The person you had so desperately been looking for... you still haven’t found him, have you? If you had, you would definitely be with him now, smiling and laughing with those bright eyes he had borne witness to during the Eternal Winter incident. If he had found the person you were looking for, perhaps... you wouldn’t be wearing that expression of crippling loneliness on your face.
Before he can call out your name, however, you’ve already lifted your head to meet his eyes, slight surprise flitting over your features before a smile settles on your face at last. It’s not a bright smile, but a quiet, resigned one, filled with a trace of nostalgia and a hint of pain.
“Gavin.” You say softly, and he barely hears you over the rush of traffic coming from the street, his name barely over a whisper in the wind.
“Hey.” He greets back, taking a step closer. The wind tugs loose a few leaves from a nearby tree and sends them spiralling between the two of you, and your eyes break away from his for a second to watch them as they fall to the ground. “Long time no see.”
At his brief words, your smile falters slightly, disappointment written all over your face, and Gavin presses his lips together, mildly concerned. Did he say something that he wasn’t meant to?
“What’s wrong?” He asks. You hesitate for a moment, eyes wavering, and Gavin knows in an instant that you’re hiding something from him. A small bit of disappointment tugs at the corner of his heart. Sure, he’s known that you were hiding things from your very first meeting, from your involvement with the Eternal Winter incident and your identity as Queen, but now that the problem was resolved, Gavin had thought that you would be ecstatic.
He was wrong.
But then you’re taking a deep breath and smiling up at him, voice slightly shaky. “Where have you been all this time? I’ve been... looking for you.” Your words grow softer and softer, trailing off. You sound like you’re trying to choose your words carefully, and he wishes you wouldn’t. “I was... worried about you.”
Gavin pauses a moment to take in this information. The two of you have only known each other for a limited amount of time, yet you’re worried for him, seem to have been for a while. “Pretty good.” He says, to reassure you. “After the sattelite launch tower mission, it was arranged for me to hibernate and recover, so my contact with the outside world was cut off.”
He wants to say he’s sorry for leaving you alone, but hesitates. The last time the two of you had been together, he had lost control of his Evol. He remembers you trying to protect him from the rest of the NW team that had come in to sedate him, a weak powerless thing with your fragile body flung in front of his to protect him. “Speaking of, I never got a chance to thank you.”
You blink at him, surprise flickering in your eyes. “Thank me?” You sound genuinely stunned, as if trying to protect him was second nature instead of something to be thanked for. From the way that you’re reacting, he can guess that the incident isn’t even on your mind. “Why?”
Gavin decides to change his words. “For resolving the ‘Eternal Winter’ incident.” He says briskly, watching your expression closely. “I don’t know exactly what happened, but you did it. Your persistence paid off.”
You smile weakly at him. For the key factor in resolving the incident, you don’t look particularly joyful at the results you’ve achieved. In fact, now that he thinks about it, you barely mention the incident at all - he hasn’t heard any news of anyone claiming to have stopped the Eternal Winter. Everyone simply thinks that it happened to be a miracle, but the miracle is sitting in front of him right now on a park bench in the flesh.
“It was nothing. How about you? Did you get hurt during the mission?”
Back to him again. Your concern over a man you’ve barely met confuses him, but he can sense that it’s genuine. Gavin nods slowly. “It’s nothing serious.”
A smile - a real one this time, no matter how small - blossoms on your face like a blooming flower, gentle and sweet to look at. “As long as you’re safe.” Your smile is real, but it’s a flower decorated with thorns that stab you the tighter you hold on to it, you look like you’re hurting on the inside. “I’m really, really happy that you’re safe.”
“You don’t look happy.” The words fall from his mouth before he can stop them, but a slight scowl flits across your face and you puff up your cheeks slightly at him.
“That’s what my ‘happy’ face looks like, alright?”
That’s what is missing, Gavin realises as he watches you pout indignantly at him. Your indomitable fighting spirit in the face of all odds, how you had been so determined to carry on even when confronted with overwhelming obstacles and danger. After the Eternal Winter incident, you look weary and tired on the outside, but when he seeks a little more closely, that tiny spark in your eyes seem to have been lost.
“Well, Loveland is back to normal again.” Gavin says quietly, trying to reassure you. He doesn’t like the idea of you continuing on with that pained expression on your face, especially when he’s not going to be able to see you much from now on. “Everything will be okay, I’m sure of it.”
The second he says those words, your expression almost crumbles behind that thin facade of calm, fingers gripping the bracelet around your wrist tightly. That man again... just how precious is he to you?
“That person you wanted to find...” Gavin hesitates for a moment. “Did something happen?”
Anguish still lingers in your gaze, and you seem to almost curl up on yourself at his words. “No...” Your voice cracks slightly. Gavin frowns, takes a step forward. Something must have happened, for you to react that way. But whether to reassure, to comfort, he doesn’t know.
“I’m sorry we didn’t find the person you’re looking for.” He apologises sincerely. “But if you want to, we will continue to search-”
“No need.” Your words take him by surprise, and the rest of his sentence dies on his lips. You’re cradling the tiny bracelet with your hand, running your fingertips over the silver links with a pained smile, as if you’re trying to connect with that man’s touch through metal and steel. “I already found him.”
Gavin’s eyes widen, slightly surprised. You’ve already found him? “Then, why aren’t you with him-”
You look at him with a painfully tender smile, eyes sparkling with the barest hint of tears. “He’s...” You pause, struggling to find the words. “He’s not coming back anymore.”
Your words grow more and more choked, and Gavin can’t help but move forward to squeeze your shoulder with one hand. “I’m sorry.” He speaks softly, unsure of what else to say. But it seems to have been the right choice, because you look up at him and manage a smile, cracked and brittle at the edges.
“It’s not your fault.” Your breath leaves you in a shaky exhale. With a final forced laugh, you turn to face him. “I should probably... throw this away, shouldn’t I?”
Gavin blinks down at what’s clutched tightly in your hand. Delicate silver chain and golden gingko charm twisted between your fingers, chaining you to an unknown man whose presence has left your life.
Leave it and move on, Gavin wants to say, but for no reason the words are stuck in his throat, unwilling to leave. Don’t! A voice at the back of his mind suddenly screams, urgent and desperate. Don’t throw it, please, don’t... Distress almost tormenting sweeps through him without explanation, and he has to employ all his will to stop himself from shouting his refusal.
When Gavin had the bracelet on him, with the intention to return it to you, he had looked it over once or twice in moments of idleness. The unprofessional but careful lines that shaped the little charm had told him that it was clearly crafted by the hand of someone who wasn’t an artisan. The person who made it clearly must have put volumes of effort and care into this gift, but then why would he leave you all alone like this?
Gavin had run a search on the GPS tracker he had found embedded inside the bracelet. No results had matched it, as if the person had never existed.
A dead end. A hopeless case. And yet Gavin still can’t find the strength to tell you to throw it away.
Your fingers still on the bracelet, before a slight, resigned smile crosses your face. “He waited for me six years, though.” You say softly, more to yourself than to him as you look down at the little charm cradled in your palm before slipping it back onto your wrist. “I guess I can be a little patient.”
Relief floods him when he hears the ‘click’ of the clasp, and he tries to contain his expression. “You can do it.” He says, possibly the most gently he’s spoken in his entire life. You pause for a moment before you smile up at him, and the ache in his chest that he didn’t even know was there settles. “I know.”
With that, you rise to your feet, dusting off your pants lightly.
“Well then, Gavin. I’m sure I’ve already wasted quite a bit of your time.” You tell him, and he pauses, the words ‘don’t go’ lingering at the tip of his tongue, barely clinging on. He had almost spoken them out loud. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling this way, and it confuses him. “I should get going. Take care of yourself... and... well, I guess it’s good bye.”
“Wait.” He speaks before he knows what he’s saying, one hand reaching out to catch you by the elbow when you move to walk past him, away from him. “I’ll... see you again, won’t I?”
He doesn’t understand the fear that lurks deep in his belly at the thought of never seeing you again. It’s a foolish one, of course, he could easily track your movements with his connections in NW, and finding you would be a simple task. But still his fingers won’t seem to obey rationality, and his grip on you doesn’t loosen.
You look back at him, surprise crossing your features for a moment before you smile at him, warm and soothing as the first spring breeze that signals the end of winter.
“Of course.” Your voice is impossibly soft, and so, so tender. “We’ll definitely see each other again.”
ii. reunited
When you had said that the two of you would see each other again, neither of you had expected that it would be so soon.
From meeting in the VR game center, to participating in the game together, Gavin has to admit that it must have been a sheer stroke of coincidence, perhaps what others would call fate, that the two of you were brought together again. As he stands at the side of the piano room, watching you play the piano and guiding the younger image of himself along, he closes his eyes and basks in the powerful melody as if rises and falls.
“If only I had met someone like you back then, I wouldn’t be how I am now.”
The younger version of him says these words softly, and Gavin pauses, eyes blinking open to stare at the boy sitting next to you on the piano bench.Alarm rises in him when he catches the image of his younger self flicker slightly like a mirage, and he steps forward to pull you away from him.
“It’s dangerous, get away from him-” Gavin begins to say, but pauses when the boy utters the next few words, confusion lacing his voice.
“But... why can’t I read your memory?”
At his words, Gavin’s feet still where they are. Thoughts, unbidden and unchecked, run through his mind at the realisation - all the memories that had been constructed so far in the virtual world, they all had been his. By all means, the Evol should have affected you both, so why...
He turns to you, intending to pull you away from the unknown character before solving this question, but then you smile at the young Gavin sitting on the piano bench, seemingly undisturbed as you take his hand in yours gently.
“I’m afraid my memory is somewhere you won’t be able to follow.” Your voice is soft, secrets reflected in your eyes, hidden meanings in the words that fall from your lips. “But could you lend me your Evol just once... please? I want to take a walk down memory lane for one last time.”
That’s dangerous, Gavin wants to say, but the younger image of him stares at you for a moment before nodding. By instinct, Gavin believes that the man that wears the skin of his younger self will not hurt you. There’s no reason to it, but before he can rationalise it, the person he now knows to be an Evolver begins to speak again.
“People who live in constant denial will come to accept them as truths.” He says solemnly. “They need a voice to lead them out of the darkness... so thank you, mysterious lady.”
When the Evolver flickers and vanishes from sight, it’s just you left alone with him in a dark music room, the full moon shining outside the windows. Slightly confused at why he’s still there with you, Gavin takes a step forward towards you, a question forming on his lips.
Right before they can fall from his mouth, however, you turn back to the piano, put your fingers to keys, and begin to play.
A rich melody fills the air, ringing powerfully in his ears as your fingers strike every chord and note with ease, the music rising and falling like breathing, as if it’s alive. It swirls around him, lifting the senses, and with each new note that joins the harmony, the world begins to change and warp around you.
In a bright flash of colour, shapes and lines overlapping over each other, Gavin blinks once - and then you’re no longer in the piano room.
He has to blink a few more times to adjust to the light, by the brightness of the sun in the sky, it’s barely early afternoon. The two of you are standing on the sidewalk outside of a normal company building, blending in easily with the couples that are walking down along the street, hands held tightly. From the roses that some of them are clutching, Gavin surmises that it must be Valentine’s Day in Loveland City.
“Where are we?” Gavin turns to ask you. The afternoon light dances across your face, eyes soft and lips slightly parted, seemingly not hearing his question. He follows your gaze to a man standing beneath the shade of a tree, strangely out of place amongst all the couples wandering about and knows instantly from the sheer warmth in your eyes - this is the man you’ve been searching for the entire time.
His back is the only thing Gavin can see, dressed in a simple black jacket and jeans, but his build is athletic and strong, even from the distance. He appears to be waiting for someone, unhurried and patient, glancing once at the company building before turning back to check his phone. The immediate impression that Gavin gets of him is a firm, steadfast man.
One that would never have let you look like that on that park bench earlier.
“That’s him, isn’t it?” Gavin speaks quietly into air, as if afraid to disturb your serene memory. You nod slowly, a smile so tender spreading over your face that he feels like he’s intruding on something private.
“You’re right.” You say softly, eyes never leaving the man’s back once. “That’s him.”
The intensity in your eyes burn, a gentle, homely glow that he has only seen in the most lovestruck of people. Whoever this man is, you must love him very, very much.
“What’s his name?” Gavin asks, curiosity lingering in his throat. The question is meaningless, you’ve already found him so there’s no need for him to know, but he can’t help but want to know the name of the man who has you so enraptured, so captivated.
The corners of your lips lift ever so slightly into a sad smile, and you open your mouth to speak.
Just at that moment, the sliding doors of the company building open and a young office woman dressed in a blue and white dress stumbles out, clearly in a hurry. Pausing for a moment to adjust her heels, she raises her head to look at the solitary man under the tree, and Gavin watches as a bright, loving smile spreads across a familiar face.
Your face.
The ‘you’ before him doesn’t wear the weary, tired smile that he sees far too often on yours. Instead, it’s filled with innocent joy, pure and unadulterated, almost infectious. Your other self covers her mouth with one hand to stifle her giggles at the sight of the man’s, before she quietly tiptoes across the sidewalk to her prey. What she clearly doesn’t notice, however, is the way the man’s head tilts slightly at the sound of her shoes on the pavement. He already knows that she’s approaching, recognises her just from the rhythm of her footsteps.
The man before him is attuned to her, to you, every fibre and every sense of him.
Yet, he doesn’t turn his head back and chooses to remain still instead, scrolling through his phone leisurely. His other hand taps a slow rhythm on his thigh, amused.
The girl sneaks up behind him, moving forward to cover his eyes playfully with her hands. Before she can do so, however, the man spins around and grabs both her wrists before she can react. She stumbles, a little yelp that turns into happy laughter when he catches her by the waist instead, pulling her close effortlessly.
“His name...” you begin to say softly, startling him out of his daze. His eyes can’t help but be drawn to them, as if magnetic. The man lets out a softer laugh, shaking his head at the woman’s antics, but the sound is impossibly fond even to him.
And bizarrely familiar.
As if in a trance, he takes a step forward, an urge to see just what this man looks like clinging to his mind. The man in the black jacket sets the woman back down, voice firm and steady as he utters the words ‘I got you’ with all the sincerity the world can offer.
A promise. A vow. An oath to never leave your side.
The man turns around, face illuminated by golden sunlight to reveal a gentle smile and amber eyes that sparkle with happiness. Amber eyes that look just like his.
“His name,” you whisper, and every word that leaves your lips echoes in his ears like the sound of a gunshot, “is Gavin.”
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It’s Arrested Development: How ‘High Fidelity’ Has Endured Beyond Its Cultural Sell-By Date by Vikram Murthi
It’s easy to forget now that at the beginning of 2020, before the pandemic had taken hold of our consciousness, for a brief moment, High Fidelity was back. Not only did Nick Hornby’s debut novel and Stephen Frears’ film adaptation celebrate major milestones this year — 25th and 20th anniversaries, respectively — but a TV adaptation premiered on Hulu in February. In light of all of these arbitrary signposts, multiple thinkpieces and remembrances litigated Hornby’s original text on familiar, predictable grounds. Is the novel/film’s protagonist Rob actually an asshole? (Sure.) Does Hornby uphold his character’s callous attitudes towards women? (Not really.) Hasn’t the story’s gatekeeping, anti-poptimist approach to artistic taste culturally run its course? (Probably.) Why do we need to revisit this story about this person right now? (Fair question!)
Despite reasonable objections on grounds of relevancy, enough good will for the core narrative—record store owner seeks out a series of exes to determine a pattern of behavior following a devastating breakup—apparently exists to help produce a gender-flipped streaming show featuring updated musical references and starring a decidedly not-middle-aged Zoë Kravitz. I only made it through six of ten episodes in its first (and only) season, but I was surprised by how closely the show hewed to High Fidelity’s film adaptation, to the point of re-staging numerous scenes down to character blocking and swiping large swaths of dialogue wholesale. (Similarly, the film adaptation hewed quite close to the novel, with most of the dialogue ripped straight from Hornby.) Admittedly, the series features a more diverse cast than the film, centering different experiences and broadly acknowledging some criticisms of the source material regarding its ostensibly exclusionary worldview. Nevertheless, it seemed like a self-defeating move for the show to line itself so definitively with a text that many consider hopelessly problematic, especially considering the potential to repurpose its premise as a springboard for more contemporary ideas.
High Fidelity’s endurance as both a piece of IP and a flashpoint for media discourse is mildly baffling for obvious reasons. For one thing, its cultural milieu is actually dated. Even correcting for vinyl’s recent financial resurgence, the idea of snooty record store clerks passing judgment on customer preferences has more or less gone the way of the dodo. With the Internet came the democratization of access, ensuring that the cultivation of personal taste is no longer laborious or expensive, or could even be considered particularly impressive (if it ever could have been). Secondly, as one might imagine, some of Hornby’s insights into heterosexual relationships and the differences between men and women, even presented through the flawed, self-deprecating interiority of High Fidelity’s main character, are indeed reductive. Frears’ film actually strips away the vast majority of Hornby’s weaker commentary, but the novel does include such cringeworthy bits like, “What’s the deal with foreplay?” that are best left alone.
Accounting for all of that, though, it’s remarkable how many misreadings of Hornby’s text have been accepted as conventional wisdom. It’s taken as a given by many that the novel and film earnestly preach the notion that what you like is more important than what you are like when, in fact, the narrative arc is constructed around reaching the opposite conclusion. (The last lines of the novel and film are, literally, “…I start to compile in my head a compilation tape for her, something that's full of stuff she's heard of, and full of stuff she'd play. Tonight, for the first time ever, I can sort of see how it's done.”) That’s relatively minor compared to the constant refrain that Rob’s narcissism goes uncriticized, even though the story’s thematic and emotional potency derives from what the audience perceives that Rob cannot. To put it bluntly, High Fidelity’s central irony revolves around a man who listens to music for a living being unable to hear the women in his life.
While Hornby’s prose immerses the reader in Rob’s interior monologue, providing ample room for the character to spout internal justifications of his behavior, the novel hardly obscures or conceals this conclusion. Moreover, the film makes it unavoidably explicit in numerous scenes. Rob (John Cusack) triumphantly pantomimes Rocky Balboa’s boxing routine soundtracked to Queen’s “We Are The Champions” after his ex-girlfriend Laura (Iben Hjejle) confirms she hasn’t yet slept with her new boyfriend Ray (Tim Robbins), but doesn’t hear the part where she says she prefers to sleep next to him. When Laura informs Rob that she did eventually sleep with Ray, Rob completely falls apart. In an earlier, more pointed scene, Rob goes out with his ex-girlfriend from high school (Joelle Carter) to ask why she chose to have sex with an obnoxious classmate instead of him. She venomously informs him that he actually broke up with her because she was too prudish, an abrupt, cruel bit of business we actually witness at the film’s beginning. It was in her moment of heartbroken vulnerability that she agreed to quickly sleep with someone else (“It wasn’t rape because I technically said, ‘Okay,’ but it wasn’t far off,” she sneers), which ultimately put her off sex until after college. Rob doesn’t hear this explanation or the damning portrait of his teenaged self. Instead, he’s delighted to learn that he wasn’t actually dumped.
These are evidently low character moments, one’s that are comedic in their depiction of blinkeredness but whose emotional takeaways are crystal clear, and one’s that have been written about before. My personal pick from the film, though, comes late when Rob attends Laura’s father’s funeral. He sits in the back and, in typical fashion, turns to the camera to deliver a list of songs to play at his funeral, concluding with his professed wish that “some beautiful, tearful woman would insist on ‘You’re The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me’ by Gladys Knight.” It’s a really galling, egotistical moment that still makes me wince despite having seen the movie umpteen times. Yet, it’s immediately followed by the casket being lowered to the ground as Laura’s sobs ring out in the church. In a movie defined by John Cusack’s vocal timbre, it’s one of the few times when he completely shuts up. From two-thirds down the center aisle, Frears’ camera pushes into Cusack’s face until tears in his eyes are visible, but what you really see is an appropriately guilt-ridden, ashamed expression.
However, none of this evidence carries any weight if your objection to High Fidelity is that Rob suffers no material consequences for his behavior. While Rob is frequently called out for his actions, he is never actively punished. He doesn’t, say, receive a restraining order for continually calling Laura after they’ve broken up or end up alone mending a permanent broken heart because of his past relationships. By the end, Rob and Laura get back together and Rob even starts an independent record label on the side. It’s a stretch to characterize Hornby’s High Fidelity as a redemption tale, but it is a sideways rehabilitation narrative with a happy ending that arises at least partly out of mutual exhaustion.
Those two elements—Rob’s asshole recovery and the exhausted happy ending—rarely seem to factor into High Fidelity discourse. Granted, there’s credence to the idea that, socially and culturally, people have less patience for the personality types depicted in High Fidelity, and thus are less inclined to extend them forgiveness, let alone anything resembling retribution. I suppose that’s a valid reaction, one against which I have no interest in arguing, but it’s somewhat ironic that High Fidelity has endured for reasons that have nothing to do with its conclusions regarding inflexible personal principles and the folly of escapism. Both the book and film are specifically about someone who slowly comes to terms with accepting reality rather than live in a world mediated by pop cultural fantasies whose unrealistic expectations have only caused personal suffering. It’s not unfair to characterize this as a fairly obvious epiphany, but considering we currently live in a world dominated by virtual echo chambers with an entertainment culture committed to validating arrested adolescence, it retroactively counts as “mature” and holds more weight than it otherwise should.
Near the end of High Fidelity, the book, after Rob and Laura have gotten back together in the aftermath of Laura’s father’s death, Hornby includes a chapter featuring five conversations between the couple unpacking the state of their relationship. During the third conversation, Rob and Laura fight about how she doesn’t care about music as strongly as he does, catalyzed by Rob’s objection to Laura liking both Solomon Burke and Art Garfunkel, which, in his mind, is a contradiction in terms. Laura finally admits that not only does she not really care about the difference between them, but that most people outside of his immediate circle of two don’t care about the difference, and that this mentality is indicative of a larger problem. It’s part of what keeps him stuck in his head and reluctant to commit to anything. “I’m just trying to wake you up,” she says. “I'm just trying to show you that you've lived half your life, but for all you've got to show for it you might as well be nineteen, and I'm not talking about money or property or furniture.”
I fell for High Fidelity (first the movie, then the book) as a younger man for the reasons I assume most sensitive-cum-oblivious, culturally preoccupied straight guys do: it accurately pinpoints a pattern of music consumption and organizationally anal-retentive behavior with which I’m intimately familiar. I spent the vast majority of my early years listening to and cataloguing albums, and when I arrived at college, I quickly fell in with a small group of like-minded music obsessives. We had very serious, very prolonged discussions filled with impossibly strong opinions about our favorite artists and records. Few new releases came and went without them being scrutinized by us, the unappreciated scholars of all that is righteous. List-making wasn’t in vogue, but there wasn’t a song that passed us by that we didn’t judge or size up. I was exposed to more music during this relatively short period of time than I likely will ever absorb again. Some of these times were the most engaging and fun of my life, and I still enjoy discussing and sharing music with close friends, but I’m not such a true believer to fully feel comfortable with this behavior. It’s not entirely healthy on its own and definitely alienating to others, and there comes a point when you hear yourself the way a stranger might, or maybe even catch a glimpse of someone’s eyes when you’re midst rant about some stupid album, and realize, “That’s all there is of me. There isn’t anything else.”
This is what Rob proclaims to Laura in the conversation when she tells him she was more interested in music during their courtship than she is now. It’s a patently self-pitying statement on his part that doesn’t go unchallenged by her in the moment or bear fruit in the rest of the novel. Yet, it’s this type of uncomfortably relatable sentiment that goes under-discussed. If High Fidelity will continue to have a life well after its cultural moment has passed, then it’s worth addressing what it offers on its own terms. Near the end of the book, Laura introduces Rob to another couple with whom he gets along quite well. When the evening comes to an end, she tells him to take a look at their record collection, and it’s predictably filled with artists he doesn’t care for, e.g. Billy Joel, Simply Red, Meat Loaf. “'Everybody's faith needs testing from time to time,” Laura tells him later when they’re alone. Amidst Rob’s self-loathing and sullen pettiness, Hornby argues that one should contribute in some way rather than only consume and that, at some point, it’s time to put away childish ideas in order to get the most out of life. It’s an entirely untrendy argument, one that goes against the nostalgic spirit of superhero films and reboot culture, but it doesn’t lack merit. Accepting that some values aren’t conducive to a full life, especially when it’s shared with someone else, doesn’t have to mean abandoning interests or becoming an entirely different person. It just means that letting go isn’t an admission of defeat.
It’s why I’ve always found the proposal scene in the film to be quite moving, albeit maybe not specifically romantic. It plays out similarly in both the book and the film, but the film has the added benefit of Cusack and Hjejle’s performances to amplify the vulnerability and shared understanding. Laura meets Rob for a drink in the afternoon where he sheepishly asks if she would like to get married. Laura bursts out laughing and says that he isn’t the safest bet considering he was making mixtapes for some reporter a few days prior. When asked what brought this on, Rob notes that he’s sick of thinking about love and settling down and marriage and wants to think about something else. (“I changed my mind. That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. I do. I will,” she sarcastically replies.) He goes on to say that he’s tired of fantasizing about other women because the fantasies have nothing to do with them and everything to do with himself and that it doesn’t exist never mind delivering on its promise. “I’m tired of it,” he says, “and I’m tired of everything else for that matter, but I don’t ever seem to get tired of you.”
This sort of anti-Jerry Maguire line would be callous if Laura didn’t basically say the same thing to him when they got back together. (“I’m too tired not to be with you.”) It’s possible to read this as an act of mutual settling, but I always thought Hornby’s point was personal growth and accepting one’s situation were intertwined. The key moment in High Fidelity, the film, comes when Laura finds Rob’s list of top five dream jobs. (In the book, Laura makes Rob compile the list.) At the bottom of the list, after such standard choices like music journalist and record producer, lies architect, a job that Rob isn’t entirely sure about anyway. (“I did put it at number five!” he insists.) Laura asks Rob the obvious question: wouldn’t you rather own your own record store than hypothetically be an architect, a job you’re not particularly enthused with anyway?
It’s Laura who convinces Rob that living the fifth-best version of your life can actually be pretty satisfying and doesn’t have to be treated like a cruel fate worse than death. Similarly, Rob and Laura both make the active decision to try to work things out instead of starting over with someone else. Laura’s apathy may have reunited them, and Rob’s apathy might have kept him from running, but it’s their shared history that keeps them together. More than the music and the romance, High Fidelity follows the necessary decisions and compromises one has to maneuver in order to grow instead of regress. “I've been letting the weather and my stomach muscles and a great chord change in a Pretenders single make up my mind for me, and I want to do it for myself,” Rob says near the end of Hornby’s novel. High Fidelity’s emotional potency lies in taking that sentiment seriously.
#high fidelity#nick hornby#stephen frears#john cusack#zoe kravitz#90s films#oscilloscope laboratories#musings#beastie boys#music#music movie#vinyl#vinyl film#jack black#tim robbins#adam yauch#vikram murthi#film writing#Film Criticism#hulu#reboot
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I been wondering how many untranslated sub stories hlitf left? And which one, that u want to be translate asap
at first i was just going to answer this as “a lot”, but i was curious and really decided to count the actual number. and the answer is A LOT. 129 untranslated substories to be exact!! (128 when ayumu’s episode 0 comes out). i also didn’t count “discontinued stories” or reward stories (the ones you can only get if you met campaign requirements) or repackaged stories (there’s a substory which is just the text version of goto/kaga/shinonome’s voiced stories, and another 5 which are just goto/kaga/shinonome’s voiced stories split by chapter rather than character. i also didn’t check koi cafe.
there are so many that i want to be translated!! but let me list a few of the ones i want the most:
all of the 勘違い ♡ BABY stories, also bc the SP (bodyguards) appear in these stories~
in kaga’s one, you go on a diet cause he squished your stomach and said it was soft while he was sleeping lol and also bc ayumu is compiling photos for something like a yearbook (graduation album) and saw you about to eat a doughnut and told you that the camera adds 10lbs. because you go on a soy-heavy diet, your period isn’t arriving and you go see an obgyn as recommended by riko. in the hospital, you bump into katsuragi!! anyway you left your phone in the obgyn department and get called to retrieve it on the loudspeaker so katsuragi and shinonome hear it and assume you’re pregnant. you tell shinonome to keep it a secret and then he blackmails you into helping him with the grad album and kaga gets annoyed since you’re listening to someone other than your master. when he finds out that you went to the hospital to see an obgyn he’s just... SO SOFT AND CARING???????? he makes you lie down and sleep and he makes you so much food and is relieved that your complexion is back to normal and when you tell him the reason you started dieting he APOLOGISES ALSKDJFLAS. one of the options to respond to his apology is asking him if he has a fever lol. another option is telling him to stop (apologising) and be mean like he usually is and then he’s like are you a masochist lmao.
anyway he tells you that if you really are pregnant, don’t hide it next time since “it’s OUR problem” and not just yours. he also says that not speaking up might harm you and that he doesn’t intend for your relationship to be loose/casual (meaning he’s serious about being with you). HELP I LOVE KAGA.
afterwards, katsuragi is in the instructor’s room to do something and then he thinks you’re pregnant so he gives you a congratulatory bouquet from your team and ayumu literally loses it.
I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH i can’t WAIT until it’s translated!! you all know i love soft/caring kaga the most and getting that + pregnancy misunderstanding + katsuragi + ayumu being a brat all in one story? *chefs kiss* incredible. i read this story on sato’s room, my favourite jp blog for hlitf content.
in goto’s one, where you go to a drinking party with naruko but it turns out to be a group date (goukon). sora and kurosawa make an appearance (naturally!!)
kaiji makes an appearance in ishigami’s route in which you go to his place to retrieve some documents for him and find lipstick and a lingering scent at his place after he cancels a date because he’s busy with work...
shinonome’s one is the one i’ve briefly mentioned before where his mc ends up with a porn dvd by accident. ayumu also gets jealous of mizuki in it (since his mc in particular just loves mizuki and is starstruck every time she sees him lol, the same thing happens in one of his vip room chapters too )
soma’s route is the one i also posted about recently where you have a matchmaking meeting with subaru. i’ve mentioned this like 5 times before but i literally am dying to see subaru/soma dynamics since subaru is usually so alpha male but soma was his mentor and senpai and trained him in criminal affairs and he really respects him, so i’m desperate to see them interact particularly in a competitive(?) setting.
there’s another substory i want which is just for kaga and soma called ふれない夜を過ごすとき (when you spend a night without touching). the common factor in both stories is that mc turns down kaga and soma’s advances in bed (because of different story-related reasons) and it results in a ‘cold’ night where they just go to sleep. it’s so appropriate for these two considering they’re the most sexual/physical in the whole title.
in this substory, voltage alternates between your pov and his pov for each chapter which i think is so interesting. i also love seeing both instructors being so ANXIOUS? about being turned down, since it never happens. and they’re so accepting of your rejection but so worried and hurt asdlkfs i love it. seeing soma being rattled for once is an incredible feeling lmao. and also seeing the third chapter from his perspective is so cool because you really get to see him put his detective skills to use when it comes to gathering information.
a fun detail in kaga’s route is that at the beginning you watch a film together called “ 私の名は” (obviously meant to be playing on “your name” kimi no na wa) haha. by the way, this is also the substory where we meet akane (who you may have seen in kaga vip room stories and ss3). i’m not going to spoil who akane actually is but let’s just say it was totally unexpected...
aside from these two i want:
入捜査は蜜の味 which is a substory about going on undercover mission with your man. by the way, in this substory, kosugi from my sweet bodyguard is already a famous actress whose shows sell out in under a minute.
離れるの禁止！－手錠で１日独り占め♡ー a substory just for kaga, goto and shinonome where you end up handcuffed to your instructor for a day
私を見つけて☆王子様 an AU substory with kaga, shinonome and namba routes since they won places in the 2015 election. the concept is like a cinderella x tanabata situation and it’s honestly HYSTERICAL.
in the kaga ver, shinonome and soma are your evil stepbrother and stepfather respectively and you can only see kaga once a year. you met him in town last year and you spent a day (and night ;)) together and now you want to go to the ball this year. goto and kurosawa are your wizards (fairy godmothers) and their sprites wear giant witch hats with their regular suits. it’s literally so funny. ishigami is kaga’s butler and honestly, he is such a claude lmao. kurosawa reappears disguised as a prince and tries to get you to dance with him and prince hyogo literally tosses him out of the way and calls him nouveau riche ;alskfdjls. anyway he does the whole “i don’t care about your status” thing and wants to be with you. turns out it was a dream the whole time and you tell kaga about it and he’s like i don’t want that fucking megane to be my butler lmaooo (amongst other cute things that he says)
in the namba ver., kaga and shinonome are your stepbrothers A and B. they’re bullying you as usual and then prince namba shows up. i love how kaga is prince hyogo but namba is just prince namba. he whisks you away to a bar somewhere after joking that you don’t have sex appeal because you’re <30 year old and then butler ishigami comes to get him lol. prince namba tells you to grow a little next time you meet and then ishigami is like stop it with the harrassment, you are already being complained about by princesses from neighbouring countries lmaoooo. anyway you get grounded by stepbrothers kaga and shinonome and your evil stepfather soma and made to stay indoors and do chores for the rest of your life while they go to the tanabata ball. wizard goto appears and he’s SHY LOL and he uses his magic to dress you up and whisk you to the ball, where you see prince namba again. you’re about to kiss and then the bell rings and you flee before the date changes (since wizard goto’s magic only works on july 7 lol). literally an entire year passes and you wish to see prince namba at the ball again and wizard goto shows up to grant your wish. however, your evil stepfamily burst in and tie you and wizard goto up because they knew you used magic to go to the ball last year hahahahahhaa. you somehow escape and ride goto’s horse to the ball and namba sees you cause your horse is like screaming/making some really weird noise. he brings you inside and has a whole bunch of gowns and accessories laid out and is like “this old man doesn’t know what kids like so just pick whatever”. you get all dolled up and he tells you he’s impressed by how mature you look and that he was waiting for you and long story short he takes you on a garden stroll and gets on his knees and asks you to be with him forever. naturally, it’s a dream and you wake up in the reference room where you chat a bit with namba and then you end up going for ramen but this is before namba ms2 probably so you aren’t together yet and you lament that he just sees you as a trainee.
i can’t find a copy of shinonome’s ver online and i spent all my money on intl voltage so sadly i can’t summarise it but i bet it’s equally ridiculous and funny.
カクテルグラスに愛をのせて a really cute set of substories featuring ishigami, namba and soma which are all about “cocktail language” (as in cocktails having different meanings). i want soma’s one to be translated so badly so i can see dumbass mc being fooled over and over and over again by everyone’s lies and then soma ultimately being SO cute~
彼が野生動物だった件 this one is basically about you and your man not being able to touch each other because you need to hide your relationship from tsugaru’s surveillance - but when it’s over, you get devoured by your frustrated boyfriend...
カレが妬くと大変なことになりまs aka all of those rival jealousy stories. naturally i’m most desperate for soma v shinonome. also, the first of these stories to come out (a while before any of the other ones) was kaga vs tsugaru, so i thought haha they replaced the “す” with “s” for sadist. they kept the titling like this for every single rival pair (namba v kurosawa, ishigami v goto, soma v shinonome) and i was like oh that does undermine it... but then i realised that as tsugaru once said, their entire department is full of sadists and public safety division should be renamed to SM division so~
aside from all of those, i want all the anniversary stories as well with their accompanying CGs and/or manga!!
ahh... there’s also the 2/365 birthday story (which is where ishigami gifts you the matching watch btw) which is literally just everyone spoiling you and it’s so cute. anyway if i don’t stop this now i will keep going on and on and on but basically every single hlitf substory is AMAZING? i hope they release the untranslated summer ones soon too as summer is coming up!
ETA: I FORGOT TO MENTION I ALSO WANT THIS WHOLE SET: 逆転バレンタイン- 恋人は専属補佐官 which is a valentine special where basically the roles are reversed and you are the instructor and he is your exclusive aide~
and i want the entire kare kiss set as well because you know how much i love a jealousy plot ;)
EDIT 2: I ALSO FORGOT TO MENTION 加賀兵吾の再調教 if only just for this one image
and this formalwear sprite
and also just the drama of you being locked in a cage barely conscious for days while kaga has to pretend to sell you to a perverted millionaire
by the way, the heart necklace you’re wearing in the cg is something that kaga gave in one of his main routes iirc and he literally tramples on it in this special... the DRAMA
#Anonymous#snow answers#her love in the force#hlitf#seiji goto#hyogo kaga#hideki ishigami#shusuke soma#ayumu shinonome#jin namba#toru kurosawa#takaomi tsugaru#voltage inc#voltage otome#otome game#otome romance#love 365#love 365 find your story
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I wanna write or see an AU where Varric notices Hawke and the Inquisitor having similar mannerisms and speech. Like exact copies and their priorities are similar, he doesn't know how to think about it and wonders if it's a hero thing.
But then one day, Inquisitor tries to protect him from a really bad attack, similar in a way Hawke did years ago. When the two are communicating, it's like they're the same person. And that sticks with Varric, he starts noticing more and more similarities between the two. The Inquisitor often coming to him for advice or just a simple chat and seems to be a bit sad when they do.
Varric doesn't know what to believe until Cole says something, (Okay so I probably am not the best at doing a Cole impression, but here goes).
"Playing the game, a new story, a new cast. Except him. But different, no longer a pair. Have to watch from afar, still caring for him so. Wish a pick pocket would come. Hoping, wondering,
Why can't I fly like the Hawke?"
Varric, understanding the ramblings of Cole, goes to Hawke, always ending up with Hawke. He checks on them, they're the same, but something is missing, maybe it's the time spent away from Kirkwall that's changed Hawke or being away from (Romantic interest). Maybe they're different because - somehow - it's not the same person as before.
Sitting at his desk, the Inquisitor approaching to chat but waiting till he's done writing his letters. Varric deciding to test the waters a bit.
"... You know what would help me find red lyrium? Dog. It was always helpful in sniffing out the bad shit."
Hawke would've responded, "*Dog isn't here to smell your shit, Varric! He's at home with (Love interest).*" Followed by some sarcastic humour.
"A dog would be useful, shame we don't have one around here. Solas would probably hate it, seems to dislike dogs quite a bit. Which is odd, since he seems to like wolves..."
Varric laughs softly at the idea of Chuckles being scared of dogs. "That would be a sight, I could make it happen, if you like."
Inquisitor leans closer, a sparkle in their eye. "You would?!" They seem happy, maybe at getting a dog, maybe about having a relaxed conversation where they weren't just the Inquisitor, perhaps both.
Varric pauses for a moment, thinking on how Hawke could get easily tricked into saying things, with the right words and hints. "Maybe a dog isn't a good idea, though. Especially with all this weird shit going on."
"Aw c'mon!!" The Inquisitor, out of character, raises their arms into the air, "If a dog can fight dark spawn and endless blood magic stuff, why not have one to fight Corypheous!" (sp?) They groaned, leaning on their own in a huff with a pout on their face.
Varric stared, his mouth agape slightly, the exact same mannerisms as Hawke. The same way of talking and- no, more proof. Something else. Something to get them to practically admit it. "Inquisitor, have you read my Tale of the Champion?" They looked at him, pout still on their face.
"Yeah, I've asked you a bunch of questions about it before, remember? Are you alright, Varric?" They sat up, real concern on their face.
Hmm how was he going to play this? "Well, I wanted to talk about... stuff. After fighting with the Seeker, things are still... awkward. I was thinking, opening up to you.. would be a lot easier?"
Inquisitor's eyes raised up, in concern for him and their eyes seemed surprised and confused. (My idea being the player is like, okay weird that I've never seen this dialogue before etc). "Varric, I'm here for you if you need me." They held his shoulder, their face all serious and.. the grip was familiar. The same grip and look as Hawke when they comforted him. Shit, this is getting weird.
"Let's talk somewhere more private, don't want unwanted ears listening." Varric rose out of his chair, walking towards the throne, Inquisitor following. He had never seen the Inquisitor's room and now gave him the perfect excuse to let him. They headed to the Inquisitor's room, no one ever came up here apart from the Inquisitor and *love interest's nickname*.
The two sat on the couch, Varric across from the Inquisitor and thinking how to start.
"It's nice to hang out with my friends up here." They said, tilting their head sideways, like Hawke did when they were shy or embarrassed. Sometimes angry too. "Believe it or not, I feel like myself here more than anywhere else in Skyhold. I can.. talk more freely here." They smiled nervously, itching at their nose. Another habit Hawke had until they began painting their face, then it was always their cheek, neck or forehead. Varric wasn't sure what to make of his suspicions. What did he think? A spirit that found itself inside Hawke and now the Inquisitor? If that was it, as long as it doesn't do harm, then it could be fine. Just don't want another blondie scenario to happen-
"Varric?" Inquisitor broke his inner ramblings, "Don't be afraid to talk, I'm here to listen and no one will hear or interrupt us. This is my space and right now, it's ours."
Varric stared at them, watching the way they fidget and thinking about how intent they were on listening whenever he wanted to talk. "I've said it before but, I want to apologise for not contacting Hawke soon-"
"And there's no need to. You've already apologised and I can understand." Hawke pushed a plate of biscuits towards him. Most of the chocolate ones were gone, he thought for a moment if it was a Hawke thing but everyone likes chocolate.
"Thanks, I- Hawke has been through so much. I just wanted them to be safe, happy. They were away with *nickname of love interest* and when they wrote me, they seemed genuinely happy but... different." Varric takes a look toward the Inquisitor, "I wouldn't take Hawke away from that, away from happiness. They lost so much and-" He had to stop, he wasn't actually trying to open up to them about Hawke.
"Varric? Can I ask you something? About the champion." They stared at him, unblinking and fidgeting, they were nervous. "Were you and Hawke- .. Are you and Hawke together? Romantically?" The Inquisitor blinked, laughing softly at their awkward phrasing and rubbed at the back of their neck. Varric wanting to move on from the question, so he said.
"I never found out why you started rubbing your neck after we met. I remember (Sunshine/Juinor) saying you hadn't until after we met. *They* said it was a nervous tick thing." Varric smiled softly, a grin growing on his face.
"Oh yeah, (Bethany/Carver) pointed it out once or twice. Dad often rubbed his neck when he was around Mum, it's one of the few things I remember about him. A habit he had when he was admiring M-" They stopped, wide eyed and looked to Varric in surprise. "I uh, I mean-"
"I don't believe I ever told you *their* nicknames. (Sunshine/Junior)." Varric leans forward, a small smirk on his face. "Odd that you would know about them, Inquisitor." They looked away, covering their mouth in shock.
Inquisitor's fingers started softly scratching at the couch, "I uh- Talk to Hawke. A lot. And that's what they-they said to me." They cringed at their daft excuse. Letting in a shaky breath and returning his gaze, they looked- sad, scared even.
"I need to know. Are you... are you Hawke?" Varric questioned, such a fucked scenario.
They looked to the ground, hesitant at first before turning serious. "Yeah. I... I was only Hawke since running from Lothering to leaving Kirkwall." They looked up slowly.
Varric leaned into the back of the couch, taking in what they said. "So what are you? A spirit or...?" So he- he became friends with this person and.. what of the Hawke he knew? Was he still their best friend and soulmate? Or was the now Inquisitor, his best friend?
Inquisitor looked sad for a moment. Unsure of what to say. "So there's- okay, you choose." They turned serious again, but looked scared. "I can tell you the truth. The complete truth. It's going to be hard to hear and honestly, might break your heart... I don't wanna tell you the whole truth. I don't know if you'd like it. Or I can tell you a story. One where it makes sense to you. Where I am both Hawke, the Inquisitor and... someone else. Where I have powers that... allow me to do many things. I'd be like Cole. I'm just not sure what I am."
Varric took a breath, thinking. This truth, they seemed uncomfortable with. The story however, they were happy to open up about despite being unsure of. Similar to him. He stared in their eyes, a familiar look. Hawke's gaze but with different eyes.
I want...
The Truth:
"I want the truth. If you're Hawke, I need the truth. It won't leave this room." Varric leaned forward, arms leaning on his knees and his hands gripped.
They swallowed, looking down, taking a breath and looking back up. "So you know books?" They smiled gently, "I'm... *reading* a book. This book, let's me make choices-"
"A make your own adventure book. Hawke loves th- *you* love them..." Varric caught himself. This was going to take a while to get used to.
"Yeah so um... The book is the third of the series... It let's me make choices, develop relationships and take part in a whole new story.
The first book, Dragon Age: Origins." They smiled brightly at Varric, showing a happiness and excitement he hadn't seen before. "In this book, you play a Warden whose thrust into the role of a leader. Who has to not only stop a blight but make choices that will effect the rest of the...*series*."
Varric blinked, "Wait. So you're-"
"Let me finish, I'll explain. Any questions you have, leave for the end please." They laughed, making Varric smile. Hawke only smiled like that with their (love interest.)
"In the next book, you play a refugee just trying to survive with their family, losing some on the way..." They looked sad, small tears forming in their eyes. "In this particular book, you make 'friends' with this amazing dwarf, which may I say in my opinion is the *best* relationship across the series?" They grinned and a small blush formed, *probably* out of embarrassment. "The plot twist is: your adventure is actually said Dwarfs book. So... if it's any form of comfort, I'm not *your* Hawke. But I'm the Hawke you *wrote*." They smiled nervously, "All the personal stuff, all the time's Hawke broke down or any *tension* that happened," The Inquisitor wiggles their eyebrows and snorts in laughter, "I don't know anything about. I'm literally the Hawke Cassandra knows of."
Varric rubbed his head, taking this all in before removing his hand, waiting for them to finish.
They pause for a moment. "The last book... is Dragon Age Inquisition." They look around the room, "You're playing as a character who got *lucky*. Or *unlucky*, I suppose it counts on your thoughts about it all. You receive a magical-portal-closing power that gains you political power and many friends... I've seen where this story ends but haven't finished the book for myself yet. I- There are many friends who you get along with, many who you can choose to fall in love with. But there are a few things about this book that... don't *sit* well with me." They laughed loudly for a moment before quickly regaining their composure. A joke Varric noted to himself he would ask about later.
"There are moments when I look back to the second book and miss the relationship I had with y- a *dear friend*. And when Hawke, the real-but-kinda-not-real Hawke on the battlements... I get jealous. Because I can't be close to you like how I used to be. And I'll be honest, I haven't really found a character who I can just be myself with, unlike in the last book. Where I got to be myself around you..." The stop. Hesitating. "I really miss you."
Varric stares at them, their sincere and pained eyes. "It's the chest hair, everytime." They look down at his chest and back up again, before cackling loudly.
~~~
I didn't think I would do this much writing, I really miss writing haha.
Anyway, hope you liked this so far, sorry for the cut at the end. Just ran out of energy.
If you or if you know someone who could like this little short story about Dragon Age, feel free to let me know your thoughts and feeling on the comments. ^^
Some of the opinions and things were mostly taken from my opinion or feelings. There were a few taken from others as well.
I'd love to see an artist draw their Inquisitor/Hawke in this AU. Or make their own interpretation. Maybe your AU is that all the heroes have a spirit that helps them or anything you want haha. Also feel free to write a HawkexVarric romance in yours, BECAUSE I'm trash for HawkexVarric TT-TT)/
Feel free to tag anyone you think would be interested and feel free to add to this ^^ I hope you enjoy this AU idea.
I may tag some friends who could be interested ^^
#da2 hawke#dragon age#varric x hawke#varric tethras#varric#dragon age varric#hawke x varric#varric dai#varric da2#varric romance#female hawke#custom hawke#mage hawke#hawke/anders#dragon age hawke#dragon age roleplay#dragon age 2#dragon age origin#dragon age origins#dragon age inquisition#dragon age inquistor#inquisitor#Dragon age AU#Dragon Age Book#dragon age books#Enjoy#Dragon Age fanfic#dragon age fanfiction#my writing
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Are intuitive extroverts less extroverted than sensor extroverts?
Hello!
First of all I would like to thank for the in-depth mbti analysis that you provide on this blog. I have read for 3 years now, I enjoy it very much!
I was thinking about the extroversion/introversion levels of the types and I was wondering if there was a difference between intuitive and sensor energy levels. If being a sensor means finding information in reality and extroversion gaining energy from the outside world, is it possible that the sensory/intuitive axis influences the extroversion/introversion axis?
So we would have from the most to the less extroverted: extrovert sensors -> extrovert intuitives -> introvert sensors -> introvert intuitives
Yes, but it also depends on the individual. I know an ENFJ who can't stand to be alone, she starts going crazy and desperately starts texting people just to feel connected. I know another ENFJ who is the opposite, who socializes for about five hours and is tired, then goes home and wants to be alone for the rest of the day. Then too, it depends on what activities we are talking about. Fe-doms get energized by people / connections / relationships, so they are more extroverted than ENP types, whose Ne swiftly gets drained by any interactions that don't require or stimulate Ne (create new ideas, perspectives, involve philosophical discussions, etc). N's need and want intellectual stimulation and without it, they soon tire -- because any social interaction, especially in a sensory environment, requires them to draw on their lower functions to socialize -- an ENFJ who can't be in Ni must use Fe/Se (tiring). An ENFP has to use Te to talk about things (tiring) or Si to be present in the moment (hard).
The type I identify with the most is ENFJ (ENFJ 2w1 so/sp, maybe 6 or 7 fix), previously self typed ENFP and I even have been typed as ESFP based on my behavior. I tend to live for my friends, family and social interactions (I fear solitude too) and I have usually a very busy life but I found myself needing time daydreaming and rest from social interactions. It came to a point where planning something caused me anxiety, but two days of daydreaming and chill with my roommates I'm right back on my feet. Hence my thoughts about the need of "in my head time" from intuitive extroverts.
To me, that sounds pretty extroverted, but needing "down time" in Ni is normal for an ENFJ. They like to recenter themselves after too much sensory stimulation (even so, "chill with my roommates" is still BEING AROUND PEOPLE, unlike an introvert who might disappear into their room for a week before they are ready to engage again).
Looking at myself, I am fairly introverted in terms of behavior. I can be around people for about four hours and then my energy burns out. I need to come home and recharge (by writing, reading, watching a movie, listening to music, or doing housework)... but after a couple of hours I am "recharged" and ready to socialize again, unless I really am super tired physically. I get super cranky if no one is around to chat with online, even though I live alone. Spending too much time alone puts me in a depressive state of mind, but I also don't want people all around me, talking to me, all the time. I have stuff I want to do, that requires me to focus on it, ALONE. (Someone once proposed we move in together so we could write books in the same room, and I was like HELL NO. I need an empty house to write, thanks.)
Introversion can be on a "sliding scale," but the difference is, after a few hours to recharge, the extrovert is ready and wants to engage again -- and the introvert is still recharging.
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