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somekndofnature · 2 years

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Continuing to upload my older Doctor Who stories. If you want a tag when I upload a new chapter, drop me a line.

This story follows Rose Tyler and her unexpected return to the TARDIS during the year that never was. It has been a long separation for Earth's defender and she is not the same girl she once was. She is having a difficult time coming to terms with some major changes to her physiology, as well as battling her personal demons, while hiding from the Master. Against all odds, Rose needs to find her Doctor and reverse this hellish year before it is too late.

Prologue| Chp1| Chp2| Chp3| Chp4

Chapter 5: Because I Know the Sun is Shining

AO3

When Rose woke the next morning she felt more human than she had in twelve years. Ironically, this was only due to very alien connection she now shared with her Doctor but it didn’t feel alien to her. It felt like coming home after a long trip. It felt like a warm hug from a lost loved one, which she supposed it almost was. As she sat up in bed, Rose closed her eyes and concentrated on a small spot in her mind; a tiny ball of shifting blue-silver light that represented her Doctor. His presence felt so small and almost insignificant but she knew from experience that its lack felt like a gaping wound. The TARDIS said she had ‘bridged the gap’ between them…whatever that meant. She didn’t explain what would happen when she stopped providing her ‘assistance’. For all Rose knew, their connection might fade away or get stronger. One thing was certain though, they couldn’t use the TARDIS as a crutch forever.

She sighed in frustration. Rose had so many questions, only a few of which the sentient ship deigned to answer. Still, the important thing was that she felt like herself again. She didn’t feel broken. Rose reached out to that ball of silver-blue light in a loving, grateful, caress, only to recoil as a zap of static jolted through her system. The ball of light snapped and crackled in agitation.

Rose sucked in a sharp breath. “Right, right, you have no idea who I am. I’m sorry.”

Foregoing any further inspection, she pulled away, leaving her Doctor to his irritation. His reactions to even the gentlest mental brush made Rose uncomfortable. He had never treated her like that, even when they first met. He was a little rough around the edges, to be sure, but he had never been openly hostile towards her. Releasing a heavy pent up breath, Rose decided to put those thoughts away for time being. There was nothing she could do about it, not here, not now. The best thing for both of them was to leave him in peace.

Trying to ignore the temptation of the Doctor’s presence, Rose dressed with halting, robotic motions and choked down her unappetizing breakfast. Nutrition bars were already getting old. Once she was prepared, Rose cast a hard glance at the key and dog tags sitting on the edge of the bed…her telepathic dampener and perception filter. She didn’t want to take them. She wanted the Doctor to see her, to know her. She felt a sharp stab of rebuke from the TARDIS and yelped.

“Fine dammit,” she grumbled snatching up the chain and draping it around her neck.

Vertigo assaulted her as the world around Rose shifted and dulled. It hadn’t, of course, she was pretty sure of that, but it did feel like she was moving through a fog. The TARDIS said she bolstered Rose’s abilities but that was a massive understatement. Rose went from feeling more alive than she’d ever felt to this crashing blandness. She could feel her connections to the Doctor and the TARDIS but they were faded and faint. Would this really be worth it?

Hissing in discomfort, Rose rolled the tension from her shoulders. She gathered her resolve and steadied her feet before walking out of the door. Rose grabbed her firearm and put the selfish question from her mind. Of course it was worth it…the Doctor was always worth it.

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It was another two days before Rose saw the Doctor or any of the Jones family again. She spent the time with other soldiers on exhausting training exercises and patrols through the terrified streets of London. It was mind-boggling how civilization deteriorated in these circumstances. The roads were littered with cars. Buildings were burned out, still smoldering in some places, and the frightened faces that peaked out behind shattered windows seemed sickly and sallow…barely human. Each of these nights, Rose trudged back to the TARDIS bone-weary and demoralized. So much for Rose Tyler protector of Earth. Earth was destroyed in her absence and even if she somehow found a way to rescue the Doctor, defeat the Master, and save Earth, the world that she had witnessed would not return to its former glory for decades…maybe centuries.

Every night these doubts haunted her thoughts and, in those dark moments, Rose would wrap her mind in the warmth of her connection to the Doctor. And he…well, it depended on his mood. Some moments he would lash out at her in a fit of fury; others he would hold her just as tightly, as though some uncontrollable urge compelled them to lean on each other for comfort and support. It was a revolutionary feeling for Rose. Other than her mother, Mickey, and the Doctor, Rose didn’t lean on many people. No offense meant to her other friends and family, but those were the only people who knew Rose Tyler for who and what she was. Even Mickey and her mother didn’t know or understand every part of her. Part of her heart was reserved for her Doctor alone and it would continue to mourn him forever until they had a proper reunion.

As cheesy and trite as they sounded, Rose clung to these sentiments during the rough days apart until she was assigned to the Jones’ family again. As she made her way through the bowels of the Valiant to the cage that made up the Jones’ quarters, Rose’s fingers and toes tingled in anticipation. Her stomach was filled with butterflies and she was trying to suppress a smile, lest the other soldiers start to suspect her deception. She was able to maintain this facade up to the moment that she was left alone with Tish and the two women embraced.

“Oh Rose,” Tish cried. “I was so worried about you. I thought you were found out.”

“No,” she replied with a chuckle. “Just stuck doing other boring things. How are you?”

Tish stepped back and shrugged “About the same. The Doctor is still working on his plan. He says it will be a few more months still.”

Rose could see Tish’s disappointment and wished, not for the first time, that she could do something more to help. But the TARDIS’ warning still rang in her ears...no interference.

“How is he?” Rose asked, digging for information and wondering if their renewed connection had as profound an effect on him as it did on her.

“About the same, Saxon won’t let up on him. He has seemed less gloomy though.”

It was a small affirmation but it warmed Rose’s heart nonetheless. “Have you told him about me?”

Tish ducked her head as if ashamed. “No, I’m sorry. You disappeared right after our first meeting and I thought that Saxon found you. People disappear around here a lot these days and it never means anything good. If you are a friend of the Doctor, I didn’t want to burden him with the knowledge that you were missing.”

Rose gave her an encouraging smile. “I understand and you’re right. We shouldn’t burden him with this and I would ask that you not tell him until this is all over.”

“If it ever is,” Tish croaked.

She wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder. “It will be. You just need to have faith. I’ve seen him get out of tighter spots than this before. If the Doctor says he can do this, he can. And if that isn’t good enough for you, then have faith in your sister. She’s still out there, remember?”

A small tear escaped Tish’s eye. “Oh, I hope Martha is alright...wherever she is.”

“I’m sure she is,” Rose affirmed with determination. “The Doctor only takes the best. If your sister was with him, then she’s one of the best. Just trust her.”

Tish sniffled and nodded. “We should get going. I can’t fall behind.”

As excited as Rose was to see the Doctor, Tish had other duties to perform. They went about the tasks together. Rose had never been good at watching other people work. At last, on pins and needles, she escorted Tish to the Master’s private quarters. Their pace was slow as Tish wobbled under the weight of a serving tray piled high with silver dishes, but it became a crawl as they drew closer to the doors. Rose’s anticipation morphed into anxiety. She fiddled with the chain around her neck, hoping the key would hide her from the Doctor and the Master. It had before but Rose didn’t have a contingency plan if it failed her.

She looked more like herself now than she had a few days before. What if the Doctor recognized her? Her cheeks weren’t as thin. Her eyes were not as dark and sunken. Rose’s skin was getting back a bit of its glow and her hair, although tucked up into her cap and a few shades darker, was longer, almost covering her ears. She felt a mild concern about this. What if it just never stopped growing? She’d look like Rapunzel in a month or so.

Rose looked up to find Tish studying her.

“You and the Doctor are more than friends aren’t you?” she asked with a shrewd arch of her brow.

Rose opened her mouth to reply but didn’t know what to say. “I’m not sure I have the answer to that.”

Tish seemed to examine her conflicted expression for the truth before she nodded. “Fair enough, we never do know do we? Blokes seem to be blokes all across the universe. But you should know that my sister is infatuated with him,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

Rose almost barked out a laugh as the memory of her mother’s same accusation popped into her mind. She sighed. “Who isn’t?”

Tish shrugged. “If it makes you feel any better, I think he is clueless.”

Rose’s mouth turned up in a wry grin. She doubted that he was oblivious, although the Doctor was skilled at playing like it. Setting her shoulders, Rose reached for the door handle. Looking back at Tish, she checked one final time. “You ready?”

The young woman squared her shoulders and took a steadying breath. “Yeah.”

She turned the handle and braced herself for anything. Nothing could have prepared Rose however, for what she found behind this door. As they walked in, both women froze in horror. The Doctor sat in his chair, his back arched in an unnatural curve and his face contorted in a silent scream as the Master stood over him, fingers locked at his temples, his brows drawn together in concentration. It took Rose a moment to realize what she was seeing, but then outrage consumed her. She stepped forward, determined to stop the atrocity being committed.

“Don’t.” She heard Tish’s frantic whisper.

Rose locked her muscles in place, staring on as this monster raped her Doctor’s mind. The Doctor had shared with her long ago the ethics surrounding telepathy. You never, ever, entered someone’s mind without consent and especially never by force, except in the most extreme of cases. It was considered an egregious sin. It was part of what made her so angry with the TARDIS when she bridged their telepathic connection. Rose didn’t want to be this kind of evil.

Now, as she watched on in revulsion, fury like she’d never known began to build inside her. How dare he; how dare this man touch her Doctor. Outrage made her fists clench and Rose burned with hatred. It filled her mind until all she saw was red and then, when she could no longer contain the violent emotion, it spilled over. Her connection with Doctor flared to brilliant life telepathic dampener be damned. It was difficult, like drinking a thick ice cream shake through a straw, but she pushed all of her ire towards them, intent on wiping this invader from his mind.

She heard a sudden scream and her eyes flew open just in time to see the Master fall to the floor, clutching his head. In the next second her weak mind lost the battle with the dampener and everything snapped back to normal. The connection faded and dwindled until only the vague impression of it remained. Rose stumbled on her feet and caught herself on the back of a plush sitting chair, shaking her head in an effort to clear it. She felt drained and looked up in time to see an equally disheveled Master stand to shaky feet, rubbing at his temples. He turned furious eyes on the Doctor now slumped in his chair.

“What was that?” he demanded, angry spittle spewing from his mouth.

Breathless, he replied, “I-I don’t know.”

The crack of the Master’s backhand on the Doctor’s cheek rang through the room. Rose winced in sympathy and raced forward, only to be stopped by Tish again.

Unaware or uncaring of their presence, the Master demanded, “What was that?!”

Gasping in pained breaths, he replied, “I don’t know.”

The Master’s second blow was hard enough to make him stumble with its force and cause blood to drip from the Doctor’s nose. Rose sucked in an indignant breath.

“Tell me,” he raved.

Slumped and wheezing, the Doctor stressed, “Koschei, I don’t know. I’m sorry. I don’t.”

Roaring, the Master kicked him in the chest, sending the wheelchair reeling across the floor until it hit a table. The sudden jolt sent the Doctor sprawling on the marble. At last, the Master turned wild eyes on the two women.

“You,” he barked gesturing at Tish. “Fetch my wife.”

Tish glanced at Rose and set her tray on a table near the bed before she rushed off, leaving her alone with an irate Time Lord. Rose was smart enough to know that she should be scared, but she refused to give him the satisfaction as the Master turned his glare on her. Her fury made her brave and she stared right back at him, refusing to cower.

“You,” he growled. “Clean this mess up and take that disgusting thing back to his doghouse. I don’t want to lay eyes on him for the rest of the day.”

Rose lifted her chin and gave a curt nod, wishing that looks could kill.

The Master’s eyes narrowed and he leaned in close until she could feel his breath at her ear. “Is there a problem?”

Rose cracked her jaw and whispered, “No.”

“No-,” he prompted with an arrogant lift of his nose.

Rose gritted her teeth. “No, sir.”

“Good,” he spat. “Now, get him out of here before my wife arrives.”

The Master stormed into the en suite, slamming the door behind him. Seconds later, Rose heard the shower burst to life. She whipped her weapon off her shoulder, dropping it into an armchair by the window before she rushed to the Doctor’s side and fell to her knees. He stirred, releasing an agonized groan.

Rose placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Doctor, Doctor are you alright?”

He rolled to his back, blinking away his disorientation.

“Doctor,’ she prompted placing a gloved hand on his cheek. “Look at me.” Dazed, he followed her instructions and turned those brown doe eyes on her. Rose smiled; they were still the same eyes, even inside this older face. They were the eyes that she lost herself in a thousand times. “There we are,” she cooed at him as she smoothed the lapels of his jacket. “Hello.”

His glazed eyes focused on her in an instant and narrowed with suspicion. Oh shit! Rose inwardly grimaced. Why had she said that?

“Who are you?” he demanded.

“I-I’m-I’m…Smith,” she replied, pointing to the name sewn into her jacket and trying to appear innocent. “Are you alright?”

He stared at her hard before shaking his head and blinking his eyes. “Yes, I’m sorry. For a second, you looked like someone else…someone impossible.”

Her heart leapt. Could he see her in spite of the dampener? Rose cleared her throat and tried to lower her voice. “It’s alright. Just relax.”

He dropped his head back to the hard floor with a thud.

Rose winced. “Be careful. Now look here. How many fingers am I holding up?”

He looked toward her once again, stared for a second and then rubbed at his eyes. “Two, I think. Everything is a little blurry. It must be these old eyes.”

“That’s okay,” she assured him. “I’m just going to check you out, alright? Then we’ll get you back into your chair. Lie back.”

He obliged her, lying back and rubbing at his eyes again. They seemed to be bothering him. Rose’s brow furrowed in concern as she moved over him. She wrapped her arms around his chest probing with gentle fingers along his spine. As her hands moved lower to his sacrum, he startled.

“Does that hurt?” she asked, alarmed at his reaction.

His withered cheeks colored and he cleared his throat. “No. It’s just a little…familiar.”

Rose abruptly pulled her arms from around his torso with a nervous chuckle. “Sorry about that. I was just trying to see if you were hurt.”

“I understand,” he replied with a gentle smile.

Rose regarded his chest, uncertain as how to proceed. She wanted to check his hearts but…she couldn’t make it obvious that she knew he had two. That might give something away, right? Ugh, this espionage crap was frustrating. “I uh, I need to check your breathing.”

The Doctor nodded with an indulgent quirk of his lips. “Okay.”

Rose leaned over his supine form and pressed an ear to his chest. “Deep breath.” She almost blushed. It was quite intimate, lying on his chest, listening to his breaths and the beat of his hearts, rising and falling with the movement.

“What do you think?” he asked.

Rose twitched and pulled her head off of his chest, ducking his gaze. “Other side,” she prompted as she turned her opposite ear against his chest. “Deep breath.” She tried not to lose her wits again as she listened with intent and then straightened. “It sounds good. Do you want to try sitting up?”

He nodded and she grabbed his arm trying to steady him as he sat up straight with only a slight sway.

“Easy, easy, not too fast.”

Once he was upright, the Doctor shook his head, squeezed his eyes shut and opened them wide again.

Rose’s brows drew together in concern. “Something wrong?”

“Yes,” he grumbled, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “Are you wearing a perception filter? An exceptionally strong one?”

Her eyes went wide. “I-um…” She thought about lying. She could try and convince him otherwise but experience told her that would never work. He may drop the accusation for now but he would never trust her and Rose wanted that trust. She sighed. “Yes, I am.”

His eyes narrowed on her. “Why?”

Rose shrugged, affecting an air of nonchalance. “Why does anyone wear one? I don’t want to be noticed. Now, let’s get you up in your chair.”

She moved toward him and he jerked away. “I’m old, not infirm. I don’t need your help.”

Rolling her eyes, Rose sat back on her feet and watched him struggle to his knees. When he tried to stand and looked as though he may fall over, she stood up and wrapped her arm around his back, allowing him to use her body as a crutch before he collapsed into the chair. Rose fussed over him, trying to make him more comfortable.

“I don’t need your help,” he grumbled between panting breaths.

“Okay, okay,” she surrendered, stepping back with her hands in the air.

The Doctor studied her and then blinked again. “Can you take that thing off? It’s annoying. It’s so strong, it’s blurring my vision.”

Rose shook her head. “No. I’m sorry.”

“Why not?” he demanded. “We’re alone.”

Rose rocked on her heels and smiled at him. She was sympathetic to his curiosity but this was a dangerous line of questioning. The TARDIS’ warning still niggled at her mind. She needed to be careful.

“You’re not hiding from him, are you?” the Doctor asked.

She shook her head again.

“You’re hiding from me.” It wasn’t a question but more of an accusation.

Rose ducked her eyes from his view, more than a little ashamed of her deception.

“Why?”

She glanced at him. “I can’t tell you that.”

“Why not?” He was using that very quiet voice on her. She heard that tone a hundred times but never directed at her. It was the soft rumble of thunder before the Oncoming Storm.

That tone raised her hackles and Rose huffed in irritation. “Because I’ve been told that I can’t.”

“BY WHO?” he shouted when he lost his patience.

“I CAN’T TELL YOU,” she replied with equal gusto, crossing her arms over her chest.

The sound of running water from the en suite came to an abrupt end. The pair looked away from each other, frustrated. Rose knew that it wasn’t fair to get upset with him. He didn’t know who she was, after all. Hell, after what she went through, the Doctor probably wouldn’t recognize her even without the perception filter. She wasn’t that girl anymore and, if the tables were turned, she would be just as suspicious. As evidenced by how Rose reacted when he regenerated. She even threatened him. Sighing in defeat she turned back to the Doctor who was still looking away from her.

“Doctor,” she sighed. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight with you. I understand that this is difficult and you don’t trust me. But please just…just give me a chance. I promise I will not let you down but we need to get you out of here before that areshole comes back.”

Rose stepped forward and grabbed the handles of his chair, leading him out of the room. Once they were in the hallway with the door sealed behind them, they both seemed to relax. She put some distance between them and that room before she at last stopped and circled his chair, kneeling in front of him. The Doctor turned toward her with wary, hopeful, eyes squinting tight in a desperate effort to work out her identity. Somehow, she knew that the next word out of his mouth would be…

“Rose?”

She paused just long enough to be credible. “Who?” she asked, layering her voice with curiosity.

His face fell and her heart twisted in her chest. “Never mind. It’s for the best anyway.”

The hopelessness in his voice made her want to cry. “What do you mean? Who is Rose?”

He sighed. “No one. It’s not important. Like I said, it’s for the best. I don’t know what I would do if the Master ever…” he trailed off. “Anyway, it looks like we are still at an impasse. I don’t trust you and you can’t give me any information that might engender my trust.”

“Oh,” Rose exclaimed, snapping her fingers. “I brought you a gift, stole it right off Saxon’s breakfast trays, something that you love. If I give it to you and I’m right, you can trust me. If you don’t like it then… I don’t know what I’ll do. What do you think?”

The old Doctor narrowed his eyes again. “You brought me a gift?”

“Yes, I did,” she stated with exasperation. “Now stop being so grumpy or I’ll just keep it.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine. Give it to me.”

“Fantastic!” Rose clapped with excitement and began rooting through the pockets of her fatigues.

She was elbow deep in the pocket on her left thigh when the Time Lord interrupted her. “Okay, okay, I believe you. No need to keep exploring all of your inter-dimensional pockets just to prove a point. We’re friends; I get it. That joke isn’t as funny when you are on the other side.”

Rose laughed at him. “I didn’t even know these trousers could do that. These are the best fatigues I’ve ever owned. And incidentally, I know what you mean. I’m always on the other side of that joke. About the third or fourth time, the magic has vanished. But I do have a…ah-ha! Here I found it!” Rose produced a perfect, ripe, yellow banana and handed it to him.

The Doctor accepted it as ghost of a smile crossed his lips and his eyes misted.

“What’s wrong?” Rose asked with concern. “You love bananas. Bananas are good.”

He gave a watery chuckle. “I do. I do love bananas, thank you.”

“Then, why are you upset?”

“It’s nothing,” the Doctor dismissed with a shrug. “It’s just nice to have a friend, I guess.”

Rose nodded in agreement. “I understand that.”

#doctor who #the doctor #the tenth doctor #rose tyler #tenrose #tenxrose #the year that never was #sfw #the other side of the night #chp 5 #bananas are good

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