Yes, there is the sound of the road. There is the distant roar of machines as they scrape away the topsoil to make way for another new development. There are the chainsaws screeching nearby, the ‘private land: no entry’ signs nailed to the trees, and the yawning howl of aeroplanes overhead. Caroline Mellor

Wild Green Magic: A Poem for Beltane

(by Caroline Mellor)

Before there were weeds

there were medicine beings;

healing green wonders of earth

Before there were witches

there were wise women;

keepers of knowledge of the ways of the forest,

the language of the plant people

They gathered them into their baskets

as beloved kin,

with respect and a song on their lips,

taking only what they needed

Today, there are no weeds in my garden,

only medicine beings:

Stinging nettle, cleavers and dandelion,

rising up green through the cracks

in my heart

Ground ivy, purple deadnettle, lemon balm,

restoring me to wholeness,

rewilding my tired soul

Let my life

be an overgrown

garden:

gloriously messy,

and lightly tended

with love

I don’t know the old songs —

but if I listen carefully,

maybe the plants will trust me

enough to take me into their

wild green magic

and teach them to me.

9 people to get to know better

tagged by @swearphil <333 thank youu renee

last song: hopedrunk everasking by caroline polachek but right now I have vampire by olivia rodrigo stuck in my head

currently watching: I was watching the summer I turned pretty but I got annoyed with the plot and stopped (if I start watching it again it will be only because of steven and taylor). I also just finished watching anne with an e and I loved every second of that

currently reading: I just finished reading beyond the gender binary by alok vaid-menon. I'm currently like almost 50% into I'm glad my mum died by jennette mccurdy and I also started reading Cleopatra and frankenstein by coco mellors but I can't get into it. The age difference between the characters is weird idk.

current obsession: heartstopper ofc when am I not obsessed with heartstopper and all of the osemanverse

tagging: @parissquads, @taraolssons, @immortals-malec, @barrowsteeth and everyone else that wants to do it :)

A Fragmentary Masterpiece

Do you ever have days when you think that, for many of us, there are far fewer days in front of us than behind us?

When I was young, I never thought about things like that.  I felt invincible.  I felt like I had all the time in the world to do and be what I hoped and dreamed I would.  If I ever contemplated my mortality, I soon buried it in fleeting moments because it seemed so far away.

But at some point, you reach a certain age when you start thinking about things like time and how we're all running out of it at an alarming rate.  

And still, something within us longs for more time, more experience, and anything that can aid us in our search for meaning and fulfillment.  

In these moments, we sometimes wonder what might have been if we'd taken different turns at the crossroads we've faced.  We wish we'd done more, said more, accomplished more.  

The Psalmist who wrote Psalm 144 put it like this:

All we are is a puff of air;

   we’re like shadows in a campfire. (MSG)

You may be wondering where this is going.  You might be thinking, "Where's the turn in this? I'm not feeling all that inspired at the moment."  

Bear with me for a bit. It's important to sit with the knowledge of the brevity of our lives, how fragile we are, and how precious every single day of life truly is for us.  

Here's the turn, though.  

Our lives may be brief on this side of reality, but there is eternity within us.  We are part of something far greater than we could ever imagine.  The Universe (God) has imbued us with glorious purpose now and forever.  

I read a beautiful poem today from Caroline Mellor entitled "Small Things."  This stanza really stood out for me because it speaks directly into everything I've been saying thus far:

What if you could take your one messy, complicated life,all of your failures and your unmet yearnings,all of the colours, the dreams and the hungersand, just for a moment, see it for what it is:a fragmentary masterpiece of the universe,a speck of dust dancing in the sunbeamswhich you alone hold in warm, cupped hands.

There is so much amazingness in this, isn't there?  The line that resonates with me the most is where Mellor writes that our life is "a fragmentary masterpiece of the universe."

Come on!  How beautiful is that?  Of course, our lives are brief in the grand scheme of things.  We're a small painted thread on the great velvet painting of everything.

But that small painted thread is a masterpiece, painted by a true Master who has given us glorious purpose in our short, messy, complicated lives.  

To shift to the metaphors Mellor uses, we are also a speck of dust.  

But that dust is made of stars, illuminated by the star above our heads, a star that shines a light that we can hold in our hands, let bathe over our weary faces, and show us the way forward in the darkness.  

I see this light as the very Light of the World---the light that Jesus said was within each of us, a light that cannot be overwhelmed by the darkness of death, that lives beyond the brief moment we are present in this reality.  

There is an eternity in all of us.  We are both now, and not yet.  We are becoming, even though we may be dying.  We are not done. Ever.

There is so much beyond our imagination, and all of the unfulfilled dreams, wrong turns, and unmet yearnings will one day be resolved, if not in this life, then in the next.  

Using Jesus' own words to Mary and Martha as they grieved the death of their brother Lazarus, we should ask ourselves his question to them:  "Do you believe this?"  

Do we? Do we, really?  We must. It's the stuff of hope.  

May it be so, and may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with us all, now and forever. Amen.  

Caroline Reid, Ian’s girl. (Lauren Mellor)

Bonsoir! Can you suggest some books on ecofeminism, that you've read or have on your to-read list?

I would suggest:

Staying Alive: Women, Ecology and Development, Vandana Shiva

Visionary Women: How Rachel Carson, Jane Jacobs, Jane Goodall, and Alice Waters Changed Our World, Andrea Barnet

Practising Feminist Political Ecologies: Moving Beyond the “Green Economy”, ed. Wendy Harcourt & Ingrid Nelson

Françoise d’Eaubonne et l’écoféminisme, Caroline Goldblum (I believe Françoise d’Eaubonne coined the term “ecofeminism” in her essay Le féminisme ou la mort—one chapter of Carolyn Merchant’s Ecology provides a translation of some of d’Eaubonne’s thoughts)

Small Town, Big Oil: The Untold Story of the Women Who Took on the Richest Man in the World—And Won, David W. Moore

Ecofeminism, Maria Mies

Women and the Environment: Crisis and Development in the Third World, ed. Sally Sontheimer

Counting for Nothing: What Men Value and What Women Are Worth, Marilyn Waring (the chapter on war and the high economic value men have ascribed to death is particularly good)

Earth follies : coming to feminist terms with the global environmental crisis, Joni Seager

Women Who Dig: Farming, Feminism and the Fight to Feed the World, Trina Moyles

(The bolded links redirect to OpenLibrary for the books that are available there)

On my to-read list:

Eco-Sufficiency and Global Justice: Women Write Political Ecology, Ariel Salleh

Unbowed, Wangari Maathai (I reblogged this article about her the other day, which made me want to check out the memoir she wrote)

Feminism and Ecology, Mary Mellor

Beyond Mothering Earth: Ecological Citizenship and the Politics of Care, Sherilyn McGregor (I’m interested in her critical discussion of how women caring about the environment is often described in maternal, rather than political, terms)

The Subsistence Perspective: Beyond the Globalised Economy, Veronika Bennholdt-Thomsen & Maria Mies

I would also recommend Naomi Klein’s books; although she writes about political ecology rather than ecofeminism, at least she doesn’t forget about women in her books the way male environmentalists often do. Some of the male-authored books on the environment that gave me food for thought lately include Arran Stibbe’s Ecolinguistics: Language, Ecology and the Stories We Live By, Paul Kingsnorth’s Confessions of a Recovering Environmentalist, David Owen’s The Conundrum, and Ozzie Zehner’s Green Illusions, and only the latter took notice of the fact that women’s subjugation is relevant in climate change discussions—his book contains a chapter on women’s rights and he is the only one who points out that one essential factor to create a ‘green’ and sustainable society is giving women and girls power to make decisions—over their own bodies, as well as in social, economic and political spheres. 

I also appreciate that his book revolves around the idea that there is too much of a focus in today’s environmentalism on producing new technology and more (but ‘clean’) energy (wind, solar, biofuels, carbon-sequestrating gadgets…)— when, instead of attempting to create the kind of technology that will get our society-as-it-is through the climate crisis, we ought to create the kind of society that has a better chance of adapting to & mitigating it. In other words, realistic and efficient climate activism should focus on women’s rights, antimilitarism, improving democratic institutions and health care, combating consumerism and wealth disparities—things that often don’t register as climate activism, although they have a better chance of improving environmental issues and helping us face related crises than a fixation on potential scientific or technological miracles. I have found in my reading that it is surprisingly rare to find this holistic approach to environmentalism outside of ecofeminist writings.

Is Frankenstein frankly pretty sexist?

Reading time: 2 mins

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Frankenstein? Is it the monster? The mad scientist? The desire for knowledge? Or is it the clear misogyny throughout the novel?

Like all works of literature, Frankenstein is a product of its time. The nineteenth century was one of immense gender inequality and it is no surprise that Shelley’s novel offers very few rights for the women within it. The two main female protagonists in the novel are perfect examples of the ideals of femininity that existed at the time. For example, Caroline is presented as a woman who is seen as incapable of looking after herself, and because of this, requires the protection of a man… *rolls eyes*. Her character acts as a reflection of the position of women within a patriarchal society such as the nineteenth century.

The dependency that women were expected to have on men is shown when Victor states that his father ‘strove to shelter’ his mother. Victor goes on to describe his mother, Caroline, as a ‘fair exotic’, as though she is this fragile and vulnerable flower that relies on the male gardeners care and attention for survival. Oh please.

        Not only does this show the almost sub-human status of women during the nineteenth century as she has been compared to an inanimate object, but also explores the archaic values of the time.

Mellor argues that in Frankenstein, ‘women are relegated to the private or domestic sphere’ and the word ‘relegated’ is a very relevant term here. Like your favourite sports team, women’s positions in society is one that is inferior and lower than their male counterparts. The best example of a domesticated woman is Victor’s love interest, Elizabeth Lavenza, who writes in a letter that ‘the blue lake and snow-clad mountains – they never change’. Shelley uses the monotonous scene in Elizabeth’s proximity as a way of criticising the tedious and repetitive lifestyle that women were subjected and expected to lead. The prejudice against women is further shown via Victor referring to Elizabeth as his ‘pretty present’.

So why does Victor expect his fiancé to appear under the Christmas tree?

                                  Well, it has a lot to do with the old-fashioned view that women were seen as the property of their husbands. And like all great misogynists, Victor views her as an object that belongs to him. However, his possession over Elizabeth doesn’t end here. He notes that he ‘looked upon Elizabeth as mine – mine to protect, love and cherish’. Alexander asserts that in Shelley’s time, the ‘ideal woman is a subjugated woman’, one that is submissive and conforms to the outdated stereotypes. Blah blah blah.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but almost all of the women in Frankenstein die.

Why is that you ask? It might be because their deaths happen to contribute to the storyline, or it might be because Frankenstein is inherently sexist. If we agree that Frankenstein is a reflection of the society it is set in, then it is unsurprising that none of the female characters survive. In other words, this isn’t a coincidence….

Caroline = dies.

Justine = executed.

The creature’s female companion = ripped apart and destroyed by Victor.

Elizabeth = murdered.

So, what does this say about femininity?

More specifically, what does it say about English femininity?

As the only women who survive Shelley’s brutal killing spree are Safie and Agatha. It is important to note that neither of them are English – Safie is Turkish and Agatha is German.

By showing the other female character’s passivity, Shelley simultaneously critiques stereotypes imposed on women within the English society that she herself was subjected to.

Where in Fiction Would You Spend Christmas?

https://ift.tt/34FuLCB

It’s been a staying-in kind of year. That New Year’s Resolution you made to travel more? It’s gained 20 pounds, started cutting its own hair and is now in a jigsaw club with your neighbour Ken. The only marathon you’ve completed in 2020 is a Battlestar Galactica rewatch. The only mountain you’ve climbed is the metaphorical one it takes to shower daily. That beach trip you’d planned? It went okay actually. You made some bells by selling coconuts to Nook’s Cranny and dug up a bunch of Manila Clams with a flimsy shovel.

For obvious reasons, escape is on our minds this year more than most. So we started thinking, if you had your wishing socks on, where in the collected imaginations of everyone who’s ever dreamt up a film, TV show, game or book, would you spend the holidays? On the holodeck of the Starship Enterprise or roasting on an open fire with The Simpsons, exchanging gifts with Ewoks or witnessing Scrooge McDuck’s transformation from miser to philanthropist first hand?  

To get things started, here’s what our writers picked…

Alec Bojalad would spend Christmas … reveling with the Sterling Cooper staff on Mad Men

If I’m to indulge this hypothetical in which I’m torn away from one reality and thrust into another, one thing is very clear: I will have to be extremely intoxicated to avoid my heart exploding from the stressful terror of it all. Thankfully, I know exactly where in pop culture to go to get absolutely blitzed: Mad Men. In terms of sheer debauchery, a Sterling Cooper Christmas party probably falls somewhere between a Bacchanalian orgy and Valhalla itself. As Don, Roger, Bert, Peggy, and company gather together to celebrate another successful year schmoozing clients and sexually harassing one another, I will don my finest 1960s attire and infiltrate the festive event. 

As Don Draper wonders who this soft-bodied weirdo in an ill-fitting suit is, I’ll catch up with Harry Crane about television. Then I’ll ask to see Bert Cooper’s weird tentacle porn painting. Sometime around my 9th J&B Whisky on the rocks I’ll visit the secretarial pool and beg them to demand better treatment because “you’ree ssssooo strong and eleganttt. Don’t listen to thessseee men. They’re Mad Men.” Hopefully I’ll be taken away to an old-timey hospital at that point, given electroshock treatment, and return back to my own continuity.  

Ryan Britt would spend Christmas… at Deanna and Will’s cabin from Star Trek: Picard

When Jean-Luc Picard uses the spatial projector to zap himself and Soji across the galaxy to the planet Nepethene, the result is a cozy pizza dinner with Will Riker, Deanna Troi and their daughter Kestra. For those who had been pining for more ‘90s nostalgia in this Trek series, the episode ‘Nepthene’ delivered, but with a strong shot of realism. Although Picard was written and created before the Covid-19 pandemic, the idea that Riker and Troi would leave the busy and crowded life of Starfleet, and retire in a remote cabin to protect their family is a choice many have actually faced in 2020. As people around the world have fled pandemic epicenters and tried to put shields around their own families, the peaceful and remote home of the Riker-Trois represents the optimistic ideal of Star Trek with a quiet, and very close-to-home twist. 

Spending time with the Riker-Troi family would mean great conversation, great music (oh the jazz!) and, above all, great food. I would happily put my own family in their ‘pod’ if only so Kestra could teach my three-year-old daughter the best way to construct a bow and arrow, and of course, how to learn that secret language of butterflies. 

Then, after the kids were in bed, having a glass of wine or some Romulan whiskey with Will out on the porch sounds pretty damn perfect. 2020 has been tough. A bear hug from Riker seems like the perfect Christmas gift of all. 

Caroline Preece would spend Christmas… at The Muppet Christmas Carol’s Penguin Skating Party

Ever since young-me set eyes on the ultra-festive world of The Muppet Christmas Carol I’ve wanted to visit. I can’t imagine a better way to spend Christmas Eve than in the cuddly version of Dickens’ cautionary tale, helping Kermit and his co-workers tidy up Scrooge’s office for the holidays, dancing down the snowy London streets and attending the Penguins’ annual Christmas skating party as the ultimate topper to a perfect evening. 

As well as being super-merry and joyous (‘tis the season), judging by Kermit’s performance on the ice, they let anyone take part.

It could just be the general lack of socialising and festive frivolity in 2020, but Bob Cratchit’s hopeful walk home from the office (remember the office?!?) on the night before Christmas has always epitomised the idea that the anticipation of Christmas Day is the best part. Add to that a trip to the market to pick up some singing vegetables, or the cosy Cratchit dinner with Miss Piggy and their gaggle of pig and frog offspring, and it’s a version of old-timey festive cheer that will always hold a place in my heart.

Louisa Mellor would spend Christmas… with the strippers in Hustlers

This choice won’t reflect well on me. It’s neither edifying nor improving and has a core of savage capitalist consumerism, which is probably what makes it so Christmassy. Midway through Lorraine Scafaria’s Hustlers – a film about a group of strippers who right the wrongs of the 2008 financial crisis by drugging Wall Street guys to run up their company credit cards – there’s a scene that’d make anyone’s heart grow three sizes. 

A dozen lap dancers gather for Christmas in a high-end apartment, their daughters and a grandmother in tow. Dressed in luxe loungewear and chunky gold, their skin glowing like a sucked butterscotch, they swap gifts, smile and sing and dance and thank the lord for their sisters. Expensive elegance is everywhere. Someone gets a fur coat, somebody else a pair of animal-print Louboutins. The woman who dips the dancers’ tits in bowls of ice before they go on stage is given an iPhone 4. Mostly though, they give each other affirmation. Without a natural hair colour, nude fingernail or a man in sight, it’s a dream family Christmas. Picture a Norman Rockwell painting with Jennifer Lopez in gold lamé, a cashmere Santa hat and a balcony bra. Feel-good festive perfection. 

Michael Ahr would spend Christmas… secluded in Hogwarts

Some may have found Harry Potter’s winter holidays without his friends rather lonely, but I can think of nothing more magical than having the vast empty halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry all to myself. Why let the staff have the warm, dry, magical snow that fell annually in the Great Hall all to themselves? Not being of school age myself anymore, I might choose to share a butterbeer (or perhaps a hot buttered rum) with Dumbledore and Hagrid by a roaring fire.

I might even be tempted to make the trip to Hogsmeade to see all the shops decked out with lights and blanketed in snow. I’d still be able to enjoy the comparative solitude without all the kids running around, but I’m almost certain there would be a group of carolers wandering about the square, never mind the singing enchanted suits of armor back at the school. And of course, if I could pick a particular present, I’d choose to receive the same amazing gift Harry received that first Christmas from Dumbledore: his father’s Invisibility Cloak. I’d likewise pass it along as a family heirloom to my own children on some Christmas morning to come.

Jamie Andrew would spend Christmas… in a Deep Space Nine Holosuite

At first, I entertained the idea of spending Christmas in Baltimore with the denizens of The Wire, mainly because I liked the idea of children running up and down the streets hollering, ‘Omar’s coming!’ moments before the shotgun-wielding Robin Hood of the Hood came swaggering down the street wearing a big red coat and a white beard, tossing out bank notes and whistling ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’. Then I realised that the chances of me ending up a corpse inside a boarded-up derelict building before the turkey was even cooked were surprisingly high, so I thought I’d try Christmas with Frasier Crane and family instead. Unfortunately, my foreknowledge of Martin’s and Eddie’s deaths would cloud the occasion, and I’d probably spend all night slumped crying in Martin’s recliner, unable to tell anyone why I was so upset without violating the temporal time directive. 

Best, then, to spend Yule time on Deep Space Nine. Christianity and its associated festive traditions don’t appear to exist in the 24th Century, so after saying hello to Sisko and co., and maybe playing a bit of Dabo at Quark’s, I’d probably spend the rest of my time in a faithful Holosuite reproduction of a 1990s Irish bar on New Year’s Eve getting absolutely wasted with fellow Celt Chief O’Brien. Now THAT’S what I call Christmas. 

Juliette Harrisson would spend Christmas… in Narnia

Not, of course, the White Witch’s eternal winter, when it’s always winter but never Christmas, but a regular Christmas in Narnia. It would, of course, be a white Christmas because otherwise, how would Father Christmas come and deliver presents to everyone? So I could spend the season in a snowy woodland surrounded by magical creatures, and be in with a chance of a really good present. Or possibly a sewing machine.

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On the first moonlit night when there’s snow on the ground, Narnian fauns, dryads, and dwarfs perform the Great Snow Dance, with the fauns and dryads dancing around while the dwarfs throw snowballs that don’t hit them (an often forgotten detail from the book version of The Silver Chair!). I would join in, although possibly not throw any snowballs as my aim isn’t that good. Then I’d go back to Mr Tumnus’s for sardines and cake on Christmas Eve and talk to him about his somewhat dubious taste in books (just what is Nymphs And Their Ways about, eh Tumnus?). I’d spend Christmas Day up at the castle of Cair Paravel, eating and drinking like a Queen, and then I’d go visit Mr and Mrs Beaver on Boxing Day for a feast of leftovers and maybe a little light ice fishing.

John Saavedra would spend Christmas…celebrating Life Day with Star Wars’ Poe Dameron 

No one has ever cared so much about Life Day, the Star Wars galaxy’s own version of Christmas, as much as ace pilot Poe Dameron does in the Lego Star Wars Holiday Special. From decorating the Millennium Falcon and choosing the right Life Day sweater to roasting the traditional tip-yip (also known as Endorian chicken), Poe shows there’s something much stronger than the Force in the Star Wars universe: holiday spirit. Who knew the Resistance hero best known for his knack at blowing stuff up had such a soft spot? 

Hanging with Poe on Life Day would mean chestnuts roasting on an open exhaust engine, drinking whatever passes for cocoa in the Star Wars galaxy, hanging out with Wookiees on their homeworld of Kashyyyk, singing festive carols in Huttese, and finding just the right Life Day tree for the Falcon. It’d also mean dancing to the hip tunes of Max Rebo’s drum (the rest of his band is unfortunately no longer with us) and partying with Lando Calrissian, Finn, Rose, Rey, Jannah, Mon Calamari, Jawas, Rodians, Ewoks, and maybe even Chewie’s son Lumpy. If you’re not sold by now, your taste in holiday parties might be bantha poodoo. 

Elizabeth Donoghue would spend Christmas…. at The Office’s Classy Christmas

Dunder Mifflin has many memorable Christmas parties, but Steve Carell’s final festive special includes some of my favourite things about The Office; weird Gabe, Michael’s enduring hatred of Toby, and Michael and Holly’s adorable relationship.

After Toby announces he is taking a leave of absence for jury duty (‘Thank you, Scranton Strangler. I love you. You just took one more person’s breath away’) Michael learns that Holly will be returning to Scranton and demands that Pam’s regular Christmas party must get classy. What makes a Christmas classy? A backwards Kangol-esque Santa hat, a red velvet smoking jacket and a quarter of a jazz quartet of course.

I would actively enjoy watching Dwight take down Jim in their snowball fight (total bully, needs to be taken down a peg or two), get drunk with Kelly and Meredith, dance with Phyllis and Erin and learn more about the enigma that is Creed. And although it is slightly more subdued than their Benihana and Moroccan Christmas parties, I’m sure we could keep the party going at a Poor Richard’s after-party.

Kayti Burt would spend Christmas … on Themyscira

The Amazons’ decision to opt out of the “Patriarch’s World” has always been a relatable one, but never so much as in The Year 2020. Historically, I’m not really a beach person, but Themyscira, aka Paradise Island, has a lot going for it: warm weather, a supportive community, and live sporting events where you don’t have to worry about some drunken dudebro spilling cheap beer on your toga. 

As far as I can tell from the Wonder Woman movies, no one (besides Young Diana, who’s usually working through some stuff) ever seems to be having a bad time on Themyscira. And why would you? The pre-Crisis comics incarnation of the island (which I am going to choose to accept as my holiday canon) includes indigeneous kangaroo-like creatures called Kangas that the Amazons ride like horses. Diana’s is called Jumpa; mine will be called Jimmy Hoppa, and we will explore the island’s cascading waterfalls and cliffside terraces together. In the evenings, I will attend performances at the Themysciran amphitheater with my new Amazonian friends or, if I’m feeling introverted, catch up on my book reading and crossword puzzles.

Listen, I wouldn’t want to spend forever on Themyscira—I’d miss my friends, family, and TV shows (Themyscira doesn’t seem to get a good wireless signal)—but a few weeks (or months, especially as I will be quarantining for my first two weeks) for Christmas 2020? Bring me to the enchanted feminist utopia.

Alana Joli Abbott would spend Yule… at the coven house from the Nightcraft Quartet

Witchkind, as presented in Shannon Page’s Nightcraft Quartet, don’t celebrate Christmas, but they do love a good Yuletide celebration. Page’s witches and warlocks are separate from humans, long lived, and magical. Young witches train in the magical arts at a coven house, living there like a dorm; the adult women of the coven (always numbering thirteen) may be involved in scientific research (like protagonist Callie), medicine and healing, or reading Tarot, and they teach their specialties to the young witches. The coven house is a central place where women gather to live, to practice magic together, to celebrate, and to honor traditional rituals. While Callie’s coven in San Francisco has their problems, the community there is caring and genuine, full of both youthful energy and centuries of experienced witchery. 

One of the perks of editing this series is that I get sneak peeks into parts of the story readers haven’t seen yet—including Yule decorations. Rather than cutting down dead trees, witches coax living fir boughs to weave along the walls and mantles, accented with red ribbon and gold—coins, beads, chains. I can imagine the cozy San Francisco coven house filled with witches all rushing to perform their tasks to make the perfect celebration, some of them convincing the fir boughs to expand in just the right ways while others brew hot chocolate or prepare the feast. I picture them eating in the large hall, voices lifted in joyful chatter, and then making their way out to the grounds beyond the house to celebrate beneath the stars, singing midwinter songs and looking forward to the next year. After months of 2020 with smaller communities and less human contact, being surrounded by such a vibrant, magical group of women sounds like just the right way to end my year.

Rosie Fletcher would spend Christmas… with the Roy family from Succession

Go hard or go home, they say, so since I can’t go home this year, I’m going round the Roys. That is, of course, the family at the centre of Succession, a show peopled by the very wealthiest and utterly worst. Festivities would be held at the home of patriarch Logan Roy. His children and their partners would be obliged to attend. Logan would hire a chef to cook, waiting staff to serve, some of whom he would abuse. I would give them sympathetic “I’m sorry” looks but do nothing, secretly thankful Logan’s ire wasn’t focused on me. 

In all likelihood I would be a figure like Greg (the egg), or Tom Wambsgans – mostly tolerated, vaguely despised and very much the second class citizens of the Roy clan, skulking on the periphery as Kendall, Roman and Shiv compete for Logan’s love and oldest son Connor comes up will another entirely ridiculous life plan – I dunno, maybe this year he’s decided that his next career move is to become Santa Claus. 

The food would be extraordinary. The booze the very finest – how long before, like Greg, I would be claiming the bottle of vintage rose champagne I had just motored through was ‘not my favourite’? And the dinner table conversation would be electric. Electric like an electric shock – sharp, painful, disorientating, unexpected. 

So Christmas has become too commercialised? Fine, fuck it. I’ll take the eye-wateringly expensive gift that’s grudgingly bestowed on me, I will gorge on the finest cheeses known to man and coat my tongue with port made from molten rubies, knowing I am on my way to moral bankruptcy and doing it anyway. Go hard or go home…

Kirsten Howard would spend Christmas… singing along in the closing moments of Scrooged 

You’d be hard-pressed to find a Christmas movie that feels as genuinely uplifting during its climax as 1988’s Scrooged. Bill Murray’s arrogant TV boss Frank Cross, having been visited by the Ghosts of Christmases Past, Present and Future, disrupts a live broadcast of A Christmas Carol to rant openly and honestly at the cast and crew (and eventually you) as he makes a passionate case for a life less invested in exploitation and capitalism, and eventually kicks off a collective singalong of Annie Lennox and Al Green’s version of ‘Put a Little Love in Your Heart’.

That’s where I’d like to be this Christmas. Not just to sing along with Bill, but to be around people immediately swept along by the much-less-explored altruistic route of ‘no fucks given’. 

Also hanging out with Bill Murray, though, of course.

So much of the last few years has been a public race to the bottom of Nothing Matters Mountain, but even if it hadn’t all been so demoralising and forced so many of us to reevaluate our priorities, Frank’s message of redemption in love and living as well as we can, while shrugging off our own heavy expectations of success, still feels really special. 

This Christmas, there is light at the end of the tunnel. We may not be able to grab the nearest stranger and sing “put a little love in your heart!” at them right now, but we CAN carry that feeling with us into 2021. As Frank says: “There are people who are having trouble making their miracle happen”. We can always try and find time to stop focusing on our own for a while and to help them.

David Crow would spend Christmas… chilling with Harold and Kumar

Not many people are aware of this, but A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas is the best Harold and Kumar. It may not have the pop culture cache of their medicinal-fueled quest for mini-cheeseburgers, but it does have something very special, indeed: Wafflebot. If you’ve had the misfortune of living your life oblivious to Wafflebot’s existence, allow me to introduce you to a greater world of wonder and magic.

Wafflebot is the best Christmas present to ever come out of Santa’s Workshop. Displaying an eerily sophisticated artificial intelligence for a toy meant only to cook delicious breakfasts, Wafflebot can make you waffles any time by just popping the top and letting that batter drop. But he can also do so much more! Vaguely aware of the concept of friendship, this brunching Frankenstein can learn how to love and appreciate his owners… and defend them from any threat with scalding hot projectile syrup!

With the ability to serve breakfast, save your life, be manipulated into dangerous attack mode, and learn how to see the real you, all while playing a mean drum solo, Wafflebot would make any Christmas a sweetly warm experience. And then Harold and Kumar, and I could also steal a Christmas tree from NPH or something.

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from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2WFwPWD

Welcome to this week's Goodtype Tuesday, which is our weekly 24 hour lettering challenge released every Tuesday to encourage the practice of lettering and positive interaction among our amazing design community. This week, the challenge is to letter the name of an artist or designer with a small business or letter the name of their business. The rules are easy: 1. Letter the prompt and post it on Instagram. 2. Tag @goodtype. 3. Hashtag #GoodtypeTuesday & #GoodtypeShopSmall Our Goodtype Community is comprised of thousands of independent artists, independent shops and small businesses. In an effort to combat the toll COVID-19 has taken on our economic well being @sweet_caroline_design teamed up with over 20 designers who have either a part time or full time business to support and showcase their work and to encourage us to shop small. Together, they created this powerful t-shirt to support each other. All the funds raised from this t-shirt campaign will be divvied among the collaborators. You can support the campaign and these designers at the link in our bio: https://www.bonfire.com/covetedcalligraphercampaign/. The designers of this t-shirt are listed below: Laura Bennett @laurabennettdesign Mike Burroughs @miketype Tia Calloway @nyohny.co Ann Chen @annlettering Doris Fullgrabe @dorisfullgrabe Hannah Mae Green @hannahmaeletterco Trevor Grimes @thetrevorgrimes Jalynn Heerdt @jalynncreates Chris Herrera @christofferherrera Taylor Land @taylorlanddesign Dan Lee @dandrawnwords LVR INK (Brian & Tara Mathien) @lvr_ink Mariana Martinez @designbymariana Polly Mellor @pollymellorlettering Lindsay Michael @Lindsaylikeslettering Jessica Molina @seejessletter Marla Moore @marlamakesstuff Shay Murray @heyitsshaydesign Shauna Lynn Panczyszyn @shaunaparmesan Stefanie Passo @stefaniepassodesign Mary-Anne Ramirez @designbymaryanne Marley Soden @marley.makes.things Caroline Staniski (Campaign Creator) @sweet_caroline_design Lisa Taniguchi @lisa.taniguchi Gracie Wilson @gwilzz As always, will repost a few of our favorite Goodtype Tuesday entries. Above all, have fun! https://www.instagram.com/p/CADvqKFJ-i8/?igshid=4lph2hu85ukz

Basics Full Name: Caroline Danielle Reid Nickname(s): Varies per person Title(s): None Age: 29 Birthday: August 10th Race: Afflicted Gilnean Gender:  Female Marital Status:  Taken

Physical Appearance Hair: Black Eyes: Blue Height: H: 5'7 W: 7'2 Build: Fit, hourglass Distinguishing Marks: Vertical scar on her chest near her heart, two scars on her stomach/abdomen Tattoos: Rose tattoo going down her right side, the letter J on her left wrist, Infinity symbol on her right inner thigh Piercings: Ears, tongue Common Accessories: Diamond wedding band that hangs from a chain around her neck, daggers on her hips, hidden knives

Personal Information Professions: Owns a skin and fur trading business, contract killer Hobbies: Reading, writing Languages: Most (Only admits to knowing Common) Residence: Stormwind City Birthplace: Gilneas Religion: None

Relationship Significant Other: Ian Haverthorne Children: One son, deceased Father: Darren Reid Mother: Claire Reid Siblings: None Other Relatives: Uncle named Daniel, deceased Pets: Tiger cub named Mira

Sex & Romance Sexual Orientation: Straight Preferred Emotional Role: Mostly dominant Preferred Sexual Role: Submissive Libido: High Turn ons: Teasing, Being dominated, Public affection, Dirty talk Turn offs: Extreme acts Love Language: Hand holding, Soft touching, Playing with hair, Kissing, hugging, being affectionate in general Relationship Tendencies: Monogamous but needs full attention to keep from straying

Traits Extroverted/Introverted/In Between: Extroverted Disorganized/Organized/In Between: Organized Close-Minded/Open-Minded/In Between: In Between Calm/Anxious/In Between: Calm Disagreeable/Agreeable/In Between: In Between Cautious/Reckless/In Between: Reckless Patient/Impatient/In Between: In Between Outspoken/Reserved/In Between: Outspoken Leader/Follower/In Between: Leader Empathetic/Indifferent/In Between: In Between Optimistic/Pessimistic/In Between: In Between Traditional/Modern/In Between: Modern Hard-Working/Lazy/In Between: Hard Working Cultured/Uncultured/In Between: Cultured Loyal/Disloyal/In Between: Loyal Assertive/Timid/In Between: Assertive

Additional Information Smoking: No Drugs: No Alcohol: Yes

Extras Likeness: Lauren Mellor Realm: Moon Guard In-Game: Carolìne Discord: Secret Tumblr: https://carolinereid.tumblr.com/

RP Hooks I'm always open to people wanting to connect Caroline and their characters to her life in Gilneas. If you're interested, let me know!

@haverthorne for mentions

Women’s Roles

    In Frankenstein, the social construction of gender makes it so men hold more importance over women. Women are commonly seen being confined to the home, whether that be Justine, Elizabeth, Agatha, or Safie. They are also seen as pets or animals– any objective form– that can be used as servants to the home or greater public. The perception of this type of society is that women cannot function properly in society without men, which was against Shelley’s personal beliefs. 

    “The women are confined to the home; Elizabeth, for instance, is not permitted to travel with Victor and “regretted that she had not the same opportunities of enlarging her experience and cultivating her understanding”. Inside the home, women are either kept as a kind of pet or they work as housewives, childcare providers, and nurses [Caroline Beaufort Frankenstein, Elizabeth Lavenza, Margaret Saville] or as servants [Justine Moritz] (Mellor).”

ORGANIZING TAGS

#samhain #yule #imbolc #ostara #beltane #litha #lughnasadh #mabon

#autumn #winter #spring #summer

#spiritual #Pagan #nature #transcedence #transformation #death & rebirth #mystery #mindfulness #solace #endurance #hearth #interconnectedness #awen #mythology

#sensory/visceral #everyday #rain & fog #Appalachia feels #social justice #ocean #forest

#cozy #peace #humor #mood #joy #love #gratitude #hope #grief #healing

📚📚📚📚📚

ENTITIES

#Artemis #Hestia #Hekate #Cailleach #Triple Goddess #Green Man #Horned God

📚📚📚📚📚

AUTHORS

#alla renee bozarth #anne sexton

#annie dillard #billy collins

#book of taliesin (medieval) #brian doyle

#caroline mellor #carl sandburg

#ceisiwr serith #clint smith

#diana di prima #e e cummings

#eloise klein healy #emily dickinson

#erica helm #ezra pound

#f douglas brown #frances hayes

#fred chappell #galen gilotte

#hafiz #jrr tolkien

#kahlil gibran #kvayn

#langston hughes #madisen kuhn

#matthew olzmann #marguerite kingman

#mary oliver #mary soon lee

#maya angelou #nancy wood

#naomi shihab nye #nicolette sowder

#nizar qabbani #nv bennett

#pablo neruda #rabindranath tagore

#ranier maria rilke #robert bly

#robert frost #rochelle wallace

#rose may dance #rumi

#stephanie kallos #susan griffin

#shawna lemay #shu ting

#solmaz sharif

#ted loder #thomas rain crowe

#tukaram #victor anderson

#violet #ws merwin

Our experts preview the top 25 men’s college basketball teams

This is everything you need to know about the top 25 teams in men’s college basketball.

The 2020-21 men’s basketball season gets underway on Wednesday, November 25, as the coronavirus pandemic continues to rage on nationwide. The COVID-19 shutdowns began in March of this year as all postseason basketball — and then the rest of NCAA sports — were canceled en masse.

Well, we’re back, baby!

Kind of. There are already myriad teams that have paused their seasons due to outbreaks within their programs — including No. 2 Baylor, No. 12 Tennessee, Ole Miss, and Florida — causing some reshuffling of multi-team events or canceling season openers.

But we will have some men’s college basketball action starting, so we’re here to prepare you for the season. We reached out to the experts across our NCAA team communities to get the low-down on the 25 teams that are ranked in the 2020-21 preseason AP Poll.

Let’s get to it!

25. Michigan

Projected lineup: G Mike Smith, G Eli Brooks, F Franz Wagner, F Isaiah Livers, C Austin Davis

This should be a deeper team with an influx of young talent in the form of Juwan Howard’s first recruiting class (No. 1 in Big Ten, No. 15 nationally) and Chaundee Brown and Mike Smith entering the fold as immediately-eligible transfers. Smith and Eli Brooks will handle primary ballhandling duties, while fifth-year senior Austin Davis is expected to have an expanded role as freshman Hunter Dickinson comes along. What this team does still have is one of the best one-two punches in the Big Ten with Isaiah Livers and a still-ascending Franz Wagner, who was arguably Michigan’s best player at the tail end of last season. — Anthony Broome, Maize n Brew

Photo by Justin Casterline/Getty Images

24. Rutgers

Projected lineup: G Geo Baker, G Jacob Young, G Montez Mathis, F Ron Harper Jr., F Myles Johnson

Great expectations have arrived for the Scarlet Knights. After winning 20 regular season games for the first time in 37 years and producing a winning record in Big Ten play for the first time since joining the league, they have the potential to be even better this season. They are ranked in the preseason for the first time in 42 years. Six of the top eight contributors from last season return and they’ve added a top 40 recruiting class that includes 4-star big man Cliff Omoruyi, as well as 3-star wings Mawot Mag and Oskar Palmquist.

After finishing 6th nationally in defensive efficiency last season, their increased size and versatility give hope they may be even better on that end of the floor. The ceiling for this season will likely be determined by how much they improve offensively, particularly from the free throw line and three-point range. However, Baker is one of the best closing playmakers in the country and Harper Jr. is poised to become a star, giving the program the potential to have its best season since the Final Four run 44 years ago. — Aaron Breitman, On the Banks

Photo by Justin Casterline/Getty Images

23. Ohio State

Projected lineup: G CJ Walker, G Duane Washington Jr., F E.J. Liddell, F Kyle Young, F Justice Sueing

Having trouble keeping up with who currently plays basketball for Ohio State? Us too. The Buckeyes saw three players leave via transfer during the offseason and three others graduate, leaving a whopping five scholarships open for the taking. Chris Holtmann pulled in combo guard Jimmy Sotos from Bucknell and former Ivy League Player of the Year Seth Towns from Harvard, in addition to the freshman class of Zed Key, Eugene Brown, and Meechie Johnson. While there are still a few holdovers from last year’s team, it may take a little time for fans to get familiar with the new faces.

The main question for Ohio State this season will be the health of key contributors such as Towns, Kyle Young, and Justice Sueing. The Buckeyes have four players who are recovering from various surgeries (yikes), so how they hold up over the course of a full season will largely dictate OSU’s success in the Big Ten conference this season.

— Connor Lemons, Land-Grant Holy Land

Photo by John McCoy/Getty Images

22. UCLA

Projected lineup: G Tyger Campbell, G Johnny Juzang, G Chris Smith, F Jaime Jaquez, F Jalen Hill

Everyone’s back for UCLA, PLUS they receive the services of Johnny Juzang who received clearance to play immediately this season from the NCAA. The backcourt should be nearly impossible to defend against as such with Campbell who can penetrate on any defense in the country, Juzang who is probably the best pure shooter on the team and Smith, who spurned the NBA for another run at it with UCLA. Smith is a true guard who just so happens to stand 6’9 and averaged 13 points while making nearly 50% of his shots. Jaime Jaquez is a star-in-the-making and Jalen Hill may very well be the Pac-12’s best offensive rebounder. Add in the fact that Mick Cronin’s crew was the hottest team in basketball when the season was canceled last year, the fact that there’s 14 starts from last year sitting on the bench with David Singleton and also a top 75 recruit in Jaylen Clark waiting in the wings, and this team is afraid of no one, but everyone should be afraid of it.

— Cam Mellor, Bruins Nation

Photo by Ryan M. Kelly/Getty Images

21. Florida State

Projected lineup: G Scottie Barnes, G MJ Walker, G RayQuan Evans, F Malik Osborne, F Balsa Koprivika

Sure, the defending ACC champions are the only team in the country forced to replace multiple lottery picks. And yes, they must also replace Trent Forrest, who left FSU having played in more wins (104) than any other player in school history.

But the ‘Noles still return seven guys who played at least 20 percent of the total possible minutes during last year’s 26-5 campaign, including 3 starters. Oh and FSU just happened to add a 5 star point guard (Scottie Barnes) and one of the top JUCO recruits in the country (Sardaar Calhoun). Leonard Hamilton’s squad is long, deep, athletic, and play with a chip on their shoulder—overlook them at your own risk.

— Matt Minnick, Tomahawk Nation

Photo by Cody Glenn/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

20. Oregon

Projected lineup: G Will Richardson, G Chris Duarte, G Eric Williams Jr., F Eugene Omoruyi, C N’Faly Dante

Payton Pritchard may have graduated, but don’t expect the Ducks to drop off a lot from the squad that went 24-7 last season. Guards Will Richardson and Chris Duarte will be crucial for Dana Altman’s squad, and the Ducks bring four-star recruit Jalen Terry into the mix. KenPom expects the Oregon defense to improve (they finished the season No. 76 last season) but the offense to slip just a tad.

The Ducks are an extremely experienced team with nine players listed as upperclassmen on the roster. That said, Pritchard played 35.5 minutes per game (88.8% of available minutes) and Oregon will need someone to step up as the leader in the backcourt.

— Caroline Darney, SB Nation

Photo by John Rivera/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

19. Texas

Projected lineup: G Matt Coleman, G Courtney Ramey, G Andrew Jones, F Greg Brown III, F Jericho Sims

After inheriting an experienced team from Rick Barnes in 2015-16, Shaka Smart has spent the ensuing seasons building an experienced roster. Now Texas has a senior point guard, returned every player from last year’s team, and added Brown, a high-flying top-10 prospect. Not only is this team Smart’s most experienced in years, it’s also his deepest and most talented group, which could finally mean a return to the pressing, fast-paced Havoc style that Smart used to make a Final Four appearance at VCU.

— Wescott Eberts, Burnt Orange Nation

Photo by Larry Placido/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

18. Arizona State

Projected lineup: G Remy Martin, G Alonzo Verge Jr., G Joshua Christopher, F Marcus Bagley, F Jalen Graham

This team is by far Bobby Hurley’s most talented since his arrival in Tempe. Associated Press preseason All-American Remy Martin decided to return for his senior season. He is joined by Pac-12 Sixth Man of the Year Alonzo Verge as well as the highly touted freshmen Joshua Christopher and Marcus Bagley. Martin, Verge and Christopher certainly have the talent to make Arizona State “Guard U” again.

There’s a ton of depth on this team as well. Jalen Graham came on strong late last season. Taeshon Cherry and Jaelen House are both guys that contribute from the three-point line and on defense. Kimani Lawrence, Ohio State transfer Luther Muhammad, Portland State transfer Holland Woods all bring in a veteran presence too. Then there’s Pavlo Dziuba, a european freshman who as a pure athlete might be the most dynamic. There’s been a lot of buzz about the Sun Devils, and for good reason.

— Brady Vernon, House of Sparky

Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

17. Houston

Projected lineup: G DeJon Jarreau, G Marcus Sasser, G Caleb Mills, G Quentin Grimes, F Justin Gorham

Houston returns all of the major players from a Cougars squad that went 23-8 last season. Redshirt sophomore Caleb Mills is a player to watch this season after leading his team with 13.2 points per game last year en route to being named to the AAC All-Freshman team. Fellow double-digit scorer Quentin Grimes (12.1 points per game) returns for Kelvin Sampson’s squad, and the Cougars add four-star recruit Tramon Mark to the mix.

Expect a high-flying offense that can make up for any deficiencies on the defensive end of the court.

— Caroline Darney, SB Nation

Photo by Michael Hickey/Getty Images

16. North Carolina

Projected lineup: G Caleb Love, G RJ Davis, G Leaky Black, F Garrison Brooks, F Day’Ron Sharpe

After an extremely disappointing 2019-2020 campaign, Roy Williams has reloaded his roster with a number of talented freshmen in hopes of returning things back to normal. The engine of this team is preseason ACC Player of the Year Garrison Brooks, and he will be surrounded with a lot more talent than last year in Caleb Love, RJ Davis, Day’Ron Sharpe, and Walker Kessler. The big question will be whether or not this team will be able to gel together well enough to return to the NCAA tournament, but the odds of that happening look pretty good. Roy Williams certainly hasn’t let them forget what happened last season, and that may be more than enough motivation for this team to make a deep tournament run.

— Brandon Anderson, Tar Heel Blog

Photo by John E. Moore III/Getty Images

15. West Virginia

Projected lineup: G Deuce McBride, G Taz Sherman, F Emmitt Matthews, F Derek Culver, C Oscar Tshiebwe

The Mountaineers enter the 2020 season with an exceptional combination of talent, size, depth, and experience, losing just one meaningful contributor from last year’s 21-10 squad and adding a trio of freshmen who are all expected to contribute right away. They feature arguably the best front court tandem in America in Derek Culver and Oscar Tshiebwe, a rising star in guard Deuce McBride, and an abundance of length and depth on the wing.

The metrics like West Virginia, as well - the Mountaineers are currently No. 8 in KenPom, with the No. 12 adjusted offense and No. 7 adjusted defense. Considering everything they bring back they should again be among the nation’s best at rebounding (1st nationally in OREB in 2019, 5th in rebounding margin) and defending (15th in PPG allowed), and if the 3-point shooting improves as expected, this will be a battle-hardened unit that has everything needed to make a deep tournament run come March.

— Jordan Pinto, The Smoking Musket

Photo by John E. Moore III/Getty Images

14. Texas Tech

Projected lineup: G Mac McClung, G Kyler Edwards, G Nimari Burnett, F Terrence Shannon Jr., F Marcus Santos-Silva

This is by far the deepest and most talented roster Chris Beard has coached in his five years at Texas Tech. The lineup mixes established veterans with highly touted freshmen and capable role players, not to mention one of the most dynamic backcourts in the country. It’ll take some time for the team to come together as a unit, and enduring the gauntlet that is the Big 12 Conference regular season schedule will test the Red Raiders on a weekly basis. But, with a top-5 coach in the country on the bench, this team has every tool it needs to make another deep postseason run.

— Zach Mason, Viva the Matadors

Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

13. Michigan State

Projected lineup: G Rocket Watts, G Joshua Langford, G/F Aaron Henry, F Joey Hauser, F Marcus Bingham Jr.

Michigan State loses the Big Ten’s all-time leader in assists in Cassius Winston and versatile big man/defensive lockdown specialist Xavier Tillman, which hurts, but still returns a lot of talent. Joshua Langford makes his return after missing the past year-and-a-half due to a foot injury, and Joey Hauser finally gets his chance to play, after having to sit out a season following his transfer from Marquette. Aaron Henry will step into a leadership role with fellow captains Langford and Foster Loyer. MSU has a deep bench, with players like Malik Hall and Gabe Brown able to provide scoring and a spark in a hurry. The Spartans also bring in two true freshmen who could earn immediate playing time in guard AJ Hoggard and center Mady Sissoko.

The question marks come at point guard — will Rocket Watts — much more of a self shot creator than a facilitator — be able to transition to the point guard spot, or will he stick to the two-guard? And at center, the starting spot is up for grabs. Marcus Bingham Jr. likely has the first shot at it, with Sissoko challenging him, and Thomas Kithier and Julius Marble factoring into the rotation somewhere. While there isn’t quite as much hype for Tom Izzo’s squad this year, this Michigan State team is deep, talented, and will challenge for its fourth consecutive Big Ten title.

— Ryan O’Bleness, The Only Colors

Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images

12. Tennessee

Projected lineup: G Santiago Vescovi, G Keon Johnson, G Josiah-Jordan James, F Yves Pons, F John Fulkerson

Rick Barnes is ready for another run at an SEC title, now armed with a roster full of experience and elite prospects. Following breakout seasons, Fulkerson and Pons return to the post as seniors. Guards Vescovi and Josiah-Jordan James enter year two after taking their lumps as freshmen last season. The real excitement here comes with the addition of five-star guards Keon Johnson and Jaden Springer. Oh, the Volunteers also have veteran point guard Victor Bailey Jr. eligible for depth and will add senior grad-transfer E.J. Anosike to the post for some added toughness. This team is deep and brings legitimate NBA talent to the table, the only question is how quickly those freshmen guards come along.

— Terry Lambert, Rocky Top Talk

Photo by Porter Binks/Getty Images

11. Creighton

Projected lineup: G Marcus Zegarowski, G Mitchell Ballock, G Antwann Jones, F Damien Jefferson, F Christian Bishop

If there’s a team that’s going to challenge the Villanova Wildcats for Big East supremacy this season, it’s the Creighton Blue Jays. They return most of their major players from a team that finished 24-7 last season, led by point guard Marcus Zegarowski. The Blue Jays shot nearly 40% as a team from three last year and are projected as the No. 6 offense per KenPom.

Defensively there may be some questions to answer, but we should get a good glimpse at who Creighton is when they play Kansas on December 8.

— Caroline Darney, SB Nation

Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images

10. Kentucky

Projected lineup: G Devin Askew, G Brandon Boston, G Terrence Clarke, F Keion Brooks Jr., C Olivier Sarr

This Kentucky team has a little bit of everything, but one area they’ll stand out more than maybe anyone in college hoops is their ridiculous size and length. They have nine scholarship players at 6-foot-6+ and nine with a 6-foot-11+ wingspan. And they have the athleticism to go with it, so this has the potential to be one of John Calipari’s best rebounding and shot-blocking teams ever.

There will be the usual growing pains with only two scholarship players returning and nine newcomers, but they have all the tools to become a Final Four-caliber team come March. The key to becoming a team capable of winning it all is how good prized freshmen Terrence Clarke and Brandon Boston are come tourney time. That’s the usual big ‘if’ with Cal-coached teams. He always has elite freshmen in Lexington, though they don’t always hit their stride before being drafted into the NBA.

Clarke and Boston both have the potential to be All-Americans and top-10 NBA Draft picks in 2021. If they reach their potential this season, good luck stopping two 6-7 guards capable of scoring at all three levels with an all-conference big man in Olivier Sarr roaming the paint.

— Jason Marcum, A Sea of Blue

Photo by Jacob Kupferman/Getty Images

9. Duke

Projected lineup: G Jordan Goldwire, G Jeremy Roach, G Wendell Moore Jr., F Jalen Johnson, F Mathew Hurt

The 2020-21 edition of the Duke Blue Devils is a good mix of experience and new blood. They return players like Jordan Goldwire (Sr.), Joey Baker (Jr.), Matthew Hurt (So.), and Wendell Moore Jr. (So.) and add the No. 3 incoming class. Coach Krzyzewski brings four five-star recruits into the program in Jalen Johnson, Jeremy Roach, DJ Steward, and Mark Williams and two four-star players in Jaemyn Brakefield and Henry Coleman.

Expect the Blue Devils to have a top-10 defense on KenPom and compete for both the ACC and National Championships.

— Caroline Darney, SB Nation

Photo by Michael Hickey/Getty Images

8. Illinois

Projected lineup: G Trent Frazier, G Ayo Dosunmu, G Adam Miller, G Da’Monte Williams, C Kofi Cockburn

Simply put, Ayo and Kofi are back. That’s why the Illini are ranked the highest they’ve been in over a decade. Dosunmu averaged 16.6 points, 4.3 rebounds and 3.3 assists as a sophomore last year, and he’s already been named a preseason All-American for 2020-21. He’s the best closer in college basketball, and he’ll be the catalyst to Illinois’ success this year. Cockburn returns for his sophomore campaign after testing the NBA Draft waters as well this offseason. The Illini’s man in the middle was the difference maker down low that Brad Underwood’s program needed. All the 7-footer did last year was smash program records and average 13.3 points and 8.8 rebounds per game en route to being named the Big Ten Freshman of the Year. Surround those two with veteran role players (Frazier, Williams, Giorgi Bezhanishvili), a couple talented freshmen (Miller, Andre Curbelo) and some promising transfers (Austin Hutcherson, Jacob Grandison), and you have all the makings for what should be an exciting tournament run.

— Tristen Kissack, The Champaign Room

Photo by Aaron J. Thornton/Getty Images

7. Wisconsin

Projected lineup: G D’Mitrik Trice, G Brad Davison, F Aleem Ford, F Nate Reuvers, F Micah Potter

If you enjoyed last season’s Wisconsin Badgers basketball team I’ve got some good news for you! They, except for Brevin Pritzl, are all back and ready to make another run at a Big Ten title. The all-senior starting lineup is not something you see very often in modern college basketball, but the Badgers have one and even feature a senior as the first guard off the bench. This should be a fierce defensive team that has size down low and grit on the perimeter. The offense will be efficient and anyone in the starting five could be the leading scorer on any given night. In an ultra-competitive Big Ten, the Badgers should be in contention all season.

— Drew Hamm, Bucky’s 5th Quarter

Photo by Ed Zurga/Getty Images

6. Kansas

Projected lineup: G Marcus Garrett, G Bryce Thompson, G Ochai Agbaji, F Christian Braun, C David McCormack

The Jayhawks, along with Dayton and Florida State, are one of the squads you have to feel absolutely gutted for over losing the postseason this past spring. Kansas finished 28-3 on the season and hadn’t lost a game since January 11 before the rug was pulled out from underneath everyone. Big time names like Devon Dotson and Udoka Azubuike are gone, but Bill Self returns Ochai Agbaji and Marcus Garrett and adds five-star freshman Bryce Thompson.

This season, there shouldn’t be a huge drop off. They are preseason No. 5 on KenPom and will get two big tests early in the season with No. 1 Gonzaga on Thanksgiving and No. 10 Kentucky on December 1.

— Caroline Darney, SB Nation

Photo by Michael Hickey/Getty Images

5. Iowa

Projected lineup: G Connor McCaffery, G Jordan Bohannon, G CJ Fredrick, G Joe Wieskamp, C Luka Garza

The Iowa Hawkeyes will boast one of the best offenses in the country with a four-, sometimes five-, out lineup built around reigning consensus All-American Luka Garza. Bohannon returns after recovering from surgery in his hip to a group which has seven players (Joe Toussaint and Jack Nunge) with starting experience. The questions are two-fold for Iowa: 1) can the Hawks make strides on the defensive end with a deeper group in 2020-21 and 2) will it matter if everyone struggles to keep pace with this high-octane bunch?

— Harrison Starr, Black Heart Gold Pants

Photo by Ryan M. Kelly/Getty Images

4. Virginia

Projected lineup: G Kihei Clark, G Casey Morsell, G Tomas Woldetensae, F Sam Hauser, F Jay Huff

The Virginia Cavaliers are still the reigning champions after no team was crowned in 2020. Bad news for everyone else: the Hoos are going to be good again. After a masterful coaching job that took a team with the No. 234 offense to a 23-7 record and second place finish in the ACC, Tony Bennett is getting some reinforcements on offense. Marquette transfer Sam Hauser is finally eligible and is an immediate scoring threat from anywhere on the court. Once you add in the steady hand of point guard Kihei Clark, the three-point shooting of Tomas Woldetensae, and the versatility of big man Jay Huff, you have something cooking.

Virginia will also have some new faces with Jabri Abdur-Rahim, Reece Beekman, and Carson McCorkle joining the fray. The 2020 incoming class — ranked No. 18 nationally per 247 — is Bennett’s best since the class that featured Kyle Guy, De’Andre Hunter, and Ty Jerome. Because I’m legally obligated to talk about the defense in a Virginia basketball post, just know that they should be very good once again. KenPom has them at No. 1 to start the season, but we’ll see if they’re a little rusty after the wacky offseason.

— Caroline Darney, Streaking the Lawn

Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images

3. Villanova

Projected lineup: G Collin Gillespie, G Justin Moore, G Bryan Antoine, F Jermaine Samuels, C Jeremiah Robinson-Earl

The big reason for the excitement? Villanova enters the season as a legitimate national title contender, eyeing its 3rd in five seasons. This team looks more like the 2016 champs (tough and deep across the board) than the 2018 champs (truly elite at the top-end). After only losing Saddiq Bey (admittedly a big loss) to the NBA, the ‘Cats are loaded with plenty of knowns - Collin Gillespie, Jeremiah Robinson-Earl and Justin Moore - who are All-Big East talents and will push for national honors. On top of that, throw in the exciting unknowns; Former 5-star guard Bryan Antoine is healthy and the redshirts are off guard Caleb Daniels and forward Eric Dixon. Daniels and Dixon have drawn rave reviews from the coaching staff, making this ‘Nova squad as deep as it is talented.

Even in a COVID-shortened season, the ‘Cats will test their title aspirations early and often with a schedule built for the fans. They could face fellow contender Baylor in the second game of the season and get another Top-25 test at Texas 10 days later. And that’s before the annual gauntlet of the Big East. After peaking right as last season was canceled, this team will have their eyes on the ultimate prize this Spring.

— Chris Lane, VU Hoops

Photo by Matthew Visinsky/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

2. Baylor

Projected lineup: G Davion Mitchell, G Jared Butler, G MaCio Teague, F Mark Vital, F Jonathan Tchamwa Tchatchoua

Get ready for the 2020-2021 Bears: Baylor opens the campaign ranked No. 1 on KenPom and the USA Today Coaches Poll. The Bears return four starters from last season’s likely No. 1 seed in the NCAA Tournament. Jared Butler is the Big 12 Preseason Player of the Year, and Adam Flagler should slide in well to form the nation’s best backcourt. With Mitchell and Vital back—two finalists for the national defensive player of the year award—the Bears figure to be a monster to score against. You can make an argument for Gonzaga or Villanova, but the Bears should be the national title favorites.

— Kendall Kaut, Our Daily Bears

Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images

1. Gonzaga

Projected lineup: G Jalen Suggs, G Joel Ayayi, F Corey Kispert, F Anton Watson, C Drew Timme

By now you are probably aware that the AP preseason No. 1 Gonzaga Bulldogs are the most overrated preseason No. 1 in school history. If you can put aside your existing biases against the Zags, it is important to note that this is essentially the same team that finished the season last year ranked No. 2. Sure, losing Filip Petrusev hurts, but it doesn’t hurt at all when you can slot in future star Drew Timme and welcome the highest-rated recruiting class in school history, headlined by five-star PG Jalen Suggs. Oh yeah, Corey Kispert is also a preseason All-American. The Zags are loaded at every single position. If there was ever a year to bet on Mark Few finally getting that first national championship, this is it.

— Peter Woodburn, The Slipper Still Fits

“I am the dream of awakening. I am the returning of the light. I am the tough green shoot pushing up through the pavestones, I am the first kiss of sunlight on the unfurling petals of the snowdrop. I am the wind which whispers the gentle pull of home to the migratory bird. I am the drop of ice melting on the mountainside with its great dream of the ocean. I am the sap rising in the blossom tree just before it reveals its sticky buds to the sky; I am the riotous celebration humming away beneath the earth’s mantle of frozen sleep. I am the rousing of the bee from its winter slumber, and the soft pad of the mother-wolf’s paw on the snow as she prepares to birth her pups. I am hope, potential, rebirth and promise. I am the kindling breath which transforms the flicker of inspiration in your creative core into a blazing torch. Give me the silent crescent moon rising over the sea and I will build you a bridge of silver light so you can walk up and lie in it. Give me the frost-hardened wilderness and I will breathe radiant green life over it. Give me the healer, the writer, the craftsperson and the storyteller, and I will replenish her essence and make her new again. I am Brigid, Bast, Inanna and Hestia. I am the fierce protectress of the sacred fire. Tonight I bestow my gifts of power and courage at the hearth of your soul: power to step out of the shadows of self-doubt and negativity which have held you in darkness for too long, power to shed all that which no longer serves you, and courage to clear your heart and mind for the dawn that awaits you. I am the time to honor your unique gifts for their true worth and to protect and nurture your creative self as you would a child. I am the deep longing of the spirit which refuses to be consumed by a narrative of fear and chooses instead to place itself vivaciously on the side of love. I am the stirring in your belly which knows exactly what you are capable of — and that it’s time the world found out. I am the fire within which will not be contained any longer. I am the quickening, I am the serpent uncoiling, I am Imbolc. I am the dream of awakening.”~Caroline Mellor (at Orcas Island)

Dr. Death’s victim list

Acton, Lily Adams, Lizzie Adkinson, Sarah Adshead, Norman Adshead, Rose Ann Aitken, Irene Andrew, Dorothy Mary Andrew, Joseph Andrew, Mary Emma Arrandale, Albert Arrowsmith, Winifred Ashcroft, Netta Ashton, Dora Elizabeth Ashton, Ellen Ashworth, Ada Ashworth, Brenda Ashworth, Elizabeth Ashworth, James Ashworth, Sarah Aveyard, Clara Ethel Baddeley, Elizabeth Mary Baddeley, John Bagshaw, Bertha Barber, Squire Bardsley, Joseph Bardsley, Lily Bardsley, Nellie Barker, Elsie Barlow, Charles Henry Barnes, James Edward Battersby, Elizabeth Baxter, William Beech, Joseph Bell, Norman John Bennett, Ethel Bennett, Frances Bennett, Nellie Bennison, Charlotte Bent, Arthur Berry, Irene Bill, Edith Annie Birchall, Mary Ivy Bird, Violet May Black, Alice Boardman, Kathleen May Boardman, Mary Louisa Bogle, Geoffrey Bolland, Alice Bowers, Mary Elizabeth Bradshaw, Miriam Brady, Edith Bramwell, Harold Bramwell, Vera Brassington, Charles Geoffrey Brassington, Nancy Anne Bridge, Doris Bridge, Jane Brierley, Albert Brierley, Edith Broadbent, Lily Brock, Edith Brocklehurst, Charles Edward Brocklehurst, Vera Brooder, Irene Brookes, Lily Brookes, May Brown, Alice Brown, Mary Alice Brown, William Henry Buckland, Edward Buckley, Ethel Burke, Elizabeth Mary Butcher, Lydia Edith Cains, Ida Callaghan, Sean Stuart Calverley, Edith Campbell, Annie Carradice, Marion Carrington, Alice Carroll, Josephine May Cartwright, Hannah Chadwick, Wilfred Challinor, Ivy Elizabeth Challoner, Genevieve Chapman, Irene Chappell, Alice Chappell, Wilfred Charlton, John Charnock, George Cheetham, Albert Cheetham, Alfred Cheetham, Elsie Cheetham, Hena Cheetham, Norah Cheetham, Thomas Chidlow, Amy Clarke, Fanny Clayton, Elsie Clayton, Frances Clee, Beatrice Helen Clough, James Condon, Thomas Connaughton, Alice Hilda Connors, Michael Conway, Margaret Ann Coomber, Frederick Cooper, Ann Copeland, Erla Copeland, Sydney Hoskins Couldwell, Constance Anne Coulthard, Ann Coutts, Mary Couzens, Hilda Mary Cox, Eileen Theresa Crompton, Eileen Daphne Crompton, Frank Crompton, John Crossley, Lily Cullen, Lilian Cuthbert, Valerie Davies, Cissie Davies, Eric Davies, Fred Davies, Miriam Dawson, Fanny Dean, Elsie Lorna Dean, Joan Edwina Delaney, Bessie Denham, Christopher Dentith, Frederick Devenport, Ronnie Dixon, Alice Dobb, Edgar Dolan, Ethel Drinkwater, Alice Drummond, Joseph Dudley, Mary Rose Dutton, Elaine Earls, Doris Earnshaw, William Eddleston, Harold Eddleston, Monica Edge, Agnes Evans, Bethel Anne Everall, Hannah Everall, Joseph Vincent Farrell, Phyllis Fernley, Marie Antoinette Firman, Mary Elizabeth Fish, Hilda Fitton, Hilda Fletcher, Dorothy Fletcher, Elizabeth Floyd, Arthur Fogg, Leah Foulkes, Edwin Fowden, Thomas Fox, Moira Ashton France, John Freeman, Harold Freeman, Winifred Frith, Hannah Galpin, Minnie Doris Irene Garlick, Rose Garlick, Violet Garratt, Mary Alice Garside, Millicent Gaskell, Marion Gaunt, Mary Gee, Nellie Gess, Clifford Givens, William Goddard, Edith Godfrey, Elsie Golds, Annie Elizabeth Gorton, Alice Maude Graham, Edith Gray, Rebecca Greenhalgh, John Sheard Grimshaw, Annie Grimshaw, Muriel Grundy, Donald Anthony Grundy, Kathleen Grundy, Nora Hackney, Clara Hackney, Clara Hadfield, Violet Hague, William Hall, Josephine Halliday, Frank Hallsworth, Janet Hamblett, Leonora Hamer, Mary Emma Hammond, Caroline Veronica Hampson, Jesse Hancock, Christine Hannible, Elsie Harding, Joan Milray Harris, Charles Harris, Harriet Harrison, Christina Harrison, David Alan Harrison, Marion Harrison, Muriel Eveline Harrison, Samuel Harrop, Elsie Haslam, Mary Elizabeth Hawkins, Sarah Healey, Winifred Heapey, Clifford Barnes Heapey, Gladys Heathcote, Irene Heginbotham, Olive Hennefer, Ellen Hett, Mary Jane Heywood, Ada Heywood, Florence Hibbert, Hilda Mary Hickson, Robert Higginbottom, George Eric Higginbottom, Peter Higgins, Barry Higgins, Lily Higham, Marion Elizabeth Highley, Ruth Higson, Ellen Hill, Sarah Ann Hillier, Pamela Marguerite Hilton, Ada Matley Hilton, John Hirst, Emma Holgate, Ethel Doris Holland, Alline Devolle Holt, Alice Hopkins, Dorothy Doretta Howcroft, John Hulme, Hilda Hurd, May Iwanina, Jozef Jackman, Harold Edward Jackson, Maureen Lamonnier Jackson, Nancy Jameson, Ronald Jeffries, Beatrice Johnson, Norah Johnson, Richard Johnston, Leah Jones, Alice Mary Jones, David Jones, Hannah Jones, Ivy Jones, Jane Jones, Robert Edward Jordan, Mary Ellen Keating, Mary Kellett, Ethel May Kellett, Fred Kelly, Ellen Kelly, Moira Kennedy, Alice Killan, Charles Henry King, Elsie King, James Joseph Kingsley, Mary Kitchen, Alice Christine Lacey, Renee Leach, Florence Leech, Edith Leech, William Henry Lees, Olive Leigh, Carrie Leigh, Joseph Leigh, Wilfred Lewis, Elsie Lewis, Florence Lewis, Peter Lilley, Jean Lingard, Robert Henry Linn, Laura Frances Livesey, John Louden Llewellyn, Edna May Lomas, Harry Lomas, Ivy Long, Dorothy Longmate, Thomas Alfred Lord, Jane Ellen Lowe, Beatrice Lowe, Esther Lowe, May Lyons, Eva MacConnell, Charles Mackenzie, Selina Mackie, Christina McCulloch Mansfield, Mary Ann Mansfield, Walter Marley, Martha Marsland, Sarah Hannah Matley, Maud McDonald, Kathleen McLaren, William James McLoughlin, Gertrude Melia, Joan May Mellor, Elizabeth Ellen Mellor, Samuel Mellor, Winifred Meredith, Oscar Metcalfe, Margaret Middleton, Deborah Middleton, Mary Mills, Samuel Mitchell, Cyril Mitchell, Wilbert Molesdale, John Bennett Morgan, Emily Moss, Bertha Moss, Hannah Mottram, George Henry Mottram, Hannah Helena Mottram, Pamela Grace Moult, Thomas Mullen, Nellie Mycock, Miriam Rose Emily Needham, Nora Nicholls, Violet Nichols, Fanny Nichols, Lily Nuttall, Hervey Nuttall, Norah O'Sullivan, Thomas Ogden, Mary Oldham, Agnes Oldham, Samuel Oswald, Frances Elaine Otter, Enid Ousey, Margaret Ovcar-Robinson, Konrad Peter Overton, Renate Eldtraude Oxley, Phyllis Parker, Marjorie Parkes, Annie Parkin, Laura Victoria Parr, Bertha Pearce, Elizabeth Pedley, Rosetta Penney, Vara Pickering, Leah Pickup, Kenneth Pickup, Mavis Mary Pitman, Edith Platt, Elsie Platt, Marion Pomfret, Bianka Potts, Frances Potts, Reginald Powers, Annie Alexandra Preston, Ada Marjorie Prestwich, Alice Proud, Ethel May Quinn, Marie Ralphs, Anne Lilian Ralphs, Ernest Colin Rawling, Alice Reade, Audrey Redfern, Tom Renwick, Dorothea Hill Richards, Jose Kathleen Diana Richardson, Alice Riley, Stanley Roberts, Edith Roberts, Esther Hannah Roberts, Gladys Robinson, Eileen Robinson, Eveline Robinson, Lavinia Robinson, Mildred Rogers, Elizabeth Ann Rostron, Jane Frances Rowarth, Dorothy Rowbottom, Annie Rowland, Jane Isabella Royles, Elsie Royston, Betty Rudol, Ernest Russell, Tom Balfour Sankey, Margaret Saunders, Albert Edward Saunders, Gladys Scott, Edith Scott, Elsie Sellors, Kate Maud Sharples, Cicely Shaw, Joseph Shaw, Leonard Shaw, Lilian Shaw, Neville Shaw, Susan Eveline Shawcross, Edna Shawcross, Ernest Shawcross, Mabel Shelmerdine, Jack Leslie Shelmerdine, Jane Elizabeth Shore, Lily Sidebotham, Florence Sigley, Elizabeth Teresa Simpson, Kenneth Harry Slater, Albert Slater, Florence Slater, Lena Norah Slater, May Smith, Alice Smith, Dora Elizabeth Smith, Emma Smith, Kenneth Ernest Smith, Margaret Smith, Mary Alice Smith, Sidney Arthur Smith, Winifred Isabel Sparkes, Monica Rene Squirrell, Alice Stafford, Harry Stafford, Kate Elizabeth Stansfield, Joe Ainscow Stocks, Louisa Stone, John Stopford, Arthur Henderson Stopford, Harriet Strickland, Ruth Sumner, Grace Swann, Bessie Swann, Robert Swindells, Emmeline Taylor, Caroline Mary Taylor, Edna Mary Taylor, Florence Taylor, Lily Newby Taylor, Mary Tempest, Mary Ann Thomas, Alice Thomas, Sarah Ann Thornton, Maria Tideswell, Sarah Tierney, Angela Philomena Tingle, Walter Toft, Beatrice Tomlin, Mary Townsend, Margaret Tucker, Dorothy Tuff, Mary Tuffin, Winifred Amy Turner, Frances Elizabeth Turner, Irene Uttley, Stanley Vickers, Frederick Vickers, Margaret Mary Virgin, Lucy Vizor, George Edgar Vizor, May Wagstaff, George Lawton Wagstaff, Jessie Irene Wagstaff, Laura Kathleen Waldron, Margaret Anne Walker, Edward Walker, Ellen Walker, Henrietta Walker, Winifred Mary Waller, Harry Waller, Marjorie Hope Walls, Mary Walton, Sydney Warburton, Ada Ward, Maureen Alice Ward, Minnie Ward, Muriel Margaret Ward, Percy Wardle, Eric Wareing, William Hill Warren, May Wass, Kathleen May Watkins, Annie West, Maria Wharam, Ellen Frances Wharmby, Lavinia White, Mona Ashton Whitehead, Amy Whitham, Colin Whittaker, Maureen Whittaker, Violet Mary Whittingslow, Vera Whittle, Edith Wibberley, Edith Wilcockson, Joseph Frank Wilkinson, Annie Wilkinson, Maud Williams, Albert Redvers Williams, Emily Williamson, Sarah Jane Wills, Jack Wilmore, Margaret Wilson, Muriel Elsie Wimpeney, Mark Winston, George Winston, Olive Winterbottom, Mary Wood, Annie Wood, Charles Henry Wood, Fanny Wood, James Woodhead, Joyce Woodhead, Kenneth Wharmby

Everything That Happened to Home and Away’s Alf Stewart That You Missed Because You Had to Grow Up and Get a Job

https://ift.tt/3xrVjTc

Warning: contains Alf Stewart spoilers.

Just because you’ve lost touch with someone doesn’t mean you don’t want to know when they fall into a sinkhole. That the point of Facebook – for keeping an eye on the triumphs and misfortunes of people you once knew but now can’t be bothered to talk to. Soap characters though, aren’t on Facebook. The closest you can get to nosing on their timeline is checking out at the front covers of TV listings magazines in supermarket queues to see who’s been getting married/murdered or, commonly, both. 

It’s shameful when you think about it. Soap characters are people with whom we probably spent half an hour a day (an hour even, for the Australian ones, if you did the decent thing and also caught the lunchtime airing in school holidays), five days a week, for years and years and years. Then adulthood calls and pouf! It’s sayonara Harold, goodnight Madge. Take Alf Stewart of Home and Away. Once, the man was your straw-hatted rock. And now? Did you even bother to tune in for his 60th birthday celebrations in 2005? Thought not.

Assuming that you’ve been an adult with responsibilities that have kept you away from Summer Bay for at least 10, maybe even 20 years now, here’s what Ray Meagher’s Alf’s been going through while you’ve been merrily living life without giving him a single thought. It hasn’t all been organising the surf carnival, hunting bunyips, running the annual sausage sizzle and visiting Donald Fisher in the Whitsundays you know; Alf’s had it rough. And the very least you flamin’ mongrels can do is read about the time when…

He almost died in a sinkhole

A simple trip to Summer Bay High to discuss the delinquency of Alf’s grandson Ryder ended in disaster. A massive gas explosion in 2018 opened up a sinkhole under the school, trapping Alf and his daughter Roo. Unable to move under the rubble, Alf had a heart attack and thought his time had come, so he confessed to a dreadful secret: Roo’s mother Martha, thought drowned three years before Home and Away started in 1988, was still alive!

He was an unwitting bigamist

That whole Ailsa marriage? Not legit. Alf learned in 2018 that due to her personality disorder, his first wife Martha had faked her own death by drowning, leaving him and their daughter Roo. That made his subsequent marriage to Ailsa (curly hair. Had served time for the murder of her abusive father during which she was assaulted and impregnated by a prison guard then gave the baby up for adoption, died of a heart attack in 2000, just to remind you) accidentally unlawful. Alf married his original wife Martha for a second time in 2020, the old romantic. 

He almost died of a brain tumour

For a while in 2003, Alf started acting weird. Some thought he was developing Alzheimer’s like his dad (also played by Ray Meagher in this flashback to Alf’s childhood), but no, it was a brain tumour. The tumour was pressing down on the part of Alf’s brain that made Judy Nunn, who played his dead second wife Ailsa, reappear as a recurring guest star in a multiple episode run. Ghost Ailsa kept trying to lure Alf to join her on the other side, culminating in a mid-brain surgery hallucination in the form of an It’s a Wonderful Life homage in which Ailsa showed Alf what Summer Bay would be like if he’d never been born.

He negotiated his sister’s hostage release from Nigerian rebels 

In 2000, Alf’s little sister Celia was spreading the word of the Lord as a busybody missionary over in Nigeria when she and her companions were kidnapped and held hostage. Who sorted it? Not an international government body, but bait shop owner and president of the surf club: Alf. Off-screen, Alf ponied up the $50k it took to get Celia out, leaving him in a sticky financial situation back at the caravan park. 

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He almost died in an earthquake

This was back in 1996, so you may actually have been there for this one. Summer Bay was rocked by some tectonic plate-shifting, which destroyed Alf’s general store and triggered his dicky ticker giving him one of his many heart attacks. 

He (very probably) had sex with his niece

Don’t judge Alf for this one, or his niece. They weren’t to know. (That said, considering the sheer volume of secret relatives returning decades after being given up for adoption in Aussie soaps, it would be sensible for any and all acts of sexual union to be preceded by a DNA test.) When the daughter a 15-year-old Colleen had given up for adoption arrived back in the Bay in 2003, now a grown-up named Maureen, she hit it off with Alf and eventually moved in with him. When he wanted to propose marriage, she got cold feet and left town. Five years later, a dug-up time capsule revealed that Colleen was the product of an affair between Alf’s dad and her mum, making Colleen Alf’s half-sister and Maureen… his niece.

He carried the Olympic torch 

Okay, this was actually pretty nice for old Alf. Initially his feelings were hurt when Summer Bay High principal Donald Fisher was selected among the local dignitaries to carry the 2000 Sydney Olympics flame, but after some shenanigans, Alf got to jog that little burner right on through the Bay too.

He went to prison for nine months (and then again for nine weeks)

Following a nasty mayoral campaign, Alf was framed for embezzling money from the surf club by his dirty tricks-playing opponent Mayor Josh, who was trying to get rich from a development project that would destroy Summer Bay. Alf was wrongly convicted in 2006 and went to prison for nine whole months before his name was cleared. (Thus allowing actor Ray Meagher to star as mechanic Bob in the stage musical of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.) Just four years later in 2010, Alf went back to prison for nine weeks after being framed for the murder of Penn Graham (which coincidentally allowed him to return to the musical for its London run). 

He discovered the existence of not one but four surprise grandchildren

Literally all four of Alf’s grandkids were either kept secret from him or re-entered his life years after being given up for adoption. There are probably more out there, half a dozen wayward teens who need Alf’s steady hand and moral guidance. First there was Roo’s daughter Martha, the product of a teenage pregnancy and given up for adoption. (She briefly got viewers’ knickers in a twist by becoming a pole dancer). Then there was Bryce, the son of Alf’s estranged son Duncan, who didn’t tell Alf that Bryce existed until the kid was five years old because Alf didn’t approve of Bryce’s mother Caroline. Then came tearaway Ryder, the son of Alf’s surprise American daughter Quinn, who’d been the product of a fling he’d had with a nurse during the Vietnam War. And finally came Eric/Ric, son of Alf’s surprise wrong’un son Owen, the product of a teenage relationship Alf had with Viv “The Guv” Standish (judging by her name, a professional darts player) who’d been born in secret and given up for adoption. The Alf genes are strong.

Additional Alf events

In 1998 Alf got into trouble at the caravan park for letting a blind woman drive his car (Sidenote: Belinda Giblin, the actor who played the blind woman now plays Alf’s resurrected first/current wife Martha)

In 2000 Alf’s home was destroyed in a mud slide

In 2005 Alf turned 60 and Sally Fletcher gave a lovely speech at his birthday party

In 2009 Alf went on a shark hunt after a severed hand was found in the Bay

In 2010 Alf was traumatised by the Summer Bay Race Riot

In 2012 Alf caught Malaria helping to build a school in Thailand with Sally and Milco

In 2015 Alf suffered PTSD from fighting in the Vietnam War

In 2017 Alf heroically rescued a badly burned Marilyn from a bush fire. Bravo, sir, bravo.

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Home & Away currently airs on Channel 5 in the UK.

The post Everything That Happened to Home and Away’s Alf Stewart That You Missed Because You Had to Grow Up and Get a Job appeared first on Den of Geek.

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