#but. the irrational mind wants some kind of Proof | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

roachleakage · 2 months

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Part of the problem surrounding this whole situation (predstrogen, the subsequent callouts about the Cohost founders) is that a lot of people don't make the distinction between "actual report of a person's abusive actions" and "sourceless claims of an intent to abuse based on little to no relevant evidence".

Don't get me wrong, accusations of sexual abuse toward trans women (and many other marginalized people) always deserve at least a little bit of scrutiny. You don't have to suspend your compassion or accuse someone of being a liar, but taking someone at face value isn't the same as taking them in good faith. Just don't ignore that they could be lying, pay attention to major warning signs to that effect, and don't rush into taking actions that could bring immediate or drastic harm to the alleged abuser.

But even with that in mind, a lot of the accusations I've seen people circulate don't even come CLOSE to firsthand victim reports. Instead, we have people being labeled as various types of predator for behaviors that include: being trans women, doing sex work, having squicky/uncomfortable kinks, being furries, being willing to engage in complex and potentially difficult conversations regarding taboo topics, and worst of all, more than one of these at the same time.

Here is the logic beside presenting these things as "proof": "This person doesn't exhibit the level of disgust or avoidance that I expect around sexual taboos, or does not fully understand the reason why some of them exist. If someone does not automatically and unconditionally accept and enforce a taboo, it must be because they want to engage in taboo actions, including ones that might cause harm. Therefore, this person is dangerous and a predator."

And yes, while I only brought them up directly in the entry about discussions, every single thing I listed is a sexual taboo. Even when, as is the case with kinks, furries, and being a trans woman, they may have little or nothing to do with actual sex. By and large, this is because whenever a person exhibits ANY unexplained desires or behaviors, the default assumption is that they must be "a sex thing". Which is just another way of saying "my tastes represent the human default, yours are irrational, superfluous, and yucky."

And that's how it works. "That thing you're doing is strange > that thing you're doing is sexual > you're obsessed with sexually deviant behaviors > you are a sexual predator."

Trans women get a double dose of this, because they're not just transgender, they are also women - who are viewed as inherently sexual for plain ol' misogyny reasons. But while women of relative* privilege exist in a rotating superposition of being innocent recipients with no sexual agency, and devious seductresses out to ruin men's lives, trans women (and many nonwhite cis women) are permanently trapped in the role of seductress, because their very womanhood is taboo.

The reason I'm taking the time to bring all of this up because any one of these beliefs is enough to secure your participation in this system. For example, you might not believe consciously that being a trans woman makes someone a predator, but if she violates some other taboo, even in a completely innocent manner, you end up sliding right on down the chain to "clearly this trans woman is, though". Plus, you probably unconsciously associate trans women with predation, and while you know consciously that's a transmisogynist belief, the recognition of "evidence" still taps into that hidden bias to make the conclusion feel more solid and reasonable than it actually is.

And so all of this needs to be challenged. Challenge your assumption that "freak" is the same as "threat", that your beliefs and preferences are universal and require deliberate and malicious intent to divert from. Pay careful attention to what kind of evidence you're being shown. Keep a wary eye out for emotionally-loaded language designed to influence how you read a situation - e.g. describing some behavior as "disgusting" or "pedophilic" before you've even had the chance to see what the person did. Be careful and patient with the information you've been sent, and above all, remember that peer-to-peer rumormongering is not equal to an actual victim's testimony. It should always be taken with an immediate grain of salt, and examined carefully before you recirculate it or take other action.

*Within the scope of "being women, and therefore obviously affected by misogyny".

#cw transmisogyny #transmisogyny #predstrogen #purity culture #protect trans women

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chaotic-super · 1 year

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Joining The Superfriends -10

Read Joining The Superfriends on Ao3 here!

Trying to decide what to do about what they are now referring to as The Lex Problem is an immensely difficult task to the point where they have yet to decide on any concrete plans and they are now going on three days since Lena managed to shut down the bugs. “What do you think the best response to this whole thing is, Lena? The public is still in panic mode even though the bugs are gone and I’m starting to think that we might have to make a statement of some kind.” Kara slouches on Lena’s recliner chair, feet up and head resting in her hand, elbow perched on the arm of the chair.

Lena groans, rubbing her eyes with pinched fingers, head flopped back into her pillow. “I don’t have a clue. I wouldn’t be lying on my bed right now if I knew what to do. On the one hand, we could expose him and tell the public what happened but then on the other, we barely have any proof and he could easily twist it back onto me because I also have access to the satellite and I recently left Luthor Corp.”

“Hence making you look like the revenge-seeking little sister of Lex Luthor.”

“Exactly.”

They fall into silence again, both trying to figure out where they can go from here because they have literally been thinking themselves in circles for hours.

Tapping her fingers against her cheekbone, Kara pouts. “My brain has stopped working.”

Lena huffs out a laugh. “Mine too. I don’t think we’re really getting very far with this whole planning malarkey.”

“Malarkey? Are you seventy?”

“Rude, I’m only sixty-three this time.”

Kara snorts, “My greatest apologies, I should have known, you don’t look a day over fifty-seven.”

“Damn straight.” Lena giggles as she says it, the frown leaving her forehead for the first time in a few days.

Kara listens to the sound with glee, overjoyed that she’s managed to bring some semblance of normality to Lena to stop her from living her life in a whirlwind of stress. “Hey, no matter what, we’ll fix it and we have your back.”

“Do all of you though?” The question slips out without her meaning it to, whether it be her insecurity fuelling the question or just genuine curiosity, it’s been lingering in the back of her mind and now it’s out in the open, verbalised in a way that she isn’t sure she meant. “Sorry, I don’t mean it like that.”

Kara sits up straighter, leaving behind her slouched position and squaring her shoulders. “Like what? I don’t understand, Lena.”

“I’m sorry, I guess Lex has really got to me this time, it’s making me doubt myself.”

“Lena, don’t avoid the question please.”

Lena can’t bear to look at Kara, to see her face when she realizes how truly insecure she can be. “The others have barely spoken to me in days, I know that Alex said that she doesn’t blame me but the others…I don’t know. It’s stupid and irrational. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Kara’s eyes pin onto the ceiling, they don’t focus on anything in particular as she racks her brain, trying to think of the last time she saw any of the other Superfriends interacting with Lena and to her dismay, all of the examples that she can think of are from before they found out that Lex is the one that orchestrated the attack on National City and its citizens.

It’s kind of on-brand for them to separate themselves from whoever is having a pretty tumultuous time mentally. Sometimes the space is welcome but Kara has to admit that there have been times when she’s wanted nothing more than for all of her friends to support her and they have been painfully absent.

“Ah, that. They do that sometimes.” Kara mutters, almost angrily. “I’ve had that problem with them myself at times and I can say from first-hand experience that it sucks balls.”

Lena dares to look over at her, actually turning onto her side to fully engage with Kara. “You mean that it’s normal for them to just fall off the radar from time to time?”

“It can be, yes. They do it whenever something particularly bad happens in the name of giving the person space and I’ve spoken to them about it before. They usually make a half-hearted attempt at least but I guess they didn’t come through for you this time. I’m sorry about them, I’ll have to yell at them tomorrow.” Kara meets Lena’s eyes, a crinkle resting firmly between her own, the result of a mixture of pity for Lena and anger at the rest of the team.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I do, I’ll actually get the group together and get Kelly to mediate, I’ve tried having nice conversations with them about this issue before so it’s time for something more hard-hitting anyway. Any chance you’re able to make yourself cry to make them feel extra guilty when the time comes?” Kara smiles wickedly.

Lena’s lips quirk upwards. “I’ll see what I can do when the time comes.”

Kara claps her hands excitedly, giggling to herself in a way that makes Lena want to pinch her cheeks because she’s being so cute. “Excellent.”

“At least now I know it’s not because they think I’m turning down the road of evil like Lex.”

“Nobody thinks that, we haven’t known you for all that long but even just from these few weeks, we know that you don’t have an evil bone in your body, Lena, it’s one of my favourite things about you.”

Lena quirks an immaculate eyebrow up at her. “Oh, do tell. What are your favourite things about me then? I want a list.”

Kara looks down at her watch in an overexaggerated gesture, her cheeks flushed. “Would you look at the time! I should really get going because otherwise, I won’t have time to walk my plant.”

“Don’t you have fake plants?”

Kara’s eyebrows shoot up in rage. “How dare you, Lena Kieran, I’ll have you know that my plants are completely real and they are very healthy.”

“Healthy enough to miss their daily walk so you can stay and read me that list?”

Kara sinks back into the chair. “You’re annoying at times, you know that?”

“As annoying as Alex?”

“Not even close but don’t tell her I said that because she’s meant to be bringing us dinner and she can and will withhold our food if we’re not nice to her.” Kara checks her phone to see what time Alex texted to say she was leaving The Tower to go and get food, hungry from waiting around.

Lena nods resolutely, not willing to do anything to risk Alex not bringing them food, she still needs to go grocery shopping so if Alex doesn’t pull through she’ll have to eat the random can of spaghetti hoops she has lingering in the back of her cupboard.

Speaking of food though, she has yet to get the verdict from Kara on whether or not her calorie powder has been working out for her. “Hey, I have been meaning to ask you how you’ve been getting on with the powder I made you, is it working out?”

Kara’s face splits into another smile, “It’s going great, Lena, and the best part is that I can even use it at CatCo when I mix it in with my oatmeal or my drinks and everyone just assumes that it’s a protein powder, it’s brilliant.

“It’s also been amazing for getting my calorie count up, I only have like four meals a day now rather than too many to count, it’s saved me a crap ton of time and I can’t wait to see the lasting effects it will have on my overall savings from my decreased grocery bill. Hell, I could even start thinking of getting a mortgage somewhere.”

Lena can’t help but match Kara’s smile, pride blooming in her chest. “I’m really glad it’s working out for you, Kara.”

“There was just one thing that has been bugging me though, something that was there when you showed me the powder the first time and I haven’t had since,” Kara adds, apprehension sitting heavy on her shoulders.

Lena frowns, not sure what Kara could be missing. The scoop for the powder, maybe?”

“We kissed after you showed me the powder the first time and I’ve been missing that every time I’ve had a scoop of the stuff ever since. I know we haven’t talked about it, but since we have some time now, I was hoping that maybe you’d be open to it.”

Well, that clears that up. Lena has been waiting to be able to speak to Kara about the moment they shared in the lab and has been hoping that Kara would bring it up but despite that, she has no idea what to say to her now, or how to respond.

“I…erm…yeah, yes. We can talk.”

“Are you sure? You don’t sound sure?” Kara pins her gaze onto Lena’s.

Lena nods, not fully trusting her own voice.

It’s enough for Kara though. She pulls her lips into a closed-mouth smile. “Alright then, since I kissed you I should probably go first.” She clears her throat before continuing. “I like you, that’s the main reason I kissed you and when you mumbled to yourself about wanting me to kiss you, I just couldn’t resist.”

From the fact that Kara kissed her in the first place, it has never been hard to deduce that she has some kind of feelings for her but to have her openly admit it is something new entirely. “You actually like me?”

“I do,” Kara confirms.

Lena supresses her smile. “I like you too and I did want you to kiss me, and for future records, you’re welcome to do it again.”

Kara is instantly trying to clamber out of the chair to get closer to fulfilling that desire but she is quickly stopped by Lena holding up a single finger. “But not until we have been out on an actual date.”

Straightening herself up, Kara swallows down her embarrassment at how eager she’s acting, she’s acting like a teenage boy being granted permission to touch a boob for the first time.

Perching herself back down on the chair, on the edge this time, just in case Lena changes her mind and lets her kiss her, Kara raises her hands up to cover her blushing cheeks. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to come on too strong.”

“Don’t worry, I like it. I just haven’t ever had the chance to properly date someone and maybe it makes me naive or foolish but I would like to know what it’s like.” Lena ducks her head, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed to speak to Kara properly.

Shaking her head, Kara jumps in to reassure her. “I don’t think it’s foolish, I actually really like the sound of it. I can’t say that any of my past partners have been the kind to wine and dine someone so I would love it if we could try that out together.”

“Good.”

They sit there staring at each other and smiling so hard that their cheeks hurt, only breaking their gazes when they become aware of how long they’ve been sitting there in silence like a pair of idiots with crushes, which is exactly what they are.

Lena tilts her head. “Just for the record, I never expected to come to National City and somehow score a date with The Girl of Steel.”

“Just for the record, I never expected to date the person we needed to hire to help our group be vigilantes,” Kara replies.

“Despite everything that has happened, I am glad I came here, that I moved away from the negativity I left behind in Metropolis.” Kara nods in agreeance. “Speaking of, do you know how the people in Metropolis dealt with the bugs? I never saw anything on the news.”

Kara grimaces. “I actually already thought you knew but it was a targeted attack, the only city to get hit was ours.”

“Why would he have put in the DNA preventative then? What would be the point in putting that in place when he is nowhere near them in the first place unless…he did the whole thing just to try and scare me into going back. I thought that might have been the case but I actually thought that maybe that would be too petty, even for him. God, he’s such a gaping asshole.”

Kara sits and lets Lena rant, watching as she stands and paces her tiny apartment, following her form with her eyes. She hasn’t doubted Lena for a second on whether or not she was involved in the attack by the Luthors but seeing Lena like this, rage-filled and upset, it’s obvious to anyone with eyes that she isn’t.

She’s also certain that the others don’t think she is involved either but she’s still going to have a little chat with them to make sure that everyone is still on the same page because she knows what it’s like to be judged by the actions of your family, especially when you don’t want to be associated with them.

Lena keeps on pacing long after she’s done talking, the calculated steps helping her think. Eight one way, then eight the other, eight one way, then eight the other.

She’s facing Kara, just about to turn back around and start another circuit when there’s a heavy knock on her door.

“That’ll be Alex with food,” Kara says, excitement for food clear in her voice.

Lena takes a calming breath before swinging the door open and forcing a smile onto her face, ushering Alex inside.

Alex eyes her up strangely. “I know something’s wrong because you never smile when you see me, it’s actually quite offensive.”

“Whatever Danvers, just hand over the food, I’m starving.” Lena brings three plates down from the cupboard and reaches for the bag of Big Belly Burger that Alex just strolled in with but is infinitely more annoyed when it gets pulled out of her reach.

“Tell Mama Alex what’s wrong.”

“Call yourself that again and I will vomit. We were just talking about Lex and it made me mad, that’s it, now hand me my burger before I have Kara set you on fire.” Lena pouts angrily.

Alex tries not to laugh at the look on her face and hands the bag over, pleased to have gotten a rise out of her. “Yes boss, but we both know Kara wouldn’t turn on her favourite person on the planet, no matter how good a kisser you are.”

Kara reaches over Alex’s shoulder for her milkshake. “You’re underestimating how good of a kisser Lena is.”

Alex’s hands drop the straw she was about to stab into her own milkshake and shoot up to her ears, disgust clouding her features. “Ew! That’s gross, I don’t want to hear any more.”

Lena smiles mischievously “so you don’t want me to tell you how soft Kara’s lips are and how amazing it feels to have them against my own?”

A finger is shoved into her face. “You are not to say another word or else I will destroy your food.”

“Another word.”

Being as petty and as annoyed as she is, Alex tries to follow through with her threat, grabbing at the bag and pulling it towards herself. Kara, being the only one with any brain cells left, uses her super speed to grapple it off of her, plate up the food and deposit Alex onto the recliner chair with her plate in her lap and her milkshake in her hand.

“Stay!” She points her finger at her sister, warning her not to move before turning to Lena. “And you, behave.”

Alex huffs and digs into her burger, purposely not looking at them as her little act of revenge.

Kara and Lena grab their own food at a normal pace before sitting on the edge of Lena’s bed, plates balanced on their laps.

Lena takes one look at Alex’s frowny face and giggles into her burger. “I know you’re mad but you look like a little grumpy chipmunk.”

Kara tries not to laugh, trying to stop the fighting but can’t resist because that’s the most accurate depiction of her sister she’s heard in a while. She hides her smile behind her hand but the shaking of her shoulders gives her away.

“Kara Zor-El Danvers, if you’re laughing at me right now, I will break into your loft and break all of the DVD copies of every musical you own, don’t think I won’t.”

Kara holds her hands up. “I’m not laughing, I’m just trying to bring an end to this arguing so I can eat in peace. Do you guys think you can manage that?” She forces herself not to smile, a task much harder than some of the fights she’s been in.

“Fine,” Alex says, tone sharp.

“Lena?” Kara nudges her with her shoulder.

Lena takes one last look at Alex with a snicker but also answers. “Ok.”

“Great, now, let’s eat and then we can talk shop after. Lena and I haven’t made much progress with plans so hopefully, you have some ideas, Alex.” Kara says before biting into her food, humming at the taste but taking a second to heat vision her burger, lifting the bun first because she’s not an amateur.

Seeing what Kara just did, Lena lifts her bun and holds it out to her in demand. Kara does so with gleeful eyes.

Seeing Lena so open to her and her alien differences is something that she’s always wanted in a partner, something she once thought she’d found in Mon-El but that wasn’t meant to be. They were both aliens to this planet and Kara should have known better than to have not considered that they were aliens to each other too.

That wasn’t their only downfall but it’s up there, and it’s a mistake that Kara isn’t making. If she’s going to pursue anyone romantically, they are going to be fully, completely, and wholly accepting of who and what she is.

That’s why she’s glad she’s met Lena. She has a good feeling about her.

Read 10 more chapters early on Patreon here!

#cw supergirl #supercorp #supergirl #supercorp endgame #supercorp fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #kara x lena #kara danvers #kara zor el #kara leaned in #lena luthor #chaoticsuper

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soleilnomoon · 2 years

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May I request for traffy when he finds his s/o passed out in the middle of the hall

yes, of course; i love putting law in stressful situations! i had fun writing this so i hope you like it <3

866 words, gn reader (no pronouns), sfw

he warns you about your all-nighters; that you shouldn’t push yourself too hard, especially with how long the polar tang has been submerged. you often find yourself lightheaded, not bothering to disclose your discomfort to him for fear of retribution of some kind. and still, you don’t listen. if only you can push yourself a little more—be more than just the newest member of the heart pirates, someone of use to him.

it eats at you, this feeling; the idea that you could ever be anything more than useless doesn’t register in your brain. instead, you berate yourself daily, finding that you’ve become sullen under the weight of all of your endless critiques. so you work—tirelessly. you barely take any meals, an action that he’s noticed with a permanent frown because of it. every time he wants to bring it up, you somehow busy yourself—a new book to read, notes to organize, things to discover; telling him let’s put a pin in that so frequently that he often says it before you do.

because he’s not the sort to pry without reason, he reluctantly lets you have your space; but as the hours turn into days, the days into weeks, his worry intensifies. it’s unlike you to roam about like the undead, bumping into your crewmates without noticing. he’s ghost-like in how he follows you around, silently motioning for the others to carry on as he observes you from a close distance. on a morning where everyone sleeps in, he washes up before seeking you out. he feels obsessive in a way; always longing, unable to reforge the connection that you once had, driven by the insatiable need to see if you’re okay.

and maybe when he puts his mind at ease, he’ll back off; but for now, he’ll take things into his own hands.

his booted footsteps echo around the hallway, bouncing off of the walls, rattling his nerves without consideration. when he takes the next corner and he finds you on the cold, metal floor, papers scattered about, ink stains on your wrist and fingertips, mouth slightly ajar, faintly breathing. his stomach drops, an irrational panic shooting through him before he sprints over to you. crouched on the ground, he rolls you onto your back, lithe fingers gentle as they prod around your body, checking for the tell-tale signs of a concussion.

you’re having such a lovely dream, one where he takes you to unspeakable heights, a small whimper shooting out of your mouth before you softly call his name out. at this rate, his frown will be a permanent fixture in his life. he brushes some hair away from your face, careful to not disturb you as you rest. you’ll never admit to this truth, but he’s right: you do snore. not that it bothers him—it’s proof that you’re alive. it gives you character, he said once in the middle of lunch; the memory comes to him now, a small smile tugging on his lips as he takes you in his arms. you used to complain that you were too heavy for him to carry you like that, but he shushed you and proved you otherwise each time.

even now, as he makes the long trek back to his room, all he can think about is putting you on his bed and tucking you in securely. you stir in his arms, feeling fuzzy as the motion of his strides wake you up; instinctively, you reach your fingers out and graze his shirt with your nails, fatigue etched into your body, so you can’t say much—although you want to. badly.

“stop that,” he instructs firmly, glancing down once, dark brows furrowing as his eyes narrow at your. “i knew you’d run yourself ragged one of these days.” a tsk bubbles up in the back of his throat, but he does his best to keep calm and swallows it instead. there’s no need for him to beat a proverbial dead horse, so to speak.

your eyelids flutter, unable to properly focus your sight on him anymore, and feel the warmth behind his words. his room is essentially for show; lifeless still lifes, dark furniture, shades of blues and grays, a compact bookcase—he barely spends time in there; but for your sake, he will. in order for you to recover your energy uninterrupted, he makes sure you stay put and keeps his bedroom door locked.

“thanks,” you manage to say, voice soft, practically silent, the blanket wrapped around you cozily.

he opens his mouth to tell you not to thank him—that he should’ve watched you more carefully, that he should’ve asked you what was wrong sooner—when your fingers wrap around his snugly. he plans to sit at his desk while you sleep, but you silently urge him to lay next to you. the hesitation is brief and he hates himself for it. you continue to hold his fingers until he firmly pries them away from you. then, the mattress dips slowly and you feel the hard planes of his body against your back. his arm hangs around your waist protectively, his fingers gliding along your stomach playfully, the softness of your skin putting him at ease.

#trafalgar law #trafalgar law x y/n #law x y/n #law x reader #one piece imagine #one piece x reader #law is so dramatic but sometimes he's right #this went in a completely different direction but i like it #fic request #lovin-past

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selfproclaimedunicorn · 4 months

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(@queen--kenobi) ⭐️ anything with Ella ⭐️

Thank you @queen--kenobi for your service 🙏🏻 I'm gonna gush about one of my fave Ella POV's: Chapter 9/First Blood

This chapter is the first time we’re in her head again after the events surrounding Aemon’s birth, & when she & Yorick basically nuked a Vale Clan, which were both moments that saw her mentally maturing at the very least. Kind of emotionally maturing, too, but at that point she’s an 11-year-old that actively chooses to be a little bit delusional (my platonic wife @haephestuscrex has called Ella “my copium princess” & if that ain’t her), so she’s only gonna be doing so much on that front. But First Blood has her at 13 & in the beginnings of her adolescence, so we’re finally getting some actual, like, meaty internal narration. Her self-reflection isn’t where it’s gonna wind up in Chapter 11/Be Not A Bed Of Roses, but the difference between 13 & 16 is a lot, so I’m cutting her some slack lmao.

Anyway.

She kind of spends the chapter at least subconsciously convinced that she’s mature, she’s only three years from her majority, after all, but so much keeps happening that just reinforces how young she actually still is in spite of approaching Westerosi Adulthood & having the larval form of her teen FC (Lily-Rose Depp) introduced (at least mentally/in my mind’s eye, since this isn’t a visual medium). She’s possessive & territorial about her dad while wanting his attention even when she’s cognitively aware that she’s being silly or irrational or that she should be concerned with other things. She gossips and giggles with her friends & talks about “grownup topics” while still being mentally in the space of “hunky boys are hypothetical & I never want to get married.”

When she gets reminders of the shortness of life & the fact that the world is seeing her as growing up, and is given proof of that, she retreats into the shelter of how young she is because she’s still allowed.

Her aunt dies & she wants to go back to the made up, fantastical stories she abandoned after the Vale Clan attack in Chapter 7/The Dragon Has Three Heads, because that’s her childhood back when everything was okay & safe & comfortable

She gets her first period and shrieks in terror because she’s a woman now & she doesn’t want to be

Yorick’s betrothal due to his weird positioning in terms of proximity to the throne keeps getting pushed & she's offended. If he’s growing up, that means she is, & like I said, when it gets down to brass tax, she doesn’t want to yet. And then when he is betrothed to Shireen she gets sullen and moody because that combined with the whole “first period” thing is just cementing the fact she’s growing up after figuring out she didn’t actually want to be an adult like she’d convinced herself she did. She puts forward a betrothal test to delay what she sees as the inevitable, because in her mind, everyone is kind of an undesirable right now because being married is what killed Aunt Aemma & is making her parents upset & is what people are trying to use her brother for & when her dad has any say in it, it makes her sick

First Blood is the first time we see a slowly maturing Ella, & the last time we see her as a (Westerosi) child with at least most of the innocence that entails. And, imo, this chapter is kind of the last bit of the foundation needed to build up the final character that Ella will become because she sort of runs the gamut of most of the emotions & grapples with growing up in the midst of the start of HOTD’s first season. She’s complicated & messy & not super internal, & when she is it’s maybe not the most helpfully reflective internal monologue because she’s self-aware, but not enough to really do anything about it/change anything. And, honestly, I don’t think she’d change much.

#asks #sotf commentary

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youzicha · 1 year

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@raginrayguns

i guess if we want to narrow from "arbitrary person" to "person you'll meet" (a set which we can't formalize the way we can formalize the set of turing machines), i do think most people most of the time are not fixed points of knowing their own predicted actions. Which kind of gets into EY's "reflective equilibrium" thing, which idk what i think about that

Hm! I wouldn't think "most" people are like that, but I guess it's possible that someone could "change their answer" out of pure contrariness. It seems pretty bad and irrational though, like one of the pathologies that we should grow out of as we perfect ourselves?

I guess it's hard to give a proof that it's bad, since preferences kindof come down to pure aesthetics anyway, but it seems to violate several somewhat plausible maxims like

You should have some good and sufficient reason for what your decide (but here the reason seems really frivolous).

You should be hard to manipulate with true information (here someone could predict what you will do, and then either reveal it or not)

You should "know your own mind" (but here you set things up so that you can't reflect on your own decisionmaking)

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robhorninginternalexile · 2 years

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inconvenience

Duke UP posted the introduction of Lauren Berlant’s last book, On the Inconvenience of Other People. There the concept of inconvenience is posited as “the affective sense of the familiar friction of being in relation,” as if a degree of friction were simply a given in any kind of human interaction. “There is an inevitability of the sense of inconvenience that has nothing to do with justice,” they write.

I think the best way to interpret it is that no one should feel entitled to convenience, though the word inconvenience already has a lot of ideological baggage that muddies the picture. The word tends to suggest not only an economic orientation toward efficiency but also that a situation can be fixed by becoming more efficient. Or the word can be used to indicate that something deserves special recognition, as in “an inconvenient truth” — the “inconvenience” proves its seriousness, its importance.

It seems strange, though, to propose “friction” almost as an end in itself, as proof of one’s conscientious attention to others, as if just getting along with other people were always a sort of false consciousness. (Maybe it is.)

As an alternate definition of inconvenience, Berlant offers that “inconvenience disturbs the vision of yourself you carry around that supports your sovereign fantasy, your fantasy of being in control.” The question then becomes, Where do those fantasies of control come from? Are they inescapable aspects of the human condition? Are they the corollary of being a subject in a “control society,” of needing to escape from a sense of being constantly managed? Do they derive from how often convenience is marketed and pushed on us as the ultimate good?

The pleasure that is supposed to stem from the experience of convenience depends ultimately on “inconvenience” being experienced as something incredibly terrible. (I think of the petty fuming of people (i.e. me) when they are about to lose their minds while waiting in a checkout line. Or how road rage is so disproportionate to what triggers it.) The technology we use and encounter in everyday life tends to reinforce this division, it always tries to orient us toward convenience as “enjoyment” and inconvenience as irrational or “unjust,” to use the frame Berlant rejects.

I am generally sympathetic to the strain of tech critique that argues that it structures users as hopelessly addicted to convenience and willing to sacrifice their own rights, as well as the well-being of other people, to get it. That is, intolerance is produced as “inconvenience,” is fomented by the apps and devices and protocols and expectations that are associated with them. Tech’s marketing often hinges on making other people disappear — this is predicated on something like Berlant’s claim here, that the awareness of other people is inherently inconvenient, draining. But the critique assumes that the love of convenience or sovereignty can be produced or augmented in people — Berlant seems to want to locate it in the social matrix, or as a horizon.

Inconvenience is at once “mattering to someone” and “enraging someone.” Berlant stops short of framing inconvenience as a kind of cruel optimism, but it has some of that self-contradictory quality. But where “cruel optimism” directly illuminated so many kinds of situations in which one feels stuck or at odds with oneself, split by desire, “inconvenience” just seems descriptive, an “everyday affect.” No more, no less.

Berlant goes so far as to argue that “the minimal experience of inconvenience does not require incidents or face-to-faceness: the mere idea of situations or other people can also jolt into awareness the feel of their inconvenience, creating effects that don’t stem from events but from internally generated affective prompts.” In other words, just thinking about other people, and their irreducible difference, prompts a feeling of having been inconvenienced. (One can read out a lot of right-wing politics from this.) It seems a bit reminiscent of Sara Ahmed’s work on “killjoys’ and “complaint” that dwells on the various ways people are deemed inconvenient, structurally and interpersonally.

But over this long introduction, the concept of inconvenience feels worried down to the point where it just signifies life’s ups and downs or just means “ambivalence”: Inconvenience becomes simply a moment within any kind of experience whatsoever, and speaks to a psychic “drive” to have experience, to understand that one is having experiences precisely because they are inconvenient. “Inconvenience is not just a punctum experience but a measure of the impact and standing of encountered things.” Yes, but what does describing it that way accomplish?

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oonajaeadira · 2 years

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"But it helps if people are okay with just being wrong. Being human. Admitting to a mistake. We all make them, every single one of us. We only do more damage when we deflect. It's okay to say "I'm sorry." It's okay to say "I didn't know." It's okay to say "I won't do that again and let me ask questions so I know how to do it right." And it is the right of the person who has been hurt NOT to give that forgiveness. That is valid. But, in fact, admitting your fault will find you acceptance and forgiveness so much much faster because it shows care for the other."

Hi, I'm the original anon you responded to! As much as I love this, I sadly disagree. I want to agree, but I've seen far too many people both celebrities and regular people online make a mistake and own up to it but then are still dragged for it. It's why I sent in my ask with empathy, because if there's anything I've learned from the Pedro Pascal fandom specifically, it's that there are people who can accept apologies and move on and others who just want blackmail. To them, an apology is proof to hold over someone as a reminder that they were wrong when they do anything moving forward that they or others deem problematic. The Pedro fandom in general I've found has sects where serious boundaries are crossed and harassment is almost like a badge of honor.

A good friend of mine made a really dumb mistake on Twitter and after a few months, he was STILL getting harrassed despite writing a tweet acknowledging what he's done and that he's sorry and explained how he'll do better moving forward. He had to delete Twitter and make his socials private and is honestly afraid of trying social media again because people take things too far. This wasn't in the Pedro fandom or even Star Wars, I don't want to go into detail out of his privacy, but I just remember how hard his mental health took it and it made him resentful rather than humble. As a teacher, I've tried to keep this mind that our energy and words can impact us, and that people are more receptive to kind accountability rather than being yelled at. Being yelled at just makes people, like kids, want to hide things and not trust others with their honesty if it's used against them. It's not justifiable the older we get, but it's hard to unlearn habits when a world scrutinizes you for trying to do something right the wrong way.

Now I'm not saying this is the case regarding your friend and others who've been hurt and wronged in this instance, or that people shouldn't apologize, but I recognize whiy javispinkshirt may feel like they can't apologize with how extreme the Pedro fandom has shown to be to members in its own community. It's why I can understand how some people may think silence is better than an apology, even if they really are sorry, and hope that changed behavior is as good of an apology even if it's not the favored ending for everyone involved.

I just think with cancel culture, we live in an age where people are afraid to accidentally do something wrong, and then their apologies be thrown in their faces. I'm #old but it feels like to me Covid brought out an ugly side to a lot of people and the isolation and traumas from the beginning of the pandemic have had people not know how to maturely navigate their emotions online and off. Being stuck inside with big emotions and not enough space to express them has led to a lot of violence on social media that I've never seen before. They make a lot of irrational and impulsive decisions and I have seen people act like martyrs for ganging up on people they think are problematic. Even if it was one mistake, even if it was a dumb mistake. I've seen people try to cancel peoples' careers and ruin their social lives and doxx personal information about them in retaliation, and I think people prefer to get defensive over their actions than admitting to being wrong because it's easier to feel dignified in your ignorance than be torn apart despite doing the right thing.

It's why I want people reading this to understand that once a point has been made and the person has admitted their wrongs or changed their behavior and moved on, leave them alone. No one deserves to be a pariah forever, especially if their behavior isn't constantly repeated with no hint of guilt or shame or wanting to change. My mom (who is no longer in my life) was like that. She'd tell people she's "sorry you feel that way" and then continue doing whatever she wants regardless of how others feel. It's why I have more empathy for people who may not always apologize out loud, but try to show they're sorry in other ways and move on. My dad was never good with words, but he'd go out of his way to show he was sorry to whomever he hurt and immediately changed his behavior. Not everyone is great with words and it takes time and practice to get there.

I hope this is dropped by Friday and people move on. If people want to block people who hurt them or the very image of them bothers them, I get it that's valid. But I think after a week, any other harassment or posts regarding this person is excessive and no longer about teaching them a lesson and asking for an apology, it's just harassment to justify valid emotions.

Thank you for hearing me out, and again I have love for everyone involved including you. I agree with you completely, minus this one part, and I hope everyone can heal and move on and learn lessons and be kind. Everyone deserves a safe space and a second chance as long as they don't continue to abuse others' kindness and take advantage of the chances given.

I think you make some very sound points. Thank you. I too hope that things get resolved peacefully and respectfully.

I want to post your response because I can see that you feel strongly about this. But I hope that you don't mind if I bow out of the discussion here. I just worked a 13hr day and to be painfully and embarrassingly honest, just I blew all of tonight's brain power on the two previous responses and don't have anything intelligent to add. I feel like the girl at the slumberparty that just lost her second wind and is trying to contribute to the conversation but is falling asleep nodding and like, "yeah, I know, right?"

....Y'all gonna draw on my face with sharpie, aren't you.

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synonymouswithanonymous · 6 days

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double edged sword

Or is it multi edged? Another long post of my thoughts. 😛

So I find it funny that now Johanne is getting shit for decisions she hasn't even made yet. They're not even married yet (not that that really means much anymore when having kids) to have kids. But MAYBE they want to move her in so it'll be "perfect" like he said (I imagine moving is difficult during a travelling musical, but she's partially already there lol clothes wise). Then get engaged, be married for a little bit before kids and just enjoy the time together? Like a regular or Normal life! Unless they want to have them right now. Their careers are going well. They've got projects lined up. I thought people were saying they're moving " too fast" lol? Now people are saying she's going to withhold babies from him? Give them a minute lol. Let them move at their pace, not yours. They'll live how they want to live.

They've moved the goalposts of hate once again. Maybe it's bc they look so happy? 😊 maybe it's bc she's moving in?

Now the hate narrative is going this way....Some have decided she only pretends to be motherly to trap Alex. 😂😂😂 Some have decided that her career is too big now for her to stop and have a child. Really? They can read minds through pictures and videos on instagram? 😂😂😂 again that's not how gut feelings work (in person contact is needed). This really makes me laugh. The mental rhythmic gymnastics behind hyper focused negativity towards this lady is astonishing.

But even COO's of F500 fame have children, as women. Ballet dancers start families and go back to their careers too. Actresses have been giving birth and going back to studios many times.

She could probably take 2-3 years off after Wicked and then make a comeback easy, for the right part. And considering Askepots success and her talent, they'll probably want her back too. 😊😊😊 same for Alex.

And with Wicked lined up, unless a surprise happens (I don't like using the word accident for a baby, but surprises!) 😊😊😊 I doubt they'd be actively trying for one right now (just a guess). What's wrong with that? Nothing.

Also isn't this the same "fan" group/ haters that predicted she'd already be pregnant? Or will be pregnant any day now. 😂 Using that to "trap him" or "keep him." By estimation of these guesses she should've already given birth before Askepot premiered. lol. 😂😂😂

If she gets pregnant watch, they'll flip the script BACK again and say she did it to trap him, manipulate him etc. Even if it happens after marriage. Lol

the hate she gets is getting more irrational by the day. But they keep changing up hate theories for them both, to recycle later. Rinse and repeat. 😂😂😂

Sidenote: I can't imagine if they get engaged and she starts planning a wedding and posts like Gee Hirst is posting for her wedding, how much absolute hate she'll get for posting anything. Anyway love Gee Hirst too, and I love her posts about her wedding, hair, dress and her ring! She's so happy! Makes me happy. 😊😊😊 But if Johanne ever does even a fraction of the same kind of posts for anything, the hate will flow through the haters like they're Palpatine.

Also I think most of his follower loss has been mostly from Bots. Meta deletes billions of bots every quarter from FB & IG so I don't think his numbers go down bc people are actively unfollowing him. It's just bots. Lol they target celeb accounts for some reason, and then get deleted. One article estimated bots account for 28% of the followers on celeb accounts. There's even a feature now for users to review and delete bots, maybe he's deleting them? Or Meta is. 😊😊😊 so I'm not sure why that's a big deal to some people either. Or proof that he's not taking care of fans, or its somehow magically her fault.

#alex høgh andersen #johanne milland #alex hogh andersen #lovely couple #gingers rule #alex hoegh andersen #alex hogh #celebs gotta deal with so much bs

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free--therapy · 6 months

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+ Adding onto the other ask (sending separately because it's kinda the opposite of that! Sorry for the trouble)

But the other kinds of thoughts, ones which are completely crazy, are the ones I don't even want to get bothered by at all because they just don't matter. Like my whole issue related to watching that nsfw content. I mean, when it first popped up in my mind, it was just that. Simply that in the past, I watched that content sometimes until I got over it and stopped watching. I believe it was just a teenage thing where I had newly gotten exposure of something different. Either way, the thought pooped up in my randomly in 2021 a long time after I had already stopped watching that content completely without even realising it. But instead of letting the thought go right from the first time, I ended up getting entangled with it to the point that I extended that issue SO MUCH unnecessarily.

Right from wondering if I like that stuff in real life too, to overthinking a million different "what ifs" related to it and just....so many thoughts/worries about it, each of which trigger me SO BAD for no reason honestly. I thought I had completely gotten over it because it didn't cross my mind much in the past year and a half. And yet, it's back again with new "what ifs" related to it. And just the fact that I got so bothered again this time around is disheartening. And idk somehow it's just very hard to ignore or let go of what ifs related to this topic because it kinda threatens to affect my character or identity in a way you know? So each new or old thought about it is just....I can't seem to let it go easily without fighting with it even knowing that in most cases, fighting those thoughts just make them seem more real.

I mean, with this topic, it's like when I try to rationalise or deny whatever that thought is telling me, it makes me feel as if I'm denying the truth in some way. My mind goes "what if deep down, you know its the truth" and when I get such thoughts, it triggers me even more because it makes me really feel as if they're real.

So many issues with other topics are bothering me again too since this month started.

It's like the overthinking leads to this complex web where all the what ifs seem interconnected and then my mind thinks of it as a proof that those thoughts are real. The web seems so impossible to get out of sometimes, it's crazy how something so negligible can become such a big issue.

So when it comes to thoughts related to this kinda stuff, the more I deny it by getting triggered, the more real it seems lol and it makes me go crazy. So with thoughts like these, I wonder if it's better to just observe and let these thoughts pass without doing much about them at all.

I wanna ask you though: is it normal for even the most crazy irrational thoughts to feel or seem so real or true? Like, some thoughts seem so real and convincing that it's hard to rationalise them in any way. I mean, it feels as if they're the truth and if we try to deny, we're just denying our real feelings or something....even if it's not real at all. Is that normal?

I know anxiety changes our perceptions a lot but with how threatening/real certain thoughts feel, it almost feels impossible to do nothing about them and even rationalising (especially if not done right) makes it worse and this, makes them feel even more real. Like denying what these thoughts claim seems to make the thought seem even more like it's the truth.

Is this common? Like even if the thought seems as if it's a fact about us or like it's the "deeper" truth about us, is it alright not to believe them?

Because I've experienced that sometimes, certain thoughts, if I try to rationalise by simply denying it, I get thoughts like "but what ifs it's the deeper truth about you?" Or "what if it's really the truth but you just didn't think about it before?" Like as if the thought is what I actually wish for somewhere deep inside me but that I'm simply not admitting it or something. This makes me very uncomfortable though and makes me feel at a loss for what to do. Is that normal?

This also leads to a lot of rumination. Like, literally spending most of my day being stuck in my head. This is something I'm trying to improve though. I mean, in the end, a lot of these thoughts just present what ifs so it's not like they're true. In fact, most times they're just false and are just making me think of the worst case scenario and fear it or try to solve it or find a solution to what I'll do if that worst case scenario comes true. But they're all thoughts in the end. And I get to choose which thoughts I do focus on and which I don't, right?

So I don't want to stop doing the things that actually matter or to stop enjoying my everyday just because of some thoughts that keep coming up in my head. I refuse to let any or all of them take up my mind for the whole day when I could be thinking of much better things too!

But when I try to do that, the idea that I might be ignoring something that's true or something that's real makes it to my mind and I get bothered again 😭

It's like if I'm having a perfectly normal moment, I'll suddenly remember "oh but I've been worrying about all these xyz thoughts so is it okay to not think of them?" Then I'll rationalise "yeah we've already dealt with those so we're fine. we don't have to bother" then my mind will look for thoughts that don't seem to go away or ones that feel like they'll always be here and go "okay but what about this particular xyz thought?" Then I'll rationalise then again my mind will bring up something and then that perfectly normal moment is ruined.

It's like having a day or two of calm makes me suspicious is all 😭 I mean, after having weeks/months of overthinking, the mind isn't used to having normal, peaceful moments so having those just becomes another trigger of sorts which sucks. Is this something you've experienced too?

Oh and if suppose an irrational thought pops up but instead of ignoring it or rationalising it, if I end up, even for a second, taking it seriously or thinking about it genuinely, then the fact that "I considered it even if just for a second" itself triggers me alot. Then my mind goes, "you actually did consider it and didn't immediately deny it which means you aren't actually that against it or maybe you deep down even like it" and this affects me badly especially if the thought is really unpleasant like related to the topic I talked about above. It's weird having these thoughts to begin with 😭

And obviously my mind will try to compare any irrational thought with anything else just to make those two seem similar just to "prove" that the irrational thought is true. Like suppose there is a thought which isn't all that bothering and I know it's not serious so I can simply rationalise it like "I can't tell if it'll happen or not but in the present, it doesn't matter so I don't need to worry about it at all" but if I try this same method of rationalising on a thought which is really triggering then I can't relax just by telling myself "it doesn't matter" which is weird.

Like if my mind goes "what if your frequent stomach issues mean you might have this xyz disease or what if it might lead to you developing this xyz disease?" Then I can rationalise comparatively easier by telling myself "I'll know if and when I have to actually consider it seriously. I know it might not be a problem at all and I don't need to think about it because it might not happen at all." And I'm okay letting the thought go just like that. But if the irrational thought is something like "what if that content you watched is something you wouldn't hate doing as much as you think if you're in a situation where you're anyhow forced to do it? Doesn't that mean you're kinda okay with it?" This kind of thought is SUPER triggering because it seems to threaten my identity I have about myself or the few morals/values I have, it seems to threaten those but since I end up actually thinking "wait is it really like that?" it just triggers me more. And it's very hard to rationalise it simply by saying "yeah but you most definitely won't be in that situation anyhow. So you know you don't have to worry so much thinking how you'll feel then" because I mean, even if that makes sense I can't let it go so vaguely or like....I can't tolerate that "uncertainty" in this case especially because I don't want to ever be in a state where I'll think that "I'm okay with it irl or don't hate it" or something. But then, how do I rationalise this?

It might definitely be my mind playing games with me again but either way, its so hard not to give in to the anxiety or believe the thoughts or not worry about the thoughts when it brings up such scary possibilities 😭

Also, from that post on "stuckness" another thing that resonated with me was the "selective attention" bit. Because I totally agree that focusing on the positive or more realistic proof is so hard. Like when a what if pops up and triggers me, even if I know 90% sure that the thought isn't true, my mind will only focus on the 10% that says "what if it's true?" And if it's about a topic that's triggering, then it's all the more harder to not believe those thoughts. I mean, how can they feel or seem so real and true? It's confusing.

I'm really sorry for writing so much about such a weird topic too. If I made you feel uncomfortable, I'm really sorry, it was never my intention. Also, thank you for reading too. I'm always grateful 💗

Yes, but again, opinions are not facts. You're anxious because you think they're true, but your mind is just playing tricks on you and this is why learning to regulate your nervous system and mind is vital. Your brain doesn't know the difference from a real threat and a perceived one. Maybe you're not asking yourself the right questions to challenge the thoughts and why they keep coming up. You might be spinning in the same thought processes without thinking about it differently. You shouldn't be denying your feelings about your reactions though, you just need to acknowledge that having these sort of thoughts are definitely uncomfortable, but also ask why.

Is this common? Like even if the thought seems as if it's a fact about us or like it's the "deeper" truth about us, is it alright not to believe them?

Yes, you don't have to believe everything your mind tells you. It's just going to keep telling you, "no, this is real/true" and you have to convince yourself that it's not, no matter how many times it says, "yea, but what if it is?". It's not! lol

Oh absolutely! Because your brain and body are stuck in survival mode (aka fight-or-flight mode), your brain is literally looking for threats and it will go to the greatest extents to make sure you're stuck in that mode because it knows that once upon a time certain thoughts seemed threatening to you. It's cruel, I know, but this is where learning to control your thoughts comes in to play and why it's so difficult to master. But it's absolutely possible!

You need to learn to give yourself more grace and patience when it comes to dealing with your irrational thoughts and overthinking patterns. It's okay if you don't give enough time to think about something you really don't want to invest anymore time and energy thinking about, especially if it's something you've already thought about time and time again. At the end of the day, does thinking about the problems really solve anything? Not really. Taking action against them is what gets problems solved, which I know can seem difficult when it's thoughts we're talking about. Usually anxiety stems from the need to control and one of the things I used to tell myself a lot about certain things is, "is this out of my control? yes? then there's nothing I can do about it and no amount of thinking about it can change the situation. Is it something I can control? yes, then let's do something about it." At the end of the day, it's easier to change your mindset about something than the problem itself.

#ask #answered #anon #overthinking #rumination #irrational thoughts #anxiety

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sleepingwithinkink2-0 · 10 months

Text

Space Cadet lost files:

Question of Faith #4

I'm not sure what to believe in any more,

floating lifelessly ...

Walking aimlessly in a forest of flesh..

Everyone I meet,

they seem to believe in something, to explain life;

Spiritual, religion, science ... Math.. So many reasons .. without doubt, without questions..

Faithfully ...

But to me...

Every belief seems to have flaws , within their reasons.. .

I want to believe,

But I'm not one to believe without some kind of proof ..

I never understood how people don't question more deeply the why of things ..

Perhaps there is something wrong with the wiring of my brain ,

I'm always questioning things...

Ponder every action committed by strangers...

Wondering why people do the things they do..

Why do certain emotions arise inside me at certain times..

People tell me it's good to have an open mind

But at times,

it's lonely with all these thoughts...

Nothing holding me down..

Breathlessly..

I wonder if there are such things as coincidences ...

Is everything truly random..

That we as humans are programmed to pick up patterns

In our every day life...

And

Yet I'm torn ...

On believing that things happen for a reason..

How some events that do break the laws of physics..

The only conclusion I have come up with is this:

It's how you perceive the world around you,

It doesn't matter what you believe in...

if it's true or not by someone else

As long as you believe in it ..

If you believe god exists, you're gonna see him ....

You're gonna find patterns all around you that point to him...

Or whatever you believe in ..

But there is also other thing at play...

Laws of Attraction...

The begining parts of your life..

They all play a big part,

Of how you interact with the world around you..

How you interact with people...

Friends, lovers, relationships..

They say

We fall in love with people like our parents..

We look for the love ,

We see growing up ...

What we think we deserve...

It's hard to break free from all that ..

Creating neuron pathways that harden with time..

That seems nearly impossible to break..

Yet for me that isn't enough..

Why does it have to be this way...

Is our lives in a sense already predetermined?

Do we have free will?

Are coincidences... Just coincidences...

Glitches in the matrix of life?

Do we meet people for a reason?

You listen to all these videos

Of how we met certain people to help us in our life...

But for what purpose?

What's the ultimate purpose ..

We all die .

That is our gift..

What I think is this ....

There is no reason,

No rhyme..

That life is absurd..

We make it complicated

With our anxiety

And

Irrational minds

It's absurd,

Because we don't have answers ..

just hypothesis ..

We give the people we love and admire ,

meaning

To be in our lives...

We allow them to be part of our experience...

What if it's not because of fate .

We just see parts that we like and we allow them to be in our prospective narrative..

What if none of it matters ..

What we do,

What we leave behind

And

Yet it does

Through out our lives we touched people..

We are remembered by someone...

It's only when we are forgotten on the lips of those we loved

Do we truly die..

Perhaps I'll always be floating ....

Never touching the ground...

Maybe home isn't meant for someone like me.

Short circuiting...

Sometimes I wish I would float a little higher...

To reach the stratosphere and explode...

Till I'm grasping for breath..

The darkness of Space's

Cold claws against my throat...

I'm afraid my last thoughts would be you..

How comical ..

...

I don't know what to believe...

Perhaps one of the reasons I like having deep meaning conversations with strangers

Is because I hope they give me reason ...

Enough evidence to believe..

Because I'm losing hope ..

My scars throbbing ..

Tearing

A constant reminder..

-Danny Sheehan

1:26am

07.10.23

#spacecadet #absurd #thoughts #beliefs #rain

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dear-derek · 10 months

Text

2023-06-28

Derek,

I think one of the biggest issues I struggle with is a lack of self accountability.

If I eat a shit-ton of cake, it's because it was right in front of me, and I was feeling bad, and I was brought up with food as my coping mechanism. It was a human moment, I couldn't resist. If I lose a friend, it's because they didn't like me, they ended things. How could it be my fault, when I never actually make any active decisions in relationships? If my life is barelling downhill faster than the speed of light, it's because the universe had it out for me. I was doomed from the start; I have the burden of knowing my own fate.

It feels so much better to be powerless and oppressed, to be allowed to pity oneself and wallow in disgrace like side characters in novels, than to accept the fact that you just fucked up.

I'm a determinist. It's something I love saying because it makes me sound interesting, but I wish it weren't true. To me, it's not something that can or has to be found from experimentation, it's a priori truth: the same way we know 2 + 2 = 4 because that's just how it works. We are experience machines; we indulge in the sensory information around and and internalize them. Instincts were built this way, too, making every aspect of our being fundamentally external and dependant on our environment.

Our own rationalism is further proof of determinism: we do, think, or say something based on what we've come to know, our little thinking minds subconsciously determine the best course of action based on genetics and environmental conditioning Those conclusions appear to the conscious self as desires, maybe impulsiveness, maybe a proper decision. They're still ultimately influenced by what we percieve, not some greater truth we think we've discovered.

Still, I think being a determinist is stupid. Not only does it take all the fun out of life, but it also sets into motion a negative conclusion, because it's based on the principle of innate passivity. Determinism also doesn't take away from the fact that I still experience life. As predetermined as I am, I'm not unthinking. As a determinist, there's nothing I can do to change the fact that I believe what I believe. As a person, with thoughts and feelings that are all completely biased and meaningless but still there nonetheless, I don't want to believe that my life isn't my own.

Still, if something in the world led me to stumble on this piece of knowledge, I don't know if I can reject it. How can you trick yourself into believing in magic when you saw the slit in the magician's rings? How can you believe in santa claus, after noticing your uncle's ring on his finger? I want to suspend my disbelief, but whenever I get close to doing so it occurs to me that that's the fault of my environments, and not a conscious decision. I then cling tighter and tighter to determinism, finding some stubborn solace in the fact that I'm not free, but at least I'm self aware.

But I'm not. People are arrogant, and they're self involved and irrational, and flawed. Logic itself is illogical when processed through their minds, and there's plenty of case studies to prove it. We all think we know the answer; We all think that we're the one to have miraculously solved philosophy. But we're all kind of stupid.

Who am I to decide that this is how the universe is ran? Who am I to accept my flawed perceptions as reality? If determinism states that I am the product of my environment, if it says that my truths are influenced on my subjective experiences, it's impossible for me, or anyone, to objectively understand or concieve of determinism. By its own rules, determinism is an impossible concept.

Why not, then. Why not believe in some sort of agency. A little part of me will always say that this denial is just some kind of coping mechanism, but determinism has filled that role, too. Why not replace it with something that will actually let me live with myself? Reality should not be ignored for the sake of personal comfort, but reality is so malleable and subjective that believing in it inadvertently rejects a big part of it we just can't see.

If I have to be blind, I want to be happy, too. So I'm going to go against my nature and dilute myself in the fantasy that I'm in control. It's probably wrong, but I've got nothing to lose if it is.

talk to you later,

#determinism #free will #reality #metaphysics #epistemology #knowledge #belief #a new hope #DearDerek #philosophy #tumblog #letters

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batteredwarriorstillstanding · 1 year

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When I suggested that you test people as a means to offset some trust issues (please note: I am not a therapist, professional of any kind, often just say shit without thinking--but, actually do this) and have no idea what I am talking about ALMOST as often as you, probably. Following this suggestion may bring results similar to an alcoholic watching others drink various brands of vodka, so he can determine, based on which of these become too intoxicated, the brands to avoid and focus exclusively on those imbibed by people who can hold their liquor. In other words, no amount of "testing" will satisfy a mind irrational to the subject of trust. IF ONE DOES decide to partake in this activity some measure of forethought, and consideration of how your chosen scenario will be viewed by the subject, as opposed to substituting this for what you want them to perceive and issuing an edict that their difficulty in doing so is the most ironclad proof that we have a slimy snake on our hands available. ...didn't even perceive shit with a hint of acknowledgement to you! What a monster. .....posted for no particular reason.

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colorfuldream · 1 year

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Hey guys if there's any creator on here that may weight in on this vent it would be nice

So I have those stories. Premises are pretty generic dystopian stuff. Obviously there's going to be stories that are similar right? Well there's one, that some people I vaguely know have mentioned. I check it out because they praise it. I hate it for (very valid IMO) reasons. It goes against what what I want to write is about. So no problem right? No. There's a few things that are TOO close for my comfort. But it's stuff I CANNOT change. So me, in my entire mentally ill glory, get scared that when I finally do them I'll get compared to it and be called a copycat.

No harm though, I can just ignore these IF it ever happens yeah? The problem is that I, as an artist, am not good enough yet. Let's be honest I'm barely mid, especially with digital. So in my mind, it won't just be me being unoriginal and stealing stuff, it will be me doing a shit job at it.

Now, luckily, it's a story with a small following. No mass comments about it, no cancelling for being a dirty thief possible. It's even on smaller platforms!

But. There's always a but. The author didn't stop there, (and good for them!) they got picked up by a bigger platform for another story. Still, different audiences, different languages. The new story isn't what bothers me though. It's the fact that the English platform picked it up recently. So now they have an international audience! Good for them! I don't like their stuff but that's a great achievement!

Still part of me is upset and scared. That means they will now be more noticed. They might grow a bigger fanbase through this and, of course, they will check their other works. So That One Story may get more popular. And my (irrational) fears kick back in. I know it's petty and dumb. I never even really shared what I wanted to do anywhere, except maybe here in some tags, so my brain interprets that as a bad look. Like yeah no proof that it was planned even when I never knew of its existence. I'm going into overthinking mode. I thought I maybe had time to hone my skills and begin sharing it, maybe even build a small audience and get a person or two to know about it. Kind of a "well if they get picked up, at least I have some time to build my own foundation and I will be able to withstand comments". But now, I don't. And I don't have skills or the time to begin now. My mind is screaming that time has run out or that it will so I MUST either give up or do it. But my plans include that specific part of the story to arrive later. Later is too late though. I need the set-up, the practice! Yet it yells I don't have time. If I don't push it fast, I'll have to give it up. I need to get ahead and try to lessen the damage, build something before the other person gets more known and everything is ruined.

It's stupid, it truly is. There's no guarantee they will get that big. Well, I do wish for them they will, but you get the gist. There's no guarantee my stuff would ever be noticed or known either. There's no guarantee my daydreams will become real, good or bad. No one but me may ever make a connection, no one but me would think lesser of me for it, no one but me would dislike it.

Yet my mind is screaming, my heart is hurting. It feels like my dreams have been shattered, snatched away before I could even try. I'm angry. I'm sad. I have no idea what the Hell is going on.

#i guess i'm searching for comfort #really needed to vent #ondina's text posts!#vent #text #I had happier things I wanted to share like that one OC I love has a name!! but even he is affected by this.#sucks to suck #it just had to happen during a stressful time and when I'm hungry and tired

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lascldollars · 2 years

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Why did everyone hate the slim shady lp

Scream, shout it out loud now, "FUCK YOU SLIM!"Ĭause my voice sounds wack when its done by him Ken Kaniff kid, got you screaming who's realĨ mile then, and now you live in BluefieldĪnother diss song that will rip your asshole You're a bitch with no clip in your gun, you ain't a felon What you? Cause then you know what I'm telling I saw you holding hands the other night with Dr. I shouldn't talk about your boyfriend like that, Slim Proof's getting jealous, so he signed to MaverickĪnd Timberlake too, now that Britney passed it Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's backĪ-tisket a-tasket, man I get my ass lickedīy little Slim baby, he's obsessed with f****ts One blonde-haired rapper likes it inside, likes it inside, likes it inside, yeeeaaaah One blonde-haired rapper likes it inside, likes it inside, likes it inside "Without You" - The Ken Kaniff Show - (Parodies "Without Me") Ĭause, I'm not saying it about Dre, you know what I mean, Eminem whatever "Ken Kaniff" - The Marshall Mathers LP " Curtains Close" - The Eminem Show - (Parodies "Without Me") Ken: You want me to fuckin' melt in your mouth and not in your hand? Melt in your ass, ya little cockboy? Ken: Yeah, you want me to lick your ass, Eminem? Ken: Ken Kaniff from Connecticut, little bitch. Ken: Ken Kaniff, from Connecticut (automated piece of shit). Operator: At the tone, please state your name. Give 'em a piece of my mind a piece of my ass. You can help Eminem Wiki by expanding it. This article has not been contracted with Shady Records. He is also on Twitter, and he is followed by Jonah Hill. In 2002, he got his own album, The Ken Kaniff Show, where it is confirmed that he is in fact, a pedophile. Outside of his roles within Eminem's skits and songs, he was given a place as one of the major characters on The Slim Shady Show, where he is portrayed as a skinny red-haired Caucasian in reality he is a dirty blond with a mustache that works for Krohn Media. Ken can later be heard on The Marshall Mathers LP 2 singing a parody of "Berzerk" in a bathroom at the end of "Wicked Ways" on the deluxe version and the end of "Evil Twin" on the standard edition album. He apparently accompanies his freestyle with a tap dance. On Relapse, he is also presented on the outro of the album in a skit at the end of the song "Underground," where he once again parodies songs from the album ( Relapse + Relapse: Refill songs "My Mom" and "We Made You") in a session of people struggling with some kind of dependency. On The Eminem Show, the character appears in a skit called "Curtains Close", where he steps up to an empty stage with no audience and parodies the intro of the song, "Without Me" in the microphone, changing the words to sound homosexual. He appears on the song, "Criminal," saying "amen" when Eminem tells him to give him an "amen". On The Slim Shady LP, Ken has his own skit in which he calls Eminem and proposes to him multiple gay practices in a hotel room on which Eminem just laughs and also Eminem mentions rapper Cage (with whom he had beef at the time) when he asks Ken, "Yo, who is this, Cage?" On Madd Rapper's album, "Tell 'Em Why U Madd" in 1999, he appears in intro of the 9th track of album, "Stir Crazy." He returns on The Marshall Mathers LP, once again in a skit named after him, where he receives fellatio by Shaggy and Jay - this skit is the, therefore, diss against the group, Insane Clown Posse. Ken is portrayed as having an expansive imagination coupled alongside a distinctly psychopathic mind state which rationalizes both pedophilia and an irrational hate for minor authority figures. The character, as he appears on The Marshall Mathers LP, has since been voiced exclusively by Eminem, while Aristotle's original version of Ken still exists as a bisexual, adult male still attending high school. However, a dispute between him and Eminem resulted in both artists severing ties. He was originally made and voiced by Aristotle on the skit "Ken Kaniff" on The Slim Shady LP. Ken Kaniff aka Ken Kenneth (Tony Maloney Rose) is a recurring character in skits and, initially, songs on Eminem's albums. You can help Eminem Wiki by organizing itĬriminal Charges: Child Molestation, Sexual Abuse Martial Status: Unknown (Most Likely Single) Children: 1 (Adopted & Fostered) Gender: Male

#Why did everyone hate the slim shady lp

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islanublar · 2 years

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Intranet 1997

Only things that are different from already posted Intranet are going to be here.

REQUEST FOR PROPOSAL

Thanks to quick and decisive action by the InGen board of directors, the day has come that we've all been waiting for. It is time to harvest the significant productive assets that we have attempted to hide, at great expense, when we could have safely displayed them for profit. Enormous profit!

I've always said we have the best marketing team around (the fact you've been able to keep us afloat for the past four years is proof of that), and now you have a chance to show what you can really do.

The InGen waterfront complex will be completed and ready to receive visitors in less than a month. The animals are fully developed; the round up team leaves tomorrow for Site B; specially-equipped transport trucks are currently being road-tested.

Your job to see to it that the amphitheater is completely sold out on opening day.

To that end, I want a detailed marketing plan and budget on my desk by the end of the day. Think big. This has to be the biggest grand opening in history!

I look forward to receiving your proposal,

Peter Ludlow

SECURITY

Valid Identification...

Level One Clearance Granted...

Welcome to Security a message from Jim Boutcher

Security. What's that all about anyway? In my mind, it's a freedom from fear and anxiety. When that Great Scientist in the Sky invented us humans, however, he managed to cross a couple of wires. Fear and anxiety aren't conditions most people can free themselves from. They're the two qualities that drive us to action. Why do you go to work every day? Why don't you cheat on your husband or wife? Why do you lighten the pressure on the accelerator every time you pass a cop?

Fear of pain. Fear of God. Fear of death. Without fear and anxiety, people wouldn't exist. They'd have no motivation, no will to action.

That would be fine and dandy if we were living in some kind of pinko utopia, but wake up brothers and sisters, that's not where we're at. We've got a company to run, families to feed.

Now fear and anxiety, left to float around on their own volition, don't make for an effective workplace. It's our job in Internal Security to focus the fears, funnel the anxieties. Make the employees scared of sabotage. Of one other. And most importantly, of us. If we can control their emotions, the ship runs a little smoother, and we're all better off because of it.

So take the time to read through these pages. Acquaint yourself with the current projects. Memorize the hot sheet. Maybe find a few suspects of your own.

I'll be watching you,

Jim

The Hot Sheet

These are the employees we'd like to keep an eye on this week...

Davis, Kevin. Doesn't seem to be taking recent breaches in security with enough seriousness.

Preston, Jason.. Has expressed suspicions about his immediate supervisor James Saunders. Might be a ruse to shift attention from his own activities.

Saunders, James. One of his co-workers suspects him of attempting to hack into the Restricted Access Area. And the amount of late night hours this guy spends laughing to himself is enough the creep even me out.

Current Projects

Here's the slate. Familiarity with this list is crucial to being an effective Security Officer:

Operation Apprehension. Create false sabotage threats, encourage beefed-up Security presence.

Like so many of my other great ideas, Operation Apprehension came to me while I was in the shower. Hearing a noise in my apartment (a comprehensive reconnaissance later turned up a hinge in need of oiling), I realized that all that separated me from that big, scary world out there was a vinyl polymer shower curtain only a couple of millimeters thick.

While my feeling of naked exposure was quite literal, I correctly realized that everyday folks must feel like this fairly often on a more metaphorical level. A wellspring of irrational terror poking around under a thin veneer of calm. If I could only exploit it...

And I have. I make it a point to create a little paranoia within the work environment each and every day. Sometimes I'll steal a pen from someone's desk. Or start a rumor about a particularly nervous employee. Maybe even let a dinosaur out of its pen - you can't do better than a the anxiety of sabotage.

You'll be amazed at how fast these small little things cumulate into something tangible. And when it's tangible, you can control it…

Operation Beeswax. Encourage employees to report the suspicious behavior of their co-workers.

Ever walk up to a fellow employee, hard at work at some project or another, and sneak a peek at whatever he or she is doing?

Maybe it's a pathetic need for reassurance. Maybe it's just nosiness. The point I'd like to make is that regardless of what causes it, it's a reflex action. People just can't help themselves when it comes to meddling in each other's business.

My theory has always been to exploit whatever truisms the world has to offer. If people are going to be constantly checking on their neighbor, let's use it to our advantage.

Operation Beeswax is a concerted effort to encourage people to rat out their neighbors. (As if they needed it!) How do we do this? Well, flat out asking them is a good start. But the sharp angle is to create an environment where people will want to tell. Where they'll feel like heroes, maybe even get rewarded for doing so.

Operation Clean Sweep. Develop and implement methodology for terminating unpopular animals with "inexplicable causes." Current subject: Brachiosaurus.

Some folks claim that crisis is one and the same as opportunity.

Well, a lot of people will talk that Sun-Tzu load of horse manure until their ears are spouting fertilizer, but I'll tell you one thing: most people don't like problems, and will avoid them at all costs. And when they find themselves actually confronted with one, they'll sweep it under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist.

John Hammond, our illustrious president, is no different from most in this respect. It's become especially evident in the way he's handled InGen's two most unpopular dinosaurs, the Brachiosaurus and the Velociraptor.

We all know the reasons why these two creatures aren't working out at Jurassic Park. To his credit, Hammond initially tried to deal with the matter at hand. He seemed pretty confident that he could pawn them off on some unsuspecting zoo as curiosities. When that didn't work, he got creative. Maybe he could sell the Raptors as guard dogs to some Marxist dictatorship. No dice, deeper desperation. Could he sell the Brachiosaurus meat to some starving Third World country? A better idea, but when the logistics of moving an 80 ton dinosaur got discussed, well, let's just say it'd be cheaper to try to feed all of Cambodia with Big Macs.

The real answer to this little conundrum finally dawned on Mr. Hammond. And what do you know, he didn't have the stomach for it. So much for Sun-Tzu.

So it's up to Security to rid the Park of these creatures. Only keep it simple, and more importantly, keep it quiet.

The end result, of course, is Operation Clean Sweep. Some friends of mine in the military (and I don't mean the Armed Forces - you'd never catch these guys swearing allegiance to a country unless there was some angle to be played) turned me on to a host of nerve gases that can be made from the ingredients you find in commercial fertilizer. Sodium Fluoride. Sodium Cyanide. Phosphorus Trichloride. Acetonitrates. Sure, Uncle Sam keeps tabs on who's buying what when it comes to this sort of thing, but when you're ordering chemicals for a Park the size of Jurassic, it's easier than you think to slip things by.

So far, we've been "treating" the Brachiosaurus with decent-sized doses of Sarin, the same nerve gas that guy used on that Japanese subway a couple of years back. And the results? Well, nobody can seem to figure out the "mysterious plague" that's killing these things off. And for the most part, no one really cares.

The Raptors will probably be a tougher foe, but hell, what's life without challenges?

Operation End Run. Initiate plan (if all else fails) to embarrass and discredit a certain "high-level" executive.

> " Please enter your ID and Password Now “

Operation Fall Guy. Identify potential scapegoats for various misdeeds. Gather establishing "evidence."

I grew up in a family with a whole mess of brothers and sisters, a father with a drinking problem and a two-inch wide leather belt, and a mother who was too tired to care. When you live in that kind of environment, you learn one thing right quick:

Never take the blame for anything if you can lay it on someone else.

Sometimes you can find a Fall Guy by accident. But don't count on it. The shrewd player will choose the mark in advance. Cultivate a relationship. Sow the seeds early, and you'll reap some hefty benefits down the line.

Operation Provide Comfort. Implement cash payments to settle wrongful death claims and other public relations problems related to (unspecified) incidents during initial research.

> " Please enter your ID and Password Now “

Emails

NOTE: there’s LudlowP & HammondJ emails i cannot access, since it wasn’t kept by the wayback machine. might be a few mistakes, i did my best though

BOUTCHERJ

To: BoutcherJ

From: LudlowP

Re: Expedition Update

Attachments: Roundup Team.doc

Now that InGen is my responsibility, it is time to get the company's money back.

To that end, I will be leading a convoy to Site B. All details of the operation must remain classified, along with the identities of the team I've hired to roundup our quarry (see attached). Our PR department has developed a cover story to account for my whereabouts during the next few days.

As soon as we establish a base camp on the island, you will receive instructions regarding a remote satellite transmission that I will be making to members of the InGen board and potential investors. Until then, not a word of this to anyone!

That's all for now. Need to set some new boots. I hear Timberland are the best.

DOC CONTENTS:

Roundup Team

Roland Tembo, adventurer and hunter, last seen spear-hunting jaguars in Brazil.

Dieter Stark, Tembo's trusted colleague, will command the lead "snagger" vehicle.

Ajay Sidhu, Tembo's tracker.

Dr. Robert Burke, a paleontologist and expert in dinosaur behavior.

To: BoutcherJ

From: HammondJ

Re: Security Breach

What's going on around here?

You assured me that all sensitive files would be encrypted. Don't worry. No one, not even Nedry, can get in, you said. This network is 100% secure.

That's a laugh.

See the attached file? It was recovered by my granddaughter, Lex. She was doing her homework on my PC and stumbled on the password for Site B. Site B for godsakes! Do you know what would happen if word ever got out that Well, I certainly don't have to tell you what a disaster it would be.

I want the passwords changed. Right now. Ill e-mail you the new ones.

Furthermore, what is Operation End Run? and why cant I access it!

SITEB @#$# TO ALL DEPARTMENTS OF **** MINDER OF %$#@#! PRESS AVOIDAN ******

**** after >*&> marketing *%** Long-term marketing plan *&>&>%

Marketing of proposed resort facilities requires that full complexity of JP technology not be announced. Mr. Hammond wishes to remind all departments that Production facility will not be subject of any press release at any time.

Production/manufacturing facility cannot be #@#$# reference to production island loc Isla S. inhouse reference only strict press ***>%$ guidelines.

To: HammondJ

From: BoutcherJ

Re: Security Breach

I apologize for the breach, and I will take appropriate action to make sure your orders are carried out.

As for Operation End Run, it seems to be a highly confidential project that your nephew, Peter Ludlow, has not disclosed to anyone including me.

DavisK

this one is technically just a minor change from the 1996 emails between the same from url and Bleekerman

To: DavisK (Kevin Davis)

From: [email protected]

Re: Re: My little compy.

>Grrr...You drive me wild. More importantly, you make me free! Free of all the office politics, free of that nagging witch who calls herself my wife.

My, my.

>Can you get away from that newspaper of yours early tonight?

I was thinking about stopping by tonight. But I've heard these terrible rumors about some of the dinosaurs getting out of control.

You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Is any money being spent in strange places?

SaundersJ

To: [email protected]

From: SaundersJ (James Saunders)

Re: My appointments

Hi, Dr. Katz!

I was just wondering. Work has been quite stressful of late, and I was hoping that we could perhaps schedule an extra session per week for me over the next month or so?

That Ludlow is making my life miserable :(

Repeat Emails

‘a poem’ from James Beard) has now been attributed to Maria Dillinger

‘daycare’ argument between Melissa Shenkin & David deVos is now attributed to Melissa Shenkin & Steve Hyland

‘Nightmare!’ from Christopher D'Angelo to Meghan Stephan, is now attributed as being from Dr. Stephen P. Jackson to Megan Odell

‘Some slight inaccuracies’ has been renamed as ‘The new budget.’ originally: From Melvin Bleekerman to Michelle Santarosa. Now attributed as from Melissa Shenkin to John Hammond

#circa: 1997 #source: lost-world.com

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