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racinggirl · 3 months

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promise

Lando Norris Fic - requested

My inbox for requests

a/n: Oh my godness I'm back y'all! It's been so long! It's the first request of hopefully many to come. So far my inbox is empty again, so don't hold back to send in some requests, one, or more. You can even send some anonymously! I hope you will like this story, and keep reading to find some little extra's I added, because I loved making AU's as well. Let me know your thoughts, tips, tops, anything really. It keeps me motivated to write more, so any form of feedback is very welcomed! Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy this fic 🧡

‘’Promise.’’ You linked your pinkie finger with the 5-year-old curly haired boy, giggling as the both of you were running around the playground, hiding from his mother.

‘’Come on, I’m nearly 25 already! I can easily go on vacation on my own!’’ You had always wanted to go on a road trip, preferably with a partner on your side, but that hadn’t been the case yet. So, you decided to go alone, because why not? You were old enough to look out for yourself, even though your parents weren’t too keen on the idea of their daughter traveling around Europe on her own.

‘’The world has changed, Y/N, it’s not safe to go on your own.’’

‘’But-…’’

‘’No, you’re not going on your own, end of story.’’

You groaned at your parents’ reaction and went to your room, frustrated, upset, but somehow you got their point. They weren’t wrong, the world had changed, and wasn’t that innocent anymore. Wherever you were watching the news, reports about murder, drunken drivers, kidnappers, it was all out there.

‘There’re more crazy people out in the world than there are behind bars’ was something your father would say, and he wasn’t wrong.

However, you wished you would have been able to do what that curly haired boy did. Sometimes you were jealous of him, jealous of how he travelled all around the world, going from one country to another, flying from Finland to Australia to Bali and back to his new home, Monaco.

Him and you met when you were karting in Bristol, the both of you loving the sport more than ever. However, karting wasn’t a girl’s sport, at least not to the world at that age. That’s why you moved on from it, where he pursued his dream career, you were only there to cheer from the side lines.

You hated learning, studying, it’s something you never were good at, or at least, not in school. Whenever you saw the data on the karting track, you’d spent hours trying to understand every piece of data that was coming through.

You begged your parents to let you go to engineering school, university. They didn’t want you to, it wasn’t a ‘girl’s thing’ to do, but after you refused to do anything else, they eventually agreed on letting you go to engineering school.

4 years later, and you had your engineering degree. You couldn’t be happier, because right now it meant you might do something you’d actually enjoy. Even if it wasn’t a ‘girl’s thing’ to do, you loved it.

‘’Hey’’ you smiled as you brought the phone close to your ear, lying in bed as you checked the time.

‘’Hey, did you see?’’

‘’Oh yeah, I did.’’ You laughed, looking up at the ceiling. ‘’You were flying! Pole position baby!’’ You giggled, smiling even harder when you heard him on the other side, repeating the final three words of your sentence.

‘’You still have to come for a race someday, you know?’’ His deep voice was ringing through your ears, and it immediately made your chest feel warm, it always did, he always did.

‘’Mhm.. I know, and I will, when my parents finally let me.’’ You sighed, playing with the ropes of your hoodie.

‘’You’re almost 25, when will they ever let you do your own things?’’

‘’I don’t know,’’ you sighed heavily, ‘’when I’m 40?’’

The sound of his laugh made you sit up straight, your cheeks turning a light shade of pink as you heard his laughter.

‘’Nah, I’ll have you kidnapped by then.’’ He smiled, causing you to giggle next. ‘’They’ll destroy you when you do that.’’

‘’Good thing I have my bodyguards, then.’’ And that made your heart feel a thousand times warmer. He was never one to brag about his success, never. He always was very modest, very gentle, and never liked it whenever people talked about the amount of money he had, or how famous he was. That’s why you clicked so good. You knew each other from when you were 3 years old, and he knew you liked him as a friend, and not because he was a driver.

‘’I asked them if I could go on a road trip, alone.’’ You quietly said, hearing how he fumbled around on the other side of the line. A soft ‘hold on, I’m busy’ made you smile, knowing he told whoever was there to wait, because he was talking to you.

‘’And let me guess, they wouldn’t let you go alone because the world is dangerous.’’

‘’Yep, exactly.’’ You sighed but sat up straight when you heard him gasp.

‘’Lando, what did you do?’’

‘’Nothing.’’

‘’What are you thinking?’’

Silence…

‘’Lando?’’

‘’Come with me.’’ You could hear his grin through the phone, and he could hear your brains working overtime because he immediately started to explain himself. ‘’You won’t be alone, you’ll be with me, my team, my crew.’’ He said. ‘’You can travel the world with me, I might even be able to work around some things here to have you here for some sort of internship, so you won’t have any expenses, and you’ll be able to come to the races with me. Your parents know me, I’m not a stranger.’’

You wanted to say yes, you wanted to give in because honestly, it was a great idea.

‘’But, and these aren’t my worlds, but you’re famous, Lando, and you-…’’

‘’I’m still the same Lando from 20 years ago.’’

‘’I know, I know that, but my parents don’t, you know how they are…’’

You hated the fact you just basically told him you couldn’t go with him because he was famous, and you hated that word as much as he did. Your parents were always so fond of him, they loved him, but they also always made sure to tell you that he had a lot of money, was very well known around the world and that most famous people weren’t the same people they were before they had the money. They’d say that the fame got to their heads, but it wasn’t the same with Lando. He had always been that giggly, funny, sweet, and caring boy, but simply because he wasn’t around during Christmas dinners, or the traditional ‘start of spring’ picnic, they assumed he felt too good for those kinds of things. You explained to them that he was just busy, that because of his job, the start of spring was in the middle of the start of the season, and that he simply couldn’t make it. But they were your parents, stubborn as always.

‘’Y/N?’’

‘’Hmm, sorry, what?’’ You said, hearing him chuckle on the other side of the phone.

‘’Let me talk to them, okay? Let me try to convince them, because honestly, you wouldn’t be the only one to benefit from that decision.’’ He whispered, causing your cheeks to heat up again.

‘’Okay.’’

‘’Lando?’’ Your parents were surprised to see him at your front step. He promised you he’d come to talk to your parents, and he always keeps his promises.

‘’Y/F/N, Y/M/N, it’s been a while, it’s good to see you again.’’ He was always very polite. Calling your parents by their first name was something you always did; you did the same with Adam and Cisca.

It was a good conversation, you occasionally tried to mix yourself into it. A reassuring smile from the curly haired boy made you confident enough to speak up to your parents, and this time, with success, because only a few weeks after your conversation you were packing your clothes.

One year. For one year you’d join Lando with his journey around the world. You had no idea how he did it, and especially this fast, but he had managed to give you an internship position at McLaren, meaning you could come along to the races, the dream scenario for every Lando-girl out there.

‘’You’re the best, you know?’’ You laughed, placing your phone on the bed as you zipped up your suitcases. Instead of living here in London with your parents for a year, you and him both decided it would be the best if you would live in his apartment near Woking. It was still close to home, and to the factory.

He was the best one could imagine, and you knew he was, because he was always there, and he always kept his promises.

You put your phone away and collected the things you had to before ordering a taxi to head straight to the airport. You had been living in his apartment for almost 2 weeks now, and things were good, they were great. He occasionally came to Woking for work, but also to spend time with you. You were best friends ever since, and nothing could ever change that.

The moment you arrived on the airport you felt it again. Those feelings you have been trying to ignore the moment they appeared again, the moment your brain wandered off and thought of him. He always made you feel that way, but you ignored it, always. It might sound cliché, and you hated thinking about it because in every romance book it got romanticized. Having feelings for your best friend never worked out great, except in those books.

But reality is, you’re not living in a book, you’re living in the real world, and it was dangerous. Feelings weren’t mutual all the time, and you didn’t want to find out if it was the case this time because you didn’t want to get your heart broken, so being friends made you be close, feel good without the heartbreak ending it.

It went quick, you got in the jet and 1 hour and a few minutes later you were already back on the ground. He was right, it was faster. Of course he was right, he always was, and that made you fall for him even more, how silly it may sound.

He had texted you, saying he was waiting in his car because of the fans wandering at the airport. Someone spotted his car on the way here, and the FBI agents they are, they immediately put one and one together. He was picking up someone, or his girlfriend, something most fans would say.

‘’Hey.’’ You smiled as you embraced him in a tight hug, he smelled good, he always did. A mix of Dior Sauvage and his own scent made you inhale his scent deeply. It felt like home. You explained him that mixing 3 very expensive perfumes wasn’t making him smell 3 times better, he used to mix most of his perfumes until you made that comment. He asked which one you liked the most, and ever since you mentioned Sauvage all he wore was that. But you never noticed the reason was because you mentioned it, you always thought he simply liked that fragrance the most.

‘’Hey, how was the flight?’’ He opened your car door after helping you put the suitcase in his trunk, the real gentleman he was, and hopped in the driver’s seat.

‘’Amazing, the most relaxing flight I’ve ever had.’’ You sighed, putting on your seatbelt before looking over at him, how he started the car and drove out of the parking garage.

You talked more, about the flight, about how things were at the apartment, his apartment here in Monaco, you even talked about your plans these next upcoming days.

‘’We’ll go to London tomorrow.’’ He whispered. The both of you were laying on his couch in his apartment here in Monaco. Instead of watching TV, you had moved the couch so you both could see the harbour, and the sun setting in the ocean.

The couple of weeks you had been here were the best you ever experienced. You did many things, from shopping to karting in Italy, a day at the beach in France, simracing and even streaming. You made chat very clear you were best friends and nothing more, but when people in chat started to ask about his feelings, and about yours, he told you, quietly, to not answer and ignore them, whatever that might have meant.

‘’Really?’’ Your smile grew wider when he mentioned that. It would be your birthday in 2 days, and you always spent your birthday at home, with your family and friends. Last year he couldn’t make it, as the season started the day your birthday was, but this year he made his way around it. Your birthday was on Tuesday, so Wednesday you’d both fly with his jet to Bahrein for the first race of the year.

‘’Mhm, I wouldn’t want to break your birthday tradition.’’ He smiled, his lips placing a tender kiss on your temple. You were lying when you said your feelings towards him hadn’t grown these couple of weeks with him in Monaco. Everything he did gave you tinglings in your stomach and you couldn’t help ignoring them anymore. You surrendered to the fact you had a crush on him, you liked your best friend, and it was the best feeling ever.

‘’Happy Birthday!’’ Your parents were waiting in the living room when you entered the house. They decorated the entire room with balloons, garlands, and pictures from your first till your 24th birthday.

‘’Smile!’’ They held the camera out in front of you, and you immediately felt an arm wrapped around your shoulder. This caused your smile to grow even wider.

‘’Happy Birthday, beautiful.’’ He whispered in your ear, pressing a kiss to your temple as his scent immediately went through your nose.

‘’Thank you…’’ You whispered, looking into his bright eyes and immediately looking down after, trying to hide the fact you were blushing because of his actions.

Later that evening, after you spent time with your family and friends, you and Lando went back to his apartment. You got many gifts, and you couldn’t be happier about this day.

‘’How was your day?’’ You felt the vibrations of his deep voice going through your entire body, leaning against him as you were seated on the couch of his apartment.

‘’Amazing.’’ You smiled. ‘’Couldn’t be better.’’

‘’Oh, but I think it can.’’ He reached for something in his bag, and once he got the box, he handed it to you. ‘’Happy Birthday, beautiful.’’ He whispered again, watching how you opened the box slowly.

You pulled the black coloured leash that was hanging from the side of the box and gently placed it on the table in front of you. You lifted the lid and grabbed the small bag inside of the box.

‘’Lando.’’ You gasped, touching the velvet bag and opening it slowly. Tears were burning in your eyes at this point, because you realised he made all this effort to get the perfect gift for you. And he succeeded because it was more than perfect.

‘’This is way too crazy.’’ You whispered, feeling how he moved your hair to the side, helping you clipping the silver Swarovski necklace around your neck.

‘’Look inside.’’ He said, tucking some hair away from your face with his fingers, causing your nervousness to grow even more.

You opened the necklace and smiled when you saw the picture inside. It immediately gave you flashbacks, because even though you were only 4 and 5 years old, it was the brightest memory you had from the two of you.

FLASHBACK

‘’Dating is stupid! Kissing is stupid!’’ You laughed when you were seated on the swing, holding tightly when Lando pushed you carefully.

‘’I know! My mommy and daddy kiss when daddy comes home from work and it’s so weird!’’ He laughed, making sure you wouldn’t fall from the swing.

‘’Lando! Y/N! Come on, it’s time to go home!’’ You heard Cisca calling for the both of you, and you jumped off the swing immediately.

‘’Come on, run!’’ He held your hand and while the both of you laughed, you ran to the playground, hiding from Lando’s mom. ‘’Shhh..’’

You stayed there for almost 5 minutes, which seemed like an eternity when you’re just 4 years old. ‘’I have an idea.’’ The curly haired boy smiled and held your hand tightly.

‘’Okay, tell me!’’ You giggled.

‘’When we’re both 25 and we’re still single, I’ll ask you to marry me.’’ He smiled, causing you to giggle and laugh, him doing the same. ‘’Okay!’’

‘’Lando! Y/N, come on we have to go, it’s getting dark!’’ You ran away again, running around the playground as you linked your pinkie finger with him. ‘’Promise’’.

END OF FLASHBACK

After he clipped the necklace around your neck, he took a hold of your hand and grabbed the second box in his bag. He kneeled in front of you, a smile on his lips as he opened the box with one hand.

‘’Marry me.’’ He whispered. ‘’Not now, don’t worry. But one day. You know I am a man of my word, and I still remember that day so well.’’ He smiled, looking at your necklace and then back into your eyes. He always maintained eye contact with you, and it made you feel safe and secure, because you know you can trust those eyes.

‘’I’ve been counting the days till your birthday, knowing that the day you turned 25, I was able to ask this question. I’m lying when I say I was hoping you wouldn’t find someone to be by your side, because, and maybe I’m being selfish, but I want to be that man. It’s too fast to immediately ask you to marry me, because I can’t force you to say yes, but God… Y/N. See this as a promise ring. See this as a promise ring that we’ll be together, that I’ll be the man in your life that makes you the happiest you’ll ever be.’’

Tears were streaming down your face as you listened to every word he said. Every word chosen so carefully yet so chaotically, because this is the moment you knew you weren’t the only one feeling this intense love for him. He felt it for you, too.

You answered him by cupping his cheeks with your hands and doing the one thing you have been dreaming of doing for almost 22 years. You kissed him, his lips moving on yours almost instantly caused you to smile against his lips, him following your movements. This kiss was something else, something that made all the butterflies in your stomach explode with fireworks, like they were all holding a fairy light and lighting them all at the same time.

‘’I love you, Lando, I always have, and I’m so glad I can finally say it out loud now.’’ You giggled, feeling his hand reaching for yours and the ring slipped around your finger so effortlessly.

‘’I love you too, and I promise I’ll get you a proper engagement ring.’’ He whispered before pressing his lips on yours again, firmly, full of love.

2 years later

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certifiedlovergirlsstuff · 5 months

Text

onlyfans

pairing: chad meeks-martin x fem!reader

wc: 1K

warnings: talks of sex (look at the title), no actual smut (cant write for shit)

summary: maybe the internet is starting to influence new ways to make "easy" money.

A/N: y'all...idk. idk.

masterlist / chad meeks-martin

you know how desperate college students get when they need money? really desperate.

especially when you have busy classes and homework that makes you want to rip your hair from the scalp in rage. you want to enjoy the new york life while you're living there, but holy fuck is it expensive! so after scrolling through your socials for way too long when you should have been studying, a specific video popped up and gave you a lightbulb moment.

“holy shit,” you whispered in the library.

now see, when you had that lightbulb idea three hours ago, you thought it was the greatest idea in the world for pretty easy money. now when you’re sitting beside your boyfriend on his twin bed in his dorm, you're regretting asking him-

“have you ever thought about starting an only fan?”

pretty sure if he had food in his mouth he would choke or spit take if he was drinking something. and you wouldn’t blame him for that reaction.

chad’s eyes widened so far you thought they would fall from their sockets and he might catch flies with his open mouth. he almost seemed frozen like a statue, hands sitting on his thighs and chest barely moving with his breaths.

“chad… baby… can you- can you say something or nod.” shaking his calf that was beside you.

he squeaked a noise, very high pitched, and nothing else. you were regretting your lightbulb idea. you could always check if the campus has job openings, maybe you can get a part-time job on the weekends, but that would kill your relaxation time. damn, the idea is becoming more appealing with just the knowledge it’s not too hard and you can do it whenever. plus, you can always do it with chad… if he can find his voice.

“baby, i know it’s a weird question, but i just saw how some girls are making good pay. and i need the money. of course if you’re uncomfortable with the idea of me starting one-“ “woah, woah.”

the first two words chad spoke in the past fifteen minutes. your hands laid between your crisscrossed applesauce legs, body facing chad. he changed his position, one leg dangling over the side of his bed with the other bent inward.

“i have no problem with you making an account. it’s your body, your sexuality. you get to decide how you flaunt yourself to the world. i’ll happily support you from the sidelines, would love to have a sugar mama. i was just surprised, you just… i don’t know.” he trailed off with a shrug.

you knew what he meant. you're not outwardly super sexual or outrageous confident. a bit timid when it comes to showing off your body and still a bit shy when it comes to sex with chad even if you’ve been dating since junior year. but you know you have your moments, drunk or sober, where you will feel like the baddest bitch on the planet and nothing can stop you. and you want to chase that feeling more often.

“you know those videos from twitter porn-“ “oh so that's what gets you off.” you shoved at his knee and he flashed a cheeky smile. bastard.

“yeah, yeah. i watch twitter porn. anyway, there are certain videos where they just shoot from the chest and below, with no faces in view. probably what i would do in case anyone from the school finds it.” fingers picking at the bed sheets. acting like you haven’t thought of this all day.

“oh, you worried ethan’s gonna find it.” jaw dropped, “chad!” a high-pitched screech before you swatted at his shoulder, “leave your roommate alone! he’s completely innocent in this conversation.”

“ow, ow! okay, okay. i’ll leave him out of this potential situation.” hands up in surrender but you rolled your eyes.

now you were preparing yourself for the next question that you were sure would make chad have a heart attack. with your palm resting on your knee with your thumb rubbing at the bend, you took a breath.

“also… i was wondering if… you would maybe want to do it… with me. porn- porn with- with me. filming our… sex.” yeah, definitely a good sales pitch. your stuttering and not making eye contact as your body grew hotter.

honestly, you were waiting to hear the words, “i don’t think this is gonna work…” you kept putting your foot into your mouth.

a meek gander at chad and he was squinting his eyes at you while leaning forward. your eyes widened just a bit, “what? is- is it so crazy i thought about filming our sex?” voice rising in pitch from panic.

now his eyes went from slits to an owl, fully open at your unfiltered words slipping past your defenses. you were a second from jumping off the bed and leaving the space before chad spoke with a teasing lit, “oh, so our sex is that good? you think people would buy from you and constantly watch the two of us, cause i kinda agree. i am very good at sex.”

now you couldn’t help to raise a brow at that, “oh, and i’m not? only chad’s good at sex in this relationship. if i recall just last week this room was filled with a whole lot of whimpering and whining…and it wasn’t from my mouth.” leaning into chad’s space with a seductive drop in your voice.

he didn’t shy away from the closeness that was your hands near his inner thighs and your breath fanning over his face. he, himself, inches closer with the tip of his nose bumping into yours as he dropped his voice, a thick tumble that stirred a warmth deep in your belly. “and i was happy to be at your beckoning.” he turned his head just a tick to the right and planted a feather kiss to the apple of your cheek.

a shaky breath escaped parted lips, eyes fluttering closed as you whispered into one of chad’s ears, “wanna get started on some videos?” chad didn’t say anything, just leaving more feather-light touches to your ear lobe than to the junction of your jawline. he muttered, “why don’t we do a warm-up round before the real performance starts.”

and you didn’t protest at the idea.

#chad meeks imagine #chad meeks martin x reader #chad meeks #chad meeks martin #chad meeks x reader #chad meeks-martin x fem!reader #chad meeks-martin fluff #chad meeks-martin smut #chad meeks-martin scream 6 #chad meeks-martin scream5 #scream 6 #scream 6 x reader #scream 6 imagine #scream 5 #mason gooding fluff #mason gooding scream 6 #mason gooding imagine

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

Note

Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.

#fandom #fic things #mymetas #never any easy questions on this blog huh? lol

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artificialqueens · 3 years

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Cause After All This Time, I'm Still Into You (Taywhora) - Winter

a/n: it’s been a lil while but i decided to start posting here again, i put this up on ao3 and my blog but i figure i’d cross post for the anons i saw wanting taywhora, hope y'all enjoy <3

thanks to pink-grapefruit-cafe for betaing :)

Before they were living together, A’whora thought Tayce to be flawless. Literally, where were the flaws? It wasn’t that she had any issues, far from it, but she had one vulnerability and she rarely showed it.

She was terrified of bugs. More specifically, spiders but any insect around her and A’whora could see the sense of unease in her eyes.

It took a screaming Tayce bolting into her room to take her eyes off her sewing machine. The noise made her jump, messing up a stitch in the action. Her roommate stared at her, eyes wide with a mix of fear and shock.

“A’whora! I went to get in the shower but there’s a spider in there, can you please get rid of it.”

A’whora stared back blankly, shrugging before returning her attention to her work. As much as she wanted to help Tayce at any opportunity, her work held most of her attention at this time of day.

“Don’t ignore me, lass! Please, Aurora.” The pleading tone in her voice caught her off guard. A’whora frowned, she wasn’t keen on bugs but she could throw a shoe at a spider if it pleased Tayce. It helped that she was utterly adorable, nervously staying behind her as they walked to the bathroom to get rid of it.

“Fucking hell! It’s huge.” A’whora recoiled, she’d expected something stupid like a daddy -ong-legs but this spider was around the size of her hand. Staring it down made her feel nervous but the terrified Tayce muttering words of encouragement made her remembered what she was doing this for.

She held the shoe in her hand, whacking the creature with all the pent-up fury she had from years of repressed lesbianism. She hit it repeatedly for good measure, glancing over at Tayce to gauge her reaction before erupting in giggles at the shock on her face.

“Fuck, you look like you need therapy.”

“Don’t we all?”

A’whora glanced back at the mangled corpse of the bug, she cleared it up with some toilet roll to her disgust. Picking pieces of dead spider wasn’t her ideal Thursday afternoon activity but seeing the gratefulness of Tayce’s face made it worth it.

“Oh, you’re such a doll. Thanks ‘Rory you’re a lifesaver.” With the affectionate nickname, Tayce pressed her lips to A’whora’s cheek before heading off to prepare for her shower.

Oh. She enjoyed that a little too much.

—

Tayce was a private person by nature. She was fine with being expressive, it was something she couldn’t control. But she didn’t let people push past her boundaries. It had worked for a long time until A’whora came around and melted everything with a flutter of her lashes.

She’d never admit it, and risk boosting such an ego, but Tayce’s weakness was the rude blonde she lived with. Something about her felt comfortable. She was home, someone Tayce never felt a need to fake things around. If she wasn’t into a conversation or just wanted to be alone, A’whora understood. Sometimes she got lonely, it was something that went unspoken for months. Just the occasional day where Tayce was all over A’whora much to the latters annoyance.

For her part, A’whora never pushed her away. She’d whine a bit about not being able to do her work before returning the attention and trying to keep down a smile when Tayce would lay her head on her shoulder, quietly making her desires known before wrapping her arms around her waist to pull her into a long embrace.

You know. Normal friend stuff.

It happened to be one of those days, Tayce could feel herself going too far into her head. She needed someone next to her to take those thoughts away, but A’whora had been complaining about how busy she was for days. Tayce had barely seen her, and it hurt to think that she would shake her off if she went to find her.

She tried to reassure herself, this was ridiculous. She wasn’t dependent on her roommate. She had a life and friends, but something about being with A’whora soothed her to her core. The internal debate kept on, though her feet decided for her as Tayce realised she was stood outside the door of A’whora’s sewing room

She opened the door to see her roommate hunched over her sewing machine, brows furrowed as she concentrated hard on constructing the outfit. The creek of the door caught her attention, her eyes flying to Tayce stood in the doorway.

“You alright there lass?” A’whora looked the woman in front of her up and down. Something felt different but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

Tayce walked over silently, perching her head on A’whora’s shoulder as her arms wrapped around her waist. They sat there, soundlessly embracing without much care for the world. A’whora was vaguely aware of the work in front of her but the warmth that Tayce radiated was intoxicating. She could never fight being held by her arms.

“Is today one of those days where you need attention?” Tayce let out a hum of agreement, not quite able to find the words to describe her feelings. A’whora understood enough, lightly pulling at her wrist and leading them to the couch. Her instinct was to reach for a comfort snack, grabbing the jar they kept of Percy Pigs for things like this.

Though she tried to ignore the growing feelings, she wasn’t against something happening between them.

That was an understatement, her heart stammered when A’whora turned to her with a small smile and shining eyes. The smaller girl had a resting bitch face, her natural state was sourer than most people could handle but Tayce never found her looking like that unless she was annoyed. When they were alone she was a different person, so much more sweet and loving than anyone else could know.

She envied how easily A’whora opened up to her, it took some time but she’d fully let Tayce in within a few months of living together. It’d been almost a year and a half and that was still something the brunette struggled with. She wanted to tell A’whora everything, about the loneliness and the way she felt unfulfilled despite her cool demeanour.

“Rory, can I tell you something?”

“Of course, you can tell me, anything babe.”

“You’re the only person who doesn’t make me feel alone.“ Tayce tried not to show hesitation in speaking her feelings, instead, leaning her head into A’whora’s shoulder. The warmth of her roommate was enough to distract from most things going on in her head. Though she loved the affection, A’whora realised it was a defence mechanism. If she couldn’t see a reaction then she wouldn’t have to deal with it. That was an interesting way to think but she wasn’t really in a position to judge.

“Tayce, if you ever feel alone, I’m here alright? We get each other better than anyone else. I’d never let someone I genuinely love feel like shit if I could help.”

Tayce let out a muffled sigh, moving her head to still lean into the blonde’s shoulder but be able to speak clearly.

“Someone you genuinely love huh?” Despite clearly being meant as a quip, Tayce’s voice was far too fond, dripping with so much affection it made A’whora’s heart swell. She was thankful Tayce couldn’t see her reaction from where her head was, she wouldn’t live down the blush that took over her face from the comment.

“I love you too, don’t think too hard about it. I can feel you blushing.” Tayce laughed, poking her in the ribs to a delightful giggle from the smaller girl.

It amused her how they’d occasionally get like this, separate from the world stuck in the bliss of each other and yet not wanting to speak a word of their actual feelings. It was painfully obvious there was something between them. Lawrence loved to comment on the sexual tension but Tayce thought it ran deeper than that. There was so much comfort in their relationship, it didn’t make sense to most people.

From how flustered she got, A’whora had to have some kind of feelings for her. Tayce never wanted to pry, she liked where they were at.

Or she was scared to lose it and didn’t want to risk it on the off chance she read it all wrong.

A’whora saw the thoughtful look on Tayce’s face and wanted nothing more than to kiss it off. The timing felt wrong, another day they may have closed the gap but the emotions were too raw. It felt like she would take advantage of her roommate finally letting her feelings out.

They fell into a comfortable silence after that. It was late by the time A’whora realised Tayce had fallen asleep, arms still tightly holding her. Moving would be cruel, seeing the taller woman so peaceful was rare. She enjoyed the warmth that Tayce always emitted, it always put her in a near euphoric, calm state. It didn’t take her long to fall asleep with her, content to cuddle like this for a long time.

—

Tayce felt groggy, noting where she was situated on the couch with A’whora in her arms before anything else. She realised they must have fallen asleep at some point, cuddled together in something heart-achingly domestic.

She grabbed her phone, realising it was almost 3 am and that her body would kill if she slept the night on a couch that was too small for her. It could just about fit A’whora when she reclined on it but Tayce’s feet always dangled over the edge uncomfortably.

She lightly tapped A’whora, who let out a sleepy murmur before placing her head back onto Tayce’s chest.

“Get up A’whora, we need to go to bed.”

The smaller girl hummed, finally sitting up. The sight of her rubbing her sleepy eyes was enough to make Tayce want to squeal. Maybe it was the tiredness but she just wanted to hold A’whora close to her until the end of time and hear her let out her little sleepy noises and cuddle into her chest.

The blonde stood up, about to walk to her room before Tayce tugged at her hand.

“No, with me.” Her words came out softer than she meant, her voice tender and tired. A’whora just nodded, letting Tayce lead them to her room and nestle into her bed.

The smaller girl poked her leg with a small laugh, eyes lighting up in amusement at the jeans still on her.

“Are you really going to sleep in jeans?” It took Tayce that long to realise she still had denim clung to her legs. The fatigue had gotten to her, brain too fuzzy to process it. Begrudgingly she got up, throwing some pajamas on, glad the darkness masked her body. She threw a shirt and short A’whora, muttering that she should get changed too.

The darkness wasn’t only hiding Tayce, her roommate held the clothes, sleepily blinking at them before she realised what was happening. She felt grateful that the blush on her face wasn’t visible, the feeling of Tayce’s clothes on her made A’whora’s heart tighten. Soft, little domestic moments that her roommate wouldn’t think about in a few minutes. They were what she cherished most.

The brunette made her way back to the bed, pulling the smaller girl into a tight hug before letting her head settle back onto her chest. She was slipping from consciousness but quietly hoped this wouldn’t be the last time something like this happened. She’d like to sleep next to A’whora more often.

The morning came quicker than either would have liked, wanting nothing more than to stay cuddled up but not ready for the implications that came with that. Tayce woke up first, nestling herself back into the warmth of her bed after attempting to move only to find a sleeping A’whora curled into her.

The blonde didn’t wake up as gracefully, she stirred shortly after but bolted up at the realisation of what had happened. Tayce wanted to put her head back down and cuddle more but the blush that erupted on the other woman’s face told her all she needed to know.

“I asked you to, don’t start freaking out and apologising. It’s fine.”

A’whora shrugged, hiding her face in Tayce’s shoulder with a slight grumble. She wasn’t ready to deal with the day and gave in to the warmth the brunette provided.

They got up later, not thrilled to separate but knowing they needed to. The previous night left unspoken. Maybe that was better for now.

—

Though she was just as bad, Tayce found it hilarious how long A’whora took to get ready. It wasn’t because she took a long time doing everything. She just faffed around while getting ready and ended up taking an hour longer than she meant to.

The time wasn’t for nothing, A’whora finally came out of her room looking so beautiful it left Tayce speechless. Her outfit was nice, a black blazer and trousers. It wouldn’t be that amazing on anyone else but the way it fit around her curves made Tayce’s heart speed up. She looked hot, blonde hair in its natural wavy state that looked like it would be euphoric to run her hands through.

“Tayce? You’re awfully quiet there.”

“You look ethereal.”

A’whora looked taken aback by how sincere Tayce sounded. She would tell the smaller woman if something was off but seeing her speechless was something new. She must have done a damn good job.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, when aren’t you breathtaking though.”

“Little old me? Breathtaking? You’re too kind, Aurora.” Tayce played coy, batting her lashes with fake innocence as her roommate let out a soft laugh at the act. It was something she’d do all the time, but that never meant A’whora’s heart would stop fluttering every time she did it.

Taking another glance at her as they prepared to leave, Tayce wondered how she was going to get through a dinner with her notoriously teasing friends and A’whora looking like that. She could hear the remark Lawrence would make about their sexual tension, maybe a small comment from Tia about how, for her namesake, A’whora didn’t look like a whore. The usual fun things.

She’d make it through, somehow.

—

“Christ, Bims, I’ve never seen you so covered up.”

Tayce was greeted by the sight of a modest-looking Bimini sitting with a few of their other friends as she and A’whora made their way to the table. A modest outfit for them was just not having much skin out, though their legs were still out it was something different.

“Tayce, you look like a rich bitch who’s about to go kill her husband and run off with her new girlfriend. Speaking of the new girlfriend, hey A’whora.” Bimini shot back, the table erupting into laughter at the quip. Tayce glanced at the girl next to her, whose eyes had fallen to the floor trying to hide the blush quickly forming on her cheeks.

“Who me? That’s quite a high compliment. Though I wouldn’t trust this bitch to keep a secret like a murder plot when she can barely keep her mouth shut when someone wears something ugly.”

A’whora laughed at the comment, despite being unable to manage a reply. She huffed a bit, lightly jabbing Tayce with her elbow and praying it came across that she just didn’t care for the joke.

“Oh lord, we can’t go out for anything with these two without the sexual tension following them. How’s that been going for you ladies?” Lawrence interjected, getting another round of laughter from their friends.

“I’m just trying to look at this menu, you all are hounds, get your minds out of the gutter.”

“The only sexual tension Lawrence knows is watching Ellie with her Monster can,” A’whora paused, “and being jealous of the monster can.”

Tayce let out a howl of laughter that caught the attention of their table and the other people surrounding them. She didn’t care for the eyes on them. Her attention was on the blonde looking proud at her joke. There was something about the way A’whora would puff out her chest when she made someone laugh like that, she couldn’t take her eyes off her.

Ellie arrived soon after, utterly bewildered by the taken aback look on Lawrence’s face and the giggles coming from the rest of the table.

“What happened here?”

That was a hard question to answer. No one wanted to out Lawrence’s feelings, though there was nothing else to explain it. Bimini just shrugged, saying something about A’whora being surprisingly funny. Tayce didn’t pay them much attention, she felt a hand make its way onto her thigh. A’whora wasn’t looking at her but she could see the small smile creep its way onto her face as a hand came to rest on top of her own.

The night went pretty easy after that, jokes aplenty but no one paying too much attention to the way Tayce kept sneaking glances at A’whora or the way their hands hadn’t moved until they’d gotten their food and found their way back after.

Bimini had given her a curious look at some point, they clearly knew something but left it unspoken. Tayce didn’t know if she could handle another comment about them looking like a couple and the utterly flustered A’whora that would look to her to throw something back.

She’d have to get A’whora better at handling comments when she was flustered. It was cute how she lost the ability to speak if it was particularly bad, but the brunette hated to always be the one to deny things and keep the banter going.

—

Tayce felt light as A’whora leant against her, sat on a bench in the station waiting for the last train to bring them home. They’d both drunk a little too much, sober enough to walk and talk but minds fuzzy with the wine and a light fog of tiredness. The blonde had her head leant on her shoulder, trying to let her brain rest from attempting to stay social while progressively getting more drunk.

The wine did interesting things to her, it didn’t taste as bad as most alcohol though she still didn’t like it. Drinking enough left her floating, consciousness a little fuzzy but still attentive enough to navigate herself home. Her reaction times slowed, Tayce found this very amusing as she took a second to blink and realise she’d been tapped on the shoulder. It was cute to see the cogs whirring in her brain as things happened around her.

Tayce herself wasn’t near sober either. She could hold herself together better than A’whora but a much softer side of her came out with the wine they’d had with their meals. She wasn’t acting on it but seeing the fuzzy state of her roommate made her want to squeeze her into her arms and protect her from the world. A’whora was always cute but the curious glances she gave everything was enough to make anyone love her.

A’whora felt another poke on her shoulder, turning to see a laughing Tayce mimicking her confused expression before laughing harder.

“Bitch!” The smaller girl shoved her lightly, making Tayce fall into the arm of her chair mid laughter.

They progressively got a little more aggressive with their game. It started with Tayce pushing A'whora back, the latter scurrying off to avoid it before lightly shoving Tayce as she stood up to chase after her. Pushes were punctuated by uncontrolled giggles from the pair as they continued.

Tayce saw a chance to win, shoving A’whora into the wall behind them, leaving her pinned to it with Tayce in her face. She realised the implications of this but the pure look in A’whora’s eyes was enough to sway any doubt. She really was adorable.

Though it took a second to realise exactly where Tayce was and how close their faces were, A’whora moved her hand, running it through Tayce’s hair with a loving smile adorning her face. She leant into Tayce’s hand as it cupped her face, lightly inching their faces closer together until she could the warmth of her breath on her face. There was a slight smell of wine on Tayce’s breath but A’whora knew she had the same. It didn’t dissuade her as Tayce closed the gap, pressing their lips together in a kiss that had been a long time coming.

Things moved, they deepened the kiss, ignoring the world around them. The only thing that A’whora saw was Tayce, her beauty effortless and the loving side spilling out of her the longer they stayed that close.

Tayce jolted out of the kiss eventually, leaving a shocked A’whora frozen to her spot. Tayce grumbled something, whipping around to the train behind them and pulling A’whora in before she had time to blink.

The taller woman let out a sigh of relief as they managed to board just before the train left the station. She turned to the blonde to see her still staring at the door of the train, confused about how quickly everything had transpired.

Tayce pulled her to the seats on the train, sliding into the window seat to let A’whora lean on her. It was then she realised her hair had stayed soft and wavy, and finally listened to her heart and started running her hands through it. A giddy feeling built up as the smaller girl leant into it, such a soft smile on her face that Tayce just wanted to kiss her and get her to grin more and more.

So she did.

Tayce took her face up from its resting place on her shoulder to let them have another go at a long kiss without being interrupted by transport. A’whora leant into it, kissing Tayce back with her heart pounding in her chest.

They broke apart for breath, A’whora’s face in a smitten smile. Something in her eyes was the most tender thing Tayce had ever seen and it made her pull the girl into a tight hug.

“You’re so cute,” She mumbled into the top of A’whora’s head as she cuddled into Tayce.

They stayed entangled together until they had to get off, Tayce peppering A’whora with kisses as she smiled giddily and giggled at the rush of compliments Tayce would spout when they broke apart. It was messy and drunk but that made the feeling feel more sincere. It didn’t have to be perfect, to be kissing A’whora was enough for Tayce to feel like she was levitating.

A’whora was too distracted by the warmth of the taller woman to realise when they pulled into their stop. It took a light tug at her hand for them to get off, though A’whora wrapped her fingers around Tayce’s hand, refusing to let it go. They stayed hand in hand for the short walk home, the blonde was surprised she was walking fine but the cold evening air started to sober her enough to walk straight and navigate with Tayce rather than being pulled along.

Getting in was another matter, the door opened fine but the minute she walked through the door Tayce felt A’whora’s hand leave hers. She wanted to go tug on her hand once more, cuddling into each other in the warmth of her bed but something left her rooted to the floor, staring helplessly as her roommate walked into her room.

Or she would have, had she not noticed Tayce still stood in the doorway staring at her.

“Tayce? You just gonna stand there? At least make sure you take your makeup off.”

The sudden words made her jolt up, realising she was still fully dressed with a full face of makeup planning to faceplant into her bed. A’whora took the initiative to take the lead for once, leading the taller girl by hand into their bathroom and handing her some makeup wipes before getting to work on her face.

It proved to be a difficult task, Tayce leaning over to kiss her as she took it off and getting her lipstick on her cheek every time.

“Tayce! If you want to kiss me at least take your lipstick off first.”

“Oh so if I take it off I can kiss you as much as I want?”

“Yes just stop leaving lipstick on my face.”

Tayce turned to her with a sly grin, pressing her lips to her cheek once more but making sure to make a mess of it, placing softer kisses across her face with a giggle. The annoyance A’whora felt subsided with the quiet laughter that bubbled out of Tayce. She couldn’t be mad at anyone that cute.

Thankfully the brunette began to take off her makeup, focusing on that rather than pestering her roommate. It didn’t take long for the tables to turn, as A’whora turned to her after finishing with an unreadable expression.

“You’re so pretty. You’re so fucking pretty.” Her words sounded completely smitten, something Tayce was sober enough to notice but nowhere near brave enough to address.

“You think so? Like this? I wouldn’t call sitting in the bathroom tipsy with no makeup on my best moment” Tayce let out a soft hum, she felt pretty all of the time but of all the times to comment on it why now? Why while they were still tipsy and with her freshly taken off makeup, she didn’t feel particularly pretty, but the look in A’whora’s eyes said everything she needed to know.

“Yeah, I like your freckles,” A’whora said quietly, moving to place a soft kiss on Tayce’s cheek before making a daring dart for her lips.

It was different from before, they were both sober enough to know exactly what they were doing but neither wanted to stop it. Tayce wrapped her arms around A’whora’s shoulders to steady them as they deepened the kiss.

When they parted, A’whora let out a soft yawn, reminding Tayce of the time, and the fact they were both tired from everything. She picked up the smaller woman, carrying her over to her bed, throwing some pajamas at her, and cuddling into her when they both were changed out of their smart clothes.

Lying there with A’whora curled into her side was when she realised something. She’d avoided her feelings for this long, not reading into things. But being here with her felt so right. All the kisses and little compliments they’d thrown at each other over the night making them both feel warm and fuzzy inside.

She wanted this, to fall asleep next to the blonde and wake up to her, groggy with sleep and not wanting to get up just yet. She wanted them to stay in bed, cuddle up and maybe doze off and sleep more if the day allowed it.

She wanted A’whora. That was all Tayce needed.

The smaller girl hadn’t spoken a word since they cuddled up together, her breathing was quiet and rhythmic, she looked to be sleeping, so Tayce didn’t mind speaking her thoughts.

“I love you.”

A’whora didn’t respond at first, continuing to stay put in her spot in Tayce’s arm before she got a muffled reply.

“I love you too.”

—

Tayce felt her heart flutter at the sight before her when she awoke. A’whora was cuddled into her side, head laid on her chest with an arm flung over her stomach. Her leg followed suit, flopped over Tayce’s, locking her into a close position that she didn’t have the heart to disturb.

She wanted to soak in the warmth of the person cuddled with her but the sharp headache became more obvious the more she sat there. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to get pretty drunk on wine but it ended well enough. Her memories were fuzzy but she could make sense of it all. They’d kissed. A lot. Tayce wished she could feel the sensation sober but that carried too many implications for her hungover brain to handle.

There was one downside to sleeping next to A’whora, she was a light sleeper. Tayce knew the minute she tried to get up no matter how careful she was, the smaller woman would groan about it being too early and proceed to notice what had happened. She couldn’t find it in herself to deal with that right then and there but the throbbing in her head demanded her attention anyway.

Sliding her way out of A’whora’s grasp hurt. She wanted nothing more than to pull her in further, pepper her with soft kisses to wake her up, and stare at her adorable sleepy face.

Somehow Tayce had avoided waking her up, maybe the alcohol had taken a toll on her too. Whatever happened she’d complain about it soon enough, it would be for her own benefit if Tayce grabbed her a bottle of water with the painkillers she was getting.

A’whora started to wake up with Tayce out of the room. She felt like something was missing. Someone. Her tired mind couldn’t quite figure it out but the sound of someone walking into the room was enough to satisfy her, grabbing for the person as she sat on the bed.

“You’re so fucking cute,” Tayce murmured as A’whora leant over to go back to cuddling into her. She assumed the smaller girl was still asleep but the way she nuzzled into her chest and let out a muffled yawn.

“Rory?” Tayce felt her heart start to race. She was awake, she’d heard Tayce calling her cute and was making the conscious decision to stay cuddled into her.

Looks like she’d have to deal with this, no matter how prepared she was.

A’whora let out a hum of acknowledgement that Tayce felt vibrate into her chest. Her position was going to make any attempts at conversation a lot harder.

“Tayce? Cuddle me.” Finally letting out some words, the blonde curled up closer to her. Tayce felt her heart skip a beat as it came out as a muffled whine. Not a question, not the demand she might have meant it as, a quiet question that pulled at her heart that was followed with a sleepy sigh that melted it.

“I will, but you need to take these pain killers for me, this hangover will kill you when you wake up properly.”

Tayce laughed at the face A’whora pulled as she begrudgingly moved from her position to take them. She grumbled something incoherent before looking at Tayce with an unreadable expression in her eyes.

She leant over, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek before going back to her place on Tayce’s chest.

A’whora kissed her like it was nothing. Was it something? Was Tayce overthinking it? Absolutely, but that wasn’t the point.

A’whora kissed her. Her roommate. The adorable little blonde was cuddled into her, having kissed her cheek like they were dating. It was too perfect, so domestic it was all she ever needed.

It only took a few more minutes for a soft grunt to come from her chest. A slight pout formed on A’whora’s lips and she muttered about a headache and lifted herself from the comfort of Tayce’s chest.

“Hey, Tayce?”

The brunette turned her attention at the call of her name, staring at A’whora who sat there silently. She stared back for some time before doing something a lot more daring than Tayce ever thought her capable of.

She kissed her again, this time on the lips. Tayce deepened it, one arm falling around A’whora’s waist while the other fell through her soft hair, keeping her close.

Her theory was right. Sober kisses were just as incredible as the drunk ones. The perk was that she’d remember this one.

“Good to know you like that, helpful information.” A’whora giggled, she delighted in the way Tayce’s eyes widened as she pressed another light kiss to her cheek. Her head felt fuzzy, whether that was from the hangover, the tiredness, or Tayce she couldn’t quite tell.

“You hound, You’re going to be chasing me for kisses every hour of every day now I just know it.” Tayce felt lightheaded at the affections. Something about the ease of it all made her stomach go fluttery with feelings she wouldn’t be too quick to disclose.

“That’s your fault for being so kissable. Not my fault.”

The cheek of her roommate was amusing, the brunette held back a snicker. She wanted to laugh it off, the flirting was fairly common between them. The kisses threw her. She just wanted to take a second, process everything that was happening before continuing but a certain blonde loved to keep her on her toes.

“You’re so dumb.”

Tayce could hear the tenderness in her tone, painfully loving and sappy. It would disgust her if she saw it in anyone else, that level of lovey was not something she wanted to hear. But it was A’whora. The little idiot who could brighten her day with a smile, the one who she bounced off of better than anyone. The person she would trust with her life. She couldn’t stop the way her heart pounded at the littlest affections between them.

So why should she?

“Cool it, lass, I know you love me.”

“Maybe so, wouldn’t you like that”

“Yeah. I’d like that a lot actually.”

“Aurora…” Tayce melted at the hopeful eyes staring at her. They broke through any walls she had left. She couldn’t find the words. She loved A’whora but saying it was something else entirely. So she showed it, pulling her in for a longer kiss.

A’whora felt all her feelings without the need for words. It was told through actions, the way Tayce’s hand ran through her hair, before circling to her jaw to stroke it softly, angling her into a deeper kiss. Her love was in the way their foreheads stayed pressed together as they fell apart. The shine in her eyes as her face lit up in an unconscious smile.

The way she let go, letting her love flow into everything and not trying to hide it.

“I love you too, Tayce.”

That was it, those were the words she’d wanted to hear for so long. It was a wave of warmth and euphoria that she never wanted to stop feeling.

“Come on, I love sitting here with you but I’m hungry and I think it’s time for beans on toast.”

Tayce finally moved, hanging her legs over the edge of the bed. If she didn’t attempt to move now they never would. Though she would come back later to cuddle up with A’whora for as long as she could, eating was important too.

“You’re insatiable! It’s always beans on toast with you.”

“If you act like that you won’t be getting any.”

With that, Tayce stood up and started walking to the kitchen only to be stopped by a sudden weight leant onto her back. A’whora laid her head on her shoulder with a content sigh.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The quick response surprised both of them. Tayce hadn’t expected it to come out so soon, it would still be time until she could say it with the ease A’whora did, but that was fine.

A’whora loved her, that was all she ever needed.

#rpdr fanfiction #rpdr uk #uk2 #tayce #a'whora #taywhora #fluff #winter #concrit welcome #submission #lesbian au

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queenabstract · 4 years

Text

AIGHT Y'ALL KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS

PRINCE D X FUNK READER

Someones been hiding something~

You and Darnell went on dates pretty often. You already hung out constantly, but you two had actual dates 2-3 times a week! On one of them after the world tour, he wanted to know if your music preference had changed.

"Hey, babe?"

"Yeah?"

"I was just wondering, after everything thats happened, has your favorite music changed?" He asked you nervously.

"Huh? Oh! No not really. Funk will always be my roots, and I love listening to Hip-Hop. Especially yours. But I do have to admit that the other genres can be fun. Especially the sub-genres. Pop really can get anyone dancing, rock has a bit of an edgy yet energetic vibe to it, classical is so calming and has a way of sweeping someone off their feet, I love the country trolls' accents when they sing. Oh and Techno is so full of energy and even not-so-great dancers can get with it and-" You kept rambling on and on about your thoughts on each genre. Prince D loved listening to you ramble since you were usually the quiet type. You didn't talk that much. You preferred to sit and listen rather than get up and be a part of. It changed a little when you took interest in other genres. He saw you dancing and singing more than all the years he had known you before. Honestly, he believed that it was because you never liked Funk or Hip-Hop that much to begin with. You weren't required to, and he'd still love you either way, but it still hurt a little.

You, Darnell, and the rest of his family were visiting Pop Village. You all liked visiting each kingdom once a month, and it was Pop's turn. Prince D watched his brother talk to his friends and get involved in the party, enjoying himself. He looked around, expecting you to be dancing and singing along too. You were nowhere to be found.

"Huh? (Y/N)?!" He called out. He asked a few trolls if they saw where you went. Biggie pointed towards the river.

"I'm sure I saw them go that way just a few minutes ago." Biggie said.

"Pew"

"Yes, Mr. Dinkles. it did look like they were purposely trying to be sneaky, didn't it?" Biggie asked Mr. Dinkles.

"Pew"

"...Well thank you two for letting me know." Darnell thanked them and headed your way. The river was actually a little far from were the party was, so he caught up before you reached it. He wanted to know why you'd purposely sneak off without telling him anything. It seemed like you were trying to hide something. He hid behind trees and bushes and a few other trolls so that you wouldn't catch him following you. Once you reached the river, you took a deep breath and looked around to make sure you were alone. Darnell hid inside of a bush and peeked at you through the leaves. Once you were sure you were alone, you took another deep breath.

"Alright, just like he taught you. Deep breaths...feel the beat...you can't sing if your focused on everything else." You said to yourself. Darnell watched confused as you continued to breath deeply and started to nod your head to some non-existent beat. "Never knew, never meant. Electrical....electrical." No way. Were you...

"I never meant for you to come and find me, I never meant for you to feel so relying, I never meant to spend all of this time here, I never meant to put my heart up in hiding. The feeling when I'm next to you. That feeling special. Make me wanna put my foot down hard up on the pedal, rocking out like heavy metal. Do what, they told me, told me. You've gotta show me, show me. They think, they know me, know me. You really owe me, owe me." You were singing Hip-Hop! Prince D couldn't believe it. He heard you sing before, but it was soft and more of a hum, this was so much different. His heart melted. He already loved hearing your voice when you talked. Now you had him wrapped around your finger with your singing.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N)!" Bliss Marina appeared.

"Woah, whats up, Bliss?" You asked her.

"You! We're supposed to be on stage remember? Plus Prince D was looking for you and we couldn't find out where he went! We need to get you on stage, and him in the audience right now!" Bliss exclaimed.

"Oh no! I only meant to practice for a few minutes before going up!" You panicked and ran towards the party, Bliss right behind you. Prince D crawled out of the bush and made his way towards the party as fast as he could without you or Bliss spotting him. Luckily, he made it into the audience without either of you two seeing. He looked up at the stage and saw Queen Poppy run up to the microphone.

"Hey! Are you trolls having fun?" Everyone cheered. Poppy beamed.

"Happy to hear! By the way, we have a special guest performing for us today! (Y/N)!" She pointed towards you as you nervously walked towards the microphone. You gulped and waved.

"Thats my friend! I know them!" Biggie cheered, making you a little less nervous as his cheers were followed by everyone else cheering you on. You took the microphone from Poppy and nodded a thanks to her. She left the stage as Bliss got into her position on stage and Dj Suki left the DJ booth, letting King Trollex take over. You got into position and took a few deep breaths, nodding to King Trollex. He started the music and you and Bliss started nodding your heads to the beat.

"Never knew....never meant." Bliss began.

"Electrical....Ooooh....electrical." You sang.

"I never meant for you to come and find me." You sang.

"I'm feeling too electrical!" Bliss sang the back-up vocals.

"I never meant for you to feel so relying."

"The power too electrical!"

"I never meant to spend all of this time here."

"The feeling too electrical!"

"I never meant to put my heart up in hiding. The feeling when I'm next to you. That feeling special. Make me wanna put my foot down hard up on the pedal. Rocking out like heavy metal!"

"Do what, they told me, told me

You've gotta show me, show me

They think, they know me, know me

You really owe me, owe me

Do what, they told me, told me

You've gotta show me, show me

They think, they know me, know me"

"The feeling so electrical"

"Do what, they told me, told me

You've gotta show me, show me

They think, they know me, know me"

"The feeling so electrical!"

"Just come and find me, you not reliant. I love the timing, feeling so electrical. Yes, I'm feeling so electrical. Ooo, yes, I'm feeling so electrical!" You sang your heart out. Prince D had a big goofy smile on his face while he watched you.

"Never let her go, man." Branch said.

"Not planning to." Prince D responded.

"Electrical, when I'm with you

But now I know, that I gotta go

Electrical, when I'm with you

But now I know, that I gotta go

Electrical, when I'm with you. That feeling special. Make me wanna put my foot down hard up on the pedal. Rocking out like heavy metal"

Bliss wasn't needed anymore to sing any backup vocals, but she still stayed on stage to dance and have fun. Prince D didn't realize everyone could see how goofy he looked. You were looking at him the entire time you sang, and you were pretty damn satisfied with his reaction.

"Do what, they told me, told me

You've gotta show me, show me

They think, they know me, know me

You really owe me, owe me

Do what, they told me, told me

You've gotta show me, show me

They think, they know me, know me

The feeling so electrical

Do what, they told me, told me

You've gotta show me, show me

They think, they know me, know me

The feeling so electrical

Just come and find me, you not reliant. I love the timing, feeling so electrical. Yes, I'm feeling so electrical. Ooo, yes, I'm feeling so electrical!

Do what, they told me, told me

You've gotta show me, show me

They think, they know me, know me

The feeling so electrical!

Do what, they told me, told me

You've gotta show me, show me

They think, they know me, know me

The feeling so electrical"

Prince D was blushing so hard, and your smirk was not helping. Trolly moly, you knew exactly what you were doing to him.

"Just come and find me, you not reliant

I love the timing, feeling so electrical

Yes, I'm feeling so electrical

Ooo, yes, I'm feeling so electrical" You finally finished singing...and you winked at him. You. Freaking! Darnell's knees were shaking and nearly gave up on him with that final blow. Branch and Cooper both kept him standing up. He eventually found his balance again when you walked up to him.

"I...I had no idea you could sing like that." He said.

"I asked Tiny Diamond and his dad to teach me so I could surprise you. Thanks guys!" You waved at the two, they waved back. "Also, I had no idea that you could turn so red." You teased, smirking and raising an eyebrow at him playfully. Goddamit.

"Only cause you wouldn't stop trying to be all flirty!" Prince D exclaimed, making some of the nearby trolls laugh.

"Flirty? I don't have a clue what you're talking about. You of all people know I can't flirt to save my life." You continued to smirk and rolled your eyes.

"You're so evil." Darnell narrowed his eyes at you.

"I love you, too." You said and gave him a kiss. He melted into it.

He might've been smooth, but he got that from his mom. He's actually easily flustered like his dad.

Song is Electrical by Bali Baby

@itspronouncedtrecillo

#trolls #trolls world tour #king trollex #cooper #trolls world tour x reader #Biggie #Mr. Dinkles #Bliss Marina #Queen Poppy #Branch #Prince D #Prince D x Reader #flustered Prince D #flirty reader

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wendell-or-something · 4 years

Text

it is time.

I want to compile a more complete rundown of my thoughts about homestuck 2. I want all the stuff in my head to be in one place, and I know this is going to be incredibly long winded and I don’t care. I want to be honest... I want to understand why I don't like this media. on more than a "but of course" level because there are a lot of people who have it as a gut reaction that this stuff isn't right. but I think there are layers to what produces that. I wanna get in depth with this. so that's what I'm gonna attempt to do.

okay, so, the first thing I think I wanna say is a disclaimer. I have not actually read the epilogues. or homestuck 2. I have a peripheral knowledge of what happens in them because, as a concerned citizen, I poked around enough to pick up details and know that I wouldn't enjoy this media if I fully engaged with it. my assessment of the material may be flawed because of this, but I mean... if the things I've heard about the epilogues deterred me from reading it, then I guess that's what I'm analyzing? not only what I understand based on my limited knowledge, but also why it is so limited to begin with. why this media is such a huge deterrent to so many people who care so much about homestuck. ultimately, this is not to shame people who like this media... I will be addressing common takes I've heard from people who defend the epilogues, but I'm not singling anyone out, and anyone who reads this has a right to disagree, or better yet, ignore me and find enjoyment where you are able, even if I cannot. I will not begrudge you that. additionally, I am considering the epilogues and homestuck 2 to be one unit. not necessarily in terms of structure, but because the events of one lead directly into the events of the other, and the two have similar issues. I think I'll shorthand the combination of the two as EP/HS2 for simplicity, and refer to either individually if I have something specific to say about one or the other.

I think the main problem that people have with EP/HS2 is that it's depressing. and it's depressing for a myriad of different reasons, but I'll get to those in a minute. first I want to establish why them being depressing doesn't work for so many people. I feel like this should be examined first, because a lot of the supporters of EP/HS2 are viewing the complaints against it as over sensitivity from fans who only liked the comic for its lighter elements. I keep seeing a "y'all just wanted your rainbow cotton candy fluff ending" kind of sentiment going around. and like... you are right that this isn't a fluff ending. but I think it's unfair to treat the particular type of content that EP/HS2 brought to the table as the only kind of substantial, fulfilling narrative that we could've asked for.

and I think a lot of the dissonance that people see between homestuck and EP/HS2 is based in the ratio of tension to levity, and how far it's shifted toward pure tension... especially because, at the end of homestuck, all the outside threats to this group of friends have already been resolved. and yet, shit feels leagues more catastrophically bad during the epilogues than it did during the comic when the characters were actually under attack, which is super weird when you think about it. I mean, "epilogues" my ass, am I right? it is true that homestuck was never 100% sunshine and rainbows... in fact, some of the darker events that it brought to the table became some of the most hyped shit in the comic. murderstuck is mostly what I'm thinking of first in terms of this, but there was a lot of popular angst laden content within homestuck that the fans latched onto. the thing is, the fans also latched onto the content that was super goofy, and the fan works that you can still find online from the era of homestuck's initial popularity reflect both sides of its tone in equal measure. there was a huge amount of goofy fan content (octopimp's youtube channel is still a record of that, and that wasn't even the half of it). and there was a huge amount of angsty content, and there was a huge amount of heartfelt content... turns out, homestuck had broad appeal, and spoke to different people in different ways. and back then, I never really felt like the goofy stuff was being treated as any less important than the heavy stuff. it wasn't brushed off just because it was seen as lighthearted. people liked to laugh, and I fully believe that Andrew Hussie began doing homestuck as a fun activity.

the reason why I bring this up is because homestuck as a piece of media could beget all of these various takes. the fan works could be tonally dissonant when held side by side with each other, but when held against the parts of the comic that inspired them, they made perfect sense. homestuck could spawn jokes, and angst, and social commentary, and theories... and even extrapolation on canonical events, in ways both silly and serious. and when you look at the kind of content that the fans produced during homestuck's height, you see what was important to them. they put time and effort into crafting even their dumbest meme shit. the fans reflected what the comic gave to them. and humor and heart were among the most beloved core engagements that the comic provided... these were pillars on which a lot of fan enjoyment rested... you really can't begrudge a person their fun.

and treating darkness and angst as the sole indicator of maturity in a work seems misguided to me. because, speaking personally for a moment here, one of the biggest lessons I had to teach myself when I was growing up was how not to wallow in negative emotions. how to find the fun, sometimes rather aggressively, so that you don't just drown. and with EP/HS2, it feels like at every turn, readers are constantly grasping for something nice or fun to keep them afloat in all this heavy stuff, and either they come to accept mere scraps of positivity, or everything they reach for is eventually dissolved as well. and I think the character of a piece of media as a whole can sometimes tell you what level of maturity it's operating under. like, if the text lingers over making the characters miserable, or seems to revel in shooting holes in people's positive interpretations of these people, you have to kind of wonder if this is serving the narrative, or just producing author schadenfreude when they release what amounts to shock content.

it almost feels like a twisting of the way homestuck used to treat the fans, because during it's run, homestuck was very reactive towards the fanbase. this kind of canon responsiveness to the readers was baked into homestuck from the very beginning, back when Hussie was accepting reader suggestions for what John Egbert should do. and need I remind everyone that the trolls were made as parodies of different types of personalities that were common to find online during homestuck's era? they are internet trolls, who are actually an alien race known as trolls, who communicate primarily online, and whose culture and species developed to produce an ornery and antagonistic population, so like... it's trolls all the way down. that's the whole joke. but the real, valuable benefit of parodying your fans with your characters, is that when the trolls act, they reflect the way real people acted. which means that when, say, Nepeta shoehorns RP lingo into casual conversation, some people will be like "it me!" and some people will laugh/cringe because they've seen people actually talk like that, and some people will be like "aww, that used to be me!" and every time a character produces this sense of identification with the audience, it works to create familiarity, and eventually, a sense of fondness.

that fondness is fucking powerful.

that fondness is born out of recognition and empathy, no matter which character you feel it for, and when a giant community of people loves a character that you have seen yourself reflected in so clearly, that is an incredibly validating experience. especially when you’re young, and the pieces of yourself that you saw were some of the nerdiest, weirdest, most awkward parts of you. a very large community of people loves a character that is like you, even, or perhaps especially, because of the flawed parts. and of course these characters were meant to tease the fans a little... these characters were also jokes to some extent the whole time. but they were never seen as cruel or insulting, because these characters were also important. the story literally built whole worlds around their identities... these kids altered universes. and they were allowed to be that important and special without being perfect first. they were dumb, and awkward, and nerdy, and cringey, and allowed to be there anyway. they were you, and you were important.

and this is where I think that EP/HS2 really misses the point. because in homestuck, the characters experienced hardship, but that hardship went on to fuel an overall sense of accomplishment when it was overcome. the road might be long, and it might be tough, and you might face shit that you don't feel prepared for, but when triumph is achieved, it feels that much more earned. and that is a key phrase I want everyone to remember homestuck for:

triumph.

it's the feeling that cascade gave me. it is the highest of heights that this whole thing reached. and it really has so much to do with how homestuck had built itself up until that point. we were mired in the minutiae of these kids' lives. we read their every chat log. we saw them dicking around doing next to nothing. we saw them contact each other and talk to each other for basically no reason other than to catch up. we saw them sharing stupid memes, and yelling at each other for wasting time on pointless bullshit, and dunking on each other's shitty taste in media... every one of them was "you" at some point. "you captchaloged this" or "you decided to do that" and it made a subtle connection in your brain that convinced you to feel things with them and accept what they "decided" as something that you had done alongside them. in some small way, you did homestuck. and this notion was further supported by how much of what the fans were doing would make its way back into what the comic was doing. the comic and the fans existed in a kind of symbiosis, and that fed into the feeling of connection that the fans had with this particular story. this thing was alive, and it moved in tandem with the community.

so when something big like cascade happened, you were right there with them. you were deep in the center of it. and you wanted to be, because this was your payoff. you did the work with these kids... you put in the time. and the triumph was yours too.

this is why EP/HS2 shouldn't be depressing. the core of the story was triumph against all odds. to take the triumph that was earned over the course of the whole story, and ruin it for the sake of generating angst... it misses the point. I did not read all 8000+ pages of homestuck multiple times because I wanted a tragedy. if I wanted tragedy, I would choose a different story. of course a lot of fans would have trouble liking EP/HS2... this wasn't what they signed up for. it pulls the rug out from under the fans of the original comic by pulling a mean genre bait and switch. why would people who liked a story like homestuck want a story like this? and I mean, obviously some people were okay with this. some people like EP/HS2. but you have to admit that it is an entirely different thing than what homestuck was.

I’ve heard some folks try to compare the darker parts of EP/HS2 to the darker parts of homestuck, and this is why they aren't the same. the darkness performs different functions in each story. in homestuck, it contrasts the lighter parts and creates a reason to keep everyone moving. in EP/HS2, it is the whole darn thing. the story is simply woven from it to begin with. I have heard some people say that they think of EP/HS2 as cathartic... as a reflection of life when things are painful or hard. but I think we really need to remember what catharsis is. catharsis doesn’t begin and end with pain. catharsis has to do something with that pain, or it’s just pain for pain’s sake. and the further I look into EP/HS2, the more I feel like the story is just playing it straight as a tragedy... though sometimes I wonder if it knows this.

so let's pull apart the tragedy of EP/HS2. because while I don’t really enjoy tragedies, (hence why I liked homestuck, and didn’t like EP/HS2... they are opposites in this sense), I still understand how tragedies work. catharsis can be part of it... to see something sad happen, and relate to that sadness, and feel a deep emotion... that does make sense. but the line between catharsis and just plain agitation is whether or not the pain actually provides you with a sense of relief. if the story leaves the character stuck in a bad emotional place, you feel stuck too... unable to confront the emotional burden that the story has saddled you with in a satisfying way, because it isn't even your own. in real life, when you are hurt, at least you have the ability to do whatever you need for yourself, in order to eventually feel better. I have grieved before, and somehow found it in me to laugh again since. but in stories, you rely on the author to construct the characters' response to bad events, and if things just go from bad to worse, sometimes with little resistance, the audience is eventually going to feel really agitated by the lack of relief. even stories that end in death provide catharsis due to the finality of it. the life ends, and provides a sense of closure. but EP/HS2 doesn’t give you an out. it just keeps driving many of the characters into more and more mundanely uncomfortable and dissatisfying lives, or turns them into people we would rather not know or read about.... which feels like a loss to the reader, even though the character is right there. at that point, the character's presence only makes you feel worse because they used to be someone you liked, but now they're just a reminder of your disappointment. and this level of your emotional discomfort isn't even something that the narrative will address, because it's just a side effect of how things are going. it isn't poetic, and there is no real comfort given to lighten that load... it's just unpleasant.

and on a more technical level, I would like to point out that stories create a kind of transaction between author and reader. and once you understand the status quo between you and a particular author, you can gauge the level of investment you feel safe putting in the characters. at their core, it stands to reason that stories should require conflict to be interesting. but in order to stay interesting, they also need to give us a reason to care about the conflict. in homestuck, I felt like the story set up a status quo in which we felt comfortable caring about certain characters, because we subtly trusted that the author wasn't wasting our time or jerking us around. like, you knew that a lot of crazy shit was on the table, but it felt like the story was growing, the author was interested in that growth, and thus he would not kill it. even if you couldn't begin to guess what was gonna happen next, you at least didn't have to worry about the author hugely ruining things that you liked about the story. he seemed like he liked those things too. we were all on the same page in that regard.

this is where character investment was very important to homestuck... the readers needed something to hang on to, or they'd lose interest in what was going on, and in homestuck specifically, the thing that kept us hanging on, was our love for these characters, and our wish to see them prevail against the odds. we were hoping for a satisfying ending, and interested in how we'd get there. and by now, I think homestuck fans in particular are very determined to stick to the characters by nature. if we weren't, then we would've been bored out of reading the comic in the first place back in act 1, when the most exciting thing that had happened was John going through his house and finding his dad in the kitchen. if you don't love John at least a little, you won't want to keep reading about him picking up items and describing them to you for a whole chapter, with not but the entertainment value of his character's particular perspective and voice to sustain you.

obviously, character investment isn't always a story's draw... but it was definitely homestuck’s. and even giving EP/HS2 the benefit of the doubt... let's say we're just judging it on the merits of being a tragic story. there are many levels of engagement that a story can hit, and in a lot of tragedies, the interest comes from the machinations of the plot. you already know it's going to end sadly, but you have the ability to process the sadness (a negative emotional experience and potential reader deterrent) while still maintaining interest, because you want to know how it will happen. it is unfortunate then, that EP/HS2 isn't a stand alone story, independent from homestuck itself. because if you tell a homestuck fan that the story will now only end in sadness, they likely won't want to know how it happens. because they already decided to like and relate to these characters, and wish for their happiness. they were taught it was okay to hope for that, based on the way the story used to be. basically, one of the essential appeals of homestuck (character investment) is actively working against the core appeal of a tragedy (understanding how sad events came to pass) because homestuck's appeal worked so well to begin with. it's basically nonsensical to try and jump track from one to the other, because the reader is much more likely to fall off the wagon entirely, and ignore your story in order to preserve their enjoyment of the story they already consumed.

but to get way more blunt about this... homestuck was good, and ruining what it left us with was unpopular for obvious reasons. fans were successfully invested in the story, the final triumphant payoff was a satisfying way to cap the narrative, and honestly... I think homestuck probably should've just stopped while the vibes were good. people were satiated. they were sad that it was over, but the sadness came from fondness, and that just sort of felt appropriate. we had it so good.

the transaction between author and reader was stable at that point. we had conflict. we had a reason to care. we got a resolution. there was a level of trust established, and honored... we trusted that there was a rhythm to the story. a push and pull between the kind of threat that would necessitate action from our heroes, and the ability of the characters to overcome the conflict well enough that we'd be left with something satisfying in the end. this trust no longer exists in EP/HS2. the epilogues broke it, and homestuck 2 has failed to repair it because, to be honest, it was already too badly damaged. it would take a full retcon to actually bring that back after the epilogues, but then it uh... screwed the pooch all over again. sorry, that was insensitive.

anyway. so like... what about the particulars of the story's content? I mean... I know I'm dissatisfied because a lot of the characters have been blatantly destroyed. Dirk will be my example for this bit, I mean, just look at him. in one epilogue route he commits suicide, and by making Ult. Dirk a thing, they effectively unestablished the identity of Dirk as he was in homestuck. and my limited knowledge of the epilogues doesn't allow me to really know about this, but was there even any acknowledgement of how death works in homestuck? Dirk must've known that if he killed himself, he'd end up as a ghost out in the dream bubbles. that is still a thing, right? Dave could've gone looking for him. considering Dirk's pesterquest route, he should've wanted to. and see, there's an example of what might've approached catharsis in a situation like that... pain, but also a human person dealing with that pain in a way that feels like fulfillment. but as far as I've heard, the story didn't go there? so it's just pain for pain's sake... or maybe just a bid to get rid of the more complex version of his character and replace him with an anime villain. and the method doesn't even make any sense, like, Dirk is the last character that would ever commit suicide because, by his own canonical words, he is scared to not exist. he literally couldn't bring himself to destroy the AR because of this, in spite of having every technical and emotional reason to want to. this is a major pain point for him, and I know it's typical to think of someone with self hatred wanting to kill themselves, but Dirk is a particularly different case. he should not be shoved into such an ill fitting generic narrative for shock value.

and beyond that, let's say you're someone who identified with Dirk. let's say that when homestuck said "you are now Dirk Strider" you were like "oh fuck I kinda am tho" and you were invested in him ever since. let's say that the points of investment you felt with him were in his troubles with self loathing, his fear of not existing, or his trouble communicating his true feelings to others. this is a rather dismal end for Dirk to have come to... and a rather dismal story for you to read if you still relate to this character. if you're coming off the end of homestuck still securely relating to him as heavily as you did when he was allowed to triumph, how fucking bad is it gonna feel to see him so thoroughly obliterated? to whiplash so hard from a perceived success to such abject failure is just mean. this story is so mean now, like, everyone's got the bug it seems.

and not only do several characters perish (literally, or by being mismanaged) for cheap drama in EP/HS2, but some just turn into shitty people? like, Rose recently revealed that she cheated on Kanaya. I simply hate the idea that Rose would grow up to be the type of person who would do that. I remember Rose in acts 1 through 5 being the kind of person who had misguided ideas about what course of action she thought would be effective. she would make some pretty big decisions, and act on destructive impulses, often in spite of what her friends thought was safe. in essence, I can see where the authors of homestuck 2 would get the idea of Rose going off and doing big shit without telling people. but this ignores why she was so determined to do any of that stuff in the first place... Rose was just as invested in protecting the people she cared about as anyone. and besides that, I thought her arc in those early acts had taught her something about that approach? I thought she got closer to people, to the point where they could voice a concern and she'd listen.

in regards to her relationship with Kanaya in particular, there's a huge difference between knowing someone for a day at the age of 13, and spending 3 more years getting to know and love that person before deciding to marry them. so even if this was the reflection of a quality that Rose had back then, I thought she grew past it... she had ample time and opportunity... we even watched her get better about this sort of thing. literally this rolls back her character development to when she was a child, and makes her a shitty adult. and if I’m being really scathing here, I might as well say that this feels like an example of that thing that stories sometimes do, where they only care about a relationship while the characters are struggling to get together. and then once they are together, it timeskips past their relationship being functional and lands you at a point where they're experiencing turbulence. at which point it leverages their relationship trouble for drama, rather than letting the two function well as a unit against an outside threat of some kind. like, no happy couples exist in fiction! gotta wring your conflict out of the fact that they’re falling apart! it feels like they’re being exploited by the writers.

and worst of all... this betrayal of trust by Rose either ruins Rose and Kanaya's marriage, or makes Kanaya seem like a fool. I keep thinking back to their time on the meteor, when Rose asked if Kanaya was breaking up with her because they finally reached that tipping point where Rose's drinking had to be acknowledged as a problem. and Kanaya said that no, she wasn't breaking up with her, and stuck with Rose because she was dedicated to loving her even if that meant helping her with a serious problem. that was such a strong character moment for Kanaya. it displayed her loyalty and dedication to Rose, but also a nuanced understanding of when a problem can actually be solved by dedicated effort. having her be so committed to staying with Rose in spite of Rose's transgressions is like a perversion of those positive qualities. now it just feels like Kanaya is irrationally willing to put up with anything from Rose, no matter how egregious. it takes a trait that was so nice about Kanaya, and uses it in such an upsetting way... and honestly, there was no reason to do that.

but this is a huge problem with EP/HS2... there's like, juuuuuust enough of a through line for people to think that it makes sense. so when I try to say that the characters are just better people than this, and that they're smart enough to do the most basic fundamental things to prevent pain in people that they care about... when I say I believe in the integrity of these characters, I could very well get someone adamantly insisting that I was just being naive. that sometimes, in reality, people disappoint you. what can I even do about that, without sounding like I'm in denial, or like I'm only interested in liking these characters when all their rough spots are smoothed away? how can I begin to articulate that these aren't decisions being made by the characters... they're decisions being made by authors who I don't trust for exactly this reason. and I very especially hate this because just... no! I know what these characters' flaws actually were! and what their strengths were! I had a solid read on their identity, because homestuck was so friggin good at establishing that! I know that a huge part of Rose coming into her own was learning how to cut all the snarky passive aggressive sarcasm and just be honest about her feelings... something that she actually advocated for when talking to Dave, but also had to learn to do herself. the logical escalation of Rose’s character would be a trend toward more openness... but also, just in general, Rose never had a kindness problem. like, I guess that’s the biggest thing I have an issue with. Rose was never this unkind.

it just feels like the writers want us to believe that not only was Kanaya played for a fool, but we were as well. we thought Rose was better than this. we thought we were better judges of character than this. and honestly... we were! the writing was not on the wall about this development. but that just doesn't mean anything because EP/HS2 said that it happened.

and this also harms the relatability of Rose for the people who used to identify with her. I'm not saying she has to be perfect... obviously, characters can and should be flawed. and characters can have flaws that you don't perfectly relate to the specifics of. Rose developed a drinking problem at a young age, which a few people might've related to, but it's very specific. but if you broaden the implications of that in the context of a story... a ton of people will be able to relate to the concept of developing an unhealthy coping mechanism, or doing something you don't really enjoy just to relate to a relative who has been distant to you for whatever reason, or even just having a complicated relationship with a parent. so what if you apply this kind of broadened meaning to Rose's cheating? the idea that she is not trustworthy. that she hides major, life altering information from people who are very close to her and should've been told. that she doesn't trust her partner, and would rather sneak around and hide this for years, rather than either letting her partner be involved in this part of her life, or accepting that her partner isn't comfortable with this development and respecting that boundary. this sort of thing is really alienating to people who know that they themselves are better than this. and “alienating” is the exact antithesis of what homestuck always was to the people who loved it.

what's especially interesting to me, is that the effects of this alienation actually come through in the way that people talk about EP/HS2 nowadays. I don't know if anyone has noticed this trend yet, but people tend to talk about the events of EP/HS2 as decisions made by writers, rather than decisions made by characters. which is weird, because people didn't do that so much with homestuck. and for this I wanna break out Vriska as an example. a lot of people like Vriska, and a lot of people hate Vriska. she's controversial. but no matter what, people always take Vriska's actions as though they're hers. and if they hate what Vriska does in the story, then they hate Vriska. not Hussie, for writing her that way. not even the vague concept of the narrative. they consider Vriska's actions to actually belong to her and form her identity, which they then pass judgment on, one way or another. Hussie is even a character that canonically exists within homestuck, and nobody ever thought to blame him, in universe, for being the origin of Vriska as a trouble causing entity in the story. compare that with how many times you'll see someone say that they don't like what the EP/HS2 writers have done with Rose, Jade, Jane, etc.... they tend not to actually level blame at the characters themselves. obviously this does vary a lot from person to person, but as a vague trend, I would say that people are starting to detach themselves from the characters, or at least detach the characters from their actions in EP/HS2. and to me it reads as a bit of a defense mechanism. it is a degree of separation that lets these characters keep their integrity, and the potential for positive development that they had when homestuck initially ended. it is a trend that, to me, proves the point that the level of pain for pain's sake in this story is too much. without relief, people disengage. even if they want to keep up with how the characters are doing, they no longer want to buy into the narrative's reality... so they acknowledge the author, and the fact that this is fiction. they remove themselves from the act of being invested. and the more adamantly you see people doing this, the more uncomfortable you can assume it feels for these people to buy into the events of the story and treat them as real.

to jump track to another odd point that I think creates a further barrier between cast and audience... has anyone noticed the age of the main cast's children that we've seen appear so far? all of them seem to be similar to the ages of the beta kids when we first met them. they're teenagers. and that means that, if my knowledge is correct, we kinda skipped a chunk of these people's lives. we never really spent time seeing the original homestuck kids as new parents... we never saw them raising their babies. and I get that this is an odd complaint, but it's an example of the story not growing with its audience. it's missing a huge opportunity, not only to show us this portion of their lives, but to fill in with some major world building when it comes to Earth C. are we supposed to assume that absolutely none of the main cast of homestuck made any new friends on Earth C? did they not explore what kind of culture popped up on this planet? what if one of the main cast had gone out and met someone totally new to befriend or love on this planet? but no... we're strictly only interested in the original cast and their kids, which they only ever had with each other, and nobody is really friends anymore, but nobody has met anyone new either... basically depression and isolation is the only option for these characters if the writers aren't willing to actually let them live in the world they're living in. and besides that, at time of writing, there is one friend of mine from my friend group that is just now planning on getting married. he'll be the first of all of us. and while he and his fiancé want kids pretty quickly once they're settled down, it still hasn't even happened yet. we're in our late 20s. and believe me, I understand the desire to timeskip to when the kids are old enough to be full people, but you have to remember not only that there are other ways to introduce new characters, but also who we're even trying to relate to here. is it the new kids, or their parents? because most of us aren't parents yet, much less the parents of teenagers, but we aren’t teenagers anymore either, and this isn’t framed as their story anyway. how are the majority of homestuck’s older fans represented in EP/HS2?

and when EP/HS2 skips the portion of these characters' lives that we, in real life, are actually living, it subtly hints that a story that would reflect what our lives are like isn't interesting, and tells us that not much good is expected to be waiting in our futures either. and the bigger problem with that is that the writing decisions in EP/HS2 represent the authors' answer to the question: how do we make this interesting? clearly they didn't think that anyone would be satisfied with a nice little romp through the lives these characters might've built. like, a slice of life type of story? or maybe something with a smaller stakes conflict? I dunno why, but my first thought was like... what if Jane ended up actually becoming a detective, and the story just had an intermission-style detour into her solving a case or something? at least a weird, hyper specific detour like that would signal that we care about what she's doing... that'd be fine by me! but they couldn't even give us something that would frame her as a good person... they just treated her like she never got un-possessed by the Condesce, and called it a day. it just feels like these are authors who wouldn't be satisfied with a story that lets the characters be at ease in their private lives. peace is something that is off the table, like, if the characters are living good, satisfying lives, we will never hear about it because apparently that counts as nothing to report.

but also... in the absence of the larger plot machinations that SBURB provided, what was left to create a struggle for these characters to face? it couldn't be Jack Noir, Lord English, the Condesce... those threats all got resolved. and they couldn’t let the characters exist in any facsimile of peace. so the writers needed something to stir things up. and in trying to find a new challenge to drive the story, they dug into the stuff that, in my opinion, should not have been used in this way. they began grasping at character drama, trying to wring conflict out of the deterioration of the relationships between the characters.

but at the same time, they're trying to capture the grandeur of homestuck during its more iconic moments. and okay, this is a pretty far out there speculation, but I've always made this observation about homestuck, and the way it got popularized. early on, fans would get into it with no real idea of how big or ambitious the story was going to be. going into act 1 blind, you wouldn't suspect this comic of being much more than a quirky, funny little weekly strip, set up for the sole purpose of making weird jokes about Nic Cage or Harry Anderson. then you get to the big shit. which in act 1 could just be the meteor destroying John's house. but that's a pretty impressive amount of escalation based on the expectations you had. fast forward to a bigger moment, like the reveal that the trolls' SGRUB session created the human universe, and you're super excited about this. so you tell whoever will listen that they should really read homestuck! and maybe they listen, and they go to page one and... well... they seem kind of unimpressed by the way the comic looks. this is what all the hype was about? and you really wanna sell it to them, so you're like, no, seriously, it gets so much better. and maybe you show them bits like the LOWAS walk around flash game, or maybe [S] make her pay, or something. and they're like, whoa, the comic gets like that? so perhaps they slog through the early acts, or maybe they just skip to the trolls and double back when they're confused enough... but either way, the comic's selling point is now it's climax, not the buildup.

and the problem with viewing the comic this way is that homestuck is both things. proportionally, homestuck is actually way more composed of the tedious little stuff than the grand big stuff. but homestuck was popularized via the grand big stuff, and sometimes I feel like EP/HS2 is attempting to fill itself with big stuff like that, but it isn't doing the legwork right. it's using character drama to fuel itself, but it's also trying to be highly epic in terms of its presentation. the lack of contrast flattens everything out, and as I described earlier, the story no longer has that essential push and pull between the terrorizing forces that threaten the characters/raise the stakes, and the unity and likability of the cast that makes you care about their struggle/gets you invested in seeing the conflict resolved. and I just wanna point out that those little interstitial bits... the ones that are typically viewed as the stuff you have to slog through in order to get to the interesting part? those were our main source of knowledge when it came to the characters. it's how we got invested in them and came to know that we liked or related to them in the first place.

the larger ramifications of this lean away from the little things, while also leaning into character drama to fuel conflict in the plot, leads to the overuse of bombastic character drama. sensationalized character drama. everything is always a huge fucking deal, while also being primarily concerned with the existing characters, rather than any kind of outside threat. so what are the tools? a wedding? a funeral? terminal illness, betrayal, a change in ideology that creates a schism... the loss of identity. all these high drama moments that generate conflict by sacrificing the bonds these characters shared. you know... letting that core piece of investment self destruct. the story is basically eating itself in order to sustain its momentum, but there's basically no point anymore. it's been gutted of the stuff that really mattered.

so why did everything go so badly? why do half of the characters not even like each other anymore? why do we not even like half of them anymore? why did the writers feel the need to dismantle them like this? well, because what else do we have to work with... how do you introduce a new threat to these characters without it being either SBURB all over again, or something entirely different that just makes these characters seem overwhelmingly put upon by the universe, like, more than any other individuals that have ever existed. it's actually a very rudimentary power escalation problem. gotta find that next level of bigger problem to set on everyone.

but do you wanna know what kind of homestuck fan I’ve been since the very beginning? I started reading homestuck 9 years ago. I think I was like 16 or 17? and at first I wasn’t sure how to interact with the comic, so I went to the “about” section of the website. it told me, in a broad sense, what mspaintadventures.com was, as a collection of work, and suggested that I begin by reading problem sleuth. not knowing that it wasn’t part of homestuck, I did just that. I read all of it. before I even got to homestuck. I am a fan that lives for the small, stupid, tedious fucking around. the slow buildup of total bullshit... the complex setup that gives you a million microscopic payoffs on it’s way to god knows what end goal. it’s like watching an explosion in reverse. all the tiny little pieces fly chaotically together and coalesce into a whole story, and you got to watch it build itself, piece by tiny little piece. I live and breathe for that level of detail. and the most fun I ever had with the story was when the characters were wandering around an environment, exploring and using various objects to set up these wacky chain reactions, half of which you’d never see coming, but which would all retroactively make sense in the end.

what I’m saying is that small scale conflict is interesting. and there are whole genres that build themselves off of this. I actually think that in certain instances, homestuck may fall under the slice of life genre. and slice of life is largely misunderstood as a rather bland genre, but the appeal is watching people with personalities that you enjoy. you watch them live their lives, and you go along for the ride. true slice of life is not a soap opera... it’s just enjoying the company of people who happen to be fictional. there's always been an element of that in homestuck... these were characters that you could see yourself getting along with if you met them. they were entertaining because of how they saw the world... how you would see the world if you were looking through their eyes. and homestuck gave you that opportunity. sometimes, that actually is all that you need.

I'm not saying that homestuck's ideal form is as a purely slice of life type of story... but wasn't that kind of what a lot of the fan works felt like? little comics about funny scenarios, or preexisting comedy bits with roles assigned to the characters they reminded you of... that stuff was the form that fun took for the fans of this comic. why is that so easily dismissed as frivolous? why is it so bad to want a little of that back? sometimes, you do wanna get into the hard stuff. maybe you wanna see Dave and Dirk have a conversation where they both admit that all they wanted as kids was a brother, and neither felt like they got to have that, but in very different ways. maybe you wanna see Roxy and Rose compare their similar feelings of estrangement, and explore the emotions that led them into their respective struggles with alcohol. maybe you wanna see John have a moment of sadness when he decides he wants to raise a kid, because he misses his own dad, and while Jane's dad is definitely family, he isn't the guy that actually raised John for the first 13 years of his life. maybe you wanna see Jade get inordinately clingy with every single one of her friends until one of them finally voices a concern about needing some space, only to see a glimpse of Jade's absolute terror at the thought of being alone again. and that pain is something that could definitely find a place in a story with more actual down time. maybe these moments of actually cathartic lingering pain could be explored with sensitivity in a story that gives them room to breathe. if the writers played their cards right and let the characters heal in meaningful ways, they might've even gotten tears of happiness out of a few of us. wouldn't that have been wild.

I just hate the idea that something is more realistic if it's dark. that's not true at all. I understand where the sentiment comes from. I understand the merits of taking an unflinching look at hard truths. but cynicism is not the same as realism. and realistically, people will try hard to seek good things for themselves in life. and even if they miss the mark... even if they fall into depression, or lack the ability to make their dreams a reality, these particular characters had already sought and found good people. people who would, realistically, absolutely help a friend if they needed it. I know this, because I watched them do that. the whole first five acts were literally about the trolls yelling at the humans because there was a huge problem that they blamed the kids for causing, and what did these kids do? they said "hey wait, let's fix that" and they did. even though the trolls made a horribly rude first impression. even though it was monumentally challenging. these kids have fought and died for each other's sake. they are family. if not by blood then by bond. and when that part of a story resonates with an audience, it is valuable.

I feel like I shouldn't have to defend the value of connecting positively with an audience. I get that this may be kind of a hokey take... I get that the people who currently like EP/HS2 will probably think I'm asking for something far too saccharine. but at this point I don't even care. once again, this is just my personal opinion, long and rant-like though it may be. and clearly it will change nothing about the current state of homestuck's most canon non-canon continuation. I guess my one major frustration is the extent to which some people have bought into what I consider to be blatant character defamation. it pains me when people talk about the actions of some of the characters in EP/HS2, because while many blame the writers for the unsettling behavior displayed by them in EP/HS2, some will readily consider this to be where the kids from the early acts really ended up as people.

#homestuck #homestuck^2 #fair warning this is all criticism #don't like don't read #and all that jazz #I'm pinning this post cuz I don't wanna lose it #because looking at it will be my self control when I wanna rant about it again and I know I will #like no you asshole you already ranted you don't have to do it again #cw: suicide #I legit forgot to tag that til I went to get a shower and realized halfway through #I basically info dumped all this here and then my head was well and truly empty #also #cw: cheating #?#idk that's the only other thing I can think of that I discussed here which might be a problem for some folks #btw subtle tag whispering that the reblog with tags explaining where a couple of the things I mentioned were addressed a little was nice #I knew I wouldn't get everything spot on... this is definitely criticism coming from a not 100% informed place #but yeah... I still kinda feel like even if the epilogues acknowledge the writer as an entity that differs from the characters...#that just kind of doubles down on the inability of fans to engage? like it cements it.#and even if meat does focus on their 20s while candy timeskips (which I wasn't aware of) like...#look at what happened to meat #look because I don't want to lol #is there anybody left who isn't sad?#cuz real talk I like using happy characters as wish fulfillment when I'm sad #and seeing a character get challenged and still come out with some determined positive energy... I love that #anyone remember when Aradia went god tier? I was overjoyed #literally all it took was her beating apathy and regaining her personhood #I love that stuff #god fucking damn it I'm still ranting what is even up with that

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reeree1500 · 5 years

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The Return- Part Three

Okay y'all so here it is!! Part 3 of the Return series!!! Ivar and reader relationship developmentttttt💕 Hope you guys like itttt :) Lemme know if you guys wanna be tagged too. And don't kill meeeee pleaseee 😂

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 10

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @amy8220 @cutegyrl927 @camatsuru @cindy-exo @cainismyname @affection-rabbit

Disclaimer: My sucky writing again. Bad grammar and spelling😂 Character death. And bad plot in general.

Your POV

Excitement. Thats all I could say I was feeling at the moment. To finally be back in Kattegat with my family was something I never thought would have happened again. After my father’s grand announcement of my return, the room overflowed with happiness. People were coming up to me, asking me where I had been for the past 6 years and how I had survived. Obviously, I tried to answer everyone’s questions to the best of my ability without giving too much information. For I still didn't know, the true reason as to why I had to leave or who wanted me gone.

The happiness in the hall however did not last very long. Aslaug, the woman who was questioning Bjorn earlier that night. Was actually my father’s wife. “Im sorry? She's your what now?!?!” Aslaug screams of sorrow over my existence could probably be heard all the way in Frankia. My father however, seemed to have very little interest in her reactions at all. He had cast her to the side as if she meant nothing to him. During the course of the next few hours neither my father nor Bjorn left my side. It was as if they thought something would occur to me if I was out of their side for more than a second. “Father, if it is alright with you I would like to go outside for some fresh air.” I tell him, whilst grasping his hand to truly catch his attention. Cupping my face he says “My sweet little girl, you may do anything you please. However, I would prefer that you do not stray too far from here, as I have just gotten you back. And I would not be able to handle losing you again.” With that he gives me a kiss on my forehead and sends me on my way.

However, I can still feel the overbearing presence of my older brother. “Bjorn, you know Im not gonna run away, if thats what you're afraid of.” I tell him whilst stepping outside. “Im not afraid of you running away. Im afraid of something happening to you (y/n). Plus worrying about you is my job, always has been.” Leaning on one of the wooden beams, I cant help but to stare up at the sky and hold my cross between my fingers. Thinking to myself how different life would have been if I had not left. “ Im only a few steps away shout if anything happens. Okay?” “Okay! And Bjorn... I love you.” At that Bjorn kisses my forehead and walks back inside.

Unbeknownst to me, a certain dark haired man was lurking in the shadows. “Awwww, If I had a heart I would think that was probably the sweetest reunion Ive ever seen.” Turning to the sound of that familiar voice, I see Ivar leaning on his crutch making his way towards me. “I never thought that I would have a sister. And a Christian one at that.” The way that his eyes scan over my body makes me feel a certain way that I cannot quite describe. And the way that his features are outlined by the moonlight really gives a sense of how handsome he is. “Wait, are you implying that...”

“Well, if all Christians are as slow as you I don't think we’ll have a problem conquering them.” A smirk is displayed on his face, while his eyes show a hint of deviance in them. “Why do you think that Bjorn and Ubbe look so much alike (y/n)?” “Or the fact that we all share similar traits like our eyes?” As Ivar continues to talk down to me as if I were a child, I start to connect the dots. Why it was that Bjorn and Ubbe look alike. The way that they all seem to share the same traits as my father. The four young men that Bjorn introduced me too, are actually my brothers.

With wide eyes I come to the realization that...“You’re my brother.” “Took you long enough.” At that Ivar seems to crack what looks like a genuine smile. “You know, I always thought that I was the youngest, but now that I'm not...” The genuine smile I had probably imagined was now a devious one. “ Now, baby sister. Why don't you and I go and sit down by those steps down there. And you can tell big brother Ivar, what you've been up to all this time?” Without being able to answer, Ivar grabs my hands and takes me towards the steps. Why do I feel like this night is just getting started...

-----------------------------------------

Ivar POV

Needless to say all of us were in shock to learn that (y/n) was our sister. Especially Hvitserk, who had not only been enchanted by her beauty, but was already planning how he would take her from Bjorn. I however, knew something was up the minute I saw her in the great hall. She had no scars whatsoever on her body, meaning she wasn't a shield-maiden. And absolutely no callouses on her fingers from when she took the ale, meaning she definitely wasn't a thrall. And Bjorn wouldn't cheat on Torvi, unless he wants his balls cut off. Something intrigued me about her instantly. It was if she had been sent to me by the Gods, her sharp tongue reminded me of mine. The way that she stood up for my mother not even knowing that she had caused Lagertha and Ragnar to break up amazed me. The way she handled herself with grace and dignity was exactly what I wanted. No, what I need for in a wife.

“Ivar, are you okay? You've been staring at me for the past 5 mins without saying a word.” (y/n) places her hand on my knee to draw my attention whilst looking straight into my eyes. “As a matter of fact, Im trying to piece together, how we’re the same age, and we never met before you left.” As she goes to lift her hand from my knee, something instinctively goes over me and I grab her and hold it were it was. The initial shock she and I both had at my actions soon subsided. She let her hand rest under mine. As if we had done this countless times before, our fingers intertwined and they in my eyes fit perfectly. I could see the inner turmoil inside her, on whether these small affectionate moments between us were something that was so wrong, but that felt so right.

It was not just moments ago that I had found out she was indeed my sister. Blood of my blood. But somehow, something in me told me that we were meant to be. I felt safe and strangely loved by this person in front of me, whom I have never met before. “You know Ivar, we lived on a farm. I was 100% certain that I would be a farm girl for the rest of my life. I was content with knowing that I would spend my life tending to the animals and my family. But, this is just too much.” Looking down at where our once intertwined hands were. I see that she is now staring at the ground playing with the ends of her long braided hair. “Why? Because you feel as if you're not good enough? Look at me for Odin’s sake! Im a cripple!” At that moment our eyes connected and I saw a reflection of myself in her. A scared child who was deprived of a normal childhood. Seeking for acceptance and love from anyone.

“(Y/n), come inside father wishes to speak to you.” Bjorn says coming out from the great hall ale in hand. Clearly drunk as well. “Sure thing, I’ll be there in a second.” As she goes to stand up (y/n) turns to me and kisses me on the cheek. “Thank you for the pep talk, big brother.”

I knew that I could not be the only one feeling this way. She had to have been feeling the same about me. And I will go to the ends of the world and face the God’s themselves if they think that for a second I will not make her mine.

Your POV

What had I just done! I kissed him whether it be on the cheek or not. I kissed Ivar. My brother. Oh lord, forgive me for these sinful thoughts are consuming me. The intense feeling I got from us holding hands and from when he stared into my eyes. I had felt at home. Felt safe, felt something that I should only be feeling for the man I should marry. Not my brother! As I enter the great hall, all eyes turn on me. Remembering what I had just talked to Ivar about, I keep my head up. I shouldn't be ashamed, or feel as if I'm less than I am.

As I make my way to my father through the crowd once he spots me his eyes light up immediately. Sitting on his thrown he extends his hand and makes me sit on the throne beside his. “My beautiful daughter are you feeling alright now?” He says to me a little louder as if to make sure that people know not to mess with me. “Y..yes father Im feeling much better.” I murmur to him. At that moment my eyes trail off as if to find something that would take me out of this position right now. I have never been one to be the centre of attention. And as much as I wanna believe in myself that I can be a good princess to my people, at the moment that is not going to happen. As I scan the room my eyes land on Hvitserk. He’s eating a piece of chicken las if it were his last meal ever. I cannot help, but to laugh at him and that when he notices. He flashes a smile that could certainly melt any lady’s heart. Without realizing I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and bit my lip. Biting my lip when Im nervous is something Ive always done.

However, what did not realize was Ivar eyeing me from behind him. At that I stop and stare at the ground. As the hours go by, finally the last person leaves the great hall. Leaving only my father and brothers with me. “Sooooo, where is (y/n) supposed to sleep, father?” Asks Ubbe. Coming from behind me Hvitserk puts his arm around my shoulders bringing me closer to his body. “She can sleep with me! I don't mind sharing my bed with her.” At this Ivar scoffs. “Of course you wouldn't, you wouldn’t mind sharing your bed with anything that has a pulse.” I tilt my head trying to figure out whatever he means by that. And all that can be heard is the snickering of my father.

“I was thinking that perhaps I could sleep with Bjorn. You know since we used to share a room when we were little...” I say wishing that what I feel most comfortable with could be taken into account. “I don't know about that one baby sis, you'd have to ask Torvi. She defiantly doesn't like sharing thats for sure.” as Ivar says this he smirks at me while taking bite out of his apple. “Who’s Torvi?” “Wait! Bjorn didn't tell you? He's married.”

At that moment a scream was heard throughout the town.

“Oh My God, Mira!!!!” at that moment I shot out of Hvitserk’s arms and ran as fast as I could. How could I have been so stupid that I left my friend by herself in an unknown place. Seeing the people gathered around Bjorn's cabin only made my heart more nervous. Pushing my way past the crowd I make it up the steps in one piece. But what I saw would forever haunt me. There on the floor lied my once best friend and most trusted subject Mira. And on her back was carved the death rune. All I remember is hitting the floor and watching a pair of worried and frantic electric blue eyes.

#vikings #vikings fandom #vikings fanfiction #vikings history channel #vikings ivar #ivar lothbrok #ivar's heathen army #ivar x reader #ivar #bjorn lothbrok #bjorn ironside #bjorn x reader #hvitserk #hvitserk x reader #ragnarsdottir #ragnar lothbrok #ragnar x lagertha #ask to tag

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ashleyfanfic · 5 years

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Y'all done made me get my laptop out so I can type this and not on my phone. That’s how damn tired I am of it.

I am a Dany fan(Stan). But let me be clear in saying that I am also a Jon Snow fan(Stan). You people out here spewing your hate on one or the other are getting on my last fucking nerve because you’re all missing the fucking point of Jon and Dany’s entire arc!

Dany’s Arc since coming to the North She’s having to contend with a people who didn’t sign up to be her people. Their king, the man they named king, named her his queen. Now, not one of them have asked why he did this, but you can tell they’re looking at him and her and made assumptions that it’s just because they’re together. But like Jon had to do when he was at Dragonstone, maybe it would make a little too much sense for them to ask why he’s so devoted to her. So, her arc is first coming to a place she doesn’t necessarily want to be, fighting a war she hadn’t intended on fighting, beside the man she loves. That’s all hard going for her. I think ep 3 will add some more layers onto this. Jon’s Arc since coming to the North Trying to logically reason with illogical people about bending the knee. Even his own sisters have doubts about why he did what he did and don’t actually ask as much as accuse him of being disloyal to his family or forgetting who he was. Then Sam drops the truth on him, not in a way that would have softened the blow for his best friend, the man who had always protected him but drops it in such a way it’s a gut punch and meant to drive a wedge between Jon and Daenerys.

I know people take issue with Dany’s reaction to what Jon said to her, but wouldn’t you? I mean, you just got told that the man you love is a long lost relative and people will say he has a better claim simply because he’s a man? And then these same people turn around and chastise the fact that Jon will tell her he doesn’t want it and that makes him a bad person because he’s stepping away from it because of her? He loves her, you dope. He also doesn’t want to be a king, has never wanted to be a king, and if you don’t understand that, then you don’t fucking understand Jon Snow. He took positions of power because they named him or he was the best person. If he steps aside it’s because he believes in Daenerys.

I don’t give a shit about your “A man steps in front of a woman to take her place even though she’s been working for it her whole life”. Correction, she’s been working for it since she decided she wasn’t just going to be a pet for Drogo and actively started taking on the role of Khaleesi. Jon didn’t know the opportunity was even out there.

But even if he did, what are you implying? That Jon has done nothing? Jon joined the Night’s Watch and became a steward to the Lord Commander and saved his fucking life from a wight. That’s how he got Longclaw. Then he goes beyond the wall with his brothers and gets captured by Wildlings and kills one of his own men in order to ingratiate himself with those people. In doing so, he learns that they aren’t as horrible as he thought. They were people who had the misfortune of being born on the wrong side of the wall and were trying to survive. Some are bloodthirsty cannibals, but your more rational Wildlings, like Ygritte and Tormund, don’t like that group. He still gets back to the Wall and helps his brothers fortify Castle Black and fights against them. It’s because of Jon that they win that battle. He executes Janos Slynt for not following order (and good thing Janos didn’t have any family that would have made him sympathetic to the group). Then we have him go save the Wildlings, fight the Army of the Dead, and watch in horror as all those killed were resurrected as dead. He was killed for this. Those people he saved, the Wildlings, came to fight and protect Jon even in death. He fought to win back Winterfell even knowing that the odds were against them. And he went south to meet with a potential enemy/ally because he saw they needed help. Jon didn’t know he was a prince. No one thought to tell him that before he went to the Wall, but I wouldn’t say he’s done nothing to deserve the crown.

And then there’s Dany, and the ole girl had a shit time of it as well. Her own family member sold her to a warlord for his army. Said family member was abusive and her husband raped her repeatedly. Even to the point where sitting in the saddle was painful. Her husband died, her baby died, all because of decisions she made. Those events made her even less trusting in others than she was previously. But she hatched Dragons in the fire. She made it through the Red Waste, the exact opposite environment that Jon Snow was living in. Her people were slaughtered so the dragons could be taken. She survived that and managed, through her own wits and not informing any of her advisors as to her plan, to acquire the Unsullied army who chose to follow her after she freed them. She takes Yunkai and Meereen and even marries a man she despises and reopens the fighting pits because she’s looking to make the people happy. She didn’t sail to Westeros when she was able. She stayed to try to make the lives of the freed slaves better. She learned the pitfalls of ruling and how hard it was. You know what she did learn? You can’t make everybody happy. She took the Dothraki, not with her dragons, but with her own plans. Everyone proclaims she’s nothing without her dragons, yet she managed to kill all the khals and took the Khalasar with fire and a well-placed lock on the door. She finally settles the issue with the Masters (by showing her ultimate power). She sails to Westeros and because she abandons her plans in favor of Tyrion’s plan, clever men, she loses all of her allies. She’s spitting mad when she learns about Highgarden but turns to someone who isn’t in her counsel and asks what he would do. Because Dany has proven that she will listen. She defeated the Lannister army coming back from Highgarden.

But the same can be said for Jon which is why I don’t think EITHER of them will take it. Love is the death of duty. Jon and Dany love one another. Yes, fam, she loves him. He loves her. They have been beating us over the head with it over two years. They love one another. Yeah, they’re adding in drama, but they kind of have to. People would bitch, moan, and complain if there wasn’t some drama around this revelation. But let’s go back to how he tells hers: They’re alone. He’s been avoiding her and she’s finally had enough and seeks him out. She finds him in the crypts and doesn’t approach him any further until he smiles at her and nods. She wraps her arms around him, he holds her hands as he stares at Lyanna’s statue. She asks who they’re looking at and he only says “Lyanna Stark”. She then starts speaking about her brother Rhaegar and how he was good and decent, loved to sing and gave money to orphans, and he raped her. She couldn’t wrap her mind around that. Jon tells her that he didn’t. They were in love. It’s not meant to hurt her, but I believe he was hoping that by telling her that, it was meant to soften some of what she believed about her brother, a brother she clearly loves even though she never met him. The look on her face is heartbreak and disbelief. She knows this changes everything. Because it’s not what either of them thinks their claim is, it’s what other people will think. They’ll push her aside for the male heir. And speaking of a male heir, Jon is the last of the Targaryens. The only one who can carry on the line. Dany has a habit of thinking of the long term, and she sees what’s going to happen. He’ll have to marry someone else, he’ll have to for their house to survive. And then people will really support his claim for the Iron Throne.

But here’s how I think this plays out. I said above that I don’t think either of them will sit the throne, and I don’t. I think the world is going to change with this battle in ep3 and possibly ep5. I don’t really think there will be a throne to sit. Davos has already offered up the easiest solution: marry them. But Dany will be against this because she doesn’t believe she’ll be able to have children. She’ll make him go away because of this belief. I don’t believe Jon will ever do this willingly. He loves her. The throne means nothing to him, but belonging to a family does, and right now, Dany is his family. Sansa and Arya have already put themselves at odds against him because of how he feels for her. So he’s possibly going to fight Dany on this. I think we’ll get some trickery that will make them both realize how stupid they are for each other. Dany will have Jon’s baby, and I think this goes back to Emilia’s comment about how the end fucked her up. Think of it from her perspective. What has been Dany’s goal for the entire series, almost? To take the Iron Throne. She might have even expected Dany to die. But does anyone expect her to give up the throne to live out a peaceful life with the man she loves and her child(ren)? No. Dany wants to break the wheel that her ancestor Aegon built. What better way than to dissolve the monarchy? So, let’s say the last vision we see of Dany is that of a mother to an actual child, Jon at her side, with their dragons, living somewhere far away from Westeros. That would cause some people to be irate, but others to go, yeah, that’s what’s best for these two people who have done nothing but suffer.

#jonerys #jon x dany #jon x daenerys #jon snow x daenerys targaryen #got spoilers

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anodyne-sunflower · 7 years

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Love me like you do (Part 20)-Balem series

A/N: yeah…I took longer than expected lol I’m sorry. Anyway, here we are! Part 20, damn. To those still into this series thank you for sticking by it for so long! It’s my favorite one of my series, and I truly hope y'all have enjoyed it thoroughly. There is a small timeskip in this to help push the plot quicker for me lol To get to the more important parts, I swear. Enjoy!

MOOD MUSIC: Nothing left to say by Imagine Dragons

***

The silence between you two was unnerving, and though you wished to escape this moment there was little you could do. He was still close to you, breath heavy with wine lingering over your lips. He seemed angry, but he barely made a sound before he kept his gaze on you and pulled back. He sank into his chair, reaching for another glass since he shattered the last one in his fit of rage. And as if nothing had just occurred between you both he simply poured himself another glass and took a casual sip. The whole while keeping his eyes trained on you. Words escaped you, because you were sure nothing you said would make him happy now. For whatever his reasons, he wasn’t keen on parting with you just yet and that’s what caused even more turmoil to build within your heart.

“You can’t keep me here forever.”

It was more of a question, the way you said it. And while his threat had made it evident that he fully intended to try, you still couldn’t believe he’d suggest such a notion. Was it really worth all the trouble of having you around? Was he that infatuated with your current arrangement that he’d simply force you to stay? None of it made much sense to you. In fact, by now he should’ve been invested in another woman if history was anything to go by. But, he clung to you. For a moment it gave you hope, and if you were being completely honest with yourself, fear. Because, you couldn’t imagine him loving someone. So if he needed you by him, how much heartache was in your future to have to put up with it.

“You have no idea who you’re talking to.”

His threatening words alarmed you, and you glanced up at him for once during this conversation. For someone who managed to gain more than your affections, he was doing a wonderful job of making you question it.

“Balem-”

“Enough.” He gave you a stern look, signaling that he was done with this topic. You knew badgering him would get you nowhere, but the more he brushed you off the angrier you felt towards him. The legs of your chair scraped loudly against the floor as you stood, ready to be out of this aggravating man’s presence. There were many times he caused a slew of emotions to rage in you, but this time you felt it was far too much. You may have found yourself out of place here, but you were not void of dignity.

“I am not yours to do with as you please!”

At least your outburst captured enough of his attention for him to settle his wine glass down. But, that devilish glint in his green eyes was enough to make you tremble. You may have gotten on his nerves now and then, but this was by far the worst you’ve ever seen him. With his lips tightened in a thin line, he glared your way, and just when you went to move passed him he latched onto your forearm and tugged you harshly back.

Balem all but shoved you into the wall, rough enough to make you gasp but gentle enough to leave you otherwise unharmed. But, that didn’t make you feel any better about this situation. There was a fire in his eyes like none you’ve ever witnessed in a man. His stare alone could make the world’s greatest armies crumble into nothing at his feet. However, it was his tone that ate away you. So frightfully laced in a madness that had his fingers tightening their grip upon your arm.

“This is not a game, Y/N.”

Your heart nearly stopped, his haunting voice making your name sound like a threat of its own. He had never once called you by it to your face, and though you longed for him to have done so you now fully regretted that wish. It sounded nothing short of a heated passion, one that made you part your lips to release the nervous breath you had been holding.

His nose brushed yours, the proximity of his body only adding to your uneasiness. You never once took your gaze from him, wanting to show him that regardless of his intimidation you would never falter. Even though every nerve in your body told you otherwise.

“You’re right. It’s not.” You asserted, trying to keep the tremble from your voice. To love a man like him was a dangerous attachment, and the closer he stood only made you more aware of that point. Although, you already found yourself hooked to him and nothing you thought or said could change that. Perhaps that was the most alarming part of loving him. How much were you willing to forgive in order to allow yourself the freedom of giving in to your heart’s desires? “So let me make this easy for you-” A risk, a huge one. But, you needed it to be said and done. If Balem wanted you, in whatever way, you were to be the one to decide that. “If I can’t go back to earth, then let me make this perfectly clear for you.”

Balem sneered at that, his hand inching dangerously up your arm until he rested it over your neck. He didn’t hurt you though, simply held your chin so you couldn’t bother looking away from him. He always marveled at your strength, and even now amidst your own claims he found a delightful beauty in it. It was only further proof that he wanted you near. A woman who could bring her own tenacity to the table, and leave him proud by the end of it.

“You are in no position to demand things of me.”

He was right in his assertions, you held no power here. Even as a lover of the most powerful man, your reach could only stretch so far. Nonetheless, your point would forever remain, he could not dictate the details of your relationship if you were not willing.

“I will be a servant. I will stay in the servant’s quarters, and I will stay clear of you.”

To many those words would seem benign, but you added a certain bitterness behind them. As if spite was your main purpose in this conversation. Anything to put Balem in his place, if only for this moment. His reaction, however, was not what you expected and with an amused smirk he released your face and stepped back.

“As I said, little bird…” He turned on his heel, fetching his wine before heading towards his chaise lounge. He nonchalantly laid down, crossing his boots at the end as he sipped his wine and pointed towards the bed. “You are in no position to demand things of me. You want to serve, then serve. My sheets need changing, as I recall we made a mess on them not so long ago.”

His confidence was enviable, and even when you felt you had the upper hand he always knocked you back into place. It was no wonder he held the fate of planets at his fingertips. But, in some odd way you had gained part of your request. Only now you’d be at his beck and call, back to the way it originally was. Except you felt a certain doom looming over you this time around. One that caused your chest to tighten and heart to sink. Being around him was the one condition you intended to keep, that seemed to be out of your power now. It’s not like you could avoid him anyway, being surrounded by everything he owned he was bound to cross paths with you at some point.

“As you wish…my lord.” You spat back, a coolness to your tone that made him scoff in annoyance. But, he watched you intensely despite your attitude. If only to find satisfaction in seeing you seethe with your own anger for him.

***

Days had passed since your falling out with a certain entitled, not that you held any regret for it. There was honor in knowing you said exactly what you felt, even if it hurt doing so. It did nag at the back of your mind often, the way he looked at you, the way he spoke to you. He was like a whirlwind of emotion when he truly wanted to be. One minute he’s beckoning you for dinner, and the next he’s spitting insults and threats in your face. If he did harbor any positive feelings towards you, he truly did not know how to present them properly. You’d like to think his anger came from a very sensitive spot in him, but that was likely just wishful thinking on your part. Even though you were eager to rid yourself of your feelings for Balem, some small part of you yearned for his affections in return. As any person would hope for in the wake of a romance.

“When you’re done, prepare his meal for him and leave it in his chambers. Lord Balem wishes to take dinner in there today.”

The head of the servants flew by you, shouting out orders to everyone and hustling about the kitchen. He paid particular attention to you, and whether that was by Balem’s hand or not you weren’t entirely sure. But, since you were meant to wait on the Primary hand and foot, you supposed the head would prefer you do it perfectly. Or else he’d suffer the consequences.

“Sure.” You stated dryly, rolling your eyes as the man once again passed by and observed over your shoulder. You swore he acted as if you’d poison Balem the way he eyed your food preparation. Thankfully, his assessment didn’t last long when a small fire broke out on the stove, his yelling now focused on another poor serving girl. You took that moment and ran with it, grabbing the dinner tray and quickly heading out the doors. Sometimes, especially in these situations, you began to regret saying you’d be a servant. But, in your passionate exchange of words with the head of Abrasax industries you may have gotten a bit carried away. You just wanted to be as far from him as possible, but now he was working you to the bone every chance he got. Even though you didn’t regret your words, you regretted your suggestions right now. It was an endless cycle of cleaning his throne room, chambers, balcony, anything his boots so much as scraped you were now in charge of scrubbing and sweeping. He was doing it on purpose, you knew that much. He found utter joy in watching you get on your knees and suffer for your defiance. It was wicked, and downright degrading sometimes. Pretending not to be bothered was the only solace you had in it, because nothing disappointed him more than knowing he wasn’t getting under your skin.

As you walked through the hallways, you passed a number of guards. All of them gathering to head towards the docks and the surrounding grounds of the palace. Balem had made it a priority to have security doubled ever since the assassin came. And for now only cargo ships were allowed passed the Jupiter gates. Everyone seemed to be in a rush now days, more so than usual. Even Mr. Night was giving in to the stress weighing on him. Not that he wasn’t normally frazzled to begin with.

“Anything else you might need, Lord Balem?”

The honeyed voice of a serving girl captured your ear, and you halted in your footsteps as you came face to face with the very man you often tried to avoid. He was standing just at the end of the hall, for once not surround by guards or his advisor. But, the two of them were awfully close to one another, and you recognized the girl as someone you had seen numerous times before in the servant quarters. She was a cute little thing, any man would be blind not to admit that. Which only made seeing them together all that more painful. They weren’t anywhere near Balem’s chambers, but it wouldn’t be unheard of for him to quickly find another woman to satisfy his appetite with.

Unfortunately for you, both of them caught sight of your presence rather quickly. There was an awkwardness about it, you just shuffling on your boots as you stared them both down. You didn’t care for her disgusted glance, but Balem’s stoic one was more than unsettling.

“Leave.”

You watched in surprise as Balem waved her away, his attention now fully on you as he began to walk in your direction. The girl tried to speak to him again, but with one look he had her running off to continue her duties. It was somewhat comforting to witness, because it only showed he held no attachment to her. That didn’t mean nothing went on behind closed doors, but you tried to find your victories in the minor details.

As Balem grew closer, you continued your pace again just about passing him by. Both of you held the other’s gaze, as if your thoughts could possibly come across. Not that it was a painless task to try and decipher the Primary’s stare. When it came to the ultimate poker face, Balem held that honor. You on the other hand, were clumsily letting your emotions show in the form of thoughtless words.

“That didn’t take you long.”

It was enough to interrupt Balem’s path to the throne room, your shoulders almost brushing when he stopped just next to you. He slowly turned his head down to you, that gloating look of his already making your stomach turn. And then he smirked, like the smug bastard that he is.

“Jealousy is unbecoming of you.”

“I’m not-” You bit at your cheek, trying to cover up the obvious resentment in your words. “I’m not jealous. Just making an observation.”

That only seemed to please him more, and he just chuckled darkly as he reached over tucking a strand of loose hair behind your ear. He was playing with you, trying the same tactics he did months ago when you first got here. Seduction was a game he was perfectly skilled at, but unlike the women already here you weren’t prone to giving in to the privileges he’d bestow upon his chosen woman. He may have won the first time, but you, just like him back then, wanted one thing. To fulfill the desires of your heart in the most lustful of ways. His position or riches meant nothing to you, because you had no interest in possessing the power of the world at your fingertips. That was way above your pay grade. And lust was no longer an issue for you. Of course you craved his touch some nights, or most nights if you were honest. Any sane woman would, but you weren’t foolish enough to dig your hole deeper and wallow in the pity of unrequited love.

“I know what jealousy looks like in a woman’s eyes.” He purred, thinking it’d be an easy task to bring you back to him. For what it was worth, he didn’t think you could keep up this little ploy of yours, but so far he was impressed. Even at the expense of his own pride. He wanted you back by his side, and each day that passed only disheartened him further.

“With all due respect, my lord…” You paused, holding the tray tighter in your hands as you offered him a sharp stare in return. For now, Balem didn’t understand what you felt and it was in your best interest to keep that secret. But, for the sake of silencing that mouth of his for once you spoke up anyway. “I don’t think you know what anything looks like in a woman’s eyes.”

His glare darkened, eyes narrowing as his lip twitched at the corner. You truly did enjoy toying with his mood, at least that’s how he saw it. However, he was the better player in all of this. With a grin he dipped down, lips mere centimeters from your ear as he whispered cruelly into it.

“You wish to know if I bedded her?”

You never knew a question could cause so much pain, but with those few words your throat ached. Every part of you wanting to sink to the ground and cry. The feeling was pathetic, and as hard as you tried to hold it together the urge to slap that evil grin off his face was building. And you were sure you would’ve gone through with it had it not been for his guards and Mr. Night turning the corner.

“Lord Balem, I have the data you requested.”

The First Primary kept his eyes on you, but that smirk was no longer there. He wasn’t happy about being interrupted, but you figured what Mr. Night had was far too important for him to ignore. So he moved away from you, never giving an answer to his question he posed. It broke your heart, not only to hear it but now to sit in limbo as your mind conjured up many images of them together.

“Excuse me.” You softly spoke, keeping the tray as steady as you could on your way to his room.

Balem never let his gaze tear away from you, not until you were out of his line of sight. He was tempted to place his arm in front of you, to stop you from leaving his side once again. But, he opted to let you leave this time. There was other matters that needed his attention, and he could use the distractions.

***

“Oh, you’re here.”

You set the tray on the table, nodding over at Evianna who was busy cleaning his furniture. You had spent a considerable amount of time by her side lately, mainly because she was usually in charge of catering to his chambers and food. But, Balem always got his way, and somehow you found yourself partner to his personal servant. Not that you both had grown any closer than before. She still tried on occasion to place herself in your business, especially in regards to Balem. Each time only ended the same, you sighing and saying you didn’t want to talk about it. You figured this time wouldn’t be any different. She was a talented judge of character, and often knew your thoughts and mood better than you did.

“You can leave the rest, ill take care of it.” You offered, filling his glass of wine so it would be ready for him.

“Oh, it’s fine. I’m almost done.” She smiled, wiping at the top of his dresser. “Besides, I’m sure he’d love to have you alone again.”

It was a playful jest, but it vexed you all the same. It wasn’t her fault, she was simply trying hard to gain your favor. If only she knew the brief run in you had with him just now, she wouldn’t be so mindlessly spewing words about his nonexistent feelings for you.

“Little chance of that.” Your voice fell flat, your own senses trying to keep your obvious emotions out of it. Not that that stopped Evianna from prying again. You could hear her movements stop, and you already knew what was coming.

“Is this really wise?”

You had to admire her persistence, though you wished she’d understand your point of view in this. For a woman like her, Balem was a dream, a man she longed for day and night. You knew if given the chance she’d eagerly take your place again, that much was obvious. But, you supposed her pushing you to make more of your relationship with the entitled was simply her way of getting what she wanted in the end. Even if she wasn’t the one winning his affections. What an odd thing, you thought. Yet, for someone well versed in this universe gaining Balem’s heart was probably a very sought after thing. Any woman would suddenly find themselves well to do. If Balem could shower you with gifts by just being his bedmate, you could only imagine what his actual wife would be privileged to.

“Is what wise?” You knew her meaning, but you didn’t feel the need to explain or play into this conversation with her. By now your feelings for the Primary were likely known, even if just to Evianna. But, that wasn’t to be entertained by your mind anymore. It could never happen, and you weren’t sure it should happen. Because, as far as your heart could tell the feelings you held were not mutual. Especially when he so viciously toyed with your emotions.

“He shows care for you-”

“Evianna!” You sighed in frustration, laying your forehead against your palm in an attempt to ease your growing stress. “It’s not like that, and I’d really appreciate it if you’d drop it.”

“If you ignore him, he’ll find another.”

There were a number of things she could’ve responded with, and yet she chose that. It was like she was practically waving her intentions in front of you, but you supposed that could also be your jealousy taking over. Maybe she did want the best for you, but you were far too fed up with her and the idea of her wanting to be a friend that it didn’t really make a difference. With a wave of your hand you went back to folding the sheets, trying to make her realize once and for all you didn’t care.

“Yeah well…that’s the plan.”

You tucked his bedsheets under the edge of the mattress, trying to pretend you didn’t feel her gaze burning into your back. If you were willing to part with Balem on whatever terms, that was your right. And here she was making you feel as if that was the biggest mistake of your life. But, what other choice was there now? Earth was an impossible feat, and pretending that nothing happened between you two and go back to bedding the entitled was the last thing you needed. You feared your heart couldn’t take it anymore. You never meant to fall for him, and somehow that happened. Going back to the way things were would only make it worse, and tossing yourself out of the equation seemed easier than allowing him the pleasure later on. Not that you didn’t miss his companionship, for the lack of a better term. He had redeemable traits, unfortunately none of them included caring for another person.

“I know you’re trying to save yourself the heartache, but acting this way will only make it worse in the end.”

You paused in your actions, kneeling by his bed as you laid a palm atop the comforter. Evianna truly enjoyed hearing herself talk, even if her words were somehow bearing the truth. This time you didn’t try to interrupt her or prove her wrong, you just stayed silent. Her advice cutting deeper than you expected it to.

Evianna sighed in exhaustion, placing Balem’s decorations back on the dresser after polishing them. She was already done, and she took that chance and turned to you. With her hands clasped gently in front of her she just smiled, giving you one last thing to think over before Balem came sauntering back into his room later.

“You’ve come this far. Why stop now?”

***

“It’s a robust stock, my lord. Should be ready to harvest in five years time.”

Mr. Night tapped away at the tablet in his arms, eyeing the data collected from a planet under Balem’s inheritance. It hadn’t gone through a harvest in centuries, and though it was usually longer till the Abrasax family set their eyes on it again, the growth of life had proven far better than the last. It was no wonder Balem had chosen it for an early harvest, they’d get more than their fair share of premium Abrasax from the inhabitants.

“Five years…” The First Primary walked down the corridor towards the docks, cape sliding gracefully around him as two guards followed closely behind. Ever since Kalique had done such a sloppy job of ridding the family of him, he made it his business to have his army be on watch, and a number of them typically accompanied him around the alcazar. He may not take her threats as seriously as she’d like, but he wasn’t naive either. If they were going to send someone else, he’d be ready for them. “Check the outline for the next 2 years, if there is even a slight exponential growth I want to hear of it. Make plans for an even earlier possible harvest.”

“Right away, my lord.” Mr. Night had a concerned expression on his face, as he always did whenever Balem was a bit more ambitious than he should like. But, he wasn’t going to question his choices. He was rarely reckless with his business, and even when he was it always proved to be the better decision. “Shall I send in the keepers? To collect more samples for the future?”

Balem nodded, hardly interested in keeping this conversation going. His mind was preoccupied with a great number of important matters, but there was only one person that was at the center of it all. You. How you managed to work yourself under his skin like that was surprising, and while he found your boldness admirable having it directed at him was too infuriating. But, what was more damaging to his moods as of late was the lack of your presence. It grated on his nerves like nothing else, and the reasons behind it wasn’t something he’d willingly admit to himself.

“My lord?”

The Primary stopped in his tracks, eyes turning to view the splice from his peripheral. He didn’t need to speak his commands, because Mr. Night had come to know each expression of his all too well. So, with a simple courteous bow he excused himself from Balem’s company leaving him with the guards at his back.

“Escort me to my chambers. Then head back to the docks for the remainder of your duty.”

“My lord.” Both guards held their fists over their chests, giving a quick nod to Balem as they made to follow him down the hall. Their armor clanked as they slowed their steps, keeping in pace with their lord as he strode towards his chambers. The halls grew quieter the further they went, the servants likely finishing up for the day. It was a welcomed change from this afternoon’s events, constant meetings, issues, anything that could sour his mood made it on the agenda for him. And now he was looking forward to complete solitude, save for the little bird awaiting him in his chambers. He had made it a point to have you keep your former position, his personal servant. Every privilege he offered before, was now forfeit and if you truly wished to end what you had with him, he was still going to keep you close by if only for his own peace of mind.

In his musings he didn’t pay mind to the noise behind him. Not until a choking sound erupted in the soft hush of the halls. It made him still in his movements and though he didn’t immediately turn, he felt this shadow overtake his mind. That sound was unmistakable, he had heard it numerous times in his life. From when men had made it their business to target his mother, or when she made it her goal to punish those who stood against her. Even if that meant subjecting her eldest son to witness their deaths. And it was something he’d carry on into his own reign as head of the family. That was the sound of a man dying, and just when Balem made to turn, his eyes barely catching sight of one of his guards dead on the floor, he felt a hand at his shoulder. It pulled him roughly, closing the distance between him and one of his guards who then plunged a dagger deep into the Primary’s abdomen.

***

A/N: 🤷🏻‍♀️ Oops, my hand slipped. Why did the guard do that?! Just wait and see. Lol Because I love for the torture. Our poor space daddy is doomed.

#balem abrasax x reader #balem abrasax #balem #balem x reader #Balem x You #balem abrasax x you

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kilieit · 7 years

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My £2 on alternative RP communities and the best way to go about making one

Originally posted on the RPC, here.

My summarised opinion/advice to people who want to create a Balmung alternative: I really, really want to see you guys succeed in creating a valid alternative... but I really fear it's not possible to achieve that with single-leader communities. Single-leader communities are great. While they last. But there's no longevity there. You need to consolidate into a multi-leader playerbase if you're going to create something sustainable, that will survive in the long term, and provide a genuine alternative to Balmung. Contact leaders of other alternative communities, pool your efforts on one server, and go on from there.

Full Post:

I come from a small pop RP server in WoW. I played there for almost 10 years, and roleplayed there for over 8. Here's my 2p (more like £2... oops) on the challenges you need to be addressing and the things you need to consider moving forward if you (any of you) want to make a genuine, valid alternative community to Balmung.

Here is the shape I've seen small communities take. At the beginning, everyone is really excited about the opportunity to have a fresh start. There's a boom in RP guilds, events, and community get-togethers, there's some method of communication established like a chat channel or a forum or both. People usually think this is the hard part, because it takes a lot of effort and promotion and logging in every day and it is hard, no doubt about it. But by comparison, it is the easy part. The hard part comes a year later.

By this stage, the original person or people (usually a group of 5 people or less) who began the community have begun to burn out. When someone burns out, what happens is they pull back their operations and start mostly doing their in-game stuff, or their personal RP plots, or just stop logging in as much. And the thing is... there's nothing bad about this! It's a healthy, good reaction to burn-out. Pushing through burn-out without heed to your own mental limits is a recipe for shitty events and shitty relations, because you start to resent the hobby, and inevitably lash out at the people related to it. So pulling back and doing something else for a bit is absolutely the right answer. But here's what you need to recall. Who is going to provide roleplay for people in your stead when that happens?

Here's my key point: roleplay communities under a certain size are NOT SUSTAINABLE. Let's say you're the singular leader of the entire RP community on a given server. You will reach burn-out. Maybe this year, maybe next year, maybe next month. It's going to happen. What next? If your answer to "who is going to provide RP" is "one of my friends who's been helping me so far", that is not adequate. Your friend's probably been working just as hard as you! Maybe even harder, depending on the systems you're using and how easy they make it for non-leaders to do stuff like set calendar events. There's only so many friends in a friend group - and if you go through all of them without the first guy feeling like he wants to come back, then you're screwed. If your answer is "I don't know but I'm sure someone will step forward", I have a little spoiler for you: no one is going to take over. That won't happen. Sorry. This is my experience: during their leisure time, people naturally gravitate towards either leader or follower roles, because they will have a preference (either conscious or subconscious) for which one they enjoy performing more. If no one has made themself apparent as enjoying the leader role so far, it's a vanishingly small chance that they're suddenly going to leap forward and take it up. So, then... things fizzle out... or people start getting upset that there's "no roleplay any more", and turn on each other in blame.

What you need is another group who's been running RP separately but concurrently to you. Let's take three Balmung events I attend regularly, and which I know have no overlap in leadership: Matron's Reach on Mondays, Stellazio Pizzaria on Wednesdays, and Fight Club on Thursdays. What happens if the leader of, say, Matron's Reach burns out and doesn't want to lead it any more, and nobody steps forward? Then I suppose that event would stop running. But what happens to Stellazio Pizzaria and Thursday Fight Club? Absolutely nothing. And if someone wants healer-based RP after that? Then there are three free companies I can think of off the top of my head that could scratch that itch, also not dependent on the Matron's Reach in any fashion whatsoever. Because these RP outlets are concurrent and separate, the overall community is stable. One person dropping out won't kill the whole community, no matter who it is.

That is the thing you need to strive for, even in a small server. If one person or FC stops operating, the overall community needs to have the stability and breadth to continue without them (maybe in a different fashion, but still to continue). Because if it doesn't, then this starts happening:

foxfirestorm Wrote: Mateus has a great deal of potential to become something AMAZING. We do have an active community here, but as of recent times (and why I went on my vacation), we have an issue where this... Large group of individuals (Not going to say names) are very entwined into their own little spot and due to the small nature of the RP community right now, this is effecting those that are not in this circle. As the one in charge, I voice time and time again that my officers need to do more world RP and actually go out and do things, however, they seem very convinced to remain in that circle and some of my own officers have been pulled into this little group-- which makes matters WORSE.

I'm not trying to single you out. I'm using this quote because it is so accurate to what happened to my server's community, in another realm, on another game, 5+ years ago. My guild was in the position "your guild" is in. We were the pillar upon which the rest of the community depended to initiate RP. Then our leader burned out, and took a break from big RP events. His inner circle closed ranks around him... excluding most of the members of his actual guild, including me, despite the fact that I was far and away the second-most active in organising things next to him. That's the familiar part - the part that sounds like it's happening to you. Here's the rest of my cautionary tale about the original community on my small server.

The rest of the community turned to our entire guild, even though it was just the one guy who'd pulled back (and we had as little idea about why as they did!), and started to demand why we weren't making RP events any more? Had we abandoned them? Did we think we were too good for them?

And of course it was none of these things. But even though there were a good 100+ people in the community, the fact that none of them were running independent, concurrent things meant people got angry at us for "making him quit" and "taking away their RP". People started to reroll or transfer, and those that didn't grew bitter. Even though it was just our leader that had burned out and I was still running RP events for people just like he had, on a similar schedule, with a similar quality, they were received with nothing but hostility. People either didn't see the point in putting their faith in someone who wasn't our leader, or they were too upset about our leader "abandoning" everyone to trust anyone with the same guild tag, or they were just apathetic in general and about to drift off to a PvE server. Eventually, I stopped trying. No one wants to put their heart and soul into something only to be called names because they have the wrong nametag above their head.

A few guilds tried to step up and fill the void. The problem was they were all either underestimating how hard it was to actually coordinate a "community-wide" event, or they were too consumed with anger over what had happened before to really make much good out of it (too focussed on trying to copy or be "different from" before, rather than just focussing on doing something that was good). I can think of three who tried, and two fell to in-fighting and either completely rebranded, disbanded, or both... the third's leader was perma-banned over something unrelated, and the guild fell apart shortly after. Our leader finally quit completely, I assumed his mantle on a formal basis rather than the de-facto one I'd been in before, and we actually changed our guild tag last year because years later, people were still blaming my members for the "death" of the original community. All because one guy had made a fixture of himself and then quit.

You'll notice I said "original", so here's the thing. I have word from my friends that the community is actually doing fine these days, although I'm not part of it any more (so I can't personally verify). What changed? Server merges. It was merged with two other RP servers, and although there were initial hiccoughs of people being territorial, these days it's stabilised into a much more sustainable, larger community. People were introduced from a friendlier neighbour-server, and diluted the bitterness in the community. If one guy doesn't like you, it's no longer the end of the world. And if one guy quits, there are a half-dozen others you can seek RP from instead.

Here is what I think y'all need to do if you seriously, actually want to make a solid alternative to Balmung.

Pick one server and pool your efforts. Work together with other people who are currently running small alternative RP communities to bring your efforts together in one place. It seems like there are a good handful of you guys, all with 20-100 people each, who all had the initial thought of "why don't we go somewhere other than Balmung? I'll just pick any low-pop server/the server I initially happened to roll on". If you seriously want to make a valid, serious, stable alternative, then I think you need to start bringing yourselves together with one another. Set aside your pride, stump up the cash to move if you must, and create one, unified RP community on an otherwise low-population server. Do your own thing there! You don't necessarily need to be in communication and coordination with everyone on that server, so place the logistical fears out of your mind - in fact, if there's so many people that you can't, that's a healthy sign that you're on your way to sustainability. Just do it all in the same place so people know where to go.

That way, new players aren't looking at entering one of a number of single FCs or small clusters of FCs where if they don't like the OOC culture, or the stance on lore, the genre of RP, or one of the people there just plain ol' dislikes them, they have to move or reroll again. There should be a choice within a single World, both in terms of what content is on offer and what people are offering it. That would be forming the basis of a genuine Balmung alternative, where people who would otherwise have moved to Balmung will actually want to go.

#kilieit thinks too hard about things #community meta #i thought since i accidentally spent ages writing this #i should probably put it on my blog too LOL

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storm278 · 7 years

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Home is where the heart is CHAPTER 5

10 years after college, Riley has gained a reputation of being a flight risk. Her friends and family have tried to stop her from taking off but truthfully there is only one person that can make her stay for good. what happens when riley sees said person for the first time in 14 years. Rucas centric

Rated T

Cross posted to Fanfiction.net here

Prologue Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4

"Are you sure you guys didn't take this too far, she bought the freaking pent house and it didn't come cheap" Josh said with utmost concern for his baby sister. Him and his wife were hosting movie night for their friends while their son was spending time with his grandparents Cory and Topanga. Darby, Yogi, Farkle, Isadora, Zay and Vanessa were present at Josh and Maya's house.

"I get your concern Josh I really do" Farkle said "I mean the plan at first was for her to rent but she buying the place only makes it so much better because now it wouldn't be easy for her to just move somewhere else, they need this push trust me it's been fifteen plus years, there has to be a reason the both of them haven't found their other halves"

Josh understood were the genius was coming from but that doesn't mean he still wasn't concerned for his sister. She tends to react to certain situations in the worst ways behaviour and health wise. This little plan of theirs, even though it came from a place of love definitely fell into the category of situations that his sister never handled properly. He just wished their group would leave her to figure this out on her own.

"My concern with this plan is what if it doesn't work and it blows up in our faces, what if Lucas gets mad, I mean we're older now but he still scares me" Yogi muttered

"Oh common honey, the man knows better now he won't even hurt a fly" Darby tried to comfort her husband and put his mind at ease.

"Yea tell that to the hole he made on the wall of his office when he found out about Nathan" Zay just dropped a bomb on the group without even realizing what he had done.

"for the life of me I still can't understand why they went so long apart when it's so clear they still love each other, she loves him, he loves her so why drag the drama on for so long gees happiness is not that hard" Vanessa exclaimed while Zay smiled and threw his arms around her.

Obviously Riles is going to be pissed at first because she knows we go to his place all the time and then out of nowhere Farkle suddenly suggests the house right next door from him" Darby said while sipping her wine

Maya was more worried about her best friend's reaction to this whole plan fiasco "I'm still a little scared, I've known the girl my whole life, when she gets pissed she could take drastic actions, what if she decides to sell the home and move"

"She wouldn't do that Maya it would be too obvious she is moving because of him, she already admitted to all of us she loves that place. She's still bubbles after all; she would never want to hurt him like that. Even if they haven't seen each other" Isadora explained. Then everyone turns to Zay as he is tearing through a turkey leg

"what are y'all staring at me for, I agree with the Mr. & Mrs. Genius here" he huffs seeing some of the members of group still in doubt, then he moves to drops the turkey leg down on his plate "common guys its Lucas and Riley we're talking of here, we've seen this play out before it's not rocket science people. What those two have I can't even begin to explain it, just being in close proximity and they can't stop talking to each other. It's a little freaky if you asked me" Zay said earning him a smack in the head from his new fiancé

"and that's how they bond with each other" Farkle added and it was as if a light bulb went off in this head "You guys that's what happened, that's why they refused to see themselves"

Maya caught on "because they knew one of them was going to cave in and then they would start speaking again, that's why Lucas leaves when Riley comes home but why didn't he leave this time"

"Duh because he wants his girl back, Jesus, what part of Lucas loves this woman don't you people understand" Zay said in frustration leaving everyone dumbfounded.

Josh was particularly shocked with these new bombshells Zay has been dropping all night, because to be honest he never thought the alleged plan would work, he always figured if they were ever going to get back together it wouldn't be because of people meddling, it would be Riley and Lucas figuring things out themselves. Josh knew parts of the story that no one present knew, so he was particularly thrilled to hear Lucas wanted Riley back for the sake of his sister's happiness. Then he turned his attention to Zay "did he tell you this? Like with actual words? What happens to Nathan then?"

"When last did Lucas stay in New York for a whole year plus" Zay asked with raised eye brows "he has more than enough doctors to take care of his clinic here, he could have gone back to Texas if he wanted to. Riley has been back for what over a month now and he still shows no sign of going anywhere. He doesn't need to tell me he wants the girl back; his actions show it"

"and Josh, who cares what happens to Nathan" Darby spat "I mean he's a good guy and all but we all know that relationship doesn't hold a candle to Rucas" Maya smiled at this remembering when they use to tease the couple with the ship name back in high school.

"That's true I haven't even considered the Nathan factor in this equation" Farkle said

"Bubbles wouldn't want to hurt Nathan either hmm" Isadora thought for a minute and looked to her husband "Dearest it would appear we skipped out on that variable, so what do we do now, Nathan is a threat to our desired outcome but there are ways to eliminate him from said equation though" Smackle smirked

"SMACKLE!" everyone yelled

Zay looked at both of them as if they were crazy "hey! Mr. & Mrs. Genius, Lucas and Riley aren't equations from a textbook, like I said this isn't rocket science, we have succeeded in getting them to see each other again that's good so now just sit back and watch the magic happen"

"In a weird way I agree with Zay on this. I don't think there's any magic to it but they definitely have some kind of pull to each other" Josh said

All through their conversations, Maya was still confused in thoughts with all of this because she never understood why, why were things happening this way for those two. Lucas had once said Riley was his favorite person in the world to talk to, and that was one of the most honest things Maya had ever heard him say. One look into his eyes you could tell he meant every word of it and he proved it all through their high school years. The two would constantly sneak off to God knows where just to be alone with each other. Once Riley told her they drove out of the city at night just for the sake of the adventure of it and of course more of an excuse for them to be together.

So why would they be so willing to go so long without wanting to see each other, Riley didn't cheat Maya was sure of that, Lord knows Missy as hot and sexy as she looked tried to get Lucas but he wouldn't budge, it wasn't their spark; those two made fireworks just by linking pinkies, they didn't stop loving each other, nope very far from that, then it hit Maya like a ton of bricks. Their first real fight started after Riley got sick once at the beginning of senior year, she kept to herself for a while after falling sick. Riley had told Maya that her asthma was acting up so she had to stay away from school for a while, Maya knew it wasn't the whole truth but she decided to not push it because she figured Riley would come to her when she was ready to talk but Riley never did and she shrugged it off because Riley got better but her friend's relationship never did. So she decided to test her theory

"Sweetie remember when Riles got sick at the beginning of senior year" everyone turned their attention to Maya wondering what that had to do with anything "do you remember what happened to her" Maya asked Josh

Josh was alarmed by this question because this was not his secret to tell and he knew the hell his mother would raise on him if he spilled anything to anybody so he panicked and said the first thing that came to his head "Oh um yea I remember, she had this flu that wouldn't go away"

Lies! Why would Josh lie to me Maya thought to herself she said it was her asthma, so something did happen to Riley. Oh God something happened to Riley! Maya began to internally panic How could I not see this? She didn't tell Lucas and it must have been huge since it caused them to split up and Josh is lying to me over it. Maya got up from the table with haste to leave "I have to go see her"

Josh followed behind her outside of their home to get away from the rest "Babe it's late we have guests, Riley's fine trust me the flu has definitely passed"

"Sweetie please I have to go see her right now, something's not adding up"

"I assure you she's fine Maya; you can ask her about it tomorrow" Josh pleaded, he could sense Maya knew he lied

"If I don't go it's going to bug me and then I'm going to have to bug you all night" Maya was determined to get answers, something happened to her sister and her husband was trying to keep her away from finding out. This only made the wheels in her head spin faster

"Maya she is probably exhausted from moving today, she and Nathan are probably having some alone time for themselves and they wouldn't appreciate you busting in asking for answers to something that happened years ago plus I already told you what happened"

"You told me something alright but you and I know that's not what happened, I know you're covering for her or you feel like it's not your position to tell so I'll respect that tonight for the sake of the people in our house but tomorrow you bet your ass I'm getting my answers" Josh shoulders visibly relaxed themselves as he let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He was more than relieved that his wife was dropping the issue for this night because now he would be able to give his sister the heads up that her spit fire best friend knew something was up.

GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW

"Riley?" His eyes widen in panic "Oh my gosh Riles where is your inhaler" He rushed to her side again and put his strong muscular arms around her. Lucas didn't need to be told what was happening to her, he had been there with her when she badly struggled with it in high school.

She slid to sit on the floor of the elevator to create some kind of distance from him. His heart broke a little seeing her like this. Seeing that the doors to the elevator already closed shot and they had started moving, her heart beats sped up. Her breaths were only getting shorter so she pointed to the small cardboard box she dropped while she tripped. He didn't even think twice about it, he ripped the top off and saw a bunch of inhalers still in their packaging. He quickly tore one open, shook it and put it in her mouth so she could take the puffs. She sat calmly to relax for a few seconds before the doors opened to their floor.

Lucas squatted beside her "are you okay, Riley please talk to me, do I need to take you to the hospital" she shook her head slowly still staring at his emerald orbs that had tiny flecks of gold around them. She felt like she was in high school all over again, seeing Lucas take care of her when she use to have attacks back then. She kept staring at him as if she was looking at a ghost, her mind was running a million miles per second and her pounding heart did not help her current daze. She tried to get up but Lucas held on to her from the side to support her, she was shocked by his actions and furrowed her eyes at him but that didn't stop all the butterflies that were on a rampage in her stomach.

"Luke I'm going to be fine I'll just go home and lay down for a bit" she picked up the box to live. While Lucas was still stunned at what just happened, she called him Luke that's something he hadn't heard in years; he saw her and not in his dreams or imaginations and he physically touched her; he spoke to her; she still looked as amazing he remembered, her pictures never did her justice he always knew that but this was just mind blowing for him; she had grown so much more than his brain could currently comprehend and he didn't miss her blown out curves and long legs that did things to his insides. He paused for a minute to collect his thoughts on his way back to his house, did he just see her walk into the house right next to his, she said she was going to go 'home' where was her home, was Riley his new neighbour. He went into his place to go process what just happened.

Meanwhile on Riley's end she couldn't reach her home fast enough. She entered and slammed the door behind her then rested her back on it to take small breaths what is he doing here, how did he find me, why is this happening now, I'm happy with Nathan right? I love him right?

"Riley?" Nathan called from on top of the stairs "where do you need these to go" he said holding up two lamps

"Natan!" Riley called and ran up to him before he could say anything she wrapped her hand around his neck and kissed him. The kiss wasn't just for endearment sake, it was more of desperation, she deepened the kiss sliding her tongue into his mouth while he graciously accepted it, she held on to him so tightly for dear life and ran her hands through his brown hair. She pulled away looking into his eyes as if searching for something she was so sure for the past seven months she finally had.

"whoa, babe what was that for, I mean not that I'll ever complain but wow."

She huffed while her hands were still around his neck and forced a smile "I just wanted to say thanks, you know for helping me move, and being here with me"

"well if this is the treatment I get for helping you move, you just call me whenever you need a mover, you can call me mover man" he said with his hands on his waist pretending to be a superhero which made Riley giggle.

They got most of the boxes unpacked that day and after a light dinner of pizza and wine, both were too tired to do anything else. So they decided to call it a night. Nathan passed out immediately his head touched the pillows. Riley laid next to him but couldn't bring herself to sleep. Her mind was still on the events of the elevator; her brain had managed to memorize every detail of him. He looked so much better than he what he looked like the last time she saw him; he was much taller, her head barley reached his shoulders; and his arms only got bigger from his muscles. Her hands moved to the spot on her arms that he held, she remembered the moment he held her so vividly it was like she could still feel his arms around her. She turned on the bed to her sleeping boyfriend and felt guilt run through her, this man sleeping right next to her; a man who loved and adored her and has constantly showed her how much he cares about her, but here she was practically drooling over someone she hasn't seen or spoken to since she graduated 12th grade. She tossed when she heard her phone vibrate from the night stand

Text messages

Josh

Hey baby sis, how did the move go, I'll stop by tomorrow to check on you. Love you

p.s Maya has a hunch about your senior year if you know what I mean. I was able to hold her off for today but she's coming to get answers from you tomorrow so yea heads up on that.

#gmw #rucas fanfic

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ecoamerica · 25 days

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youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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lovelyparanormalbooks · 6 years

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100 Truths Blogger Tag

Hey everyone! Wanted to do something fun here (while y'all 'wait' for my mega wrap up post to be completed oops) so I decided to do this tag! Stolen from the Mango Queen May @ Forever and Everly so definitely check her out, and her post is here. Anyway, without further ado, the tag!* *Still feel like I'm rambling though. Am I?

The Basics

1 What’s your name?

Cas; technically a nickname and unrelated to my "real" name but ah well.

2 Any nicknames or aliases?

Cath, Rose, and as for other nicknames too many to count/list.

3 Your gender?

Female! She/her.

4 Your star sign?

Taurus, even if it's not always obvious I am quite the stubborn one though mostly in subtle ways.

5 How old are you?

I mean, you can probably find that answer at least somewhere around this blog but I'm not gonna give it to you straight, but I am a teenager in high school, I'll give you that much.*

*Is this too cryptic? I really don't mean to be, it's just I'd like to keep it 'undisclosed' even though I've probably blabbed before.

6 Your relationship status?

Single; I've moved past the point in my life (intermediate/middle school and early high school) where I'd pretend it was "it's complicated" when that just meant about my friendships; lmao.

7 Any children?

Nope.

8 Any pets?

I mean we have like 19 chickens I think, by my last count? I'm not great at keeping track. But out of those there are the four which are most like pets to me, a black orpington and three blue orpingtons :)

9 Any tattoos or piercings?

Nope and I doubt there ever will be I'm too indecisive and why have piercings when the only thing I'd ever get pierced are my ears, and you can just have clip ons?

10 What do you like about yourself?

Uhh well I'm not one of those people who constantly puts themselves down so that's a start? (And I really don't mean any offence to anyone who is like that, I hope you start seeing what an amazing person you are! 3>

11 What do you dislike about yourself?

Lack of confidence on some occasions I suppose? I try to be more outgoing and I am a slightly more extroverted ambivert but I think in certain situations I just need to be more willing to take a chance.

12 Righty or lefty?

Right :)

Lasts

13 The last thing you drank:

Water. It's sitting in front of me slightly to my left as I speak :( (in case you haven't been able to tell I'm not a fan of water)

14 The last thing you ate:

An apple.

15 Your last phone call:

To a friend while I was walking to school, because when you're by yourself you get bored.

16 Your last text message:

Hoped it'd be something exciting, but nope it's just ":)" (minus the quote marks).

17 Your last email:

Sent email? To myself, a day ago, sending myself a resource for mock exams (sigh).

18 The last song you listened to:

Why would I remember, I'm not bothered checking but it was off my "pop ballads" playlist and pretty sure the song was almost over when the period ended and I stopped listening to music.

19 The last book you read:

Bright Thrones by Kate Elliott, though that is technically a short story... Oh well.

20 The last time you cried:

Ahh damn not a great story. In the car on the way home Wednesday two weeks ago, but that was really a chain reaction event which started around the start of lunchtime that day.

21 The last blog you read:

Forever and Everly!

22 The last person you spoke to:

A friend while walking to my dad's office where I am now.

23 The last place you visited:

School?? It is after school right now and I haven't gotten home yet...

24 Your last holiday abroad:

China! I mean more specifically Beijing as well as Shenyang, Dandong (the border with North Korea), Yuanjiang and Anhua.

Have you ever?

25 Have you ever gotten back with an ex?

That would require you to have one in the first place, so no.

26 Have you ever been cheated on?

Yeah no.

27 Have you ever cheated on someone?

No.

28 Have you ever lost someone special to you?

Luckily, no.

29 Have you ever been so drunk you threw up?

I have yet to experience the feeling of being drunk and don't think it's something I'd like to try anytime soon based on other peoples' accounts of it.

30 Have you ever fallen out of love with someone?

Yes?

31 Have you ever met someone who changed you?

Define change in this context? People I've met have definitely made me a better person though.

32 Have you ever been in a situation where you found out who your real friends are?

*long sigh* unfortunately too many times.

33 Have you ever kissed someone you probably shouldn’t have?

The sarcasm is back; that would have to require actually kissing someone.*

*Random fun fact: when I first wrote this response it was worded terribly, I think something like "have to require having actually kissed someone" which makes absolutely no sense at all.

34 Have you ever found out people were talking about you behind your back?

Yep.

35 Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Not that I'm aware of. 36 Have you ever kissed a stranger?

See answer to question 33. 37 Have you ever had your own heart broken?

I don't know how to answer this one? No?? But, books, so yes?

38 Have you ever had sex on the first date?

Not an original answer but gee I'm underage and never been on a date! 39 Have you ever been arrested?

Gladly no, though this one time we did do something "suspicious" lol. 40 Have you ever been attracted to someone that isn’t the gender you usually find attractive?

Yes I think so. 41 Have you ever done something you regret?

Probably, though there isn't a specific instance that comes to mind. 42 Have you ever had a threesome?

No! 43 Have you ever embarrassed yourself in public?

Highly doubt I haven't though I don't remember anything in particular that was especially mortifying? 44 Have you ever misjudged someone?

Definitely, and I'm always very quick to correct myself afterward. I find it amusing when my judgment is extremely off though.

Your Beliefs and Opinions

45 Do you believe in God?

No thanks. 46 Do you believe in yourself?

Yes.

47 Do you believe in Santa Claus?

No but Santa is great.

48 Do you believe in ghosts?

Kind of? But not really. 49 Do you believe in aliens?

Eh, they could exist, doesn't really concern me? I don't think they're gonna take over the world but hey if they did it would probably be better than Trump being president? 50 Do you believe in miracles?

Yes, they're signs you're doing things right. 51 Do you believe in the power of positive thinking?

Absolutely. 52 Do you believe in love at first sight?

You'd think I wouldn't, but I do? Like I definitely think you have to get to know each other and all that but I think there is that sort of instant connection, but it's not always going to turn into love. 53 Can money make you happy?

It can. But it can also very easily make you extremely unhappy so there needs to be a balance. But if you're in a good place I don't see why an extra pay check is gonna ruin your life. 54 Would you describe yourself as a feminist?

To be honest I'm not a big fan of the word, particularly with the whole misconception of it being "women > men" etc; but I definitely support equality and would consider myself an equalist. (See this post; this is pretty much my viewpoint summed up.) 55 Are you pro-life or pro-choice?

100% pro choice. I don't think it should matter what your own opinion on abortion is; that's for you. But others should be allowed to do what they want with their body. 56 Do you have strong political beliefs?

Yeah I guess? I do try and keep myself educated about such things but I'm not like a political activist or anything. 57 Do you have strong religious beliefs?

No way. 58 What do you think the most important thing you can give a child is?

Freedom.

Right Now

59 Are you eating anything right now?

Nope! 60 Are you drinking anything right now?

Nah. 61 What are you listening to right now?

The satisfying (don't @ me) sound of a printer printing... but it just stopped. 62 What are you thinking about right now?

Feminism/equality, having a chat with friends about it. 63 What are you waiting for right now?

Waiting to go home; two minutes till work ends. 64 What are you most excited about right now?

My band is playing on a pretty big stage on Saturday so that's something! 65 What’s your pet hate right now?

Does this mean pet peeve? And nothing extremely specific right now except people with their stupid far right extremist views. 66 What’s your favourite thing right now?

Dunno. 67 If you weren’t answering these questions, what would you be doing right now?

Probably studying, whoops.

Firsts

68 Your first best friend:

Siân, love you girl.

69 Your first kiss:

Yeah nah, not happened yet. 70 Your first celebrity crush:

I have no clue, but probably Theo James? 71 Your first holiday:

China 2011 :) 72 Your first pet:

A beautiful grey chicken named Ash. 73 Your first regret:

Oh gosh this was awhile ago but way back in 2012 when the guy I liked moved away right after he *may* have found out I had feelings for him (not certain about this but hey I'll never know). 74 Your first job:

Basketball referee. 75: Your first childhood memory:

My first birthday party. I'm told I probably don't actually remember it and only know what I've been told of it and thanks to the photographic evidence though, which is probably true since I have like no memories before the age of eight.

Which would you choose?

76 Love or money?

Love, of course. I read YA.

77 Twitter or Facebook?

I use Facebook more because the lovely Twitter locked me out (much appreciated, not). But I prefer Twitter for sure. Facebook can be useful as band promo though so it's not all bad. 78 Hook up or relationship?

Relationship! Casual isn't really for me. 79 Dogs or cats?

Dogs. 80 Coffee or tea?

Don't like either, prefer hot chocolate but coffee. I actually have more tea but I don't like it very much. 81 Beer or wine?

People always laugh when I say this, but in my opinion beer tastes like slightly off sparkling water. Why would you enjoy drinking that? Red wine for sure. 82 Sweet or savoury?

Sweet :) 83 Introvert or extrovert?

Can I choose ambivert? Otherwise extrovert. 84 Vampires or werewolves?

This makes me instantly think of Twilight, so vampires of course. 85 Seaside or countryside?

Countryside, cmon. I don't like water much and I love country music. 86 Summer or winter?

Winter!! 87 Books or movies?

If you don't already know, I'm not a fan of movies at all and obviously books win. Books or tv shows though... That's a whole different story. 88 Horror or comedy?

Recently I admitted to some friends I've never watched an actual horror film and they were absolutely shocked. But yeah, comedy definitely.

A few random questions to finish on

89 Do you wish you could change your past?

Sometimes I do, but then I decide it's not that big of a deal because you know, the past is full of mistakes I've learnt from. The lessons are more important than erasing the mistakes.

90 What’s your dream job?

This is something I always get stuck on. Musician? Entrepreneur? Lawyer? Activist? Writer? Actress? 91 What’s your guilty pleasure?

$3 hot chips at your local dairy. OOPS.

92 What are you afraid of?

Disappointing people. 93 What was the first thing you wanted to be when you grew up?

No clue really but I think it was probably an actress!

94 If you could have any super power, what would it be?

I'd like to be able to fly, teleport, read minds, control time... You can tell I can't decide. 95 If you could change anything about your life what would it be?

I would like to live somewhere else, really, with a better education system... I shouldn't say that but still. You can't change your feelings *shrug*. 96 Would you want immortality?

I think it would be cool, especially if you had someone by your side. Immortality alone though... Not so keen. 97 If you could interview anyone alive or dead who would you choose?

I would absolutely love love love to interview Roger Federer. Why? Just because, it's Roger Federer so duhh. 98 Would you say you are happy?

Yes, I am grateful that I have a supportive family and live in a safe place. 99 What one piece of advice would you give to yourself at age eighteen?

Don't mess up your life! Kidding, but hey I'm not that age yet so I'll pass on this question. 100 Where would you like to be in five years’ time?

Ahh, five years... I'll probably be at uni, but ideally I'd like to be in the US whether it's to do with academic or music I care less. Well this has been an obnoxiously long post about myself but if you managed to read all of that kudos! Please tell me something most people don't know about you in the comments so I feel a little less self absorbed.

#ParanormalBooks

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