What is the thing you disagree with in most fanon portrayals of Neil?

i used to think it was because neil was shoehorned into 'feminine' roles (whatever i thought that may be, looking back) and ultimately changed as a character to fit whatever the narrative required of him, but now that i am older and (?!) wiser i do believe my original feelings towards the ever mythicized ooc feminine neil were born from a place of rejection for gender non-conforming people, and an overall aversion to the idea of femininity (arguably one of the most important aspects of who i am, true then and true now) being tied in any way with sexual expression and preference.

i will say this. i think the knee-jerk rejection of saying 'not all gay men are feminine bottoms!' to content where one of them is, in fact, a feminine bottom, is not unlike lesbians in my own community who protest to the idea that all lesbians are man-hating hairy dykes (and try not to swoon just at the mention!). we reject gender non-confomity; we don't want it to represent our communities. we want to be one of the good ones. i'm a lesbian, but i'm not like those masculine dykes. i'm a gay man, but i'm nothing like those hyperfem sissies. fandom had come to a point where we genuinely thought conformist gender expressions were somehow lacking representation; we sincerely believed the idea that a couple made up of two masculine, gender-conforming men were somehow closer to the real deal than a couple where one of them was either feminine-presenting or had traits that can be associated with femininity.

i lived with this idea for a long time, until i started frequenting queer spaces in my area and realized that actually, in the material world, where i live, where you live, effeminate gay men do not have it easier than their masculine counterparts. the idea that they can be 'over-represented in media' is null. my feminine male friends don't allow themselves to be seen out on the street in so much as a crop top. one of the most common dealbreakers in dating apps for gay and bisexual men is gender non-conformity. a lot of arguments against feminine men who prefer to bottom in media is that 'no gay people are like this', but that is just patently untrue; my best friend in the whole world is a feminine-presenting gay man with a strict preference for being in the bottom. a girl i bought a beer for was a stone top, hyper-masculine, touch-me-not butch. for queer people, gender presentation and sexual activity cannot always be cleanly separated.

i guess (and sorry for how long this is clearly i have Thoughts) my ultimate point here is that i let my own personal disagreement with how neil is portrayed to convince me that there is something wrong with him (and, at large, any male character) being portrayed as someone who is feminine, or has strong sexual preferences, or has personality traits traditionally associated to femininity. i think that is never, ever, ever a solution for anything. there is never going to be a time where we would be right to shun and scoff at content written about gender non-conforming characters, even if they are not canonically gnc. do i still think neil is written in ways that go directly against how his personality is portrayed in canon? yes, but that is a personal opinion, and not something i should try and rationalize in social justice terms, if you get my point. i can just not like it. and i don't. no hard feelings involved :)

corpse x reader headcanon where corpse talks about how his s/o has severe abandonment issues and is really clingy and he doesnt mind it despite haters saying otherwise?

Oooh this is gonna be a bit angsty, just a heads up. Still, I hope you enjoy it ~ 💕

Pairing: Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Fear of abandonment, Past relationship trauma

- You'd never had someone like this

- Someone to talk to about anything

- Someone to hold your hand through everything

- Someone to feel for you and you for them

- You never thought you'd find that someone either

- You had given up on the hopes long ago so you reluctance at the beginning of your relationship with Corpse was completely understandable

- You were quick to speak on your concerns, all those little demons that arise in your head whenever you step in a new relationship of any kind, especially romantic

- The way you grew attached to people so quickly and so strongly could easily be used against you one way or another

- And, more often than not, the people you found yourself in a relationship with used it to their advantage, not giving a crap that they were hurting you in the process

- It always seemed to be the same pattern: you met someone, grew attached, became prepared to do anything to avoid losing them (even things you wouldn't typically agree to), they'd use you, they'd leave you and you'd still think it was all your fault

- Getting yourself hurt over and over again didn’t stop you from getting attached to a person just as or even more intensely the next time around

- All you wanted was someone who’d stay

- All you wanted was for people to stop leaving you

- And Corpse was quick to become that someone to you

- Seeing his caring and endearing nature, you immediately started feeling bold, well as bold as you could be after so many falls in your life

- He wasn’t simply sympathetic when you expressed your struggles to him but he also understood them to a new level

- A level close to the one you’ve been on all your life

- That’s why the connection between the two of you was immediately stronger in comparison to any other you may have felt

- Truth be told, there was never really a connection with those people before him, the ones who left you, you just wanted someone by your side and didn’t allow yourself to see your worth to avoid picking the wrong choices

- To you it always seemed like you were the wrong choice

- But still, Corpse chose you, he chose to stay

- Cause he wanted to, cause he loved and cared for you

- That being said, you two have rarely been apart since you got together

- You’ve been joining him on his streams, either just hanging out in the recording room with him or even playing with him and his friends if he manages to convince

- He rarely succeeds though, seeing as how you’re very timid when it comes to his friend group, a shyness you can’t quite explain

- It applies to his stream in general too

- You don’t want to think about how many eyes and ears are observing you when you’re playing 

- And you had every right to be concerned about being so exposed, mostly cause people - jealous people aka haters - used this exposure of yours to look for your flaws and use them to speak negatively of you online

- Luckily, Corpse was quick to catch onto the things being said about you and to say he wasn’t happy about it would be an understatement 

- He refused to let anyone speak ill of you and the comments they were making about you - calling you a clingy, annoying gold-digger - lit a feverous, angry fire in him, rendering him restless until he ultimately faced all those haters behind their screens head-on

- He organized a whole stream to address this issue, delicately explaining the situation, your relationship and your abandonment issues

- He made it clear that what they refer to as ‘clinginess’ to him is the affection he’s always wanted to receive but never thought he would because of how closed-off he is and how little human interaction he gets in his daily life

- “What you call clinginess has turned me into a better person. And who you call an annoying gold digger is the love of my life. So watch yourselves, you can talk shit about me all you want, but one bad word about Y/N is more than enough to set me off. They deserve nothing but the best this world has to offer and they’re most certainly not deserving of all this hate you throw their way because you are unhappy with yourselves”

- Little did he know you were listening to his whole speech, tears brimming your eyes as his words sunk in, repeating in your head over and over again

- It was his promise to never have you hurt, to never break your heart, to never get tired of you

- To never abandon you

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Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening -  Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set.  I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways. 

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit. 

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others.  The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online. 

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog: 

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot.  But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others.  For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now.  Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care