The Curse Of Hope

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Danny is in another universe. He had a reason, but he doesn’t remember anymore. He can only stare, horrified and disgusted, at the sickest city spirit he’s ever seen. Shivering and swaying with every step, core exposed, and ectoplasm leaking from wounds that are decades old. A ratty blanket was thrown over their shoulders, barely hiding the spirit’s pale grey skin and protruding black bones.

The spirit didn’t even sense him until he reached out to touch its wispy shoulders. The spirit flinched, clutching at the dozens of trinkets hanging from their neck and tucking in on themselves like they were expecting a blow.

“Oh, shit,” He swore, floating back a few feet, hands in the air, to show he meant no harm. “I’m sorry. I promise, I’m not here to steal from you.” The spirit shivered again and rolled a pearl necklace in between their fingers. A nervous habit. “Uh, I like that pocket watch? It’s very nice.”

That got their attention. They peeked at Danny, and he saw that more tattered cloth was covering their eyes, blending in with the stringy hair that reached the ground. Their blanket fluttered weakly, revealing hundreds of thousands of tiny marks etched into their skin. Scars, really. Scars that wrote out curse after curse onto the spirit’s very being. They burned with evil intent, and even reached inside the spirit’s body and wrapped around their core.

Occasionally, blinding specks of color raced across their body, temporarily erasing the writing, but it always returned quickly. He watched, a little detached, as one particular line rewrote itself across their rough forearm, drawing fresh ectoplasm like someone was writing it with a thin knife.

“Are you…alright?” Danny stuttered. A stupid question.

The spirit cocked its head. He couldn’t see their eyes, but he felt their burning gaze as they pondered the question.

“The pain of others becomes mine own.” They rasped. “The lights of the city dim as rotten wealth clogs mine veins. Magicks long forgotten have eaten mine skins, pulled mine cloak, and darkened mine skies. Helios has refused to grace mine doorstep, and the seasons of the Earth have revoked their kindness.”

Danny held his breath. It felt like he was the one with the exposed core, not the spirit.

The spirit shivered once more. “Tell mine soul, little lamb. How could this Forsaken City know peace, when it was long since ripped from mine hands?”

Shit, he needed Frostbite. And maybe Clockwork. Now.

-Or-

Danny meets the spirit of Gotham City. The villains and rogues that have plagued the city for decades are literal curses that are taking quite the toll on Gotham, and honestly, Danny isn’t sure how much longer they can hold out. The heroes seem to be doing some help, and are probably the reason Gotham made it this far, but the poor city needs help from the Realms if they want to get better.

Luckily, Danny can provide that help.

But only if he could get Gotham to leave their city behind. Because recovery is going to take a very long time.

It is not even that Mlvns are homophobic. I mean, many of the toxic ones are. We’ve all seen them and interacted with them and received hate anons from them. When Noah’s article officially confirming Will’s sexuality dropped during the summer, people were literally tweeting slurs and fantasizing about him being hate-crimed or dying from AIDS. (It’s probably unfair to group Mlvns in with these people, as lots of them weren’t even Mlvns, just bigoted GA members and trolls). But still. It was bleak. There’s a deep darkness within the ST fandom undeniably.

But I’m sure many Mlvns/Byler-antis are the types of people who genuinely have no problem with queer people in real life. When we call them out on their bigotry and homophobia, they get confused and say, “But I have gay friends! How am I homophobic for not liking Byler?” And they mean it 100%. They really do have gay friends. They probably consider themselves allies and yada yada.

The issue is that A) they are deeply heteronormative without realizing it, and B) they simply aren’t the target audience for the show, and as such, they don’t really understand or connect to the themes of the show. The thing is, lots of people, many Milkvans included, are simply normies. Now I love Steve as a character, so this is literally no hate to Steve, but lots of people are Steves. And people who are like Steve: popular, straight, attractive, used to dating the types of people they want, into ‘normal’ interests like sports (not that Steve is hyper into sports, but you know what I mean), likely to go down ‘normal’ paths and live fairly conventional lives like their parents, etc. are simply not the target audience for the show.

Obviously, the show centers on outcasts, nerds, queer characters, characters with disabilities, black characters, etc. Most people recognize this on some level, but they recognize it in more of a general sense like, “Of course the protagonists are nerds/outcasts, just like all the classic 80s teen protagonists. I just love how nostalgic ST is!” And they leave it at that. Because they are normies, they don’t really connect to the themes of the show other than a surface-level, power of friendship sense. They don’t see how Byler is more aligned with the show’s message than Milkvan at this point. They don’t see that the outcast status of most of the characters is more than just a throwaway personality trait… its deeply integral to the point of the show itself and closely connected to the supernatural storyline.

This is because nerd culture is somewhat mainstream now, and lots of “normies” like it too. Star Wars, Marvel, LOTR, Harry Potter, etc. These are all major parts of society and billion dollar franchises, even more so than they were in the 80s. Because of this, people don’t realize that in the context of the world of the show, they wouldn’t have been friends with the Party most likely. It is far more statistically likely that they would’ve rolled with Angela’s friend group or joined Jason’s human hunting squad. Or even if they weren’t outright bullies, it’s far more likely that they would’ve been one of the nameless background characters in Hawkins High, just kind of floating by in a conventionally comfortable existence, entirely oblivious to government lab conspiracies and alternate dimensions. The characters in ST are outcasts in a deeper, existential sense. Society is against them.

And so many people can’t relate, especially to the queer themes. They can’t even see the queer themes. Because the show is not for them. That’s why you see so many baffling takes on the show:

“Will is so whiny all the time, and I don’t like him!”

“Mike was right in the rain fight! S3 is about growing up, and Will was acting like a baby.”

“Tbh I don’t care that much about the Party dynamics. My favorite part of the show is Steve and Dustin being funny together. And my second favorite part is Hopper being a cool action hero.”

“B*lly is overhated! I mean, he’s so hot and misunderstood! He could’ve redeemed himself.”

“I don’t get Byler. It barely seems like Mike and Will are even friends.”

To be clear, it doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy the genre of the show. Being horror/sci-fi, its core fans are a smaller pool of people than, say, fans of The Office or Friends or other popular sitcoms. So the Mlvns who watched it since the beginning probably do have some avant-garde tastes in terms of genre-preferences, since lots of people wouldn’t touch horror with a ten-foot pole. But it does mean they don’t pick up on the themes of the show and the arc of the characters.

(Of course, many newer fans now are just watching it cause it’s popular, regardless of which genres they typically prefer. This opens the show up to lots of people who don’t connect to anything about the show, not just its themes but also its darker content. A lot of newer fans sound like this: “Like, I just love that Mike was in love with El from the day he found her in the woods, and it’s so cute that El is Mike’s superhero, and Eddie is so cool and badass; I wish he could’ve told Chrissy how he felt, and I’m anxiously awaiting S5 to see who Nancy chooses but I hope she chooses Steve… Stancy 4ever!” This is because Stancy is like every other conventionally attractive couple in media).

I’m rambling, but a lot of people are into Milkvan because of their expectations that “pretty boy and pretty girl go together,” and that’s all there is to it. Finn is attractive and Millie is attractive, and they play the protagonists, so of course Mike and El are endgame. Why wouldn’t they be? This is true for the girls who project themselves onto Millie and see Finn/Mike as a dream boyfriend, and it’s true for the guys who project themselves onto Finn and who would want nothing more than to have a cool, superpowered girlfriend.

This is the way of nature. In a normie worldview, there’s no deviation from this path. A lot of fans basically take The Kissing Booth/To All the Boys I Loved Before and slap a sci-fi/horror filter on it, and they think that’s what Stranger Things is. It’s a cool show where kids fight monsters, and there are normal, heterosexual romances like Mlvn to root for, and there’s a badass superhero main character at the center.

Oh, there’s a gay character too? Well, that’s weird. I mean, y’all already have Robin, but whatever. I’m not homophobic! I’m cool with Will being gay… as long as he stays over there. Oh, he’s in love with Mike? Well, that’s even weirder. Why would the writers do that? I suppose that’s fine, as long as it’s just a little crush, and as long as it doesn’t get in the way of “the main storyline” and my OTP. I’m not homophobic, I swear! I have gay friends!

And they do. And they might not actively be against LGBTQ+ people in real life. They may really be telling the truth. But because they are Steves, this is where heteronormativity comes into play and blinds them. Main couples in shows are always straight, so the cool sci-fi, monster show they love must also be. They’re fine with Kevin Kellers, but queer Mike doesn’t fit the box that they allot to gay characters. So Mike must be the straightest character of all time to fight back against “weird delusional Byler theories” that would “come out of nowhere.” It’s not that they’re actively anti-gay; it’s that they are profoundly closed-minded and have a very myopic view of sexuality/storytelling/their favorite characters/their favorite shows. This is very similar to the XO, Kitty situation and people who were upset that Kitty was ‘suddenly’ bi and had a crush on Yuri.

WHAT?! Where did this come from? I thought I was watching a normal rom-com! I was fine with the gay characters on it who were clearly televised from the beginning! But Kitty? No! Kitty’s my self-insert. How can she like girls too? It must be a phase and be “less real” than her male love interests. This isn’t Heartstopper. The same weird energy is present in the ST fandom.

Byler being semi-canon isn’t seen as confirmation of a love triangle; it’s seen as a disruption to the norm and the foregone conclusion that Mike and El will be together forever and get married and have telekinetic children because the show owes that to them for all they’ve been through. “But why is Will inserted into their scenes?” we ask them, begging them to see reason. “Idk, but he should know his place and stop being a homewrecker and go find a new boy to like. Just leave the soulmates alone. Mike has already made clear he’s straight and that Will is nothing more than a friend. He said it in the roller rink!” This is how heteronormativity works.

That’s why Byler endgame will be so important because it will shatter preconceived notions and open people’s eyes to the beautiful tapestry of humanity. And they will see that this powerful, queer, coming-of-age, love story was right there, under their noses, in their “fun sci-fi monster show” this whole time. *Mind Blown*

Bookshelf Briefs 5/19/20

After-School Bitchcraft, Vol. 1 | By Yu Shimizu and Kazuma Ichihara | Yen Press – Afterschool Boobcraft would be a better title for this supernatural romance about Ririki, a ditzy high school student who accidentally discovers that her chemistry teacher is a sorcerer. Though Ririki quickly realizes that she, too, has hidden powers, nothing about her giggly, helpless behavior suggests that she’s competent enough to tie her own shoes, let alone cast a spell. Renji, her teacher, is even less of a character, defined primarily by his brusque demeanor and perma-scowl. Anyone reading for plot will find the the crude, obvious fanservice irritating, while anyone reading for fanservice will find the series’ pedestrian efforts at world-building an unwelcome distraction from the parade of costume failures and panty shots, all of which are drawn in salacious detail. Not recommended. – Katherine Dacey

Animeta!, Vol. 3 | By Yaso Hanamura | J-Novel Club – Miyuki Sanada is making gradual improvement as an inbetweener, though she’s been told that if she doesn’t pass the key animation exam within a year, she’s fired. Meanwhile, her fellow new hire, Maria Date, seems to be leaving her in the dust, is actively campaigning to take her place with the prestigious Studio 7, and gets invited to enter a character design contest by the big boss. I appreciate the sports manga feel this rivalry evokes, but the most compelling part of Animeta! for me is the plight of Yuiko Fuji, the inbetween checker who once tried to become a key animator but had no flair. She’s amazing at her current job, but seeing new talent getting promoted over her is tough. This series has really grown on me, now that its been fleshing out its characters more, and I reckon I’ll stick with it for the long haul! – Michelle Smith

A Certain Scientific Accelerator, Vol. 10 | By Kazuma Kamachi and Arata Yamaji | Seven Seas – Last time I said the cliffhanger was chilling, this time that extends to much of the book. The Index series has usually been too concerned with action and harems to get into pure horror, but its spinoffs have no issues with it, particularly this one. Cannibalism of a scientific sort continues to be the norm here, with our tragic villain continuing to be sympathetic. As is Yomikawa, possibly the nicest character in the whole Indexverse. For those who aren’t reading this for nice, the good news is that Accelerator is back in action by the end of this and ready to beat villains up while continuing to state what a villain he is. Index fans will enjoy this, though may also be creeped out. – Sean Gaffney

Cocoon Entwined, Vol. 2 | By Yuriko Hara | Yen Press – Yes, it is still tempting to review these volumes by just saying “hair” and being done with it. I mean, the start of the second volume seems to be narrated from the POV of a former schoolgirl’s hair, which is now made up of the uniform of our heroine. But there is a bit more to it than that, as we cycle back a bit and get more insight into the mysterious Hoshimiya, whose hair drifting down in single hairlets (hairlets?) continues to be an emotional gut punch for most of the school. There’s also discussion of traditions, why they’re kept and when they might have to be broken for the sake of moving on and fixing things. It’s quite an emotional drama. And rest assured, it’s filled with hair. So much hair. – Sean Gaffney

The Golden Sheep, Vol. 3 | By Kaori Ozaki | Vertical Comics – The third volume of The Golden Sheep is its last, and while it was nice that the four friends at the center of the story ultimately resolved their differences, it all felt rather too easy and anticlimactic. I did like that Yuushin finds purpose in striving to achieve enough independence to live with the stray kitty he rescued, though. (It is an extremely cute kitty.) The volume is rounded out by a twisted short story called “Love Letter” in which an unborn soul chooses to be born to a teen runaway and ends up dying from neglect, but loves its mother so much that it opts to return to earth in any guise that allows it to see her, including another cute kitty who soon meets a tragic end. It left a weird taste in my brain. – Michelle Smith

How Heavy Are the Dumbbells You Lift?, Vol. 3 | By Yabako Sandrovich and MAAM | Seven Seas – The first volume it was the fanservice that got my attention. The second volume it was the advice on keeping fit. And in this one it’s the comedy that’s really reaching out to grab you, taking the series in places I was not expecting it to go, like turning the main girls (including their teacher!) into a muscle-bound idol group, something that is impressively different but goes over like a lead balloon. Zina has fit in well with the others, and moreover she knows Satomi cosplays, so can cheerfully use that for blackmail. There are also hints that romance may come into this series—Hibiki has always been attracted to Machio when he’s not bulking out, but there’s a suggestion that her feelings may run a bit deeper than that. That said, I expect comedy to prevail. This is fun. – Sean Gaffney

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War, Vol. 14 | By Aka Akasaka | Viz Media – The first half of this book is almost all dedicated to Kaguya and Shirogane finally, finally, confessing—not through words, but through actions. It’s the payoff everyone has been waiting for, and it’s handled perfectly. The second half of this book then drags it all back to hilarious comedy, with the chapter about Kaguya french-kissing Shirogane being the highlight of the volume and possibly the series. Of course, there’s the question of where do we go from here—Kaguya ends up breaking her brain so much over this that she reverts to her old icy persona, and there may be a new love triangle developing around Ishigami. So don’t stop reading just because Kaguya got confessed to—there’s still plenty more fun. – Sean Gaffney

My Hero Academia: Smash!!, Vol. 4 | By Hirofumi Neda and Kohei Horikoshi | Viz Media – The gag series has caught up to the main storyline, or at least wants to avoid the Overhaul Arc, so for the most part this volume is original material. Sometimes that’s good—the author shows a surprising taste for very dark character-based jokes when they want to, including one with Todoroki talking about his mother that made me gasp. There’s also a parents’ day again (it goes a bit better than the one in School Briefs), which allows us to see parents we forgot existed, like Uraraka’s mother. That said, there’s also a sense that the series is starting to get a bit tired. The next volume is signposted to be the last, and that’s a good thing. Go out while you’re still flying high. – Sean Gaffney

Nori | By Rumi Hara | Drawn & Quarterly – Born in Kyoto and currently based in New York, Hara has been creating comics for about a decade, but Nori is Hara’s graphic novel debut. The volume has its origins in a series of self-published mini-comics which earned Hara multiple award nominations. Nori collects six short tales of varying lengths which feature the adventures of the titular Noriko, an imaginative three-year-old, and Hana, her grandmother and caregiver. Except for a surprise trip that takes Nori and Hana to Hawaii, the stories are largely set in Osaka in the 1980s. All of them are incredibly charming. Hara effortlessly blends mythology and legends with the characters’ day-to-day lives and Nori’s fantastical imaginings. Some of my favorite moments are Nori’s interactions with older kids—some of whom really aren’t sure what to do at first with a precocious toddler hanging about as they explore the natural world together. Nori is an undeniable delight. – Ash Brown

That Blue Summer, Vol. 4 | By Atsuko Namba | Kodansha Comics (digital only) – Rio Funami is a Tokyo girl who’s been sent, along with her bookish little brother, to stay with her grandmother in the countryside for the duration of her 40-day summer vacation. She’s fallen in love with a local boy named Ginzo Izumi, who initially rejected her, believing they belonged in different worlds and valued different things. However, as time has gone on, Ginzo has come to see that’s not true. In fact, Rio seems enraptured by the village he calls home and understands the calling he feels towards graphic design while simultaneously feeling obligated to stay and take over the family liquor store. This is more than just a generic romance—it’s about passions versus practicality and finding reasons for joy in any situation. I’m enjoying it a lot and isn’t that cover a beauty? – Michelle Smith

Yowamushi Pedal, Vol. 14 | By Wataru Watanabe | Yen Press – The race that would never end has ended! And yes, our hero manages to capture first place, The first half of the book is really fantastic, showing off how good the author is at wringing drama and emotion from every last meter. The second half pales in comparison mostly as it’s setting up the next chunk of book, though seeing Onoda suddenly fail so hard simply as his mentor has left (transferred to another country) is poignant, and I suspect he needs another race or two before he can get back into form, so I expect more failure. Oh, and Kanzaki shows up briefly to remind us she exists and also help the core team get new bikes that work to their strengths. Still excellent shonen sports. – Sean Gaffney

By: Ash Brown

The Dumpster Fire that is ‘The Order’

First of all, why is his show labeled as a horror? My humble guess is that it was intended for younger audiences?? I genuinely wanna know. Because, even if it was for teens, some blood and a few dead bodies does not a horror make.  Secondly, what the fuck? And I truly mean that.  I mean, the idea itself doesn’t sound bad at all. A college student joins a secret society and finds out his supposedly evil dad is the head of it? He’s also in a werewolf club that fights that same secret society? Sign me tf up. But the execution just takes a really weird turn.  From the get go, you kinda aren’t sure if the show wants to be takes seriously or not. And that question is never answered. Literally in the opening scene the letter changes from ‘we regret to inform you’ to ‘congratulations’ in front of Jack’s eyes and he has absolutely no reaction whatsoever to that peculiar development, which kind of screams ‘not to be taken seriously’ similarly to the whole ‘My evil dad killed my mom so naturally I’m gonna join a secret society, become someone important and powerful and eventually use that power to fight him.’ Who on earth plots a revenge along those lines? But then a second later, the plot falls back in the supernatural drama category.  To top it all off there’s a whole lot of ‘woke humor’ which most of the time comes across as cringe worthy edginess we’re all happy we outgrew after HS.  But, even if you could somehow get pas the not-so-subtle jumps from complete absurdity to realism, there’s nothing else to hold on to. No character, no relationship, no plot line we’re offered is strong enough to pull us in.  In fact. one of the most annoying things about The Order is that basically no character has a personality. I am 8 episodes deep (and I don’t intend to finish it because that’s how boring it is) and I still don’t know anything substantial about anyone. And can we take a second to just look at Jake’s relationship with Alyssa? What even is that? Are they flirting are they not, does he really like her or is she a means to an end, is she into him or his dad, why are they kissing and why does it look so uncomfortable, did they just cast two people with the least chemistry on purpose or is bad writing/directing? So many questions. If we draw a parallel between Jack’s progress with her and him being on board with the wolves, it makes even less sense. He needs how many episodes to decide to try and kiss her, but when it comes to dedicating your whole life to fighting bad magic, you go from ‘no way, you’re all insane, you made me kill an innocent man’ to ‘I pledge my life to the cause’ within two seconds.   Speaking of things that make no sense, I have to mention Jack’s ‘friendship’ with Amir. Don’t get me wrong, I get that we meet people and think to ourselves how that could grow into a beautiful friendship, but acting as if someone you just met is really your friend, and that odd flashback to like one beer they shared, when Amir was found dead, is just... I don’t even know what to say.  The Order as an organization is equally puzzling. Who are they? Why are they? What’s the purpose, what’s the goal, the mission? I can’t settle for just a group of magic users who follow strict hierarchies but kinda all look out for themselves and don’t really like each other that much. And occasionally sacrifice goats. And change people’s memories.(And they can revive a golem and ask it who made it, but the fact that Jack, who found out about magic like yesterday, sabotaged their spell somehow goes right over their magical heads. ) But essentially it’s for the good of the whole wide world.????????????? And the masks are what makes me think an 8yo came up with the whole concept.  If you thought the werewolf knights are any less confusing, think again. They hear noises when ‘bad magic’ happens and solve it by killing anything that moves. Heroes. Also, how do they know what they are supposed to do if they refuse to read anything? I mean, that’s not how a secret society, since that’s more or less what they are, works. Someone has to tell you, show you, teach you. Sure, you have the wolves inside you, but if you don’t know they speak a certain language, it’s fairly certain you don’t know a whole lot. And why is there only four of you? How can four knights take down an organization as big as The Order? Especially since their preferred method is violent murder, something that is not very subtle and does not go unnoticed for long, which basically ensures the rage of the entire Order falling on their heads before they even begin their so called mission. Once again: ????????????????? And what even does ‘bad magic’ mean? The term is so vague and abstract that I have a hard time understanding how can you form an organization that fights something barely defined. All magic can potentially be bad magic. What are the guidelines here? Help me comprehend.  The show also has a very odd relationship towards death. One can sort of ‘forgive’ the wizards and the wolves for being chill about it, but if someone was targeting and butchering people on your campus, wouldn’t you be at least a bit worried? We don’t see any students panicking, we saw one police officer, there were no measures taken by the college, unless you count turning Amir’s death into a bike accident. And just when you start getting used to being casual about it, Jack has a whole meltdown over killing someone the first time he turned. And then also his professor. But even that meltdown is not very convincing, since most of what he does is just screaming ‘I KILLED AN INNOCENT MAN!!!’ into the void, without a much deeper attempt to deal with that. Which is why I don’t get why the show even made an issue out of it.  I also don’t get Jack’s grandpa. Like not even a little bit. Because if you think about it, it’s not * that * unimaginable that a little boy would come up with the idea of joining a secret society to avenge his mother’s death, but it is * very * odd to imagine an old ass grown up who not only thinks it’s a good idea to direct your whole young life towards revenge, but encourages it to a point of making a detailed plan on how to do that, and basically spends your entire childhood grooming you to become a little rage fueled bundle of psychological damage. All of this is only scratching the surface of the mess that is The fucking Order, because the show is a giant entangled coil of nonsense and I barely knew where to start. It’s fair to say that the biggest buzzkill is failure to pick a direction and stick with it. You don’t have to look that close to see some of the influences. The biggest one being, obviously, The Magicians, followed by some Teen Wolf, there’s even elements from Scream Queens, a bit of Buffy, a pinch of the Craft, etc. Almost like someone decided to look up successful shows in the supernatural/fantasy/horror genre and just smash them all up together in hopes of making something appealing to the largest audience possible. Personally, as a * very big * fan of before mentioned The Magicians, I get the feeling that Netflix wanted to make something that could rival it, but better. Because TM is, dare I say so, one of the best, if not the best, shows of the decade. I honestly have not seen anything like it, that has the same platform, in literally a decade. If you have, please let me know. 

Whit the BDE, edgy, but in a good way, humor, strong political views, strong female characters, fun twist and turns that actually do manage to mix absurd with normal life in a magical, no pun intended, way, sexuality representation, but not in a ‘we just want to please the gays so they give us the views’ way, great male characters we wish we saw more of, compelling character development and so on. Tho the most likable aspect of the series is probably the take on overdone story lines, where they twist the narrative just enough for it to become actually relatable. We all are tired of super special chosen ones who save the world because they are soo special and specially chosen by gods to save the world and all the dumb boring unspecial people with their pure hearts and strong characters. And also find true love.  You see attempts at this within The Order on every turn, except that it doesn’t work nearly as well for them, precisely because they went for that AND MORE. More wouldn’t even be a bad thing if it was’t so all over the place that it just comes off as ‘WE WANT EVERYONE TO LIKE THIS, GIVE US ALL THE VIEWS, ALL OF THEM.’ I am very much inclined to think this is what happened, considering other stuff Netflix has put out there. (Mostly referring to endlessly stupid shit like YOU, which only has the intention of being controversial and attention grabbing, for the views. Tho they do have some fun shit too, don’t get me wrong.) So I guess what I’m trying to say is,  the though of making something like TM, is not a bad one,  I’m all for it, but you actually have to put a shit ton more imagination into it if you want it to work out. But that’s just my opinion.   

Hey Rachel got a question for ya. Do you think Stiles would feel inadequate compared to all the buff sexy werewolves and push himself​ to the breaking point trying to look like he belongs? Cause I have this headcanon where he decides to work out to make himself look like he belongs beside the wolves but it doesn't work out to well and he winds up doing more harm than good. Which upsets Derek when he finds out (because he loves the idiot but he won't admit it)

Aw I can absolutely see this. Stiles, already prone to insecurity and the feeling of not being good enough, slowly being worn down by that itching knowledge in his skull of being that he’s not as strong as any of his friends, not as attractive as any of his friends, and sure as hell not as useful as any of them, right? Sure, he’s smart. He knows that. But what the hell use is that in battle? He can’t dive in front of a bullet to keep the others from hurting, can’t stand beside the others and fight at anything close to their level.

And no matter how much he smirks at enemies’ jibes and plays off as enjoying being the group’s token human (”means I get to leave all the heavy lifting to you guys, right?”) it’s a feeling that would keep building up over time, pushing at the back of his skull every time the pack insists he be left behind on a certain mission, that he should stay where he’s safe, or gets offhandedly told he’ll just slow the others down. Every time they go running out in the preserve and he gets to sit behind and watch the car. Every time he goes out with the group and finds himself wondering what he looks like in everyone else’s eyes: this circle of beautiful beyond belief, supernaturally perfect people and then… him.

He couldn’t share his worries with the others –– Scott would get that worried look in his eyes and insist Stiles is perfect the way he is. Lydia might not share the same speed and strength as the others but she’s always been supernaturally beautiful, and she’s got her own banshee tricks to help out in a fight. So he keeps it inside, bottles it up… and he starts to push himself. Stays after school lifting weights until his limbs are wrecked from it, goes out running until his legs are shaking under him. Thinking one more lift, one more mile, one step closer to belonging.

And it starts working, too. He’s able to keep up with the pack sometimes, on their more casual runs. He’s gaining muscle, losing any last hints of baby fat. But there are hollowed shadows under his eyes too and he’s not eating enough, probably, but that’s fine. It’s fine when he wrestles with Liam and ends up with a purpled bruise blooming out across his ribs from a too-hard tackle. It’s fine that he can’t really sleep anymore because his muscles are always burning. It’s fine because he’s started looking at pictures of the group after pack events and almost seeing a group of people who fit together, not a handful of perfect people around a lanky, awkward him. Who the hell wouldn’t sacrifice a little comfort and the ability to lift his arms above his head for that?

.-

Derek’s the one who notices first, because of course he is. Drops in through the bedroom window one night like the supernatural stalking creeper he used to be, and finds Stiles collapsed to an exhausted heap against the side of his bed. Too tired and too sore to have stripped off his sweat-stained shirt or make it the extra step to lay down on it. He forces a smile when he spots Derek, but it’s more pained than it should be. Wavers at the edges. Derek ignores his opening jibe, doesn’t comment on the way Stiles tries to push himself up on unsteady palms and falters, a spasm of motion that starts and dies just as fast. Just moves silent, sits down next to him on the floor at the foot of the bed. There’s a world of words in his silence, a disapproving air Stiles can feel deep in his bones, and he finds himself saying “I’m fine,” low and head ducked, like it’s a lie.

It’s not a lie. But it’s not exactly true either, is it?

Derek’s eyes are on Stiles’ face now, flicking down his damp shirt, over his faintly trembling limbs, and it’s like he’s seeing too much suddenly, seeing through walls Stiles is too tired to pull up. People aren’t supposed to see him at this point in the day; they’re supposed to see him in the morning when he has the energy to grin and bounce and keep up with the rest of them like it’s effortless. They’re not supposed to see the tired bruises under his eyes or the way he shakes from hours of trying to hold himself at a werewolf’s level.

He wets his lips, a flash of frustration burning bitter through him.

“Look, I’m not strong like you guys.” It’s not news. It’s been a constant refrain for the past two years of his life, ever since Scott was bit and turned into a superhero sports star girl magnet and left Stiles standing awkwardly in his dust. Stiles couldn’t ask for the bite, Scott wouldn’t understand. And he doesn’t think he wants it either, not really. He doesn’t want the claws or the anchors or the pulls to the moon. He just wants to be able to keep up with them. Wants to not be the funny one in a group of supermodels. Doesn’t want to be the weak one in a group of heroes. Doesn’t want to be the one holding them back.

He bites over a frustrated sound, frowns at Derek’s faintly pinched brows, manages to lift one bone-dead arm and snaps out even more harshly: “I’m not… hot.”

It’s not the whole issue, it barely touches the issue, but it’s too much already and he scowls after he says it, daring Derek to snort or mock him or roll his eyes and agree, obviously, but that searching look only seems to sink deeper and Derek murmurs, “You’re wrong.”

Which is just… it’s worse than laughing. Because Stiles could handle people dismissing him, mocking him. He’s used to that. What he can’t take is Derek fucking Hale feeling so goddamned bad about his patheticness that he’s reduced to lying to try and comfort him.

“Oh, right, sure. I’m hot. You guys are all freaking Greek gods with all the muscle and the… faces.” He snorts, falling back against an overworked spine that protests the pressure. “You can’t even talk. You’ve always been the hottest person ever. You’ve got no idea what it’s like to be the one no one ever wants.”

Derek’s eyes flick down Stiles again, reassessing, and Stiles winces over the realization that Derek’s trying to find something, anything likable on his wiry frame.

“Don’t––” He starts, because he physically cannot handle that, but Derek’s saying “You’re wrong,” again, and it’s soft and warm in a way that doesn’t sound like pity.

But Stiles doesn’t let himself feel it. The “oh yeah?” he shoots back is sure and challenging, almost smug in its confidence because maybe he’s not beautiful beyond all reason like the man next to him, maybe he’s not strong and desirable and wanted but at least he’s smart enough to realize that.

Derek lets out a growl of frustration and turns where he’s sitting, crowds in close with palms pressed to either side of Stiles’ thigh, and Stiles is on the edge of rolling his eyes because does Derek seriously think he can intimidate Stiles into changing his mind about himself, but then “you’re wrong” falls out a third time, a too-warm growl of a whisper, and Derek closes the space between their lips.

Stiles loses his conviction in the contact.

Derek’s hands move over him while they kiss, dragging soothing tips and scolding pinches over his wrecked muscles in ways that leave him groaning, touches sinking you’re beautiful and you’re wanted under his skin in ways the best words probably never could. Hands trail down to play across Stiles’ fingers, silently praising the cleverness of them. Beard-rough lips drift up to kiss across his temple and a warmth of admiration seems to melt into him with each press. And Stiles can barely move, arms aching protest as he lifts them to thread into Derek’s hair, body quivering in ways that shift between exhaustion and want.

When Derek finally leans back Stiles whimpers, wanting more but too worn down to chase him. But Derek’s watching him from inches away in the dark room, and there’s no reflected flaws in those dark eyes now. Just you’re beautiful, you’re wanted. You’re important. 

Stiles runs light thumbs down Derek’s beard, lets out a light laugh he barely recognizes.

“Guess I believe you,”

(And from now on, on nights when the pack goes out running, Stiles and Derek find a more interesting way to occupy themselves by the cars.)

Of the Beholder

Relationship: Dean x OFC Rating: This is not smut. Not angst. Not fluff. Not crack. It is BS. Warnings: None. Well... brief moment of violence but akin to the show. A/N: This is for @seenashwrite ‘s 200 Follower Celebration Challenge. Who I hope you follow because she is v v talented. [Nash, please don’t ask me to explain myself. It was not supposed to be this, but crack is not my forte, ok goodbye.]

~2.5k words (too many)

Summary: You and Dean go to an underground poker game of the supernatural variety. It goes exactly as planned. Or at least as close to planned as either of you expected. 

Here’s the thing about the supernatural: You think of it and you think corpses. You think of the red pond the body’ll be found in and the new Pollock on the walls painted with that same blood. You think of how the body- the person got there in the first place. You think of the vicious teeth that ripped into flesh. You think of the thing attached to those teeth- and no, it’s not the other way around- red stained and grotesque and evil.

What you don’t think about is what those creatures get up to between kills. You don’t think of them cleaning up in a sink or in a shower. You don’t think of them having a home they pay rent for with sinks and showers. You don’t think of them preferring half-and-half over milk, of them loading their minivan with groceries, of them laughing at themselves at the door after looking for their already in-hand keys. You don’t think of them going out to buy new shoes, or staying in because they don’t like the humidity, or skipping twenty songs when their music player is on shuffle to get to that one. Here’s the other thing about the supernatural: It has a life.

A night life at that, which doesn’t always consist of murdering humans, which sometimes consists of shooting the shit and sharing a pint (of what exactly? you don’t know). And that’s what you’ve just walked into. Some kind of supernatural speakeasy that wasn’t easy to get an invitation to or to physically get to. You and Dean managed, though, going down more flights of stairs and deeper into the Earth’s crust than you think you have before. Excluding Hell. Well. Where is Hell even?

You whisper the question, though it is neither the time nor the place, and there is a distinct lack of answer in your ear. You turn to Dean, tuck a strand of hair behind your left ear and shake your head infinitesimally. Dean understands that the comm in your right ear isn’t transmitting anymore.

“Guess we’re on our own,” he tells you, grinning, like this is exactly the challenge he was looking for.

It’s infectious and you’re grinning too. “Aren’t we always that?” You raise a brow and paired with the stretch of your lips you wonder if it makes you look as crazed as you feel eager.

Dean lets out a loud laugh but it goes unnoticed by the bustling crowd made up of probably every type of evil you’ve ever faced. “Come on, the fun’s in the back.” The fun being an exclusive poker game where money isn’t what’s at stake. You follow Dean as he casually leads the way, weaving through the patrons.

You pointedly ignore the sheet of wood hanging over the bar, with its sick version of a menu written out in thick, black marker, but you can’t escape the snippets of conversations that reach you. Some are gory retellings and others are mundane everyday chatter and it’s the latter that disturbs you the most. The third thing about the supernatural and the lives they have: They don’t get to keep them, you decide.

 It’s an embarrassingly short amount of time later that you find your hands chained to the ceiling of a stone room. A few yards away, Dean is shackled to the wall, low enough that he’s sitting down. Lucky bastard, you think as your calves strain to keep you on your toes and your weight off the tendons in your shoulders.

The room glows white with moonlight spilling in from the skylight overhead, drawing a pattern in shadows over the floor. You realise that you’re no longer in the speakeasy. Possibly nowhere near it and that the odds of Sam swooping in for an assist are slim.

Okay, so maybe, your plan to blend in wasn’t the best despite what you and Dean announced you were bringing to table. Maybe it was a bit of a joke.

“Hey, Dean,” you half whisper.

Dean grunts.

“Two hunters walk into a bar and-”

A figure steps into the circle of light. Female, dark haired, skin wrinkled and rippling as a result of having been scorched. The discoloration is cut off by a high black turtleneck. She’s wearing gloves, and boots that go up over her black jeans. The only accessory she’s sporting is a glass eye that matches her good one.

“Who wants their ass beat first?” She asks pleasantly. “And before you decide, keep in mind that I’m gradually going to get more tired, but also gradually more Berserker.”

Dean says, “Sign me up.”

“He can go first. I like my chicks a little crazy,” you shrug awkwardly.

“Besides,” Dean frowns, looking terribly sad for a moment. “I hate being picked last. Gym class was a tough time for me.”

The woman rolls her good eye and stalks over to you.

“Woah! Hey!” You shuffle back as much as you can manage on the tip of your toes. “Did we not just agree that he gets the pleasure of the first round?”

“Y’know, seeing how willing you are to get me injured is real heartwarming.”

You send Dean a look that is equal parts sheepish and grudging.

“The two of you came to the game with the Lazarus Pearl as bargaining chips,” the woman starts. “I know this. I also know they’re in your person.” She looks at you as she finishes, one beady eye focused on yours, the other just slightly off to the side.

“You evil do-ers gotta start doin’ more research. I’m the one with all the pockets.”

“I’ve done the research.” Her eye glints in amusement as it remains trained on you. “The Pearl is kept in the mind. No need for pockets. I’ve researched you too, Mr. Winchester. I know all about your history. From the daddy issues, to the mommy issues, to the people issues. The insecurity that, miraculously, hasn’t crippled you quite yet, but that happy coincidence might be because of your hero complex. And don’t get me started on this life of excess and sin. Girls, booze, deception. Still, the risks you take are calculated and walking into the back room of that quaint dive you know you were to be top of the hitlist and that made the Pearl safest with her.” She nods to you as though she hasn’t been staring you down this whole time. “Dean may be a vain, selfish, lying, and quite possibly alcoholic man-whore, but gambling is one vice he doesn’t have.”

You scoff, making sure your breath hits face, purposefully riling her up. These things that go bump in the night like to talk and talk and pretend they comprehend who people are at their core, but these things stick to the shadows and they have no real understanding of what’s in the light, no matter what day job they keep. The arrogance pisses you off.

“Dean is not selfish.”

“Yeah! Hey! That’s the only thing you want to object to. Everything she said and that’s-”

“Sorry.” You give Dean as apologising a look as you can muster.

“Cute,” the woman says. “In any case, if he’s got it, it’s torturing you that’ll get him to fess up.”

“I don’t know about that,” Dean says contemplatively. “You think so?”

“Yes, because you,” She swivels towards Dean but stays- thankfully- close to you. “Prolapsed rectum that you are - are infatuated with her, whose cobwebby old snooch, by the way, I can smell from here.”

“Hey!”

“I’m really not that fond of her.”

“Hey!”

The woman cackles, turning towards you and bending forward enough that you think you might be able to do the job. But then she’s leaning back again, out of reach again.

It has to be you who does it. It was going to be Dean back when you thought you’d be not-tied-up and playing poker. His hands are stronger- you cringe at the realisation of what you’ll have to use, now. With Dean sitting, hands shackled behind him, he wouldn’t be able to get close and that’s why you’ve both silently agreed to have the woman approach you with the very tactful use of reverse psychology (or what might just be dumb luck).

“Look,” the woman says. “Hurting you isn’t high on my priority list.” She pulls out a gun you recognise the make and model of- which doesn’t help you in any way. “I’d really rather not. It’s boring. What is a priority is the Pearl. You give it to me and I leave you and the Winchester alone.”

You purse your lips like you’re considering it.

She pulls the safety back and the click doesn’t exactly scare you but you don’t feel particularly good about how the situation is escalating. “You don’t know what I’ve been through, to get this close to the Pearl.”

You let out an unintentional laugh at the sheer irony of her words and it earns you a bullet in the thigh.

“Motherfucker!”

You grind your teeth and shut your eyes as the pain flares, hearing Dean shout your name and the sound of his chains in a distant sort of way: the echos of his words and of the clanking more so than the sounds themselves. You’ve been shot enough times that you can tell, the bullet has hit bone.

“But here’s an idea of what I’ll do.” She fires another shot, same leg but lower, cringingly near your knee but it goes through only flesh, coming out the other side bloodied.

“I have it, it’s with me!” Dean shouts, kneeling as close to you as he can with his arms bound.

The woman- Ignacia, her name is. You know because she’s been your mark for weeks.- glares sharply at Dean. “Don’t lie to me.”

“Fine,” you spit. “You can have it.”

Ignacia focuses on you again, stepping closer. “Give it to me.”

You sigh dramatically. “It’s not on me.”

Her hand shoots out and grabs the back of your neck, pulling you closer and pulling on the cuffs binding your wrists. “I’ve read the prophecy, girl. The Pearl is in the mind of all who keep it. I may not know how you came across it in the first place but I know it is locked in your brain.”

“You’re wrong. You’re paraphrasing.”

“What?”

“You must have been young when you first heard it, huh? It must have been decades ago. Somewhere along the way, you decided that what you thought it meant is what it said. That’s not how it works.”

“What are you going on about?” Ignacia scowls, tugging your hair back and the prickle of pain is almost a welcome distraction from the throbbing in your leg.

“All this time…” you continue. “And you never figured it out. I guess that makes sense, the Beholder keeps it safest that way, not knowing. Or maybe they did tell you, but you died at least once since so you don’t get to remember.”

“I have never died.” Ignacia, looking frazzled, raises her weapon again, aims for your shoulder this time. Huh, so the whole coming back to life thing isn’t as normal for not-Winchesters. Funny how easy it is to forget that. Still, Ignacia must remember at least a little about the time she died.

You hear Dean say your name warningly.

“I can tell you,” you say. “How you died. It wasn’t pretty. No no no no- I mean it. One of the grosser deaths I’ve come across. Like, a big, sweaty fireman carries you out of a burning building and you think- Yeah, okay, he’s gonna give me mouth-to-mouth - but instead he just starts choking the shit out of you, and the last sensation that you feel before you die- and you do die- is he’s squeezing your throat so hard that a big wet blob of drool drips off his teeth, and just- flurp- falls right onto your popped-out eyeball. That level of gross.”

Ignacia gets right up in your face and this close you think hers might have been pretty once. Before the flames ate it up. “Enough of this.”

“The prophecy doesn’t say the Pearl is in the mind. It says it’s kept in the head.”

It’s a herculean effort, but you manage to hoist yourself up and wrap your good leg around her, keeping her from escaping you. The gun goes off another three times and you think you get shot once, though you can’t tell where. Feels like a graze, with your adrenaline pumping like it is.

You lead with your mouth, teeth bared, and latch onto her eye socket as best you can. The good eye. The eye saved by the flurp. The one thing that wasn't swallowed by flames that night. The eye that has an energy embedded into it powerful enough to rival that of the eight billion souls on Earth.

Ignacia struggles to get away and you feel her hands burn against your skin- she wasn’t as inactive a witch as you had thought- but you latch on and before long you’re spitting the eyeball Dean’s way and hoisting yourself even higher with a pained shriek. You use both legs this time, as you choke the woman with thighs around her necks. She digs fingers into bullet holes- huh, so she got you in the hip too- but eventually her struggles cease, her hands slacken and her body follows suit. You let it drop to the ground and slump in your cuffs with a grunt.

“You fucking bit her eye out!” Dean screeches after a lull of silence.

You take a moment to assess your injuries, dazed as you are. You’re bleeding but you’ve got at least a few minutes. “Next time, remind me to get shot in the head.” It’d be less painful.

“Tell you what,” Dean suggests. “Next time, I’ll shoot you myself if it means I don’t have to watch you do that.”

You laugh a little, lids feeling too heavy to be kept open now.

“Hey, stay with me. Just ‘cause I don’t like where your mouth’s been today don’t mean I don’t want it revisiting some places.”

You wheeze and hope it sounds like a laugh too.

“Sam’ll find us soon. Any minute now.”

When did Dean become the hopeful one? You make a sharp sound and Dean hears the question.

“When we first started going out, I may have… injected a tracking device into your body.”

“You’re psychotic.”

“You bit her good eye out.”

You ignore him and say, “Werewolves are only werewolves once a month. Maybe they stand in the sun the rest of the time, Dean.” The words are mumbled but Dean makes them out. More than that, he gets it.

“She was a witch,” he reassures you. “With a ticking time bomb in her face and less than stellar track record, dropping bodies all over the place and ours were next.”

You nod a little dumbly, not pointing out that he’s conveniently skipped the part about how Ignacia never chose this. Never wanted the Eye. Never wanted her life to become one giant irony, where she spent its entirety searching for the thing she’s had all along. Never wanted to be a pawn in this big, twisted, cosmic game.

Dean watches you pass out. He isn’t too worried. Sam really should be moments away with Cas in tow and you’re losing blood but not fast enough that your death is imminent.

Dean sighs and slumps against the wall, rolling the eyeball between his fingers, layers peeling back to reveal a pearl inside. It glows, inside out, but only when he’s really looking for it. He grins, he might give you shit more often than not but damn if you don’t know how to get a job done. He laughs to himself, at his luck.

“Goddamn psychopath,” he says fondly, glancing at you for a moment before tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. That’s wherefrom I’m peering into the lives of these characters. Dean’s green eyes, in turn, peer into my soul, because that’s what Dean’s green eyes do. He says, “Hope you liked it, Nash,” and then, just because Dean is a bit of a shithead, he winks and adds, “Sweetheart.”

Boopboop:  @hannahindie @escabell @trexrambling @impandagrl @klaineaholic

A/N: I did my best. Do not shun me from the community xx

The Magic Cottage - James Herbert

So, after reading the first page I want to find out about Magic, although I do wonder how much I will enjoy this book, at the moment I’m highly interested. I love how the writer uses the character to call out the overused storyline of horror movies, made me laugh. I feel like Mike and Midge are the cute couple, I mean he seems to be willing to change for her, that must be some sort of true love. That makes me question if they will end up together at the end of the book? The feeling that Mike gets at the cottage, the familiar feeling, what if this has a deeper meaning that I will read about later and it will all makes sense? I feel like from the start of the book, Midge is portrayed as almost enchanted by the cottage. Could that be the magic Mike is referring to? The key not working for Mike could indicate that the cottage chooses its resident? Like it won’t let just anyone inside.Which was proven by the key being turned for Midget as I kept reading on. But, why has the cottage chosen her? As I read, the vibe from the locals the two encounter give me the vibe that they clearly know way more than they let on. The whole mysterious vibe is amazingly done by the writer, really makes me want to keep reading until the end.

I feel like it is some kind of magic or good luck from that cottage, whatever it may be, that made it possible for them to get that cottage. There is clearly something weird about the cottage, like it repairing itself? Maybe its coming back to life? I’m honestly not sure but it is a good element added into the storyline.

I also wonder about what happened in Midget’s past, could this be related to the cottage somehow?

Okay, I think that the cottage’s magic could actually not be supernatural magic in a sense. But, what if the magic is actually Nature and all that, rather than it being supernatural, its more like the magic of nature and all? I get the sense through the animals being present within the story, and how the author says noises, making me think that its supernatural, but then it turns out that it’s the birds making the noise, so that’s why I’m thinking that it could be that. But, how can nature fix the issues with the house? I think this is the big thing about the book, but there is also the few side stories that go along with it too.

I love the way this book is written, its clearly shown that the main character, Mike, already knows the ending, yet, he is teasing at it, but never revealing what it is, this keeps me wanting to read it. I’m wondering if there will be a fairy tale end to it? I mean, mentioning pixies and elves, gives me that idea. I also love the humour in this book, it’s great.

I feel like to really understand and enjoy this book, you do need to read it. The fact that Mike is such a relatable character, he is the average human. The build up to the discovery in the loft is amazing. Could that discovery be a sign or symbol of evil?

I wonder about the cult people, since they are disliked by villagers, yet, when they interact with Mike, they seem more hippie/nature lover type of people, rather than evil cult people. I also wonder about that watcher, is that Mike’s imagination?

This book is really giving me mixed feelings, one moment I think that I know what I’m doing and the next I am completely confused. Like, what is Kinsella really scared of? Or maybe he’s just polite? I honestly don’t know. Or the watcher, is he real? Is Mike just imagining him? – I don’t know why but I have a feeling that the watcher could be Mycroft, especially with the slight hint at the future, maybe it is him (Sorry because of later events). Another example is the bird, did Flora’s spirit heal him? – I mean, as a believer in spirits and the paranormal, I could imagine that the long period between her death and her being found could cause her spirit unrest, but is that the deal with the cottage and her spirit?

Honestly, this book confuses me more and more as I keep reading, but it’s that confusion of what really is going on that keeps me wanting to read it.The only theory I can think of right now is that Mycroft might have done something to Flora and that’s why he and his ‘cult’ aren’t welcome in the cottage?

Mike’s sudden healing really has me thinking about the cottage’s powers, if they are real, or maybe he really did overreact, and his burn wasn’t that bad? Honestly- I don’t know.

FLORA IS EVIL?! Could be possibly, the imaginary in that chapter literally brought tears to my eyes, the whole scene playing out in my mind as if I was there, the writer really did a great job at making that ‘visible’ in the reader’s mind. It’s almost scary how great it is, but could the imaginary show an evil side of Flora? Or maybe it’s something that’s inside the cottage?

I do wonder about the deal with the book, l mean, so much is happening and I’m literally swaying from believing that there is something supernatural going on, to believing that it’s all nature and nothing more. – I have to add that I love how Mike is portrayed, he isn’t the ‘hero’, the ones that always are so brave in horror movies, that just doesn’t happen.

Now, Bob, is it drugs? Or was it supernatural? I like how predictable it was that Val had come up the stairs and not a spirit. – So, the only thing I can think up of about that part of the book is that guests like Bob angered the spirit lingering in the home. I mean, starting with his ‘episode’ to the crack in the wall, and then the painting, it seems that whatever lingers in the home is angry. Since the night with bob, the house seems to be literally returning back to its old, broken self, so could it really be that?

I feel like Mycroft isn’t welcome in the home. So he must have done something. I think I’m right, he’s making up an excuse not to enter the home, could he have seen Flora’s spirit? Maybe a flashback of what he had done? I think he’s avoiding the kitchen area, just like Bob. – So, it seems that all of the Synergists are nervous around the place, but why?Mycroft is using Midge’s dead parents in a way to get her to believe in him? It seems like he knows just what to say to her to have her believe in him. The fact that her parents had died in such horrible ways has her wanting to reach them, but, even I, as a believer in spirits, would never even think of doing such a thing, there are so many things that could go wrong, so what exactly is Mycroft thinking and doing? Mycroft brought the guilt to Midge, it was after she spoke to him, so that’s how he turns people to his cult, by digging out their faults and using them.

I really hope that it was the cottage protecting Midge and Mike from whatever Mycroft wants to do. – Okay so, the fact that Midge thinks she saw her parents suggests to me that, the cottage could be ‘making’ the illusion that it was her parents when in reality it wasn’t, to draw her closer. For example, demons are known to take the image of children to invite us to interact with them, because you’re not going to be scared to welcome a ‘child’ into your space. (a little bit of information from Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural, if anyone’s a fan)

I knew it! There is clearly something going on with Mycroft and his cult! But, I’m still confused about Midge and her involvement in everything that’s going on. Mycroft is good at lying and covering his tracks, clearly he needs Midge for something, Mike is in the way, so what will he do?What is Mike’s plan? He clearly has a plan. Okay, no plan, in fact, its turning really bad.

I had the idea of maybe the illusion of the rabbit and rat might be just a hologram of sorts since he didn’t get a chance to touch it, but then as I continue to read, its something else, but I don’t know what.I do wonder what happened to Mike in that room, but at least midge finally listened to him. A bit too late though. It seems that they went back to the ‘evil’ represented as the bats have been released, but how? Honestly, this is the worst book I’ve read so far when it comes to animal deaths, honestly, I’m in tears.

As I keep reading, I become speechless, I have no words, honestly no words, not a single word. The story is moving so well, and I just want to know what’s going on, how will this end? I really do hope for a dramatic ending.

I’m not sure I take this whole idea of ‘magic’. I definitely believe in ghosts, that’s something that I haven’t got a doubt about, but magic in the sense that is described in the book? I’m not too sure about that.

My thought is, what if it’s Mike though? Rather than Midge, it’s Mike who was the whole ‘power’ thing, or magic. Well… this book takes a couple of wild turns towards the end, I do have to say, I am impressed. It seems a little cliché, but in a way that I honestly don’t mind reading about, even thought it was a little predictable, I still enjoying reading it.

I LOVE how the author goes back and he knows that the story is hard to believe in, it makes it seem more realistic, as a rational person, you might not think of it as true, yet there are probably people out there that will believe it. As I finished the book, I’m glad for two things, one, it had a not so perfect happy ending, like, they didn’t end up having their perfect cottage, but at least the Rumbo was fine at the end. All in all, I think this is a great book to read. I recommend it if you’re looking for something that isn’t too realistic. There are quite a lot of small details and events that occur within the book that I don’t really have any opinions on, but I can see how they fit in with the storyline.

What do you think about 12x18 and parallels between Jarrod Hayes and Dean (being abused by fathers and still having to take care of/help them), and the relationship between Sheriff and Peter Garfinkle and the relationship between Dean&Sam and Adam (same father, different mothers - they grew up apart and Peter Garfinkle feels wronged by/inferior to the Sheriff in the same way that Adam was jealous of Dean&Sam)?

I guess in a way those parallels speak for themselves >.> 

Those are both things that have been all over the subtext this season and I think 12x18 is the customary last MotW before the final run of episodes that has to tell us all the final thematic things (which is why I think it’s going to be a much more meaningful rewatch after the fact, although sometimes using that MotW as a free space before the end happens (like 10x20) I think the Colt stuff already paid off and wrapped up, so I think it’s safe to say the episode has a lot of thematic stuff in there waiting to be explored or revealed)

I’m trying very hard not to think about Michael foreshadowing because I don’t really trust it would actually happen but I seem to have a reason to mention it every episode since 12x12 and his spear (and that was not the first time we mentioned him this year either)… Reminding us of Adam’s part in the family in this parallel is a really weird thing to do, but being the “illegitimate half-brother” of the characters we actually care about (ew I hate using Zach’s words :P) is something that really only applies to him when it comes to family dynamics on the show where it’s actually important. And if you think of Destiny and the Apocalypse as the family curse/fortune Moloch brought then Adam did end up wanting in on that through misguided ideas of it bringing him some glory, where he really only got himself hurt and helped escalate the Apocalypse. 

But yeah I am resisting that Michael will have a part to play because I’m feeling grumpy about this for no reason other than I can’t tell if it’s too obvious or a fake out or just teasing so I’m not giving them the satisfaction of getting excited or whatever and playing into all the comments :P 

But this and Jarrod and his father are both things in the Winchester family history that are pretty dark and tied to John’s reaction to Mary’s death, and really to Dean has dealt with it all - he took the existence of Adam far worse than Sam, and resented him all through 4x19 for having had the normal life, and John taking him to baseball games on his birthday (which calls back to 2x20 and the baseball playing John who would have at least tried this much for his boys). He was jealous of Adam while 12x18 plays it the other way round with the Adam parallel being the jealous one left out of the family dynamic. 

And of course though John’s treatment of his sons and especially Dean was never depicted as outright knocking them around all the time physical abuse, it WAS abusive through neglect, and implied physical punishment in the subtext that there may have been physical abuse, as well as the burdens of responsibility, unsettled life, and expectations etc that play a huge role in shaping their upbringing. It’s enough that suggesting an abusive father makes it a parallel to John, even if the abusive fathers we get as mirrors are a whole lot worse than John, this is the dynamic they want to explore.

I would have to guess this is for Mary; Dean is going to apparently talk with her by proof of the leaked script (though I would absolutely have been standing my ground the show had it coming at the end of the season regardless because I have not lost faith in how they’re handling it, despite it being dragged out, that there WILL be a reckoning and a point to it all by the end). He will hopefully finally give her the real family history, the real genuine pain of what her deal caused, and hopefully tell her the truth of how John was changed - not just how it affected him, but how it affected Sam and Dean as well. And Dean as the emotional heart of the family and the one implied to take the abuse the worst (especially as 5x16′s implication of being punished is that he let Sam run away - not that Sam is punished FOR running away) means he’s the one with the burden to tell Mary about it, as he knows the worst side of everything. Including being the one who saw Mary’s deal because he was there for 5x03′s timetravel and Sam wasn’t.

Anyway these mirrors give us a reminder of how their family was/is, and especially the John stuff that’s come up through the show and the approach they have now to it (that he did harm them, that they were raised in an abusive way even if it was more psychologically damaging than not - a thread that’s been explored but not resolved since Carver era really). Mary is not just a symbolic part of that or an element of their history like a factor in a textbook, but now a living thinking, emotional person who’s connection to it all is right at the heart, even deeper than where it starts with John, because 5x03 shows her connection to the supernatural, making deals, etc starts it all off. And she has something to answer for that’s had her disconnected from the family since the first episode, where she worries and doubts about how her sons became hunters, and in 12x02 where she voices her first concern about what happened to Sam as a result of her deal - everything after that is her reacting and running away and not coping with it.

But this season is showing you really have to talk about things to resolve stuff, and you can’t run away and do something that’s a bad half-measure to resolving it. Eradicating all the monsters isn’t going to work and it’s not going to buy back the childhoods for Sam and Dean that they lost. Even reading John’s journal over and over, she’s got their history in his words and not theirs, and HE is the dead, long gone, factor in a history book part of their lives that shaped them, and she needs to hear from THEM how they are and what happened etc.

So character mirrors exploring John’s post-Mary treatment of family, at least through the emotional filter of how Dean has felt all these things, rather than what might be the more reasonable arguments about how them being raised as warriors was necessary to stop the apocalypse and their trauma saved the world blah blah John apologism, or the actually more reasonable argument Sam had that John was perfectly entitled to sleep around after Mary’s death and father a son with another woman, and there wasn’t anything wrong about Adam, Dean just felt betrayed on a personal level by his existence, especially with the jealousy of how John had treated him in comparison to Dean. 

Using John and Adam mirrors as the worst people in an episode which again at least in part used human-as-the-monster is a warped perspective, but it’s Dean’s perspective, and he’s the one who it seems will talk to Mary, and rather than objective justifications, this is a case where he really needs to let her know how much it hurt and how bad it was for them (even if some of these complaints might seem unreasonable from the outside, which I think is what the Adam example shows even if he wouldn’t be top of the list to complain to Mary about how they were raised, just was a great example to contrast a normal life to theirs)… 

I think only after Mary knows this could the family even hope to begin to heal. There’s something deeply, deeply unsatisfying about 8x12:

HENRY You’re also Winchesters. As long as we’re alive, there’s always hope. [DEAN and SAM look at each other.] I didn’t know my son as a man, but having met you two… [HENRY takes DEAN’s hand with his right hand and holds out his left hand to SAM] …I know I would have been proud of him.

But that was just the beginning of all this. Sam and Dean can’t get catharsis or a better feeling about John from this, because Henry dies oblivious and in a place where they have to let him go easy, that it was all good and no bad. It forces them into this place where John is a hero and uncomplicated as someone who suffered nobly and shaped Sam and Dean into heroes as well. Mary’s been getting some of the same special treatment that her sons aren’t bringing their trauma to her, and it’s keeping her at that same arms length as Henry because the thorny issue that from the get go John’s parenting was never as simple as this and Sam and Dean were hurt and traumatised by it as much as Mary’s death… Yeah. 

So I hope the dark Winchester family mirrors are a good sign that they’re actually going to dare discuss this, or Mary can come to understand better how John changed and what Sam and Dean went through as a result…