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thetriumphantpanda · 9 months

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Ghost of You | J. Miller (Chapter Eight)

Series Summary / Grief is a strange thing. In the beginning it had been all-consuming. There wasn’t a moment of the day where you didn’t cry, didn’t ask yourself why it couldn’t have been you instead. And no-one ever explains the guilt you feel when it isn’t anymore. When it’s just a dull ache and you can finally breathe again, when you can start letting people get close to you again. People like Joel Miller.

Pairing / Joel Miller x Widow F!Reader

Word Count / 4.4k

Warnings / Soft!Joel as usual, some heavy petting, descriptions of panic attacks, descriptions of injuries (I am not a medical professional, please don't come for me), descriptions of food and alcohol, but nothing else.

Authors Note / Okay, so this came to me in a dream when I was really stuck on how to properly move these two forward and I hope that I've managed to portray it properly. If you enjoyed this then please consider reblogging, leaving a comment or popping into my ask with some love! And if you'd like to leave a tip, you can do that over on my Ko-Fi.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Summer soon makes way for the fall, the air becoming chillier in Jackson by the day. The leaves have started to change, and you can already feel yourself missing the warmth and comfort that summer brought. The days are shorter, but that might also have something to do with the fact that you were finally back to work at the library full time, spending your days with Kate, and your evenings, more often than not, with Joel and Ellie.

You and Joel were still taking things steady. You always returned to your home each evening and nothing had progressed between the two of you apart from the heavy make-out sessions you would sometimes have on his couch. He was careful with you, always searching your face when his hands would touch somewhere new, always asking if it was alright to put his lips to your neck, pointing to exactly where he’d put his mouth with his fingers. It was nice, you enjoyed it, and there had never been a moment where you felt he was frustrated with how slow things were going between the two of you. Always content to just sit with his arm around you, play board games with you and Ellie and just have quiet conversation in the dark of his living room.

It was, however, frustrating you. There had been occasions where you’d stood on the porch, waiting for him to open the door, where you thought that evening would be the one. It had happened more often recently, now that Ellie had converted the garage at the end of their garden as somewhere to have her own space, but every time you felt like you wanted to ask, ask him to lay you down underneath him and take what you were desperate for, something always stopped you.

Tonight, it was particularly cold out. Joel had set a fire which had warmed his living room, casting an orange, flickering glow over the game of monopoly that Ellie had just won. You’d been at it for hours, a back and forth of Joel trying to convince you to sell your properties to him in exchange for his utilities, you refusing and instead ganging up with Ellie to buy up most of the board, before she turned on you as well.

“Told ya,” Joel smirks, nudging you with his elbow, “Should’a sold your blues to me, then we’d be the winners.”

“Joel,” You chuckle, as you take the paper money from Ellie to put back in the box, “You offered me two utilities for my two blues, it was never going to happen.”

“Hey, I offered to throw in a kiss as well,” He winks at you, to which you swat his arm, “Usually wins you over.”

“You two a fucking gross sometimes,” Ellie laughs, “I’m going to bed, don’t stay up too long, oldies.”

She’s out of the backdoor in a flash, leaving you to finish clearing up the game and stack it away with the others, Joel is standing from the couch at the same time, “Nightcap?” He asks.

“Always,” You smile over your shoulder, “That’s what us old people do, right? Drink whiskey to help us sleep.”

He chuckles as he pulls the bottle from the cupboard. This had become an almost nightly routine now, you’d have a drink or two, cuddle up until you could feel your eyes get heavy and then go home to your empty house, your empty bed. But it didn’t ever feel that lonely anymore. Sure, sometimes you’d turn over and look at the empty side of the bed and wish someone was there, but more often than not it was Joel’s form you’d imagine there at night, not Mark, although he did still make his appearances.

The more you’d talked to Joel about him, the more comfortable you’d become with the idea that Mark would actually have really fucking liked Joel. Mark and Tommy had been close friends, and although Joel was certainly different to Tommy in many ways, you knew that if Joel had just been a friend, if Mark had continued to stay alive and healthy, they’d have been a firm trio of friends.

“You ever think you’d spend the rest of your days living out the apocalypse playing monopoly?” You ask as Joel hands you your glass, “Because if you’d have told me twenty years ago that’s what I’d be doing, I’d have laughed.”

He lets out a groan as he sits back down, opening his arm for you to curl up into his side like you usually do, “It does seem a bit domestic, doesn’t it?” He chuckles, taking a sip from his glass, “Nice though, especially when I got a pretty lady to cuddle up to as well.”

“You flirt,” You chuckle, sipping your own drink, “Mark would have hated evenings like this though.”

“Hmmm?” Joel hums, “Why’s that?”

“Just not his style,” You shrug, “Liked his evenings quiet, we’d eat dinner and read, and he’d be in bed as soon as it was dark.”

“You liked that?” Joel asks, hand running light touches up and down your arm.

“I didn’t mind it,” You answer honestly, “After years of bouncing from place to place, never knowing when you were going to have to move on or when you might die, it was nice to just be still and quiet I guess.”

“But you prefer getting your ass beat by a fifteen-year-old at monopoly?” He chuckles.

“I wouldn’t say prefer,” You laugh along, “It’s just a nice change.”

The whiskey, and the dying flames of the fire, are warming your bones. You finish the last of the whiskey and put the glass on the coffee table, settling back into Joel’s side, “You want a top up?” He asks, setting his own half-finished glass down.

You look up at him, “Not right now, but I’d like a kiss if you don’t mind?”

“Oh sweet pea, I never mind.” He grins, leaning down to capture your lips with his own.

There’s something in the air tonight that makes you bold as brass. You push yourself up a little so Joel isn’t craning his neck down to you so much, one of your hands coming to rest on his shoulder to steady yourself as you move to loom over him. You pull your lips from him just enough to settle yourself into a more comfortable position before they’re back together, this time, your tongue running along his bottom lip, coaxing his mouth open for you.

You don’t think you’re ever going to get tired of the way this man kisses you. Every time it’s like he won’t ever get the chance again. His big hands are cupping your face, pulling you further down, pressing your mouths closer together. The taste of the whiskey on his tongue is always intoxicating, but tonight even more so. Before you can really register what you’re doing, you throw one leg over his hip so you’re straddling his lap. There’s still a fair amount of space between the two of you, you’re hovering as far above his lap as you can manage, but Joel’s hands are moving from your face, resting on the waistband of your jeans where they are on your hips.

He lets out a quiet moan into your mouth which sends electric shocks down your spine to settle in your tummy and God, you want more. You let your own hands grip his broad shoulders and before you know it, those big hands of his are resting on the globes of your ass, gently palming them through the denim of your jeans. His touch is electric – his hands guiding you to settle further into his lap when you feel it. You sink down just far enough to feel the unmistakable bulge at the front of Joel’s jeans against your own aching core and jolts you. Makes you panic. How could you have possibly gotten this far without even thinking? It makes you want to be sick.

You pull away from his mouth and rest your forehead on his, “I’m sorry,” You mumble, “I’m fucking sorry Joel.”

“Hey,” He speaks, hands moving from your ass back to your face, “Look at me, sweet pea.”

You do, opening your eyes to meet his own, as always, not a hint of anger or frustration on his face, just one of concern, one that he’s pushed you too far and made you uncomfortable, “Why is this so fucking hard for me?” You speak, mostly for yourself.

“Because it’s a big deal,” He says simply, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose, “You don’t have to be sorry about anythin’, it’s me actin’ like a damn teenager when I’ve got a pretty girl on my lap.”

You extricate yourself from his lap, trying not to watch as he adjusts himself so his erection isn’t so prevalent in his jeans. Once he’s gotten himself more comfortable, he finishes off his whiskey before he lets out a yawn. It must be late, the game had gone on for hours and you know he’s got morning patrol tomorrow.

“I’ll get outta your hair,” You mumble quietly, not quite sure why you’re the one feeling hurt now, “Know you’ve got an early morning.”

“Hey,” He grips your arm as you try and stand, “Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Thinkin’ I want ya to leave because we’re not having sex.”

“I don’t think that at all.” You say, defensively.

“Yes you do,” God why can he just always read you like this, “I’m not mad at you sweet pea, I will say it until I’m blue in the face, you take all the time you need,” He leans in as close to your ear as he possible can, “And when you’re ready, I’m gonna be so fuckin’ good to you, you won’t know your own name.”

You gasp, giggling at his words. The longer you’d been staying with him like this, the filthier promises had been dropping from his lips. Never to pressure you, only to promise you exactly what you had in store when you felt able to give yourself to him.

“Well,” You smile, giving his upper thigh a squeeze, “I’ll be sure to think of what that might entail when I get into bed later.”

A smirk appears on his lips, “Only if you tell me all about it tomorrow.”

It’s a few days later when you’re shutting up the library with Kate. She locks the door and hikes her bag higher on her shoulder, “You want to grab a drink at the bar?” She asks, “We haven’t been together in so long.”

You know that Joel is on patrol right now and won’t be back until later, and a drink at the bar usually means a good hearty meal as well, which you would really enjoy against the backdrop of the cold evening air, so you gladly agree. You’d been a few times in the past weeks, mainly with Tommy and Maria accompanying you and Joel, and thankfully, no-one, including Vanessa, had made any comments like the first night, so you were more comfortable there now.

You sit together with Kate, sipping a glass of whiskey and enjoying bowls of venison stew, watching as Ellie sits with a group of kids doing the same, but with glasses of juice instead. Joel had confided in you months ago that he was worried about her fitting in, that she’d struggled to make friends with people her own age, but since she’d started at the school, things had been better. She was attached to Dina and Cat by the hip most of the time, and it was nice to know she was able to enjoy being a kid for once.

“So, how are things going with your man?” Kate teases, dropping her spoon into her empty bowl.

“They’re okay,” You answer honestly, “Slow going, but that’s what I need.”

“I have to say, in the past few weeks you’re almost your old self.”

“Yeah, I feel a lot better to be honest,” You admit, “Like, I still struggle sometimes, but Belinda moved me to one appointment a month and said she thinks I’m finally on the road to a proper recovery.”

“Good,” She smiles, clinking her glass to yours, “And it’s not all him either,” She adds, “Sure he’s rugged and handsome, but don’t let anyone think we’re giving him all the credit for making you happy, you’ve done this all by yourself, you hear me?”

“I hear you,” You smile, taking a sip of your whiskey.

“Now hurry up,” She says, slamming her drink back, “I’ve got a date with Pride and Prejudice.”

You roll your eyes but knock back your own drink all the same, “You’ve read it at least six times since I’ve known you,” You stand, gathering your things, “And you’d still rather read it than spend time with me?”

“Sorry babes,” She chuckles, “But Mr Darcy wins every time.”

As you’re leaving The Tipsy Bison, you’re suddenly all too aware that there’s hell of a commotion going on in the street. The main gates are flung open, and people are shouting and screaming to each other as horses gallop in through the gates. Then, you can see Tommy. He’s dragging someone back through the gates. Then, you realise who it is and all the colour drains from your face. He’s dragging Joel and he’s covered in fucking blood. You bend over and try to not throw up. You can feel Kate at your side, trying to pull you up to standing again, you let her, but you can feel your knees start to buckle as you try and get down the steps and onto the street.

Maria is running towards you; you can see panic written on her face. Kate lets you go for a moment and as you’re running towards Tommy, you tumble down onto the ground, palms hitting the dirt and gravel. In any other circumstance you’d probably register the pain of landing on your knees at your age, but Maria is on the floor in front of you, bringing your face to the crook of her shoulder to shield you from whatever is going on.

“Joel… oh my god.” Is all you can mumble, just his name over and over again into Maria’s shoulder.

Then, you wonder what the fuck you’re doing on the floor. You look up and Tommy is coming towards you, him and another man dragging Joel, who looks to be just holding on to consciousness. You try and push yourself up, but Maria is trying to keep you grounded.

“Let go of me!” You scream, trying to tear Maria’s arms off you, “I have to go with him!”

“Darling, calm down.” She tries to soothe.

“No!” Another roar from your lungs, “Let me see him!”

You’re crying now, tears streaming down your face. You have to be near him. You have to know he’s okay. You can’t do this again, you can’t lose someone else, not like this. You’re trying to suck in breath through your mouth, but you just end up choking on the air as you continue to fight to get away, to follow behind Tommy who has rushed past you. You can see drops of blood on the ground, drop of Joel’s blood, and this is what finally causes you to throw up. His blood, on the floor, that means it’s bad.

You can feel someone else behind you trying to pull you up as Maria helps from the front, trying to get you away from the mess you’ve made from emptying your stomach on the floor. You fall into Maria’s arms again when she wraps them around you, running a hand over your hair to try and calm you down, whispering that it’s going to be okay and that you can see him soon.

Then, in your mind, your brain goes straight to Ellie. You’re whipping around, about to run back into the bar to get her, but when you do, you realise she’s the person who helped get you up off floor.

“Oh my God,” You breathe, pulling her into a hug of her own, “Ellie.”

She wraps her arms around your middle, squeezing you just as hard as you’re squeezing her before you pull away and cup her face in your hands. Her face is just as distraught as you must imagine yours is, although she’s not crying, just has a glazed look in her eye that breaks your heart even more. You don’t need to ask each other whether you’re okay. You both know the answer. You just pull back into each other and hug even tighter, until Maria is touching your lower back.

“Let’s go to the hospital,” She says, leading you both down the street, following the very obvious trail of blood, “Tommy can tell us what the fuck is going on, if nothing else.”

As you’re walking, you’re remembering the last time you made this trip to the hospital. Maria was guiding you then, you were crying then, knowing it was going to be the last time you got to see Mark. The last time you’d get to hold his hand. Watch the slow rise-and-fall of his chest. He was unconscious. He didn’t know you were there. He had no idea you kept hold of his hand right to the very end.

Your feet are carrying you at this point. You don’t feel like you’re inside your body at all, don’t feel at all human. The only thing anchoring you to the real world is Ellie’s hand clutched in your own and Maria’s guiding arm around your waist.

When you step through the doors of the hospital it’s a flurry. It looks as though Joel wasn’t the only one to get injured, although most of the other men in the waiting room look mainly walking wounded and not pouring blood out onto the ground. A nurse is tending to them as best she can, and then Tommy is bursting through the doors at the end of the hall, own clothes covered in blood, but looking like he might have gotten off scott-free, injury wise.

“What the fucking hell happened out there?!” Maria is demanding as she lets go of your briefly to hug her husband.

“It was a fuckin’ ambush,” Tommy spits, noticing Ellie and you stood behind her, shedding his jacket and throwing it to the side so you don’t have to look at the blood, “A whole fuckin’ group of ‘em, waiting us out at the lodge,” He lets Maria go, “Fuckin’ bastard’s took us by surprise, started firin’ all over the place, it was fuckin’ carnage,” He’s checking on Ellie next, “Thought we got ‘em all, and then outta fuckin’ nowhere this one guy manages to take a perfect shot at Joel, right through the shoulder.”

“Can we…” You trail off as he takes you in an embrace, “Can we see him?”

He pulls away, looking at you with eyes that says he’s sorry, and you’re not sure if he’s saying sorry because you can’t or because Joel might be dead. It makes your bottom lip wobble and more tears to spring in your eyes.

“They’re tryin’ to dig a bullet outta his shoulder, sweetheart,” He says, “As soon as he’s comfortable we’ll let you in, alright?”

You nod and let him, and Maria lead you and Ellie to a room that’s empty down the hall. Maria stays sat with you whilst Tommy goes to find something warm to drink, bringing back a flask of coffee that you don’t even bother to ask where he found it. He set a mug in your hands, giving Ellie some water instead, and that’s how you sit for what feels like hours. The room is mostly silent, save for the few times your emotions threaten to get the better of you and you have to take big, deep breaths to keep yourself in control. Your hand stays firmly clutched to Ellie’s; you both take turns rubbing your thumbs over each other’s hands to keep each other calm.

You don’t know how much time has passed, but a doctor is opening the door. He’s got a mask over his mouth, but no gloves on, scrubs with splatters of blood on them. Everyone in the room sits up in their chairs, waiting for the axe to drop, “He’s fine,” There’s a collective sigh of relief, “He’s lucky the bullet got lodged, we managed to pull it out and stitch him up fine, he’s just a little tired from the blood loss,” You finally let out your own breath that you’d been holding in, “He can have visitors, but one at a time.”

You turn to Ellie, “You go first,” You say, pulling her hand for her to stand up, “He’ll want to see you.”

She stands but doesn’t leave to follow the doctor until she’s bent down to give you a bone crushing hug. Tommy follows her out soon after, mumbling something about needing to check on the other guys, which leaves you and Maria alone.

“I’m sorry.” You mumble, suddenly all too embarrassed at your outburst in the street.

“What on earth do you have to be sorry for?”

“All that,” You gesture wildly with your hand, “Out there.”

She gets up from her chair and kneels in front of you, comforting hands on your knees, “Don’t be so silly,” She soothes, “Even I was fucking scared by it all, I know how much he means to you, so you don’t need to be sorry, ever, you understand?”

“I just feel so stupid,” You can feel your tears starting again, “It was just a single bullet wound, why did I act like it was the end of the world?”

“Because none of us knew that?” She offers, “He was almost unconscious girl, there was blood everywhere.”

“I thought….” You trail off, not wanting to admit what’s on the tip of your tongue.

“You thought you were going to lose him too?”

All you do is nod, letting a tear trickle down your face. Maria’s cold hands come up to cup your cheeks, thumbs brushing away the tears, “That man is a stubborn son-of-a-bitch,” She soothes, “Gonna take a lot more than a single bullet to tear him away from you.”

Maria is just lifting herself from t he floor when Ellie comes back into the room, Tommy behind her with his hands resting on her shoulders, “I’m gonna take Ellie home, but he wanted to see you.” He’s motioning to you.

“Will you be alright on your own?” You ask to Ellie, it’s a stupid question, because she’s probably one of the most self-sufficient fifteen year old’s you’ve ever met, but you want her to know that she has you if she needs you.

“I think I’ll probably just crash,” She shrugs, clearly still reeling herself from what happened, “I know where to find you tomorrow if I need you.”

You give her one last hug before Tommy is leading her away down the hall, pointing through the doors at where you needed to go.

When you push open the door to his room, Joel is sat, propped up in bed with his shoulder wrapped up in what has to have been almost all the communes supply of bandages. His face is pale, and you can tell he’s in pain, so you let the door close behind you and stand right there, waiting for him to invite you closer. His shirt is ripped, where the doctor obviously didn’t want to waste time trying to get him out of it in a dignified manner, and there’s blood covering the material and his jeans have a fair splattering of it as well.

“It looks worse than it is, I promise,” He speaks softly, motioning for you to come and sit on the chair next to his bed, “I’m sorry I scared you.”

You shake your head as you take a seat, shuffling the chair closer to the bed, “Don’t be silly,” You respond, “You were bleeding quite profusely, you didn’t need to worry about me.”

He offers you his hand, led on the bed, palm upturned, which you take, wrapping your own hand around his, giving it a squeeze, just to make sure he is really still here, “Are you okay?” He asks, squeezing you hand back.

“Joel, please,” You sigh, “Don’t ask about me when you just got shot.”

“Well, I know I’m okay, and now you know I’m okay, so I’m asking you, sweet pea, are you okay?”

“I was so scared Joel,” You whimper, lip trembling, “I thought- oh god – that I might lose you as well.”

He releases your hand, only to brush the tears from your face before he’s gripping it again, “You listen to me,” He speaks, you look at him, “I have been shot at more times than I remember, it’s going to take hell of a lot more than a bullet to take me away from you, do you understand me?”

You nod, using. Your own free hand to wipe away more tears that have fallen from your eyes, “Can I hug you?”

“Promise to watch out for my shoulder?” He teases, you nod with a small smile, “Then I’d love a hug.”

You stand from the chair, leaning over to wrap your arms around his neck. Joel sits forward just a touch to let your arms snake around him, before his good arm is clutching around you and pulling you down. You let your head drop to the crook of his neck, where you turn and press a kiss to his skin, breathe in his scent, take him all in.

It’s in this moment that you realise you might just have the capacity to love this man. This man who has done nothing but be kind to you. This man who has been so patient and soft and understanding at every marker of whatever this relationship was. This man who kissed you like his life depended on it, clearly capable of such extreme violence that would have kept him alive, but never once showing you that side of him. You can’t say it, not yet it’s too fast, but the panic you had felt at the prospect of losing him meant you knew exactly who he was to you. You could love Joel Miller, you wanted so desperately to love Joel Miller. You just prayed the world would give you enough time together to do it.

Joel Miller Taglist: @winwin70@jessie8605@trulybetty@amanitacowboy@morning-star-joy@tieronecrush@leeeesahhh@babeincolor@beee-haw@kirsteng42@mirandablue1@sixxslut@impala1967dwinchester@flash2412@gimmebackmysoul@kelp-dreaming@gracie7209@voteforpedro09@brittmb115@karokaroxx@amb11@heartfairy @grumpy-the-tired @Lillilotus @doctorstatic@morallyinept@southernbe@elissaa@pop-sugar102@u-luciferssatanicdaughter@alyhull@purplerain44@harryleatherfit@lovely-ateez@emilianamason @bootyliciousposts @lorilane33@casa-boiardi@cupofjoel @dinsdjrn @tightjeansjavi @cavillscurls @darkroastjoel @morning-star-joy

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murswrites · 1 year

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Patrols 1 ⎯ Joel Miller One-Shot

Pairings: Joel Miller x Nonbinary!Reader Fandom: The Last of Us MASTERLIST Word Count: 1.4k Warnings: Cursing, gore, panic attack, description of a bloater (yuck), y/n & joel being a weirdly good team ;) SUMMARY: Patrols have been kicking your ass but luckily you're paired with Joel Miller instead of Jesse. Unlucky for you: You're on patrol period.

A/N This has been in the works for like a year now LMFAO but I finished it instead of doing my work <3 Pedro Pascal IS the only Joel Miller I know <3 This is going to be a multi-part series so I'm not rushing relationship development

Patrols were kicking your ass. A recent resurgence of infected made for more work for everyone. It was exhausting but primarily annoying. You weren’t bad at patrols, you just didn’t like going on them. You were paired with Joel some of the time and Jesse others. It wasn’t too bad with Joel, he did the job and did it well.

Jesse on the other hand liked to make small talk and you weren’t known for your friendliness. Thankfully you were paired with Joel today, you would have collapsed from exhaustion had Maria put you with Jesse for the third day in a row.

“Mornin’,” Joel nodded toward you.

“Hey,” You yawned loudly from atop your horse, “Ready?”

He chuckled, “Seems you’re less ready than I am.” You shot him a dirty look, “Woah, I didn’t mean it like that, now.” Joel held his hands up.

Your horse, Ochre, was mild-mannered and usually sassy but it seemed she sensed you were exhausted. “Where are we patrolling today?”

“West side of the pines, someone said they heard somethin’ funny yesterday.”

“I bet you what we find isn’t going to make either of us laugh.”

Joel shook his head–a smile ghosting on his face. You were never too interested in getting closely related with anyone in Jackson. Sure, the town felt like home and you would protect the others with your life–but you didn’t have any family. Not like Joel did. He had his brother and a daughter.

You didn’t even have many close friends. Dina was the only person you could really tolerate, and by extension, you tolerated Ellie–Joel’s daughter. The two girls were the funniest people you’d ever met, they were the only people who could get you to crack a smile anymore. It was weird because ever since the outbreak, you’d been completely empty.

Only 17 when things went to complete shit–you were supposed to start college before the outbreak. That never happened. Nobody in your family made it out alive. You’d been in New York when it happened on your senior trip, everyone was at home, and before you could even think to go home… you were quarantined in NYC. You were probably lucky to be alive considering how quickly things spread in big cities.

Some days you wished you’d been unlucky. With how tired you were, today was looking like one of those days.

“Don’t fall asleep atop that horse now,” You yawned once more, struggling to find the energy to glare at Joel, “Hey, don’t give me that look. You should go on back.”

“We’re almost there, I’m fine.” You gathered the reins tighter and brought Ochre into a steady gallop. Joel sighed loudly but followed you.

The pine trees in this area were massive, they loomed over you two ominously. You hated this area of the woods the most. You two stopped and tied your horses to a tree, beginning to walk deeper into the woods.

“I honestly really hate these woods.” Your shotgun was heavy in your hands as you looked around quickly. “The trees look like infected sometimes.” You mumbled, keeping your focus on watching around you two.

Joel slides his rifle onto his back and carries his pistol in hand, “Ellie used to get frightened in this area, she said stalkers like to hide under the branches.”

You scoff at his attempt to make conversation, “That doesn’t help me at all, Miller. Let’s get this over with.”

—

Half an hour of wandering aimlessly, listening for the sound of infected. The only sound came from the pine needles under your feet. You were beginning to lose your patience, wanting to scream and hope for the best.

“I swear to god if they were making this up about there being infected out her–” Joel shushes you loudly and that sets you on high alert–raising your shotgun to look down the sight.

He jerks his head to the side and you slowly turn, two clickers were facing your direction. The infected chattered to one another and you leaned down to grab a hefty pine cone. You arched the cone over the pair of clickers. The clatter of the cone smacking a tree made one of them screech and rush for it.

Joel snuck behind the one that stayed behind and you followed his lead, slinging your shotgun over your shoulder and squeezing your shiv tightly. While he took out that clicker you moved as quietly as possible.

Your attention was pulled away when you spotted a runner a few yards away. Luckily it wasn’t paying you any mind and so you stood up behind the clicker and stabbed it through the fungal growth–effectively killing it. You didn’t know how but Joel got behind the runner and choked it out.

There being a runner meant that somebody was out here recently. Runners were quite rare all the way out here.

“Check that body, Miller, it’s a new one.”

Joel kneeled down, “Already on it,” You did the same with the clicker just to be sure that there wasn’t anything useful on it.

It wasn’t unusual to be rifling through the pockets of a dead body… you were desensitized to nearly every gory part of the new world. You just couldn’t get over the smell of blood. Copper and metallic would upset your stomach so bad that sometimes you’d have to wear a mask just wandering around.

“They were a Firefly.” Joel tossed their pendant to you.

Another commonality… while runners were rare, whenever they were found… it seemed more and more of them were Fireflies who had bad luck.

“Aren’t they all Fireflies these days?”

“Yup. Come on let’s make sure we got ‘em all.”

—

There were three more infected wandering in the pines. But the cabin ahead seemed to have been recently vacated.

“I really don’t want to go in there.” You admitted, cringing at the thought of what could be inside.

Joel shrugged, “Then stay here.” He was the only person who didn’t force you to follow him inside buildings. Typically you would but the cabin was small, what could go wrong?

You sat on the ground and leaned against a tree, now that there wasn’t anything to keep your focus on–you were getting sleepy. Just as your eyes began dropping a loud bang startled you into an upright position. “Joel!?”

The door to the cabin slammed outward and Joel stumbled out, “Might wanna run,” His eyes were wide with surprise. “Move!” Joel pushes you in front of him and you bolt.

You sneak a glance behind you and see it. A huge bloater with three legs and four arms, “What the fuck is that!?” The infected disgusted you and it made your stomach churn. “That’s so fucking nasty!”

“We just gotta get some distance between us and it.” The bloater was slow-moving and seemed very unstable. “We’re gonna kill the son of a bitch.” That didn’t sound like a question to you.

“I know. Just haven’t killed too many bloaters.” You began lighting a molotov cocktail, “Guess we should get to work?” Joel gave you a single nod and you both launched a molotov cocktail toward the bloater.

It roared in pain as the fire spread across its skin. Joel brandished his rifle and began taking calculated shots. You stepped a few feet closer in order to make best use of your shotgun ammo. The bloater took any chances it could to throw poisonous sacs of spores at you too. It made firing harder but after about ten minutes it finally went down.

You dropped your gun on the ground and sighed loudly, “I think I’m gonna pass out.”

“Woah, woah, woah, what’s happening?” You shrugged, Joel watched you carefully as your head spun. “Y/N, you need to breathe.”

When he said that you noticed a lack of air in your lungs and tried to force your body to do its job. But it was no use. Exhaustion paired with disgust pushed your brain into panic mode. You just wanted to lay down and die, honestly. You could tell Joel was a bit freaked out because if your actions (or lack thereof).

“I’m–” You gasped through a breath, forcing air into your nose. “I’m okay. Just really tired.”

Joel nodded, “How about you wait here and I’ll bring the horses to you?”

That sounded really nice, “Oh god, that’d be great. Thank you.” He gave you one long look before jogging off in the opposite direction.

Tags: @musicallisto <3

#murswrites #joel miller #the last of us #joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller one shot #tlou imagine #tlou x reader #tlou one shot #the last of us imagine #the last of us x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #pedro pascal joel miller #tlou hbo

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faerune · 2 years

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love 1-10 for joelclaire? :3c

Who said "I love you" first, and what was the situation? Claire did! Joel made the first move in terms of admitting romantic feelings and initiating their relationship so I like the idea of Claire being the one to take it to the next step. I think it's a nice, simple domestic moment for the two of them. They're making dinner together or cuddling in bed right before they fall asleep and Claire just ever so softly says it - like she's afraid if she says it too loud something bad might happen.

What are their primary love languages? Claire prefers to receive her love in acts of service and physical touch! She's a little awkward/not good at being verbal about her affections so she depends on physical things like touch and acts of service to get her point across. She grew up with a mother who was a very typical housewife too and so she grew up seeing acts of service as a primary way of expressing love. Joel definitely likes quality time together. It doesn't have to be anything special, he just values being around those he loves. Prior to the outbreak, I think he wasn’t able to spend as much time with Sarah as he would have liked to due to working a lot to support the both of them and that kind of informs a lot of how he shows love later on in life. I think ironically considering his prickliness he really hates being alone as well (I mean...Tommy, Tess, Ellie, etc he always has someone with him he cares about). I also just think he's a physical person and gives good hugs 10/10.

Who uses the cheesy pick-up lines, or does corny gestures? Joel is king of corny pick-up lines are you kidding me!!! He just loves to make Claire smile and little things like that always get her.

How often do they cuddle or engage in PDA? They cuddle and touch pretty often when its just the two of them and maybe a little bit around loved ones/family (holding hands, chaste kisses, etc.) but they're pretty subdued about that kind of stuff in general. The feel very protective of their relationship - not that they’re not secure in it more so that a lot of it is just for them. They’re also not young and bold anymore and feel the need to Show Off.

Who initiates kisses? Where is their favorite spot to kiss each other? Joel initiates it more often but Claire loves kisses too ofc! Joel loves to kiss Claire on the top of her head and Claire loves to kiss Joel on his palms/the heel of his hands or his neck (not necessarily in a spicy way her head just kind tucks there automatically during hugs and she gives lil pecks).

What are their favorite things to do together? Anything really! They're attached at the hip even if they don't wanna admit it. Watch movies, sit on the porch together and read/have a drink when the warm weather comes, go out on patrol or hunting or just for a ride. A lot of the time they take their watches together too. Joel and Claire are both good at cooking as well and love to cook with each other/for their loved ones.

Who is better at comforting the other? How do they usually comfort each other? I think they're both great at comforting each other because they both struggle with similar demons. A lot of the time they just sit together. Cuddle. Make each other food or tea. They don't pry or ask questions but make sure they take care of themselves.

I think in their lives they've just gotten to a point where they just...weather through things. They've been through so much there's no real hope of...sorting through it all? That sounds really sad but it's more so that they just weather the storm, take comfort in each other and the good things in their lives. It isn’t really feasible or realistic that they like...go to therapy and talk things out every week :’)

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection? Physical affection! Although, Joel can be a sweet talker sometimes ;) Claire gets very blushy when he does which Joel adores.

What reminds them of each other? What reminds Claire of Joel: horses, winter snows, coffee, flannel, the warmth of being wrapped in a quilt by the fire, Johnny Cash, Ellie :).

What reminds Joel of Claire: also horses lmao, doggies (especially Ace), pies (any kind of baked good), leather boots, the smell of leaves in the fall, certain country music stars she loves, bow and arrows.

What do they like best about each other? I think above else they love that the other can understand what they’ve gone through. Everyone in the world has some kind of trauma of course, you can’t live post-apocalypse and not but Joel and Claire very much are two sides of the same coin in some aspects. They understand each other. They bring a kind of peace and acceptance to the other that they haven’t really found. They belong when they’re with each other and there is no judgement.

Claire loves how much Joel values the people he loves. She likes how protected and safe she feels with him. Claire has always sought that out in partners - the feeling of safety and security. She likes that Joel brings her more into the community and thinks about how much Dale (her long time friend and mentor who sadly passed a few years prior) would like him for that. Claire loves the way Joel loves, how protective he is, how he would set aside everything to make sure the people he loves are okay.

Joel loves how strong Claire is. She’s been through so much, even more than he has in some cases, and she’s still here living. She’s independent and strong and he loves to be that safe space for her. He loves to see the soft spots beneath her armor; her love of country music, love of cooking and baking, the way she talks to Ace like he’s a person :’), the way she blushes when she drinks or when he says something so sweet its cavity-inducing and the way she tries to learn how to knit and sew when she has a broken arm because she can’t stand staying still, loves to see her open herself up to love and community.

Joel and Claire are very much on the same trajectory in terms of development. They’re both trying to make sense of this new life in Jackson and heal from things they can never talk about. While they do, they lean on each other.

#ship: like real people do #asks #AHHH thank you sm i love them bushels

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ravenkinnie · 1 year

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Tlou part 2 is definitely a tragedy but I adore the exploration of forgiveness and that it can be given even if the other person isn’t there to hear it anymore. But I also cry every single time thinking about how Joel might not have gotten the full forgiveness but I think Ellie telling him she wants to try was enough to put his heart at ease. Wanting someone’s forgiveness OR not knowing if you want or can forgive someone are such personal and painful themes and I think the last of us is the perfect world to explore it. Not gonna go into my personal life but it did in fact help me make a decision I’m now grateful I did. So as much as I can understand people not liking part 2 I’m thankful this story exists. It’s easier to live through fiction sometimes

I feel like the theme of forgiveness is quite minor like in the end no one actually needs forgiveness tbh. like yeah, it's there because it's the rift that happened between ellie and joel but the fact that she didn't fully forgive him isn't necessarily a major factor to why ellie was so ruined about his death and even with abby, she doesn't need to forgive her, she just needs to let her go

ellie and joels last conversation was saur... I think the fact that she says she wants to forgive him is the reconciliation he hoped for anyway, like their relationship was never going to be what it was when she was younger, before she knew the truth but he knew she still wanted him in her life and after 2 years of estrangement that's already a lot. it is tragic that they never got that reconciliation after losing time but its like... the same way joels death was a consequence of his choice in tlou1, so was ellie taking time away from him and I know and love the fact that he probably would still make the same choices knowing that's the price

#asks #tlou #im mixed on tlou2 i think the ideas were great the execution wasnt

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chimerameat · 2 years

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[ SEEN ] for receiver to find sender after they’ve killed someone.

Like speaking to a startled horse, Joel’s mouth purses into a frown / creeping down next to Ellie, he puts a slow &&. meticulous hand to her shoulder - blade / even through the fabric of her shirt &&. jacket, he can feel the parts of her skin that are soaked with cold sweat / poking through her defenses and revealing that she, too, like any other fourteen year old girl in the apocalypse / is capable of fear.

❛ Ellie, ❜ Joel says, mouth picking out the air laden with cotton in the air. ( tensions high, after the moment of death. ) He remembers the first person he killed in the apocalypse / his neighbor, in front of Sarah, the day of the Outbreak. He remembers being more terrified for his daughter, young &&. feeble ; ( more fear than he feels for ellie in this moment. she's been through hell. ) he remembers the way his hands shook, trembling beyond recognition.

( he knew, right then, if it came down to it / he could not aim another shot in the head. he’d fail, miss / he’d kill them both in a home he never paid off. )

❛ You did the right thing, okay ? They came at us. That’s how it is, sometimes. Don’t make you bad. ❜ Makes her a killer. Makes him a serial murderer. Makes them both people who are surviving at any / cost, no matter what it / does to their psyche. When he looks at Ellie, he pictures her as his own daughter / a girl born post - Outbreak Day, he didn’t know they had hospitals anymore / or running water, plumbing is hard to come by.

What kinda life did she have before he had her ? Them, together, what the oddball pair / his girl and a man who’s not her father.

( wouldn’t have it any other way. )

❛ What we’ll do is we’ll find a river next .. ❜ a pause, &&. a solid rub to her back / reminding her she’s alive, he’s alive / she won’t be left behind, not again. ❛ I’ll give you my water bottle, and you’ll wash off the blood. It’s still fresh, so it’ll just rinse off. I’ll give you my jacket, and everything’ll be just fine, girl. Here, get up with me. ❜

This is the part where he says she isn’t beyond hope. And that, despite killing someone, or hurting them, hurting people’s feelings and all that shit, doesn’t make her bad. Doesn’t give people the excuse or right to leave her behind, abandon her. This isn't the part of the story where someone can chuck her aside to the next available smuggler. This is the part where Joel has to make it all okay. ( he never was good at those times. )

❛ That’s my roughen toughen girl. I’m proud’a you. ❜ / It wasn’t alright. / ❛ For keeping yourself safe, most o’ all. That’s the sorta story to take away from things like this. Hurtin’ people, happens. Apocalypse ? Happens. But you, girl, you gotta survive. ❜ / people like them are gonna go to hell. / ❛ For me, if not for you. ❜

from this meme.

#✦ 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 — 𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐃 * this is the part where i lie for the last time #✦ 𝐆𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓 — 𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄 * i would have you at the end of everything a thousand times over #have a bittersweet interaction *bites you as you come by*#remediumad #✦ q. ╱ i have a couple of dogs‚ they come when i whistle.#✦ ic. ╱ can’t take the heat‚ cool down in the dust.#✦ answered. ╱ back & forth in my mind because i can’t forget.#✦ joel. ╱ i could’ve burned down utah with the heat of my love.

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amarabliss · 4 years

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Keep’em - 4 (Joel Miller/Reader)

My love was reignited so I will indulge you with more of this for a sec...

Little blurbs of traveling with Joel Miller and Ellie from The Last of Us…

Part One Part Two Part Three

Joel walked in slowly looking at you laying on the infirmary bed. You were so pale, hooked up to oxygen and a heart monitor, while blood dripped from a bag into your arm. It was too close…too damn close….

He sat down taking your hand in his, “You can’t leave me…alright? I know I’m a cradle robber…you said it yourself, but I don’t care…I’ve made it this far to know you…and I wanna…”

He choked up putting a hand over his eyes, “I wanna tell you…to your face…eyes wide open how it all is going to be from this point on.”

He wiped his hand over his face before looking at you again, “You scared the shit out of me you know…I thought for sure…dammit…”

He brought your hand up to his mouth kissing your cold fingers over and over before pressing the back of your hand against his cheek. He shut his eyes just resting a moment in your presence, happy that you were at least still breathing.

His eyes snapped opened to the feeling of your fingers squeezing his hand. He squeezed back looking at your face, “Lemme know you hear me…”

You squeezed his hand again and he felt his heart leap for joy as he let out a relieved sound, “Yer okay…yer safe and jest need to rest…”

You didn’t’ open your eyes as you whispered, “…socks…”

He let out a laugh nodding a little, “I’ll see if you’re allowed to take them off. Jest rest now…”

*************************************

“Ellie…I’m talking to you.” You frowned a little as you heard Joel talking to the poor girl as you stepped into an abandoned RV. She was was having a hard time still. You didn’t blame her, being held by a psychotic cannibal did that to you.

“Hm…oh sorry…” You heard her say quietly. It made your heart hurt and reminded that this intensely strong little girl was still just that…a little girl… No fourteen year old should have to have the weight of the world on their shoulders like this.

“You’ve been awfully quiet…” He was so worried about her. He kept asking you for advice, to which you replied you had none. You’d never worked with kids…and you never had any…despite that it was nice to know he cared enough to include you.

“Yeah…sorry…just thinking…” Ellie told him quietly before letting out some air paste her lips, “We should keep going…we’re almost there.”

Joel let out a big sigh as you stepped out of the RV holding up a first aid kit you’d found, “I’m worried about her…”

“Me too.”You turned around as he took the kit to put in your bag, “Joel…I’ve got a bad feeling about all of this…”

“What do you mean?” His eyes widened as you looked over to Ellie. She was staring at a mural on the wall, no doubt wondering if she’d ever get to see the animals the zoo had offered once.

You turned around to face him, and your voice came out strained, “Let’s just go…take Ellie back to Jackson and be done…”

He let out another sigh before scratching the back of his head, “I…I feel the same…but it’s gotta be up to her. Ellie…she’s gotta make up her own mind about it.”

“She’s fourteen…” You readjusted your backpack, “she shouldn’t have to make these decisions.”

*************************************

“Ellie!” You heard Joel shouting as you surfaced from the water. You coughed dragging yourself up to the bank. When you lifted your head you saw Joel doing chest compressions on the girl, “Come on baby girl…breathe for me…breathe…”

You felt yourself getting cold not because of the water but because of the fear you were feeling of losing someone so precious to you. Images of her reading from that god-awful pun book popped into your head. You’d give anything to hear her tell you one now.

You noticed movement and stood to your feet, “Stay back!”

Your eyes darted back and forth between the dozen soldiers that were coming toward you. They kept their guns up as Joel glanced up, “She’s not breathing!”

“Stay back! We’re not a threat! We’re not infected!” You shouted at them stepping in front of Joel and Ellie, “Get back!”

“Get on the ground! Get on the ground!” They began shouting at you. You could still hear Joel behind you begging Ellie to wake up. Overwhelmed you glanced back and was quickly overtaken by two guards.

“Joel!” You shouted back as they hit him in the head, “Stop we’re here for the fireflies!”

One of them snapped their head back to you making the connection, “Stop! Save the girl! It’s Ellie!”

“Shit…” They let you go and started pulling out gear from their pack. You started to go forward and they raised their hand, “Stay back…we got it.”

*************************************

You sat next to the hospital bed staring at Joel still passed out in the bed. Clearly he needed the rest, and you had definitely had thought about knocking him out yourself sometimes. You stole another glance to Marlene. Still unmoving…

“I can I see Ellie?” You sat back looking at her fully, “She has to be up by know…”

“Believe me if she was I would’ve been at her side already.” Marlene spat back at you, “You don’t need to worry about her anymore. She’s under my care…”

You felt your face twitch and was about to speak when Joel started to move, “Joel…take it easy…”

“Mm…Ellie…” He looked at you worry racing through his eyes.

“She’s okay…we revived her…” You helped him sit up.

“She’s being prepped for surgery…” You looked back at her and instantly Marlene knew she fucked up, “We had to move quickly…”

“You said she was resting…” You practically growled at her.

“You don’t need to worry anymore…” Marlene repeated.

“I worry…when can I see her?” Joel questioned her. It was obvious when he squeezed your hand that he was not oblivious to Marlene’s true intent.

*************************************

“Put her in the car Joel…” You held the gun up toward Marlene as she took another step, “Don’t be stupid…”

“You can't save her. Even if you get out of here, then what? How long before she's torn to pieces by a pack of Clickers? That is, if she hasn't been raped and murdered first?” Marlene shook her head as Joel began to walk, she started to follow and you stepped in the way.

“That ain’t for you to decide…” Joel shook his head as he stepped carefully away.

Marlene raised her voice getting Joel to stop, “It's what she'd want. And you know it. You can still do the right thing here. She won't feel anything.”

“Joel…” You knew if you had to, you’d fight him too. There wasn’t a guarantee that the procedure would work.

“Joel listen to me…” The shot rang out and you watched Marlene fall to the ground. You looked at Joel seeing the smoking gun in his hand.

He took a step toward Marlene and you stepped in front of him, “Take care of Ellie…”

He stared into your eyes before nodding and running toward a car. You turned back to Marlene, “Let me go…please…”

You knelt down next to her staring her into her eyes, “I love that man…and that little girl…you tried to have him killed and definitely were going to kill her…do you really think I’d let you go?”

“Ellie…would…” You looked away for a moment as she begged, “Please…I won’t come after you…”

“Yeah…sometimes kids don’t know who to trust…” You looked back to her sadly shaking her head, “And yet…they almost always will trust adults…”

You shot her once making it painless before stand up and walking toward the running car. You got into the passenger side not speaking as Joel drove out of the parking garage away from this hell hole of a city…

Once they made it to the highway, getting enough distance to feel safe, you spoke quietly, “…what do we tell her?”

“…I…” He took in a deep breath shaking his head, “…there isn’t a cure.”

You looked at him seeing the pain on his face, “…there wasn’t a guarantee it would work. It’s not a lie.”

He looked at you frowning, “They had other options…other kids like her…”

You both hashed it out for a while until the story was your new truth. When Ellie finally woke up you felt your stomach drop as Joel told her, “We found the Fireflies. Turns out, there's a whole lot more like you, Ellie. People that are immune. It's dozens actually. Ain't done a damn bit of good neither. They've actually st- They've stopped looking for a cure. I'm taking us home.”

You turned in your seat to look at her seeing how heartbroken she was, “I’m sorry, Ellie…”

“…yeah…” She frowned laying down facing away from them.

You looked at Joel frowning. He took in a deep breath before he reached over taking your hand in his. At least the two of you didn’t have to bear it alone…

*************************************

You had stopped for potential supplies…it had turned into a fire fight…

You shot up gasping for air before cringing grabbing your neck as pain rippled through your body. Warm hand fell onto your shoulder easing you back down, “Take it easy, Y/N…you’ll rip your stiches.”

“Tommy?” You stared at him as you fell back, “What happened?”

He looked at you with a small smile, “You did what I asked…can’t thank you enough. Seems like it might’uh cost you a bit more then I anticipated.”

“In the world we live in…I’m sure could have been in worst situations…” You shut your eyes, “Joel and Ellie?”

“Ellie is helping out around town…Joel…” Tommy sighed, “Well he finally went to sleep yesterday and hasn’t moved since. Seems like he was stressed…”

“When isn’t he…” You smirked a little reaching up to your neck wincing.

“Leave it alone…” Tommy smacked your hand.

“It itches!” You growled at him opening your eyes. They moved to movement behind him, “Ellie?”

She slowly stepped inside looking at you, “Hi…”

Tommy smiled waving her over, “Will you sit her a minute while I get doc and make sure she don’t do nothin’ stupid?”

“Yes sir!” Ellie smiled at him as he walked out. She turned back to you, “So…how ya feelin’?”

“About how you think…” You smiled at her seeing her stand a bit away, “What’s up kiddo?”

Her eyes darted away as she picked at her thumbnail, “It’s nothing…it can wait tell you and Joel are feeling better.”

“Ellie…” You reached your hand out to her making her finally come closer, “What’s wrong?”

She sighed, “I asked Joel…and he said…He said everything that you both said about the Fireflies was real…and I just…I don’t know…”

“Ellie look at me.” You watched her lift her head looking to your eyes, “That place couldn’t do anything for you or the world…they tried and they failed…there was never any guarantees. Maybe one day…Hopefully one day…that will change.”

You watched her tear up nodding slowly, “Okay…”

You squeezed her hand giving her a smile, “Did you meet Dina and her crew yet?”

“Yeah, Jesse and Emily too…they seem cool…I guess…” You smiled as she started to talk about her day. Everything…was finally beginning to settle…and you wondered if it was a good thing.

You hoped it was a good thing…

#the last of us #tlou #the last of us imagine #joel miller #joel miller/reader #joel miller reader #joel and ellie #joel miller imagine #tommy miller #tlou imagine #keep'em

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years

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Favored Ones, Part 5. (Joel Miller x Fem!reader)

Description: When you spend every evening with someone who’s deeply under your skin, a certain relationship can be developed. So it’s crushing for Joel when Y/N suddenly disappears. But there’s way more to the relationship that one would’ve guessed.

A/N: Inspired by Ecstasy by Crooked Still (Bitches who saw TLoU Part II. E3 trailer know what’s uppp).

Warning: ANGST bcs knife dad Joel Miller is full of anger and he needs a fucking break. I swear.

Tagging: @jodiereedus22 @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme

Word count: 2.9 K

If you like this story, please, more parts can be found here! :): H E R E

One day prior events of the hunt, 2038:

And so your plan was born. The great plan, as Ellie called it. Ellie was about to tell Dina and she was extremely nervous.

You were pretty calm thanks to your impulsive behavior - you finally calmed down during those last two weeks and prepared for confronting the old man with the intel Ellie gave you.

Joel already knew that your hunting lessons are far gone by that moment. He was a bit sad about that - though he hated to say it, he missed those evenings. He was missing those moments when you two walked in the woods and talked, sometimes you shut up in one second and the other one you both were in a hunting mood, trying to show the other one who's wearing pants and who's capable of hunting down more animals.

He usually won. But when thought about it... He liked your competitions. Joel tried to tell himself that there's no place for having any melancholy at those times. But he saw you a few times here and there in the city while you were walking around with that fisherman's son.

So was he right in the end? You truly were into that boy. And as far as Joel could tell, he was in love with so much it almost hurt his eyes. That kiddo was obsessed with your every move.

But it made him think - you had enough time to be with that kiddo, but you didn't have enough time to improve your hunting skills, which made him furrow. Joel decided that he needs to investigate that situation. And what could have been better than talking to Ellie? So he joined her on her walk through the small town.

"Well, nice to see you after a long time, old man. Will you come to today's meeting about that city exploration we're planning next week?" - Ellie smiled at him and took some sweet potatoes you, she and Dina planned to grill on hot coal. The next thing she needed was some onion and chicken meat. You definitely were the best cook.

"I think I need to. I haven't been to one since October. I had too much work with those kiddos. You and your friends are scheduled?" - Joel tried to ask innocently. He was walking alongside Ellie throughout the whole market.

"Yeah. But Dina and Y/N probably won't make it to the meeting at all. Jesse will be there as always. Why? Do you need something specific?" - Ellie stopped and her smooth lips parted. She was thinking about Joel's motivation behind his questioning. It was almost six months ago since she and Joel had a proper conversation just like that.

"They won't?" - Joel rose his eyebrows and mist slowly came out of his lips. - "How so? Dina doesn't have time and Y/N is ill, or what?"

"No. They're going on the dance night. Dina is after a breakup and Y/N is going there with Philip." - Ellie turned back to the seller and pointed her finger on the best looking chicken breasts. - "But why would you care, big guy? These girls aren't your responsibility."

"Yeah. But I kinda noticed that Y/N is really good at letting her responsibilities be just as they are in the last two weeks." - Joel took the chicken meat and gave it to Ellie so the marketer would not interrupt their conversation.

"Is she? I haven’t noticed at all." - Ellie was playing on really thin ice, but she was smiling and she knew it really well, because she finally figured out what Joel is after. You and your time management. That would not be anything bad - if he cared about the others as well. She looked at him with her eyes partially closed, but didn't say anything.

"I did. She isn't coming on our training, didn't talk to me for the last two weeks, she doesn't go to the forest anymore and she isn't on most of the meetings." - Joel put his forearms crossed in front of his chest, furrowing at Ellie. - "Is it the kiddo from the lake? She's rather irresponsible these days. If she doesn't stop, it will have bad consequences."

"Philip?" - Ellie stopped again and looked Joel in the eyes. - "Also, why you're so concerned about her? She told me that she doesn't need your training anymore, she's capable of hunting on her own. Something happened between you two?" - Ellie furrowed her brows at Joel. So maybe he could be interested in some way - no, Ellie corrected herself. He was interested. He never thought about anyone's time schedule when they stopped training with Joel. Joel just didn't care enough to ask.

It maybe wasn't exactly the flame of endless affection, but he was thinking about you. That was a good sign.

"Does something need to happen for me to be curious?" - Joel looked far away from Ellie because he started to feel uncomfortable. Joel wasn't aware that Ellie knew about your crush on him; nor did he knew that you had told her. Yet he was feeling uncomfortable. - "I'm just worried about her future. That's all."

"Riiiight. About her future. Ok. But she's not in any bad hands. Don't be worried." - Ellie patted his shoulder. So that was probably all that he will get out of Ellie. - "But on another note, will you come tonight on the dance? I would like to have a round or two with you. Just like old times, huh?"

"You know that those things aren't exactly mine area, do you?" - Joel chuckled in his low, singing voice. He scratched his forehead nervously.

"You can ask Y/N yourself, don't you think? I can't speak for her." - Ellie raised her eyebrows in his direction. Joel looked at her as if she was about to go fucking crazy. - "About the hunting sessions, I mean."

When the big dance came by, you went with there with Philip by your side. Dina came along as well, not even thinking about going on the meeting to stand Jesse's ass one more minute. They had broken up again, so everything was going a-ok for that shy lesbian.

Ellie went to the meeting with Joel and Jesse - and she promised you that she'll try to talk Joel down. Nothing was for sure.

But you knew one thing - you and Dina started your evening with glasses of whiskey down and its bottoms up. You poured down at least three of them, so you would be able to let Philip's hands roam around your body. It did nothing to you, yet you needed to let him be during the dance. You were suffering every time he tried to touch you.

Slowly, the band members, with whom you've been drinking until that moment, sat behind their instruments and started playing as the hall started to get fuller - with people of all ages, like children, youngsters, and adults.

You gently dodged all of Philip's tries to make you dance with him. You sighed with relief when Ellie slowly entered the room with he faced red from nerves and winter outside. Oh, yeah - it was her big evening. Telling Dina. You were excited.

You waved at her as you danced with a small boy named Louis. She waved back at you and took a glass of bourbon as well. She was excited about that. Then you left Louis there to catch up with the young ladies in the hood to go for Ellie.

"Hi, baby." - She hugged you tightly and gave you a second glass of alcohol. - "I hope that I'll survive this night. God may help me. What about Philip?" - She asked and gulped a bit.

"We're playing dodge all the time. I just don't like that boy, I'm sorry. I'm waiting for the big game to come around." - You giggled into the glass. Oh fuck, you were tipsy as hell.

"There he is." - Ellie pointed her finger at the other side of the hall. Seriously Joel stood there nervously, with hands over his chest, looking around him. - "Here, take this to him and see how it goes." - She gave you her glass of alcohol and smacked your ass playfully. You screamed a bit with a happy tone. Ellie showed you crossed fingers and one corner of her lips slowly crept into a smile.

So you approached Joel with your tipsy walk and lazy smile, rising your eyebrows. You gave him one glass and then smoothed your hair. The shirt you had on made your boobs irresistible. Every man must've looked at them at least once. Those old jeans were making your bum rounder... No wonder that Philip was into you so much.

"Look who we got here." - You gulped down the while glass and giggled, putting the glass on the table next to his hip. - "Really nice to see you here big guy, enjoying the life, having fun in the evening."

"Ellie wished me to come. Here she's with Dina." - He pointed at them and you just turned around to see them kissing. Good girl. Now, it was your time to hit the big jackpot. - "Oh wow."

"Do you want to dance as well?" - You blurted out so Joel didn't have to ask you absolutely anything. He just couldn't as he froze down. - "I mean... Ellie told me you wanted to ask me about something. A slow song is playing now, we have the time. What do you say?" - You asked innocently and played with the thought of taking his fingers into your palm, but you didn't do it.

"Youngblood..." - Joel sighed and drank the glass to the bottom.

"Just one dance. Come on. Won't hurt you, old man." - Joel looked at the people around you and then sighed again. He wasn't happy at all with you. But how could he resist?

You took a very similar hold on him as Dina did with Ellie; your hands circled behind his neck, your body so close to him that he felt how warm your body was. He put his hands on the small of your back and tried to look as annoyed as he could.

The trust was that Joel hadn't danced in the whole eternity. He was enjoying himself a lot at the moment, to be honest. Slow moves, gentle and romantic music, relaxed atmosphere, beautiful girl... No. He stopped himself with the melancholy. No space for that bullshit.

"So you stopped our sessions, you stopped the meetings, anything that I've missed? Or that's all?" - He asked quietly, his thumbs playing with a small part of your shirt.

"Oh, you missed my relationship with the nicest boy around." - You said sweetly and watched his jaw covered in a beard. Oh, how you missed that view. But now, you were too sensitive on the rhythm of his breath and on how warm he was even through the clothes. His chuckle resonated deep within you.

"Hard to be missed, youngblood. It's nice to see you happy." - He made you turn slowly before one of his hands caught yours and the second ended on your hip.

"I can be even happier. You know that?" - Your fingers gripped his shoulder tightly and for a moment, you pressed his body into his. And with that, he left you alone. He just stepped aside and you felt as your heart sank again. No. You slowly rose your head. Not this fucking time. This time, you were ready.

"And I don't do these things. You know that?" - Joel turned around with angry mumbling. - "So that's why Ellie made come here... Jesus Christ." - And with that, every of his one hundred and eighty centimeters disappeared into the white darkness outside.

"What the fuck is your fucking problem?!" - You ran after him, looking at him while the snow started to cover your hair and face. Your cheeks instantly reddened as you looked at him. He turned to you with the same affection as you yelled at him. Oh, this argument was about to be one of the best of your lives.

"What the fuck is my problem?" - Joel came closer to you, almost pushing you further away with his hands, but he stopped himself at the right moment. - “The question is what is your problem?”

“My problem is named Tess and your grief over her.” - You told slowly and then you stood up straightly. Joel just closed his eyes and turned away from you. Yeah, Ellie spoke to you about a woman who she knew for a very short amount of time. As she spoke about Tess five years apart, she figured out that there maybe was something more. So that was the spot you should attack if Joel gives you a chance. Just as she attacked Sarah’s little spot in Joel’s heart.

“Stop living in the past, Joel.” - You said loudly again, while Joel looked like he’s about to murder you. Nobody else knew about what happened to Tess, except Tommy, nor anybody knew that she did even exist.

Joel attacked every time someone attacked his own past. Then it was his time to be offensive.

“Like somebody who is still a kid, who basically never went outside the city’s boundaries and who has everything they need around them could ever tell me what living in the past is.” - He walked to you, his nostrils were getting bigger as he started to breathe louder. - “So I warn you to let all of this be and walk back, take that kiddo for a round or two and forget that we ever had this conversation.”

“Or what if you fucking tell me, that you want to have... Something with me? How does that sound?” - You came closer to him, still not touching him.

The snowy and cold air was slowly getting sultry. You needed to open up his eyes - Ellie told you everything she noticed while Joel caught up with her on the market. You spoke with her about that and Ellie told you that there might be something more into it, but that Joel is a much more complicated person to say for sure to say it. That he likes you.

“Just face it, Jesus fucking Christ, it is not that hard. You were curious about me stoping to come to our training, you asked about me and Philip even if you didn't have to care at all and you tried to get some intel from Ellie.” - You rolled your eyes and chills formed on your body. You two stood in a total snowy and ice-cold night. Fucking weather. - “And if you told me that you only care about my future, then you can shove this bullshit up your ass because I don't fucking care. Because you and me? We have something. We have a connection.”

So you brought up Tess, which hurt him - but Ellie was your source of information. He couldn't be angry with his baby girl because she told you after the two of them spoke at the market. She had to. She was trying to help the situation.

He wasn't sure, but something gave Joel the feeling that Ellie knows him way better he knows himself.

For a moment, Joel closed his eyes before looking at you once again without any of his normally forbidden feelings. You were a young, truly gorgeous woman. You were bright and capable of noticing small details even if you cursed like a sailor.

He wasn't doing any type of romantic relationship since the moment Tess has died. He wasn't exactly in love with her, but she was his girl for a long night. But you were absolutely right - there was no need for living in the past. And Joel was scared of it when the past was creeping up upon him almost every time he went to sleep.

And yet, there you stood, offering him a helping hand to let all of it go. You were offering him to bring him back to reality. And as you said, maybe the elders, like your very own parents, won't be too happy about that. Maybe young people will look at you differently. But you had courage which Joel was mesmerized with. You wanted to try.

To try leaving the past, both yours and his, behind you to focus on the future. And that was one of the bravest things he saw until that day.

In his own way, he missed your sense of humor, your cursing and your gentle fingers holding your bow just as he misses the way you smelled and smiled at him.

He wanted to try as well.

"You're right." - Joel said slowly and almost coldly, which made your heart sank with fear once again. - "I think that maybe we have something together."

"So is that a yes?" - You whispered and shook with coldness once again. Jesus, you needed to get on a warm place or a glass of whiskey. Maybe both.

"I think that it is a yes."

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