#but points have to be made shrug
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the trouble with being the one who survives is you must keep on doing it
inspired directly by @onionninjasstuff 's heart wrenching comic of Future Donnie's death (read it!!)
#my art#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#future donnie#future mikey#future leo#still not a million percent happy with the formating#but this is prolly the closest thing to a 'polished comic' ive made yet#think it wound up more like an 'emotional equivilant of a toddler kicking u in the shins' rather than 'steel bat to the knees' but eh#shrugs#at this point ive stared at it for too long so bam onto the internet it goes#also lmao i was just having fun w leos arm#and i knew it was super not even close to how his canon proesthetic looked#but i was just having fun w the mechanical nonsense#and then later i was like ah shit what color are his pants again lemme go watch a clip and check#and wouldnt ya know it i flipped the colors on his arm too#i think i actually prefer canons green shoulder w red bicep/band butttt#we can say this is an older prototype arm#which would mean donnie mustve left him a shiny new arm#that he'll never get to hear a speech mode ramble explination of#:')#u ever just think about how grief is this thing you have to take with you#its not just something you can walk away from not just an event that happens#its perpetual and part of you now#like its every time you go to make an immediate inside joke but theres no one there to share it#its every question you never got to ask and every new question you never will#every task you must reassign#every doubt that goes unreassured#its a silence that you bring with you to every room#haunting is so selfmade and i love it so much
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please see my vision
bonus: Heathcliff smile collection
#limbus company#heathcliff#dante#my art#i shouldve made Don speak more donlike but I just had to get this out there#I saw a post on twitter that talked about how like#maybe the reason why heathcliffs temper is so bad is because everything he hears goes through like#the filter of his inferiority complex#even if someone said smth nice to him he might get defensive about it#coughing bc I feel like dante is equally likely to be nice to him or to just keep teasing him back#yaoi …#what you don’t see in this comic is Dante probably thought for a long time about heathcliffs good points#how hes strong and smarter than he looks and how shockingly often he stands up for them#his strong sense of justice…#but they probably thought it’d be best not to say something like that.#one of dantes other things is theyre surprisingly… frivolous? in some ways. idk how to say it#like when they get called inhuman they basically just shrug it off#I feel like thinking deeply about heathcliffs strong points and then ultimately choosing to say something surface level is very dante.#and of course heathcliff thinks they’re fucking around.#sorry I put a lot of thought into the characterisation in this joke comic UAOHSOSI I need these two to have deeper interactions fr#yea. i dont self insert as dante im genuinely haunted by visions for this ship and idek why#they probably picked smth silly partially out of being hesitant to genuinely say something partially out of genuinely liking his smile#(it IS very cute. when you get to see it its like woah#heathcliff I didn’t know you could smile so brightly…)#and partially out of wanting to see how he’d react to (totally not flirting) being complimented on his appearance#opening up Dante’s brain to analyse their character I like them a normal amount#and… I really want there to be a moment between them where Dante genuinely speaks encouragingly to heathcliff#the same way they do to sinclair#I think heathcliff needs that too#and… it’d be cute to see him a little flustered.
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More of my "Valentino owns Husk's soul" AU. Husk is not having a good time.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin husk#hazbin valentino#valhusk#valentino#husk#obligatory “i don't condone valentino's actions nor are his actions reflective of my own i just think he's a good evil character” tag#he's evil here and husk is having a bad time and THAT'S THE POINT#sigh anyway#part of this au is just an excuse to put husk in dresses (as always)#i tried to make the handcuff bruising look good but shrug#someone once made a drag wueen husk au which partially inspired this#and one thing that stuck out to me was husk being forbidden from speaking due to his voice being too deep and masculine#and anyway hell yes i love that#take it a step further and maybe husk is gagged most of the time too#also saw a hc that husk goes nonverbal at times#it was partially a joke hc bc he didn't speak at all in episode 2#(horrible he needs to be the main character actually)#but anyway i like that too#i just think husk not talking is cute#sun art#suggestive?#idk man#yes husk's wings are clipped :)
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grabs u by the shoulder. hey. hey u. have you've ever wanted to learn about a mcrp arc with themes about violence and the death of innocence, scary arcane experiments, political murder, and interdimensional travel where u meet alternative versions of urself?
well if any of that sounds awesome to you, BOY DO I JUST HAVE THE THING FOR YOU!!! midmysticx's egg arg in lifesteal season 4 has all of that!!! it had to be cut off short because of meta reasons, but with what was released so far, it was. So Cool .
now i HIGHLY recommend checking this out for yourself (a curated playlist that i made can be found here! it's pretty short but. imo the themes of it carry it in SUCH an interesting way), but if you don't have the time/want more. propaganda reasons why you should watch it, there's more under the cut!
(mild cw though for the "having a voice in your head through magic items/powers" trope! it plays a very small part in the story, but i'd figure i'd give a heads up just in case 👍)
ok so like. this arg happens in the canon of lifesteal season 4 (lifesteal seasons fully reset like hc seasons) and the main "progatanist" of this arg is c!midmysticx/c!mid, and most of the "lore" is told in the format of vhs tapes
that being said, c!mid is a little confusing in the way that s4!mid is implied to be a different character that c!mid from other seasons
i say that bc s4!mid made an "application video" for lifesteal, citing about how shes excited to join (even tho cc!mid has been a part of ls since s2)
also. very interestingly, mid excludes herself from the s4 start in a replay shot (even tho cc!mid was present during the s4 launch)
and interesting enough, s4!mid seems a bit. naive in the application video? like she mentions she's "good at editing" as one of her attributes on why she should be added to the server and mentions. nothing about the violence of the server (other than introducing the mechanics of the server which is LITERALLY about killing people to gain hearts and losing hearts when you get killed)
halfway through her application video, though (after a few months passed according to the date on the bottom of each video) she sounds very. bitter
the video changes to be all in black and white and she starts asking: "why? why do you all kill and ruin friendships and betray? all for hearts?!"--a MUCH different demeanor than what she had when she started. bitter and resentful, almost, compared with the excitement she showed earlier in her "application", and it ends with her announcing she stole the dragon egg and she's made 4 trials for people to look for it
anyways, moving onto the first tape that takes place ~around 2 months before the shift in demeanor, s4!mid starts to record video tapes about experiments she's doing with the dragon egg, eventually combining a heart with the dragon egg and opens up a portal
she doesnt know what on Earth it is so. shes testing it out right. like any person with safety concerns would
and well uh.
she puts a pig through and it fucking died
so . Erm! not a good start
anyways she eventually feels a voice/urge calling her to go through the portal even though she knows its risky, but she's been having such bad headaches that she goes through the portal anyways, ditching her plans to figure out how to control the power of the egg before going through it
and uh. heres where things get confusing again because this is where. the interdimensional stuff comes in
she arrives in an unknown location right. and. jumpscare . it ends up being a manor (and i'm just gonna call this mid "murder mystery!mid" bc the manor is the same one in one of her other videos, a halloween special where mid + co do a whodunit)
and basically, s4!mid witnesses a mayor election (which is a big part of murder mystery!mid's story), and after s4!mid explores for a little, s4!mid and murder mystery!mid eventually . make eye contact
and um. you see. s4!mid accidently eavesdrops (im assuming so? there's a tape of that and its been established that s4!mid films all of them herself) on murder mystery!mid's plan to kill the mayor
and Uh. s4!mid. ends up also witnessing murder mystery!mid's murder as well
s4!mid gets chased and has to go back to the portal to escape, but the issue is. the portal doesnt bring her back to lifesteal. it brings her to eclipse smp
AND FUCKING BRINGS HER TO ECLIPSE!MID'S GRAVE
she eventually sees someone crying over eclipse!mid's grave
before going away into the woods before hearing a sound and running away
that's where the arg (unfortunately) had to be cut off but like. Still. the part that makes me constantly rotate this arg in my head is the fact mid literally saw her own death. the different versions of her. her witnessing a version of her that was Willing to commit murder. the whole change in demeanor in the application video in such a short time .
anyways, if i had to homebrew an "ending" to this arg, i think mid would have traced back and started to Learn more about the other versions of herself, and eventually had a character arc where she just. witnesses all of this destruction and pain and suffering
and just. Realizes how much of that there can be and realizes how much stuff like that effects lifesteal and how. pointless it is in the end.
and eventually, in a last ditch effort to have everyone work together again and despite all she's been through, makes the egg arg
also on a meta level it would make sense i think (since a lot of the actual arg puzzles involved trust and working together and trusting your teammates)
and on the topic of the egg arg meta, it fucking worked. the lifestealers did work together and put trust in each other even when threatened with death to solve the arg.
it did bring lifesteal together. even just for a little bit
and i am just. man thats fucking cool!!!!!!
not to mention just. the cool character study stuff you can do on c!mid. the thought of seeing yourself throughout all of this. realizing about how these things can effect you in different ways. witnessing your own death TWICE. and by the time to come up because of it, you're a changed person on a fundamental level. and in the end, looking at the thing that caused all of this, and throwing it out there in a last ditch effort to make things right again. in the worst scenario. even though you're bitter and angry now. you try anyways.
that concept is so. cool to me . i wish more people talked about it but yk. this is me throwing my hat into the ring
egg arg my beloved fr <3
#lifesteal smp#midmysticx#tw swearing#media.warning.swearing#tw caps#media.warning.caps#tw murder#media.warning.murder#<- just in case i guess . a lot of this happens in a video game#anyways. Yeah. egg arg....#having Thoughts about it#anyways im probs gonna disappear for another week after posting this . very busy w life stuff#Hopefully this made sense . i did adapt this from dms i had w a friend#and they thought it made sense so. shrugs#hopefully i got my point across . egg arg very cool . and u should check it out#its awesome !!! i wish more people talk about it#alas im eppy </3#feel free to send me asks abt this or something (alas i cannot say i can answer them in a. timely manner)#so ya ^_^ hope u enjoyed!!!
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Trans boy Percy can be a lot of fun
just a lot of people have a tendency to make it something he comes out about Pre-canon and that it changes nothing
while I'm over here like I firmly believe that Molly would not have continued having kids if she thought she already had a daughter
and i think she would be annoying as hell about him figuring himself out I just think she would be so disrespectful about it
Molly would be a "but your ruining yourself! you are my baby girl!" while crying type of parent and I believe that in my heart
She would guilt trip Percy like crazy about it while feeling 100% like she's doing the right thing.
Do I think that maybe she would realize after a few years that she's being absolutely terrible? I mean like I would hope so
#percy weasley#Now Post-war Trans-girl Percy finally letting herself be free and no longer caring about what her family thinks?#is amazing and i love that concept#i feel like every non shipping post i could want to make about Percy is one i've already made at this point#ik I've talked about trans!Percy before but im going to do it again#Tw: transphobia#trans!percy weasley#I firmly believe Molly would continue introducing Percy as her daughter im sorry#i just think she would be transphobic i don't think she would spew like truelly heinous things like hoping Percy dies or anything#but i do think she would never respect Percy's pronouns or only respect them when she's happy with him#does this mean i think transboy!Percy can't be done? no obviously not that is dumb you can do whatever you want#its just most depictions i've seen have been very the Weasleys all accept him or at the worst the twins make like one joke and drop it#when i just don't think it would go like that personally#though wish fulfillment is also just a good time so *shrug*#This has been hiding in my drafts for who knows how long so I'm freeing her#molly weasley critical
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this is so embarrassing but i downloaded pokemon sleep like three nights ago and um. i think its helping. like a lot djdkdld
#i am not staying up as late as i ordinarily would and i actually feel sort of rested at first when i wake up#the rested feeling wears off and i end up feeling fatigued like normal in like under an hour but STILL.#its so bonkers to wake up and not immediately feel like shit ??? idk when i last had this its ... rly nice fjfldl#its likely just placebo but I'll take it DHFJDLL#if i keep using it and if any mutuals use it too... perhaps we can exchange friend codes idk how that works fjfldl#idk if i will even wanna do that but MAYBE. feels kind of invasive potentially idk i havent made up my mind yet lol#also ik theres probably potential privacy concerns w the app itself but Im desperate for things that help w my sleep#i do a shit ton to protect my data everywhere else and at some point i just have to shrug and go oh well what can ya do#(what i could do is just... not have an app. thats tracking my sleep. LMAO. but like i said im desperate at this point dndkdl)#dandy.cmd
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A few things going forward- and I try not to make stuff like this but I feel like it's necessary not only to kinda. Put boundaries down but also for my comfort as well. This isn't sparked by one person but rather multiple occurances and just. Wanna be transparent, because I do have feelings. Gg isn't always super happy go getter energy silly everyone sees me as. I know some people don't really care and that's fine I just want to be clear (pls read tags as well)
I'm going to be selective with who I ship my characters/plot my characters with. I don't mind characters being friends and such but I have been feeling like I've been given mixed signals from people I've reached out to or during talking about them? It makes it hard to tell if I'm just on some one Sided eager excited and the other person isn't digging it. Or that plots get dropped and suddenly im seeing what we were planning or brainstorming thrown away because I wasn't told they were doing something with someone else. I need to explicitly say, I don't mind when plots cross, but if were planning a quad. Most of my characters are monogamous or specifically only open to polycules or occasionally fully polyam. I try to keep it single ship because of bad expierences in the past and my own comfort with how I interact with my characters. Hard to be super chipper excited about it when it brings up bad personal memories myself. I kinda put a piece of myself in every character so trust me when I say it makes me feel disjointed.
Just please be direct with me and tell me if you don't wanna! I hold these quads hostage basically with the idea of a ship that gets dragged on when I wanna do stuff! Again- I know I get excited and wanna do stuff!! Brand new blorbo syndrome!! You can just say no! I won't be mad! I promise. I won't be upset! Or just give me clarity that a quad is shifted. When I'm given no clarity at all- It makes me feel really bad. Again this is not about anyone in particular and imbkot trying to vague anyone but understand this has happened from different people
My commissions are gonna be semi-closed going forward. I don't have the time for it and frankly I'm not sure where I am art wise.
I am putting this blog on a semi Hiatus. Kinda smacking it with that sticker because I haven't really been producing art that i enjoy. Everyone can say "I love gg art" and all that but it's like looking at a mess I made on my canvas and just wondering where I went wrong. It's very very upsetting for me when art is my outlet, I do it to be happy! I like making! I really do. But I feel like stranger with it. My skills have stagnated and it hurts me a lot. The only thing I've felt like that hasn't been bad has been my chibis and I know people don't want to see those all the time. I'm kinda trying to work through it but it hurts. I'm a human, I have feelings. I try not to put my emotions too online or my problems because I think a lot of people here use Tumblr to escape like I do. I try to be positive! I wanna keep things happy and light but I can't always be like that
I wanna also mention I have been trying to keep up with everyone's happenings and stuff but I am awake about 12~14 hours a day working or having my responsibilities. I am tired. So if you haven't seen me in your notifications a lot or when you do, I seem deflated. I don't have a lot of energy to spare and I try to catch stuff here and there. But I won't be able to see everything. it's not that I'm avoiding anyone's content or something like that. I just. Have a physical job.
#long#negative (?)#Im not vauging anyone this isnt from anything like recent i jsut think memefurvur made some good points#that i felt like making something for my own. Because it made me realize i should say something rsther than like#pussyfoot it or ignore how i feel.#I kinda feel like a stranger recently and it feels bad. //shrugs// idk anyways im gonna go have my emotions for a while#I wont delete this one but know itd not anything i want to speak and repeat
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I KNOW IT’S SELFISH, BUT I WANTED MY OWN LIFE
¹ the ti.tan’s curse, rick r.iordan ² the bad beginning, lemony snicket ³ the ti.tan’s curse, r.ick ri.ordan ⁴ jane mersky leder ⁵ the battle of the labyr.inth, ri.ck rio.rdan ⁶ always gold, radical face
#mutuals can interact plz dont if ur a personal#& DI ANGELO—BIANCA.#MINE.#META.#like i said. only tangentially related to him.#i never ever would blame her for joining the eternal girl scouts. she did what she thought was best! and she was ALSO a child.#by that point she had been responsible for nico for 70+ years. imagine the exhaustion#she was under the assumption her parents were dead and that it was literally just her and nico against the world.#so she finds out shes a demigod and immediately joins up with a crew of immortal girls! i support her!#do i think that IF bianca had lived that nico and her would have had a good relationship?#absolutely not.#she was under way too much stress even if they both lived together at chb#or even if she was still with the hunters. because then nico is alone. theyd constantly worry about eachother even apart. it would be#unhealthy. always. theres no way around that#SHE DIED AND THE GODDESS SHE PLEDGED HER IMMORTAL LIFE TO WAS JUST LIKE OH WELL /SHRUG.#meanwhile her FATHER went 'damn i'll use the backup kid'#THAT HE MADE HER RAISE.#will always be angry about this whatever. whatever.#at the end of the day its the gods fault. and yes i do blame hades! he is not free of this he was a shitty dad.
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alsooooo btwwwww ive been thinking of timeline stuff for my kirbyverse and i think like, for the most part all the main series games are in chronological order except for kirby super star (ultra), which chronologically happens first. super star is basically kirby’s origin story and how he became the hero of dreamland and popstar
(i also like it bc super star ultra was kumazaki’s first real kirby game as director and thats the start of his modern kirby content so its like a new beginning for that era as well as being the start of kirby’s journey)
#i like to think he meets all the helpers in this game spread out across the subgames too#with knuckle joe being his first ally (and marx is like his proto helper hes the first friend kirby ever made but he doesnt do shit LOL)#(is totally not biased towards knuckle joe)#i actually used to have like this small story arc with kirby and joe where joe believed he was going to be the one to save dreamland#from dedede in spring breeze and he views kirby as his sidekick bc at that point kirby was rather unassuming and no one knew abt his powers#not even kirby himself (reflecting how kirby couldnt use copy abilities in the original dreamland)#baby puffballs are generally supposed to be very fragile and weak but kirby is an oddity in that hes actually fairly durable#and copy abilities are exclusive to him actually. (and ig keeby and the other kirbies but ngl. i dont count them as canon SDKLFJSDLF)#so meta knight never had copy abilities at any point in his life. neither did galacta. they both had to learn to use weapons#anyways though kirby would defeat the bosses in spring breeze in ways that sorta looked like accidents at first glance so joe shrugged em of#off#but when they fought dedede knuckle joe got defeated and seeing him knocked out spurred kirby to fight#and in the process he gets the hammer ability... the rest is history#but joe would struggle with his pride for a while feeling insignificant compared to kirby and he struggles to defeat a lot of bosses#bc his insecurities keep getting in the way and he gets like resentful of kirby... but then kirby reveals that joe is the one who inspires h#him to be strong and that he wants to be just like him and that he misses how much joe cared about him...#and after this conversation kirby would use the fighter ability for the first time (with a matching headband w joe)#damn typing that out makes me want to keep this actually it kinda fucks)#echoed voice
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finally making the plunge to report the creepy starey old man coworker directly to hr after getting a customer complaint from a dad abt him ogling his young daughter....and also getting mad at him again this morning for the same shit
#ive held barely a few sentences convo w the man but hes stared ag me for like 800 hours#he does it to every girl everhly day if i could report him to the executioner#ive and others have made like verbal complaints to management and i think hes been#talked to but uh he will never change ever#he also makes horrible comments abt women mostly to the men tho but uh you can overhear it#hes just. a Bad Guy. scumbag#like i just wish hed die genuinely its the only cure#i wish it didnt take someone else (a man also) saying it for me to do it but ugh#ifs easy to shrug off and be like well whats the point reporting it they wont do anything#but w a customer complaint i think something can really be done
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also thinkign about how my last therapist wouldnt take anything i said seriously EXCEPT when i mentioned that im tired of being alive at which point she freaked out. and also stopped listening. idk
#tütensuppe#big shrug#im just sick and tired of therapists maybe they can b helpful but not for whatever i have going on apparently#my mom revealing to me that ALL of them diagnosed me with 'difficult child/teenager' just makes me so mad#(except for the last one i think? bc at that point i had an idea of what was happening? not that that made her listen)#like oh heres a 7 year old who self harms regularly. whatever itll pass right?
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Chapter 8.5: Are we the hoes now???
TROUBLESOME TRIO - SMAU
SYNOPSIS: You’ve been close friends with Kenma and Kuroo for years. You grew up in the same neighborhood as them until you moved away a few years ago. You could count on them to be there for you through anything, so when you break up with your boyfriend and seek their comfort, they are right there to dry your tears (via texting, but still). But what happens when one of them develops romantic feelings for you? Is the trio in jeopardy?
PREVIOUS — SERIES MASTERLIST — NEXT
FUN FACTS
+ I totally already had this part planned out and definitely didn't come up with it last minute while at work today 😶😶
+ This convo happens the day after their date. y/n stayed in the guest room at Kuroo's house and took a train home the next morning
+ Kuroo and y/n figured Kenma wouldn't want to hear about the details of their date, but they also didn't really have any other close friends besides their trio
+ Kenma figured they would have texted him way sooner to talk about the date
TAGLIST: @celcero @sugaslilsugabby @soudahearts @marveloussupernerd
#at this point i'm just making shit up as I go lol#i swear i actually do have it all mapped out in a notebook#but when inspiration strikes the plan goes out the window lmao#i just made that shit up about nekoma losing at nationals last year *shrug*#haikyuu#smau#haikyuu smau#fanfiction#kuroo tetsuro#kozume kenma#nishinoya yuu#tanaka ryuunosuke#nekoma#karasuno#anime#volleyball#y/n
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RP:
PRIVATE TRANSMISSION
FTL: Doubt's Dichotomy. I am here to inquire about something related to your area of expertise. If you choose to answer, that is.
FTL: My inquiry is: what information do you have related to the Ancients' traditions and practices of duelling?
FTL: I was conversing with someone I... know, he brought up his interest in the subject, I offered to ask you, the sole specialist that I am aware of.
DD: ...
DD: duelling?
DD: according to my data, only about 67,9% of individual ancient cities had the tradition of duelling in some way
DD: most of them (31,2%) stuck to the typical 'first one to die loses' standard, with weapons limited to archaic ones (such as old explosion-powered guns and swords of all sorts)
DD: the second in popularity was using modern weapons (24,4%), which is usually defined as 'any weapon thats not archaic'. also typically with the 'first to die loses' rule
DD: third was weaponless (9,61%) - fighting directly, hand-to-hand. this one is mostly 'first to bad injury', i think because its harder to kill someone with no weapons
DD: fourth were duels of wit (2,46%). problems to be solved mentally, first to solve the problem correctly was the winner
DD: the last 0,23% were outliers... some odd things happening there
DD: my favourite is that one city that dueled mentally. not wit. but staring at eachother, fully believing that they were somehow hurting the other with their minds. thered be narrators describing all the 'action' and all of their 'tactics'. first one to pass out from the continued concentration loses. the one that loses would get ridiculed for 'not having good enough shields'
DD: the other outliers included things such as duels of skill (highest percentage amongst outliers - 0,12%, duels of performance, and duels of games
DD: usually someone was challenged to a duel for marriage, honour, entertainment/boredom, or revenge
DD: though thereve been records of odd duel conditions... such as the one where the ancients duelling were bitter rivals, and the agreement was the the loser would belong to the winner for all of their next life. the pearl i got that info from is... phrased weirdly
DD: duels were rarely ever called, it was typically seen as an indecent thing. didnt stop anyone from enjoying them tho
DD: that enough info?
FTL: Yes, thank you Doubt's Dichotomy.
DD: great, now fuck off. dont tlak to me.
FTL: I believe that Echoes of a Paradox is worried about you.
DD: good for them
FTL: Do at least talk to them. Don't pull the same thing that I did.
FTL: Though I suppose that circumstances are different. My situation had many factors, and I do still feel that I was justified in my leaving. I do not know what your situation is right now, so I cannot effectively compare.
FTL: I will utilise my rank if necessary. I... I am the Senior now, I have responsibilities.
FTL: Doubt's Dichotomy?
FTL: I'd rather you didn't abandon a conversation midway-through.
FTL: ...Alright.
FTL: Thank you once more for the information.
#uhhh dd replied after a WHILE#the equivalent of several hours#i just didn know how to portray that dbfjfkfk#dont. dont question the comma as the decimal point#THATS JUDT HOW IM USED TO DOING IT OKAY????#this is just. this is just dd infodumping.#i have no regrets.#alllll the numbers are made up i hope theyre somewhat sensible at least..#/shrug#rp#finely-tuned line#doubt's dichotomy#chat logs
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Hmmm…
#I just sent a text that said ‘I’m still struggling mentally/emotionally/spiritually but’#and I was going to add a shrug emoji but…honestly…there is no but#I can’t put a positive spin on it right now#i listened to worn by tenth avenue north last night#and that’s pretty much exactly how I feel#and I feel like it’s just ‘you need to do this or try harder or trust more’#but I’m too tired….I’m tired of hoping because I’m always let down#I’m tired of being told it’ll all be made better in heaven#cause that doesn’t help me now it just makes me feel like this life is point#less and I’m just….so tired of feeling like it’s all on me#I prayer and ask for God to do something but I still feel stuck and forgotten#I feel so broken and numb and I don’t have any fight anymore#I should probably try out meds just to see if it’ll help in the short term#but I’m low key worried they might make me feel worse and I don’t know if I could deal with that :/#yeah….venting in the tags cause I’m just…a lot of stuff and tags feel safer…
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partly inspired by @bougiebutchbitch's post just half hour ago (and no not to negate from their point, their point is fine and valid. it just got me thinking and I want to write some thoughts of my own out)
It's not a secret that I can't participate in Na-ruto Meta on a basis of equating it to real life things or events or actions, because I see things in a narrative circle above everything else. Ive said it before but endless discussions of why Ka-kashi did not tell Na-ruto who his father is are useless to me personally, I wont ever participate in them, because the answer is "Because it works in the narrative" and thats that. For me at least.
So when it comes to the ending and Nar-uto becoming Hokage and if thats a good course of action or not, I could never divorce it from the idea that Kis-himoto tried to get this manga off the ground for years and jump said no to different drafts and when he finally DID get published it got so big that people can't let go of it until today (even to the point of his own burnout). But in the end his dream was realised and so nar-uto's dream has to come to true too. They grow together on this journey and just like kis-hi, naru-to also needs to learn the ups and downs of what that dream entails.
And yes that like very basic death of the author shit, in which you ignore the authors own story while looking at a narrative. And thats all fine and well of course, I'm not here to argue that ever. I just can't do it personally. Because nar-uto is how it is for many many reasons and it has many issues (obviously), but I think a boy achieving his life long dream is not one of them (personally).
Again, this is not to say that others can't have a different opinion. just me rambling in the morning blah blah balh
#nisi rambles#i made this non rebloggable AND i tried to censor the names#so i hope it is clear that im not here to argue these points with you because#im not trying to argue#im just trying to say#this is how i feel#and i understand that there is literaell ynobody around except sky maybe#who has so little issue with naruto as a narrative#and that most of you have your pitchfork ready for everything when im just a living shrug emoji#shonen anime doesnt need to be perfect like.. i dont expect it to be uh.. kafka level storytelling#i guess im just like at this point wher eim like#i like it#its got problems#but i like it#and so im just not bothered?#so if you come into my ask box and shit on my foot about it#it wont do us both any good#because i wont change my mind and i dont want YOU TO CHANGE YOURS#please keep your opinion#please keep writing meta and shit if you want#i am not here to police you#thats not my job#im just feel once in a while i should be allowed to speak my mind on my own blog#even if its just in european hours for insane anxiety and fear#yeah here you go
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i personally think it’s a very good sign when ocs start appearing in my nightly dreams. :) that is true ‘rent-free living in my head’ at that point.
#dream caspar has reinforced headcanoned running trait#by participating in a marathon#dream lyall challenged someone to 'pick the next most wizard-shaped thing in the room'#and#in his defense he was in-dream inebriated#but also it felt entirely in-character so#*shrug*#btw friend ocs have cameoed before#and that's always a delight#yeah this ain't a sign of obsession#totally not a point of concern#this just means an oc has MADE IT#anyway that's my nonsense for the morn
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