#but playing them drives me fucking bonkers.
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As much as I wish I could play bg3, I do love finding out who all of my mutuals are romancing via their progressive posts on the dash instead. It's delightful actually. Living vicariously through people who have the capacity for video games and in the process experiencing all of the romance options in a fraction of the time it takes to do one playthrough.
#listen I LOVE video games in theory. they are so cool and great and interesting.#but playing them drives me fucking bonkers.#ttrpgs only require me to have intricate knowledge of weird mechanics and I'm great at that. i read policy shit all day. love that.#video games want me to figure out the mechanics as I go via HAND EYE COORDINATION?#like being in an extended lower stakes version of the gamechanger escape room.#WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO NEXT. HOW DO I DO THAT. WHY ARE YOU HOLDING MY FUN HOSTAGE YOU BASTARD.
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ASS OR TITS?
do seventeen members prefer ass or tits ?
NSFW CONTENT ! MNDI !
seungcheol:
ass. no doubt in my mind. loves fucking you in doggy so he can get the perfect view. if you wear short skirts PREPARE to be fucked with it on. LOVES spanking and seeing his red handprint left on his favourite part of you <3
jeonghan:
also an ass dude. punishes you by having you lay on his lap and count the spanks he gives you. massages each spot he hit. whenever you ride him his hands are always squeezing your ass. lowkey wouldn't be that shocked if he bit your cheeks one time.
joshua:
this is totally not biased at all but tits. and i'm gonna say it; he is a small titty advocator. idc. likes that he can fit your whole boob in his hand size kink go brrr. he will suck on your tits all day and night if he could. likes keeping his hands on your boobs during the day.
jun:
like i said in my mirror sex fic,,, tits. so so so titty obsessed. loves shower sex as well cuz who doesn't like soapy boobs ? lays his head on top of your tits while you cuddle. constantly asking you to send boob pics. like CONSTANTLY.
soonyoung:
i can see him being both tbh, but i think he leads more to boobs. titty fucking is one of his favourite things on the planet. definetly has a collection of pics of your boobs. likes cumming on them too what can i say.
wonwoo:
don't think i've ever seen a bigger ass man in my life. gets hard just from thinking about your ass. saw mingyu take a peek one day and absolutely fucked the shit out of you so his roommate could hear you screaming his name through the walls.
jihoon:
boobs. so so SO boobs. he gets a little lazy from the crazy amount of work he tortures himself with, so cowgirl is his #1 position. (he loves it because he doesn't have to do any work NOT because your tits bouncing in his face drives him nuts) (definitely not for that reason).
minghao:
i can definitely see him loving making hand prints on your ass, loves watching the red blossom, but he LOVES marking your boobs. seeing his "artwork" hickeys on your tits drives him WILD. also considers his cum on your tits to be his favourite piece of art he's ever made （〃｀ 3′〃）
mingyu:
ass. like don't get him wrong, he goes BONKERS for some boobs. but... your ass makes him foam at the mouth. one of those dudes who slaps your ass whenever he walks passed. when you're riding him into the mattress, def has a CRAZY grip on your cheeks to try and control his tears.
seokmin:
he's a tit boy through and through. this mans one goal in life is to please you. i am a BIG believer in pussydrunk!dk. but he will latch on your tits like it's his LIFELINE. for sure fingers you while he's lapping at your chest, he just can't get enough of your cunt either ＞︿＜
seungkwan:
boobs as well. his hands are latched onto your tits 24/7. rests his head on them while you cuddle, plays with them when he's upset, and he keeps his hands up your shirt while your snuggling on the couch. he's also a BIG nipple biter don't @ me.
vernon:
yeah he loves ass. doggy is his go to (well besides reverse cowgirl but that still isn't helping his case). when i say he spanks i mean it. he is SLAPPING your ass. he just can't help it, his hand prints turn him on so much.
chan:
def another ass guy. eats you out from behind (or just straight up eats ass who knows). his hand is on your cheeks in public too he just can't help it. if you're wearing a short dress / skirt, be prepared for a long night (and to say goodbye to that article of clothing cuz he def stains it)
not proof-read ! lmk if there's any mistakes (づ￣ 3￣)づ
#seventeen#seventeen x reader#seventeen smut#svt#svt x reader#svt smut#scoups x reader#scoups smut#jeonghan x reader#jeonghan smut#joshua x reader#joshua smut#junhui x reader#junhui smut#hoshi x reader#hoshi smut#wonwoo x reader#wonwoo smut#woozi x reader#woozi smut#minghao x reader#minghao smut#mingyu x reader#mingyu smut#dk x reader#dk smut#seungkwan x reader#seungkwan smut#vernon x reader#vernon smut
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Christine Canigula was socially ostracized & developed a complex to protect herself: an essay
(suddenly i NEED to infodump about Christine actually so here)
Something I only noticed on rewatch: the way Christine will say something silly and then just kind of gingerly wait to see if Jeremy reacts well to it before continuing, almost like she's asking permission?? (e.g. the gap after the first stanza of "Play Rehearsal"). And it's only after he riffs off her bowling alley bit that she feels comfortable talking about her personal feelings with him (right before "Guy that I'd Kinda be Into"). The same happens with their "weird noise" exchange immediately before "It's pretty killer to sit and chat with you." I know theater relies on being succinct, and that 'bonding over shared quirks' and 'feelings talk' are both just crucial parts of relationship development... but I don't think it's a coincidence that it always goes in that order!
It's like Jeremy has to pass these *trials of weirdness* before she feels safe opening up to him and it drives me BONKERS so I wrote a whole 1000 word thing about it under the cut and this got too massive and I'm sorry. Also some autistic Jeremy meta at the end if that sweetens the pot hehehe
Table of contents:
Why she was ostracized
How she was ostracized
How that might inform her pattern of relationship development with Jeremy and Jake
How gender caused Jeremy's experiences to differ from hers, and how that affects their current relationships with "popularity" and peer acceptance.
1. Why she was ostracized
I am just so certain that Christine has been bullied or at least majorly outcast for a lot of her life. She's very obviously neurodivergent and because of that she can have these obnoxiously deep and repetitive interests, she can't judge if a piece of information will be genuinely interesting to someone, and she doesn't take social cues very well.
She frequently interrupts people when they're talking (an ADHD symptom btw), even when they're literally talking to her about the thing she wants to hear!
(C: "Do you find that? Because I totally find that!"
J: "Uh, yeah, I-"
C: "-And no matter how hard I try....")
(J: "I know the last thing I deserve is another shot, but-"
C:"Jeremy, just... say what's on your mind.")
(girl I'm sorry but that's what he was doing..... I have a whole other thoughtpiece on how this particularly fucks with Jeremy while they're dating but thats another thing...)
She doesn't seem confident in her interpretations of people's emotions and she'll ask/talk about them point blank (both theirs and her own) in a way a lot of people would find rude
("Uh, you seem really nervous...")
("Popular people are fucked up! *mutual laughter* …I mean, you're one of them!")
("I am flattered, this is new / still I'm not sure what I should do" <- as a response to getting asked out, that's pretty bold! Plus the entire part where she laughs at Jake's "rich boy routine")
(also compare and contrast to Jeremy's "I don't know what I'm supposed to say right now." idk. are your allistic stage dorks in the room with us right now motherfuckers)
I'd go on about her hyperfixations/special interests too but I think Play Rehearsal pretty much sums it up lol
2. How she was ostracized
All this to say that I am CERTAIN she spent a lot of her schooling having "nice girls" patiently let her sit with them at lunch for weeks at a time until they finally get sick of her rambling and faux pas. Only when they leave does Christine realize that they didn't actually care about anything she said... And this happens over and over and over. (I know this seems hella specific but I swear it's an actual phenomenon... at least I'm pretty sure? sdjflksjf)
But anyway, it's clear that by the time they're juniors, Christine has kind of (and I do only mean kind of) figured out what behaviour other people respond poorly to. And from evidence I stated in the intro, I think she's become really careful about which people she lets herself get attached to. She doesn't want this to ever happen again - which means if she's going to hang out with someone, she has to know that they actually care about her, that they know she will sometimes be obnoxious or blunt, and they'll still be okay with that forever.
3. Applying this to her canon relationships
You can extend this to Jake, someone who sees her in her element in drama rehearsal (the thing everyone finds annoying about her because she won't shut up about it) and STILL likes her. I think it's a totally valid reading that her bluntness with him later ("Upgrade") is just because she misreads him / doesn't quite get the social standard that she should be white lying instead. But I think you could also read her as testing the waters. If she's really going to commit to dating this guy, she's gotta know he's okay with her being herself. And the fact that this guy (and I think it's significant that he is a boy, for reasons I'll explain in the end note) genuinely seems to like her is a whole new level of peer validation ("I am flattered, this is new") -- so of course she's gonna fall at least a little! It doesn't hurt that he's "tired of being the person that everyone thinks that I am..." just like her!
Her history with being pity-liked makes Chloe's "advice," that Jake's just toying with her and is going to move on soon, even scarier, because that's genuinely happened to her (on a platonic level) so many times before.
Jeremy is also a good candidate from the beginning because he's weird he's a weirdo he doesn't fit in and he doesn't wanna fit in you ever see him without this stupid cardigan on? that's weird! And she keeps warming up to him not only because they're getting to know each other but because he gets progressively more willing to not only tolerate (as Jake does) but *participate* in her weirdness!
First, she does something weird and he tolerates it ("Play Rehearsal"); the next time she's weird, he participates! (bowling ball before GTIKBI). Then finally finally finally he initiates the weirdness and lets her join in! ("weird noises" exchange before GTIKBI reprise).
And notably, it is THIS moment that canonically signifies that they've hit the apex of their canon relationship development. If there was an achievement called "Befriend Christine," it would have popped up right then and there!!!
IN CONCLUSION: YOUR HONOR I LOVE THEM T_T
4: Christine vs. Jeremy: Gender differences & how that ultimately impacts their social goals
I also think all of this would have happened to Jeremy too if he'd been a girl. But because, generally, young boys feel less social obligation than girls to take pity on the autistic kid (and because boys tend to be more quickly recognized as autistic) he just ends up completely alone for most of his school life (Michael nonwithstanding - and yeah there's an important distinction between your childhood friend putting up with you and knowing that, woah, I guess literally nobody else ever will).
Meanwhile, Christine has had people "put up" with her, and she's SICK OF IT!
That's part of why their complexes are so different, because Christine is trying to check everyone she meets to make sure they'll be okay with her weirdness before she gets attached, Jeremy is trying to eliminate his weirdness altogether because he's never even experienced his peers listening out of *pity* so how the hell can he expect someone to ever listen to him out of *interest?*
Jeremy has never had someone pretend to like him before, so he completely lacks Christine's fear of befriending someone who secretly hates you. He doesn't realize how bad it'll hurt him if he destroys his real self for popularity, if he befriends people who would have bullied his real self. He doesn't know what disingenuous friendship feels like, so like a very young Christine he's still actively trying to get there because he thinks it's the only kind of validation he'll ever get.
Do you see what im saying? Do you see it???? AUAUGUGUUGGH
THANK YOU FOR READING!!! If you have thoughts or even rebuttals please share i am so desperate to discuss the blorbos
#theres gender theres autism theres stagedorks what more could you want#bmc#be more chill#christine bmc#christine canigula#jeremy heere#stagedorks#bmc meta#my posts#meta#essay#my meta#jeremy#christine#character analysis#guys academia ruined me actually#this literally genuinely hits the full word count requirement for a midterm paper i was supposed to start writing today#but instead i did this
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Wait. Ship on and don't panic are things you've said a few times. Who is panicking? Why wouldn't we still ship? Are there "shippers" who actually think Sam and Alex have a thing? I said "shippers" not anti's (I know what they think). It drives me bonkers that Sam isn't allowed to have friends of either sex (never mind business partners). Before Alex it was Luke and/or Matt Neal.
Dear Panic Anon,
That is a very good question and thank you for finally asking it: I think it was much needed.
Maybe panic is not exactly the right word; that being said, I wanted to trigger a reaction. And judging by your speedy comment, I was right on the money.
After ten years of shenanigans and innuendos, our troops are weary. Much of the sadness that punched me in the gut, as soon as I opened this page, came from at least five years of non-stop, unsanctioned and therefore perfectly irresponsible bullying from Mordor. It is one thing for the leads to try (and fail miserably) to gaslight part of their fans. It is another thing altogether to see a faction of the fandom constantly trying to gaslight the other one.
This has consequences: some people are tired, confused and also very thirsty. Some play both sides (I know who you are and you will soon be blocked, all of you). It is not easy to tell who's who and much less to trust someone: I consider myself immensely lucky to have almost immediately met some extraordinary people that I consider friends. So maybe it's my Southern mamma side, but yes - I do tell people not to panic for nothings, in an attempt to prevent/stop unneeded drama.
As for Norouzi... that guy only had to be spotted at the Keepers of the Quaich gala for vicious speculation to immediately start. The Dimwit from Madrid bets her quarter of a braincell that S's coming out is imminent. Meow Kabob dragged herself out of her basement, after two weeks of eerie silence (I wonder why...). Many newbies are confused and probably shocked at the state of play - and what is worse, unwilling or unable to choose a camp.
And look at you, thoughtful Anon, perfectly summing up the situation: 'Sam isn't allowed to have friends of either sex (never mind business partners).'
How come, 'isn't allowed'? That is such an arresting thing to say.
The very way you worded it speaks volumes. About how ridiculous and abusive this whole dynamic is. About how mean and stupid these people are. And then be glad S doesn't give a flying fuck anymore about whatever this fandom thinks. It is my firm conviction and I am glad it is so. It is the only way to remain sane when you know you are the focal point of all this menagerie.
Let them eat cake play bingo, Anon.
He does it his way. And it works, of course it does.
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inspired by your post about your husband lol, what random things do each member of bts do that make them a new level hotter to you
this is such a cute question!! well, maybe not cute depending on the response, but. u know. 🤷🏻♀️
seokjin — i think people are expecting me to say his brat taming thing, bc it is objectively hot, but if this is a safe space and we’re oversharing together on a stormy friday night, i think it’s kinda hotter if he… doesn’t? like, knows you’re being a brat but goes along w it and “lets” you act up. so that’s not my answer, obviously.
so, to me, it’s his perseverance. i think it’s very hot to straight up say, “hey, i’m not all that great at this, but i’m gonna do it and try my best anyway.” i am a person who gives up the second i’m not good at something right away or as soon as it gets hard, so. yeah. very attractive and hot quality.
yoongi — cop out answer, but anytime he does anything with his hands. it almost put me in the ground when he made all those cutting boards. add on him playing guitar and i was donezo. he has really nice hands and he knows he has really nice hands and it’s sick. he’s sick.
hobi — idk how to explain it but hobi emanates this absolute freak aura and it’s, like. very hot. like you can just tell he’s comfortable and confident in himself and would be down to do anything and get a lil weird with it, and that kind of energy is powerful.
namjoon — this is where parasocial relationships come in handy bc this is something i find so hot hypothetically but would make me wanna strangle him irl, but: his petty streak. my god this man is SO petty and i find it SO hot, but if it was directed at me i’d cry so bad. like, hickeygate??? closer pt. 2?? kill me.
jimin — his absolute disregard for gender roles. really fucking hot. talking abt how much toxic masculinity sucks? hot. drawing the bigender symbol on himself? hot. being described as having “gender neutral charm”? hot.
this is not me trying to assign him a label. it’s me as a person who does not necessarily feel all that connected to their gender (hard to describe what i mean by this but: i’m cis and know i’m cis but i still don’t know what being a woman means to me personally, and therefore i feel disconnected from it sometimes) seeing someone look at what society expects them to look and be like because they’re a man, and say, “yeah, nah.”
taehyung — how messy he is. another trait that might drive me bonkers irl, but from a very far distance? love it. it’s similar to what i said about jimin in the sense that, as an idol, there are expectations for him. and he just waves them away. like, there are not very many idols who are gonna go on weverse and threaten to shoot someone in the neck for violating their privacy, but taehyung will, and that’s very hot of him. those pictures from that club in paris? also very hot of him. he just sort of does what he wants and in an industry that’s so rigid and boxed-in, i can’t help but love a rebel.
jungkook — idk man. fucking everything. i had an embarrassing and public meltdown over him last year in his calvin klein era and now i can’t look him in the eye. if you put a gun to my head and made me pick one, though? it’s the way he’s got this overwhelming sort of fuckboy energy but you also know you could make him cry. we love a man with duality.
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Vala Deserved Better and This is My Proposal For How I Would Give Her Better
Here are all the things that I think Vala and I would do if they ever let her breach fucking containment. Jesus H. Christ let the woman LIVE!!! Shout out to @judgeverse and all the other fine folks in the discord for giving me this powerful vision
Go to the club
Obvious but apparently too much for the writers to handle
We would go with like 40 dollars between us and we would find a man to buy us drinks for the night and then give him a fake snap/number at the end of the night
She would finally experience the experience of the bathroom at a club and I think she would find it extremely healing
We would close that bitch and then go and get kebab before we called an uber to get us home
Pre Drinks
This would happen before the club obv but I think pre is a VITAL component to the experience while also being nearly entirely separate
All the SGC girlies chilling doing their makeup
We are all chilling on the floor of a living room using what using whatever mirrors we have close to us sharing big pile of makeup
Our brushes are filthy and Janet is low-key lecturing us about the dangers of sharing eye shadow and having dirty makeup brushes
Her's are also dirty
We have a Spotify jam going that absolutely shreds
We started out w a playlist but then we all wanted to show Vala some tracks so we needed to collaborate.
I show her Meghan Thee Stallion so when she comes on at the club she knows what to do
Janet shows her all the Y2K bangers
Sam just goes fucking crazy on the queue and puts everything from midwest emo to sea shanties on there
Shots obvs
Cam and Daniel keep texting the gc to ask when we're leaving for the club and we keep saying we're leaving soon
We brief Vala on club/bar safety so she doesn't go missing or perish or something
Watching movies but specifically the Barbie movie
I think she would find it very healing
She starts calling men Kens
A week later I find her watching TikTok edits under the 'close your eyes and feel' sound and we watch them together and cry
I gather mine and my mom's old Barbies and we play with them because there is no age-limit on Barbie!!!
I get distracted and go over the bonkers plotlines I used to give my Barbies back in the day.
I also show her other movies that altered my brain chemistry
The Breakfast Club
Mean Girls
Legally Blonde
Pretty in Pink
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Freaky Friday (2003)
Hairspray (2007)
Going for drives in a total shitbox while blasting music
She needs to experience driving around aimlessly for an hour and then ending up having a life-changing conversation in a random parking lot
Girlhood (TM)
Going to the mall
Sometimes you need to show aliens capitalism in action
I have to physically drag her out of bath and body works before she gets swindled into paying full price for a candle like a rube
I explain to her that she just has to wait a couple weeks for candles to go on a like 6 for the price of 2 sale or something and that I will tell her when it's happening
She is baffled by this revelation but listens to me because of my credentials (used to work at a mall and have a spending addiction)
We also buy a new outfit and then go to Sephora to get our makeup done to go w the new fit and also so I can show her my roots
She will also experience The Mall Pretzel
Sleepovers!!!!!
I would do my best to create the ultimate sleepover vibes
I'm talking we buy brand new fuzzy PJs, I string up christmas lights, every snack we could ever want, the entire living room is transformed into a comfy cozy area with everything we could ever need close to us
Trashy reality show playing on autoplay on the TV at a low volume so we can still talk and listen to music but also hear Kris Jenner saying out of pocket shit to her children
I would also give the experience of playing Nintendogs with your bestie
Maybe even a powerpoint night??
Putting tinder on the big screen and roasting men together
Playing the Sims and collaborating on the most ridiculous sims and houses to ever exist
Go Karting
Let this woman at the wheel immediately!!!
We could kick ass and then get a lifetime ban from the track
These 10-year-olds aren't ready for us!!!
Lighting section at Home Depot
Self-explanatory
IKEA
We would spend so many hours there just pretending we were furnishing a mansion with unlimited money
Saying: "Omg this should be in the Sims" to each other
The IKEA cafeteria my beloved
The only thing we buy is a Djungelskog each
Racing the carts in the warehouse part
A crucial yet forbidden part of the experience
Karaoke
She would love karaoke
No further points your honour
#stargate#sg1#stargate sg1#vala mal doran#bad stargate imagines#sam carter#janet fraiser#daniel jackson#cameron mitchell
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Some people who are game nerds eternally seek the return to nostalgia; a game that makes them comfortable or fond or experience the same level of thrill. People playing Harvest Moon end up loving Stardew Valley. Folks who played Pokemon are probably still playing Pokemon, or one of the popular catch-em-all copycats that are essentially Pokemon but with better gadgets.
But me? I eternally chase after a game that mentally and psychologically challenged me in the same way Myst did. I remember when my sister and father played it; they played together and they had fifty pages worth of notes and it took them months to beat the game. My sister had a special edition copy that came with a puzzle with the entire Myst game map on it. The music was haunting yet terrifying yet dreamy in that eerie sort of fashion. When I finally got a chance to play it, I became absolutely Apeshit Obsessed and I loved how it looked and played and everything.
Do I have four different copies of Myst? Yes, for four different game platforms. Do I have the remake available on Steam? Yes. Have I played their other games? Yes, but they do not capture The Vibe or The Challenge.
But good fucking God, I crave a game that drives me bonkers like Myst.
#myst#games#rambling#storytime#god i want a game that drives me insane like that again#some people have suggested Tunic for its encouragement to make notes#but it's NOT THE SAME#gaming#games that force me to take notes and drive me bonkers with lore and puzzles#Zelda wishes it drove me crazy like Myst
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by anychance, do you have thoughts on lifesteal!captain sparklez? the implication drive me bonkers
i think about him a normal amount (warning)
there are two main types of rules servers can have. there are rules built into the server itself, enforced by some greater power—the widespread no flying without elytra, vh disabling multiple items and enchantments, any respawn and heart mechanics. then there are the community established rules—no flying out of combat, no enderchests in mianite
i think sparklez is not necessarily bound to any of the rules of the land. he is brought on as a god, holds far too much power for that. nobody is bound to the community established rules beyond an honor system level and the enforced rules would not apply to a god the same way it does others (if at all, who is to enforce the rules on the greater power? gods are not known to be weak. to be limited by the same things as mere mortals) but he is of balance and here to restore it, so he plays along
jordan intentionally limits himself. he follows the heart system and keeps himself from flying without an elytra even though he has wings (even as he plays at being a regular person, he is still a god. the world still responds accordingly when he falls for the first time. the sky turns red and reminds everyone of what he is)
he doesn't strictly follow the community established rules though that is mostly from a place of not being aware of them. he flies out of combat a bunch not knowing it's against the rules. when he realizes there might be a rule about it he asks and is repeatedly told by the people on his side that no it's fine for him to fly. though it still does come to a point that he starts to refuse to, even as his people tell him that he really should get himself out, he says he wants to keep in the spirit of things
he wants to keep things balanced
on that note, before the assassination and everything devolving into warfare i was so ready for my guy to go down the balance but fucked up and evil route. the way he was talking about being the authority, about stomping down any violence and disagreement? balance overcorrecting to the side of order, suffocating balance in the face of the chaos that is the kill people server
the lets death ban that guy team briefly brought up the idea of trying to corrupt the captain and i can't stop thinking bout that either. i think zam meant it in a lets get this guy to be pro murder way but i don't think he was ever against murder, just the absence of balance it was causing. murder in the name of restoring balance? violence as retribution? perfectly fine and normal. surely no slippery slope to corruption to be found here
#ask#inthelittefrost#playing fast and loose with what is mechanically true and what i deem true for the vibes#anyway one thing about me is that i am always yearning for the chance for my silly little guy to have a lil corruption#for enrichment#and i will find a way to bring up vh if given half a chance to#says marsh
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Drives me bonkers when people frame excluding trans people from sports as encroaching on girls and women’s right to play sports without competing with men because from my understanding, girls and women got the right to play sports, but existing structures were like “well, fuck you, figure out how to create your own thing. We aren’t going to include you.” And then we got decades of women’s and girl’s athletics being under-valued and under-resourced
Like, it feels like they are talking about an alternate universe where sports were not segregated by gender and then there was a movement to separate them? It’s very weird.
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20 for the writing meme, please!
Thanks for asking! You picked a doozy, lol. (Ask me questions about my writing)
20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)
All right, here's some meta for chapter 2 of Nova, Baby (why chapter 2? Because it's an entire 5+1 inside a single chapter of a multichap fic, which is meta enough reason to choose it).
So yeah, it's a 5+1! I thought this was very clever, lol. Also a little bonkers, but there you go. I love this chapter because it really is a huge arc in Alex and Henry's relationship development, plus I got to play with these little encapsulated moments, and some other characters got to come in too (Nora, Pez). I'll give you some "behind the story" and lists of references for each section!
Below will be spoilers for the entire fic, so be forewarned.
I. My excuse for food-as-a-metaphor-for-love. I love that canonically Alex is a good cook, and this was my excuse to have them indulge when normally you might not get much of that in spy fiction (although, this is also a bit of a reference to my other fandom, The Man from UNCLE, where one of the spies is also a good cook; fancy dishes at safehouses is kind of my jam). I chose molé as a dish because making a traditional one has so many ingredients, to really drive home Alex putting a lot of effort into his relationship with Henry.
II. I had such fun writing this one so that, even though it's from Alex's POV, the reader doesn't know he's wearing a vest until Henry does. He might not have been risking his life (much), but he was definitely risking some broken ribs. This one has a bunch of little references in it, mostly to other spy media:
jumping through a fifth story window into a swimming pool—this is a Burn Notice reference. Throw a mattress into the pool first. Also I just love the idea of Alex being a little Extra when it comes to being a spy.
three guys who look like they walked off a Guy Ritchie set—TMFU is a Guy Ritchie movie, plus I love his movies in general.
Alex hadn’t gotten any confirmation from Langley that MI6 would be a part of this op, Henry had just shown up and Alex hadn’t really questioned it—Meant to sow a tiny thread of doubt in Alex's mind, which would pay off later when the fake burn file comes through.
he notices the way Henry’s eyelashes are wet and clumping together and his eyes are rimmed in red—Henry fucking lost it here. See also the part where he kills the men rather than his usual incapacitating, nonlethal shots. This is probably the point where he realizes how deep he's in.
Turns out, they don’t argue about what to do with it. They destroy the hard drive—direct TMFU reference, (spoilers for that movie), this is what Illya and Napoleon do at the end with the missile plans.
III. The classic Nora-and-Alex-have-a-conversation-about-his-bisexuality scene. Also I just loved the idea of Alex being so oblivious to his bisexuality that he's actually sucked cock before and written it off because 'that's just what spies do'. The layout of desks/offices in this fic roughly comes from the show Covert Affairs, since it's one of the few I've watched that actually regularly shows CIA interiors.
IV. Behind the story peek: Henry bails on this mission because he's concerned, after Lisbon, that he's getting in too deep. Also this scene Alex being a Henry-sexual (not interested in going home with any other people in the bar but can't figure out why), which I love. Also Pez in a poncho, because he would. Pez and Alex have an absolute blast on their mission, and Pez gives Henry no end of shit about Alex when he gets back.
V. Tender wound-tending my beloved. This was such a moment of honesty for them. I mean, not completely honest, but I think this is the first time Alex really realizes just how much Henry cares about him (save the full romantic feelings). There is, of course, a massive callback to this scene near the end of the fic where Alex tells Henry that he can't die because promised he'd always take care of him. All that time, he's carried that in his memory. So yeah, this is a pivotal moment.
+1. Ah, the kiss moment. I always love a kiss-as-a-cover trope, and it made for a good first kiss in this one where it would be easier to write off the potential for feelings, since it was all for the mission. Lots of canon references in this one:
in another life, he would have made a great politician—obvious reference is obvious.
I suppose I could, I don’t know, fall into the dessert table or something—a refence to Cakegate of course.
Christ, you’re thick sometimes—I changed the quote because I wanted it to be a bit less severe than "as thick as it gets." Alex is only thick sometimes in this universe, lol.
Henry’s back hits the wall next to some kind of small, indoor tree—always kissing under a tree, these two.
public displays of affection can be strategically useful for diverting scrutiny away from yourself—yes, this a CA: TWS reference
ALL RIGHT, that's probably enough lmaooooo. You asked me to ramble and I rambled. I hope this was interesting to at least one person.
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Rha*gar drives me absolute bonkers. Not because of his trashy actions, but because of how the characters think of him. I just don't get why on earth ANYONE in this series would still think of him in such high regards. Okay, characters like Jaime and obviously JonCon I understand, and maybe even Barristan, but everyone else? Why would anyone think of him positively? The guy fucked off with a highborn girl (who most characters agree was still a child) leaving behind his WIFE and TWO CHILDREN and said girl was also BETHROTED TO A LORD FROM ANOTHER GREAT HOUSE. dude successfully pissed off a handful of great houses all the while being Crown Prince and yet he's... regarded as honorable? Just? Used as an example of chivalry??? Why??? What did he do to deserve it? There's nothing in text to suggest he ever did anything to acquire this level of admiration. He did NOTHING good and everything wrong. Lets face it- if anyone of the current characters pulled the same thing he did they would not be admired after death and thats because the most logical reaction to someone like that is scorn.
I don't hate him because he's awful, I hate him because he's such a shittily written character. Nothing about how the characters think of him makes sense.
I think it does make sense if you consider who is doing the positive thinking.
Cersei? He's her escapist fantasy projection surface from when she was a girl.
Barristan? The kind of knight who'll serve monster after monster and then go on to serve the next monster. Who'll lament how he's not made for politics while participating in a coup to dethrone that "greasy" brown Hizdahr based on zero evidence because deep down he knows it'll result in something he understands: battle and bloodshed.
Jorah? Both times he brings up how much Dany is like her oldest brother, he's in the middle of cheering for slavery.
Aemon? Exchanging letters about Rhae-Rhae's uberimportant prophecy to the point of knowing on-the-dot when the guy last jumped on his wife to create that second dragon head.
Jaime? Threw a kid out a window to hide his own tower-bound adulterous affair.
Jon Connington? Infatuated to the point of bitterly disparaging Elia, incapable of questioning if maybe not burning down an entire town was maybe the right thing to do.
Others, though? Think of him neutrally at best. He's a historical figure to be mentioned, a confusing unanswered question to skip over, for most of them really.
I don't doubt that Rhaegar was a charismatic character, capable of commanding the attention of a room, confident enough to sing and play the harp for a large noble audience, possessed of an inner drive, goal oriented, handsome, etc. Compared to his physically repulsive and mentally unstable father Aerys he would have appeared even more favorable. It would make sense that for the people who already were predisposed to like him, his sudden questionable actions seemed so absurdly out of nowhere that they were scrambling for an explanation that would fit the image they had of him. An explanation they never really got because Rhaegar never explained himself, he just reappeared, made a few vague promises and then died.
He remains a blank canvas for them to project onto. A convenient "What if".
But there is nothing in the text that suggests to me he is universally well regarded, or that GRRM isn't setting him up to be exposed for what he was.
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Tl;dr: here's the chart I made, react at your own time if you'd like<3, sorry for the bible below.
Hello again legend, I present to you my magnum opus relationship chart, updated to where I reached when I started it which was about early-mid s7 (I now finished) and therefore does not feature Park or Addams.
You can probably tell which parts might be inspired by your fics (the og ducklings polycule, House and Wilson married, Cuddy and frankly any woman, 13 and Amber etc), which parts are rooted in canon (Cuddy and House, Taub and Rachel, 13 and Foreman etc) and which parts are fully just me going ham (some friendships and ships with people who never met in canon, some of them sharing homes oops).
I would absolutely love to read a live reaction from you on stuff you agree and disagree with and what makes no sense to you because I honestly think your brain is huge as far as dynamics go. Feel free to add anything you can see I blatantly missed, I for sure didn't include everything here.
I know most of your fics don't venture outside of the earlier seasons regarding characters and dynamics but I've been having brainrot about the whole lot of them, I have loads of headcanons regarding the chart:
- It took Foreman a long time to give up his house but because he literally cannot do casual relationships and is hardcore married to 3 people and dating 13 he just sleeps wherever
- Kutner and Masters have a crazy bonding arc that ends with them sharing a house and they balance each other out
- Stacy and Cameron used to fuck over shared weird ass relationship with House
Anyway seriously ama I can explain everything even why Lin Manuel Miranda's character made it to the magnum opus I'm being so fr
No pressure at all to respond unless this brings you equal brainrot, at your leisure boss
Wahoo! This is so cool! I’ve only seen charts like these occasionally, and never gotten a chance to really dive in. I love how this visualizes the complex network of relationships and their nuances, and crystallizes a particular snapshot of them. And I’m so flattered that my stories could play a role in how you imagine these relationships! I do tend to favor the early seasons, so this is a good chance to think about the later fellows as well, who I also love <3 (Will attempt to put my response under a read-more...if I can figure out how these work...)
Starting with Foreman: I love how he’s his own big nexus! The show has such intense main character syndrome with House, but I totally agree with how you’ve framed Foreman and Thirteen as other key spokes in the bonkers wheel of toxic polycule-ism that is PPTH. Foreman wants to be a responsible homeowner but he’s got marriages all over town! And really he’s married to his job! How’s a guy supposed to manage a mortgage situation like that? 😅 Foreman and Kutner (I almost just misspelled his name as Kuntner, which, honestly…serve) didn’t really get to do much together in canon, and I love to imagine them getting to have a relationship of their own, not just in the context of PPTH. Would they chill and play video games, and it would be a chance for Foreman to just be a person, instead of A Doctor? Would he get to enjoy Kutner’s laid back nature, but because they keep things casual, he doesn’t have to deal with the stuff that would absolutely drive his ordered mind crazy—you know he wouldn’t stand for a fridge that’s empty except for a jar of mustard and one (1) liter of Mountain Dew. Also I can’t believe I forgot about that plot point that Taub roomed with Foreman, oh my god. Yes. And Foreman and Rachel Taub secret pals? Delish!
Thirteen has pulled every young, gorgeous, eligible person in her orbit, as she should. Sampled all the flavors, as it were. Except C&C—I agree, she doesn’t vibe with the blonde twins, especially as a set, though I think there could be something interesting in the whole ‘Thirteen is House’s metaphorical daughter’ vibe that Cameron would just go apeshit over. ‘Oh, it’s House, but he’s a hot, impressionable young girl who’s also dying?!’ ß catnip for that messed up gal! (Sidebar: I am fighting for my life every time I try to make Cameron sapphic because that actress simply reads as unbearably het to me. It took everything I had to write explicit Cuddy/Cameron. I’m so sorry to all the lesbian!Cam truthers out there, you’re stronger than I! Especially considering Jennifer went on to be half of such a powerhouse WLW ship on OUAT…I don’t know why, but the only kind of queer for her that really works in my head is aro-ace. That girl just wants to save lives, she doesn’t have time for any other nonsense!) On that note, love the idea that Cameron/Stacy had a thing. Go girls, the best way to get over House is to get under someone else (who also wants to fuck him!) Cuddy/Amber is galaxy brain, god, let these powerful yet deeply insecure and structurally maligned women try to step on each other, fail, and fuck nasty about it 😭 I’m also glad you fit sweet little Masters in, I’ve only written her as a cameo because s7 is so…Like That…but she’s delightful and deserves the (intimate) attentions of beautiful and terrifying women such as Thirteen and Amber. And Kutner & Masters friendship, what a delight that would be! I think they would both bring eldest sibling energy to it that would turn out to complement one another, as Kutner shows her the ropes of having fun and learning when to bend the rules, and she can help him buckle down and connect with the times when the rules are actually important to follow. Kutner was always the youngin’, so he didn’t get to mentor anybody, and he should have gotten that chance!!
I think Cuddy and Wilson have a Something…that cannot be defined. Is it sexual, platonic, friendly, familial? Are they besties, are they both just good at being social, are they bonded primarily over their UST for House, would they have been the world’s most perfect Lavender Marriage??? (Which raises the point of kids, yikes! That would need to be a whole other chart, of kids had, imagined, and desired…) Similarly, canon implies that Wilson and Stacy are good friends and have been for quite a while (though we don’t get to see it enough!) and I always wonder how that went for James ‘Trips Over Friendship Into Marriage’ Wilson. Was his friendship like Stacy like his relationship with Cuddy? Are they surface level friends who really bonded over House—or over the kinds of things that draw them to someone like House, e.g. the dark unspoken desires they both paper over in their pursuit of appearing “normal”? Maybe it’s like what Bonnie said, if she’d slept with Wilson right away, she could have gotten over him…maybe Wilson slept with Cuddy and/or Stacy and they were like ‘that was fine, but what if we just did brunch once a month and gossiped instead.’
I agree that Cuddy should have gotten to keep Lucas, like a pet. He was delightful! House Lite, a little scamp, but one who could be kind and relied upon when it was important. And totally agree that House should get to keep Alvie, that musical theater freak helped him keep it together in one of the worst times of his life! Those episodes of s6 are a fever dream that I wouldn’t trade for the world. House needs his emotional support boy best friend (there’s that one post that says without Wilson, House flees to the nearest manlet…so real.) It’s so natural, then, for the two manlets to bond. Lucas and Alvie have killer karaoke sessions together that are as humiliating to witness as they are incredible to experience.
Thank you for sharing this inspiring chart (and for referring to me like I’m a mafia don, it makes me feel so butch and famous) 😎🥰 Please do reblog or reply if any of this stream of consciousness sparks clarifications/questions/additions!
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personal life rant under the cut sorry the quickest therapy appointment i could get was monday
okay this is fundamentally so unserious. but it has been driving me absolutely bonkers and i cannot really tell my friends about it without also driving THEM crazy also its juvenile but. here.
ok so quick lore update the girl who made me realize I was gay is one of my best friends and i met her when she directed a play i was in freshman year. this is important. realized my feelings sophmore spring and I eventually told her how I felt the fall of my junior year, when i was in another one of her plays, and she kind of flipped out bc she was studying abroad that next semester and I don't think she was in an emotional places to process everything. it was very unclear whether she actually returned my feelings and she never told me but it was a resounding 'lets just be friends!!!' regardless. after we fought for a month 🤪
ANYWAYS the next semester she goes abroad and we continue texting like every day but i eventually kind of get over it and i still love her but it transitions a bit. She comes back and we are closer than ever in the fall, we do so many things together and basically keep developing our already very close friendship.
now it's senior spring. she applied for a grant that would take her to grad school in england and of course I assumed she would get it bc she is like fantastically talented. i have briefly dated other people in the period in between but nothing really worked out and so i just resign myself to the fate of just hanging out with my friends and actually looking for love ugh when I move in september. but also at this point i know im kind of still in love with her so i was like 'enjoy this time with her because its our last semester in college and we are never getting this time back etc' and even though i want her in my life forever i knew it would be SO hard to see her go and move to another country for a while and maybe date other people. so i figured she would move and i would cry and be torn up but i would get over it. also, in the meantime, I have been entering into a bit of a flirtation with a girl we have both known for a long time (who is lovely) basically as a distraction but we both knew that it was NOT serious.
also for context: the friend is directing ANOTHER play right now that both me and flirtation girl are in. we are playing love interests.
so last wednesday she found out she didn't get the grant. me and our very good mutual friend (calling her X she will play a role later, she is also very very close with the girl lol) are SHOCKED. this means she will likely be with us on the east coast of the US with us. the following night, I go to a party with X, our friends, and the girl i have been flirting with. She makes a move on me at the party, which i wasn't quite expecting bc the play is ongoing and I am worried about making rehearsal awkward but i was like 'ok fuck it i guess isnt this what i set up i made my bed'
THEN X pulls me aside and is like 'grace wtf are you doing' and i said 'you literally knew about this and its not serious, why are you mad' and X says 'grace, she's not going to england', basically implying something about my friend and me. naturally, I freak out. I blow off the flirtation friend and basically spiral for the rest of the night and weekend. I eventually make X talk to me bc WTF
okay so the entire problem is that X can't say too much without compromising my friend which is fair. but basically X validated YEARS worth of feelings that me and my friend do not have a normal relationship, we have basically been dating for who knows how long, and heavily implied that after she found out i made out with the girl at the party she was jealous. after year(s?) of repressing my feelings this revelation obviously made me insane. BUT X was like 'you guys need to talk but you should probably wait until the play is over to do it' which is in THREE WEEKS. she said it maybe wasn't necessary but she obviously can't say too much to me and I feel bad putting her in this position but also WHAT. WHAT.
okay so. I feel like there's been a chip made in the side of the hoover dam of my fucking repression and i am having such crazy feelings and I can't really express them. I know my friend would probably prefer that we wait bc she takes her shows very very seriously (something i love about her!! so much!!!) but also we graduate in a month and i don't know if i can just not talk about what's going on for that long. also there is a fair chance we talk and we still have to just be friends which would kind of murder me (oh context her mother is like very homophobic and until this year she has been SO wary of relationships which i thought was permanent lol until X told me many repeated times that 'now it is different' WHAT DOES THAT FUCKING MEAN) but i would almost want to get that over with now????????? jesus christ.
to make things worse we are, as i stated before, graduating and so emotions are just running very high in general. we need to have this talk but I also want to have it at the right moment so things don't go to shit. but i have had a very hard time concentrating on anything. will be back to buisness soon but until then. jesus christ. just pray for me at this point idk what else to say
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id like to fight every woman in a management position. probably men tto but honestly ive only worked for women... weird. anyways.
i DESPISE capitalism. i do not wish to make their job easy in any way when you really ask me right. but the thing is. i understand capitalism. intimately. and nONE OF THEM. NONE. can seem to FIGURE IT OUT. and it drives me BONKERS. you cannot be a nice person and also succeed at the numbers game to the degree your shareholders want. you CANT. learn that. burn it into your brain meat. and then fucking aCT ACCORDINGLY. You have to fucking decide what thing you are doing for what reason. you cant be fucking wanting BOTH RESULTS from NEITHER STRATEGY.
sick of people thinking they can like. keep long term staff, overwork them, and not pay them, and expect that to make them money also.
like no. if you want longevity for the perks of longevity. you need to pay the longevity cost. if youre only willing to pay high turn over cost. expect high turn over to happen and STRUCTURE ACCORDINGLY YOU FUCKING DOOFUSES.
apply this principle to basically every aspect of the business ever because theyre fuckin dumb and i hate it because like dude if u want to play capitalist ill play with you i know the rules but stop acting like ur not!!!! caude id prefer that game! id kick ass and be so excited to play that game! but u dONT KNOW THE RULES.
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you know what absolutely drives me bonkers for fucking yonkers about The Kitchen Scene in season 3? It's that the hard cut to them playing video games with Christopher on the couch is supposed to be funny. They're doing that trope where the scene is tense and it the bit is that it suddenly cuts to something unexpected and lighthearted. EXCEPT what could've the writers intentions been other than to, for a split second, make the audience expect for buck and eddie to just start shoving their tongues down eachothers throats??? Because they're setting up tension in that scene but both of them are looking smug and smiling so it's not a bad tension. All the lines, the body languages, the posturing, point to very deliberate sexual tension that is then suddenly cut by the abrupt scene change and this is all to make the audience go "lol what..wait..no way they're going to........... YEAH okay whoo yeah okay there was no way that was about to happen" and to circle back to my original, most important point - it's driving me Absolutely Bonkers for Fuckinf Yonkers
#theyre gonna pay back for that scene later with canon buddie or im gonna make them pay with real life non show related reparations#possibly using a baseball bat for poetic justice#911 fox#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie
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ngl it’s fucking hilarious that they let Emily and murph, actual real life married couple, play the characters with some of the most innate chemistry and my personal favorite parallels and then sat them next to each other on top of it, as if they didn’t know this would result in a character dynamic that drives me a little bit bonkers!
#that way that both of them are alone in a universe that they were never ever supposed to be#the way that they both carry the weight of an identity meant for so many more but there’s no one left. so now they have to be everything#like when there’s an entire line of you there’s other people to explore all of your collective potential like you aren’t in charge of it all#but syd and Barry ARE and they are both still so insanely optimistic and earnest despite this tragedy#a starstruck odyssey#aso#dimension 20
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