#but likely the worst one bc it's. my dad. that's my dad.
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🐎 small talking about …worst weather they’ve each been in, or best/favourite weather they each have. Everybody can talk about the weather, even grumpy Joel Miller…
@jessthebaker ooooh yes i LOVE this idea, even the grumpiest of grumpy joel miller can dad talk about the weather
word count: 1k (got a little carried away bc i love these two so much, oops)
warnings: horses be tricky, reader has phonophobia, thunder, storms, summer storms
a/n: this was so fun! i decided to write about their experiences with bad weather, but i made him not grumpy since well, i was feelin' like this would be a bit further along in their patrol partnership
series masterlist || main masterlist
“This pressure in the air is…” You trailed off as you gazed up at the darkened sky. The deep, moody gray having crawled across the sky to blanket the sun. Lightning burst to life on the horizon, making you freeze atop Lowry. The sweet horse so attuned to you that she paused in her slow, meandering steps.
Thunder boomed, echoing across the open plains, startling you even as you waited for the sound with a held breath.
“We should head back, storm’s comin’ in fast.” Joel regarded you atop his own horse, Kiana. She whinnied, not liking the direction he was turning her toward with gentle motions of the reigns. The hush of rain on the horizon was loud as it moved toward you both. Wetting the plains with fat droplets that did nothing to quell the humidity that had made the air dense and hard to breath. Intensifying the heat of the mid-summer day and almost instantly flooding the ground into a muddy mess.
“Yeah, good call.” Following his lead, you steered Lowry to turn around. It had been too slow a realization on both your parts, clothing soaked and sticking to your skin and weighing down your hair as you closed the distance back toward the settlement. With a piercing whistle just as you crested a slippery hill, Joel let the guards on duty know that you were back.
Laughter bubbled up from them underneath their makeshift protection against the rain atop the tall, foreboding wall that protected your town. You couldn’t help but share in their good moods despite the sudden shift in weather when you and Joel finally found yourselves underneath the eaves of the stables.
His graying curls were soaked, one of them so affected it looked like a ringlet as it fell over his forehead and flopped with his every move. Heat bloomed in your chest when he tossed you a mild glare, but the sparkle in his dark eyes told you he didn’t mind it so much.
“Alright, I get it, I look like a drowned rat.” He shoved at you lightly as you dismounted and began to tend to Lowery. She knickered before she shook out the water from her fur without warning. Kiana imitated her, pelting you both.
“Alright, enough.” His quiet command had the two horses baring their teeth in a true flehmen response.
“That the worst weather you been caught in?” You removed your wide brimmed hat, grateful for the little shield it had made over your hair and face. Until the horses had decided to mess around, picking up on the easy-going mood despite the rain.
“Nah, worst would be a snowstorm back in Boston. QZ hadn’t been prepared for it, we lost what little power we had for nearly two weeks.” He easily spoke as he began to tend to his own horse, rich velvet voice soothing with the backdrop of the hard rain. “Before that it had been…fix or six years ago when I was out on a run. Nearly got picked up by a tornado as I sought out shelter where I could.”
“Oh geez, that’s intense.” You hung up the saddle just outside of Lowrey’s nook, closing the tall door behind you and ensuring the lock latched shut.
“What about you?” You turned from where you had offered the appaloosa a handful of hay. The tickle of her soft, velvety muzzle bringing a smile to your face. Joel was hanging up his own saddle, detaching the supplies he had fastened to it. His shot gun still secured across his broad shoulders.
“Hands down the ice storm that hit my city before the year before the Outbreak. Entire thing shut down because ice was built up about three inches thick on every roadway and street. Then it hailed and snowed for a week straight. Took forever for it to thaw out with the temps below freezing for so long. It was a bad winter, that’s for sure. But we never lost power, thankfully.” Walking side by side, you stoon just inside the stables with the man. Both of you staring out at the sheet of steady rain coming down from the even darker sky. It looked like dusk, even though the day had been new and the sun had just risen a few hours ago.
“Chicago?” He looked over at you, eyes roving over your profile. He noticed how your long lashes stuck together, the way your clothing stuck to your skin. Stepping away he rummaged around the collection of items stored around the doorway. With a grunt of appreciation at his stroke of good luck, he presented you with a worn umbrella.
“Yeah, born and raised.” Your eyes held long felt emotions as you shook your head at his offering. With a tug, you secured your leather hat back atop your head. Fingers tipping the brim, you dismissed him. “Got my hat, you need it more.”
“Why don’t we share, sweetheart?”
“Joel Miller’s gonna walk me home in the rain.” The teasing tone of your voice may have been lost in the way your voice lilted but he didn’t seem to show if he noticed.
“Someone’s gotta protect you from the thunder.” A raised eyebrow, a challenge from the handsome man had you feeling weak in the knees. He was teasing you, he was actually being friendly with you and your stomach flipped. It had been so long since anyone outside of your extremely small circle had felt comfortable enough around you to do so.
“Y-yeah, I’m not the biggest fa-fan of loud noises.” One of your hands rubbed at the back of your neck, heat filling your cheeks as you realized he had noticed your twitch of every boom as you made your way back to the settlement.
“Don’t worry, I gotcha. But once the ice forms, you’re on your own.” His lips quirked up in a grin as he opened the umbrella and sidled back up beside you. With a small brush of your shoulders against his in silent retaliation, you both stepped out from under the safety of the stables and into the rain.
come celebrate the last chapter with dev!
taglist: @joelsgreys @morning-star-joy @sawymredfox @pascalpvnk @littlemisspascal @merz-8 @orcasoul @sabmat @dreamingofleon
@keylimebeag @picassopedro @tuquoquebrute @alejaa-a @jessthebaker @joeloverture @joelscruff @swiftispunk @tightjeansjavi @undercoverpena @corazondebeskar @honeyedmiller @novas-dreamworld @slugz-writes-shit @hiroikegawa @dugiioh @persephone-girl @furiousmushroom @copperhalfcent @lizlil @hiddenbabynyc @part2joelmiller @formulafun @noisynightmarepoetry @sofiparallel @blueberrylemon7 @maryrhodalouandted @joelsdagger @fluff-lover
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@ohhellotherebumblebee @koshkaj-blog @r4vens-cl4ws @picketniffler @joeldjarin
#submission#dev answers#dev celebrates#fic: by the grit of sandpaper#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller fanfic#joel miller fanfiction#final chapter celebration#oh look dev has a queue
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As for my post this morning. If anyone was worried. Me personally I'm okay (I guess) but my dad's in the hospital and things r still very up in the air. So.
#speculation nation#bracing myself for the possibility of Major Grief.....2!!!!#well actualy more like 3 or 4 or 5 (lol lol lol)#but likely the worst one bc it's. my dad. that's my dad.#i left work early to visit him at the hospital. hes stable rn at least (he wasnt this morning)#he wasnt conscious though. and i really really hope he ends up okay#but. i still saw my dad unconscious in a hospital bed hooked up to like a million tubes and#thats my dad. Thats my Dad.#im really trying to not do my processing until after i know for sure how things are gonna go#dont wanna start grieving until after he's officially gone#so im trying not to think about it. but it's still... yeah. unpleasant.#and theres a part of me thats so so resentful. if i have to have a dead parent why would it be the Good one?#take my fucking mom instead. hell my life would even be BETTER without her. horrible as that is to say.#but it's my dad. he's not perfect. he has his flaws. but he's still tried in a way she never ever did.#seeing him like that makes me feel so... small. makes me remember being picked up by him.#makes me remember riding on the back of his harley as a tiny little 10 year old with a helmet that was giant on me#we'll hope for the best. we'll hope for a recovery. even if not a full recovery. i just want to have my dad.#sorry. this is probably too real for my tumblr dot com. it's just been... a lot today.#negative/#death/#hospitals ment/#idfk. sorry
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God. The thing abt the uchiha is that. Yes. It was fucked up that no one trusted them and they got pushed further and further from the village center. However. They were also a clan of ninja cops with fucked up magical eyes that they supercharge by getting horrifically traumatized. So like. I also would not fucking trust them.
#like maybe its just that ive been too influenced my senju propaganda but i just think the uchiha as a clan kinda fucking suck#at least by the time we get to sasuke's dad leading things. they seemed fine when madara joined with the village#so its just that the resentment at feeling pushed out has risin by then. and maybe im not remembering things right but like Tobirama#made them the cops right? and they got pissed that they weren't given any political power but like u get so much fucking power as the polic#? and also it just seems like the worst fucking idea to put that all on one clan. like THE WORST job u could give to 1 clan of fucked up#eyeball freaks. and i can never tell if they r legitimately being prejudiced against but like they kida have good reason not to trust them#bc they were legit gonna overthrow the government. so like where did it start? i just kinda feel like they think theyre entitled to power#but r also intentionally standoffish to outsiders. but again maybe im just biased bc i dont like Sasukes dad and the nameless uchiha so muc#ugh. its too messy and its all built on the back of what may or may not have been a slight against them. and the rift just kept getting#wider. i mean knowing Tobirama it was probably a slight... but idk im not power hungry enough to understand y they got so mad abt it#konoha. the village in which everyone sucks and the children suffer.#naruto ramblings#naruto
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finding a distinct lack of weed related things in fma. I got my posts back so in the spirit of 420 I’m offering this doodle from the other day ‼️ go smoke some weed
#fullmetal alchemist#fma#fmab#fma brotherhood#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#alphonse elric#edward elric#elric brothers#lou is an artist#anyways. I think uhhhhh. Mustang smokes weed but cannot do anything for himself. he doesn't have a dealer and can't roll for the life of hi#he has to get hawkeye to get him everything. she also rolls for him#and edward and al. al can roll both joints and blunts and ed can barely roll a joint#he rolls the worst little blunts and gets alphonse to pack bowls for him#he can get weed tho. he's friendly enough with most people to know how to get to a weed person from basically anywhere. al cannot.#ALSO I had this really really REALLY stupid idea of like. hohenheim fucking growing weed based on my own dad. in his study or whatever#I thought it was SOOO funny and they try sneaking in bc they're not allowed and BAM. face full of marijuana. funny as fuck to me#uhhhh. idk. I think I'm funny.#also PSA if you don't know already!!! blunts and joints are different bc of the papers they use. blunts have cigar wraps#and joints use cigarette paper !! they also have different techniques ig. I haven't wrapped a blunt but they're supposed to be more#brute forced and joints use more finesse says my brother the in-house stoner. well the main one at least
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my niece once got upset w my dad bc he wouldn't buy her some overpriced drunk elephant skincare product. she was freaked out about getting wrinkles. at age eight. i wish her mom had never bought her that damn smartphone
#idk if my brother is dad of the year or anything but he didn't want her to have the smartphone so points for that#her mom bought it so she could track my niece whenever she's with her dad (my brother) and text her constantly#and considering she's so petty that she made my niece leave an easter gathering with a terminal family member early it's like#i'm sure she has her side of it and my brother was probably a dick somehow but girl you're punishing an eight year old about it#and i really don't think shit like ''ice age is for boys (so i won't watch it)'' came from my brother#i'm sure i'm biased bc it's my brother but genuinely i think she bought my niece that phone to spite him#and now she's just glued to it bc that's what smartphones are designed to do !!!!#you would really fuck up your own kid's attention span and self esteem just to get back at your ex???#and this isn't even the worst parenting move on her part but luckily that guy died and can't be around my niece anymore ever <3#but i just worry about her. since i moved away i don't really get to see her.#and not to be narcissistic but i feel like it's good for her to see women w short hair no makeup comfy clothes etc.#i wanna be a good example for her#i told her she should just worry about washing with soap wearing sunscreen and drinking lots of water#i just can't relate at all. at her age all my friends were boys and i was into dinosaurs and pokemon and werewolves#a lot of girls... didn't really like me 😔 i remember being upset bc one girl called me a tomboy#anyway if u read all this. secret radioactive kiss just for u. mwah 💚
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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me
#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason#the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2#i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head#and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet#and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay#he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all#i have no idea what he has that i don't#but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about#not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me#not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act#im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough#for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away#from my sociopathic parents#and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough#but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d#exams#and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then#never cry#i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really#trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing#oh god this is now a ventpost#mes
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I support the "Batman was unfairly biased to Stephanie for XYZ reasons" crowd so strongly bc DC claims that Bruce is a master planner who is able to understand anyone's psychology but he didn't realize that literally every single one of Steph's problems as a teenager would've been solved by her joining a shitty punk band. If he couldn't figure that much out then he didn't understand her for a minute
#ramblings of a lunatic#PLEASE TALK TO ME I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON STEPHANIE IN A SHITTY PUNK BAND#her bandmates have turned into ocs it's stage 5 at this point boys#anyway what is steph dealing w/ pre-52 as spoiler that got her in hot water?#1. the anger issues. easily fixed by her getting to scream about beating her dad to death without actually doing it#2. nobody fucking listens to her (including batman). well when u are playing music ppl are definitely fucking listening#3. has no non-batfam friends and thus ends up feeling abandoned almost every time she gets kicked out of the group. bandmates are friends!#don't like being in your shitty house? go to your band mates house and jam!#need to articulate the anger issues in a way that doesn't disturb your frazzled paranoid boyfriend? write angsty songs!#also I do genuinely have a lot of thoughts on how music was applied to Stephanie's character and what it tells us about her#like she loved it. clearly. and she was GOOD at it too. steph is constantly perceived as a screw up and has pretty low opinion of herself#piano was something she could take pride in. in i believe issue 113 of tims og robin series-#-tim is AMAZED at her playing all these years later. so is nocturna a few issues earlier#there's a standard visual language in comics for good or bad music- notation drawn in either shaky or smooth lines#stephs are all smooth and golden. she's good even after all these years of not practicing#but all she says to tim after he compliments her is ''i used to be better...'' SHE SEES THE WORST IN HERSELF AND HER ABILITIES#SHE DESERVES A CHANCE TO FEEL GOOD AT AT LEAST ONE THING LIKE SHE FINALLY GOT TO AS BATGIRL IN HER SOLO#and onto my final point: dinah has several times expressed some degree of fondness/admiration for steph. steph has likewise trained w dinah#and thinks she's cool as fuck. which makes sense. bc dinah is cool as fuck#and what is dinah in??? that's right. a band#steph should join dinahs band for her mental health. this has been an essay#stephanie brown#spoiler dc#dc batgirl#batgirls#<- since that series re-canonized pianist steph!! bless them!
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hi guys. im sick so i'll be answering any rat egg questions y'all have
#not a confession#freakblr#🐀🥚#tbe rats here have such fucking short lifespans#maurice lived the lonhest i think but they disappeared#qnd then emile. the one who laid eghs in the libing room and wjat started this whole rat eggs thing#i think emile actually genuinely got mad at us#bc they ended up in a rqt trap#and it somehow managed to escape#but their fur was all ripped out from its body and dhit#and so whenever my family saw it#they knew that emile was like mad asf at us#my dad said it had some look of anger idk#BUT. update: my mom said she saw like. a new rat and shit#wondeirng ehat we should name itm#acthallt guys send me name suggestions#tmf#the music freaks#this js the WORST explanation i gave ever gjven#and what makes it worse is that these rats hage actually fucked with my head i swear#anyways i think emile disappeared thats wjyvmy mom thinks she saw like some new rat
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My dentist: have you been stressed lately? You’ve been grinding your teeth
Me: no but I’m angry most of the time
#me 🤝 mark ruffalo as hulk#having to explain to my dentist that I’m not stressed I’m just seething all the time#no one understands my ability to hold a grudge#I’m angry about shit that happened to me as a child#I’m angry about stuff I can’t even remember anymore#but I remember im supposed to be angry about it#and it’s the worst bc I can’t just tell someone im angry all the time bc they’ll be like you have issues#and im not like an asshole im very nice and everyone likes me#my self control is impeccable#I just create fake arguments that I can win when im alone and grind the fuck out of my teeth#im like the dad in inside out who’s base emotion is anger#anyways im so angry at my dentist but you see how im being funny about it
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Pov: ur staring at me after you told me The Valentino Rossi liked your spaghetti so much that he personally took you out for drinks and a meal
#just talking to the chef at work and he mentions he used to work for a catering company that went around with motogp races#and hes met So Many Motherfuckers#apparently Iannone was the Worst and he did not like him at all#n e ways hes met dovizioso hes met rossi hes met the lowes twins hes met simoncelli AND he has a bunch of signed f1 shit bc his BIL works#in da pits for mclaren ???? this motherfucker used to do everything !!!!!#n e ways one time he was doing catering for yamaha and The Rossi asked for the chef bc he liked da spaghetti so so so much tht he wanted to#treat whoever had made it ?? so he wined and dined my chef :')#i am being so normal about it :^))#my chef was kicking his feet and twirling his (imaginary) (he is super bald) (like a bowling ball) hair whilst he was telling me#and now he works in an old folks home with Me >:]#and also his cousin is an Olympic gold swimmer ???? and he was in the news before i knew him from work bc his house got crashed into by a#kis w they mommys car#this dude knows everything hes done everything one day hes gonna come in and be like yo uno D.B Cooper ? that me dad#this shit is insane#n e ways <3#im not dead i just got a job </3#this weekend is the first race im not working since i started :')#also i dont know what rossi was on about my chef is funny but his food is Bad <3
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God FORBID I want to take up space OUTSIDE of my 100 sq ft basement bedroom-prison, in this house, where I LIVE
#franposting#everytime im like oh ok living here isnt the absolute worst#shit like this happens#for fucks sake all I wanted was to set up bro 2 small weight bench in the downstairs bathroom#WHICH IS THE SAME SQUARE FOOTAGE AS MY ACTUAL BEDROOM#its HUGE and doesnt have yknow a bed desk dresser etc#and no one uses the downstairs bathroom except me and my dad#but NOOOO my mother is insanelt controlling and it makes visual clutter and she refuses to treat her actual obsessiveness#so i was given the option of the garage (cold dark spiders and we dont have an interior entrance qnd also its full of my dads shit)#or laundry/storage room (cold unfinished full of spiders and dust which im ALLERGIC TO#and also it doesnt have a door or a lock and i would straight up rather lift with the gym bros#than in view of my family#the gym bros are LESS judgemental#y do u think i do all my physio excercises in the bathroom or bedroom behind a locked door#i dont want to be PERCEIVED by my family#god forbid i try to exist outside my room prison#cant use the downstairs lounge bc allergic to upholstery#upstairs is loud and no privacy and everytime i sit in view of anyone#and also theres just no space????? plus my mother is always watching hallmark movies at volume 500#ITS A VERY SMALL BUNGALOW WITH TOO MANY PPL#but also i cant afford to move out in the GTA and thats where the jobs are wnd where my job is#and im not moving in with randos and have no friends in the area needing roomates#literally fucking kill me#everydya i miss my shoebox apartment. it was so#so so small and lonely but it was safe and private and mine and i was allowed to exist without judgement and rules#im not an exquisitely unwell suciidal teej anymore but i still feel like im losing parts of myself#theyre dying and im never going to be whole and it just keeps shrinking and shrinking#and i KNOW im weird and have odd needs for my living situation to keep me mentally sane#and its selfish and whiny of me to want very specific kind of roomate and not strangers in this economy#or to just live alone
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Fuck. The biggest highs always have the hardest comedowns. This isn’t fucking worth it. Except it is. It has to be.
#the fucking socks on the table that broke the camels back#but honestly I don’t really have time to have another dish that broke the camel’s back crisis#vent#I’m standing outside trying to determine if I’m going to cry or not.a#and shit I already gave dad the money I want to exchange for a $50#so I’ll have to talk to him again#and it’s cold outside.#and I am. not dressed for it. but at least I have a hoodie or I wouldn’t be able to stand it at all#and then I’ll try to forget and move on#it’s my one fucking day off#and let’s be honest. I planned to masturbate the entire fucking day. and I didn’t. and I still did some stuff. and I get it the table is a m#a mess#but there are worse things in the world than a sock on the table#unless we’re all autistic and our rules just all conflict in the worst fucking ways bc that is a possibility (except I think he’s NT)#bc I melt down and shut down over stuff being where it shouldn’t too (prefaced by I don’t think I’m autistic. I just have sensory issues and#scored an average of 161 in the raadsr#but like. it makes sense for our family to have it.#I’m just. fucking upset now#and my sister (who tbh had Meltdowns before masking it really well) helps me when I shut down. but fuck#none of this is good none of this could’ve been as bad as it is if somebody went and got a diagnosis and we could’ve had support#except this fucking ableist society we live in sucks and just#and anxious and wanted to kill myself so badly what good would a diagnosis be if I wasn’t around#…I should go back inside and eat dinner#but still#a few socks on the table where we don’t even eat off of that part#yells my name ‘what now?’ the socks on the table. I just. walked out of the house. and honestly good for me.#bury me back to what we came from where I belong where we came from we belong we belong#if the back tire of the bike was inflated I’d probably be going for an ill advised ride rn tbh#but alas
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#personal#now that the new year's has passed I feel like I can talk about it I did not have a good time lmao it started fine I guess? I was going to#play music for the new year but then mum made a comment about me still on laptop so I shut it bc ok fine let's not#then it was down hill from there? like I ignored it and was like let's not make a thing out of it so we are saying what we liked this year#/ what we want to do and mum goes and for my son I want x y z and didn't mention me so joe asks her and for if she has anything to say for#me? any wishes? but she doesn't lmao later on she goes (if only you would say what you want we do not know anything about you)#she didn't even mean it she said just to hurt like I was taking a video of this and lit off frame my face is dropping#later on she goes (and you didn't even say what you wish for us either) as she leaves and later when I'm talking to my brother#and I protest this he goes (welp what can I even say? like I told you before are pretty selfish) and idk what to say I was surprised I#don't think I'm selfish tho? I legit was the one to cook for us and got cake? I try so much but keep being labeled selfish this is the#second time he tells me that in the last two weeks I think and both are unfounded ngl anyway all of this pales in the last thing#so we call dad to say happy new year! Well joe does and I mean ok I was still pretty upset about what happened an hour ago so ofc I wasn't#cheerful when calling dad lmao but like I was saying all the right things anyway? but Joe kept gesturing at me to smile its a phone call#and after the phone call he has like (why are you always so depressed? if I were you and I finally got a laptop I would be flying from joy#why are you always so down? why can't you just be happy?) and I honestly don't know what to say lmao ok so I wasn't flying from joy with#my laptop but idk how to say it here but then like what's worst? being hurt and not a person recognising that you are hurt? and in fact#asking you why aren't you smiling? or idk being too depressed for others?? what's funnier is mum later on was like (don't let anyone words#change you you shouldn't yield to others) in reference to Joe's speech but like hello mama?? not 2 hrs ago???#anyway so I asked her if I shouldn't be listening to her words then? and she was saying yes with confidence like does she not#see either how she hurts me? how she keeps hurting me voer and over and over???#God I should have made that pizza and truly be selfish maybe I wouldnt have been hurt like that#tbd
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my manager is WAY too fucking nice to me im gonna explode
#emeto tw#emeto cw#in tags ->#i started having a panic attack at work earlier but i didnt really get the chance to go in back and chill for a bit so it just got worse#like REALLY fucking bad worse than ive had in . at least years maybe Ever. i have not thrown up in over a decade now but#i started fucking dry heaving behind the register i REALLY thought i was going to be sick it was a close thing#i couldnt even call my coworker up i just had to fucking dip and pray she realized i was gone (she did thank fuck)#and then i was shaking really bad really freaking out still fucking dry heaving in the back of the store and it was just.#easily one of the worst experiences ive had in a LONG time like december will not leave me alone <- covid then appendicitis and now this WH#and my manager hadnt been in the store at the time but she came in thru the back and saw me and i was like hey haha funny story#and she was so concerned and told me to stay in back as long as i needed and that i could go home if i wanted to etc etc#ended up bringing my bag back for me and bringing me water and she checked in on me every 5-10 mins until my parents finally got there#she was rly nice and rly understanding and then the coworker i abandoned who is also kind of my manager. also came back#and SHE was ALSO super fucking sweet about it really concerned didnt want me to feel bad abt it (i feel so fucking bad abt it)#i did end up having to go home early bc. dear god. and i texted my manager just now asking if i could leave a bit earlier tomorrow#bc im supposed to have another 8 hour shift but i didnt even make it to 4 hours today and im rly nervy abt it happening again#and she straight up was like 'are you sure? i was genuinely planning on covering your shift myself' SHE DOESNT EVEN WORK UP FRONT#SHE'D BE GOING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE REGISTER AND KITCHEN AND SHE'D BE THERE FOR AT LEAST OVER 12 HOURS#like okay. okay. when i texted my parents abt it dad told me 'its probably just nerves. try to push through it'#but my manager and coworkers r gonna be the sweetest kindest most understanding people about it. okay. sure. okay.#surely u see why i am exploding WHY ARE THEY SO NICE?????????? i feel so fucking guilty GOD#alyalyoxenfree
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like itpisses me awfff actually my mom outting me. bc my family on my dads side is like. fairly conservative. and she just went in calling me connor using he him like. dude. do you wanna hse a tiny bit of fuckin tact. i didnt ask her to do that and she NEVER considered what name she should use for me. and like. luckily my extended family Just kinda went with it i think bc they felt guilty for. The zoo. and related events LOL. and theyve been rly good abt it even my papaw and i wasnt sure he would. so yk... but i wish i had like. gotten to choose who knew yk. IDK basically
#like. tbh sometimes i think my mom just likes to pat herself on the back for having trans kids#and like. its not like shes transphobic and i think her outting me is the like. worst thing shes done irt my transgenderism. and she did#the same thing with my sibling Even tho my dad . even tho hes warmed up to transgender ppl in general even tho hes still weird abt it#he does not at all get nonbinary. and my mom just. started using theyrhem immediately. and my dad complained abt it#and like. one time he just started talking abt how he doesnt understand nonbinary ppl and doesnt think theyre real#and idt he realized Lamp is nonbinary but lamp was there while he was doing this and like..ngl zoo part 2 lets have a rematch LOL.#idk. i feel awful for complaining when nothing bad has actually come of it and my mom like. im literally complaining abt my mom not#misgendering me lol. which is dumb as hell. IDK. its just a bit irritating how it all happened#bc it feels like she put her Ally points on a higher priority than like. my safety. brother we live in ky my family is vonservative it#Shouldnt have gone as well as it did. idk.#again i think th only reason it went as well asnit did is bc they all feel guilty abt the whole thing with my dad. teeheed. giggled#common child abuse w. DJRBFJFNFJNGJG#awful thing 2 happen but brother i make it work 💪 rise and grind.#thats all prolly tmi idk idc.
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naturally i’m gonna be very upset at 6:09 am after an all-nighter over my brother and his actions
#personal#not the middle one we’re okay rn and talking again and he helped me get with my new job#even tho we haven’t spoken about the door and im not supposed to know he paid for it#so good but watch out#the eldest one i’m like hey i was gonna forgive ghosting me or flaking on plans you made with me for our dad#or not communicating that you already got everything done with said dad and all i really knew was my dad asking asking asking for his#eldest son and struggling for an answer for him#and even like not checking on me at all after i got kicked out and bringing a girl back and asking me to pretend to be asleep#god i regret not sleeping in a rest stop like planned that was so much worse#and also you and other brother just ignoring me begging for help telling you i got back into my ed and honestly going through the worst#time of my life also weed dependent to just cope and also my job sucked. minor but still#but again was ready to let it go bc you were so obviously in pain at the funeral i couldn’t be mad at that#but like why. after i offered to clean up after ur dogs did you um. ask me to do it again#then cussed me out after i asked that you don’t ask on the dot of when my shifts end#and then after mom told me i was selfish while struggling with a full time job and taking care of my dying father and struggling with that#and i was just asking what ur living situation was bc i felt like. hm. being told i’m awful for struggling during my dads death is a lot#instead of just saying no you go on a rant about how when we finally want to move in with you you’re doing something else and general#shit giving. instead of again. just saying no. or hell. checking on me.#so it’s like i’ll love you until every star gives out i can’t fucking look at you bc i’m so hurt#we haven’t talked since then and im not gonna hear from him till he asks what i want from christmas or he needs something#christ last time he checked on me was a segway to helping me going about the hoarder house as he loves calling it#i can’t believe i sent him photos of our dads writing saying i love you and his only question was is it still hoarder central#i was gonna type something mean i’m gonna lay down#i don’t want any gifts why would i want a gift. told him that i was hurt and didn’t want a gift my birthday and he responded and it’s gonna#and he’s didn’t respond*#be the same game during christmas#you brought a girl over on such an awful fucking night for me why would i want a gift#and it’s not like he hasn’t been there and doesn’t love me it’s just i’m hurt#and it’s not like he had all this space and my other brother and i never used it! i got kicked out and stayed a night!#other brother moved in with you! sorry circumstances led to me staying longer! just say no!
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