#but kano in the lost day hour comic saying that a friend is something that doesnt change | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yuukei-yikes · 5 years

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lost day hour should’ve been the end of kagepro babey

what is UP it's 2019 i am NOT ONLY talking about kagepro but im also gonna talk about a comic that came out like over half a year ago. Yeah

i've just been having too many feelings about it and it's my blog and i get to post whatever i want SO:

the lost day hour comic really was what would've been the perfect end to kagepro. like, kagepro in its entirety!!! songs, anime, novels. the comic just being THE ending.

haruka was the protagonist. in the songs, the "last" one (at least chronologically in universe) was from his point of view, but despite that the novels and anime did him dirty and never gave him his screen time, even outside of str. i mean even str isn't actually about him lol. haruka was never important enough, he's just the devise to make konoha tragic. but this time, it's post/during str and he's here!!!! he's the protagonist of the story!!!!

all the members of the mekakushi dan feel SO in character and everything they say really feels like a good resolution to all of their arcs.

kido speaks of family. she's really THE family character, not ayano. she makes sure to be the next big sister after having lost TWO (2) of her own big sisters. kido is the character to have lost the most family members: first her biological mom, after having to kill her own father lol she loses rin, then her new mom ayaka and her new sister ayano, and then her new dad kenjirou. even like that, kido keeps it together. she's never the one breaking down. kido is essentially what makes the mekakushi dan what it is, because she takes ayano's game and turns it into something seto and kano can continue feeling that comfort in. she takes over to be the leader and their big sister. SO OF COURSE SHE SAYS THAT FRIENDS ARE HER FAMILY.

kano says confusing stuff but that's just him and i. Love it. like when i read the comic and i was talking to my gf about it and the first thing i said was that i loved kano's bit and that he felt super in character and i still feel the same!!! he gets asked what a friend is and his answer is basically "whoever makes ME feel like im a friend" and really that's just The Most Kano.... and it's so rewarding to read his part because it feels like he's being super honest? like his expressions and stuff, he looks like. vulnerable or smth. especially when he says "i say good things sometimes" AHHH HIS FACE THERE!!! he's not acting at all!!!

seto and mary work in A FLOWER SHOP!!!! THIS IS CANON!!!! no more shitty part time jobs because they either got a job together or opened their own shop and this is. the best news ever. it's SUCH a cool thing to show. if this comic was the end, wouldn't it be cute to say "oh seto and mary open a flower shop together in endgame"? i love it. they're so important to each other's arc... mary basically starting to live her life after meeting seto, and seto becoming this!!! BRAVE BOY after meeting mary since he has someone to protect!! their answers are based on each other and ARE THE SAME which feels so appropriate ;_; they really did change for the better after meeting each other. they're one another's most important friend!

momo says friends are the most important thing because she spent her entire life by herself. no brother no dad and no mom. hibiya acts like she's exaggerating when she says that but tbh??? she really isn't. she was always alone! of course that now that she has friends, they're her entire world to her. hibiya meanwhile is like momo: he's still figuring out what a friend is! but he chooses to be more skeptical and looks at it from another angle, and rather than HELL YEAH MY FRIENDS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT he's like "dammit harukas right wtf is a friend". but that's super cool because at the beginning hibiya didn't even want to be with the dan in this comic he specifically tells momo he just wouldn't be there if he didn't want to be friends

hiyori is. probably my least favorite thing of the comic. i absolutely adore her it's not that i dislike her at all!!! she just... appears for such a short moment, and based on her story and the fact that she's A REVIVED character, her answer doesn't really grab my attention. she's confusing and ??? um, i would've liked it better if her answer was somehow connected to konoha because she's still mourning him, and like isn't haruka the (in?)appropriate person to hear this? lol. but overall, if this comic had been the ending, it's still good to see hiyori made it back!

ayano's bit really makes me want to cry because everything is perfect in it. she made it back. listen an ending where ayano doesn't come back does make sense because kagepro is about moving on and with ayano surviving shintaro's manpain makes NO sense lmao bUT HEY. SHE DESERVES IT. so she's back! and she's wearing that cute dress and she has her scarf! she's on the SWING SETS WITH HARUKA and i know that's such a silly detail but im so happy about it because it feels so right to have haruka and ayano's interaction be in a place like that KSNXKSKSK and aghhhh how she asks the question back to haruka!!!!! that's so cool lmao and it's so in character ;; but also her answer is sooo fitting, she even says "the current me" like acknowledging she's not the same she was before. since she's a chara with mental illness that's nice to hear... and another cool detail is that we see her drinking soda with shintaro while they watch the others be silly SKDNSLDK like if this were the end, that's SUCH a nice detail to put since the comic doesn't require shintaro and ayano interaction at all, and both are important characters to the story and each other. so they're clearly hanging out and talking to each other so that's really good to know

shin and haruka are probably my favorite in this comic because their interaction is the most fitting thing considering their entire history together. like ever since their friendship was introduced in novel 6 it's been something important! shintaro and haruka really represent the side of friendship in kagepro because overall it's a story about family, and their relationship always represented this other angle of finding family in a best friend. in novel 6 haruka says that if shintaro isn't his friend by now then he doesn't NEED any friends. he's the reason haruka even realises he has feelings for takane, because it felt so right to call shintaro a friend but it felt off with her. neither haruka or shintaro ever had friends because takane and ayano are their love interests, so it's their first genuine platonic relationship ever. and they just continue appreciating that always! even in their interaction in the comic shin expresses that he's still not sure what a friend is, but if haruka is one he just wants to keep it that way. so their talk in the comic is fitting and it's super nice to see shintaro gets to reunite with his best friend.

ok and........takane...... everything about takane in the comic is good. she is SO cheerful. all of you DUMBASSES who "hate" ene but "love" takane can die mad about it now because newsflash ene IS takane. if you hate ene then you dislike takane when she begins her character development. it means you hate endgame takane. it means you hate the happy takane in lost day hour!!! she has come SO far. she smiles so much and encourages haruka when he was overthinking and didn't know what to draw. she just tells him the answer is easy and friendship is the mekakushi dan. SHE'S PERFECT have you seen how INCREDIBLY HAPPY SHE LOOKS?? no one else has this impact of character in the comic, everyone kind of acts the same in regards of attitude (except kano who looks v honest and over himself but still). in the fandom we always took it for granted that endgame takane is more cheerful than she was but lost day hour just. confirms it and it's done in the best way possible.

ok and of course im talking about harutaka too because 1) im biased and 2) harutaka IS the love story of kagepro and that's not bc im biased anymore, it just is. and it never had a good resolution... until this!!!!

haruka asks everyone what a friend is but doesn't ask takane. like really he didnt want to ask her in the first place because when shin asks who's left to ask harukas like "uHHHH one person but..." and like he doesn't just imply he wasn't going to ask her, but his interaction with her is soooo different from the ones he has with the dan earlier. with everyone else he just asks what a friend is but with takane he actually... doesn't? wh. why wouldn't he ask her im just. ok.

haruka in the beginning tells kido to think of it as an interview and essentially that's the feeling there is in each interaction but with takane it's different. he's not interviewing her.

she shows up and sits next to him while he's trying to draw. they talk about WHY he's asking and about what he wants to do with his future. during the entire comic haruka is normal and friendly, and doesn't really act any differently, but with takane he seems a lot less formal and does things like allow himself to talk or get embarrassed when she immediately figures out he heard too much and didn't know what to draw.

their love story was always just left there as this tragic thing and as a fandom we always wanted their tearful reunion in the ending, but this is better. we finally know they actually do reunite. we always knew because in str takane is running towards him but this is... an actual interaction we're seeing

they didn't only reunite, but we get to see they still have a close and comfortable relationship with one another. out of everyone haruka speaks with, takane is special. when his face appears for the first time in the comic it's a smile for her

and um, it may be because it's my otp and i've been waiting for this str content for YEARS and you know harutaka is my lifeblood 😩😩😩 but i believe it's already established to be more than a friendship at that point. i mean haruka wasn't going to ask her so jUSt saying man im not saying they're a established couple there im SAYING i think they're Something. i mean like haruka always said in novel 6, it felt weird to put takane in the friend category so in str it's the same, just very Obvious

BUT that's exactly why it'd be a good ending. it's up to interpretation. little things like that ARE fun and good to simply allow them to be heavily implied. just like with their jobs. because okay haruka wants to be an artist, hell yeah that's a cool thing to have as canon. BUT i think it's cool that just one character gets a canon detail of his future, the one who represents what growing up means. HARUKA of all characters, the one who for a long time thought he wasn't even gonna have the chance to grow up, which is why it's incredibly fitting that he's the one to represent this.

kagepro might be a mess and just a pain to be a fan of, but it's really a heartwarming and wonderful story about friends, family and love. this comic covers all of that. while they're answering this question, it's a good way to say bye to the characters individually.... and i mean. the comic's ending is literally the most perfect thing ever for a close, with the ENTIRE mekakushi dan having fun together and finally being happy and complete.

of course it's jin's series. they're his characters. we all understand and respect that, and if he wants to make kagepro never end like he claims then so be it but personally!!! it makes me really upset that it's gonna go on

anyway. that's it bye gamers

#kagepro #kagerou project #shut up val #long post #:pensive:#rants

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x0401x · 5 years

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Reports and Highlights: Yuukei Roadshow in Tokyo

Compilation of info found on Twitter, Togetter and Privatter. Many thanks to ayara-resara for indicating them all.

<< Previous Show || Index >>

Before reading any further, I highly recommend those who haven’t seen the first show’s reports to read them, since one is related to the other. I advice those who have already read the previous reports to take a look at the bottom of the post again too, because I’ve managed to find and translate more info on it.

@kon_noooo

Q.: Is Kano left-handed? A.: Ah~, I kinda feel like I’ve heard something about this from Sidu-san~! But there’s also the possibility that we’re being deceived... There’s a chance that he’s actually a vigorously right-handed right-hand shot! He seems to think of himself as cute. Like, “It’s so cute that I’m left-handed~”. Please wait for an official announcement on that...

I asked about this when I was getting his autograph... I’d wanted to confirm it no matter what...

(T/N: The “right-hand shot” part is a gatcha reference. Scoring a big hit from the right side is called “right-hand shooting”.)

@enehai_hiyori1

LISTEN UP!!!!!!!!! JIN SAID THAT ASAHINA-SAN IS A CUTE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, y’see, I asked about what she likes.

I’m getting lots of reactions here so lemme tell you about when I got his autograph...

Q.: Does Asahina-san have anything that she likes other than cats? A.: She’s a cute girl who likes normal stuff. (The nuaces are difficult here so I can’t convey the whole idea, sorry.)

This is something that had been decided since the very beginning: she likes pancakes.

Jin-san: She probably wouldn’t make them herself, though. Me: She’d be like, “You do it”? Jin-san: She’d be like, “You do it”.

Jin-san: I wonder what state her bedroom is in... Me: Indeed...

Me: I tried to think of Asahina-san’s way of thinking (preferences), but I couldn’t come up with anything at all... Jin-san: Eh? She’s a girl who surprisingly likes normal stuff, isn’t she? Staff member: She is. I don’t remember the details so well but how much does that staff member know...?? They said something about “24 hours a day 365 days a year”. They did say that.

@takephotos12

Jin-san said, “Actually, just how much of what Kisaragi Shintarou says to his comrades is the truth?” and that’s too much for me; I’m in pain. I remember him saying before and after this that he was “going to kill a Kisaragi Shintarou cluster”, but my memory is kinda flying off the nest, so I hope I wrote this in my memo.

@nagihararion

Me: I like Haruka-senpai, so I dressed up like him today... Jin-san: Uwah~! Amazing! That blue plaid is really Haruka-like! Speaking of Haruka, I wanna make a spin-off with him as protagonist or something... Me: !?!?!?!! My memory is fuzzy from the point he said “spin-off” onward so I don’t remember it very well, but I feel that he talked about how he “wants to write it” and said that he’d “probably publish it”... I recall him telling me to “look forward to it”... probably...

By the way, I was dressed mostly like this back then:

@Tanapi_May

Me: When will Takane-chan’s birthday be revealed? Jin: Hu~m, I have no plans for it right now... but it’s a very important day. Some big incident or something of the sort will happen. Ah, but it might be in the future edition... Me: “Future edition”!? Jin: Yep, Takane-chan maybe being a Mama... Me: “Mama”!? I asked about this when I got his autograph.

@knkd3131

I only took a memo of the colors of the limelights during each song and my impressions on them, in case anyone wants to use it as reference... 🙇‍♀️

1. Imaginary Reload Lights: blue, green. The background guitar was cool. 2. Shissou Word Lights: purple, blue, green. It stopped at the second “watashi wa” (lol). 3. Additional Memory Lights: red. The interlude was long (nice). The last hook was emo. 4. Lost Day Hour Lights: white and peach with a mirror ball. Lights during the last hook: orange, peach, yellow, white and purple flashed on and off. Jin kept raising his right leg and his smile was cute. 5. Yume no Hana I don’t remember this one. It was a request from the last person to ask a question in the Q&A corner. “A song from THE BACK HORN that Jin-san likes.” 6. Remind Blue Lights: purple and blue with a mirror ball. 7. Solitude From the MV. Jin’s first independent album will be released. He wants the album to be like a picture book of short stories that will make us think he wants to create a new self separated from Kagerou. 8. Mermaid Lights: blue, green. A song from the album. It depicts a honeymoon. A song about boarding a plane alone. Jin: It’s a sad song, isn’t it? 9. FREAKS Lights: white, red. Lights during the last hook: peach, white, green, orange and red flashed on and off. Once upon a time, there was a clumsy monster. The song is about him, who entretains the crowd in a circus group today as well. Jin-san was lifting his right leg in this one. It was the one I liked the most, super emo. Parts of the song that I was able to catch: “I cried out of emptiness” (from the hook) “They laughed at me, who couldn’t become anything” (from the first part)

@shiunteen

I was overwhelmed by “FREAKS” and how its lyrics tear your body apart when you catch on Jin’s full-throttle melody and some other bits; the tears poured out of my eyes with pitter-pattering. Even though I don’t know anything about Jin, it left me in tatters, like, “Aah, he has it so hard; he’s suffered so much; must’ve been so painful”, and I saw in it the earnestness of an artist’s story depiction. I wanna listen to it again soon.

@yuzu_cosp

PV of MekaRelo

A funny story (about Jin’s chronically bad health) 🎵 Imaginary Reload

Q&A 🎵 Shissou Word

Q&A 2 🎵 Additional Memory

Break 🎵 Lost Day Hour

Lottery 🎵 [Requested song] Yume no Hana (THE BACK HORN)

Remind Blue Encore

Solitude

Jin’s first solo album will be released! 🎵 Mermaid 🎵 FREAKS

The editor of Mekakucity Talkers, Kuroda-san, was the host this time too.

Jin-san entered the stage with a mask on. “‘Why is that?’ Is what you’re thinking, right?”

He’d fallen into a bad condition at the end of the year. Caught a persistent cold that wouldn’t get better at all, and just when he thought he had finally cured himself from it, it turned into influenza. It got better a week prior to the concert, and when he thought he’d be able to do the live just fine, his molar swelled up two days before. Since his tooth was swollen, he got an edema in his face, and so he put on a mask.

There were cavities doing bad things to the root of his molar. He was told that he had no choice but have the tooth pulled out, but he explained that he had a live concert to do, so he received symptomatic treatment. He got three injections on the spot, in a place that had him going, “You’re gonna inject it there!?” and went home. Next morning (the morning of the day before the concert), he had an incision in addition to the injections, so he was in a lot of pain.

“Loxonin is amazing; it’s the only thing I can rely on.”

“Master, I’ll have the same as always,” he said as if to make his order → Jin-san and Kuroda-san’s drinks were soon delivered to the stage. One of the songs was the theme of the drinks...

🎵 Imaginary Reload

(On the tooth) “Thanks to the Loxonin, I’m not feeling pain, but it’s hard to move my mouth. Like, ‘it won’t go any farther than this point’.”

(Regarding Kuroda-san’s question of, “How’s the Imaginary Reload drink?”) “It’s carbonated, and I can’t be having carbonated drinks. Also, I had an incision yesterday, so all the more...”

Q&A Corner ①

Q.: Where do Hiyori and Hibiya live? A.: This would become a matter of “where is the setting of KagePro?”. There are models for it. I was indecisive as to whether I should reveal the actual place or not. In the series, it gets messed up (by terrorists and the like), so we’d decided not to announce it for the time being. As for the model of where the two live, it’s based on a village from somewhere in Hiroo Town, in the Tokachi District of Hokkaidou (where Jin-san himself used to live in the past). If you go there, you’ll figure that it’s a place where perverts are born (because it’s too full of nothing).

Q.: What’s Tsukihiko’s eye color? A.: Ah, I’m also curious about that (lol). The eye colors are important, so they’re all decided, but I told Sidu-san that “Tsukihiko is a normal human being”. Sidu-san also thinks lots of things out, like, “Won’t it be passed down to his daughter and granddaughter?”. In the Kisaragi family, too, there’s the setting that the father has orange hair and Shintarou takes after him, and the mother has black hair and Momo takes after her.

The comics would be over soon. They were going to end, but will continue.

This time, they’re following the track order of the album...

🎵 Shissou Word Right before the second hook, Jin-san ate the lyrics by the middle. He started singing again as if nothing had happened.

Q&A Corner ②

Q.: What kind of “story that -- the eyes” are Daze, Days and RED? A.: Daze and Days were made to be the theme songs of the anime from the very beginning, so I haven’t decided on that. If I were to give a subtitle to RED, it would be “the story that changes one’s eye color”. It’s a song about how two friends, one who likes to play around and one who is the studious type (memory is faint here), become self-conscious of the fact that the other has grown up. That “their eyes have been dyed into a color that they had never seen before”.

Q.: Please tell us about what you hesitated to say regarding Shintarou in the previous Q&A... A.: Ah, it’s the topic that will come up in this month’s Gene. Shintarou is the protagonist, but I didn’t get to delve into him, and there are more depictions of other people’s viewpoints than of his. Shintarou will be in the continuation of the series and will be a school teacher. Since marriages between characters and things like that are esteemed, I’ll write the continuation story, but this will be in a parallel what-if world. The next protagonist and abilities have been decided too. There are also new characters, characters that remained the way they are and characters that have grown up. It might not happen just in Japan. I wanna hurry and write.

Q.: How did you come up with Benisake-chan? (T/N: For those who don’t remember, that’s the name of the salmon mascot that Momo likes.) A.: I’ve always liked trout salmon ever since my days in Hokkaidou. I couldn’t eat it after coming to the Kantou Region because it’s expensive here, so I had it delivered from my family’s home and when I ate it for the first in a long while, I noticed that it makes you stinky even if you only touch it a little bit, so I was like, “This is it!!” and made her up. Sanrio’s Kirimi-chan was invented immediately after that, and it made me go, “Hey, hey...”. She was cuter and had me like, “This is how a mascot character is supposed to be”, ww.

Q.: What do you create first, tune, lyrics or melody? A.: I started using VOCALOIDs after the band I was in broke up, and when I thought of “doing what I wanted to do”, I considered creating a story through albums and started KagePro. I’d decided from the beginning that the story would include phrases that go “a story that ○○ the eyes”. KagePro was the first thing I made in which I created songs from world-building. Sometimes, songs come out of phrases like “Oh, my dirty!”. And the phrases come from requested themes.

🎵 Additional Memory

(10-minute break)

The song that Jin-san was happy to write out of the ones from this album... 🎵 Lost Day Hour

Lottery (prizes below)

A picture with Jin

A Jin can badge set

A special (signed) ticket holder and two bookmarks of the study books series

Mekakucity Talkers (signed)

A poster of MekaRelo (signed)

A secret present (which would be mailed at a later date, since Jin-san couldn’t look for it in his house due to his poor health condition)

The right to request a song

The request → a song from THE BACK HORN that Jin-san likes.

🎵 Yume no Hana (THE BACK HORN)

“This is the last one...” he said, and a video played after he was done, but then he was like, “I’ll come up and play one more song w” (swinging his body forward).

🎵 Remind Blue

Jin-san leaves the stage. The PV of Solidute plays. At the end of the PV, the confirmation that Jin-san’s first solo album will hit the shelves is announced.

Jin-san reappears on stage. “I’ll release a full album,” he says. He composed Solitude about four years ago and sang it at CDJ before.

“They’re songs I made because I wanted. I’m looking forward to this the most.”

🎵 Mermaid (a song about someone boarding a plane all alone on their honeymoon)

When he only played the songs he was asked to play, it was like, “Lie low.”

🎵 FREAKS

“I’ll do other concerts so please come again!” With this one sentence, it was over.

@BlueD01

On the topic of Jin-san’s tooth: “My mother always told me to brush my teeth so I always brushed it... How did it turn out like this...? It’s like it comes from the side of the tooth...” *proceeds to explain the proggression of the cavities*

Q.: Jin-san, when you’re create a song, do you give them to a character after making the song? Or do you come up with a character and make a song for them? A.: I formed a band in high school in the past and we used to be active, but though I’d wanted to continue on the band, the others wound up turning into “adults”. From there, I was recommended to use VOCALOIDs, but I could only make incomplete songs, like, the type of song that you play a little bit and just two people in the audience go, “wa~h” at it. Back then, the common usage of “eyes” caught my attention, like, “people become idols when they draw in the eyes of others”. So I started making KagePro. Also, I’d wanted to make idol-like songs. And that is connected to the following topic. I wanted to write a story of growth. Just like Hoshi wo Tsunagete from Kemono Friends, you can make stuff that goes, “this character is like that~”. It varies with each song.

So, Jin-san wanted to create idol-like songs. Also, Kisaragi Attention (he didn’t state this but most it likely) is a song with the theme “it doesn’t matter if one’s own nature (their sense?) doesn’t match them, as long as a third party accepts it”, and it seems it turned into an idol song from this.

Jin-san: *sees the lottery poster* I want that poster... The host: Do you not have it? Jin-san: I don’t. I might’ve given it to my mother.

(After the lottery) Jin-san: I’d wanted to bring it over from my house, but lots of things happened... I’ll mail the big deal on a later date. After the concert ends, please... talk to the staff member over there. We won’t do anything bad with your personal information. *laughs*

@bonus_time34

During the introduction of the colaboration drinks: “We did this in Oosaka last time, and we prepared the same stuff for Tokyo.” He called the drink a “soup”. “This soup has a nice color, huh~. Master, I’ll have the usual (lol).” A red “soup” came straight from the back. “It’s almost as if it was already prepared, lol.” The host joked as it was brought to him, “You’re getting VIP treatment, huh (lol).”

First half of the question and answers corner. “Think of a question with my songs as the BGM (lol).”

“Jin-san is in a period where he uses ‘I really like you’ in his songs a lot (lol)!”

“Now comes the song by your beloved uncle for your other beloved uncle: Additional Memory.”

Jin-san waving his hand as he retreated into the waiting room looked so happy and cute that everyone waved back. I wound up lost as to whether I should applaud or wave.

“How was the album?” “It was the be~st!” some people raised their voices. “I listen to it a lot too. But I don’t cry. I did cry when taking the injections, though (lol).”

“I’m glad I was able to compose this one: Lost Day Hour.” The prolongation of his voice during the hook was wonderful. The high-pitch parts were beautiful. “This song is about the character called Kokonose Haruka.” (My memory of this talk is faint.)

To explain the rules of the lottery: anyone who made an additional order would get a lottery ticket. “(The special present) Could be a signed truck tire (lol) or a signed light-motor vehicle with an expired license (lol). Something that would be a pain in the ass (lol, lol).”

Here, he talked about brushing his molars. “‘How do you brush your molars?’ The dentist’s face looked like a lightning had fallen in front of him.”

The request of the lottery winner was for Jin’s favorite song by THE BACK HORN. “I’m indecisive about this one (lol)! Seriously?! Okay, then!” He played Yume no Hana. He was excited and seemed to be having fun. To the person who made the request, thank you... “I didn’t think I’d get to play THE BACK HORN. It was the best.”

Then, we had the last song... or so he said. “Though I say this is the last one, we will play a video, and I’ll come back after the applause, so I might play something once more (lol),” he stated. “Let’s see each other again somewhere else. This has been Jin. Thank you. Here’s Remind Blue.” The arrange of the second part was amazing. The hook of that part... was great...

The animation of Solitude was cool but the lyrics were good too... Below are a sketch I made of the girl from the video while watching it, as well as a drawing I made of her relying on my memory.

“I played this at COUNTDOWN JAPAN. Is there anyone who listened to it?” About ten people raised their hands. “So there is~. I had thought something along the lines of, ‘let’s do this (solo album)’ after releasing the second album. I was asked things like, ‘Won’t you make that into a CD?’ by the people who listened to Solitude. I’m the one looking forward to it (the release of the solo album) the most.”

He introduced a new song from that album, Mermaid. “Weren’t your titles always supposed to be written in kanji and katakana!? What happened (lol)!?” “Nothing happened (lol).”

“Until I started using VOCALOIDs, my songs felt like holding a concert for only two people while going, ‘It’s destruction~! I’ll tear up your eardrums~!’ (lol)” “It’s been about eight years since last time I made something just because I wanted to compose and listen to it. I wanna make stuff that I feel like conveying.” It seems he composed it based on that. Unlike KagePro, this album will be like a “collection of short stories”.

Mermaid was a song about a honeymoon. The high-pitched hook was melancholic. Jin-san also said this, but it was like a fairy tale.

When he was making songs on request or KagePro songs: “It was like, ‘Even if you have a scenario in your head, lie low’.” He managed to put the things that crossed his mind into songs. He did it...

(A little before another song.) “Can I do it? It’s okay, isn’t it (lol)?” “I’m happy to release (the song) in this occasion (talk live concert).”

The thrilling melody of FREAKS is damn great. It’s a song that gives you courage.

This one was really the last song, so Jin concluded it with his farewells. “I’m thinking of playing many other new songs.” So he’ll do concerts again...? Ambiguous...

After this, there was an announcement, and an autograph session of sold goods and sets.

From the time I got Jin-san’s autograph: when I said, “I like Kisaragi Momo-chan! Thank you very much for always!” he replied, “She sure is popular, huh~”, so I think there were probably about two more people before me who showed the appeal of a Momo fan.

It was a really fun talk-and-play show and I wasn’t able to cool down my excitement. I wanna go again...

@mine1_Hedgehog

Yuukei Roadshow in Tokyo Memo

(About his tooth.) His face was swollen, so he came wearing a mask, but even after his cavities healed a little, instead of going “wah~”, he ended up feeling dejected. “It was like, ‘Did I put on weight?’”

This time, the host ordered a drink that was named after one of the album’s songs! “That’s right; if you pay for it, you get a drink.” He thought it had a good color and was happy to receive it. “Then, Jin-san, you order yours too,” he was prompted. “Master, give me the usual soup.” → “Oka~y.” And so, a red drink came to him as if it had been waiting for a cue. It was an Imaginary Reload one.

The first track was Imaginary Reload. The lights were green. I got emo when listening to that yapping electrict guitar song being played with an acoustic guitar... He’s good with the guitar...

Once it was over, the host was like, “It was a cool song with a dashing sense to it, huh?” and Jin-san interjected, “That’s right.”

When he was asked why he wasn’t having his drink, he said, “I can’t drink anything carbonated right now (because of his molar).” “Don’t cry~” Why did he choose that, then? “Carbonated drinks seriously sting. They make me feel awake.” “It’s literally an ‘imaginary reload’.” “It smelled of blood.” Seriously, why did he choose that?

Here we had the first questions and answers corner. *Looks at the letters displayed on-screen* “This is like a detective drama!” “You can ask about anything, even if it’s not KagePro-related! It can be about secrets regarding Jin’s birth and things like that too!” [roar of laughter] “It’ll finally be revealed...!”

Shintarou’s mother is set to be originally from Hokkaidou. Speaking of which, Momo-chan had mentioned this.

HibiHiyo’s village is based off the village where Jin-san used to live in the past. It’s linked to a town, but the place is actually a weird gathering of villages that you could hardly call a town. There’s seriously nothing there at all. “You’d understand if you saw it, but it’s a place where perverts are born. You have nothing to do there except be delusional.”

(On the topic of Tsukihiko’s eye color.) Sidu-san is in a zone unknown to Jin-san regarding this. In volume 4, his eyes “don’t open because he’s laughing”, but in the manga, he indeed has them closed at all times, www. Jin-san said he had normal eye color, but Sidu-san’s “normal eyes” are wicked, so we can’t know for sure.

There was a lottery after this. The rule was that people would win based solely on the amount of food they got. “You don’t have to spend too much money. That’s not the kind of game it is.”

*drinking his beverage* “Is there anyone here who was also in Oosaka? [lots of hands go up] “I love you...” [roaring laughter]

Second track was Shissou Word. He trailed off at the first verse of the second half like, “wata(shi wa)...” and then resumed after three seconds as if nothing had happened. I forgot why, but he said “I love you~” again afterward.

I think Shintarou is a smart, lovable and good person, but Jin-san sees him as mysterious. He doesn’t know very well how much of what Shintarou says is the truth.

Jin-san was shocked that Vegeta and Bulma from DB got married. “That yankee and Bulma...” It seems he thought he was gonna die.

Everyone thinks that so and so are in a romantic relationship and will definitely get married! Jin just hasn’t written that yet! Even though this kind of thing goes on (in fandom), he can’t bear to see these sprouts of hope get plucked. That’s why the future story that he’ll write next will be like a parallel/what-if thing, and won’t become the future of the normal route. There’s no definite answer to the things Jin writes.

The next protagonist is already decided. The new characters too. It might also happen in places other than Japan. For Mekakushi-dan, there’ll be those who will appear just like they were before and those who will appear grown-up. I think it’ll be a good story.

@natunyudo

Jin-san: How was the live? Me: It was great! I also went to the one in Oosaka, but it was so good that I also came to this one in Tokyo... Jin-san: Thank you very much. How were the new songs? Me: They were good! Jin-san: Which one did you like most? Me: Ah... Mermaid! I was touched...! Jin-san: I’ll do my best in the other new songs! I’ll also make even better albums than this one (MekaRelo)! Me: I’m looking forward to them! I’ll buy them for sure! Ah, also, this... *hands over a letter* Jin-san: Wah~, thank you so much! *stares at the letter fixately* There’s a musical note written here~🎵 *sees my name written at the back* Thank you very much, [my name]-san. Me: ......!!? (He called my name...!!???) Jin-san: I’ll also do my best to fix my cavities! Me: Ah... please do your best! I’ll be cheering for you!

@nozunozu0815

Me: Thanks for having me win the lottery! Jin-san: Ah, it was you?! We also met in Oosaka, didn’t we?! This time, unlike back in Oosaka, we obsessed with the CD order for the songs so it was different, right? Did you have fun? Me: There was Imaginary Reload and it was really the best! Speaking of which, that person who’s been an Asahiner for seven years came today too, but there was no My Funny Weekend. 😇 Jin-san: Ah, that’s true. You noticed it. You see, I can’t open my mouth to sing My Funny Weekend. 😇 That one has really high notes~, honestly~. Me: Indeed. Since your mouth is swollen, it might be difficult. 😇 But getting to listen to new songs was also the best! (He finishes writing the autograph)... If it’s okay with you, can we shake hands? Jin-san: That’s fine! Thank you for coming today! I intend to do this again somewhere else, so please do come listen~! Me: Thank you very much too! I’ll definitely go! And I’ll definitely not wash these hands anymore! Jin-san: Please stop that, ww. Please wash them, ww. Seriously... you’ll get influenza, ww.

We had a conversation like that. 😇

#kagerou project #kagepro #mekakucity actors #mekakucity reload #kagerou daze #jin #shizen no teki p #yuukei roadshow #yuukei roadshow in tokyo #my translation #event

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randomtrashmagines · 5 years

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Going to do a bit of rambling since I haven't actually gone into my purpose for doing this blog or anything about myself really. It’s all over the place, my scatterbrain is strong tonight.

The main purpose, I work ALOT between April and October. Like live in management of my families motel, ALOT, now add a toddler on top of that noise. Flashback to the summer of 2017. I was averaging 90+ hours a week running the front desk here, while 5-10 months postpartum. I am an introvert, a socially awkward introvert. I naturally went into depression. I had actually been depressed but didn’t realize it until then.

I started antidepressants which worked for a hot minute and cause weight gain, that was wonderful. I hated myself so fucking much because of it. Switched to another and started counselling. That one stopped working and I decided I didn't want to play the pill roulette. I stopped taking them in February of this year, started working out and dieting to a point where I feel better about myself and got back into my nerdy hobbies that I had lost interest in because of the depression.

Some of my depression happened when I moved to where I am now. I’ve been here for several years now, and in that time I had to back off the hobby I loved the most, the hobby that gave me self confidence, and made me the happiest...well besides writing smut for my best friends. That was cosplay. I went to the first con since I got married in 2015 back in March and it was the eye-opener I needed to see that I had lost a piece of myself. I wanted to make more cosplays, and I still do. I had a cosplay page but I deleted it a few years ago for some reason...

I felt good enough to get back into drawing and writing to where I started this as a headcanon blog where I could just throw my ideas and dirty trash cannons up, I did a couple but while wanting to participate in mermay I got the bright idea to combine it with one of my favourite games which switched this to an MK sketch blog. I was going to do some Thrones mermaids but I was more inspired for the MK ones. I genuinely didn't think people would like my stuff. I’m self-conscious about my written stuff sooooooo I don’t post, like any.

My depression may be gone my anxiety has gotten worse over the past few years, but I’ll take that over depression any day.

But anyway, this blog is helping me cope with my crazy work schedule by keeping me in my happy place and getting me through this season. Which is a fucking lifesaver because I’m not happy doing this work but I feel obligated because if I leave my husband goes too and it's his family that needs us. Even though his mother thinks that someday I can be this extrovert who doesn't need a creative outlet to stay sane. Yeah...okay. Cool story.

When I say I appreciate you guys, I mean it with every fibre of my being. Thank you for liking my stuff, thank you for liking it enough to ask for more. You’re keeping me afloat from the horrid black pit of self-hate hell.

@serenaqueen181 thank you for being my desk relief and yay or naying my sketches. Lol. Now we need to get to October so we can start that cosplay workshop in the lobby.

NOW, to the stuff about sketches!

Update on requests. I’m not doing them in any particular order. Mostly things I think the ref I’ve already found would work for or ones that I’m inspired to do atm. I have about 5-7 I need to do or decline. I keep losing my list or my kid runs off with it, so I don’t have an exact number.

I switch moods like crazy so just because I don’t do something now, doesn't mean I won't later. One day I could be like I REALLY WANT TO DRAW SINDEL! And tomorrow is maybe like Kotal or a whole other fandom or something. Unless its Kano, I’m always in the mood for Kano. Maybe someday I’ll make a list of series and stuff I’m into. But today is not that day.

I promise Subscorp will happen, I’ve tried numerous times but I wasn't really digging how they came out. :(

Oct-March I should be way more active...Hell even September, hopefully. I don’t work during those months so fingers crossed. Should be working on D&D stuff cause I would like to get that comic off the ground X_X. But for now, while it’s balls to the wall busy I’m going to do what I can.

#trashspeaks #rambling about nothing

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robbiefarlow-sidequestfitne-blog · 7 years

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New Post has been published on Side Quest Fitness

New Post has been published on http://sidequestfitness.com/thanos/

Chaos, Your Death Drive, & Fighting Thanos

Do you remember your first breakup?

And I’m not talking about the time you broke up with the Jenny in third grade so you could go out with another 8-year old girl on the same playground.

No, I’m talking about the first breakup that left you crumpled on the floor, tears flooding out of your eyes, and howling at the moon. You know, the one that hit you so hard you didn’t want to live anymore?

Yea, I’m talking about that breakup.

As the incredibly awkward high school nice guy who made it far too obvious he had a crush on you, I was, for the most part, single throughout high school. So my first real relationship didn’t happen until my sophomore year of college. Unlike some of my friends, I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 19.

Maybe it was because of the rose-colored glasses I wore, or a head full of naivety, or you could blame it on my youth and inexperience, but some part of me thought this girl, my first true girlfriend could be the one.

Not because she was the first girl I’d had sex with (alright, fine, maybe a little bit of that) but because at 19-fucking-years-old, I didn’t know the difference between love and the bubbly, oh-so-good feelings my brain and dick kept ricocheting between one another.

So, yea. I was getting laid — a lot — and for a kid who had gone pro as a third wheel for the last six years, I was finally in the big leagues. I was in a relationship (one that involved getting my penis touched).

Life couldn’t get any better heading into summer break.

And Then…

With both of us heading home for the summer of 2006, I had plans laid out for taking long weekend trips to see her in Delaware. And, sure, it would be awkward getting used to sleeping alone again and not having sex (nearly) every night, but the summer would be over soon, and we’d both be back on campus in no time.

I drove up for my birthday weekend in June and spent half a week in her hometown and sneaking in as much sex as possible while staying at her house. Everything felt fine. It felt like nothing had changed since we’d departed for summer vacation.

All of that started to crumble a few weeks later.

Shortly after the 4th of July, I noticed that something felt off during our conversations. Our typical late evening AOL Instant Messenger chats had stopped, completely. And our nightly-before-bed phone calls morphed into me leaving a voicemail saying, “goodnight, I love you.”

Still, for some reason, I felt a small disturbance in The Force — a stinging sensation in my gut, as if my stomach knew something my brain didn’t: “Robbie, she’s acting strange…I think she’s gonna break up with you.”

Nah, she loves me. I love her. We’re weeks away from being back on campus; our love is all that matters (stupid stomach, shut up).

Then it happened. Like a sucker punch to the back of the head.

“Robbie, I don’t think we should date anymore.”

In an instant, it felt as if she’d performed Kano’s famous fatality by ripping out my heart, throwing it on the ground, and walking away.

Dazed and lost in shock, I sat at my computer motionless, unable to think. Then, minutes later, with a gaping hole in my chest cavity, came the hot sting of molten agony.

I spent the next few days secluded under the covers in the fetal position, nearly choking on tears, and sucking at the teet of a bottle of whiskey while Dashboard played as loud as possible.

You can last two or three days on a steady diet of junk food, Domino’s pizza, booze, and the salty taste of your tears. But then it all changes; the bender morphs. Tears dry, anger builds, resentment envelopes you with its soft cloak. And revenge — the darkest and most dangerous of all emotions — begins to coalesce in your soul.

Until recently, I didn’t have a name for this period of darkness and time of constant self-destructive behavior. But as I re-read through some old comics, I realized that moments like this (and a more recent one I’ll touch on further below) puts us in direct touch with our most chaotic elements. Or what, thanks to one Marvel comic series, I’m calling: Thanos Moments.

Thanatos and Our Desire for Death

In Ancient Greek mythology, Thanatos was the personification of death. Millenia later, Sigmund Freud would theorize that all humans have two drives: Eros, or our life force, and a death drive, which leads us down a path of death and self-destruction. It was one of Freud’s early pupils, Wilhelm Stekel, who decided to refer to death drive as Thanatos.

Jim Starlin, in 1973, created one of the most iconic and destructive comic book characters of all time. Who, ironically enough, had a brother named Eros and not only brought about massive amounts of death to the universe, but worshiped Marvel comic’s own personification of Death aka Lady Death.

First appearing in an Iron Man comic, The Mad Titan Thanos is one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel Universe. For over 50 years, he’s found his way into numerous storylines (including the MCU) and in 1992-1993, he was the chief protagonist of one of the most iconic comic book storylines ever: The Infinity Gauntlet.

I could spend an entire article breaking down the Infinity Gauntlet series and the comics that led to the event in 1992. But, for those who haven’t read this required nerd reading, here’s what you need to know about Thanos:

He’s a miscreant, an outcast, a mutation of his perfect race (The Eternals) and since his introduction, he’s been hell bent on acquiring absolute power.

In most of the comics, Thanos has had but one goal: acquire the all-powerful Cosmic Cube. An ancient weapon that allowed whoever wielded it the ability to reshape reality around him. Meaning that anything its holder could think of was possible.

An instrument that you wouldn’t want in the hands of a nihilistic, nefarious, narcissist like Thanos.

Okay. Now that I’ve given you a brief look into who Thanos is, here’s why his quest for power is relevant to a gut-wrenching breakup.

Do It For The Ladies

The end goal for Thanos is to acquire enough power (the more infinite, the better) so that he can prove to Lady Death how much he loves her. Though there are many different storylines where Thanos shows up, what you need to know is that he fails multiple times to acquire limitless power and at one point is turned to stone.

Lady Death revives Thanos, endows him with more power, and leads him to believe that the universe is unbalanced between life and death. And that it’s his duty to restore said balance.

While peering into The Infinity Well, Thanos discovers that there’s still a way for him to prove his worth to Lady Death. And to do this, he must acquire The Infinity Stones. With these stones in his possession, Thanos is certain, this time, he’ll be able to prove his love, and worth, to Lady Death.

But there’s one problem.

Acquiring all of these stones makes Thanos the controller of reality, time, space, soul, power, and mind. Granting him complete omniscience, omnipotence, and omnipresence, which in turn, makes Thanos a more powerful entity than Lady Death.

This, Lady Death cannot stand for and refuses to accept Thanos’s love.

You’re as Subtle as a Brick in the Small of My Back

Unrequited love is an impenetrable fortress that drives the greatest of men and warriors straight into the bosom of insanity.

When Lady Death first tells Thanos that she cannot accept his love because he’s more powerful than she, he breaks. And it’s at that moment that he decides, with all of his acquired power, that he will destroy half the universe with a snap of his finger.

So think back to your first breakup. How much did you plead for that person to take you back? Did you promise to change for them?

Did you do tell them you’d drive 14 hours to talk to them in person? Spill your heart out and say words you’d never said out loud but only thought, all in a last-ditch effort to convince them to not breakup with you?

For awhile, you refuse to accept reality. It’s over. Done. Your once peaceful and ordered life has been thrown into chaos.

Where it All Leads

By now you’re probably wondering why I’m talking about breakups and Thanos.

So to prevent myself from going too far into the comics and dissecting them, let me (briefly) share what sparked all of this.

At the end of October, in less than 48 hours, I lost half my clients. Gone. Like a snap of Thanos’s fingers, half my income was obliterated.

Like those dark moments after a breakup, I began to question my worth. I began to doubt my skills and wonder if this was the moment where life was telling me to throw in the towel. It felt as if a levee had broken and fear, doubt, and the pain of failure began to surge forward.

My livelihood and business had been thrown into chaos and my first thought, like the first days after my first gut-wrenching breakup, were to engage in self-destructive behavior.

Like Thanos, this jump into chaos, into self-destructive tendencies, happens because we feel we need to take some form of power back. Immediate and intensely gratifying actions provide us with a short lived reclamation of power.

The terrifying downfall of all of this happens when we go too far, and we lose ourselves in the dark abyss of chaos. Something that isn’t uncommon after your heart is shattered.

The Hole You Need to Get Out Of

It could be a load of bullshit your friends tell you when you’re in your twenties and going through a breakup. But I’ve heard it a few times in my life: “The time it will take you to get over your relationship is equal to the total time you spent together.”

(Little did I know until my wife told me, but the above quote actually comes from an episode of Sex and the City.)

There’s a bit of truth in that line, though. Within those seven months of being single again, I opted to ignore my feelings and stuff them inside, and I threw myself full force onto a path of self-destruction.

I drank more than ever

Allowed malice, anger, and dreams of revenge to fuel my thoughts

Started smoking cigarettes

Smoked more pot than ever before

And I stopped caring about my actions towards other people

Full of spite, hatred, and contempt, I attempted to drown away and leave forgotten in the depths of my vacant heart all these painful feelings; I wanted everything around me to suffer — I became Thanos.

How to Know You’ve Become Thanos

Life isn’t easy. It’s a struggle. But so too are relationships. And breakups cloud not only our judgment and emotional state, but we often forget that another human being, who has their own feelings, emotions, and life goals are involved in this predicament.

But, as human beings, we’re selfish. And when chaotic moments arrive, and break our ordered lives into a million different pieces, it’s easy for us to place ourselves in a victim mindset.

You’ve seen the signs of someone trapped in a victim mindset before, they’re:

Self-absorbed

They feel entitled

Unwilling to take action to alleviate their situation

Easily paranoid that others are out to get them

Believe others are fundamentally happier, more talented, better off than they are

Any of this hitting home for you?

Who hasn’t been through a breakup (or another chaotic/traumatic event) and months later find themselves still absorbed in their own pain or rejection and unable to move past it?

How about the time you didn’t get that job and felt because of your skills, education, or knowledge that you should have gotten it?

“Yea, well since so-and-so has more money than me, I bet they’re happier. They never struggle like I do.”

“My friends are happier because they have girlfriends. I’ll never be happy if someone doesn’t love me.”

“I know I should get over him/her, but I can’t. I just can’t do it. I’m too hurt.”

The last bullet point above is one I know without a shadow of a doubt, that we’ve all thought, felt, or said out loud at some point.

Escaping a victim mindset isn’t easy. So please, don’t assume that I’m saying you’ll wake up the morning after an Earth-shattering event and everything will be fine and fucking dandy.

It probably won’t be. Depending on your situation, the next day might feel like the worst day of your life. And we’ve all (and if you haven’t, you’re an anomaly) felt those first moments the next morning where we try with all of our might to convince ourselves it was only a dream.

I’ve said it before in a previous post, but I believe pain is the harbinger of truth; and truth, like change, doesn’t come when you’re happy. You only make changes or discover the truth in your life because of pain. But too often than not, when these Thanos moments happen, most of us retreat and hide from our pain.

The thought of facing our problems is too much. And it’s here, hiding within the walls we construct in our minds, where we chain ourselves to a victim mindset.

The longer we avoid and the longer we numb, the more painful it will be when we finally do confront our issues. – Mark Manson from “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck“

But wait, Robbie, the comics make Thanos out to be a brooding, nihilistic, morose, psychopath from childhood. That’s true, and you may be an upstanding member of society, but the point is: you can still become a destructive force like Thanos — if you allow a victim mindset to take control of you.

If I’d Known What I Know Now

In the days, weeks, and months that followed my first breakup, what drove me deeper into the dark nether realm of my soul was the same demon, dragon, or being that I’ve been terrorized by my entire life: the feeling of not being good enough.

The victim mindset I found myself in during those seven months settled like concrete. I hardened this mindset by allowing my demon to whisper that I wasn’t good enough. Or that I wasn’t:

Adequate in bed

Didn’t listen to her enough

Wasn’t smart enough

Didn’t meet her “standards” (my family was too redneck)

Wasn’t as talented

To put it bluntly: she could do better, and I was a fucking loser.

During high school, I would have retreated within and stuffed these feelings of inadequacy deep in my heart — hidden all my pain — only letting it out while singing Brand New as loud as possible alone in my car. But this time, things were different.

Love, sex, and vulnerability were involved, and never before had I put myself out there with another human being; never had I felt what I thought was true love, until her.

For the next seven months, I allowed the dark ravenous emotions of chaos — resentment, jealousy, malice, and hopelessness — to gorge on my soul.

Why wasn’t I worthy enough of her love? Why couldn’t this be? How could she go from loving me to not?

Though he may have been a brute, I assume many of these questions swirled in the cranium of the Mad Titan himself when Death rejected his love.

The First Cut is the Deepest

It’s cliche, but it’s true: time heals all wounds. My first steps out of the shadow of chaos may have come seven months after that breakup, but my final departure from the outskirts of that land took a lot longer than that.

Much of the self-destructive behavior I started after that breakup remained with me for years in the form of smoking, drinking, and, because I was too afraid to be vulnerable and let down my defenses, I more or less became a bit of a dick towards women.

The Eternal Battle Between Order and Chaos

Dr. Jordan Peterson, a Canadian clinical psychologist and tenured professor of psychology at the University of Toronto, has spent much of his academic career (and now rising YouTube fame) talking about the delicate balance between order and chaos, and how going too far into one or the other leads to oppression or hopelessness.

Using the imagery of the Yin and Yang, JP (for short) believes that to have a balanced life, we must have one foot in order and one foot in chaos, precariously balancing between the two.

See the opposite colored dots in each section? There’re a hundred different ways to interpret those small dots. But in the case of this article, there are two that stand out to me:

There is life in death (or order in chaos). And there is death in life (or chaos in order)

If we are to believe as JP says that, for a balanced, virtuous life, you need one food in chaos and one in order, then those dots would mark where your feet must be placed.

This concept, or battle between order and chaos, goes back to the beginning of time. It’s a war that’s been waged since the first single celled organisms evolved into multicellular lifeforms.

Evolution introduced chaos through mutations, while natural selection played, and still plays, the role of establishing order by weeding out the weak and allowing the strong to survive. And evolution’s gift to humanity is the ability to make conscious choices, to feel pain and remorse, pride and joy, love and hate.

Revolution’s Effect on Evolution

Evolution is a slow progression. But change, whether in nature or our minds, cannot happen without some bit of stimulation; and ultimately, this stimulus must come from revolutions. Or as we often call it in the term of the mind, revelations.

Derived from the Latin word revolutio meaning “a turnaround;” revolutions (or revelations) are our Thanos moments: the time where chaos has suddenly, and many times, uninvitingly, entered our lives — leaving us with the choice of either improving and evolving, or stagnating and regressing.

Our biological processes are always looking for homeostasis. But the human body, if it’s one thing, is resilient and adaptable; but to become more resilient, you need some form of chaos introduced.

Autophagy is the process by which our cells (thanks to induced stress that comes during exercise, caloric restriction, or fasting) break down cellular components and rebuild.

Dr. Yoshinori Ohsumi won the Nobel Prize in Physiology in 2016 because of decades of research into the phenomenon of autophagy. As detailed in the press release for Dr. Ohsumi’s award, autophagy was described as: “[a process that can] rapidly provide fuel for energy and building blocks for renewal of cellular components, and is, therefore, essential for the cellular response to starvation and other types of stress.”

Exercise and restricting calories are both stressors on the orderly state of our bodies. Both of these throw our energy systems into a chaotic state where they’re forced to respond.

(At the same time that eating less is a stress on your body, following a structured set of rules in how much you eat, or if you practice intermittent fasting when you eat, helps provide your body with some sort of order within the stress (chaos) of a calorie deficit. See, one foot in order, one foot in chaos.)

So why did I just take a hard right turn out of the heartbreak hotel and start talking about yin/yang and an evolutionarily crucial biological process?

Well, like the opening scene from Die Hard where a guy tells John McClane to take his shoes off and make fists with his toes in the carpet, sometimes you need an extra scene that doesn’t look like it means much so that later on, the rest of the story makes sense.

The point for the right turn is this: where order provides us the rules or a roadmap, chaos is the autophagic process that helps reorder and improve our lives, business, relationships, and ideas.

Through the Mind’s Eye

Everyone reading this has at some point experienced the pain of rejection. And like Thanos, when something Earth-shattering happens, we catapult ourselves further into the realm of chaos. And for some, we lose a bit of ourselves in its dark abyss.

Like the small dots within the Yin/Yang, there is life in chaos: lessons that we can learn and take with us to become better. But those can only happen if we choose to face our fears, instead of hiding from them.

A Hidden Truth in a Comic Book

**Side note: I reached out to Marvel to get permission to post 3 images from the comic I reference below. They denied my request. And since I didn’t want to taint the spirit of the piece by drawing stick figure art, if you have Marvel Unlimited you can check out the comic I reference. If not, I’ll do my best to describe the panels below.**

As I dug deeper into the history of Thanos, I discovered an issue of Captain Marvel from 1973.

Hidden in this issue, issue #29, is one of the most profound life lessons you could ever learn. One that stopped me dead in my tracks. (and since I can’t post the image from the comic book, here’s my description)

The entity known as Eon whisks Captain Marvel away from Earth and into his domain. Once there, Eon explains to Marvel the story of Thano’s race and what Thanos is after (The Cosmic Cube).

For Captain Marvel, he feels he’s being tortured by this creature (Eon) while he’s educated on matters that terrify and shock him to his very core. And then Eon say this:

Knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

What Eon says to Captain Marvel is no different than what I said above:

Pain is the harbinger of truth; and truth, like change, doesn’t come when you’re happy.

It’s easier to remain blissfully ignorant. And when faced with a Thanos moment, we run, hide, and choose to ignore the problem. Thinking that if we give it no credence, it will go away; but it doesn’t; because the consciousness that you know you must accept at some point, is the torture you dare not face. And without facing it, you’ll never change; and you’ll remain stuck, possibly forever, in the realm of chaos.

As Eon shows Captain Marvel the errors of his ways, Captain Marvel has his own mental revolution, and he realizes his mistakes and what they’ve cost him.

Eon tells Marvel that he’s physically capable of handling the most daunting of issues. But explains that Marvel’s greatest challenge can only be dealt with once he becomes conscious and accepts his mistakes as a chance to grow and evolve — a process that can only happen mentally.

In the following pages of artwork, Captain Marvel defeats The Ravagers, which, for this article, we’ll call: Doubt, Fear, Failure, and Pain. For you as a reader, these are entities that after any traumatic event, like a breakup, ravage our minds and spirits.

Or as Dr. Jordan Peterson said:

What lurks underneath comes up to swallow you.

When you allow those ravaging emotions of doubt, fear, failure, and pain to lurk underneath, you allow those emotions to rob you of not only growth, but fulfillment, joy, happiness, and hope.

You Are Your Own Worst Enemy

In the final two pages of this Captain Marvel comic, a truth is revealed, one that echoes through all of life and rang out to me. After defeating The Ravagers, Captain Marvel is told he has one more task. He must face his inner demon.

Or, as Eon explains to Captain Marvel:

“This is your cancerous other self. He is your hostility, your battle lust, the side of you which loves destruction, perpetuates hate, and seeks death. He is your personal Thanos. To truly live, you must overcome this within yourself.“

Death and rebirth are a common theme among ancient myths and even comics today. But they’re there for a reason.

For you to improve, in any way, some part of yourself must die. And through this death, only then, if you decide to face your inner Thanos, can a rebirth become possible.

There is, and will always be, order and chaos — yin and yang; Thanos and Eros; Mario and Bowser; Link and Ganon; you and your demon. And until the day you die, you will continue to battle with your innermost Thanos.

What I want you to take away from this piece is that to grow and be your best, physically or mentally, you need the occasional Thanos Moment.

If you’re too ordered, too focused on rigid rules, or try to be too streamlined all the time, so that you avoid hardship(s), you’ll never improve or evolve. Too much order breeds atrophy and apathy.

But catastrophic events shake us up and force us to make changes we otherwise would’ve never made. Because without these events, we’d never find ourselves evolving, growing, and working towards our highest self — or as the Ancient Greeks called it, apotheosis.

Man Becomes God

Nassim Talib’s idea of a modern Stoic, as outlined in his book Antifragile, is this: “[a] modern Stoic sage is someone who transforms fear into prudence, pain into information, mistakes into initiation, and desire into undertaking.”

Thanos did none of that. And I doubt he ever had a single Stoic bone in his body.

But when a Thanos moment happens to you, whether it’s a traumatic breakup, losing half your business, death, or being hurt by someone you care for, what good will revenge, or the immediate, gratifying feelings of a vitriolic response, or the drowning of your pain in a bottle of whiskey accomplish? What growth or self-evolution comes from that?

A balanced life, with one foot residing in the realm of order and the other in chaos, is more than likely, unattainable. But striving for that balance, as daunting and intimidating as it may seem, will lead to a far more virtuous, joyful, and meaningful life than one where you reside under the shadow of chaos, or hidden behind the veil of order.

We’re meant to carry loads heavy enough so that when we carry it, we can have some self-respect. But people do everything to try and lighten their load. The problem with this approach is that then you have nothing useful to do. And if you have nothing useful to do all you’ll have around you is meaningless suffering. – Dr. Jordan Peterson

**There would be another clip from the 29th issue of Captain Marvel here but since I can’t post it, here’s what happens. Captain Marvel is fighting his inner demon as Eon says:

“To live is to strive! To strive is to seek! In this sphere of existence….only one thing is worth seeking….that which gives life meaning…”

A Life of Ease, or a Life of Struggle?

On our way back from Christmas in New Orleans, my wife, as she is apt to do on long road trips, decided to probe me with a few “fun” questions. Including this one:

“Would you rather live to 100 and struggle all your life? Or would you rather live half that time with relative ease?”

To my wife’s surprise, I chose a life of strife. Because even though I could live with ease, without struggle, without a fight for something, what would it all be worth?

Thanos moments don’t knock on our doors and greet us with an effervescent singing telegram when it enters our lives. No. It rolls in shooting flames from the tailpipe of its eardrum demolishing monster truck that then proceeds to treat your life like a dilapidated 1995 Buick Century.

But when we hear the rumble of chaos’s engine, we run. We hide. Whether that hiding is done via drugs; alcohol; sex; or spending seven months consumed by anger and hate brooding with your broken heart in your hands, hiding from what we fear gets us nowhere.

Chaos is a chance for us to grow: to ascend to new heights.

Like the biological process of autophagy, Thanos moments allow us to reexamine not only the trajectory of our lives or business, but they’re instrumental in helping us reframe our beliefs or course correct our goals. And then, once we’ve become conscious, and faced that which we fear most, only then can we restructure and redirect ourselves towards rebirth.

I still vividly remember the moment I realized after seven months of heartache that it was time to start moving on. I remember standing on the stairs that went to my roommate’s room, listening to him groan about his current relationship issues and what he should or shouldn’t do. And then, out of nowhere, it came. Clarity. Epiphany. A revelation. A small part of the truth I had been looking for, finally, came to me and I took my first steps out of the shadows of chaos.

To Strive is to Have Meaning

The first few words of this article started as an exploration into why we commit acts of self-destruction. Why, when half my business and income vanished in the snap of a finger, were my first thoughts about getting drunk? What good would that have done?

“We control our reasoned choice and all acts that depend on that moral will. What’s not under our control are the body and any of its parts, our possessions, parents, siblings, children, or country—anything with which we might associate.” – Epictetus

Like Thanos, man’s greatest folly is that he desires to be God. And it’s easy to feel like God when things are in order. But throw in a little chaos, something that was not in our plan(s), and the first thing we’ll do is jump on the anger train and ride it into self-destruction town.

As I’ve been listening to Dr. Peterson, flipping through pages of comics on my phone, and compiling notes and thoughts about this concept for the last three months, what has stuck out to me is the importance of Thanos moments — moments that shake us to our core and challenge us to improve.

We have them every day. Every day some part of you dies and has the possibility of being reborn. It happens with red blood cells, hair cells, skin cells, but it also happens with our ideas, thoughts, and beliefs.

Man is meant to be God. But not an omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent being that rules over others. No. You must be God of your own mind. Ruler of your thoughts and actions. And if your actions are leading you towards killing half the universe with the snap of your fingers, or in a non-comic book sense, punching a wall with your fist because your heart is broken, is that initial self-destructive action worth it?

#conquer #habits #health #life #lifestyle #mindset #motivation #nutrition #strength #success #Articles

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