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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 9 months

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i’ll go see you again tomorrow (spring is coming to an end) ; sashisu

[ part 0 - first meeting ]

synopsis; the gradual blossoming of a youth shared with three strange classmates, at the weird, isolated boarding school you all attend. as the seasons of your first year together pass, the relationship between you changes into something you don’t need to put into words to understand.

word count; 1.6k

contents; sashisu/reader (but can be read as either platonic or romantic, or something inbetween!! i wrote it with the latter in mind), gn!reader, no curses au (dw they’re all still a little bit insane and damaged), very shoujo manga-esque, reader is a little bit in love with all their friends, just wholesome comfy vibes :), characters may be ooc but pls bear with me </3

a/n; this is the shorter opening piece of a sashisu/reader series i’m writing and the first out of six planned parts!! :> the rest will be much longer this is just me setting the tone. sorta. i’m extremely normal about sashisu and i wanted to write something summery and sweet so <3

you first meet them in a sun-soaked classroom, with blue-tinted windows.

the room in question, clearly not having been of use for some time, is just a little dusty. enough that you notice it, nose scrunching up as your gaze trails over the space.

tiny specks of light dance around, meeting and intersecting between the gaps where streaks of sunlight fall and illuminate the floorboards. they’re oddly mesmerizing, a little hard to forget. the flicker of their movement begins to etch itself into your retinas; for some reason, you can’t quite take your eyes off them.

eventually, your attention is caught by something else, coaxing you into moving your gaze towards the translucent windows. they glimmer softly, tantalizingly in the sunlight, reflecting the blue of the sky. through the glass, it’s all you can see at first — a sky so blue that it’s a little irritating. big, white clouds are scattered like splotches of paint across a blue canvas, treading gently over the boundary of your vision.

in a similar fashion, the ground of the schoolyard is littered with dots of white. for just a second, you delude yourself into thinking that it’s snow; it’s not until you spot the skeletal trees and their pale blossoms that you see them for what they are. soft petals flutter down to the ground eagerly, covering everything in a pure white.

it really is eerily reminiscent of a snowy landscape, ephemeral in its beauty. it gives you the impression of having stepped over some sort of threshold, into another realm, another world entirely. coated in apricot blossoms, soaked in sunlight.

(it shouldn’t be possible from where you’re standing, behind the windows — but the scent reaches you all the same. everything smells of apricots.)

it’s springtime, and you’re in the prime of your youth.

a youth you’re about to share with three other kids, all standing in front of you and wearing mildly indifferent expressions as you give each other a brief glance.

you try not to stare too hard, but it’s difficult to resist the temptation. three new classmates, mysterious and just slightly intimidating; two guys, and one girl. the tiny glances you steal at them aren’t very sneaky, but you doubt they’d care, when they’re all doing the same.

you study their appearances, eager to sate the curiosity clawing at your heart.

the girl is pretty.

the expression on her face is laid-back, almost bored, and she looks a little like she doesn’t quite want to be here. her hair reaches down to her chin, just barely, brown and smooth and silky. estimating her exact height is a little tough; you can tell she’s fairly short, but you don’t know how much of it is exaggerated, courtesy of her placement between the other two. their lanky legs and broad shoulders only make her look smaller in comparison.

her eyes are chestnut-coloured, a little dim, somewhat hazy. there’s a mole under one of her eyes, too, and you’re acutely aware of how charming you find it. you’re relieved to have at least one girl in your class, anyhow. you hope she’s nice.

the boy on her right is pretty, too.

he’s much taller, and wearing a somewhat serious expression, but something about him feels almost comforting all the same. he seems relaxed, but also sharp, as his eyes trail across the room. his hair is black and silky, and it’s long — or so you assume, judging by the fact that he’s got it in a bun. two things about him stand out in particular; one, the black gauges on his ears, and two, a single lock of hair framing his face. his hair is tied up and neat, prim and proper, with the exception of his bangs. you don’t think it looks bad, exactly, but it’s an odd choice.

at first glance, you think his eyes are black, but when a ray of sunlight falls across his face you realize that they’re brown. a deep colour, oddly soothing, warm. little sparks of amber glitter in the depths of his irises, illuminated only by the sun. it gives you the impression that there’s more to him than meets the eye.

then there’s the other boy.

he’s the most intimidating out of the three, without a doubt, though you still can’t pinpoint exactly why. he strikes you as particularly unnerving; maybe it’s the expression on his face, that you can’t seem to identify. he’s also tall, very tall, even taller than the other guy — though only by a smidge. he towers over you slightly, and that unnerves you even further. there’s something in the way he’s standing that almost seems a little menacing. his hair is white, and soft, and just a tad messy. and he’s wearing a pair of round sunglasses, even though you’re indoors.

you can’t see his eyes well, behind the black glass, but you get the vague impression that they’re blue when sunlight cascades down the contours of his face and reflects in them.

you take another moment to simply look at them, observing them, as if trying to reach some sort of conclusion about what they’re like. it doesn’t really work, but you do get some semblance of an impression.

finally, your teacher clears his throat, breaking the silence of the classroom — urging you to hurry up and get the introductions done and over with. the impatient reminder snaps all four of you out of your collective trance.

the first person to speak up is the boy with the weird bangs. that alone gives you a sense of his personality; polite, proper, the first to do the thing no one really wants to do.

”my name is suguru geto,” he begins, well mannered. ”it’s nice to meet you.” his voice is pleasant, somehow. nice to listen to. there’s something comforting about it, that you can’t quite place; it sounds almost familiar, like you’ve heard it all your life.

then, the cute girl chimes in, casual and unbothered as she fiddles with something in her pocket. ”shoko ieiri. just call me shoko,” she says, short and sweet.

she really is pretty, you muse, bathed in the streaks of sunlight falling haphazardly across the room. and she seems nice, not uptight or obnoxious; the kind of person that’s easy to talk to, easy to be friends with. you think you like her already. but she notices your lingering stare, and so you look away, gaze falling to the floorboards.

finally, after a slight pause, the boy with the sunglasses speaks up. you still can’t get a good read on his expression. ”… satoru gojo,” is all he says, and you can’t seem to grasp his tone of voice, either.

it irks you, though. you’re not sure why. you almost get the sense that he thinks he’s appeasing you, by introducing himself, like hearing his name is a priviliege. that, and you feel a little like you’re being dissected when his gaze falls on you — like he’s weighing your value, deciding your worth. you think you almost catch a glimpse of his eyes behind the black tint of his glasses, and they strike you as acutely menacing, bright blue and uncanny. you decide that you don’t like him, and that his sunglasses are kinda ugly.

their gazes fall on you, at last.

you’re the only one whose name they don’t know, now. it’s a kind of power, in a way, the power of mystery. intrigue. their stares feel heavy on your skin, and you feel more than a little nervous; but you’re intent on following the silent cue, all the same.

and you do so, dutifully, raising your hand up in a silent hello before tentatively saying your name. then, in a voice you hope doesn’t come across as bored or unpleasant:

”— it’s nice to meet you.”

some of them hum in affirmation, as if to say it’s nice to meet you too — others remain silent. even when the introductions are finished, you continue to look at each other, vaguely and discreetly, as if trying to look inside each other’s heads.

but then your teacher begins to speak, in an authorative voice, and you’re snapped out of the trance, once more.

he babbles on and on, about something you’re sure is important, something about the school and the classes you’ll be having and the dorms and so on. you try to listen, you really do, but it’s tough — you vaguely get the gist, but all you can really think about is your classmates, still so mysterious and intimidating.

you try to repeat their names, inside your mind, trying to ingrain them into your memory.

suguru geto, shoko ieiri, and satoru gojo.

you still don’t really know what to think about them. shoko will probably be fairly easy for you to warm up to, but the other two are a different story. all three of them seem to have strong personalities, reflected in their eyes; a dim hazel, a deep umber, and a stark azure. you don’t know what’s hidden in them, but you have a strange inkling that you will, in due time.

that’s how the four of you meet. and in this moment, as you look into their eyes for the first time, you have no idea how much your life has changed — how much they’ll change it for the better.

you only know that it’s springtime, and that you’re in the prime of your youth.

a youth you’re about to spend with these three kids in front of you, who you know nothing about. some part of your soul urges you to find out, for yourself.

maybe you will.

(outside the sun-soaked classroom, through the blue-tinted windows, the world observes your meeting with bated breath and barely contained excitement.)

part i

#title is taken from the lyrics of yorushika’s ’spring thief’ btw i listened to it while writing this n cried <3 its sooo sashisu.#anyway!!! this series ended up kinda reader-centric but the focus is meant to be on the relationship between all 4 of them #its just… really easy to analyze the characters from a third party pov. and im a shameless self inserter so. x reader it is!#this series is also my excuse to (attempt to) analyze sashisu as a trio/individually but idk if my own interpretation will align w/ canon #in my defense theyre a lot less traumatized in a no curses au #but i still wanted to try and explore their high school selves + their issues w/ intimacy and trust n all that. im obsessed with them.#so i hope i did a decent job :’) anyway thats enough ranting in the tags if u read this far i am in Love With You #sashisu x reader #shoko ieiri x reader #geto suguru x reader #gojo satoru x reader #sashisu #gojo satoru #geto suguru #shoko ieiri #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #…. i think thats all #jujutsu kaisen #jjk

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phantomrose96 · 9 months

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Work pomotion!!!!

Promoted to the upper band of Senior Engineer

#chrissy speaks #to ramble in the tags a little #uh all the titles have like a lower level and an upper level #and the title above senior is principal #whiiich... id estimate maybe 30% of engineers ever make principal?#thats including manager so like. for non-managers. maybe 20%?#anyway the point being that most engineer tap out their career inside senior #either lower or upper band #and even the really good engineers i know who made principal quickly #still had like 3-4 years between making senior and making principal #and i made senior last year #so i was expecting at LEAST a 2 year gap between making senior and making upper band #was not expecting to make upper band with such quick turn around...#so im now one level below principal #wahoo

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etoilesombre · 28 days

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[re flint talking to the maroon queen in 3.5] ok it fucking sucks, but this is how solidarity works a lot of the time. white man proposes widespread slave revolts for his own tactical reasons, and then afterward grows to give a care while working toward his own ends. it doesn't make the caring not genuine, but wow that is clearly the trajectory.

#rewatching seasons 3-4 through this lens for my own nefarious purposes #he changed a LOT between mid season 3 and mid season 4 #character of all time and obviously i love him #but it was down to a lot of external influences that got him there #were i slightly more sober i would have more coherent things to say about politics and motivations and identities in this show #but they did it REALLY WELL #black sails #james flint

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ruvviks · 26 days

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All That's Left follows two journalists and their friends in post-apocalyptic United States as they travel from the fallen east coast megalopolis Opportunity back to Los Angeles, crossing through a harsh wasteland overrun with zombies— only to find out that there is a lot more life left than what the protected cities want them to believe. On their journey they meet dozens of people living their lives as peaceful as possible away from military forces, corporations, and corrupt governments; and they learn that the same mutated ghouls that took down Opportunity are spreading rapidly through the country, destroying everything in their path. Will this finally be the end of the world as we know it?

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@vvanessaives, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

#all that's left #edit:misc #nuclearedits #so um. hi. this is an original story i've been working on since 2016 and i love it so so much. sorry #it's not a tv show but i would love for it to be a tv show do you understand. my vision. are you seeing the vibes of this #it's BRIGHT. it's COLORFUL. it's FUN. there's so many cool characters and it's focused a lot on like #the connections between the main characters and all that #mac and layla (the journalists) go from having to write about this megalopolis which. if anything is just. a city version of a nepo baby #to writing about the people who are still living out there who are being completely overlooked by the safe cities and everything #everything really is not that bad out there!! in fact all of the misery that IS still in the wasteland is created specifically by like #the safe cities who keep snatching away supply drops from people who need it etc etc. and governments pretending that #there's no smaller settlements out there anymore and all that #and also there's zombies. ghouls. i call them ghouls but they have many funky names across the whole world in this universe #anyway yeah there's a lot more to this universe already because well 8 years in the making LMAO so i have another edit incoming #for the fictional season 2. aka book 2. yes there's a book 2. there's also a book 3 and 4. sorry for being insane #the linked playlists has songs for book 1-3 right now :]#if you have any questions PLEAAASSEEEE send me asks. preferably asks and not dms because tumblr dms suck ass #but i would love to talk more about this :^)

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 1 month

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Not to be uhhhh annoying, but Karkat's theme and Eridan's theme from Alterniabound at the very least have to do with each other.

Both of them start off with a melody, but switch it up at around 0:06 seconds. Then once again another switch at 0:52 (almost perfectly in sync).

At around 1:06, Eridan's theme goes slow and sad, and on the other end? Sounds of tediousness(TM). Barking, Super Mario ghost oooohing that sounds like rolling your eyes, and vaguely digital soundbites.

And THEN, at around 1:23, Karkat's waltz resumes, and Eridan's theme also becomes a waltz (more or less at 1.25x Karkat's speed).

Karkat's music ends at 1:57, WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT Eridan's theme kicks up. And then a "Hey!" is heard at 2:03/2:04, a couple of seconds after Karkat's theme actually ends. Quite literally: "Karkat pay attention to me. Hey. Karkat. Karkat. Karkat." lmao.

And guess which theme also loosely follows this pattern? Terezi's. A canonical crush of Karkat's (A lot more out of sync, though). Kanaya's theme doesn't, however. Much less Vriska's, or any other theme in Alterniabound's album.

Of course all of these songs follow a pattern, and they're made for the same [S] Pages. Karkat and Eridan's, though? Almost completely in sync.

I dunno, maybe I'm trying to fit triangles into square holes, but it seemed worth mentioning. I genuinely tried listening to both at the same time in two different tabs but I couldn't get much out of it.

(This is nosyDetective btw, I just can't send asks from this blog bc it's not my main 😔)

Unfortunately, the similarities seem pretty superficial - eridan's theme is mostly in 4/4 (2/2 technically because its a march) and karkat's is in 3/4 the whole time - but still, here's the two 3/4 parts mashed together for your listening pleasure, hahah.

#eridan ampora #karkat vantas #homestuck #erikar #REALLY quick and dirty #i only changed the tempo of eridan's part #which is why it sounds so dogshit #i am not a sound engineer lol #they don't even really stay in the same key #eridan's jumps between major and minor in a way that clashes with karkat's pretty horribly #so only in song structure are they the same and it could be a coincidence #this is all i can do with my limited skillll it would take a more skilled sound engineer to join the two songs properly #esp. because again karkat stays in 3/4 the whole time and eridan switches to 4/4 for most of it

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loveis-mine · 3 months

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two become one

#persona 3 #junpei iori #chidori yoshino #bright colors cw #maybe. next few tags will be yapping #sorry my art tablet refuses to charge so this might suck #i had a vision though. it must be put to paper(my phone)#maybe ill redraw this one day. i really like the idea but not the way i actually drew it #im still absolutely devastated by this though #between this and 11/4 im not sure which one is more 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 yknow?

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kinokoshoujoart · 9 months

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please pray for my husband Rock, the first and only SOS character to experience rapid twink death and age faster than his extremely very biological parents

based on this meme

#and he’s just as handsome #sometimes babygirl is a 37 year old dad who looks twice that age #twink death more like preordering a gilf #twink death more like you haven’t even seen his final form yet #he really is like urashima taro. he opened the 300 years aging box between chapters 3 and 4 #he ages way more gracefully in the remake and calls himself a silver fox #it’s cute that he changes his accessories in the PS2 version to match his hair #bokumono #hm awl #story of seasons #harvest moon a wonderful life #rock (awl)#story of seasons a wonderful life #harvest moon #sos awl #your child is a teenager in ch 4 so i assume ~15 years went by #who knows #but he looks like his chapter 1 self all the way until chapter 4 starts… like 5 years later #my art #meme redraw #hm anwl #harvest moon another wonderful life #i’ve scribbled a lot of older remake rock lately. i wanna draw all the guys aged forms…. I Just Think They’re Neat (my aging trashboys)#rock tumbling (sos)

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sysig · 4 months

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Gift (Patreon)

#Doodles #UT #Handplates #Gaster #Papyrus #Second go around! Maybe he can talk about it with the one who actually got the scarf!#Or not haha - better to just let some things lie #Though ♪ Of course Papyrus would recognize Gaster's efforts ♥ His emotional intelligence hhhh <3 #He knows everything there was Gaster's initially and so reading between the lines of Gaster telling him he can have it #It's a gift! Properly! That deserves praise!! Good job you did something nice!#I also deeply love when Gaster is first pulled back out how one of his first little smiles is at Papyrus being silly #Gaster is also very prideful! It's cute to see his son being self-aggrandizing in that kid way! Seeing him enjoy it is so nice ;;#Also I know that Papyrus is still shorter than Gaster I just really like the idea of him being almost his dad's height ;;#He's so grown up now! He's grown into such a beautiful adult <3 #It does make sense that he's still shorter considering the whole ''torn in half'' thing ahh #Maybe Gaster is leaning down just let me have this lol #I also ended up doing a lot of digital reconstruction on this one!#Especially panels 2 through 4 - I actually pulled out my tablet to draw in the bits that got cut off by the surrounding doodles #I wasn't as careful with my spacing with these oops :P But I think they turned out pretty style-matched :)#Cute lads happy <3

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diathadevil · 6 months

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Do you ever think about how Fakir, after him and Ahiru finally broke everything that kept the town of Goldkröne in the ghostly hands of its writer, after they finally have some air of peace over the town finally being able to live in its intended early 2000s environment, that Fakir still feels at times like it's not real and that for a while he fears that if he closes his eyes it'll be back in Drosselmeyer's control. Like it just doesn't feel real to him during that first year of calm, until he feels the dull pain on his recovering hand injury and Ahiru who follows him without a pendant anywhere to be found.

He doesn't feel it's real, the calm finality of this town, but he makes sure to feel the scar on his hand. And he makes sure to hold the little duck and realize that she is who she has always been. Him and the town are finally living peacefully.

#dia talks #princess tutu #He probably starts planning on writing Ahiru into the world mayyybe like 3-4 months into his recovery #he doesn't know what a cell phone is yet but he sure as hell can look at a bookstore and ask for a notebook and pens #i bet that first year in Goldenkröne must be hell because trading deals bring all sorts of new things into the town #Just Fakir going “what the fuck is a scooter?? Wait what's a CAR---”#he ends up having to read a bunch of newspaper articles about “Goldenkröne booming in German tourism!”#Actually does he even know his country's name... Did they all even know they lived in Germany and not JUST a city????#Drosselmeyer would've really pulled one on them for only talking about the city and its outskirts and NOT the country it resided in #But let's assume they did know. Fakir would have to figure out so much has changed in 2002 Germany compared to whatever time they were in #My god just thinking about the thought of Fakir learning what a television is... or a radio for that matter has me howling internally #local amateur writer is put into a coma after hearing for the very first time german rapper Sido #alternatively: local amateur writer's brain explodes after hearing german Happycore artist Blümchen and dance pop group No Angels #ptutu spoiler #i know its a +20 old show but just in case people wanna watch it i love it enough to tag the post show headcanon #ptutu analysis #ptutu headcanon #ptutu post canon #Also sorry i keep jumbling between Goldkröne and Goldenkröne in the writing its 4 AM and the german part of my brain is a mess lmao #(its supposed to be Goldkröne but for some reason I keep making it into the attribute word Golden so dont mind the mistake)#(if you do i will sob please be gentle towards my polyglot self)

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vicciouxs · 6 months

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A NEW BEGINNING | espinoza's save.

Cordelia and Vincent have returned to Winderburg. After so much time away, things have changed and they will need NEW COMPANIONS to carry the changes of this new life.

CORDELIA AND VINCENT NEED FRIENDS !!

I won't do anything, I mean, the relationships that are forged between the characters will be a matter of the game, nothing will be forced.

The twins are young adults, so the age of the sims will be y/a and at most adults.

Give them personality, jobs, likes and dislikes, anything you want.

Tell me their story, the relevant and the least relevant, I read everything. And also be free to tell me facts and curiosities, I love itt.

Occults are welcome if you want!!

It can be a single sim or a household of two

One or two everyday outfits wich cc, the rest without cc please. I have all the packs, so if you want you can make them with the game, but cc only in everyday <3

Also regarding the cc full maxis match or maxis mix.

Please note that I will make minimal changes to fit better my sim style and the gameplay, but they'll be minimal.

Private or public dowload

Tag me and use the tag "vinny.espinoza save", so I'm sure I'll see it <3

No time limit, have fun!!

#I really like having sims with other people 😭💐#and ur sims are all beautiful #Throughout the gameplay I will rotate between Cordelia and Vincent #although I don't have much idea how to do the editing yet #I'm practicing #anyways. have fun <3 #vinny.espinoza save #the sims 4 #ts4 #sims #sims 4 #the sims #ts4 screenshots #simblr #s4 simblr #oc: cordelia #oc: vincent

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cinna-bunnie · 12 days

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i love looking down or catching my reflection in a window and being like oh i forgot I'm hot today

#i mean. I'm hot everyday. but nonetheless #I'm really breasting boobily in this tank top rn and between the pants and my jewelry n my hair being done i look Fine (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ #i usually got a lil jacket on but today i just wore a vest out and don't have it on rn :3 i love that it's getting warmer!!#at its worse i had like 4 or 5 layers on just to hang out outside during winter 💀 spring my beloved #had a very passionate rant about spring with my nurse this morning 👉🏾👈🏾 i love it as much as fall. my favorite seasons hehe #i miss her.. she was so pretty and gay.. we had such a lovely talk together ૮ᴖﻌᴖა ♡⁠ they r always so nicey to me at that clinic #lmaooo (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) actually i feel like i always miss my nurses throughout the day after seeing them there. i adore all of them #the front desk remembers me by name and everyone always calls me by my chosen name (❁´◡`❁) ♡⁠ and make sure #they r pronouncing it right. my favorite one was this old lady who was very silly with me ╰(￣ω￣ｏ) i love old ladies. let's talk 🙇🏾‍♀️#im always a safe space for an old lady to be herself and be real w me. and silly if I'm lucky 🥺💕 let's be whimsical together 🫴🏾

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ineed-to-sleep · 5 months

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Well. He wasted no time

#IT'S JUST REALLY FUNNY TO ME. OKAY #in my first playthrough he took his fuckign time #bc ok. I was playing as the same character. but also it was the 1rst playthrough #so I ended up juggling between playing the character and doing whatever I wanted to do bc. well I wanted to be niceys #but now that I'm roleplaying her consistently he's going bananas dlkfhdlf #like 4 long rests in #I haven't even made it to the goblin camp yet #and hes like oohh I know you've felt it I felt it too 💅🏻#and like in my first playthrough I had the impression they had this like slow burn sort of romance #like butting heads a lot at the start but then slowly growing on each other #but it's not like that at all now. they actually like. get along like a house on fire #this woman used to date nwn2 bishop back in the day tho this shouldn't have come as a surprise #I've changed her quite a bit since that game yk. but still. the parts of her that attract toxic men remain <3 #oc.nawen #bg3 #sleep.txt #you should've seen it I started a durge playthrough with pepper on impulse just for funsies #he fucking hated her #just like. not on board. calling her hard headed and boring #it was brutal #PEPPER IS LOVELY OK you don't deserve her #I wasn't happy w how she ended up looking tho 😔 gotta get some better face/hair mods and try again sometime #ship: narion

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bbcphile · 5 months

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WIP Wednesday

I've finally worked up the courage to post the opening of one of the Mysterious Lotus Casebook fics I'm writing (Li Lianhua/Di Feisheng/Fang Duobing), specifically, from my post-canon fic where LLH's shiniang tried to sacrifice herself to cure him.

Tw/cw: suicide attempt, mention of off-page non-consensual medical procedure, internalized ableism

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Li Lianhua crashed to his hands and knees on the ground as the last trickle of his borrowed qi abandoned him, the densely-packed sand doing nothing to cushion the blow. The impact rattled through his spine and ribs, shaking loose a bout of coughing that forced him to swallow down the burning flare of copper trying to escape from his mouth. He couldn’t cough up blood now, not here, too many steps away from the water’s reach. It would leave evidence of his route, a trail that his shiniang would undoubtedly follow once she had broken free from the immobilization. He couldn’t let her find him until the job was done.

He pushed himself to standing, his arms and legs shaking hard enough to nearly drop him back to his knees, and he blinked to will the dancing black spots from his eyes. The waves awaited him, and he refused to crawl to meet them. He took a staggering step toward the sound of crashing water ahead of him, far fainter now than it had any right to be, and squinted against the sunlight to get his bearings.

A large gray lump on his left snagged his attention, disrupting the blur of gold and blue that filled up the rest of his view. Why did that look familiar? He took an unsteady step closer, pressing his palm against his chest to convince his lungs to hold back a cough one more time, and the gray lump resolved into a rock.

A rock that had once served as a pillow that was soft only in comparison to how hard the rest of the day had been.

Of course. He’d landed at Donghai beach. He swallowed back tears with a bitter laugh. Never let it be said that the universe didn’t have a sense of humor.

He’d returned after all: three months late for the duel and over a decade late for bringing his decrepit body back to the waves that had so decisively spat him out. But surely this time, with all the mysteries solved and no business left unfinished, the sea would accept the offering of his broken frame. Li Xiangyi was long dead and it was past time for Li Lianhua to follow his example. He was already a ghost in every way that mattered. And this was the only way to guarantee his shiniang would live.

She would be furious, of course, but wasn’t furious better than dead? How could it be unfilial to make sure she lived on? Too many people had died for him; he refused to let her join those ranks. Dying to save her was already a far better death than he deserved.

As for the others, Xiaobao would have his teachings and would be too busy climbing the heights of the jianghu to miss the weak physician he once protected.

And a-Fei—

—well, how could he still fixate on defeating a ghost with Xiaobao shining more brightly than Li Xiangyi ever had?

No, this end was far better for everyone, and best of all, no one would sacrifice their life or be forced to play caretaker to an empty husk of a man.

A familiar chill seared through his veins and meridians, despite the warmth of the fur of his outer layer, stealing away his breath and the amorphous blue blur before him. He took another stumbling step toward where it had been, his heart stuttering painfully in his chest.

Not much longer now. It seemed his frenzied dash here and self-shattered heart meridian were more efficient for what he had in mind than the weight his waterlogged fur coat would have offered.

Perhaps he didn’t need the coat for this at all. His body would certainly float further without it. And not even his shiniang could save him now, so what harm could it do to leave some evidence behind? Xiaobao might not believe the beggar’s words, but surely this fur cloak at the water’s edge would put to rest any lingering futile hopes. And then Xiaobao would tell a-Fei.

And if it brought them peace, if it let them say goodbye, then how could he not leave it behind?

It was decided, then.

He lifted his hands to the coat’s laces, then paused. Were those voices? For a moment, he could have sworn he heard—

—Ah, no, the hallucinations must have started again.

He smiled. At least he had heard a-Fei and Xiabao one last time, if only in his mind.

He untied his laces with fumbling, stiff fingers, and let the coat fall behind him.

His heart and lungs clenched with another spasm, and a wave of dizziness broke over him, threatening to drop him to his knees once more.

He fought against it, muscles shaking as they never had during battles. He couldn’t surrender now; not until he reached the water. He could manage three more steps. He had to.

He tried to lift his foot again.

The world swam before him, and darkness dragged him under.

#mysterious lotus casebook #mlc fic #my fic #Li Lianhua #Di Feisheng #Fang Duobing #Feihua #tw: suicide attempt #the fic will end happily I swear!#This is just about the lowest point for everyone #This is my first time really sharing my creative writing publicly in about 4 years #I am sooooo nervous omg #yay for at least temporarily being healthy enough to write!#wip wednesday #the POVs of the fic alternate between all 3 of the MCs #and they are all unreliable narrators in different ways

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