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#but it is work to be apathetic about this
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the embarrassing thing about trying and failing to date is whenever i come to my senses and quit i have to in theory walk back all the BS nonsense i was talking about dating and sex but lucky for me most of the friends that i have straight up do not actually care LMAO. and the ones that do understand tbh so its not as embarrassing. in reality i should just let this go fr but i’m literally a 23 year old woman so i’m bound to get caught in this cycle again. oh well
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figofswords · 2 months
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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mewtwo24 · 21 days
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You know idk if it's just me being oblivious af but mxtx sure does enjoy putting her protags through the trolley problem when it comes to her works huh /j
#mdzs#mxtx#i say this not to be critical but because she really does prove how time and again#people want a scapegoat and an easy target to blame#and so much of her work is abt proving how faulty these philosophical absolutes are--nothing is that simple.#literally the arguments made to put everything on wwx (at least for now) appear to be faulty at best#i mean sure sometimes he puts his foot in his mouth but like ;;;;;;;; the kid is just doing his best wtf#everyone out here like WWX IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU except for lwj and i'm just like#1. hes literally like 16 yrs old or smth#2. whether or not he stepped in during the cave scene was kind of a non-question??????#the wens were so clearly going to engage in egregeious violence regardless of the rationalizations that came after#pointing fingers is legitimately pointless and fallacious logic#if mianmian wasnt targeted theres really no guarantee smth similar wouldnt have happened#furthermore working tg and refusing to play by wens' rules was p much the only feasible option#lwj was young and afraid and had lost so much but he still had enough clarity to insist on working tg#i also really love what he said abt suffering bc its just true.#the way he claps back to his uncle by saying that nobody would be spared violence and atrocity#the only choice they had was to try to band tg and mitigate the dmg--basically 'war is hell'#i find it such a stark and lovely contrast to the common perception of others abt him#that lwj stands alone and thinks of no one else; quite the contrary#he's v self-contained and v disciplined but he's not indifferent to suffering or apathetic#i think so much of the natural love that blooms between wwx and lwj is rooted in their mutual desire to do good#wwx wants to help--he loves to see people smile. he would do anything to protect the ppl he loves#lwj is honestly the same--he's just more abt structure and stability#wwx is more spontaneous and more attuned to the people around him#im a little shocked that people werent able to tell lwj was just as obsessed with him#just bc wwx is loud and mischievous about his interest doesnt really???? to me mask the ways lwj is so responsive. also i ????????#still don't understand the mental gymnastics of madame jiang insisting it was all wwx's fault when she literally targeted wen's mistress ->#in retaliation???????????????? all this 'pick your battles what the fuck is wrong with you wwx' and she goes and instigates their wrath??#i mean idk fellas i was just sitting there like 'you could have handled this so many ways and you picked the TNT option. wat.'
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casiavium · 3 months
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I really need to be cleaning my room but. fanfiction I'd write if I had time but I Do Not
There are several ghiralink fic storylines that are along the lines of "Link gets exactly what he thinks he wants and turns out it isn't really what he needs" (whether real or a dream-state) that have him taking Ghirahim's sword and gaining complete control over him and the themes are of personhood and power and complacency. be careful what you wish for type things. A few that are Ghirahim killing Link/Link losing and realizing he would rather have him alive and fighting instead of dead/given up because it was more fun than way, but usually end up being sad. oh well I guess for the former and teaming up with Link to defeat Demise for the latter.
What I want to write is the themes of scenario 1 but role reversed so it's like scenario 2 with Ghirahim having the "this isn't what I wanted" moment. Ghiralink adds, usually as a joke, a level of "if I can't kill you, maybe you could join me ;)" and I want to write more or less Link doing that, Link being a perfect subservient extension that does everything he wants him to and he doesn't regret it (he can't), but Ghirahim having the realization that he doesn't want someone who is nothing more than an object for him to use. A doll. A sword.
And then, how Link has guilt over Fi and the Master Sword and his role as hero and how Hylia controls him but he's no better than her, Ghirahim realizing Link is now what he is to Demise and rethinking his own position. Is this what Demise thinks of me. Is that why he treats me the way he does. And he takes his anger out on Link but Link can't fight back anymore. Link doesn't want to fight back anymore, and not in a depressed it's hopeless kind of way, but in the same way Ghirahim accepted Demise pulling the sword out of his chest.
When Ghirahim is empty and goes isn't this what you wanted, Link can genuinely say no because he has a hero's heart and conscience and never meant for anyone to get hurt. When Link goes I am what you made me, Ghirahim has to face that fact that yes, he is, and he is made in my image, and I do not want this anymore.
#ghiralink#ghirahim#I want skyward sword bad ends but I want them completely different from what is already out there#I want the dark ending from Ghirahim's POV where he got what he wanted and everything is perfect and Link isn't ever an issue anymore#and like honestly. I don't want it to be a sex thing. like yeah that could be part of it but I don't think it would work as well#how I wanted the sword spirit au to go but did not manage to make it work this way 😔#I want Demise to win and Link to live and Ghirahim to know he does but not see him for a few weeks/months. to not even think about him#or feel any guilt that he's probably rotting away in a dungeon or getting tortured or whatever. no even excited about that just apathetic#and entirely focused on Demise (who is in turn pretty apathetic about him but he doesn't even realize) until one day he sees Link and he's#*not* a prisoner. he's just another solider in a demon army or a regular servant or maybe even a bodyguard to Demise. and he speaks with him#and there's no trace of animosity or anger or sadness or anything. there is no war in ba sing se etc.#and then I don't have anymore than that it's just kind of wouldn't that be fucked up huh#for Ghirahim to have absolutely no underlying thoughts of demise actually sucks or foreshadowing he's not the perfect blade he presents as#and all of that to snap when he sees an enemy completely changed. he wanted Link dead. even when he says you could join me#he would expect push back and fights and relapsing into wanting to be the hero. he never considered what if he wasn't an enemy at all
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all-pacas · 2 days
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thinking about it, the fatal flaw of cameron/chase was that they looked at one another and instead of going "i can fix them," they went "they can fix me"
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calypsolemon · 10 months
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anthy and touga like probably hate each other like fr fr but i cannot stop thinking about all the awkward and intense interactions they MUST have had whenever akio would call touga over to the tower. The way that both of them probably feel like they have some sort of "im closer to him/ i know whats going on more/ i have more power than you" advantage over the other. Passing by each other on touga's way out with the iciest glares of all time. uaghhgh
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padfootastic · 1 year
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summary: from euphemia to james to sirius to harry to lily luna—traditions passed down through the generations of potters. love in the form of feeding your people, aloo paranthas as a labor of love etc etc
a labor of love
(also on ao3!)
August, 1970
“Jamie, breakfast’s ready!”
Loud steps thundered around the house as her ten year old raced down the stairs. Euphemia didn’t even bother to reprimand him at this point—she knew it was a pointless endeavour. Instead, she made sure the safety charms on the staircase were always updated.
“HiMumGoodMorningWhatsForBreakfast,” James’ words came out in one single whoosh of air and it was only because this was her child that she had extensive experience with that she could decode what he was saying.
She smiled gently while placing the plate in front of him. “Aloo parantha, honey.”
“Yesss,” James hissed in pleasure, a quick fist pumped in the air, before bending forward with his nose mere millimetres away from the paranthas.
Euphemia swapped the back of his head with a ‘tsk’. “James. How many times have I told you not to smell your food? You’re not a dog.”
“Ma, you don’t get it, okay. It smells so good,” he replied with a goofy, cross-eyed expression. “Seriously, whenever I go to heaven, I just know it’ll smell like fried potato and ghee and coriander. Life can’t get any better than this.”
Euphemia could only smile at the innocent look of wonder on her son’s face as he tore a piece off to stuff it in his mouth, hoping it always stayed there. If she had to keep making him aloo paranthas every morning to keep it there, she’d happily do so. 
August, 1976
Sirius huddled closer into the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest and trying to count his breaths so he didn’t go so fast anymore.
It was some ungodly time of the day and he was sitting on the floor, pressed right up against the corner of the living room of Potter Manor, having a minor—really, not a big deal at all—panic attack about…well, everything.
It hadn’t been two days since he’d run away from Grimmauld Place and already the hopelessness was settling into his bones. He couldn’t stop replaying the words and curses and taunts and Reg’s face and—
“Sirius?” A drowsy voice cut through his spiral. He shouldn’t be surprised.
James always had a way of doing that.
“H-Hi, Jamie,” he replied, straightening up and wiping his eyes in a futile attempt to hide the tears he could feel pooling there. It wouldn’t work, he knew that, James always, always knew but he still had to try.
Sure enough, a pair of sock clad feet (adorned in little animated snitches) stopped right in front of him. His gaze traveled slowly, reluctantly, up to see James looking at him with a complicated look on his face. It was a mixture of sadness and frustration and resignation. Sirius hated that he put it there. James wasn’t made for expressions like that—he should always be happy, smiling, and this felt wrong, wrong, wrong.
Before he could do anything, though (not that there was much in his control), a hand entered his vision, palm up in invitation. Without even thinking twice about it—he would always choose James—he let himself be pulled up and straight into strong arms that were the only thing keeping him whole and grounded so far.
The hug ended in less time than it took for him to draw a full, shaky, breath. The abruptness of it left him reeling. 
“Come on,” James said, tugging him in the direction of the kitchen. Sirius followed, confused, letting himself be manhandled into the kitchen stool and watched James take something out of the cooking cabinet.
“Boiled potatoes,” he explained, already moving on to the spice rack. “Mum always keeps some ready to go.”
With quick, practiced movements, James had them peeled and mashed. Another sealed container was retrieved—‘Dough. For the rotis’—and a flat top griddle was placed on the stove.
Sirius watched the whole thing in a daze, unable to identify a single thing but being comforted all the same. It felt almost like a ritual; the rhythmic movements of James’ hands as he rolled the dough into balls, and stuffed them with the potatoes. Watching him smooth it out into a round, flat shape. 
“I didn’t know you were so proficient in the kitchen, Prongs,” Sirius finally said as the kitchen warmed up from his best mate’s ministrations, the smell of ghee-fried dough and spiced potatoes permeating the air.
“I’m not, really,” James shrugged. “But aloo paranthas are—they’re different, you know? Everyone should know how to make them.“
“I’ve never even tried them.”
“Well, then, everyone should have them at least once in their lives,” James said, firmly.
He placed a plate full of warm, steaming—aloo paranthas in front of Sirius and without even knowing what they really were, he could feel the rest of the tension seeping out of him. It’s a temporary relief, to be sure, but that it happened at all is enough to both awe and excite him.
He looked up at James with wide eyes, only to receive a knowing smile in return.
“Have a bite, Pads,” James pushed the plate closer. “I promise you won’t regret it.”
And he didn’t.
As he sat there and entirely demolished four of the wonderful paranthas—after days of not feeling the slightest pang of hunger—Sirius was helpless against the warmth that suffused his entire being, not just from the heat of the potatoes, but from the boy in front of him who’d decided to take a chance on him. Decided to welcome him not just in his arms but his house, his family. 
August, 1995
“Sirius, why are we here?” Harry asked, confused. A minute ago, they were in the garden, talking about something or the other, and then suddenly his godfather had grabbed his wrist and dragged him into the kitchen.
“Because you, my dear Prongslet, have been severely, unforgivably wronged and it’s time to start rectifying that,” Sirius proclaimed, which really didn’t help.
“…huh?”
“You just told me you’ve never had anything but bland, boring British food. Ever.” Sirius stressed the last word, making a point Harry wasn’t quite sure of.
“Yes…because the Dursleys are raging racists and Hogwarts isn’t too creative with its culinary choices,” Harry slowly said, feeling eerily like he was defending himself for…not being able to have a diverse palette?
“Exactly. If James had a grave, he’d be rolling around in it.”
Harry’s eyebrows raised in disbelief.
“Look, I was supposed to do this for you since the day you were old enough to eat solids. That I didn’t…well. Let’s not go there right now. But now that I do have the chance, it’s practically first on the list of my godfatherly duties—“
“What is, Sirius?” Harry asked, slightly exasperated. The man was making no sense.
“Making aloo paranthas, Harry! Come on, keep up, it’s bad enough you’ve gone this far without—any longer and I swear, James will find a way to come back to wring my neck and tie you to a chair just so he could force feed you,” Sirius finished, a slightly haunted look in his eyes like he was speaking from experience.
Harry blinked. What—?
“Now, luckily for us, the boiled potatoes are already done. You’ve got me to thank for that bit of foresight, of course, never go without since fifth year—“
“Why?”
“—because they’re so versatile—“
“Right, of course, how silly of me.”
“Yes. So, now you’ve gotta peel and mash it, and none of that ricer or fork nonsense, either, okay? You’ve gotta really get in there with your hands.” Sirius demonstrated by taking one slightly cold potato from the bowl, expertly peeling and crushing it between his fingers. He kept going until it was almost smooth, with just the smallest hint of texture. Once done, he turned expectantly towards Harry, eyebrow raised and ‘go on’ written all over his face.
Still slightly bemused, Harry stepped forward and gingerly took a potato of his own. Trying to peel it was—not as easy as he thought and everything else faded away as he concentrated on making sure no brown bits remained. It was a surprisingly soothing task. When he had his first potato peeled and mashed, he turned to Sirius proudly.
“There. What next?”
Sirius nodded in approval. “Now, we do the rest of it.”
And standing there shoulder to shoulder, the two of them managed to get through a veritable mountain of boiled potatoes, interspersed with Sirius’ stories of the Potters, a rare, greedy pleasure for Harry.
“Your grandmum, Euphemia, she’d make this for breakfast every so often. It was James’ favorite and she could never resist his great, big eyes—you get that from him, by the way. Not many people could, mind, but it was particularly effective when he wanted to scam some paranthas out of her.”
and “Your dad wasn’t the best in the kitchen, but this was one thing he was absolutely adamant he learn. Spent hours with Effie and Rani perfecting it, as well.”
Once the potatoes were done, Sirius directed him to the spice cabinet. “Now, this is the most important bit, Harry. Everyone makes their aloo paranthas in their own way. You can have different people following the same recipe and all of their final results would still taste different.”
Harry nodded in understanding. It was a bit like Aunt Petunia’s prized Roast Dinner—she always claimed no one else could make it the way she could, not even letting Harry close to the preparation of it. 
“The first time I had this was in fifth year—similar to you, come to think of it—and I’ve experimented after, right? It was so good I had to. I went to many, many places in muggle London—roadside stalls to fine dining, you name it—and not once have I felt the same as when your dad made it with his eyes still half closed and the paranthas a little burnt on the edges and a bit undercooked in the middle. There’s no competition. So. It’s all in the spice, yes?”
Sirius handed him the container of carom seeds. “That being said, the most important bit?”
Harry leaned forward, eager, all hesitation forgotten in the face of a piece of his culture, his family being passed down to him like this.
“You’ve got to—“
August, 2017
“—measure with your heart, okay, Lils?”
Little Lily Luna Potter, only nine but adopting an air of maturity of someone much older, nodded solemnly, taking her dad’s word as gospel.
“This isn’t just food—this is you telling someone you love them. It’s a warm hug. Feeding someone, taking care of them, is no small job. So, forget all this measurements nonsense and just get in there,” Harry finished, nostalgia coating his words as he quoted his own godfather word for word.
“Get in there, Daddy!” Lily-Lu repeated empathetically.
“That’s right,” Harry chuckled, using one hand to ruffle the riotous mane of red curls piled on top of her head. “The next thing to go in is the powdered spices. Which ones are those, again?”
Lily-Lu squinted thoughtfully. “Coriander powder, red chili powder, tyoo-mer-ic, and cumin powder. That’s all of it, right, Daddy?”
Harry smiled at her serious countenance. “There’s just one more you’re missing.”
She frowned, biting her lip and mumbling under breath. “One more? Coriander…chili…cumin…and—and—garam masala! It’s garam masala, isn’t it?” The last few words were said in an excited shout, almost loud enough to startle him but he could only lean forward and place a quick kiss on her forehead in approval.
“Sure is, sweetheart. You’re a quick one, aren’t you?”
“I’m smart, Daddy, you and Mummy say so,” Lily-Lu returned, self-satisfaction radiating from every inch of her little frame
“That’s because you are; the smartest of us all, isn’t it?” Harry teased, while carefully mixing the spices with the potatoes. This one he’d do himself—Lily-Lu’s hands weren’t the steadiest yet.
“Oh!” She exclaimed suddenly, leaning forward. “The salt! You forgot the salt, Daddy.”
Harry blinked in surprise, looking down at his array of ingredients and realised he had.
“Huh. So I have, it seems. Would you like to do the honours, Lulu?” He extended the container towards her, smiling once again at how she was practically vibrating in excitement.
Harry was—not just glad but utterly ecstatic that he could do this, had the opportunity and ability for it. And he had no one but Sirius to thank for it.
Taking care of me even from the afterlife, aren’t you, Siri? he thinks with a silent offering of gratitude to the universe. I don’t think I can ever thank you enough for it, for everything. 
“And now, the absolute final step?”
“The chopped coriander!” Lily-Lu chirped, already reaching forward to clasp a handful of coriander he’d prepared beforehand. She sprinkled it all over their mixture with a high, bright giggle and Harry could’ve spent an eternity in that moment, with his child beside him and the weight of his family behind him.
#euphemia potter#james potter#sirius black#harry potter#lily luna potter#this is perhaps the most personal thing i’ve ever written.#no other piece of work has more of me and my life in it#and i don’t it will either. i’m not a huge fan of ~reality yeah?#but i was eating aloo paranthas my aunt made me today. feeling exceptionally content.#and remembering the time my grandma made the same for me#and how the way my aunt and mom make it is the literal same taste bc rhe learnt from their mom (grandma)#and how i’m learning to make it the exact same way (about. 75% there i’d say)#and i’m feeding my friends and enjoying seeing the joy on their face#so aloo paranthas are like. nostalgic. and a labor of love. and a symbol of family and affection and generational habits passed down#so u have a whole fic around it bc projection is what i do best#i’m still v apathetic to identity headcanons for the same reasons as before#but this had to be done so that issue is put to the side for a while#also like. why is posting on tumblr so fkn difficult my god#why does it not accept formatted stuff 😭#i’m sure there’s a way to do it but i’m either too stupid or too lazy#but that and the weird spaces it adds between paragraphs will be the death of me some day#anyway. enjoy! i have lots of thoughts about it so feel free to come talk to me about it#massively restraint in myself in the tags & authors notes#this was just supposed to be a lil tumblr drabble but it. just. Grew?#so yah.#pen’s writing
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epicdogymoment · 2 months
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<- guy who is experiencing soul crushing social isolation
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innko · 2 months
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looking at the calendar seeing i’m moving in ~20 days is making me feel sick. i know nothing good at all will come in terms of my health if i stay in osaka, no hospital will really help manage my pain or even get me disability support or accommodations and trying to find a job in this place like this would be hell too. but the fact that i’m moving away from my family has just fallen on me like a pile of bricks and is absolutely crushing me.
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denkisauce · 1 year
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rave shinsouu
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ef-1 · 8 months
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Thomas Hardy said Neutral Tones, baby
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solradguy · 2 years
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I think if Aria wasn't a super genius scientist she would've decimated working at Blockbuster like absolutely insane encyclopedic knowledge of whatever obscure-ass movie people came in looking for
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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Being high energy while sick feels insane. Like my brain is telling me I should lay down and rest but is also telling me I should run around in circles and break things.
#i think im getting better tho. i mean i still can feel my warped sickyness but idk my hormones maybe have me all fucked up#but like i told my mum i get these insane little hypomanic-esque episodes and she was immediately like could b ur hormones#i know a number of ppl like that. and i was like YES. thats obviously what it is but nothing comes up when i try to google things abt it#so there must b others out there. and it also implies that theres sometimes fucked up about my serotonin receptors bc when im like kinda#positively disregard i feel happy and i never feel happy. my typical emotional state is indifferent and apathetic#and then dips into light misery and very miserable but not like clinically depressed. but i was even like that while on vacation so even#removed from the stresses in my life i still am not happy. which is y its so hard when ppl r like do what makes up happy. relax#and im like. ok but like nothing works??? its either fucked up hormones or my lantent anxiety just keeps me from being happy#but whatever. im gathering so much data. when i go see a doctor im gonna pull out a spreadsheet and graphs and notes like a lunatic#bwahhh i wanna run. i have too much energy. fuck being sick. fuck having to work on a day off. fuck this#also fuck my menstrual cycle for being so short. like so short its sometimes not listed with the healthy range but only sometimes#just to make me think. i should probably talk to a doctor but. like its probably fine. its consistent so its fine#annoying. annoying. got u can tell when out of wack bc i post too much and cant shut thr fuck up lol#unrelated
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beforecreation · 8 months
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The hardest part of finding ask prompts for Beerus is that his responses can usually be summed as "That's rough buddy" or "Would you like to talk about your emotions Tien" "No"
So I'd have to think about using as many synonyms as I could to spice his responses up.
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un-pearable · 20 days
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yknow i understand ian flynn haters from an intellectual standpoint - just like every other fan community and ESPECIALLY comics, inevitably there will be people with interpretations you dislike, and sometimes you will have the misfortune of those interpretations being the ones in “official” media - but they seriously cannot stop obsessing over this guy. he has zero power over you. if you do not like his takes you can ignore them. there is enough media in this franchise to do so. rabid haters are putting this guy up on just as much of a pedestal as rabid fans are when at the end of the day he is legitimately just some freelancer that SEGA pays occasionally to write some translations or tie in media. it’s really not that big a deal whether you like him or not
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teamfortresstwo · 26 days
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Wow . You think you know what burnout is like and then you actually really have it and it’s like . Fuck some people have this as their reality ? Like their day to day ? Christ .
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