#so there must b others out there. and it also implies that theres sometimes fucked up about my serotonin receptors bc when im like kinda
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Being high energy while sick feels insane. Like my brain is telling me I should lay down and rest but is also telling me I should run around in circles and break things.
#i think im getting better tho. i mean i still can feel my warped sickyness but idk my hormones maybe have me all fucked up#but like i told my mum i get these insane little hypomanic-esque episodes and she was immediately like could b ur hormones#i know a number of ppl like that. and i was like YES. thats obviously what it is but nothing comes up when i try to google things abt it#so there must b others out there. and it also implies that theres sometimes fucked up about my serotonin receptors bc when im like kinda#positively disregard i feel happy and i never feel happy. my typical emotional state is indifferent and apathetic#and then dips into light misery and very miserable but not like clinically depressed. but i was even like that while on vacation so even#removed from the stresses in my life i still am not happy. which is y its so hard when ppl r like do what makes up happy. relax#and im like. ok but like nothing works??? its either fucked up hormones or my lantent anxiety just keeps me from being happy#but whatever. im gathering so much data. when i go see a doctor im gonna pull out a spreadsheet and graphs and notes like a lunatic#bwahhh i wanna run. i have too much energy. fuck being sick. fuck having to work on a day off. fuck this#also fuck my menstrual cycle for being so short. like so short its sometimes not listed with the healthy range but only sometimes#just to make me think. i should probably talk to a doctor but. like its probably fine. its consistent so its fine#annoying. annoying. got u can tell when out of wack bc i post too much and cant shut thr fuck up lol#unrelated
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what are your thoughts on cold war arc c!tubbo? 👀👀👀
GD ok (thamk u for asking) i am so sleepy so this will b incoherent probably and maybe i will be more articulate ab it tomorrow BUT.
-so um first of all something that fucks me up a lil bit every time is that historically, there has never been a missile control center (where u can launch nukes) with less than two people present at all times. especially in a nuclear missile control center. mostly for safety nd so no one can enter and launch weapons w malicious intent, but also because.... being entirely isolated in an underground bunker with a key that ends the world if you want it to isn't something that is conducive to remaining sane haha. (that's the context of the 'no-lone zone / two man concept mandatory' sign in my last doodle- those signs were at every control center) which is part of why it's so upsetting that snowchester is so Alone? there's no safety net, 99% of the time. not that ctubbo is slightly unstable at All he is but it's just.. unsettling. that really, the only thing between the server and a radioactive pile of bedrock is him. l'appel du vide, right?
-c!tubbo is above all a fucking genius and a tactician and he plays piano and is good at chess and that makes so much sense because deterrence theory is um. a lot like game theory? it's very rational, it's very much based on manipulating whatever scenario you're in to make the other guy give up first. which isn't necessarily what he's doing here? since his nukes aren't public knowledge? but he has that ace up his sleeve, and i think. i think there should be more content of unsettlingly comfortable, confident c!tubbo who's never worried about being targeted. there's always an aura of slight danger about him. he can be on a walk with michael wearing a stupid ironic sweatshirt and undyed roots and you walk past him and feel like someone just stepped on your grave.
-nother messed up thing is the concept of mutually assured destruction, which is fairly self explanatory. thats also related to the fail-deadly concept. tubbo's deadman's switch is an example of a fail-deadly: a mechanism ensuring that even if you die, there Will be a response to any attack. (this also implies that any counterstrike will be overwhelmingly greater than the first attack)
ok anyway um it's just really really fucked up to think about tubbo being isolated and paranoid and traumatized in his empty arctic village to the point where he creates weapons of mass destruction in an attempt to regain a sense of safety. also this implies he is/was at least passively suicidal because theres no way you start a nuclear war and survive. there's no way you sleep with a bomb next door if you're not kinda comfy with the idea of something going wrong while you're asleep. it's fucked up to think of him strategizing deterrence and retaliation and response all day in his cabin because there are hundreds of scenarios that can play out and 99.9% of them end up in total annihilation and he must think about that a while lot. he must be okay with that idea because if the things care about are gone then there's no reason for him to stick around and there's no reason why the people who've hurt him should be allowed to remain happy. he's also fucking stupid smart because of the whole. yknow. creating nuclear missiles on his own part (nd i think cc!tubbo's history w modded mc is cool i think more ppl should explore that as part of his backstory.)
and i think the temptation to just do it must be enormous sometimes. i think he sleeps in the control center a lot of the time. i think he hides the launch key. i think maybe after he and ranboo married, he altered the system so that it needs two people to authenticate a launch command. but like yeah that boy needs therapy because i feel like. a lot of people reduce 'o nukes! >:D" to just like. the cool radioactive aesthetic which is! understandable & cool! but also if u genuinely look at it. the entire idea of ctubbo cold war arc is VERY fucked up and heavily based on his deep paranoia & trauma (which r only encouraged by techno & phil etc) because. nuclear deterrence isn't the equivalent of sleeping with a baseball bat yk? it's the equivalent of sleeping with a pipe bomb that could level your entire country under your pillow.
also cool parallels btwn getting blown the fuck up nd then deciding 'hm! you know what would be a good coping mechanism? give urself the capability to blow OTHER people up, but like, more! :D"
#can u see me getting sleepier and sleepier as i write this........#i promise i have more legible thimgs to say but uh <3 yeah <3#anyway THANKK UUUUU SM i was like !!!!!! all nite thinkin bout this :']]#tubbo#c!tubbo#tubbo analysis#tubbo meta#dsmp#dsmp analysis#dsmp meta#<- ig? idk mann....#sui ment#mcyt#dot text#asks :)
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Season 3 notes popping off
due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.
ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?
ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.
ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.
ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes
ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.
ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.
ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.
ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.
ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.
ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.
ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.
ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.
ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.
Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.
Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?
ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?
ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.
ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!
ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?
ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again
110: who wants to bet its a leitner?
111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.
112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...
113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough
114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?
115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?
116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.
117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.
118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.
119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!
120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.
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anyone here seen Dogtooth. i watched it last night and i just did not get it and the more i think about it the less sense it makes
ok so the parents are teaching their kids the wrong meanings for words they don’t want them to know, they don’t want them to know about technology that they don’t want them accessing or asking about, so they’re coming up with an arbitrary meaning on the spot to explain away “what’s a phone”
which would be more effective than just going “its nothing dont worry about it” bc then they want to know what you’re not telling them, right
so I can believe they told them things like “phone” is “salt” etc but then like, since the parents are the only people these kids interact with and the only source of information they have, why even teach them those words in the first place? like in the opening they’re listening to a tape teaching them new words, they’re told “sea” is an armchair (but they know what fish are. they seem to believe fish just sort of sometimes appear in water though. also i had some weird thing going on where there were two sets of subtitles which was very confusing but one translation said the fish in the pool were ‘sea bream’ so wouldnt they be confused as to why a fish would be called like a chair fish. idk) but why. first of all why aren’t they allowed to know what the sea is (maybe the point is There’s Nothing In The Outside World? maybe they’re concerned they’ll want to see it if they know there’s an ocean?) and second if you don’t want them to know, just... don’t... teach them the word in the first place?????
like when it actively comes up, when they find a word they aren’t supposed to know somehow, it makes sense that they’d come up with a definition on the spot, but why teach them the word “phone” at all. also did they tell them phone is another word for salt or just that salt is called phone. because then they’d have to keep track of all these bizarre definitions they’ve come up with and now you’re stuck calling salt “phone” for the rest of your life
and the mom tells the son “zombie” is a little yellow flower, but why. whats wrong with him knowing what a zombie is. maybe it’s like. to avoid having to explain they’re not real they’re just in movies? bc then he might want to see the movies? i dont know
and when one of the daughters asks what “cunt” means the mom quickly tells them it’s a kind of lamp, but like, now if they think it just means lamp they’re going to say it..... wouldn’t it be easier to just say it’s a bad word don’t say that. or i guess since she saw it on the tape they had maybe then she’d ask why they have a tape with a Bad Word on it
then the older daughter also refers to vaginas as “keyboards” which is COMPLETELY bizarre. how did that happen. A) why not just teach her the real word and B) was this a conscious choice. did they just pick a random word off the list of “things our kids shouldn’t know about” and assign it to that. Why. or did someone find out the word keyboard existed and the on the spot definition they were given was.....vagina. why would that be what you first thought of. what happened there. and also one of them was reading some kind of medical book or anatomy book or something?? it didn’t seem like she had somehow gotten it without her parents knowing since that would’ve been a big deal, even the headband was a big deal, so they must have given it to her. she’s learning about first aid and stuff. so wouldn’t she Know the right word
anyway so the whole language thing is really weird
then there’s the cat thing, they know what a dog is since they have a dog (it’s away for training for the whole movie but the parents mention a dog and stuff so they seem to know about it) but they’re for some reason taught that cats are the most dangerous creatures alive and if a cat gets into the yard they must kill it immediately
but Why. obviously the parents know cats are just. cats, but why teach them that cats specifically are the ultimate evil. i didnt understand that at all
none of the kids have names ( like, not just that the movie doesn’t tell you, i think they actually Don’t Have names ) so it’s a big deal when the oldest learns about names from the movies, but christina has a name, and they know her and refer to her by name, so wouldn’t they ask why they don’t have names and she does. the father is apparently paying her to have sex with his son ( i cannot imagine how that conversation went ) but like. Why. is it just a privilege he’s allowed bc he’s male. like they straight up give him one of his sisters as his new sex doll once things go bad with christina so i think there’s a “men Deserve access to a woman’s body” thing going on there. it’s fucked up lmfao but it seems like it’d be way easier to just teach them abstinence rather than risk bringing in an outside person like that. because they’re clearly not trying to avoid him taking out his desires on his sisters since they, uh, actively encourage that later. and theres no protection going on here so wouldn’t that just be a huge risk if a pregnancy happens. i can believe that christina’s probably on birth control or something but the daughters sure aren’t
ALSO my big conspiracy theory here is that these aren’t even actually their kids in the first place. because the mother uses “im going to have two children and you’ll have to share your room. maybe if your behavior improves ill reconsider” like she can just Decide when there’s going to be new children, and she confidently tells her husband there will be two, a boy and a girl, like she’s decided this. it’s not clear how old any of them are supposed to be but there are three of them and we know at least one of the sisters is younger than the other, so they weren’t all born at the same time... it’s very possible they were all too young to remember their mother being pregnant before, but the way she says “I will give birth as soon as possible” like it’s something she’s able to just Do whenever she wants and she’s not visibly pregnant... like i really think they’re stealing children or something. the way she said it to her husband implied he knew what she was talking about, so they’ve done it before. i dont know. i dont know this movie’s fucking weird and i just did not vibe with it at all
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