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#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)
figofswords
·
14 days
Text
the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!
#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch
#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun
#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point
#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this
#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!
#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time
#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me
#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job
#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time
#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again
#and WHAT DO I WANT!
#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!
#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!
#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed
#delete later
#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)
#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)
#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want
#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you
#i miss that i want that back
#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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