#but idk motivation is awful and i got school work im putting off
Text
wip? i dont animate often, but wanted to mess around with some stuff so
#ded draws#wip#animation#um#yeah i might finish it within the week#but idk motivation is awful and i got school work im putting off
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
hii I love your blogs sooo much you're really talented (I just needed to say it sorry) so straight to the point, I already made 2 requests to you and I really enjoyed your writing so I would like to make another again. As I'm clueless about what to request I'll just ask for random hcs for konoha 11, idk if it's too much but if so then you can do with Neji (I love him so much), Kakashi and Naruto. Thank you in advance and sorry anything ^^
RANDOM KONOHA 11 HEADCANONS!
FEATURING: naruto, sakura, shikamaru, ino, choji, neji, rock lee, tenten, kiba, hinata, and shino
WARNINGS: mentions alcohol, drugs, food, bugs, and the tiniest nsfw mention if you get the joke. hehe
A/N: AHHHH ANONN this seriously made my day, im so so glad you enjoy my work!! 💖
NARUTO
you know how we all have “the chair”, where we throw all of our dirty clothes onto?
yeah, imagine that, but from the seat to the fricking ceiling
its just a GINORMOUS MOUND of clothes, you wonder how he even goes through that many clothes so quickly???
definitely shoves it under his bed whenever guests come over (somehow)
holds chopsticks really weirdly. but it works.
asked tenten to put his hair into space buns to mimic his sexy jutsu and went around flirting with the village
jiraiya was so proud of him T-T
comes up with the WORST pickup lines
they’re so bad, its almost charming. almost
has gone AWOL multiple times, disappearing from everywhere, just everywhere
it scared you a little, so you searched the entire village for him
you finally found him sitting on the ledge of a cliff, gazing out at the vast sea
concerned and panicked, you cried out to ask him what was wrong
he turned to you with a crestfallen, devastated look on his face and said,
“i bought shrimp ramen instead of chicken ramen.”
you’ve never searched for him after his disappearance ever again.
SAKURA
100% makes origami shurikens and chucks them at you
they are deathly precise and deathly sharp. seriously, how are these not illegal weapons yet???
writes threatening motivational notes to herself on the mirror
“u got this!” “make sure to smack naruto today!” “ino sucks!”
her backpack would always be way too high up on her back. idk why but. it would
does her hair all nice and pretty before she goes out but once she arrives to her destination SHE KEEP. TAKING. IT OUT. and redoing it over and over and over again
like it’s impossible to make eye contact with her because she’s holding a bobby pin between her teeth while braiding her hair
her guilty pleasure would be hostess treats
ding dongs are her favorite. don’t ask me how i know, i just know.
eats the yellow starbursts just to spite naruto and all her haters
loves small lap dogs, she think’s they’re so cute and cuddly
but she especially loves chihuahuas
they’re so feisty and naruto HATES them, so of course she had to go and get one for herself
dresses the poor dog up in little bonnets and jackets and ties its tiny fuzzy hairs into pigtails
she and the chihuahua are not that much unlike <3
SHIKAMARU
this man is a god at shogi but he absolutely SUCKSSSS at cup pong.
is this an ick? idk. but he is absolute trash at this game.
it gets even worse when he’s got a couple drinks in him
tries to calculate the velocity and acceleration and angle and shit but his shot is always a good two feet off BYE 😭
just mutters an “aw, shit” before awaiting his turn again
hates checkers, loves chess
“checkers is for WUSSIES” - shikamaru nara
i said this in another post, but he is Very Good at whistling
like that’s his hidden talent
can copy any tune with the perfect pitch and rhythm
speaking of, he can do really cool tricks with his tongue
like making a four leaf clover, touching the bridge of his nose with it, flipping it upside down, you name it
he has slanted, scrawled handwriting, to the point where it’s almost illegible
wbk he cheats in school SO OFTEN. but he never gets caught. he’s not stupid, he just couldn’t care less about his classes.
thinks weed and e-cigs are stupid, cigarettes are where it’s at
you just can’t replicate the feeling of taking a drag from a cig after a long, tiring day
plus he looks hella cool while doing it B)
INO
teaches the boyz™️ how to braid their hair
like they all gather in a circle around this feisty fashionista and fail attempt to braid their hair
sakura was just fuming in the sidelines
“OI, INO-PIG, THAT’S A DUTCH BRAID, NOT A FRENCH BRAID!!”
yeah, ino 🙄
the only one that can actually do it is neji because a) this man is talented af and b) he’s got the long hairrr
ino probably envies his thick, sleek hair because hE’S a bOy
also asks everyone for their blood type and zodiac signs and tells them if they’re compatible with her or not
and definitely judges you for your sign 😣
“oh, you’re a gemini? hmm, what a shame...”
makes bouquets for her favorite people and kin assigns everyone a flower
only assigns the pretty nice ones to the people she likes (sorry sakura, you’re out of luck)
one of her favorite hobbies is crafting! she’s really good with details and small things so she loves making those miniature dollhouses and stuff
also really good at watercoloring. especially painting flowers and landscapes
also i feel like she would be really good at playing any instrument because of her skilled hands
can play a badass flute solo. period.
CHOJI
would honestly rather die than get anywhere NEAR an asparagus
he just thinks they’re so gross and bitter and NOT SALTY
he always eats his yakiniku a little bit undercooked because he’s way too impatient to wait for it to cook fully. who do you think he is??
whenever he cloud gazes with shikamaru, when asked what he thinks a cloud looks like, he just says some sort of food
“oi, choji, what does that one look like to you?”
“a... yakiniku grill... with... pineapple rings on it! ooh, and a wagyu steak right there!”
he thinks pringles are an abomination to society. where’s the crisp? where’s the grease? where’s the saltiness?!!!
asks ino to teach him how to do his hair all fancy and the two of them devote an entire day learning different hairstyles
it’s his new favorite thing to do now :D
he really likes crayons!!!!
like he’ll write with them, draw with them, color with them, do everything with them
he’s even tried to eat them. he said they tasted good.
definitely had the 128 crayon pack WITH THE BUILT-IN SHARPENER, and everyone thought he was the coolest kid in town
he ate it UP, he even scored some bbq dates with the ladies
i also feel like he loves basketball, and he has a MEAN slam dunk
like his vertical isn’t that high, but the man can REACH
he loves when people laugh at him when he challenges them to a 1v1 and then proceeds to absolutely destroy them <3
NEJI
he seems like a cucumber kind of guy.
just cucumber
like i feel like he puts it in everything; soba, salads, sandwiches, his face, yeah
it’s mellow and cool, just like him!
speaking of, i feel like he lives for spa days and facials
it just lets him be alone in his little cucumber scented world for an hour or two and he gets damn clear skin from it as well
seriously he has PERFECT skin. flawless. not a single blemish. his cheeks feel like baby butts they’re so smooth.
i feel like he’d be a god at solving rubik’s cubes, don’t ask me why
like if anyone scrambled theirs on accident they would just take it to neji and he’d solve it in the blink of an eye
CAT PERSON!!! loves the little meow meows
who are we kidding, neji basically is a cat; agile, aloof, does silly things without trying to, very cute
he just feels akin to the little fuzzballs and he thinks petting cats are extremely therapeutic. good for the soul
he is a golf man. he would take his juniors golfing and everyone thinks he’s uncool. cmon neji let them go to the skate park at least T-T
also very good at karaoke, definitely surprised everyone once he got a few drinks in him since he started serenading you
LIGHTWEIGHT!!! do not get more than one shot of alcohol in him. he will go berserk.
i also feel like he’d really love photography; not taking pictures of people, but of nature
he loves taking a quiet stroll through a pretty forest and snapping pictures of all the unique flora and fauna
it’s so serene ︶ ‿ ︶
ROCK LEE
100% milly rocks everywhere
gai got in on it too once he asked what lee was doing
“is that what all the youthful cool kids do these days!”
they also dab together. a lot
DO NOT BE SEEN WITH THESE TWO!!! you are not associated with them.
definitely is the one breakdancing in the middle of the dance circle at a high school party
he’s mad skilled at it too
headspins and windmills galore
challenged naruto to a dance-off and completely OBLITERATED him
lee then asked if naruto wanted a rematch, this time with one hand tied behind lee’s back
naruto obliged, and he STILL lost
RIP naruto and his fangirls, they all scrambled to lee afterwards T-T
i feel like his favorite subject is science
not the boring physics equations and laws and theories but the fun EXPERIMENTS
definitely has singed all of his hair off one time and he went to gai blubbering to help him grow back his precious hair
but he loves experimenting with different combinations and chemicals to get different reactions each time
created a potent love potion and carried it around with him all day one day
and it was actually working
girls were flocking to him left and right, staring at his lips and his face
he was so abashed at the sudden attention
heck, it even worked on sakura
“oi, lee-san!”
“hehe, yes, sakura-san?”
her eyes shifted downwards to his lips and his heart thumped harder
“hey... lee-san?”
“what is it?”
“you have something on your lip. we’ve been trying to tell you all day but you just winked and blew kisses at us.”
legend has it lee has still not recovered to this day.
TENTEN
has THE prettiest handwriting. and she can write SUPER fast
it’s like a superpower
like she transcribed five pages of a report in less than two minutes with perfect handwriting
naruto is so jealous.
she is also super good at origami! those diligent, accurate hands aren’t just for throwing things
taught sakura how to make shurikens but does NOT endorse any violent uses of them
she can replicate all of her weapons with paper and they can actually function, it’s so cool
made paper kunai knives one day and the wholeee village wanted to get their hands on them
i feel like she’d listen to mitski. idk i just get those vibes
LOVES BIG DOGS!! especially fluffy wuffy samoyeds
like man’s best friend?? no, GIRL’S BEST FRIEND!!
hugs and cuddles and squishes all the big dogs
she thinks small dogs are spawns of satan
sakura and her have definitely quarreled over this
but at the end of the day, all dogs are adorable fur babies, so she lets it slide :,)
KIBA
kiba always looks SO GOOD in photos you take of him, candid or not
like you could just whip out a camera and snap a photo of him at any given moment and he would look perfect
you framed a picture of him yelling at akamaru for peeing inside the house
it’s pure artwork
i feel like he tries to swagger around with his hands shoved in his pockets but it fails MISERABLY and the girls are wondering if he broke his leg or something 😭
kiba just walk normally. for the love of god please just walk normally.
he tries to slump back in his chair really low but one time he slouched way too low so he slipped off of his chair and onto the ground LMFAOOOO
he just wallowed there... in shame...
also.. he LOVES when the girls put makeup on him!!
he tries to act like he hates it. but it secretly gives him so much confidence
not to mention the girls hyping him up are a huge ego boost
okay the inside of his jacket hood is the warmest. thing. EVER!!!
seriously, no wonder this dude is so happy-go-lucky all the time, he’s living in literal heaven 24/7
it’s like you’re sleeping on a cloud inside a warm, cozy bed during a cold winter morning
10/10 would recommend letting him give you his sweatshirt when you’re chillin with a hair tie ❤️
HINATA
always smells like lavender soap. always
also has the cutest pencil pouches with little puppy faces and kawaii things
oH and she has those mini yoobi highlighters, she thinks they’re so cute (and functional!)
everyone flocks to her to try them out and marvel at the cute tiny highlighters
and they try to steal them from her but she doesn’t even stop them because she’s too timid to 😭
naruto goes BALLISTIC over them
she lets him have all of them <3
tennis girl!!! tennis girl.
all of her opponents always underestimate her because she’s so timid and shy and quiet
but she has a KILLER serve
and then she takes her opponents to the slaughterhouse with a complete shutout ;)
she’s really athletic believe it or not, she can beat most of the boys in a mile run and she has incredible endurance
i feel like she really loves velvet scrunchies
she just thinks they’re so pretty and they keep her hair soft so they’re cute and functional
also takes the PRETTIEST notes!!
color codes, dividers, headers, you name it, it’s all super readable too its insane
everyone asks her for her notes, not to study but just to appreciate the pure artwork that it is ^w^
SHINO
shino is SO easy to prank
“how do you catch an eyemaster?” *cue naruto and kiba snickering*
“eyemaster bait. that is because—”
even when everyone’s laughing their asses off, he still continues to explain his answer since he does NOT GET THE JOKE
tried his hand at writing haikus
here’s his best one so far:
“Bugs are amazing. That is because they are bugs. Bugs are very nice.” - Shino Aburame
VERY proud of it, since it took him weeks to perfect
praise it, pls
had one of those ant farms and bug-catching kits as a kid
and he would fill the kit TO THE BRIM. LIKE IT WAS HEAVY BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY BUGS.
he loves the little chitters of the different bugs
he had jars of different bugs all lined up on a wall shelf in his room
collects silkworms off of trees and sticks them into his pockets (no i definitely did not do this as a kid...)
HELP I FEEL LIKE he would record a timelapse of his ant farm growing and upload it to youtube with a movie maker title screen that says
“my ants”
if you enjoyed this post, likes and reblogs are much appreciated :) feel free to request here, and make sure to read the rules first! have a lovely day everyone <3
#naruto#naruto x reader#naruto headcanons#naruto imagines#naruto uzumaki#sakura headcanons#shikamaru headcanons#ino yamanaka#choji akimichi#kiba headcanons#kiba inuzuka#hinata hyuuga#hinata hyuga#shino aburame#neji headcanons#neji hyuuga#rock lee#kiba imagines#shikamaru imagines#hc
554 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dear blogging
It's very draining to expect, nd met with silence, by any angle of life.
I want to always bring pleasure
But idk, I continue to be too tired that I don't feel anything..
Last month I wanted to take a full month break and just chill. "They" did payed for the expensive Internet service for once but still I had to open commissions to hopefully and eventually did to pay for groceries, and/or to treat my equally depressed siblings with burgers we first time got. They were awful c':
This month too, refused to pay it, nd me running their bank accounts for them I know that they didn't have much so I payed it yesterday. . their excuse this time? they payed the rent for the empty house next door.. yeah. The house that they rented so no one with 11 kids can live by us. Now I have to gather up for the next one soon. Nd idk.. i feel I can't put out anymore creatively while I'm just on a stressed race to do commissions and still make time to do my own work nd catch up. Like, one colored character with background alone takes me a week to finish. And I try to do my best to be fast by skip living, basically. And by the time I finish, the month was gone nd I didn't get to use the Internet for anything. So I can't see the point of paying it beside making my sibs happy.. (Also I couldn't fix my phone and the lack of notifications enforced that I'm more disconnected tbh)
I wish to be able to save the fruit of my labour for myself without feeling guilty, nd not dish it all out on one thing for an entire family of 8 ppl. Like, yeah what i gather in a month is basically nothing. So they be pressuring me to do something about it and suggest to make my art more lovable nd get more followers nd views and whatever???? While me been trying for years before hand all in secret without mentioning them keep stopping me from talking to ppl online.. nd now I see the numbers on my accounts keeps reflecting that I am indeed failing, nd nothing is working nd I'm just horrible... I don't want to tell people to do what they won't, thats why I took off that 'support me' banner, to like and reblog or follow and whatever.. I feel its only natural to do these things if u like something, or it's just my expectations again that I shouldn't be having
Remember me getting new perfume? To me, it was heaven by smell each time I spray tbh. Yeah they hate it, too. They kept rasing hek on me for using it. On the plus side, every time I came they shoo me off cuz it was suffocating them, so the arguments lessened drastically with this innocent reasoning; they can't talk to me while I'm wearing perfume, and not cuz I don't want to hear it. So naturally i wore it all the time.. sacrificing the only "love" gesture i can give and sometimes receive from them; that morning "awkward hug".. I'm more emptier than ever, tbh..
Anyway..
I'm drawing my bois now, feeling splinded peace.. the euphoria of drawing them again never hit more true.. I mean my characters (a.k.a art) are the embodiment of my aliveness. Just seeing their faces take final form fills me with happiness.. happiness that can make me forget and feel. They r not just drawings, they accompanied my life, ya know. And it's funny to me that when I made them, they were older than me, now I'm older than them. I smile remembering how I used to seeing them surround me at school, how they made diverse remarks on subjects, people and things. Or when I'm upset, act upon or say the things I can't and/or never would. Never directly to me, just.. projected from me but not necessary for me. How they only exist in the limits of my imagination, nd how I am –too– only ever been at the limits of 4 walls, we can't exist without each other. A form of expression that isn't related to me that im so grateful to have.. even if art frustrated me for 80% of the time of making, but when it works, it is an enternal regenerative source of everything one can wish of inspiration, motivation and more.. it is why i do it and wish to do more of.. god just give me those intensive feels
without it I'm probably just an expressionless statue.. I'm trying to practice nd change my zombie voice these days, actually hehe
Axel need lots more work but now let's wonder what they r up to
It's been forever that I used words and my basic human intelligence to make them, heh. I'm grateful I can spew my vent-like updates here.
I wish you ease and joy everyday my dears. Thabk you for your kindness towards Mani, all my love and prayers 🍀💛
5.4.2021 2 a.m.
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
I want to say something, this is going to be a long one folks. Regarding mental health.
Ok, public school in the U.S. . Fuck that. They teach shit to nothing about mental health. And I think that’s a big part of why I feel awful now.
Now I have anxiety and depression, as diagnosed by my primary care doctor. (Idk how the medical systems work in not the U.S. so if people don’t know that’s the doctor that handles basic things). Because of my insurance if I want to get coverage for therapy I need to go to my doctor so they can write me a letter telling the insurance I need therapy.
This has all happened in the last year. (Im 19 now, I was 18 when the process started). I went to a therapist for a while, it was awful. I’ve had me mental issues since I was 13ish and have been just dealing with them on my own. I was confused and uncomfortable with myself and my bad mental health so I put on a mask and pretended that I was fine when I was around other people. Because of this I’m not the type of person to talk about my past or present issues. So when I was seeing my therapist I didn’t like that she expected me to talk. And I don’t mean she diodes me on what to say, asking questions and things like that and expecting me to follow her guidance and talk. I mean she would stay silent and stare at me expecting me to spill my guts about all my past trauma to her. I stopped seeing her. My mom says I should have opened up better.
So now I feel awful. Like I’ve done something wrong, or like I should have been better at opening up. Like if I had just relaxed and talked then I would feel better. But I left my first meeting with her crying. And not in a “we just talked out a big stressful situation and I feel better” kind of cry but a “what is wrong with you, why the hell did you decide to do this” kind of cry. And I know that therapy can be hard, especially for people who haven’t talked about it, like myself. And because of knowing that it is supposed to be hard I can’t tell if I’m bad and just expecting too much of a tv show therapy session, or if she just wasn’t a good fit for my. Which brings me back to being confused and feeling awful.
Another thing. My primary care doctor put me on medication for my mental health. This is a good think because I genuinely think that I need it. I was on lexipro before but I made me supper tired, like REALLY tired. So we switched to something else. (I don’t remember the name, I don’t have the bottle in front of me.) What I’m on now is the stuff that we switched to. I can feel a small difference but I still feel tired, and upset, it’s hard to find positive things, and my motivation to do things is non existent.
And again I know that this kind of medication is messing with some shady shit and often the first and second try don’t work properly, but how many do I try? I had a substitute doctor last time I went in and he said that I need to find a new therapist,( which I find terrifying because of how badly the first time went) to get the full experience, and that in 6months to a year they want to try getting my off all mental health meds to see how things go. Who’s is scary because the meds I’m on don’t even make me feel better.
To my understanding of depression and anxiety medication, they are supposed to make your anxiety and depression go away. Well they aren’t. Idk if I need to just keep hoping medications until o get one that works of if this is working and this is just as good as it gets. Trying different medications is uncomfortable too. My primary care doctor always asks me questions like “are you hurting yourself?” or “Any thoughts or actions of suicide?” Which is like no to both, but I use to and I’ve been able to bring myself out of that. But now they mentioned taking me off meds, so should I be suicidal or hurting myself to need medicated help. Do I not really need to be medicated because I don’t want to kill myself anymore. I don’t know.
Another thing that my doctor will ask is “on a percentage scale, how well are the meds helping, with 0% being not at all and 100% being your good?” Which what the fuck. Like I haven’t been mentally healthy since I was at least 13 years old. How the actual fuck am I supposed to know what 100% even feels like to put it on the scale. Like I remember what feeling like a 0 is like that was only a few years ago. But I’ve been dealing with this for at least 6 years I don’t remember being healthy.
So when I say something like 40% or something guessed like that she will either get really disappointed or excited, depends on how long I’d been on the meds for and my dose size. But when she gets disappointed I feel bad. Like should I be doing better, not that how the meds are effecting me is something that I can control, but I still feel inadequate.
I know my dad had the issues i have, that’s partly why I have them. ( fuck DNA) But he doesn’t talk about it. It’s not something I can talk to him about so i don’t have someone more experienced with this stuff to really talk to. (Which is a reason it might be good to get a new therapist, I’m just scared to).
Not I probably could talk to him about this. He’s sit down and explain his experience and stuff, but then he would ask me why I’m depressed and anxious. To which I would tell him genetics, and I’d watch him get all upset because he knows it comes from him. And I wouldn’t tell him that the height of it, the points when I was hurting myself and when I was suicidal was because I’m queer. Now a lot of why my mental health isn’t as bad as it was then is because the m slowly learning to be ok with that.
Now I’m ok (mostly) with being queer, but I was raised to be religious, and homophobic. Which doesn’t help when you realize you like the same gender. I may not be homophobic anymore (unless it’s a bad day for me and my internalized homophobia won’t shut the fuck up) but my family still is. Now this is something I don’t want to talk to him about, because he’s homophobic. So I avoid talking about my mental health all together. (Another reason I should get a new, better, therapist.)
Anyway, I think I got that all out. In a nutshell I don’t know anything and I feel like I’m inadequate because I don’t know anything and so I don’t know if I’m getting better being pushy, rushing it, or idk. Obviously I’m confused.
If you made it this far in the post please leave a comment, say something in the tags, or send me an ask. If you can explain anything I’d appreciate it. Thanks!
#mentla health#health#mental illness#doctor#depression#anxiety#idk how to tag#this is just a ramble of me being clueless
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
answers (16)
Anonymous said: A lot of these secrets are really serious and sad so heres a lighter one: me and my sister are knitting christmas socks for the whole family as a surprise. Ive never knit a pattern before but im really good!!
Amazing!!
Anonymous said: idk if your still doing this but my secret is I fear im a terrible person who only acts nice to rick people into liking her and ik that actually does make me an okay but i still feel im doing it for the wrong reasons and someones going to get too close and find out the truth and hate me
That’s very self aware of you, I think-- probably too self aware. You’re absolutely right to say it’s the trying that matters, but I’m not gonna blame you for worrying about it. I have similar concerns about myself sometimes. I’m aware that for me personally they’re partially justified. Some of my kindness is self motivated.
I think though (and it seems like you already know this) it’s the effect of the kindness that matters. Maybe it’s better for me if I have “pure” intentions, but if I don’t, I should still do the kind things anyway, right? Because at the end there’s still going to be good. And there’s nothing bad about actively trying to be good, which is all we’re doing.
Anonymous said: my secret is that ive been chasing after a dream my whole life but im not sure ill ever achieve it. times running out and i dont know what to do if i cant. i feel like my whole life has been put on standby and i dont know the way out. i know ill be okay in the end but i dont know what the end will be and that scares me.
Shit that’s relatable. You really will be okay, but it’s terrifying in the meantime, isn’t it? To have those turning points bearing down on you?
Things will happen. You can’t stop that. Time is gonna continue, but you’ll still be there at the end. Your head’s already in the right place.
Anonymous said: My secret is that I really, really like one of my friends, but he has a girlfriend and slept with one of my best friends when they were both super drunk. I want the feelings to stop and go back to being just friends, because I honestly think I don't have a chance, but there is a small part of me that doesn't want to let go. I don't know what to do.
Well that’s a bitch of a situation, isn’t it? Romantic feelings aren’t really my area, but I understand holding on to things you consciously want to let go. Emotions always feel like part of me, you know? I don’t want to tear them away. Sometimes it’s better to do it, though. I don’t know from a few sentences if that’s the case here, but I hope you find the way that’s the best for you
Anonymous said: My secret is I used to be suicidal, in my pre/early teens. I had realised I was lesbian in a small, largely Catholic town and hated myself for it. I was awful at social situations and couldn’t make friends. I hated myself for having baby fat because I danced part time. Then as I got older I slowly got more confident until one day a friend died I realised that holy shit I used to be suicidal and I could have killed myself. I’m terrified that I might get like that again and actually do it
Honestly, and I know this is gonna sound cliche, but I’m always in awe of folks like you. I don’t handle my own mental health issues super well most of the time, and to hear about someone growing? Changing? Getting better? Amazing
Anonymous said: If you're still taking these... my secret is that I don't want to give birth to children ever, and would consider adopting instead (when I'm older), but if I were to voice that to any family member or even an acquitance, they would shun me for it and make sure they try to talk me out of it. I really hate how conservative people put so many expectations on my shoulders
Heyyyyyy same. I’m not planning on birthing any kids, but my parents have come down pretty heavily on the single-women-should-not-adopt-children thing, which is.... bullshit. I’m gonna adopt some kids one day, whether they like it or not.
You know your own mind and your own plans. Other people don’t have to be happy about them, even (maybe especially) family members.
Anonymous said: My secret is that I’m a bad friend. I don’t make time for the few friends I have and spend most my time working or being in my room. They deserve better than me.
I don’t think you’re a bad friend. Not being around isn’t bad-friend behavior. You’re not hurting anyone. You’re not doing anything wrong. And I certainly don’t think that it justifies the idea that they should leave you. Relationships are always kinda a difficult balancing act, but you don’t have to be perfect at balancing it, you know?
Anonymous said: My secret is that I'm extremely self-sufficient, I've always had to be. But because there's no one else taking care of me it's so hard to invest my time in others because I'll neglect my own mental state. It make sit hard to develop stable relationships. Every once in a while I re-realize that I'm no one's priority so I have to be my own. And it just sucks.
Shit anon that’s really really rough. It makes me sad with you. I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong, because I don’t know, do I? But I hope you are.
Anonymous said: My secret is I imagine myself as OCs I create for certain fandoms like Young Justice or Castlevania, and I spend all my time daydreaming of how I would act in episodes and how I would interact with the characters. I think it’s because I’m not satisfied with my life, and I’m also afraid that this makes me either weird or crazy.
Oh biggest mood
I do that too. I’m not in a position to say whether that’s a good or bad thing, but I like to think it just makes us creative. For me, it eventually found an outlet in writing, and that’s been a big source of joy in my life. I had some unpleasant experiences sharing that stuff with people in the past, but for me? I don’t worry about it anymore. I know a lot of people that do similar stuff.
Write some fanfiction, maybe :) You might be real good at it
Anonymous said: My secret is I’m secretly attracted to people who are better than me at stuff
That’s not really my area, but seems to me that’s a pretty good thing to be attracted to. One of the sweetest things I hear around school is people talking about how their partners are going to be such good lawyers. It’s cute.
Anonymous said: My secret is that my anxiety is crushing me. I don't want to feel this way anymore.
Oh, anon. I just.... feel you. I’ve been really struggling lately with the idea that other people move through life without that handicap, and it amazes and angers me. Why don’t I get that? Why am I like this? It isn’t fair.
And it isn’t. It just isn’t. You didn’t ask to death match your brain every second of the day. You’re not any worse than everyone else, so why do you have to suffer? I don’t know. I really don’t.
The only happy thing I can say to you is people do heal. It’s bullshit that it takes so much time and effort, but it is possible. I’m better off now than I was five years ago, even if it did take five years and a whole lot of therapy, medication, and energy. You shouldn’t have to fight like this, but you can, and you can win.
Anonymous said: My secret is Im so bitter most of the time that I cant be happy for others. Me and my best friend are both singers but I can never be happy for her when she gets compliments or any success bc im jealous and im scared I'll never learn to be selfless and happy for other people
You’re only human. You have human emotions. You have every right to feel them. The only thing that matters is your choices, because that’s the only thing you can control.
I’m so sorry you’re scared. That’s another emotion you have every right to feel
Anonymous said: My secret is that sometimes I hated myself for not express what I felt because I thought they'll hate me or make distance of me but I'm learning to express my feelings to others and try to be more confidence :) I hope you'll be brave too and do whatever you want to do 💜
I wanna be anon when I grow up
Anonymous said: My secret is that my hands hurt all the time but in different ways, and I’m scared to get help because I’m scared they’ll tell me I’m making it up or being dramatic.
Man do I hate the shit people put you through to get medical help. Everybody’s entitled to ask, aren’t they? So why are we all making that difficult? Why are we making people feel bad about their own pain?
I understand your fear, but I hope you start asking questions anyway. Other people’s opinions about it aren’t your fault
Anonymous said: My secret is that my dermatillomania has gotten way worse since I got to college, so I’m having to wear headscarves again to keep myself from picking my scalp. I smuggled my scarf collection out of my room without telling my parents.
I’m sorry, anon. That’s difficult. That sucks. That’s bullshit.
Anonymous said: my secret is that when one of my family members says something homophobic I'll laugh and agree because I'm afraid that they'll disown me if there's any shred of proof that I'm LGBT and it makes me feel like such filth
That’s not your fault. It’s theirs for making you feel unsafe, because your safety really should be your first priority! That’s okay! You’re not being a bad person by doing it. You’re just protecting someone. You’re allowed to make that someone you
#some pretty heavy subjects here so#suicide#suicidal thoughts#anxiety#depression#mental illness#homophobia#if there's anything else let me know#asks#secrets
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Positive reflective life ramble on adversity, sickness, and the aftermath of 'crisis mode'
So, getting severely physically sick gradually over the past year and a half---because really my doctors and I have figured out its been a gradual thing that's been deteriorating for a while, I realized that even though I've had a LONG series of really awful stuff happen to me, every single thing internally changed part of me in an extraordinary way that's so so healthy and solidifying. It's all because of the amount of work and time I've put in from like age 17 till now in therapy, personally, and within my relationships, and even though I couldn't abate the physical effects or my own frankly severe clinical depression due to genetics, the way I've handled and allowed events in the past year or so to impact me was like the stress test proving that the work has had a permenant impact? It proved to me that as a person I'm healthy, I take things in a healthy way, I approach people in a healthy way, I conceptualize criticism and failing in the healthiest way I can with my rsd, and I set healthy goals and have healthy desires. BUT I haven't been able to actualize any of it because honestly, after everything I kind of just wanted to stagnate and have nothing new happen event wise so that I could just breath and have some stability because I've been totally exhausted and burnt out. I should have taken a semester or a year off of school, the worry and sudden ambivilance to school really hurt my health and my ability to just breath again, and the decision to just tread water and endure without any real changes in my daily routine definetely hurt my energy and health. Taking almost a year off from any kind of dating and sex, and shit even research was good for me. Like to an extreme extent, but I should have listened to my body saying "I'm too exhausted to even use this extra time to benefit myself" and just taken time off from school to work and move out temporarily etc.
But none of that matters now bc I got very very sick, and being bed ridden, isolated, and totally stripped of any sense of security or complacency has really changed my entire perspective on life and the finality of it and the responsibility I have to myself not just internally but externally in the form of action and challenge. My family lives a supremely unhealthy lifestyle and it's impacted me greatly. Our diets are terrible, even with the changes I've made in the past to mine by eating less fatty meat and no frozen foods, it's not enough, I haven't exercised enough or respected my body at all and doing so now will literally kill me down the line. The second I'm medically cleared I'm getting a personal trainer/physical therapist and getting in very good shape, I was an athletic kid and I've said I wanted to do this in the past but there's this weird thing inside of me where a certain threshold is reached where I know that something HAS to happen and it's absolutely going to and it's there, I dont have a doubt in my mind that it's going to happen.
Mentally I need to find a stable medication and therapy routine to treat my dysthymia because I'm unfortunate enough to have inherited my mom's near Electroconvulsive Therapy levels of long term depression, but im extremely lucky it doesn't really come in the form of sadness, just all the other physiological and psychological factors like poor motivation, anhedonia etc. Finding the right treatment now will pretty much give me a baseline to know what my normal is, because it's been a FAT minute since I've been at my baseline, and that'll give me the awareness I need (combined with CBT) to identify warning signs because emotional states aren't identifiers for me. Lastly on a personal level, I'm in fucking shambles rn in all other facets of my life but my health destroying itself stripped me down to only my internal world, and who I am as a person as the only things left. And I feel incredible, like I feel so fucking healthy and loving and assured in who I am and my worth, and all of it has been tested and tried and proven through terrible events, but the only way to remove doubt from my brain was through those events.
I think the past few weeks have been really dark, depressing, and sad for me because its been this weird grieving period of fear and sorrow about all the negative shit that's happened and the perceived loss of the life I've been leading but really, every time I'd think it would lead back to a conclusion of how I'd benefited out of it and the reality that I havent been living, I've been in crisis mode since July 2017, and the strip back down to the core that I'm enduring now is exactly what needed and maybe even what was supposed to happen.
After two days ago, the worst I felt in my entire life, I woke up and like all the fear of intimacy, being vulnerable, taking risks, and making concrete choices is just gone, because there is literally no more back tracking and hedonistic fleeing from fears even possible. The few people that I've not cut out in my life and have stuck around have said consistently over the past few weeks how much I've helped them and have given so many examples of times where I helped support them at their worst times, from suicide attempts to breaking off engagements to sexual abuse and changing careers, and I honestly didn't realize that people ever thought I'd had that much of an impact in that and I never really believed that I had earned or deserved to receive help or loyalty from people, it's been incredibly meaningful and validating for my biggest difficulty, vulnerability and accepting help. I think once I start to get my shit in order it's time I open myself up to a serious relationship or dating again, but without a goal of actively trying to obtain it, it needs to be with someone who's in the same position I am, the uphill climb AFTER the first uphill climb from neglect and lack of self respect to having identified what the soul needs and wants and what you provide and want others around you to provide to your life as well. I know this all sounds horribly pretentious but I'm here man, like it's all in the past been heal heal heal, and now it's like: the buildings are all built, let's occupy and use them and invite others in to use them as well. Idk yeah, that's everything I guess, I posted this for a specific few people who I know read my tumblr to keep an eye on what's been going on in my life since I'm not active on twitter/Instagram anymore, but thanks to anyone who read anyways.
Officially done with Lyme disease treatment today btw 🤘🏻
1 note
·
View note
Text
NINE PERCENT Zhu Zhengting ‘A Dozen Letters’
In which the dreaded Valentine’s day arrives but instead of being left alone, Ying Yue has to track down her mystery guy.
PAIRING: Zhengting x Ying Yue (OC)
SORT OF A SOCIAL MEDIA ONESHOT (texting and Instagram)
|YING YUE|
Snow crunched against my shoes, my breath exhaling out puffs of white smoke. It was so cold. Yet, my school didn't let us stay home. Stupid winter. Although it looks pretty, frost covering the tree branches bare of leaves, it didn't give me enough motivation to get out of my comfy warm bed.
But of course, my sister had to barge in and wake me up, yelling at me to drive her to school.
Sadly, both my parents took the two cars we had. Instead, I wrapped up my sister and walked her to school, her "boyfriend" meeting with her.
"Happy valentines day!" He yells. My sister giggles and hugs him. I roll my eyes and bid goodbye, not needing to stay here longer.
And now here I am, at the entrance of my school trying to take the excess snow off. Normally, I wouldn't care how the school looks, but today it made my stomach want to hurl. Bleh. Hearts here, red and pink there. This is the day I die.
I quickly text Ha Rin, crying inside.
Ying Yue
don't know where i am
theres too many hearts everywhere
i think i got sent to hell
send help
bitch where you and Eun Jung at
Ha Rin
Lmao
its only one day come on you can survive
we are at ur locker, come here
Ying Yue
im cryin
I walk quickly to my locker, trying to ignore all of the "Happy Valentines day" and couples sticking their tongues in each other's mouths.
I hate this day, I hate this.
Why?
Just bad memories.
Ying Yue
sksksk theres too many couples making out my poor eyes
Ha Rin
LOL hurry up then
I almost bump into a girl who then glared at me.
"Bitch." I mumbled
"Ying ying!" I turned around and saw Ha Rin and Eun Jung both holding....ugh.
"Awe are those stuffies for me? You shouldn't have." I playfully try to take it away but they both glare at me playfully.
"No, you know who this will be given to." Eun Jung says in a teasing tone while Ha Rin nods and laughs.
I shudder. "This is why I hate valentines day."
"Come on Ying Yue. it's only one day, it's not the end of the world." Eun Jung puts an arm around my shoulder. I shrug it off, going towards my locker to get my math book.
"But you both are leaving me for your boyfriends during my four-hour break. It is so the end of the world." I pout and try to open the lock with no avail.
"Ugh stupid lock."
Ha Rin and Eun Jung laugh. "Awe is little Ying Ying sad because she doesn't have a boy to cuddle?"
"Shut up. I don't need a man."
"That is true....but remember your other valentine's day attempts with your crushes. Both of them who I hate with my life but you do you boo." Eun Jung says.
I drop the lock and look at both of my friends. "We do not talk about that. I was too dumb in what I thought was love."
They both snickered. "Well no one told you to stick candies on their locker DUH!" They both say at the same time and I swear if murder wasn't illegal I would have buried their dead asses by now.
"Ohmygod what did I just say not to do!" I exclaim and open my locker a little bit too forcefully, I felt a stinging sensation on my cheek and involuntarily closed my eyes.
"What the fuck!?" I yelled, opening my eyes a moment later to see not one, but TWELVE LETTERS spill out of my locker.
The hallway was silent for a moment and I felt my cheeks burn. Oh, how I hated being the center of attention. Make it stop. The bell rang not a moment later and I clumsily picked up all of the letters, saying a quick goodbye before heading to the library for my first free period....hopefully alone.
|ZHENGTING|
"Okay calm down I'm just getting out of my car." I say into my phone, hearing coherent mumbles from the other side of the receiver. I grabbed my bag from the backseat and went into school.....of course, I locked my car.
"What was that Wenjun? I can't hear you." I say in a sing-song voice, always teasing him for his mumbles. Before I used to blame my hearing, I swear it keeps getting worse with me always blasting music to dance to. But after many times hearing him mumble, I realized it wasn't my hearing but it was just Wenjun's habit.
"-Hello? Zhengting are you still on?" I snap out of my trance and nod my head, mentally cursing because no one can hear a nod from a phone call.
"Yeah I'm still on. I'm inside the school now, where are you?"
"Going to my locker, meet me there before class starts?"
"Will do." I hang up and look around the school. Pink and red hearts everywhere. My student council can be so extra with these "holidays." I hum a little tune and turned the corner until I heard a voice that made my knees go weak.
Ying Yue.
Oh god, she's at her locker. Calm down Zhengting you just have to walk to Wenjun's locker that is beside her. You can do this. I take a deep breath and start to walk towards Wenjun, not until I tripped on my own shoe and almost fell. Curse my two left feet.
I didn't see Ying Yue look but I saw her friends did and I mentally cried. Great, I'm gonna get teased.
"Hey bro." Wenjun and I did a handshake and opened his locker. "So how was it falling for...you know." He points in the three girls direction and laughs.
I glare and tackle him down, not needing this first thing in the morning. "Can you just get your stuff and let's go? I don't need to be here any-" I heard yelling and looked at Ying Yue, locker open and letters on the ground. I blushed and looked away, recognizing that handwriting. The bell rang soon after and I felt a rush of cold wind pass by.
"Dude, just how many letters did you write to her?" Wenjun whispers and I tense up. I saw this post that this guy bought his girlfriend twelve roses and stated that if the last one died their love will die. Plot twist? The last rose was fake and that signified that their love will last forever.
"I may or may have written twelve letters." I said shyly.
"AND YOU STUCK IT IN HER LOCKER ALL AT THE SAME TIME!?!" Wenjun exclaims and I cover his mouth with my hand.
"Was that a bad idea?"
|YING YUE|
I sit down in the library and take deep breaths, never again I will run....psh just kidding I run away from everything.
I touch the area on my face where I felt a cut and I winced. I quickly put on a bandaid because I don't want to get an infection...duh. I then opened my math textbook, trying to finish yesterday's homework that I forgot at school. But I couldn't. I couldn't think of anything else but the letters. "Twelve letters? For me? It's not April fools day yet." I mumble, closing my math textbook and welcoming sleep for the remainder of the free period.
Well, no sleep came. My hands indistinctively went to my backpack and I found the twelve letters I dumped in there haphazardly. I picked a random one and looked to see who it was addressed to.
"My love? What the hell?"
I opened the letter and admired the handwriting. For some reason, I recognized it from somewhere. There's no way Zhengting wrote this. I thought. He doesn't see me other than a little sister.
Yes, Zhengting and I go way back. Meaning the cliche neighbours to this day. The cliche spending time at each other's houses cuddling and talking about everything. The cliche friendly "I love you's" and "I miss you's." I laughed softly at the vast memories. It was as if a switch turned on in my brain and I stopped spending a lot of time with Zhengting. Why?
I love him.
I tried to distract myself with other crushes, trying to make myself noticeable to them with yes, putting candies on their lockers for valentines day. Only one noticed but rejected me.
I later knew it was so stupid. I was blinded by artificial love and wanting to get rid of feelings for Zhengting.
I looked at the letter.
'Ying Yue,
You probably ran away when you saw all of the letters fall from your lockers, I know you hate the attention. So instead of giving you twelve roses because I'm literally so shy, I'm giving you twelve letters (which you could make it into paper roses but idk.)
Where do I start....the first time we met. Now I don't want to give too much away but we were pretty close in our childhood.
You've grown into a wonderful, beautiful human being I mean girl. When you first walked into the doors of this year I swear you got even prettier.
Since I only have twelve letters because I didn't want to bombard you with more, I will compliment you twelve times...maybe even more if you let me.
Number one, your laugh, your sincere one. I love hearing it. It was one of the reasons why I fell in love with you. Yes Yue, you read it right. I'm deeply and terribly in love with you and I can never get you off my mind.
Ps. I'm closer than you think *winks*'
I put down the letter and look around, trying to see if I can spot anyone. There were only girls here. Does this mean he's in my classes?
|ZHENGTING|
I smile when I see her look around. Thank god she can't see me from here. I go back doing my own work, hoping she will read the rest.
I know, so cliche. But it's really scary confessing to someone who has been in your life for so long.
immediately I hear a loud thud and I jump out of fright. God damn why is everything so scary? Taking out one earphone I look to where the sound came from and lo and behold, I make eye contact with a fallen Ying Yue.
Shit.
|YING YUE|
"Oh shit I'm gonna be late for my next class." I hurriedly pack my things, mutter a small apology for the person who wrote those letters, for they will be crushed yet again by the suffering and anxiety of what is called school books.
I stood up, but somehow the next moment the chair that I sat on fell along with me beside it. Damn me for being so clumsy.
Not only was the library more silent than before, but I also made eye contact with the last person I wanted to see. Not when I had my speculations.
Zhu Zhengting.
I quickly looked away, flustered and embarrassed. I ran once more. Let's hope from all this running I'm doing today is going to make me lose weight.
Why do you do this to me Zhu Zhengting?
***
My media studies class was pretty interesting to say the least, but for some reason, I have a project to do.....it's photography?
"Well happy valentine's day to all. I didn't expect to bring this project up so suddenly." My teacher explained.
"For the past month, we have been looking at social media and how it affects our daily lives. Normally, we only want people to see the bright, happy sides. Or either, we repost other people's photos without permission and claim it as our own. Now, what does this all have to do with the project? I will be asking each of you to either clear your own Instagram profiles and start fresh or create a new Instagram profile. This will be a week-long project. I not only want you to add your happy moments but your sad ones. I want to see not only cute pictures of the sky but also your homework. I want to see your daily life in pictures. So like a daily blog."
Everyone starts to groan but the teacher silences us. "Oh come on class. It's not like you all are already not glued to your phones twenty-four seven. It's worth thirty percent of your grade so I expect some effort. For extra marks you can write a journal on one specific photo and why it's special to you."
"I wish I dropped this class already." someone mumbles beside me but I completely ignore it, already knowing what to do.
50 likes
@ying.yang - aight @person who left me twelve letters in my locker. Who u and wat u want wit me?
5 comments
@e.jung - A SECRET ADMIRER!?! IS IT *********?
@ying.yang - @e.jung ShUt uP
@haharin - @e.jung oof it's totally him
@ying.yang - @haharin SHUT UP
|ZHENGTING|
Shit.
My eyes went wide during lunch.
"Wenjun did you see Ying Yue's post?" I show him my phone and he looks at the photo.
"Damn ting why don't you ever write me notes like that?" he pouts and I smack him on the arm.
"You don't deserve any...not when you cheated on me with Quanzhe!"
Wenjun laughs. "But no seriously you should tell her today that you like her. You have History class with her right?"
I nod.
"You still have them?"
I nod again.
"Good. I have a plan."
200 likes
@tingting - maybe today will be the day where I can finally give you flowers in person
20 comments
@yellowturnip.justin - eh?
@byewenjun - oh you are so confessing to her today...im tired of seeing you sulk about how youre too much of a chicken to do it
@tingting - @byebyewenjun sksksks sHUT UP
@fanchangechange - wait, Zhengting only knows one girl...does that mean????
@tingting - @fanchangechange I LIKE UR SISTER NOW SHUT UP
@quanzhieeee - @tingting @fanchangechange THATS A LIE
|YING YUE|
I fiddle with my pen, hoping something exciting happens during the week or else I will be posting sky photos and my song playlist which is all over the place. I mean I guess I could write a reflection on my music, but what's the point?
I wait for History class to start, wanting more than to just go home.
Music in my ears, I sketch a human figure, pouting when one side is different than the other.
A tap on my shoulder. That one tap made me lose my focus and snap back into the dreaded reality. I now know what photo I should post next.
I take out my headphones and turn around, looking at the familiar boy. Again? The second time I have seen him today.
"Is anyone sitting here?" he asks and I shake my head no immediately. He places his backpack on his desk and sits down, closing his eyes.
I look at him for a moment and then shake my head, trying to go back to my sketch.
"Why are you shaking your head?" I hear the person beside me say. He opens one eye and looks at me from the side.
"Nothing. It's stupid."
"Okay then. I wanted to ask you a question. "
I turn my body and look at him. "Shoot."
He opens his other eye. "Who's the lucky guy?"
"W-what?"
"The picture you posted on Instagram, who's the lucky guy?"
Shoot.
"Oh that? I have uh no idea." I'm sorta wishing, hoping it is you.
Zhengting nods and the teacher walks in, signalling the start of History class.
***
My eyes feel heavy, and the teacher's monotone voice does not help one bit. I peek a little to my right and see Zhengting taking notes like a good student. Meanwhile, my notes are filled with sketches.
70 likes
@ying.yang - oops
10 comments
@haharin - wtf listen in class
@ying.yang - @haharin i cant im gonna fall asleep soon
@e.jung - tsk tsk
@ying.yang - @e.jung @haharin WILL BOTH OF YOU LET ME LIVE!?!
I didn't even know the bell rang until I looked around and saw people packing their bags, getting ready to go home. I quickly stuffed my phone in my pocket, standing up to pack my bag until I saw a piece of paper hurriedly folded on my desk.
'Ying Yue,
Meet me at the field if you wanna know who I am'
My heart started pounding for no reason. What if this was a prank? What if this note was left for someone else? Well actually it did say my name but the chills ran down my spine. I shook my head and went along with it, stopping by my locker to bring my Physics textbook with me to hit the person if needed.
***
The closer I get to the field, the farther away I am from the crowds of people. I stop at what looks like the middle, plot my stuff on the ground and wait.
"Wenjun I told you that you shouldn't have gone to the washroom right now, look, Ying Yue, is already here."
"Ting calm down, just go up to her and say I love you or whatever."
My ears perk up at the familiar voice, but the other voice speaking says something that makes me freeze.
Wait, does that mean?
"Ying Yue."
I turn around and look at Zhengting.
"It's you?" I say, cringing at how I sounded so blunt.
He rubs the nape of his neck and laughs awkwardly. "Suprise?"
I giggle and smile. "I'm glad it's you."
250 likes
@tingting - smile brighter than the sun. My love
30 comments
@yellowturnip.justin - oH!?! IT WAS YING YUE THIS WHOLE TIME!?!
@fanchangechange - cute
@quanzhieeee - I ship
@byewenjun - freaking finally. thought you were going to die alone
@tingting - @byewenjun TAKE THAT BACK
@ying.yang - sksks LMAO @byewenjun
100 likes
@ying.yang - i guess something good did happen after all. im glad its you
30 comments
@tingting - ily
@ying.yang - ily2 loser
@e.jung - @haharin have we been replaced?
@haharin - @e.jung I think so :(
@ying.yang - @e.jung @haharin shut up you guys. you were the ones who left me in the first place!
MASTERLIST
#nine percent#zhu zhengting#jung jung#hwang minghao#hwang justin#fan chengcheng#li quanzhe#bi wenjun#c-pop#oneshot#valentines day#social media#letters#nex7#nex7 oneshot#nex7 yehua
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
part 2 going backwards
100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years?
idk but hopefully the white ppl learned their lesson LOL
101. What do you do on your lazy days?
watch tv n eat :’)
102. What ended your last relationship?
her and her bullshit
103. Favorite food?
chicken
104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had?
fuck man i’ve had a few but the most recent one was a couple days ago and i woke up seriously hyperventilating with tears all over my temples. i had a dream that i had a racist white professor who found me in my dorm room after i asked to use the restroom (i just needed a breather) and he started spraying me with a pressure washer in front of a bunch of pretty girls to make them laugh and my makeup came off and my natural hair started to show and i felt so ugly and belittled and everyone was laughing at me, and i saw my reflection in the mirror and i looked so ugly compared to them it was awful. i felt like shit all day after that dream
105. When was the last time you got seriously angry?
yesterday
106. What was the last friendship you broke?
someone that i gave hella chances to, to get right and they manipulated the situation and took my forgiveness for granted and fucked it all up
107. Do you have any pet peeves?
yea of course
108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to?
my gf i think????
109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed?
today
110. What part of your personality do you want to change?
i wish i had more compassion
111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now?
brianna LMAOOO
112. What is your biggest motivation?
being happy
113. What did you want to be when you were little?
first a garbage MAN, then a teacher, then a musician, then an actress, then a doctor hahahahaha
114. What are some things that you are good at?
playing instruments, cooking, styling, dyeing hair, talking, idk stuff like dat
115. What is one thing you want to be good at?
saving money LOL
116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work?
thinking about how much time is left til im off omg
117. How important is privacy to you?
very
118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be?
for men to have their tongues and dicks surgically removed
119. What's the craziest lie you've ever told?
bro i think i told ppl in middle school that the bullet on my necklace was the one that killed my grandpa in WWI but i got that shit from a souvenir shop LOL not crazy but i can’t think of anything else atm
120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties?
i smoked weed with a hobo!!!!
121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do?
not have any sense of individuality that shit is some lame bitch energy
122. What is the stupidest thing you've done to impress someone?
say i was on a volleyball team wtf LMAOOOO they asked what my position was and i was like the one in the front and she was like you mean “front”? and i was like ..yeahhh.... and she was hella laughing cuz she knew i was lying
123. What is your morning routine?
snooze 3 alarms and then wake up late, wash face, brush teeth, moisturize, spf, put on clothes and RUN
124. What's the last thing you did that is worth remembering?
bought my first car all by myself YEEEEEE
0 notes
Text
march wrap up + exciting news!
hey guys! so i have some really good news -drum roll please-
i bought a bookshelf! yup, ive been putting it off for awhile but all my money literally goes towards books and i was running out of space haha. anyways the good news is that im definitely going to take photos and post them! so it'll be like a tour type of thing! i'll try to get it up tomorrow, but it didn't arrive until late so i didn't have a chance to actually build the thing today. im planning to get it done tomorrow but maybe it won't work out, i dunno. but yeah! im super excited for you guys to get a look at my reading taste and everything. anyways, on with the wrap up!
1) night and day by virginia woolf
4/5 stars
ok, thank God i didn't give up on her after to the lighthouse. this book was so amazing?? it lowkey reminded me of a jane austen novel and i know a lot of people love her so if you fall into that category please check this out! unlike TTL, it actually has a plot lmao. its following two couples and basically just answers the question of what is love and there's yearning and pining and yeah i loved it. didn't give it 5 though because it did move a bit slow
2) the outsiders by s.e hinton
3/5 (more like a 2.5 tho)
okay so...i defiantly appreciate what this book did for the young adult genre and given the time it was written i can see why its considered such a classic. but it was just...so boring?? and incredibly unrealistic. good news is i was able to read it in a day and i did like the ending so there's that. if i had read this for school i would've hated it even more (also the movie was awful too)
3) sometimes i lie by alice feeney
2/5
okay, this is about a girl in a coma and its written in flashbacks, journal entries, and the main characters thoughts during the coma. it sounds like such a cool concept but...idk. the writing was really bad at first but it did get better and the journal entries were so cool. but it just felt useless. like so much more could've been done and the author kinda just fell flat.
4) beautiful boy by david sheff
4/5
i don't typically read memoirs but this was so good! really there's no critiques, the movie was alright but i would say read the book first. its about a father having to deal with his sons drug addiction and the way that's taken a toll on him and his family. i honestly think this should be required reading, or schools should at least recommend it. because in present day there's so much content romanticizing drug use and people post about it so casually its disgusting. so yeah, please read this book!
5) a dirty job by christopher moore
3/5
okay, this book was good. like it made me audibly laugh a few times and i vivdly remember two of the jokes and they still make me smile almost a month later! i gave a 3 though because it did kinda drag on and i just wasn't motivated to finish it, like it almost got me in a slump.
6) daisy miller and washington square by henry james
DM: 2/5 WS: 3/5
okay to be honest i hardly remember daisy miller, it just wasn't good. washington square isn't memorable either. i think its about a guy who likes a girl but her family doesn't approve. they're both classics that are really easy to read and relatable, and i think that if you're getting started with classics you should check them out.
7) sawkill girls by claire legrand
4/5
this book has lesbian, bisexual, and ace rep its honestly amazing. if you like rory power books you'll love this. its basically about an island where girls go missing, and the town doesn't really have an explanation. that's all i'll say because i don't want to give a lot away but yeah, read this!
8) taking flight by siera maley
3/5
the writing wasn't strong the plot was meh but it was a cute lesbian story
9) the catcher in the rye by j.d salinger
3/5
not much to say, i had to read this for school. the ending was really amazing
10) girls of paper and fire by natasha ngan
4/5
okay so this ones about a society where 8 girls are taken to be the kings mistresses each year. lei, the mc, is chosen as the 9th girl because of how unique her eyes are. she gets to the palace and isn't very happy with how things are run. that's all i'll say because i don't wanna spoil it. but yeah! it features a f/f romance too, and it doesn't really focus on coming out or labels or anything since i know some people don't like that
11) girls of storm and shadow by natasha ngan
3/5
definitely not as good as the first. i won't summarize because that would obviously have to include spoilers. but im still gonna read the 3rd book when it comes out:)
12) muted by tami charles
3/5
the first book ive read written in verse! it was cool, its basically about a group of friends who get scouted by a musician and you get to see them navigate the industry and all that. there's TWs in the book, please check them! also the main character is a lesbian so read this!
13) watch over me by nina lacour
3/5
this isn't the same nina who wrote hold still:( it is the same one that wrote we are okay though. this was just so ughhhh. it follows a girl who gets adopted by this family that lives on a farm and takes in a lot of foster children, and there's ghost and stuff. i feel like it just tried too hard to be deep.
okay! march was such a good reading month tbh. i don't have much else to say. if anyone's reading this ur cool!
0 notes
Note
(1/3)Okayyyy so i mightve sent a few asks abt this before but this topic is really now bugging me cuz i have depression and im sensitive to like everything. Im starting to take this "not getting notes on my art" thing really personally and i know it sounds childish (and i laugh at myself for it) but i cant help but get upset when i spend so much time and effort and get like no feedback. And i know people say not to draw what u love and not for attention but honestly i dont even know what
and i dont even know if im drawing what ilike sometimes. Yeah i love bts but i dont know if i like what im drawing or ifim just doing it for notes???? And i have a lot of anxiety too and thats wherei feel like im taking this too personally. Cuz im starting to think that my artdoesnt get notes cuz its straight up not good which leads me to think ishouldnt even try to pursue a career in art anymore. But im not good atanything else so wtf am i gonna do if i dont succeed in art???? Like i said i laugh at myself for thinking like this and iprobably sound like a fuckin child but i cant help it???? Like i think my artis decent???? But maybe its not???? Idk like this was really hitting me todaycuz i feel like im wasting so much time and im probably gonna be one of thosepoor college students cuz i decided to focus on art more rather than taking ajob cuz i thought i could make money off of my art but yknow clearly its notgoing so well and im scared for my future U dont have to give advice to all of that i just needed tolet that all out
Aw dude don’t worry I get what you mean,I actually experienced something similar when I first started posting my art totumblr, and even recently when I first started posting bts fanart. It’sperfectly normal to want recognition (in this case in the form of notes) forsomething you worked so hard on!! I think one of the major issues with postingto such a big fandom such as bts though is that there’s so many peopleproducing content at any given time, that it’s incredibly easy to get drownedout. Especially since tumblr changed how search and track tagging worked, itmade it that much harder for people to get noticed for their content.
When I first switched to drawing for bts,I found it hard because I also focused a lot on my note count. For someone whowas originally well established in a previous fandom, the move to bts was quitea jarring experience. I had built my following on tf2 art, and used toconsistently get a couple hundred notes, but one of main reasons why I left wasbecause of the dwindling of note counts. When I first left, overwatch had justcome out and a lot of attention shifted towards that game away from tf2, andalthough I still love the game, the dramatic decrease in notes on my art fortf2 really made me sad and I ended up deciding to leave the fandom after 3years of drawing tf2 art. I hopped around a bit, before eventually getting intobts. Even then, my first few pieces (they’re not on my #bts fanart tag so mostpeople wouldn’t have ever seen them) either got no notes at all or only two orthree. It was easier for me to establish myself in a fandom such as tf2 back inthe day since it was such a small, tight knit community with limited contentcreators, but now with bts there are so many more people and it just seemedhopeless for a while and I lost motivation in my art. I stopped wanting todraw, since it felt like nobody cared. Art is the biggest hobby I have, solosing my confidence in my art was crushing.
Now you might be wondering how I got towhere I am today. I’ll be completely honest with you. For me, I highly doubt Iwould be anywhere near where I am if it weren’t for networks. I had neverjoined a network before, but decided to join armiesnet and jimin network one daywhen I saw that applications were open. I got accepted, and I joined theirrespective group chats too. I met lots of great people on those chats, and madea lot of new friends which was nice after having moved fandoms and lost touchwith many previous mutuals. I’m so glad I joined networks, because not only doyou have the chance to make mutuals who will support you and your art, thenetwork blog itself also reblogs all its members’ content which gives youexposure to members of the network through both the network tag and through thedashboard. It’s a perfect way to get started, rather than hoping that somebodywith a decent following will happen to stumble across your work in the tags oneday and reblog it.
That being said, unless you’re like somesort of godly human being I don’t think we can ever get over how note countsfeel as an artist. We need something to gauge people’s response to our art, andthat tends to default to note counts. I can assure you that the feeling of disappointmentwhen your post doesn’t get as many notes as you want/expected it to is a thingpretty much all artists on this site shares. People always say “you should drawfor yourself, not for other people” but that’s the equivalent of like say themona lisa being painted and then left to rot in Da Vinci’s closet or something.The whole point of art is sharing your ideas/love for something through yourdrawings with other people, and so it’s perfectly normal to want therecognition you deserve for working so hard and putting so much love into yourcraft. When it feels like you’re all alone, you have to remember not to giveup. Creating art in such a big fandom can be unforgiving, but just rememberthat your art is never the one at fault. It’s all about finding that littlegolden window of exposure, whether it be through one big blog or a couplesmaller blogs reblogging your work. Those kind few people will be what helpsyou grow, and you have to keep posting for that to happen. If you water a plantbut it doesn’t bloom the next day, abandoning it will get you nowhere. If youjust keep going, keep watering it, results will come. Keep reminding yourselfthat you’re doing well, and you can compare older art to your current art tosee the progress and keep you motivated. Don’t force yourself to draw if youaren’t feeling it – art is something that should make you happy. I used to drawbecause I felt the pressure to put out content, but that just resulted in mefalling into a negative spiral of art block, limited motivation and generalunhappiness with my art as a result. Remember that there’s no such thing as adeadline when it comes to posting art on tumblr – work at whatever pace suitsyou and if anybody tries to rush you, shut them down. You’re the artist, youget to choose what you do with your art, how you do it, and how long you spendon it.
If you truly have your sights set onbecoming an artist full time, then by all means go for it! I can’t give muchadvice in that area since I only plan on keeping art as a hobby, but justremember that art school is always optional. In the end, working as an artistis all about the portfolio, not where you graduated from. It’s more importantto work on your art than it is to get in to an amazing art school. Sure, artschools can be useful, but in the end they are simply tools, sort of like atutorial rather than something that will magically turn you into an amazing artistwith amazing job offers. At the end of the day, it’s all up to yourself to workhard and promote yourself. Since art is all about reaching different audienceswith your work, promoting yourself is essential, even if it’s just casualfanart on tumblr. Feedback can’t come without exposure, and exposure can’t comewithout self-promotion.
Lastly, remind yourself that there’s nosuch thing as ‘bad art’. That might sound like a stupid statement, but inreality art is a constantly changing thing. There is no pinnacle of perfection,no model artwork that represents the most perfect drawing out there. Everyonehas different styles, everyone has different approaches, and most importantly,everyone is still improving. I’m still learning and trying to improve my ownart, and there’s no shame in that. It’s easy to perceive someone else’s art asbetter than yours which would lead to some self-critical thoughts, but you haveto remember that the other artist is probably looking at their own art andpicking it apart, thinking “aw man there are so many mistakes here.” It’s fineto make mistakes, after all, that’s how we learn. Just because we see mistakesin our own art doesn’t mean that everyone else will too – nobody looks at artand their first thought is to list all of the mistakes present. As long as youare aware of what you are less confident in and actively work to improve it,you can quickly surpass even the people you look up to.
So yeah, sorry that this is hella longlol, but in all honestly I can understand what you’re going through. It’seasier said than done, but even though it might feel hard - don’t give up. Youmight feel like you’re not getting anywhere at the moment but I assure you thatif you just keep going, things will only get better. That’s the thing abouttumblr, if you keep posting art your audience can only grow. For now, I would definitelyrecommend joining some networks, and making some friends. It’s not uncommon forpeople to promo their own work in the network chat occasionally, as long as youdon’t spam haha
Anywho, I wish you the best of luck withyour art journey. If you need me you know where to find me 💕💕💕
#long post#sorry I kind of rambled#but anon if you want to talk to me don't be afraid to message me instead#I'm always here if you need to vent 💕#asks#Anonymous#art asks
42 notes
·
View notes
Note
List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever.
GASP. its the THING?! thank u so much wtf. i have.. a lot of mag7 wips
Mag7 FO4 AU, Part 8: haven’t really decided what this part’s gonna be abt in detail. cause like, in part 6 i promised parts 7 and 8 would be abt Billy and RH, but part 7 is more just abt Billy & his suppressed memories... i kinda want 8 to be about Billy as R6-25 travelling thru the ‘Wealth, going thru the RR and BOS shit and meeting Goody, but... i got this idea in my head abt R6′s initial introduction 2 the ‘Wealth where he’s scared and alone and then Courser X7-33 finds him and ... feels bad??? bc wouldnt it be something if Billy’s escape was the trigger for Red Harvest’s?
Mag7... Naruto AU?!: so u know those naruto si/oc rebirth fics.. where the character dies and is reborn (usually into Sakura?) in the Naruto universe...? this but Sam dies and is reborn into Sasuke (ive read 2 fics like this and loved one of them and was confused by the other). but usually its OCs/SIs so its easier 2 put it in a particular category but this one gives me all kinds of trouble from writing to posting bc its Sam-centric as he copes in the Naruto world n stuff so its heavier in Naruto elements than mag7 elements.
RedSam Witches AU: i actually have this entire thing planned out. theres like 7 chapters + an epilogue. the matter is... writing it? i have motivation but u know when the words just won’t work? yeah. it’s a spin on a completely different au and, w/ Erin’s help, a lot of the backstories and small details r built up and planned out so it could be its own fic with another set of Slice of Life fics (bc i find Slice of Life so relaxing to work on)
Lil’ Dom, CH6: speaking of slice of life. lil’ dom is my only published gta v fic and its centered around Franklin accidentally becoming Dom Beasley Jr’s dad bc Senior forged Frank’s signature on his will and then committed suicide yanno. but ch6 is.. the Ominous Dr’s visit and frankly i havent been to a doctor in a rly long time so its a lil bit of a struggle to write? but i think after i get all the Big Parenting Chapters done, itll be easier 2 write (big parenting chapters means doctors visits, school enrolling, initial dentist visit (and if i get the first dr visit done, then alls left will b the dentist but Franklin seems like he would put that off bc HE needs to go to the dentist too)) idk this is one of the most calming fics ive ever written and i never... work on it... but i should....
FaraSamQuez 6+1: started a Faraday/Sam/Vasquez loosely based in canon 6+1 fic. (3 times Faraday was jealous of Vasquez interacting with Sam, 3 times Vasquez was jealous of Faraday interacting with Sam, and one time Sam was like ‘why are you both idiots’). its an Everyone Lives/No One Dies ending tho so thats nice
DNA P3: the... 3rd installment in my... Nora/Virgil porn series... after a lot of waffling over what kinks it should be about, i picked one so...
my dark skysolo au: ever wip and ever on going bc sometimes i get New Ideas for it
A Mysterious NoraVirgil fic: ????? i want to fuck super mutants but only the civil ones and theres so few civil mutants. anyway this one would be like 2 or 3 chapters and it would be exploring the affects the Fog has on mutants (inspired by how Erickson reacted 2 the Fog and Vim! when him and his group settled in the Vim! factory) but... yanno... lots of smut bc... god im... i just. Yeah.
a Mysterious EricksonNora fic: i say mysterious but honestly its just gonna be Erickson rawing tf out of Nora in the middle of the Island at like 3am when all the dogs r asleep. dogs asleep, fuck Nora.
VirgilNoraErickson fic: would technically take place in the DNA Universe after Virgil is human. n he decides to go w Nora to Far Harbor (probably w Preston OR Danse but they stay behind when Nora is like ‘i heard abt this Super Mutant in the Island’ and they side eye Virgil and theyre like ‘yeah take him and ur guns’ and thats it (but if Deacon was there he would go ;))) anyway its very... look i just cant write abt Nora/Super Mutant without it being porn bc im an awful human being i guess. but anyway its gonna primarily be Nora fucking Erickson, a mutant, while her beautiful handsome ex-mutant boyfriend jacks it. im just slam dunking all my kinks into Nora and Virgil they make it easy
i think someone requested a NoraRichter sequel months ago?: so that might happen
ok thats enough from me. i probly have more but these r the ones... that i know i need to/want to work on. (except the naruto au. i just want to talk about it with some1 but alas.)
tagging: @fadinglight123 and... honestly idk which ones of u are writers. but i sure as shit know Erin has a Lot of WIPs to talk about ;) so if u wanna do this lmk and i’ll add u to this tag list??
1 note
·
View note
Text
Episode #8: “I'll Fall on the Sword” ~ Charlotte
Let me be like my favourite simpson and Merge. GOD
UGH I THOUGHT WE WERE MCFUCKING MERGING JFLADKJFALSD
ANYWAYS I GUESS NOT!!!!!! I'm happy with how tribal panned out but GOD this is an ugly turn of events! At least I don't have school tomorrow and the vote went how it should have. I was in auditions for over four hours tonight and I wasn't able to game talk like AT ALL but I love my allies and they covered it for me. I'm so happy! I think that maybe after THIS vote we'll merge or something... I don't know. Why didn't we merge at 13 if Duncan's power is like??? You know??? You can run and hide from final 13 to final 10 idk it's just weird. And ugh I just,,,,, I WANT TO WIN THIS CHALLENGE SO I DONT HAVE TO VOTE OUT RUTHIE OR KEVIN FDKAKFSD this sucks. I like them both. I'd rather Kevin than Ruthie but that might be difficult because of like,,, how this vote went down lmao. But it was cute how Autumn, Ruthie, and Kevin didn't even stick together after that 3-3-1 vote like WOW JFKDSJFLKAS iconic and I love it. Now I'm hungry and I'm gonna go eat something bye
I literally hate this task challenge with a passion I don't have the reaction time for it rip me and my life and my tribe
I'm forever an Emily & Owen stan but can they go to sleep. PLEATHE
Not to be full of myself but I did #that and more. I mean I'd like to think it was my move bc I suggested her name first so. Her vote said that I was like playing both sides but tbh I wasn't even playing her side at all??? (I accidentally forgot to message her skdkdkd) I just hope that doesn't like...marr my reputation, as small as it already is.
Anyways I'm upset about no merge and just hoping we can win this challenge because we were already uncertain last time who knows what'll happen tomorrow night.
Plz ask for a mutiny so I can go to the other tribe even though they are losing please and THANK YOU
CameronI think I speak for the entirety of Loronha when I say I HATE YOU OWEN AND EMILY
________________________________________________________________
*narrator voice* he does not have faith in his tribe
If I was a Pokémon I’d be Ekans. Hiss hiss
Losing this badly is so hard to deal with after winning so well the last few rounds. I so desperately want to make merge, you know? And if this is the thing that does me in... well that would suck.
this is the most DISHEARTENING challenge, we are always just a second behind the other team and i am so frustrated and sad and everyone on our tribe is trying their hardest but it's just not working for us
I love losing.
It's okay, I'll fall on the sword if we do lose bc I literally couldn't do any of these tasks because I am an adult and I have to work.
I’m really sad and disheartened and this is so so so devastating. This is the first time in any game where I’ve felt this close to a group of people and I’m so upset that one of us has to leave. We tried so damn hard and we were so close and I’m so upset and sad and I. Want to cry
i cant believe i won!!! im shaking!!! ali is the devil but we won anyway because god always prevails over evil amen!!! britain tell me how my ass tastes!!!! can we please merge!!!
I hate being mad like this. I hate feeling like I want to scream at people and tell them how angry I am.
But that's how I feel, so I'm gonna put it in a confessional. Emily and Owen, I'm so sorry in the future and know that likely 10 hours from now I'm not gonna feel this way but.
FUCK YOU EMILY AND OWEN. DO YOU FOOLS NEVER SLEEP? DO YOU NOT HAVE LIVES? EMILY DONT YOU GO TO SCHOOL? DID YOU SKIP SCHOOL TO DO THIS CHALLENGE? WHAT THE HELL!
I'm glad my tribe won even though I wish there was a mutiny where they could have lost a TON of points and lost one of their own in the 'Alliance Against Ruthie TM'
i cant fucking believe i got 5 points for steamed hams, and then emily said eggs was a fun fact and ruined my only contrifuckinbution! i still love her but kdjshgkjdshgkdjshhkj
You all know me as the heartless meanie who lost his shit multiple times during Azores, but right now I'm gonna fucking cry I don't wanna have to vote anyone off this tribe. Like I thought I felt bad before making the move against Madison or having to give up on trying to save Jack, but this is the absolute HARDEST thing that's happened yet. Even if it's Charlotte because apparently she wants us to vote her out, I'm still gonna be crying during this one. This sucks.
Someone from Loronha is winning this game. No ifs, no buts. We all fought SO HARD to win. So hard. And we all got so many points, despite the odds and just stuff being against us.
With my strategy, any plans I had of voting against Dana/Will/Cameron? they are gone. I love them all SO MUCH, and have no intention of voting them out.
At merge, the war on Atalaia begins.
________________________________________________________________
Like ugh I love me some Emily but come merge? Emily and Lily are outta here.
Thank GOD we won that challenge. I did SO MUCH and if we had lost I would’ve probably wanted Kevin to go home since he contributed the least to the competition at least from what I saw. And also, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I did SO MUCH for our tribe. Like whenever I was at auditions or sleep they were like,,,, we need Emily!! Like? That’s a good feeling. Don’t vote me out because I’m pulling my weight hehe! But also why the fuck did they need me so bad these things aren’t hard you just gotta be speedy!! Whatever. Also I cracked an egg on my head for no reason. I’m the queen of eggs though so it’s fine.
There's something especially depressing about the fact that Charlotte is so willing to go, whether it's because she really is truly over the game or she has stuff going on... It's just sad watching a pseudo-quit like this happen, especially coming off of last night's outright devastation. If y'all thought the Emily boot in Azores was sad (when literally everyone cried on live cam), then this is gonna be even worse - idk how but it's worse. But looking at the bright side, at least it's gonna get me through to the next round.
Charlotte has asked/offered to go tonight which I really respect and appreciate. I am so devastated to see her go though. Charlotte is an icon, a legend, an inspiration. She is truly the most justified all star in this cast. Come merge, the Loronha tribe is literally going to be F6. I'm speaking it into existence.
________________________________________________________________
God Charlotte going tonight is gonna be such a tragedy. But unfortunately a queen must fall for an empire to arise. Its time for the Loronha dynasty to begin.
Hi I feel awful about everything and this game is making me have a heart which should honestly be a crime. As long as I am not being tricked by everybody on my tribe (always a possibility, I am impossible to blindside), I think Charlotte is going home on her own accord tonight. I feel SO bad about it, but at the same time I think she would have gone home either way (idol plays aside), which I'm not sure she expected.
Also i'm feeling kind of good about the game right now because I think the dynamics on both tribes are good for me going into a merge situation.
1) Will and Duncan aren't close, and I'm close with both of them.
2) Duncan is close with Zach, who I am close with, and will use for information and then vote out expediently so I can win (probably tbd).
3) I still have my alliances from both my tribes with most members in tact (rip Autumn a quen)
4) I didn't even have to lie to anybody yet.. Wig! I just withheld a lot of information, but weirdly, people have been spilling their game tea to me which honestly ya girl loves!
5) Everyone i'm working with wants Emily out and amazing because i sure do too.
6) Ashvika is close to Duncan and also mad that Autumn was voted out, me too girl.
Ok wig I have more thoughts but umm this is all for now ladies. See u on the flip side hopefully xoxo
I have no idea whether I’ve done a confessional or not this round and ideally it’s not my last one. So Loronha finally lost again after WE DIDNT MERGE AT 13! *side eyes emoji* and honestly the tribe’s moral was shot, right in the gut. Like they all felt so bad about losing it must’ve beeen a rush to be a part of that challenge. Lots of emotions are out and people are in their feels. Apparently Charlotte is very okay with going home and says she has no ulterior motives. I wanted Cameron out first but if Charlotte is willing to go and wants us to vote her out, who am I to stand in her way? I ain’t shit. And I know if I was in that position I’d prefer to go home too. I just don’t think she was as invested as she should’ve been and she realizes that. It’s just sad and I hope she’s not fronting and that we Merge soon.
I THINK I'M MAKING MERGE GIRLIES!!!!!!!! So, with that, I'm going to talk about all the people left in the game and my opinions on them for merge because I've been slacking on confessionals this round!
Okay starting with Ali: Ali has an idol and I'm hoping I'm the only one that knows that still. I'm a little worried not being on his tribe right now because 1. he could build closer relationships with people that are not me 2. he could tell other people about his idol 3. he could tell other people I know about his idol. 3 is bad because then people will know Ali and I are very close. Though I haven't been discreet about any of my relationships in the game thus far, I guess another very out there tie to a player will just? Happen? I guess? I don't know. I'm definitely going to spill all the tea from our 3-3-1 6-0 vote because he's going to get the tea eventually and I'd rather it be from me. I also wonder how close Ali and Duncan are right now because I remember them being a bit rocky before the joint tribal, so who can be sure? I can't.
Ashvika: Really sweet girl and I'm glad we got Autumn out. Ashvika was wanting to save Autumn during the joint tribal and that means they were close, especially because they just played together. I figure Ashvika and Duncan are close because of what I know from Duncan. I wonder if that relationship is still in tact or if Ashvika is now closer to Will and Dana. I remember them being close for some reason. This could be inaccurate but? Idk.
Charlotte: I honestly don't know where I stand with Charlotte! I have no idea where her allegiances are and like? I just really don't know. I remember her and Zach being close but now that they're on different tribes, I don't know where she stands. And I also know that Duncan low key wanted Charlotte out in the earlier days of this game so like... she could be going out next because of her lack of allies and Duncan kind of wanting her out. I don't know how much power Duncan has over there. But also, Charlotte got Jack's vote last time Elaenia went to tribal council so... it's likely? I guess? I don't know. We'll see.
Dana: I don't really know much about Dana other than her and Will are tight. And Zach. And probably Ashvika. That's going to have to be a group I either 1. work with or 2. look out for when we merge. I can just like... sense it. But I also think that Will and Ali are close and then Dana and Zach are close and they're my closest allies so like??? Ali and Zach can probably keep me safe or at least differ targets off my back if my name happens to come up. And I like that!
Duncan: I love Duncan. He has an idol. Idk who else knows other than Ali and I. I hope that's it. Oh wait this is me remembering mid-type that I told Lily about Duncan's idol lol. FUNNY EMILY anyways. Lily probably won't tell. I hope she doesn't. Whew. I think Duncan should be okay 1. because he has an idol 2. because he like??? has a good social game?? I'm hoping to see him in merge.
Kevin: Honestly don't know how I feel about him because we saved him last round but he voted for Lily the round before and like... wtf I don't like that? fjkldsfalsd I thought he and Lily were TIGHT and then he just goes around and votes Lily out like WOW idk man. I know he's my secret santa but he's SKETCHY!!! If we were to have gone to tribal this round, I would've wanted to vote him out. I know that's flip-floppy because we saved him last round and kept Ruthie out of the loop but that's the truth lol
Lily: My absolute fav person ever!!! In a game sense, I would say I'm like ... 4th closest to her. Zach, Ali, and Owen are above her. But everything else I love her! She has that vote negator and I'm happy she FINALLY got something good from the arch*p*l*go!!
Cameron: Love him love him love him! I feel like we won't work together in this game though. Not sure why I just... don't see it happening? It might. We shall see. He reminds me to take my medicine every night. I <3 him. And for the short period of time we've been together in this game I've been decently honest with him. He was one of the few people I told before the Madison vote that I was gonna vote for Autumn rather than Madison just because she's my friend and it hurts :( so I'm hoping he's willing to vote with me even though he thinks I'm a major snake. God.
Owen: I was doubtful about him at first but I think I've made a genuine connection with him! I was like high key scared he was gonna flip on Lily/Zach/Myself for Autumn/Kevin/Ruthie but he DIDN'T and I'm so happy about that. I really like him and he's been very helpful in challenges so I'm thankful for that!! He's so sweet and we have a snapchat streak and anyone that puts up with my streaks is a blessing
Ruthie: I really love Ruthie and keeping her out of the loop last vote was really something dksjfkasld I'm sad that it happened but like we needed to just in case an idol was played or something. I hope she's willing to work with me later down the line but I think our relationship definitely needs some healing.
Will: Love Will and I really hope we can ACTUALLY work together this game! I know things were messy with the Madison vote but I'm hoping that that doesn't get in the way of our game relationship. Though me fucking things up with Ruthie might also hinder it... I'm not sure. I think Ali and him are close and I'm close to Ali so like? Yeah keep me safe Will xoxo. Will is also definitely close to Dana since she exposed some of his tea during the scavenger hunt. I would never expose tea from any of the people I'm not close with you know? yeah they're close. Her draft name in Azores was "Dana I want Will to win" and I remember that because I had to read it like ten times to finally understand what it said
Zach: I love Zach so much and he's my number one ally despite me not like telling him about either one of Ali or Duncan's idols lmao. Ugh I just love Zach so much and I trust him with ??? MY LIFE????? I'd go to rocks for him I love him. He's so honest with me (I think) and I just love him omgjdklfjaskldflasd god I love Zach he's great he's so sweet I can tell we're going to stay friends after this which is my favorite thing about him!! AHHHHH!!
Well this confession was super long and I started it around 3:00 and I'm just now submitting it (7:27 PM lol)
Charlotte becomes the 8th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 7-0 vote. You can see Charlotte’s preseason interview here.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
elkwesi5-blog
ElKwesi
njabuloyouth123
Untitled
iwantanotherhit
I want another hit.
ieaturaniumrods
my oc ask blog
sasukhiha
THE CURSE OF HATRED