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mortimermcmirestinks · 2 months

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I mean this in the most genuine way possible, why are you getting so hung up on the walrus vs fairy thing? You’ve gotten really rude for no reason over a dumb funny tumblr poll

[tone indicator for the whole post: sleepy, chill, a lot of shrugs and vague handwaves]

idk man. to your second thing, I'm not trying to be more rude than usual so I apologise if that's how it's coming across. also, I'm at least half doing a bit, and sometimes me Doing A Bit can come across weird in text

to your first thing, again, idk man, but I think part of it is that I tend to get kinda skittish around things where people, like... hmm. idk how to phrase it, but whenever people get really dismissive about the distinction between funny fantasy magic stuff and real-world stuff, it makes me kinda nervous, I guess?

like, I get really irritated about astrology and stuff. I feel like it's really important to be able to, like, keep a solid grip on what's actually really real -- like, with Goncharov stuff, everyone was being like "yeah goncharov is the greatest film ever", but when push comes to shove, people will admit that "yeah, this is a bit, we're doing a bit, Goncharov isn't a real movie", y'know? (some people refused to put down the bit, though, even when asked to (sometimes by people with mental health problems that were being triggered) and those people are assholes)

but for some reason with this walrus-fairy thing it seems to almost be going in the opposite direction? like as it becomes a bigger and bigger Bit, more and more people are coming out of the woodwork talking, basically, about how they just straight-up do not believe that science is real. and THAT makes me reeeeal antsy.

like, I know people mostly aren't thinking about it like this, and I'm overthinking it, but, like, think about it like this:

a fairy (in the way the question was originally intended by the OP, and the way that I am interpreting it, and to some degree I believe the way that most others are interpreting it) is an inherently magical creature; that is, a creature whose literal existence would mean that the basics of how we understand the physical world are wrong from from the foundation, and thus, all of science -- which is all built on that foundation -- is also wrong. this is not a case of "a new scientific discovery that builds on or recontextualises previous scientific history", this is a case of "the fundaments of science are incorrect in their base assumptions".

a walrus is literally just a regular animal. it's not a common animal in most parts of the world, but on a sliding scale of magical to nonmagical, a walrus is exactly as "mundane" as a squirrel, a dog, a cat, a bee, or, like, a car or a t-shirt (or a pine tree or a dollar bill or a sand dune or a cloud or the planet Venus...). walruses exist in our world and we know that they do -- not for absolute certain, because obviously nothing is absolutely certain, but as close to absolutely certain as it's possible to get about almost anything, so we can say that, in practical terms, it's an absolute certainty. I am more certain that walruses exist than I am certain that you, the person asking this question, exists.

if you live in a world where it's physically possible that a fairy can arrive on your doorstep, that means that literally every single element of our understanding of the physical nature of the world is fundamentally incorrect, and all of science needs to be thrown out immediately, because we can no longer rely on it safely -- which also means that every anti-science person from six-day-creationists to antivaxxers are, at a foundational level (if not in specifics), correct that Science Is Wrong.

if you live in a world where it's physically possible that a walrus can arrive on your doorstep... well, you live in that world, right now. is it likely? no. but would it mean that all of science is wrong? no. it would just be a strange situation.

like, this is obviously a dramatic overthink about a poll where most people are, let's be honest, not actually answering the posed question. the question that the vast vast majority of people are actually answering, based on what I've seen many many people say, is not "would you be more surprised if a fairy or a walrus came to your house", it's "would an imaginary sitcom character based on you be more surprised if a fairy or a walrus came to their imaginary sitcom house".

like, tons of people in the comments are talking about how the fairy is less surprising because of [insert Thing That Only Makes Sense As A Rationale Within A Narrative here], which means that they're not answering the question. which is also irritating, but in a kind of more minor way?

sorry, this is kinda rambly and got away from me a bit. basically the tldr here is that when you have hundreds of people saying "I would find it more normal for there to be magic than for there to be a strange animal" it makes me nervous because it reminds me, however unintentionally, of soft science denialism like astrology and crystal-healing people. basically this whole sitch is either like a very small microcosm of, like, science denialism or just uncomfortably close to that. for me.

oh, and for anyone who reads this and thinks that the huge wall of text means that I'm getting really pissed off: I'm naturally extremely talkative, this is me in my kinda default slightly-sleepy rambly mode, when I'm actively angry I tend to be pretty brief. that's why I wrote that tone indicator at the top after writing the rest of the post, I realised if I didn't clarify that I was chilling and shrugging people would think I was yelling and thrashing

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biillyhargroves · 2 years

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sink into me (fic requests open)

Steve has never been a particularly bookish guy. Sure, he slogged through The Catcher in the Rye like everyone else in ninth grade English. (Well, slogged through most of it, anyway.) He did his summer reading in the days before back-to-school, slamming back Lord of the Flies and Huckleberry Finn if only to avoid failing American literature on the first day. But he’s never quite liked books; the sterilization of reading, the way teachers linger on a single fleck of ash on some make-believe cigarette for an entire class period and the way that they always tell him that his interpretation of the sun slanting through a window is wrong, only frustrates him. It’s another thing that Steve has been told he’s bad at, so why even try?

So yeah, Steve’s not a bookish guy. At all. No, sir. But as he’s lounging on Billy’s bed listening to the shower spray in the next room, waiting for Billy to wash off the day and settle beneath the covers, he finds himself reaching for the battered paperback on the nightstand. He doesn’t intend to read it, just needs something new to fidget with. He flips through the pages like an accordion, letting them forward and then backward and then forward again. The book’s spine is creased with deep grooves, the plastic-y cover peeling up from the valleys of one hundred thousand readings the damn thing has clearly endured. It bends easily to Steve’s will, though the pages themselves snag here and there, torn slightly at one corner, dog-eared.

There’s ink all over; ink and lead, thoughts scrawled messily in the skinny margins, words circled, phrases underlined. These are what Steve reads first, because he recognizes Billy’s haphazard handwriting splashed over every page, and who could blame him for being curious? It’s natural to wonder what kind of things one’s boyfriend jots down in books.

All those little notes don’t make much sense on their own, of course. How could they? They stem from the text, little arrows arcing around the pages to lead Steve from original passage to Billy’s observations.

Steve flips to the front cover, starts to read, and the more he does the more he understands that the English teachers had it all wrong. All that droning talk of symbolism has nothing on the way that Billy spins meaning out of slants of light. There is more beauty in simple lines made important by scratchy underlining, jerky exclamation points, Billy’s looping handwriting shaking swelling in every last empty space. Steve never knew that Billy contained such depths, or that something as small as a boon could help him reach them.

He hardly notices when Billy emerges from the bathroom, slides quietly into bed smelling of genetic supermarket soap, damp curls brushing Steve’s cheek as Billy rests his head on Steve’s shoulder.

“What are you doing?” Billy asks.

“Reading,” Steve says, adjusting himself so that Billy can see the page. Billy hums softly, glancing over the familiar words. “You’re, like,” Steve says, snaking an arm around Billy’s shoulders, pulling him close, “really smart.”

“Nah,” Billy scoffs.

“What made you vandalize this book?” Steve asks, pointing out a section marked up with splotchy ink. There’s a drawing in the bottom corner that Steve can hardly make out, but he decides that he loves it, whatever it is, because Billy drew it.

“Dunno,” Billy shrugs. “Just a habit, I guess. Had this teacher back home. Mrs. Parker, or something like that. Made us do it for every book. I…my parents…” Billy shakes his head, sighs. “Money was tight. Couldn’t afford the books. But this teacher, she got me copies, because this shit was important to her. I just kept it up.”

“That’s,” Steve starts, still reading, still tracing over Billy’s annotations, “really cool.”

“It’s lame,” Billy insists, and then he yawns and cuddles closer to Steve, closes his eyes as he folds himself against Steve. Sleepily, he asks, “What part are you up to?”

To answer, Steve begins reading aloud. His voice is low, soft, chest rumbling beneath Billy’s ear as he speaks. Billy smiles. He relaxes fully against Steve and Steve reads to him, going slowly and emphasizing the lines that Billy had emphasized with highlighter ink and ballpoint pens, going quiet here and there as he tilted his head to decipher Billy’s notes. And as he read, as he learns more and more about Billy through the little book in his hands, Billy falls slowly asleep, safe in Steve’s arms.

#harringrove #harringrove fic #lex writes fics #have some soft boys #you’re welcome

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twilightknight17 · 10 days

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This time on P3R: Get in the car. We’re going to war. Atlus is just personally attacking me now.

(I’m half-joking. Probably.)

It’s the first day of December, and Ryoji was absent today. But I got a text from him after school asking me to meet him in the music room.

Specifically using the phrase “I need to see you right now.”

He’s sitting at the piano when we get there, by himself. Something is clearly wrong.

Don’t apologize. You’re important to me.

He’s not even sure what he wants to say. So he just thanks Minato for spending time with him, because he’s learned so many new things and got to experience so much, like the trip to Kyoto and just hanging out with everyone.

...oh. He learned to play the piano. For Minato.

Let’s do it let’s play together let’s play a duet asdfjkl;

We don’t have another time! T_T

He says that seeing the couples in Kyoto and spending time at the dorm has helped him understand what it means to build real connections with other people. They help each other overcome challenges and keep each other going. And they understand each other.

It’s… sweet, knowing what he is. He’s trying so hard to understand, and he likes people so much.

………

……Atlus. ATLUS. What is this? WHAT IS THIS? I’m not allowed to date this boy and you put THIS dialogue in this game how much more blatant can you GET OH MY GOD.

Hello, TVTropes editors, it’s not a crack ship or ships that pass in the night after a line like that.

...WHERE IS MY THIRD DIALOGUE OPTION. ATLUS. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Yes, I want to be more than friends, I love you, please, please, please, if I love you enough I can save yo--

FUUKA NOT NOW WE’RE HAVING A MOMENT.

Fuuka comes in and says that she was passing through and heard someone playing a beautiful song, so she thought she’d come in and listen to the performance. Which. Did you just hover outside the door after he stopped playing so you could interrupt at the worst moment?

That was mean. I’m sorry, Fuuka. But seriously.

She asks who was playing. It was Ryoji. He’s right there, Fuuka, come on--

Did my boyfriend launch himself out that window to escape this interaction? Oh my god.

I never should have taken my eyes off him.

I didn’t even really get to answer him. Those weren’t definitive answers.

God. Fuck. Atlus, why. Why would you do this to me.

All I can do is go home, and spend my evening doing whatever.

Ryoji’s still absent from school, and now Aigis is gone, too.

But there’s literally nothing I can do.

I guess I’ll go to my student council meeting.

...Odagiri-kun, I know I’ve been neglecting your link. But – and I say this with as much respect as I can manage when I’m busy worrying about my boyfriend – it has been over six months. Just let this go, holy hell.

I’d rather not go home, but I guess I have to. After all, I need to get some sleep before the plot decides to go haywire.

You’ve never woken up at midnight even once this entire month? God, I should have woken you up in Kyoto.

Also the fact that Aigis went after him without telling anyone else what was going on… no. We’re a team for a reason, Aigis!

But no. He’s “dangerous”. He’s her enemy.

He also doesn’t know what’s going on at this point.

Shoutout to Atlus for the butterfly wings when she activates her powers. Thematically appropriate for the papillon heart. But look at his face! He doesn’t understand what’s happening, and you’re trying to kill him!

It triggers his memory, though.

Ryoji is the thirteenth Arcana Shadow: Death. And ten years ago, he was broken into thirteen pieces because of an incomplete awakening in the Kirijo labs. During a fight on the Moonlight Bridge against Aigis, a robot created specifically to destroy shadows, she couldn’t defeat or destroy him, so she sealed him into the only available vessel.

So, y’all killed his whole family in your fight. Oof.

Aigis says she had no other choice but to seal Death in this kid. I guess when you’re 100% focused on your goal, it certainly would seem like that.

I am curious what happened to Minato after that. I’m surprised any of the remaining scientists didn’t snatch him up. Did Aigis just never mention what happened to Death?

Apparently not, because this poor kid was left to grow up alone, until his inevitable return to Iwatodai.

...he looks like he’s in pain, now that he’s remembered.

Aigis comes at him, even though he tells her not to because he’s stronger than the first time they fought. He’s got all of his pieces now. He doesn’t want to hurt her. And he deflects her no problem with what I’m assuming is Moonless Gown. But she keeps trying, even activating Orgia Mode, until she can’t anymore.

Fuuka had been scanning for Aigis, and SEES took off immediately when she found her, so now we’re arriving two minutes too late. Aigis is down, entirely shut off, and Ryoji is not doing well.

You didn’t want any of this. It’s not your fault.

He tells SEES that the shadows exist to bring the rebirth of the “maternal being”, and that the Appriser exists to draw her to him and allow her to awaken.

Overwhelming?

Incomparable?

Inevitable?

OLCE?

He explains that he was born ten years ago and sealed inside Minato, and that Minato returning to Iwatodai set all of this in motion.

Junpei, he’s awake during the Dark Hour and won against Aigis. There’s clearly something going on here.

...plus, listen to how sad he sounds.

No wonder. An awakening will take it out of you, and he awakened to something stronger than most of us can comprehend. Minato also realizes that Ryoji was probably Pharos all along.

This would be a great opportunity to carry him home like a damsel, though. I’m gonna pretend that’s what happened, especially after the music room conversation. And I KNOW I’m gonna have to go to school tomorrow, but I’m also going to pretend I don’t have to.

But yeah. Seriously, Atlus? For real? All of that?

Just end me.

I need to go write fic or something.

They deserve to make out on a piano.

I’ll do the sad explanation next time.

(Also I’m gonna hit the image limit. X’D)

#Li plays P3Re #the NOISE I made #I also immediately texted my friends and was just all-caps yelling

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kissthesun-gvf · 1 year

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Hurting for You: part 2

INTRO: It is here!! to be brutally honest I've been writing this as a way to distract myself from the impending doom of my finals, but that's besides the point. I wasn't sure of what I wanted to include in this, so it's a few bits and pieces (hopefully the time jumps aren't awkward?) I have a couple little stories in the works right now, but nothing feels perfect yet. If you have any suggestions on what to write, I'd love to hear them!

-----

Once Jake’s presence had gotten Josh to sleep, you tiptoed your way over to the chair across the room and opened your computer, doing your best to limit the light. Typing as quietly as you could, you did your research on doctors in the area that would be able to stifle the pain shooting through your chest by helping Josh, and who could do it the fastest. You soon found yourself in a sinkhole of information, and just as you clicked on a promising private office, Jake stirred in the bed across from you and slowly got out of bed, trying his best not to wake Josh. “You know, you should really try to get some rest too,” he whispered, leaning on the arm of the chair you were in. “I know, but I think I found a doctor who might be able to see Josh tomorrow…” you paused, glancing at the timestamp in the corner of your computer. “Or today, I guess.” “Send the link to our tour manager, she can take care of that. I’ll be up in a couple hours to go get Mom from the airport. You just lay down and rest, darlin’. I know you’re exhausted too.” And you couldn’t tell him he was wrong. You had been along with the guys on tour for about a week and the events of the night had caused everything to catch up with you. Still, sleep had been the last thing on your mind until Jake took your laptop out of your hand. You stood up only to realize you were still in your clothes from the show. Having the same thought, Jake rustled through the suitcase on the floor and tossed one of Josh’s t-shirts at you. “You better be asleep when I get up, but I’ll text you with updates, okay?” Truly, Jake was exactly the energy you needed right now. Although your relationship with him was obviously not the same thing as you had with Josh, his twin had a special place in your heart. He was a brother and a friend in one, and right now he was giving you all the peace you didn’t have. “Thank you, Jake. So much.” “Of course,” he half-smiled, “whatever it takes to get him better.” He glanced at Josh before returning to lay beside him, you making your way to his other side not long after.

Too few hours later, you woke up to the buzzing of your phone, and a picture of Jake filling your screen that he hated, but you thought was just bad enough to be funny. You answered in a whisper, hoping to let Josh sleep as long as possible. “Hey, what’s up?” You wrapped your other arm around yourself, the cold hitting you, and made your way to the bathroom. “I’m waiting for mom and the airport right now, so we should be back in like 30 minutes. And good news, we got Josh an appointment with that doctor this afternoon. It’s at 3, so he still has some time to sleep.” You were so thankful for Jake in this moment; all the anxiety and fear he was feeling had been channeled into productivity. “Thank you so much, Jakey.” “Of course. He still sleeping?” he asked, a tinge of concern in his tone. “Yeah, surprisingly. You really helped him last night, Jake.” “Yeah,” he laughed. “We haven’t done that in a lot of years, it was smart thinking on your part.” “I have my moments, I suppose…” You jokingly mocked a phrase he used often in interviews, which always made you laugh. “Hey hey hey, I’m the one that convinced you to get to bed last night, remember? Don’t be making fun of me now.” “You’re right-” Jake cut you off before you could continue. “Oh I see Mom now. We’ll be back soon, I’ll text you when we’re at the hotel.” “Okay hun, see you soon.”

You hung up the phone before creaking the bathroom door open, planning on returning to bed, but instead you were surprised to see Josh awake and sitting up in bed. “Hey you, how’re you feeling?” You sat cross-legged on the bed in front of him and took his hands in yours. He stopped himself before speaking, remembering the discomfort that came with it. “Dizzy still?” He nodded, moving his head ever so slightly. “Let’s relax for a while, baby. We have time.” You sat up against the headboard and Josh leaned back into you, his back against your chest. You slid your arms around his waist and rested them on his stomach, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing. “We got you an appointment with a doctor in the city, but not until later. So you’ll have some time to rest and work your way up to going out,” you filled him in, and slowly felt him relax into you. “Depending on how that goes, we’ll see what we’re doing from there. Right now we’re just focussed on getting you feeling better.” He inhaled deeply in response, still fighting the urge to speak. You were sure his mind had already gone to the idea of having to cancel shows, but that would come later. His breath hitched and he jolted against you. “It probably is time for more meds, Josh.” He sat up and turned to you, shaking his head. “I know you don’t love the idea, but they helped enough to get you to sleep last night, didn’t they?” You slid out from behind him and grabbed the bottle of extra strength Tylenol from your bag. As you handed it to him you saw a text from Jake. Let us in? Your stomach flipped as you had nearly forgotten that Josh didn’t know about this part of the plan. “Hey, I thought of something last night that might make this a little easier for you,” you told Josh, and his eyebrow raised. You walked across the room and opened the door to Jake and Karen, who were still out of Josh’s view. You lifted a finger to your mouth to quiet them, and Karen looked confused. “The sound is hurting for him, so maybe tone down the reaction a little.” She nodded and pulled you in for a hug. “Thank you for taking care of him, dear,” she whispered in your ear before heading over to her oldest. You stayed at the door to talk with Jake before following her. “I filled her in on the way here, but she insisted on seeing him, of course.” “Lucky for her he’s awake now.” “Oh perfect,” Jake stepped into the room, just as anxious to see his brother. You stepped back inside and Josh looked up at you, his face with the closest thing to a smile you had seen since last night. He reached out for your hand and squeezed it, tears brimming his eyes. “Are those happy tears or hurting tears?” You asked him, stepping closer. “Happy,” he croaked out. “Hey, that’s improvement!” Jake smiled, sitting down on Josh’s vacant side. You spent the next few hours just sitting in the room with the twins and Karen, Josh sleeping a little before you had to head to the doctor. The pit in your stomach wouldn’t settle, but you tried your best not to show it for Josh’s sake.

“I’d recommend canceling shows for at least the next week, but you’ll likely need more time. If you get back to things before you’re fully healed, you’ll be setting the process back each time.” You had been repeating the doctor’s advice in your head since she said them, and you knew Josh had been too. She had left the room, telling Josh that he was free to leave whenever he was ready. But instead you both sat in the exam room in silence. It had been nearly five minutes when you moved to stand in front of him while he sat on the exam table. You wiped the tears off of his face, leaving your hands to hold his face gently. He had yet to look up at you. “We don’t need to make any decisions right now, but let’s go back to the hotel, okay?” He sighed and stood up, still not saying anything.

It was a quiet drive back to the hotel, and by the time you reached the room you had unopened texts from each of the brothers and Karen. Josh went right back into bed, and you sat on the edge next to him, rubbing his back as he faced away from you on his side. You watched his shoulders move as he cried, completely overwhelmed with the news. “Josh…” you whispered, unsure of what to say. He sat up and faced you, eyes filled with sadness and fear. “What do I do? What do I tell the guys? The fans, they-” You cut him off and brought him in for a hug. He buried his head in your neck as you spoke softly, doing your best to calm him. “I’ll take care of everything, Josh. I can tell the guys if you want, but you know they’ll understand. Everyone’s first priority is your healing, the fans’ too. I can talk to your manager about postponing shows, and we’ll make a post to explain what’s going on.” “But we’ve already canceled so many shows…” he mumbled. “And all of that was out of your control, love. They know that.” You kissed the top of his head, the mop of messy curls tickling your face. “We’ll get you through this, baby. Right now you rest, and I’ll get things handled.” He sat up and leaned his forehead against yours. “What can I do right now, J?” His breath caught in his throat as he thought about how gentle and loving you had been to him these last few days. “You um… you can tell the guys. I think I just want to lay here for a while.” “You want me to text your mom to come meet you?” He nodded and carefully pressed his lips against yours. “I’ll go handle the boys and the details, you just take your time baby. Anything else you need?” His eyes met yours and he blinked, letting a tear fall. “I wanna go home…” This was the most broken you had ever heard his voice, not even taking the same morose tone on those late night calls when he missed you. “Of course, sweetheart. I’ll get it all figured out.” He laid back into the pillows and you kissed his forehead before shooting a text to Karen. As soon as she came in you went to tell the guys, and nothing sounded less appealing at the moment.

You met them all in the room Danny and Sam were sharing, everyone anxiously sitting around when you walked in. “So… good news or bad?” Danny asked. “It’s gotta be bad if you’re telling us instead of him, right?” Sam added. You slumped down on the edge of the bed next to Jake, who put his arm around you. You rested your head on his shoulder for a moment before you started explaining. “He did burst his eardrum. Doctor said it’ll heal on its own, but he’s out of touring for at least a week. They referred us to a doctor in Nashville who can check in on things then.” Your words hung in the air while everyone thought of the right thing to say. “How’s he doing?” Sam asked quietly. “Physically, better than he was. He got some antibiotics to prevent infection and something for the pain and dizziness, which should help him sleep. But emotionally…” you couldn’t finish the sentence without sobbing, so you stopped there. You felt Jake’s body tense next to you at the thought. When one twin hurt, the other did. “He wants to go home, so I’m trying to get us a flight. I need to work out telling the team and we’ll have to tell the fans the next couple shows are canceled, and-” You stopped and brought your hand up to cover your mouth, hoping to stop a sob. Jake held you closer and Sam crossed the room to kneel in front of you. We can help take care of things. I can look for flights and Daniel can talk to people about the tour side of things. You’re not doing this alone, bee.” You grinned at the nickname the boys had thought up for you after the first time you joined them on tour; according to them you were always buzzing around, caught up in the hustle and bustle of life on the road. Josh admired it, he said it reminded him of what a gift touring was. You turned to face Jake, who was staring off into space. “Jake,” you tried to snap him back into it to no avail, so you squeezed his arm a little to get his attention. “Why don’t you go see him?” You handed him your room key. “Yeah,” he wiped his hand across his mouth, pulling himself together. “We’ll go get things handled” Danny added, “Why don’t you stay here and relax a little? I know this has been stressful for you too.” He was right; you had barely slept the night before, you hadn’t showered since before the show, and you had barely eaten. “You’re right, I should shower… and eat.” “You’re right, you should,” Sammy added. You go shower and I’ll order you some room service so you can eat when you’re done. Then we’ll see where to go from there.” You were thankful that just as you had fallen apart, the boys had pulled things together. You’d be lost without them. Jake left to go see Josh and Karen, Sam behind him to go meet with their manager at the coffee shop down the block. Daniel starting to leave made your stomach drop. “Danny, wait,” you stopped him. “I’d kinda rather not be alone right now…” He turned back to you. “Okay bee, I’ll stay right here.” He sat down on his bed and pulled out his computer. “I’ll check around for flights while you shower. Take your time, okay?”

You spent a while letting the hot water hit you, closing your eyes and letting a few tears out before you were reminded of how hungry you were. You stepped back out into the room in one of Danny’s tshirts and the jeans you had found in your suitcase before leaving for the doctor’s. “Hey you, food’s here and I found a flight for tomorrow morning. Jake said Josh asked for Karen to come back with you, so there’s three tickets. The boys and I don’t know what our plans are yet, but you don’t need to worry about that. “You’re the best Daniel, truly,” you told him through the bites of french fries you were taking. “Hey, I do what I can considering all the shit you’ve done for the four of us,” he laughed.

The rest of the day was spent lounging around the hotel and spending time together, now that Josh was feeling slightly better. You could still tell he was hurting; when he turned his head too far or opened his mouth widely, but he was more himself than he was 24 hours ago. The boys’ tour manager had posted on the band’s instagram account, but you were trying your best not to let him think about it. He was obviously devastated that it had to be done, but a long talk with his family helped to convince him that it was the best thing to do. Before you knew it you were heading off to the airport, through the regular hustle and bustle of flying, and then driving back to the Nashville home you and Josh shared.

Karen had offered to run to the pharmacy to get a couple things Josh’s doctor had suggested, so it was just the two of you walking through the door to the familiar sights and smells of your home. You dropped your bags at the door, Josh leaning against the kitchen counter. You walked up behind him and massaged his hips, giving him a moment to collect his thoughts. “Hey,” you prompted, but he didn’t turn around. “I know this isn’t ideal, but we’ll get through it.” You nearly stopped yourself from saying ‘we’. This was harder for Josh than anyone else. He leaned down further, resting his bad ear against the cool countertop. Deciding it was better to support him without words, you rubbed his back. After a moment his tears started up again. “Sweet boy…” was all you could bring yourself to whisper. There weren’t many things you could think to say right now that could truly make him feel better, or that he hadn’t already been told. You gave him his time to feel and waited for him to take a deep breath and stand up. “What do you need right now, love?” You tried, wanting to let him decide. He just sighed and shook his head, so you took the lead instead. “Shower?” “It’s loud, and I can’t get water in there” “Bath?” He nodded at the idea, and you pressed a kiss to his forehead before going to set up the bathroom for him to relax.

While he took some time to unwind, you unpacked your bags and attempted to make dinner, quickly realizing that you had left no food in the house before leaving to meet the tour. Karen was more than happy to run to the grocery for you, so you settled on making Josh a cup of his favorite tea. You returned to your bedroom to find him standing on his side of the bed. Tears brimmed in his eyes again when you entered the room, greeting him softly with a smile. He glanced up at you and sighed before he began to cry again. You loved how in touch he was with his emotions, how he was never afraid to cry or make it clear to you how he was feeling. Right now, though, you were spending much more time than usual deciphering whether or not he was crying out of pain, disappointment, or just being overwhelmed. “Josh, I’m so sorry.” You set the cup of tea down on your bedside table and crawled across the bed, kneeling to match his height. “I can’t begin to understand how frustrating this is for you, but please know that I’m here for you, whatever you need. “I know, love. You’ve shown me that already, you’ve been perfect. You haven’t had to be this good to me,” he half-whispered, knowing how you would respond. “I know I don’t have to, but I want to.” You reached up again to hold his face in your hands. “In sickness and in health, Joshua.” The corner of his mouth snuck up into a smile and you wiped a tear that had made its way down his face.

#josh kiszka #josh gvf #gvf blurb #greta van fleet blurb #greta van fleet #josh kiszka blurb

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pettyrevenge-base · 1 year

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SIL insulted my kids so I exposed her lies.

SIL is the kind of mom that always has to one up other kids. She constantly talks about how her kids are smarter, taller, faster etc than her friends' kids. She literally bragged about them peeing more than her friends' kids when they were babies lol.

It was worse when my husband and I had our twins. Suddenly everything was a competition (that her kids always won). One of my girls rolled over at 4 months, her son had rolled over when he was just a week old. The twins both took their first steps around 13 months, her daughter was RUNNING at 4 months. (She didn’t actually start walking until around 16 months). She even changed the weight of her kids’ birth weights which makes them both heavier than the current heaviest newborn in America. It’s so weird that she feels the need to tell such obvious lies, especially to people who know she’s lying because they were there when her kids were small.

I got annoyed when she went from lying about her own kids to telling me there is something wrong with mine. The girls are a few months shy of 2 and they’re both healthy, on track and hitting their milestones. SIL has become OBSESSED with the idea that there is something wrong with them because they’re not speaking in long sentences. Of course they’re not, they’re not even two! They’re both developmentally on track but she insists that her children were speaking in 5-6 word phrases by 18 months. (Spoiler - they were not). Honestly, her son is almost 7 and I can still barely understand a word the kid says.

My husband and I ignored her but she took it too far when I got a call from her friend who works in Early Intervention who was under the impression I was very concerned about my children. We talked and her friend confirmed that yes, they are on track and no, there’s nothing to worry about.

I finally lost my patience. Hey, her kids are breaking almost every record there is and that should be celebrated!

We had dinner with my husband’s family on Saturday (kids were in another room) and I decided it was the perfect time to give her my gift - a booklet I had printed and laminated called the ‘White Claw Book of World Records’. I printed all the supposed milestones of her kids, complete with photos and info of the actual world record holders now that they had been pushed to second place. She flipped through the first couple of pages, went beet red and called me an asshole. Her husband took it from her and got through the first page before laughing hysterically and asking her why the hell she was still lying? Apparently it was not the first time they’d talked about her lying about their kids.

She stormed out but texted me later that night and asked why I’d humiliated her when all she’d ever tried to do was help me get my kids the help they needed, but if that was how I wanted to treat her then she’d stop.

So I guess it’s a win for me!

Source: reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge

#pettyrevenge #lol #omg

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superjumpintomyheart · 2 years

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Ay ! Maybe Shiver/Frye confessing their love for each other + cuddles ?? Have a great day !

I love a good confession, hopefully i'll be able to write a more canonical representation of it once the game comes out and we know more about the lore of how deep cut got together! heres a cute little thing with some hcs anyways <3

[Shiver uses they/them pronouns!]

Frye was fidgeting in her seat while waiting for Shiver to show up at their favorite cafe to hang out at, anxious for her best friend to hurry up and get there. They had texted her earlier in the day asking if they could talk to her about "something," which sent the poor inkling into a bit of an overthinking panic. Sure, the two of them had never really fought about anything besides the playful teasing they engaged in, but the phrasing of Shiver's message had her feeling like she had done something wrong or ruined their friendship.

She wished that the octoling had just waited to tell her that they needed to talk about something serious until they met face to face, she could have avoided a whole day of anxiously waiting for their planned meet up time. Thankfully, right as she was about to check her phone again, the cafe door opened and in walked the exact person she was hoping (dreading?) to see.

"Hey Shiv! Glad you came, I was worried you wouldn't show," Frye said honestly, feeling a bit of relief now that her friend was sat across from her at the table.

"Why would I not come? I was the one who asked to meet up today," they gave a soft smile, reassuring in nature. "I wouldn't flake on you like that, you know that."

The inkling sighed and shrugged, "Yeah, I guess. Just was feelin' a bit nervous is all, you said you wanted to talk about something."

The subject of their meet up being brought up seemed to make Shiver tense up slightly, it wasn't particularly noticeable, but Frye had learned from years of friendship how to read their body language. They nodded, acknowledging, "Right... I didn't mean to make you feel nervous about it. Truth be told, I think I'm actually more nervous than you are to talk about this."

"Really? I don't believe that but go off, I guess." Frye was certain her anticipation was far worse than Shiver's, judging by the octoling's cool and collected mannerisms that never faded.

"I suppose I'll just get to the point then," they started, eyes glancing away towards anything besides their friend. "We've been friends for a long time now, after I came to the surface and I started living such a different life than what I knew, you showed me how to adapt in this world. I'm happy to call you such a close friend of mine."

Frye began to brace herself, this sounded like the start of their demise, the cut off of their relationship with one another. Of course they'd start with the good things first and then tell her the worst of it, there wasn't much she could do besides wait.

"But, I've been thinking for a while about this and what I really feel, and I believe I've come to a conclusion that... I don't want to be just friends anymore-" there it was, she had been right about them wanting to leave, about her being a bad friend and driving away the one person she loved- "Frye, I want to be more... than friends. I mean like- I like you, I like you in the way that is romantic and sweet and, I guess you could call it love?"

What? Frye didn't understand what she was hearing, she had been preparing for the absolute worse when the person she'd been crushing on confessed their feelings for her? She must have looked dumbfounded, confused, maybe even offended as Shiver kept talking to try and move along the conversation.

"If you don't feel that way, that's fine and I'm sure I can get over this feeling and nothing will change but-"

"I like you in a 'love' way too."

They stopped in their tracks, surprised by the sudden outburst, "You... you do? Really?"

"Yes really! I've been crushing on you for months by now, I thought you might've gotten sick of me being so clingy to ya and wanted to stop being friends- I was thinking the worst when you said we needed to talk but you're telling me you like me the same way I like you?" She wore a grin of disbelief, her anxiety turned into excitement as she saw Shiver's own face light up in joy.

"Wow, I honestly didn't think this was going to go so well," they admitted, laughing a bit to themself as they met eye contact with Frye. "So does that mean you want to be together, like dating?"

"Duh, of course I want to date you! I'd be so happy to call you my partner.”

She jumped up across the small table to wrap her arms around the octoling, crushing them in a too tight hug in excitement. The two both laughed, relieved that their feelings for each other didn’t have to be hidden anymore, starting a new chapter of their relationship together.

#Splatoon #splatoon fic #splatoon fanfic #splatoon 3 #splat 3 #splat 3 hype #deep cut splatoon #deep cut fanfic #deep cut fanfiction #shiver x frye #shivfrye #fryever #shivrye

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justatalkingface · 1 year

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Here on my midnight's thoughts. I think one of your posts talked - maybe I'm remembering poorly-how Ochako puts her feelings on the hold for so long...could mean she doesn't like him anymore.

Hori is the only writer I can think screw up the main ship of his story- Naruto is another topic- and it hits me...

Could be this a toxic mentality?

"Heroes cant love, they need to work. I need to be the best hero for my parents" to sum up what Ochako could be thinking.

I mean, we dont see heroes dating. Yes, there's a rumou, in the story, how Mt. Lady and Kamui are dating ...but it was solve pretty quick.

But Ochako still feels the need to hide her feelings. Why?

There's nothing, as far we know, preventing a hero to have a love life and a career. Rock Lock is married...

Actually, think of Fairy Tales, a manga who I have a problem with the fanservices- all the ladies have tight clothes or bikinis- but here the thing the ladies are still cable and bad ass and ...want romance(some even get the romance they wanted) bc a heroine wanting a bf doesn't make her less of hero.

But with Ochako is the opposite. And I think is odd. I tend to chuckle with Hori's bad writting and Hori having a bias towards Izu...but even if is not that...we can certainly say we dont know Ochako well enough to say if she is the type to hide her feelings or if is just about her crush on Izu.

There's two questions here: is Ochako right in saying she can't do both at once, and is that attitude healthy?

Well, from what we've seen (which is very little), UA students seem to have a lot of free time; barring the summer training camp and the like, they certainly seem to do stuff, in a way that implies free time. Moreover, you need to remember that this isn't, like, most magical school shonen settings, where they're all hellholes training students to fight against doom via the 'insert enemy here'. UA is apparently just... a school where some of the classes are spent basiclly trying to murder your classmates (*notes to self to do that UA rant at some point*), and you'd probably have most of the spare time you'd normally have in high school, I guess.

Beyond that, there's the fact that heroes again, aren't... Batman, or Superman; these aren't people who are giving up their lives so they can save people, this is a job. There's a lot of, for lack of a better word, 'fair weather heroes' who apparently quit amass Post War, with the sub text of 'We didn't sign up for this!'. If heroic life was that harsh, you'd expect them to have done that earlier.

Also, I'm going to point out that, like so many other things in MHA, we don't see a lot of hero's lives beyond them heroing. We don't know what they do with their free time, or how much they have. There are heroic families, though; the Iidas and the Todokoris have heroes who are married and have children, and while they're both rich and wildly successful, no one really says that's unusual. There's every indication that they can have a family and all the things that come with that; a partner, a home... though romance, or time spent in the home, isn't exactly guaranteed. With how the commision based payment system is set up, your free time probably is decided by how ambitious you are and how much you need money.

So, on that logic, yeah, I'd say Ochako was wrong in that she didn't have the time to do it, though I don't really blame her for being wrong, either: she's a kid. She's a first year, going into the mysticism of heroism as a newbie. Why would she know better? It's shown several times that UA gives a whiplash between harsh training and ordinary school life, and the students are often surprised by how normal things can be.

Is the attitude of 'I can't afford to have romance so I can be a hero' wrong?

*wiggles hand*

...Maybe? Yes and no?

In the way I phrased it, it's wrong by the logic of the setting, because, well, you can. Unless your love is going to turn you into the memetic 'ideal Japanese housewife', who lives only for their loved one, then yeah, that'd get in the way. But, you know, that's not how it works for most people, so we can ignore that.

Let me rephrase, though, because there's a core concept to this question: Is it ideal that you're putting your own desires aside for the sake of getting a good job? No. Is it common? Yes.

The thing is you need to think about Ochako and the setting itself: Ochako isn't Batman turning away a love interest because of her dark secrets and self destructive tendencies; heroism is a job. It is a job, a decently paying one if you're any good at it, and Ochako is poor. Peel away the label of 'hero' and suddenly things become clear.

This is something that isn't about her, is the thing, it's about society. Ochako is basiclly the archetype of a poor kid trying to get into sports to escape poverty, with a thin coat of heroism painted over it. And it's bad that she has to do that, to think about that, but it isn't a heroism specific problem, and I can't really criticize her for wanting to leverage her skills to better her situation.

When you look at it that way, maybe she's just super serious in the beginning about succeeding, passing with good grades and some inroads into the industry, getting a decent job and securing her family's future, before allowing herself to think about, well, herself.

It's one of the things I regret about her character, because she could have been this great vehicle to explore outside of UA or hero fights, about the grey realities of being a hero for pay and how it isn't actually always a bad thing and so on, and she just got abandoned part way through.

#ask #mha critical #bnha critical #urakara ochako #the failure of the development of heroic society and corruption

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havethetouch · 1 year

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Question tiiiiime =D

Do any of your OCs collect anything, normal or strange? I always love hearing about peoples' random collections, so I definitely want to hear about quirky character's collections =D

[geeze tumblr won’t let me reply with a wall of text without making me edit it in in pieces it seems – anybody else who rambles on forever in ask experiencing this issue too?]

Oh that one is lovely, but also makes me grip my hair bc too many OCs to pick from but lemmie go for one of my pirate characters those are always lovely for stuff like that <3

Okay so, Raptamei Universe: This is Asa and Asa is essentially a hoarder in the broadest sense of the term because she collects about everything she finds in the ocean. Asa took the phrase "one mans trash is another mans treasure" and fucking legged it. The reason for that is a bit sad though because, essentially Asa grew up in a cult. Though "grew up" is also bit of a strech- Let me explain: So Asas clan is a bunch of "we should have never developed past feral animal, lets return to our wild roots" people. So they absolutely migrate around in the ocean, the women return to a birthing beach and put their eggs in the sand. They stay because they are aware that their newborns can't just slide into the ocean and join the clan right away but they stay begrudgingly and I guess hope to breed that weakness out of the newer generations at some point. So lil Asa was raised on the birthing beach along her nest-mates and all the others - nobody was referred to as anything they all were "children" because earning a name is a whole process and nobody is tied to anybody there is no sibling no mother no father among her kind- they don't do that. Not until the children pass their final test. Weak babes were thrown at the wild animals because thus is life and the nature of things. The survivors were fed a lot of bullshit about being one with nature and the sand is their cradle and their true mothers are the ocean and the sun who kept their eggs warm in the sand. One of the lessons also included of course that possessions were a no no because "we are animals, animals do not own anything because nothing out there has any value to us or our way of life". (put a pin in that)

And as soon as the kiddos were old enough to move around and swim they were thrown into the ocean and told to find their way back to the clan; this is basically the last test before you are truly one with the clan so to speak. Those who were strong, cunning and fast - worthy of passing their genes on, would make it, the rest? Not so much. Thus is nature. Asa naturally made it, a good mix of thinking on her feet when she was in trouble, a shitton of luck and learning from observation on those who failed. And during her journey she did kinda get the idea that the ways of her people are not exactly good - while she has no point of reference on how things work with other sea- or land-dwellers she does develop a bit of a sense of "this is wrong" at some point. It is also during her journey that Asa would find a seaglass marble. Shiny lovely thing that catches her eye because Asa is a very curious little thing so she dove for the shiny, picked it up and loved it instantly. She knew having this is not allowed, but it was pretty and maybe it would bring her luck on her way so she kept it. And it maybe did contribute to her luck. It was also the first thing that was ripped from Asa the moment she "passed" her trial and reached her clan. She got scolded by an older woman of her clan about it, because posessions are a no no and why would she even have such a thing and what was she thinking and she can't stray from their clans values she needs to keep her head on straight and prepare herself because now as clanmember she would soon have to contribute to said clan like any other female and so on and so forth. For the record? That woman who bitched at her was actually related to her in some form, perhaps an aunt, but either way the whole thing kinda flew over Asas head because her mind was on her lost "treasure" the first thing she ever owned and loved because she had nothing else really and she really really imprinted on that marble as a comfort thing so having that just thrown somewhere really did not fly with her. (don't worry she found it and took it with her as she left her clan)

But yeah, that's basically one reason why Asa has no concept of what is valuable and what isn't and why she will collect anything that catches her eye. She did not learn any difference and since possessions were a big forbidden thing she always feels giddy and like a rule breaker way into adulthood whenever she unearths anything in the ocean sands. Much to the chagrin of her adopted siblings she once even dove up a whole ass rusty anchor because it looked pretty with all the algae growth and sea urchins that had made it their home. She was convinced to put it back though because obviously this one is already taken and valuable to the sea urchins and algae as home and she agreed with that reasoning and put it thankfully back were she found it. But basically she collects everything and anything from the ocean, she has bones, teeth, shells, broken bits and pieces of pottery and ceramics and metal and above all she has an extensive seaglass collection going that she guards like a hound. Some pieces of seaglass are actually part of her body because she has some chips and gaps in both her shell and her plastron (run-ins with sharks and other stuff mostly) and since these injuries in her natural body-armor invite infection her brother Eli had the idea of putting seaglass in those gaps after sanding it down to fit in there like a mosaic. Asa obviously is very thrilled to wear part of her collection as part of herself and not just bling. It was also thanks to Elis encouragement that Asa started to make stuff out of the things she collects, for example, she really enjoys putting shards together and make new stuff out of it, so she has some weird cups and bowls that she puzzled together too in her collection. She is slowly introduced to the concept of what other people perceive as valuable but Asa being Asa finds value in everything and anything and thus she keeps collecting. I guess you could say it's a good thing that the story plays in a timesetting were plastic and modern trash are less of an issue because then Asas collection would contain much more trash than anything else I assume.

sorry for the long background story in there but i think when you go from "does your character collect stuff" to "oh yeah I have an OC who is technically a hoarder" then you gotta provide some more context xd I could've also picked Phoenix but Phoenix would have been a short blurb about how she collects glitter to the point that her roommates have to turn over a coffee cup first to rid it of the glitter in there before they can use it and that she leaves a trail of glitter wherever she goes and that she has the ultimate goal of fucking with some med students after her death by essentially donating them a glitter bomb in form of her corpse - but.. you know, I really wanted to write about Asa instead. xd

#touch answers #Raptamei #my ocs #Touch speaks

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diariesofapisces · 1 month

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Holy.Fucking.Shit.

What I've been dreaming of for so long has finally happened. I told him how I felt. I really wouldn't say that I went off on him, becuase I thought I was being too nice. I didn't even tell him how he hurt me, I just told him I didn't like what he was doing. I feel too empty and just overall depressed. This does not feel real especially because it happened over Instagram. I feel so many complicated issues that arose after things got hostile. I should have left him open and not said anything, but I did. It's becuase he double-texted me, something I didn't think he cared enough to do. Honestly, his reaction was something I did not expect because I really did not think he cared about me. That's my trigger phrase for sure. I think the number one reason why this is really fucking me up is becuase I have the idea that a man finally cared about me, and I just threw that away. Hell but like I've BEEN saying his words don't match his actions, or even how he made me feel. My feelings are valid and in my gut, I felt like he didn't care about me as much as I cared about him. It really hurt that he said I must not care about him at all. He really has no fucking clue. If only he could read this entire blog, or my entire scrapbook, or my detailed journal entries, or even go through my camera roll. I cared about him so much that it nearly destroyed me. I think it did destroy a certain part of me. The part that will accept the love I think I deserve. No real friend on this planet has ever made me feel that way. It's just confusing for me becuase I was obsessed with him so I didn't know if I was actually being too hard on him. It will kill me to go through and analyze any more details of our friendship. I am finally allowed to let go becuase I literally have no option. I guess I am happy things got really bad because he definitely won't reach out to me and I feel like he hates me so I won't. Before it was a bit more ambiguous about what would happen next, and knowing myself it might have not ended there. This feels like an actual breakup but it hurts because he was never even dating. Maybe friendship breakups are worse. It hurt that he thought absolutely nothing was wrong and there was no convincing him otherwise. It didn't seem in his character to be this ignornanrtant towards my feelings. It hurts becuase I feel like out of all his multitude of female friends I am the only one with a problem with him. In my mind, I still hold him on a pedsitsool. You know what fuck him for real. I told him how I felt and he threw a tantrum. I don't care if he doesn't get it and I don't care if I understand it, all I need to know is that he made me feel like shit. Fucl read this blog Sophie if you doubt that. Read all the reasons why this friendship isn't healthy for me. No one will ever make me feel this way again. It took over a year for me to enforce boundaries and put myself first and if that is what it takes so be it. I put my fear of being single for the rest of my life aside and put my feelings first. I should be proud that I let go of my safety net and lessen my fear of being alone. In therapy will discuss the rush I felt when he replied fast with long paragraphs about how my actions actually meant something to me. Good riddance.

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making-use-of-a-brain · 2 months

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Cognitive Distortions (Long Writing/Vent)

I'm in my therapist's office. It's half-past-noon; the clock is exactly fifty-two minutes fast. I know because Kathy left to get a printout and in the thirty seconds she was gone, I frantically pulled out my phone and did the math, because I hate this place and I want to count down every single fucking second until I can be out of here.

I really fucking hate this place.

Kathy hands me the printout. COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS: MIND-READING. We go over it. Kathy reminds me of a teacher I had in middle school: "Here's a piece of paper you can read with your own eyeballs. Emotions are not facts. Read it. Read it again. I'll remind you emotions are not facts. Now I'm going to read it aloud to you in the most paint-drying, grass-growing voice God has ever given to someone. By the way, emotions are not facts. Now I'm going to reiterate every point on the page. Did I mention that emotions are not facts?"

I nod and smile and try not to say "I guess," because to me it's a filler phrase to diffuse tension but to her it's a sign I'm holding something back. In her defense, I usually am, but if I'm not planning on saying it, waterboarding couldn't get it out of me. Her repeated asking doesn't stand a chance.

Anyway, there's nothing on the page I haven't tried before. Besides, how am I supposed to know the line between being a decent person with some semblance of empathy -- emphasis on semblance, by the way, because I'm faking it, I think -- and COGNITIVE DISTORTION: MIND-READING. If you don't think about the little signals people drop to key you in to how they feel behind their polite façade, then you're an inconsiderate brat. If being considerate takes effort and you put in that effort, then you have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. A fella can't win, but I've made my choice: the latter seems less harmful.

Later, I'm sitting at my computer, idling in a group chat with two of my favorite people. They're married. And thirty. I can count the number of people who actually regularly text me back on one hand, and they're two of 'em. Except one of them has been quiet lately. I think he dislikes me. That makes two of us. I think he isn't telling me because his wife happens to want to keep me around. Her reasoning is beyond me.

I can't decide whether the idea feels like death itself or if I'm okay with it because I don't need either of them and if he has a problem with me, that's his problem and he can bring it up directly.

What I can decide is that the latter half of that dilemma makes me feel awful inside. He's my friend. Or, if my suspicions are right, he was my friend. Who gives a shit about past tense? He was good to me. He helped me. I wish I'd gotten the chance to return the favor. Maybe returning the favor looks something like leaving him the fuck alone.

Maybe returning the favor looks something like telling his wife we can't be friends anymore, because I'm a messed up person and I know it's only a matter of time before I mess up irreparably badly and cause more collateral damage than I can ever hope to make up for, and I probably won't even feel that bad about it. Now that I think about it, she's been quiet, too.

Maybe returning the favor looks something like going to sleep and never waking up.

Kathy would tell me that's all COGNITIVE DISTORTION: MIND-READING, maybe with a side of CATASTROPHIZING.

But Kathy's not here right now. My conscience is, though, and it's telling me that deep down, I'm just wired a little wrong. It's nobody's fault, but it is my responsibility to not be obnoxious. To not be a problem. To not be a crisis anyone else has to deal with. It's telling me that I have to earn my keep and, if I can't do that, then I have to take my leave and find someone else to go all parasite on until they can't take it anymore and the cycle starts all over again. That, or I could stop altogether, I guess.

Easier said than done, though.

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #journal blog #night shift atticus #vent #vent tw #tw vent #social anxiety #anxiety #advice ok

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thelonelyraven · 8 months

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Ok so I need to gush on main about Punisher because THAT ALBUM

The more I listen to it the more I fall in love with it.

And it’s like a slow burn too. At first I was really into I Know The End which is great and that I coupled with Phoebe’s cover of That Funny Feeling cause they fit so well together

but like

Then I got big into Punisher itself when I kinda got into Elliott Smith from Rick and Morty of all things, well vibing to Between the Bars and realising I’d had Everything Means Nothing to Me for years that I’d heard on Mr Robot and loved.

ANYWAYS I looked things up and saw that Phoebe had this song that’s a kind of love letter to him and I also saw about Third Eye Blind’s There’s No Hurry to Eternity which damn I didn’t expect something instrumental and with those kinds of feels from the band that made Semi-Charmed Kinda Life and like Slow Motion (don’t get me wrong, great song, but completely different vibes). Also somewhere on the internet I read the TEB song is also for Jeff Buckley whose music I love (especially his darker stuff like Dream Brother and that amazing a capella You And I, also his cover of Calling You is really impressive) but I couldn’t actually confirm that. Anyways so uh yeah Phoebe. Punisher and Between the Bars are also perfect songs to fall asleep to and that means I get more listens out of them and I think it helps them become earworms for me, idk.

So after all this I kinda get into Kyoto. Again, bit of a slow burn but I also vibe with the remix and stuff.

And more recently I also had a couple days where I kept listening to DVD Menu cause I think it burrowed deep in my brain (I blame some level of similarity with Dexter’s Blood Theme) and then when doing stuff around the house I put on the whole album cause I felt like listening to Kyoto and maybe Punisher too and I just discover the lyrics to Chinese Satellites there and then in the garden while shovelling dirt for some trees and I am floored. I vibe with this so much? Idk it’s wild. Note that chloe moriondo’s song Plastic Purse and the lyrics “I’m a punisher call me Phoebe” helped me vibe even more with her and the Kyoto remix is just hyperpop enough I put them together and it was great.

But yeah so I’m standing here getting hit by lyrics and the Moon Song bit about Tears in Heaven resonates with me personally for… reasons I won’t get into and also Lennon who was like a massive influence for me growing up like musically (I didn’t know much about his life at like 8 or 10 years old but damn did I know a lot of his songs by heaaaa— eeeh, well, I knew the music and like some words I thought were the lyrics but might have been mostly yoghurt as I very much am not a native English speaker believe it or not and didn’t speak the language properly till age… 13 to 15 ish?)

But yeah like… the whole album and lyrics and level of detail? Care? Just… the… the lyrics? And all the links between the songs on the album and songs on her previous album/EP and to other people and songs and the thread of the relationship between the artist and the fan and all the implications for us, fans, gushing over her lyrics and the references to dozens of other works??

That album is SO GOOD?!?

And I wish I could spend hours just analysing it but I can barely sit down and read the lyrics as I listen to it because these days I’m too unfocused (I really should see about that adhd diagnosis Jesus) but yeah uh

Fangirling i guess. But what else is new on tumblr?

(Also keeping the proud tradition of someone who barely uses tumblr putting random shit in the tags like they’re just an excuse for fun little phrases you can’t fit in the text — an ungodly post scriptum of some kind)

#just another Phoebe Bridgers fangirl #I’m a punisher call me Phoebe #I’m a dog killing birds but you know I don’t understand

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homophobicwarios · 9 months

Text

I want to elaborate because this is my blog. I do not wish in any way to slander anyone. I just want to talk.

I cut ties with King, for the time-being at least. I know some of you are friends with King before you are friends with me, so for that reason I apologize to you. I do not mean to get you in the middle of this, I just want to talk because this is something that I’ve been dealing with lately. I’ll try to be as objective as I can.

I don’t wish to call King a bad person because they’re not. This is just a mess created by clashing poor mental healths. I just need to vent.

Readmore bc this full story is LONG

Calvin’s Wonderful World of Fixation

Prologue: Favorites

I do not have any diagnoses, I don’t really know what’s wrong with me formally but I have a few guesses. We evidently have autism, some anxiety, diagnosed FND, but y’know c’est la vie.

But there was kinda something else. I don’t wanna name it, because it very well be an overlap from the autism. But for the sake of this story I will make use terms that pertain to the disorder.

We start with a fifteen year old Calvin Orion. He is at the start of his Junior year, and he is scared because someone who hurt him very bad is still his favorite person. He’s got delusions that don’t go away. False hopes that someone who hurt him more than he could ever conceptualize could somehow be better and back.

It goes on through August. Enter someone else, a good friend in his English class. Someone he cares for, but not intently. Then comes some misunderstanding, a false fear of loss, and a dream.

He didn’t realize it when he woke up. He just felt all fuzzy and lovey. It took a month, a confession, the world’s most movie 16th birthday, for it to set in. There was a new favorite.

He wasn’t scared. Why should he be? To his knowledge, he had finally exited the most traumatic period of his life. There was nothing wrong with a little special affection. After all, this time it wasn’t centered in on a not-evil human being.

They were together by the time it set in.

Part 1: Romance

Calvin Orion spent half of his junior year in a relationship that started considerably healthier than the rest, and ended about the same. All in all, it actually wasn’t that bad. It started off real good even. And there were things from it he cherished, a bracelet, body esteem, having someone who loves you, even though you’re a mess.

It was really good for like three months.

He didn’t know what changed but by February it was clear things were falling apart, and badly. Valentine’s Day came with him giving her favorite candy (in a box he made of construction paper, littered with hearts), a card, and a bracelet that took him no less than thirteen or so hours. He got back two Hot Wheels and some track, and a message that, while correct, was phrased so poorly that it tore him into pieces.

Things just kinda. Collapsed, slowly but surely. There was the field trip where he felt like a third wheel, despite being the partner to his partner. He broke down sobbing at a friend’s birthday because they weren’t there and he was so sick of their promises to put more energy into him, to love him, to write him a song, because it had been two months, and that energy was nowhere to be seen.

March came and he thought to himself that it would be okay, they just had to make it to summer, maybe just Prom season. Then she would have actually energy for him instead of the silence and unread texts he had been met with consistently.

Spring break sucked. It wasn’t their fault, he just felt so, so alone and so goddamn stupid for waking up at three to send texts he wouldn’t read.

But they got through! It was time for the end of March. With it came an annotated copy of his favorite book, more asks and promises, a half-planned promposal, and an understanding that things were just falling apart.

I can’t blame her for the day. I can’t blame them for the day they chose because they didn’t know, they didn’t remember. It only had weight to me. I was the only one who hated March 31st. But to him it didn’t hold nearly the same weight, it was a day, one with a field trip where she wouldn’t have to see me fall apart after they did it. I’ll give them credit, if all the break-ups I’ve had, no one has ever said it to my face. They’ve hidden, like I would hide later on.

He was terrified of abandonment, he had nightmares about it a million times. One million ways it would play out. And he knew it was falling apart, he knew it was inevitable.

He never thought she’d cry.

He always thought she… wouldn’t. They wouldn’t care enough to.

He never thought he’d cry simply because he never fully realized that she cared, and that while she wasn’t happy, they didn’t want him to do anything drastic. She didn’t know about the favoritism, not explicitly, but they knew the affection and the weight it held.

Part 2: Friendship

He was not good in the following month. He messed up, he will admit it he fucked up big time. He cried and cried and professed his love and didn’t want to act like things had changed. But they had and when he had to be told that he was being an asshat and making people uncomfortable, he set out to do better.

We have to detour at April 23. It probably isn’t all too special to everyone else. But to him he had cried the night before and vented and then deleted things. He did not see the liveblog.

They probably wouldn’t like that I call it a liveblog but I don’t know what else to call it. Was I being immature, oh yeah, oh yeah definitely. Was liveblogging my venting the best course she could’ve taken? Probably not. I can’t really judge. All I have to measure it was the anxiety so bad it made me vomit, the panic attack I had the next day over all those words about me she kept up, and the song.

I hate the song.

Maybe they’ve posted it by now. I don’t know. I won’t check. But I hate the song. Down to the title! “You wanted a song” you promised! You promised me something and I’m sorry that I threw a hissy fit over wanting that promise fulfilled. I never wanted the chorus proclaiming my crazy bitchness, I wanted you to show me how you loved.Shit dude, my bad I guess. I don’t know. I still hate it.

Things continued about the same for him, Prom night stank but in the end things seemed fine enough. The school year seemed fine enough. Summer seemed fine enough, until that all went to hell.

Part 3: Split

Just as he had learned the epic powers of going nonverbal in the last year, Calvin Orion learnt the unparalleled fun of splitting that summer. And by fun, he meant emotional hell.

Most of it happened for no reason. It was the tiniest thing, and then he was inconsolably angry. He felt so horrible, like some monster masquerading as a man. Like all those awful things he thought in that moment were true.

He had split before, almost certainly. But the first time he measured it was the last day of June.

T’was the last day of June and he tried to talk to her about some things, things that had become more apparent at a friend’s birthday, and he needed to because he just… wasn’t happy as things were. He told them so.

They brushed him off. She was busy all day and then had to go to the concert, and all the boundary talk was exhausting anyway. And when he saw them and a friend having fun at the concert, there it went. Split.

I wasn’t unfamiliar with the paranoid outbursts and sheer emotion, but there was a whole week where it was constant.

I didn’t split at his birthday. But when he teased me for my efforts and singled me out as the one person in the room he would not have relations with, I broke down. I cried. And I cried like a little baby that night not over anything else, but just that I didn’t wanna go home. And they hugged me as I spewed on and wept, and kept repeating that she couldn’t help me.

I don’t think I needed his help. I just needed a friend. I needed someone to just… care about me. And they did then, and we hugged for a while.

I think it’s gonna be the last time in a while that we hug.

Part 4: August

I’m autistic, that plays a rather large part in this. While I perceive social cues, I can’t always explain them. And yesterday when she seemed withdrawn, I didn’t know what I did, or why this was happening. All I knew is that it hurt because I felt so singled out again, same as I always was.

We got in a fight this morning. Some conflict on Friday when we were supposed to see a concert as a collective unit as friends. I had asked her about it last night, but got no answer, and now they were mad “for not telling [him] sooner” if I knew. I was mad because this is what I always had to do, and I was worried about what she would do one day when I wasn’t there to have reminders and pester them to do homework and just. I coddle, that is 100% my fault. He told me she never asked me to do anything for them, but I look back at all the times I felt pressured to share answers or give reminders or tell them important dates and just feel gross.

A friend of ours said they expected it, that she had said yesterday that “he didn’t know how to feel about me” and something clicked as I broke down.

I can’t pretend I was happy. Towards the end I had to start prompting replies, and that made me feel stupid as all hell. I’d say things and she wouldn’t listen.

I said a million times over that I couldn’t take this anymore. To SpaceHey, to friends, to myself.

I can’t pretend they were happy. We were never really friends again, some weird mentally ill in-between. I think we dealt with it in different ways; she tried to withdraw while I stood there with my bloodied chalk and finally, for once, drew a line.

Part 5: kingkajou

You don’t date someone for half of your Junior year and spend much longer than that as friends without getting a feel of them as a person. I’d say King has a very good feel for me as a person, she could tear into me, maybe they have, who knows. My point here is I have a good feel of King.

I’ve got a very good feel of King as a person, I’d like to say, and I’d like to say with that that the reason it was so hard to end things was that I knew for the most part that she really cared about me. I’m sure they still do, maybe they’re just fatigued on me for some reason, but most of their fear now seems to be losing other people.

I can’t say he was happy with the outcome, which is funny, because we had the same goal. Her random withdrawals were something meant to create distance, but it didn’t work out because I’m scared, I’m terrified of rejection, and I can sense it so easily. And I could’ve sworn I said it. And you think when someone is one of your best friend’s, he’d say that he didn’t know if he could do this to your face.

I mean, I did the same for a while I guess. I just feel mad because I never withdrew. I don’t know.

King, I don’t know if you’ll somehow see this. Hopefully you won’t. I just. Final messages I guess:

I have met you three times now in my life, and so far they’ve all ended fairly badly. And I’m sorry that this had to end, but I was not happy and I can’t act like I was. And maybe I didn’t have to say anything, but you know who I am, I go out with a bang and an essay every single time.

Despite this mess, I wanna meet you a fourth time. I want to be your friend again someday, because I mean it when I say you made me happy. You do make me happy, you have a plethora of times, and there’s so much from you I’ll hold onto until the day I die. I just, I couldn’t keep waiting. And I am ill, I am so much sicker than even my worst breakdowns let on, and I can’t be around you until my brain has cooled down severely.

I hope if, hopefully when, I meet you again, it goes better. I hope I am a better person and no longer have favorites, I hope you get better at communicating because dude you do actually need to work on it, like. A lot. I do too, I do too, but that’s not the point.

The point is I’m sorry, I love you dearly, and I hope one day we are better people and can be better friends. I do not think you are evil, I do not think I am evil. I think we are both teens, and that comes with some drama, and we are both sick, which comes with some chaos. I do not and have never looked at you and seen a monster, just a kid, who is trying their best but still has to be willing to take accountability and be open and be willing to grow. I hope when you look at me, you see the same.

It’s funny, most of these walls that I got euphoria from destroying were built by myself. But I felt like for the first time in ever, I was Calvin Orion again, and I was loved and hugged and people cared and I was a real human person.

I hope next time we meet, I can be a real human person more.

- Calvin Orion

#vent

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mellow-worlds · 11 months

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It's weird. I don't know how I feel. Languid? Yeah, kinda. I guess I feel ok, I haven't been thinking about sudoku today, and hardly during the past few days. Tho I do want to just stay at home.

This also puzzles me, I have been doing some of the things people recommend doing to "get your life together" or whatever. I worked out today, did the laundry, read a little, showered and did some other things over the span of these few days. I don't know if I enjoy it? I read very few pages and worked out maybe ten minutes tops. I'm glad I did it, it's absolutely better than nothing, but I still... Idk? I didn't really enjoy doing it, it doesn't fulfil me and it was hard. In the past, I have liked working out and I'd say I generally love literature. Actually, reading today was just hard because I really had to concentrate (even though I felt like half of the contents still went over my head). I'm currently reading the Picture of Dorian Gray and I got to a very philosophical passage. Asides from that, Wilde's language is hard for me to read with ease.

So idk, I feel a certain dispassion towards these things that I do. Most of the day I do spend in bed, so maybe I should consider changing that. But what else would I do? Hmm, going for walks. Approaching friends myself if I want to meet up. Practicing the piano. And ofc apathetically staring at my computer screen. Idk... I don't really feel like doing any of these.

Speaking of which, tomorrow I'm meeting *that* person. To make it easier for me, I'll be calling them Snoopy. Idk... thinking about whatever it is we're doing does make me go :( I don't like it. I enjoy their proximity and spending time with them, but it feels so wrong. Whatever we got ourselves into, it was meant to not last. It never was meant to be. I had so many doubts from the beginning. In fact, there used to be a time where I would start shivering when thinking about them. Like crazy. And I used to avoid them purposefully.

It's so weird... They told me that they'd found me interesting for a pretty long time and I COULDN'T tell you why. I asked them, but got no useful answer. I didn't really phrase my question that directly, so it might be my fault. Anyway. Idk. It's weird. I still wonder. Why would anybody want to talk to me? Back then, when they claim to have started to like me, we've never really had a conversation. None of this makes sense to me. They said they thought I was cute?????? I didn't want to mention it because that makes it feel more... real? And braggy? AH idk idk idk.

It's wrong for me to spend time with Snoopy. I could never meet their needs. They have kinda noticed, and mentioned a lot, that they're always the one to approach the other person and asking to hang out. Honestly, most of the times when I see that they have texted, I wait up to two hours before responding because... I don't know. Maybe it's because I want to make them tihnk that there's a reason I "can't" hang out with them every day all day? Because they don't really know the truth, that being, me sitting in bed all day. Idk... And maybe it's because of this feeling that I'm trying to describe? That I don't really want to meet them despite really enjoying their company?

To be fair, I think that love is a social construct and maybe that is causing me to withdraw from getting too intimate and allowing this to be something serious? Or even giving it a name? Though it "being something serious" is also, in my opinion, just a societal uhm... thing. Which means that I really like talking to them, but... Idk. I do think about them a lot. Anyway. Let's drop that.

What's kind of messed up is that I've been thinking about how I can let them know that not seeing each other in this way any more would be the best. They've got no idea, or so I think, that I'm like this. Or... they've got a hunch. But they kinda do see me as a quell of endless positivity. Which... ig I am, except not endless. I don't want to hurt them, is my point. I don't want them to hate me. I wish we could just... never have met? And maybe still be on good terms with each other after I somehow let them know that I'm just too stupid for this to be a good idea. So uhm one method I came up with, which is the messed up part, is to get more depressed, if you can even call it that. Idk. Just uhm. Not being all that happy around them anymore. And uhm. Idk. They'd notice, I think. I don't know if I'd be able to pull it off, though, since I do enjoy talking to them. And I really, really don't want to be rude. I wish I could be upfront, but this is not really something that I could tell them, right? They'd be too supportive. And I just... I'd be so much easier if they hated me. Or never had spoken to me in the first place. I'm such a loser, anyway. And we're actually so... incompatible, if you think about it. I don't really want to talk about that rn, though, since I fear it'll make them sound less likeable, which isn't really the case, if you know them personally.

Despite all this, I keep thinking about what could be if only I weren't so stupid. They're the type of person you could do loads and loads of fun and stupid stuff with. And I kinda did want to meet 2 of the friends they sometimes tell me about. IDKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK I want all of this to end, it fills me with more self-doubt than I'd like to experience. And ofc the thought "I should just unalive myself" keeps flashing in my head because I'm so stupid and selfish and narrow-minded and at this point I think that my brain is just trying to be edgy. Because I'm oh so cool.

I don't really want to meet them tomorrow. Or ever again. This is all my fault.

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arwainian · 1 year

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Reading This Week 2023 #6

Testing out colorful text this week for my thoughts on the readings, to better seperate it out visually. What do you think? The default yellow text looked kinda ugly so I went with orange

Finished:

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

i very nearly cried at the second proposal scene. to have this moment between Lizzie and Darcy, where they are completely alone together, with no secrets between them and so all that follows it total comfort and absolutely adorable banter.... AUGH

Beastars, Vol. 4 by Paru Itagaki, translated by Tomoko Kimura

Started and Finished:

"Embodied Knowing: An Experiential, Contextual, and Reflective Process" by Mimi Sodhi

"Fashion and the Fleshy Body: Dress as Embodied Practice" by Joanne Entwistle

Beast Complex, Vol. 1 by Paru Itagaki, translated by Tomo Kimura

I feel like i've said most of what I have to say about Beastars and this connected anthology series Beast Complex already, so what am I supposed to do when I'm going to keep reading it and it's going to keep coming up in these roundups? well I shall just deliver this phrase for now: delightfully fucked up!

two tall mountains by misspickman on ao3

(moss if you are reading this i will come back and comment on your wonderful fic on ao3 itself later, suffice to say i thought it was quite good)

"A Woman's Place is in the Nation" from Britons: Forging the Nation 1707-1837 by Linda Colley

Death of a Sorcerer by Jeannie Lin

fuck. I forgot that Jeannie Lin's work is very enjoyable to read despite being so SO heterosexual in nature. Need to add "chinese historical fiction" to my list of things to seek out to read more of

"Regimental World: Interpreting the Experience of British Soldiers during the Napoleonic Wars" by John E. Cookson in Soldiers, Citizens and Civilians: Experiences and Perceptions of the Revolutionary and Napoleonic Wars, 1790-1820 edited by Alan Forrest, Karen Hagemann, and Jane Rendall

"Fashion, Disability, Freedom of Choice" by Heather Watkins

Lavender House by Lev A.C. Rosen, narrated by Vikas Adams

enjoyable queer murder mystery! I did not spend the novel trying to figure out the murderer until the very end, and then in the last couple of chapters I guessed completely wrong because the correct answer seemed too obvious, also I listened to the entire 10 hour audiobook in a single day thanks to my excellent skill of listening to things on times 2 speed (i have a friend that teases me for listening to things for leisure at double speed, and i have nothing with which to defend myself)

Started and Ongoing:

Frequency by cryptocism on ao3

Tea is for Teacher by Recipe on ao3

tbh considering abandoning reading this one even though I've gotten pretty deep into it. i have to constantly coach myself through my DNF policy, which is: there is so much to read out there, so unless a work is extraordinarily short, or mandatory for something, i should only read things i actually enjoy, and not just don't-dislike. since I'm kinda meh on this fic, the policy is coming to mind

Ongoing:

The City of Brass by S.A. Chakraborty

and once again the DNF policy is starting to rear its head as I reach the middle of the book. I'm hesitating on putting it down because my dad really really likes this series and wants to talk about it with me, but what I've enjoyed most about this book is the action sequences, and i'm kinda meh on the characters themselves

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, translated by Constance Garnett, narrated by Frederick Davidson

while I've been enjoying this, you won't see it on the weekly log for roughly a month because my due date for the library loan came up and I had to return it. I will read it more diligently when it's back in my hands, i promise

Sam Patch, the famous Jumper by Paul E. Johnson

"Base and Superstructure in Marxist Cultural Theory" by Raymond Williams

#cal reading log #bookblr #arwainian princessoid decrees #how do we like the thoughts in colorful text?#i think it's a good way to seperate my thoughts when I dont have something to say for everything read

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whiteqnn · 3 years

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PURE [5] - Corpse Husband x Fem!Reader

A/N: It’s been a while.

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

PURE [5]

“Did you guys find anybody?” Felix’s voice sounded out when the man repeated the same question for what seemed like the third time since he joined the call. The number of players showed 7 of them, which meant that they were still missing three people. Sure, they could start the game now, but it would be way more enjoyable and funny with a full lobby.

“Yeah, Toast will be here any moment. “Sykkuno replied right away. “He just texted me; he should join us in a few.”

“Cool. Anyone else?”

“I think Corpse was also supposed to join us, right? Not sure though why he isn’t here yet.”

“Oh, yeah, Corpse will be here soon too!” Jack suddenly chimed in with an explanation. “He said he needed to take care of something first, but he’ll be here before we start.”

“Great. But that means we’re still one person short.” Felix hummed when Toast’s little astronaut appeared in the lobby “Hey Toast."

“Hey man.”

“Do you have anyone coming?”

“I’m afraid not. I asked MrBeast, but he’s busy, so...”

“Well then, we can just start when Corpse is here, and maybe we’ll find someone in the meantime?” Dave suggested, earning a few hums of approval from the other players.

“Yeah, I think that’s the best option...” Jack agreed. But then his voice blared out in everyone’s headphones with excitement. “Ha! Corpse is bringing someone!”

“Who?”

“I dunno, he just texted me he has one coming and that’s all.”

“Hm, all right. Let’s wait then.”

***

Corpse fidgeted with his phone, glancing between its screen and the chat in his stream. People were already asking countless questions, but rather than answering them, he was waiting for Y/N to call him. He was nervous - the girl still hadn’t commented on his request.

The idea to invite her to the lobby wasn’t spontaneous. In fact, he’d been thinking about it for quite some time now, but never found the courage to actually ask if she would like to join them for the game.

It’s been almost a month now since that memorable phone call. A month since Y/N last played with her friends; a month since she considerably reduced her social media usage.

Sure, she was still active on her youtube channel, but not as much as before the whole haters situation. No matter how hard she tried to just ignore them and simply continue her career, she just couldn’t. There were still these nagging thoughts at the back of her mind, reminding her of all those people and their comments, their messages. It seemed like a good idea to take a short break and sort everything out.

Her fans understood it. They were obviously sad that her videos weren’t as frequent as before, but everyone knew what the situation looked like and that Y/N needed some time for herself.

Her audience knew it, and so did her friends. Especially Corpse.

The man kept his word and talked to the girl whenever she wanted to. Which, in the end, was almost everyday. Although at the beginning their conversations mostly focused on her current problem and dealing with it, their topics broadened over the time.

At one point though, Y/N started worrying that maybe she’s annoying him with her so frequent calls. She thought that she shouldn’t bother him that much - even if talking to him was what really helped her cope with her problems. He already had enough on his plate, and sharing her own concerns with him suddenly seemed like a very selfish thing to do.

But she quickly realized how wrong she was for thinking like that. When one day she didn’t call, figuring out that she should stop troubling him with her own issues, she was very surprised when Corpse reached out to her himself. He expressed how worried he got when she didn’t call, and when she explained what was the reason, he spent the next fifteen minutes lecturing her that she should never think she’s bothering him.

From that day on, they talked every single day. And they talked about almost everything.

Corpse enjoyed their late night-talks more than anything. He liked to listen to Y/N talk about the things she finds exciting, her hobbies, and her dreams. Hell, she could talk about what she ate for breakfast, and he would still listen with interest.

And even though they haven’t seen each other in person, even though she still hasn’t seen his face, they managed to get really close during those past weeks. For an outside observer (who also didn’t have access to Twitter) they would seem like a couple of very good friends.

But not for Corpse.

He couldn’t pinpoint when exactly did it happen. They were talking one evening and Y/N was telling him about the TV series she had finished watching recently. He listened intently and watched as her facial expressions changed from excited to frustrated, as she was enumerating everything she liked and disliked about the series finale.

And then he suddenly got this weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, and simply couldn’t take his eyes off her.

He tried to play it off and act as if nothing changed, but he couldn’t stop his heart from doing backflips whenever she laughed at one of his dumb jokes or called him partner. It was still a running joke between them and among the group of their friends, but there was something in the way she said it that made him instantly smile like an idiot.

He also started paying more attention to the hashtags on Twitter and Instagram. #PartnersInCrime was still rather popular, even though it was a month since anyone last used this phrase on stream. Corpse also found out that #Y/Nforthebride was trending for some time; he even managed to stumble across a few fanarts.

There was this urge to send them to Y/N, but he was too nervous that it would make things awkward between them... After all, he didn’t know how she felt about that whole shipping thing.

That’s why he decided to just leave things between them as they are, and be happy that he’s at least her friend.

Corpse nearly jumped out of his skin, when he was brought back to reality by the sound of an upcoming FaceTime call. Y/N’s photo appeared on his screen, her smiley face which he had assigned as her contact photo. His lips corners curled up in a smile almost unwittingly.

“Hey Y/N/N” he said after answering the call.

“Hi Corpse” she smiled softly upon hearing his voice. Although the screen on her side was dark, she didn’t mind not seeing Corpse’s face. She respected his wish to remain faceless and enjoyed their conversations anyway.

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Just editing the new video. I guess I’ll upload it in the morning... but I’m not sure yet.”

“Well let me know then, I wanna be the first one to see it.”

“Sure thing, Corpse” she chuckled, lowering her gaze bashfully. Corpse just looked at her face for a moment, unable to stop smiling to himself. Then he remembered why they were talking in the first place.

“So... have you seen my text?” Y/N sighed at his question but nodded her head slowly. “And what do you think?”

“I don’t know, Corpse...” she ran a hand through her hair in a nervous gesture. “...if that’s a good idea, I mean.”

“Well, it’s been a while. No pressure though, if you don’t wanna play then it’s totally fine.” he quickly clarified. “I just thought it would be fun if you joined us, even if just for a moment. I’m sure everyone would go crazy.”

Her smile widened slightly at his words, but she still didn’t look convinced. Sure, it was tempting to join them. She wanted to do it each time Sean or Felix bombarded her with messages and codes to the lobby, both inviting her to join the group in the game. But then she remembered how people reacted to her appearance in their streams... and suddenly it didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore.

“We’re gonna play on Polus...” he added after a moment when she still didn’t say anything. “That one map with the planetary base... there’s a lava pit, y’know. Just saying...”

She laughed wholeheartedly at his words, remembering their last game when Corpse jumped into the lava for her.

“Sykkuno’s gonna be there as well” Corpse continued. “And I promise I won’t kill you this time.”

“Even if I’m the last player alive?” she joked.

“Even then, Y/N.”

Corpse stifled a laugh, as she cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes slightly as if trying to spot him in the darkness.

“Are you streaming, Corpse?” she then asked.

“Not yet. I’m gonna start the stream as soon as you say yes, though.”

“Oh c’mon” she laughed at his words “That’s emotional blackmail!”

“Maybe. Is it working?” he asked.

Y/N let out a heavy breath and ran a hand down her face. Corpse watched in anticipation as she seemed to have some internal battle with herself. He hoped that she’s gonna agree, he really missed playing with her.

“All right, then.” she suddenly said, and his breath hitched in his throat. “I’m gonna stay for a few rounds I guess...”

“Wait, really?” he asked, a smile on his face only widening.

“Well, yeah, partner.” she replied, which made his cheeks go warm “Your imposter techniques haven’t been very effective lately... Someone needs to help you out, or you’re gonna lose your title of the king of the Imposters.”

“Oh, is that’s how it is now?” he laughed in fake shock. “I wouldn’t have to worry about losing the title if my accomplice hadn’t left me all alone!”

“All right, all right.” she giggled at his accusations. “Your accomplice is on her way to support you.”

Corpse smiled even wider at the sound of her laughter. Her eyes shined with happiness when she was giggling, which only brought out their E/C color. The fact that his stupid babbling was the reason for her smile was making him feel extremely proud of himself.

“But just so you know... I still have no idea how this map works, so I’m afraid I’m gonna need you to guide me around it...”

“Y’know you could as well just say you want to hang out with me...”

“Corpse!” she laughed, her cheeks blushing in embarrassment.

“Just kidding Y/N” he chuckled at her reaction. “Of course I’m gonna guide you, don’t worry.”

“Okay then...” she said after a moment, looking at the screen again. “I’ll be there in a few minutes. Will you send me the code, please?”

“Sure I will, Y/N”

“Okay. See you later, partner” she smiled brightly.

“See you, partner.”

When Y/N ended the call, Corpse let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He sighed in relief and ran a hand through his hair, before moving to sit behind his desk.

It was only after he started the stream that he realized he was blushing. Not only because Y/N would join them, but because there was also another thing he wanted to ask her about, but didn’t find the courage to yet...

***

By the time Y/N turned on her computer and started the game, Corpse has already sent her the code, and there was a Discord invite waiting for her as well. She bit her lip nervously as her heartbeat quickened.

Was she nervous? As hell.

She did everything she could to avoid being in unnecessary spotlight since she started receiving those hate messages. Perhaps escaping the problem wasn’t the best solution, but it definitely was a comfortable one. People wouldn’t have a reason to hate on her if she disappeared.

But then she couldn’t say no to Corpse. And truth to be said - she really missed playing with her friends. From what she’d seen on Twitter, the lobby would be filled with those she’d already played with, so she wasn’t that nervous before the game. What she was nervous about though, was how people would react.

Accepting Corpse’s request was something she did due to the sudden rush of courage. And now there was no coming back.

She knew Corpse would understand if she changed her mind... but she heard how excited he was when she had agreed. She couldn’t do it to him.

So, once she’d taken a deep breath and put her headphones on, Y/N accepted the invite and braced herself for the inevitable chaos that was bound to take place in the call. She decided to wait with joining the lobby though - at least until they realize she’s with them.

“..the fuck you’re talking about?!” Felix’s voice was the first thing she heard, which made her roll her eyes with a smile. “It’s not my fault I sound like that! At least I don’t have a liar voice like Rae!”

“HEY!” the girl yelled “I don’t have a liar voice!”

“You do, you’re using it even now!” Jack argued, much to Rae’s dismay.

“What is going on here” Corpse’s deep voice sounded out suddenly.

“Oh, you’re here! Finally” Sykkuno immediately welcomed him with his always happy voice.

“Yeah, sorry that I’m late guys.”

“No worries, man” Pewdiepie spoke up again. “We were just talking about playing the voice card and that you’re basically the only one who can do it.”

“Not fair at all!” Rae chimed in, making Corpse chuckle.

“The voice card...” he hummed after a moment, before adding. “I wouldn’t really say I’m the only one though...”

“Well who else then? Everyone else either starts laughing or have a liar voice” Dave asked, and Rae scoffed at the last words.

“Well what about my guest?”

Y/N inhaled sharply, realizing that now she should probably reveal herself.

“Oh, right! Who you’re bringing man?” Sean asked with curiosity.

That’s when Y/N typed in the game code, and her white astronaut appeared in the lobby.

“Wait, who’s- HOLY SHIT” Sean all but yelled, when realization hit him. Y/N laughed loudly at his reaction, and her voice only seemed to prove to everyone that she really was there.

“KIDDO WHAT THE FUCK” Felix reflected Jack’s response, yelling over his friend.

“Oh my god, hi!”

“What a surprise!” Y/N managed to catch Sykkuno’s words. “It’s so amazing to have you here, Y/N/N!”

“As I live and breathe.” another voice spoke up, and Toast’s little astronaut came face to face with her white bean. “My lifelong nemesis. Back here snap my neck again, huh?”

“Yeah, happy to hear you too, Toast” Y/N giggled at his words, then she adressed the whole group. “Hi guys.”

“Okay I did not expect that in the slightest” Sean laughed happily “You’re here kiddo!”

“I am” she smiled from ear to ear, even though they couldn’t see her.

“Wait- Corpse, is that the thing you had to take care of?” her best friend asked Corpse with suspicious voice.

“Well...” he trailed off and cleared his throat, making everyone laugh.

“That’s so great Y/N! We missed you so much!” Rae thundered over the bickering of the boys. “The game hasn’t been the same without you...”

“Agreed. I suddenly stopped dying.” Toast commented, making her roll her eyes with a laugh.

“I don’t know if I should be happy or fucking scared right now.” Felix laughed nervously. “With Corpse and Y/N? We’re fucked now, guys.”

“I promise I’ll go easy on you, I haven’t played in so long I think I forgot all my strategies...”

“Yeah, sure.” Toast’s forever suspicious voice made her smile wider. “Just don’t kill me in the first roung, okay? I won’t vote you off just stay the fuck away from me you little murderer.”

“Okay, I promise I won’t kill you...”

She couldn’t stop herself from laughing, and the smile remained on her face even when they started the game. It only seemed to widen, when she saw the sign Imposter on her screen.

Only to giggle hysterically when she realized that Toast was the other imposter...

And so the game went on with Y/N and Toast cooperating like perfect serial killers. Corpse did as he promised and guided her through the map, both of them being closely followed by Sykkuno. Because of that she’d just sabotage the map most of the time to give Toast opportunities to kill their friends, but eventually managed to sneak out when her two fellow crewmates were doing their tasks. It just so happen that Pewds was walking past her, and she might’ve accidentally snapped his neck...

“Goddamnit! I knew it! I fucking knew it was you!” Sean yelled once the game was over and Y/N saw the sign VICTORY on her screen, her small character standing next to Toast’s one. He was ejected at some point because Poki managed to walk in on him killing Rae, but Y/N remained undetected until the very end. Perhaps the fact that Corpse was one of the two crewmates who were left alive had something to do wtih it...

“That was rude” Pewds said in a whiny voice, clearly referring to their encounter which led to his death. “I was just happily walking around, doing my tasks like a good crewmate, and then boom! Y/N happened”

“I would say I’m sorry... but I’m really not” she laughed, making Felix gasp in shock.

“That’s what happens when you work with Toast!”

“Good game, Y/N. That was amazing” the man in question said appreciatively.

“Will you finally forgive me for killing you that one time if I say that being imposters with you was cool?” she laughed nervously.

“Actually... Yeah, I guess we can bury the hatchet now. AND we should team up more in the future.”

“Great!”

“Excuse me, what?” Corpse’s voice made the whole lobby laugh. “I don’t remember us cancelling our partnership, Y/N.”

“Corpse...”

“Are you trying to steal my accomplice from me Toast?”

“Well she’s a great partner in crime after all...” Toast deliberately used the phrase, making Corpse gasp.

“Hey! She’s my partner! Find yourself your own, Toast” Corpse joked, making Y/N laugh bashfully, her cheeks warming up at his words.

“Yeah yeah, I remember, don’t worry man. No one’s gonna take your partner in crime away from you...” Toast’s teasing voice made them all laugh, Corpse and Y/N included.

For the next few rounds Y/N played as a crewmate, running around the map with either Corpse or Sykkuno and doing her tasks. During meetings they joked and laughed, and for a moment, she stopped thinking about what people watching her friend’s streams might think about her presence. After all, there was at least a small chance that they didn’t think about it at all, and simply enjoyed watching their favoirte youtubers. Just as she enjoyed playing with her friends.

Oh, and by the way, Corpse kept his promise and didn’t kill her even when she was the last player alive...

It was soon time when everyone started slowly leaving the lobby, having played for over three hours. Y/N also said her goodbyes to the others and promised that she’d join them to play a game called Raft next week.

When she turned her computer off and threw herself on her bed, Y/N immediately grabbed her phone to call Corpse. He answered right away.

“Well hello, partner...” she rolled her eyes with a smile when he accented the last word. “Or should I say, traitor, instead?”

“Corpse... you know I would never betray you...”

“Well how can I be so sure, now that I know how cool it is to be imposters with Toast?” she knew he was joking, she could almost hear the smile in his voice.

“Not nearly as cool as it is with you, Corpse” Y/N grinned from ear to ear when Corpse scoffed.

“I spare your life so many times and that’s what I get in return? You cheat on me with Toast?” he said in disbelief “I’m disappointed, Y/N, I really am.”

“I would never!” she laughed through her words, even though her cheeks were now red because of Corpse’s words. “You’re the best partner in crime, Corpse, I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else!”

Not only in the game, she thought.

“Hmm, alright. Let’s say I believe you.” he said after a moment of thinking.

“I mean it, Corpse...” Y/N said after calming down from her laughter. “I... I really wanted to thank you.”

“Thank me? For what?” he asked, genuinely surprised.

“Well, first of all for inviting me to today’s game... I really had lots of fun, it was great to play and talk with the others. And I wouldn’t be in the lobby if not for you...” Y/N mumbled, before verbalizing her previous thoughts. “And I also wanted to thank you for just... you know... being my friend. My real life partner in crime. I just wanted you to know I’m really glad I met you...”

Corpse was silent for a good few moments, and Y/N started panicking that maybe she said something wrong, or maybe he found her spontaneous confession funny, or worse, dumb. She was almost ready to somehow laugh it all off, when his voice cut her off.

“Thank you, Y/N. It really means a lot to me too.” he sounded like he had some troubles with speaking, which made Y/N furrow her brows in worry.

“Is everything okay, Corpse?”

“Yeah, I...” he stuttered, then laughed nervously. “I just didn’t expect that and... yeah. It’s not something I hear on a daily basis, especially from someone like you.”

Someone like me?

“But what you said... it’s mutual.” he said after a moment, and Y/N couldn’t stop herself from grinning like an idiot. “You’re the best partner in crime I could ask for. And not only in the game.”

She could as well just pass out there and there...

“So uhm... there was one thing I wanted to ask you...”

“Yeah?”

“I was wondering if maybe... you know, if you’d have some time... and if you’d want to of course... would you maybe like to visit me here in San Diego?”

Yeah, passing out seems like a good idea.

***

This is not the last part.

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