#but i don't wanna cry rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cordeliatheodoro · 4 months

Text

Things I learned over my 5 years as a chronically ill person:

Obs: I have some kind of illness that's similar to Chron's disease, but like, not as bad. It still impacts my life in more ways than I ever expected, including fucking up my liver and mental health. Anyway;

Eating the "wrong" thing is better than not eating - when you have an illness that affects your appetite, the best course of action, in my experience, is to eat what you feel like eating. If that means having a jar of cookies for lunch, it's completely fine. Eat what you know your body will accept, because that's better than not eating anything or having your body reject what you eat.

Body fat = healthy - this is specific to my case, but I was just skin and bones before getting the right treatment. Even if I might feel bad because beauty standarts, getting enough weight and body fat to the point I became a midsized person (after years of being a walking skeleton) is something that should be celebrated. It means I'm eating enough and my body is becoming healthier.

You gain a hell of a pain tolerance - remember how I said my liver is fucked up? It means whenever I take painkillers, my stomach becomes a rebelious teen and tries to kill me. A.K.A, nausea, and actually throwing up if the medicine is too strong. I've learned to endure pain in order to not need painkillers, or to only take them if it becomes too much.

Kiss many adult experiences goodbye - Taking more than two sips of alcohol is a no-no, and don't even thing about drugs. I'm always the sober friend, which is not bad per se, but I would like it more if it was a choice.

You will be known as the sick friend (if you're the only one in the group) - I got sick at 12/13 and only got treatment for it at 16, so high school was HellTM. Get used to people asking if you're feeling alright everytime time your face moves two milimiters, and to cancel plans because you're sick. It also makes flirting with your crush harder, because they might see you as fragile (seems like people don't find you sexy if they know you have intestine problems).

Antidepressants are not exclusive for people with depression - Did you know the intestines are considered the second brain? Anyway, I was prescribed antidepressants (that also work as anxiety medication) to help with my chronic illness, and honestly, it kinda works.

Hope is good but don't hope too much - sounds depressing, but at least in my case, seems to be true. Things get better, and with the right treatment, you'll have a good life and achieve yours dreams, and overcome many, many symptoms and difficulties. And I really don't like thinking about it, but I know that this is probably my case, and it's a fact: I will never be 100% healthy again. Not like how I was before.

You won't have all the answers you want - I have an illness that's names, in my mother language, as "Indeterminate". It means doctors are not able to know how it developed, why it developed, if there's a cure, and how to treat it. The treatment I went through can only be described as "fuck around and find out". So yeah, sometimes you just have to accept there are no answers.

Anyway, this was depressing as shit, but I needed to get it off my system. To all my chronically ill siblings: hold on tight! We can do it!

#i'd talk about knowing knowing my brother is a glass child #but i don't wanna cry rn #chronic illness #chronically ill #ibdawareness #ibd

10 notes · View notes

ghostsandfools · 4 months

Text

Me and the literal 3 other people who shipped this are having a fucking FIELD DAY right now

#lunar and earth show #sams lunar #sams gemini #I mean i don't wanna say i told you so BUT #tsams #lunar x gemini #lunar x castor #lunar x pollux #literally screaming and crying rn

54 notes · View notes

dudethatsmyundeaduncle · 1 month

Text

Y'all heard that song "one of your girls" by Troye Sivan its Pining TimKon coded. Cuz like:

"Give me a call if you ever get lonely I'll be like one of your girls or your homies Say what you want, and I'll keep it a secret You got the key to my heart, and I need it Give me a call if you ever get desperate I'll be like one of your girls"

#LIKE SOZ IS THE COMPULSARY HETEROSEXUALITY IN THE ROOM WITH US RN?#just think about it ok #cuz like up until DC pride event with Bernard Timmy wimmy was “straight” as hell right #and kon is like a play by play 90s ladies man/girl crazy atm too so #so like in any pining situation both the homies are like “oh no he's straight” and like damn! they mooning! Pining! sad!#also just the language used in this song is so like viscerally funny and yet oof ouch my heart cuz like you like this person so much you-#want them to use you and you'll be whoever they need u to be #i'm just thinking ok!#none of the cannon girlies come for me rn this is the sad pining au corner #To be fair I don't think either of them would cry over their feelings for eachother #it's more so that I think this song would reflect like pit of their soul/ never gonna admit this shit to anyone feelz #Tim and Conner are one thing and thats emotionally unavaliable!#but also...the gender convo...“do I wanna be a girl or do I just want him to like me like one....”#food for thought #more like food for the looney tunes am I right lads #TimKon #DC #Batman #Tim Drake #Conner Kent #Kon-el #superboy #red robin #this is not about sad meow meow tim keep ya'll man away from me I don't want him

34 notes · View notes

dogboner · 1 day

Text

personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol #anyways personal time:#but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n #like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills #n my support network now #idk id be in a much worse place.#so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night #n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions #because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually!#growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore #it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore #sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide #and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed #but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself #n give myself time #n everything will be okay(:#bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too #growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time #it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol.#mine #despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself

19 notes · View notes

xsister-serpent · 2 months

Text

I need some good Kylo Ren dacryphilia smut recs!

#PLEASE I AM DYING #there's just something about making a powerful man cry that just makes me wanna ASHJDIOSHDFHKSDNJKCNDSFKJSBNJSLKAPSCFJDS #ari gets personal #like I don't wanna write it ya know...my brain is not working rn #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren smut #Recs please #recs wanted

18 notes · View notes

iwanttobepersephone · 22 days

Text

Rant about Harry Potter and JK Rowling, stick with me here

Ok, so, I hate JK Rowling. I feel like that's a given, right? Like, she's a transphobic homophobic bigot who hides behind feminism and routinely denies massive parts of the holocaust, and I despise her in ways that I don't think words can even express. I can't stand her, but y'know what I also can't stand?

When someone implies that my mother, who is one of the most supportive people I know, and a massive part of the founding, organization, and actions of a local group made specifically to fight Moms for Liberty and school boards in our area trying to harm trans and queer people, is transphobic because she likes Harry Potter

Wanna know why my mom likes Harry Potter? Because when she discovered the series at 12 years old, she quite literally lived in a cupboard under the stairs and was in an abusive household. The magic of the wizarding world or whatever was her escape, it's the reason she's still alive, and by extension, the reason I was ever alive.

But, sometimes, not even often, when I try to express even the most minimal amount of appreciation of that, someone says to me "but isn't JK Rowling transphobic? Why would you support someone like that? Are you transphobic?"

Which pisses me off beyond belief, as one might imagine

In this situation, "separate the art from the artist" isn't exactly a good phrase to use, given the fact that the goblins or whatever run the bank are Jewish stereotypes and the house elves generally being happy to work under their masters being a straight rip from the whole happy slave myth, and those are very very important things to recognize and understand, among others

I feel like it's a lot closer to "separate the hundreds if not thousands of lives she's helped from the hundreds if not thousands of lives she's ruined", or even better, understand that the good she's indirectly done for people makes all the bad that much more horrid

My mother is the closest thing to a hero in this entire world and I will not stand to hear one more person accuse her of being transphobic purely because she thinks fondly of a book series that saved her life. I will not stand for people saying she's just as bad as a holocaust denier because she owns every book in the series. I will not stand for anyone going entirely against their point of not judging a group as if it's monolithic by saying all Harry Potter fans are bad people, including my mother. And, once again, it's not often at all that this happens, but it happens and I'm pissed about it and needed to rant

Anyways rant over JK Rowling sucks don't believe a single thing she says and don't support her unless you wanna support someone actively trying to make the existence of queer people illegal

#jk rowling #harry potter #screw jkr #screw jk rowling #rants #yeah so I saw one too many “if you like Harry Potter please kill yourself posts” (literal direct f+cking quote from one) and wrote this #like #in what world would saying stuff like that ever be ok #what kind of bubble do you live in where you think that's an actual productive thing to say #like have you never interacted with anyone who has slightly problematic opinions or behaviors in a positive manner.... ever??????#do you just live in an echo chamber of people who agree with every thought you have to a T????#difference in opinion and civil disagreements are the things that human understanding and kindness are built on #and saying things like “if you like Harty Potter you should kys” just says that you don't know how to handle that #that's not a good thing #and I know that more than a couple mutuals/followers of mine reblog similar things a lot and I don't wanna give the wrong message #JK Rowling is a horrid horrid person and nothing else could ever be argued #but my for you page is filled to the brim with posts like the ones I've referenced and I'm so mad I feel like crying #angry #angry rant #serious #AGH I just I am so so mad rn #I hate being this mad like outwardly and stuff but like #c'mon guys basic human f+cking understanding and decency can we try and learn that before telling people to kill themselves please

16 notes · View notes

sealrock · 4 months

Text

decembhyur, day 30: future

regardless of everything that you endured, in the end... everything will be okay.

#decembhyur #decembhyur2023 #mypost.#ffxiv gpose #ffxiv screenshots #ffxiv oc #🍃#sorry if this is difficult to read but i wanted to use vertical shots. open images for full quality #i am. so sad rn. this isn't even sad but i'm about to start crying #this is kinda half-canon half-au #paris continued to be the wol after endwalker (doing the side quest raids & trials and such) but entered retirement when they were 28 #they then traveled the world by themself to be alone. they kept in touch on occasion but they would go months without contacting anyone #all of the stress and pressure of the past decade took a toll on them and paris distanced themself from everyone #now paris is 31 here. evander is in remission got married and has a kid. achille & patroclus got married too #andi and hector are still together. not mentioned is paris' other family members + friends #i would've featured the others but i'm low on brain power #i don't wanna think about my oc's growing older. it's too soon #q.

27 notes · View notes

hyperfixated-maybe · 2 months

Text

Regression+AFAB=Trauma

#i wanna cry #but then id be alone and crying #I want someone to hug me #but not me as in this body #because touching makes me all the more aware #this is torture #I feel like im crawling out of my own skin #I'm not good rn #sorry for vent but I don't have anyone else #noo no no no no no no no no #hhhnnng #no matter what way I hold my arms it doesn't make it better

14 notes · View notes

asbestos-11 · 1 year

Text

gandales eating sandwish to destress from my upcoming matura (it starts tomorrow)

#inazuma eleven #gandales baran #ina11 #draw tag #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANNA CRY RN #i haven't studied at all and tbh the nervousness over the wait is the worst part #like essay writing is a piece of cake once u get in the grove. i just don't like waiting till 9am tmrw for it yk?

60 notes · View notes

blue-thief · 18 days

Text

there's too many fucking bathroom breakdowns in this fic

#i don't plan on changing this but i do think it's kinda funny that i have like four emotional scenes planned out #that take place in the shower #idk there might be something deeper there but i don't wanna think about that rn #or maybe it's not deep. maybe i just have a weird thing for wet naked men crying 💀#rin writes

10 notes · View notes

shesalewa · 2 months

Text

WOAH. ANOTHER DRAWING??? 😄

It's still for chapter 4 and I'm nowhere near done 🫠

It didn't turn out how I wanted it to, but. Here we are.

13 notes · View notes

iceunhie · 5 months

Text

writing is actually an out of body experience that physically drains you and I'm feeling that first hand writing this fic good lord 😭

#mhie rambles #I have a love hate relationship with this fic and my workflow and like everything about it but okay #what did i get myself into #regrets of user mhiieee #frothing at the mouth crying physically weak feverish and depraved pls send help #THE VOICES (the ideas that keep coming in my head trying to distract me from finishing this fic)#mooties pls don't mind the mutters it's just mhie (me) being mhie shrug #I SWEAR IF IT FLOPS THOUGH #Tumblr istg pls don't fuck this up pls not this fic at least I'm literally praying rn #I HAVENT EVEN FINISHED MY SECRET SANTA STUFF BYE AND IM WRITING FOR ANYONE BUT WHO MY SECRET SANTA WANTS #I'm GATEKEEPING the fuck out of this fic like I genuinely wanna go ham about it but NO #this fic is special istg

12 notes · View notes

aeriedwelling · 3 days

Text

pretending i remember how to play the violin

#i can do it. i do not fear the e string #idk what. to play. hmm #can i even read music anymore who fuckin knows #aerie chatter #brains bein weird. having a breakdown. playin the vln. great times great times #don't feel like a she but also not icarus rn so who knows what's up with the brain.#probably just period #mum's like. 'yeah period crying days are a thing but they don't just invent feelings they make them worse'#and im. yeah. alright.#we're not going to unpack that right now. we SHOULD. but i dont wanna.#so. violin time

5 notes · View notes

lucifer-kane · 4 months

Text

absolutely fucking terrified rn i was probably exposed to covid bc my mom said she found out she had it today and i spent the majority of sunday with her oh god im gonna fucking cry i can't do this again

#i feel fine at the moment but im gonna take a test rn bc i don't wanna be sick. i can't do it for a third time #it's not even the covid itself im scared of (and i am) as the thing that has happened every time AFTER i had covid #each time i've gotten an abscess that ends up being the worst pain in the world #i was masked up for majority of the day other than a couple times but i am going to cry this is why i hardly leave the house anymore #i can't do it again #personal

9 notes · View notes

casboobs · 4 months

Text

it's probably the being around my family too much or not going out enough recently but i've been sad today and i'm sorry i can't be as active as i'd like rn

#i literally don't mnow what to do like i cannot concentrate i cannot watch shit i cannot read also cause too many noises and i don't wanna #reply to relatives and acquaintances rn i'm not going anywhere but i just wish i could feel more happiness today on here instead of crying

8 notes · View notes

sonego · 3 months

Text

can i complain about my life again promise you all won't hate me

#(i know everyone already does most likely so i'll do it and just feel bad about it but)#it's not that i don't love my family and i'm not happy to go back home to have dinner w them and all but #god after like 3 hours i'm already exhausted #i feel bad about it but they're just SO exhausting and this house is SO suffocating #i did it i left i did it. why do i still feel trapped #quite literally can't even stomach watching football rn bc i just wanna sit in the dark under my blanket and fucking. idk. cry maybe #and it makes it all so much worse that it's so painfully obvious my mum is tired and probably sad and surely fed up w my father (and my #brother to a lesser extent)#every time i come home i just wanna say sorry. sorry i left you. sorry you're alone. you're not alone but you're alone against the world #and she dismisses my worrying bc ofc she does and i do the same with her worries we've played this dance all our lives #it's just. how do you let someone worry about you when you both know there's nothing you can do to make it better #when you both know the source of the misery and exhaustion is inescapable #god i wish it was. like. i wish this was a movie. where people actually help you in these situations. where there isn't that BIG big big #obstacle that feels wrong to even call an obstacle but it will always forever make it impossible to do anything about the problem #i wish the people who said they'd help gave even half a shit and actually did (it was their fucking job)#going from sad to angry to hopeless to exhausted every 4 seconds i'm so #the thing is i'm not gonna stop coming back home you know? i'm not i can't #i don't even want to #but i wish it wasn't so fucking soul crushing every time bc i don't wanna keep having tiring tiring weeks #and then go back home on weekends and feel the opposite of rested #ok. i should shut up. sorry. i really don't know why i'm even alive atm #delete later #i never remember to delete these (when i remember to tag them in the first place)

6 notes · View notes