#but i am also lucky in many ways | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heavenlyeros · 11 months

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lion sprout !

(i made this ages ago and didn’t get to post it before the end of spring . . . i have a lovely neighbour who keeps the most beautiful little garden. she is in her 90s and very inspiring. i like to watch her tend to her rose bushes from my window. i’ve been trying to hang out with her more frequently. it sparks joy and i love hearing her talk about her plants. i hope she finds the company enjoyable too... i am teaching her about succulents, which is the only kind of plant i can claim any sort of expertise on. i have a few baby ones to gift her once they get a little stronger. i originally made lion sprout for her, she has one she can hang in the garden)

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julykings · 9 months

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first week of august

#gym lyf feeling strong lifting running etc !#me + my bf made pistachio ice cream !!!!!!! it slays #and I have been known to enjoy a farmer’s market every now and then ……..#also I wear anklets now yahhhh #I’m feeling kind of close to a breakdown but keep steering myself away idk life is so beautiful in so many ways but I have a nervous feeling #all the tiiiime <3 but I just have to remember how lucky of a person I am and all of the things I am grateful for which are mannnyyyy #love to u #personal

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uncanny-tranny · 9 months

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I'm still thinking about how ashamed I was (and am) with being open about my pain because I am so young. It's so hard to feel worthy of having your pain taken seriously when the people around you insist that young bodies are always in pristine, untouched condition and that you must earn your pain through aging. Never is it considered that young people aren't lying or being a hypochondriac for expressing their pain.

Young people can be in life-altering pain. Young people can have debilitating pain. It doesn't matter what age it happens because pain doesn't discriminate. Complaining about pain and doing things to prevent needless pain aren't something you have to "earn" through aging.

If you want young people to be in less or lesser pain, then encourage them to do whatever they can to minimize it. Don't downplay what they're experiencing. Not everything is a lie, not every experience that is different than yours is exaggeration or deceit.

#disability #ableism #ableism tw #this is one of the big reasons i was ashamed of admitting when i am in pain #and it's one of the reasons i was ashamed to address the pain i have #and i'm angry about that actually! nobody should fear being labeled as essentially having munchausen syndrome because...#...'young people NEVER have pain or disabilities and you're a liar!'#i really do want to start addressing my pain because i know it's not normal but holy shit batman it can suck sometimes #i honestly like talking to my dad about this because he also has a lot of pain (moreso than i do now) but he actually TRIES to listen...#putting this in the disability tag but i still don't feel right about labeling my own pain as such...#...but i know so many people with disabling pain who would relate...#...maybe it's internalized ableism on my part or maybe i just want to be respectful of people with worse pain #this is me really just reflecting on m the fact that i haven't ever had an amazing body in a lot of ways (though i am lucky still)#i'm still thinking about having an emergency cane to help me get up when my pain is bad but idk if it's worth the investment #so if anybody reading this has suggestions (esp. for those with back pain)... please hook me up i will platonically love you forever

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silenthillbunni · 5 days

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🐰🌧️

#so on my way home..#i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future #i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were #bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected #a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati #that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful #and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old #live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :)#you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :)#you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!!#you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u!#whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️#god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE #i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things #now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao #there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives #by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it.#or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me #only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die #bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything #for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!!#not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right #i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax #but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭#my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became #bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life

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toastsnaffler · 5 months

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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space #like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else #other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh #to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn #i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding #and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt #unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow #and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation #abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol #and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever #and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress #i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes #like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up #a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl #ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs #im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo #.diaries #zzzzz

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drewsaturday · 4 months

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actually i do think it's funny how few lesbian films i've seen as someone who's been out for over a decade.

like. these are the only Classics TM i can remember watching:

but i'm a cheerleader

blue is the warmest color

loving annabelle

chloe 2009

carol

obvs i did get a TON of rep through tv shows and Certain Webseries and music videos instead but i feel so uncultured. i need to put a list together of the ones i particularly need to see so any recs are welcome lol.

#txt #the uncultured-ness is again bc i didn't have much time after realizing i was gay and wanting to get into these kinds of films #before tumblr purity culture made it problematic to watch the old ones and being poor/ill made it impossible to go to #movie theatres to watch the new ones or have access to streaming sites with the sooooorta current ones #i also didn't get a ton out of most of them since... i couldn't relate to the non age gap ones lol so that's another reason it's such a #short list. easier to get that in fanfic.#though i guess i am lucky for the thing lots of other lesbians seem to hate re: how many of the films we DID have proportionally at #a certain point were so geared for age gaps ;jlkskdfj #it's nice to have but it does kinda get balanced out when there's so much backlash from fellow lesbians who fuckin hate you #anyway recs don't need to be age gap centric but it does help esp if it does not revolve around teenagers generally #i think my issue rly was that instead of watching lesbian films #i'd be lesbian for an actress and just watch all of their stuff instead #and then just stumble onto a lesbian tv show episode they were in in like 1998 #as happened with alex kingston in like 3 different ways

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sysig · 1 year

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PinkBlueSpam anon I am still thinking of you *blows you a kiss 💕*

#I am also feeling a mite impulsive atm so here have a kind of cleaned art of they #WIP #Deltarune #Pink Addison #Spamton #Blue Addison #I have made two separate minis about this idea now and I don't know which one to go with lol #Ngl I am strongly considering a stream in the near-ish future maybe that will get me to sit down and focus and pick one lol #The paper version turned out way longer and therefore goes a little more in depth on the dynamics but hrmmnnn #I'm irritated with how long I spend on digital in general but also this one specifically only to end up scrapping it lol #I need more practice! Rather I need practice on the committing part #I'm a machine during Requestober but that's because there's a time limit :/ My own projects aren't so lucky #I have - so many scratch comics that have been wasting away in the backlog for literal months hhhhh #Drawing on paper is so much faster but then there's the Editing and just jfkdlsafdsfsd #Don't mind me lol I just want to make way faster than my skill allows - I want to be fast /and/ pretty but I gotta pick one >:0 Rude!#Doesn't stop me from thinking about it A Bunch lol #They've crossed my radar again and if it weren't for all the Editing in my backlog I'd be drawing them So Much #Hhhhhhhhhhh where are the corners I can cut what can I do to just Make a bit more and spend a little less time on the Prettifying #I just wanna make!!! Til it's all out of my head!!! All of it!!!

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binders-and-beanies · 9 days

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.

#cops tw #bro I cannot handle one more thing happening istg #got pulled over on my way home after a 13 hour day #was already scared to drive at night and that just confirmed that I’m right to be scared #it was for running a red light n it was one of those situations of just not having time to stop on yellow #I was fully aware as it was happening that I was either going to slam on my brakes in the intersection or run a red and I could see the cop #so I knew I was getting pulled over either way I just hoped the yellow would be longer than .5 seconds. not so lucky #except I also Am so lucky bc he let me off with a warning #ig bc I don’t have any sort of serious history + with it being 420 once he saw I was sober he prob went easier #it’s the second time I’ve been pulled over in my life tho and it’s scary bc this is the first time since the accident #which maybe that was also ok bc it wasn’t my fault #I just know every warning or unlucky moment costs u more in the future if u happen to get unlucky again #like I know I got out of that bc I’m white. it was still a scary moment bc there were multiple cop cars #so it’s like is this guy abt to ruin my life am I gonna lose my license for being at the wrong place wrong time #when I’m already salty to be driving this late involuntarily #so it’s like I got unlucky And very very lucky #I just hate the confirmation that u can get pulled over at any given moment #I constantly rehearse every possible convo w cops in my head bc if u come off disabled u can die #or get arrested or whatever #and then they like don’t follow the script and u didn’t expect this to happen to u today anyway and I get flustered #anyway my point is. I’m fucking exhausted and too many things keep happening #it’s long day after long day w no end in sight rn and I’m like half asleep every day #I just want to sleep. without feeling like I’m already tired tomorrow #it’s too much. just all of it #and on top of it all. it’s 420 so the whole dorm building is basically a cloud of weed #happy u guys are having fun but u are physically harming me in my home #mine #txt #vent post #personal

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the-yearning-astronaut · 20 days

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Oh hello 3am existential crisis. Haven't seen you around in a while...can't say I missed you.

#i don't understand how i can feel so alone and so isolated while also having a number of good friends #all of whom im a little in love with in different ways #how can you love so many people so much and still feel lonely?#is it because of all my friends only one is in brickspace and i rarely even get to see her?#i know my lack of physical contact is rather alarming (i get one or two hugs a month if I'm lucky.)#(and even casual non accidental touches are rare. i get maybe one of those a week.)#is that why i feel so alone and isolated? the lack of physical connection?#i wish i had a friend i could move in with. i wish loving people didn't hurt so much.#i wish i could believe the sentiment that all relationships are important and that platonic love isn't lesser than romantic just different #but ive yet to actually see that be true. i feel like ill never be someone's most important person. or even 6th most important.#im just so fucking tired #of everything.#is it me? am i off putting? do i do things unintentionally that keep people at a distance? what am i doing wrong? why can't I connect?#i KNOW im not broken for being autistic or ace or aro etc etc but fuck if I don't feel broken most of the time #fucking hell #definitely time for bed #i bet these feelings are being exacerbated by pmdd just like my fibro and my stomach and my sleep #doesn't make the feelings any less upsetting #fox thoughts #☉

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celestial-toys · 1 month

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been laying here listening to Lucky by Dermot Kennedy on loop for half an hour while thinking about Everything Stays and crying

#it’s good crying dw i am just. i have so many feelings about this story #Seven’s Celestial Commentary #Everything Stays #writing stuff #i may be stuck in bed struggling to type due to personal reasons but that will Not stop me from cooking up ideas for this fic #there is gonna be so much fucking angst and it’s gonna hurt soooooo good #the more i listen to it the more the possibilities expand #i can easily see Moon and Reader going back and forth between verses vulnerably arguing over Sun #but i can also see it being Sun and Moon getting real and discussingcougharguingover Reader #can’t decide which i like more #god i wish y’all could see this story the way it plays out in my head #next best thing would be to keep writing and sharing the story instead of vagueposting abt future plot points tho wouldn’t it lmao #and GOD don’t even get me fucking STARTED on Two Hearts…#Dermot Kennedy’s music is responsible for yet Another plot point for this story and i can’t even be mad about it. his fucking lyricsss dude #‘and so we jump to the THEATER??? in that SAME OLD TOWN???’ DO WE? FUCK I GUESS WE DO NOW!!!#picture me listening to that song and inspiration hitting me like a truck. diligently taking notes like the lyrics r instructions from God #‘she sees his face?? and HE sees HER as the LIGHTS GO DOWN???’ write that down write that down #‘the life that they should’ve had sat between them that night??’ FUCK Man yeah it sure did!!!#anyways it’s chill i’m chill. i’m very normal about my little stories and their musical inspirations!#and i’ve listened to these songs a very normal amount (translation: they will likely be in my top ten for the 2024 wrapped)#(cut to the scenes playing vividly in my head) ‘Well‚ at least I can always say that I /told/ her!’#‘I can’t relate to having a heart like that‚ Sun! With all of your wonder and your trust intact…’#like no i wouldn’t lift the lyrics directly for the song to use as dialogue but FUCk does it work well.. Lucky is such a good script for-#like- a heated conversation between my Relentlessly Positive Sun and my Apathetic Jaded Moon #‘How could our farewell mean as much as our time? Honey‚ I’ll be gone. It’s better if I’m something that you leave behind.’#‘I used to paint these trees‚ now I just scream at the sky. Honey I was wrong. Guess there’s certain things you never leave behind.’#*sobbing shaking throwing up clawing at the walls* I Am Normal About These Characters #anyways uh. on an unrelated note how many song lyrics do ya think i can cram into ES before it’s Too Many #gonna have to start getting creative with how i can incorporate more songs in a way that feels natural and not forced #even tho i am forcing it. i am forcing it very much bc i have songs with applicable lyrics and y’all Will read them one way or another

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marinsawakening · 2 months

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[Timmy Turner voice] I wish every Links Meet AU that uses Marin as a phantom to haunt and traumatize Link goes to hell no matter what

#No I am not vaguing any specific links meet au bc ive already seen four different ones that do this #Fun Fact! You can give ALTTP!Link different character conflict!#That doesn't butcher the themes and ending of one of the games!#And reduce a female character and arguably LOZ's first complex character to a flat source for man angst #Marin would murder Link if she found out he was remembering her and Koholint in trauma and tragedy #Rather than treasuring its memory and celebrating its existence #GENUINELY framing Link as wildly traumatized by the events of Link's Awakening the way so many ppl do #Completely destroys all thematic coherence in the game's ending and makes it wildly unsatisfying #Yes Koholint disappearing was sad. No Link did not kill an island no it would not haunt him like a ghost #It's a treasured memory and a net positive experience! I have OPINIONS on this and I'm CORRECT #And I'm calling out Links Meet AUs specifically bc those are the biggest offenders #Of stripping everyone else of depth and focus for the sake of white boy Link #If ur lucky then Zelda still has character depth but everyone else* is shit out of luck basically #*Exceptions apply ofc #Lots of stuff that's not links meet aus also interprets Marin in ways I don't personally like #I am picky #Some of which I'd argue are just. Bad.#But at least they often make an effort with her character #Links Meet AUs are the Link Only Show tho and I'm ANNOYED bc I WANT TO LIKE THEM #I AM A SUCKER FOR MULTIVERSE SHIT. U DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH THIS PAINS ME #Anyway. L + ratio + you did not consider the thematic implications of ur fanproject and it annoys me :(#My posts #Loz #Link's awakening #update when i first made this post i was genuinely not intending to single out any specific links meet aus #however i have since crunched the numbers and two thirds of the marin tag on ao3 is linked universe #and i would like to make it clear. i have no real issue with the actual comic or its portrayal of marin #mostly bc marin has not actually appeared or been addressed in the actual comic at all #however i do hope the linked universe FANDOM goes to hell no matter what

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original-punks · 3 months

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my ex is a piece of shit

#i fucking hate him #constantly trying to fuck with me #forever trying to push me into things i fucking hated #all in fear he would leave me #i wish i fucking had more self-respect back then #“you're lucky i even dated you”#“Everyone told me how i could get someone who doesn't look like such a rat”#he wants to fucking hurt me #idk why #no matter how many times i block him #he manages to find a way to contact me #so not only am i treated like shit irl #also online #i think im done with it all #this was 6-7 years of shit

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funnywormz · 1 year

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im turning 23 in a week what in the goddamn

#i remember being a kid and being almost certain i wouldnt even make it to 18. im so lucky to be here #sorry that's oversharing lol but the point it #i am genuinely enjoying being alive now and im having a good time and most days i feel happy #a little stressed out sometimes but happy! like i know everything will be ok #obv recovery has ups and downs along the way but im so happy to be here and to be alive and to be almost a quarter of a century old!#i hope i have many more years on earth to experience as much as i can #but also there's no rush ive seen so much awesome stuff already. im just happy rn honestly. im just chillin

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katierosefun · 1 year

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i am definitely procrastinating on my studies right now (hello, finals) and no one asked for this, but. okay, as someone who’s now just a gasp away from finishing her first year of law school, the way i can confidently say that yes, make friends at law school/professional school in general. but also the way i want to slam over everyone’s heads that like. also. it is quite literally necessary to stay in touch with and invest even more deeply in your friendships outside of professional school because hello did you know that those people are going to be the ones that remind you that you have an actual personality

#caroline talks #this is partially me joking around and partially me being really serious #not really shading my law school or even my law school classmates #bc i think for the most part. i am lucky to be in the community i'm in #but it is. at the end of the day. still law school #and i am. still at the end of the day. a member of the legal community now #and sometimes that's fantastic. and other times it sucks so much.#which is why. it's so important to have friends outside of the whole world #because i've had multiple friends of mine shake me awake and be like 'remember why you wanted to do law school. REMEMBER WHY'#and it's so hard for me to remember that sometimes.#so. yes. friends .. . good. non-law friends .. . . VERY good.#the reason i have not actually dropped out of law school yet is. because of that one (1) professor #who said 'don't you DARE drop out because of [X]. you are way too smart to do that'#+ also so many of my great friends who have gone 'u are doing something cool with your life. don't drop out'#and one friend going 'whenever u want to quit. just remember that a white straight man could be taking your job right now'#and i was so tempted to be like 'they're already doing that' but still. the saying did fill me with enough rage to keep myself from #quitting. so here we are besties!!!#fuck everything else i am going to GET this stupid degree with the power of SPITE and FRIENDSHIP

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patrice-bergerons · 4 months

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This is going to be an honest to God 8k fic at least, how did that happen 😭😭😭

#writing #that is not a long fic for many people but it IS for me #and i am currently in the all of this is DUMB and it SUCKS phase of the writing which is also fun #but i really really wanted to finish it before going back to work on tue #and there is no way that is happening rip #i will count myself lucky if i can finish a rough draft of the ending tomorrow #but chances are i wont #SO FRUSTRATING

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cybergoth-damsel · 1 year

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Ngl I would do anything to be able to do what I do in an office space (safely). Wfh is awesome for a lot of reasons but I miss the psychological safety of having a very physical work life balance. I rest in the same place all my work happens and I work in the room that I play Arkham Knight in. How am I supposed to work! Batman is right here!!!

#lab grown media #I'm well aware how lucky I am to be wfh and making games/doing freelance concept art.#Like I know that in many ways its infinitely better than retail because Ive done a lot of retail #But also the days are so fluid and passive when you never have to leave your home.#I miss when being at home felt meaningful!#If only I felt safe working in libraries the way I used to. Le sigh.

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