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#but he said no at the hospital and stressed that he wouldnt take that poison again
jackalhadrurusluvr
·
22 days
Text
repeating my therapists words in my head like the bike message in pokemon
#i am not responsible for other people
#i am not responsible for their actions or feelings i am not in control of that
#if its not in my control then i need to take a step back and accept that
#tw drugs
#soooooooooooo my dad picked up the op of the iods. which he was addicted to for about a decade and stopped a decade ago
#like if he had gotten them when the hospital offered it to him it would be whatever yk because he has suffered burns
#but he said no at the hospital and stressed that he wouldnt take that poison again
#his words idk anything about them
#and now that we're talking about weaning him off of his gabapentin (what hes been taking for pain)
#he picks them up dawg you say youre not in pain enough to take regular old medicine anymore
#i am quite so very stressed about it. our genepool is very heavy on addictions and yk my mom never stopped so i Experienced it
#and of course i Experienced it as a child but i dont remember any of my childhood
#but i would really rather my father not get addicted to them again i think that would be really quite terrible
#i confronted him about it and he said he was just going to keep them as a backup just in case
#like ofc i dont want my dad to be in pain. but he cant just say hes feeling really good and then pick them up
#because that sets off the “he just wants to use them for Using them” alarm in my head
#but i am not in control of him i cant control his actions i tried my best and now whatever happens happens i guess
#trying very hard not to freak out very hard right now (everything in my body wants to have a cheeky panic attack and/or spiral)
#have no close friends/friends i feel like i can just vent to for freesies is kind of a nightmare
#i miss my Friends i miss my Friends i wish i could tell them my situation and just feel like i am Supported and Cared For
#being lonely is all fun and games until bad things are happening in your life and you have no one to distract you or help you
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