#but also they were simultaneously a group of judgemental teenage girls | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tirorah · 3 years

Text

Road to Berlin – The Strike Witches Magnum Opus?

Hello! It’s been a long time. I don’t plan on returning to Tumblr long-term—it simply stole away too much of my time and energy, and I had to do what was best for myself. However, I thought I’d pop in for a very special message.

You see, Strike Witches’ third season, Road to Berlin, has now reached its halfway point. And I need you to watch it.

“Strike Witches?!” I hear you say. “That weird show about girls with no pants that you’re obsessed with for some reason?”

Yes, exactly! Hold on, don’t run away yet! Sit with me for a spell and allow me to explain my boundless love for this silly, emotionally gripping show. Allow me to tell you why it might affect you in the same way, and why Road to Berlin may be the best offering yet.

Welcome to the 501st Joint Fighter Wing

If you’ve heard of this anime, you’ve undoubtedly heard of (or witnessed) its rather infamous claim to fame: a group of teenage soldiers fighting strange creatures in an Alternate Universe World War 2 Europe, flying around with guns and magic-fueled leg machines, and none of them are wearing any decent trousers.

That takes some getting used to, doesn’t it? I’m not going to deny that. But while Strike Witches’ rather peculiar design decisions are inescapable, there’s one thing you need to take into account: Season 1 aired all the way back in 2008. And over those thirteen years, it’s evolved into an experience unlike anything its roots would suggest.

Strike Witches has always been a strange beast. It has a large cast and divides its activities evenly between (light) war drama and slice-of-life shenanigans. And there’s fanservice, lots and lots of it! But the show’s emphasis on risqué camera work, and how that camera work is handled, highly depends on which entry you’re watching.

You see, Strike Witches is strangely ambitious. It could’ve easily taken its bizarre concept and pushed that to its limits, bringing in as much fanservice as possible and playing a simple story in the background as window dressing. But it was never satisfied with just that. Even early on in Season 1, the show deals with heavier themes like pressure, trauma and loss.

And then there are the characters, the undisputed stars of the show. Twelve strong and all with different backgrounds and personal quirks, they may at first seem like TV Tropes come to life. And certainly, sometimes they are. However, as the series progressed, things started to change. Even Season 2, arguably the lightest and silliest of all entries, featured material that built on character development and character growth earned in its predecessor.

With the movie and a trio of OVAs to round out the cast a bit more, the stage was set for Road to Berlin.

The Difficult Road Ahead

When this season was first announced back in 2018, two things stood out to me. First of all, the key visual and promotional video released along with the announcement were much more similar in style to the movies and the OVAs, featuring serious-looking characters and stormy clouds. Secondly, for the first time in Strike Witches history, an entry received a subtitle. Yes, the OVAs were named Operation Victory Arrow, but that was merely wordplay to spell out “OVA.” It wasn’t wholly serious.

Road to Berlin, however, is deadly serious.

Let’s start with an overall theme. The vaunted 501st Joint Fighter Wing has had some major victories, but much of the continent is still under occupation by the Neuroi. The Hive over Berlin is the Wing’s new target, but the journey there is fraught with obstacles. Plans are thwarted and delayed by Neuroi more powerful and far craftier than their 2008 counterparts.

And as the opening song tells us: “We all have flaws.” The Road to Berlin isn’t an entirely literal road; it’s also a metaphorical one. The push to Berlin is their hardest battle yet. Victory can only be achieved if the characters face and overcome their weaknesses. But they’re not alone.

Friendship Is Power

As the characters have long since been established, there’s greater room for growth not just in one character, but also in how that character interacts with others. Road to Berlin chose the best possible route and decided to emphasize character dynamics. Episodes don’t focus on a single character anymore; they focus on relationships, and those relationships are at their peak here.

There’s a newfound maturity to the writing in Road to Berlin, a gentle touch that allows the characters to breathe and be more than their foremost traits. You get a sense that the characters have grown from their experiences; they feel different, more well-rounded, but they still behave exactly as they should. This is difficult to get right, and while I’m sure there might be a few eyebrow-raising moments here and there, the overall result is a cast that continues to improve every week.

Chekhov’s Gun

Underpinning the character work is a highly intriguing execution. Road to Berlin delivers subtle setups and satisfying payoffs in every episode. The pacing is also seriously tight. No moment is left unused, every opportunity for additional development is taken. Even the script itself doesn’t like to waste time; it explains things here and there, but it rightly assumes you know who the characters are and what everything means, so it doesn’t bother with many unnecessary lines.

On top of all that, this season is reaching new heights in confidence and sheer audacity, and it uses that to deliver something truly special. There are interactions here that I never could’ve imagined, twists that genuinely caught me off-guard, moments where I had to sit back and digest what I’d just witnessed.

Not a single episode has been predictable thus far; I’ve had more surprises than I can count. In fact, before I started watching I made a bingo card on a whim, filling it with trends and running gags I’d spotted over the course of the series. Some of those bingo spaces have already been proven wrong, and others are in question. Road to Berlin has done such a spectacular job at simultaneously defying and exceeding my expectations that I honestly have no idea where this journey will take me.

The Fault in Our Stars

Okay, hold up, stop the hype train! I admit, I’m a massive sucker for Strike Witches. One could say this somewhat clouds my judgement. Shocking, I know. So, to make this enthusiastic recommendation fairer, let’s dig into something that I hope to see an improvement on.

There is some terrible imbalance in screen time going on here. I know I said earlier that the cast is great, and it is amazing, but some characters have definitely been favored over others. Yoshika is the main character, of course, so it’s not unreasonable for her to have a large role. Similarly, characters like Minna, Gertrud and Shirley have more experience and higher ranks than the others, which means they have an easier time fitting into scenes.

So, who’s gotten the short end of the stick?

Let’s start with Lynne. She hasn’t had as much of a presence as I’d hoped. The primary reason for this is Shizuka, who’s taken up the role of newbie to the squadron and is often paired with Yoshika because they’re working together. As each episode focuses on the relationships between a select few characters at a time, the others are often relegated to minor roles, and poor Lynne hasn’t had an episode to highlight her yet. I’m sure her moment will come eventually.

I don’t know if the same thing applies to Minna. She’s mostly stuck behind her desk again, it seems, and while she’s definitely had some scenes, her role as Wing Commander hasn’t allowed her as much wiggle room as some of the others. What I want to see from Minna is more time to be a nurturing mom to her girls. The thing is, I’m not sure how they’d accomplish a Minna-centric episode. I suppose they could pair her up with Mio, but even then, I’m uncertain where to take her. It seems redundant to have her be worried out of her mind over Mio again, and she seems to be keeping it together pretty well so far anyway.

In a trend so merciless it’s almost comical, Sanya and Eila seem forever doomed to the peanut gallery. They started out with few lines and have pretty much remained in the background since. Of course, a big factor to it all is their role as the night patrol, which naturally separates their activities from everyone else’s. It’s my current prediction that their relationship is next in line to be showcased. The quality of that episode will likely hinge on how their personalities are tuned, but there’s potential for something great.

And most shocking of all, Mio—She Who Has Practiced Plot Armor Ten Thousand Times—has had the most infinitesimal role of all. I’m of two minds on this. It appears that Road to Berlin has realized that having Mio fly into battle without a shield or Striker Unit is silly, and this is good. On the other hand, Mio is an iconic and beloved character. She deserves some screen time as long as she doesn’t overshadow the others. For now, she seems to be relegated to strategizing and logistics, although I have a hunch that a way to circumvent her newfound vulnerability has already been set up. Time will tell if this ends up being utilized.

Journey’s End

In closing, Road to Berlin highlights the best of what Strike Witches has to offer. It’s striding boldly forward, eager to dazzle us with its animation and audio, grinning as it challenges our preconceptions about where its characters can go and what they can do.

The path to this greatness can be tough. Watching Strike Witches means accepting a number of strange concepts, which can give quite a few viewers a rough start with the series. However, if you made it all the way here and haven’t given Strike Witches a try yet, I sincerely implore you to make the attempt. If you allow the characters to sweep you off your feet, then Road to Berlin could be the apex of a most satisfying viewing experience.

Especially if its second half is as impressive as the first. I, personally, have high hopes. There’s no sky this show can’t conquer.

#strike witches #road to berlin #anime #yes I made a bingo card in Excel #I'm a passionate fangirl with ample Microsoft experience #oh right #I should point out that I changed my name from NeandaFFnet to TirOrah #as I don't use that old handle anymore #sorry for any confusion caused

35 notes · View notes

erazonpo3 · 4 years

Text

Thinking a little bit about Best Girl Nuru and the way she’s often given the role of the Voice of Reason, aka the one with the brain cell, and I’ve spoken a bit about this with @bestworstcase where uh, we gotta remember that taking the only girl of the group, who is the second youngest, and making her the Mature one raises a lot of red flags. (The fact that she is Black is also something that should not be ignored because young Black girls are often treated as though they are older than they are, but rather than a white woman telling you this you can learn more about that through this article with links to said study).

There’s simultaneously a lot and yet very little that can be inferred about her character given the small amount of original notes she has, and I could go for a more specific reading based on her circumstances but ultimately I’m gonna go for a more broad take of Responsible Characters And You: How to give them flaws that make them feel more like a real person rather than just The Straight Man.

This is hardly an exhaustive list but I went with the biggest five points I could think of in order to expand on them, but the list can go on and grow more specific.

Being the ‘Mom Friend’ at your own expense

This one is probably the biggest one I associate with Nuru, and I think it’d hit particularly hard given her specific situation of being the only girl in the group and also the second-youngest. Let me tell you, straight from personal experience: being the Voice of Reason to a group of teenage boys is like trying to tell a wall to sprout legs and walk around. It’s not gonna happen and you’re just going to tire yourself out. My friends were smart, lovely people but I needed to learn that it wasn’t my job to protect them from themselves.

It’s normal for a friend group to have ‘the one with the brain cell’ or ‘the mom friend’, but that friend group shouldn’t rely on that person to be their only source of support, or expect them to constantly monitor their decisions. It’s unhealthy for all people involved. You need to be willing to let people make their own mistakes, and not hold it against them when they don’t take your advice. You need to see your friends as independent people who understand their own decisions, and although it can be tricky to balance being supportive while also not encouraging bad decisions, it’s important to figure out.

The Mom Friend is also often someone who habitually offers emotional support and advice, but keeps their own issues bottled up. They could have more healthy outlets for their personal issues, like a therapist, but this kind of stereotype usually pops up in people who prefer to deal with other people’s problems in order to avoid dealing with their own. Either way, it’s important for this kind of emotional support to be a two-way street, and for friends to recognise that they shouldn’t be relying on just one person for all their help.

Healthy friend groups can navigate this by ensuring everyone can share what they’re struggling with, and by having everyone able to provide some amount of support, whether it’s advice or condolences or just listening; this way it doesn’t fall on just one person to be the therapist or the mom.

‘Intellectually’ mature but Emotionally immature

So, let’s be straight up: ‘responsible’ kids are usually just kids who respect the authority figures/institutions in their lives, either because they thrive in academic environments or because they have a lot of anxiety about upsetting those figures (or any other reason), but it doesn’t actually say much about their maturity as a person. It’s very easy for a smart kid to fall into the idea that they’re responsible and mature because the adults around them trust them not to cause trouble, but at the same time they can be very behind peers their age in terms of emotional development.

I’m doing a lot of generalising here to spare us a larger essay about the faults of the education system for both gifted and forgotten ‘troublemaking’ kids, but the idea is that your responsible kid might feel as thought they’re the pinnacle of maturity compared to some of their peers, while at the same time do things like hold petty grudges, give their friends ultimatums, make decisions out of spite and have a general lack of consideration for people they might otherwise care about. These are flaws anyone can have, but it’s a very good way to show that being the smart, responsible kid does not mean you have emotional maturity.

Circling back to our example character Nuru, we could take her suspicion over Hugo as something she believes is insightful and cynical (mature), but the others see as a grudge and an inability to trust others’ judgement.

Straight up Immature

Yeah, they’re mature for their age. But that doesn’t mean they’re not still young and inexperienced. Maybe they do have more emotional intelligence and social skills than their peers, but that doesn’t automatically spare them from being gullible, making uninformed decisions, and much worse: being preyed on by people who would take advantage of them.

That last one’s a pretty dark path to take and you’ve got to be ready to deal with that issue from top to bottom if you’re going to go that route, but otherwise the message behind this one is simple: Kids are Kids and they can enjoy juvenile things, where the novelty hasn’t worn off yet, and they can make mistakes simply because they haven’t ever made that mistake before in order to learn from it.

If your character is under 18, or even if they’re over, they’re allowed to be uninformed and say or do things that hurt others because they don’t understand the implications, and they’re allowed to be a little obnoxious or uncritical of what’s going on around them. Kids be kids.

Obsession and an inability to see the bigger picture

Following the earlier example, ‘reasonable’ characters are probably people who rely a lot on logical thought processes to make certain decisions. (Note that Logical =/= Correct or even Sensible, it just needs to abide by whatever the person’s internal rulebook is). That kind of mindset can lead people down rabbitholes and lead to conclusions that only they see, because they’ve jumped through so many mental hoops to reach their destination that nobody else can see how they might have arrived there.

The expression here is “Can’t see the forest through the trees”, where a person misses the bigger picture of the situation because they’re so deep in the details they can’t see what’s going on. You see it a lot with puzzles that are fairly straightforward that people try to overthink and search for clues because ‘it can’t be that obvious’ when it really is. Thinking twice about something isn’t bad, but sometimes a first impression is the right one too.

I can definitely see this applying to Nuru, star-chart master, and particularly in conflict with Yong- she has a great eye for detail that often comes in handy! But sometimes keeping your eye on a single star will blind you to their constellations. (Also for a more advanced reading, as a Princess Nuru might be less likely to see institutional problems compared to someone like Hugo).

Selfish and Privileged perspectives

Keep in mind that prioritising yourself and your own health doesn’t make you a bad person, and being selfish doesn’t mean you lack empathy- it’s just a character flaw that means you have to actively think about other people and how your actions/inaction might affect them. A lot of people, especially ones who are raised in privileged positions, aren’t used to factoring in other people when it comes to making decisions. It comes down to “how will X thing affect me?” and they go from there, without thinking about how X affects others.

This can be paired with socio-economic privilege, in which people who enjoy the benefits of a particular social system don’t pay much attention to how it fails others, or perhaps they know and make excuses that relieve them of any guilt (or maybe they don’t really care at all, so long as they’re winning). The remedy to this is education, and learning from the people who are disadvantaged the way in which certain social systems fail them and ways in which they can be improved. It also means committing to those improvements, even if they may come at your expense.

In regards to Nuru being a Princess, there’s definitely a lot to unpack. I imagine her kingdom isn’t very wealthy (relatively- they’re far from destitute), given that it spends all its money on rebuilding infrastructure and apparently doesn’t have the resources to send a bodyguard or even a LIW along with Nuru on her journey. Nonetheless I think her position of privilege is a good place to start if you want to give her some sweet flaws

a few more ideas I won’t expand much on

Jealousy (ties in with Emotional Immaturity)

Overly Risk-Averse (The man who sleeps with a hatchet is a fool every night but one, but his friends still think he’s a fool most nights. Ouch.)

Insecurity (Do they have doubts? Of course they do.)

Overly Emotional (Not always a flaw, but can impact their judgement)

Just straight up bad with emotions (Maybe they have trouble empathising with others?)

#era soapboxes #though this is less soapboxing more just: let sixteen year olds be dumb i guess #also not that i think anyone is doing this maliciously disclaimer #i mostly just want to write it down that a character that thinks they're responsible and mature rarely is 100%#princess nuru

41 notes · View notes

darlinvandijk · 4 years

Text

Don’t talk to her like that

Concept: request for “maybe where they are dating, and she is there at the m&g and some girls are rude, and he gets all protective??”, it’s gonna be angsty as fuck but with a cute ending. Dm me and whatnot for requests or ideas! Also a friend had some great ideas and wanted to be a co-writer for this one, she did absolutely amazing helping me out! (Sorry this is so fucking long btw) Hope you enjoy :)

Today Ruel had one last concert before going on a two week break, let’s just say the boy was literally buzzing around with excitement for the free time he was going to have soon. I’m currently laying across the bed on the back of the tourbus, watching him play fifa like I usually do. He finishes a match before turning to me with the grin of a Cheshire Cat, knowing that look on his face I immediately try to push my body out of his reach, but as usual his long ass arms grabbed me instantly. Within seconds I’m hanging over his shoulder, basically a million feet above the ground, as he chants and tells everyone on the bus how good he is at fifa.

“Ruel dumbass put me down,” I shriek, laughter pouring out of me as he jostles my body around, all of the crew pulling their phones out to record the chaos. “Bubs we gotta go or you’ll be late, we can’t be late to another concert or Nate is going to take your game” I try to reason with the tall boy, my body slamming against his back as he instantly freezes.

He immediately jogs out of the bus, along with the few other crew members with us, running into the venue so he can get up on stage. He sets me down next to the stairs, giving me a small kiss before interlocking our pinkies, making me kiss one side as he kissed the other for good luck. I watch him in awe, completely overwhelmed by my beautiful boy doing what he loves.

——

Ruel says his goodbyes to the crowd, thanking them for all the support they give him, before running off stage and coming straight to me. He lifts me up to spin me around, causing me to laugh at his excitement, before pushing him and his sweaty body away from me. He pulls me back instantly, connecting our lips in a soft kiss, causing all the crew backstage to coo at our relationship. We hear the click of a camera, turning to see Michelle smiling as she looks at the picture with the crew, all of them loving the relationship we have with each other.

He pulls me away to his dressing room, tossing me his phone as he rushes into the bathroom to shower, knowing he only has half an hour before he has to do his meet and greet. I walk over to his bag and pull out an outfit for him, before seating myself on the couch to play whatever games he has on his phone. I’m in the middle of playing angry birds when he runs out in a towel, giving me a boyish grin as he sees his outfit already laid out for him, walking over to place a kiss onto my forehead.

“Baby I’m so excited for this m&g, you know I love meeting the fans” he murmurs excitedly, pulling the sweater I picked out over his head. I let out a laugh, knowing that he was seconds away from bursting with excitement. I walk over and start to dry his hair, before fixing it so that it’s not tangled and messy. We walk out of the dressing room, heading straight to the little room where Michelle and the others are setting up the camera, waiting for them to give him instructions. He walks over to the couch and sits down, motioning me to go join him while he waits. Finally the time comes for us to go stand in the other room, so he can meet his fans before the pictures. Ruel grins at me, and leans down to press a quick kiss on my forehead as he makes his way to chair, before I turn to stand with Michelle off to the side, both of us smiling at the pure love he has for his fans.

"Okay Ruel, the girls are getting sent in now, you already know the drill" Nate confirms with him, watching him send a nod back in agreement. The doors then start opening as a group of teenage girls walk in, all animatedly talking, having not noticed the green eyed boy sitting in front of them. He stands up from his chair, causing the group of girls to freeze in shock, all of them in awe that he was truly standing in front of them. He sends them a grin before spreading his arms out, all of them rushing in to give him a group hug, but struggling because of the amount of them.

I stand off to the side of the room alone now, just watching with a smile at how happy they all were, before feeling Coco come up behind me and hug me. We both watch as the girls gathered in a complete circle around him, all trying to talk at once, spewing compliments and questions at him in a rush. After a couple minutes of questions Ruel walks into the other room, where the couch and camera were, letting the girls come in individually or in small groups for their pictures. Coco and I both laughing as we hear some of the picture requests the girls are asking for, knowing the look on his face must be hilarious right now.

"Babes, I'm just gonna get a drink, you want anything or a snack?" Coco questions, giving me a small grin while she waves Ruel’s credit card. I laugh at her crazy antics, turning to see the rest of the crew also laughing, knowing that she does this every time she can find his card. I swear her favorite hobby is to fuck with Ruel, she seriously thrives off of the reactions he gives her, but it’s his fault for never putting his wallet away, especially when he knows she’s going to keep doing it.

“I’m all good Co, thanks for asking though, but make sure you get him Cheetos or something” I laugh out, giving her a small wave as she practically skips out of the room, excited to make her way to another foreign store. I turn back to my original position, realizing I was left alone in the first room, since the rest of the crew went to go pack up the rest of the equipment. I anxiously start to play with my promise ring since I’m left with the rest of the fans since Nate, Michelle and Ruel were in the picture room. All of the girls were starting to look over at me, causing me to give them a small smile and wave like I usually do when I see them. Most returned the actions with excited looks, while three of the girls rolled their eyes and completely turned away from me, causing my stomach to instantly knot up with anxiety. I start to shift from side to side as a large portion of the girls make their way over to me, all of them watching me with wide eyes.

"I love you and Ruel, you guys are literally my favorite couple!" one of the girls gushed excitedly, the others surrounding me spewing out words of agreement. I smiled at the girls excitedly, but before I could even respond, another cut in -"you two are literally my OTP. I can't wait for you guys to just get married already" while jumping up and down. I blushed at all of their kind words before thanking them all, giving all of them individual hugs. They all started to ask me questions, wanting to know more about his personal life and our relationship. I answered what I could, before taking pictures with them, laughing and making jokes with them as we did so. As the large group of girls got called into the room for their group picture and mini personal q&a with him, they all turned to me to give me waves of goodbye and more rushed compliments, as I blushed and waved back.

"Have fun girls, feel free to ignore his jokes that he’ll make, since trust me I know they aren’t funny" I laugh out, watching as all of them laugh before making their way into the room. I was then left alone in the room with the girls who had seemed to take a disliking towards me. I decided to try once again to interact with them, wanting to have a positive relationship with all of his fans, smiling as the beautiful girls finally made their way towards me. I gave them all grins as I let out a sigh of relief, happy to interact with them, especially since I know how much his fans mean to him.

"Sooo you're the one dating Ruel right?" the first girl asks me mockingly, cocking her head to the side to look me up and down, instantly causing me to tense up at her tone. I give her a weary glance, before looking at the other two girls, watching them both look at me with the same judgemental look. I fiddle with my ring and start to chew on my bottom lip at the energy they are sending me, trying to figure out how to handle the situation since I’ve dealt with some fans sending hate, but I’ve never had a face to face situation before. I watch as their eyes instantly fly to my ring, causing them to tense up, eyes snapping to look at me with envy.

“Yeah, that’d be me.” I answer back hesitantly, sending them a small smile to ease the tension. The three of them simultaneously share a look, before turning back to me with fake smiles, eyeing me with a look that tells me this isn’t going to end up going well. I keep the smile on my face, trying my best to not let their attitudes get to me, the last thing I want is for his fans to hate me.

"I'm Alexis, and this is Ally and Annie" the main girl says, a cocky underlying tone, almost as if I was supposed to know who they were. I fight to hide the smile that was so close to breaking out on my face, at the fact that this was basically a cliche teen drama movie scene, with the typical mean girl group. Not only were their names similar, but they literally looked like clones of each other, I almost felt like I actually was in a teen movie. They continue to give me their cocky smiles, all whilst staring dead at me with a look I couldn’t decipher in their eyes. I feel my hands start to shake a little with anxiety, feeling insecure and scrutinized under the harsh glares of the pretty fans.

“I have a question for you-” Alexis states with her eyes brows raised, clearly being the main girl of this small group. I give her a nod to ask , instantly regretting it as I hear the words spewed from her mouth, "Tell me how the fuck someone like you, gets someone like Ruel." She practically spits at me, causing the other two girls smiles to wipe off their faces, replaced with frowns and matching glares. I freeze up at her upfront hostility, partially in shock at how bold she was considering Ruel is literally in the room right next to us.

"W-what do you mean by that? I would really like it if we could keep this amicable" I mutter out, feeling more and more insecure by the second, also really not wanting for Ruel to hear them and come out here. The last thing I’d want to do is cause a problem with him and his fans, knowing that his reaction isn’t going to be a pleasant one if he hears them. Upon hearing my words, they instantly inch closer to me, matching smirks on their faces.

"We mean, how does someone like you end up with a guy like him? I mean it’s not like you’re pretty or talented” Ally spits out, causing the both of her friends to nod in agreement. My jaw drops slightly while my eyebrows furrow, completely in shock that people can truly be this vile. I feel my eyes start to well up a bit, but I blink them away, not wanting to give them the satisfaction of their words actually having an impact on me. Before I can even speak up to defend myself, they instantly cut me off with more hateful words.

"You don't deserve someone like him, but don’t worry he'll realise that soon enough. He'll know that he should be with someone like us, you know someone that’s actually pretty. I actually wouldn't be surprised if he's already got someone else, poor boy probably just feels bad for you." Annie laughs out, all of them laughing at me as I stand there not knowing how to reply to them. I swallow the lump that’s rising in my throat, I mean maybe they were actually right, lord knows he could do better than me.

"You know maybe I'm not good enough for him, But he is one of the most loyal and amazing boyfriends in the world. He wouldn’t ever cheat on me or go for someone that spits out such cruel words." I quietly let out, trying to defend Ruel and I without causing anymore drama, also knowing deep in my heart that he’d never do such a thing. Knowing deep down that he loves me, loves me just as much as I love him.

"Yeah maybe he's loyal, but you're worthless, and everyone has a limit sweetheart. You’re not good enough, you’ll never be good enough for him, you’re nothing remember that. " Alexis starts to spit out hatefully, my eyes instantly welling up completely with tears as my face heats up in embarrassment. As I stand there completely belittled and hurt by their cruel words, I decide to try and speak up, but I get cut off by a familiar voice.

"What the fuck did you just say to her?" Ruel spits out, standing in the doorway, completely still with a cold look on his face. The girls turn around, completely petrified that he had heard them, all of them turning red as he stares at them with an unwavering look. Ruel stands there absolutely pissed at them, waiting to see if any of them are going to speak up, before taking a step forward once he realizes they won’t. I instantly step forward, not wanting him to say something he’ll regret to his fans, no matter how much they hurt me.

"Bubs, calm down please. It’s okay, I promise I’m fine." I whisper out with a shaking voice, watching him stare at me in concern, he shakes his head feeling completely upset that this is even happening. I place a hand on his arm, feeling how tense it is, feeling it tense up even more as he notices my tears and red rimmed eyes. He lets out a scoff and turns back to the girls, completely furious that people that claim to love him so much, would treat me in such a way.

"No, it isn't fine. They can't speak to you like that, I don’t care if they’re fans or not. I won’t tolerate shit like that. Don’t talk to her like that." He practically growls out, his hands shaking in anger as he watches the girls stand there, still unsure on what to do. I could literally see the girls shaking as they stand there, terrified at the little predicament they’ve landed themselves in. I take a deep breath in, watching as their eyes fill with tears, closing my eyes as I shakily breathe out and grab onto Ruel.

"Bubba, please leave it." I begged, causing his face to soften upon hearing my pleading tone, he lets out a deep sigh beige stiffly nodding his head. He reaches out to wipe away the tears falling down my face, leaning forward to kiss my forehead, before pulling me right against his chest. He turns back to the girls with me in his arms, watching them with a blank cold face, holding me tighter to calm down.

"I think you girls need to leave now. Sorry." He lets out while giving them blank looks, before looking down at the ground as they silently got escorted out to the main exit by Nate and Michelle, who I just realized had been silently watching the whole thing. I held him tighter, knowing how hard it was for him to do that, his fans mean the absolute world to him. He lets out a light sigh, shifting our bodies from side to side, pressing kisses to the top of my head every couple of seconds.

“Did the other girls hear?” I whisper out, scared that their opinions of me could have been shifted. Ruel shakes his head no, pulling away to lift my face towards his, giving me a slow but sweet kiss.

“No, they went through the exit in the picture room. Lets head to the bus now, I don’t want to be in here anymore” Ruel mumbles out, interlacing our fingers, lifting our conjoined hands and placing a kiss on the back of my hand. I lean into him as we walk to the bus silently, feeling completely destroyed by the girls words.

———

Ruel and I lay cuddled up on the bed, fully wrapped up in each other under the blankets, his grip on me never lessening. Everything’s silent, neither of us knowing what to say about what happened. He shifts so he’s leaning on the headboard and pulls me up so I’m sitting on his lap, his hands resting on my hips, rubbing soft circles into my skin.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. You don’t deserve that. I love you, I really fucking love you. You’re not worthless. You’re my best friend, my soulmate, partner in crime, and everything in between.” He whispers out, watching as the tears fall down my face upon hearing his words. I let out a quiet sob as I wrap my arms around him, burrying my face into the crook of his neck so he can’t see my blotchy tear stained face. He wraps his arms around me, lightly humming a song in my ear in hopes of calming me down.

“It just really hurt, I do everything I can to make sure your fans like me, because I know how important they are to you, which makes them important to me. I try and give them sneak peeks into your life and tell them little facts about you that they can’t learn from an interview, but some of them still hate me. I wish I was good enough” I whimper out, causing Ruel to instantly stiffen and pull away from me. He faces me with a completely bewildered look, not knowing where to even start with what I just said. He reaches his hands up to wipe away my tears, before setting them against my face, holding me in a position where I can’t turn away from him.

“Lets start off with the fact that you don’t have to do any of that, but you’re so fucking nice that you do it for them anyways. Baby, some of them aren’t going to like you, but that’s okay. They’re just jealous that I chose you and the fact that I put a ring on it-“ he starts off, causing a laugh to bubble out of my throat with his Beyoncé reference, watching the grin that lights up his face upon hearing my laugh and seeing my smile. “and lastly, you’re good enough. You’re in fact too good, like I don’t deserve you, and the fans don’t deserve you. You’re perfect and I love you more than life bubs.” He ends his little speech softly, watching the way my face turns pink at his words, loving the way only he can have that effect on me.

I whisper back my I love you as he pulls me down onto the bed, holding me tighter and closer than usual. I roll over so that I’m on my back, with his head pressed to my chest, letting him fully relax from today’s stress while I play with the hair on the nape of his neck. I feel him let out a deep breath, fully relaxing into me as I move my hand up to massage his scalp. His breathing slowly starts to get deeper, before he drifts away, leaving me in complete silence as I hold him. I smile fondly as I glance down at him before looking back to the ceiling, truly grateful for the boy in my arms, because the love we have for each other is once in a lifetime.

#ruelvincentvandijk #ruel van dijk #one ruel #ruel #ruel one shot #ruel imagines #ruel imagine #x reader #one shot #imagine #imagines #free time ep #ruel fanfic

241 notes · View notes

thotticus---prime · 7 years

Text

Of College Classes and Googling Friends

“Nikiforov if you don’t let Katsudon out of this car I’m making us move back to Russia.” Yuri growled from his backseat in the ridiculous hot pink convertible. Yuuri laughed at the blonde, trying to restrain himself from commenting that he was acting like an angry kitten. A nickname only Otabek got to use.

“Alright I get the hint Yuri, I’m going. I’m going to be late to my class at this point anyways because you insisted you needed to get you cream and sugar filled caramel frappamacchiato thing.” Yuri huffed as he slumped further into his seat then gestured to Viktor. “Viktor made the barista draw Makkachin on his latte! It’s not just my fault.”

Viktor laughed then took a sip of said drink as he let his hand rest on the steering wheel. “He has a point there Yuuri.”

Yuuri hummed as he took a sip of his rose tea then unbuckled and looked from one Russian to the other. “Well in that case you get laundry and dishes duty for a week!” He almost missed his husbands horrified expression as he climb out of the car, running his free hand through his messy hair.

By the time Yuuri was fully out of the car and had waved off VIktor and Yuri in the monstrosity that was the hot pink convertible- with the hood up and windows up to avoid fans spotting them- the entire campus was focused on the car before shifting their attention to the Japanese student rushing to his first class.

The students of Japanese 101 were waiting for that fifteen minute mark for when they could go back to their dorms and go back to sleep after they’ve had their coffee and energy drink concoctions. When everyone began packing at the fourteen minute mark the door nearly slammed open revealing a tired looking japanese man trying and failing to catch the door before it hit the wall.

The -admittedly cute- Japanese man rubbed the back of his neck before turning to look at them with a nervous smile. To say he was attractive would be an understatement, as he pushed his almost falling glasses further up the bridge of his nose many of the students already sitting sighed with an almost dreamy look in their eyes.

“You know we’re allowed to leave if the prof isn’t here in a minute, right?” Everyone’s attention shifted to the normally abrasive and loud mouthed soccer player in the back of the room that -at the moment- was sporting a rather dark blush as he peered at the Japanese man adorned in a soft blue sweater.

The man tilted his head to the side in a confused manner before he walked over to their professor’s desk and set his bag down. “But I’m here now?”

Many of the students in the classroom waited for him to call his bluff before realizing that he was in fact serious about being their professor. “Ah! Uh- I apologize for being late this morning there was a series of events that led me to not be here in time. Gomen.” He finished his apology with a bow and a blush spreading across his cheeks while the class nearly swooned at the man’s ability to look cute this early in the morning.

“Anyways, I am Professor Katsuki, but you can all call me Katsuki-Sensei.” He carefully wrote his name in Kanji before writing it in English underneath then watched with amusement as the students tried to pronounce his name.

Most of the first day was spent learning greetings and farewells as well as proper social cues mixed in. By the end of class Katsuki-Sensei had apologized at least three more times before everyone had left, eager for their next session the following Thursday.

Yuuri, however, went to his own class on the other side of campus, nearly being late again. Jacqueline, commonly known as Jackie looked up from her phone as an asian man came rushing in, his coffee nearly spilling out of the top as he slid into a seat near the back.

Jackie looked over to Simon who also noted the newest student rushing in with a raised brow. He walked over to the man and from what Jackie could tell was introducing himself before gesturing to Jackie herself. She raised an eyebrow as the two walked over, stopping in front of her. “This is Jacqueline, if you need anything you can come to us.” The man smiled slightly, turning an adorable shade of red as he nodded. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Katsuki Yuuri. Wait you say the first name first, so I’m Yuuri Katsuki?” He turned a brighter shade of red before holding his hand out, Jackie shaking it soon after with a bright smile on her face.

“It’s nice to meet you Yuuri.” Jackie then noticed a few glares directed in her direction, mostly coming from everyone in the room who was watching the blushing asian man in front of her.

Yuuri quickly placed his hand back at his side and smiled. “Like-wise, Jackie.” He smiled sweetly then walked back to his seat as their professor walked in.

As the weeks went on Yuuri taught his class, enamouring all of his students unknowingly to the point where they would often come in with things for him. He also attended his own class, catching the attention of nearly everyone there until they formed an impromptu Yuuri Katsuki fan club.

Yuuri, being the considerate teacher he was, set up a study group at a nearby cafe when he noticed his students struggling with learning how to write the Kanji characters. When the students got there the top level of the cafe was rented out for them as well as as many free drinks as they wanted.

By the time the study group was a weekly occurrence, Yuuri’s professor had noted on it and sent the class to observe and note on teaching techniques that seemed to work on the college students. Except, for some reason Katsuki-Sensei was late to the study group. When he ran in he wasn’t their cute professor or their cute friend, he was in tight track pants with an equally tight workout shirt, his bangs pushed away from his face. “Sorry everyone, I had to reschedule some things this week so I was just at the gym.” Yuuri sent a dazzling smile at the large group then began to teach, everyone mostly focused on how his clothes moved with his body instead of covering his abs and muscles in his arms as he made hand gestures.

The second time Yuuri was late-it had become apparent that the second class was there permanently- he came stumbling in while wearing a three piece suit complete with gloves. “Oh ah sorry everyone but we don’t have this room today, we’re going to use downstairs. People can still come in but not many will, it shouldn’t be a busy night they said.” He flashed them all a smile then walked back down to the lower level.

By now almost everyone had gathered as much information on Katsuki Yuuri as they could, he wasn’t late very often, he like poodles, and he looked fine in a suit, just to name a few.

Once everyone was situated in the lower level Yuuri was on his phone, talking quietly in a language they didn’t understand, soon finishing once he realized everyone was there. Yuuri took his suit jacket off and rolled the sleeves up to his elbows and began to teach, that is, until a shorter, blond teen rushed in. “Don’t let them know I’m here Katsudon.” The teenager was practically seething as he ducked down under one of the many crowded tables. Jackie was about to ask Yuuri what the teenager was talking about before Yuuri grabbed the teen by his sleeve and quickly pulled him to crouch down behind the barista’s counter.

As soon as the two were down behind the counter loud screeching could be heard, followed by a large group of girls with their phones out and cat ears on their head. “Where’s Yuratchka?!” It was almost a simultaneous screech coming from every single one of them.

The two groups looked at each other, trying to figure out who Yuratchka was before the girls all gave a groan and turned and filed out when they realized the person wasn’t there.

Jackie looked at Simon then raised a brow. “Does anyone know who Yuratchka is?”

By the time everyone had finished shrugging on mumbling ‘I don’t know’ the two were back from behind the barista counter. Yuuri smiled at the teen then waved as he walked out with a grumbling, almost pouty ‘Thanks Katsudon.’

Yuuri nodded then turned back to his class and his classmates who all had a confused expression on their face. “Who’s Yuratchka?” The first to speak up was Simon who seemed to gain his wits before anyone else.

“Oh, Yuri, he just walked out.” Yuuri had a fond expression on his face before shaking his head and bringing his laptop out. “Alright, let’s get started then.”

The rest of the night was spent in a confused state, Jackie was tempted to try to google her friend but restrained herself.

However, the very next time Yuuri was late with the same location change as before, Yuuri was back to his cute yet stylish sweaters. Except the one this time, instead of his regular blue, was a dark red that hugged his form. For the first time they didn’t see him with his glasses on either, and to be honest, the glasses helped them to not focus on his bright eyes that added an extra level of cute.

At this point the study session had morphed into one large Yuuri Katsuki fan club, everyone now even more enamoured with the Japanese man.

It seemed, that the university students all had a crush on Yuuri, but when they noticed a large group of what looked like high schoolers gaping and pointing at their Sensei and friend it would be safe to say that they turned judgemental quickly. Given that Yuuri was young enough for only half of the group the high schoolers were all chasing the wrong person.

Jackie looked over at Simon who was sporting a jealous expression along with at least ⅚ of the other students listening to Yuuri teaching Japanese. She sighed as she raised her hand, Yuuri pausing to look at her with a raised eyebrow. “Yes, Jackie?” Jackie pushed a hand through her hair then gestured to the large group of high schoolers. “I think they’re all staring at you, want us to tell them to stop?” Yuuri then looked over at the large group, one of the high schoolers let out a small squeal others murmured, pushing each other forward. ‘It’s him.’ ‘Go talk to him’ ‘Why don’t you?’ ‘You have a crush on him!’

Yuuri’s confused expression cleared, much to the confusion of the university students, before flashing a smouldering smirk at the group and pushing his bangs away from his face. “Autographs?”

Many of the students squealed and rushed forward at once, pulling out anything and anything to get autographs and selfies with their teacher and friend. “Please let Viktor know we’re looking forward to Yuratchka’s upcoming season!” Yuuri nodded with a smile in response. Once the frenzy had ended Yuuri waved to the group as they shuffled out, excitedly waving their signed napkins and papers in the air. He chuckled quietly then turned back to the university students who all had gaping mouths.

A student in the back spoke up first. “Who’s Viktor?”

Yuuri looked down in confusion at his hand then held it up, the familiar sight of the glinting golden ring on his right hand. “My husband?”

Nearly everyone fell out of their seats with several unholy screeching noises accompanying it. “You have a husband?!” Jackie managed to screech words as she gripped the table tightly.

Yuuri raised an eyebrow then pointed to his ring. “Fashion!?” Nearly half of the room screamed at him before Simon shook his head and rubbed his eyes. “Wait, wait, wait. Why did they want your autograph?”

The students watched as their teacher and friend turned a familiar shade of red then rubbed the back of his head. “That, oh. Well I’m kind of a retired competitive figure skater?” That ensued more screeching and some scrambling for phones.

“Wait okay, what do you mean competitive?”

If it was possible, Yuuri turned a brighter red then ruffled his hair, his voice going higher than normal in embarrassment. “I, uh, got two golds at the Grand Prix and two golds in Worlds, and maybe a silver before my gold medal at the Olympics?”

That was met with deafening silence before he sighed and smiled shyly. “And my husband might be the most decorated male singles figure skater in history?”

All at once the university students lost it for the third time that night, only being silenced when someone cheered and held their phone up. Yuuri groaned when he recognised the opening to On Love: Eros, everyone’s attention focused on the small screen showing their friend skating gracefully, and most importantly, sexually.

Simon looked over at Yuuri who was sitting at one of the tables now and looking like he wished he would die, once the video ended everyone’s attention shifted to the Japanese man. They were about to ask him why he didn’t tell anyone when the door slammed open, revealing the same blond haired teen from a few weeks prior.

“Katsudon Vikor is being stupid so I stole his car.” Yuuri’s brows furrowed as he looked at the teen before sighing and gathering his things to shove into his bag. “Which one is it this time?”

“He thinks you died, he’s writing his speech right now at the rink.” Yuuri nodded then looked at the Uni students. “Um, I’ll see you all tomorrow?” He gave a nervous smile then quickly rushed out with the teen into, a hot pink convertible?

The students were staring out the door their friend and teacher just walked out of then quickly whipped out their phones and googled the Japanese man.

The next day when Yuuri walked in he was met with grinning faces and phones thrust in his direction with his performances streaming from his students. When he walked into the class he was attending he was met with a large group of Uni students grasping magazines and perfume bottles. All with his face or name on it, he let out a large groan then promptly dumped his monster energy drink into his large cup of coffee.

Based off of Skygem’s Retirement AU! @skygemspeaks I love your AU and would die for it to come true. Bless

Also. @actualyuuri I aspire to write like you so I hope you enjoy what ever the frick I just wrote. Woo! You keep writing all that good stuff I love it! Also, add me to your harem babe.

#skygem #retirement AU #yuri plisetsky #yuuri katsuki #yuri #yuri on ice #viktor nikiforov #my writing

28 notes · View notes

mostfacinorous · 7 years

Text

A turning point

When I was 7, my mom died. (This isn’t a sad story, I promise, rather, it is a very hopeful one. But this is a damn long post. So more under the cut.)

My grandmother-- not my mom’s mom, but my dad’s-- had never been exposed to death on a personal level until then. Which was interesting, because that meant that she and I, on such a huge age gap, were discovering grief simultaneously.

It was a good thing, in a way, because while I was focused on the fact that everyone I knew and loved could and would, at some point, die, she was focused on the idea of her own mortality. Somehow, the fact that I was mortal too hadn’t clicked, partially because I was a child with all of the perceived immortality of youth, and partially because I was raised to think of myself last.

What she didn’t know was that I would, shortly, become convinced that I had the same disease that my mother had died from.

(I didn’t. I never did. But I was under the impression, for the next 7 years, that I was dying. To be clear: this still is not a sad story. This is a matter of fact story, and without it, I would not be who I am.)

So my grieving was suddenly interrupted by this deep rooted fear. Whereas her grieving was based entirely on it, and by the time I reached that fear, she had come through the other side, and found a sort of peace, which she then shared with me. While going through this mid-life crisis, she encountered the idea of reincarnation. It was comforting to her, so she loaned me the book that she found it in.

I have no idea what that book was, now. The title and author are lost to the blur of an eight year old’s memory and the panic and grief that made my life a hazy fog for a while there. But amidst some stuff that I immediately dismissed as superstitious mumbo jumbo, was the idea that not only did we live, over and over, but each time we did, we focused on one area of life. We learned as much as we could about one area and added that knowledge to our working understanding, so it became natural to us, when we moved into the next life after it.

Growing up, I wanted my focus in this life to be love. I am something of a closet romantic, and my parents were very much grooming me to make some man a good wife, someday.

Even though I rejected so much of what they taught me, that stuck. And I have felt like a failure for so long, because I am so behind on the learning curve of human interaction. Like I said, I thought I was dying from ages 7 to 14. I went to school and was good at people, ran my little businesses, started my third grade cult, but never formed deep connections. When I started being homeschooled, I was taken away from that developmental process. I didn’t speak to anyone my age for years. I started suffering from touch starvation-- my parents and I have never gotten along, and though they were the only option, I didn’t want touch from people who hurt me so much. So I just didn’t have it. I still jump if I’m brushed accidentally or unexpectedly.

Coming out into the world was disorienting. I had gone through puberty in a bubble, in a cocoon. My parents were survivalists, convinced that the world was going to come crashing down on us, and so every person who spared me more than a passing interest read on an instinctual level as a threat.

I started reaching out, laying down roots, making friends-- because during my years away from people-- and even when I was around people, but silently sure I was going to die before I hit 18-- I had a policy of holding everyone at an arm’s length. They could up and die on me, after all, but more than that, I was almost certainly going to die on them. And I didn’t want to hurt anyone when that happened. Finding out I wasn’t sick was permission for me to exist. Which was something I desperately needed.

I used to feel like I was taking up space that should be reserved for someone else. I used to live with the knowledge, and even work to ensure that when I died, no one would mourn me. I wanted it that way, even while I hated the idea. I didn’t want anyone to go through what I went through for my mom, on my account. I didn’t feel worth that kind of pain. But I hated the idea of being so unremarkable as to be immediately forgotten. Erased, like I was never here at all.

So. I had no one. I began making friends after I moved out of my parents’ house, but I also knew that I was behind in the curve of knowing how to be a person. And so I started watching and learning, but that process, to me, has never been a big part of my narrative. To me, because I have spent so long focused on the idea that relationships should be my focus, the last nine years of my life have felt like a long series of failures.

I outgrow people. At first, it was a cycle that happened every six months. I would have an entirely new group of friends every six months, and by the end of that, I would have changed so much that we were no longer seeing eye to eye, like we were when we met. Slowly the time lengthened. Five years became the new number. No relationship of mine had lasted more than that.

As of two years ago, I finally have one that has, and I am so appreciative of it. It seems like such a delicate, precious thing, but it is my favorite. My best friend.

Last year I finally deemed myself healthy enough, finally caught up enough, to try romance.

But as someone who was touch starved, unused to even platonic closeness, it’s like trying to learn to speak a new language. And it feels like all I can offer is baby talk, at best. Like I can go through the motions of it, but I’m missing all of the complexity, all of the finesse. All of the nuances.

I am, it turns out, startlingly bad at it. And so I keep feeling like a failure.

I recently dated a guy, who, when I told him I was a virgin, told me that that was damage I’d done, not being with someone before now. That he wasn’t sure anyone would find it worth their time, anymore-- after all, he said, everyone has a learning curve. Everyone starts off bad at sex. And people who have been doing it for a while, why would they willingly sign up for guaranteed bad sex?

That stung, but feels fair. I haven’t told anyone about that until now, because I know people will be indignant. I accepted it.

So that feeling of failure, in the last few weeks, has become sort of cemented.

And last night I was talking to my best friend, in a broad strokes way, about how I wished I knew what I was supposed to be focusing on, in life. That what I thought I should be learning to be good at, romance, love, I was so terrible at that I didn’t even have the base level down-- most people have family as a jumping off point. I lack even that.

And instantly, without hesitation, looking at me almost like I was crazy, he told me, “Your focus is yourself. It always has been.” And that wasn’t a judgement, that wasn’t something selfish. Because to me, the background of my narrative has always been the growth I’ve done. And no one has been around long enough to mark that growth for me, except for that friend. He met me when I was disoriented, when I was going through six month friendships, as a teenager who was mentally and developmentally just a very bright ten year old. We didn’t become good friends til after that, but... He and his wife have become so important in my life, not romantically, but because they are the best reflections of me that I have.

And he pointed out last night that, while I have been focused on my failure as a romantic being, I have gone from a girl who was constantly armed, constantly afraid of anyone who so much as looked her way too long, or spoke too loudly, to someone who does not care what others think, who can say no without explaining herself. Someone who can set goals and trust her instincts. I have opened up, become smoother, more capable of being comfortable in crowds, in front of crowds, as the center of attention, or at the edges of it. I always considered this a side effect of being, but he pointed out that it’s something he’s been envious of, and proud of. Watching the way the shape of me has changed over the years. My focus has been losing my fear, growing as a person. Growing confidence. Going from feeling like I was taking up space, to discovering I was allowed to have it, to finally wanting more.

And it feels good, now, like suddenly discovering that, while thinking all I had was pennies on the dollar, those pennies have been stacking up and I suddenly have an entire skyscraper full of them.

I’m still troubled by being as alone as I am, by the worry that when I die, I’ll be forgotten. But I’m not driven by either of those things. And if I figure them out, great. If not... my life isn’t going to be worse for it. Because, alone with myself, I’m comfortable with myself. And that has been a long time coming.

But it’s time for me to start putting myself out there. To start having a personality on my social media, to stop being afraid of being rejected. This is who I am. And I’m still figuring out what that means. I do know it doesn’t mean that I am desperate for ill fitting connections. It doesn’t mean I’m going to go out and be a slut, or try to force friendships that just don’t click. But it does mean that the last of my shell, developed as a child and turned into a shield that I used as a teenager and young adult to keep people at arm’s length, finally needs to come off. Needs to be put away.

This feels like a turning point, for me, and I’m interested to see what comes of it.

#this has been a post #about me #hello world: I have a personality #personal post

5 notes · View notes

jhaswillwood-blog · 6 years

Text

WHY MODERN FEMINISM IS BECOMING AS FRUSTRATING FOR SOME OF US WOMEN AS IT IS FOR SOME MEN.

Some time around the Summer of 2009, I decided that college was not for me. I was unfocused, easily distracted, bored and even worse- I was failing. I remained on academic probation and lacked any real desire to get out of the hole that I had created for myself. Rather than continue to waste money on single, three-hundred-dollar books and four-thousand-dollar classes, I opted to leave and begin working a part-time job. I moved back home and found a job as a pre-school teacher in a daycare that was conveniently within minutes from the house I shared with my mom and teenaged brother.

Completely unqualified for the position as well as lacking any real ambition to do better, I remained employed: not because I was good at my job or loved children. I stayed for the purpose of making money that I could burn at my leisure and making friendships with other teachers who were in my peer group. For the most part, I was successful. Almost to a fault, I have always been social and found getting along with others to be quite easy. So making friends was a cake walk.

Save for one teacher.

I tried everything to get her to like me, but much to my frustration, I discovered it to be impossible. My problem lied not so much within the fact that she didn’t care for me, instead I became deeply troubled with how frequently she went out of her way to express it through bullying. Once, completely flustered by her obvious disdain for my presence alone, I mentioned it to a co-worker. After laying out all of the recent events and numerous examples, my eyes filled with tears and I confessed, “I just don’t know WHY she hates me so much.” My friend, equally perplexed, thought carefully for a moment before she offered, “I’m not sure either, Jhas. I do know that, supposedly, she used to be bullied really badly in high school. Maybe now that she’s past that phase, she feels like she can do it to others.”

Lightbulb.

Of course! Why didn’t I see it before? It all made sense. Having been on the receiving end of bullying in my own high school years, I understood completely. There is a cycle; and often this cycle ends with the one who was once a victim becoming aggressive; attacking everything that could remotely SEEM like it might create the slightest opposition. Even when there is no ill-intent, “This will never hurt me again!” remains the thought process. Makes sense right? Of course it does!

That’s why, long before the #MeToo movement took the world by storm, I was, then, and still remain proud of my sisters.

My sisters: women who decided that enough is enough. That no longer will we be defined by trivial things such as the texture, style or cut of our hair, how much or how little melanin our skin holds nor will we be treated solely as the eye candy of the board meeting as if our brains lack the capacity to be the more attractive quality of ourselves. As the product of a closely-knit, predominantly matriarchal family, full of strong, black, single women: I was signed up for such a movement long before I was born, without ever once officially choosing to ’sign up’.

My ancestors, my mother, my aunts, my grandmothers and cousins, both past and present, have all made the decision to wait for no one. To make their own choices. To walk and live in strength, dignity and whatever consequences: good or bad came from their own decision-making. I come from a people who have lived and died by the protest. America is a nation built on the results of a protest. Black men, women and children have only made the progress that we have, as the result of countless protests.

In life, standing one's ground is non-negotiable. Re-writing rules is paramount. Without re-defining norms, there can be no growth, no change, no forward motion in society or personal development.

But there is a gap; A crack where the women who have chosen to do things ‘differently’ in terms of ‘tradition’ have fallen through.

In June of 2017, model, mother and ‘Slutwalk' movement creator Amber Rose, affectionately known by her followers as ‘Muva’, released a picture (which was quickly deleted by management) onto the social media site Instagram. In the racy shot, the model who has established her fan-base due to vocalizing her controversial viewpoints on feminism, equality and "sex-positivity”, is lying on a staircase, covered in body oil, baring her crotch. As expected, the picture received some backlash. However, I was surprised at the incredible amount of praise it received as well.

Simply because just two years prior to this, Ayesha Curry, mother, chef and wife of famed NBA player Stephen Curry, released a tweet saying “Everyone’s into barely wearing clothes these days huh? Not my style. I like to keep the good stuff covered up for the one who matters.” The difference? Like Amber Rose’s post, it too, gave rise to passionate responses from the masses. But UNLIKE Amber’s, most of it was met negatively. In fact, what followed was an onslaught of ‘slut shaming memes’ that used Ayesha Curry’s face to declare nasty, unfounded, hate messages toward women who choose to bare all.

It was here that I found myself confused.

Both women expressed two opposing viewpoints. Both women work hard at their own distinct careers, with separate agendas while simultaneously fighting to change the narrative for women everywhere. What could have made one right and the other a complete ‘betrayer of women everywhere’ (as I saw one young lady write in the comment section of Ayesha Curry’s post)?

Much like Ayesha Curry, I, too, come from a christo-centric faith background where modesty is viewed as honorable and valued. While I have grown to appreciate all women regardless of what they choose to do with their bodies, I wonder why I am not awarded the same grace.

As a female radio-dj in a male driven industry, it is a blessing to be able to say that my audience is primarily female-based. I am able to connect with my lady listeners in a way that my male co-host cannot. I get to encourage them, support them and speak for them in areas that they may feel like their voices are silenced. This is a job that I do not take lightly. I feel grateful to have such an opportunity. I only feel frustrated when, those moments arise where should I disagree with the behavior of a woman, I am accused of being 'against my fellow ladies'.

I understand that we women have been the victim for a long time. But to become the bully now, especially to other women who see purity, fulfillment and self worth differently than we do, will never result in a positive outcome. The woman who chooses to serve her husband, stay home and raise her family is no less a woman than the 9 to 5 gal with three degrees in business, marketing and communications. Each woman has a lot to teach the other. I’d like to think that Jay-Z said it best: “No one wins when the family feuds.”

As a career-woman who has never had sex before and is saving her virginity for her husband only, I absolutely feel judged these days. A popular instagram account named “recipes for self love” (@recipesforselflove) created a post with a caption stating “The idea of virginity is rooted in heteronormativity and religious tradition that pretty much sees women as objects and child bearers.” To this I argued that women can have sex without being hoes just as they can also choose to NOT have sex without it belonging to a tradition that only objectifies women and treating them as child bearers; and both categories of these women can be feminists.”

Feminism, by definition, is the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. This means that being a feminist and fighting for equality, is completely doable while letting women be women in all of their facets including ones who want to remain covered up, not strip and be stay at home moms. It does not ONLY apply to the women who want to have sex without stings, not shave their armpits and proudly flaunt their underweight, average weight or overweight naked bodies in the name of self-love. This also includes me. Even me, as my virginal, Jesus-loving, sexy, black girl magic having, educated, career-driven self. I am for all women; not just the ones who have backgrounds mirroring mine but also including those whose background directly contradict mine. I am, however, frustrated with the judgement that comes from opting to NOT show parts of myself on the internet.

My desire is that women can both empower and be empowered without suddenly creating a habit of only putting down the ones who do NOT work at strip clubs. Just as we should have NEVER put down the ones that do.

It’s only once we accomplish this, that we won’t have to be the victim OR the bully in any arena.

#feminism #equality #civilrights #woman #womenempowerment #womenshistorymonth #march #trump #blackwomen #lgbtq #feminist #masculinity #bullying

0 notes