#but also its not a shallow kind of hatred
Text
My dynamic for Dan Feng & Yingxing
Hi hello, I said I would finally post this after long debating over if I show it here first or in my fic first, but fuck it. That’s a long ways away and I need to rant about them because they take up too much space in my brain.
So this post, isn’t me claiming that this is the canon dynamic between Dan Feng and Yingxing or that this is the only right one or whatever. This is purely my own view of what I think their dynamic would be based upon how I see their individual characters with the little bits and crumbs we’ve been given so far in HSR. I can’t go over every single aspect of them here because I just purely can’t think of every single thing so this is primarily going to be talking about the fundamental key parts of my interpretation of their dynamic! If that makes sense, I’ll hop right in
Be warned, this is pretty fucking long, I think so much about them it actually hurts me physically, like it’s painful. This is me just letting my autism run while talking about two of my favorites, so be cautious… sorry in advance if some areas turn into tangents, again I think about them so much its actually too much I think about them too much
AGAIN, THIS IS MY VIEW OF THEM!! Based on the characterization we have so far which isn’t a whole bunch, this is my interpretation of their relationship based on how I view the bits of characterization we have and what we know about them
—
Okay so one of the biggest and most fundamental parts that influences how I view their dynamic and the course of their relationship is looking at how exactly and why exactly I think they became close. Jingliu in her companion quest says:
I think this statement she makes “to see someone so arrogant get along with someone so proud” is actually the foundation of why they get close and their dynamic works rather than an obstacle that they somehow overcome. Specifically, I think that it was Yingxing’s arrogance (partially genuine and partially a habit born for the sake of his own survival) that allowed the two of them to get close. When we see lines from Yingxing via Dan Heng’s memories or via the Mirage Echo, though he uses Dan Feng’s proper title, he seems to talk rather casually to him. Even in a tense situation as secretly being in Scalegorge Waterscape for research would seem, Yingxing still is very lighthearted and in some languages, even laughs a little as he banters with Dan Feng. I have my own headcanons for why he has this casualness to him, but either way it’s a genuine part of him and a part of his canon characterization. I think that casualness, a product of his confidence/arrogance and maybe a little of his obliviousness as well, allows for them to get close. It evens the playing field, Yingxing sees Dan Feng as his equal, as a person, as Dan Feng rather than as his position of Imbibitor Lunae High Elder of the Vidyadhara. I could speculate all day whether or not other people had treated him similarly before and he shot it down (there’s a lot of the actual evolution of the dynamic that I will write I swear), but I think there was something very unique in that casualness that Dan Feng might not have experienced before, not from anyone else, not from the other members of the HCQ he had met before. Perhaps even Yingxing’s background would play a part in how shocked by his behavior DF is. Either way, it is that casualness, that equalness unlike he had ever experienced before, mixed with all of Yingxing’s other characteristics such as his cheeky nature that manages to quickly break down Dan Feng’s walls and make him feel compelled to grow closer to YX. Whether their first meeting was via Baiheng and Jingliu or a chance encounter before they eventually join the HCQ, Dan Feng is coming away from that shell shocked by the sheer audacity of this short life species, feelings he first interprets as offense before he realizes he’s actually amused/interest in him, and Yingxing walking away like “Huh? That was the High Elder I guess. Seems nice, a bit stiff tho!” There is no worship of Dan Feng from his side for any reason, not for his skills, not for his position, not even as an unattainable ethereal beauty situation. He views him as just another person, an equal, and no part of him views DF in this cocky “he’s not unattainable bc I already have him” kind of way because…
—
Another fundamental in my personal interpretation of their relationship is that Yingxing doesn’t truly seek anything from Dan Feng nor does he ever necessarily try to pursue him. And all of this isn’t in an insecure “We’d never work” kind of product of overthinking way of choosing not to pursue him. Rather, it’s primarily because Yingxing doesn’t feel the need to. He doesn’t need his romantic feelinhs to be satisfied or fulfilled especially with the difference in their lifespans. As long as he can be by his side and stay close with him until his time comes to an end, Yingxing is truly perfectly content with that. A lot of this additionally stems from a certain place. That being that after he gets to know Dan Feng better and learns of the sheer pressure he endures due to his position, the choices he feels he’s forced into, the level of restriction, even with all of the influence Dan Feng still has, he doesn’t want to be an added source of pressuring or discomfort. To sum it up, Yingxing leaves the ball in Dan Feng’s court so he can act as he sees fit when he feels like it. There’s an added layer to this also of Yingxing not wanting to ruin the current state of their dynamic (a topic I’ll get into more). In the end, this is just yet another part of Yingxing that utterly pulls Dan Feng in. He is very used to being distrusting of others and refusing to get close to many people, primarily out of wariness of the potential ulterior motives people may have when befriending him. Contrastly, Yingxing doesn’t expect or even want anything from Dan Feng even the closer they get. Dan Feng can see that, and it makes him trust in Yingxing. Makes him trust to the point that he feels comfortable enough to make attempts pursuing Yingxing himself rather than meeting at a stalemate, refusing to go after a man Dan Feng knows won’t chase him as to not risk pressuring him and bc he’s fine with how things are. That isn’t to say though that Yingxing won’t respond to any attempts Dan Feng makes first though, because he absolutely will. Well… that is if he can recognize any attempts from Dan Feng at all because he can be rather oblivious in the face of people making advances at him-
An added part to all of this is that Yingxing with the way he acts, both in general and in this specific regard, ends up being part of what helps influence and encourage Dan Feng to do more to take what he wants, actually follow his desires in certain aspects rather than keeping up his stiff outer image and denying himself of everything for that sake of his position. The HCQ in general all have influence helping Dan Feng open up more like this, seizing things instead of either waiting for things on a platter or never having them. However, Yingxing's bold nature is definitely the strongest factor as he ends up helping Dan Feng learn to identify what he wants for himself. Whether that want is something as complex as moving forward in a relationship when not only has Dan Feng had very little experience with close connections to others, but also is so accustomed to the stillness of long life, or something as simple as taking breaks and time to himself to live and breathe and experience life moving around him. It's through Yingxing (and the rest of the HCQ) that Dan Feng learns to be more selfish. It's through all of their care and kindness and love that Dan Feng learns that he too is not merely a pillar to stand tall for his people. That he is a person with needs and wants, and it is perfectly fine to be selfish and prioritize yourself at times.
—
So that previous section got into a little bit of Dan Feng’s trust in Yingxing, but what about Yingxing’s side of things? What about his trust in Dan Feng? I dunno what it is about him, but I feel like Dan Feng is the kind of person who can hear some of the deepest confessions and see the barest parts of the heart of someone he cares about and not treat them any differently like as if they are fragile y’know. Like Dan Feng is the person who Yingxing, out of all the HCQ, can truly confide in because he knows he won’t be seen different or treated in a drastically different way. Ultimately, Jingliu isn’t someone he feels he can go to for super emotional things which she likely herself knows she wouldn’t be able to help much with, Jing Yuan and him have a very light hearted joking dynamic that makes changing the tone and breaking the mood for a deep heart to heart much harder so he doesn’t often do it, and Baiheng… well, deep down Baiheng still sees Yingxing as that disheartened little boy, who had lost everything and was being told that there’s nothing he could do about it given his lifespan, that he couldn’t avenge what he had lost. If Yingxing were to tell her how he honestly truly feels about everything in his life, the traumas he still hadn’t overcome or the thoughts that plague him every day, he knows she would end up fretting over him, mother hen style. Being overly cautious as if his mind is made of glass, and as much as he loves her, he hates the idea of her changing how she treats him because of just how much she cares for him in turn.
(It’s a trait I see Baiheng having as to it being an obstacle in her other relationships like with Yingxing but works well in her relationship with Jingliu, caring for her and treating her softly, not underestimating her, in a way that others are too afraid to treat the unwavering, ice cold Sword champion! Matching DF and YX’s whole situation with his arrogance and casualness)
In the end, Yingxing feels like Dan Feng is the only one he can truly trust with the deepest corners of his heart and mind without worrying of Dan Feng either judging him or suddenly treating him like a fragile piece of porcelain. Even if he were to take note of something Yingxing told him and do something in response perhaps to ease his worries or heart ache, it would never be something out of pity or thinking Yingxing to be unable to take care of himself. Because ultimately, that’s where this all stems for Yingxing. He has lived so much of his life underestimated, whether having his skills and abilities questioned for being a short life species or sometimes intentionally sometimes unintentionally having his ability to take care of himself questioned like he needs a caretaker. Something that again is partially due to again to being a short life species. What Yingxing likes about Dan Feng is from the moment he met him, he doesn’t feel as if he is being questioned or underestimated. Dan Feng makes him feel as if he is truly seen as an equal, even with their distinct difference in power. It’s a treatment from Dan Feng that serves as a response to Yingxing’s own treatment of Dan Feng, his casualness to the other man making it clear he sees him as an equal as well.
And that? Well that is perhaps the most important part of the dynamic. In canon, they both have struggles with how they are seen and treated by others based on preconceived notions about their status. Dan Feng being in a way dehumanized as he is put up on a pedestal for being an incarnation of Imbibitor Lunae, for being the High Elder of the Vidyadhara, a position that he wants to escape because of the sheer loss of identity just a role brings. Yingxing being underestimated from the moment he stepped onto the Xianzhou because he wasn’t a long life species to the point that the other celestial masters on the Zhuming borderline bullied him into doubting himself, thinking a lot about his own death, and as a young boy (not even a teen yet), literally saying “Maybe I’ll never live to see the day my parents are avenged.” In my view of them, for them to truly be as close as they are established in canon, I think that from the start of their dynamic they make it very clear they see the other as a genuine and true equal in a way that other people haven’t or perhaps, can’t fully.
—
I said this before my in Aurizzm Yingxing post, but yeah, I don’t think Dan Feng or Yingxing would have come into a romantic relationship with each other with any experience at all. I know Dan Feng with no experience is a very accepted idea, and I agree with it very much given his isolated position and his proud attitude and that 100% plays into my view of their dynamic. I also however, firmly believe Yingxing came in without any romantic relationship experience too. The difference here ends up being in how inexperienced each of them are. Yingxing has had a lot more friendship experience, and he’s experienced crushes before which is how he can identify his own romantic feelings better than Dan Feng. But he’s never actually been in any relationship. He’s never had the time, he’s got his own goals in mind while being painfully aware he’s on a time limit, and let’s be real like I said before, This Man is married to his Forge. Meanwhile, Dan Feng truly hasn’t had any friendships prior to the HCQ. Knowing him and her too, I firmly believe Dan Feng and Jingliu’s relationship for example, was for maybe a few decades, maybe a literal century, just them sparring without words from time to time. So Dan Feng not only going in with no friendship experience, but I think that man also is having to recognize some new emotions and feelings he’s never experienced nor can put words to. So Dan Feng’s disaster comes in being painful aware of the presence and intensity of his own feelings… he just doesn’t have the words nor experience to recognize exactly what those feelings are. It’s an absolute disaster on all fronts, somebody pray for the HCQ who unfortunately have to experience all of this.
There’s an added layer I want to go more into looking back at the first part of why their relationship works and the thing I said about the Baiheng trait. As we saw with Jingliu admitting to her feelings towards his attitude as a child, she wasn’t… she wasn’t really a fan so to say of his arrogance. And given y’know, what we see of the people of the Luofu, I don’t doubt many people have similar reactions. Part of Yingxing’s limited experience comes not only from his own decision to not pursue anything, I think part of it comes from being for whatever reason feeling distaste for him. Whether it’s their own prejudices against Outworlders, or his bold attitude and lack of formality that makes any interest they had in him end up flying away. Which ugh, makes it even more special that this attitude of his, born out of necessity for his own survival on the Xianzhou and for his ability to move forward in his craftsmanship after all he went through, which has pushed so many people away, ends up being the exact thing that allows him to get close to Dan Feng. IT’s UGGGHHH Sorry, but I just need to scream. I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT THEM OKAY?? THEY TAKE UP TOO MUCH SPACE IN MY BRAIN, I CAN’T HAVE A SINGLE MOMENT OF REST BECAUSE OF THEM
—
Again, this is my view of them and their dynamic based upon what we have been given in game so far, the crumbs of characterization we have. God I hope we get more. This isn’t me saying this view of them is canon or anything, this is just how I view them. This is the dynamic and thoughts that have grown like mold in my head from thinking about them WAY too much.
I have so much more I could talk about, certain specific things or things that don’t even immediately come to mind right now. If you want to ask more about how I view them or have some topic or aspect of them in mind, please hit me up. Either send something to my inbox or bust your way into my dms to talk about them. I love them so much. They mean the world to me.
And honestly? I could just make two whole separate posts also just about how I specifically characterize each of them, but I think I need to let my brain rest a bit.
And don’t think about this dynamic specifically in reference to how it could reflect on their current selves because you might just end up hurting yourself like I have. GOD I HATE THEM
#okay so I have so much more to say about df/yx but i wanted to take the tags to talk about rh#i want to make a separate post about them as well mostly bc of smth ill rant about here#the arguing between rh antis vs rh shippers has devolved into such a lack of nuance from both sides that its HURTING MY BRAIN#rh anti: ‘Blade HATES Dan Heng’#yeah he does#but also its not a shallow kind of hatred#it’s a multilayer complicated hatred built on past feelings of regret betrayal and fundamentally a past love from yingxing#that is what the hatred we see (mostly amplified outwardly by the mara) is all built upon that is PART of the appeal its tragedy its doomed#it’s a loss of what was and how that influences its own unique dynamic different from df & yx#rh anti: ‘DH hates Blade’ also true but again#its become a complicated kind of dislike mixed with the shock and realization of who Blade USED to be and past memories coming back#additionally there’s a little something called character and relationship development where dynamics and characters change over the story…#rh shipper: ‘You’re saying Blade hates DH lol are we reading the same game’ YES WE ARE#YES HE DOES#He does hate him yes its a complicated kind of hatred as I already said but that doesnt erase that he does hold resentment towards Dan Heng#did none of you?? read the relic lore??#if you believe that dan heng is destined to die with blade then you believe hes apart of that ‘final funeral to the unnamed’s life and#to everything he ever hated.’ …like guys why are we saying he doesnt hate him at all#it outright flies in the face of blade’s character to say he doesn’t hate him like HELLO? it’s just a complicated hatred#not nonexistent and like seriously the hatred again adds to the appeal of their dynamic#their tragedy lies in how their past forms were once close and through a shared sin plus some stuff to inspire Blade’s vengeance that#that relationship has been completely destroyed beyond repair under the weight of their sin#love replaced with an eternal hatred and remorse a betrayal grave enough to spark such violent revenge#is what makes rh appealing! makes their dynamic interesting and that dynamic developing further as threads of their past still linger but#alas arent the same as before fundamentally changed and unique to them again MAKES IT INTERESTING AND TRAGIC!! esp knowing blade will die#yingxing#dan feng#xingyue#renheng#honkai star rail
38 notes
·
View notes
Note
Out of pure curiosity, what do you think is missing from Halsin's story?
after writing it all down, i realized it's not just what's missing but also what's broken, inconsistent and shallow about Halsin, hopefully that still answers your question :)
his backstory in the underdark comes out of nowhere and is never again brought up!! it is, in fact, brushed off as just some silly goofy thing that happened to him once!! hihi haha i was a sex slave for two years. im so embarrased to tell you this, tav haha anyways how about round two with the twins ??? while im standing speechless mouth agape struggling to process the story he just told me. to say it was written and handled poorly is putting it mildly
he is shown to be a shrewd person (with his francesca choice for the new archdruid back in emerald grove) so expand on that! show that he's more than just a pile of muscles! show me he's cunning and has bite! there's so much political intrigue in act 3, have him comment on it, on gortash's plan, have Halsin compare it to some other people/events that happened in the past and how they mirror what's currently happening in baldur's gate, my dude is 3 50, he's seen some shit im sure, even living in the forest the news would reach him so no excuses
he's so closely tied to act 2 i have no clue why he's locked off as a companion till you find daniel (which on my first playthrough was just before attack on moonrise, that almost made my blood boil bc not even 2 hours later orin snatched him up??? and i was like?? ok?? she took who? i barely know the guy?). i think he's too tight-lipped about what happened all those years ago with the shadowcurse and i would have loved to hear more about it (like the implication of him killing isobel and the conflict with the thorms)
I need him to be the biology/nature expert equivalent to Gale with his weave expertise. he should have more to say about the worms!! he should be studying you under the microscope the entire game!!!! literally bring back all the missing EA halsin dialogue!! i should be able to drag his ass into the underdark!!! I WANT HIS KNOWLEDGE! I WANT IT TO BRING BACK BAD MEMORIES! expand on drows and their culture in this game by using halsin as the conduit that tells you everything he learned from spending his time here!! so maybe that info dump in act 3 about him being a slave wouldn't come out of nowhere
i refuse to believe he'd have nothing to say about the elder brain after seeing it. i want him to be absolutely repulsed, terrified but also intrugied by the mindflayer colony under moonrise, i want him to cautiously study every nook and cranny there and offer his insight
absolutely baffled he won't say anything to that one dragonborn druid back in baldur's gate that is trying to keep a tree alive???? for all his distain for the cities he sure is quiet here, seeing nature failing in the middle of it while a guy is desprately trying to keep it alive. maybe make it so these two actually manage to turn this spot into something more beautiful, a lush tree in the middle of a concrete road that attracts people who come over to relax in its shade
if they bring up his hatred of the city life, why not let me turn him into a full on shadow druid (which is already hinted on during one of the conversations with him in act 3), kind of how you can keep shadowheart a shar worshipper or steer her toward selune. plant some seeds of his loathing back in act 2, how nature had to be sacrificed because people had delusions of grandure (the elder brain plot and the thorms) etc
besides wanting to cure the shadowcurse and enjoying whittling there's nothing more to this guy. after the curse is lifted all he's got are the ducks.............. once he'll mention he doesn't like the city life. okay, you've been on this earth good 350 years, my guy, you know how cities are don't act surprised
an alternative ending is missing, you should be able to go with him
personally, i think his personality is missing because he is too flat and frankly, boring. he is too agreeable even if you're a meanie to others. just as long as you don't kill innocents he's a ride or die. it's not his fault of course, he's just badly written, too surface level. which is a terrible shame bc i'm so in love with him but i'd like to fall for his personality too. once there's a fleshed out one. so it's quite hard to speculate on what's missing about a guy there's barely any information on in-game tho :'(
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#reply#halsin#if i sound critical it's bc when i love something i criticize it the most#and he's got the potential#he just didnt get the time to cook in the oven#halsin 🤝 wyll#i didnt proofread it's 11:30pm im going to sleep
121 notes
·
View notes
Text
MEPHISTOPHELES
introductory note: this post has been in my drafts for quite some time, slowly and objectively getting spoon-fed with important things I learn about Mephistopheles; and now that the newest lesson is out, I'm happy I decided to wait to put it up. It's going to be lengthy, but it's categorised with titles, so navigation should be fairly easy.
⭑⭑⭑´ˎ˗
To begin with, it's upsetting enough when someone is misunderstood and treated in an unjust manner as a result; but when there aren't even any attempts made to understand them, that's truly not tolerable. At all. Even if that someone is only a compound of pixels.
Besides the prejudice, such behaviour says something about its people and portrays how they may deal with individuals (similar to the characters they're hating on) in real life. This is something that's horribly common in fandoms, but it's in no way whatsoever acceptable or right.
It's also so strange how some characters are excused, accepted, tolerated and swooned over when/if they do similar/worse/horrid things, while others are blatantly blamed. So I ask: why the hypocrisy?
This is something forgotten by many: loving a character is a package that includes accepting their mistakes and shortcomings, but loving them neither means that they're perfect, nor makes a mistake they make acceptable just because they're the ones who made it. A mistake is a mistake, and a shortcoming is a shortcoming.
Mephistopheles is one of my all-time favourite characters, and my favourite in the franchise as well. I love him so, so much. However, that's just one reason as to why it hurts to see how misunderstood and disliked he is; the sheer hatred directed at his character and shallow understanding of his person are so unfair and, quite frankly, very ill-based.
He may behave like an arrogant, rude and traditional aristocrat most of the time, but numerous reasons and factors stand behind his behaviour and viewpoints (even though they aren't always entirely right).
But: he's mostly painted in negative tones, as it's normally ignored or forgotten how, in reality, he's sweet, awkward, honest and kind; his actions tend to go against the mean things or claims he might say, and reflect who he is on the inside instead.
More importantly, he's lonely and deeply hurt—rightfully and understandably so—that is an undeniable fact which he himself admitted.
THE HERITAGE
Numerous times throughout the story, Mephistopheles says that—for generation upon generation—his family has been serving the royal one, whether it be as knights or otherwise, and he, no different, was raised to do just that. He was born to do just that.
However, an additional objective was added to his agenda: he was not only to serve the demon king or prince, but also become the latter's friend.
Mephistopheles was, quite literally, brought up to be Diavolo's friend; and as he apparently seems to keep to himself and doesn't talk about any other friends or even acquaintances (so far), I suspect that means Diavolo is—was—his sole friend.
As per the royals' wishes, the two children grew up together—one became the heir to the throne, while the other became that heir's right hand man.
Again, Mephistopheles is not merely a member of the demonic aristocracy; the family he comes from is explicitly dedicated to serving and protecting the royal family, and it has been for thousands of centuries. It's very important to keep this in mind, because that ancient heritage most likely founded many of his viewpoints, beliefs, and opinions (like his thoughts on humans and fallen angels).
With such heritage comes the burden of a great responsibility, as well as immense pride and honor. So, by becoming Diavolo's right hand man, Mephistopheles was able to fulfill his role—and hence his destiny—as well as respect his family's golden heritage and treasure his honor.
However, when Lucifer—a newcomer, and a fallen angel nonetheless—came into the picture, everything took a drastic turn for Mephistopheles. He lost his (possibly only) friend. He lost his position. And since he was the first member of his family to be released from the duty of directly serving the royal family, there was an unexpected stutter in his own family's continuous heritage (of tending to the royals). This, in turn, hurt not only his feelings, but also wounded his pride and injured his honor (as well as his family's).
As such, what Mephistopheles is feeling doesn't just stem from something as simple as jealousy. On the contrary, Mephistopheles feels as though his honor and pride have been marred, his self-esteem and worth have gotten cracked, his family has been disgraced, and that's all because he was robbed of his position—meaning his very purpose in life—due to the prince's friendship with a stranger, a fallen angel.
His destiny to benefit the prince (which had been decided for him even before his birth) was broken right before his eyes, yet he could do nothing but watch from afar, because he was raised to follow the royal family's every command, accept their every whim and go through with their every desire. These proprieties are a law that flows in his blood and was carved into his very bones.
All he could do was try to prove himself, his skills and his very worth to Diavolo again and again and again.
THE MINDSET
As aforementioned: seeing as Mephistopheles descends from a family whose entire bloodline has been dedicated to the royal one, his mindset was formed by that family's old traditions; and he believes in those traditions, which is why, in his mind, a fallen angel and a demon are not equals.
Prior to Diavolo's reign, no Demon King had made any attempt to form friendly relations and harmony between the three realms. This means that, up until that point, angels and demons (as well as humans) still held on to their own beliefs, believed that each of them is superior to the other, had no interest in communication or so much as considering the other party's views, and still gave their own interests importance over those of others/humans (more so in the case of demons).
This animosity portrays itself clearly in Lucifer's severe reactions to Diavolo and his views on demons from back when he was still a seraph. Even the way other angels talked about demons shows a certain coldness. And the same goes for demons; they all viewed Lucifer and his brothers as fallen angels—absolutely unwelcome outcasts—and the shopkeepers of those were not even willing to let them into their stores; rather, they made a point to force and kick them out, like they did to Mammon.
This tension between the realms encouraged Diavolo to found RAD and put together the exchange program (even though at that point, he himself still believed humans were inferior in a sense).
Some demons, however, still clutched their traditional views close and were unwilling to let them go. Mephistopheles is one of those demons; he berates Lucifer and his brothers for being fallen angels, and looks down on MC for being a 'lowly' human. There's much more to his opinions than some people think (and nobility played its part in forming them), but behaving as he did, of course, was not quite the right thing to do.
Now, families such as the one Mephistopheles comes from are founded on particular, timeless traditions—traditions that Diavolo revolted against, if you will, and began to change through the exchange program by focusing on angel, demon and human interaction. This was hard for even lower-level demons to adjust to, so it must have been much, much harder for someone like Mephistopheles.
And considering his family's status, Mephistopheles has always lived in an atmosphere of political views and is always aware of all the 'national' news and occurences in the Devildom. All this made him patriotic, and that's a reason why he believes that the Devildom is for demons and demons alone, and yet another reason that feeds his scorn for Lucifer and his disdain for the avatar's brothers.
THE FALLEN ANGELS
Lucifer being a fallen angel is not the sole reason as to why Mephistopheles hates him.
Mephistopheles does not hate the brothers simply for their backgrounds or even just for being close to Diavolo, because there's also how he also considers them a threat to his homeland.
He thinks of them as lethal weapons. He blames them for the fear and anxiety hanging over the Devildom. He worries that his homeland would be destroyed due to their presence.
What happened to the brothers was hard, and it wasn't their fault that they had nowhere else to go, but in a way, he's right, because by giving the seven demons a home in the Devildom, Diavolo put the entire land at a risk much too grand, and the lives of his subjects at the mercy of the Celestial Realm.
THE PRINCE
When Diavolo met Lucifer, the celebrated seraph piqued his interest in such away that Lucifer almost became an obsession of his (not in a romantic context, but rather in a more 'exotic and interesting' one). Which is to say, Lucifer was not only a different species, but the most beautiful of that species, and to Diavolo he was a just that—a rare jewel, a dazzling novelty; with him came new experiences, too (i.e. talking to an angel for the first time ever).
Lucifer was one of the two greatest angels of the Celestial Realm, and Diavolo had lead a sheltered life, but no one had not heard about the prideful angel, and the demon prince was no exception. So, when the two finally met and conversed, Diavolo's interest skyrocketed and he wished for them to be friends.
What truly made friendship with Lucifer a necessity to Diavolo, though, was Lucifer's bold attitude and daring mannerisms. Mephistopheles had always treated Diavolo as a prince—formal and careful—but Lucifer treated him more like a friend.
Mephistopheles asks for permission before giving Diavolo his opinions, while Lucifer is not afraid to speak his mind—and that's what Diavolo wants: a fearless friend, not a reluctant advisor. And even when Mephistopheles voices his honest thoughts, Diavolo doesn't like what he hears, because his childhood friend becomes too intense as he clings to his beliefs and opposes affiliation with other species.
In the end, when Lucifer fell from grace, he and Diavolo came to spend a lot of time together, so much so that they became best friends; and as that friendship grew, Mephistopheles suddenly found himself being pushed out of Diavolo's circle—away from his childhood friend's side and away from his life, slowly but surely. That hurt him a lot and set alight within him hatred towards Lucifer, which is understandable; Lucifer had never meant to inflict pain on Mephistopheles, but he had indeed hurt him by 'taking' his rank and his friend—that's a fact. And, honestly, he sometimes does tend to needle him, which is really mean, but demons will be demons. I can appreciate the realism, at least.
Diavolo's mistake lies not in wanting to be friends with Lucifer, but in how he treated Mephistopheles as he formed that friendship. He began to spend little time with him and more time with Lucifer. He started to leave him out. He talked to him less and less. Eventually, it got to a point in which they only met up once in a blue moon (mentioned by Lucifer himself), and Mephistopheles either wouldn't even know about the latest occurences, or was the last to learn about them (even worse: sometimes he got to know thanks to humans, the outsiders).
The following statement(s) may be offensive to some, even though they've been shown or at least implied in both games so far; but if everything Mephistopheles was put through wasn't enough, Diavolo doesn't really seem to care much for Mephistopheles's constant efforts to display his skillset, or even respect his feelings whatsoever (i.e. inviting Lucifer and MC to join him and Mephistopheles for a dinner they were supposed to have together, even though he knows how Mephistopheles feels about Lucifer).
When one's childhood friend—who's most likely their only friend, too—treats them so heartlessly, pushes them away for the sake of someone new, and doesn't take their feelings into consideration, how are they not supposed to get severely hurt and upset?
THE EFFECTS
By orchestrating Mephistopheles's replacement, Diavolo delivered a huge blow not only to the latter's honor and pride, but also to his self-confidence.
Even if he usually boasts his bloodline and makes fun of Lucifer, deeming him unworthy, even if many think that he's pompous and suffers of no such thing as a mottled ego, the truth is, he probably does.
Why else would he ask Diavolo if he thinks Lucifer is better than he is? Why else is he always trying to prove himself to Diavolo and pounces at any chance he gets to do so? Why would he be happy once he got leeway to demonstrate his skills to the prince? Why would he force himself to work in journalism when he had no interest in the field if it were not to showcase his worth? It's not just about catering to the prince's wishes.
Of course, there is also the hint of a challenge towards Lucifer—the usual 'I'm better than you and I will prove it'—but that doesn't really compare to his other feelings.
He's lonely, and he really needs someone to talk to—someone who can listen to him and understand him without being insensitive or making a joke out of his thoughts, reactions and feelings. That shows in how, even when he had earlier avoided so much as greeting Solomon on the street, he immediately started pouring his heart out to him when the latter prodded him with an understanding statement.
He may constantly voice his objections and disapproval of Lucifer, but he could not truly object in the tangible sense. All he could do was try once and again to prove himself to Diavolo, in the hopes that the prince would see his talents and skills, perhaps choose him over Lucifer, and give him not his position as right hand man back, but rather his place as the trusted friend he can once again rely on.
THE NICE THINGS
Mephistopheles is genuine, sensitive and emotional. He doesn't beat around the bush. He just expresses how and what he's feeling—whether emotions born in the heat of the moment or lurking inside for quite some time—and if he doesn't talk about it, it shows in his silence and on his face. He's like Mammon that way; they both don't know how to lie or hide their true thoughts and feelings (even if they horribly want to). If they're upset, it shows. If they're happy, it shows. If they're hiding something, it shows.
He's innocent and soft-hearted. It's so easy for him to back down and waver if he's met with proper treatment (i.e. compensating him with a bottle of rare Demonus was enough to get his help), a certain reaction (i.e. MC giving him an upset look, so he found himself barely able to refuse dinner with Lucifer himself), or a cute situation (i.e. he was displeased when Raphael made him carry Luke, but all it took for him to melt was one look at Luke's sleeping face).
Despite his prestigious background (and the likely gatherings and meetings that come with it), he seems to be awkward. He would rather not greet someone he's merely acquainted with but doesn't know well even if they glimpsed one another on the street.
There's also how he loves his little brother so much. He always babies him and gets him presents, like sweets and clothes.
And what about how much he cares for Luke? What about how he was the only one who risked his life to save him? Even Luke, who always nitpicks the faults of demons, came to love and respect him for what he did. Doesn't that say something? In addition, he helps Luke whenever he can and gives him lots of encouragement, like when he complimented the quality of his desserts and told him that it always amazed him.
Also, he understands how MC feels about wanting to go back home and confronts Lucifer about it, coming to MC's defense as he did. While he may have warmed up to MC a little, the real reason for his actions lies in how he is willing to put his personal feelings aside to do the right thing and be fair and righteous.
He does things for others and helps them—saving them from possible injuries in the process—yet genuinely believes that it's something he doesn't need to be thanked for doing because he thinks 'anyone else would have done the same thing,' which is not true at all.
He doesn't let his personal feelings interfere with and stop him from doing the right thing (i.e. he first used to refer to MC as 'the lowly human exchange student' (original game), but when MC was about to tumble and fall, he came to the rescue and said it was not something he should be thanked for; and in the current game—and despite how he feels about humans and other races—he says that MC can go back to the Devildom whenever, so there's no need to worry about leaving. He doesn't adopt a 'I don't want non-demons to be here, so you should go home and never come back' attitude. Also, he played a huge part in encouraging the brothers to rescue Lucifer when he saw that they were plagued by fear and doubts).
He has no issue giving those he doesn't like credit (i.e. when he told the brothers that he had underestimated them).
Despite his viewpoints, Mephistopheles is not malicious. He never actively tries to inflict serious harm (i.e. unlike demons who treated the brothers cruelly and kicked them out of shops, he readily cooperates with his 'enemies' and the 'lowlives' when needed, like when he and MC solved one of the 666 Mysteries of RAD together).
His pet salamander constantly tries to burn the curtains, but he finds him so cute that he just can't stay angry with him.
He pours a whole pot of sugar into his teacup so he can sweeten his tea! Meaning, he has a sweet tooth, and that's so damn adorable.
He's a main maker/designer of the Prince Lucifer and Princess Diavolo stickers!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST, the first thing I want from NTT once they give Mephistopheles his own intimacy bar is to let MC be there for him; to listen to him, talk to him, encourage him to enjoy his own life, away from Diavolo's shadow and wishes; to let him be kinder to himself, give him the chance to mend his confidence, and a wake-up call to realise that neither Diavolo nor anyone else determines his worth; help him out of his fixation on the fallen angel and the prince and the desire to prove himself worthy; see that he understands he's not a genie forced to grant whatever his Lord wishes for, that he can speak his mind without concern; make him realise that he wasn't born to live life for Diavolo, that he's not a puppet crafted to serve the prince. He's so much more than that. He's alive and breathing, and he deserves so much more than the dreary, painful life he's walking the path of.
⭑⭑⭑´ˎ˗
ending note: NTT, please, please, please add him already. Pretty please.
©𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙡𝙞𝙥𝙜𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨
#obey me mephisto#obey me mephistopheles#obey me#obey me nightbringer#obey me swd#shall we date? obey me!#om! shall we date#om! swd#obmswd#obmnb#obey me shall we date
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
I feel like a disconnect has developed in conversations about femininity and sexism. Like yes, super feminine things have been mocked and derided. i.e. girls saying they hate pink or makeup or whatever because they will get teased for being too girly.
However, the problem with that mockery is that its root source is hatred for women in general. Not hatred for pink as a color. Pink was mocked because it was connected to girls.
So I kind of feel like all this reclamation, the bimbo feminism and the barbie feminism and the hyperfemininity, is a bit misplaced. People act like engaging in traditionally feminine things is now an act of reclamation, for things that they were scared to engage with when they were younger.
But all that usually ends up communicating is "Yes, pink IS a girly thing! And there is NOTHING wrong with that!" and I can see how that's progress and it's a decent first step but it's also a very shallow interpretation of the issue. And it just reinforces a connection between female-ness and pink et al that really shouldn't be there.
Like the problem isn't that you were taught to hate pink, or glitter, or Barbie, it's that you were taught to hate anything culturally connected to your gender at all. The actual things themselves have nothing to do with the hatred that was lobbed at you since birth.
Idk if this is coherent at all but I feel like, if that helps you work through your misogynistic trauma then cool. But for me personally, I feel less like I need to reconnect with girliness, and more like I wish I wasn't forced into a box of girliness and then ridiculed for it.
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
you’re literally one of the goats of pjo tumblr and i have determined this from the simple fact that you were the only person i saw on this site that wasn’t hatefully obliterating everything about tsats when it first came out
This book was a sincere and loving work of art! Was it perfect? No! Did it have some cringe moments? Sure! But at its core it was a beautiful, touching homage to a beloved character that had such compassion for the young queer readers that have always held onto him. I adored it, I had so much fun reading it, I laughed, I cried, I giggled and kicked my feet at the cute parts. I felt SO seen. And I’m really sorry that so many other people didn’t seem to have such a great time with it but it sucks that they keep trying to ruin everyone else’s.
I have never understood the vitriolic hate for this book, I will never understand it, but it makes me really sad. There are people in the tsats tag these days saying that they finally read the book after hearing so much bad stuff about it but they can’t believe how much they loved it, and that is really fucking bleak to me. The overwhelming volume senseless hate genuinely did impact others’ decision to pick up a great book that they ended up loving. Anon you aren’t the first person to tell me that I’m the only/one of the few people on tumblr that wasn’t shitting on tsats right out of the gate, and while I guess I’m honored by the distinction it’s also such a tragedy.
It’s sad that the overwhelming majority of the hate I’ve seen for tsats boils down to shipping. Either people hate Will/Solangelo or they’re mad that it wasn’t about a different Nico ship. The degree of bad faith that “solangelo antis” went into this book with is utterly absurd and is present in every single hateful take about it. It’s disheartening to me that such a sincere book that provides a super positive example of a queer relationship — released during a time when homophobia is getting worse in the USA both on a social and political level — is torn down (largely by its own community) because of something as shallow as shipping preferences.
People got mad at me for bringing up homophobia but, I’m sorry, that’s what it looks like when the overwhelming response to a story about two boys in a loving relationship is blind rage and senseless hatred.
Anyway. This is a much longer response than you were probably expecting, and thank you for the kind words!! It’s just. It makes me grateful but also Really Really sad to be told I’m the only person on pjoblr not actively posting hate for this book.
52 notes
·
View notes
Note
Breaks glass and enters the ask box
Hi, I’ve seen that you requested the violent asks. I got some for ya to start:
12.) The unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them.
18.) It’s absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on…
21.) A part of canon that you think is overhyped.
Oh thanks! I wasnt sure where the og ask game was so its nice to have these!
12.) The unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them.
...Does Muu count? I feel like people like Muu overall but I also found that a lot of Muu analysis and fan depictions feel kinda shallow? I try not to rag but I always feel like there's a lot unexplored with Muu. I have a personal hatred of the Milgram Comment Section (I'm an Amane fan and 90% of the comments are utter bullshit to me.) and it really gets to me how people take her as Just a character who seemed to be a victim but is actually a bully- like. Come on- if Muu was actually good at manipulating people she wouldn't be in this prison, she would still Be the Queen.
That and Muu's cycle motif, princess themes, victimhood, manipulation, her life in a place where friendship cannot grow, etc etc. Is super interesting and deserves to be explored more! She's a fascinating character with a lot of nuance and interesting ideas to explore and I dearly adore her.
18.) It’s absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on…
Uh....everything? That's partially a joke but also I hear that outside of the Tumblr spaces I frequent a lot of the things i like the most about Milgram aren't talked much. It's why I wrote multiple posts about saviors and Amane and cats and all the other stuff. I couldn't find them so I just...wrote it myself lol.
I think there should be more exploration on what Milgram and the characters are exploring Thematically and the overarching themes of the series as a whole. There's so Much about these cyclical events and power and dehumanization and its so good and I Need More People to sit in a circle with me and think about Cat Amane Momose!
ALSO THE COVERS!!! THOSE COVERS HAVE SO MUCH MEANING AND PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING ON EM!!! I DID NOT WRITE 3K+ WORDS ABOUT THE ANIMAL COVER FOR PEOPLE TO SLEEP ON THE INSPIRED CHOICE THAT IS THE ANIMAL COVER! I LOVE THAT THING AND OTOME DISSECTION AND PSYCHOGRAM AND-
21.) A part of canon that you think is overhyped.
This relates to 18 a bit...I don't enjoy exploring the...murder...that much...ironic I know but I kinda see Milgram analysis as like. Certain people taking care of certain points of interests because that's what they know the best.
I don't think any single person can analyze everything, so I really do appreciate the work the people who look at these crime scenes and figure out what else might be going on do! This isn't a indictment against them or anything. I treasure this kind of analysis dearly because I don't really know where to start with that kind of stuff.
However, I do think when most people think Analysis this sort of stuff is the first thing they think of. Which again isn't a bad thing but I just think there's other things to explore!
(...I was trying to be mean with the violence ask game but It seems like I dont have it in me lol)
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
god but everyone needs to read the daevabad trilogy
it's got everything! it's high fantasy set against a rich, islamic-golden-age backdrop. it's both political and action-oriented without getting too into the weeds with politics or so into action that it becomes shallow. the relationships are deep and mature and complicated, and don't fall into cookie-cutter cliches. the characters are deep and mature and complicated, and even the very worst of them has vestiges of goodness: the Evil King was once a good man who tried to foster cooperation among the warring tribes of his city, who genuinely did -- and does! -- care about the well-being of the people he rules.
but he always puts the city first, and that means that some people get crushed underfoot, and he becomes more and more willing to crush in order to protect order, and...
even his worst enemies admit that he was not a bad man, at first. he had good intentions. at first. and arguably, even still. he just got twisted, too caught up in the brutal politics. it's not for nothing that his eldest son -- a genuinely good man -- shows strong signs of becoming like him. because, as he was taught, "daevabad comes first." before yourself, before family, before love, before compassion. you don't have to be an evil man to do evil things. and at the end -- without spoiling anything, did muntadhir descend to "evil" depths? it's a hard question to answer. he did what he believed was best for daevabad. it was horrific, but it was undeniably effective. it worked. right or wrong, good or evil, it worked.
and the ultimate villain of the series was brutally abused and imprisoned and controlled, and turned to ever-darker paths in her desperation to be free and in control of her own destiny. she is what she was made to be, and even at the very bottom of things, she still loves. she still has the capacity for love and heartbreak and the desire to make things right, by her own twisted definition of right. she is a shining example of "the ends do not justify the means." she was willing to descend to any depth to fulfill her vision for daevabad, but those depths destroyed that vision. but she still had sympathy. she suffered, horribly, and she deserved better than the lot she was given at the start -- she's sort of a greek tragedy: if she could have walked away, disappeared into nothingness with her son, she would have been free. but she couldn't. not just because ghassan was holding her brother prisoner, but because she couldn't let it go. she had to make him pay.
and it's hard to blame her for her hate! he tortured her little brother to keep her under his thumb, he was obsessed with her, he trapped her in a gilded cage! her hatred is completely justified! in another world, she's the hero of the story, bringing her legacy back to its proper glory. but she descends ever-deeper into darkness in pursuing her revenge, until it consumes and controls her, and she becomes the villain.
it's not a simple tale of good-versus-evil. there is good and evil in both sides, in every character. the closest you get to an unambiguously good character is ali, but even he can be judgmental and short-sighted, too obsessed with what is Moral to notice the harm he's causing. and that's not a criticism! it makes him a well-rounded and full character. he's flawed. he's real.
and even so, it's a positive story. things get unspeakably terrible, but they come through it all the clearer. the happy ending is earned, and so, so deserved. it's a satisfying ending, where there's a lot of awful shit, but there's also a lot of goodness and kindness and love. nothing and no one is either wholly good nor wholly bad. but things are getting better, at the end, and there's a bright future ahead of them. it's a perfect ending for the story.
it's such an intricate and mature story of politics and magic and faith and fear and rage and hope and courage and love. it's phenomenal, everyone needs to read the trilogy.
#the daevabad trilogy#daevabad trilogy#PLEASE MORE PEOPLE READ THIS STORY SO I CAN FROTH AT THE MOUTH ABOUT IT MORE#IT'S SO AMAZING#i devoured the whole thing in like two weeks#it's so goddamned good y'all#easily the best story i've read in ten years#(yes including six of crows)#which i love and which was extremely well-written but like. it pales in comparison to the daevabad trilogy#which i do not say lightly#pleaseeeeeee read it
95 notes
·
View notes
Text
Personally I feel like the rushed pace of Hazbin is more of an indictment of The Industry of making shows, especially animated ones, rather than of Vivzie and the crew.
There are also some issues I have with some interpretations and expectations people are having, like… Media also has its logistical limitations, especially “alternative” (subversive) media and media spearheaded by women. I personally would much rather they use their time wisely, even if payoff and key character moments aren’t always earned, than waste multiple episodes doing slice of life in an 8-episode season. (Looking at you, Steven Universe.)
I also don’t think y’all understand the limitations of the process of animating (in terms of time, manpower, budget, etc) —but also of how they may not have been able to get signed on with A24 and Amazon if they didn’t have big name actors going with it.
Y’all act like this is just Vivienne stomping around being a mean old Karen, when in reality, that is not how creative productions work. There is so much we don’t know but everyone is content to condemn the series largely based on emotional reactions, assumptions and too often, bad faith. It’s not even done airing yet.
Hazbin Hotel has its flaws—cram packed pacing being the main one—but as a huge fan of animated shows, who grew up in the 90s, to me it is a damn breath of fresh air. Do I wish they’d stop and just let us feel something more often? Sure! I’m sure Viv and the crew do too, if Helluva Boss is anything to go by.
Criticism of a creative work is valid, but only when it takes into account how that thing is actually made and most importantly, the context in which it exists. If you ignore those two things, your criticism is always going to ring hollow and come off as shallow and uninformed.
Shockingly, opinions aren’t always constructive criticism, and some folks seem to have missed that distinction.
EDIT: Would also kindly like to add that as a survivor of SA, abuse, depression, Husk and Angel’s song in ep 4 did not come across as victim blaming to me. Self pity and self hatred lie at the root of self destruction, and no matter how much you’ve earned the right to sit in that mire, admitting that you’re in a fucked up place is the first step toward acceptance and the path to healing. When you’ve been hurt, you grieve, and Angel was in a stage of denial and depression.
Sometimes, the only way to break through that powerful fog is for someone to tell you, yeah, shit is fucked up and you’re an absolute disaster, but you are not alone and I am here with you. I personally would rather have someone just be honest with me instead of spouting some saccharine nonsense. People always talk about how there’s a better place beyond what I’ve walked through, but I hated that, because it offered no honest assessment or comfort for me while I was still in the thick of it.
You can be so hurt that you’re lost in the pain and misery and you lose the perspective you need to hold onto any kind of hope. Husk offered him that hope, and without engaging in the Suffering Olympics. He was open and straightforward and genuine. No more bullshit.
And Angel doesn’t need bullshit, he needs honesty and people that care about him, who will be there through whatever comes next.
But that? That’s just my opinion.
#hazbin hotel#fandom#fandom culture#fandom discourse#media analysis#hazbin fandom#Hazbin hotel critical
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
Everything so far about the Season 9 Egg War (part 2)
buckle up because this is a ride-
Part 1, [you're here!], part 3?
--
1. [26] Grian discovers that both methods of breaking dragon eggs crashes him. It’s also revealed that he knows how to fix it (something to do with a mod) but has decided not to, and instead keep a list of everyone who abuses the crashing. (but he does clean some eggs later in the video, so he might have fixed it, at least temporarily)
2. [27] The Buttercups have a meeting, and their future plan (as summarized by Mumbo) is: “Build up a big tent, have an impressive HQ, recruit some extra people with our sweet magic skills. Apparently. Apparently is the plan- and then, and then victory.” They’re planning to build a big tent to recruit people. I can’t remember what the magic bit was about.
3. [28] Mumbo builds the Bottercup, a walking robot pot with four legs and three buttercups sprouting out of it to fight Doc’s Goat Walker. It has a tnt-missile that should explode on impact.
4. [29] Mumbo talks to Ren while making the Bottercup, and tells him about the robot. Ren then leaves, after saying that he will “definitely not relay this information to Doc.” Mumbo wonders if Ren is a spy.
5. [30] Grian builds a giant pot (of the 1.20 kind) to enclose the Bottercup (similar to the barn enclosing the Goat Walker) and builds “Live Laugh Love” in some beautiful cursive on the side of the perimeter. It took so much time and genuinely looks nice, which makes Grian wonder if he’s pranked himself.
6. [31] Mumbo clears the eggs from his base, and has so much fun with the method he had figured out that he ends up clearing the eggs in the back of Grian’s base too, which he realizes was the most pointless thing he could have done with his time. He also gets a purple crown and becomes his own best friend.
7. [32] Scar builds the Buttercup’s Cookie Shop, a flower pot near the perimeter giving out buttercup cookies for free. The cookies are retextured raw chicken.
8. [33] Doc expresses his hatred for shallow motivational quotes and cursive writing in Minecraft. He also mentions how the Buttercups are turning the perimeter into a Facebook Karen’s kitchen/page.
9. [34] Ren (now Agent double-o-sev-Ren) shows Doc the spy place he built under the Buttercup camp, which is accessed by eating in the cave under the camp, then throwing an enderpearl into the one-block hole that will appear in the wall.
10. [35] The spy place contains three rooms. The spy lab, containing the Discombobulator 9000, the chilling out room, where they wait for the Buttercups to go to their camp but have to constantly press shift (should have surronded it by chests to hide the nametags-), and the Sniffer Hole, located directly under the camp, that also has a random bee.
11. [36] Ren and Doc investigate Scar’s cookie shop, Doc thinking its a sign of peace and Ren assuming it will blow up. Doc gets food poisoning from a cookie, and considers blowing the shop up so other hermits won’t get fooled as well.
12. [37] Doc and Ren go into the Discombobulator 9000 in that order, coming out wearing sniffer oinses. Ren is the top-half of the sniffer, and Doc is the bottom half.
13. [38] Doc helps Ren put sniffers in the Sniffer Hole, and Ren gives him a military package that was shipped accross the Gigaverse by Giga-corp (that is actually what he said.) It contains loaded rocket-crossbows and many “pink large ball” rockets.
14. [39] They use their new outfits to disguise as a “baby sniffer” (sniflet) and blend in with the other sniffers in the Sniffer Hole as they eavesdrop on the Buttercups. What am I looking at. Why??? 😭
15. [40] Scar gives Mumbo and Grian food poisoning with his cookies. Mumbo tells Scar that’s not how a poisoning works, and you’re only supposed to poison a specific person, not everbody.
16. [41] Mumbo discovers that the sign of his tent has been edited to “Buttercup’s toilet” and a toilet and toilet-paper has been placed inside. He thinks it was done by Doc, but discovers it was actually just Scar, because his choice of smooth stone for the floor makes it look like a bathroom.
17. [42] They discuss the “Live, Laugh, Love” writing on the perimeter’s walls, and Scar says he would quit Minecraft if someone ever did that to him.
18. [43] Grian and Mumbo talk about how their chat said to add a Jellie “hanging in there” poster and a “Peace, Love, and Plants” tapestry. They discuss how they could add details to make it more floral and decorative before they are suddenly interupted.
19. [44] Doc gets frustrated with the threat of shallow motivational quotes and blows his and Ren’s cover by yelling that there will be no such things in his perimeter.
20. [45] The Buttercups dig down and discover the two eavesdroppers. Ren laments at Doc ruining the thing he spent a week building, and Mumbo is probably traumatized by the two’s costume, seeing as his POV was the only one of the Buttercups’s actually showing their abomination of a sniflet in action.
21. [46] Doc says that they now know their plans, but Mumbo responds with a good old “thankfully they were fake plans!” They were not fake plans.
22. [47] Grian realizes they somehow got one of his sniffers, Snot, into the Sniffer Hole. His other sniffer, (Dwight) Schnoot, is not there.
23. [49] The five agree to settle this like adults by letting the robots do all the work, but not before it is pointed out that they aren’t really acting like adults by wearing sniffer oinses and eating raw chicken. (Doc also offends their new rainbow outfits, which, as said by Mumbo, is a lot coming from the bottom-half of a sniffer.)
24. [49] They drop the concrete-powder doors of the robots and let them start running, which, despite from a slight panic from the Buttercups at the door not falling properly, goes smoothly.
25. [50] As it turns out, the Goat Walker is not only incredibly slow, but it shoots tnt from the wrong end, pooping out explosives and destroying the perimeter of the perimeter instead of the Bottercup. It’s also supposed to shoot tnt from the sides, but for some reason that didn’t work.
26. [51] The Buttercups have issues with the mic mod not working correctly, relogging and always having one person unable to hear the other. They decide to all log off at the same time, and while that fixes the mic issues, it unloads the chunks of the Bottercup, causing it too stop walking.
27. [52] After a lot of panic, Mumbo manages to get it running again, all while the extremely slow Goat Walker has barely left its barn. Ren and Doc cheer for the Bottercup’s success, before Doc tells Ren to stop- but- he was cheering too.
28. [53] The bots eventually collide, and the Bottercup’s tnt exploded as planned.
29. [54] The tnt blows up most of the Bottercup and only the nose off of the Goat Walker. Doc thinks he’s won, but Grian says that if the Goat Walker can still walk, Doc wins.
30. [55] The Goat Walker can no longer run crawl. The Buttercups celebrate their victory, but Doc then alerts Ren and blows a horn, causing Ren to fire a rocket-crossbow at the Bottercups before the two fly away in different directions.
31. [56] Scar alerts the other Buttercups about the butterfly heading speedily torwards his Scarland. Apparently, he was the only one aware that it had tnt, and Grian hadn’t even known it could move.
32. [57] The butterfly flies over the Goat Walker and bombs it. This is due to a miscalculation on Doc’s part when he calculated where the bots would be apon collusion. This would not have happened if the Bottercup hadn’t broken down mid-battle.
33. [58] With a lot of panic, the Buttercups manage to stop it before it even hits the forest seperating the perimeter from Scarland.
34. [59] Grian wonders where Ren went, which makes them all realize that there’s another butterfly (Mothra) being piloted by Ren, heading straight for Grian’s and Mumbo’s bases. (Although, they only seemed to think about Grian’s base at the time. What’s in front Grian’s base, guys??)
35. [60] They stop the Mothra a lot quicker than Doc’s unnamed butterfly. The comments were giving Mumbo credit for that, on his last rocket too, so let pause to applaude Mumbo. 👏👏👏
36. [61] Doc gets upset over the destruction of his Goat Walker and blames the Buttercups for their stupidity causing it too happen. He says “Your incompetence is your strongest power!” and Mumbo replies with "eeeyup."
37. [61] The Buttercups meet up and confirm that the fighting is not over, and that even though they won the battle, they still need to win the war.
38. [92] The perimeter of the perimeter has a lot of damage, and the Buttercups’s bases, as well as their camp, are untouched. That’s. That. How do you fail so badly.
39. [93] Doc (to his viewers) says that he thinks he actually won the Bot Battle, considering that the Bottercup had a lot more damage from the fight itself than the Goat Walker. He also mentions that for his next attack, he has gotten inspired by Tango’s latest episode. Which. I haven’t actually watched. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
40. [94] This should go in earlier but I’m too lazy to change all the numbers: Scar reveals that apparently there was another “legitimate” (not duped) dragon egg on the server before Grian and Doc duped eggs; one that “myseriously” appeared in his inventory when he was in the End a few months ago. He decides he’s going to sell it in an auction on the street between Cubfan’s and Cleo’s rivaling museums.
--
I was planning to wait for Pearl's episode before posting this, but she made a community post saying this week's episode will be new life, not hermitcraft, so I just posted now :D
Anyway, I’d like to encourage you all to point out any mistakes/details I missed in the comments/tags of shares, which I will add in a reblog like I did last time! I don’t watch Ren, so there might be a few :D
(The link for part two in the part one post is at the end of the reblog, not in the og post.)
#hermitcraft#grian#goodtimeswithscar#mumbo jumbo#the buttercups#buttercup alliance#the egg war#hermitcraft s9#docm77#rendog#renthedog#egg war summary#summary#list#bottercup#doc is technically the victim here#but mumbo is the most victim here
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
Alright. So. The Bioshock Infinite issue.
I haven't completed the game but I doubt it'll do a 180 to completely change its politics at this point. (Long post so I added a cut!)
I went into the game and immediately recognized the "Bioshock tm" lack of subtlety and depth when dealing with serious political issues. It has been plaguing all the games in the series. But still, I had an optimistic mindset. I told myself that even if it lacked nuance, racism is a very important issue to bring awareness to.
Something that bothered me with the shallow takes on chauvinism and racism in this game is that it portrays them as things of the past. It doesn't help that they're so exaggerated. It doesn't have the bite of things you can actually still see today. It's not pervasive, it takes the idea that bigotry is only ever bigotry if it's blatant hatred to the extreme.
I think that, like the two other games, it has a very rich environment and potential. DeWitt's involvement with the Native Americans genocide could have genuinely been an extremely compelling plot point had it not be relegated to some sort of INDIVIDUAL guilt. His native american heritage is just a small detail within the tapes. The pride his old sergent has about killing tribes that he could be a descent of is never fully confronted, and you even get encouraged to treat him with kindness and mercy.
I'm honestly waiting for this to get expanded on, but it's the reason why I was in denial for so long about what had happened with the revolutionaries later in game. He's still a guy who was part of a genocide and has not fully confronted it out loud. He's unreliable and I would not trust his takes on racism.
With that in mind, I make my way to Finkton. As soon as I get there, I start killing every cop I see without even getting told to do so by the game. I think I might have missed a fuck ton of scripted animations and dialogues by doing this. The game very strongly established the people there are slaves, and are constantly under the surveillance of the cops I just killed.
I am hyped as shit as soon as the revolution rolls out, but DeWitt's first comment about how "Fitzroy and Comstock are the same besides the names" worried me at first. No worries, I tell myself, surely the game will be smart about it! Surely it will be about how DeWitt is wrong and Elizabeth is gonna teach him he has internalized racism from genociding indigenous people.
Then both him and Elizabeth make this comment again. The game HAS to give Daisy a completely out of character moment to even make killing the black female revolution leader seem like a sensible thing to do. It HAS to make the revolutionaries you kill almost all white after this to prevent you from seeing the obvious racism of what you're doing (alongside resource minmaxing I imagine). I went from being hopeful this will be a just and nuanced tale about confronting your own biases to seeing the game is going to be the weakest lib shit ever. Genuinely going down the route of "all violence is bad :(". They have the absolute gall to do this after literally breaking time and space to bring a revolutionary back to life because he was a POLITICAL PRISONER and got brutally murdered by white supremacists. (Also its fucking hilarious I can kill cops in the hundreds but when the oppressed minority wants to then its some horrible terrible thing)
I don't know, this was a lot of words to not say a lot but it's 7 am and I'm still in shambles I cannot believe they did this. Did nobody proofread the script?? How did this even get published?? Why is it so critically acclaimed??
I am really hoping it'll do a 180 but god am I doubtful.
( @solsono Je te réponds avec un poste à cause de la limite de caractères + en anglais pour les gens qui passent devant mais merci!)
#bioshock infinite#sorry to the veteran of that tag im sure youve seen this take 50 times on the gay website#but god#jesus christ
13 notes
·
View notes
Note
❤️ - How did your muse come to realize their romantic and sexual orientations? Was it difficult to accept? Are they proud of who they are?
Miscellaneous Symbol Headcanons
(Elliot figured it out quickly but not before he irrevocably damaged his understanding of love with unrealistic expectations and few boundaries. He's constantly chagrined by society + his own self hatred but has a decent amount of compromises in place to protect himself. and nolanel is not normal. nolanel will never be normal about anything in his life, least of all sex)
but oh MAN this is a good question and one i think abt all the time. the answers are v detailed and a bit nsfw so it's all going under a cut
elliot was young when he figured it out. his childhood was lonely and studious--and that was partly his doing. josseloux treated him almost like an adult, allowing him to make his own decisions abt where to go and what to do, and elliot invariably pursued learning over play. he was snobbish, oversensitive, and peculiarly observant and analytical--which hasn't rly changed.
he was obsessed with quixotic male heroes, would find his eye drawn for hours to the ideal male figures in statues, and wanted nothing to do with the coarse or unintelligent (read: not like him) boys around him. josseloux wasn't unaware, and stuffed a few books in his shelves to bait his son. something like edward carpenter's anthology of friendship Absolutely ruined elliot's understanding of what a relationship w another man should be: something full of devout loyalty, intellectual greatness, unerring inspiration, and nothing like what he observed in real life. he was Different and he wanted Better.
women were Better but they didn't do it Right. they had the grace, kindness, and beauty that he wanted--except they were women, and women were inconvenient bc of societal structure/expectations and ☆misogyny☆. he intuited what sex was between the lines of his dad's books and decided it was not for him. then a teenage boy stopped an 8yo eli in the hall, bent to fix elliot’s tie, and spiraled him into understanding.
his imagination became more in depth once he knew what he wanted to see but wasn't seeing it. as he grew older, his queerness became more prominent in contrast w the dominant culture, and he began to resent the way people treated him as a curiosity. it was in his sense of beauty, his voice, the carry of his body, his values, and he knew that he would feel humiliated abt it for the rest of his life. he doubled down on himself and allowed ppl who wanted to dislike him to do so; he would weaponize gossip against them eventually.
he's still self-conscious. self-hatred is part of it, but most of that hatred is towards other parts of himself. at this point, he's thrown himself so far into fretting about his socks that bigger matters feel smaller. almost every salon, house, lodge, and backroom where queer talk happens has also heard elliot's laugh. his experience w relationships before nol are unexpectedly fleeting and shallow, too: 6 months mightve been the longest because he always knew smth isnt clicking completely and it's all hot & quick sparks before they stop talking.
his first approach to nol was intellectual before anything else, then sexual, and when neither of those made nol open up, he regarded their interactions as platonic until he actually learned what nolanel's suppressed af tells were. then he kissed the dope and entered the 'Oh. So Nolanel Like-Likes Me. He's Also Terrified Of Me. Please God Tell Me I Can Fix This' phase. it got worse before it got better. its a miracle he didnt drop nol then and there but i never claimed elliot was smart.
anyway. nols insanity aside its a huge effort for elliot to have to juggle his big silly personality & professionalism with smth (possibly) undesirable that ppl clock in him the minute he's in view. by n large tho, he likes being gay n celebrates it. he just gets in trouble bc his gay feelings are too big for him to handle.
nolanel is just. jfc. so practically everything in the world terrifies nol. romance and sex are no different. part of that is just his own brain, and the other half is taught or cultural. he grew up knowing the how and why of sex bc of how crucial it was to the operation of the ranch. simultaneously, the only love he had towards a person was ephemie, so he just assumed one day he'd marry her and figure the rest out. he kissed her when he was 10 and both of them were like. uh yeah No.
his only other exposure to love was at community dances in the lowlands, where he danced and tried to convince himself of feelings but just couldn't sympathize with the couples secreted away and groping at each other. it didnt seem fun or worth breaking rules for. halone would be mad.
moving to the brume when he was 14 woke him up. the culture around sex was more open, which was distressing and confusing and thrilling. then the military compounded the jumble with peer pressure, the live-before-you-die mentality, and ohhhhhhh god oh no no no men everywhere why are men hot too. sex seemed embedded in everything down to their uniforms. perhaps he would learn to live w this. :)
absolutely fucking not. the ppl who ply sex horrify him by reminding him of his own desires (which halone says are bad). the most nol's done is make out w rando ladies but the minute they touch him past that he nopes out. this got even worse when his body was burned. dont look at him dont touch him (please look at him please touch him). he wants to be in love and have sex but any exp fills him w dread to the point it makes him sick. also, war makes him scared and sick. he is now doubly scared and sick. he starts telling himself its a waste and a distraction while knowing its not bc he cant. stop. thinking abt it.
ENTER BRUCEMONT. who loves sniffing out a weakness. he drills those feelings deeper into nols head while loudly contradicting them in his own life. he'll sit there and give explicit details abt the woman he bedded the night before so nol gets blueballed and furious. its hook line and sinker every time. truly embarrassing. brucemont loves his job. also, elliot is a political pest Needs To Go.
so this uber ridiculous religious, occupational, and personal shame cocktail is rly not helpful to nols state of mind. he Literally throws up after elliot kisses him for the first time bc he's so violently scared. his internalized homophobia acts up at the worst times, he's deathly ashamed of loving elliot at all for a while, and it takes forever for him learn that privacy is not secrecy and vice versa. the last thing i wrote is all about this.
honest to god if he just let himself enjoy something instead of analyzing the moral properties of kissing the man he's been pining after for 4 yrs, he'd have a better time of life. nol please go get laid im crying. and then he can't be normal abt that either bc hes i like uhhhh yeahhhhh im not rly interested in taking any of my clothes off the first time
i think if he fell in love w a woman he'd feel a lot more comfortable about it. anyone but elliot (and bruce. i know i joke abt it but GOD its possible its terrifying) would also do him good. nol has a v servile personality that adapts to the needs of the person he likes, but he and eli have such wildly different needs that they have to beat each other's brains like laundry for several years before they're compatible. none of this helps nol view his sexuality as smth hes remotely okay with for a v long time
#love when i get to point out that their lives would be better#if they did not know each other KAJDFHJSDKFH#THEY GET BETTER!!!!! BUT IT TAKES LIKE 5 YEARS#god i have so many more thoughts but i NEEDED TO STOP TYPING#this is already over 1.2k words ksjdhfsf#THANKS SILV SORRY FOR THE ESSAY#about nolanel#about elliot
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
You guys I spent too much time randomly browsing Instagram yesterday and ended up having the coolest dream EVER.
It was Percy Jackson (2023) x Live action Httyd (2025). And it was freaking GOOD.
Listen listen listen - think a large, fantastical Roman/Greek city bustling with life. At its edge, picture Httyd2's dragon racing setup mixed with a huge, beautiful colosseum-like war arena. The design is a harmless, fictional movie aesthetic but it's BIG FUN. There are lots of colorful flags and banners, lots of ropes and nets hanging everywhere, and the atmosphere is roaring and excited like a stadium at the world cup. Behind the walls of the arena, what's meant to be the Mediterranean but absolutely looks like a dreamy tropical sea, stretches endlessly into the horizon.
Walker Scobell is young Hiccup, Leah Jeffries is young Astrid. The teens have always been good friends. Now they're late to the dragon training festival and are hurrying there to make it. They know they have to fight each other first and then the captive dragons of the city to determine who will get to slay which dragon at the end. The final face-off is supposed to be a sort of meet-your-match arrangement, an almost sacred encounter between each human and the dragon that challenges them best. A fierce bond of mutual respect and hatred is supposed to develop between the human and their special dragon, locking them in an equal and deeply personal match of life and death in the final round. Only one can ever make it out alive. It's meant to earn them their place in society. If the teen wins, they are showered with the honor and glory and the rights of a warrior, if the dragon wins, its ability to survive is just as respected and it gets released back into the wild.
The pre-show has Alexandra Daddario looking like older Httyd2 Astrid, while her name remains Annabeth, absolutely toying with multiple dragons. She is the city's famous dragon warrior champion fighting simultaneously against one or two Hideous Zipplebacks, a Monstrous Nightmare, and several water dragons. She bests them all. Maybe she's younger Astrid's older sister. Young Astrid aspires to be like her. At one time, Httyd2 Astrid-Annabeth puts out a Nightmare's fire with her dripping wet, gorgeous long, blonde hair. Doesn't even hesitate. The crowd goes bananas. (This looked so cool in my dream - like she was mopping up fire with her hair. Since it was soaking wet from the water, that somehow didn't do any damage lol. Dream logic, bwahaha)
Now, all the dragons in their cages look like massive beasts, a mix of bears, beavers, walruses and really bad dragon CGI from the 90s. Except the Monstrous Nightmare which looks normal, which is no surprise if you know me of course. Toothless is held captive there too. He's an old dragon whose shape looks more like a manta ray in this non-animated version of events.
He and Hiccup have already singled out each other to face in final combat. Yet already there's also kindness connecting them. The old dragon and the young child have too much mercy for each other's fate to give hatred and ferocity and the bit much effort. So when it's Hiccup's turn to enter the ring...and Toothless is already waiting for him there... Hiccup chooses to enter the arena from a jumping plank above. Why? Because he can also "accidentally", conveniently open the dragon release hatch from there. He does it, Toothless shoots out from under him - and Hiccup JUMPS, perfectly landing on his back, the audience gasps, and - Hiccup and Toothless fly out of the arena together and soar over the endless, turquoise, tropical summer sea. Until they cannot be seen from afar anymore.
Toothless is so old he can't fly for long, and he sets Hiccup down in some shallows of these warm, beautiful, tropical ocean waters. He then introduces Hiccup to young Toothless, who is actually his grandson, and asks him to protect him. Hiccup promises to do so. Old Toothless goes away to die peacefully, and young Toothless and Hiccup become the best buds we all know and love.
Cue Walker-Scobell-Hiccup and young Toothless bringing peace and friendship to Greek-Roman-Colosseum Berk with young Leah-Jeffries-Astrid's help. Behind Httyd2-Astrid-Annabeth's back, naturally, because she is the one who doesn't approve it out of tradition and because it might threaten her status as the beloved hero of the city. Love it. Lol. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it??????
Idk I really loved this story concept!!!
If you made it all the way down here, thanks for reading!
#I have the BEST dreams sometimes#wherethekiteflies#httyd#httyd2#pjo#httyd fandom#pjo fandom#crossover
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
cw general negativity, implied disordered eating, negative body image, etc
i ate two donuts today and i think that was the beginning of the end. i don’t know if anyone else who has a weird relationship with their body and food feels this way as well, but when i eat something dense and sugary, it’s as if i can feel its weight physically on me. like i’d immediately gained a pound, whether it be one composed of fat or of guilt. under my jaw, on my thighs. anyway, i think those donuts made me spiral.
earlier i realized that i’m concerned with my image now more than ever before. i’ve struggled with my body image and eating for as long as i can remember, but have only told someone about it once, and it wasn’t the best. so i try not to talk about it. especially online, because online i feel as if i have this image to uphold and if i talk about how much i hate my body, my friends and followers will come to hate my body too and imagine me as being a sad, ugly girl. which i believe i am. i personally don’t know how my body would be categorized…i’m in the hellish limbo between “skinny” and “fat” that i desperately want to get out of. i know it’s not a bad thing to be fat. i never judge people’s characters solely by their body. but it’s another thing to believe it, and what i believe is that everyone around me is judging the fat on my arms, the lack of a gap between my thighs, my jawline, etc. in my head, i’ve believed that my weight and my body made me inherently unlovable, and no one i know has genuinely made me believe otherwise, despite any kind words or reassurances. it all feels hollow to me. if i don’t believe it, then how could you? if i’ve been judging myself because of my weight my whole life, then why wouldn’t you? i can’t imagine anyone thinking any other way. a skinny friend once told me she was surprised that i hadn’t dated anyone yet because i’m “funny and pretty.” i wanted to believe her, but i couldn’t. and it broke my heart.
i think my struggle with body image snowballed into overall personal image and identity issues. i try to be kind, and i do have love in my heart, but the truest constant in my life is the undercurrent of hatred and anxiety that seeps into every facet of myself. and if i don’t express that, am i really being true to myself? am i being fair and honest to others? no. and it haunts me. so not only am i ugly, clunky, and awkward, i’m also bitter, shallow, and vain. an ugly inside to match the outside. isn’t it unfortunate?
#🐰#i’m trying to be more honest and vulnerable on my blog; this is only an exercise and a way to vent for me.
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
👀
Oh man, I have like a LOT of wips (mainly DSMP and LMK) but there's this whole-ass pokemon fic series I have in my docs that's about submas. Basically, after an accident Emmet makes a deal w the devil to save Ingo from death, and as a consequence they get cursed into becoming zoruas whenever they dont know exactly when and where the other is. It has 8 fics planned and i have like 5 halfway or mostly written. The first fic is mostly written but a few scenes are missing and I'm just blocked on how to continue lmao
I am not sane in the slightlest about submas<3
snippet from the first fic under read more bc uh slight gore? And Angst? Idk
Emmet clinged to Ingo’s chest, feeling the small shift beneath his hands, and choked on the hatred burbling up inside.
There was too much blood, and Emmet had never thought himself as a squeamish person, but now, holding his injured twin, he barely managed to keep the bile down. He patted desperately for his belt, and choked up a sob as he noticed the broken leather hanging from his pants. The belt must have gotten cut, and he could not see his pokemon anywhere near. Ingo also didn't have his, probably having been accidentally left behind in the cave above.
Desperation tried to make him move, but he felt every muscle locked up, as he felt Ingo’s blood flow between his fingers as he held his head as gently as he could. He didn’t know what to do, panic slowly obfuscating each option, until Emmet felt as if he were just a wild beast cornered against a wall, scrambling to survive. He would have stayed like that forever, if not for the pained weak whine of Ingo.
Emmet flinched, and without thinking anymore, he stood up with his twin in his arms and started to search for help. Adrenaline fueled him, and Emmet did not feel even an ounce of resistance, as he ran through the thick forest, hoping that the Universe had been kind to them and they had fallen towards the side of the mountain where civilization resided. Scratches and thorns started to decorate Emmet’s body, but he did not pause, in vain searching for help, for anyone, anything that would save his twin.
He sees a path, worn and old, and before he can question its state, he follows it, heartbeat tuning out everything around him except for Ingo’s shallow breaths against his neck, where Ingo had hidden his limp head as they ran in search of help. The path was more often than not covered in plants, but Emmet passed through, keeping a hand around Ingo’s hastily made tourniquet made of his jacket.
The path cleared out, and Emmet stumbled into a shallow clearing, a ring of thick forest surrounding it.
There were only crumbling graves, erased through the rain, wind and age, a half destroyed statue erected in front of what appeared to be a bench. He stumbled, and deposited Ingo on the bench, tears obscuring half of his view. Emmet looked around, but not even pokemon were nearby, everything dead silent, not even wind daring to rustle the leaves on the trees.
“Please,” He rasped out, even despite knowing what would happen as he realized that civilization or help would never arrive, “Ingo, please.”
His brother just breathed, and that was all Emmet needed right now, for him to continue breathing. He collapsed in front of the bench, and sobbed, clutching at Ingo’s torn up sleeve, ignoring the way blood seeped onto the ground, painting everything in his brother’s essence.
Emmet knew they had fallen to the wrong side of the mountain, and the knowledge that no one would arrive for his brother felt almost too much. He wouldn’t last that long too, he could already feel the edge of pain drawing in, circling around, constricting his chest and making everything he saw blurry and faded.
“Stay alive,” He sobbed, wishing for once his face weren’t always a mockery of a smile, “Please, please, Ingo.”
Emmet had never been religious, had never put any stock into the Gods of this world, but Emmet set everything aside and closed his eyes, clutching Ingo’s cold arm, and prayed.
He prayed to whatever was out there, no words uttered, to anything, anyone to please, to please save his brother. He would do anything, anything for Ingo to live.
Wind swept through the clearing, what seemed like the beginnings of a storm gathering around them, but Emmet ignored everything, and continued to pray, fervently, no matter what.
“Anything?'' A distant voice came, and Emmet flinched, looking up to see…. Something, looking over both him and his brother.
“Please!” Emmet sobbed, “Ingo deserves to live!”
“He would not survive,” It said, its body a coiling mass that suffocated the sun above, “In this state, he is too far gone.”
“Then, then,.... I'll take it! I die in his stead, won’t that work?!” Emmet pleaded.
A rumbling not unlike an earthquake shook Emmet through his core, and he belatedly noticed it was just this thing’s laughter.
“You will not remain the same, my powers corrupt whatever it touches,” It said, its burning red eyes glaring into Emmet’s, “Would you be willing to sacrifice so much for your twin?”
“Always,” He breathed out, shaking but keeping firm his eyes onto the others, something telling him this was important, “For Ingo, I would do anything and everything. And he would do the same for me!”
“Very well,” It said, its face getting closer until it was barely a few centimeters away, “Through time and space, you shall prove your words.”
It got closer, and Emmet felt the faint sensation of something electric and colder than ice briefly touching his forehead.
“I can’t wait to see who you shall become,” It said, its long and coiling body surrounding both brothers, “Until we see again, Unovan Twins.”
That was the last thing Emmet heard, before his hearing turned into colors, he tasted electricity, and he fell into the most painful sensation he had ever felt, a glimpse of a World so far away and strange that could not be described before he fell unconscious, hand locked onto his brother’s arm.
#vrill talks#vrill fics#wip meme#Emmet is NOT okay#the first fic is just like 5 times emmet and ingo have a good adventure and the ONE time it all goes fucking wrong kekw#the +1 is when ingo practically fucking dies#Emmet becomes a hisuian zorua bc he died for ingo but got too stubborn to just die and let his twin alone lmaooo#for context: Emmet and Ingo are around 15-16 in this snippet. They are very young and hurt and afraid#can someone PLEASE come get these kids?#skitty you have NO idea how insane i am about this series#all the fic have titles referencing train terminology#they're just OUGH#anyways yeah [thumbs up emoji]#this is a LOT lmao#i just think they're neat#Shared Illusions AU#<- the name of the au if i ever talk about it again kekw
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i've been seeing some posts circulating on tumblr lately that have been like, arguing for why the idea that fantasy/sci-fi is better without certain irl prejudices and bigotries is a bad take. and that in certain stories, purposeful inclusion of things like queerphobia, transphobia, ableism, racism, etc into a narrative can be used as very effective commentary against that particular bigotry by distilling it down into its essence and presenting its negative consequences in an emphasized fashion, to bring to attention otherwise unnoticeable aspects of those bigotries in the actual world.
and yeah. i do agree that portraying bigotries in a sci-fi/fantasy setting is often a good way to commentate on those actual bigotries. but i think a lot of the ways people try to argue that point tend not to address what people who like fantasy/sci-fi stories WITHOUT those things actually like. often times, arguing that using fantasy and sci-fi absent of those bigotries as escapism is portrayed as supremely naive and shallow, like anyone who doesn't enjoy seeing portrayals of people graphically abused for traits they share is somehow weak or pathetic or removed from reality. and it's really getting grating on my nerves.
see. i like a little bit of both. i enjoy certain portrayals of genre fiction that shows real, genuine depictions of bigotry and how it functions on a micro or macro scale, how it negatively affects people and their lives for years and years. but i ALSO very much enjoy escaping into worlds where those bigotries don't exist and are considered ridiculous. because bigotry IS ridiculous. and sometimes i ENJOY stories that portray bigotry towards minority populations as awful, horrid, undesirable behavior, and certainly not an inherent trait for society overall. the idea that a story without IRL bigotries cannot function as a critique of those bigotries is just patently insane to me, because portraying the absence of a bigotry can be just as politically motivated as portraying its presence.
like. think about this. you start reading about a fantasy world where homophobia and transphobia doesn't exist, where queer attraction and gender variance are treated as normal, natural, and completely unremarkable things. do you think this isn't saying something about how our current society views queer attraction and gender variance as dirty, deviant, and disgusting? the story goes out of its way to state that this prejudice is wrong in the way the characters react to anyone who goes against this expectation (i.e. anyone who DOES react with some kind of bigotry towards queer/trans people is treated as an awful person by the narrative and other characters) and repeatedly states the conceit that it is normal and natural again and again: this particular human variance is NOT dirty and deviant, it is so normal that people don't have a concept of it being anything else. that is, in of itself, a political commentary on bigotry. it IS stating that bigotry is a learned trait, that it's not inherent to society, that being bigoted towards people is terrible and that anyone who behaves like that is equally as terrible.
additionally, i feel like there's some nuance lost between individual portrayals of bigotry versus just a narrative's presence or absence of irl bigotry overall. i find portrayals of homophobic/transphobic fantasy/sci-fi stories written by cishet white men to be fundamentally boring and unpalatable because most cishet white men who insert queer/transphobia into their fantasy or sci-fi narratives do so without actually learning about what underpins that bigotry. they don't have a genuine motive to portray the negative effects of queer/transphobia; they include it in their spec fic because they haven't done the work to unlearn those bigotries on a subconscious level and cannot imagine a human society that does not possess hatred of queer sexuality and gender variance, even if they don't understand what kind of motivations underpin those hatreds. they haven't done any work to understand the societal structures that encourage and replicate these bigotries, thus to them the bigotry is reduced to some kind of fundamental essence that cannot be separated from humanity. most stories written by people like this are shallow, and their portrayal of that bigotry is practically abuse porn, where queer/trans characters are put through all manner of horrifying treatment without any kind of emotional catharsis or sympathy given to them by the narrative. stories like these are fundamentally unpleasant to engage with for me, as a queer trans person, because they do not seek to deconstruct bigotry and display its inherent flaws and irrationalities. rather, they seek simply to reproduce those bigotries because the author does not understand how they work or what they come from whatsoever and sees the hatred of minority groups as some kind of inherent feature to being alive and sentient. so. again. the idea that all fantasy or sci fi that portrays irl bigotries is good because it's "critiquing" them or "offering social commentary" on them is just. ridiculous. like i love sci fi and fantasy but writing spec fec does not free you from your biases, and biased authors will write biased stories.
just. like. i understand wanting to see bigotry portrayed realistically. and i understand people who say things like "i want to see this hatred of people like me included in portrayals of people like me because being a target of that hatred has irreversibly shaped my identity and my relationship with the world, so any character who is supposed to represent me who lacks that experience with that hatred doesn't feel like an accurate representation of what people like me go through." i get it. i get it. i get it. but painting spec fic stories portraying irl bigotry as "incisive commentary about how bigotry works" and spec fic stories that don't portray irl bigotry as "bland boring escapism that's only consumed by vapid idiots who aren't in touch with reality" is so unbelievably, absurdly reductive. you need to fucking take this kind of shit on a story by story basis, and look at what the presentation of bigotry is saying in the narrative. sometimes the presence of bigotry is fundamental to the story's themes and the message it is attempting to convey, and separating the bigotry from the story inherently destroys its premise. sometimes bigotry exists in a story as an afterthought only included because the author is trying to be "realistic" without fully understanding the real implications of including that bigotry in their story, and it becomes some shallow bullshit that adds absolutely nothing to a narrative's themes or message and only serves as a vessel for cheap, shocking violence. sometimes a lack of bigotry in a sci-fi/fantasy setting is meant to be a political statement in of itself, as a way of calling to attention the inherent ridiculousness of hating someone for something as shallow as skin color, and is meant to show that bigotry is a learned trait rather an inherent one, telling us that it's possible to eventually create a society where those bigotries no longer exist. sometimes a lack of bigotry in a setting just exists because the author was trying to convey a specific theme that would have been muddled by the addition of that bigotry, and the lack of it has no specific meaning to the story whatsoever.
please for the love of god. just judge each individual story on its own merits instead of trying to smear a particular trope you don't like.
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
Can I get 12 for Remus Lupin? I really love Painting and I got so excited when he showed up in Second Sight!!! I love your writing!
I’m celebrating gaining 100 followers! Click here for the details!
◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇
There is no way of overstating how much this request got away from me. I really hope you like this because there is so, so much of it. It *really* got away from me- to the point where I feel bad because I'm not sure it even counts, that it even fits into the prompt "things you said while i cried in your arms" -- it is it's own whole moment now. All I can say is that, even if it's not sequitur to the original prompt, I hope at least you can enjoy where my mind ran with it.
As a note, this isn't my version of Remus from Painting. It's the first Remus characterization I've written that's deviated from my version of him in Painting. It's also the first time I've written a fic from the character's point of view- so it could be a wild mess or it could be interesting to know Remus' inner dialogue... I hope its the later. I'm so sorry?
Warnings : violence, blood, gore
When I finally managed to crack my eyes open, I immediately recoiled as dawn flooded my sight, bleaching white the surrounding forest. The earth beneath me felt soft and cold against my bare chest as I slowly and stiffly pulled myself to sit up. All full moons were horrible, but last night I had nowhere to go. James, Lily and little Harry had been in hiding for months, Sirius was on a mission for the order, and no one was sure where Peter had been for the last week… not that I would have let them host me, anyway.
I looked down at my mud stained legs and all relief I usually felt that the moon was over abated. At times, I found it very, very difficult to resist being completely consumed by the notion that my whole life was shaped by cruel irony. A father, loved for his vigilance against lycanthropes, who’d successfully lobbied them into the ground- and a werewolf, vengeful and dionysian, who showed that father how very fragile the concept of law was when met against the snap of jaws.
This forest was full of other werewolves who had used its dense trees and deep caves as a refuge for when the full moon came. It had become something of a society, with some werewolves coming to live there, and others only visiting to keep their families and friends safe. I had been asked to go and gain the trust of my peers, but for months they had kept their distance. I couldn’t blame them- it was difficult for me to hide my hatred for my own kind, the loathing wrought clearly on my face whenever notions of Werewolf Culture were introduced. Even the phrase left a bad taste on my tongue.
This was made all the worse once they learned my name. Lupin? They’d scoff, Ah it’s Lyle’s boy- and I would watch the malice fill their eyes. I couldn’t blame them for this either.
A high, shrill scream echoed through the trees in waves. Unthinking, I jumped up, and a dart of red hot disgust pulsed through me as I fell to all fours. Grimacing, I pushed myself up onto my legs. There were always a few canine tendencies that lingered shortly after the moon fell. To me, this is far worse than the pain.
Another scream, this one broke half way, as if the bearer had been tugged or pushed. The horrible sound was nearly drowned out by my heart beating in my ears.
“HELLO?” I called, pivoting as my voice bounced off the trees, “WHERE ARE YOU?”
I didn’t have anything with me, except for trousers and my wand. Despite this, I started to run in the direction I thought the scream came from, barefoot, panic gripping me like a vice around the middle, my breathing shallow and fast. “HELLO?” I yelled again.
“Help me!“ the voice cried. I moved faster, hyper alert as I flew over root and bramble. Another scream- this one more wet sounding than the last.
“HOLD ON!” I cried, my eyes widened as a metallic scent filled my nose. “I’M COMING-”
I crashed past a cluster of young trees and tripped into a dry creek bed. My bare foot splashed into a puddle of warm blood that trailed up creek to where you had fallen. I froze still, looking down at you wide eyed, shaking, breathing hard. Shock blurred everything over except for the sight of you laying prone, dragging yourself backwards with your arms. In your lap an opaque pool of blood was welling up quickly. As you jerked yourself away in panic, your blood splashed thickly over your hips, lapping nauseatingly as it spilled over the side of your thigh. Your blood fell against the deciduous earth beneath you with heavy, wet thuds.
“No-” I breathed as our eyes met. Terror filled your face as your gaze darted to the right of me and I turned just quick enough to see a wolf hiding away from dawn’s light lurch towards you. Without thinking, I jumped forward, putting myself between you and the wolf.
Leaves stuck to my foot that had been caked in your blood. I spread my arms wide and high, making myself look as big as I could. “Common-” I heard myself snarl, voice all gravel, as I grimaced towards the shadowed lip of earth the wolf hid in. “Step out into the light- let’s see you.”
The wolf growled low from the dark, its moon colored eyes glinting pale gold against the shadows. I could feel myself having to resist some terrible part of me that wanted to return the sound. Despite my immediate panic, I also felt like I was shamefully watching from outside myself. As if I could see more than feel, the hairs on my back rise, bristling, wolf-like despite the fact that I’d already changed back. The way my fingers curled, ready to bare down into flesh as if they were still claws.
I realized that this must have been one of my peers that did all they could to preserve lycanthropic attributes after a full moon. My ears were sharply attuned to you as well, picking up every exhalation of pain, every small cry, as you did whatever you could to gain distance. It’s stupid, hungry eyes darted between me and what of you I could not hide, as the desire to maul you further fought against its wish to stay hidden.
A twig cracked feebly under one of the wolf’s back legs, it lowered its body in preparation to bound forward. The sound brought me back to my senses and I lunged towards it in an attempt to shield you. You screamed as you saw it leap towards us, and then again as its mouth bit down on my forearm. It felt as if my arm was burning, as if a hot pan was pressed hard against me, a monumental, blistering weight. My teeth clenched painfully as I stifled a shout of pain, using my other arm to feebly pry its mouth open. I could see my blood flooding its mouth as I doubled over. The wolf jerked backward towards the shadows, taking me forward. I could hear the flesh of my arm rip as it did, and I abstractly marveled at how tight of a hold it had on my arm even while its mouth felt so wet.
I leaned backwards, my feet taking small steps back to resist being pulled- but this was agony as every step I took let its teeth sink in more deeply. I wasn’t thinking of magic at all, the heat and weight of the bite consumed my whole being, except the frantic thought that I needed to free myself. As I stepped back, I pulled the wolf into the light. The dappled, weak sunlight filtered through the dense canopy and fell against me, against the wolf. I watched its eyes widen, its fur become loose, its bones begin to crack out of place.
My free hand clenched into a fist and, rotating my shoulders as much as I could bare, I threw my weight into punching it in the eye. It yelped in a half human voice, releasing me in shock. I knew that this opportunity was precious and short, so I grabbed my wand as quickly as I could. My movements felt incredibly slow, I kept my wand trained on it, my grip slipping from either blood or sweat- I do not know.
“Everte statum-“ I rasped, bowing my wand towards the wolf with a jab. The spell hit its hind legs and pushed it several paces back but largely left it unscathed. It was a little odd for me, to see what a werewolf looked like outside of myself. The matte black fur slipped perfectly into shadow, truly camouflaging it as soon as it was near darkness, and the eyes- an exact match of moon glow.
It righted itself, I could tell that it was debating whether it could get away with dragging its prey off deeper into the woods, or if I wasn’t worth the trouble. The wolf was drunk with the scent and sight of our blood, wholly consumed by it. I knew that spells, all intended to harm humans, would do little against it while still mostly a wolf. I wondered if my father had ever developed any offensive spells designed for werewolves, might be worth asking the next time I saw him.
I didn’t want to waste time fighting this thing off when you were in so much need of help and fast. If I could just get you away from this place so that more wolves wouldn’t be attracted by the blood-
The sun was finally rising high into the sky, causing the dapples of light and shadow to deepen. The wolf was struggling against changing back, horrific shudders coursed through its body as the bones fought to crack back into a human shape. I knew I needed to come up with some way of getting us away from it, but with it still being resistant to spells, I felt trapped.
Slowly, I took several paces backwards until I was standing beside you. The wolf did not like this, but you were in sunlight and it could not approach without revealing themself. Up until this point, I hadn’t had the wherewithal to feel angry. Everything had happened in a matter of seconds. But now- as the wolf struggled to stay a wolf for fear of revealing who they really were, fury ignited in me. I knew that there were werewolves who preyed upon people, who thrilled for a mouth full of hot human flesh, but to see it happen was another thing entirely. I couldn’t help but stare at them, revolted, as I watched them nervously bite their own legs and howl in frustration that I had kept what was left of you from them. And even worse- that they were so monstrous and cowardly to hide themselves from sunlight so I couldn’t identify them.
Even though everything in me fought against turning my back to that wolf, I pivoted to face you. You seemed relieved to look upon me until your eyes were able to focus. Maybe it was just all the blood, but by the panic in your eyes I feared that part of me hadn’t yet changed back.
I stared at you, too. I stared with fear filled eyes as I remembered being human, and only a human. I remembered the glint of fur by my bedroom window, and how pliable my clavicle was when met by tooth and jaw. I remember blinding pain, my mother’s screams and how much I wish it had only been those things. The apprehension that filled me now was for remembering what came after.
I couldn’t tell you that you were going to be alright.
Part of me wished you could have died there, ignorant of the agony you would come to learn.
I couldn’t reassure you. All I could do was look in fear, desperate to warn you that so far that morning, you had not met the greatest pain you would know.
“I’m sorry-” I gasped, falling to my knees before you. With tremendous effort, you raised one shaky arm up and pushed your fingers against my chest.
“Help. me.” you pleaded.
But I knew then that the help I could offer would also doom you.
What was done had been done.
The person you had woken up as was dead.
You would live but you would never be the same.
I leaned forward and threaded my arm behind your back as tenderly as I could. “Close your eyes-” I breathed. You complied. With a grunt, I managed to loop my other arm behind your knees and pull myself up so that I was carrying you, hugging you to my chest.
The warmth and weight of your cheek against my shoulder caused tears to sting my eyes. “I’m going to take you to St. Mungos-“ I said, haggardly. “Keep your eyes closed, I’ve got you.”
You nodded and groaned nauseously as my balance swayed.
“I’m sorry-“ I repeated, my voice breaking.
I closed my eyes and concentrated on St. Mungos, wincing. I never thought twice about registering, but as I considered what you were soon to face, I understood a little more of why so many lycanthropes avoided registration.
I thought of the white halls, stiff beds, sterile light- pain, endless bleeding, healers realizing that spells would not stitch these bites, that the blood would come until your body learned to heal itself. Sleeplessness, anger, and wondering how you could learn to say goodbye to the mode of life you’d known, you had made, and whatever you had wanted.
The staff would avoid touching your blood in the fear that they could somehow expose themselves. Their nervous looks through windows and into the night sky. The timid glances that begged to know when you would be strong enough to leave their care and start life far away from them.
And then, the parchment would unfurl. Your name please. Where you live. What you do. The date of your incident.
The Ministry did not require identification for wizardkind, unless you had lycanthropy.
And then with a tug, we were there. My arms were shaking. “Help them-“ I called, as everyone in the lobby turned and stared at us, gobsmacked. “HELP THEM!” I bellowed, and my injured arm gave out, your knees falling from my grasp. A welcome witch raised her wand at you and levitated you quickly to a room just past my sight.
I don’t remember when or how the lobby became empty, how fast it may have happened. But the next thing I knew, there was only a healer and myself. He was asking me for details. I could hear you down the hall, sobbing loudly, as healers hushed you, murmuring worriedly as their charms failed to have any effect.
“Your name, Sir?” he asked, his voice firm.
“Lupin.” I muttered. I stared at his hands. He had come into the room holding a thick stack of parchment, his fingers carded through the feathered corners of each page. But, once I gave my surname his hands stopped moving all together. “Ah. I see. And… for the sake of the patient, do you remember how long ago it was that you bit them?”
This, I had not considered. Foolish of me.
I managed to look into his eyes. I thought my expression had been neutral, but whatever he saw in my face made him take a step back.
“What is the point of asking?” My voice sounded worn, so tired and low. I wanted to blame him for assuming I had bitten you, but I couldn’t. Why wouldn’t he think that? It was an easy conjecture to make, that one plus one still equaled two.
It was then that I noticed we weren’t alone at all. Just past the lobby a crowd of dark cloaked silhouettes stood by. Ministry brutes. They had quietly emptied the room in case I resisted arrest.
I leaned over and nodded to them as a greeting. “This isn’t necessary.” I said, looking back to the healer. If I’d had any more energy, any more presence of mind, I would have been ashamed and mortified to have so many people looking at me and only seeing a werewolf. I have always taken such great care to simultaneously hide and distinguish myself from the others- and this moment had rendered that effort wasted, but I had no wherewithal to acknowledge it. There was just this man and your nearby screams.
“Before anything, let’s take care of that arm.” he said, leading me past the ministry officials, past the room you were in, and gestured for me to sit on the corner of a bed. I complied, looking back over my shoulder to the door as the healer conjured bandages and coated them in a balm of aconite. I could see some of the ministry workers leaning into your room, faces paling at what they saw.
It was hard not to cringe in empathy every time you wailed with pain. Through your sobs, I slowly began to hear words. As if you were desperate for someone to understand, you repeated the sounds over and over, becoming increasingly more frantic. I couldn’t have that.
Pulling my arm away from the healer, my legs pushed me up and through the corridor before I had the time to think. I shouldered my way through the black cloaks and into your room. They must have shouted at me, commanded me not to approach you, or protested in fear that I had come to finish what they thought I had started, but I couldn’t hear any of it.
Your legs were shaking violently with shock as the healers tried to clean you off. Blood still poured from your abdomen, leaked from your mouth, covering the mattress as if your wounds were fresh. The healers looked lost and overwhelmed. Despite all I knew, it still made me angry that they had done so little for you.
You looked over at me, wild eyes overbright, and somehow summoned the ability to reach your arms out to me.
“No-” I breathed, my heart felt as if it had flattened against my spine at your gesture. “Stay still.” I begged, quickly ducking to your side, gathering your hands as carefully as I could in my own. Now that I could see you, the words you’d been crying made sense, I could read your lips.
“It wasn’t him!” you sobbed hoarsely, you gripped my palms with surprising strength, fingers trembling.
“I’m here-” I offered weakly. I moved to sit on the corner of your bed, above your pillow.
Your hands dragged down my arms, pulling me until I was leaning over you from above, my forehead resting against yours. I tried to be as responsive as I could as quickly as possible, fearing that you’d harm yourself further with the exertion.
I could feel your brow tremble against mine. A terrible strain grew from the pit of my stomach up through my throat- I wanted so much to offer you some, any comfort. But my own life had spoiled me for it- how could I tell you that you would be alright? What could I say that wasn’t a lie?
What had I wished to hear when it was me?
“I know that you do not know me…” I began, my voice shook. “But I am here for you, and I will not leave you. I will do all I can to h-help you.” I blinked back tears. The last thing you needed was for some strange man to cry on you upside down as you bled out.
Feeling useless, I repeated this over and over and over again. I whispered it against your cheek, and felt your breath against my neck change from frantic and irregular to soft and slow. You shook less. The healers began to clean you up again.
Half way through your waist being bandaged, your hands fell from their vice grip on my shoulders. Your eyes had closed. I pulled away from you very slowly, glancing at the healers. They nodded, and gestured to a bottle of Sleep Draught.
“Thank you for all of your help-” One of the healers said meekly, as she finished bandaging my arm. “I’ve been asked to tell you that there is a visitor waiting for you in your room.”
“What?” I asked, incredulously.
The lobby was empty again, so was the corridor, but the Ministry would come back to ask its questions. I walked back to the neighboring room slowly, gripping my wand. The door was ajar, I peered past it, eyes narrow. Just beyond the first bed a figure was looking through the window on the far wall. The afternoon light eclipsed them, but I could have spotted that messy hair from miles away.
“James?” The name fell from me more than having spoken it. I wondered then if this was a dream, or if at some point in the day, I had lost consciousness and was now in some fugue state- either explanation would be more convincing than James just… being there.
“Mooney!” he greeted, pivoting towards me.
“What- How on earth?” I started, my mouth falling open, but before I could say anything more James had closed the distance between us and pulled me into a crushing embrace.
“The welcome witch is a part of The Order and recognized you.” James explained, his grip on me unyielding. “She sent me a patronus.”
“But you’re- you’re supposed to be hiding.” I retorted into his shoulder. “This is so dangerous-“
“No.” James said firmly, squeezing me in emphasis. “I will be fine.”
I reckoned James felt like whatever danger he was putting himself in by coming to my side was less trouble than the risk he feared I faced by being alone. He had seen me through a lot, my worst up until that point, to be sure. If there was anyone that I felt comfortable enough sharing my most painful thoughts with, it was him. James shook off despair like no other and had an annoying knack for always finding the right words to keep hope alive in me.
I would never have asked this of him. I could have been on the brink of death and preferred for James to stay hidden- which is why I was finding it difficult to stay present- to believe that this was really happening.
“It’s- it’s, um.” my throat felt like it was going to split in half. “It is so good to see you-“ I choked, tears flooding my eyes. I had never cried like this to him, to anyone- but I couldn’t control it. My whole body shuddered against him.
“Why do people always cry when I show up? Or is it the hugs? I’m a bad hugger?” James murmured, loosening the embrace just enough to smile at me. Despite all the stress he’d undergone he looked good. My chest felt lighter at the sight of his smile. He glanced down at his shoulder, his robes now wet with my tears and shrugged. “You know, I’ll take this over most of the fluids spewn at me these days.”
“Harry is giving you as much work as is good for you, then?”
“No, Lily has taken to spitting at me-“ he could hardly finish his own sentence before chucking. “Like a llama.”
I rolled my eyes, laughing too. James pulled me down to sit on the side of the nearby bed with him. A quiet calm prevailed where I basked thoughtlessly and blissfully in his company.
“Werewolf or not- I am the worst person to go out into the woods and talk to other lycanthropes on behalf of the order.” I started with a sigh.
“We had to find some way to take that whopping chip off your shoulder, mate.”
We laughed again. Another silence. James was so much better with patience than he used to be, he was hardly fidgeting at all.
“They see right through me. And I don't make it hard for them. Hating werewolves was our family’s legacy- and would still be if not for-“ I shook my head. How could I complain when you were in the next room, half torn open?
“You know, I remember the first time I learned about werewolves. I’d seen this frightful headline in the Prophet.” James started, “I was quite young then, and I hate to admit this but, it was only a few years ago that I realized that article had been about you.”
I scoffed, shaking my head. I remembered the press crowding my hospital room, their questions half eulogy half sensationalism. How I had been branded as an unprecedented tragedy, a martyr for innocence, a token for what happens when society allows monsters to live. And then that disappeared and there was no one asking questions, not a newspaper in sight, no hospital visits, no interview requests- my fate had been set. It took me weeks to realize that my home and my parents were the only parts of the world I would ever have access to again, the only parts of the world that would welcome me.
“I don’t mean frightful because of what happened to you.” James clarified, nudging his shoulder against mine. “It was the way this article finished. They had said that the real answer to lycanthropy, the only way to heal those afflicted and include them in society, was for society to acknowledge that it wasn’t a small group of people who had it, but that we all do.”
“For Godrick’s sake-” I laughed, glancing at him.
“I know.” he chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s bad. I remember it confusing me- I think that’s why it has stuck this whole time. Can we really not care about a cause unless it affects us? We have to go on this whole charade.”
I wiped my face with my hands, sighing against my palms.
“Anyways,” James sighed too, “growing up with you has been a real education on it all. You’ve trusted me with a lot, Remus.”
I swallowed dryly, feeling my eyes sting again. I shook my head.
“Yea.” James insisted, raising an eyebrow. “And I think the lack of care lycanthropes have, the lack of service that really is owed to them-”
“You don’t have to say anything more, James- it’s alright.” I interrupted. James shook his head, his hand coming to grip my knee.
“I’m not going to say that it’s been so unfair and all.” he said quickly, voice low. “What I want to say is that I have watched you do the things werewolves aren’t supposed to be able to do. You have friends, you went to school, you’re a bloody great wizard.”
I was beginning to enjoy this less and less. I didn’t need my friend, who was supposed to be hiding from Voldemort himself, giving me a pep talk. James could tell I was becoming willful, unwilling to listen, he pushed on.
“You’re not scary, you’re not immoral, but I know that you- I know that you struggle, Rem.”
I looked up at the ceiling.
“You’ve succeeded where society has been designed to fail you. You’re strong enough to overcome having less rights, less opportunity, but for as long as I’ve known you, I’ve seen-”
“I know it wasn’t my fault.” I said quietly. A phrase I’d said so many times before.
“That’s not what I am talking about! I’m not talking about you as a werewolf, I’m talking about you as a person. You’ll champion me, Sirius, Peter… you even stuck up for Snape, but you won’t champion yourself.” James’ voice rose, “And you should. I don’t worry for Remus Lupin the little boy who was bitten, I worry for my friend that has had to focus on so many other things in his life, it seems he never learned how to take care of himself.. your humanity. In your personhood.”
James looked at me then, his dark eyes full of frustration. I sat back from him slightly, surprised that he suddenly seemed ready to explode with the strength of his feelings.
“You think you hate werewolves but I don’t believe it. You hate yourself, and you tell yourself it's because of what happened, what you become- but it's not, not really. You’re not going to like yourself more by curing your lycanthropy, you’re going to like yourself more if you focus on yourself more than your pain. Feel it- it’s fine to feel the pain and the frustration and hate how it works, but it can’t be everything or you’ll lose yourself. I’ll lose you, and I can’t.”
All I could do was stare at him, my mouth open stupidly. I felt frantic but also heavy, I felt like I would never sleep again but also like I could have passed out then and there. I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him, what he was trying to say but I also wanted to disappear.
“Lily should have come instead of me, she’s better at comfort-” James groaned, his brow slanting upwards with emotion. He shook his head disappointedly. “I don’t want to criticize you. I just- I don’t get scared very often but, I need you to know this. I don’t think you see it, and I need you to start trying to-” he made a frustrated gesture with his hands.
I nodded, my face hot. I’m not sure if I was nodding because I just wanted James to feel reassured, or if in that moment I thought I could do what he was asking of me.
“I know I picked quite the day to say this.” he mumbled, “But when I saw you I just got- fuck it, I got scared Mooney.”
“It’s alright.” I offered weakly. Another long silence passed, this one wore on me however, strained my nerves. I didn’t really know what to say, I didn’t really know if I agreed, but I wanted James to know that I acknowledged everything he’d tried so hard to communicate, that I appreciated it. “I love you too, James.”
“I know. How else could I have gotten away with all this?” he replied, smiling. His eyes were red now, too.
I laughed, but it sounded more like a sniffle. I shook my head at him.
“You need to promise me that you will try.” James said, clearing his throat. I heard you mumble in your sleep from the next room. I could feel James’ eyes on me as I leaned to glance at you through the doorway, making sure you were still asleep.
“I can promise that.” I said, nodding.
I had fallen asleep shortly after pulling a chair to the side of your bed. James’ words were spinning in my mind as I folded my arms on the side of your mattress and rested my head against them.
When I woke up you were watching me drowsily. I blinked several times, trying to remember where I was. As I sat up, it all came rushing back- the look on my face must have concerned you because you reached out and grabbed my hand.
“I’m here-” I assured, leaning over. “Good morning. You made it through the first day.”
Guilt overwhelmed me as you smiled at me. You would never know how cruel my thoughts had been to you; wishing you would die to not know further pain- it was such a low, dark thought. Maybe James had been right, maybe I’d attributed my woes to my affliction, when really it was who I was that needed healing. You, on the other hand, were already smiling. Yesterday I would have thought that came from defiance, from having to force yourself to disregard the pain, to distract yourself- but today it occurred to me that you may have had an abundance of grace I’d apparently lacked.
Gently, you squeezed my hand and I smiled back.
#Remus Lupin#Remus lupin imagine#marauders era fan fiction#maruaders fan fiction#remusxreader#remus lupin x you#violence#blood#gore#fictive-fodder#fictive fodder#james potter
10 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
hiriajuu-suffering
Economized Social Transcendence
empada-com-toddynho
Almost Secret
litleprinces
Princes:]
catsan0va
Lyra
garnsdotbackup
sad place to go