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hoejosatoru · 11 months

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Well Trained

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Feitan, Fem!Reader x Chrollo (separately)

Summary: Chrollo is a particular man, with particular taste. Though he loves everything about you, he has yet to see how you preform in bed. He fears that if you disappoint him, it will ruin everything that you’ve built together. Luckily, he knows someone who can teach you to behave exactly how he likes.

Word Count: 4.1K

Warnings: Dub con that borders on noncon at times. If you’re sensitive to that at all I would skip this one, toxic relationship dynamic, manipulation, face slapping, choking, scratching, rough sex, degradation, praise, Feitan is mean but we know that, Dom Chrollo, calls you good girl a lot, body marking, oral (fem receiving), raw sex, cream pie, not proof read. MDNI

a/n: So I’ve had this idea in my head FOREVER because I want both Chrollo and feitan badly. Writing this concept out was lowkey kicking my ass though. I think I ended up pulling it together, but I hope y’all enjoy.

Dating Chrollo was a dream come true. He was everything you ever wanted in a man: intelligent, attentive, and sweet. Not to mention so handsome. He treated you like a princess and you loved it. Everything was perfect.

Well, almost everything.

You’d been dating for a couple months and you hadn’t had sex yet. At first you thought he wasn’t that into you, but when he kept coming back for more dates you knew that couldn’t be the case. You wondered if he was a wait till marriage type, or was shy in some way. You respected the boundary, despite wanting to sleep with him so bad. If he needed more time, you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but it was starting to worry you.

Little did you know, Chrollo wanted to sleep with you just as badly. Maybe even more so. He was very picky with who he slept with, hence this long period of courting. However, the more time he spent with you, the more he realized he had genuine feelings for you. He has had some relationships in the past, but he always knew they would not be very longterm. You, however, he felt was someone he could see himself with forever.

This revelation made him want to make sure everything was perfect. He liked women with experience, who knew what they were doing and how to please him. However, he hated having to put the work in to get his partners there himself. Luckily, he knew someone who was a very effective teacher.

“My love,” Chrollo spoke over his wine, “May I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

He smiled at your eagerness. “Do you want to have sex with me?”

Your cheeks colored at the blatant question. Chrollo loved how demure you were. “Y-yes, I do. A lot, actually.”

“Good,” Chrollo replied, taking a sip of his deep burgundy drink, “I have wanted to for some time now, but there is something I need you to do first.”

Your brows knitted. “What is that?”

“I’m a very... particular person. As I’m sure you’ve noticed,” Chrollo explained, “And I want to make sure everything is just right.”

Your heart dropped a little bit. “Am... Am I not good enough for you?”

Chrollo shook his head and placed a hand over yours, comforting your nerves. “Not at all, my love. Quite the opposite actually. I love you so much that I don’t want anything to get in the way of our relationship.”

You nodded, feeling slightly relieved. “What is it? What do you want me to do?”

Chrollo thought about what the best way to explain it was. “I have a friend. He can teach you what I like, much better than I can.” He say the confused look on your face and continued. “You trust me, don’t you y/n?”

“Yes, of course,” you replied instantly. And it was true.

“I know it is an request,” Chrollo went on, “But it is important to me. Everything about you is so perfect. This will simply make sure it stays that way.” He kissed your hand, making your stomach fill with butterflies. “I want you in my life forever. Will you do this for me, my love?”

The way he looked at you and spoke to you made your body feel weak in the best way. The answer was easy for you. “Yes, of course.”

A smile spread across his face. “Excellent.”

A few days later you found yourself in a building outside of the city. It was a bit dumpy on the outside, but the inside was furnished nicely. You were aware that Chrollo engaged in a very secretive business and decided awhile ago not to ask. You didn’t know, and you didn’t want to. It didn’t matter, anyways, you loved him. And he loved that about you.

Chrollo led you into a bedroom, occupied by one other man. You felt a pang of anxiety, not fully knowing what Chrollo meant by being taught what he liked.

“Y/n, this is my friend Feitan,” Chrollo introduced you to smaller man standing before you. The way his cold eyes appraised you sent a shiver down your spine. You said a polite hello, but he was silent. Chrollo continued, “Feitan is on the quiet side, but I trust him completely. He is going to show you what I want.”

Your stomach rolled anxiously. “Wh-what does that mean, exactly?”

Chrollo gave you an almost sympathetic look. “I don’t want to lie to you, my love. I want you to have sex with Feitan. He’s going to... mold you into the exact type of lover I like.”

You stared at him, dumbfounded. Chrollo was a bit possessive, even early on in your relationship, so you couldn’t believe he was telling you to have sex with another man. Your eyes flicked over to Feitan, his aura making you nervous. “Chrollo I don’t-”

Chrollo gently took your jaw in his hands and turned your face back to his. “I thought you trusted me, love?”

“I do, I ju-”

“It will be okay, I promise. This will make our relationship stronger. Everything will be perfect. You want that, don’t you? You love me, don’t you?” He was so close to you, speaking so softly it made you dizzy. You almost forgot Feitan was there and what this situation was for. You never understood the effect Chrollo had on you, just that it was very strong.

“I do, I love you so much,” you replied.

“If that is true, you’ll do this,” Chrollo replied sweetly, “And I know you will, because I know you love me.”

You nodded. You were nervous, of course, but you couldn’t say to him. “I will, I promise.”

Chrollo smiled. “My good girl.” He kissed your forehead. “Now go sit on the bed, I need to talk to Feitan quickly.” You did as you were told, sitting on the edge of the bed as the two men stepped out side and spoke in hushed tones.

“What rules boss?” Feitan asked.

“Get her how I like them. You know the way,” Chrollo replied, “Do whatever you need to. Choke her or hit her if you need to. Just nothing that will leave a mark, especially not on her face. And don’t cum inside her, that is for me only.”

Feitan nodded. “Understood.”

With that, the smaller man slipped back inside the room. Your anxiety spiked being alone with him. He pulled his jacket down, revealing his full face. He actually quite handsome, almost similar to Chrollo. He, however, looked more cold and harsh than your boyfriend did. He was silent as he approached you, appraising your body language. He could tell you were nervous, which excited him.

“Take clothes off,” he stated. With you on the bed and him standing he was able to look down on you.

“I don’t-”

Before you could finish your sentence he gripped your jaw. “It not a request.” You nodded, shaking. He was not someone you wanted to challenged. You slowly took off your shirt, then your pants. You reluctantly went for your bra, but he grabbed your arm. “I do that. You undress me now.”

You nodded, your voice still feeling lodged in your throat. You were just happy to have the focus be on something other than you. You stripped off his jacket, shirt and pants, leaving him in his underwear. “Good,” he said before climbing on top of you.

Your body instinctively shrunk away from him, which made him scowl. “You treat me like Chrollo. You would not hide from him.” He place his hands on your shoulders, pressing your body into a more relaxed position on the mattress.

“I’m sorry I- this is just hard for me,” you admitted.

“If you listen it will be easy,” he replied. He placed a kiss to the center of you check. “Chrollo will mark you here.” He kissed the top of your breast that your bra didn’t cover. “And here.” He kissed your neck. “And here. And you’ll let him.”

“O-okay,” you replied.

“Now we kiss.” He pressed his lips to yours, which were warmer than you thought they were going to be. Still, you felt you couldn’t kiss him back, your lips feeling glued shut. Feitan’s hand wrapped around your neck, making you gasp. Feitan laughed, licking into your mouth. “If you kiss Chrollo like that, he won’t like.” Feitan tightened his hand around your throat, choking you slightly.

You kept your eyes closed and tried to pretend you were kissing Chrollo. It was hard at first, especially with Feitan tightening his hand more. “Do better.” Eventually you were able to get into a rhythm; you knew you were doing it right when Feitan loosened his grip.

His grip loosening, however, meant dipping lower to your chest. He squeezed at your boobs over your bra for a moment, before taking it off. You couldn’t help yourself, you moved to cover yourself. Feitan, of course did not allow it. He gripped your arms and pinned them above your head, tsking. “You are slow learner.”

Feitan kissed and licked at your breasts and neck. He was very careful not pay attention to too much on one spot, as he did not want to leave a mark. Feitan took any job Chrollo gave him seriously, but especially this one. He knew how much trust Chrollo had to have in him to allow him do this. He would never break the trust, but he would make sure the job was well done. By any means necessary.

“If I release your hands, you will listen?” Feitan questioned.

“Yes,” you replied, still with a shake in your voice.

Feitan did as he said he would. “Put them in my hair. Gentle. Chrollo like that.” You slid your hands into his dark locks, running your fingers through them softly. Feitan went back to kissing you as you did this. He smacked you bare thigh when your lips got too stiff again. You yelped, but continued to kiss him like he wanted. Like Chrollo wanted, you reminded yourself. this was for him.

His hand slid down your body, between your thighs. Your legs shut, making him slap your thigh again and roughly pry them open. “Stop fighting.” He ran his hand over your clothed cunt. You focused on kissing him and running your hands through his hair as he touched you. His rubbed your clit through the fabric. You were surprised how it made your stomach curl, how it felt... good.

It made it a little easier to kiss him and touch him. You let your hands wander a little further down his back, making him hum in approval. You gasped when his finger slipped inside you, but recovered quickly. Feitan curled his finger into a spot that made your breath go ragged. He pumped his fingers faster, your cunt getting wetter by the minute. Your brain was a confused mess. On one hand it was weird to be touched by this stranger, on the other it did feel good.

Feitan slid in a second finger and you bit your lip to stifle a moan. Feitan gripped your jaw. “Don’t be quiet. He’ll wanna hear.” Feitan scissored your his fingers inside you, stretching you out. This time you let a moan slip from your lips. “Good.” He pulled his fingers out of you and put them in front of your lips. “Now suck.”

You took in his fingers, sucking at them. “More.” He shoved them deeper in your mouth, making you gag a little. You tried to correct yourself quickly, letting your tongue roll up and down the length of them, tasting yourself. Feitan yanked your underwear off and it took everything in you not to hide yourself. You felt so exposed under his gaze.

As he stripped off his underwear and climbed on top of you, the reality of what was about to happen set in and you started to panic. “No!” you cried trying to close your legs. It was no use, Feitan was so much stronger than you. He dug his nails into the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, making you wince.

“You obey, not fight,” Feitan growled, bullying his way between your legs. You brought your hands up and start smacking his chest and shoving him away. A sudden, swift slap to your face stunned you into stillness. Your face stung as he gave you a look that struck fear into you. He gripped your jaw achingly tight and got in your face. “Chrollo never love you like this. He want girl who behave. Who listens.”

“But-” He dug his nails into your thigh more, making you yelp.

“And you never say no to Chrollo,” he practically spat. He released his grip on you, but his gaze kept you pinned in place. “You going to behave now? Or do I tell Chrollo you don’t love him enough.”

You gulped. “P-please don’t.”

“Then shut up and take it,” he replied, flipping you in your stomach. “You can’t be trusted on back.” He took both go your hands in one of his, holding them to your lower back, effectively making you immobile. You felt the tip of his cock nudging at your entrance, covering himself in your slick. He gave you no warning when he pressed into you, making you gasp.

Despite his smaller stature, his cock stretched your cunt. You whined as he thrust into you, not giving you any time to adjust. A slap came down on your ass. “Arch back more.” His free hand went down the length of your spine, putting you into place. The new position allowed him to get deeper inside you, hitting a spot that made you see stars. “Feels better for him. And you.” He was right, it felt so good. Your pussy throbbed with each brush of his cock at that sweet spot.

When you bit your lip to stifle a moan, you earned another sharp slap to your ass. You opened your mouth to cry out in pain, but it turned into a damn near pornographic moan as Feitan pounded you through it. “Like that. Let me hear.”

He continued to pound into you rough and hard. You knew you should hate it, that it shouldn’t feel so good, but god it did. You weren’t even faking your moans, they were all real reflections of the pleasure he gave you. Just when you thought it couldn't get more intense, his free hand snaked around to play with your clit.

“Fuck Feitan!” you cried out. You were on the precipice of an orgasm when he pulled his hand away, making you whine.

“You want to cum? Beg.”

“Please!” Another hard slap on your ass.

“Better than that.”

You begged, desperately, “Please Feitan! Please! Let me cum. I need to!”

“Good.” His hand was back on your clit, rubbing rough circles. “Now cum.” Your body responded immediately, tensing then melting into a deep, euphoric state. You were sure to moan loudly, to show him just how good it felt. You have heard him say good again, but your mind was too foggy to be sure. All you know is that he didn’t slap you again, so you must be doing something right.

Feitan pulled out of you quickly, spilling his cum on your ass and back with a low groan. He very much enjoyed when Chrollo gave him jobs like this. “Chrollo will cum inside. And you let him.” You nodded, feeling hazy and spent. Your body collapsed on to the bed as Feitan got up. He tossed a towel at you and told you to clean yourself up. You did your best to wipe his release off yourself as he dressed and disappeared out of the room.

You were just finished dressing when the door opened again. This time it was your boyfriend. “Chrollo!” you cried out with relief. You ran to him, hugging him tightly. He chuckled lightly; you played right into his plan. He knew Feitan would be rough with you and knew that would make you love his gentleness towards you even more. It was just another way to manipulate you into believing he was a good guy, to make you desperate for his approval.

“My sweet girl,” he hummed rubbing your head. “Feitan said you did good. Just a few more lessons and you’ll be perfect. I'm so proud of you, angel.”

You sniffled. “Really?”

“Of course,” Chrollo replied, giving you a chaste kiss. “I know you must really love me to do this. It makes me so happy. I hope you know I love you, too. All of the is for us, for out relationship.”

Maybe if you weren’t in such as haze you’d realize how ridiculous this all was. Or if you weren't s enamored with him. But both of those things blinded you. “I do love you! I know you love me too. I’ll do anything, I’ll learn fast. I promise.”

You returned to Feitan’s bed handful of more times over the next few weeks. He taught you to be the perfect lover for Chrollo, someone who submits fully and is eager to please. Overtime you found the lessons to be easier, even enjoyable. Well, maybe that was too strong of a word, but they were pleasurable. Feitan wasn’t gentle with you, but the more you learned and complied, the less he hit or was unnecessarily rough. You couldn’t deny that Feitan knew what he was doing.

Your favorite part, however, was how Chrollo treated you after. You lived for the praise he showered you with, how he kissed and held you. You never once doubted that he loved you, despite handing you over to Feitan. Your hard work paid off when Feitan finally told Chrollo you were ready.

You were a mix of nervous excitement as Chrollo led you to his bedroom. The two of you went out to dinner to celebrate and now it was time to show him you could be the perfect girl for him. You knew Feitan taught you well, but you couldn’t help but be a little nervous.

Chrollo’s lips found yours as you settled into the bed. Your lips moved against his with ease. You parted your mouth slightly, allowing your tongues to swirl together.

“Take your clothes off, my love,” Chrollo whispered in your ear.

“Yes sir,” you replied. You slid out go your dress, letting him admire the lingerie he bought for the occasion.

“All off.”

“Yes sir.”

Your cheeks flushed as you removed the final article of clothings covering you. Chrollo’s gaze was definitely softer than Feitan’s, but it still made your stomach flutter with nerves. You kept a brave face, letting him look without covering anything.

Chrollo smiled. “So beautiful,” he crawled on top of you, kissing your breasts. “My beautiful girl.” He sucked at the skin, in a way that would definitely leave a mark. “And all mine.” He continued kissing, sucking, licking up your chest and neck. You slid your hands through his hair, pressing your body into his touch. Chrollo hummed approvingly. “I allowed Feitan to touch you, but you’re mine. Everyone will know it. You want that right, baby? To be mine?”

“Yes!” you practically cried out as he sucked on a sensitive part of your neck. “’M all yours. Only yours.”

“Good girl,” he purred. He kissed you again as his hand traveled down you body. You slid your thighs open, allowing him access to your throbbing cunt. His fingers slid through you, letting your arousal coat them. “Soaked for me already? Didn’t realize you were so desperate for me.”

“Need you so b-oh,” your sentence died off in a moan as he pressed a finger inside you.

“What's that? I didn’t hear you,” Chrollo mused, pumping his fingers in you. He curled his finger against your sensitive spot, which had you mewling.

“N-need you so bad!” you cried. His thumb made contact with your clit, making your body jolt. Your thighs instinctively wanted to close from the pleasure, but you kept them open, as you knew he wanted.

“Think I wanna taste this pretty pussy. Would you like that, y/n? What my mouth on your cunt?” Chrollo asked, toying with your pussy.

“Yes sir! Want it, want whatever you want,” you replied breathlessly.

Chrollo smiled, loving your desperation, how it was clear you would let him do anything he wanted. He laid between your legs, licking a stripe up your pussy. “Mmm, so sweet.” He went straight to your clit, sucking on the sensitive bud. You didn’t stifle your moans at all. Your hands slid through his hair again, running your nails along the scalp. Chrollo let his tongue tease your hole, while his finger took over at your clit. You rolled your hips into him, grinding your pussy against his face just as Feitan told you to.

Chrollo’s tongue and fingers switched places. He fucked you with his fingers more intensely, giving your pussy a nice stretch.

“P-please, can I cum?” you questioned, trying to desperately to hold on. You did not want to cum before you were allowed. That was a big no.

Chrollo smiled. “Because you asked so nicely.” Your body responded immediately, releasing on his face. Your cried out his name as his tongue flicked your clit through your orgasm. Feitan had made you feel good, but Chrollo made you feel amazing. You knew your love for him made it so much better.

Chrollo sat up, appraising your body. He loved the power of you being naked and him being dressed. He loved that he could already see bruises forming on your neck. How you already looked fucked out from just his tongue. How you were looking up at him, desperate for more, but waiting for him to tell you what to do. He made a mental note to thank Feitan again.

“Undress me.”

You complied immediately. “Yes, sir.” Your body was weak from your orgasm, your hands shaking. Chrollo was amused by how your were so desperate for him that you struggled with he buttons on his shirt. You planted kisses down his body as you removed his clothing, another lesson from Feitan. When he was finally naked, you sat back and waited for his instruction.

Chrollo climbed back on top of you and you parted your legs for him dutifully. He teased his type at your hole. “Beg for it.”

“Please Chrollo! Want you so bad,” You begged, “Need you. Only you. Please let me make you feel good!”

Chrollo made a noise of approval. “Such a good girl for me.” He slid his cock into you, making you gasp. He was definitely a little bigger than Feitan, giving you a stretch. He pushed himself in slower than Feitan did, but didn’t give you much time to adjust. He rolled his hips against your yours, his paces quickly increasing.

His hand wrapped around your throat, squeezing lightly. His thumb brushed against your lower lip. You parted your lips, allowing him to slip the digit in. You sucked on it, keeping your eyes on his. You could feel Chrollo’s cock throb, egging you on. You began rolling your hips up to meet his, just like Feitan taught you.

“Fuck, I love you angel,” Chrollo groaned, “Knew you’d be my perfect girl.” He slipped his thumb out of your mouth, but kept his hand wrapped around your throat. You moaned, despite his grip getting tighter around you. That combined with him pounding into your pussy made you teeter close to edge.

“Chrollo I-nngh ‘m close,” you gasped. “Please can I cum?”

Chrollo dipped in to kiss you before responded, “Yes baby. Cum on my cock.” Your head lolled back as your second orgasm flooded your body. His name slipped from your lips in a desperate moan as the pleasure had you seeing stars. Chrollo fucked you through it, your spasming walls eventually pushing him over the edge. He moaned your name - the sweetest sound you’ve ever heard - filling your pussy with his warm release. His final way to fully claim you as his.

He didn’t pull out even when you both finished, leaning in to kiss you more. “I love you so much, you were so perfect,” he praised between kiss. “And now you’re mine. Forever.”

#I didn't know how to end it #so slay #hope you enjoyed #bc this was hard to write for some reason #chrollo x reader #yandere chrollo #chrollo smut #chrollo hcs #chrollo x y/n #feitan smut #feitan x reader #feitan hc #feitan headcanons #hxh x reader #hxh smut #hxh headcanons

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 3 months

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hi sex witch! hope you're well.

I have a question about unsafe sex toys and what they can do to my body, since when I was in my early teens I started using assorted plastic objects to masturbate and it only recently occurred to me that inserting not-bodysafe plastics into some of the most sensitive parts of my body could be bad for me. I'm now in my twenties and have stopped doing that, but my worries still linger. what are some of the effects of longterm use of not-bodysafe plastic 'sex toys'? and where can I read more about them without unnecessary fear mongering?

hi anon,

the issue with sex toys made of materials like jelly rubber and polyvinyl chloride (PVC) is that they're liable to bleed off phthalates and microplastics, which will be absorbed quickly through the sensitive mucus membranes of your various orifices.

per the National Library of Medicine:

Phthalates are a series of widely used chemicals that demonstrate to be endocrine disruptors and are detrimental to human health. Phthalates can be found in most products that have contact with plastics during producing, packaging, or delivering. Despite the short half-lives in tissues, chronic exposure to phthalates will adversely influence the endocrine system and functioning of multiple organs, which has negative long-term impacts on the success of pregnancy, child growth and development, and reproductive systems in both young children and adolescents.

similarly, microplastics can also disrupt endocrine processes and contribute to certain cancers and reproductive problems (x).

which isn't to say that you're doomed and guaranteed to have cancer and a rancid reproductive system, just that it's a good thing you've stopped using things made of suspect materials because that's risk reduction, babey! putting less toxins in your body is always a good idea.

there are of course other, immediately reasons that jelly and PVC aren't recommended for use as sex toys, namely that they're prone to degrading and also porous, which makes them impossible to thoroughly clean to the point that they can grow straight-up mold.

again, I cannot emphasize enough that there is no reason to be immediately afraid of any ill effects befalling your body, especially if you're not currently experiencing any complications that you can trace back to suspect sex toy use. I'd recommend instead reading up on safer sex toy practices with resources like Dangerous Lilly's guide to sex toy toxicity, to help make more informed decisions about future toys:

#sex edventures 2024

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skynapple · 3 months

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My Xavier Playlist So Far

Youtube

Spotify

My songs and explanations under the cut! This is def more from Xavier's perspective, not really what I think his vibe is or what music I think he listens to.

Everything, Everywhere by Vaultboy

"Tell me why I'm stuck in a time loop while the pendulum swings on by

Tell me why I see you in everything, everywhere all the time"

Honestly enough said :(

When You Think of Me by JP Saxe

"Cause I swear I loved you fully

And I'm sorry not for stayin' who we thought I'd be

When you think of me

Am I just another man who leaves?"

Definitely from the perspective of thinking of the woman he left on the other side of the deepspace portal.

Iris, by Nightly

And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

This is just a very intimate sounding cover. More emotional than the original, I think.

OK THIS ONE HEAR ME OUT:

Bernstein, by The Band Camino

"At another place in time, you were infinitely mine

Relatively alright when Berenstein was fine

At another place in time, only parallel to mine

The universe was alright when Berenstein was fine"

The concept of this song drives me absolutely INSANE and is one of my all-time favorite songs for this reason.

The concept is that maybe not in this lifetime, but somewhere out there in an alternate universe, in another dimension, there's a timeline where you'll never be apart, where you'll be together. Where things work out. Where in this lifetime maybe there's tragedy, but in another lifetime, you're mine. And if that isn't Xavier x MC I don't know what is.

The reason they say "Where berenstein is fine" is because of the whole theory of the mandala effect and if you don't know you should definitely look it up, it'll make much more sense! The mandala effect comes about because everyone seems to have a collective memory of something that never happened (in the songs case its the pronunciation of Berenstein/Bernstein), but people think it's result of a parallel universe? Anyway. It's tragic and beautiful and reminds me of MC having some vague recollections.

Superhero, by Lauv

"I met a superhero

I lost her

I want her back"

More tragedy in finding the person who was the one but never really being able to meet them again and while we know him and MC are reunited there's definitely been timelines where fate wasn't so kind.

Like No One Does, by Jake Scott

"The way that your hair falls in the morning when you first wake up

The way that I know all of the weird things in your coffee cup

I love the way I know that you're lying, the way that you're smiling

Darling, I love that I know you like no one does"

On a different note this one is very cute about a longterm relationship and possibly married life. He's happy to spend every intimate moment of his life with her!

Her Eyes the Stars, by LUCHS

This one is actually just an instrumental piano piece but it's very sweet, soft, and a bit sad, and I mean come on... the song title.

Last Man In The World, by The Band Camino

"I could find my way to you even if I had my eyes closed

When I'm with you, every time, I'm like "Where did all the time go?"

Come on we all have seen Xavier's cards. This one is purely about just wanting someone and yeah, "kiss me like I'm the last man in the world." And how when he's with her, everything else falls away.

Dancing in the Kitchen, by Zachary Knowles

"I wanna twirl you 'round the kitchen

Don't worry bout no dirty dishes

Not tryna do nothing ambitious, yeah

I just wanna dance with you"

Another cute song. Two things we know Xavier loves: being in the kitchen, and dancing with MC. This song is just good vibes and about enjoying being with the woman he loves.

Wake Me Up, by Mason Murphy and Parker Rudd

"Cause ever since the first time

You opened up my world I

Just can′t seem to close my eyes and sleep

I′m locked inside this day dream

Don't need any saving

But I need you to wake me up"

Because eepy boi! He's just an eepy guy!

Way After Forever, by Vaultboy

"I'm gonna love you way after forever

And if the Earth ends, I'll love you in Space

I'm gonna stay by your side through whatever

Through all the fights that I know I won't win

And every day that we're both getting older

I'll love you over and over and over

And over again"

Good God this song was written for Xavier x MC

It's so soft and sweet :( I do be crying about it.

#xavier love and deepspace #love and deepspace #lnds #lads xavier #lnds xavier #l&ds xavier #lnd #lnd xavier #madi plays lnds

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mouthpoisons · 1 year

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hi! im a disabled 25 y/o trans man whos been homeless since escaping my abusive father on dec 25th 2022. im couch surfing until i can move into community housing, which i dont have an ETA for, because they havent been very transparent about things like availability and my perceived priority level.

the community housing honestly sounds atrocious; reviews ive read include people getting sick and having to go to hospital bcs of mould in the apartments, getting kicked out for defending themselves against abusive staff, mail being kept from them (including bills), and more. additionally, based on what the staff have told me from their own mouths, they have insane restrictive rules and it really sounds like theyre running it like a prison or psyche ward. i already dont want to be there, and i want to move on as soon as possible.

i dont work a fulltime job, and im on a very low amount of benefits. ive also been doing a lot of travelling out of necessity, and when this all first happened i had to buy myself new clothes (i left with almost nothing), and put myself in a hotel until i was able to arrange a couch surf, and my spot on the waiting list for community housing.

the couch surfing venue i have right now is very stable and accommodating, and the hosts have essentially said i can stay for as long as it takes for things to get sorted out, but the thing is they have a cat and im very allergic. ive felt extremely ill since staying here; im constantly itchy, covered in sores and hives, and having asthma attacks, and this is *with* medication. as much as id love to be able to stay here, im not sure how much longer i can cope, and im starting to worry about potential longterm effects on my health. the only other potential couch surf i have is with my nan, who also has cats.

being that my only available couch surfs are places that i have to share with one of my biggest allergy triggers, and the longterm housing i do have lined up doesnt have an ETA (and sounds like hell to live in anyway), i need help being able to afford to rent somewhere on my own terms.

you can help the most by checking out NOX LABS. when i first left my living situation with my abusive father, i couldnt fit a lot of things into the bag i took with me, but my priority was to pack as many things as i could that i can make money with, which included stock from my online shop. ive been able to do a limited reopening, and it would help a lot if you could give it a look and share this post. you can also support me by donating to @/flintjupiter on p4ypal or £flintjupiter on c4shapp. tysm for reading 💚

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kariachi · 9 months

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I woke up and went 'I should do a post listing some of the changes I use when doing general Pern fic (aka 'not me bitching about something in literary form') to make shit work for me'. This is nonexhaustive and just what pops into my mind because it's one of those days.

Consent! It exists! Rider- and Handlerpairs come to consensuses ahead of time regarding who they're down to chase, who they're down to have chase, whether they're going to have chasers at all or are just going to vanish into the middle of nowhere and fly themselves, etc.

The whole 'this shit is resonating between us' thing is still there, but expanded to other areas and goes both ways. It's just strong feelings and urges in general. The effect is stronger coming from the dragonkin, as a general rule, due to their being naturally psychic and the rider/handler piggybacking off of them, but can be stronger from the human's side if they also have telepathic or empathic powers in their own right, depending on how strong those powers are and the strength of them in their Bonded.

Firestone doesn't act as a sterilizing agent, but as birth control. Golds don't have access to it, but there's always the option of only having non-siring chasers if you don't want to deal with that, and worst comes to worst as with humans Betweening at the right time can solve many problems.

Dragonkin do not care for human worries about disabled or queer or 'improper' candidates. Humans may put restrictions in place, but as far as dragons go all they're looking for is a compatible and complimentary personality of their rank. Everything else doesn't even enter into it. Barring people from Standing just means you get more Stands Impressions. And the whers don't even care about the rank thing, they look at your personality and how wher-y of a mind you have. All about those visual and abstract thinkers.

Dragonkin are divided amongst themselves by rank (green/blue/brown/bronze/gold/the nebulous spot Ruth is in which we'll get to/it depends) and mating style preference (rise/chaser/no thanks/yes please). Left to their own devices they don't have gendered pronouns as we recognize them, but dragons have picked them up from being so closely tied to humans for so long. The above typically correlate to biology, but don't regularly

Humans: It's weird how dragonkin are queer so much more often than humans are | Dragonkin: *know themselves and each other from birth and prioritize mental or physical stuff socially due to being Very Psychic* | Humans: *have queerphobia as a concept and run with it distressingly often* | Humans: Just fascinating how that happens

"Cometh is a he. Yes, he's a green and he Rises, what does that matter?" | "Jerask is a blue, and sometimes a gold- yes, I know she's small and green-colored- also she prefers to chase but running is good too if there's browns available."

Riderpairs don't survive broken bonds longterm, even if one half doesn't die soon after they pretty much always die by their own choice eventually. It could be two minutes it could be forty years, but they always suffer mental and physical health problems and always choose to die before their time.

Handlerpairs can and do survive broken bonds, though it's far from unheard of for one to be deadly on both ends.

Firelizards and whers can live for absolute ages, far longer than humans. Dragons bond so fiercely that it affects their own aging and that of their riders, allowing the rider a longer life but causing the dragon to age more quickly. The other two don't bond to the same degree.

If a firelizard outlives their bonded then they typically don't rebond to a human, though it's not unheard of. Whers, on the other hand, relatively often rebond after the loss of their bonded, most commonly to relatives of their bonded. In this way a wher can become the center of a family of handlers, having been one of them for generations. Even if they don't rebond, it's not uncommon for whers to stay with their bonded's close family.

Dragons bond too fiercely to share their riders, but whers are fully capable of doing so thanks to their looser bonds. Some have even managed to share with dragons, though it's a very rare occurrence.

While the physical traits of whers weren't planned, their ability to survive without Impressing was. The assumption most who understand dragons and whers were exposed to enough mentasynth to make them people and know the history make is that Kitti was working under the assumption she wasn't getting them to the 'people' stage when she programmed the dragons and that either there was an error somewhere or that a then-unknown facet of firelizard genetics caused the effects to be felt more strongly. Wind Blossom, cottoning on that hatching people who need to bond to other people or die is Fucked Up decided to make the next batches not need to bond, hoping that trait would be dominant. We've seen how it ended up.

Queen Councils. Consist of the active clutchers of a Weyr as well as the Weyrleader pair. Weyrleader pair is in charge of matters pertaining to Thread and fighting it, that's it, all other matters are handled by the queens.

Whers matter. Whers are important and beloved. Your standard bonded pair is typically in a position of status locally- though that status isn't expanded to non-bonded whers, they're just locals- though they're considered outstatused by riderpairs of similar rank. The exception is goldpairs, who share status equal to Weyrleadership, Lords, Mastercrafters.

Weyrs are primarily there for defense against Thread, but also can be called upon for long-distance transport- in general during an Interval and with prior scheduling and an understanding that Fall takes precedence during a Pass- aid with things like clearing land, emergency aid (large fires, avalanches, floods, etc), hauling time-sensitive goods, and more. All considered paid for via the tithing system.

Technically abortion services are included in that, going Between being generally safer than the herbal route, but in that case- where you just need a quick hop, skip, and jump- it's generally easier to just get in touch with a local wher or handlerpair if you can. They're not likely to have the coordinates needed for getting you to, say, Fort, but taking you to the other next cothold over and back real quick? Not an issue. You may have to pay for the service though, depending.

Whites are not a thing. Like, yes there's the very rare dragon that hatches out this odd conglomorate of ranks, but they aren't white. Ruth was white, but that's because Ruth had his own shit going on that made him seriously fucking pale. Normally they're much more saturated in tone and the wide variety of colors is more apparent. There's no real name for the rank, there's only been three dragons and four whers of it since they came into being and never at the same time, it's generally called something describing whatever example exists at the time. These dragons come in a wide size range, generally between 'smaller than greens' and 'small-brown-sized', and also display colors from all the other ranks. So far all evidence points to them being infertile.

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sylvanianfamiliez · 2 months

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going to be autistic on here abt bjd eyes

i’ve been experimenting w trying to make bjd eyes for years at this point and im like confident in my skills but i’m struggling to find the right materials. i watch a lot of various eye makers’ tutorials to see what they use but the problem i always find is that most of them don’t seem to worry abt how the eyes will hold up longterm, which is smth i rly want for mine. like using uv resin for the base will yellow so bad….not to mention the health effects

so it’s like health + longevity that bothers me. i don’t want to use toxic materials for my eyes and risk my health for it. stop using resin without proper ventilation and shit inside your home. please.

my best bet rn is polymer clay for the bases and it works great but the major problem i have is dust in the pure white of the eyes…gonna try some ways of minimising this but i also can’t spend all my energy trying to reduce dust in my environment bcuz it’ll give me a heart attack from the stress. plus i can’t seem to get it to smoosh perfectly in the silicone molds…it’s always got some dents. that’s probably just practice though

so for the dust my thinking was maybe i’d just cover it in acrylic paint after, but acrylic paint stays a bit sticky and attracts dust anyway so. it kinda cancels out. i’ve thought about other materials to use as a base but it always comes back to yellowing. i wondered whether maybe thermoplastic could work but i couldn’t find anything about the yellowing rates so, maybe i’ll try it and leave it sometime but i don’t have high hopes

but then ofc there’s the problem of The Oven. i make the irises out of polymer clay bcuz that’s what works best for me. i’ve never been able to use pastels for my colours bcuz it just looks gross and grainy and muddy no matter what i do, so polymer clay is pretty non negotiable. which means whatever i use for the bases has to be oven safe

and the bubbles in the domes as well…it’d be good to get a pressure chamber someday but that’s a more serious piece of kit than i have room for rn. laeli suggested trying a vibrator to agitate the bubbles which i wanna try so bad lol. but i need to get the resin first….i wanna try art resin cuz it’s supposed to be non toxic so i could use it indoors. and i saw some tests where it was super resistant to yellowing as well. so it sounds perfect but since it’s 2 part resin i’d have to have a lot of eyes prepped beforehand so i don’t waste it all as it’s not cheap !!

im thinking about seeing if i could do the bases with art resin as well but since it’s only non toxic on its own cuz it doesn’t react with anything else in the air, i don’t know what pigments i could use if any. apparently their pigments they make are kinda ass and i’d need it to be a really solid white. they also don’t sell the pigments individually afaik. i’d like to try a white gel pigment but again !! i don’t know how it’ll react. it’d probably be fine but i wish i had the info…..plus i don’t know if it would just melt in the oven. you shouldn’t really put resin in the oven. and if it worked i’d definitely want to get my own little oven sooner as i’m just experimenting w the kitchen one first….bcuz it comes back to the toxic fumes. but even if i did that’s also. having the space for it

UAGH !! you see why i am going round in circles….i wish i could be one of those girlies that just fucks up their lungs and makes eyes that go yellow in 2 years and be happy but unfortunately i care for both myself and my product. i think i’m gonna have to just work on making my space dust free for the white polymer clay but I DONT WANNAAAAAA

#my awesome autism rant

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queenofcats17 · 1 year

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Small Fic idea

Gordon becomes a werewolf and is panicking about it and Benrey comforts him

Aw, that's so sweet! I really liked the idea, so I wanted to write it.

Also, like, warning for some body horror.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon had thought his life was weird enough already. None of his friends were completely human, he'd grown a prosthetic gun arm from drinking a potion. His life was weird.

But this was a whole new level of weird.

This was on him. Gordon had to admit that. He'd been the one to fuck up this time. He hadn't been looking at the labels on the bottles in Darnold's fridge and had just grabbed the one that looked the most like Dr. Pepper.

It had not been Dr. Pepper.

He'd found that out almost immediately when he'd doubled over in excruciating pain after taking a big swig of it as his body began to shift and twist out of his control. His mind had immediately flashed back to the incident with the gun arm, but this was far far worse. It wasn't just his arm that was changing, it was his whole body. He could feel his bones grinding, his muscles spasming, and his nails digging into the tile floor. He shouldn't have been able to do that.

As it turned out, it had been an experimental werewolf potion Darnold was trying out.

"I thought it would be a fun challenge," Darnold had said when Gordon had demanded to know why the Hell Darnold had made a werewolf potion. "I'm working on a vampire one too."

It took everything Gordon had not to growl at him. His displeasure was still immediately visible with his flattened ears and lashing tail, though.

"We'll, uh, we'll get started on figuring out a reverse," Tommy assured him. "Don't worry, Mr. Freeman, we'll- we will get you back to normal."

"How long do you think that'll take?" Gordon asked, trying to ignore the strange tone in his voice. He didn't like the way his voice sounded like this. It sounded...strange. Like he wasn't supposed to be speaking.

"I, uh...." Tommy trailed off, looking at Darnold.

"I'm not sure," Darnold admitted. "Could be a few hours, could be a few days."

"A few days?!" A growl ripped itself from Gordon's throat as he felt his hackles further rise. "I don't want to be stuck like this for days!"

Both Darnold and Tommy took a step back.

"Well, if you are stuck like this for an extended period of time, at least you'll be human in the daytime," Darnold pointed out. "Or...you should be human in the daytime..." He trailed off, seemingly lost in thought about what the longterm effects of this potion might be.

"We'll- We'll get right on it, Mr. Freeman," Tommy said, grabbing Darnold by the arm. "Don't worry! Why don't, uh, why don't you go out back with Benrey?" He was dragging Darnold away before Gordon could respond, leaving the unfortunate werewolf alone in the kitchen.

Gordon let out a long exhale, trudging outside to where Benrey was supposed to be star-gazing. However, when he stepped outside, he didn't see Benrey.

"Benrey?" He scanned the backyard, frowning slightly. He could smell Benrey out here, although he didn't entirely know how he knew the smell was Benrey.

"Feetman?" Benrey's voice came from behind him.

Gordon turned around to find Benrey laying on the roof of the house. Gordon wanted to be surprised by this, but honestly? He really wasn't. This was about par for the course for Benrey. It wasn't even the weirdest thing he'd seen Benrey do.

"I really wish you wouldn't call me that."

"Dude, why're you all...?" Benrey gestured at Gordon.

"Furry?" Gordon felt his hackles rise once more, his ears flattening against his head. "I drank something I wasn't supposed to and now I'm stuck like this for who knows how long. I might even be stuck like this forever!" His breathing sped up as the possible reality of the situation hit him. "Oh God...I might be stuck like this forever..."

He began to pace, his ears flattening even more. "What am I gonna tell Josh? What am I going to tell Chris?! There's no way he'll trust me alone with Josh if he finds out about this!"

Benrey remained where he was on the roof, just watching Gordon. "Hey, calm down? Please?" He said.

Gordon stopped pacing, turning on Benrey with a snarl. "How am I supposed to be calm in this situation?! I'M A MONSTER!"

"Yeah, but it's really cool? You look really awesome?"

Gordon was about to yell, only to stop as he processed the compliment. "You...You think I look cool?" He asked quietly. His tail was starting to wag a little and his ears had pricked up.

"Yeah. You look, like, super cool." Benrey nodded. "Your fur's soo pretty and you got, like, super cool looking claws and teeth."

"But I'm a monster now!" Gordon said, trying to push away the feelings of joy that were welling up in his chest at Benrey's praise. "I might hurt people!"

"So? I'm a monster too." Benrey shapeshifted some extra arms and fangs. "And being a monster doesn't mean you're guaranteed to hurt people. You're still you. You just look different now."

Gordon's ears flattened again and his tail went between his legs. "Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I mean..." He trailed off, trying not to dig himself deeper into this hole.

"'S fine, I get it." Benrey returned to his semi-normal form. "You got this whole thing about what you think monsters are like."

"Yeah...I guess. Still I...I'm really sorry."

"'S fine," Benrey repeated, hopping off of the roof. "You wanna wrestle?"

This absolutely derailed Gordon's train of thought. "...What?"

"You wanna wrestle?" As soon as Benrey hit the ground, he began to grow until he stood a little taller than Gordon's current form, which was a good bit taller than his human appearance.

"Why...Why are you asking me that?" Gordon asked.

"Cause I think it'd be cool." Benrey grinned with sharp teeth. "Plus you're, like, super big now and you gotta be super strong."

"But...What if I hurt you?" Gordon drew back a bit.

Benrey snorted derisively. "Yeah, like you'd be able to do that."

"I could!" Gordon's fear was immediately forgotten.

Benrey's grin widened. "You're weaksauce, bro. I bet you can't even scratch me."

Gordon responded to this by launching himself at Benrey, attempting to tackle him. Benrey cackled, easily catching Gordon, but allowing himself to be tackled to the ground so that they could roll in the grass.

Gordon's tail was wagging furiously as he and Benrey wrestled for control in the grass. It honestly felt...really good to be wrestling like this. Gordon had been worried he would be overcome with a desire for bloodshed, but that wasn't what was happening at all. He didn't want to hurt Benrey. He just wanted to prove his strength.

To prove he was a good packmate.

Eventually, the two of them ended up on their backs in the grass, staring up at the stars, both incredibly out of breath.

"Thanks," Gordon said as he tried to catch his breath.

"No prob, dude." Benrey reached over to pat Gordon's shoulder, which turned into him just petting Gordon.

"Can you scratch behind my ears?" Gordon mumbled somewhat sheepishly.

Benrey gave a big smile and did just that. Gordon closed his eyes, leaning into the touch. He could feel his tail beginning to wag enthusiastically. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. As long as he had his friends with him, he could probably handle this.

#hlvrai #fanfiction #gordon feetman #benrey #darnold pepper #tommy coolatta #body horror tw

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weezeryuri · 3 months

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im sorry life is being a bitch right now. i love you. you will get through this. you are stronger than you could ever realize. i love you.

i love you too and i know but what i worry about is will i get through this before the collective effects of longterm neglect finally take me out

#i wish the health stuff was just something i was being irrational about but i am frighteningly underweight #i really let myself go after my dad died and my mom straight up did not help me recover i am not doing great

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emobitch14 · 4 months

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hi!

This is my first post, my height is 5'7 and my weight is 160, i've lost 25 -ish pounds due to my ed but my gw is 130. I made this account so i can stay motivated n just post whatever i feel like posting so

does anyone ever feel like they dont have an ed? Whenever I tell the truth to my therapist about how much im eating she always says that it's unhealthy but i genuinely dont feel unhealthy. Of course im worried about longterm effects but currently it just doesn't feel that way, i've been fat all my life and i still am so even typing it out feels weird. When i say it out loud or type it out it feels almost like im lying, like i don't deserve to say "i have an ed".

#pro a4a #weight loss #i hate my existence #pro ans #proannna #vent #tw ed but not sheeran #tw ed diet #mentally unstable

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larathia · 2 years

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Analysis: Why *does* Chuuya annoy Dazai so much? And vice versa?

iDISCLAIMER: Y’all that ship these two, just move along. This isn’t about shipping, this is about canon. I know the shippers have their own ideas on this and that’s fine - I just wanted to poke at the reasoning without assuming some kind of sexual relationship.

So, these two meet when they’re both fifteen. And it seems to be hate at first sight, which is...unusual? So I started thinking about what it might be about each of them that got on the other one’s nerves so immediately. And what would keep them that way even after working together for years in life-and-death situations (which usually have a softening effect on this kind of aggravation).

What annoys Dazai about Chuuya: I think, at the core, it’s that Chuuya loves life. He loves life, he loves living, he actually manages to project a love-for-life that comes across immediately. This is a kid that, by Dazai’s understanding of the world, should be at least as fucked up as Akutagawa is...and he’s not. Chuuya was taken from his family, cloned, experimented on, abandoned without any memory or means of survival at an early age...none of this so much as fazes Chuuya. This is Tuesday for Chuuya. For Dazai, who has apparently lived the whole of his life at that point in the dark embrace of the Mafia (even when not a member himself), watching countless lives just get ground down and stubbed out, it must be like watching a fool happily dancing on the edge of a cliff, refusing to heed the danger. Worse than that, though, is that Chuuya is smart. So Dazai can’t just chalk this attitude up to Chuuya being a moron. Chuuya has his own way of doing it, but he can keep up with Dazai most of the time.

Nothing pisses off a depressed person like a cheerful sunny person throwing back the curtains and proclaiming it a Beautiful Day. And Chuuya takes it a step further and proclaims it a beautiful LIFE. A life for fine wines and expensive clothes and doing insane tricks with his motorcycle BECAUSE HE CAN, YO.

And longterm? What keeps the fires of aggravation burning?

Dazai...has to come from money. He probably comes from a well known family, too - or at least a family that has a few well known members. (I know, my personal theory is he’s a son or ward of the Old Boss, but there are other options too.) Dazai never worries about money the way you see Atsushi do, even when he flat out hasn’t got any. That kind of lack of concern tells me he’s never really had to worry about it. (I think they mention at one point that between quitting the Mafia and joining the ADA, he spent two solid years doing nothing but drinking. There’s a man who has no worries about paying the bills.)

I mention this because Dazai’s got a general air of ‘old money background’ - he might be the black sheep of the family (and probably is, if any are left alive to care) but he knows that world, he knows those graces, and just because he chooses not to bother with them doesn’t mean he’s unaware of them.

Dazai is, in a very functional sense, a prince. The probable heir to the Port Mafia. That he chooses to ignore that is just that - a choice.

Chuuya is the very epitome of nouveau riche, on one level, and a very different, much older kind of nobility on another. Both of the possible levels are at the very least annoyances to someone like Dazai.

On the ‘nouveau riche’ level, there’s Chuuya’s tendency to wear fashionable clothes, and drink expensive wines. It’s..flaunting wealth, which is usually considered gauche by old money families. Chuuya’s out and loud and proud of his success, which just comes off as ‘loud and arrogant’ to old money.

On the ‘older nobility’ level...I’m talking feudal. Chuuya lives like he’s a feudal lord - one of the ones that had to work for the position. He’s a warrior, he cares about his men, and he fights fearlessly whenever he’s sent into the field. That’s old school feudal lordship. In ancient days, Chuuya’s type would be the kind of samurai that legends are made around. Dazai’s type might win the wars through their clever strategizing, but they wouldn’t get any songs or poems made about them. Terribly, terribly annoying, and also a possible threat. Just to stick some thorns in. Chuuya’s type of action is flashy and attention grabbing, which can mean the light of favor shines on them longer...maybe exclusively.

What annoys Chuuya about Dazai:

Mostly, you can just reverse the list. Dazai acts like of course he should be in charge, when he rarely does any fighting and isn’t actually all that good at it when he does. Chuuya is incredibly strong, and really doesn’t need to do anything Dazai’s way. Sheer raw power will get most of it done for him.

There’s also that Dazai has access to pretty much everything and anything he could possibly want, yet spends all his time moping in the dark dreaming of suicide. Which. I mean. Why, y’know? Yet Dazai’s in favor with Mori, and - even more annoying - if Chuuya kills him, Corruption is straight off the table. (Because Chuuya does not mope, and does not want to die, and therefore a glorious suicide is not gonna happen.)

Dazai is, bluntly, an aggravating little shit that Chuuya is not allowed, for practical and authoritative reasons, to kill. Or even smack around very much. And worst, from Chuuya’s perspective, is that Dazai has from moment one attempted to establish himself as Chuuya’s master. Chuuya does not want a master, but if he’s going to have one it’s because that person has something to offer, something to teach. Dazai doesn’t. (Mori did, but that’s a different matter.) Chuuya is well aware that Dazai moves in his own little world, by his own little rules, and rather than find this at all Interesting or Mysterious, Chuuya flat out gives no fucks. Dazai can stay in his own little world and rot. Except, annoyingly, he never does.

#bsd analysis #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya

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