all non participating countries have their flags banned at eurovision

I'm well aware. I wrote that in the translation.

Eurovision 2023: #15

15. SPAIN Blanca Paloma - "Eaea" 17th place

Decade Ranking: 42 / 116 [Above The Busker, below Circus Mircus]

A journey has finally come to an end. Like, idk, I have all the opinions and feelings and no idea how I'll express them. So let's pen them down and figure it out as we go?

So first, let's adress the pinned post: Yep, I was right about Blanca. I am also not particularly happy about it. I didn't just suspect Spain would come top three in the final going into the show, I was actively convinced it would happen and looked forward to it. The result we got aligned only with my first instincts so maybe the problem is allowing myself to be gaslit instead of confidently believing in my divining abilities? Or maybe the problem is just the Spanish Fandom, who can tell.

Secondly, as for why we got there, well: consider this little statement i made pre-show:

That has always been the crux of my opinion on Eaea. The problem was the song. It was never bad but always unvoteable. From the moment I first heard it for Benidorm reviews, all the way to five points, you just knew it was too out there to have mass appeal. When I then saw the staging at Benidorm, it confirmed my suspicions really. In order to get televotes, you need to stage literally, not laterally. Eaea was the Jezinky of Spain.

However, I always kinda sorta liked it overall anyway?

As we saw with Mae even if you have one big "drawback" (and it wasn't that Eaea was bad, it was just too pedantic to compete for televotes, something its obtuse fans failed to understand) but do the rest right, the net result is still a net positive. Foremost, Eaea was a visual treat that I loved to look at. Not just "more than i enjoyed hearing it", no backhanded compliments like that. It's just what it excelled at: Blanca was a performer of exceptional charm and talent, and employed her skills to their optimum. There's a reason why I thought Spain would win the jury vote going into rehearsals, and that's solely because I trusted Blanca's expertise would be enough to EAT.

And honestly, she at least... moderately gobbled? Like THIS:

and THIS:

and THIS:

Is all great? I never thought Eaea was the masterpiece (can we please STOP using that term for any offbeat Eurovision song we like PLEASE) others deemed it to be, it was a quirky little fusion of flamenco traditions with modernist staging, by a great singer who nailed the difficult vocals. For better or for worse, Blanca understood the assignment that Eurovision is foremost a Live Performance Contest and made an effort to be as good as possible.

So yeah, I did vote for Blanca on the night. Twice. Even if one felt like the song was too much Piece and not enough Song, she had earned a high spot up the scoreboard for her performance and determination, so I cast a vote for her in support of that cuz you know, nature is healing. Then I fatfingered a second one by accident, making me one of ten people in Belgium who voted for Spain, and the only one to vote for them more than once. AND YOU THOUGHT, I WAS A HATER, DIDN'T YOU?

Okay, so the results. Five points SEEMS really harsh but Käärijä really was a force of fatal attraction and natural devastation that we've only truly seen once before under normal circumstances, and anyone else should have been pleased to have had any scraps left after his cultural reset. Blanca was never gonna get much of that, we already went through why.

But what about Juries? Well, they flocked to Sweden and Italy like we all suspected they would, which is a boring outcome, but both Loreen and Marco nailed their lives so w/e fine. If I wanted the juries to reward Blanca for her grit, why be angry when they did the same for Sweden and Italy?

However, to once again beat a dead equine, that *other* one in the jury top three being there, and over Blanca specifically, has to be the worst jury decision since their re-implementation. Like worse than Fade to Black qualifying into three jury twelves. Worse than Baby Eats You scoring 82 points over Blackbird. The juries exist specifically to reward layered art like Eaea and quirky outsiders like Blanca and they erred. 10th in jury, what the shit? The argument that Eaea wasn't good enough a song doesn't hold up because Ewnicorn was the worst composition in the year.

So in the end, I am back where I started: at mild like. You'd expect me to feel smug, but honestly, I mostly just feel melancholic. Eaea truly was a unique Piece and its result made me realize that, should Eurovision revert back to full-televote which is what Österdahl seems to want (🙄), it's the Eaeas that will become extinct first*.

THE RANKING

you have NO idea how much anxiety "Veronika" is giving me rn. 😬

you also have NO idea how much i'd kill for an Eaea in 2024's Benifest.

Vanity Fair interview translated

Just a side note before the actual translation; I don't know why, but instead of reporting the full questions and answers in full as she should, the journalist decided to report only summarized fragments of what Måneskin said and patch these fragments up into messy clusters. She also worded a couple phrases in a very confusing way (and yes, she's fully Italian). In short, she did quite a poor job, so the final shape of the interview is not that good. I didn't expect top-tier journalism from Vanity Fair but ffs. You'll see what I mean.

I translated it as it is, adding just a couple footnotes to give you insight on Italian pop culture references.

Translation under the cut

Måneskin: "Different from whom?"

by Lavinia Farnese, 09 June 2021

"True justice is being judged for what you do and not for what you are." The ones who are convinced of this are Damiano, Victoria, Ethan and Thomas who, by being the emblem of a generation that is finally free, refuse labels and conformism. In life, in love and on the stage. Where, maybe precisely because of this, they're winning everything

With the still unexpected (first place at Sanremo Festival) and the incredible (triumph at Eurovision) in their eyes, Måneskin are on the sofa of the house-studio they rented - to resume writing songs and rehearsing them - like you are after a won battle: lying in a calm and unreal silence, alert and a bit irreverent, happy.

In the garden there's the tennis table and the pool, the light of summer when it's starting and calming the country all around, and it filters inside from the large windows, and it goes onto the shining black of Ethan's hair, which blends with Thomas' eye shadow and the butterfly he has tattooed oh his naked forearm, which completes the picture of Victoria's golden crucifix hanging between neck and tank top and ends on the black nail polish of Damiano's stretched hands.

It's a human fresco, a Theatre of wrath [translator's note: "Teatro d'ira"] - to call it with the title of their latest album, a platinum record already - where their flaunted 20 years of age, their irregular femininity and virility are grown into proud and challenging custom, a pop glam rock generational manifesto of hard-earned liberties in a finally-unconditional expression of the self.

To watch them from any angle and from another age is to think that a great love will be born in those who'll understand: this new way of being in the world, the true and sovereign realm they hold where "diversity=exceptionality", the power of the artistic and cultural revolution of which they are healthy carriers in establishing in all lyrics and gestures the right to live according to one's own nature past the "people (who) talk, the people (who) unfortunately talk, and don't know what the fuck they're talking about." [tn: "Zitti e buoni" lyrics]

We go where we're afloat, where the air isn't gone. [tn: journalist's own variation on "Zitti e buoni" lyrics]

Miley Cyrus says hi – The numbers of a phenomenon

"The streams of Zitti e buoni are growing by the second, and they bring us above Muse, at the top of English charts, twelfth in the Spotify Global Chart. Followers almost tripled, in the post-Rotterdam period (from 1,4 to 3,3 millions, ed.) Contagious and universal folly: t-shirts and merchandising sold out in 10 minutes. Like the records, the tickets for a tour that keeps adding dates and expanding over geographic maps. They're contacting us even from some festivals were The Rolling Stones went." Thomas

"After the pretextual controversy over cocaine that France built against us, later disproven by my drug test, some graffiti popped up in Spain depicting me as a “No drugs” poster guy. Some tweets made us laugh: "Congratulations, Italy! I've never been more certain that four people have had sex with each other." Miley Cyrus started following us -You're great. -You guys are greater." Damiano

From the garage to the stars – Story of a flight

"It was only 2016, and we played in restaurants, in the streets, in via del Corso. Damiano without even a microphone, Thomas' guitar with wonky strings, Ethan was drumming on a cajón. During Rome highschools' sit-ins (Kennedy, Virgilio, Mamiani) we had our first confirmations and half-hours of celebrity, playing among those who criticized us and those who went "wow they're really cool." One of the rare times when they would have paid us – 50 euros each – we gave the money to the next band in the lineup so that they would make us play in their spot, later in the day, when there would have been more people. We had already realized how things worked. Visibility mattered more than money. And we still think that." Victoria

The intimacy of rock – Choice of a genre

"Music allows us the miracle of extending to others some very personal and private topics, sometimes even difficult and thorny ones. They are and they remain deeply your own, but at the same time they become a confession that reaches a wider audience, and in this passage that is alike a delivery, they find a place in you as well, a processing of them. You overcome them, you accept them. One second it's something aggressive, the next it's a ballad. Cathartic». Damiano

Against panic – The stage as therapy

"I've suffered a lot from anxiety and panic attacks, it's an issue I've worked on thanks to a psychotherapy course, my friends and my family. Playing helped me in not letting myself be paralyzed by my fears, not making myself limited in my private and professional life. I've learned to accept, to live with this side of myself. I don't hide it. I don't feel ashamed of it." Victoria

Analysis as necessity – Relying on someone saves you

"This belief that only madmen go to the psychologist is a widespread ignorance. No-one's born learned. [tn: common Italian saying] And it's often hard to understand the very reason why we're here, let alone the origin and direction of our desires. It's a long and legitimate journey towards lucidity, a kind of backing to become transparent." Damiano

Being out of our minds – But different from them [tn: "Zitti e buoni" lyrics]

"When you feel a strong passion towards something that is not a canonical job but an artistic language, that already puts you on a level of anomaly, which is not superior or inferior to other people, but it puts you in the position of the one who breaks the mold and also works at a loss, the one who sustains great risks while trying to do something that who knows if it will take you anywhere. "Why do it if it doesn't pay?". You want to give this dream of yours an aesthetic, but it becomes "You're dressing so weird! You must be gay!" - now that I'm 22 I laugh about it, but when I was 17 it had an effect on me, too." Damiano

The beauty of uniqueness – Of believing in it and defending it

"And I mean, at the end of the day if we're all different it's not because we want be alternative but because, really, no-one is the same. Justice is being judged on what you do and not what you are. Justice is equality, respect, beauty." Ethan

Fluid sexuality – Pride is freedom

"Heels for men that like themselves in them, kisses among ourselves, we have an open, extended mind, and we're proud of it. The horizons become vast, past the oppression of conservative families. With the information on the web knowledge becomes greater and with it the possibility that minorities will be less and less minorities, because the majority will be less of a majority. This way we'll make insults and bullying grow quieter. If social media get to a village of 50 souls and reveal to a girl who's afraid of the dark that someone has felt her same fear, then there's no reason to give a name to that fear, to mark it with labels which also limit and restrict. Definitions always had this effect on me. You shouldn't even consider the gender when judging someone, let alone their orientation." Victoria

Sexism – A culture to be dismantled

"Emma [tn: Emma Marrone, Italian singer] drops the bomb: “At Eurovision when I was there they massacred me for a pair of shorts, while they said nothing to Damiano – bare-chested and in heels.” The easy judgment against women is more fierce, constant, debasing (if I have a lot of sex I'm cool while Vic is a whore, where I show myself strong I'm a leader while Vic is despotic and a pain in the ass who reached success because she's hot.) As a male I'm privileged, the abuse I get is not comparable to those a woman has to live through, the comments over my aesthetic are centered only on my aesthetic and don't insinuate anything about my professionalism and my competence, while women are victims of this kind of thought in a systematic way. It happened though to find myself standing with a woman who while pulling me to herself to take a selfie, started licking my face out of the blue... I mean, what the hell do you want? Who asked you? Consent exists, and it's due." Damiano

Grow yourself – The only commandment

"To me conformism is the opposite of education [tn: could also mean "politeness"] and is the asphyxia of expression. I fortunately never endured heavy bullying, heavy enough for the the judgement of others to change me. But the mold of the small crumbs of bullying I got and of the kind of aggression that scars is the same. If I'm a kid who dances and likes dolls you have to let me do what I like. I was a kid who wanted to keep his hair long and played with Barbie. As a teen, my friends looked at my hair: " You have to find a girl with short hair to be at your side." My grandparents took away my dolls: "Stop it, they're not for you." Ethan

"When I was six I was already sick of them, the distinctions between masculine and feminine. I've always had strong ideas about how I wanted to be. I refused things that were typically defined as girly, and all around me they mocked me because I went skateboarding, I played soccer, I didn't wear skirts, I was giving myself the chance to be as I wished. I endured it a little, I suffered a little, but I had courage, and now thanks to that courage I know that I could have gotten even much more hurt, otherwise I would have left to others the most important choice: the one about myself." Victoria

Love in progress – Music, girlfriends

"I've been married to music for the last 20 years. I can't wait to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary." Ethan

"Everyone makes their own experiences, sometimes it goes well, sometimes it goes wrong, but it's always not anybody's business." Thomas

"When I first felt feelings and attraction towards a girl it was a bit disorienting because I had never had the courage of going beyond the limitations I had put for myself. For society being heterosexual is the norm and so you often define yourself in that way automatically, depriving yourself of the freedom to live many shades and faces of love. Once I overcame the initial insecurity of having to call into question my certainties I've lived my sexuality in a very natural and free way, as it should be for everyone." Victoria

"I had paparazzi at my door every day and night. So, after four years of relationship, I revealed her name. I still have paparazzi at my door every day and nigh, but at least I don't have to hide anything anymore." Damiano

The worth of the group – Phenomenology of protection

"The true engagement though, the true family is among ourselves, our band. We've believed in it since day zero, even before we called ourselves Måneskin (Moonlight in Danish), even before Ethan drew a giant moon on the flier for the first concert we ever did. We share everything, even the pain for the tragedy of Seid Visin, who committed suicide at 20 because of racism. [tn: I think the journalist asked them their opinion about Seid Visin's death, which was a current events topic in Italy, and then pasted it syntaxically in the middle of Thomas' answer, which was not a great move] A group is what we all should be: stay united and not back down an inch in the face of oppression that is generated by a distorted view of diversity." Thomas

I'm not of the right age – Like Gigliola [tn: Gigliola Cinquetti won Eurovision with her song "Non ho l'età", which means "I'm not of the right age"]

"Before you the only one who won both Sanremo and Eurovision on the same year was Cinquetti (1964). If there's anything I feel I'm not of the right age for? No, honestly no. Maybe having children. Regarding children I'll be honest: I'm not of the right age." Damiano

Having touched the sky – The fears that remain

"We're more than inside the dream, we're in the conquered dream. When you fly high there's the risk of plummeting and hurting yourself, but we'll work hard not to end up like Icarus, who burns his wings with the sun. Everything is in our hands. And this - a bit pretentiously - reassures us rather than scaring us." Damiano

Måneskin: "Different from whom?"

Greetings from Miley Cyrus - phenomenal numbers.

The streams of Zitti e Buoni are growing by the second, and ahead of Muse, on the top of the English charts, twelfth in the Spotify Global Chart. We almost tripled followers after Rotterdam (from 1.4 to 3.3 million, ed). Contagious and universal madness: T-shirts and merchandise sold out in 10 minutes. Like records, tickets for a tour that adds dates and expands on maps. They are even looking for us in festivals where the Rolling Stones have played. - Thomas

After the whole cocaine scandal that was started against us from France, which was later denied by my drug test, in Spain there people have been making murals with my face saying "No drugs". Some tweets made us laugh: «Congratulations, Italy! I have never been so sure that four people have fucked each other ". Miley Cyrus started following us. "You are great". “You are more” . - Damiano

From rags to riches - what a story

It was only 2016, and we were playing in restaurants, on the streets, in via del Corso (famous street in Rome). Damiano without a microphone, Thomas's guitar with broken strings, Ethan drummed on a cajón. At the occupations of the high schools in Rome (Kennedy, Virgilio, Mamiani) we had our first gigs and half an hour of fame, between those who criticized us and those who said "these guys are so cool". One of the rare times in which they offered to pay us to play - 50 euros each - we offered that money to those after us, in exchange for the chance to play during their time slow, as we knew there would have been a bigger crowd. We already understood then how it worked. That visibility was worth more than the money. We still think so ». - Victoria

The intimacy of rock - Choice of a genre

Music allows is this miracle which allows one to talk about very personal and private topics, even difficult and delicate ones. They are and remain deeply yours, but at the same time they become a confession that reaches a wider audience, and in this passage which is like a delivery, they also find their place in you, their elaboration. They are overcome, they are accepted. One moment it feels aggressive, one moment later a (soft) ballad. It's very cathartic. - Damiano

Against panic - The stage as therapy

I have suffered a lot from anxiety and panic attacks, it is a problem that I have worked on thanks to a course of psychotherapy, to my friends and family. Playing has helped me not to let myself be paralyzed by my fears, not to be limited in my private and professional life. I have learned to accept, to live with this side of me. I don't hide it. I no longer feel ashamed. - Victoria

This belief that only crazy people go to the psychologist is widespread ignorance. Nobody is born learned. And it is often difficult to understand why we are here, let alone the derivation and direction of our desires. It is a long and legitimate journey towards one's clarity. - Damiano

Essere fuori di testa – Ma diversi da loro (Be out of your mind - But different from them)

Already feeling a strong passion for something that is not a 'regular' profession but an artistic language, it puts you on a level where you're an anomaly, and while you're neither superior nor inferior to others, it places you in the condition of what breaks the mold but you're also being at a loss, leaving it to you to be bold and to take risks, hoping that they will pay off and land you somewhere. "What good is it if you don't stand out on your own?". You want to give it an aesthetic to your artistic dream, but to others it boils down to " You dress differently! You must be gay! ”, I'm 22 now and it makes me laugh, but at 17 it had an effect on me too. - Damiano

The beauty of being unique - Of believing in that and defending it

After all, we are all different not because we want to be alternative but because really no one is the same. Justice is being judged on what you do and not what you are. Justice is equality, respect, beauty. - Ethan

Fluid sexuality - Pride is freedom

We appreciate heels on men, we kiss each other, we have an open, extended mind, and we are proud of it. The horizons become vast, beyond the oppression of conservative families. With information on the web, knowledge is enriched and with it the possibility that minorities will be fewer and fewer, because majorities will be fewer and fewer. This will lower the volume to insults and bullying. If social networks can reach a village of 50 souls to reveal to someone, who is afraid of the darkness, that someone has felt that same fear.. There is no longer the need to give it a name, to define that "something" to fear, to brand it with labels that only limit you. Definitions have always had this effect on me. Gender should not even be considered in a person's judgment. Let alone orientation ". - Victoria

Sexism - A culture to be dismantled

Emma (Italian singer) dropped the bomb:" When I went to Eurovision, they insulted me over a pair of shorts. Damiano - half naked and in heels - was never criticized ". The judgment against women is constant, ferocious, and demeaning (if I have a lot of sex I'm cool but Vic a whore, where I show myself strong I'm a leader she is domineering and pain in the ass, who is successful because only because of her looks [and not the hard work she puts in]). As a male I am privileged, the harassment I suffer is not comparable to that experienced by a woman, the comments on my aesthetics are focused only on my aesthetics and do not insinuate anything about my professionalism and my competence, while women are victims of this kind of thinking in a systemic way. But I did find myself in a situation, out of nowhere, with someone who, pulling close to her for a selfie, started licking my face ... "What do you want, did you ask me?" Consent exists, and it is a must ». - Damiano

To grow as a person - The only rule to follow

For me, to conform is the total opposite of educating oneself, and the asphyxiation of one's expression (of freedom). Fortunately, I did not suffer heavy bullying, to the point where I felt I needed to change to adapt to how others saw me. But the matrix of who I am and the aggression that marks me is the same. If I'm a kid who dances and loves dolls, then allow me the freedom to do so. I used to be a kid who wanted long hair and played with Barbies. My friends, as a teenager, looked my long hair and teased me: "You have to find yourself a girl with a short hair to make up for it". My grandparents took the dolls away from me and said: “Stop it, they're not for you” ». - Ethan

“I was six and I already could not tolerate the distinctions between masculine and feminine. I've always had strong ideas about how I wanted to be. I refused things typically defined as feminine as a child, and they made fun of me for skating, for playing soccer, for not wearing skirts, for giving myself the chance to be as I wanted to be. I suffered a little, as I was bullied, but I had courage to stay true to myself, and today thanks to that courage I know that I could have been much more hurt, or I would have risked leaving the most important decision to others: the one about being just me". - Victoria

Love - music and girlfriends

I've been married to music for the past 20 years. I cannot wait to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary. - Ethan

Everyone goes through their own experiences, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but it's never other people's business." - Thomas

When, for the first time, I developed feelings and attraction for a girl it was a bit disorienting because I had never had the courage to go beyond the limitations I had imposed on myself. For society, being heterosexual is the norm and therefore often one automatically pegs himself in that way, giving up the freedom to experience many different shades and facets of love. Once I got over the initial insecurity of having to question one's own certainties, I lived my sexuality in a very natural and free way, as it should be for everyone. - Victoria

I had paparazzi under my house morning and night. So, after four years of relationship, I finally revealed her name. I still have the paparazzi under my house morning and night, but at least I don't have to hide anything anymore. - Damiano

The value of the group - Protecting each other

But the real relationship, the real family, is between us. Our band. We believed in it from the first day, even before calling ourselves Måneskin (moonlight in Danish), even before Ethan drew a giant moon, on the poster for our first concert. We share everything, even the pain of the tragedy of Seid Visin, who committed suicide at 20 because he was a victim of racism. Being a group is what we should all do together: stay united and not retreat in the slightest in the face of abuses generated by a distorted vision of someone "being different|. - Thomas

Non ho l’età – like Gigliola (It references Gigliola Cinquetti who won both Sanremo and Eurovision with her song "Non ho l’età" which translates to Not old enough)

Before us, the only one to win Sanremo and Eurovision together was Gigliola Cinquetti (in 1964). Is there is something for which I feel I am not yet old enough for? No, honestly no. Maybe for kids. I'll be honest, I'm not enough to be a dad. - Damiano

Reached the sky - What fears still remain

We are more than in the dream, we have conquered the dream. To fly high this high, there is the risk is to fall and get hurt, but we will try not to end up like Icarus, who burns his wings with the sun. Everything is in our hands. And this - somewhat presumptuously - reassures us rather than frighten us ". - Damiano

(ORIGINAL INTERVIEW IN ITALIAN)

[Please note that I have changed some words or structure sentence, trying to make it so that the interview made more sense lol - I skipped the first two paragraphs, which was basically the interviewer gushing over how pretty the band is lmao (relatable).

Any mistakes in the translation are sorely mine, nothing was proofread, so apologies in advance]

Tmblrvision 2021 Head of Delegation Intentions Survey RESULTS!

As is now annual tradition, you filled out a survey which looked at your intentions to participate as Head of Delegation (HoD) for Tmblrvision 2021. You were asked which countries you were interesting, as well as some additional questions that would help shape the contest.

This year, 29 of you filled out the survey. Last year, I received 35 survey responses and ended up with 41 participants. If I set the range to ±6, that means I should anticipate between 23 and 35 participants this year!

Most of you who filled out the survey are previous HoDs, but as always there's room for new faces around here!

I'll start off with the results that y'all are probably most looking forward to: Which countries are y'all gonna go for?

Top 11 Most Wanted Countries

At the top of the list this year is United Kingdom, though (SPOILER ALERT) there may be more opportunities to claim that one, so who knows if the battle will be as difficult as you anticipate. Italy, Sweden, Australia, Finland, Ukraine, Belgium, and Ireland were all amongst the most wanted countries last year as well, with Germany joining the group. Many of you are also aiming for the Special Guest spot, despite not knowing which options are available, which is interesting. Finally, quite a few amongst you don't really know what to go for, which is fine! Maybe the results of this survey can help. (Also, if you need ideas, join the Tmblrvision Discord server, get the song suggestions role, and look through songs that have been suggested by others!)

Other Popular Countries

18 countries in all had at least two people thinking about claiming them, including countries we did not see last year, such as Greece, Austria, Hungary, and Malta.

Less-Wanted Countries

22 countries had exactly one person thinking about claiming them, and if you're one of those people, maybe you're best off going all in on them! These countries include four countries which have won Tmblrvision: Slovenia, Israel, Algeria, and current winner Luxembourg! Also, someone's interested in the Vatican... I wonder what they have in mind?

Unwanted Countries

The list of "unwanted" countries is once again not very surprising. Smaller countries (such as Andorra and Cyprus), the Caucasus (Azerbaijan and Georgia, both of which were last seen in 2018), and MENA countries (Tunisia and, surprisingly, Turkey) were on nobody's minds out of people who filled out the survey. Maybe someone can find a hidden gem for one of those countries!

Special Guest Country Poll

Here are the results of the Special Guest Country poll! Only one country didn't get a single vote, and while there were clearly three tiers of countries based on number of votes, the Top 5 was never in doubt. Because there's a tie, and I can't be bothered to find a way to break this tie, all five countries are now eligible to be claimed if someone picks the Special Guest Country. These countries are: Brazil, Canada, Kosovo, New Zealand, and USA! As always, if one of these countries is claimed, they will be ineligible to be the Special Guest Country for the next two editions.

Which Platform Will We Use?

A majority of you use Discord (89.66%) or Twitter (79.31%), with less than half of you still using Tumblr (37.93%). (One person uses Reddit!) Also, a majority of you said that you would participate in Tmblrvision if we used Discord (86.21%), and more than half said Tumblr was fine (65.52%). Despite its wide usage, only 37.93% of you would participate if we used Twitter.

In line with that, Tmblrvision will remain hosted on Tumblr, with important things such as sign-ups and song reveals going up on this page before anywhere else. However, the Tmblrvision Discord server will also continue to be an important part of the contest, with most communication happening through that platform. In addition, the rule requiring participants having an active Tumblr account will be withdrawn this year. You will be allowed to participate as long as you're an active member of the Discord server. More specific information regarding this will be included in the rulebook for this year.

Also, I asked for your suggestions on what to rename this contest, but most of you said to keep the Tmblrvision name. Since Tumblr will remain the contest's home (at least in terms of where most of the content is), we're keeping the name! Thanks for your suggestions, though. Some suggestions included:

EuroFan Song Celebration

Europalvision

Renvision / euRENvision

Recapvision

PollDaddyVision

Brian

Should the United Kingdom be split up into its constituent countries (England, Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales) for Tmblrvision?

This was asked a few years ago and the results were highly mixed. This time, it seem like a large majority of you want it, so: This year, you will be allowed to claim England, Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales! Eligibility rules for each country will be the same as every other country, meaning that if someone is eligible for England, they are probably not going to be eligible for any of the other countries.

Should Belarus be allowed to participate given its broadcaster has been suspended by the EBU?

This one was also a resounding YES. We will be using the white-red-white flag for Belarus this year.

When Are Sign-Ups?

Sign-ups for the 2021 Tmblrvision Song Contest are on Saturday, 10 July, 8pm CEST and will run for a maximum of 48 hours. Time and date are subject to change in case of anything important that pops up but this will be communicated to you ASAP. Last year's winner has yet to inform me of which country they're claiming so... hang tight. Also, if you've never done this before, you'll need to put this date and time in your calendar and be quick: Last year, I received 33 country reservations within less than three minutes of the link going up (Tumblr posted the scheduled post about two minutes late). Don't believe me? Here's the timestamps...

One Last Thing...

...I thought this would be a fun time to reveal the logo and the emblem for this year's contest!

The slogan, Resplendis pour nous!, is inspired by a lyric from Luxembourg's first Eurovision winning song, "Nous les amoureux", which won 60 years ago. Incidentally, outside of the Special Guest Country, there are 60 countries eligible to participate at Tmblrvision (including the four constituent countries of the United Kingdom), which is why the emblem consists of 60 different circles coming together to represent a glowing sun.

See you in July!

2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019

*arrives a month late*... Happy 2021 to all of you, my dear followers! *raises a glass* It seems that my tendency to finish my artwork or personal posts on time has only gotten worse over time (I blame work *lol*). Oh well, better late than never, since there are things I would still like to take with me from this extraordinary year of 2020.

It is cringeworthy that I have two huge red X-s this year. But after I'd put these puzzle pieces together, I remembered far too well what was going on in my (work) life at the time, so it's completely understandable why I didn't have the time nor the energy to draw at all during those two months.

What were those typical statistics that I wrote about again to compare the years? *goes to read last year's post*.. Oh, right! In 2020, I managed to finish 3 full digital drawings (from the months of April, July and December) as well as work on several sketches. I wrote 28,154 words worth of fanfiction (oohh, that's a lot better than previous year), plus 3,126 words in English (I dare say I wrote an equal amount in Estonian) for the prompts I got during UYLD (making the total 31,280 words, which is quite impressive!).

I finished reading the 1st Kyoshi novel in the evening of the 20th and slightly past midnight on the 21st December (barely before the holidays, but I set this goal for myself and I did it!). Am already looking forward to starting with the 2nd part some time this year. Besides that, I ordered and received all the other new Avatar books that came out (3rd part of "Ruins of the Empire", "Katara and the Pirate's Silver", "Legacy of the Fire Nation") as well as BOTH Avatar series DVD sets (I still can't believe I found these on sale on some random online store in Estonia, but these are now among my most prized possessions!).

I finally started my Avatar rewatch last January, but merely got to the Ba Sing Se episodes in Book 2 (I need to continue with "The Earth King") and now it's been 5 YEARS since I last saw Korra. Reading through my journal personal posts from last year, I know far too well that it's not about rushing through it as fast as possible. Instead, I should enjoy the ride and continue watching the episodes when I'm well rested and in the right mood. That way I'll end up feeling much more at peace.

As for the entire year as a whole? I don't think anyone in this world of ours was prepared for the way this decade would begin - with an uncontrollable pandemic, the virus of which is randomly attacking and threatening to wipe out the weakest amongst us. If any of you (or even if you know someone who) have lost a loved one to this plague, there is not much else I can offer but my sincerest condolences! Me, my family, friends and colleagues seem to have managed to avoid catching it so far. *spits 3 x over her shoulder*

I had such high hopes for this year in so many ways. Event-wise I was looking forward to watching the Eurovision Song Contest in May (where Uku Suviste was supposed to represent Estonia for the 1st time ever after so many unfortunate failures to get selected as the winner of our local competition), the European Football Championships in June (asking my colleagues which countries they support, perhaps make fun bets / guesses with them to see whose team would win the matches), the Tokyo Olympic Games in July-August, the President of Estonia (Mrs. Kersti Kaljulaid) coming to visit my hometown to celebrate our Victory Day by taking part in the parade together with the Defence Forces (after 15 years *sigh*)...

I will always remember my last big event, which took place when life used to be "normal", so to say. It was the 102nd anniversary of Estonia on the 24th of February, when I took part of all the most important celebrations in Tallinn on our Independence Day, FULL-TIME (whenever I scroll through my Facebook timeline, I see the photos I uploaded of that day, my heart melts and I smile fondly). But the day after that.. utter hell broke loose. We had our first infected person in the country.

I will also remember the last day I went to work in "normal" conditions. Friday, the 13th of March (typically my lucky day-number combination): I missed the tram I wanted to get on in the morning, at work my team received great news that one of our colleague's family had grown bigger by a new tiny member the day before, we had our last team lunch together, we discussed the safety measures that we should take and joked about what might happen next week, I took the bus home instead of the tram (as the tram's route came from the airport and that place was considered to be more dangerous and with a higher risk of catching this virus).. It was another 2.5 weeks later by then (since the 25th of February) - Estonia (along with the rest of Europe) went into full lockdown.

The beginning was frightening and people were on edge, nobody really knew what to do nor what was gonna happen next. But in time, things began to shake into place and everybody developed a comfortable routine for remote work, including figuring out how to get everyday things done (such as grocery shopping). I found solace in taking photographs of various beautiful bird species, who began to fly around and serenaded me during spring, visiting the trees around my "nest" i.e. rented apartment (with a pair of them ACTUALLY building a nest in the chestnut tree right beside my window, thus turning me into a protective godmother of their chicks).

To be honest, I was awestruck by the positive / surprising aftermath of this lockdown: how the world / environment began to heal itself from the pollution that was normally caused by humans. I was taken aback by how dead silent our usually loud capital became in my neighbourhood (I could only hear trams passing by my house according to their schedules, practically no cars whatsoever, streets were empty of people.. absolute silence).

By May-June, things started to look up in Estonia (as well as the rest of Europe) and people were allowed to start travelling / moving around more freely. During my vacation in July, I managed to go to my last (open air) event (for the rest of the year) under these new "corona" conditions and ended up having a blast at the Open Farm Days in my home county for the first time.

Our country's shining moment came during the first week of September, when we hosted the first ever Rally Estonia of the World Rally Championship (WRC), where our very own Ott Tänak and Martin Järveoja won. The event was so well organized and successful that nobody caught the virus nor did the spectators / participants spread it to others, which surely must've helped in ensuring us a spot in the WRC calendar for 2021 as well.

The remainder of the year was rather dull, with the exception of the US Presidential elections in November, when we were all holding our breaths that Joe Biden would win (congratulations, my American friends!). This eventually led to the painful downfall of THE WORST government the Republic of Estonia has ever had, and to the rise of our first female Prime Minister, Kaja Kallas (both happening in January 2021, I couldn't believe it all spiralled so soon, ha-ha!).

Anyways, during the last 4 months, work was very stressful and driving me nuts, so badly that when I eventually went on vacation before Christmas, I had a slight anxiety disorder that wouldn't let me relax for several days (luckily it went away just as quickly once I began to take it easy and managed to get some proper rest / sleep).

In hindsight, I kind of get this weird feeling as if I saw this whole thing coming, given how actively I was living my life throughout 2019. My final year of the 2010's was so full of important events and personal achievements. It's almost as if something mysterious inside was driving me, telling me to visit all the places and do all the things I wanted to do, cause I wouldn't have this sort of a chance again for a very long time.

This must be the main reason why I am thankful for 2020 for going the way it did. Sure, I'm disappointed that a lot of events were cancelled, that so many people have had to leave this world so soon due to this unpredictable disease.. But I think there are so many lessons to take from what came out of all of this. I believe the world needed some sort of a restart or break, given in what direction we were headed (politically, economically, environmentally, socially etc.). I'm just sorry it's had to come with such a high price of innocent lives.

I have even higher hopes for 2021, given how amazingly January has already passed for me and my country, and what is to come in my hometown in February. Let's take the lessons learned from 2020 with us and keep on heading back towards the "normal" lifestyle we used to know. Except this time, let's improve our ways, put all the hatred behind us, be more considerate, keep a distance, stay safe, but still try to make the world a better place for everyone. Thank you so much for reading, for remaining by my side, and for your support and love throughout the years, my friends! I hope to see you all alive and healthy at the end of the white metal ox year of 2021! *virtual hugs*

Klemens on Árið með Gísla Marteini - translation

On December 27th, Klemens appeared briefly for a ten-minute segment on the new year’s special of talk show Vikan með Gísla Marteini (at roughly half an hour in).

Translation of Klemens’ bits and summary of context below the cut, although, disclaimer, if the translation reads sort of vague and weird in parts it’s probably because I wasn’t always entirely sure what Klemens was actually trying to get at. Damn it, Klemens, even when you’re just talking you’re hard to understand sometimes.

Gísli Marteinn introduces his guests for this segment. The previous segment was on the tidal shift of the year; he says his next guests have caused some tidal shifts themselves, and introduces them as young, promising people who had a good 2019. Along with Klemens, the other guests are Birta Abiba Þórhallsdóttir, Miss Universe Iceland 2019, and double crossfit world champion Katrín Tanja Davíðsdóttir. He says he picked them because they've all done noteworthy things this year and are role models in their respective fields.

He speaks to each of them about what they did this year. Birta talks about placing in the top ten in the Miss Universe contest, the best that Iceland's contestant has done since 1962; Katrín Tanja talks about how she finally published her book this year, and how she was in the ESPN Body Issue, something she'd always dreamed of since flipping through it and seeing all these very different but amazing bodies, and how it's been such a process to become happy and proud of her body.

Proceeding from this, Gísli Marteinn says, "Klemens, you've got a different body than them."

Klemens: "Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm neither a beauty nor very fit."

Gísli Marteinn: "You're both cute and healthy, Klemens! Well, you, Hatari, owned the nation's hearts and minds this spring. I know it took some time to process this, and now it's the end of the year, so that's why I dragged you here. What's your assessment of this now when you look back on it?"

Klemens: "Well, I'm still digesting it. You're* looking back a bit now and figuring out what happened. But it was a real rollercoaster, and I'm very proud of what it led to and what happened, and I think that we had some influence, even if it's not obviously visible. It'll be interesting to see what the consequences will be."

Gísli Marteinn: "You've never regretted participating or anything, like, just going 'What were we thinking?' in September?"

Klemens: [laughs] "Well, you're always reflecting on what you're doing. You're always doubting yourself and what you do. But this was a leap off a cliff into the deep end of the pool, and you didn't really know where you were going. What happened happened, and you stand by that."

Gísli Marteinn talks about how all of them are breaking down some walls and prejudices in what they do, and brings up again how they're role models. Katrín Tanja is paving the way for girls to be strong and muscular ("a woman who could trounce me and Klemens both in a fight"), while Birta is a mixed-race Miss Iceland in a country that "thinks it's blonde and blue-eyed". (She points out she's the first mixed-race Miss Universe contestant from all of Scandinavia, by which I’m guessing she means the Nordic countries - Iceland is not actually part of Scandinavia.)

Gísli Marteinn: "Klemens, you're not just a political art piece, Hatari, with opinions on the Israel and Palestine situation. You're also messing with us older generations regarding gender roles - I mean, Andrean regularly appears in feminine clothing, you wear high heels, you've got..."

Klemens: "I'm a porn boy..."

Gísli Marteinn: "Yeah, you're a porn boy, you make BDSM into something that kids wear for Ash Wednesday**..."

Klemens: "Yeah."

Gísli Marteinn: "This is all very conscious on your part."

Klemens: "It's very conscious, and of course we're tackling certain contradictions within society. And all sorts of things emerge, like with the ads, how companies jumped to advertise Eurovision and our act and make use of that. It's just consumerism in a nutshell, at that point. It's fascinating to see how people react to something way different from what they're used to."

Gísli Marteinn talks about how they're all broadly within the field of entertainment, and they're hugely influential even though they're not directly involved in politics. He asks if this is a sign of the times, how the world is changing through different channels than before. Katrín Tanja says it's a privilege to be able to do some good in the world and be able to help some people with what she does. Gísli Marteinn says it used to feel as if beauty contestants weren't allowed to talk about anything but horse-riding, outdoors and child-rearing, while she's now coming in talking about the importance of an open and diverse society. She says Miss Universe contestants are generally meant to be apolitical because they're meant to inspire children to believe they can be anything they want, but that it was very important to her to, for example, write about her experiences of being mixed-race in Iceland to tell children like her that they're not alone, that she's also been called the n-word, that she's also had people on the bus grab her hair and pull it without her consent. She wants to reassure them that it's okay and that they can keep going and love themselves and others, and she feels that's her role today, rather than to just say she loves baking (because she's very bad at baking and it would be a lie). (This is not terribly relevant to all of you, I just think it's cool.)

Gísli Marteinn: "Klemens, where is Hatari going next? I mean, I was out there when you were on the front pages of every newspaper - the Guardian, the New York Times wrote about you, everyone was writing about you and your cause. Do you need to find a new cause, or do you need to... Are you going to just keep going with this, or... what will the political art piece Hatari do?"

Klemens: "You'll have to see. It'll be sent to us in a letter from Svikamylla ehf. But well, we're going to Europe, and Europe will crumble, that's our European tour, called Europe Will Crumble. But yeah, art has a purpose and can change the world, and I believe in that. Wherever it comes from, from what field."

Gísli Marteinn: "Even Eurovision?"

Klemens: "Even Eurovision. And everything's political. And politics today, I don't know what it can accomplish."

Gísli Marteinn then says he's certain they have no less influence than many politicians, thanks them for coming and wishes them a happy new year.

* For this whole bit where he's saying "you" a lot, it's an impersonal "you", like "one" - he's talking about himself, but in a generalized sense implying that's kind of what anyone would be thinking/doing. I think we probably do this in Icelandic more than in English. Should maybe just have translated it as “I”, but would’ve lost the impersonal feeling.

** In Iceland, Ash Wednesday is the traditional costume holiday where kids dress up, as opposed to Halloween (which is more of a recent import and way less culturally prevalent).

Josh,

I guess it’s fair to say I’m feeling pretty weird right now. It also hasn’t been helped by the fact when I was thinking earlier about writing to you, my brain decided to remind me of the little gem of info that this time last year Josh had less than a month to live. Cheers, brain. Way to help me feel better. As you can probably imagine that in itself makes me feel fucking bizarre. It’s horrible to think we were so close to losing you and had no clue. It makes me think again about how you were both so healthy and yet so unwell and just leaves a horrid taste in my mouth.

Anyway, there was some other stuff that made me feel weird that I wanted to talk about too. Firstly, the other night should have been Eurovision night, although given the virus apocalypse right now it didn’t really happen. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to watch any of the appreciation program that they did have on. Eurovision last year was one of the best and last memories I have of you and yet again I’m afraid of risking mentally “taping over” it. Unlike many memories I can absolutely believe it was a year ago now as it’s covered in the faded haze that all memories are that came before your death.

Man, that was such a good night. Chilling on a bed of pillows and blankets. A whole pile of snacks that we’d all brought. I think we all got takeaway too. Was that the first time you and B brought coke especially for me? I think it might have been. That was so sweet of you. I can still picture it now; me sitting with my legs stretched out on the bed (you always allowed me to stay there because of my bad back). A on one side of me and E and I on the other. You in that big, fancy, red gaming chair that you were so smug about. B and J on the floor in the corner in a little pillow fort of their own. There were so many of us you had planned to make sure that you could show Eurovision on two separate monitors. Just another thoughtful thing you did. It was warm and cosy and dark, apart from the glare of the screens and the fairy lights above your bookcase (B’s handiwork of course). I think I held Flaffy for most the night, too. You usually let me. They were cute and something to fiddle with. I can still feel the soft, but slightly worn wool of their body in my hands. The little felt hat they wore and the small bobbles that were stuck to it. The tiny fluffy pompom on the top, that just wasn’t quite on centre. The visual memories may fade, but I can still sense other parts like it was yesterday. I remember that the whole thing seemed to go far too quickly and how we spent the break when the phone lines were open watching our favourite acts ever on YouTube. You were also way to excited about showing us this song that had lyrics along the lines of “Oooh you touched my tra lala. Ooh my dinky dong.” (You can’t see me right now but I’m rolling my eyes and laughing at that part.) Oh then when you put on Verka Seduchka and we danced and sang along to it, much to the confusion of I. 

I remember thinking as we sat there that this is just what I’d always wished I’d had. A whole group of friends that I loved every one of. Being able to have actual parties for big events. It was the thing people always seemed to talk about but I had never experienced before. I suppose it’s a beautiful, poetic irony that I had no idea it wouldn’t even last another month. It was a good fucking night, Josh. But my God it hurts to remember it now, knowing everything that was coming. Like a happy photo framed by slowly burning edges.

I guess it’s kind of understandable given how weird I’ve been feeling that I’ve suddenly developed the desire to see that house again. It started in a dream I had the other night when a girl I used to know showed up with an album of pictures of it and I found myself asking her if I could have a few. The girl, I should mention, was one who dropped out of school aged 13 after trying to kill herself. I guess that’s significant; you must all be stored in the same region of my brain. A little squad of neurons having a suicide party (I have to laugh). Yesterday, I tried to find pictures online. I was hoping there would be some from last time it was up for rent, but I couldn’t find anything. In the end I settled on the single picture of the outside I could find. And I just stared at it. For ages. I don’t know why. 

It sounds fucking weird to say that looking at a google maps image of the house you lived in when you made the decision to kill yourself brought me comfort. But it did. On the one hand I think my brain was trying to comprehend the scale of the decision you made within its walls. But equally, I think it brought me peace that a part of me could go back there. As though through staring at it I could imagine I had just pulled up there on a Saturday evening for another night of board games and vine compilations and everything this past year had just been a horrible nightmare. I think for just a second it allowed me to be back there. It wasn’t a nostalgia for better times; my brain was back in better times. I suppose that’s why I wanted to see your room again so badly too. I just wanted one more chance at the happiness I felt when I had been there. It’s funny the things you will do for a few minutes peace I suppose.

Anyway, that’s why I’m feeling weird right now, Josh. I guess I at least feel better for sharing it with you. Love always.

C

ENGLISH TRANSLATION (by me)

ZEITUNG ONLINE 11/11/19

Interview: Rabea Weihser

https://www.zeit.de/kultur/musik/2019-11/conchita-wurst-tom-neuwirth-queen-of-drags-heidi-klum

Conchita Wurst : "For me as a man, this is very difficult to discuss"

Is drag cultural appropriation? Tom Neuwirth alias Conchita Wurst sits on the jury of the new Heidi Klum show "Queen of Drags" and must hear many allegations.

Tom Neuwirth just turned 31 years old. At 17, he reached the second place in the Austrian talent show "Starmania" and was a member of the boy band Jetzt Anders for a short time ! In 2012 he took part in the Austrian preselection for the Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) for the first time in the guise of his art figure Conchita Wurst. The protest was big: Should a woman with a beard represent the country? Two years later he tried again and won the biggest singing competition in the world for Austria. Now Neuwirth has gotten rid of the long hair and released his third album "Truth over Magnitude". As of November 14, he will appear on the screen of the casting show "Queen of Drags" alongside Heidi Klum and Bill Kaulitz on ProSieben. Since the announcement, there has been strong criticism of this broadcast format - especially from the queer community. How does Neuwirth handle it? We meet him in October in a hotel in Berlin, he sits down and hums a happy fanfare.

ZEIT ONLINE: Mr. Neuwirth, you have short hair and now appear as Wurst, without Conchita. From the press release for your new album, we take that is now your "masculine-edged" contrast program. Does it always need an art figure that embodies a certain facet, or at some point you can sometimes say, "My name is Tom Neuwirth and that's all"?

Tom Neuwirth: I have the feeling that I am now as close to my private person as never before. Maybe last was when I was 17 and at Starmania. I constantly get the question: Is it him or her now? I then always entice myself to open a drawer to explain to people what is actually going on. In the end, it's just me, and sometimes with a wig, sometimes without, sometimes masculine, sometimes feminine.

ZEIT ONLINE: Without this glamorous costuming you are probably much more approachable, even for the fans.

Neuwirth: Of course, I notice that without the wig the situations in which people recognize me become more and more frequent. And I'm not sure how funny that is. Barbara Schöneberger once said that she would not be recognized on the street if she did not wear make-up. I'm trying that too. (laughs out loud)

TIME ONLINE: Not really, right?

Neuwirth: Of course it's a double-edged sword. I have understood in recent years: The lightness and the world in my head are not always compliant with a First Lady Conchita in a pencil skirt and well-shorn hair. What I'm doing now is part of my personality that I have not lived up to now in a female appearance. I've always danced to electro music privately and thought to myself: Why do not I make music that I like?

ZEIT ONLINE: Does Truth over Magnitude mean a musical cut or is it more in your production?

Neuwirth: I had created a President's wife and worked and lived according to this protocol. I lost myself after the song contest. Musically, of course, it's a different sound, although on my first studio album, I already had numbers that were relatively electronic. But they did not get that much attention. And so, yes: it was probably the larger cut optically. It was the bald spot. It freed me.

ZEIT ONLINE: With this bald head you were in February at the side of the Austrian Minister of Justice Josef Moser (ÖVP) at the Vienna Opera Ball. When you won the ESC as a bearded lady five years ago, especially conservative politicians made a derogatory remark. Heinz-Christian Strache, Vladimir Putin, Jarosław Kaczyński ...

Neuwirth: Everyone was there. Thanks for the attention. (Laughs)

ZEIT ONLINE: How do you assess the situation of trans people and homosexuals in Europe today? Could you do something with your presence?

Neuwirth: I think that something has changed in the media mainstream. Even when I talk to teenagers, I notice a sensibility that I did not know before - that's when I'm being reprimanded when I say something wrong. And that, I think, is a beautiful development. But I tend to forget that I live in a bubble too.

ZEIT ONLINE: We have to talk about the great mustard yellow lacquer stilettos you are wearing right now.

Neuwirth: You can tell that I'm from Los Angeles. I looked at myself today and thought: Ah, there is a bit left over!

ZEIT ONLINE: You were in California to shoot with Heidi Klum and Bill Kaulitz the new ProSieben show Queen of Drags. This is a format inspired by Ru Paul's Drag Race, a talent show for drag queens that is very successful in the USA.

Neuwirth: Let's say what it's like: Ru Paul's Drag Race has shown a growing generation that individualism is great. This has been consumed in my community for ten years. And that has also made us a bit stronger. But when I see a couple of two women or two men in Vienna, I think it's nice, but I still notice how special that is. And I believe, as long as that is still the case, we can not say that there is equality.

ZEIT ONLINE: The German audience knows Dragqueens rather in the form of Olivia Jones, Lilo Wanders or Mary from the jam advertising. They called them Tunten and always liked to bring them as birds of paradise in front of the camera, if it should be colorful or even slippery. So, if you've only seen this before, you may be wondering, what is Drag?

Neuwirth: We all make drag. We go out in the morning with our worklook, our working face, and that is already a form of metamorphosis. In this culture of stage performance, drag is a total work of art by a person who must have an incredible number of talents. In the most understandable sense, it is the illusion of a female figure.

ZEIT ONLINE: ... portrayed by someone born in the body of a man?

Neuwirth: Not mandatory. There are also women who make drag. There are also heterosexuals who make drag. There are no limits, and that's great. At Queen of Drags, we have guys who portray their version of a female illusion. This is sometimes very close to reality, with beard, others have rather created an alienesque being. I said to all my friends, they have to try dragging once.

ZEIT ONLINE: Why is that important?

Neuwirth: This mask you put on makes you uncompromisingly yourself.

ZEIT ONLINE: If you put them back then ...

Neuwirth: No. Quite simply said: You disguise yourself and this shield is a bit unrestrained. You have other conversations, you are safer in your skin. One alienates and then comes to himself. The next day, when the make-up is down, you may not be as sassy as last night. But you have learned something emotionally, and you take that with you. To see how far your own character is, how much fun you can have with you: this is one of the most beautiful experiences you can do.

ZEIT ONLINE: Cologne Carnivalists would probably say so synonymous. Is it important for this borderline experience to change into the opposite sex?

Neuwirth: No. But the illusion of the opposite sex is a bit stronger than, for example, a toadstool costume. Because, in this case, you get in touch with your female side, which is what many boys do not do, gay or heterosexual.

ZEIT ONLINE: Drag is really a pretty committed subculture. Were you traveling in this scene before you thought up Conchita Wurst?

Neuwirth: I think I was in Drag for the first time when I was 15. I went out and never felt better and more comfortable. The Drag scene in Austria is not really big, but I was looking for my stages somehow. I moderated or sang shows, danced wherever I was allowed to. When I took part in the preliminary round of the Song Contest for the first time in 2012, suddenly there were so many opportunities for me. And I was allowed to travel. Here in Berlin, I met and understood Barbie Breakout, Melli Magic and Gloria Viagra: Ah, that's the sisterhood that everyone is talking about. I love this drag community so much because we can all be a little bit more than we want. With all our emotions and sensitivities and our ego sense of being. But when the going gets tough, we stand up for each other.

ZEIT ONLINE: Every year at carnival time is discussed whether in view of the colonial history, children are still allowed to disguise as Native Americans. Miley Cyrus was scolded in 2013 because she was twerking, and actually only black women with round butts do. Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is in for trouble because he went to the carnival 20 years ago with a dark face as Aladdin. If one wishes to continue this thought, one could also call drag a kind of cultural appropriation: men, who are generally in a stronger social position than women, play womanhood for entertainment. How do you see that?

Neuwirth: That's very interesting. And in certain parts that's probably true. I also found myself in situations when I worked with colleagues and the press afterwards wrote: I was great and she was vulgar. Then I realized: Oh, I'm still a white man. This imbalance prevails and it is absolutely right to think about it. It is true in part, it is an appropriation. But I think skin color is not a costume.

ZEIT ONLINE: What fascinates you about this appropriation of femininity?

Neuwirth: I was raised by strong women, I love women. The first almost 20 years of my life I listened almost exclusively to female singers, everything else I found boring. Empress Elisabeth or Maria Theresia were also such inspiring personalities, and that cultures inspire me is just as legitimate. But it is incredibly sensitive and difficult to handle properly.

ZEIT ONLINE: A flow of feminism criticized the Drag especially the representation of exaggerated female characteristics, while fighting for equal rights and reduce gender stereotypes. In modern societies, men become slightly more feminine and women more masculine. Why does the drag scene love the conservative female look?

Neuwirth: I breathe individualism. And I would find it terrible if suddenly we were all unified. I'm not concerned about gender roles. My point is that everyone recognizes his own color and paints himself with it. But why should not an overly feminine woman like Pamela Anderson be a feminist?

TIME ONLINE: This feminist current would now answer: she can not be a feminist because her looks are based on the satisfaction of the male sex drive. If she keeps dressing like that, she betrays women fighting toxic manhood.

Neuwirth: But why ... For me as a man, this is very difficult to discuss because I will never understand it authentically.

ZEIT ONLINE: This is the core of the discussion about cultural appropriation. The social or psychological pressure on marginalized people can not be understood from the outside. Do you have the right to disguise yourself as her?

Neuwirth: How could one find an answer to that? I put on clothes, because I find it stunningly beautiful. And not because I think about stepping on someone's neck ...

ZEIT ONLINE: ... or, if you agree with the image of those who may find it beautiful?

Neuwirth: Yes! I'm sorry, in my world it's all about me. I have only one life and I would like to have it as nice as it gets.

ZEIT ONLINE: The criticism of your participation in Queen of Drags must have met you. Especially drag queens have publicly lamented the sell-out of their subculture. Is not it also a kind of cultural appropriation by Heidi Klum, who is not a drag queen, to profitably use this subculture as an entertainment program?

Neuwirth: Maybe. I take this opportunity to bring the drag theme into mainstream and find that Heidi, even if she is not from that scene, has an absolute right to judge a performance. She comes from entertainment and is probably one of the most famous German-speaking people. Would this format have been achieved without her? Maybe not now, or maybe never. Or maybe on a slot, where nobody would have been interested. She is of course a multiplier and a very sensitive one. The criticism was incredibly loud, and I was a little bit confused, because our community always strives to be inclusive, inclusive and without prejudice towards people.

ZEIT ONLINE: I read a quote from the drag queen Dita Whip regarding the jury constellation: "Finally Conchita Wurst will sit next to the extrovert over the top Heidi and watch, powerless how Klum and ProSieben clog their pockets at the expense of queer culture."

Neuwirth: (laughs softly) I would not let that "powerless" stand. (laughs louder) I talked to my friends because I too needed to be sensitized, especially with regard to this cultural appropriation. I am relatively naive and draw my inspiration from everything I see and experience. I was told that financial enrichment was the main problem. And I can understand that for a while. I hope, but also that our Queens have careers according to this format and can do what they like most every day. I focus on that. Not that this statement is now total nonsense, but I think the truth is in the middle.

ZEIT ONLINE: Can I accuse you of opportunism?

Neuwirth: opportunism? I need a translator now, please.

ZEIT ONLINE: Once you said in an analogous sense: Maybe my career will last another 20 years, I just take everything with me. Let ProSieben pull you out of the car to bring credibility to the show?

Neuwirth: Oh, opportunism!

ZEIT ONLINE: There is money, attention, airtime. Is it justified to offend parts of the sisterhood? Or say, "Yo, run with me, that's the business"?

Neuwirth: I have received many such inquiries in the last few years. It took us until we got to the point of being able to realize this show. And I'm probably not an opportunist. I'm just fired up if anything interests me. I am a drag race fan and I come back from L.A. with a full heart. Of course it's a huge show and I love to be in the limelight, I love being in the spotlight. At the same time, I consider myself selective and do not do everything. I hoped that this project would be more personal to me than just a TV show. And that's what it actually has become. It was so much fun that I just hope it translates to the audience. It was just awesome.

TOP-10 Naruto Eurovision Characters

No one asked for it, but this is what the world needs right now. I’m going to list top-10 characters who would perform well in Eurovision. And to the person who’s asking: “Is this post cursed?” - no, it’s blessed with sparkling vibes, love, love, peace, peace. ♡

10. TSUNADE

Look, I know, I know… When you think about burning pianos and sparkling outfits, Tsunade isn’t the first person who comes to mind. However, you can bet that she’s the one who found some extra money to support the broadcast, made sure that the safety standards were met and bought some champagne (out of her own pocket) for the Raikage to convince him that Kumo doesn’t fall apart even if it shows this glitter feast to its citizens. Probably made all the confetti herself, yes, the whole stadium of it ‘cause everyone else was too distracted. Sure, she passed out 15 minutes before the show began but she’s the one who’s behind of it all and therefore should win. But since we want more sparkles, we’ll give her 1 point.

9. SHISUI

Every good song contest needs a ballad. Fear not, Shisui is the right man for the job! His beautiful sad red eyes will capture your chakra and make you sob like no tomorrow as he begins to sing a song about blindly falling into a swirling abyss. No one knows whether his best friend is able to save the day. It’s possible that Shisui’s early demise was in vain. That’s depressing, people conclude, as Shisui smiles softly for one last time. A tragic death is something that everyone can relate to – we’ve all been there. However, the jury is kinda awkward ‘cause there are speculations that this song has Danzō references, 2 points but in our hearts, the ballad boy is the true winner of the night.

8. DEIDARA

Oh, wow, the atmosphere got kinda sad after those heartbreaking melodies. It’s time to lift up the mood with a big, big BOOM! Deidara will steal the show with his self-made clay bombs. The rumor has it that someone else was going to take care of the fireworks before our favorite pyrotechnic took the matters into his own hands (quite literally). His high-quality standards were too much to chew for the art director. Deidara’s performance will absolutely bombard you with fleeting beauty of explosions and 2007 nostalgia, 3 points!

7. KISAME

Ballads and groovy rock hits are essential. However, there’s a beautiful middle ground to be found between the two. Enter the sharkman Kisame! There’s something so chill about him that it puts the audience in a good mood. When he steps on the stage, you can almost feel a light sea breeze and hear a distant cry of seagulls. And oh boy, what do we have here? A Samehada? That’s so wicked, just like those geysers that extinguish the fire from the previous performance, possibly saving dozens of lives. Wherever Kisame goes, good luck follows. Except for that one time in Kumo. This unfortunate occurrence doesn’t require any attention right now. This night is all about peace and love, all that morbid talk about sharknados can wait. 4 points.

6. MADARA

Go big or go home! It’s Madara’s turn. He’s prepared for his moment of glory for decades and won’t be afraid to spice up things with some meteor showers and hundreds of copies of himself. Those clones may seem invisible but they’re conjuring meteor showers, too. We may never know whether the lord First himself is impressed. He probably is. At least the rest of the world is in awe. Technically, Madara is banned from the event due to multiple violations of the rules, but even the jury is too amazed to care. They want to acknowledge the persistent work and grand him 5 points before anyone realizes that banned performances are banned.

5. GAI

The Green Beast of Konoha is about to hit the stage. He was absolutely made for quality content like this. His jumpsuit has been a song contest classic ever since the dawn of time, not to mention that this dance-friendly outfit allows him to move smoothly. The dress is a killer, youthful like a lunchbox. Gai’s presence sets every piano in the world on fire, and you can bet that those flames are also emerald green. 6 points.

4. JUUBI

Once you think you’ve seen it all, it’s Juubi’s turn! The jury thinks that a gigantic chakra monster isn’t an appropriate singer but whatever. Their killjoy attitudes won’t stop people from loving the roars of their very favorite annihilator. Magnificent! Bravo! 7 poäng!

3. RIN

Pheww, what a show! Hearts are racing. A good old ballad will cure our chest pains. Now, let’s hear about that one time when Rin needed to get an assisted suicide. Naturally, everything went horribly wrong and now she’s doomed to watch over her friend from afar, thinking to herself that this wasn’t what she signed up for. Her only joy in life is knowing that once a year, there’s this one day of peace. Even her idiot friends seem to respect that. But it’s a small console given that she’s still kinda dead and now everyone thinks that she’s super against the Infinite Tsukuyomi whilst all she ever wanted to do was to start a revolution along with her best friends. Her story is the greatest tragedy of all times, 8 points.

2. KAKASHI

Looks like the next performer doesn’t believe in glitter. Kakashi is dressed in his standard jōnin outfit. He has 5 of them just in case. Sometimes he can muster enough motivation to do laundry, and that’s a little miracle. Laundry days are the good days. Life’s treated him roughly. Still, this man took over when Tsunade passed out and personally prevented 900 deaths behind the scenes. He doesn’t want any credit for it, he just did what had to be done. The strength of this man is his sense of duty. It’s unbreakable. When the world is falling apart, Kakashi is your last hope. He isn’t kidding around, and if he must attend to this madness, he will do it. One could argue that Kakashi isn’t very wholesome, but something about him pleases everyone. The jury loves him, Konoha council loves him and the opposing side of those state marionettes loves him. After all, he’s becoming Tsunade’s successor but no one has asked their Sharingan back, just saying… Love for Kakashi is universal. 10 points for love’s sake.

1. OBITO

A good song contest is made out of ballads, quirky outfits and meteor showers. With that being said, you can’t have a real show without the walking, talking shitpost. When Tobi takes over, the whole world will gasp. Some think that the kitsch lollipop mask is too much and rightfully so, whilst the others think it’s ingenious. They are right in their own way. Tobi is a good boy and a fashion icon. You know who else is both of those things? Obito! He’s prolly not impressed by the concept of the competition. He doesn’t think that mere individuals should represent the prisons that are their nations. But he’s here. It’s time to put an end to this misery and let the world rest in peace. No more pain, no more suffering. The jury tries to protest. That’s their problem. Obito will create a new world, a better one. Admit it, this plan is THE BEST, and no bans and boycotts can prevent Obito from giving the world a… Good. Fucking. Show. Sure, the plan wasn’t his idea, but he did all the hard work – and therefore he’s the winner. LONG LIVE FREEDOM, 12 POINTS!

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Finland to Eurovision with a meme icon and his side-kick

“heeeeeey what is that song on that video???” Definitely not Darude - Sandstorm. Grow the fuck up.

I mean that they basically threw off the open call for songs from Finnish artists, instead opting for having one artist national final, usually one very known but very gettable-bored-of name so that they could get some more viewership rather when they pick a random nobody from a bunch of other random nobodies. Last year YLE got themselves an artist whose Eurovision ticket was long overdue, but this year they went the extra step and brought us HIM.

No, not that HIM. They can't go anyway as they've already disbanded. I'm talking about HIM.

Yes, THAT HIM. Meet Toni-Ville Henrik Virtanen, which thankfully has a pseudonym to publish his music with - Darude. Almost 20 years ago he published this beautiful techno single "Sandstorm" with lyrics like "du du du du du du du du du du du du". And now it's become the big-ass target of memery for the past few years on the Internet, with Darude being very well aware of it all - I don't think he has escaped questions about "Sandstorm" now that the Eurovision interviewers media is on horizon and interviews literally every single representative, no matter if they're shy or unpopular with the bookies at all.

And even if "Sandstorm" was the only thing to shake his tiny little Finnish world, it did not break Darude to be just a one-hit wonder (well he still looks like one but yeah) and he's got more music out ever since. And it probably sounds a little too tragic when YLE resorts to just nagging and begging Darude to represent their nation, even kinda secretly hoping that thanks to him Finland can have a qualification just solely for the meme factor. Darude even said so that he at first rejected their calls, but this year became THE year for him to go, and he's not alone obviously - his credited vocalist friend for this ride to Tel Aviv became Sebastian Rejman, a bit washed-up media star who already did some collaborating with Darude.

So the format was basically the same for this year's UMK - artist announced separately, then each of their 3 songs gets published every week on a specific weekday, with single cover art and a music video already, and the Finnish people together with international juries vote for the best track. Simple as that. Unlike with Saara Aalto though, all Darude & Sebastian songs were barely even distinct from one another in sound - just techno songs that have a piece of "Sandstorm" with themselves. Well only 2 do anyway. But still, techno/house songs to listen to on the radio when you're driving and minding your own business. And I had hard time picking favourites but all of them were alright I guess. Yet somehow my least favourite happened to win... and that was "Look Away", very much so inspired by natural disasters and how do we all ignore everything around us. No matter if it's a storm or hurricane or tornado or wind throwing sand at our eyes.

I don't know why the song didn't click with me all that much at first, I suppose it was because it's just a mindless gloomy techno song that raises global awareness (we already have Denmark talking about that, but they're insisting that "love is forever", while Finland is just... getting up more seriously in all this), and besides that, it's just incredibly repetitive. It consists more of the pre-chorus-ish chorus (I mean the line "is it in my head? Am I the only one?" and that other line preceding) and the actual chorus that mostly goes like "look away, look away, look away...". Even to the point when the song ends with some additional “look away”ing but under a different drum beat. What's it with Finns having a passion for the word "away"? We already had seen them sending a "Sing It Away", which was basically a cheer-up tune telling you to sing your problems off... while this year? We're trying to NOT look into the problems dead in the eye. We're looking... erm, uh, away.

But now I do have to say that I somewhat like it. Tell it to ya - the B minor chord is possibly one of my least favourite music keys, so I might as well be a little bit more negative on it if takes the song with itself to sound incredibly dull and painfully meh. So thankfully we'll be hearing it live half a step lower (idk if that's what it is with most EDM singers in Eurovision that shit like this can be possible, as well as idk why are they allowed into Eurovision in the first place. But seriously, why can't you just choose the same key you sang in in studio for Eurovision...), which made the song sound better to me - as a Nightcore junkie, I am passionate about hearing songs in different keys all the darn time, to see in what key would a certain song sound the best. It's usually the song's key that makes me like a song better or worse live rather than a live performance itself (though in some NFs I can see which of my favourite acts are DoA by not even emoting towards them - my emotion has to be evoked, and if I evoke it on purpose, well then, I'd just rather stay motionless completely on anything and only yelp if a song causes me to do this unexplainedly). We'll see how Sebastian will execute his singing live. As for now, he's the captain of this sinking ship that hit a small iceberg (another one of the disasters we usually "look away" from until it's found in our history books). Not Darude. Darude's just merely a musical hold-up of the disaster. It all has to depend on the vocalist and if the staging clicks with the audience. Sure, Darude can put on a red wig and green sunglasses so that he could click with the meme audience, but that won't get the Finns far.

So I like this song, it actually has some cool musical moments thrown in (I like the piano for one), I can enjoy this off my free time. But Estonia does it better at the "Finno-Ugric EDM-ish entry about Mother Nature's tantrums" category and I ain't even sorry for saying this. But I gotta be sorry for Darude. This year's UMK had the lesser care about it because... well, these songs weren't exactly inspiring or anything, and with people wanting something groundbreaking, their hopes kept on vaning away with each and every song release of the UMK entries': "oh so the next 2 two songs will be good right?" "oh so then the last one will be the best one, yeah right?" "...oh, okay then .-." And him, as the Finnish meme king, should have deserved a better year for a better Eurovision stint, so he could have become something à la Epic Sax Guy. Right now I mostly see a middle-aged DJ with 2 kids, not a redhead dude with green sunglasses looking shadily on us. And that's okay sometimes because memes don't necessarily need to be remembered for memes (just like I mostly remember Kanye West for music, and then memes come second), but Finland's gonna take a miracle to get through, and I hardly see any. That's an aina mun pity.

Approval factor: Eh, it's alright, but I would certainly not hold it up to high regards post-contest? lol.

Follow-up factor: it's kiiiiinda bleak knowing that after giving us probably one of the most favourable dark horse efforts for Eurovision they're now going down the dancier route, with one entry after being a banger, the other being a dad banger. Ah well. It doesn't flow so neatly in my eyes, it seems.

Qualification factor: almost dead in the tracks. Finland flows anywhere they can, having a lot of bad luck for 3 years this decade, and I doubt that the juries will be supporting this heavily, considering they are better at rating good vocalists over bad ones, so I don't think this will sail through. But I secretly have hopes in this. It's not that bad, but Estonia is in this semi too, and it's a friendlier EDM track, so I don't quite think that repetitive will out-compell the good formulaic. Plus, Sebastian has a lot to fix vocally, and I doubt that he will carry Finland any further if he doesn't fix anything, so so far the chances of Finland aren't looking up imo. Bottom 5 at the semi is more likely if not already the actual outcome. Maaaaybe 10th in the semi at best, but I doubt it.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

The more this section pops up in my works, the less I wanna recap national finals anymore. I hope there’s more breather moments with me having to review a lot of internal selection songs in between the ones from NFs, because this whole season was an utter disaster, and it’d help if the next one isn’t. So let’s check in on Finland's selection’s best:

• But seriously, did anyone ever see Darude as a Finnish representative coming??? No??? Me neither. I was just sitting there, waiting to see if there's a hope for Mikael Saari (you know, that balladeer guy from previous UMKs - I do believe some audiences love him just as much as Saara Aalto, who only was on one UMK and one Euroviisut) to be announced on this special separate programme. Nope - the trilingual hosting trio of the programme that included Krista Siegfrids in it as the token Swedish speaker just happened to happily proclaim Darude as THE Finnish hopeful... and the world was s h o o k e t h. Just look at him go. His smug grin is still iconic on here.

• During the wait for all the UMK songs to pile up, the excitement for Darude faded away and everyone moved on to support other countries. I can't blame them, because I have found like one decent song this UMK that's still worth listening to twice a year or so - "Superman". Where Darude becomes the everyday hero for ordinary people that have difficulties in live to do mundane stuff. Maybe this song would have made him look like a better meme than his current entry would have? Just watch him go on his DJ booth dressing like a knock-off superhero because EBU doesn't allow blatant advertising. A way better gimmick than Gromee's snakey hands. Alas, no one will have to hear "Superman" anymore. Granted it's just an EDM song just like any other, but somehow I liked it best, end of.

• There's at least one memorable screenshot from UMK as well, so I'm happy with that. I saw this pop up on my Twitter time line and I could not stop laughing inside. Seriously. Krista and this other guy should host ESC provided Eurovision is ever coming back to Finland. They had a lot of iconic outfit changes during the NF itself (and the NF itself had "Look Away" with some dancer on a cube but they scrapped the tall cube for Tel Aviv entirely), but those floral onesies are my favourite.

Now I kinda hope that there’s something that will alarm YLE in the meantime that Finland needs a better approach for Eurovision and we’ll see another fully-fledged UMK in the works next year, and then Finland can be great again. For now, I’ll just wish “onnea” to Darude and Sebastian, with hopes that people don’t look away from their song at all! (but most likely they will so what’s the point.)

ESC 2018 grand final - my ranking

Hey there, folks. So, I’m in LISBOOOON! I have a few posts upcoming today that I’ve queued, but here is the last big post I’ll actually write before the results tonight - my rundown of the grand final and ranking. I’ve tried to give a positive and negative for each of the songs.

Ukraine (14) + A lively, memorable and gently motivating start to the contest -  How extra can you get with staging? Also, whilst I’ve grown to enjoy the song, it still makes me feel nothing because of its lyrical pot pourri.

Spain (2) + Adorable chemistry, true love and a song with a hint of old school magic. -  Lost some of its gentleness and authenticity with the revamp – and I’m amazed that they added an instrumental crescendo but will do nothing to match it on stage. Slovenia (9) + A song of empowerment and being true to yourself by a strong badass woman that has become an undeniable earworm for me. Hvala da! - Will the staged hitch work as well a second time with a more knowing audience? Lithuania (5) + One of the most genuinely tender and sweet moments of the entire evening, and I love the vulnerability and emotion of Ieva’s voice. - Easily lost between Austria (7) + Extraördinarily rich and warm voice and a quality song that has a great progression between very different verse/bridges and choruses, which compliment each other rather than clash. - I don’t know what is more distracting, the bizarre outfit he’s wearing or the perturbed expressions he’s pulling. Also, that graphic where he appears to transcend is a LOL moment that undermines the seriousness of the song.

Estonia (15) +  Elina has definitely got a voice. -   This song has got little else. The great operatic arie make you feel things; this just makes me feel that the composers wanted to exhibit her voice but the lyrics and emotional journey were afterthoughts.

Norway (26) +  It’s a song encouraging children to believe in themselves and write songs. If they compare what they write with the quality of this song, it’ll give them a lot of self-belief… -  I don’t know how someone so smug became so beloved, and I’ll never understand how juries could potentially reward a song which basically consists of one awful jingle riff repeated over and over and over.

Portugal (8) +  Portugal once again follow their own impulses, bring us something original and imbued with so much meaning and saudade. -  I still find Cláudia’s voice very reedy. United Kingdom (22) +  Surie is a real dame, a great representative of her nation and works like hell to get something out of this song. -  The song itself is a cliché damp squib with painful lyrics and ridiculous sound effects in the background to try to make it less bland. Serbia (13) +  Serbia returns to the final singing in their native language. Hopefully this encourages them to keep on that path and revive their reputation for having great success with Serbian language songs. Also, Balkanika are great people and they’ve served something very different to the typical here. And I love the more traditional vibes from the first minute. -  The shift in instrumentation thereafter is less so. I also can’t help but find a lot of things about the song and performance offputting. Serbia’s answer to Deen and the ladies gravitating around him give me real “shindig at the cult compound” vibes.

Germany (12) +  Germany’s song is a real emotional gut punch, sang well and with sincerity. -  I really don’t like how they got around the no LED screen by bringing one just so that he could perform in front of a glorified lyrics video. It seems like lazy ass staging to me. Also, I could réálly do without the whole oh-eh-oh-eh-ohing.

Albania (1) +  An absolute masterpiece in both music and especially lyrics, makes me emotional no matter how many times I’ve heard it. -  Sadly, I doubt juries will recognise that. France (6) +  This is one of this year’s best examples of the balancing act that is songwriting. They craft a beautiful and impactful song, but one that is simple enough to be widely understood. It will be a high point of human interaction in the evening and a powerful moment. -  It’s a little on the repetitive side. And as a guitar player, I’m always a little distracted by seeing people bobbing about pretending to play.

Czechia (20) +  It is a catchy song and Mikolas seems like a fun person on stage. -  It’s still a song with ghastly misogynistic lyrics, and I’m sort of surprised it got through after an awkward performance in the semis. Is it just me, or did the Czechs pick backing singers who contrast in the most awkward possible way with Mikolas’ voice?

Denmark (19) + The lyrical message is nice. -  It’s seriously one of the most repetitive songs of the whole year, and I hate the whole "doing the chorus three times in a row” schtick. Australia (23) +  The intentions behind the song are nice. -  Sadly, it’s just a wild assortment of clichés, and I’m flabbergasted it got through with a performance that more befitted a drunken aunt at a karaoke.

Finland (18) +  Singing about overcoming demons and finding strength in yourself is something positive in my eyes. (I’m going to that well a number of times, I know.) -  The performance is a hot mess for me, just throwing as many gimmicks and props at the wall as possible and hoping they stick. Also, Monsters really doesn’t show Saara’s voice in the best light, she gets quite screechy. And those demon children who sound like chipmunks take away any feeling of solemnity.

Bulgaria (16) +  It’s a song with a stylishly mysterious and dark score. The lads in the group sing well. -  I find Zhana a huge distraction – positioned as a centrepiece of our attention but barely singing. Also, I find it completely the wrong atmosphere for a song about true love. And the fly-by-night nature of the “common framework” means that the song is lacking sincerity and authenticity for me. Moldova (21) +  They’ve ascended a little from the very depths of my ranking thanks to how likeable they come across on stage and the brilliantly communicative facial expressions they pull, which really bring the slapstick story to life. -  At the end of the day, this isn’t a drama contest and the song itself with its thrusting dirty trumpet blasts and bizarre sound effects is appalling.

Sweden (24) +  They’ve allowed a humble light tube store owner to survive another winter… -   Sweden going back to the same old well of staging quality well above song quality. And can they please send a woman or band again? I’m getting tired of these presumptuous americlones - last year an ersatz Timberlake, this year a Bieber.

Hungary (11) +  Absolutely one of the highlights of Thursday night. I got both chills and visceral thrills from such a candid and passionate performance. -  Still not entirely my cup of tea and a tad repetitive.

Israel (17) +  If this year really is a battle between Cyprus and Israel, then I’m with the latter all the way. Not my style of song but it’s thoughtful and on a pertinent topic. -  Overly memetic, bizarre staging, and I still find it overbearing to listen to. Netherlands (4) +  This is the song that is going to rock my socks off and make me want to dance. Love the message, love the music. -  The cuts to the dancers seem less awkward but the whole idea is incongruous enough to confuse and put off potential voters.

Ireland (10) +  I’ll admit, I felt genuine chills when watching this song and the rapturous applause the two lads got. Eurovision moments like this show us how the world should be. It’s a pleasant song and finally, Ireland is back in the finals. -  I still believe a lot of the hype was generated by the video/stage show rather than the song, and Ryan seems a little opportunistic to me… Cyprus (25) +  Portugal’s pyrotechnicians will have enough money for a very fancy holiday after this performance. -  I can’t believe that this could be the winner. The music is extremely tacky, the lyrics are an afterthought, the use of one random Spanish word is galling (I made my students laugh by singing a song in Spanish and randomly dropping the word “biscuit” in the chorus) and I can’t help but think it’d be a huge step back for the contest. Italy (3) + One of the most moving performances and lyrics of the year – sung with an urgency and an anger that perfectly suits. And Metamoro are absolutely two of the loveliest people to ever participate in the contest and I can’t get enough of them. -  The on-screen lyrics, meant to bring the song’s meaning to life, could actually prove a distraction.

Some Eurovision 2018 thoughts

Because I promised @isabellaofparma I would post these, that’s why. I should note, I wrote most of this before the rehearsals and saved it as draft, so there are only a few added touches before posting. Also, can’t believe it’s almost a year since ESC 2017. @beautifulhusbands, remember when we chatted about last year’s competition? Good times. OK, here are a few thoughts about some of the songs by country... Hungary - thing for me is, I love rock songs at the ESC, so a rock song has to work really hard for me not to like it in this competition. Still, this one feels particularly authentic, so major kudos, it’s my fave rock song this year (sorry, @i-want-messed-up-with-you-4-ever, though the Netherlands’ country rock entry is nice too. @letthebluerain we also have a cute light rock song from Romania, but I have to admit I’m always disappointed when I don’t get a song in Romanian from the country I was born in. But I actually adore that we have more than one rock song this year, I like this diversity). @isabellaofparma, I still love last year’s Hungarian entry more, but that’s because it became one of my fave ESC songs ever, not because this year’s offering isn’t good. FYR Macedonia - I saw some people saying this song is a mess of genres, but I don’t think that’s the issue. You can throw in five different musical genres and as an idea, it could still work well. For me the problem is every time I get into a particular portion and genre and I start enjoying myself, the song switches over. So I’m left unsatisfied by the whole thing. Greece - I like this song. I adore all songs that are in their country’s native language rather than in English, even though I get why so many choose to perform in the latter. So this song gets points for that, has an ethnic sound to it which I also like and generally, it seems like Israelis tend to like the Greek songs. So yeah, one of my faves this year. I think it has a real shot at being the winner. (isn’t @nvrtickleadragon Greek? I like relating songs and countries to people. So go you!) Belarus - this may be weird but the singer reminds me of the guy who played the (more) openly gay teenager on Witness (I miss that show so much). That does things to me. So I like this entry, but it may not be for the right reasons. I think how this will do will greatly depend on how it’s executed on stage. Italy - I have to say, I adore the Italian tendency to send songs in Italian as it’s one of my fave languages. This entry is nice musically, though I think one of the singers is not as good as the other one and the disparity takes away some of my enjoyment. Also, I’m not fond of the tendency to send 'from the headlines’ songs, though relatively to the genre, this one is nice. All in all, my feelings are it could have been better and it could have been worse. At least the hook is catchy. (I believe @robertjacobsugdens is Italian, right? Again, me with the relating stuff to people thing. I do believe you guys will do well this year even if this isn’t my fave entry this year, nor my fave Italian song to the ESC) Also, technically, I wanna rant over the fact that there actually ARE pacifist bombs. For example, there are bombs used specifically to destroy other bombs in a controlled manner that saves lives. So. I don’t know. I don’t like an oversimplified message is what I’m saying, I guess. Kinda makes you wonder why I listen to ESC then, right? ;p France - This is another one ‘from the headlines’, so once more, I’m a bit meh. It’s a nice, lovely tune, I adore that France always sing in French, but the song becomes too familiar too quickly in my opinion. I’m sorry, @iamarobronniffler, I think you guys will get a high score, but I don’t think it will win... I also think it was sort of hurt by being one of the first songs to be released, which means people had loads of time to get used to it... Personal pet peeve is that the singer pronounces ‘Mercy’ not like the English word the name derives from, but like the French word ‘merci’, which is a nice touch, but it starts bothering me towards the end of the song, when the name is repeated (and mispronounced) so much. Denmark - ok, so on first listen? It’s a really strong entry. The drums are epic, the staging is good, the production of the song is tight, the legend behind the song of Vikings who decided not to fight is cool, it is a catchy song, Rasmussen has stage experience so the odds of him faltering on the night are slim, thus this song has SO MUCH going for it. Usually, if you have a song like this and you come from one of the two blocks (the Soviet or the Scndinavian ones) I feel like you have it in the bag. That’s how I felt about Sweden’s Heroes and Denmark’s Only Teardrops and they both won. But I feel like one thing that works against the song is that it has something about it that’s almost too serious and in a year where a lot of things are less so, plus this year is very innovative while this song is classically epic, that may work against it. Also, I feel like years when the Scandinavian countries send more than one strong entry, that end up splitting the Nordic vote and negates the block advantage. This year, you have Finland with a strong entry too, plus Sweden being Sweden. Basically, I feel like this could have been the winner in a lot of years, but probably not this one. Portugal - feels like an attempt to send a song in the same genre of their winner last year and I think the odds of the same country winning twice in a row with the same type of song is slim to none. That being said, I think this year’s offering is lovely and way better in this genre than last year’s Portuguese song. Sorry, I still don’t think that guy should have won. Sweden - hmmm, this will do well, first of all because it’s Sweden (really, @stulot, it’s ridiculous what an empire you are in this sense) and because it has a nice, young Michael Jackson vibe. But I really don’t think it’s gonna win. It doesn’t stand out enough in my opinion. Plus, the Danish and Finnish contenders are stronger IMO, so my guess is a lot of Scandinavians votes are gonna go there rather than to Sweden. It’s a good song, it’s just not enough of a competition when even within Scandinavia, it’s only the third strongest song. Ireland - the song is sooooo sweet, it’s almost too much so. It gets a bit better once you realize it’s actually about a relationship that has ended, it gives the idea behind it a bit of a twist than if it were just a declaration of sickeningly sweet love, but the real gem for this entry is the clip. It’s openly showcasing a same-sex couple and I am SO happy about that! Despite its gay reputation, ESC is actually more heteronormative than you’d expect, so that clip made me really happy. I want it to do better than it might have otherwise for that alone. I'm glad they’re bringing it to the stage in Lisbon too. I’m annoyed (though not surprised) that Russia said it would cut this song out. Thing is, Russia is allowed to do that in the semi-final, but not in the final, so for that reason if nothing else, I want Ireland in the final. (person from fandom that this made me think of, @dannymiller-irish-fan. Promise I’m done with the tagging now... I think) Cyprus - this is a very typical ESC song, it’s fun and tightly produced so it will do well, but I’m not happy about the lack of originality, plus the pushing of the ‘sex sells’ angle is not something that I subscribe to. Bulgaria - this song feels very current, easily a pop hit you could hear on the radio rather than on the ESC stage. I enjoy it, I think a lot depends on the live performance, how the staging will go, how will their voices blend live, but I think it can be the winner. Estonia - it’s weird, I think her voice is stunning beyond measure, the song is perfect opera pop, I enjoy it whenever I hear it and yet it’s not a song I can see myself listening to outside of the competition. Maybe because it’s not exactly one you can sing along to. All the same, another possible winner IMO. Finland - So this is the strongest Scandinavian contender in my book (so @youslicetheginger, I think you guys have a shot). The song is classic ESC, it’s also well produced and performed, which is really important, so that takes a bit away from the fact that it’s not that original. However, you gotta add in two more advantages, both originating in Saara Aalto being the one performing it (beyond the fact that SHE CAN FUCKING BELT). One is that she was on singing reality shows in both Finland AND the UK before the contest, which probably makes her the most established artist of the whole lot before the competition. That matters because while the Scandinavian vote is split up this year, she can make up for it through fans of hers from outside Finland and Scandinavia. The other is her being open about her engagement to a woman. This, together with the possible LGBTQ reading of her song, I think can also get her a lot of votes. So basically, out of the Nordic countries, I believe she’s gonna place highest. And I’m definitely a fan. Iceland - the most interesting things about this clip and its video: the church you can see in the clip, the streets Ari (the singer) walks down in it, are ones I’ve seen and walked too, which was pretty cool to me. Ari means Eagle in the Scandinavian language, which is a cool coincidence with the fact that in Hebrew, the same name means lion. ‘But Alice, these interesting tidbits have nothing to do with the song!?’ you say? Exactly. Sorry, Ari, you look like a lovely guy, you damn well can sing, but this is the biggest bore fest this year. You deserved a better song. Norway - This is the definition of “don’t know when to call it quits”. What’s worst to me is Alexander tried to make it better by saying kids keep asking him how to write a song and this was his reply to them. Either he’s lying and just trying to get the audience to go all ‘awwww’ over his very banal song, an inferior version of the song he had won with in the past... or he’s honest, in which case, STOP LYING TO THE KIDS, Alexander. That is NOT how you write a song. Ukraine - I think this is such a cool, different song performed by a cool, different artist, it’s upbeat, it’s not preachy, it’s unique, it’s catchy, I love it. I don’t think it will win, but it’s another one of my faves. Spain - this love song made me think of @imre-gr, of course. It is sweet and lovely. It was the first song I heard that made me smile, so how could I not think of you? But then, I have to admit that it is very much the typical ESC love duet and while it’s a very good version of it, in a year full of unique and different songs, I don’t think it stands a chance to win. Sorry. :( Israel - honestly, my first reaction when the song was first released was, ‘ok, so we will not win this year either’. I still think it’s too divisive to win (I know the bookkeepers disagree, but I think they mainly rely on how many views the song clips get on YouTube and that is NOT a measure for which one will win the ESC), I think the song’s too original, too creative and TOO out there, not enough people get why the chicken bits were included, too many people started arguing about whether this is a feminist song or an anti-male one, but I was happy to see it was less divisive than I anticipated and that a lot of people have responded so positively to the song, to its message of self-empowerment and to Netta. I can’t think of anything better than so many people seeing a woman who is clearly nothing like the thin ideal of beauty in our society singing “I’m a beautiful creature”, getting that she means it and agreeing with her. Netta in simply who she is conveys a real message and spirit of change for the better. The song itself tries to tackle a serious issue but without being preachy or heavy about it, make it fun for people when they sing about feminism and embracing yourself and your strength as you are. I feel like this attempt sometimes means the lyrics aren’t clear enough (as the song is inspired by the #metoo movement, ‘stupid boy’ doesn’t feel like a harsh enough term for the sexual harassment the song refers to, plus it can too easily be used to make it seem like the song is anti-male, because people take it as if ‘stupid boy’ is referring to all men rather than to jerks who take advantage of women), but I still appreciate what it tries to do. And at the end of the day, I think Netta is fabulous, I think she got her message across, I think her song became popular way beyond the bounds of the competition, so in my eyes, even if she won’t win the contest, she’s a true winner and wonder woman. I’m proud of you and thank you for representing in such an amazing way a huge part of the beauty of my country on its 70th anniversary. <3

In Sherlock’s Room, Part Two

Part One Be Here

Title: In Sherlock’s Room Rating (for this half): PG Total Word Count: 6431 Pairing: bi Watson/ace trans Holmes Universe: Modern AU of the original canon Summary: Holmes solves a case in his jammies.  Watson does laundry and makes ravioli.

TW for this half: very vaguely implied past acephobia; another mention of past acephobia (probably past transphobia also) which is immediately followed by petty revenge

Editing was tedious work.  My editor, for all his many redeeming qualities, invariably failed to appreciate the flowery endings to my tales and insisted I cut them off far earlier than I should have preferred.

“People read your stories for two reasons,” he once told me after nearly a half-hour of increasingly stormy debate on the subject; “the mystery, and the solution to the mystery.  No one cares what happens to you once the crook is sitting in a jail cell.  You can spend the night giving each other gob-jobs for all anyone cares.  Oh, I’ve said something funny now, have I?”

The bundles of fan mail I received every week inquiring as to whether I was single and whether Holmes was any good at finding hidden sausages made me question his judgment, but I was paid very handsomely for my work.  I could afford to assume that he had been made editor for a reason.

My efforts to curtail the offending epilogues on my own proved futile and so I had given up altogether, allowing my fingers to stretch the story for as long as they pleased, knowing that my editor would cut it all anyway while cursing my name. I was well into an appallingly purple passage in which Holmes and I compare the seasonal changes of the leaves to the arc of the average criminal’s career when Holmes burst in, catching the door before it could slam into the wall.

“Ceromancy!” he cried.

“Gesundheit,” I said.

“Kommst du mit, Naseweis.”

One did not need to speak German to understand what he wanted.  I followed him back to his room.  He had turned on some music since I left, a whiplash-inducing blend of classical pieces and Eurovision finalists.  Several new items had taken up residence on his desk.  His laptop now sat amongst the clutter rather than on his bed, along with a large, overly fragrant lavender candle, either borrowed or stolen from Mrs Hudson, and a bowl of water with a vaguely egg-shaped bit of hardened wax floating in its centre.

“I take it this is somehow connected with cera… ciril—”

“Ceromancy.  It is the art of divining the future via wax images in water.  One of the methods involves adding certain ingredients to the water, including seeds of the cuminum cyminum, which Mrs Mulvehill reports smelling in her wife’s vehicle on more than one occasion, and sprigs of ruta graveolens, a toxic herb that can cause blisters.”

I recalled the neatly torn note in the package that had started Holmes’ day, in which Mrs Mulvehill remarked upon the blisters on her wife’s hand.

“Further,” Holmes continued, “this particular set of instructions involves tying two candles together with a red ribbon.”

He spun the laptop so I could see the screen, though I hardly needed to look to know what would be there: the photograph of the red ribbon tied to the rearview mirror.

“That looks about long enough to bind a pair of candles, does it not?” said he.

I thought it strange that a woman should drive five hours one way every weekend simply to have her fortune told, and said so to Holmes.

“I have not yet finished examining all of the evidence.  There may very well be another explanation for these clues that will become apparent once I reach the end of my investigation.”

“So there is still a chance that Polly Mulvehill is seeing another woman?”

“Unfortunately for our client, yes.”

He lifted a hand to swipe to the next photograph, then gave it a second thought and turned to me instead.

“Why do people do it?” he asked.

“Do what?”

“Cheat.  Polly Mulvehill has a perfectly devoted and intelligent wife, but that wasn’t enough for her.  She still felt the need to fill her time and, presumably, various other things with someone else, all in pursuit of a few sweaty, sticky moments on a flat surface. What can possibly be so thrilling about sex that it drives people to betray those closest to them?  It can’t be any better than a concert at the Barbican, and I wouldn’t cheat on you for a box seat.”

That hadn’t ever been a concern of mine, but it was nice to know.

“Sex is pleasurable for a lot of people,” I said, “and for some, it confers a certain status that concert tickets don’t.  It makes them feel powerful, attractive, special, even loved—”

“That hardly justifies cheating.”

“Of course it doesn’t.  I suppose some people never learned the same sort of self-control that you have with regard to box seats.”

He laughed at the jab and began setting up his chemical apparatus as the delicate dénouement of Gluck’s Melodie ceded to the gravelly bombast of Lordi’s Hard Rock Hallelujah.

“What are you going to do now?” I asked.

“I must test the dirt samples sent to me by Mrs Mulvehill to determine if there is anything distinctive about them.  The definitive answer to the question of how Polly Mulvehill has been spending her weekends may well be lurking in one of these test tubes.”

He muttered a few more disparaging comments about unfaithful spouses before returning to work.  I sat on the edge of Holmes’ bed and ran a finger along a seam in his blanket.  It had some peculiar stains that I would have to remember to ask about, to make sure he wasn’t slowly poisoning himself in his sleep.  Not for the first time, I was grateful that we had elected to retain separate bedrooms even after starting our relationship.

At that time it had been almost a decade since I last slept with someone.  Her name was Allie, or something like it.  She was tall and dark and sarcastic and just barely passable in the bedroom.  I suppose it was the lingering memory of her mediocrity that helped reinforce the idea of there being more important elements than sex in a romantic relationship when Holmes wrote me the first of what would become an entire drawerful of love letters.  He made it clear from the very start that he could offer me every sort of intimacy except that one, but that does not make our relationship in any way less.  Maybe it’s the fact that I will never have the chance to confront this issue in my published works that compels me to be perfectly clear about it here: we are lovers, in every sense of the word except that one upon which our society places the most importance.

Well, I suppose I shouldn’t judge others for their ignorance.  I held a similar view in a past life.  “Experience of women on three continents” was, despite what my editor prefers to believe, not an exaggeration.  Nor is it an exaggeration to say I have never once regretted abandoning my old ways.  Who wouldn’t give up sex for love?

Perhaps not Polly Mulvehill.  Or perhaps she really did learn her lesson and would agree with me after all.  It seems to me such an obvious decision, but on those infrequent occasions when I have attempted to explain our relationship to an outsider, I am almost inevitably met with disbelief at best.  Mrs Hudson took it in her stride, bless her, but Lestrade got very confused when I responded to his barely veiled innuendos with the truth. I am slightly ashamed and very satisfied to say that I went for the jugular almost immediately.

“If your wife got sick and wasn’t able to have sex with you anymore, or if her hormones change as she gets older and her libido drops, which does happen by the way, would you walk out on her just because she wasn’t giving you any?”

“Of course not!”  To Lestrade’s credit, he looked scandalised at the very suggestion.  “She’s my wife, the mother of my children—”

“It’s the same with us.  Well, not exactly the same.  Obviously, there are some differences in our lines of reasoning, but my point is that you love your partner more than you love sex and so do I.  That is, I love my partner more than I love sex, not your partner.  You know what I meant,” I said, irritated, when he started laughing.

“You’re much more eloquent as a writer than as an orator,” he replied, but he bought me a pint as an apology and we never spoke on the matter again.

I suppose I could have laughed along with his jokes instead of lecturing him on asexuality, but I should have felt guilty allowing him to continue operating under the assumption that Holmes and I were doing it.  The mere idea of engaging in such activities makes Holmes so terribly uncomfortable.  Having to endure ribald ragging, no matter how good-natured, from the one police inspector he respects could only end unpleasantly for both parties.

Feeling suddenly maudlin, I moved my bad leg so it rested fully on the stained blanket, leaned back against the headboard, and watched as Holmes went about his work.  His hands, despite appearing ill-fittingly large on his slender wrists, always managed to look graceful when engaged in one of his chemical experiments.  But I suppose everyone looks more themselves when they are doing what they are best at.

I believe I drifted off a bit after that, lulled into a contented daze by the rhythm of clinking glass and the scratch of pencil on notebook paper.  I began to come out of my trance when he came out of his.  He tried and failed to control a smile.  A few scribbles later and he gave up all pretense of dignified detachment, jumping in place and clapping, sending the pencil clattering into the dustbin beside his desk.  That was alright.  He preferred to keep his writing implements in there anyway.

With but a short moment of warning he swept me into his arms, then released me and tugged me towards his desk before I had the chance to hug him back.

“This is far better than I could have hoped for!  What a splendid case this has turned out to be!”

“Such excitement for a bit of dirt,” I remarked.

“No mere ‘bit of dirt’ is this.  Have a look at the results of the soil analysis I ran.”

I did as he asked.  Even with my limited understanding of soil composition, I knew at once what had brought the light to his grey eyes.

“Iridium?”

“Yes.  It is exceedingly rare on Earth but much more common in meteorites.”

“I know what it is.  I just didn’t think you would, given your extreme disinterest in astronomy.”

“I looked it up,” Holmes said, witheringly.  Then, perking up, he added, “I suspect the sample in Polly Mulvehill’s boot came from such a meteorite, or perhaps from an object that was found within the iridium anomaly.”

“You did say she works at a museum.”

“She volunteers as a tour guide.  I rather doubt she has the authority to take archaeological treasures home with her.”

“So you’re saying—”

“Museums are a study in contrasts, my dear Watson.  In their exhibition rooms, they are well-organized, often beautifully laid out bastions of knowledge dedicated to preserving the past into the future.  However, safely shielded from the public eye is invariably an overcrowded and poorly catalogued backroom littered with valuables that could be missing for months or years before anyone noticed.  Why, I stole this very spoon from the British Museum over a decade ago and still they’re none the wiser!”

“Holmes!”

“Oh, come now, Boswell.  This is a soup spoon from my mother’s flatware collection.  Do you really think so little of me?”

“On the contrary, I think highly enough of you that I expect you could abscond with the British Museum’s entire collection of Egyptian antiquities and return them to Egypt before the guard could leave his chair.  Why do you have your mother’s soup spoon?”

Holmes abruptly stopped preening at my inquiry.

“After my last visit to Sussex, you asked why I was in such a strop and I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Yes?”

“She kept asking when you and I would give her grandchildren.  I should have run out at once and arranged for a hysterectomy if Mycroft hadn’t been there to stop me.  Instead I took her soup spoon.  Are you very angry with me?”

“Not with you, no.”  But the next time I was misfortunate enough to encounter Mrs Holmes, I thought I might distract her long enough for Holmes to make off with the rest of her flatware, and possibly a vase or two.  I did not tell him the specifics of my thoughts, instead running a careful hand through the tangles in his hair.  He was much more appreciative of such gestures when not occupied by a case.  Had I attempted to demonstrate any form of affection prior to the discovery of the iridium, he should have pulled back and shook his head, putting a stop to my ministrations.  Now, he not only permitted the display, he encouraged it, throwing back his head with a contented sigh.  He grasped my free hand with both of his, enjoying the light scratch of my callouses across his own, eyes closed so he could focus on the sensation.

At length he straightened in his chair and looked around, as if in search of something.

“I believe we have gotten rather off the subject,” he said.  He crowed with victory when he made visual confirmation of his laptop teetering precariously on the edge of his desk, where it had been shoved to make room for the chemistry equipment.  “I must get in touch with Mrs Mulvehill—Mrs Evelyn Mulvehill, that is—and alert her to the happy news.”

“I would hardly call the fact that her wife is stealing from her place of employment happy news, Holmes.”

“Perhaps not to you or I, but to a woman bracing herself for the news that her beloved has yet again been unfaithful, it may well be the highlight of her day.”

I never saw Evelyn Mulvehill’s response to the longwinded email Holmes sent containing his deductions, but Holmes informed me it was cordial and grateful and would I please stop scribbling in my notebook?  He had just learned the most wonderful new waltz that I was sure to love if only I’d pay it the attention it (and he) deserved.

We did not hear from the Mulvehills for nearly a fortnight.  At that time, as a harsh rain assaulted the streets and the rooftops of London, Holmes thrust an open envelope, sent from Kendal, Cumbria, under my nose.  Along with her cheque came a letter from our former client, thanking Holmes for his help and informing us of the full meaning behind the clues he had deciphered for her.  Evelyn confronted her wife about the matter the moment she returned from work on the day of Holmes’ revelation.  Polly, to her credit, admitted to the scheme at once, but the story which followed her confession was one that neither of us could have expected.

Polly Mulvehill loved her museum and the history it saved and displayed, but the longer she worked there, the more she realised how dependent it was upon artifacts illegally obtained when Britain was at her most imperialistic. What right did any museum, even the one she held so near and dear, have to keep such items?  She made then a vow to smuggle what she could out of the museum and back to the lands from which they had been taken.

She sought out a fence, a man based in Aberdeen who was very superstitious and insisted upon consulting a friend who specialised in divination, including ceromancy, before each and every step of their exchange.  At least twice, to Polly’s intense displeasure, the fence interpreted the candle drippings negatively and refused to accept the goods, forcing Polly to return with the stolen artifacts to Kendal until the following week.  Still, the trouble was worth it, Polly Mulvehill insisted, for the fence was just as devoted to repatriation as she and would do most anything, so long as the candles gave their blessing, to bring the haughty English down a peg. Upon receipt of the stolen items, the fence made his escape on a flight from Aberdeen International Airport, which Polly only made the mistake of booking a hotel next to once, compared with the eleven times she had travelled to Aberdeen on her self-imposed mission. One was also the number of times she made the mistake of handling the herbs which the fortune teller used to predict their chances of success.

Evelyn was so awestruck by her wife’s courage and integrity that she quit her accounting job and started an organisation dedicated to negotiating the legal return of all stolen artifacts to their countries of origin.  It is an organisation the Mulvehills run to this very day.  The missive ended with a plea veiled as a compliment, stating that Evelyn Mulvehill knew Holmes to be a gentleman of the utmost discretion, and that she trusted him to breathe not a word of her wife’s rashness to the authorities.  The final item enclosed in the envelope was a familiar, stout red ribbon.  Holmes smiled when I held up the ribbon and requested I put the note into the fire.

“Another mystery over and done with,” said he, snapping the blinds shut against the sight of the driving storm.  “Will you be writing up this case for your eager public?”

“I doubt it.  I spent more time folding your laundry than doing anything related to the case. Perhaps I could end it with a big car chase through Aberdeen between us and the superstitious fence.  Maybe throw in the Mulvehills for good measure.”

Holmes chuckled around the empty pipe in his teeth.

“It is no more or less ludicrous than anything else you have written,” he said.

I chose to interpret this remark in a positive light.

Were this a polished and published work rather than a hastily scribbled collection of remembrances in a shabby moleskin notebook, my editor should have ended the account with my destroying the evidence of Polly Mulvehill’s crimes and her wife’s complicity.  It is just as well.  Holmes is, despite the great fame I have inadvertently thrust upon him, an intensely private man.  I doubt he would appreciate the whole of the English-speaking world reading about how we sat together on the sofa, shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip, he kneading the pain from my bad leg with a practiced hand, I reading selections from the story I had been editing and taking note of the parts he disapproved of.  He certainly wouldn’t want anyone else knowing about how our light bickering over whether or not I was allowed to describe him as gentle ended in several minutes of kissing that served my argument rather better than his.  And, most of all, he would recoil at the slightest possibility of strangers spying after the fact as he pulled out his laptop and helped me work out plans for a weeklong holiday in Cumbria.

When PI Jordan Jenner returns to work following the death of his mother, his first case involves a murdered writer… James Fairview has been killed. As a member of a prestigious writing group hosted by bestselling author Joseph Gordon in the heart of Cardiff, Jordan not only has to cope with solving the mystery, but also deal with press attention. As Jordan investigates, he discovers his mother’s death may not have been so simple. And when another writer is murdered, Jordan realises the killer could strike again… A murdered writer, a mysterious death, and a group with jealousy at its heart, this is Jenner’s toughest case yet. A cosy murder mystery with a gay male detective, Murder on the Rocks is the first in the Jordan Jenner Mysteries series. If you’re a fan of classic whodunits you will love this!

  Artist Xander Draper is being threatened by a dangerous group. With PI Jordan Jenner’s help, Xander hopes to remain unscathed. But when Xander is murdered, his body displayed as his final exhibit, Jordan realises the extent of the trouble Xander was in. Now, there are people following Jordan. They know his name, and they want him dead. Meanwhile, Jordan’s brother Ashley has returned, and he has a secret. As time runs out to solve the murder of the famous artist, Jordan begins to fear his brother may be responsible.

It’s the first day of Meet The Author, Panther Publishing edition, where you can find out more about the writers behind the books! This will be going on this week, i’ll be introducing you to authors new and the original Panther squad! If there’s any questions you’d like to ask, feel free to comment below the blog post tweet! Where did the name Panther Publishing come from? Who is this publishing house? Well:

The importance of Panther came around when comparing the Welsh publishing scene to that of Scotland. So much great Scottish fiction is published and released, and Scotland is alive with literature.  Wales has it’s fair share of literature and publishers, and they’re doing great jobs. But we wanted to arrive and do something different. We don’t believe in closing our doors to anybody, regardless of their ability to speak the Welsh language, or because they write in genre fiction. We don’t believe in closing off our submissions to gender, or to those that have never published before. We’re here to champion the unknown, to find and nurture fresh talent, and to work closely with them, developing their writing, their books, and in return, they develop us.  We’re a small team – VERY SMALL TEAM – and we are intent on shining light on those that might get overlooked elsewhere. We are huge fans of writing in the genres of mystery, crime, paranormal, thriller and horror, so we’re looking for writers who can bring that to us. We have plenty planned at Panther Publishing. ​ We’re proud to be a publishing company in Wales. The first book published by Panther Publishing was Murder on the Rocks by JS Strange, a Welsh Agatha-esque cosy mystery and the first book I was quoted on as a blogger! You can find my review here, and of course I loved The Art of Murder, and you can find out how much here! The series so far, holds a place close to my heart and I highly recommend it! You can purchase Jack’s books either in e-book or physical format via Panther Publishing’s online store here!

So without further ado, no ‘now in a minute’, let’s get on with Jack’s Q&A, which I am so grateful that he agreed to be a part of! Thanks Jack! Just for fun I thought we’d start with a bit of either or: Tea or Coffee? Coffee for sure! I start my day with coffee, work coffee, function with coffee! Morning bird or Night owl? Night owl! Bookmark or corner folder? Don’t hate me, but corner folder! You and me both Jack, at least we are honest enough to admit it! Tidily organised or Organised mayhem? Organised mayhem, of course. I could have been answering these questions, i’m the exact same!

What makes you happy? Could you share a photo?

I’ve shared two! My cats, Miley and Dolly, names after Miley Cyrus and Dolly Parton. And my new found love and very relaxing activity – bonsai trees! These are such cute photos? Have you named your bonsai trees yet? I have a tomato plant that I’ve named Tia after one of the sisters of Sister, Sister, because for a plant she has sass!

What is your favourite childhood book? Is it okay to say this, seeing as what’s recently happened? It would be Harry Potter. Always will be, I’m afraid. I’ll take it! Let’s pretend that *that* didn’t happen for the purpose of the Q&A, it’s still one of my favourites too!

What did you want to be when you grew up? Harry Potter! No, I’m joking. I always wanted to be a pop star. I’ve been writing, recording, and releasing pop music since my last book, but I haven’t fulfilled the ‘star’ element yet. I also wanted to be a vet. Now, I’m an author that works in TV and pretends he can sing! I reckon you’d be able to pull off the specs and lightening bolt scar! I’ve heard your music and I couldn’t help but bop along. This year author / TV worker, next year Eurovision?

Did you always want to be an author? I’d say that I was always writing. From a young age I was adapting existing stories and also writing my own. Probably before I knew what an author was!

If you could choose only one season to last forever, what one would it be? Good question. I love the heat, so probably summer. But I really like autumn, too. You live in Wales, you’re meant to be all about the rain! I’m joking, the heat is okay in small quantities (my opinion) but I live for Autumn; boots and pumpkin spiced lattes! 

What is your current read? I’m currently reading Full Service, a book about the life of a man who worked in a gas service station in Hollywood, providing sex to a lot of the rich and famous. I think it inspired part of the new Hollywood series, which is on Netflix. *Adds that to my TBR and Netflix to watch list*

What do you enjoy doing outside of writing? Hobbies etc. Singing, I think. Convincing myself one day I can do this, and the next asking myself who the hell am I kidding?! I should have asked your shower song! My shower soundtrack involves a lot of random songs, including a few Whitney Houston’s!

How many books have you written? Do you have a personal favourite? What is it and why? I have wrote four books in total. Two zombie books, which have recently been reclaimed by Panther, and will be redeveloped. And then two murder mystery novels, the series Jordan Jenner. I’m proud of the Jordan Jenner series, because they’re a different genre, one I wanted to write but didn’t think I could pull off. Jordan is a gay male PI in Cardiff, Wales. I have a soft spot for Murder on the Rocks. I absolutely adore the Jordan Jenner series and I can’t wait until the next instalment! And zombie books you say? Well that is exciting!

When writing a series, how do you keep it fresh? Is the second in the series always more difficult than the first? I find that the characters make your series. The storytelling has to be the most important part, and you need characters that people like and want to keep reading about. It’s easy for a series based on murder to go stale. It follows the same format mostly. Murder, conflict, resolution. But as long as people care about whether Jordan and Lloyd will get together, what Mark is doing, etc, then I think it keeps the series interesting. For my zombie series, the second was really hard to write, and even now I feel exhausted by it. But the second in the Jenner series was easy. Now it’s the third I’ve been struggling with! You’re a really great author, I am sure you’ll get there with book 3!

When researching for a novel, do you always have all the research before beginning or do you research as you go? What is the process? It depends on what the story is. I research when it comes to mind. I research enough to make a story plausible, but I’m not one to research loads and fit it all into the book to show off how much research I’ve done. I usually research some police procedure, as well as street names, that sort of thing. At least it isn’t research dense! You include enough to make an engaging storyline!

Describe your typical writing day There isn’t one! Life is so busy, it’s been hard to find any time to write. Another reason, I think, why book three isn’t shaping up. But when I do write, it goes two ways. The words flow, the story gets a flow, and it goes quite well. Then there are the days where it’s not clear what’s happening, I’m not happy with the story, and I scrap it all!

Describe your publishing journey in 3 words Long, slow, fast. (Because one Panther took me on, it was a fast road!)

Do you have any writing quirks / needs? What are they? Quiet. Can’t be writing with the TV on or music playing. I just need silence. And a coffee!

If it gives no spoilers, what is the hardest scene you’ve had to write? It’s always quite hard to write the reveal. You want it to be suspenseful, and for it to make sense, but you also don’t want it to be anticlimactic. You have to make sure it makes sense that the person who was responsible for the murder is plausible.

What do you find the most enjoyable / difficult thing about writing? Definitely being able to find a flow, and be happy with what I’m writing. I’m so self critical, and lose my patience quite easily. Time is the most difficult as well, because it’s hard to find any! The most enjoyable is creating characters, settings, using my imagination, and finally getting it out there.

What is a publishing highlight for you? Reaching the LGBT best-selling chart in cosy mystery on Amazon. Since it’s release, it’s been in and out of the chart all the time, which is a really proud moment. And you absolutely deserve to be there!

Can you give a one sentence teaser for anything you’re working on if you’re allowed? The Mistletoe Murders. Oh wait, did I just reveal a title?! Is that an exclusive?! Too late to take it back now! Any question you wished I’d asked but haven’t? Not that I can think of! Thanks again for asking me these questions! 😊 You’re so welcome, thank-you so much for agreeing to take part in the ‘Meet the Authors’ Q&A, I’m truly honoured to have you on the blog!

So, there you have it, the first of the Panther Publishing edition of Meet the Authors series! Have you read any of JS Strange’s books? You have time to catch up now before the next series! Both books are cosy and mysterious, the perfect accompaniment to a hot chocolate and blanket / glass of wine and pretzels! Thanks again Jack for taking part! If you’ve already reviewed Jack’s books, please feel free to share using the #MeetTheAuthors hashtag!

Tune in tomorrow for my Q&A with Will, Until then, Happy reading!

Meet The Authors - Panther Publishing Edition with JS Strange @JackSamStrange @PantherPubs #MeetTheAuthors #CosyMystery #IndieAuthors #IndiePublishing When PI Jordan Jenner returns to work following the death of his mother, his first case involves a murdered writer...

Irelande Douze Pointe 1 - Day After Day

"A little bit of a sad looking creature, isn't it?" one of the scientists said, looking down at the baby turkey sitting before them. The research facility in Ireland was top secret, and what they were working on, even more secret. The little turkey sitting before them was just another one of their many experiments. Those who knew about this had to sign multiple secrecy agreements. The scientists all knew the consequences for spreading any information about what they were working on. This was not something for the public to know about. "In ten years, in ten years that creature will have powers like no one has ever known," said one of the other scientists. "Ten years? Why do we have to wait ten years?" "Unfortunately there is no way to speed up the process," answered the other scientist, "But don't worry. Once the ten years are up, the wait will have been worth it. This creature will have incredible powers." The other scientist couldn't believe it, looking at the sad little creature that was now peering up at them. He couldn't believe that thing would ever be powerful. But he knew better than to ask questions at this facility, so he just agreed.

---

The year was 2008. The preparations for the Eurovision Song Contest in Belgrade, Serbia, were well underway. Dustin the Turkey was there, flying the flag for his home country, Ireland. He knew the other contestants of the contest didn't like him, that they laughed at him. He knew that they thought he was nothing but a joke. But he didn't want to be seen that way. He wanted to be seen as a serious contestant. He had worked hard on his entry, 'Irelande Douze Pointe.' The others just didn't see it. Lots of them made jokes about Dustin, even right in front of him. Most of them hadn't meant it in a mean way, but it just came across like that. Dustin didn't see the funny side at all. Why should he be mocked? He was an entrant just like everyone else. That he had been singled out for ridicule really annoyed him. Just then, Dustin heard footsteps behind him. Last year's winner, Marija Šerifović, walked over to him. Marija had been a judge on Eurosong, Ireland's national final. She had made it clear that she hadn't liked Dustin's victory at the time, and she was making it even clearer now. "What do you want?" Dustin asked. "Oh, nothing much. Just some good songs at Eurovision. Unfortunately, Ireland sent you instead. We really do need some quality control at this contest," Marija laughed, before walking off. He was furious. Just like he had been when the other contestants laughed at him. "What even are you?" laughed Dima Bilan, the Russian entrant and favourite to win the whole contest. Dustin didn't answer him. He simply walked away. Dustin sat by himself in the dressing room. He didn't want to sit with the other contestants. He didn't want them to see him like this. "Hey," came a voice. That was Željko Joksimović, one of the hosts of this year's contest and the songwriter for the Serbian entry, 'Oro.' Dustin turned around. "You shouldn't let what they say get to you," Željko said, "I've been in the music business for a long time, and mean comments hurt. I know that. But you're only letting those people get what they want if you allow their comments to hurt you." "I... I..." Dustin didn't know what to say. He was stunned. Željko had been the only person to show him any kindness during the entire contest. "You are obviously very talented," Željko said, "And I've never seen a singing and talking turkey before. It's incredible, it really is. They shouldn't make fun of you. I already told them not to, but they're not listening to me." "That's ok," Dustin replied, "Thank you for trying at least. Really, thank you."

---

Of course, Dustin had been knocked out at the semi-final stage of the contest. He had even been booed by some of the audience members while he performed. That was something he would never get over, being booed and jeered while performing at Eurovision. He reserved a special hatred towards the contest from that day on.

---

Dustin looked at his television screen. Ten years had passed since that day in Belgrade. And now, the Eurovision Song Contest was happening again. The hosts stepped out onto the stage at the Altice Arena, Portugal. The audience cheered and waved their flags. People from all over the world had gathered for the event. Everyone looked happy to be there. "Get ready," said Sílvia Alberto, one of the hosts of the contest, "For the first semi final of the Eurovision Song Contest 2018! Right here in Lisbon, Portugal!" "No, no thanks," Dustin snapped the pencil that he was holding. He hated that contest. He hated everything about it. He reached for his remote and switched the channel over.

---

Dustin left the house, and went outside. He was still thinking about just how much he hated that song contest, when he was stopped in his tracks. He realised he had become lost in his thoughts and had wandered into the bad part of town. He shouldn't be here. He turned around to leave, but the way back was blocked. He was surrounded by a group of teenagers, who were all laughing at him. "Look at that," one of them said, as he kicked the turkey to the ground. "No, don't!" Dustin yelled at them. Suddenly, a flash of light came from his wing, knocking one of the boys against a wall. At that, they all ran off, and Dustin was alone once more, wondering just what exactly had happened.

---

The final of the Eurovision Song Contest was in just four days time. Over the next three days, Dustin learned how to control his powers. It didn't take too long for him to get good at it. Soon, it was like he had never been without these powers. He also went to Iceland to get someone on his side. Silvia Night, the Icelandic Eurovision entrant in 2006. After watching her Eurovision videos and interviews, he felt that she, like him, was someone who the others mocked and laughed at. He felt like he had a lot in common with her. Dustin promised to give her control of Sweden and Greece after he was done attacking the contest. Greece, since that was where her Eurovision was held, and Sweden, just because Silvia didn't really like them and their music industry.

---

Dustin looked at his TV again. Another advert for the upcoming final of the Eurovision Song Contest. This time though, Dustin wasn't angry. He just smiled to himself. He knew he would get his revenge on that contest. And nothing was going to stop him.