#bury me with my sappy ass rant one final time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

amonsaiqaxiv · 7 years

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GROWTH & GRATITUDE

When Heavensward launched I was in a pretty awkward point in-game. I wasn’t entirely too invested in XIV or in MMO’s in general. The group I played with was a mix of old-school MMO WoW veterans and die-hard FF fans. I wasn’t exactly mechanic savvy nor too enthralled in the lore behind this game. I was put in a weird spot, to say the least. I couldn’t help but feel out of place with both the friends I had and the giant community sprawled out before me. It took...countless fucking hours of throwing my head against content, seeking guidance from other players, and fighting against my own ignorance to get comfortable playing this game. Around that time, I had also stumbled across the XIV community here on Tumblr through a friend. Our community is a vast fucking place and I felt extremely overwhelmed at first. Like, I can barely interact with people in-game as it is, man. I had no clue how things worked on this end. However, one thing I was quickly able to latch onto were screenshot edits. I’d had....many...many years of experience with this concept back when I was roleplaying (on Myspace of all things). It was after this little rediscovery that I found my niche here and the rest of it is pretty self-explanatory. Fast forward two(ish) years later and things have changed. I love this damn game guys, I really do. Being able to experience new content, striving to improve both job and player skill is such a damn thrill for me. I’m confident in what I can offer as a player and I’m constantly excited for new opportunities to grow.

As for this blog, oh man...I never in a million years expected this to be where it’s at today. I really just used this blog to selfishly post screenshots and fuck man....the response has just been so overwhelmingly wonderful.

Look, I’ve never been particularly good at expressing my feelings, ESPECIALLY not through writing. Things come a bit more naturally through speech but most of the time? I keep to myself outside of my small circles and even then I tend to internalize my anxieties onto myself. It’s tough conveying my thoughts into words since my mind tends to race around. However, despite these difficulties, one thing that’s always come naturally to me is the ability to express gratitude. I am so damn thankful to those of you who have had a hand in helping me grow both as a player and as a member of this community. So before we trudge off into expansion, I wanted to draft something up to commemorate the time I’ve spent with each of you:

Thank you to everyone I’ve met within or because of @theriskbreakers : @sylvan-rain @onwesterlywinds @crimson-bull @thefateofivalice @a-kelping-hand @moonlifter @safestsephiroth @thecat-inthehat @afflatus-solace @reflectionsofacreator @quartercirclejab @the-goggles-lizard @wandererspaean @ivaan-ffxiv @tovakiin @zulak-rah @jenesislabariel @twelvesavethequeen @wyranimh @cogflox @varae-ver-you-are (I’m sure I’m missing tons more, sorry.)

Seriously, guys, it’s been a while since I first stumbled through the Sandsea’s doors but it’s been a blast. Thank you for always making things feel at home despite the fact that RP isn’t really my thing. Whether we’re blitzing through content or goofing off in chat it’s been wonderful and I can’t wait to see what Stormblood has to offer for us.

Thank you to my raid static for 3.X: @khojin-arulaq @sessionzeroart @evrett

Though frustrating at times, raiding with you all was overall an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world. It’s such a unique feeling when shit got challenging and we still managed to pull through. I’m grateful to you guys for what we did and value the friendships we made throughout.

Thank you to @zenathered @kukurubean @foewreckem @korpokkur-kid @yaianse (and the whole turtle crew really) as well as @fatewalker @nyxastra @coeurlfist for being great enough to show off how awesome people on other servers can be. It’s been fun befriending each of you either through tumblr or whenever you nerds decide to log onto your respective alts.

Thank you to @ladyrivienne @ferai-caolann @lavenderrpurr @manawalls @alannah-corvaine @abalathian @qarajin-borlaaq for being some of the downright best art motivation I’ve got. I’m pushing myself to improve constantly whenever any of you create something. It’s inspirational and that drive to improve you’ve given me is a debt I could never repay.

Thank you to @sins-of-allag @ayyymeric @aether-eyes @dayst-ffxiv @lauranis @lunae-lux @xaruun @invisiblebounds-ffxiv @fair-fae @lance-of-fury @tetenuko @tiergan-vashir @freshorenjuice @aethericseafarer @nightmaze @necrologos @sequoiaofeorzea @gaeliseeker @nalukaixiv @pygmaioi for a myriad of reasons between all of you. Thank you for being super supportive of both myself and the blog. For lending out a helping hand (or keeping my head out of my ass) and just for being good friends in and out of game.

Thank you to @mahnsturr @raelcsart @yalakid @dantroziman @doorway-through @fainfaineant for all the fun I’ve had with each of you in GRIMM. Thank you for all the great art of Amon and thank you so much Rae for taking care of my Alex’s ass. <3

THANK YOU TO MY MOTHERFUCKING DISCORD: @haila-wetyios @luma-lee @naveiasue @lyriahkarnelle @sharlayan-scholar @desertsaffron FOR PUTTING UP WITH ALL THE UNADULTERATED BAT-SHIT CRAZY NONSENSE THAT OCCURS IN THERE EACH DAY. It gets absolutely fucking wild sometimes in Unlimited Chat Works and I am fucking blessed that you guys still manage to put up with my bullshit. Whether we’ve been friends since the beginning or you’re just now realizing how crazy we are in there thank you. I love you guys with all my fucking heart and I have so much fun every single day in there with each of you.

Thank you, @koidrakevice you fucker for so, so, much. For all the times we’ve spent late at night theory-crafting, grinding, researching, just...playing XIV. None of this would have happened if you hadn’t gotten me back into the game. I’ve grown so much because of you and being able to do content our way with you and Douglas is genuinely the thing I look forward to the most in Stormblood. Thank you, buddy, for being one of the best friends I’ve ever had and for playing XIV with me. It means more than you know and more than I’ll ever fucking admit because fuck you.

Thank you always, @fishtailsushi I love you the world over and playing XIV together with you is something I’ll remember for the rest of our lives. You’ve grown so much in this game and in many aspects, you’re a far better player than I am. Thank you for continuing to stand with me and in making memories with all of our crazy friends. Thank you for pushing me to do better and supporting me through all of my doubts in-game and in real life. I love you poop, and thank you.~

Finally... thank you to everyone who’s been a part of the journey thus far. I’m not sure where things will end up in Stormblood, but I can promise you that I’m going to continue to improve, both as a player and a member of this crazy community. So if you’ve made it this far, take to heart that regardless of our differences, we’re all in this together. Fuck whatever discourse may pop up and just try to have fun and focus on all the good around you because as you can see, this place full of love, you’ve just got to open yourself up to it.-

Take care, and I’ll see you in Stormblood.

Patrick Amon.

#FFXIV #Balmung #Warning: It's gonna be a long one #with tons of tags but..yeah.#also swearing lots of that #I'm sorry mobile people I'm gonna take over your feed. |D #bury me with my sappy ass rant one final time

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barnesbabee · 3 years

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𝓹𝓵𝓪𝔂 𝓭𝓪𝓽𝓮 - 𝓽𝔀𝓮𝓷𝓽𝔂

|| ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ || ⇜ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - 20 - ɴᴇxᴛ⟿

⟿ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: No sensible person would turn down their boss if they looked good as good as Seonghwa. But maybe they would wish they had…

⟿ ᴄᴏɴᴄᴇᴘᴛ: CEO!Seonghwa x reader, bestfriend!Yunho x reader || Social Media!AU || no gender specified for the reader

A/N: IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ: (send me a DM or an ask to be added) @ateezappreciation @shinyddeonghwa @lilithpooped @cloudyyeonnie@yeosangmystar @wooyoung-a @sanisms @mingismoon @lovelyvitamin @anawwyd @annasbannas @im-just-trying-to-survive-man @uglychildd @oddlittlefandomist @hwahomie @jin-neck-shaft @lovelyvitamin @yeosangmystar @skmoonchild @lovelymultiwrites @sunwooyoung

The day was long and silent, and although no one had gotten any sleep, no one could close their eyes for more than a minute. The haunting picture of Yunho's dead body and splattered blood clouding their minds. The only one who hadn't seen the body yet was Jongho, but he was too busy trying to make sure Mingi wouldn't freak out again.

The five of you eventually fell asleep, when your bodies finally calmed down and gave in to the temptation.

You were, however, suddenly awoken by a loud noise of something falling. All of you sat up straight in the living room and looked around. There were only four of you. Mingi.

All of you stood up immediately and began searching the house in a panicked state, calling out for Mingi as you did so.

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Seonghwa yelled, after a couple of minutes of looking.

You all ran towards where he was. You found Seonghwa holding a crying Mingi by the arm, in the attic of the house.

"What happened?" You asked.

Seonghwa roughly pushed Mingi towards you all.

"I got here and this dumbass had opened the skylight and was trying to get onto the roof!"

San held Mingi's hand and moved the man to stand behind him, angrily looking at Seonghwa.

"Hey man, take it easy." San advised.

Seonghwa placed his hands on his hips and widened his eyes.

"Take it easy? Take. It. Easy!? There's already a dead body in my fucking house, from a situation that I had nothing to do with, mind you, and I was about to have a second body to bury because of this fool's bad choices. I am helping you idiots out a lot and you're pushing me to the limits, okay!? I have a lot to lose here. I have a company to run and a lot of people that are going to lose jobs if the CEO goes down as an accessory to murder."

There was only silence, as it dawned on the selfish group what they were asking of Seonghwa.

"I'm sorry." San said, not even able to lift up his head and look Seonghwa in the eye.

The latter shook his head and walked away.

"I'm leaving the house. Keep an eye on that douchebag."

The sound of the front door slamming echoed in the house, and all of you felt incredibly embarrassed. Once you got back to the living room, Jongho surprised all of you. He sat Mingi down on the couch and stared down at him.

"I'm tired, Mingi. I really am. You made those two go out into the woods to fetch a dead body, you made them scrub blood off of walls and off the floor, you made Seonghwa, who doesn't even like you by the way, he's doing this for Y/N, hide a body in his house, and you were going to kill yourself!? Are you that much of a fucking coward!? Mingi you're not 16. You're a grown man, you're almost 22, it's about time you start taking accountability for your actions, we can't baby you forever, 'cause it's getting tiring. We're all desperate here, and we have to worry about yourselves, about dead Yunho, and now about an unstable manchild. Focus on the fucking reality Mingi."

Jongho was straight-up yelling by the end of his rant, eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets and face red, out of anger. He then stormed off, just like Seonghwa, leaving a very quiet and tense room.

San sighed and sat next to his friend.

"You know, he's right Mingi. Maybe should've worded it better, but you really can't do what you were about to do... You were about to screw us all over when we are risking our lives to help you. This isn't just about you anymore."

Mingi could only nod, and cry, as his aching throat wouldn't allow him to do anything else.

You sighed and stood up.

"I'm... I'm gonna go find Seonghwa, I need to apologize."

You picked up your coat from the coat hanger near the door.

"You know where he is?" San asked.

"I have an idea..."

You were sure he was back at the office. He felt comfortable there, it was a place where he could take his head off of all his worries. Also, he kept his best whiskey in his office... It wasn't very far from his house, but you were impatient, you needed some time alone with him desperately. You showed your pass to the security by the entrance and they let you through, as you hurriedly made your way to the CEO's office.

You could hear two voices chatting from the inside, you didn't quite recognize the other person, but you were pretty sure it was Hongjoong. You knocked on the door softly, ignoring the big 'do not disturb' sign.

"I- Hongjoong what the fuck didn't I ask you to put the sign outside!?" You could hear Seonghwa ask.

You heard his heavy footsteps walk closer to the door and for a second you were afraid, maybe you shouldn't have come...

The door opened slowly before you, however, interrupting your thoughts.

"My apologies but I'm currently- oh it's you baby." Seonghwa pulled you in a big bear hug as soon as he realized who you were.

You hugged him back, a little hesitant with Hongjoong seeing you two acting romantically. Seonghwa realized you were a little stiff and pulled away, then realizing what the discomfort was about once he saw you looking at Hongjoong.

"Oh, I told him... I hope it's fine. He's kind of known from the beginning."

You closed the door behind you and followed Seonghwa into his office, as you looked at Hongjoong with an 'oh really?' look, making him chuckle.

"Well I did try to call dibs on you when you got hired but he got salty about it, and then every time I made a comment about you he'd get mad. I still did it though, I knew something was going on and I wanted him to tell me." Hongjoong explained as he smiled brightly.

"Yeah yeah good times, why don't you tell them about 'wanting to bend them over your desk and making them beg'?"

Hongjoong's head perked up and his eyes widened, as his ears turned bright red.

"Seonghwa what the fuck-" He whispered, feeling a little uncomfortable in the room.

You were a little embarrassed, but also proud.

"It's fine, plus," Seonghwa got up from his chair and stood behind you, grabbing your hips in the process "they like it. They love to hear how they want to get fucked, isn't that right, Y/N?"

You pressed your thighs together and kept your gaze focused on the ground. Seonghwa gripped your jaw and forced you to look at Hongjoong.

"I- I do like to hear that..."

Hongjoong chuckled and got closer to you, inspecting your body from head to toe.

"You're one lucky son of a bitch, Seonghwa..."

Seonghwa rolled his hips against your ass, so you could feel his boner.

"Hmm, I am aren't I..."

You chuckled and decided to take the opportunity. You knew Seonghwa liked to relieve his stress with sex, and you owed him at least this much for helping you out.

"What's so funny, doll?" Seonghwa asked, curious about your chuckle.

"I was just thinking about all the times you called me a filthy whore, when you're the one practically begging to have a threesome with me and your best friend... Who's the whore now?" You teased, knowing you were pushing all the right buttons.

"Ooh, are you gonna let them talk to you like that."

Seonghwa chuckled as he gripped your throat.

"No, I'm not."

He turned you around and pushed your body against a wall, keeping you trapped by his own body.

"You know which buttons to push doll, maybe I'll reward you for that later. But now, you're going to take this cock in that pretty little hole of yours, and then you'll suck off Hongjoong. Wouldn't want him to feel left out, would we?" Seonghwa asked, with a devilish smirk.

"No sir, we would not." You replied, wearing the same smirk.

Seonghwa felt as if he was falling in love with you right there and then, he felt like he finally found the perfect match, but he could leave the sappy shit for later.

The man placed a short, but intense kiss to your lips before gripping your hair and guiding you to kneel in front of Hongjoong.

"Come on baby, show him what you can do, make me proud."

You smirked and looked up at Hongjoong, as you worked in taking off his suit pants. You slipped them off, along with his boxers, and his hard dick nearly slapped you in the face. It wasn't huge but damn was it pretty. You teased him a little, licking a long stripe, from the base to the tip, teasing the head with your tongue, causing him to groan.

"They always like this?"

"Yeah, they like to see me suffer, but it doesn't last long 'cause..." Seonghwa paused and knelt right beside you, pushing your head so Hongjoong's cock would be fully in your mouth "I'm impatient. But they like it rough."

Seonghwa sat on his desk, as he watched his best friend fuck your mouth, slowly. He pumped his cock to the same pace your head moved, and you'd soon start hearing small groans from both men.

"Shit, Y/N, on all fours."

You complied, pulling out of Hongjoong. He groaned at the cold air hitting his member, as he missed your mouth already. Seonghwa knelt behind you, and entered you very slowly. Hongjoong was about to put his dick back in your mouth, but your partner stopped him.

"Y/N, colour?"

"Green, very green."

Seonghwa smiled and slapped your ass lightly, then giving Hongjoong the green light to continue.

You had to hold off your orgasm a couple of times, as the feeling of both men filling you up and the sound of their needy moans was too much to handle.

"Do you wanna cum?" Seonghwa asked, figuring it out from how much you were clenching.

"I'm almost there baby, you can cum, cum for us."

A couple more thrusts and a spank from Seonghwa were all it took to take you over the edge. It didn't take both men much to 'cross the line' either, Hongjoong painting your face with his cum, and Seonghwa your ass. Their moans combined was something you secretly wanted to hear again.

Seonghwa picked you up, bridal style, and looked at you.

"Come on man, I wanted to kiss her." Seonghwa complained, as your lips were stained by Hongjoong's cum.

Hongjoong felt embarrassed, after coming down from the high he wasn't as confident as Seonghwa.

"Are you okay darling?" Your partner asked, brushing your hair away from your face.

You just nodded.

Seonghwa and Hongjoong helped clean you up and both got dressed.

"I guess you should go deal with the... situation."

You looked at Hongjoong with a confused face, as you zipped up your trousers.

"Situation?" You asked.

"Remember when I said I told him everything? I meant everything."

You widened your eyes once you realized what he meant.

"Seonghwa are you insane!?"

"Calm down Y/N, he's not snitching on anyone! Plus I needed to tell someone who was on my side. I was going insane with your friends constantly baying Mingi."

You sighed. You really couldn't be mad at him for it. You hugged him and kissed his cheek.

"You're right... I'm sorry I got you involved at all and thank you."

Seonghwa kissed the top of your head.

"It's fine, let's just get this over with so I can be with you."

Your bid goodbye to a (still) very embarrassed Hongjoong and left, so you could go back home and deal with the drama. You wished you could just take the car and run away, and live by yourselves until it all washed away, but it wasn't that simple. And it was about to get even more complicated.

When you got to the house and opened the door, a weeping Jongho stood over San's limp body.

"What!? What the fuck happened!?" Seonghwa asked as you and him rushed to check on San.

"I- I don't know! I left after you did" He said, hinting at Seonghwa "and when I came back Mingi wasn't here and San was on the ground. He's still breathing but I don't know what happened."

"What!? Why did you leave?" Seonghwa asked.

"Everyone was upset at Mingi for constantly behaving like a child and Jongho yelled at him and told him to stop expecting us to baby him and that he had to take responsibility for his actions, it got too much and Jongho had to leave for some air..." You explained.

"Responsibility for his actions?..." Seonghwa repeated to himself, trying to figure out what happened, and suddenly a sad idea popped into his head.

He ran into the garage, leaving you and Jongho confused, and holding San.

The man came back just as quickly, looking preoccupied and horrified.

"The body is gone."

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twilightau · 2 years

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hello my lovely maks <3 1st off CONGRATS AGAIN !! I don't think, I'll forget how our friendship started b/c it's iconic and wholesome, thank you for that 🥺💗 ily and can't wait for more of your works! I swear I had this entire ass paragraph and me being sappy but I don't know where I wrote it 🤧 but in other words, I'm super excited to see where our writing journey and adulthood (derogatory) takes us (along with of course our friendship :) and the 02z😌)

as for the song, let's go with Home by Dvwn and if you'd like, here's one line I really love: "when you feel lost, I'll be your shelter" & the member - sunghoon (to our shared bias 🥰)!

signing off with so much love

- ash

my ashie <3 thank you thank you~ you are definitely one of the first people i really wanted to befriend but got a bit too shy to approach :( i am glad we eventually figured it out hehe, let's travel down this path together and grow yes yes!! i don’t know if i captured what you wished for, but please enjoy nonetheless <3

your fluttering lashes touched your cheeks, head bopping up and down, fighting the urge to sleep as sunghoon rubbed your shoulder, his head leaning on yours.

you came to him to rant about your former lover, who you still missed to a certain extent, but your consistent crying has tired you out before your rambling could.

your words were slowly becoming incoherent, but sunghoon hummed along to everything, perfectly able to understand you.

you turned yourself around, facing your best friend's chest before burying yourself in his larger form. his arms tighten around you and you cry even louder.

why can't love with your lover be like friendship with sunghoon? you pondered on your own.

sunghoon sighed, letting you cry some more, patting your back gently in the process while he gazes upon the raindrops sliding down his apartment window. there was a storm outside, but it is as if your presence in each other's arms was more than enough to nullify the scary sounds the angry weather made.

"i hope someday, you will find someone who will see you like the real treasure you are," sunghoon spoke, you could feel the vibration from his chest, but said nothin, just listening to his soothing voice as he continued.

"some days, i think even i can be a better him for you," the boy frowned, slowly believing his own words. he can.

he has been here for you all throughout all of your dark moments.

he has been carrying your weights for you.

he has been the arms you run into whenever you need that comforting hug.

he has been it all, but your lover himself.

"but," his tears start to well up in his eyes, thinking about all the missed chances he could have had with you.

"for now, whenever you feel lost," sunghoon hugs you a little tighter, mumbling the last words into your hair.

"i'll be your shelter."

and little did he know, you were listening all along, smiling in secret. because you've finally heard the words you have been longing for this entire time.

#💫.ashie #milestone unlocked #enhypen scenarios #park sunghoon #enhypen sunghoon

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tobesobri · 4 years

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𝒮orry for the delay in this chapter 😬but i just want to say happy birthday to the anon that said this chapter is being posted on their birthday, i hope you had the best day ever!! and yeah, i really hope you all like this one because it’s one of my favorites!

huge massive thank you to the incredible @youresogolden-h for editing ❤️

CHAPTER THREE: DRUNK TO AN 80S GROOVE (3.4K)

Harry and Y/N are friends…. with benefits, but not the kinds you’re thinking of.

🥥MASTERLIST 🌃INSPO TAG 🌻ASK TAG 💃PLAYLIST 🛌

Morning came and went by the time Harry woke up. With his curtains automatically shutting in the middle of the night and all sense of time lost, the only thing he knew for certain was that Y/N was gone.

After confirming it, reaching out to find cold sheets instead of her warm body, he let out a huff and buried his face back into his pillows. He had wanted nothing more than to wake up with her in the morning and make coffee and just talk. But thinking back on his little daydreams from last night seemed extremely dumb to him now. She had a regular job with regular hours that she couldn’t be late for.

Once he got the energy to do so, he rolled onto his other side to grab his phone from the small, circular table next to his bed. He squinted at the bright light it gave off in his otherwise dark bedroom and then narrowed his eyes even more to read her message that had been sitting on his lockscreen for the past several hours.

(Y/N, 7:52 am)

Sorry I had to get to work.

Even in her texts she was concise. He grunted and practically threw his phone onto the emptied side of the bed. With his fingers dug deep into his hair and his palms covering his eyes, he thought about what she’d said last night for possibly the hundredth time since she’d said it. He still felt the knot in his throat and the stinging in his eyes from just simply repeating her words in his head again.

For the entire time he’d known her, which was actually a decent chunk of time, he never would have guessed she felt that way. And he definitely would never have guessed she’d be telling him anything about it. He wondered how many nights she spent like last night where she didn’t have him to hold onto and he wondered if she was more like him than he’d thought. If she cried herself to sleep until it made her eyes burn the next morning. If she had the same destructive thoughts he did. Of not being good enough for anyone to stick around. Of desperately craving someone’s touch but being far too terrified to let anyone that close.

They had their different reasons for it, but in the grand scheme of things, they were exactly alike.

And he felt like a clown for never noticing it.

Friday night was suddenly not like all the other nights. She came home from work and didn’t immediately crawl into bed after throwing on her worn out sleep clothes. Instead she pulled out a clean pair of sweatpants and a shirt she hadn’t worn in a long time and actually tidied up her room, instead of just tossing things into a chair or under her bed like she had for Harry when he slept over the previous week. She actually put things back where they belonged. She joined the ever-growing, untouched stack of books on her floor with the rest of them on her shelves. She gathered her dirty laundry and put away all the clean stuff that had been sitting in her hamper for weeks since she last ran a washing machine. She saw the clean, white table top of her desk for the first time in months and actually sat down to write in her planner when she was done with it all.

She’d been here before, coming out of the dark, but this time felt different. It felt like she actually had something to hold onto that made her accountable for keeping her shit together.

And so, after a much-needed shower, she actually joined her roommates in the kitchen and ate dinner at a reasonable hour.

“Finally out of your room,” James commented while Y/N started helping herself to their overflow of Chinese takeout. Will and his girlfriend, Sasha, were already eating at their thrifted dining table with a very tired and stressed Violet sat on the opposite side from them.

Y/N ignored him for the most part, other than to give him a mocking look, and made a plate for herself before reluctantly joining the others at the table.

“Look at this!” Violet exclaimed, pointing the screen of her phone almost right into Y/N’s face and then, before Y/N could even make out what the picture was of, Violet shoved it toward Will and Sasha. “He’s already with some other girl. It’s only been one fucking week!”

Y/N kept quiet, keeping out of that conversation completely after last Saturday when Violet had kicked her out at four-thirty in the morning because her boyfriend had broken up with her while he was getting ready for work.

She couldn’t hold too much of a grudge, however, because if that didn’t happen, she would have never gotten into bed with Harry to begin with. On the other hand, if things hadn’t gone the way they did, she’d still have all her secrets to herself that she stupidly blurted out last night, which she’d spent the better half of her day trying to forget. She was pretty sure she trusted Harry, as much as she was able to, but telling him things like that made her remember just how much she hated anyone knowing anything about how vulnerable she could be.

Ignoring Violet going on about her cheating boyfriend was made even easier when her own phone dinged in her pocket. Even poor Will tried to change the subject by asking who was texting her, but it was no use. Y/N shrugged him off once she saw Harry’s name on her lockscreen and Violet went right back to her rantings.

(Harry, 6:37 pm)

Can you come over again tonight?

She hated the way his text gave her butterflies. Like she was some high schooler with a big fat crush on the hot, popular jock she could never have. Still, she could not deny that him asking her to come over again made her fucking heart melt.

She ate a bit of her dinner before responding to him; just enough time to think up a believable story for her roommates. She wouldn’t get away with her coworker's place this time. She didn’t work tomorrow and had no reason to be spending the night there. So, after a moment to devise a believable plan for her roommates, she gave Harry her simple answer.

(Y/N, 6:49 pm)

Yeah.

Then she spent the rest of her time at her own apartment trying to find the right moment to squeeze into the conversation about her not staying in her own room tonight. She did eventually get it out, making up a lie that she was going over to a friend’s place. Friends she hadn’t talked to or seen since college, but Will, James, and Violet didn’t need to know that.

“I didn’t even know you were still friends with them.” Will questioned while he washed dishes and Y/N dried them. The others were in the living room after they finished putting away the leftovers.

“Well, I haven’t talked to them in a while, but yeah.”

Will just shrugged and handed her another plate to dry and put back into the cupboard overhead. “I know you hate it when I get all sappy, but I’m really glad you’re seeing your friends again and you just seem… happier.”

They all knew Y/N had really rough days and mostly tried to ignore it and let her be like she had asked them too, but Will often tried to get through to her, even if just to remind her that he cared about her and wanted nothing more than to see her happy.

She felt guilty about lying, that he had no clue what she was really doing. And even though her sleeping with his best friend and colleague was just that, sleeping, it still made her feel a bit dirty, like they weren’t just sleeping if she felt the need to hide it from everyone.

Telling some of her closest friends that she and Harry were friends-with-cuddle-buddy-benefits was not something she saw happening. Not any time soon. Or ever.

Once the dishes were done and she had a bag packed to take over to Harry’s, she was back on the same winding roads up to his house. This time, however, she felt a little more confident. He wanted her to be here. She wasn’t imposing on him. She’d let him see a glimpse of her true colors last night and he was still asking her to come over again.

They ended up on his couch this time instead of going straight to bed, mostly because it had only been nine o’clock when she showed up and neither of them were tired enough yet. Plus, they couldn’t exactly drown themselves in a shared bottle of whiskey in his bedroom without potentially spilling it all over his 400 thread count sheets.

Once both their brains were swimming in alcohol, Harry finally said what he’d been meaning to the second she stepped foot inside his house. What he’d been thinking about the entire time they sat together and watched multiple episodes of Whose Line Is It Anyway, but he never found the right words or moment to do so.

“You’re not ugly.”

“What?” She flipped her head over to him, staring at him like he was crazy while he laid back against the cushions, practically half passed out at this point.

His eyes travelled to meet hers and his frown became even more prominent. “You’re not ugly and no one would be stuck with you, they’d be lucky to have you.”

She stared at him for a while, not even blinking until she finally averted her gaze and let his words sink in. She knew he was just drunk and possibly talking straight out of his ass, but it still made her feel better nonetheless.

“I’m sorry about what I said. It’s kind of hard for me to believe you know anything about loneliness.”

He still stared up at her even though she refused to look at him again. “I see so many people every day, but I still come home to this big empty house all by myself at the end of it.”

She was quiet, letting him explain all the things she didn't understand about his personal life.

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but too many people, the only thing they want is an interview, a picture, a photoshoot. Whatever. All so they can make money, or get famous on the internet.” He paused and she could hear in his voice that he was tired, not necessarily physically, but mentally exhausted by what his life was truly like at the bottom line. “It’s extremely lonely when every single person you’ve let in your life like that just ends up taking advantage of you in the exact same way as everyone else.”

“What do you mean they’ve taken advantage of you?” Her voice was soft, trying her hardest not to sound as judgmental as she’d been with him last night. They both appeared to have their demons and she had no room to judge him for his.

He sighed, picking at the front of his shirt distractedly. “My last girlfriend brought all her friends to this party I was having, but they just ended up stealing from me. They took pictures of my house, and of me when I was drunk. I felt like an idiot for trusting her the way I did… I still feel like an idiot.”

Her heart clenched in her chest listening to the way his voice cracked like he was only just breaking the surface of everything that happened in his previous relationship to make him as messed up as he was on the inside.

“So I was being a bit hypocritical when I got mad at you about not letting people in. You’re the first person I let get anywhere near me in over a year.”

“Why did you?”

He was staring at his hands in his lap when she looked over at him again. “I dunno.”

“Wow, great response, thanks,” she said sarcastically and it made him laugh at himself and come out of the hole he’d been digging himself into.

Once they were both done laughing, another risky question came to his mind, but just as he opened his mouth to get it out, she sighed and sat forward instead. “Think I’m gonna get ready for bed.”

“Okay,” he mumbled quietly before yawning at the mere thought of being passed out in his bed, “I’ll meet you up there.”

Nodding, she stood and on wobbly legs made her way upstairs where she vaguely remembered going last night. With her overnight bag in tow, she quickly found his bedroom again in the dimly lit upstairs area and flipped the lights on once she reached the bathroom. Her normal routine went a bit quicker this time, deciding one night without washing her face wouldn’t kill her.

She already knew, once she turned the bathroom light off and made her way back into his deserted bedroom, that she’d regret that decision when she woke up in the morning to new breakouts that had been waiting patiently to pop up.

Her tipsy mind didn’t care too much though and especially not when it cared a hell of a lot more about the view out his windows. So, instead of dragging her tired limbs to his bed, she went up to them, and looked out over the view of the city. At all the lights from tall buildings, other houses and traffic. It was beautiful, breathtaking and the whiskey swimming around her bloodstream couldn’t get enough of it.

She stood there in front of the window for what felt like hours, staring off into the distance of a pretty good chunk of Los Angeles. It was a different view of the city than the ones she was used to. She usually hated it, the fake people, how expensive it was to do absolutely anything. She couldn’t even park her car at work for free. She hated how the streets always smelled like ass and the way her anxiety skyrocketed just from stepping out of her apartment building. It wasn’t a very forgiving city, but from way up here, she was in love with it.

Harry had already joined her in front of the windows by the time she realized he was there, a side effect of being in some weird drunken trance she supposed.

“This is the only thing I’ll miss about this place.” His voice was calm and quiet. Peaceful. His words weren’t so slurred and filled with disappointment as they had been earlier when he was dishing out his own confessions to her on the couch.

She glanced over at him, lost now in the way the moonlight reflected off the high points of his face. She always thought Harry was attractive, but seeing him like this and knowing the things about him she’s sure he kept to himself most of the time, made her see him in a whole new light. Like she was meeting him for the very first time and just now realizing all the little things about him. From the way he stood with his weight off to one side and his arms folded across his chest to the way his eyes sparkled just like the city lights below them. All things she probably wouldn’t even be thinking about if she hadn’t gotten herself drunk.

“The automatic curtains are pretty cool.” He shook his head at her stupid little joke and she easily recognized the smile on his face from the shadows of his dimples. Another little thing about Harry she was just now learning to fully appreciate. As well as the way her stomach did cartwheels when he laughed at something she said.

If she wasn’t drunk, every little feeling about Harry would be an enormous red flag telling her to slow the fuck down. That she was getting a little too carried away.

And when he was no longer standing next to her, when he disappeared into the bathroom to get himself cleaned up for bed, she found one little thing about Harry she didn’t like.

His absence.

She was more at ease being the first one to crawl into Harry’s bed. She didn’t have to worry about getting too close to him right off the bat, or about pulling the covers off of him accidentally. She could get herself comfortable first and with this whole situation being so foreign to her and so new, she needed it. She needed a chance to get used to it on her own. To dip her toes into the water until she felt fully acclimated to the temperature.

And once he finally joined her, she was. His bed slowly started to become like her own, even if she had only slept there once before. The anxiety subsided while it finally began to feel as though she belonged right there next to him.

Even from a distance, as he left plenty of space between them, she felt the heat of his body radiating off of him and his impression in the mattress where he laid. She felt him wiggle around a little until he got comfortable.

And then finally, she held her breath, prayed that she wouldn’t accidentally kick him, and backed up toward him until she could actually feel him. Until she bumped her shoulder into his chest and her foot against his shin.

Only drunk Y/N would be pulling such bold moves.

He kept his hands to himself though, and she grew anxious the longer he stayed silent. There was still a small gap between her back and his front, no more than half an inch. Space he didn’t attempt to fill for a long enough amount of time to make her overthink her actions. Like maybe she was being too forward. Maybe they were better off falling asleep apart and naturally coming together through the night.

But, when she felt his breath on her neck, tickling loose strands of her hair against her skin, she stopped worrying so much. “S’it okay if I touch you?”

Her heart just about stopped when she heard him whisper that, because hearing him ask for permission she realized he’d been sitting there overthinking as much as she had. Wondering if he should just go for it or not. Not being sure if she’d be okay with that.

And not that she’d ever tell him, but it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her, the way he’d asked first. Because Y/N didn’t like to be touched very much at all. It was a rarity for her to be okay with anyone putting their hands on her for whatever reason.

But, for whatever reason, she hadn’t minded the few times Harry had done it. In fact, she’d craved his touch. It was something she never thought possible of her, but here she was breaking her own rules.

She nodded, “Yeah.”

As if in slow motion, he slipped his hand onto her side, bringing his body closer to hers as he carefully hugged his arm around her. And with her own arms crossed over her chest, cuddling into herself, he gently grabbed her wrist to hold himself into place. It took them both a couple more moments to get into comfortable positions, but it eventually worked out. He held onto her tighter once he laid his head down on his pillow, breathing in the scent of her coconut shampoo with his face practically buried in the back of her head, and he started drifting off.

It became very clear, very quickly, that being the big spoon to his pillows was no match for Y/N. Not with how warm she made him feel or the way her breathing offset his and calmed him down. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt the way he did with her with anyone else either. It was different. Y/N had no cold spots, no ill-intentions. She couldn’t possibly want anything from him when she refused to speak to him up until a week ago. He felt free with her. As free as he had been as a child, when he didn’t care about disappointing people and when he didn’t live in a constant state of paranoia about who he could trust. When he didn’t overthink himself into insomnia or toss and turn all night from the stress of it all.

Feeling her against him, breathing her in. He was free.

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