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cwtchhawk · 3 years

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Talking about ep.10 before it’s out

Alright, ep. 10 is out in two days and i’m loosing my mind. The official account have posted some frames (I don’t really know how they are called sorry for that!) and I just wanted to make a little analysis

[Disclaimer: English is not my mother tongue and I can make awful mistakes, don’t doubt to point those out to me :)]

So, here we have our favourite witty boy!! I’ve gone mad seeing again all the episodes to make sure this wasn’t a clip already posted, but I’m confident enough to say this is definitly ep. 10! On my personal opinion, I think that because of the blurry background he is in the middle of a beef, probably the one with Snake (if I’m not wrong, as Shadow, Harry [btw who on earth is this man??], Snow, Joe, Cherry and Adam have already compete, these two are the only ones left) What’s clear is that Miya looks terrified, I can’t say if it is because some weird movement from Snake or beacuse of... Adam (from his reaction after he saw Snake in “S” I can’t help feeling that these two are having a beef at any moment, so maybe Adam gets so angry that he jumps into Miya and Snake’s beef and I dunno, does something dangerous).

Keeping on, we have some images from young Adam and Tadashi that were shown in ep.8. I guess that, as many of you have already pointed out, we are gonna see more about their relationship.

Now is when things start to go highly hypothetical (as if thy weren’t yet...), because the next image is: SUNSHINE BOY!

Now, from my perspective, I can tell he is looking down. this may be an stupid observation, but I really feel that someone as bubbly as Reki would be always looking up, not down. However, as so many people have realised, he has his bandana back which make us all super happy! I really hope that this means that he and Langa make up in this ep. Like... this is one of the last scenes, where Reki goes out to meet Langa as usual... Anyways, I don’t want to get exited about something that may no happen :)

A few people have also mentioned that this is an old frame from ep.7, but, and I have tried to watch it meticulousl, it is never shown. There is this frame that looks similiar though. It appears seconds before reki’s mum calls him to get his bentou.

Also, maybe it is me but I feel that the colours are poorer, like, darker. Maybe is the effect of the sky, maybe is the fact that the door is open and the sunlight causes more shadows, maybe is and indicator that Reki is still off or maybe it’s just me overanalysing a clip :) [however if you compare both images, Reki’s hair is darker and so is the bright green of the backpack]

Now! One of the most intriguing images I’ve ever seen it’s the next one, which runs free in my mind the hole time.

I’m gona say it. What the actual f*ck.

I don’t understand. That is definitely Reki’s arm. But WHERE IS HE?!? WHERE?!! Ar first I thoght that the wine-coloured background (okay I have no idea what colour it is, I would say is wine but honestly I dont’ know if there is a more specific name) could be at “S” in a moment that is illuminated with colourful light but I see quite unlikely that Reki would come back to S just an episode after he quitted and in his school uniform. The fact that he is wearing the uniform seems important to me. I have revised the backgrounds and no one has that super smoothy background, you can’t tell the texture, is that a floor? a wall?. However, I think that it’s at night (all the colours have a cold subtone) and there is some weird light up in the left corner. I think it comes from somewhere in the back and it’s higher than Reki.

I can’t come up with anything solid enough to justify why Reki is in an unkonown place at night and with his uniform (u can tell it bothers me a lot). I have a few options in mind but they are pretty... let’s say poor:

1) Dope Sketch

Dope Skecht has vibrant colours and maybe with the right light and the right time the walls can get... emm closer to a wine colour? The workshop doesn’t look like an option neither, but both places have more or less smooth walls, hehehe

I don’t know, Langa could go to Dope Sketch, find Reki there and well, have a talk? But I don’t see the wine colour anywhere

2) Skateparks

Even though the floor is a bright orange, in the clip they posted as a premise of ep. 10 seems to me a bit darker (or maybe it’s just me that wants to see stuff where there is none) Also, there is this big spotlight that could explain the light in the left of the picture (?) and we can’t forget that IT appears in the premise so it MIGHT be related to this (or at all). There is a different skate park (the one where Langa is) which walls also look pretty smooth, but they are concrete and I wouldn’t use a warm colour as wine to create shadow in that material.

3) Hospital

Okay, this is one is pure fantasy because the walls clearly have a greeenish/blueish subtone, but maybe a hospital room has another colours??? I don’t know, the more I look the first picture, the more cofused I get. It looks so smoothy that I hardly believe it could be a wall!! I came up with the hospital idea because Miya could ended there if he has a beef with Snake and Adam takes part of it (which is something that I DON’T wish to happen, but it would definitely make Reki angry)

4) Joe’s restaurant

Joe’s restaurant is fully wood but who knows maybe he has wine wallpaper in the bathrooms I don’t know I’m desperate. Since Joe has been a role model to Reki he could go to this place to talk to him (maybe after Langa’s talk??)

5) S

(okay, just look how Reki is hugging Miya... Just... give me a second)

Before I’ve said that it seems very unlikely to me that Reki would go in his school uniform to S, but it is true that in ep.4, when Adam makes his first appearance in the crowds, everything has this kind of purple/wine coloured light. It doesn’t explain the smoothenes of the background but you know, it’s a possibility.

6) This one freaks me out but... Adam’s house

i CAN’T explain how, but look at the background, look at the bakground and tell me that the colour of the corridor doesn’t match the one of the other shoot. Look at me and tell me that the courtains, if they where closed (I dont know if that is the correct verb) wouldn’t look like the background we are looking for.

Now, how does Reki end up in Adam’s office??? Ha, no idea.

And that is all I wanted to say. I know I have rambled too much and get obsessed with stuff that may not be as important as I think, but Reki being in what looks like an unknown location when there is only three episodes left gives me creeps.

I would love to hear your theoris though! Keep in mind I basically made up all of this and just tried to convince myself of it!

Again, apologies for my english :)

#I can't cope with the idea of Reki visiting Adam #Doesn't seem safe to me #I don't know what i'm saying anymore #sorry for that #I do what I can #There are a lot of things that doesn't make sense #Why is still Thursday #sk8 the infinity #sk8 #reki kyan #langa hasegawa #miya chinen #sk∞ エスケーエイト #sk∞#cherry blossom #joe #shadow

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evakuality · 3 years

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Mia, episode nine

1. For once, Mia actually has the right take on Alex. He really has been a dick and an asshole, and he is and has been acting condescending. She should be taking this as a warning; he’s totally exactly as she is saying here. Unfortunately, I’m sure she’s going to change her tune because some sort of truth is going to come out about Bjorn and Mia is going to��‘realise’ that Alex is a good guy all along. Except, he isn’t. He never has been, and the fact that Bjorn had to be the one to tell her means that we can conveniently pretend that none of this is important. Also, this ridiculous ‘what he did to me’ stuff is annoying. If you have something to tell her... tell her. Don’t be coy about it.

2. This little scene with Amira is nice. It’s a nice conversation to have with her rather than the others since she’s really the one who can empathise with Mia’s fears and worries. And it’s interesting to see the varied ways in which the library is used. In this scene it’s very cold, black and white colours (even in the costuming), not very inviting. In others it has been a much more cheerful and welcoming place. I guess we’re looking at the black and white, very rigid approach which Mia is using. In other library scenes it’s been much more about bonding with the girls, warmth and connection, but here it’s a Mia who’s having something of a crisis. I may not agree with where this is all going, but I do like what they’re doing with colouring etc here.

3. I get that we’re trying for a whole ‘don’t be so black and white in your thinking’ thing here, but it’s so contrived. Again, I think this is an issue where we as an audience never got to ‘meet’ Alex as he mellowed and became someone Mia would like, and so I just can’t believe that someone like Mia, who is strong in her opinions and principles, would want to give them over for him. He’s proven over and over again that he’s got a lot of issues being open, honest and decent. And for me, principles (eg ‘violence because someone waved at a girl is never okay’ which is where Mia is at rn because Alex won’t actually talk to her) are important, and the guy Alex keeps showing himself to be is not one you would drop those principles for. Nuance is all well and good, but we have to actually see past the shell for the nuance to actually work. ‘I don’t understand why I got involved with him at all’ - no, neither do I, Mia. And given that it’s been only a few short weeks and you literally saw how awful he was to Kiki, I don’t see why this ‘desire is stringer than faith’ metaphor thing we have going on would work. We’re on episode nine and they are talking about how shitty Alex’s behaviour is (which it is - no matter what reason, what he did to Bjorn isn’t okay and lying to Mia isn’t okay), so I’m to believe that within the space of 1.5 episodes none of this matters suddenly? His behaviour is somehow forgiveable? If it follows the og, it’s not even like he changes. All that happens is that we get some ‘perspective’ on the situation. And in this case, perspective may make something make sense, but it doesn’t change how bad the behaviour is. I seriously dislike that Amira says that depending on what reason someone hit someone else that it might be okay. That sort of violence isn’t okay, particularly because regardless of what actually happened between Alex and Bjorn, in the moment the reason he hit him was because he greeted Mia. There’s NO excuse for that!! This whole ‘well I’m as bad as Alex because I was in a fight over Hanna’ is bullshit too. It’s a false equivalence - Alex attacked Bjorn because he waved at Mia and had met her at Alex’s place (exacerbated by their history, but he didn’t attack just from seeing him - that came only after he asked Mia how she knew him). Amira was involved in a fight in the moment and it was on equal terms - they were giving as good as she did. I didn’t like that Sana was sometimes used in this way in the og and I dislike it here too. Making her the voice of reason when she’s saying stuff that pits disparate things as if they’re the same is a problem for me. It’s particularly bad that Amira is saying ‘well I don’t like Alex either, but you looked at each other...’ which is a terrible message for young people. These two were together for half a second. Mia can and will find other, better guys. Just because they looked at each other in a certain way doesn’t mean that they should be together. That sort of romantic ‘star crossed lovers’ stuff is seriously annoying when banked up against all that we see of Alex in this show, Not what we’re told, but what we see. There’s no reason why someone like Mia a) would have got with Alex and b) would have stayed with him after the behaviours he’s shown her (and which she saw over and over again with Kiki). He gaslighted her into getting with him to start and everyone appears to be happily gaslighting her to stay with him. If she has reservations about him, she should listen to them. This isn’t a one-off strange and seemingly out of character thing for him; this is exactly how he’s been for the last many many weeks.

4. The thing that really annoys me about this (and the og) is that we can only accept Alex/William as a good guy if we have another guy acting as a really really bad guy. Like, yes there’s no question that Bjorn is an absolute asshole, manipulative and disgusting. But that doesn’t mean Alex isn’t also a bad guy, manipulative and disgusting. He is those things as well. He has some redeeming qualities? Well, sure. But I suspect so does Bjorn if we’re not seeing him through the villain lens, and we were talking to people who care about him. ‘Look, this is what real gaslighting/manipulation/assholishness etc looks like, so Alex isn’t bad after all’ is again such a bad take. One person can be a problem even if another is worse. It’s also so random that Mia literally just trust Bjorn right away about everything, even down to ‘alcohol solves all problems’ ‘yeah okay I’ll take one’ - like why? She clearly knows it’s a joking lie, and yet she’s all ‘sure I’ll take a beer from some guy I barely know who has some bad history with the guy I’m conflicted about and who clearly wouldn’t want to have him around’ when she doesn’t even want one. None of it makes any sense. If she’s really there to try to listen to Alex, why on earth would she think that chatting with this guy is a good idea? Clearly this ‘has’ to happen for plot reasons, but from a character standpoint it doesn’t make any sense at all. Neither does ‘I’m at your place and I wanted to talk... oh but I can’t talk later because I have to study’ - again I know for plot reasons this has to be this way, but she could just go home now and study and meet Alex later. If she has time to talk to him now, she has time to talk to him later.

5. The fact that she’s spending all this time hanging out with Bjorn is clearly going to come back to bite her, but unfortunately I don’t care because I dislike Alex so much that I’m not even remotely invested in the outcome of this little journey. You can clearly see the way Bjorn is manipulating the situation and making sure there’s video and photographic evidence of them together. And it’s obvious that it’s going to really upset Alex - he bashed him with a skateboard just for waving at Mia, after all. But I have so little interest in this relationship, and I think Mia needs to get miles away from both these guys and so I just... don’t care. It’s done well, this little series of clips etc, and you can see that a lot of care has gone into making this part. But for me it falls flat because not enough time or care went into making Alex into someone I like to start with. As bad as it is, because he’s so obviously going to be such an asshole, Bjorn currently comes across in a much more sympathetic and likeable way than Alex. That’s partly because we didn’t spend weeks watching him trash Kiki and then be all weird and shitty around Mia, but it’s at least partly because we get to SEE and HEAR him being charming, which we never got to see with Alex. Alex’s scenes where he was ‘nice’ were always in montage and whenever we hear him speak it’s always a lot more complex and there’s always a layer of discomfort over how he is with Mia. And for the purposes of this part, when we supposedly don’t know how bad Bjorn is, this works. But it also highlights a big failing in the way Alex has been presented. We never got enough nice, charming Alex to balance out all the shitty things he’s done.

6. The whole bit with Mia getting steadily more blurry is done really well though. It’s obviously coming up on her in a way she hasn’t really noticed and it does make it all start to get uncomfortable alongside Mia as she slowly starts to feel uncomfortable. And alongside that we’re back to mirrors, where Mia has always been in two minds and we haven’t seen any for a while, but now we have one again. This time we can clearly see her in the mirror but she’s feeling blurry and so the image is blurred a little. Alongside the disturbing sounds/music, the extreme close ups, wavering camera and the harsh glare of the light, it’s again obvious that nothing’s quite right here. Again, we had the same lighting etc with Bjorn in the hospital and so we’re being shown he is the problem here. But at this point Mia doesn’t know that, and we are not supposed to know that and so it’s a way of visually showing us that things are wrong without spelling it out. It’s nicely done, even if I dislike the plot. Bjorn really is disgusting, btw. I’m not trying to minimise that at all and what he’s done in this scene is really gross. But that doesn’t change that Alex is also a problem.

7. Exhibit a: Told Mia is sick, he doesn’t leave. Now, he probably saw the stuff on Bjorn’s social media because it was clearly designed to be seen by him, and so he’s probably not in a good space and wants to confront Mia. But if she says she doesn’t want to see him, then he should take that and try again later. Plus, if he hates Bjorn as much as he says he does then first, he should have made his reasons why clear earlier and second, why on earth does HE still want MIA if she’s hanging out with Bjorn?

8. Kiki! I really like this little moment between the two of them. Kiki being able to say ‘I think I look great in my glasses’ when Carlos thinks they’re ugly is so good for her! She’s come so far from the person who tried to change herself because she wasn’t good enough for Alex. It feels a little sad that we never got to see that growth on screen, and it seems very fast from when she was still hung up on Alex, but good for her that she got there anyway. I’m so glad that she agreed to get therapy and has used that for herself. It’s particularly nice that we got to see her helping Nora later on, because she knows what can help because she’s been there. I know I’ve said it before, but I really like Kiki’s development over the series and I’ve become very fond of her. So much of me would really rather this had been a season of Mia realising that all the guys she’s hung out with have been assholes, and finding out that ‘we’re all there for you’ from the girls is what she needs (plus, a relationship with Hanna in a best case scenario, but I’d take just the friendship thing as a much more satisfying end to this part). Honestly, learning to not rely only on herself but on her friends would work so much better than shoving an entire relationship-reboot into the final episode. Particularly when she has literally only just told us how conflicted she is about Alex.

9. Bjorn is entirely and completely in the wrong here. Of course. But in actuality, the bits about Alex aren’t wrong. Yes, she should have reported Bjorn, but also... yes, Alex should be facing consequences for serious assault. Like. Again. This isn’t a one or the other situation. Just because Bjorn is being so overt about his gaslighting here doesn’t change the fact that Alex also gaslighted and did many other things as well. And again it bothers me that this is here to show us ‘see. See. Alex isn’t as bad as we think because this guy is worse’ - I know this is a carry over from the og (and I feel like it’s a much more empowering scene for Noora than Mia which is a shame), but I really dislike the way the shows are doing this. I really really wish this whole ‘crew love’ thing really could be the way we end up this season. That’s a much better outcome for Mia. And I know we have her with the girls in a good place, but honestly, we don’t need any of these boys.

Overall, there are some really nice things about this episode. The acting, for one, is very good. The way things were shot and shown on screen were very effective, and I am very much in love with the cinematography etc of this show as I always am. It’s a pity they had such a terrible blueprint for this season and had to stick to it because there are glimmers in here of what could have been.

#druck #og druck #mia - episode nine #update on feelings about Alex - still dislike him #some long rants in here I'm sorry #I just have a lot of feelings about the way this particular plot line is done #it's the og's fault but also Druck chose to follow along with it

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bilgisticallykosher · 5 years

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Reminder that I’m totally down to give specific warnings or descriptions or help people navigate through the video if anyone needs.

Warnings (aside from the obvious): Long post, lots of caps lock, long rambling with a large degree of incoherence. I titled this “me screaming at the new video” in docs. I was real accurate. It took me over 2 hours to watch this thing because I kept pausing to not shut up. This is 5 pages in docs.

Okay, JUST looking at the cover, I- are those tentacles? IS this a new side? Octoside? I can already hear all the names were going to give him. Oliver, Octavio, October wait no that’s already a Sanders shorts. Okay, intrusive thoughts, that's… Roman’s already a supplier of those. Fandom agrees, “Don’t think about your naked Aunt Patty.” So, maybe Depression? Anger? Or, is it Roman still, after all? Because I see the word Creativity there. Or tentaclereativity. So it’s still Roman, but I’m convinced that his opposite is Virgil, although I’m also sure that they implied Pride in the Halloween episode. Something about “proud of it” and then they said “let’s table that discussion for another time.”

Ugh, Roman’s been doing so wonderful on his own. He’s just been owning up to insecurities, and it’s been great. This is going to be highly related to him. Although, Patton looks like the one trying to block him out? Roman’s concerned, Logan’s miffed, Virgil is angry, and oh my god is that a MOUSTACHE OKAY I’M WATCHING.

Content warning, oh my gosh, they were not kidding. Does that seriously say death and blood and gore? I’m just getting more hype. I mean, intrusive thoughts, I’m sure nothing will permanently, physically happen to them. (Goodbye Fresh.)

Dark circles under Thomas’s eyes, implication of sleep deprivation, or something with Virgil?

“The human connection will make me feel more like a person,” I came here to have a good time and honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now. Credits! Great job everyone! I know everyone worked real hard on this.

Okay, Thomas in his robe, very reminiscent of Excepting Anxiety. Blasé attitude, too. Hmm, trouble sleeping (tires), overstating ‘everything going wrong,’ definitely seems like Virgil’s territory.

Woah there he is. He’s, he’s really angry? And Patton’s voice is strained. What is happening, does Patton know……whatever, or WHOever? Yeah, he’s shifty eyed. He knows. Virgil definitely knows, and it’s not him. Oh man oh man. Oh, confirmed, they’re in on trying to avoid the conversation. GREAT TEAM WORK, PAT! Doing great, buddy.

Roman’s rhymes are amazing. Definitely misery, though. Alright, so Thomas is having thoughts that make Virgil act up, and either he’s telling Patton, or Patton knows because of emotions.

Roman’s so much better at summoning than Logan. And Logan knows?! Ooh, sore spot for them here. Patton oh noooo. That’s easy for you to say?

I love the idea that, 1, Logan Falsehood’d as a reaction and an example on purpose, and 2, that he’s got a limit of one per day.

ALRIGHT! I’ve got it. They don’t want Roman to know because he’s going to, intentionally or not, expand on whatever the thoughts are. He’s Creativity and dreams, it’s what he does and he’s not going to be able to help it, intrusive thoughts, this IS Roman-centric! Poor boy. (Kraken, sushi. Those tentacles mean something. Also the tentacle represents the C, I understand the title image now.) Yeah, they don’t want him inadvertently going into daydream mode.

I have never seen this movie. These are freaking top-notch jokes, though. WOAH, THOMAS. Not good. Really not good. I’m still hype. Oh, is that the sort of death mention that

Television: [has hands]

Me: [strangled squeaking noise]

Okay, I’m having, okay. Okay. Okay. I’m fine. I just. I need. Okay. I’m fine. Need a moment. Freaking out, in, a good way? I just. Really unexpected, even though I saw the hands. Oh my gosh. Can the others see him????? Because they’re looking at Roman they should see him. I didn’t know I could make that noise, but apparently I can. And I can hold it. And make it slowly go higher pitched. Okay. Okay. I’m fine now. Maybe. Okay. Hypening.

OH THEY CAN okay, oh dissonant voice. What sort of overdramatic staff is this dork NO ROMAN.

THE DUKE?! WHAT!!! Getting heavy Warfstache vibes, btw, and why does he have a grey streak? Virgil and Logan are unconcerned about Roman, so I guess he’s fine.

Is this a song? What is his outfit, omg. His mustache is fabulous. His eyes are kinda ringed. in purple?

What is happening, oh my god. Oh here’s the religious commentary, I guess. This is fine, I’m okay with this. But he’s playing Adam AND Eve himself. Dramatic dork confirmed. Oooh, you lack imagination. He IS Roman’s opposite, dang. I was so sure it was Virgil. Also YES green’s my favorite color!

Hahaaaa! Tiny little aunt Patty naked post-it! Patton’s so distressed, Virgil ANGERY. A to Z is incredible. I missed some lyrics there; I’ll catch it when I watch it with captions the next five times. I mean, uh, no, I’d never… ten times. Nice blood spatter! What is he doing to them! What’s with the size thing? Is that a thing he can do? Or creative (heh) liberty due to song?

SNAKE how’d I not guess that from Adam and Chava SNAKE IT’S SNAKE!

I don’t get the hand image. What is that? So far kind of the same sort of vibe from Deceit and Duke- oooh, both Ds. The whole, own up to who you are, stop lying to yourself.

“You’ve got a fiend in me!” “Squeak!”

Oh, oh no, he’s really not quite like Deceit. He’s saying that these things make Thomas evil. Definitely not a Deceit thing to do.

EDITING PRAISE! YOU GUYS. You guys are incredible, you did such a good job.

“I’m your Creativity!” Officially calling those things fart trumpets.

Oh, is he actually Creativity? Okay I’ll roll with it. Oh my gosh it’s only ten minutes into it and I can’t shut up. Virgil is so uncomfortable.

Never bring [Jeffery Dahmer] up again got a GREAT face from Duke. Oh man. Is that true about him trying to repress those thoughts?

WHITE BEAR that episode of Black Mirror might make more sense now.

Impressive hair blowing from Virgil, that’s the hair blowing equivalent of what Dr. Horrible did with his fingers in Brand New Day.

Patton called Roman handsome, and I knew that second most handsome prince bit in the last episode was something he’d say, not just him trying to be all lawyer-y! (Ooh, foreboding music…)

Honestly, Logan was, if anything, even more chill about lying in CLBG, and Deceit in general (his scales are quite smooth). By comparison, he’s going off on the Duke. OOH, I KNEW THAT ABOUT THE WORD DORK!

Ohhh my gosh the costumes are opposites! I, almost realized that, about color theory, and then forgot about the sash. And those shoulder pads are massive, Duke! Did you steal Roman’s puppet chin to make those?

Joan! Haha, I love it, definitely something they would do. Interesting, you can hear an overlay of Joan’s voice, and Duke’s voice. Why can’t the Duke do it as well as anyone else? What did Virgil realize during the twin explanation? Hey, Cayin and Hevel, more Genesis.

Did he mention friends and family? Oh my gosh, self-immolation is terrible, I looked it up. Like, uh, suicide for a public purpose, or to make a point?

Laugh! Dork laugh! There’s the implication of them knowing each other.

Oh, okay, okay. So, Virgil’s anxious, because in and of itself, whatever it was that he was thinking/obsessing over was bad. His anxiety is, well, cognitive distortions. That’s why everyone’s all bothered. Yeah, point to Logan on that oh my god, what is that camera angle, I love it.

Duke is JP confirmed. Ripped off nipples. JP from Wade’s (lordminion777) circle of friends, salty boys. That’s still their official name, right? Anyway, he’s JP.

Oh, I saw dripping off of that hand. That sequence is getting longer every time.

Who are those, I don’t recognize them? “I’m about to smash the Hulk” you guys I think I love the Duke a little bit a lot.

Patton, no, that’s- Patton! “That’s what repression is?” Ooh, tense Virgil moment with Logan. Yet, also touching?

“Well THAT can’t be where the bar is.” !!!

Weird Duke blink during religion talk. It’s so funny looking at this though a Jewish perspective. It’s similar, but just a little off. And we don’t do the 7 deadly sins thing.

Figuratively!

Wait it’s coming from Virgil?! Uh, uh, anxious about being a bad person, subconsciously projecting it onto Thomas?

Patton too?! Oh, wait, yeah, this comes back to repression that makes sense. Oh my gosh, Logan. ! Can the Duke do the Deceit silence thing oh no, no he can’t. Close. Teeth are an improvement I think.

Hey isn’t there an incorrect quote about Virgil drinking shampoo?

Remus?! Oh my gosh are you KIDDING me? A new side, PLUS his name? Oh, oh that’s so clever, Roman. Rome was founded by Romulus and Remus. So clever! And definitely butt trumpets, from earlier, because AVPM’s Lupin had butt trumpets.

Oh, direct shot and reaction at Virgil not hiding anything. And okay, I’ve changed my mind like 10 times, but I think I get it now. Haha, Logan! It was like a pop quiz! And Thomas cursed!

The scream darkened the room, that was awesome. But nobody cared. Ah, secretly a Patton and Virgil arc!

Oh my god, Patton had a look of realization when Virgil was listing off things, is he going to tell him to not skip the callback?!

[Sad poopy noises.] Logan’s on fire today! Yes!

Oh, he’s gone? Ha, nope! Oh it got worse, haha!

Patton, control, it’s happening! Oh, wait no.

Virgil really used to fear him? And, oh, what were those exchanged looks during “just like old times”? Logan and Patton, and maybe Roman figured it out? Does Virgil know that?

Roman!

Nerdy Wolverine. Ahh, cool! Dukey problem! Oooh return of “I don’t like him.”

What, brother?! So that’s an actual thing now? But okay, alright, I guess Logan’s thing from before. NOPE EVERYTHING’S FINE NEVER COMING BACK. Romaaaaan.

Dark sides? “Others.” Oh, Thomas for sure doesn’t know. Oh dear. OH MUSIC it’s swelling oh my gosh, he’s going to tell, he’s going to tell. Gasp! He told, and oh, so sad, and oh no he’s just sinking out?! My poor baby little precious oh I immediately see why Patton had a problem with coddling him.

Oh, oh Thomas is so confuddled. There’s going to be so many angst fics. I will read them all.

Alright, actually a hilarious ad. Way to incorporate intrusive thoughts into it! END CARD holy- REMUS! Oh the deodorant. And again. Nice knife, he’s going to- yep, deodorant. Oh he’s done, but he’ll have another- yep. What the heck is it, actually?

THERE’S A SNAKE IN MY BUTT! PFF that’s going to be some fics also. Officially: I love Remus.

Final thoughts; I’m in love, I was so wrong about “they wouldn’t throw a new side or plot relevance at us with all these warnings,” everyone freaking outdid themselves, this must have happened so soon after Selfishness vs. Selflessness, I love him, I really dug a lot of that humor, my taste in music is way worse than anything Remus threw at us (ask me about that), WHAT WERE THE THOUGHTS with the dripping hand bit, S v. S part 2 is definitely the next one, and I freaking love this video.

#ts spoilers #virgils sanders #thomas sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #the dark side of creativity #remus sanders #B/k's babbling #long post #sanders sides #new video reaction

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whiskeyworen · 6 years

Text

Idle thoughts make for strange ideas

Prepare to go down a rabbit hole of potentially WTF. That or be entertained. I’m just gonna ramble a bit. GHOSTS. Got your attention? No? Lost your attention? Probably.

I have this theory I’ve been working on over the last umpteen years about ghosts, spirits, and all that ephemeral garbage that goes along with supposed hauntings. Now don’t get me wrong; I love watching things like Ghost Adventures because they make me laugh my ass off. But I’ll never believe things at face value on shows like that. Spooky, but unless there’s stuff that can’t be debunked, I don’t really believe. That’s not to say I don’t believe period, just that I don’t believe the shows that much. I’ve voiced this theory to friends though, who alternate between ‘Dude, shut up. That’s weird and fucked up.’ to ‘I don’t get it’ to ‘That’s an interesting idea!’ So, here goes the theory, which I’m afraid you’re gonna have to look at with an open mind. Only way it works, since it’s kinda hard to prove. But it makes things work in terms of some of the shit you see and hear on the shows. My theory is that, in locations where hauntings happen (which can be damned near anywhere truthfully, but we focus on buildings because it’s an enclosed space you can turn into a controlled environment, as opposed to an uncontrolled forest or someshit) is where space and time kinda...burp. Or rather, fold and collapse a wee bit. Imagine a comforter on a bed. All the layers it makes up; outer layer, padding, maybe a thermal layer, more padding, then the lower layer. That’s the various levels of reality, most of which we can’t comprehend cuz we don’t work there. We’re basically in that lowermost level, or maybe the middle thermal layer. Got that image? Now, the blanket isn’t perfectly even. Poke a finger straight down and compress the layers in one spot. That spot is where the various layers of reality get squished slightly tighter. We don’t notice it because, again, we operate only on that one single layer. But as the layers tighten together, they overlap and interweave a bit. So... on some level we begin to perceive them. Perhaps as a feeling, or a thought, or something like that. The warm welcoming feeling here, or the icy ‘I don’t belong’ feeling there that has no rational reason.

If you’ve followed this far, congratulations; you made it farther than my friends. That said, consider the indentation itself. As a cross-section, call the area to the left the ‘past’ and the area to the right the ‘future’. In the indentation, notice how it all folds kinda inward into a cup shape? Let’s call that an echo chamber, and it’ll make sense later. Now, if you drag your finger, making the indentation move along the blanket, it’s still compressing the layers, but just in different aspects of ‘time’. Now... the haunting stuff gets entertaining here. Because the ‘past’ and ‘future’ are folded slightly at this spot in the indentation, they merge partially with the ‘present’, but without infringing on it. You’re not going to see hallways morph into older or newer versions of themselves unless there’s something like that. (though I have heard tales...) Instead, only some things cross that gap, and basically ring around that indentation like water in an active blender. Let’s create three groups of people. The First group, let’s say it’s one guy named John, at the ‘past’ end of the indentation. For sake of simplicity, we’ll say the beginning of the indentation where the layers finally crush together is listed as ‘1920′. That’s the year John lives in his house with his family. The Second Group, let’s call Ghosts Anonymous, or GA for short. Self-proclaimed demonologists and ghost hunters. They’re in the middle of the indentation, between past and ‘future’ in the ‘present’. We’ll say that’s 1970 there, because it’s easier to put the future group in OUR present than a further future. One of the team members is named Stan. The Third Group, we’ll call Spooky Stuff. Another group of amateur ghost hunters with all our modern trappings, FLIR cameras, Kinect-based sensors, etc. They’re on the ‘future’ side of the indentation. Let’s name them Dave, Mike, and Jordan. This will be important. We’ll start with Spooky Stuff. In 2018, they go into this old house, and talk about the hauntings that have been recorded over the last 100 years. About how some farmer named John went out of his gourd, started screaming about ghosts and demons, and then killed his family. And how in the 70s some other group made contact with ghosts in the same place. These guys do their EVP and callouts, try a few rituals, and loudly demand some kind of action. Maybe they get a response, maybe they don’t. Back in 1920, however, poor John is now the subject of a universal joke and doesn’t know it. Nor will his family. Late one night, he starts hearing someone whispering, shouting, bellowing, about “DEMONS!” and calling his name repeatedly in different voices. Thumping noises from nowhere, chanting, weird sounds he’s never heard. Poor John goes nuts, and after hearing one of the voices say “Kill....Family...” among other things, and he goes and does so, earning his way into the history books. Zip over to 1970s. GA is investigating the old house, and they too, chat about poor old John and the voices he heard. In their investigation, they pick up screams and cries and echoes of the past; John suffering through his madness and telling the voices to shut up. Only, from their perspective, they don’t know it’s John. They think it’s a spirit threatening them. So they try to exorcise it. The longer they chant and pray, the more whatever it is screams. They think at one point it screams ‘Dei Dei Dei’ before their encounters end. Now, back to Spooky Stuff. They too, hear mysterious chanting and screaming echoing back across the gulf of time. They have NO idea that their own voices, their own demands and questions, have crossed to the recent past and the FAR past, distorted by that distance into something else. All they can get on their recorders is stuff about ‘S..tan’ which they interpret as ‘Satan’, whispered yells of ‘leave me alone’, and stuff like that. One particularly loud sound has Jordan call out “DAVE! DAVE! DAVE!” to his buddy to get him in the same room. These guys aren’t graceful, and so thump and tromp through the ruined house, making crap fall all over the place. The voices and sounds in this particular spot are being reflected back and forth across the echo-chamber formed by that temporal indentation, so that all three groups are hearing each other, AND themselves, all distorted like a broken radio signal. None of them can make heads or tails of it, and misinterpret EVERYTHING. If they were all able to step outside of that indentation, they might realize what was going on. Especially when Jordan hears his own name called by someone.... and six years later revisits that spot with his friends again, reliving the moment, and calls his OWN name in that far future, to which his own previous self HEARD it and responded to it in kind. He literally made his own haunting at that moment. Now, some people would be like “but what about the demons and rasping and clawscratches and all that, like we see in possession episodes?” Congrats if you got this far and are still interested, btw. Add one more idea to the blanket layers. Think of it ALL as a biome. Each layer is its own biome, but the whole kit and caboodle is one big biome. Give that biome life forms that exist within it, swimming through the layers without interacting with them like fish in the sea. Make predators, prey, herbivores and carnivores. Now... Normally these critters are too spread out across space and time ( their natural home) to interact on only ONE level. They probably aren’t even aware of it. Our home layer is too flat for them to know it exists. But those indentations come into play again; their home realms get squashed together so tightly that in that short space, in that weird constantly changing spot, they can actually interact on this level for a time. Probably entirely random. So, an inquisitive alpha predator of this weird realm ventures into the Tight Spot. the Tight Spot where now, for short times, it can see these weird other creatures it sees nowhere else. Are they prey? Are they friend? Does it care? Whatever the case, it reaches out and tries to grab one of them. Or maybe just grab its attention by hitting something near it if it can’t reach them. Once in a while, it succeeds in touching them and even leaves a mark. But that time is short (or long. time is malleable), and eventually it loses interest and moves on. Suddenly, we have demons and monsters appearing from the ether, and ghost hunters getting scratched on various parts of the body, and weird threatening sounds on recorders. Maybe they even see something, but it doesn’t get recorded. And this is in addition to ALL the Echo Chamber stuff, so imagine the same critter reaching across all three timeframes, because to it, it sees three different figures standing there that it wants to contact. It can’t comprehend they’re from different spots in time, because time literally doesn’t exist for it. The figures just appear and vanish randomly before it. So there.... that’s my theory. Temporal indentation resulting in ‘hauntings’ that are echoes across time, combined with accidental encounters with inhabitants of the broader range of space and time that normally don’t even appear here. Hell, if you wanna get funny, you can say this is how Bigfoot pops in and out too; gigantopithecus or something like it accidentally stepping through an indented soft-spot that’s crushed JUST enough for it to really appear in another time frame...until either the indentation recedes or it wanders out of the indentation and back into its own timeframe. Past meet future. Future meet past. But only in those random spots. LoL. I could go on further, but this took WAY too long. There’s no science behind it, but it’s an interesting concept that I kinda hope people think about and maybe experiment with. See if they can set up a ‘contact myself 20 years from now’ moment in one of those spots. LoL.

#tldr #Weird thoughts #i'm weird #ghost ideas #weird theory

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comicteaparty · 5 years

Text

November 29th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on November 29th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST. The chat focused on Numb by Niina Eveliina Salmelin.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Numb by Niina Eveliina Salmelin~! (http://www.NiinaEveliina.com/numb/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

NiinaEveliina

Hi folks! I'm the author of Numb and actually managed to wake up and join in the chat. Looking forward for the discussion and trying to avoid spilling any spoilers (edited)

RebelVampire

glad to see you could make it~!

i think my favorite scene was perhaps the one in carl and the thief's...mind space for lack of a better phrase for it. i really enjoyed seeing the possession kind of presented as a physical dilemma of sorts and not something that just happened and carl was just gone. but i also liked the entire eeriness of it cause it really opened lots of question doors and set up that intense sense of yup, something definitely is wrong

mathtans

Hiyo, I'm here, though at a moment's notice I'll need to drop everything and help put the little one to bed. ^^ I also only managed to read to the end of Part 5 (so to the end of 2017).

Yeah, some good eerie scenes in general. Rebel, do you mean the bit where Carl was bricking up Carl behind the wall...?

Also, hello to author/artist.

RebelVampire

yes that scene

NiinaEveliina

Hello, glad you could make it!

Ohh the possession sequence was a real joy to do, with figuring out how to do the visuals for it.

mathtans

That was an interesting visual. As for me, three scenes kind of stand out, let's hope I remember these...

I liked the bit near the start when Carl was talking about Amy's imaginary friends. Partly because it made me think of my own daughter (still very wee, granted), and partly because something seemed to be happening in the background, some guy with a hood, and little things like that amuse me. Neat way to make possible exposition less boring.

Second scene that I thought was great, mostly for comedic value, was when Susan was leaving the hospital to have a smoke, and then her cigarette wasn't there - Levi had it. Because of Nikita. Nice sign of things being more than they seemed. Less violent than the vase too, subtle.

RebelVampire

in regards to the first scene i think the event that was going on in the bg was the woman getting possessed by the thief. or at least she looks very similar to the woman who later brings the thief to carl

mathtans

Rebel: Oh wow, good catch.

RebelVampire

i loved nikita's choice of trying to send susan a sign. cause that was hilarious and i wish wed seen what susan was thinking. did she think she was crazy? did she think levi was a weirdo? who knows

nikita is a great trickster though

i loved him freaking out those old ladies with their nasty gossip

NiinaEveliina

Yes, this is correct @RebelVampire. It's that kind of pretty vague hint that readers can spot on their second time. I love putting small things like that in stories

mathtans

I wonder if maybe Susan thought that she'd put the cigarette there, because who else could it have been, and then forgotten.

NiinaEveliina

That cigarette gave Susan hard time, for sure

mathtans

Oh YES, that scene with the ladies going off on that kid, and then just the image of them with their cups upended on them, that was great too.

I'd forgotten that one.

Here's the big one for me though. That scene with Susan at the bottom of the stairs, calling out to Carl. Where the blood underneath her kind of bled (literally?) into the shading of the stairs, and it was just red, and dialled the creepy factor up to 11 for me.

NiinaEveliina

I think it's safe for me to say my favourite part as well? Even though it's really hard to pick, it's gotta be the moment after Thief/Carls attack, where Levi and Nikita meet again. Nikita allows Levi to help him up. and there's a tiny bit of trust formed there, as they walk out the house together. (Also, a big part for me to love that moment was the fact that I was finally able to get Levi out of that hospital bed.)

mathtans

I'm not big on horror, but I'm not so bad with watching it, because usually I can mentally write off supernatural stuff as "not real". So I could appreciate the weird, eerie stuff up to that point, but it didn't make me flinch. But that bit with the stairs - and maybe it's because I kind of saw it coming during the confrontation - that was too real. Too much. Had to walk away from my binge for a few hours there. (I mean this in a good way.)

Niina: That was nice, yes. Levi was kind of at a crossroads there, and it's good that they were able to help each other out, even when Nikita brushed him off.

NiinaEveliina

Gossip grannies always manage to bring out a response out of people @mathtans This kind of stuff is really interesting to hear. I'm glad it was still a good kind of shock for you!

mathtans

Very effective use of colour, and maybe angles and such too.

NiinaEveliina

I'm big fan of horror, so I sometimes have to wonder when I do certain scenes: when it's too much. Hearing this kind of perspective is always good.

RebelVampire

yeah the color work whenever the basement became involved was really great. cause basements are creepy as is, so it was great to see them become as creepy as i expected. lthough i think what really dialed the creepiness up for me in that scene was susan calling out to carl that she thinks shes hurt. because at that point its such a no duh thing that susan's helplessnesss really sinks in. and nothing is more worrisome about the supernatural than the realization you cant do shit about it. Niina: I did enjoy that moment of bonding and understanding. Especially given that Nikita seems kind of stubborn and it was good to see him accept he needed help.

mathtans

One of those "okay, overloaded now" moments. Tough for me to say exactly why.

Rebel: Yeah, the calling out probably helped cement it too, now that you say that. In particular, that she thinks he might help. >.<

NiinaEveliina

I think what makes it horrific, is that Susan and Carl were so close, so there's no way she could have seen it coming. Just a 5 mins ago before thief arrived, Carl was just nagging and worrying about her.

mathtans

Since I don't read a lot of horror, I may not be your target audience either. It's tough for me to say what is or isn't too much there.

Funny thing too btw, I didn't really like Susan. Personal pet peeve about smoking, and she also seemed like something of a killjoy, or one who dishes things out but can't always take it when things turn back towards her novel.

But that death... damn, didn't deserve that. Felt bad.

RebelVampire

its okay math. im not the target audience either, though for the opposite reason. im so numb to it that things that should be scary im just like "seems like a normal tuesday to me." XD

mathtans

(Assuming it's a for sure death - I haven't gotten into the 2018 stuff yet. Maybe she's a ghost now.)

Oooh, title drop by Rebel.

RebelVampire

not even on purpose

missed opportunities

i will spoil it and say its a for sure death minus the ghost issue

which i wanna give props to that

so few stories actually kill someone off

to the point i lived in denial

and was like "nah susan is fine someone will get her help nobody ever dies"

NOPE

mathtans

There is that. Well, that's sad.

Should've died of cancer!

NiinaEveliina

I don't know (about the target audience thing), I find it really hard to put Numb in only horror category and see it more as a mixture of different genres. I'd like to think that all kind of readers will get something out of it. Of course, they have to be able to stomach those extreme scenes as well @mathtans hahaha!

mathtans

Yeah, it's not for sure horror. There's elements of fantasy too.

I'm bad for recognizing genres. Particularly with my own stuff.

RebelVampire

speaking of susan, though, i can see where shed be irritating. but man did carl's nagging about her book feel so relateable because writing is hard and somedays you just want to think nothing about book writing

QUESTION 2. Many of the supernatural events are driven by the appearance of the “thief.” Who or what do you think the thief is? Why is the thief continually transferring bodies? Additionally, what is the thief even running from so desperately? What does this have to do with all the voices, including Tim’s, that Carl hears when he becomes possessed? What do you think the thief’s end goal is? How do you think the thief was able to touch Nikita, and why did the thief seem so sure Nikita was going to hurt it? Also, how are Nikita and the thief connected, if at all? Lastly, do you think Carl will recover from the thief’s possession, or is he forever doomed?

chateaugrief

hello thursday book clubbers! Hi @NiinaEveliina I really enjoyed reading your comic! regarding 'extreme scenes' do you really think that the scenes from numb were extreme? what's everyones opinion on level of blood violence?

mathtans

Also, Levi's apartment and stuff for Susan issues. Though apparently she writes well, according to Nikita.

NiinaEveliina

@mathtans It's fun to see that perspective on Susan! To me her smoking was actually really important. In my childhood most of my family, friends and people around me were heavy smokers. Still they were the ones to tell me hardest "never you start ok" and I actually never have smoked a cig in my life, probably because of those smokey lungs were so much against it, ironically So there's something very nostalgic about her to me.

mathtans

I didn't have an issue with the blood. But it's not really a squick for me, and I wonder if watercolours mutes it a bit?

chateaugrief

I'd agree with mathtans that the abstraction of the art really created a bit of distance for me from the horror elements, muted it a bit perhaps?

mathtans

Niina: That's neat background info! Yeah, my family has some history of asthma and I have an allergy to smoke in particular. So I'm prejudiced against smokers. Nothing personal.

I'm not sure if it distanced me from the horror, just the violence.

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief I'd say the overall themes are pretty heavy and the obvious scenes like throwing Sue down the stairwell and Nikita getting knife'd. From the audience reactions, I'd say those would be the most 'gorey'. @mathtans yeah, all good :)

chateaugrief

good point, there was still major suspense

RebelVampire

id say the scenes in numb were still pretty extreme though, but thats in comparison to contemporary webcomics. and a good majority of "horror" webcomics are actually real mild in comparison. but thats just my opinion and based solely on my reading repitoire, and horror is hard to come by in webcomics in general unless you go looking for it.

mathtans

Regarding the latest question, not quite sure about thief's origins, assuming it's only one person - because I'm pretty sure Tim merged with the thief. Remember how Levi remembered that Tim had changed a bunch before he died? I think there's something to that.

RebelVampire

yeah, im 100% aboard the tim got possessed train

it is the most logical sense

NiinaEveliina

And I gotta say I'm happy that the visuals have been there to distance people from the violence. Because I never wanted Numb to be that kind of shock violence, in-your-face kind of mess. So it was my aim to find balance between the extreme nature of the violence but still keeping it, you know, tasteful.

chateaugrief

that's interesting, @RebelVampire because i've seen a lot of creators tag stuff with the tiniest bit of blood as mature, even in a non-violent context. I didn't think Numb was particularly gory, despite the scenes mentioned. The framing of the shots made them practically happen offscreen...which only heightened that suspense and atmosphere. Was very well done I thought

mathtans

Yeah, some of the framing was pretty well done. Like in the scenes where Carl has the knife.

chateaugrief

yes, those eyes staring out of the blacked out face!

mathtans

So Tim merged with the thief... is he a part of thief now then? Or did he kill himself to try and get away, and is now part of a band of ghosts trying to take thief down? I'm not clear whose side he's on.(edited)

NiinaEveliina

I better keep my mouth shut while the Thief talk, this is very interesting to follow

RebelVampire

nah i wouldnt say it was gory at all, but it was extreme in other ways which is why id still label it as extreme. becuase suspense can do a lot to make mild gore feel extreme. and more the issue with numb is it was realistic. because susan's death was something that could happen to anyone. so gory? definitely not. but extreme in the sense that it would unsettle ppl a lot and probably require a mature tag, yes probably. but again, specification this is compared to contemporary webcomics

if we start including other mediums its super duper mild

NiinaEveliina

@RebelVampire This is very true

mathtans

I mostly just read webcomics for this chat. I don't know what's mainstream.

chateaugrief

i'm such a newbie to webcomics that I probably take my expectations from other mediums. why I'm here, I want to learn.

RebelVampire

no time like the present to get started.

i feel like tim merged with the thief? like i kind of dont feel like you escape the thief once it possesses you

chateaugrief

so @NiinaEveliina how did you decide on the style of art that you chose?

RebelVampire

more likely i think levi mightve killed tim in self defense or something?

so tim is stuck forever

💩💩💩YY 💩💩💩

So I've only gotten to the point where Levi is in the hospital and he claims that there was someone there on the street. 9v9llll And I'm already quaking in mah boots. OH MAN... hides in non-existent sheets

mathtans

Maybe thief is a soul fleeing the grim reaper... except Nikita told Susan to move away from the voices after death, and she'd be fine. So maybe thief is the grim reaper, gone a bit off in the head?

RebelVampire

i kind of get the impression that the thief is an escapee, like the thief escaped a larger entity or escaped death itself. and now its on the run trying to avoid death

cause death sucks

who wants to be dead

nobody

thats who

💩💩💩YY 💩💩💩

This silly bean was not expecting this and now I'm not sure if I have the guts to continue. ; V ; slowly clicks next page

mathtans

Rebel: Oh, maybe. I hadn't considered that (the self defense). Fun fact, it occurred to me that Levi indirectly killed Susan. Because if he hadn't delayed her with his talk about Nikita, she would've left the house to look for Amy, rather than getting locked in by Carl.(edited)

chateaugrief

that was one of the funniest moments when Nikita says 'will you trust me if I tell you that dying is bad and you don't want to be dead'. (edited)

mathtans

Y'know who sucks? Thief. Death seems like the better alternative.

Cuz thief tries to be charming and stuff, then pushes your friends down a flight of stairs.

Going back to chateau's remark, yeah, watercolours is an interesting medium. I think we've only had one other webcomic here that uses them.

chateaugrief

i've seen a lot of webcomics that use digital media that's made to look like watercolor though. It's quite a beautiful look done well!

RebelVampire

man that moment with nikita telling susan about death really sticks to me now that i know susan be dead for real. cause the entire time i was like "this is strange advice for a character who isnt going to die."

and then the death was real

so now im like "great and depressing advice there nikita"

as another thief theory, i think the thief continually is transferring bodies to get rid of the voices of all the souls its kind of absorbed along its travels, but ironically the more it transfers the mroe souls it gathers

a tragic cycle

mathtans

That's a great theory. Snake eating it's own tail sort of thing.

chateaugrief

it did appear to absorb souls didn't it? I just realized that

incidentally, I found that listing the characters for every page was Super Useful for me as a new reader to keep everyone semi-straight in my head. Kudos

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief I decided the artstyle based on what I wanted to learn to do basically. I was terrible with watercolors/colors in general, and knew that if I used those in Numb, I'd HAD to learn them eventually Of course now they play such a big role in the comic, I cant even imagine numb without color anymore. Otherwise the cartoony/mangaish mishmash style was chosen because it allows me to really have fun with character expressions and go wild with them. I also take lot of inspiration from animation, and wanted to give a sense of movement to the characters with my best ability.

mathtans

Related to thief, I wonder what the deal is with the wheat field.

RebelVampire

the wheat field seems related to death in some way? cause it conveniently showed up when susan died

so maybe its the grim reaper?

chateaugrief

@NiinaEveliina thank you so much for choosing color. I have to thank every comic creator who goes the extra mile and uses color. It's hard, but it's so worth it! Really makes the story pop. How could those pages with the blood look half as good in black and white?

RebelVampire

or the bad grim reaper

chateaugrief

grain reaper

mathtans

You win the evening with that comment.

NiinaEveliina

hahaha

Superjustinbros

Hey there!

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief heck yea, color all the way!

Superjustinbros

Hope I'm not too late.

NiinaEveliina

Hi!

Superjustinbros

Hello!

chateaugrief

back on the character styles being a mix of manga and western, I thought that was a very interesting balance, I tend to prefer western style so that's what I saw...but now thinking about it I can see the influence of both. Interesting line to walk!

NiinaEveliina

tbh, all these thief, nikita's advice and the field theories are making my day

Superjustinbros

Manga/western mixes are perhaps one of my favorites so it's always good to see works that adapt to that style~

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief Theres a big blend probably because my childhood influences came from all directions, western, euro and japanese comic were all around from an really early age, so they have fused together in my style I think

chateaugrief

@NiinaEveliina any works that you consider to have particularly inspired you?

mathtans

Maybe when thief started out, they didn't possess people. Hence hanging around in forests as a disembodied voice. Maybe the people thing is more recent.

Maybe it's something Tim did.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Nikita is perhaps the most mysterious individual in the story. How do you think Nikita became a ghost (or whatever you think he is)? How long do you think he’s been that way? What might it have to do with what he told Susan after he found her injured? Why do you think Nikita has been avoiding Levi since the incident at Carl’s house? Is it fear or is Nikita just still mad about Levi’s dealings with everyone? In the comic, we also see some of Nikita’s life. What do you think happened to Nikita’s dad and mom given the medicine both seem to require? Who is Misha, and why did it cause Nikita’s mom to have a temporary meltdown? What do you think happened with Nikita’s relationship with Julia, whether in the past or in the current timeline?

thats an interesting thought that tim did something

maybe tim was the first

started the whole chain

chateaugrief

sounds plausible. I'm not to the part where we see nikita's backstory yet...at least I don't think I was

mathtans

Tim performed a ritual. Bad Tim.

chateaugrief

I was curious as to why Nikita just 'dropped Levi as a friend' after being friendly to him. I didn't understand why he did it. It felt like Nikita overreacted to whatever it was Levi said, and i couldnt' see why.

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief Donald Duck stories from the great Carl Barks and Don Rosa, Bone from Jeff Smith, Battle Angel Alita, Rumiko Takashi's work and Sandman are the first few comics that pop to my mind. The list is endless There's also huge influence from films on numb. Old italian horror films such as Suspiria and the beyond are great examples, especially for the trippy visuals.

mathtans

Here's one thing I wondered about Nikita and his interactions. When he threw the vase, it was like there wasn't a vase in the room. When he spilled the chess pieces, the guy thought he hadn't brought them. Can Nikita actually destroy our reality? Or are our brains that desperate to think of explanations for the stuff he does?

Levi has issues. Don't want them to rub off. ^^

chateaugrief

@NiinaEveliina ah .... some one's I've seen and some I haven't. I'll be sure to check them out

RebelVampire

i think its the latter, that our brains reject the supernatural so hard core we invent whatever seems the most logical to compensate.

cause susan especially seems that type

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief I swear the list changes every time I'm asked, there's just so many :D

RebelVampire

who will pick any reason that does not include the supernatural

mathtans

OH. Just thought of something. Carl could see Nikita. Tim could see things too, and possibly Amy. Maybe thief can only possess people who can see things like Nikita. Might be why he never tried for Susan.

The only way to protect yourself is not to believe.

RebelVampire

i suppose thats possible, although we have an immensely small sample size

and couldnt carl only see nikita after he was possessed?

mathtans

Carl gave Nikita an apple in an early scene.

But yeah, not necessarily enough people to draw conclusions.

RebelVampire

i dont remember this. i remember carl giving an apple to the lady that was possessed by the thief

mathtans

Oh, was it the lady? Maybe I got crossed up. It was the first time we saw Nikita, outside the hospital?

RebelVampire

http://www.NiinaEveliina.com/numb/comic/chapter-1-25-2/

mathtans

Ah, you're right, wires got crossed. We saw that apple later, and it was kind of rotten, so that makes sense too.

RebelVampire

on a side note, i enjoyed thief!carl punching nikita. cause the look on nikita's face was priceless. not that i cheer for his pain, but man was that a great expression because he didnt expect it at all

mathtans

True that.

I wonder if being in the proximity of death made him visible and corporeal to everyone. That's why Susan could see him.

RebelVampire

i think more likely the thief was special and susan was the one whose dyingness made her able to see him

since the topic of nikita and levi's relationship was brought up, i feel like nikita is just slow to trust and i feel like hes been a ghost long enough that hes not as used to having to tell ppl where hes going and such

chateaugrief

speaking of punching Nikita...he was a ghost right? do ghosts bleed? perhaps the punch made him non spectral?

punched straight out of the afterlife.

RebelVampire

i feel like it did make him non spectral

although im really curious about whether or not he couldve actually died again

mathtans

Maybe Nikita's having issues as a ghost, because he can't take his meds any more. Gets harder and harder to talk to people.

I feel like it might've been worse than death. Even after the wounds "healed", Nikita said it still hurt.

chateaugrief

only thing creepier than a ghost is a ghost obsessively swallowing adhd meds

NiinaEveliina

punched straight out of the afterlife... just to get stabbed. No wonder he's salty(edited)

mathtans

"One Punch Carl".

chateaugrief

Carl was the boss. I liked his character. Susan was a bit hard on him, seemed to see criticism from him at every turn, but I felt like it was genuine concern coming from him.

I could be confusing Susan with the other girl....

RebelVampire

i see both sides of the carl susan relationship. cause im sure his concern was genuine, but at the same time i also understand how concern eventually becomes nagging

ya know who really got the short end of the stick in all this story though?

amy

amy basically has little to no agency

and all this bad shit keeps happening

and everyone is lying to her

mathtans

I do shake my head at the one Carl scene. Where his daughter, who's already established as someone who maybe skips classes, talks about going into the woods. And Carl's like, "yeah, don't do that, okay go out to the bus now". Like, maybe watch her board the bus? What did you have to do that was so important?

RebelVampire

about whats going on

chateaugrief

yes that was the other girl! couldn't remember her name she had so little agency

mathtans

Yeah, Amy's imaginary friends even gave themselves up for her.

chateaugrief

poor girl, she was trying

mathtans

I'm really bad with names, usually. Not sure why I haven't tripped up yet. Maybe it's the reasonably sized cast?

Or the tags.

chateaugrief

I really liked the tags

but I only discovered they were there at about chapter 3

it really cleared up the characters a bit for me, but i'm kinda fuzzy on some of them

RebelVampire

math you havent even gotten to the sadder part with the imaginary friends XD

that broke my heart a bit for them

cause tbf they probably arent imaginary

mathtans

Oh noes. O.o

I wondered about that.

RebelVampire

but that is debateable tbf

i dont think theyre imaginary though

mathtans

Okay, we haven't had enough crazy theories yet. So, Nikita's dad is really also Tim's dad. They're half brothers. Boom!

RebelVampire

cuse if they are amy is super creative and has way better designed imaginary friends then i ever did

chateaugrief

......O.O.......

mathtans

tbf I think Amy is super creative. She was trying to do drawings and stuff. (Though she may be creative but not have art skill.)

chateaugrief

and she was very young, she was definitely trying. She's not dead yet is she? plenty of room for character development

mathtans

Also, she's adopted. Boom! shrugs

RebelVampire

amy definitely isnt dead

yet

QUESTION 4. Levi has his own mysteries and problems going on, past and present. What do you think happened between him, Susan, and Tim given certain flashbacks we’ve seen? What do you think Levi and Tim saw that day in the woods, and why were only Levi and Tim able to see it? Why did Levi lie to dream Susan about not seeing Tim sometimes in his dreams? In other words, what is Levi emotionally avoiding? Do you think that Levi will be able to get over what happened at Carl’s house? Also, do you believe that he will be able to help Amy? What about Kiwi who seems to have known Nikita and who is now Amy’s roommate? Finally, do you believe Levi is safe from the thief, or are the two destined to encounter each other again?

chateaugrief

Nyarlathotep

is the dad

mathtans

Levi and Tim seemed to see an opening, if memory serves?

Also, Levi seems to have trust issues. Like, he doesn't seem to think anyone will believe him. Including himself, maybe.

RebelVampire

i think levi is more afraid of being alone and ostracized

that is the impression i get from him

which is why he does what he must to fit in with the club

mathtans

Actually, Tim was always Levi's imaginary friend. Levi believed so hard that Susan could see Tim too.

Yeah, he doesn't want to be alone, I can see that.

RebelVampire

im still gonna go with the levi hurt tim in self defense when tim went psycho possessed. and that in turn tore the group apart cause nobody wanted to talk about what happened.

that would be an amazing twist for tim

mathtans

What if Levi actually was the first one possessed by thief. And it ended up going to Tim. And that's why Levi has abandonment issues.

I can't tell if I'm doing crazy theories or normal ones.

RebelVampire

i think that one still qualifies as crazy but i mean its not implausible

chateaugrief

I really don't have enough info to make theories.... these sound good. I could go with any of these

mathtans

Do we know much about Carl's wife?

RebelVampire

no but i assume dead

because youre not to the part but they send amy to an orphanage

because they cant get in contact with any other relatives

mathtans

Gotcha. Wondered if Levi knew her in some way. Not sure if it's connected.

RebelVampire

idk

tbh ive really been trying to figure out how carl knows them and what the nature of their relationship is

cause carl has like 10 to 20 years on them

mathtans

Yeah. School related? Carl's job?

RebelVampire

and im not sure if this is like one of those small town where everyone just knows everyone

mathtans

Anyway, you'll have to theorize without me. Time to put little one to bed.

chateaugrief

i wondered about that, Carl looks about 50, so were the levi/susan crowd about in their 20's or perhaps late teens?

RebelVampire

ok. thanks for coming, math~!

levi is apparently late 20s and susan early 30s

by their cast pages

NiinaEveliina

@mathtans thanks for joining the chat and giving numb a change despite not being such a horror fan!

chateaugrief

I may have been thrown off by the lack of visible employment by the levi/susans, though maybe I just missed that. I've got to learn to slow down when i read webcomics. There's such a temptation to go so fast!

NiinaEveliina

The ages are pretty vague, because I don't want to forget and then conflict myself later, but it wouldn't be much of a spoiler to give a little background on Carl and Susan (I think it's on their cast info pages as well so it's not a spoiler even) but Carl was a family friend to Susans parents, who were working a lot and going abroad, so Carl looked after Susan a lot, and is basically her father figure. Carl knows Levi and Tim through Susan, since those three were childhood pals.

chateaugrief

that makes sense, it makes sense of the character dynamics too.

RebelVampire

ok that does add more context and makes more sense. and also explains why carl keeps nagging susan like a dad

or kept

cause susans dead

and carl is close to dead

now im sad

chateaugrief

pretty unlucky family, perhaps a familial curse?

RebelVampire

i just hope amy is not next on this path of death and destruction

chateaugrief

now that susan's dead I'm going to have to adjust my feelings on who is the protagonist of the story. I would have said her over Levi, but I guess it's all up to Levi now.

NiinaEveliina

Being amy is suffering

chateaugrief

Speaking of protagonists and plots and stuff @NiinaEveliina do you have a completed plot/script for this comic or are you more freeform making it up in episodes as they come?

RebelVampire

i always felt levi was the protagonist, though susan was a main character for sure. but susan seemed to have a smidgen less agency than levi in terms of who the protagonist is.

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief Everything is on my head, as I'm dreadful at actually writing things down, but the whole story has a script/plot that I follow. But I'm open with it in a way that I know what will happen, but HOW it will happen is free to change if the story seems to drift more to other way. As I have done this comic further, I learn to know the characters more, so some actions I planned for them may not make sense anymore, or just that they would go about it differently. Those kind of things may change.

I have vague idea how many pages the story will need, but as I do chapters, I don't have set page number for them. (that's something I will start using on my next project after numb, but with Numb I'm gonna roll with the flow)

chateaugrief

I always wonder about the page numbering thing because of the strict expectations with print form comics on page counts and things, at least in American comics. It always sounded very hard to structure your story around pages that way

NiinaEveliina

Yeah, but I can see the perks in that too. Helps you to trim down the story and keep on track with things.

chateaugrief

that's something I really should ask, you use some very complicated page layouts, and I think they flow quite well. How do you plan your pages, do you begin with the panel structure and fit your story to the panels or what?

choosing panel structures has always been mysterious to me

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Niina Eveliina Salmelin, as well, for making Numb. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Niina Eveliina Salmelin’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://www.NiinaEveliina.com/numb/

Niina’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A3202ONF

Niina’s Redbubble: https://www.redbubble.com/people/Speardog?asc=u

Niina’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/NSalmelin

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Pin Porter Girl Detective by Robin Gee and Ethan Bartlett. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, December 6th, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: http://pinporterdetective.com/

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #numb #niina eveliina salmelin

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wishingfornever · 6 years

Text

9/11/17 – No Contact: In the Dumps

It’s the next day. Doesn’t feel good. Still hurts. I saw the new episode of Rick and Morty. Three times. It was… moving. Strange episode. Maybe we’ll see it sometime. Right now, I’m up thinking up book titles. I was thinking about it and I don’t like the current title, so I need a new one. One that’s easier to pronounce. Might include a colon. No, not a butthole. One of these => :

Sort of like “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.” Technically no colon but the “and” is supposed to be the colon.

I’m doing some edits. Starting on chapter 1 again. I switched the order from Avdotya, Sarvar, Atlas, Diego to Avdotya, Atlas, Sarvar, Diego. The purpose of this is because the colors are now Green Red Yellow Blue which the seasons are Spring Summer Autumn Winter. They colors are coded better, I think. Of course, there is red in Autumn but… it didn’t feel right to have Atlas as Autumn. So, he’s summer. Might have included this more recently. I don’t know when I thought to associate them with seasons.

Anyways, I also made the cover. I hope you like it. I drew the eyes myself. Years ago. I took a picture I drew and cut out the eyes and then edited it so it’d look better with the background which is green. The next book will have a red cover. I think I’ll have a cannon on that one. Or a sword. Maybe a guy in a kilt, idk yet. The third book with Sarvar will have a horse. Diego, idk yet. He might actually be the cannon. The final book will have a series of headstones on it. Or something to represent the end of the book and the war. Might have the outline of a flag, draped and torn. I’ll see. Still depressed btw. I’m in a terribly mood. Didn’t exercise yesterday but I will have to today. I don’t intend to message you, so I’ll be fine. Going to do a dump run later today, so I have to get out of bed regardless. Thing is, I’ve been doing all the work thus far (currently 4 am) without that attend pill. I think later, I’ll take that pill and get started.

I suspect I can get a lot done. I want to go through your notes, too. I’m trying to also remember that there needs to be more action (your advice). Now that I’ve written it down, it’ll be easier to remember. I want to add more substance to Sarvar and Atlas. Ironic that they’re the two that got switched and they need reworking. A lot of attention on them. I need to change the setting of the duel. I can’t remember, but it’s supposed to be winter. So that means there’s snow in London’s streets. Or something, idk. I really should start setting dates. I have some frame of references (such as Avdotya’s birthday being in summer and the escape of that British general from Sweden) so I’ll have to work with the time frame just enough to get prepared for the next book. Unfortunately, I didn’t start early in 1808 but in the middle. D’oh! I’ll make it work. These years were chaotic. 1809 was really Chaotic too. Thing is, Diego has to be in three battles and one of them is a siege. After that, he gets exiled from Spain. Atlas will be in several of those battles but will also be in a few others himself. Probably the most. In fact, it’s basically everyone gets in battles… The thing is, Diego is technically a commander where as Atlas is a line officer. Avdotya and Sarvar are frontline troops. Thus, the perspective of the battles vary from individual soldier to full field scenario. Avdotya has some super dramatic moments. I’m exited to write about her. I love the snow and most her battles are in the snow. I got an idea. That sea battle. I should rewrite the chapter to make Atlas a part of the marines on one of the Swedish ships. More action, right? That’d be great to. He’d mostly be standing around and firing when they’re close enough. That’s a good idea. No one is around to tell me it’s bad so it must be good! ACTION!!!

I also need to explain Diego’s halberdier usage a bit more. I meant to imply he was using it like a bayonet but I can’t seem to remember if I mentioned that. Minor thing, can get fixed easily.

Six in the morning. I just finished creating the covers for the first two books and the bases for the other three. I don’t want to use too many pictures from the internet (using one thus far for the second book) because I can get sued for using certain images. That said, I’m going to need to send a picture of a horse to someone to get it on my computer. Then I can use the image of the horse on the third book. Halberd could be on the third and the final book will have something just… disheartening. I don’t want to use a cross but I do want to use headstones. Then again, that might be too on the nose. I’ll work on it. Today is Jonny’s birthday. I’m not going to message him though. Might not have to go to the dump, either. Because… 9/11. Government Memorial Day. Meaning probably won’t be open, idk. I’m going to use it as an excuse to stay home and not fret. I’ll end up sleeping here soon. When I do, I’ll wake up and take my vitamins/pills, do my sets of 25, and then get started editing the book. I like the new title. I removed the “The” because I hate how it sounds. So now it’s… Now that I think about it, I’m fairly certain I won’t be able to be distributed in schools. Which is fucking DUMB. Whatever, it’s not hairy butter anyways. It’s SHATTERED ERA!!! An era that’s shattered! WHAAAAAAAAT?!? SO SUCCESSFUL!!! I hope it is. Honestly, if I write these books and I don’t make it then I don’t know what I’ll do. Probably kill myself. Not joking, you know how I was with this first book. You had to blackmail me so I wouldn’t. Right now, I’ll set a goal. Second book by the end of 2018. Series completed by 2020. That’s my goal and if I fail, I’ll probably kill myself. I’m taking myself hostage and I’m getting results. I can do it. I think I could finish the second book by the end of the year if I really tried. That’s if I didn’t have to edit my current book… I have a lot to do, unfortunately. So, good thing I set the second book for next year. I want to be a published author by the time I’m 30. I feel like there is a lot of pressure on me. There is. There has always been. I’ve got some push now. I just need to know where those Attend pills come from and I’ll be set. Optimism. :D

Fuck. The dump is still open. So, in about three hours I have to leave and then I have to meet my dad and mom at the Kopper Kettle. I’ve shown my mom the cover I made. She likes it, I think. Mostly, she just started nagging me about how I need to register my book. I told her I had to finish editing it first and then she told me I should take an English class. I don’t want schooling. I don’t think I need it. It’d probably help but the thing is, I’ve been out of high school since I was 17. Then I tried community college and dropped out. There was too much pressure in the household at the time and I felt like I wasted my time. Haven’t gone since. I’ve actually avoided it as much as possible. I sent the final work to Adela. I think she’ll like it too. Currently 6:30 so… it’s time I got some sleep. At least for two hours. I’ve been running on so little sleep lately, it’s crazy. I’ll try to update when I get back from the dump. Kiki is super cuddly right now. I was holding her and she was loving it. I don’t think she minds being held, provided she’s not upside down. That’s the problem. We humans do that automatically because babies are held belly up. Cats aren’t babies though. Well, KIKI IS but she isn’t a human baby. That said, I finished the covers for all the books. Might get sued, fairly certain I will. However, I might be able to pull it off because I edited the images A LOT so they’ll have a hard time proving it’s theirs. That said, I used eyes for Avdotya, a sword for Atlas, a helmet for Sarvar, a Grenadier badge for Diego, and a rose for the final book (called Perdition). Perdition also has a white cover to represent a world without color which is would be appropriate for the ending I want. HOLY FUCK!!! I got a price quote for editing my book by a professional editor. $4000. Shit, Dude, I’m in the wrong business. I should become a book editor. That is a CRAZY amount of money for something so simple. Christ. x.x

Alright, getting ready to go. I’ll message you when I return. Love you. <3

That… went poorly. I got sad at the beginning of the journey when I tried to put on the hat and realized it was too small because you wore it last. Then I got really sleepy. It was weird, I wasn’t that sleepy until I was driving. Might have something to do with those Attend pills? Idk. Along the way, the tarp ripped. Then the rope that held the tarp down ripped. Then it ripped again. And again. I had such a hard time, I had to go recollect garbage that had flown into the middle of the road. I lost my temper again. I hit my truck so hard, the dash came loose. Then I hit my truck again while I was fighting with the garbage. Left a dent. Once I got to the dump, there was a long line. The lady working the cash register was in training. It was also Monday meaning garbage built up over the weekend so people are dumping more today than any other day. I got up to the spot, but there wasn’t enough room. Or at least, there wasn’t enough room that I was comfortable with because the rear window was blocked and I couldn’t see so I couldn’t back up safely. I didn’t have anyone to guide me either. Really could have used a wingman today. :/ So… I waited. Decided it’d help. I was shaking, I was so upset and frustrated. I know it doesn’t sound good but I had to collect myself. Thus, Facebook and waited for room. Eventually, space opened up and I threw everything away. The tarp, the cans, the garbage. Everything. It didn’t matter what, it was gone. On the way back, I felt… ashamed that I had gotten so upset. My hand still hurts. However, today was not easy and it hasn’t been easy at all lately. You don’t exactly do wonders for my self-esteem right now. I’m just stressed… frustrated… and this is my only outlet. On the way back, this was all I was looking forward to. Originally, I was going to go to McDonald’s as I do when I stressed… but lifestyle change. I wanted a Frappe. That is basically nothing but sugar. I considered getting a green tea, but also nothing but sugar. I decided to just drive home. My rage had turned to sorrow. Began to recant everything I did to lose you. I really don’t deserve a second chance. :/ I left at 9 and I started writing at 12. That’s too much time for what I did. My dad just got back. Not sure from what, but he’s calling me. I’m not in the mood for it, though. Allen is also over. I’m not in the mood for that, either. My mom wanted to talk to me, but I don’t want to expose myself to Allen right now. I just need some quiet time to myself. I’ve had a very rough day and my dad and Allen are the last people I want to talk to right now.

I thought it went well. Apparently not. I wonder if those book covers are going to bomb or get me in trouble somehow. My mom suggested I use her eyes so I wouldn’t get hit with a copyright suit. I had to tell her that I drew those eyes myself. Kind of proud of that.

I need new shoes, too. There are goat heads in them. Also, they’re literally falling apart. I was thinking about that as I waited. Started thinking about how we used to go to the mailbox and back and you said I needed shoes that supported me. You also said we’d get them eventually. Unfortunately, we didn’t last much longer than that.

I’m afraid of you reading this journal… after everything I’ve said, you’re bound to hate me more. Why am I trying? Everything I do ends up a colossal failure. Speaking of failure, an old business associate of mine died yesterday. He was 54 years old. Before you feel bad, know I didn’t know him that well and when I first met him he was unprofessional and out of line. I didn’t have much respect for him but it was weird because everyone else did.

That’s life. The worst people become successful. When you try your hardest, you just end up losing yourself. I wasn’t this bad. My rage wasn’t so bad. My depression wasn’t so bad. Ugh… I’m going to stop talking for a little while. And by that, I mean I’m going to hate myself a bit and associate with my dad and Allen. Fucking fantastic. Ugh, my neck hurts and I don’t know from what… I realize this as I’m about to stand up. Again, rough day. Brb ><

Literally the first thing my dad did was shit on me. Gee, thanks.

On the way here I nearly drove into oncoming traffic. Or at least, I was afraid I would have. I’m not in a good place right now. Glad I’m leaving. Of which, I’m leaving on the 30th of this month. My dad is calling me again. Appropriate timing to emphasize my point of why I hate it here.

I want to die. But I can’t. Not yet. I wish I could just be left alone for a minute. I need to escape.

I also need to go to the bathroom but I won’t until Allen has left.

He left. My dad got me… popcorn balls. I had to tell him that I cut sugar out of my diet. He means well. Of course, he’s also a dick too like previously mentioned, but he means well most of the time.

My mom asked me to move the mirror to the other room. She told me that she got it for herself but thought that you’d need it more. I don’t know why but that makes me really sad. Today is not a good day for me. My emotions are on a hair trigger right now. I wish you were here. I really need you right now.

You hate me for trying… for trying to reconnect. For trying to get what we once had. I wish you’d just hear me out. Fuck me for trying. Fuck me for doing anything. I can’t succeed in anything. Why am I still trying? Ugh… I’m overly emotional. I’ll stop rambling and spare you my self-pity. ><

I’ve been having vivid dreams lately. You were in this one but it wasn’t too important. It mostly dealt with my rage so it’s for me to remember how it happened.

It’s 11:35. I woke up like an hour ago thinking it was the next day. Was getting ready to name this entry and start the next. I was hearing music and footsteps outside my door and I was just hoping it would go away and I was convinced I was losing my mind. Turns out, my dad is still up. I feel a little dumb. Go figure, eh? I expected it to be like 4 in the morning or something. I was trying to go back to sleep because I have this kink in my neck that just won’t go away. I feel better today. I think I was asleep since about 1:30pm? Hard to say, my last activity was recorded at about 1. I’m still sleepy, but if my guess is correct, I’ve got a full 8 hours plus another half hour. Thats if I had to guess, though.

I hate flying by myself. I asked to leave on the 30th so I could have a chance to see you again. Ever hopeful, am I right? I wish you could go with me. It’d make things easier for me. We could drop you off at Shane’s and I could go back to Adela’s and you could go back to ignoring me. God, this sucks. >< There’s just… nothing I can do. And I’m fairly certain after reading this entry at least, you’ll be convinced not to see me ever again. Not been a good day, not been a good entry. Regardless, if you still get a chance to read this then you’ll read everything. All 17,888 words thus far. Hrm, seems numbers don’t count as words. Whatever… Only 20 minutes left in the day. I’ll stop writing for now and get the next entry prepped. I love you. Be safe. <3

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