FR though. The way Chester's voice says [UNINTELLIGIBLE] legit made my stomach lurch. Hadn't gotten a sensation like that since one of the background ambient sounds from seeing Crimson Peak in cinema.

Shout out to the people with flabby arms I love you so much

when you read a fic that gives you a hyper-specific whump scenario that you know would either A.) take forever to find in another story or B.) hasn't been written at all so the obvious conclusion is that you have to write it yourself

General oc talkkkk

I feel like i have to Do something with al once i take him off the shelf again (when my brain lets go of talon for another few months), ive been motivated to draw talon because he sits in my brain and i imagine interactions but it's much harder with al since al has been around for 10 years or more...and Al has like. Less conflict? In the sense of him just being a nice kind guy with regular human issues in a normal human world (or cow with regular individual issues in a normal furry world lol) ykwim?

Like. Talon is exaggerated he's a caricature of feelings to play with he's got lots of internal contradictions... and outside of that the whole Setting is easy to play with too, like, he's a vampire and those elements are more fun to think about and incorporate and build up in a way that requires a bit more brainpower of the fun variety (can make shit up) than Just a Regular Guy (has to be nore realistic, less fun to research), but less brainpower than, say, my abandoned Space Ocs where it was way harder for me to just make shit up, and way more to make shit up about (not as fun for me)

Idk! Its easy to imagine Talon in interactions, including ones with Al, or just self exploring dialogue....

Other than cute interactions between al and smunker its a lot harder to find stuff with him...he's a guy living in our regular world... his life has been fairly normal and he's good and nice. And i wouldnt change any of those things just to change em but there's less conflict other than the usual internal stuff all humans experience. I think if he wasnt my imaginary bf I would have shelved him more permanently like the oc group he came with...

There's something about how i very rarely make ocs, he's technically my oldest oc and talon is my newest oc, talon is what i Feel making ocs should feel like. And he's only over a year old. And he's still not even what I would call a well written character in any capacity. And yet i dont think i could very easily replicate this again ykwim. Im so bad at writing, and ..... creating....! Idk how people do any of it....i just wanna extend my ocs lives and my interest in them forever...

the fact that Chara's big plan to destroy the barrier involved them committing suicide…

like, killing themself for "the greater good"… and it didn't even work, either…

if anything it made things worse. because it made Asgore want to declare war on all humans. it caused Flowey to exist and caused mass murder on multiple resets.

and this isn't me blaming Chara for that. this is me saying that their suicide didn't improve anything. killing themself was a horrible idea with massive consequences. they didn't need to die, they didn't deserve to die and dying did not fix anything.

I don't understand how anyone sees them as a villain really…

Fuck it maybe I'll let my Dr up my antidepressants this week

...

WHO THE FUCK WAS GONNA TELL ME THAT GBA IS ON TUMBLR???

THANK FUCK I DIDNT POST THE FICS I HAVE SITTING IN MY DRAFTS WTFFFFFF

Edit: He doesn’t have anon on for his asks, im gonna cry

its so weird to read some of my old fics (do NOT do it but i'm just being hypothetical rn) and reading it. like who even was this person?? i completely was in a haze back in 2020. i literally was posting 3 chapters a day. A DAY. what in the WORLD was that shit.

anyway i remembered some STUPID sappy shit and i didnt remember if i'd put it into a fic or not BUT I FOUND IT.

She and Hope had been dating in secret for months anyway, and any attempt to go talk to Ryan only filed her disposition of displeasure upon knowing that she couldn’t tell anyone, Molly especially, it destroyed herself mentally. They couldn’t really go anywhere near the school, always having to lie to everyone about having projects together when Molly wasn’t around them. It’d consisted with 9 PM - 2 AM intervals of being able to actually see each other. Hope would sneak through her small bedroom window with a portable record player and whatever she had gotten from the vintage record store downtown, and Amy would always fall asleep around eleven because of her internal clock. She would always wake up to find a single sticky note stuck on the edge of her desk whenever she woke up to her alarm the next morning. One of them, Amy still had tucked inside of her phone case, a heavily detailed human heart, with blue and red ink sketched onto a neon pink sticky note, there was a caption that headed the small paper reading the phrase over every now and again makes her almost melt every time. “You have my heart.”

yeah idk why the fuck but i thought of this fucking idea again today and i was like "omg did i ever put that heart note thing in a fic???" yeah you fucking did.

all that to say ME AND WHO???? imagine. thats so fucking.... RAHHHH.

i made 2 new ocs and i love them but one of them is going to die and im upset about it

It’s OC posting hours with Felix and Ebony

Finished ghost trick have scrambled kinda tired thoughts

Def smth to start the game in the evening and finishing just short after 6am. Yes one sitting baby. Very often irl time lined up w where I was in the game. For better or for worse. Oh how I wish I could eat like lynne. I still prefer the og soundtrack but the new one isn't bad either. Appreciate games that let you switch between both. Bonus content my beloved I always eat bonus illustrations up esp concept art I really wish more games had this nowadays (next to art books maybe since not everyone can get them). I think in the past bonus content was more the norm but it seemed to get lost. Alas could be wrong I don't look at a lot of games I'm somewhat in my own bubble and I'm fine w that. Oh the ghost puzzles are slide ones I'm out I suck at those so bad they made me go from 0 to 100 when I played all layton games to the point I just immediately pulled a guide up. Someone get me when guides exist (wouldn't be suprised if they already do). Anyhow omg did I forget how much I adore every single char. Absolutely over my head but maybe I will make a board for all. At the very least all more major chars. Everyone has such good designs. Design wise cabanela ily but I think aside from like lynne, yomiel and missile is detective jowd my fav I always forget how sympathetic he is for me. Not enough to consider a comfort char but he does have a comforting presence. First time playing did I get deeper and deeper emotionally into other stuff so his whole oh I'm guilty I can't be forgiven I deserve execution talk for the first part was a tad ah oof yikes not a emotion mirror fan but now esp after already knowing the story was it just. Shaking You Snap Out. Also oh remembering my first reactions to things was funny. I think my feelings towards cabanela were such a rollercoaster. Also yomiel oh yomiel I am so glad death got avoided and a normal life was possible but I wish we also saw a bit of his new life and idk maybe it's just me but I find it sad how sissel wasn't his cat anymore. Oh how the story took me for a ride the first time but also oh how nice it is to replay smth and seeing the foreshadowing knowing the truth n all. One thing I completely forgot is how when the meteorite got avoided n then the bullet yomiel just gets pierced and hnnnnnn nnnnnot a fan of that stuff. Even if the game isn't graphic and he survives do I not like that. That could've happened when his body still immediately healed wounds and my body would still go ha no you will feel pain in the same spot for hours. Pierced through pain my absolute behated.

Sorry not sorry for how this post looks it's 7:30am over here and I almost fell asleep writing and will now pass out.

My Roommate Is Hades is just a pilot video and I already want to make an extremely angsty animatic about it.

I started with posting about my autistic experience on twitter, reading posts on there, and interacting with people there.

then twitter got unbearable, so I moved back here and made a new account and side blogs to mirror twitter and lurk in the tags.

i've noticed a difference between autism twitter and autism tumblr from the big algorithm-controlled posts I usually see:

autism twitter makes me feel like i'm not allowed to say autism disables me or causes problems in life

while autism tumblr makes me feel like i'm not allowed to feel positively about being autistic and can only see it as a struggling disability.

the contrast makes me dizzy 😵‍💫 it's like no one wants to see the perspective of other people when we are all different. each side wants their narrative to be the told one.

you ever have blorbo thoughts but can’t get them out so it’s just “um. so what if. there was a person. and uh. had feelings.”

I probably shouldn't say this in public but how public is tumblr really?

So anyway my biggest secret is that I don't really have a strong capacity for affective empathy. I wish I did! I have rats and a cat, and sometimes I fail to anticipate or I misinterpret their needs because I don't have a fine sense of minor distress outside of life or death situations involving people who could harm me. Animals really only signal that they're hurt when it's bad, like a lot of humans do, and basically for me it can be really hard to respond to any kind of other people's small potatoes -- unless they're telegraphing so strongly that they hate the experience they're having that plants start wilting and the cat starts thoughtfully avoiding them. That's usually my cue too.

I try to be a decent person nonetheless, and I'd like to think I do okay, erring on the side of "they hate this" rather than "we're playfighting".

Maybe I don't.

Probably I cause a lot of harm and spend a lot more time trying to undo it than the average person does, and I don't really feel self-flagellant about that, but like, not being in acute distress over it all the time doesn't mean that I don't have an awareness of it.

A lot of people online post about that sort of thing like it's an enormous dub that makes them better than others, and like, I get the temptation to be like ACTUALLY MY DISABILITY IS MY SUPERPOWER! I AM JUST LIKE JEFFED REE DAWED MER!

But who does that actually serve? What's the use of having your head up your own ass about something that actively makes your life harder, instead of compensating for it? Didn't we all grow out of this in like little baby school when we realized we would rather have real friends than luxuriate in our own mad genius?

This post isn't really going anywhere and I don't have anything to say but if this is going to be my shitty internet diary that people can look in on then I may as well get it out of the way mayn't I?

One of the most important things I learned and internalized in the ongoing process of unlearning my upbringing is "you didn't need [bad thing] in order to [good thing]"

I didn't need to be homeless to grow in compassion.

I didn't need to be in pain for an extended amount of time to deserve relief

I didn't need to be harassed and assaulted to become a compassionate person

I decided to continue to live and to learn and to grow and to practice my values. I wasn't ~made pure~ by trial through fire. I deserved love and community and connection and accessibility because I exist.

None of us earned our lives. They just happened. We're here now and we get to decide how we're gonna navigate this bullshit. If we're going to treat each other in a way that reflects what we believe.