#bonnie huie
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There are some sorrows so great that they are unspeakable, taking hold in the body and leaving a void after the fact. There are some depths that love can never again reach. The mind anoints every fossil with significance in an attempt to preserve it—but in time, they all invariably turn to dust.
Qiu Miaojin, from Notes of a Crocodile (trans. Bonnie Huie)
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"My life was extraordinarily lacking in all sense of reality, as if I were watching a different me playing various characters within a mirage. I wanted to be kicked out into reality so badly…"
— from Notes of a Crocodile by Qiu Miaojin; translated by Bonnie Huie
#writeblr#queer stories#lgbtq+ writers#book quotes#bookblr#queer history#lgbtq+ history#Qiu Miaojin#Bonnie Huie#notes of a crocodile
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I don’t want to be close to you again. Our fighting knows no end. I want you to shatter the illusions I created, and go out and love someone else. Don’t love too much but don’t fail to love, either. Love prudently. Love realistically, just enough to treat someone well. Though you don’t love me anymore, relationship or not, I want you to be well now and always. I want you to love someone else, even if it hurts me.
Qiu Miaojin, Notes of a Crocodile (translated by Bonnie Huie)
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What I read in October
Hoo boy, I sure did forget to post this earlier, didn't I!
Honestly I've been so busy so far this month that I just didn't even think of it. Also, this month is sort of evaporating. Before you ask, no I have written nothing at all for the not-NaNo that I was planning to attempt. But I did come up with another great idea for something that I'll probably start and not finish, so you can't say I've done nothing!
Anyway, on to the list:
Unfortunate Elements of My Anatomy, Hailey Piper ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Ghost Bird, Lisa Fuller ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Hound of the Baskervilles, Arthur Conan Doyle ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Forest of Stolen Girls, June Hur ⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Liar's Dice, Jeannie Lin ⭐️
Straya, Anthony O'Connor ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Toxic, Dan Kaszeta (nf) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Illuminae, Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Penhallow, Georgette Heyer ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Myth of the Self Made Man, Ruben Reyes Jr (ss) ⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Call, Christian White & Summer De Roche ⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Death of the Necromancer, Martha Wells ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Cretins, Thomas Ha (ss) ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Kill Your Brother, Jack Heath ⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Doors of Perception, Aldous Huxley (nf) ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Valley of Terror, Zhou Haohui, tr. Bonnie Huie ⭐️⭐️
The Curse of the Burdens, John Wyndham ⭐️⭐️
Amazons, Adrienne Mayor (nf) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Kraken Wakes, John Wyndham ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Dead Mountain, Donnie Eichar (nf) ⭐️⭐️
Family Business, Jonathan Sims ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
In the House of Aryaman A Lonely Signal Burns, Elizabeth Bear ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
A Blessing of Unicorns, Elizabeth Bear ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
METAtropolis Anthology ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Plan for Chaos, John Wyndham ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
A Fatal Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum, Emma Southon (nf) ⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Outward Urge, John Wyndham ⭐️⭐️
King Solomon's Mines, H. Rider Haggard DNF
The Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle tr. David Ross (nf) ⭐️⭐️⭐️
This was a bit of a mixed bunch!
At the end of September I went to a writer's conference, where Lisa Fuller and Amie Kaufman were guests of honour. I was a bit annoyed at myself because I had bought Ghost Bird the week before, not realising that she was on the program, so I had the book the whole time but hadn't yet read it! Oh well, better late than never.
Ghost Bird was a solid spooky read, dealing with family history and tensions, small town disturbances, and the violent inheritances of colonialism and racism in Australia. I originally bought it because it was on a list of books to read if you enjoyed Catching Teller Crow by Ambelin Kwaymullina and Ezekiel Kwaymullina, which I did.
Illuminae was one that I had heard @slushrottweiler mention several times, but I'd never gotten around to it (YA, not my most favourite! Epistolary, not my most favourite!). But after the conference I figured I'd check it out, and I'm glad I did. While I wouldn't say that it's my favourite thing ever, it was a solid scifi story, with an interesting form and style, and I'll probably check out the sequels eventually.
Straya by Anthony O'Connor was the other book on this list that I picked up after the conference. Kind of a goofy action romp through post-apocalyptic Sydney, I was expecting to be a kind of brain-off funtime read (and it is! Don't get me wrong!) but it also had a lot of very clever little twists and turns that kept it really engaging. Also a refreshing take on the 'love interest' character, being that she's asexual, and when the protagonist confesses his feelings for her she says well... that's sweet and all, but I don't do that. Can we still be friends? And then they are still friends! A lot of the goofyness of this book is held up by a backbone of sincerity which is really nice, too. In all, a fun read.
Also revisited some faves this month, re-read Penhallow for my book club, and I have to say, it is one of those books which just gets more complex with each rereading. It's up there with Rebecca as some of my most books of all time.
There's one big fat DNF on the list this month, King Solomon's Mine, which through a combination of Victorian era racism, and very poor audio quality was pretty much unlistenable, and I don't think I'll be bothered trying to find a better recording.
And that's that!
nf= non fiction
ss= short story
stars awarded at my whim
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I just finished reading the book Notes of a Crocodile by Qui Miaojin (translated to English by Bonnie Huie), and my heart is so heavy, and my eyes are threatening to spill over.
One of the reasons being the want to read more about these characters that I have gotten to know and love the past few days, I miss them already… Another reason being how a lot of her (the unnamed protagonist) experiences and behaviours mirror some of my own. Self-destructive, lonely, and brimming with love to give but the feeling of inadequacy when it’s about love received. Her letters to Shui Ling echo writings and conversations from my past, especially in correspondence with Benjamin. This reminder has been like a knife to an old wound, forcingly lacerating it open once more. I was thinking of jumping straight to another book, but my heart sorely needs rest and a little gentle tending.
#I do recommend this book !#it’s about a lesbian girl growing into a young woman who struggles a lot with love and self#I have many feelings currently that I cannot compartmentalise at this very moment#but I hadn’t even gotten through the first chapter before ordering her other book… her way of writing enchanted me…#there are many stories where I have seen parts of myself. but no book has made me feel so seen and understood in some of my past endeavours
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— Qiu Miaojin, Notes of a Crocodile (trans. Bonnie Huie)
#notes of a crocodile#qiu miaojin#excerpts#queer literature#to paint a picture of our embrace i’d almost have to use her blood and guts.#lgbtq#prose
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海城 (Hai Cheng) x Quotes it reminded me of
1. “Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Lines” by Pablo Neruda
2&3. Notes of a Crocodile by Qiu Miaojin (trans. Bonnie Huie)
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Qiu Miaojin, Notes of a Crocodile (trans. Bonnie Huie)
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Sarah's Top 10 Reads of 2022
Honestly a miracle i read enough books to put together a list of top ten books this year but i'll take it
i'm also including links to my goodreads reviews where i remembered to write one in case anyone is curious as to my first impressions of any of these books (as I recall i didn't write a review for my top read of this year because it made me too emotional if that tells you anything about the kind of books i like to read)
So here we go! My favorite reads of the year:
10. Notes of a Crocodile - Qiu Miaojin, tr. Bonnie Huie (GR)
9. How High We Go In the Dark - Sequoia Nagamatsu (GR)
8. The Chosen and the Beautiful - Nghi Vo (GR)
7. Light From Uncommon Stars - Ryka Aoki (GR)
6. The Sunflower Cast a Spell To Save Us From The Void - Jackie Wang (GR)
5. The Traitor Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson (GR)
4. Butter Honey Pig Bread - Francesca Ekwuyasi (GR)
3. Nona the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir
2. The Tradition - Jericho Brown
1. The Thirty Names of Night - Zeyn Joukhadar
#sarah.txt#2022 recap#i actually didn't realize i read so many asian writers this year sdkjfnsdkfjsnd#not planned but i'm incredibly here for it
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She walked past me and asked what I was doing there. I said, Can we start over? She turned around. The ocean wept. I knew it was mutual love.
Qiu Miaojin, Notes of a Crocodile (trans. Bonnie Huie)
#not quite sure how i feel about this one yet#the writing is good but emotionally i am still unsure#but here i like the break for the ocean wept#qiu miaojin#notes of a crocodile#also i suppose i am in a mood to like this bit#sort of wish i wasn't#books#quote#allie reads
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On how to love well: Instead of embracing a romantic ideal, you must confront the meaning of every great love that has shattered, shard by shard.
Qiu Miaojin, from Notes of a Crocodile (trans. Bonnie Huie)
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"Every once in a while I’d meet people who got me and we’d hit it off. But even so, what good did it do me? Joining the group meant I’d either be the one who mixed things up or I’d get lost in the jumble. In reality I’d always be relegated to the margins."
— from Notes of a Crocodile by Qiu Miaojin; translated by Bonnie Huie
#writeblr#queer stories#lgbtq+ writers#book quotes#bookblr#queer history#lgbtq+ history#Qiu Miaojin#Bonnie Huie#notes of a crocodile
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The best way for any relationship to end is with the sentiment I wish the best for you, and I am grateful for what we once had together.
Qiu Miaojin, Notes of a Crocodile (translated by Bonnie Huie)
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Notes of a Crocodile by Qiu Miaojin, translated by Bonnie Huie, is an often puzzling whirl of a story about the lonely, depressed inner life of lesbian Lazi, living as a student in late 1980s Taipei. Lazi suffers through hot and cold relationships with women in which she is both hopelessly in love and fiercely, stubbornly aloof. Meanwhile, vignettes reveal a side cast: the strange rich Meng Sheng, the troubled gay Chu Kuang, and the sapphic Tun Tun and Zhi Rou.
As the narrator persists, the people around her struggle with their sapphic innocent and yet tortured loves. In small satiric fables, the nation has become obsessed with 'crocodiles', mirroring an obsessive fascination and homophobia that gripped Taiwan at the time—they want to know everything about the crocodile, who lives quietly wrapped in a human skin, trying not to be discovered.
The narrator is self-destructive and often suicidal, self-harming. It is even more tragic when you realize that Miaojin was lost to suicide at the age of 26, and her novels were published posthumously, her fame as a countercultural, queer Asian icon coming after her death. While the novel could be scattered and confusing, its emotion is vivid and infectious, and even as I lost some of the threads, the narrator and her friends, their characters, burned through the pages. Their longing, hurt, and fears stuck with me after I had turned the final page.
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She was an apparition seen only on Mondays. On Mondays, an offering to my death, she would come to appease me with roses, draped in white muslin, barefoot, and floating. Her primal mating dance, with eyes closed, in rapture. Rose petals scattered into the wilderness.
She made me an offering, and she didn’t even know. A bouquet of roses every week, and among roses it seemed that I might still be alive. It was a new life in which I could reach for those roses, only to find a glass wall. When I outstretched my hand, I discovered it was my own reflection. When Monday ended, the glass wall grew even thicker.
Notes of a Crocodile. Qiu Miaojin. Translated by Bonnie Huie. New York Review Books, 2017 (Originally published 1994).
Qiu Miaojin was a Taiwanese novelist active in the 1990s, and is known for being one of the first openly lesbian writers in post-martial law Taiwan. Qiu’s suicide in 1996 at the age of twenty-six transformed her into a household name. Notes of a Crocodile, which posthumously won her the 1995 China Times Honorary Prize for Literature, is described as “a survival manual for the younger audience”. The experimental novel is set in late-1980s Taipei, and is narrated from the perspective of an anonymous lesbian university student who becomes immersed in a world outside the domains of heteronormativity. With a satirical, incisive tone, the novel contemplates the cruelties of human nature, and the difficulties of reconstructing one’s sense of self-worth.
Bonnie Huie’s English translation of Qiu’s novel was recently published in May 2017 by New York Review Books. Qiu’s other unpublished masterpiece, Last Words from Montmartre, was translated into English in 2014.
#qiu miaojin#notes of a crocodile#bonnie huie#taiwanese writers#taiwanese literature#taiwanese lgbt literature#week 31
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Notes of a Crocodile by Qiu Miaojin, translated by Bonnie Huie
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