#because it's been hours since i've been home | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

esmedelacroix · 2 days

Text

All the ways you disappoint me.

pairing: boyfriend!miguel o'hara x f!reader

summary: The honeymoon phase confirmed it's existence for the second year of dating Miguel. Your love life went from flourishing to one-sided the day Miguel revealed to you that he was Spiderman.

cw: ooc miguel, very angsty, depressive behaviors, alcohol abuse

a/n: I have been on hiatus for a very long time. I've been in a very dark place this past month. I lost a very good friend of mine that I have known since middle school. Which really threw me off track. I have a bunch of works in progress coming out soon. I finally feel like I'm in a mentally okay spot to pick up writing again. This is lowk just word vomit but its something.

*not proofread*

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Disappointment. A feeling you you felt often. Maybe even too often. You were very familiar with disappointment. He only ever came around late at night. Disappointment would wrap his arms around you as if he wasn't the reason why there was a wet spot on your pillowcase almost every night.

All Miguel O'Hara ever does is disappoint you. "So why are you still with him?" your good friend Jess asked over hot morning tea.

"What am I supposed to do without him?" you questioned.

"That's not a very healthy mindset to have. You know that," Jess said putting a firm comforting hand over yours.

You look away for a moment. Eyes trailing out the window of the Spider Society Café that reeked of coffee and broken promises. Miguel O'Hara was married to the barista who would hand him five coffees minimum a day. He chose to marry the barista and work and not his own girlfriend of three years.

As you watched the birds create an arrow in the air flying north over the firey trees below. Part of you wished that you were a bird in this very moment flying away from the problems that devoured your brain from the inside. "You still with me?" Jess asked worriedly.

"Yeah," you sighed turning back to her.

"So you'll talk to Miguel tonight?" Jess commanded. She did that a lot. She would ask a question that sounded like an order which made you feel the need to obey. You simply nodded bringing your mug to your lips and sipping on your now-cold Earl Grey tea.

"Isn't it strange how quickly tea gets cold?" you thought out loud.

"Well that's kind of how tea works hon'," she answered.

. . .

You stopped waiting for Miguel to come home ages ago because you didn't think there was a point in it. Just like how you didn't see the point in trying to talk to him about putting effort into your relationship. In the same way you shouldn't have seen the point in staying with him after your last thousand arguments. You felt your eyelids get heavier with every passing hour you spent staring at the ceiling waiting to hear the door swing open.

Like you summoned him with your mind, you heard the door. The keys. The sigh. And the footsteps. Your heart began to race. Why am I nervous? You asked yourself. You stood up and walked out of your shared room.

Miguel's usual routine was to get home eat the food you prepared for him hours prior, shower, and go to bed. As you walked down the hallway leading to the kitchen, you stopped yourself before turning the corner. Inhale. Exhale. You stepped out into the kitchen and his head shot up immediately. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?" he asked. That’s new. An apology, from Miguel. You thought to yourself.

"No, no, I was having trouble sleeping," you answered in a quiet voice.

"Everything alright?" he questioned as he scraped the last bit of food on his plate into his mouth.

"Yeah, I've just been thinking," you started.

"About?" he asked urging you to continue.

"Miguel do you still love me?" you blurted out.

"Of course I do," he replied in a fraction of a second. He sounded almost hurt that you had even asked that question.

Moments like these make you forget the status of your relationship. Moments when Miguel would forget that he's supposed to be cold to you. The moments when he allowed himself to let his guard down around you. Those fleeting moments that should have never left your relationship. "Then why don't we spend any time together? I want to be around you Miguel, I don't care if we sit in silence at the most boring place on the planet. I just want to be in your presence," you admitted. He gave you that little hurt expression again.

"I—I've just been busy," he stuttered. Miguel would often do this thing where he would begin to say something and then cut himself off and choose to say something else.

"Miguel, you know you can tell me anything," you insisted.

"I just—can we please not do this right now?" he pleaded.

You gave him a frown. "Can we sleep it off? Talk about it in the morning?" he sighed rubbing his face.

"Will you even be here in the morning?" you ask under your breath.

"I'll see," he said putting a hand on your shoulder as he walked past you into the bathroom. He did it again. He cut off the conversation the moment it got hard for him. Why are we so complicated? You asked yourself as you lay your head on your moist pillow. Will there ever be a night where I don't cry because of him? A night where he doesn't confuse me with his actions?

. . .

That night as you lay in bed with his back faced away from him, you couldn't help but cry. You felt like you were drowning in your tears. Like they were holding you back. You tried to be as quiet as possible. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. You repeated to yourself.

The only happy thoughts you could think of were of Miguel. Or the Miguel you used to know. The person he used to be before he started using his job as an excuse to neglect you.

Just then when your breathing slowed and you calmed down a bit with tears still streaming down your face. He wrapped his arms around you. He cuddled you from behind. He did that often. When he thought you were asleep. It was almost as if different versions of himself occupied his brain. You liked the one that took the spotlight at night.

The one that would cuddle you. Nuzzle his nose into your hair. The one that would rub your back and. Apologize. To. You.

. . .

Apology fell asleep last night and disappointment woke up at the ass crack of dawn because there was another Spider-verse that needed saving.

You woke up later that morning to the usual chilling feeling of Miguel not being there. You got up stretching your arms as you walked to your kitchen. You made yourself a cup of tea and an omelette, and ate alone, in silence. Thinking. About him. Again.

For the second time this week as if you called for him with your heart, you heard the balcony door slide open and a masked man swing in. He took his mask off and shook his head adjusting his hair. "Good morning," you said with a stupid smile on your face. Why? You couldn't tell. Maybe it was the fact that he was actually here in the morning like he said he would be.

"Good morning. You’re in a good mood," he chuckled.

"Well you're here," you smiled.

Miguel gave you a look. You weren't sure how to feel about it. But it wasn't a bad look. It was nice. Kind of sweet. He prepared a pot of black coffee and talked about his morning in Peni Parker's universe catching a difficult anomaly. For a moment, you could feel little fireflies set off in your stomach seeing him talk about something he was passionate about.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" he asked as he took a seat next to you.

"Just about us and our recent slump, I guess?" you started.

"I'm listening," he hummed as he sipped his coffee.

"I want to spend more time with you Miguel. I want to not argue with you about how much time you spend at work. I want to know what's on your mind. I want to know how you really are and not just how you say you are," you admit. Miguel stayed quiet for a while in thought.

"I don't know what to say to that," he said; his voice cracking a bit.

"You don't have to say anything just—let me be your shelter, please?" you suggested.

. . .

That night Miguel didn't come home. He didn't come in the middle of the night. He didn't come to eat either. He didn't come to wrap his arms around you. And he didn't come to apologize to you.

. . .

I don't like it when my friends tell me I have a drinking problem. How could it possibly be a problem if it makes me feel better about all the things that rack my brain? Being vulnerable is much easier said than done. Especially, with the girl I love. Of course, I want to tell her things. I want to tell her everything. I want her to know me as well as she knows her hometown. As well as she knows her childhood cat. And as well as she knows how to navigate Pinterest.

But I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll cry and she'll think I'm weak. I'm afraid she'll think I'm unworthy. I know she would never think those things about me. But how could anyone think anything differently if I think that way about myself?

That's why I turn to the friend that won't let me down ever. Endless Modelos. Because I'm so weak that I can't even open up tp my girlfriend. Every time I feel like I am finally ready to tell her what I'm going through, I stop myself because I am afraid.

. . .

To your great surprise, Miguel wasn't there in the morning. Or the next, or even the one after that. By the third you hadn't seen him it was beginning to stress you out. You wondered if he was safe. If he was even still alive. You decided to go to the Spider Society.

After talking with Jess for a while and babysitting Mayday for a bit. You were finally free to go see Miguel in his office. You opened the door and called out to him but the only thing you heard from him was a sniff. Then two. Followed by a third.

"Miguel are you up there?" you asked as you climbed the stairs to his his platform.

"No?" he said in a shaky voice.

"Is everything okay?" you asked. You saw your answer in the form of 10 too many emptied beer bottles on his desk and on the ground.

You rushed towards him discarding your purse on the ground. He brought his hands to his face and he hid. From you. Your heart sank to the lowest pit in your stomach it could reach. You placed a gentle hand on his shoulders and crouched down next to him. "Miguel, talk to me, please?" you whispered.

Nothing.

. . .

The worst way Miguel could ever disappoint you happened. You had imagined it happening in so many other ways but not like that. You never thought of him as the type of man to give up on something so good.

For the last time in your relationship, Miguel O'Hara disappointed you when he told you he wanted to break up.

. . .

to be continued?

181 notes · View notes

macgyvermedical · 3 days

Text

My Experience in Inpatient Psych

So I know a lot of people on here have talked about their experience in inpatient psych facilities, but I'd like to add mine just to give all you writers out there a writer-focused one. It's below the cut just in case you have to sit this one out for your own reasons.

To give you some background, I am 30 years old and have had hallucinations since about 16 and bizarre intrusive thoughts (someone living in my house that wasn't supposed to be there, somebody poisoned my walls, etc...) for about a decade, as well as very severe anxiety since I was about 3 years old. This is something not a lot of people know about me, even people I am friends with IRL.

The only thing I am actually diagnosed with is anxiety, which I'm starting to think is a failing of the psych systems I have been a part of. I have had counseling off and on and prior to this hospitalization I took escitalopram, aripiprazole, and gabapentin prescribed by my primary care doctor- all for the severe anxiety.

Quite frankly, I should have been in inpatient psych at least a few times before this, and it's by sheer dumb luck that I've survived to continue this blog.

On Friday, I was at home alone and made a few pretty bad decisions. I wont say what they were because frankly they're embarrassing, but they have to do with self-harm. I was scheduled to work Saturday and at about 9pm I realized that if I drove myself to work I would crash my car. Since my wife drives me sometimes, I figured I would just ask her to.

I told my wife and she asked- even if she drove me to work, since I was a nurse, would I be able to keep myself safe around insulin or other potentially dangerous drugs? I couldn't answer that question. We talked for a couple hours and came to the conclusion that I probably needed to go to the emergency department.

At this point I figured they would evaluate me and release me because I couldn't possibly meet the criteria for inpatient. I was wrong in this assumption. After telling them the decisions I had made that day, the feelings of wanting to die in a car crash, plus about a previous attempt, they recommended inpatient. Turns out, when you're a nurse, you can make some really bad life choices with the knowledge you have, and they didn't want to take any chances.

I was given paper scrubs to wear (so I couldn't hurt myself with my clothing or a hospital gown). I was also given a patient companion (someone who sits in the room and makes sure you don't hurt yourself).

They gave me the option of signing myself in voluntarily, or putting me on a writ of detention. A writ of detention is a piece of paperwork that allows a medical professional or law enforcement officer to hold someone for 3 days in a psychiatric facility against the person's will for the purposes of psychiatric treatment. Whether you sign the voluntary or get placed on a writ, you cannot sign yourself out. You need to wait until the psychiatrist taking care of you thinks you're ready to go.

I didn't believe at this point I needed to go inpatient, but I took the voluntary option because there are some perks, like being able to leave within 3 days if appropriate. At this point I was convinced I was probably going to have to call off work Saturday and Sunday, probably be out of the hospital Monday, have a few days to rest and be back at work on my next scheduled shift after that, which was Thursday.

Well, that's not what happened.

Because of some of the decisions I had made, along with bed availability, they wanted to keep me in the observation unit overnight before they sent me to psych. I stayed overnight in a unit that shares staff with the unit I work on, so I was taken care of by my coworkers. This was surprisingly not that bad. I like my coworkers and they were really professional about it.

Saturday I felt like I was in a fog all day. I couldn't watch TV. I couldn't color or write. I worked out some in my hospital room and paced the halls once or twice. Mostly I hung out with my wife and occasionally talked with my companion, but even talking was difficult. I had refused ativan because I felt like I had no hope of finding a medication that made me feel better, and I figured I didn't want to take the one medication that might actually work and then not be able to get it ever again.

Around 7PM I took a 45 minute ambulance ride to the facility. Getting my blood pressure taken is a big anxiety trigger for me, but my brain felt so scrambled that I couldn't express this well. They took it every 10 minutes on the ride there and by the time I got there it was in the 170s/100s (BP goes up when you're having severe anxiety). This was not their fault of course, but no matter how much I thought about telling them or refusing the BPs, I just couldn't do it.

When I got to the facility I was greeted by a tech who took my BP again (150s/90s this time), showed me around and looked through my personal belongings (basically just the clothing I came in with since my wife took my phone and wallet knowing I wouldn't be able to have them on the unit) to make sure I didn't have anything I wasn't allowed to on the unit. She showed me around my room and was really thorough with telling me how things worked, what the rules were, etc..

The rules included:

No patients allowed in other patients rooms

No personal belongings that had strings, belts, or laces, or that could be used as a weapon

No caffeine after lunch and no free access to caffeine

No personal electronics (including eReaders and watches). There was a TV in the day room and 2 phones mounted to the wall for patient use

A little later my nurse came into my room and asked me a ton of questions. Here's the thing about any hospital- you get asked the same questions over and over. By the time I'd gotten there I could give my story in under a minute. Or at least, that's what it felt like. There were only 2 clocks on the unit, at the nurses stations.

The unit itself was laid out in a "T" shape. There was a main nurse's station at the place where the two hallways intersected. At the end of the long hallway there was another smaller nurses station, a cafeteria/day room, and a "comfort room" which was a small room off the day room that had a collection of the oldest and worst donated books that have every come together on a bookshelf.

I did some pacing that night and then went to bed, but didn't sleep particularly well.

On Sunday morning the tech woke me up to take my blood pressure, which was, not unsurprisingly, still high. It was about 5 AM so I got up and paced the longer of the corridors for about an hour. Breakfast was served at 8 and the food wasn't that bad. The coffee was about the worst I'd ever drank, which I suppose helped with the no caffeine goals.

Just after breakfast I met with a psychiatrist on an iPad for about half a minute, and I'm not exaggerating there. The only questions he asked were whether I was suicidal and whether I would be fine with tripling my dose of aripiprazole in light of the hallucinations. I had had a 50-lb weight gain in the last year so I asked to switch my med. He switched the med to cariprazine. That was all.

I had a much longer meeting with my nurse later. All the nurses did an excellent job of assessing me, asked tons of questions, and it seemed like they really tried to figure out what was going on. That day I also met with a social worker, and a therapist, and a nurse practitioner. Each of them did an assessment to see what my needs were while I was there.

There was also a music therapy session where I cried my eyes out to Because of You by Kelly Clarkson.

I was really tired by the end of the day but I also didn't think I could sleep so I asked for trazodone. I should clarify that when I say "I" in this piece I really mean my wife convinced me to ask because I legitimately didn't believe I needed or deserved any of the things I asked for at this point. To my utter shock and surprise, they gave me the trazodone.

My first night on trazodone was amazing and I realized I hadn't slept well in a long time. With trazodone I fell asleep and stayed asleep until the blood pressure cart came rolling down the hallway at 5am. The second I got up on Monday morning I was wide awake.

I paced a lot Monday. I went to a goals session in the morning where I gave a goal to write 3/4 of a page. I didn't know if I could do it or what I was even going to write about, but I know I like to write and it might be a reasonable introduction to getting back to life.

I also was having kind of a rough day brain-wise. My brain was coming up with all the ways I could hurt myself in my room. There weren't a lot of them, but it was trying. I told the nurse during her assessment and she asked if I felt I could keep myself safe. I asked her what she would do if I said no. She said they could move me to a more secure part of the unit and give me more supervision. I knew what part of the unit she was talking about, and I didn't want to go there (no space to pace, and pacing was keeping me alive right then). So I told her I could keep myself safe (if anything, the idea of moving was good motivation to do stay safe in itself). I hallucinated some black and white blood cells falling from the ceiling and music coming out of my vents.

I also had another meeting with the social worker to figure out discharge plans. I voiced in the meeting that I wasn't sure that I could trust my wife, since it felt like at the time she was the one who exaggerated my symptoms to get me in here. The social worker said we had really good communication skills, since this was something I felt needed to be said in front of both of them and we both stayed really calm through the whole thing.

I finished the day with an art therapy session that really helped me turn a corner. The prompt was to draw the emotion(s) you felt right now on one side of the paper, and to draw the emotions you wished you could feel on the other side. For the first time I realized that my emotional state was actually really bad and that the suicidality hadn't come out of nowhere, and that I needed help.

When my wife came to visit later that night I was able to tell her about my breakthrough, even though I still felt a little bit like she had done something to get me in here and I still wasn't sure I needed to be inpatient.

Tuesday was a lot better. I felt like I had woken up out of some kind of fog and I had no idea how long I'd been in it. I went to goals group, a spiritual group, and group occupational therapy. My goal was to be more social and I made a friend and we paced together and worked out. I read a quarter of The Martian by Andy Weir (my wife brought it for me because the best thing on the bookshelf was Louis L'Amour). I wrote about how good I suddenly felt. Turns out, I thought, a few days of good sleep, lots of therapy, and a new medication or two will really change things.

A quick side note about The Martian. I highly recommend it to anyone who is chilling in a psych hospital but has the ability to read while they're there (I sure didn't the first few days). I don't really know why, but the first few times I read it, I felt like they had created this superhuman character in Mark Watney just so they could throw a ton of wild things at him for the story. This time reading it, as a suddenly not suicidal person, I realized anyone with Mark's skill would have done the same thing and not just died on Sol 7 to get it over with.

Wednesday I woke up not feeling nearly as good as Tuesday, but still like the fog had lifted. I was a little disappointed (I hallucinated my cat (thanks for coming to visit me, Corina), some spiders, and just felt kinda meh. But I remembered how good I felt the day before, and that really kept me hopeful about going home.

I saw the psychiatrist again and asked to go home. He joked a little about me staying till Christmas, but ultimately he said as soon as his note was in I could go. I ended up leaving at about 12:30 with my wife.

In the time since leaving I have required a lot of support from my wife. The medications are all locked up, so are the blades and anything I could use to hurt myself. My wife has me in eyeshot at all times. I can't drive due to intrusive thoughts, so she does all the driving now. I quit my job because I feel like it was a big part of why I ended up as bad as I was. As someone who has been a pretty independent person this is a big change of pace, but something that is really necessary to my healing.

Ultimately at the end of my hospital stay, I was prescribed escitalopram, gabapentin, trazodone, cariprazine, and then a few days later propranolol. I'm currently on a total of 5 psych meds and honestly I don't care one bit because its so much better than being not on them at this point in my life.

#mental health #personal #writing reference #inpatient psych #suicide mention #hallucination mention

78 notes · View notes

veronicaphoenix · 18 hours

Text

Series: Into the Abyss of Bad Habits Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader x Oliver Sykes Tags and TW: established polyamorous relationship, angst, anxiety, reader’s mother does not approve of her daughter’s relationship with oli and noah, psychological abuse, mentions of alcohol, implied sexual scenarios that are not described, only mentioned. Author's note: i've changed the narrator to 3rd person. Chapter not beta read.

Heart Like Ours. Additional multipart. Chapter 1: The Snakes | Words: 3k Summary: Reader suffers a breakdown due to her mother’s disapproval of her relationship with the boys, but neither Oliver nor Noah are there to comfort her.

She burst into tears as soon as she closed the door, shutting out the world behind her.

The weight of her mother’s words had choked her during the drive home, but she had refused to let the tears fall until she reached the safety of her home.

A home that these days felt empty and devoid of the male voices that brought her so much happiness.

Noah and Oliver had been away from home for nearly a month and the three hadn’t seen each other except through cell phone and computer screens since they both left on their respective tours.

Bad Omens’ European tour kept Noah continents away, with four agonizing days left until his return.

Oliver was on the other side of the country, bound for a whirlwind of gigs before flying off to festival in Mexico.

Had circumstances been different, she would have accompanied them. She would have gotten on the plane with Noah to be with him for a week in Europe, they would have taken the opportunity to do some sightseeing in the few hours Noah had free between concerts, they would have made love in a hotel room overlooking one of those rivers that cross several European cities or even the sea, and they would have gorged themselves on all kinds of typical foods from the countries they were in. Then, from there, she would have flown immediately to the city where Oliver was and repeated the same thing with him. She would have followed him from one concert to the next, sending him flying kisses from the side of the stage as he performed and showering him with her love and affection when they were back at the hotel.

But today, precisely today, she was alone. They boys were miles away from her, and despite longing for their presence more intensely than ever, she made a conscious decision not to call them, refusing to burden them with her tears and pleas to return. She recognized her own maturity, knowing that calling them and crying about needing their kisses and arms around her, would only undermine her strength and autonomy.

So, she cried, her back pressed against the door of their home.

Noah’s running sneakers, neatly aligned on the shoe rack, seemed to stare back at her, reminding her that the last time he’d worn them had been nearly a month ago, when he had kissed her goodbye with the passion of a soldier going out to war when he was actually just going for an hour run. Nearby, one of Oliver’s sweatshirts hung on a hook on the wall beside her own jacket, their proximity only serving to amplify the ache of his absence. Though their clothing brushed against each other, the physical touch she craved with him remained out of reach.

“You’re a whore, what else do you want me to think when you come in here and tell me you’re thinking of marrying two men?” Her mother’s words echoed relentlessly in her mind. “It’s not even legal, because that’s a barbarity! You’re letting yourself be groped like a bitch in heat and now you come up with this? That you want to get married?”

She gulped, a lump forming in her throat. She had sensed that the conversation with her mother wouldn’t go well, but she hadn’t thought it would go so badly, that she would say those things to her.

She fought the urge to retaliate with equal fervor.

“I love them,” she explained. “And despite what you think, they love me. I know polygamous marriage isn’t legal. We don’t care. We just want to have a celebration with our closest family and friends.”

“For God’s sake, daughter. Everyone’s going to see what a whore you’ve become, don’t you think? I’ve tried to stay out of this very... sinful relationship you’ve been having with those two, believing that at some point you would realize what you were doing. But instead, you come to my house and tell me you want to get married. You’re not well, honey. And I don’t think your brother is quite in his right mind either if he’s okay with this.”

Fifteen minutes after arriving home, she kicked off her shoes, shrugged off her jacket, and let her purse fall to the floor by the door. She walked with weak steps to the downstairs guest bathroom. She didn’t recognize herself in the mirror. She wore hardly any makeup, but her mascara had run, her eyes were red and sunken, her cheeks swollen, and every inch of her face betrayed the sadness engulfing her.

Every time she recalled her mother’s expressions while saying all those horrible things, she was overcome by sobs she couldn’t contain. She leaned on the edge of the sink for a while until she managed to compose herself a little. She could keep crying as much as she wanted, but that wouldn’t change anything. Her mother wouldn’t come to her senses, and Oliver and Noah wouldn’t walk through the door to hold her in their arms.

Just then, as she eyed the double-band silver ring on her fourth finger and as if they could feel her pain, her iPhone chimed with the sound of an incoming notification. She ignored it. A few minutes later, it chimed again. Almost cursing under her breath, she went to fetch her phone and pulled it out of her purse. A trembling breath caught her when she saw that the notifications were respective to a message from Oliver and another from Noah in the iMessage group they shared, the same one they had created about three years ago when they decided to sleep together for the first time, in the midst of a tour in the UK.

She hesitated for a moment before mustering the courage to open the conversation, her thumb hovering over the message notification. She would have preferred not to reply, knowing that both of them had some uncanny ability to sense her mood through her words, even if she had written a lie.

With a resigned sigh, she tapped open the conversation.

Oliver: Just tried the best vegan tacos! Wish you were here to try them. Haven’t heard from you guys in the last four hours and I can’t stop thinking about you. Has the princess eaten dinner yet? Pretty boy, did you sleep well? Are you awake?

Noah: Awake and hungry. Send a couple of those tacos to Stockholm. I’ll pay you back with a good blowjob when I get back.

As their messages danced across the screen, she found herself smiling, the weight on her shoulders momentarily lifted.

But as quickly as the laughter came, so too did the tears, a relentless tide that threatened to engulf her once more.

She typed with shaky fingers.

Her: I’m going to fix myself something to eat and watch a movie. Wish you were here. Miss you both. x

She pressed the send button and after waiting a few seconds to see if either of them was still online, she decided to lock the screen.

She closed her eyes, drew a deep breath, and walked back to the bathroom.

After washing away the remnants of tears clinging to her skin and tying her hair up in a messy bun, she ignored any reason she had to go upstairs to the master bedroom. She didn’t want to go in there because, in her state, she knew what would happen. So instead, she looked for something to occupy herself with in the kitchen.

The prospect of idling away in the kitchen wasn’t very exciting, but it offered a temporary respite. She pushed aside the temptation to grab a cold beer from the fridge because it wouldn’t take her any time to open it and drink it. At least, making coffee would keep her occupied for a few more minutes.

She was about to pour the coffee into a mug when the doorbell rang.

She wasn’t expecting anyone, much less at this hour. It was Saturday, and it was almost dark outside.

She didn’t expect to find her brother standing in the doorway, his hands in the pockets of his jeans, his shoulders slightly hunched against the cold breeze that had just picked up.

“Jack?”

It only took him a few seconds to look at her to know that she was a mess. He clicked his tongue and hugged her right there, in the entryway of the house. She held her breath, letting her brother envelop her in his arms for a while until he finally let go and encouraged her to go inside and close the door, which she appreciated because she was about to burst into tears.

“Mom called me,” he announced.

That’s why he’s here, she thought.

“She told me you went to see her and tell her about the wedding... She didn’t hold back, and she called me some ugly names, too,” he shrugged his shoulders, as if unaffected. “But I was worried about you.”

He extended an arm to touch her cheek affectionately.

“Yeah,” she replied with a hint of detachment. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate him coming to her house to make sure she was okay or to keep her company; she simply didn’t want to think about her mother any longer, not today. Perhaps not for the rest of the week and the foreseeable future.

“Have you talked to them?” Jack inquired, looking around the kitchen as his sister made her way back to the counter where an empty black mug waited for her.

At the question, she sighed, filling the coffee mug to the brim. She knew sleep would elude her that night anyway, so no problem in having coffee at those late hours.

“I sent them a message a while ago.”

“A message?” Jack quirked his head inquisitively and raised an eyebrow. Sensing her reluctance to elaborate, Jack rested his hands on the kitchen island and leaned closer to his sister, standing on the other side.

“Baby sis, you have to tell them what happened. I get that they’re miles away and you won’t be able to see them for a few days, but they deserve to know what’s up and how you’re holding up. If you don’t, they’ll figure it out anyway. Those two have a radar or sixth sense for this stuff when it comes to you,” he said, almost earning a smile from her at the comment. Sometimes their wavelengths aligned perfectly. and to think that Noah and Oliver were such attentive partners made her stomach flutter, even after all these years. “And if you keep ignoring their calls, you know they’ll end up calling me, and I will tell them.”

“Jack...” she began, tired.

“I’m serious. I don’t want you stuck here alone in this massive house feeling like crap.”

“Fine,” she conceded, still clutching her coffee mug but not yet taking a sip. “I’ll call them.”

It wasnt true, but she needed to lie to get Jack off her back. Oliver would be back home in a few days. She would tell him then. But until that day, she had to prove to herself that she could handle whatever came her way without relying on anyone else, without needing not only one, but two shoulders to lean on.

“Good.”

“Want some coffee?” she asked, lifting her mug to shift the conversation.

“No, thanks,” Jack declined. “Actually, speaking of coffee, there’s another reason I”m here.”

She furrowed her brows, taking a sip.

“Oh? What’s up?”

“Sylvie has stopped drinking coffee,” he announced, prompting his sister to raise an eyebrow. “Well, the caffeinated kind, anyway.” A grin spread across Jack’s face, and his sister’s eyes began to widen. “She’s pregnant.”

“Oh, Jack! That’s great!” She nearly dropped her coffee in excitement. She swiftly moved around the island to hug her brother.

“I know. I’m going to be a father. Crazy, huh?”

“How’s Sylvie? How far along are you, guys? I’m going to be an aunt!”

“She’s good, been a bit nauseous for a few days, but nothing unexpected. Both her and the baby are fine. We had our second routine check-up yesterday, and well, Sylvie wanted to tell you three when you were all together, but after talking to mom today, I thought maybe I could lift your spirits a bit with the news. I don’t mean to overshadow your strife with this, I hope you know that.”

“Jack, for fuck’s sake. Don’t be silly. This is the best news I’ve had all month. I can come over to your place tomorrow to see Sylvie.”

“Sure. She’ll be thrilled. She was really looking forward to telling you. But please, do me a favor and call the guys, okay?”

He wasn’t going to let that slip onto the back burner. She had tried, at least, but her brother was as attentive and supportive as theyb come, and she couldn’t fault him for it. If anything, she should be grateful.

“Yeah, yeah,” she replied. “Can I tell them about the baby? Oli’s going to be ecstatic. He loves babies. Noah, though, he’s still a bit weird around them.”

Jack laughed, nodding. “Absolutely, go ahead and let them know after you talk to them about today,” he said while he kept his gaze firm and expectant on her. “We’ll get together once they’re back to celebrate.”

Jack stayed with her for about half an hour, talking about Sylvie’s pregnancy, discussing their future, and sharing tidbits he knew would keep his sister’s mind occupied.

But of course, as soon as Jack left, she found herself once again enveloped in the silence of a house that felt too big for herself whenever she was alone.

With an empty stomach, she finally found herself compelled to go upstairs and enter the master bedroom, where she was welcomed by that unusual order and tranquility that she had begun to detest as the days Noah and Oliver spent away from home grew longer. She appreciated order and cleanliness, but on days like this, she hated crossing the threshold and not finding Noah’s dirty socks scattered here and there or Oliver’s jeans piling up on the armchair in a corner by the windows, the water bottles they always left on the nightstands, Noah’s vitamin gummies, or the books they would sometimes start reading while she finished showering after late work shifts.

After changing into comfortable clothes and deliberating for a while, she eventually crawled under the sheets, turning off the lights, and turning on that TV that Oliver had insisted on installing in the room against her and Noah’s wishes. The device had been there for over a year, and yet, she could count on one hand the times the three of them had bothered to watch a movie while in bed.

She resumed the series she had started watching alone after the guys left, but found herself struggling to concentrate on the storyline. Her feet felt cold beneath the duvet, and she couldn’t shake the sensation of feeling small in the vast expanse of the bed, with no one beside her. a little girl in the middle of a bed so big with no one beside her.

She ceased her nail-biting to retrieve her phone from the bedside table, cluttered with Oliver’s stuff, and checked her messages. There was a missing call from Oliver that she missed to attend while in the bathroom, along with a string of messages from both him and Noah. After her previous message, Oliver had sent a couple of selfies, earning a compliment from Noah, which was rare. Despite being together for three years, Noah still seemed somewhat reserved when it came to complimenting his boyfriend—now fiancé. On the other hand, had shared a series of photos of the city where he was with the band.

She replied with comments about the architectural beauty of the buildings and remarks about the nice weather. She made an effort to write something funny about Oliver’s selfies. Then, she informed them she was in bed, mentioning how cold it felt without them, before bidding them goodnight.

Just as she felt herself drifting off to sleep, memories of her mother’s harsh words flooded her mind, shattering any hope of rest and bringing forth fresh tears. Struggling to suppress both the tears and the haunting memories, she shifted in bed, confronted once again by the empty spot Noah should have occupied.

Her thoughts transported her back to the last night they had spent together, to the tender way she had traced the lines of the snake tattoo adorning his neck, followed by her affectionate kisses and nibbles before she straddled him, his erection seeking the familiar warmth between her legs that he called home.

The memory only served to exacerbate her unease and sadness, intensifying the ache of his absence.

Sitting up in bed, she cast aside the sheets as a sudden surge of heat enveloped her. She despised how her sobs reverberated off the bedroom walls, amplifying everything she felt.

She stared ahead into the darkness for a few seconds until her vision adjusted to the dim visibility of the house shrouded in the night, and when she began to make out the silhouette of the furniture, the corner of the huge rug at the foot of the bed, she saw herself there on her knees, with Oliver standing in front of her but with his back turned to her. He was shirtless, and she was pulling down his jeans and underwear to reveal the snake etched across his lower back and buttocks.

As she exposed it, a smile played on her lips before she began to trace it with her tongue, slowly. Oliver practically growled into Noah’s mouth, who was in front of him, also shirtless, and holding him close with a hand behind his head, pulling on his hair.

With a sob louder and more despairing than before, she rose from the bed, almost angry with the two men for not being there even though it wasn’t their fault.

She felt pathetic.

Making her way barefoot to the closet, she retrieved one of Oliver’s shirts, then one of Noah’s, and hurried downstairs, nearly tripping over her own feet.

Around three in the morning, exhaustion eventually overtook her. She fell asleep on the couch, curled into a corner, the shirts pressed tightly against her chest, each preserving the distinct masculine scent of its owner. She had cried until there were no tears left to shed.

CHAPTER 2: THE ANGEL OF DEATH - COMING SOON

#noah sebastian #oliver sykes #bad omens #bmth #bring me the horizon #noah sebastian fic #oliver sykes fic #noah sebastian x oliver sykes #noah sebastian x reader #oliver sykes x reader

59 notes · View notes

obsessedwithmiguel · 2 days

Text

Serenity

Author's note: Sorry I've been absent for too long. I just had no idea about what to write or just didn't had the enough inspiration. Because you can't write just to write, you know? You have to imagine the scenario, feel it even if you haven't experienced something like that in real life, etc. I saw a comment about a bath while it's raining (I think) and that's what I'll be doing.

Warnings: Fluff, suggestive?

Recently, the weather in New York had become humid. To the point that certain streets were flooded and such. Today was no exception. But on this night, you were not alone. The news had mentioned that there would be a thunderstorm, that it wouldn't rain much, and that it wasn't expected to last long. But they were wrong and nature decided to throw out the UNO reverse card. The rain hit the streets, cars, buildings, etc. hard. There was no shortage of thunder, there were times when it almost left you deaf because of how loud it sounded. The flash of some lightning would take you by surprise and scare you, so that later thunder would come and make the perfect combo.

An hour ago, the rain had started and you were worried about Miguel. You wanted him at home and not only to kill your loneliness, but because it was dangerous to be outside. But once he arrived, you welcomed him with open arms and more or less monitored him to see if he was okay and so on.

Right now, you just wanted to relax with your partner and be calm.

"Miguel." You called him. Your voice was low and soft as you realized recently that he had a bit of a headache. He was picking up the clothes he's going to wear once he takes a bath. He hated being sweaty, he would get a tick if he lay in bed sweaty, without bathing. He became anxious and restless.

"Hmm?" You heard him answer since you were both in your room.

"I know it will sound cliché and I don't know if you'll be comfortable..." You expressed to him. "I'll only know if you tell me, don't you think?" Miguel asked. Commenting with his usual irony. He didn't want to sound like that, but there are times when he gets out of control and doesn't control it.

"It was to ask you if we could... oh sir, this is making me cringe and I haven't said it yet." You raise your head up, a feeling of cringe (cringe) invades you. Miguel turns in your direction, his expression soft and more or less neutral. Of course, his confusion was evident. "Why? What happened? What is it?" Miguel asked while raising his shoulders a little. "Can I..." You paused for a moment to sigh and prepare yourself for the cringe he's going to give you once you say it. "Do you think we can take a bath together?" Your cheeks turn a soft red because of the shame you are feeling.

Miguel stares at you. You wanted to go underground and never come out. Never. But instead of reproaching or complaining he laughs. A small laugh that sounded like he was holding it in but miraculously escaped. "And what makes you laugh?" Ask him. "I don't want to sound rude or mean, but your little face doesn't help." He laughed again, but this time, with a little beep at first. "I don't like you." You narrow your eyes a little, your eyebrows neutral. "And yet you're married to me."

"Is it yes or no? Please don't leave me with high blood pressure."

"Yeah, yeah, fine. But can I ask why? Are you afraid of thunders?" He teased.

"Ha ha, you're funny. Did you know that? You should be a comedian." You responded sarcastically as you placed your hands on your waist.

"Now, now, really. This time I'm really going. Yes, if you can." Miguel raises his eyebrows. "But don't look at me like that because I won't be able to take you seriously and then you'll get angry and complain."

"I don't complain."

Miguel raises an eyebrow as he gives you a 'really?' expression. "Are you sure about that?"

"Don't fuck with me." You point your index finger at him as a warning.

Miguel looks in different directions and then looks at you. "And what will you do to me?" He asked as he spread his hands a little from each other.

"Go take a bath." You pointed the bathroom at him with your hand. Miguel laughs and walks to the bathroom with clothes in hand. "I'll leave the door unlocked so you can come through."

"Alright." You nod.

Once in the shower. You both start to take on water. Taking turns of course. Afterwards, it was time for the soap. Miguel looks into your eyes to see if you gave him your consent to soap you. You nod and he begins to work his magic.

His soapy hands run over your shoulders, careful not to hurt you. His hands felt warm, although they were not soft either, but his touch was gentle and delicate. His hands move from your shoulders to your arms, and up your arms to your neck and then your waist and hips. He didn't touch your breasts, your butt, or your other private part. Respecting your body. You were doing the same. Passing your also soapy hands over his body. Massaging your neck, arms, shoulders, torso and back. Without touching your private part. They both massaged each other, not in a sexual way.

When it was time for shampoo, it was her time to shine. Being a person who expresses himself more through actions, this is one of his ways (I mean treating her with care). His hands run through your hair, massaging your scalp and the rest of your hair. Your back was towards him. From time to time you let out a few hums of satisfaction due to the touch and care he gave you. When it was your turn, you stood on tiptoe and he lowered himself a little so you could lift up. Your hands revealed the same actions as him. He looked at you and looked in silence. His eyes full of love and affection. He doesn't know how he came to have you by his side, but he is more than grateful and happy to have you by his side. He closes his eyes for a moment, one hand on the wall and the other on the other wall so as not to lose balance. Releasing one or another hum or sigh of satisfaction.

You surprise him with a kiss on his forehead, then on the bridge of his nose, then on the tip of his nose, cheek, chin, until you finally reach his lips and he accepts without further ado. The kiss was tender, without malice or carnal desire. Just a moment of affection and affection. One of Miguel's hands reach your lower back. They both separate from the kiss to rinse with the water that was still falling from the shower.

Once you finish showering, you are both now in bed. Your hair wrapped in a towel. Both snuggled up to each other. His arms surrounded your waist from behind, keeping you close. His face pressed against your neck. He was almost asleep and so were you. But you had to get up to dry your hair with the blower. But you were comfortable. Too comfortable. If you only fall asleep like this once, nothing happens, right? Tomorrow you will see how you can remove that tangle from your hair.

"I love you." You whisper before falling asleep.

"Tambien te amo."

(I love you too)

Time to sleep, it's 2:02 a.m. :>

Good night or good morning and have a nice day. This thing is really long ahhh.

bye bye 🤫🧏‍♂️🗿

#miguel o'hara #miguel x reader #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel ohara x reader #miguel o’hara headcanon #miguel o’hara x reader #atsv headcanons #miguel o'hara x you #spiderman #across the spiderverse #miguel o’hara imagine #atsv miguel #spiderman 2099

51 notes · View notes

sugawhaaa · 22 hours

Note

NOOOO MY XDINARY BRAINROT IS SO SO BAD RN TOO!!!!

I keep thinking about bunny hybrid junhannie going into rut and fucking the daylights out of his owner <33 promising to breed them full of his kits, babbling about how he cant wait to give them his mates mark </3 WORMS!!! HYBRID HEROES BRAINWORMS!!!!

HYBRID JUNHAN ONE-SHOT

🪐♡✧˖ °🪐♡✧˖ °🪐♡✧˖ °🪐♡✧˖ °🪐♡✧˖ °🪐♡✧

I can't help myself

Warnings::SMUT/some vulgar language

Genre:: it's kinda implied that the reader is female but it's never really said, breeding, hand job, nipple play, creampie (don't try this at home kids (╯✧▽✧)╯)

Pairing:: bunny hybrid!Junhan! X female bodied!reader

A//N:: I WAS LITERALLY THINKING ABT WRITING HYBRID JUNHAN LIKE...YESTERDAY I'm usually not super into hybrid prompts but Junhan being a hybrid just makes sense 🤌 he'd feel guilty and embarrassed but would also jerk off to images of you 24/7

You weren't oblivious to a hybrid's heat. You've had your bunny hybrid, Junhan, for about 3 years, and every year around spring and early summer he goes through heat. He usually manages it very well. He talks to you about it but it's never very serious...perhaps it was because he was so young.

Now he's a lot older and you'd think that he's learned ways to manage his heat and impulses but this time it's all different.

It was around mid May when he woke up one morning, his ears perked straight up even though they're usually pretty droopy. He didn't pay much mind to it and went downstairs to you. You waved at him with a little "morning baby!" And his heart skipped a beat. His face turned red and he cleared his throat.

"M-Morning" he replied and sat down at the kitchen table. You raised an eyebrow at his odd behavior.

"Is it that time of year again?" You leaned on the table, unintentionally showing him your cleavage. He looked away, his ears flicking up again at the tip.

"Yeah," he said as his eyes tried to avert from you but he couldn't help it. You stood up again and continued to look through the kitchen for breakfast.

"What do you want to eat?" You asked.

"Oatmeal..." he said softly as he watched your body move swiftly. Your waist, your hips, your ass...he felt so bad but he couldn't help but stare. He watched you intently.

That day was about a week ago and ever since he's been distant from you. He'll hang out with you during breakfast and dinner but almost never aside from that. You weren't a fool either. You heard him in the dead of night masturbating using whatever he could find, a pillow, sock, his own hands, anything that could satisfy his needs. Every morning he'd have dark circles under his eyes and his ears would always be straight up. You knew this happened usually when he was turned on or hard.

Eventually, you had enough of it. You were worried about him and after dinner, you demanded that he talk to you in your room. You crossed your arms and Junhan sat on the edge of your bed. His ears drooped back, flat against his head.

"What's going on?" You ask abruptly. "I know you're in heat but you've never been so distraught. Usually, when you masturbate it's only for a little while and you know when to stop but I've heard you at 3 in the morning," you explain and Junhan turns red.

"W-Well..." he pauses and you decided to speak up again.

"Not to mention you hardly eat and you're not going outside. And back to the masturbating, you're using whatever you can find that somewhat resembles a sex toy. You even used my electric toothbrush as a vibrator!" You blurt out. You sounded a lot more angry than you were.

"I'm sorry!" He bowed his head on your bed. You looked at him shocked. "I-I Don't know what's wrong with me this time but I just can't stop myself. All day and night I'm so horny and there's nothing I can do about it! I masturbate for hours on end but nothing helps. I thought I might need to be more intense so I used other things to simulate toys and things," he explained with upset eyes. "It's so hard..." he looked at you with drooped ears. You hugged him and he looked shocked.

"You should've just told me," you pet his ears as you speak. He nuzzles into your shoulder as you hug each other. He accidentally grinds himself on your thigh as you hug but you ignore it. His ears flutter against your hand, softly petting them.

"I'm so horny," he cried out in a broken voice. "I just want to fuck you so bad," he whimpered and you chuckled.

"Okay," you pull back and start to take your shirt off. Junhans ears straighten out.

"Wait, wait, wait," he waved his hands around and you stopped what you were doing. "Are you sure? Like I mean literally. I want to-"

"I'm sure." You cut him off and continued to take off your shirt. Junhan watched intently. Watching how your body moved with so much skin exposed. "Cmere," you said as you pulled him close. You took off his hoodie and shirt. His hips subconsciously bucked against your hip as you held him. Little breathy whimpers escaped his mouth. As soon as you leaned back against the head of the bed he lost all his composure. He leaned down and kissed you passionately, his body pressed against yours as he kissed you.

There was no thought in his touch, he just wanted to feel you. Your body, your lips, your most sensitive areas. He wanted it all and you were giving it to him. He bit down on your neck suddenly and you jumped. He sucked on the skin leaving a red mark on your lower neck. He continued this a few times but he got bored quickly. It was apparent he just wanted to cut to the chase. One of the straps of your bra fell down your shoulder and his ears twitched at the sight. You smiled and put your arms behind your back to unclip your bra. As soon as it fell his eyes lit up, his ears straightening again.

He licked your nipples softly and gently, just grazing his textured tongue across your sensitive skin. He loved to hear your soft whimpers of pleasure but it just wasn't enough for him. He craved you more. He needed more of you.

Junhan moved lower to the waistband of your pants. You nodded and he took them off, leaving you in only your panties. You put your hand on his chest before he could continue, his ears drooped back as he looked at you. "Here, let me help you out a bit," you said as you gently pushed him to lie down. Junhan laid back and waited for your next move. You undid his jeans and he blushed, his ears still tucked back. You took off his boxers as well, finally freeing his precum-covered erection. He bit his lip and looked down at you through fluttered eyes. You gently wrapped your hand around him and his breath hitched.

You slowly started moving your hand up and down, watching how his entire body reacted. As you picked up the pace his moans got louder. His knees jolted forward every now and then.

"I'm gonna cum," he whimpers out before grabbing the bed sheets. "Please, please," he whimpers as his back arched, pushing your hand down to the base of his cock. You continued at a steady pace before speeding up, finally letting him release. His cum dripped all over your hand and down to his base. His body twitched lightly as his ears curled. "I wanna breed you so bad," he whimpered out as he looked up at you. His eyes weak.

You looked at him surprised. He had never been so straightforward before. "Are you sure?" You asked softly, finally releasing your grip on him. Your hands sticky and wet. He looks up at you with the most desperate and eager eyes. His ears fell back as he looked up at you, his lips slightly parted. You caved in and nodded. You pulled down your panties and tossed them to the floor with the rest of the clothes.

Junhan looked you up and down. If this was an anime his nose would be bleeding and drool would be pouring from his lips. You laid down on your back and Junhan loomed over you. He bit his lip impatiently waiting for you to give the okay.

"Okay, start slow," you smile and he finally pushes inside you. You gasp as he fills you with his hard cock. You take a deep breath and Junhans ears stay straight up. He slowly starts thrusting into you, letting you adjust.

"I want to breed you so bad, fill you with all my cum and you'll take it all," Junhan mumbled as he tried to hold back his thrusts. He wanted to rut into you like this was the last time he'd ever get to fuck, but he didn't want to alarm you.

You look up at him through hazy eyes, seeing his long black hair all over his face and the lust in his eyes. You hold his shoulders and he just can't resist anymore. He starts pounding into you to the point your whole body shakes with each thrust. "You're going to keep every single last drop of my cum inside you," he groaned as he held the pillow next to your head. "I can't wait to mark you, you'll be mine," he smirks as you become a moaning mess.

You start clawing at his shoulders from the pleasure, little scratches present on his shoulders. "That's it, baby, you're so tight," he mumbles. Every word that comes out of his mouth slurs into the next. "Keep every drop in that tight pussy," he hisses before gritting his teeth. His head falls forward and his ears fall back.

"I'm gonna cum," you whimper out softly. Junhans eyes light up at your statement. Your words encourage him to thrust faster and harder. You throw your head back and arch your back. "Yes!" You moan out as you're just about to tip over the edge. With one final hard thrust you both cum at the same time. You feel his hot semen fill you up as your body convulses from pleasure. Junhan leans down and kisses your neck softly as sweat drips from his forehead, his cock still buried so deep inside you.

He chuckles softly from the rush of pleasure. "Fuck I needed that," he laughs as his hand runs up your body.

"You wanna do round two?" You smirk and Junhans ears shoot up.

"Of course," he smiled and pulled out of you. "Let's catch our breath for a minute first," he sighs as he throws his head back, sweat dripping down his neck to his chest. While he's cooling down you move into a doggy style position in front of him. Junhans eyes light up as he sees your ass out right in front of him for his taking.

"Ready when you are~" you hum happily and Junhan can't help himself. He pushes back into you quickly. You jump and grab the pillow in front of you. Junhan grabs your hips and holds you steady as he pulls out of you and then back in even harder. The sound of your skin hitting each other echoes throughout the room. "This position feels so good," you moan as your eyes roll back.

"Good," he hisses and increases the pace. Your tight walls sucking his cock dry. "You better keep all of this cum inside you, I'm gonna fill you so much to the point you're going to burst," he smirks and claws at your hips and ass as he pounds into you. You feel his length continuously hitting your g-spot and you feel like you're going to explode from pleasure. Junhans hand creeps up your back and grabs your hair in a tight and messy ponytail. He pulls your head back and you moan loudly. "You're so close darling, I can feel it," he smirks as he thrusts into you faster.

"Y-Yes," you whimper as your orgasm approaches fast.

"I can't wait to fill your little pussy again," he mumbles as your moans become louder. Junhan groans deeply as he feels his climax approaching. This knot in your stomach is just about to burst when he finally hits your G-spot one last time. You come undo beneath him but he doesn't stop. "Just a little more baby," he grunts before finally climaxing, painting your insides white. He lets your hair go and let's the rush wear off the both of you.

You let out a calm sigh and he pulls out. He lays down next to you and looks at your face, your hair a mess. "Did I go too hard?" He asks softly as he brushes back some of your hair.

"No, it was perfect," you smile. "And besides, as long as your happy I'm happy,"

#xdinary heroes #xdh imagines #xdh smut #xdinari hero fanfic #xdinary heroes fluff #xdh #xdh x reader #xdh fluff #xdinary heroes junhan #han hyeongjun #xh junhan #junhan #jun han

24 notes · View notes

crescencestudio · 2 days

Text

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #40 | 5.1.24 ๋࣭⭑

Happy April (pretend I'm not late on this devlog)!!

April flew by in the blink of an eye. It's been a really busy month for me personally--I'm not sure about you all!

This devlog is going to be structured differently from the past devlogs for two reasons: 1) my concussion is lowkey kicking my ass and 2) I had a release going on almost every week this month because I am a Crazy Person HA!!!!

This month was filled with some kind of release every weekend, which is equal parts exciting and exhausting. Because releases always take a lot out of me, I basically spent every day this month cycling between phases of post-release euphoria, post-release depression, pre-release excitement, recovery burnout, burnout guilt, and just about every emotion in between.

THEN!! I got into an accident about a week ago and have been throwing hands with the resulting concussion since. So it's basically been a crazy month in the Crescence world.

That being said, let's run through the month in chronological order, and every weekend release :crazy eyes & hysterical laughter:

Kayn's Beta Route Out Now!

Kayn's Beta Route has been Finished!

In Extremely Exciting news, Kayn's beta route was finished during the first weekend of this month! I had put off publicly announcing it because I didn't want to clash with the demo release. But it was released quietly to patrons and beta-testers. Feedback so far has been very kind, and if you'd like to get access to Kayn's beta route, you can play it with the Hydra ($10) tier on my Patreon ^^

I will publicly announce the route sometime later. But for now, for those who bother reading my devlogs, here is a treat!

Enhanced Demo Release

Bro we fucking did it

Second weekend of April, we released the ENHANCED DEMO OFFICIALLY!!!! It was so exciting (and nerve-wracking) to be able to finally get this out to the public. Reception has been so nice, and it's been rewarding to see people finally be able to play the enhanced demo and see what I've been working so very hard on these past couple of months. I'm really glad you all liked it and appreciated all the details that I've painstakingly polished <3

I mentioned it before but I was really nervous for the release---I had no idea how it would go. But as always, I could not be more appreciative of the support you all give to little old me. Thank you, and I hope you all like the taste of what is to come in the Alaris world!

If you haven't gotten a chance to play the demo yet, please check it out here!

ALSO..... if five people want to rate the demo and haven't rated it yet...... it would make me very happy....... we are so close to 300 ratings.....

Velox Formida

Yes, I did help make a game in 36 hours.

Adding to the madness, I got sucked into this game jam by beloved and crazy @shewassaying. You have to make a game in 36 hours. It was a crazy whirlwind of an experience, but with people I always love being with. We finished a beautiful fantasy game if anyone would like to check it out!

Are you tired yet? I sure am.

A Faerie's Tale

We aren't done yet gamers

Finally, to round out the marathon, I created the GUI for this beautiful little game that was submitted to Amare Fest (which you should check out, since a lot of other cool games were submitted!). I had the opportunity to work with some extremely talented devs (@steamberrystudio, @jeneara, @windchimesgames, @tuffmallowinteractive, and feniks of OL fame), some of which are like titans in the VN community to me ;_;

The game is an enchanting, short little story (and FREE!) about a Fae. Something I know many of us are suckers for nyeheh. Please feel free to check it out here

That's it... Kinda.

And that's about it for this month! As you can see..... it was very much a back-to-back month. Because of that, I'm trying to use right now as a break (everyone thank my concussion for forcing me to take a break, yippee!).

Some other things that I want to highlight this month:

We released an official trailer for Alaris. She's stunning, and if you haven't seen it yet...... well, what are you waiting for....

intertwine is part of a Palestinian Relief Bundle. For only $8, you can get access to over 300 cracked games and support an important cause. If you haven't donated yet, please consider doing so. We are close to almost half a million dollars raised! Bundle ends in 4 days, so please consider buying if you haven't already

Alaris is part of a small little collaboration/cross-promotion of other magical and mystery otome. If you like sexy games by cracked devs, please check them out at the bottom of my itchio page. Some of the other games include Obscura, Lost in Limbo, The Good People, Save the Villainess, Snow White Ashes, and more! I would link them here, but I'm starting to get a headache teehee.

Anyways, that rounds out this month and a bunch of exciting news! I know it can be overwhelming to look at. Per usual, I never expect anyone to play every single game I am involved with. But if any of them catch your eye, I encourage you to check them out since many of the people I work with are very talented and you never know what new devs/games you'll get introduced to as a result!

See you all next month! <3

#alaris #devlog #other games #i am tired LMFSLEIFJ

36 notes · View notes