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soaringwide · 2 months

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PAC: Love reading - In what way are you self-sabotaging this relationship and how can you change course?

Today I wanted to do a Pick a Card love reading and focus on the ways you are self-sabotaging a specific romantic relationship, with a second part focusing on how to change course.

The idea is that sometimes we get in our own way and we can't see the pattern. The whole point of this reading is to realize what it is you're doing that is blocking yourself and how to better act in order to improve this relationship.

How does that work?

Take a moment to recollect yourself, breathe, close your eyes if you need to, focus on the moment. Look at the 4 pictures and select the one that draws you in the most. Not the one you think looks cooler but the one that creates that pinching feeling inside of you. The one that makes you feel it has something to say.

It is possible to feel attracted to more than one pile, just as it is possible to only find parts of the reading relevant. Remember that this reading is meant for many people so it won't be perfectly applicable to your situation.

PILE 1

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: IV of Pentacles + Dreams + Erotic Bliss + 9 of Pentacles Rx; Strength + Resentments + Loving Yourself + X of Cups Rx; X of Swords + Renewal Rx + Unrequited Love Rx + V of Wands Rx

Your pile has intense erotic feelings, perhaps even dreams, about this person, but reality doesn't match the height and perfection of your desire, in the sense that it exists mostly in your head. It makes you feel diminished and lacking and you retreat within yourself, shielding yourself behind your walls. You may be holding onto your sensual daydreams and enjoying them in private and you may find some bliss that way, but it is also very frustrating. Regardless there is a big sexual blockage here that's stopping you from expressing your desire towards your person, and it seems a big part of it stems from your own relationship with your body and sensuality.

You feel unsatisfied emotionally as well, but I think this stems from the fact that you are lacking in the self-love department. You rely too much on external validation for your sense of self-love and when you don't get that gratification, you feel rejected which leads to resentments. Again there's the imagery of building a wall around you, this time covered in barbels. You don't allow yourself to be vulnerable, keeping bottled up emotions surrounding rejection hidden within.

This is shown in the next message as well. You have this deep rooted fear of being stuck in an unrequited love, of being rejected and humiliated. I have this image in mind of a boat filling up with water and you keep trying to empty it but there's a hole and it keeps filling up at the same rate. There is no renewal (healing of yourself) possible because you're not fixing the hole and it keeps you in misery, in a state of constant struggle. There is also a component of comparing yourself to others and assuming you're not good enough for your person.

How to change course?

Cards: Knight of Swords + Forgive; 2 of Cups + Fear Rx; The Moon + Relieved Rx; Magic

I think part of you reaaaaally wants this relationship with your person but you're not accepting it. You need to understand that you're doing nothing wrong, that it is not shameful, it is normal and natural, beautiful and human even. You may be feeling guilty about this situation because you FEEL you're doing something wrong, and you really need to forgive yourself. Try to focus on the beauty of it instead.

You also need to get over your fear of intimacy. I see the two figures of the two of cups approaching each other mutually. It's a beautiful and sweet card, it's a card of union and happiness, and you know that's what you want, but you're so scared of it that you won't let it happen.

The overall message is to examine your subconscious for biases and shadows, in particular when it comes to fear of intimacy and sexual shame, so that you can relieve that pressure and come forward in love. Perhaps for some of you it stems from a lack of experience, so you might want to educated yourself from trusted sources to help you get a healthier and more balanced picture in your mind. But overall nothing will beat learning yourself, but you got to make way to learn without judgement and shame.

Desire is a beautiful power of nature. It is magical. It is yours. Stop underestimating or undermining it, or thinking it is not yours to have because it's not true. I'm getting that for some of you it might be stemming from religious trauma and shame regarding sex, so you might want to look into that as well in order to heal.

PILE 2

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: 6 of Cups Rx + Sorrow Rx; Page of Swords Rx + Fear of Abundance + Change; 8 of Swords Rx + Intuition Rx + Page of Cups Rx + Relieved Rx

The way you are self-sabotaging is, first, by not being able to let go of past pain surrounding love and to cling onto the past. Perhaps you are nostalgic for sweet memories that are long gone, something that felt pure and simple and that you feel you may never find again.

I feel that you somewhat lost your sense of adventure. You overthink about your past loss and make the false logical conclusion that you'll never receive anything good in matters of love, or that no change is possible. You are stuck in a negative, overly defensive intellectual stance which became like some type of reflex you have a hard time detaching from to progress on your journey.

It's similar on the emotional side since you seem to be over protective of your old feelings. Like, the past seemed so great you feel like nothing will ever compare. You can't seem to release and accept that something new and beautiful in a different way may arise. Which means you have a hard time opening yourself to new messages of love. The curiosity is buried under a pile of fear.

On that note, you are not listening to your intuition at all because it is so polluted by your negative spiraling thoughts. You feel disarmed but you don't see that you have everything that you need to break free. To be more precise, you know yourself, you know what you've been through, but you get lost in the maze of your own mind. And if we add the blocked feelings you hold onto, I see that the problem you have is not so much about external things but rather, the way you deal with your thoughts and emotions.

How to change course?

Cards: The Emperor Rx + Nurture Rx; King of Cups Rx + Your are Deserving Rx; The Lovers + Creativity Rx; 3 of Wands Rx + Anxiety + Manic; The Lover (oracle)

Interestingly, you got a lot of swords in the struggle part but none in the advice part, which makes me thing that the first things you need to do is get out of your head a bit.

With the Emperor, there is this idea that you need to become a good ruler to yourself. Right now you are some type of old tyran that keeps talking about the old times without caring for the present. You need to nurture your present needs, be kind and empathetic with yourself and take the action needed for your own good. How would you feel if someone treated you the way you are treating yourself?

With the King of Cups, there is an extra-emphasis on the realm of emotions. I think that part of why you emotionally stay stuck in the past is that you lack self-worth making you feel undeserving of love.

The Lovers popped up but I think it talks about yourself, about how you need to merge the gap within your own heart. It may seem like a convoluted and difficult task that requires skills and experience, but really, you just need to come forward as you are and communicate where you are at. Be true, be metaphorically naked in front of the other and let them see you for who you are.

Lastly, you are being warned about where you're putting your mental energy. It's like as I said, part of you is stuck in the past, but the part of you that focuses on the future is looking at it wrong. You're feeding it with distorted information, and this creates a storm of anxiety and erratic thoughts that keeps on escalating with no end in sight.

Last advice you got the Lover again (oracle deck) with the sentence ''it is safe to surrender to the good feelings''. So to wrap up with what i was writing earlier, rather than follow your fears and regrets, the best course of action is to follow your bliss! Feed your mind and heart with sweet things to create the change you're wishing for.

PILE 3

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: Ace of Swords Rx + Unknowing + Shame Rx; Empress Rx + Courage Rx; 8 of Swords Rx + Intrusive Thoughts; Page of Wands Rx + Bottled up + Manic Rx

There are some areas of uncertainty in this relationship that makes you feel confused about the situation. It's taking your power away a bit and makes you feel like you don't know what to think or how to act. But I think some of this has to do with a lack of communication that makes you think that this situation is unexplainable where it could actually be if you stepped out of that stance. I feel like you would feel ashamed to bring some subjects up but it's a faulty reasoning.

You lack the courage to express your needs and boundaries, to speak up about what would make you happy and fulfilled. I think you know clearly what you want and what you need but you're just not defending that and you're letting yourself get treated differently than you would need.

I think it makes you feel powerless, like you have no control of the situation, but you don't see that it's the result of a very deeply ingrained pattern of thinking that you can totally untangle if you put in the work.

Lastly, I think this lack of being able to stand up for your needs is leading to a lot of frustration and bottled up feelings that may result in outbursts of anger or fights that may look a bit erratic from another perspective. You might have a tendency to jump to conclusion when it's not what you need in the moment.

How to change course?

Cards: 10 of Swords + Creativity Rx + Wounded Heart; 4 of Swords Rx + Love; 5 of Cups + Trauma Rx; Page of Cups + Anxiety Rx + Forgive Rx

I think a big message is to air out your worries, talk about them or express them in one way or another so they can get resolved. You might even benefit from therapeutic art making I'm getting. But yeah you've got a lot of pain to process and you need to start working on that if you haven't already, and you might want to reach out for help in order to speed up the process.

Love can and will play a part in your healing journey, but you shouldn't have to hide you you are in order to live this love. Find those who inspire you to blossom in order to grow together and heal each other in an act of reciprocity. You need to learn to be authentic and not hide because you are scared you are going to be judged for something that is not your fault. Pay close attention to how someone makes you feel after you left them. Do you feel at peace or at war? Learn to listen to that feeling and you'll be guided towards what you need.

PILE 4

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: The Chariot Rx + Wish Fulfilled + The Protectress Rx; The Empress + Hope + 2 of Pentacles Rx + Energy; Judgement + Shame + 5 of Cups Rx + 8 of Swords

The first message is that you are extremely eager to see your wish fulfilled in exactly the way you want, not allowing things to run their natural course. In that situation, the desire to be in full control is not the way to go about it. It seems that this situation is winding path full of detours, and you try too hard to rectify the trajectory instead of going along the ride. The reason for this is that you're trying to protect yourself because you're scared of the pain inflicted by disappointed love, or love that has no place to go, but you don't see that this over-protective behavior is the very thing that inflicts you pain.

The second message talks about depletion, about an imbalance within yourself that stops you from standing in the full power of the Empress, who embodies grace, abundance and safety. The oracle card ''Hope'' is quite signification here, as it shows a hand crossing fingers to make a wish, illuminated by rays of light. I think that the very thing you're not allowing in your garden is hope. If we link that to the previous message, it's your lack of hope that make you frantically try to do things in a specific way, because you will like if you don't act NOW you will lose everything, because you lack faith that you will get this love in your own time. I don't think this hope is totally dead though otherwise you would have given up, but you don't let it blossom enough, you're stepping all over it in your awkward dance to juggle too many things at once.

The third message talks about your struggle to overcome your own limiting patterns and beliefs. I think you've been through past losses and defeats regarding love and you feel somewhat cursed regarding that area of your life. Like things are never going to get better and you're doomed to be alone forever. You feel really ashamed about this situation, thinking there must be something wrong with you. The card shows a hand floating in the emptiness, with an open eye crying. It's like, you have so much to give but in so much pain that all that flows are tears. You feel isolated and powerless and you direct that towards yourself. You feel like you're unable to see or act and that creates immense tension within yourself because you want to break free, but you're doing it wrong by resisting this transformation that needs to happen within yourself first and foremost.

How to change course?

Cards: Temperance + Reflection + Optimism Rx + Space, time and self; Ace of Swords + Anger Rx + Slow Down + 4 of Swords Rx + The Servant Queen; Yin and Yang; 10 of Wands + Knight of Cups

I think you would benefit from being more patient and let things flow more. Let things progress gradually. There is this idea that you are guided towards what you need and you need to learn to listen to this guidance more. Spend time thinking about what it means to you and develop that, find that inner balance and harmony, that gentle optimism. Things will grow in due time.

You have a tendency to be restless and this is exhausting you. So I see that one big thing you need to do as well is being mindful of your energy levels and take time to rest, cool and slow down. The clarity you need will happen naturally once the clouds have parted and you're in a better headspace. Right now you're just going round and round making dust, let it settle.

You are worthy of love, of receiving beautiful things, you need to understand and believe that. Especially when we saw that the patterns and beliefs that were holding you back where rooted in those past losses, you really need to heal that, not just for this love connection, but for your own well-being.

Really there's a strong overarching message that you need to trust your guidance more, to switch from an erratically active mindset to a more receptive and flowy one. The goal is to balance both energies, not to be one or the other exclusively.

Once you unburdened yourself, you'll be able to express and let your feelings flow without restrain. I think that's the goal for you and what you're not able to do at the moment. But I was shown what comes before that because you can't run into this with the mindset you currently have. You really need to shift it before you can embody the Knight of Cups.

#pick a card #pick a pile #tarot reading #love tarot reading #love pick a card #love pick a pile #tarot community #tarotblr #tarot

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a-d-nox · 2 years

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Hey nox! Can you make a post on your stance about retrograde planets?

Love your posts 💕

planetary and asteroidal retrogrades

thank you for the compliment!! sure thing, let’s talk about it! and since we reached 100 posts last night, let’s celebrate with this long post!

retrograde is when an object appears to move backward or appears smaller when in reality, it is doing what it always does. the keyword is appears - during a retrograde or having natal retrogrades means that your perception in the area said planet or asteroid is located is altered in comparison to how it would be normally or in comparison to others. anything that is retrograded in your chart can indirectly affect you OR the aspect of the planet or asteroid takes longer to develop. in my aphrodite signs, degrees, houses, and aspects post i presented retrograde as though the effects everyone is about to read are slower to develop than those who have a direct asteroid - this post will be a breakdown similar to that post, reflecting on the planets and five common asteroid i see retrograded in a chart and advice for each retrograde.

feel free to use the following to analyze your natal chart, solar returns, or as a survival guide during retrograde periods! USE THIS AS MOMENTARY FOR TRANSITS AND LONG-TERM WHEN PRESENT IN YOUR NATAL CHART. if you have a retrograde in your chart, i have noticed that when that retrograde is in effect, life seems easier.

MERCURY: retrograde occurs three or four times a year for around three weeks.

i believe that if MERCURY is retrograde, people have a slower manner of speaking or i always find that they need speed to be faster (2x on youtube videos type vibes). this is a time in which people may write slower. they likely have a harder time in school or learning something new, they may be the least likely to change things when they have found what works for them. they may be forgetful or rather unorganized, these people seem rather nervous to me - you can usually see it in the hands, they may be unsteady, nail bitters, hand talkers, etc. this is all a means to let out extra nervous energy. they may also experience paranoia or social anxiety worrying about what others think and feel towards them. gossip may be a downfall for them or stir up worse situations for them. they may have an issue with profanity as well; it could be the mouth of sailors and truckers OR someone who doesn’t ever say curse words at all and gawks at those that say them.

my advice for surviving this retrograde: deep breathing exercises. creating your own shorthand when writing notes. affirmations (you’re smart, grades aren’t everything, you gave it your best, you tried today and you’ll try tomorrow, you’re safe, etc.). trying one new thing a week - how do you know it’s the only thing that works if it took you this long to find it? couldn’t there be another option as well? try a fidget tool. make to-do lists. don’t comment when provoked or just to do so - think before you say things. evaluate how you go about your life - improve where you can. breathing before you speak; people who curse a lot have a lot of penned up energy, gotta let that out if you are trying to not curse as much (especially if you are trying to do so because of children around you) OR breathe when you hear someone curse and you don't like it - not everyone says, acts, or reacts like you and that’s okay - it’s part of the human experience.

VENUS: retrograde occurs roughly every eighteen months for around a month and a half.

VENUS retrograde people may be late bloomers in terms of love and relationships - that’s perfectly fine. never try to lower your standards just to fit in and reach a milestone. that being said, i find that a lot of venus retrograde people struggle to come to terms with their sexuality and oftentimes clothing is used to shelter it. they may take longer to find a style that works for them. they may not be trusting toward women - it may take time to warm up to them. they could be maximalists or minimalists have no in between. they may not like social functions finding them uncomfortable or anxiety-invoking. they may not feel pretty or graceful very often as well.

my advice for surviving this retrograde: take time away from social media. don’t be afraid to explore sexuality or style at your own pace (remember you are beautiful - it’s scary to try new things but scary doesn’t mean bad, ugly, and/or unworthy). spend time with the women you trust and feel safest with. practice decluttering for the maximalist and practice gifting yourself something you truly want (NOT WHAT YOU NEED lol) for the minimalist. self-care. if you have to go to a social event, give yourself a time marker. ex: just for one hour, when dinner is over, etc OR tell yourself you have to say hi to ___ before you can leave or set a number of people you want to say hello before dipping. AFFIRMATIONS (you are kind, you are beautiful, you have lovely hair, etc.).

MARS: retrograde occurs roughly every two years for around two to three months.

MARS retrograde people are people that not as assertive as the rest of those around them. it’s usually because they have low energy, they easily get tired of trying to assert themselves or make others hear them. they may be quick to anger and have a hard time reallocating that anger into doing something productive. it’s hard for them to turn strong emotion into a passion. these people may also have an issue with blood - heavy periods, irregular periods, fear of blood, anemia, etc. they also may be uncomfortable around masculine energy. they are likely not impulsive rather they stick to what they know. i feel like MARS retrograde people are always collecting injuries - it doesn’t matter what they are doing. opening the mail? paper cut. working on the computer? tennis elbow or carpal tunnel. out for a walk? they fell or have some type of foot problem now. there could be struggles with independence or leadership (i feel like pissing competitions are most common in mars retrogrades)…

my advice for surviving this retrograde: brainstorm everything you want to say to assert yourself and pick the best option. sleep, relax - a few “lazy” days never killed anyone OR have a lowkey day a walk instead of a run, meal prep. or do something that will help you out for when tiredness kicks in again. if people don’t get what you are trying to tell them or telling you "no" when it's a good idea and you know it is going to work - stop trying to assert yourself and just do it (sheila buff is quaking). but no seriously it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission as they say. try yoga, swimming, or walking to release excess energy! brainstorming random ideas - journals are your friends - track your mood, keep a dream log, and write down good ideas you have (you can always return to these ideas when you get the energy to do stuff again). if you have issues with blood you are not alone - i hate getting blood drawn (my recent trip to the ER, i needed an IV and the guy was like "scared? don't worry, i don’t like needles either THATS WHY I DON'T LOOK WHEN I PUT THEM IN" AND I WAS BRUH STOP IT. but we did a count and I didn't look at my arm the rest of the day lol. so find what works for you: counting and not looking works for me. I don't care if they say my blood pressure is high from the anxiety lol. you aren’t alone in period issues either - talk with your doctors! MARS retrograde may not be the best of times for asserting yourself with doctors (unless you are a MARS retrograde native) BUT perhaps it's a great time to look into symptoms yourself! you know your symptoms best! if you tell a doctor and they refuse to test you or tell you "your symptoms can’t be that bad," THEY ARE GASLIGHTING YOU! find a new doctor - your feelings are valid - if you say the pain or the symptoms aren’t normal then your are right! it’s okay to not like or feel uncomfortable around masculine energy - stick to the masculines you trust or hang out with feminines! try something new each week. for the love of the gods PLEASE AVOID ANYTHING THAT MAY RESULT IN AN ER VISIT: no bungee jumping for the first time, tubing, hand gliding, etc. practice patience; people will always be at your throat with this retrograde, just breathe and smile all the while calling them an asshole in your head :).

JUPITER: retrograde occurs roughly every year for around four months.

feeling unlucky? i feel like that’s a common trend for JUPITER retrograde people. there is often a struggle with optimism - these people are realists or pessimists by nature. they may also struggle with growing up - this could be related to separating from parents, getting a job, leaving a home town, or even going away for school… expanding from these pre-existing notions tends to be hard on them. it may even be a struggle to start dating - they may be late to the dating realm or getting into a relationship compared to those around them. this retrograde can show a person who is either super devote or an atheist. they are less likely to "pay it forward" to others - it may be due to past experiences, “no good deed goes unpunished.” their judgment may be either too realistic or too impractical. they may be a glutton or on the other extreme end someone who believes they didn't do enough to deserve a prize.

my advice for surviving this retrograde: be proactive - sometimes having a ritual helps. it may sound crazy but doing something like a cleanse, a cinnamon ritual, a simmer pot, a tarot reading, etc. every first of the month may help change your mindset from pessimistic to optimistic. growing up is rough but hey we all do it and time waits for no human - walk before the universe shoves you along unwillingly. change is good. i’m not gonna lie to you dating sucks… people are weird. my only advice is not to take things so seriously, if you are looking for romance :/ get a book - it’s definitely not perfect day one of any dating scene. if you are dating then everyone is allowed to date other people including you - when you are exclusive is when ya’ll shouldn’t be talking to other people. don’t assume exclusivity on day one, its 2022 lol. and definitely don't rush into a relationship to catch up to those around you - it’s not a competition. religion is great don’t shit on others for not sharing your beliefs or lack thereof though. pay it forward is good vibe energy - every day is a new day, don’t think that others wouldn't do the same for you OR you’ll pay for it later - embrace the positive and move forward. practice active listening to others - you may be a realist while some one else is a dreamer, a healthy balance is somewhere in between. treat yourself to something healthy - something you’ve wanted to try OR for the glutton, look around in an area you haven’t been recently in a closet or a cabinet is a favorite you have long forgotten, rediscover the joy you felt when you find it again for the first time. number a list of things you want to do (all in your price range and capabilities) use a random number generator and go do what it lands on. take the scenic route or a different route home than you normally do. play a card game.

SATURN: retrograde occurs roughly every year for around four to five months.

SATURN retrograde people likely had to grow up very quickly - during this retrograde you may need to be more mature. they are likely always early or always late. there are likely a lot of self-restrictions - this could be due to a lack of self-approval. they may feel as though they too experienced a lot of unluckiness similar to JUPITER retrograde. they may experience a lot of delays - usually self-provoked, they may hold themselves back in the area where this planet transits or sits in their chart due to a fear of failure or generalized fears/anxieties. they may receive a lot of bruising and other injuries, especially broken bones. they may be haunted by their past. they may experience sickness: chronic or acute - most common is depression (which may cause a lot of isolation from others) and frequent common colds. this is likely to cause a lot of frustration with themselves due to a hatred of being limited. they may have a lot of responsibilities and work hard to reach their high expectations. in philosophical states, their views may be more conservative wanting the harshest justice to be served. and last but not least, fatherly turmoil - it is highly likely there are a lot of issues surrounding a relationship between this person and their father.

my advice for surviving this retrograde: revisit childhood in a safe environment like therapy or a shadow-work journal. do something that you have wanted to do since childhood. show up somewhere late for the early bird and show up somewhere early for the late comer. buy yourself something you’ve been wanting but have been saying you’ll wait until something big happens. take a leap of faith. rest and care for yourself - have a lot of downtime, eat well, and do low-intensity exercise. know that there is no time like the present to start taking care of yourself - limitation now is not limitation life long. people who don’t take care of themselves when they feel bad only drain themselves more in the long run - take care of yourself! it’s not terrible to not reach all of your goals in a day. make three goals a day - no more, no less and certainly not something you can’t complete in a day (like buy a house, see the world, etc. it has to be manageable!). be reasonable with your views - it’s okay if others do not agree with you. life would be boring if we all had the same thoughts and beliefs.

NEPTUNE: retrograde occurs roughly every year for around five months.

NEPTUNE retrograde people typically struggle with their thoughts - during this retrograde you may feel like you can’t think straight or that you are more critical of yourself. these people frequently struggle with spirituality - not knowing what to trust or if it’s a good idea to be all in with a group mentality when it comes to following faith. these people typically have a different taste in music compared to everyone else - they may only listen to jazz or classical or something rather underground OR their taste in music doesn’t appear to match them at all. they may feel creatively blocked or like they only have creativity to help them express themselves. they may daydream or use substances frequently to help escape from their reality. they may lack intuition or have an intuition that others do not believe in. they may be incredible with makeup and use it to become a “different person” or have a strong dislike towards makeup. they may have very odd dreams or feel as though they are incapable of dreaming (not true, everyone dreams but not everyone can remember what they dreamed). these people may have a hated or fear of swimming due to past experiences where they nearly drowned or did drown. they may have a story attached to them about being completely incoherent - ODs, drowning, coma, concussion, anaphylactic shock, etc.

my advice for surviving this retrograde: write down your thoughts and analyze during this retrograde, if it’s natal, OR after the retrograde ends, if it’s transit based. don’t feel as though you are required to be part of a group. listen to new music. make a list of ideas as they arise. scribbling is safer than gazing. if you are using substances please do so in a safe environment or write down what, when, and where from you are taking this substance on an appendage (this is not me saying that you should, this is me stating be safe if you do - if you believe you may have a problem, reach out and seek advice from others who you feel will not judge you, it may be an outsider and that is okay - i too am here, you are never alone if you need guidance when seeking help). be careful with makeup use - you may find that it shocks others and even yourself and can be dangerous for those who struggle with dysmorphia. keep a dream journal. monitor symptoms after injuries and tell others about your allergies!

URANUS: retrograde occurs roughly every year for around five months.

URANUS retrograde people typically struggle with their originality - during this retrograde you may feel as though you are stuck in a rut when it comes to your life and how it looks. naives may feel as though they lack freedom or have too much of it and feel rather alone and that no one cares for them in this world. they may not feel like they are capable of standing up to others. they may have deep and rather harsh thoughts about humanity. they may be prone to accidents yet preserving like surviving a devastating storm that left others harmed, dead, or stranded, they may experience electrocution (extreme ex (and the first person i thought of while rereading my post before posting it): Ted Bundy has a natal URANUS retrograde and was sentenced to death via electric chart), etc. they likely feel apart from the world - whether by choice or otherwise is the question. these people are often estranged from select people in their life - a father, a mother, grandparents, a whole side of the family, etc. they may experience unexpected and chaotic things happening around them. these things often disrupt their day-to-day life: natural disasters, divorces, health woes, etc.

my advice for surviving this retrograde: try something new and different from your norm. travel, eat something you’ve never tried before, pick a new aesthetic, change up your look! go somewhere new - get away from your routine. reach out to someone you’ve not spoken to in a while. stand up for yourself even if it’s “i don’t appreciate that” you owe no one an explanation. and if they start talking back to you - tell them “my feelings are valid. i recognize that you disagree. we can talk at a later time.” and walk away - anything that happens after that statement is not your fault. you are okay and you spoke your mind and that is something to be proud of! be careful about who you share your views with. don’t give up on finding your people - they are out there! it takes time. if someone abandons you: IT IS NOT AND HAS NEVER BEEN YOUR FAULT. you guys can (could’ve) fix (fixed) things if they stay, you guys can’t fix things if they aren’t there. THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT - THEM LEAVING IS NOT YOUR FAULT. on the flip side, it is okay to leave those who you feel don’t make you a better person, who harm you, or alienate you! you deserve more! prepare for anything! prep a go-bag for your car, always have a week's worth of food in case of an emergency, meal prep, check your expiration dates on medications you need to live, buy a generator, make sure you have a list of emergency contacts, pay attention to the weather, make sure you have gas in your car and air in your tires, TAKE CARE OF ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH YOU BEING STRANDED OR COULD LEAVE YOU STRANDED! take survival course or read a book of wildness survival.

PLUTO: retrograde occurs roughly every year for around five to six months.

PLUTO retrograde people may experience a lot or very minimal death and change in their life - during this retrograde you may experience a death or life-changing event. these people may be extremely sexual beings or not sexual at all. they are likely not the most willing to eliminate the things in their life that are no longer the best for them. they may lack a lot of motivation compared to others. they may not let others get close to them due to not feeling safe or not feeling secure enough to expose themselves. they may be extremely ruthless or lack a spine when it comes to asserting themselves. they may have issues with people with power as well. they can be easily provoked. power to them may be or look like something to be destroyed or something that is too over the top, like a dictatorship.

my advice for surviving this retrograde: as a pluto dominant person, i can tell you, change is natural as is death - both are scary but in time things regulate and become still again. take advantage of resources like therapy to help cope and also downtime. people who are in mourning or are always on the go with change in life forget to stand still and breathe! it’s okay to take a break and rest! get STD/STI testing. do a juice cleanse and take your ACV and cranberry pills. make sure you are being safe. cleanse your space, declutter, and go through old contacts/following list it is time to remove the things that no longer serve you. clean out the closets, following lists, the memory bin, photos, and detox from all that stuff you’ve been dragging along! it’s okay to let go - if a lot of feelings arise ask yourself: is this a positive feeling (keep) or a negative feeling (next question)? is this a thing i would like to fix and have the ability to do so (keep) or something that can’t be fixed (get rid of) or i can’t fix it myself (take it somewhere to be fixed or contact who you need to fix things with)? after talking with the person who i needed to fix things with or getting the object mended - do i feel like this object/relationship was worth the time and energy expending? if yes, keep and continue to use the object or talk with the person as you get used to them being in your life again. do a weekly check-in with yourself to ensure you are still happy with your decision. if not get rid of the object OR block and delete the contact! we do have time for energy vampires around here! this is a great time to take your time - think through things! tell someone about something you haven’t told anyone about. be careful when asserting yourself or take a note from the URANUS retrograde handbook: “stand up for yourself even if it’s “i don’t appreciate that” you owe no one an explanation. and if they start talking back to you - tell them “my feelings are valid. i recognize that you disagree. we can talk at a later time.” and walk away - anything that happens after that statement is not your fault you are okay and you spoke your mind and that is something to be proud of!” go on a yoni or phalanx retreat. power structures will always exist try to evaluate the good and the bad of the one you exist in. if you see more bad than good perhaps it’s time for a big change! look into other places with other power structures and investigate/plan how you can make your life happen there!

popular asteroids that i often see retrograded:

aphrodite (asteroid 1388)

aphrodite retrograde people may experience extremes like stalkers or not being adored by others at all. they may feel unseen and unappreciated by others, making it extremely difficult to appreciate themselves. they may experience a lot of drama with none of the other perks that aphrodite herself gained (attention, romance, etc.). they may not be the most jealous person but rather the person who is too insecure to be jealous - people who say “i knew it was too good to be true” or simply walk away because there is no reason to fight for what they want anyway.

my advice for surviving this retrograde: avoid social media. self-care and self-love exercises - because you can really only ever count on yourself to show and give yourself what you deserve. when you do something you appreciate, smile and acknowledge you did that! buy yourself a gift. try to remove yourself from drama, you won't be letting anyone down by doing so. affirmations. let someone know when something hurts your feelings or bothers you - don’t just walk away or brush it off. if it bothers you and they care about you, then it should bother them as well.

chiron (asteroid 2060)

chiron retrograde people may not realize they are suffering until it is too late. they carry the bulk of all burdens without realizing that they have become someone’s personal mule. they may feel as though no one sees their skills or appreciates their talents. their empathy and gestures of nurture get overlooked because it is "just a given that they are that way" - meaning they are likely surrounded by people who use them. they likely feel as though no one is there when they need someone.

my advice for surviving this retrograde: daily check-ins. evaluate relationships with others: distance yourself from those using you. appreciate a job well done by you! someone’s gotta acknowledge it, right? self-care when you feel you need someone and no one is there: watch a comedy movie BUT if it life-threatening, please call or text a hotline like 988! you matter.

eris (asteroid 136199)

eris retrograde people may unknowingly cause trouble by doing something they thought would be overlooked. they may not like confronting others because it feels uncomfortable or they feel attacked whenever they speak up for an injustice they faced - they may experience a lot of gaslighting. they may hate rivalries with others. they may feel as though they are alone even when surrounded by others.

my advice for surviving this retrograde: tread lightly, as they say, eris retrograde is like walking on thin ice. you may be doing nothing wrong yet everyone is sensitive to your actions, if not, simply your presence. know that i have yet to meet someone who does not have eris in aries and retrograde - it’s a very slow-moving asteroid. thus nearly everyone around the world feels the same way.

hermes (asteroid 69230)

hermes retrograde people may be surrounded by a lot of mischievous people and tend to take the fall for others' wrongdoings. they may feel as though the pace of their life is uncomfortable for them. these people tend to be good but get a bad wrap (kind of like eddie munson from stranger things). they may experience fertility issues. they may not be the best at balancing their life and managing their time. they may have travel-related fears (fear of flying, fear of water, fear of car accidents, etc.) due to past accidents or incidents they have experienced.

my advice for surviving this retrograde: if you are hanging around a bad group stay away from them. if it is something illegal (*group* related) and you find you can’t just leave please reach out, other resources exist in the system. i get that the word "system" may be daunting but it’s better to get out alive or with a minimal sentence and a say in your sentence than to be stuck and face a longer trial and sentence. please read the MERCURY section as well because MERCURY is the roman aspect of hermes. fertility is a problem for more people than you think but we are blessed to live in a world where there are options: adoption, fostering, surrogacy, IVF, etc. get a planner and set a date to prepare for the week ahead. exposure therapy.

vesta (asteroid 4)

vesta retrograde people feel like they lack a cause to be motivated by or feel they belong to. they may feel like everyone else or as though they try their best to fit in with others and met the milestones society sets. they may not be devoted to others after the others do something extremely kind to them. they may not be an acts of service type of person - their love language is likely not one that promotes much giving. they may despise domestic life and homestead upkeep. they may not have a solid definition of pure or have a skewed opinion of pure, holding everyone to a high standard of pure or none at all.

my advice for surviving this retrograde: don’t be too hard on yourself - everything exists on a continuum, you don’t need a big cause to feel like you have something worth to believe in and feel motivated by. you exist on your own timeline, there is no pressuring you into anything, if someone is truly are your friend they won't and shouldn't be pressuring you. say "thank you" or smile at the person who does something helpful or kind for you. please do not be too harsh with others - your expectations of those you know or barely know need to be in check; too high and you’ll have fear, hatred, or dislike, too low and you’ll have chaos, disrespect, or disappoint towards others.

like what you read? leave a tip and state what post it is for! please use my “suggest a post topic” button if you want to see a specific post or mythical asteroid next! let me know if you’d like me to go over any of the asteroids i have already covered, in terms of their retrograde, so i know that you’re interested in a part 2!

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just-late-roman-republic-things · 3 months

Note

(you recently had a question about the image of Caesar in the Masters of Rome sooo.....)

I hope this isn't too much to ask but could you do a little review of the historical and (maybe) cultural inconsistencies in the Masters of Rome? At least the most obvious ones. Please c:

A great question - and a tough one, since the books are massive and I read them over a year ago, and before I knew more than the basic outline of Roman politics. I'm sure a lot of things went over my head as I was reading.

As far as I can remember, McCullough doesn't usually contradict our historical records. Instead, she tends to invent details to flesh out characterization and fill in the gaps. This is both natural and necessary for a historical fiction writer. So there's a lot of things in the books we have no evidence for, like "Servilius Caepio abused his wife Livia," but we can't exactly call them "wrong," either.

Sometimes her inventions are pretty cool. I actually like what she did with Caepio and Livia, because it gives depth and character growth to a woman who's otherwise just a footnote in history, and Caepio's subsequent conflict with her brother makes for great foreshadowing of the wars of Marius and Sulla, who are also brothers-in-law here.

Other inventions are...strange. Or deeply uncomfortable to read.

Like when she repeatedly tries to reassure us that Octavian and Agrippa are not gay for each other. I'm 99% sure that the gayness emerged organically as she was drafting the story because the classical sources sound really gay to modern western audiences, and it surprised her. Rather than A) leaning into it, B) rewriting the scenes, or C) leaving it up to the reader's interpretation, she D) tried to "clarify" and fumbled it. The resulting story reads as super gay and homophobic at the same time.

(There's nothing inherently wrong with writing Octavian and Agrippa as platonic. The problem is that she executed it poorly, and some of her own bias shows through.)

She also has to invent a lot of characters' motives. Most of the time, we cannot know historical figures' real reasons for why they acted as they did; we have to guess. Again, this is normal and necessary for a story. McCullough's guesses aren't that outlandish - Robert Morstein-Marx and Fred Drogula have a lot of similar takes - but she is biased in Caesar's favor, and there's plenty of room to disagree.

So, there's a lot in these books that isn't historical, but not strictly "false," either. What things are almost certainly false?

Stigma towards homosexuality. McCullough tends to treat homosexual relationships as stigmatized in Rome, and more widely accepted in Greek and eastern Mediterranean areas. In reality stigma only tended to be directed toward a penetrated or effeminate man in a same-sex relationship; men who still acted "masculine enough" according to Roman gender norms were considered perfectly fine. Homosexuality was also not seen as a particularly "Greek" practice, as the books suggest. See my notes on Roman homosexuality for more.

Lucullus as a child molester. Sulla knew Lucullus very well. He appointed Lucullus guardian of his six-year-old children, and Lucullus openly detested Cethegus for "sexual misconduct." (Plut. Lucullus 4-5) So I think this particular invention of McCullough's is very unlikely.

Marius wasn't trying to abort Julius Caesar's career by making him flamen dialis. This is one of several changes McCullough made to make Caesar more competent, special, or important to the story. She acknowledges some of them in her author notes, like expanding his role in the trial of Rabirius and giving him a more innocent excuse to wear red boots than "he wanted to dress up like a king."

Caesar's eye color gets changed from brown to blue, and Octavian's hair color gets lightened. And even after accounting for Rome's high ethnic diversity, blonds and redheads in general are over-represented compared to what you'd expect.

Marius' military reforms are overstated. Although it's true that he abolished the property requirement for soldiers, this requirement had been trending downward for decades, and the proposal wasn't as controversial as it seems in the books. Also, several of the reforms were actually done by his pal Rutilius Rufus.

There are too many cum manu marriages. In a cum manu marriage, the woman was transferred from her father's authority to her husband's, and legally became part of his family. But nearly all Roman marriages during the late republic were sine manu marriages, in which the woman remained part of her father's family, and in practice had more independence and property rights.

Cleopatra was more worldly and politically astute. Although 53-year-old Caesar was certainly more experienced and powerful than the 21-year-old Cleopatra at the time they met, Cleopatra had been Egypt's leading politician and administrator for three years, raised and led her own army, survived multiple coups and civil wars, and realized that Caesar needed her as much as she needed him. I believe McCullough overstated Cleopatra's naivete to make Caesar look more competent. I also find it difficult to believe that much later, at the battle of Actium, Cleopatra still would have been clueless enough about Roman army culture to not realize the impact of her presence on soldiers' morale.

These are just the ones I recall off the top of my head; readers are welcome to add more.

For all the issues with these books, they're still some of my favorite novels about ancient Rome. McCullough did a ton of research, and brings to life many people and events that rarely get portrayed in media. Her characterizations are usually strong and multifaceted. Even Cato gets his heroic moments, while Caesar does have a lot of red flags if you look for them.

And, despite her best efforts, her Octavian and Agrippa still ended up super gay.

#just roman asks #colleen mccullough #masters of rome #jlrrt essays

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whatacaitastrophe · 1 month

Text

Everything Has Changed - Chapter 11

Previous Chapter

Chapter Song Inspiration: "Seven Nation Army" - Stevie Howie

Chapter Warnings: Idiots talking about their feelings.

Spotify Playlist: Here

Author Notes: thank you all so much for reading, reblogging, liking, and commenting on this fic (and the first one)! if you are interested in supporting me in other ways, I have a Ko-Fi link <3

i also have a discord server! it was created to coincide with my twitch channel but you do NOT need to follow/subscribe/watch my twitch streams to come hang out with us <3 we talk a lot about bg3 and share memes and fics.

Chapter 11: Talkin' to Myself at Night

The night of what she’d started referring to as “the incident” in her mind, Fallon didn’t sleep. Her mind was too busy. It was one thing to imagine her boyfriend and ex-boyfriend kissing, or imagine herself as the middle portion of a vampire and sorcerer sandwich, but it was another entirely for those fantasies to become a reality. Add in the fact that “the incident” in question occurred without her consent, and Fallon was left feeling truly unsure of how she felt, or if coming to some sort of arrangement with Astarion and Gale was something she even wanted anymore.

Fallon felt betrayed, and not just by Astarion. Gale swore that he never wanted to hurt Fallon again, and it took him less than a month to break that promise. Not only that, but once upon a time, Gale told Fallon that he was only interested in monogamous relationships. Fallon also knew that if the situation were reversed, and she were the one kissing Astarion without Gale’s consent, that Gale probably would have broken up with her on the spot upon catching them. The hypocrisy was rampant, and the hole in her heart that began to fill after rekindling her friendship with Gale was leaking again because of it. All of the reasons Fallon told herself that she couldn’t open her heart to Gale again (beyond the sexual relationship with Gale and Astarion she’d already fantasized about) were completely validated less than twenty-four hours after she’d even realized it was something she might want.

Then there was Astarion: the man who’d seen how fragile her heart was, glued the pieces Gale broke back together, promised to take care with it, and then promptly dropped it on the ground to shatter at the first opportunity. When she first met Astarion, he’d been all honeyed words of affirmation with a perfectly crafted persona to entice Fallon and the rest of their companions into trusting him as a method of survival. Was that still all she was to the vampire? A means to an end to ensure he survived another day? Had Astarion been playing the long con this whole time, and Fallon fell for it? Deep down, Fallon knew this wasn’t true; that Astarion loved her fiercely and genuinely. However, the logical part of her that knew this was currently being completely overpowered by her insecurities and anxieties, both of which were screaming at her for being stupid enough to trust that Astarion would keep his promise.

It all hurt, and the thing Fallon hated the most was that the person she would normally go to when she was hurting was the source of her pain. She thought about using her sending stone to contact Shadowheart, or Karlach, but Fallon could hear her friends’ voices in her mind already.

Shadowheart would tell her to go home– to go back to Baldur’s Gate and leave the vampire and the sorcerer to suffer the consequences of their actions and reflect on what they lost simply because they forgot to use their brains. “If they’re stupid enough to make that mistake, then they deserve each other, and certainly do not deserve you.”

Karlach, on the other hand, would probably jump straight to murder. Murder wasn’t usually Karlach’s go-to method of solving problems. Unless, of course, someone she cared about got hurt. With how happy-go-lucky Karlach was most of the time, it was easy to forget that the tiefling-turned-illithid once served in Zariel’s army, and that she killed a lot of people on Zariel’s behalf. “Say the word, soldier, and I’ll meet you in Waterdeep, sneak up on them in an alley, and make their deaths look like an accident.”

The solutions her friends would likely offer Fallon were not actually reasonable, or helpful, because they were just different forms of taking the easy way out, of running away from her problems. In the end it wouldn’t solve anything, and the person that was most likely to suffer most would still be Fallon. After all, how she felt about Astarion hadn’t suddenly changed in the wake of everything. How she’d started to feel about Gale again hadn’t gone away. Walking away from the two halves of her heart would do nothing but break her further.

At the end of the day, Fallon wanted to give Gale and Astarion the benefit of the doubt. She wanted to believe that “the incident” had been as unexpected and unplanned as they said it was. She wanted to believe that Astarion and Gale actually cared as deeply for her as they claimed.

Most importantly, she wanted them , and at the end of a sleepless night into a restless morning, that was where Fallon’s mind landed. The men who claimed to love her so deeply would get a chance to prove their love, but she would make them work for it. There would be no glossing over their infidelity and jumping right into a conversation about what being “together” as a threesome would look like. No, she fully intended to make the vampire and the sorcerer squirm, and to sit with the consequences of their actions for a while; to make them see earning her forgiveness was not as simple as saying “Sorry, it was an accident, we love you!”

Fallon slipped out of the inn in Daggerford as soon as she was certain the shops were open, and purchased her own tent, as she had no intention of sharing one with Astarion for the next three days while they made the final leg of their journey to Waterdeep. Fallon knew herself, and having Astarion that close would increase the opportunity for her to have a moment of weakness, to fold too soon.

When she returned to the inn with her new tent slung over her shoulder in a bag, Astarion and Gale were in the tavern, where the latter was eating breakfast. Astarion noticed her enter the tavern first, and he nudged Gale, nodding in Fallon’s direction. Gale looked at Fallon hopefully as she made her way towards the table. Fallon did not sit down as she observed the two men. They both looked tired, and Fallon did not even feel bad about the fact that knowing they slept like shit too brought her a little bit of joy.

“I’ve decided I’ll be sleeping in my own tent for the next couple of days.” She explained, acknowledging the bag over her shoulder. Astarion’s eyes flickered sadly as he realized they were not forgiven yet, and that his actions would cost him more than a single night without Fallon in his arms.

“What you did, what it means…Quite honestly, just looking at the two of you hurts. You don’t get to treat me like that and expect me to carry on like nothing happened, even if the idea of the three of us being an “us” is something I want to talk about. I refuse,” Fallon’s voice was cold, and she could feel her throat threatening to close up as tears welled in the corners of her eyes. Gods dammit, she was not going to cry in the middle of the fucking tavern. She furiously blinked back her tears, averting her gaze from Astarion and Gale since looking at them was just making it worse. “I need more time. When I’m ready to talk, I’ll come to you. Be ready to leave in an hour.” She did not stick around to see them silently nod their heads as they agreed to her terms, or the way that they guiltily looked at each other because they made her cry (again).

Fallon did not speak to Gale or Astarion unless absolutely necessary for the next three days. In fact, a passerby would have assumed that somebody had cast a Silencing spell over their group, with how quiet their journey from Daggerford to Waterdeep was. Fallon’s silent treatment made Gale and Astarion hesitant to even speak to each other in her presence, and while Fallon hadn'tt asked them to do that, if they wanted to deprive themselves of verbal communication until she was ready to speak to them both as some form of self-punishment, she also wasn't going to correct them.

At night, after she retired to her tent for the evening, Fallon often heard them talking to each other in hushed tones as she drifted off to sleep. Each conversation was entirely about her, how terrible they felt for hurting her so badly that she was still ignoring them, and when they thought she would speak to them again.

“I didn’t think it was possible for her to be quiet for this long,” Gale muttered to Astarion on the eve of the third day. “How much longer do you believe this will last?”

“I’m not sure, but if she didn’t deign to speak to us for another fortnight, would you blame her? I consider us lucky that she’s even considering speaking to us again at all,” Astarion countered, sighing heavily, and Fallon smiled softly to herself as she listened. “We’ll reach Waterdeep tomorrow, so maybe she’ll be ready to talk once we get to your tower?”

“I hope so,” Gale said wistfully. “Speaking of which, I got a hold of Tara. Everything should be ready when we arrive.”

“Excellent. Gods, I hope this works. I wouldn’t blame Fallon for ignoring us for another fortnight if she wished, but that doesn’t mean I want her to. I didn’t realize it was possible to miss someone you see every day.”

Though Fallon could have guessed that Astarion missed her (probably Gale, too) by the way they looked at her whenever she’d grant either of them any brief acknowledgement in the last three days, it was still nice to hear the vampire say it out loud. Giving Astarion and Gale the silent treatment had been harder for Fallon than she thought it would be, because every time she acknowledged them, the hopeful look on their faces, the optimistic thought that, perhaps, the worst of her hurt and anger might be over, nearly broke her resolve. Not speaking to them unless absolutely necessary had also made Fallon miss them , too. By the time they rode through the city entrance to Waterdeep, the deepest parts of the hurt Fallon felt because of their actions had passed. The pain wasn’t completely gone, but the idea of talking to Gale and Astarion about it didn’t reduce her to tears anymore. That was Fallon’s internal sign that she was ready for this conversation, and perhaps, to begin down the path to forgiveness.

The City of Splendours was just as beautiful as the name would suggest, and Fallon was actually starting to think that Gale had somehow managed to undersell his hometown. She couldn’t help but watch Gale’s face as he took in the city as they passed through the streets. Fallon couldn’t remember the last time she saw Gale look so happy. In fact, Fallon wasn’t entirely sure she’d ever seen Gale as happy as he was in that moment.

Gale looked back at Fallon, still beaming as they rode beside each other. “If you’ll allow me to take the lead, I will escort us to my tower.” She nodded, pulling back on her horse’s reins slightly so Gale could pass, and even that small acknowledgement made Gale’s smile so much brighter. Of course, finding Gale’s tower wouldn’t have exactly been difficult even if she and Astarion had been on their own. The ornate tower was centrally located, and arguably one of the tallest buildings she could see. To her surprise, there were people waiting to take their horses to a nearby stable when they arrived, and a small bit of sadness filled Fallon as she kissed her own horse’s nose for the final time, at least until they returned. It wasn’t like the horses could go through the portal to Asha with them, and no matter how long they remained in Waterdeep, Fallon had a feeling they’d mostly walk.

The quiet filling the air as Fallon, Gale, and Astarion entered the landing level of Gale’s tower was a different kind of silence to the one they’d been sitting in for the last several days. Fallon and Astarion were in too much awe to speak, and Gale was just so happy to be home that he looked like he was trying not to cry. “It’s beautiful, Gale.” Fallon said softly as they ascended the stairs to the next level, where Tara was waiting for them in the sitting room.

“Mr. Dekarios! It is so lovely to see you sir, you’re looking much better than you were the last time I saw you– even if you still haven’t shaved that horrid thing on your face. Nice to see you both again, too.” Tara greeted them.

“Hi Tara.” Fallon giggled, not able to help herself. She remembered Gale lamenting about how much the tressym hated his long hair and scruffy face, but Gale liked it, so it stayed. Fallon liked it, too, so she was glad that Gale’s companion hadn’t managed to bully him into getting rid of it.

Gale sighed, but the smile on his face never faded as he shook his head at Tara. “It’s lovely to see you as well, Tara. I’ve missed you,” he squatted down so he could scratch beneath the tressym’s chin. When he stood again, he clapped his hands together. “Is everything in order?”

Tara hopped onto the back of the sofa. “Everything is in order and still on schedule,” she confirmed, and Fallon looked back and forth between Gale and Astarion with a curious look on her face. “Is what in order?” It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Tara was referring to whatever plan Astarion and Gale concocted to get back in her good graces, but there was a schedule?

Astarion removed his facial covering now that they were indoors again, and he gave her a sly look in reply. “You’ll find out soon enough, darling, but I’m afraid you’ll need to remain in the dark just a bit longer.”

Gale’s look matched Astarion’s, and suddenly Fallon found herself regretting putting the two of them in a situation to conspire against her. “Indeed. On that note, I’m afraid we have to kick you out for a bit,” Fallon frowned as Gale continued. “Not to worry, though! Tara has agreed to act as your guide while you explore the city”

Fallon opened her mouth to argue– she’d really been looking forward to just taking a bath and mentally preparing herself for the conversation she intended to have with the vampire and the sorcerer standing before her; but before she could say anything, Astarion cut her off as he reached into his pocket for a small satchel that had the telltale jingle of coin inside, offering it to her. “I realize we’ve not given you much of a reason to trust us recently, but I promise you won’t regret it. Please.” His eyes were soft and pleading, the closest to a puppy-eyed expression Fallon had ever seen Astarion make. Gale was already rubbing off on him.

If they really went this far out of their way to plan something for her, the least she could do is play along. Fallon let out a resigned sigh and nodded. “Lead the way, Tara.” She gestured to the door and relief washed over Gale and Astarion’s faces, the latter looked like he’d kiss Fallon if she let him. The tressym hopped down from the back of the sofa and made her way towards the door. “This way, miss Fallon.” Fallon nodded in goodbye to Astarion and Gale, smiling softly at them, and she followed Tara out.

Once back outside the tower, Tara hopped up onto Fallon’s shoulder, causing the elf to let out a noise of surprise. “Forgive me, miss Fallon, it’s just easier to travel like this– I fear you’d lose me rather quickly otherwise. Our first stop isn’t far.”

“First stop?” Fallon asked warily.

“Oh yes, this is a multiple-stop outing, miss Fallon. Astarion and Mr. Dekarios gave me explicit instructions.”

“Why am I suddenly nervous?” Fallon mused as she weaved through the streets of Waterdeep, Not a single passerby seemed to be surprised to see a tressym sitting on her shoulder, which meant things like this were just…normal here. She followed Tara’s instructions as she took in her surroundings.

Fallon didn’t know why it surprised her so much, but their first stop was a bookshop. She should have known, since this was an outing at least half-planned by Gale Dekarios. The shop was quiet, with only around twenty or so other patrons milling about and browsing books. “Hello, Norbert!” Tara greeted someone as they entered. The halfling sitting on a high top stool behind the counter looked up from his book, and as soon as he saw Fallon and Tara, his face brightened. “Ah, Tara! I was wondering when you’d be by. Let me go grab your order.”

The halfling slid from his stool and disappeared into the back of his shop. “Tara, did Gale send me out with you to run his errands?” She laughed.

“Technically, yes, but also no. We’re not here for an order for Mr. Dekarios.”

Confusion etched across Fallon’s features. “Are we running your errands?”

“Goodness, I thought Mr. Dekarios said you were a bright woman,” the tressym chastised, and Fallon frowned. “He placed an order for you, dear.”

Fallon’s face immediately softened, and her heart swelled in her chest. Of course Gale would use books as a means of re-gaining favor with someone. The halfling returned with a small stack of books in his hands, and Fallon immediately recognized the book on the bottom of the stack just from its spine. She waited patiently for the halfling to set the books on his counter before touching them. “Here you are, all present and accounted for.”

Fallon reached for the books and began scanning the titles– the first three were all romance novels, but the last book in the stack made Fallon gasp. It was a first edition copy of the book about the boy wizard. How had Gale managed to find this? The book was printed almost twenty years ago. Fallon carefully opened it, and a folded piece of parchment slipped out, fluttering to the floor. Tara jumped onto the counter as Fallon bent down to retrieve it, and she realized it was a note, addressed to her. Fallon unfolded the parchment and recognized the neat, precise script with which it was written.

“ Dearest Fallon,

As you know, when we met, one of the first things that drew me to you was our shared love of literature. Once upon a time I recommended three romance novels to you, and promised to procure copies for you after we saved the world. These are a bit delayed on delivery, seeing as we saved the world two years ago at this point, but I do hope you enjoy them all the same. I’d planned on taking you to this shop to purchase copies for you once we arrived in Waterdeep anyway and then, well, you know what happened.

You’ve obviously read the last one in the stack, but you mentioned Astarion has been hogging your copy, so I had Norbert find another for you. Admittedly, I was quite surprised when he told me that he had a first edition copy in his stockroom! What a treasure, indeed, just like its new owner.

I realize that it might seem like I am trying to buy your forgiveness, but I can assure you that is not the case. I would have bought them for you anyway, because you deserve to start doing things you enjoy again, after spending so long sacrificing yourself and your needs for the greater good. Though I do look forward to (hopefully) hearing your thoughts on the romance books once you’ve finished them. They’re quite riveting.

Yours,

Gale”

Fallon’s smile grew wider and wider as she read Gale’s not. The sorcerer might not have been trying to buy her forgiveness, but it was definitely helping. “Thank you, Norbert. These are lovely. I can’t wait to read them.”

The halfling beamed at her. “Enjoy! Gale has excellent taste, so I doubt you’ll be disappointed.”

Tara jumped back onto Fallon’s shoulder. “Tara, do we have time for me to browse for a bit, to see if I find anything else I might like?”

“We do! Mr. Dekarios had a feeling you might want to browse,” Tara confirmed, and Fallon smiled. “He said to tell you to pick out whatever you’d like, and Norbert will put it on his tab.”

Of course Gale had a tab at his local bookshop, Fallon was not even surprised. She spent the next half-hour browsing the shelves and managed to limit herself to two additional books. After all, Gale already bought her four and she didn’t want to seem like she was taking advantage of his kindness (and his desire to get back on her good side). With her books stashed in her bag of holding, Fallon exited the shop and looked around. “Where to next, Tara?”

The next shop they visited was a dress shop, and Fallon did not even need to ask which man instructed Tara to bring her here. Just as Norbert had, the elven woman running the shop recognized Tara, and she immediately greeted them both with a bright smile as she pulled a note out of a drawer on her side of the counter. Once again, the note was addressed to Fallon and was written in a familiar, elegant script.

“Fallon, my love,

I believe I still owe you a new dress after ruining yours at the Winter Solstice. The shop has your measurements, and I told them what colors you prefer, so they hopefully pulled a few things already. I look forward to seeing whichever breathtaking option you choose.

I love you.

xx,

Astarion”

Even the notes they’d each written for her were entirely in character. Gale’s verbosity extended even to paper, while Astarion was right to the point, and each note left Fallon’s heart stuttering in her chest. Sure enough, as Fallon pocketed the note from Astarion, the shopkeeper had walked across the shop to a small rack of dresses separate from everything else. Fallon smiled at the assortment of dark blue, burgundy, and black dresses that hung there. “Tara, I don’t suppose you know if there’s a specific occasion I should be shopping for, or if I’m simply just to choose any dress that suits my fancy?”

“I’ve been instructed to tell you that there are plans this evening for which you might want to have a new dress but, and I quote, 'she could show up wearing rags off the floor of the Elfsong Tavern and she’d still look beautiful, so it doesn’t matter.' ”

Fallon snorted with laughter. Even Tara’s delivery of the instructions sounded like Astarion. “Well alright then.”

There was a stool next to the rack of clothing, and Tara jumped onto it and sat down. “While I am not privy to all of the details, Mr. Dekarios alluded to the…transgressions he and Astarion committed together. As a result, he and Astarion are now both desperate to prove how much they care for you, and are equally as desperate to earn your forgiveness,”

“Well that’s certainly one way of putting it.” Fallon hummed as she began to examine the dresses on the rack before her with intent.

“So, miss Fallon, if I may make one tiny suggestion? One female to another?” There was a mischievous tone in Tara’s voice that piqued Fallon’s curiosity, and she tore her gaze from the dresses to look at the tressym.

“Let’s hear it.” Fallon agreed.

“Make them crawl.”

Chapter List

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #astarion #female tav #bg3 fanfic #gale x tav #astarion x tav #bloodweave #bloodweave x tav #astarion x gale x tav #bg3 fan fic #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fan fiction #bg3 fic

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duckprintspress · 8 months

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7 Banned Books to Read this Banned Book Week

With book bans sweeping the United States, the Duck Prints Press rec list contributors wanted to take a moment to shout out our favorite books that get banned most frequently. Being us, they are, unsurprisingly, mostly queer.

Learn more about Banned Books Week.

Melissa by Alex Gino

When people look at George, they think they see a boy. But she knows she’s not a boy. She knows she’s a girl. George thinks she’ll have to keep this a secret forever. Then her teacher announces that their class play is going to be Charlotte’s Web. George really, really, REALLY wants to play Charlotte. But the teacher says she can’t even try out for the part . . . because she’s a boy. With the help of her best friend, Kelly, George comes up with a plan. Not just so she can be Charlotte—but so everyone can know who she is, once and for all.

A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo, written by Jill Twiss and illustrated by E. G. Keller

Meet Marlon Bundo, a lonely bunny who lives with his Grampa, Mike Pence – the Vice President of the United States. But on this Very Special Day, Marlon’s life is about to change forever…

With its message of tolerance and advocacy, this charming children’s book explores issues of same sex marriage and democracy. Sweet, funny, and beautifully illustrated, this book is dedicated to every bunny who has ever felt different.

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden by Joanne Greenberg

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden is the story of a sixteen-year-old who retreats from reality into the bondage of a lushly imagined but threatening kingdom, and her slow and painful journey back to sanity.

Chronicles the three-year battle of a mentally ill, but perceptive, teenage girl against a world of her own creation, emphasizing her relationship with the doctor who gave her the ammunition of self-understanding with which to help herself.

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

Sixteen-year-old Starr Carter moves between two worlds: the poor neighborhood where she lives and the fancy suburban prep school she attends. The uneasy balance between these worlds is shattered when Starr witnesses the fatal shooting of her childhood best friend Khalil at the hands of a police officer. Khalil was unarmed.

Soon afterward, his death is a national headline. Some are calling him a thug, maybe even a drug dealer and a gangbanger. Protesters are taking to the streets in Khalil’s name. Some cops and the local drug lord try to intimidate Starr and her family. What everyone wants to know is: what really went down that night? And the only person alive who can answer that is Starr.

But what Starr does—or does not—say could upend her community. It could also endanger her life.

And Tango Makes Three, written by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell, illustrated by Henry Cole

At the penguin house at the Central Park Zoo, two penguins named Roy and Silo were a little bit different from the others. But their desire for a family was the same. And with the help of a kindly zookeeper, Roy and Silo get the chance to welcome a baby penguin of their very own.

Forever… by Judy Blume

Katherine and Michael meet at a New Year’s Eve party. They’re attracted to each other, they grow to love each other. And once they’ve decided their love is forever, they make love.

It’s the beginning of an intense and exclusive relationship, with a future all planned. Until Katherine’s parents insist that she and Michael put their love to the test with a summer apart…

It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health, written by Robie H. Harris and illustrated by Michael Emberley

When young people have questions about sex, real answers can be hard to find. Providing accurate, unbiased answers to nearly every imaginable question, from conception and puberty to birth control and AIDS, It’s Perfectly Normal offers young people the information they need—now more than ever—to make responsible decisions and to stay healthy.

What are YOU reading this Banned Book Week?

#duck prints press #banned books #banned books week #rec list #book recs

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mikuni14 · 11 months

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Be My Favorite Ep 5

Another great episode full of excellent, engaging conversations, very good scenes, well-run plot, sticking to the timeline, logical development and character growth.

To me, this series is perfect, I enjoy every minute of this show, I literally have no complaints about Be My Favorite. 😲

Kawi is a perfect character in how human, ordinary, and very unusual ML for BL series he is. I’ve seen some complaints about Kawi, but actually these complaints are what make me adore him. For me, the fact that he's so different from the regular BL drama lead, has no outstanding qualities, and isn't funny, cute and dorky, making up for what he lacks in character (which happens a lot in BL shows), that he makes mistakes and does stupid things is very refreshing. One could say Kawi is basically a loser, he's shy and gullible to the point of being annoying, he's extremely awkward and he struggles with reading the room and people intentions, with being social. He's practically blind to reality and tends to make fake, but always depressing scenarios in his head. He often blames external factors for his failures. But what is amazing is his hidden courage, a desperate need to correct his mistakes, his ability to look at himself critically, to admit that he was wrong, the ability to change, develop and grow. Kawi is one of the few BL characters to get a real, and I mean real transformation, and right now, in episode 5 he’s already a different, more mature person than he was in episode 1. 🥰

So is Pisaeng: what an interesting dude he is! 😍 At first, I kind of expected him to be the typical seme type guy: handsome, rich, perfect in every way, handling his problems and his life in a calm and efficient way. And would you look at that! Pisaeng is also a mess, also going through internal turbulences :D, self-discovery and not handling his life and the plushie machine perfectly. 🤘 He’s often angry, but he doesn't know how to let his anger out because he doesn't want to hurt anyone and tends to hide his emotions. He’s also lonely and has no one to talk to about his problems. He wants to have friends. It was absolutely wonderful and innovative for him to have his journey about his sexuality privately, without Kawi's presence, although he was the trigger. His scene with Max, their conversation, the dynamic, Max lashing out and apologizing... I love it so much. And of course I ship them, well, I'm just a simple minded person with simple needs (I think I died a little watching Pisaeng gather his strength, bracing himself to confess🥺🥺🥺)

What I love about this drama is that Kawi and Pisaeng are so ordinary, so normal. They are kind and have good hearts, but they can also be aggressive and capable of being cruel. They talk to each other surprisingly honestly, sharing their private thoughts and problems, but they also fight with each other and drive each other crazy. There is no fakeness, weirdness, inconsistency in their behavior, their dialogues and scenes WERE CLEARLY NOT WRITTEN FOR A ROMANCE BUT FOR THEIR CHARACTERS. This almost NEVER happens in BL series. AND I LOVE IT.

The series in its innovation doesn’t stop there. It serves us very beautiful confessions of love, and equally beautiful scenes of rejection. Pisaeng, Kawi and Pearmai act more grown-up than most overdramatic older characters from other BL series. Also, they show a lot of real life situations, like Kawi with his type of character unable to break through with his art, how fear, shyness and the belief that no one will want to listen to him anyway are paralyzing and preventing normal functioning.

It's interesting how Kawi's personality, upbringing, learned habits and self-instilled limitations made him never really give ANYONE a chance, although the world was full of chances for him. People from his college wanted to be friends with him many times, from the first day, seniors wanted to listen to him and were enthusiastic about him. And Kawi finally understood it - because he wanted to understand it - and he's working on himself. Now he gets a chance to be a singer, which I'm sure he would have turned down a while ago. Not to mention his peaceful acceptance of Pisaeng's confession, which he feared so much. I also like the fact that Kawi is no longer afraid to draw strength and inspiration from friends who offer him their support willingly and selflessly.

And one more thing: the series can "sell" good one-liners, and the life wisdom stuff in a natural way, without moralizing and sounding pretentious.

I can't stop gushing about this show, I just love it so much 💖💖💖💖💖

#be my favorite #thai bl #bl drama

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ofhopess · 2 months

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‘ callum turner, cismale, he-him, 32 / 320 , high fae ’ ― cauldron save you. it seems AMBROSE CAADLOWAN has finally made it to the capital, the HIGH LORD from THE DAWN COURT is said to be PERSONABLE and is said to describe themselves with ENDLESS FLIRTING THAT CAN'T BE DENIED, SOFT BLUE ROBES ALWAYS IMMACULATELY WORN, EXPERTLY HID INDECISION, AN INDESCRIBABLE WARMTH WHEN IN ANY ROOM AND THE FIRST FRESH BREEZE OF MORNING and with all of this in mind their OBSTINATE nature always seems to get them into trouble. may the mother hold them as they navigate this unthinkable time.

𝔾𝔼ℕ𝔼ℝ𝔸𝕃 𝔻𝔼𝕋𝔸𝕀𝕃𝕊.

FULL NAME: Ambrose Caadlowan NICKNAME(S): Rosie for those closest to him. NAME MEANING: Immortal AGE: 32 - 320 SPECIES: High Fae. PLACE OF BIRTH: Dawn Court Palace GENDER: cismale PRONOUNS: he/him SEXUAL ORIENTATION: pansexual

ℙℍ𝕐𝕊𝕀ℂ𝔸𝕃 𝔸ℙℙ𝔼𝔸ℝ𝔸ℕℂ𝔼, 𝔼𝕋ℂ.

HEIGHT: 6'3 BUILD: thick built but lean. TATTOOS: none CLOTHING STYLE: light coloured robes DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: loose brown curls, distinguished bone structure and deep blue eyes that resemble first sunrise. SIGNATURE SCENT: fresh dawn dew ABILITIES: daemati, immortality, shifting, winnowing, healing, dream tampering.

𝔹𝔸ℂ𝕂𝕊𝕋𝕆ℝ𝕐.

he's heard the stories of how the other high lords and ladies came to be, and he can't help but pity them. ambrose never quite had it that hard it seems. born of a high lord that loved his wife beyond words, it was happiness that settled around the young fae as he grew into his magic. war raged around the family unit, but a love match between one high fae and another means the future high lord is born into love and he can feel it, ambrose grows up joyous

when a war takes his mother, that's when he notes the first change in the fae his father is. loosing love changed a person it seemed and ambrose gets a harsh whip of reality, but never enough to taint him.

he's not sure if he was born with the understanding of what would one day be asked of him, but he can't help but ever question why people are shocked by the expectations placed on them. when his abilities flourish, healing, dream manipulation and daemati abilities alike, his father is joyed and ambrose knows it's because he's becoming a perfect weapon should his father ever need him. and what's so bad about that? each court fights for power and it's only right the dawn court plays their part in that, why does anyone ever expect his father to be anything different?

they're not normal fae and they never will be.

he admires his father, dutifully follows him and his actions. consequences seem obvious to him and he knows what will be asked of him one day so he sees it fit that he learns from the man he sees as the very best the high fae has to offer.

when his father dies, an event he's still convinced wasn't something to do with the summer court when their plans were called off, the magic chose ambrose immediately. no one around him was surprised given his dedication to his father and following in his footsteps.

having only been high lord for a few years, everyone is still watching to see how he's going to cope. he still attempts to be the happiest person in any room but his excessive pride can still be felt and he's a perfect example of a son perfectly raised to take over as a high lord.

ℍ𝔼𝔸𝔻ℂ𝔸ℕℕ𝕆ℕ𝕊.

ambrose is a dramatic flirt, he doesn't care much for gender, species or status, if ambrose find you attractive he won't think twice about trying to take you to bed.

he mimics his fathers belief that the dawn court are superior and given their position of protecting the histories or prythian, he doesn't see why they couldn't be considered as the next great king.

he's known for singing at any event, despite the fact carrying a tune is not one of his abilities.

is yet to shift into his beast form that high lords come with, he's worried that it's not something he's going to be able to do when the time comes.

he wishes he had a better bond with his siblings, but he knows that he will always understand the way their father raised them differently.

likely more to come.

𝕎𝔸ℕ𝕋𝔼𝔻 ℂ𝕆ℕℕ𝔼ℂ𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ𝕊.

past & current lovers.

friends.

people from the summer court he's had previous dealings with that he doesn't get along with.

close fae buddies from other courts.

#ofcourtfables:intro #ambrose caadlowan || introduction

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livgr3 · 8 months

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Panel 1: Gender, Genre, and Excess

CONTENT WARNING: blood, gore

Raw (2017) written and directed by Julia Ducournau

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"I’m fed up with the way young women and their discovery of sexuality is portrayed on screens ... For me, sexuality is in the body. And you should certainly not be a victim. It’s not something that you go through, it’s something that you are active in, and it’s perfectly okay. Your main aim should be to climax, because if it’s not your main aim, you’re never gonna climax. So, that’s what I wanted to show you: a sexuality that is not apologetic, shameless, in the body, in the now and aiming at climax." - Julia Ducournau, British film Institute, 2017 "Masochistic pleasure for women has paradoxically seemed either too normal - too much normal yet intolerable condition of women - or too perverse to be taken seriously as pleasure." - Linda Williams, "Film Bodies: Gender, Genre, and Excess," (1991)

Synopsis

Ducournau's Raw follows the demure, innocent young adult Justine as she begins her first year at a prestigious veterinary school, previously attended by her parents and currently attended by her older sister Alexia.

It is the school's tradition that all new students undergo a bizarre, humiliating hazing ritual. During this week-long ritual, Justine and her cohorts are forced to each eat a rabbit kidney. Justine, forcibly raised to be a strict vegetarian by her parents, refuses to eat the kidney until she is urged by her older sister.

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After her first taste of meat, Justine begins to change. She develops a full-body rash and an insatiable taste for raw meat, which soon devolves into cannibalism.

What is particularly interesting about her newfound hunger, though, is its direct correlation to her sexual awakening.

Genre

Despite its highly graphic content and horrific themes, I personally categorize Raw as a film in the coming-of-age genre that simply uses elements of horror as a visual and multi-sensorial tool through which to further explore themes of sexual discovery.

This brings me back to the two quotes at the top. Ducournau argues that the prototypical narratives of the feminine sexual awakening in the coming-of-age film far too often simplify the true complexity of young women's desires. These stories often conflate sexual attraction (to men) to the desire to be sexually attracted to (by men), crafting the woman as an inherent victim and object of male desire even if she is allegedly the protagonist of a narrative. In Ducournau's cinematic vision, to portray the woman as the active subject of her sexual desire is to separate her desire from man's desire completely. In order to achieve this exploration of the distinct and uncomfortable realities of female sexuality, Ducournau chooses to represent sexual hunger through cannibalistic hunger.

Much of Williams' musings on the horror genre reflect most feminist film theorists' consensus that horror sees women as its common victims. While Williams offers a few retorts on the state of female agency in horror, she ultimately concedes that horror caters deeply to men's psychosexual pleasures, whether they be sadistic or masochistic. In the quote above, Williams addresses the improbability of women's sadomasochistic pleasures guiding the cinematic gaze. She very interestingly describes women's desires as "too normal" or "too perverse;" women's sexuality is, deep down, known by the patriarchy to exist, but is far too big a taboo to openly talk about.

In Raw, Ducournau brings these unspoken desires to the surface in the most disgusting, unavoidable way possible.

Gendered Bodies and Excess

Another content warning (sorry Prof!!!)

Rather than rely solely upon the male/female gaze to address the viewer within the narrative, Ducournau uses various bodily sensations to suture the viewer to the protagonist's perspective. This is referred to multi-sensory spectatorship, in which the on-screen body evokes a sensation in the body of the viewer.

For example:

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This mirrors Williams' texts, in which she writes that "the body of the spectator is caught up in an almost involuntary mimicry of the emotion or sensation of the body on the screen along with the fact that the body displayed is female" (26). However, Justine in Raw does not just evoke feelings of fear, as Williams suggest women in horror typically do. Through a multi-sensory experience, Justine's sexual awakening addresses women viewers and invites them to welcome their sexual desires which have been deemed "too perverse."

She even addresses us by looking directly at the camera when the culminations of her cannibalism and sexual awakening meet:

Racialized Bodies and Excess

The film does not see Justine sexually engage with men until later into its narrative, when her sexual awakening has already been realized within her own terms. Here, Ducournau flips the hegemonic gaze and poses an objectification of men, with a particular scene of Justine gawking at men's topless, active bodies.

The most notable object of her sexual gaze is Adrien, her roommate. Adrien is ethnically ambiguous and the only non-white person in the main cast of the film. He identifies as gay early in the film, though he has sex with Justine and has an implied flirtation with her sister, causing his sexuality to also be ambiguous. As he is assigned Justine's roommate despite his being a male, their gender roles in relation to one another can also be considered ambiguous. This ambiguity deconstructs any binaries that would have helped us eaily define Justine's sexuality or sexual desire, but this results in the objectification of Adrien and his body.

It is also notable that Adrien is murdered for cannibalistic consumption, with his mutilated body one of the most graphic displays of the film. (not showing that here, you're welcome :D). This detail, along with Adrien's place as the film's only POC, still falls back on tropes of racial exploitation and excess as relating to the "Othered" body on screen.

Though Ducournau's film is quite remarkable in its methods of reversing and deconstructing the male gaze, its ironic objectification of men can get pretty hairy when the implications of racial objectification are not carefully considered.

Discussion Questions

(I hope the GIFs weren't too gross. Here's this:)

Do you agree with Ducournau's claim that young women's sexual awakenings in coming-of-age films are victimizing? What films can be described this way? Which ones can't?

Is the objectification of men the "solution"/rebuttal to the objectifying male gaze? Why or why not?

Why do you think cannibalism and sexual desire are often connected in horror films? Do you think this aspect of Raw is necessary to tell its story of female sexuality?

#oxyfilmidentity #@theuncannyprofessoro #oxyfilmidentity-fa23 #Youtube

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felix-lupin · 8 months

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G'morning 💟💟💟

This is a ramble about a post about the Harry Potter books (wishing they were not written)...

I Really Enjoyed the Geodyssey series by Piers Anthony (Isle of Woman, Shame of Man, Hope of Earth, Muse of Art... I never read the last book... Climate of Change)

I read the first 4 books many years ago, and I Really Enjoyed reading these books and the style of writing that spanned across many generations and time periods. I re-read this series many times over the years, and each time I enjoyed the stories and the characters.

Piers Anthony is a prolific author that has written a plethora of books. I have only read the Geodyssey series, and not any of his other works.

And then something happened and the reputation of Piers Anthony changed from 'respected prolific sci-fi and fantasy author' to 'creepy creep'... He was writing too much about panties and female bodies and teenage sexuality and he is no longer popular or respected 😶

These things are confusing and sad.

Many times I have experienced emotional cruelty from others in the form of 'You like/enjoy (random media)? Then you must be the kind of awful/evil/wrong person who supports (inappropriate behaviors of the creator of that media)!'

These things are confusing and sad.

I imagine that about 98% of Creatives are Normal Humans that will be sometimes good and sometimes bad, but always Humans that are Going Through It, making mistakes and learning, and never perfect... And only about 1% of Creatives are perfectly evil rotten humans, and only about 1% of Creatives are perfectly good kind humans. The individual that consumes media is not responsible for the actions of the media creator. I guarantee that all humans have enjoyed a work of art/music/literature that was created by someone that they would be repulsed by, if they were to know the creative personally. Should this diminish the experience of enjoyment that the individual feels upon consuming the media?

For example... Michaelangelo was secretly queer but openly hatefully homophobic. In person he was bitter, condescending, sadistic, and rude. He did not bathe, and upon his death he had had the same pair of stockings on for So Many Years that it was necessary to scrape them off of his skin with a spatula. Meeting him in person would not be a pleasant experience for most humans... But he gave us David and La Pieta and the Sistine Chapel and So Much More! Should the Beauty of those works be diminished because they were created by an asshole?

And Jared Leto is a bad person and a bad actor, but Mr. Nobody is still an emotionally beautiful and thought provoking film.

There were too many examples, across all media, and through out all time. Should you choose to only consume media that was created by perfect humans, it would be necessary to live bereft of Art.

I perceive Art like this... There is a Collective Consciousness of humanity's ideas and imagination (the noosphere) and Creations are conducted into this realm of reality (born) through the Creatives (conduits). Consider the Michael Sheen quote/acting advice about the characters they portray not being able to exist unless they open themself and channel that out into the world (paraphrasing)... Consider a child being born... Is that child an extension of the parent? Responsible for the behaviors of the parent? Or is it its own entity that should be perceived by its own merits? Creations of Art are the manifestations of ideas and imagination that have been born through the conduit of Creatives... Creations of Art are the Children of Creatives. Should you be repulsed by a beautiful child because its parent is ugly or vulgar?

Have been thinking on this for a day or so... And just wanted to submit these thoughts for your consideration.

(I agree 100% that JK Rowling is a jerk and this ramble is Not About That)

💟💟💟

Good morning!

It's definitely a. Complicated subject? I agree that people shouldn't be harassed for what they enjoy in media, though. Someone who harasses or belittles others for what they enjoy in media will always be 100x worse than the person that's enjoying the "bad/problematic" media.

I personally could never read the Harry Potter books after what happened with JKR, but I do understand that there's a good amount of people who read the stories *before* the transphobia stuff came out, and to a lot of those people the series means something to them. There is some degree of separating the art from the artist, although it's impossible to do that entirely.

I think it's mostly fine as long as one acknowledges the problems that a work does have, things in the work that are. Prejudiced, for example. Although I do also understand that there's a lot of people that would rather not be. Reminded about Harry Potter, or talked to about it, or it upsets them when there's references to it.

Both of those people—people that are attached to Harry Potter and keep talking about it and making fanwork for it, and people that don't want to talk about it and having it referenced makes them uncomfortable— are valid. As long as nobody's harassing or belittling anyone else. Although, I will note that, while I can't control what anyone decides to do with their money bc it's their money, even the people who are still fans shouldn't buy things that are going to give money to JKR.

#im in class rn so sorry if this isnt like..super coherent. but ignore that #from the nebula #But anyways #if someone wants to properly seperate the art from the artist and make it clear that they dont like the artist #even though they like the art. the Not-Supporting-Said-Person by buying stuff thing is. important. imo #also anyways #im loosely in the latter camp. I would rather not talk about Harry Potter or participate in things related to it #Although one time my old school had this Harry Potter day thing where they decorated the school #and a bunch of kids and teachers showed up in cosplay. Which is sweet‚ I guess‚ but I was uncomfortable with it at the time #They talked about how great JKR was the entire day and when someone brought up her transphobia they just brushed it off #like it didnt matter. And when I was like yeah ok im not gonna really help set this up. because i dont like JKR #the teachers acted like i was being. whats the saying. a wet blanket #So while i do understand that theres some people who like Harry Potter and still want to have fun with it #I also completely understand people who wish it wouldn't be brought up around them and they didnt have to hear it referenced #..#Although I do agree that no artist or *human* for that matter is 100% 'unproblematic' and expecting people to be perfect is unreasonable #And what someone enjoys in fiction is NOT a reflection of their morals. I would be a BIG hypocrite if i claimed that people's fictional #enjoyments said ANYTHING even SLIGHTLY about their morals. It doesn't.#Think i say that in my bio too

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crymeariveronceagain · 2 years

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k look my main problem with Turning Red(besides the sexualization of minors, which i could do a whole separate rant about) is actually that it was hailed as this "normalization of periods!!!! women's bodies that function!! positivity!!!" when in reality it was treated with a level of disgust, cringe, and horror that only 8th grade boys have about periods and period products

literally like from the very beginning the mom is shocked and horrified that her 13 year old daughter got her period one morning.

A adult woman. A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. Look, idk when y'all got your lady days, but my mom told me about it when I was eleven. Because that's like the earlier end of the spectrum of when it can start????

Mei is just so embarrassed about everything, and the mom is so caught off guard and keeps referring to it as an emergency?? Like ma'am idk if anyone has told you but this is actually completely normal and a thing that every single woman in the entire world for the most part goes through once a month and the way your are acting right now is going to do negative amounts of good once your daughter actually does start her lady days and need your help, your embarrassing of her right now is also going to make kids in the audience believe that their own womanly weeks are freak-out worthy, and that their parents aren't going to understand or treat them like people when their bodies start changing.

And then, ugh.

Like, I get it. It's supposed to be realistic. But dear stars the reactions of the school kids to perfectly normal feminine products? Like for the love of all the stars in the sky, that's not a good reaction, and while it might be a reaction you could get in 8th grade, it's not what adults should be thinking, and the whole way it's handled is entirely disrespectful of Mei and her wishes and her body.

Like. Ugh.

And people were all so excited.

They were jumping up and down like "OOOOHHHHHH LOOK AT THAT THEY TALKED ABOUT PERIODS!!!"

Well, they didn't talk about them right.

Wanna know how my mom reacted? I was all embarrassed and she just smiled and said, "This is a day we should celebrate cause you're growing up." And like, we didn't. Because it was Thanksgiving. And we were at my grandparents'. But you get the vibe!!! She was quiet, and gentle, and she respected me and my wishes! She knew that getting your lady days for the first time is EMBARRASSING and you're NERVOUS and you don't know HOW ITS GONNA WORK!

You've never had to do stuff before and she didn't yell at my father or tell me it was an emergency. That's just.

It's not loving, it's not kind.

And it's not the response you want little girls in the audience to be watching and thinking, "Is that how my mom is going to react to me? Is that what's gonna happen? Is she gonna show up at the school? Are all my classmates going to laugh???"

THATS NOT GOOD! Stars above!!!!

Ugh.

Look, I know not everyone had the same experience as I did with their bodies and changing, but I'd like to think we all want our space and our privacy.

I'd like to think that if your lady days were embarrassing and your parents treated it like an emergency, you'd much have preferred the kind of calm of a woman who's had her womanly week every single month for over twenty years. I think you'd have preferred someone tell you that you're doing a great job and that it's normal and not an emergency. I think you'd have preferred being treated like a human and not a mutating creature from the red lagoon.

Anyways.

Them's my thoughts.

#if you want me to go more into my abject and utter hatred for Turning Red i will #not fandom content in specific #turning red #tw periods #periods #puberty #womanly week #female anatomy #female health #body positivity #thirteen years old i think is like the actual average age that a girl gets her period if shes healthy #so wtf was mei's mom on about???#mei mei #mei turning red #rant

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maylorscardigan · 11 months

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I have loved your take on things until now. how can you openly justify Matty with GG? It’s ok because he was curious? He’s getting off to these women being brutalized and tortured. Do you support him because YOU like doing the same thing? Do you watch it too? Because you must if you think it’s okay. It’s disgusting that you could be okay with it.

I’ve walked away from this anon a few times while writing it because I was ready to blow sky high.

Did you actually read my post? Had you actually gone through it you would have seen where I openly said I was a victim of sex trafficking. So how dare you come here and accuse me of getting off to it or enjoying it. I detest that industry with a passion you could never even begin to understand. It robbed me of my childhood and youth. So do NOT get me started on that.

No. I never said that I supported Matty’s enjoyment of it. I said that he is ONE man. ONE. Do you really think he’s the only responsible for the oh I don’t know… 🌽 hub being more popular than say Netflix in daily/monthly views? Do you think he is the only man responsible for dozens and yes I said DOZENS of videos being listed as “brutal” or “ruthless” or “hardcore” videos having multi-million views on hub? Or even worse… videos with things like “forced” or “r*pe” in the title having millions of views on other sites - sites that are even more popular than hub?

Reality check. He’s not. And if you think GG is as bad as you see on screen - you’re ignorant as hell. I can pull up in a matter of minutes, dozens of videos that make GG look innocent. And that’s BEFORE you even consider how many seemingly “tame” videos let alone more violent ones are actually sexual assaults where the girls are being f*cred or beaten on set. Or the reality that one take for half a scene can mean hours and hours and hours of painful filming and refilming like any Hollywood movie? Where women get threatened to go without pay or get beaten anyway and forced to keep going despite being raw, barely able to move with pain and without eating or fluids.

So don’t come in to my anons and act all high and mighty with me. Don’t even try it.

I am saying that going after one man for the choices he made is not the answer. I can empathize with fans feeling disgusted by it and peoples feelings being hurt and that is completely okay. But again - Matty is ONE person. Millions of people watch these same videos. Most of us have fathers, brothers, husbands, boyfriends, friends etc who do this very type of thing and people would rather bury their head in the sand then to do anything about it.

Did you know that trauma from porn addiction is so common now that there is a special kind of PTSD-like diagnosis for it? Look online on Facebook for instance. There are so many support groups for partners or porn addicts and the stories would crush you. The problem isn’t going to be fixed by hating one man. Take that anger and that rage and go for the source. Fight back.

But the reality is - out of every 100 people bashing Matty for this sort of thing… less then 1 of them will actually do anything to even research the realities of the industry let alone make any movement to change anything. And more then you’d expect will rip Matty apart online then go and watch something on one of these 🌽 sites that they think is perfectly normal when it’s not.

Witch hunt. Plain and simple.

#human trafficking #sex trafficking #trafficking awareness #taylor swift #matty healy #the 1975 #maylor #tatty #matty and taylor #taylor and matty #anon

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tonnerredebrest · 2 years

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I NEED MORE MENTALLY STRUGGLING CARLOS POV tnx :)

You absolute menace. Ngl, I wrote this because The Author Went Through Some Harsh Stuff And Needs To Sort Things Out TM.

HUGE THANKS TO @mish-tique FOR BETA READING! SHE’S AN ABSOLUTE PEARL IN THE CARLANDO MILIEU!

Again, this is NOT reality. Don’t share it outside fandom spaces. Don’t share it with the people involved.

tw: Internalized Homophobia

*****

Carlos can’t say his upbringing had been out of the ordinary. Yes, he had a World Rally Championship-winning dad, he got accustomed to fame pretty quick, and he learned English pretty early on, but that doesn’t mean his education changed. He still went to school, catholic school, and Sunday school, following what millions of Spanish pupils followed, and still follow. He still passed high school and set off in the world. Pretty normal for the majority of the kids born in rich countries.

Yet, when he first sees Lando, he knows something is wrong with him. As a man, you don’t simply see another man and think “I wanna kiss him, cuddle him, fuck him, and call him love for the rest of my life”, no. You are supposed to have those thoughts towards women and women only. You cannot have them for a pretty British boy, with a smile who brightens your world and warms your heart.

Before you go on about how he is simply ignorant, Carlos isn’t. He isn’t ignorant. He knows gay people exist, he’s not a boomer, thank you very much. He also knows bisexual people exist, he’s a millennial for Christ’s sake! Yet, while those concepts do wander in his brain, he cannot seem to be able to make them apply to himself. He’s not gay, bi, or something else. Other people are, not him! Carlos is a perfectly straight man, who dates pretty and hot girlfriends, and makes sweetly love to them, absolutely not thinking about a man while doing it.

No. He loves women too much to be gay. He had too few times those disturbing thoughts towards men to be bi. He is simply normal, a boring heterosexual male.

But then, why does he get so anxious and pissed off when someone doubts his sexuality? Why is he mad when someone asks him what genders he likes. Why can’t he bring himself to watch a cute gay love story his very own girlfriend recommended? Carlos doesn’t want to think about that, too dangerous territory.

“Sometimes I don’t understand you,” Isa says, as he declines for the umpteenth time watching Love, Simon. “You act so touchily freely with Lando, giving him heart eyes, but you won’t watch this?”

Carlos doesn’t say a word, keeping looking down. He has nothing to say, mainly because he doesn’t know what to say. It’s not like someone could ever understand what’s going on in his head. It’s not like someone could understand why parts of himself are fighting each other to death. It’s not like his story is normal, he IS normal!

Isa mumbled something he doesn’t quite catch, and Carlos chooses not to reply. Why would he? He leaves her sulking in the living room, as he goes somewhere else, somewhere people won’t go about and ask difficult questions.

Yet, it seems he can't escape them forever.

It's summer break, and he invited Lando on a weekend echapée at the beach. He doesn't know why he did it, he just feels this deep yearning for Lando every time they are apart for too long. Carlos puts it on the account of the deep friendship they have. It's one of the most intense, pure, and sweet he's ever been in.

And he is sure it's only friendship feelings between them, even tho he carefully chooses to not think about how his heart skips a beat every time Lando smiles at him, or how the Brit is the last thing he thinks about before sleeping, and the first when he wakes up.

They are lounging on the beach, lazily tanning under the hot Spanish sun. Lando seems to be reading, and Carlos is sleeping. He dreams of nothing, just letting himself be carried to another realm by the soothing sounds of the ocean, the gentle breeze in the air- wait, was that water?

Carlos feels a sudden coldness on his back, which brings him back to reality. He opens his eyes, to see Lando laughing his ass off, a little empty plastic bucket in his hands.

“Oh, you motherfucker,” Carlos groans, getting up on his feet. “You are dead cabròn!”

And he launches himself at Lando. The latter, too busy laughing, doesn't have the time to dodge him and finishes on Carlos’s shoulder as if he were a sack of potatoes.

“Carlos! Let me off!” He screams, to no avail.

“Oh no, cabròn. To the sea with you!”

And without any ceremony, Carlos dumps Lando in the salt water. The Brit yelps, before getting back up. He devilishly smiles and tackles the Spaniard into the water.

They are now both wet, and mock fighting in the sea. Water gets thrown in every direction, and their laughter echoes on the private beach they rented.

After a while, the laughter dies down, they don't have the same energy anymore. Carlos and Lando are close, dangerously close. The Brit seems to notice it and chooses to get even closer. It makes Carlos slightly uncomfortable, but he is accustomed to Lando’s weirdness and desire for physical contact. The Brit gets even closer, up until they are in each other personal space. Gently, he puts his arms around the other driver, locking him into a hug.

“Carlos, I love you,” Lando whispers in his ears.

The Spanish driver freezes. No, that can’t be possible. Lando, cute, sweet, innocent, funny, amazingly beautiful Lando cannot be in love with him, and less of all in love with a man. The Brit is literally everything a woman could ask for, being bite-sized and ready to be showered under a never-ending load of cuteness. He cannot possibly be in love with the Spaniard.

“Is something wrong?” Lando asks, concerned as Carlos has gone mute. “Should I get home? I mean, I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It wasn’t my plan, really. I really thought you and I would have been on the same page, but apparently, I was wrong,” the Brit gets off him and puts a couple of meters between themselves.

Carlos cannot begin to describe how much he wants to kiss Lando right there. Yet, he catches himself. No, he can't do that, remember? He is straight, straight as a pine tree. He has a girlfriend too, he can't do that to her!

The following week is the worst week he ever had. He shuts down his phone, not wanting to speak to anyone. He doesn’t even answer postcards his family sent. Carlos contemplated going with them for a while, but only a look at his phone made him remember what happened.

He is disgusted by himself.

He dared having thoughts, that kind of thoughts, towards someone else than his girlfriend, towards a man! How can he live in peace with himself knowing there was a part of him who wanted Lando more than anything?

Carlos doesn’t know what to do anymore. Isa comes to visit, and he had to let her in. Yet, he doesn’t speak to her, just nods and groans. He almost thinks about locking himself up in the guest room, and sleeping all day, to forget and get away from whatever his feelings imply.

One day, his girlfriend jas enough. She ambushed him while he was cooking something for himself.

“You don't love me anymore,” Isa says, matter of fact. “There’s no denying it, Carlos.”

Even if the driver had prepared himself for that, it still hurts.

“No, Isa, that’s false!” He tries to convince her, but how can he do that when he doesn't even believe his own words?

She only smiles at him sadly, taking his hands in her own.

“You know it’s true, Carlito,” her tone is sweet and sad. “I care for you enough to let you go. I was blind for too long.”

He can see tears pooling in her eyes. He feels some wetness in his too. Slowly, he comes closer and hugs her tight. Isa sights, tears wetting his neck. There’s no point in denying he is crying too.

They fall asleep on the couch, each other talking about how much they liked the time spent together. Isa always joked about how, as she was the one who asked Carlos out, she’ll be the one dumping him too. He feels it’s incredibly ironic, but also very iconic of her.

The next day she leaves, going back to their apartment in Madrid. It was her’s in the first place, so Carlos just has to take his things out. A few days later, he feels more like himself. It’s still summer break, so he books a flight and goes there.

As he lands in the capital city, he decides to open his phone. He leaves it on silence, just enough time for all the calls, messages, texts and other notifications to die off. His lock screen is absurdly cluttered. Carlos guesses he can deal with that later.

“You look like shit,” Isa greets him, kissing his cheeks.

Carlos chuckles. He can’t deny it, Lando still plagued his thoughts, restlessly.

“I gathered them in some bags, but do check over again,” she leads him to the living room.

On the sofa, several grocery bags await him. The Spanish driver goes around the flat, looking for other of his things. He founds none and goes back to the living room.

“It’s all clear,” he says, getting the stuff in his hands.

“I’ll ship things if I found anything else,” Isa replies, showing him a compassionate smile. “Oh, and before you got out, just make sure you call this number. It’s a therapist’s, you’ll feel better after it.

She hands him a business card. Carlos just put it in his pocket, not thinking much about it.

Carlos did go to the therapist Isa recommended. The person had been very professional, as they had revealed they were actually non-binary. The driver was a little shocked, but he did go passed that, and opened himself to the therapist too.

He had learned quite a few things and got helped a lot. Session after session, Carlos got more confident about himself and his feelings, up until he was quite comfortable with the idea that he was in love with Lando too.

He had talked about getting in a gay relationship with his therapist, who encourage him to talk to Lando and mend things between them. Even if they don’t end up together, their separation had put Carlos in a very stressed and sad place. It’s true it had been a few weeks of little to no contact, and only very poor communication on track.

Carlos is determined to turn that around now. He had invited Lando to his Italian apartment, for a little dinner. Lando said yes, and Carlos is preparing the food for them. He is truly surprised that Lando accepted seeing him, he just hopes the Brit will want him back, as a friend. Carlos doesn’t believe Lando will ever love him again, not after how Carlos behaved himself.

The Brit arrives at 7 pm, right on time. Carlos is truly delighted to see him, his eyes lighting up as he opened the door.

“Lando, good evening. Please, come in,” he says, getting out of the way for the guest to enter.

“Good evening to you too.”

Things are a little awkward between them, as they went neither for a hug nor handshake.

“I, uh,” Lando says again, handing him a black bag. “I didn’t really know what we’ll be eating but I brought wine?”

It is red wine, a Bordeaux, perfect for what Carlos planned. It is an expensive one too, the kind which Carlos liked. His smile impossibly grows.

“Thank you, it is perfect.”

Lando slightly blushes, trying to downplay the gift. Carlos then takes his coat, hangs it on the coat rack, and shows him toward the living room.

“Carlos, you didn’t have to,” if the Brit was pink before, he is now fully red.

The Spanish driver had redecorated a bit. In the middle of the room stands a little table, perfect for two. On it, a little bouquet is arranged, completed with some candles. The lights are dimmed, definitely set for a cosy mood.

“Please, sit down,” Carlos says, even going as far as pushing the chair under Lando when he sat.

They are now facing each other. The Spanish driver opens the bottle, serving both of them a full glass. Lando doesn’t hesitate to drink, even if he doesn’t like alcohol in the first place. Carlos is surprised by that but doesn’t say anything, it wouldn’t be a good conversation.

On their plates, some Spanish hors d’œuvre is present. The one Lando liked when they did that McLaren video. Carlos sees the Brit is hesitant at first, but the latter ends up remembering the dish and enjoying it.

“It’s very good, Carlos,” Lando thanks him, almost moaning.

“I’m glad you like it, Landi- Lando.”

The Spanish driver catches himself before he uses a nickname. He isn’t sure if the Brit is comfortable with that after what happened between them. Lando just shoots him a bright smile, and they continue their meal.

Carlos does have to get up, to search the actual food. It’s some simple pasta, with a sauce in them, but it’s also Lando’s favourite meal. When it is served, the Brit’s smile grows impossibly wider.

“Is that…” He cannot even finish the question.

“Yes, it is,” Carlos nods, serving himself too.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s no worries, Lando, I wanted to.”

And, as if the pasta is magical, they slowly fall back into their old routine. Tentative jokes are exchanged, but after a while, their usual banter comes back, in full force. They don’t see the time pass, and neither their food slowly diminishing, until they realise they’ve been laughing for a while over empty plates.

“Let me bring the desert, Landito.”

This time, Carlos forgot to suppress that nagging feeling of wanting to call Lando anything else than Lando, really. He cringes and looks back at the Brit, hoping he didn’t overstep any boundaries. On his side, Lando just grins, his cheeks a little flushed. Carlos smiles, before going into the kitchen.

There, he opens the fridge and takes out Lando’s favourite cake. It had been a hassle to find in Italy, but he managed it. On top of it, there’s a big “sorry” written in white frosting. Carlos hopes it’s not too cliché.

“Here it is!” He says, coming back with the decent-sized desert.

The Spanish driver is careful to put it so that the writing is facing Lando. He looks back at the Brit, who is now facing him, absolutely gobsmacked.

“Carlos, why?“

“I’m really sorry for you I behaved towards you these pasts week,” he begins, thinking back to the speech he had prepared for such occasion. “It was really unfair to you to not say anything and ignore you. I fully realise I behaved like a massive idiot, and I would understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore.”

Carlos looks down, feeling his cheeks redden. He hates putting his feelings out like that, but I’d he wants to call a Lando “cabrón” again, he’ll do whatever it takes.

“But… What if I don’t want to be friends?” Lando asks, voice not sounding very confident.

Carlos looks back at him, visibly hurt. As he sees his expression, Lando is quick to add:

“I mean, more than friends- What if I want to be more than friends?“

The Brit seems uneasy, not daring to look him in the eyes.

“You want that, with me?” The Spanish driver can’t believe it. “After all how I was to you?”

“It hurt, yes, but I realise it’s because you had stuff to figure out, and I’ve forgiven you about that.”

Lando gets up from the chair, going in front of Carlos, crouching in front of him. He gently takes the other’s hands in his, squeezing them tight.

“I want a relationship with you, you muppet,” his voice is a little mocking, but also quivering. “I’ve had a crush on you since God knows when. I want you to be even more part of my life, Carlos. I-“

The Brit doesn’t get to finish his speech, as Carlos surges forward, locking their lips together. Lando is so surprised, that he lets out a little sound, before relishing at the contact. Soon enough, the Spanish driver withdraws from the kiss, he needs to talk before going further.

“I am afraid, cariño,” Carlos confesses while their foreheads are pressed together. “But I’m working on it. I can’t promise it’s perfect, but one day it will.”

*****

#formula one #formula 1 #fanfic #ao3 works #carlos sainz junior #lando norris #carlando #written by someone who went to catholic school and had to do two comings out #the struggle is real

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c0rpseductor · 2 years

Text

i’m saying it here so i don’t say it in the comments of this bullshit YouTube video the algorithm threw at me

it drives me completely insane when people’s discussions of whether or not incest is morally acceptable (spoiler alert: it’s not) NEVER leave the realm of biology and “fucked up babies.”

it’s particularly maddening to me that very often people will predicate the discussion on, like, close-in-age siblings who choose arbitrarily as adults to have a sexual relationship of their own free will, despite coming from an otherwise “normal” family. i’m entirely confident such situations do not exist. it’s a stupid fucking rhetorical device. like, ok. And Perhaps murder would be okay if the world was made of pudding! you’re describing a fantasy scenario that has no bearing on reality.

like, the central argument i see FOR this sort of thing really tends to be based on this idea that “well, if it’s informed, consenting adults it’s fine, the only reason people object is because it’s icky.” and if that WERE possible, if there WERE no social considerations, maybe that argument would make sense. but it’s not how these situations play out, typically.

think of it this way: even in a perfectly healthy family, one same-age sibling may receive preferential treatment over another. they may have a more forceful personality that grants them a little more power over their sibling. that relationship probably won’t have complete parity. the kind of family dynamics that WOULD actually result in incest are, duh, unhealthy — usually other abuse is involved too, and the abusive attitudes and twisted dynamics within the family are why this behavior happens, whether it’s one sibling outright assaulting another or a hypothetical case where the individuals involved think it’s fine. that’s going to produce even LESS parity, even between same-age siblings.

so like...because it’s an extremely taboo behavior which is in and of itself an unhealthy familial dynamic and IN REALITY relies completely on existing unhealthy familial dynamics, such as children being raised believing it’s acceptable, prior sexual abuse from the parents or other relatives that leads to COCSA, an abusive sibling with more power within the family manipulating or attacking the victimized sibling, etc etc.

like, the argument that “it’s kind of judgmental bc consenting adults can do whatever they want” exists in a fucking vacuum. adult siblings from healthy families don’t just spontaneously decide to do that shit for no reason beyond that it suits your fucking idiotic rhetorical setup. the way family members interact is reliant on the context of their ENTIRE LIVES together. and obviously my experience is colored somewhat by mostly speaking to and reading from other CSA survivors, but i feel decently confident that the majority of incestuous abuse cases start in childhood or youth for the victim, not adulthood. when that’s the precedent, obviously no consent toward a perpetrator can occur in the victim’s adulthood either, because of the power dynamics involved.

maybe im not phrasing it well, but the problem is a social one more than a biological one, obviously. all of this is equally applicable to adoptive siblings. and “but consenting adults!” isnt really a coherent argument because that’s not how incest works in real life, and judging the morality of real life events based on an imaginary standard is unbelievably stupid.

i think the only time you could feasibly make a case for it being “okay” is if the parties involved were fairly distant relatives who did not meet until they were adults, like second or third cousins or some shit like that — there are no predetermined “roles” for distant familial relationships and no real inherent pecking order or tension. still doesn’t work for close relatives meeting as adults, simply because knowing you’re related to that person inherently changes the dynamic between you. cousins are close relatives by today’s standards. i’m still against it even in more distant cases just because i think it still introduces too much mixing of social dynamics that have no fucking business being mixed, and the danger of some kind of implosive family horrorshow is, like, considerable. it’s not okay. there are many other people in the world to choose from

i think what really drives me crazy about all of it is you can’t have mature discussions with people about why it’s wrong because they can’t get past their EWWWW ICKY BIOLOGY response. and like, yeah, valid, people are on some level wired biologically to think it’s repulsive. but if this is your only understanding of the issue you’ll come to insane conclusions like “incest between adoptive family members is okay because they’re not blood related” or “incest between same sex siblings is ok because no babies.” No, it’s not okay, there’s something fucking wrong with you and it’s that you’re an idiot.

in general, the less people understand why incest is wrong, the less people are able to understand and have sympathy for the victims of incestuous abuse. that’s why victims are sometimes perceived as “gross” along with their abusers, for example, or why incestuous abuse between people of similar ages becomes a subject of Funny Mockery. it’s also why you get people roped into “allying” with movements dedicated to the normalization of incestuous abuse. these people say it’s fine if it’s between consenting adults, but the fact of the matter is such situations don’t exist. there is no such thing as incest between consenting adults, even if the involved parties believe otherwise, because those dynamics don’t spontaneously crop up in healthy, adjusted families, they’re symptomatic of deep, DEEP issues with the whole fucking family.

and i mean, yeah, it is repulsive. because abuse is repulsive. make that your argument.

#incest ment #csa ment

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