【直接的性格】        BLUNTNESS AND DIRECTNESS

kiyoko is one of the more blunt characters in haikyuu , evident by the way she refuses second-year tanaka’s proposal , humbles the third years during their shrine visit by informing them that a prayer to the gods won’t grant them a victory at nationals , explains to sugawara that she has no intentions of marrying him when she tries to steady his hands with her own , and constantly rebukes tanaka and nishinoya’s outlandish requests to be spanked/scolded. 

this blunt character is unique , not only as a character trope , but also in cultural context. directness is viewed as a negative attribute in japan since it can be conceived as abrasive and self-centered—— and it’s especially considered a negative trait for women. in a lot of ways , japan is still conservative about femininity , and women’s behavior is certainly not exempt from scrutiny. most women in media and in trends exemplify youthful cute charms ( girlish femininity , innocence , kindness , etc. ). 

it is rarer to see mature and “sexy” styles , especially those that also involve blunt and direct personality types. part of the reason that kiyoko isn’t criticized for being blunt is because she’s attractive and able to suit this style. other haikyuu characters who go against the natural grain like ushijima and tendou don’t have the same sort of social “clout” that a beautiful high school girl does , so their directness is considered a fault. tendou isn’t conventionally attractive and he’s a bit of an otaku nerd ( which isn’t a problem in today’s high schools , but in a private high school 10 years ago could easily have been an isolating factor ) , and ushijima is attractive but a jock-type who doesn’t have the same social fluency as other students ( since he focuses mostly on volleyball and might produce very one-note conversations ). kiyoko may be blunt , but comparatively she doesn’t have anything that ostracizes her from fitting in. she simply chooses not to engage with people at times.

of course , if she weren’t attractive , her bluntness would be considered a fault. it’s simply because she was lucky enough to be beautiful that her direct personality isn’t considered “abrasive.” instead , it lends her character to the onee-san trope ( a mature , no-nonsense , cold woman type ). being beautiful and blunt effectively elevates a woman to some goddess-like level. it may be because onee-san types are somewhat “rarer” to find—— not only is beauty “rare,” but a woman who isn’t the average girly/cutesy type is also “rare.”

however , i think it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that kiyoko isn’t completely cold-blooded and unfeeling. her behavior with the team may make her an onee-san type , but with other characters and other teams , she’s not quite the same. rather than directly refusing others , she adopts a technique of disregard or avoidance. she ignores oikawa who tries to talk to her , rather than confront him—— a person she doesn’t know—— by saying she has no interest in him. she also avoids talking to the players on other teams at the training camp in tokyo who are ushering to try saying hello to her , by instead chatting with the female managers she’s more comfortable with. 

when she does have to interact directly with someone , she’s polite and indirect. terushima stops her in the hallway at the spring interhigh and rather than be blunt or ignore him , she uses the typical japanese style of deflecting ( which is considered more polite ) and explains that she has people waiting for her. in japan , people understand an excuse like this to mean that she’s not interested and to signal that she’d like to break away. 

also , the way that she interacts with yachi and the other female managers completely contradicts the notion that she’s cold and blunt. tanaka and nishinoya even ogle that she’s chatting a lot , smiling , and having lots of “girl talk” with the other managers , which means that she’s not the sort of solitary person who blocks everyone out.

at face value , an outsider would see kiyoko’s behavior of being quiet , enjoying time to herself , and avoiding/ignoring interactions with people she doesn’t know as being very onee-san-esque. it’s easy to label her as an onee-san because of her outwardly expressed behaviors , in conjunction with the fact that she also doesn’t fit neatly into the cutesy girly trope. from my experience , most japanese women are sorted into these two categories ( the third might be somewhere in the middle , like the “girl next door” type , though that tends to lean youthful and girly too ). but this trope is , of course , just a shallow label and doesn’t hold any weight when considering the spectrum of kiyoko’s social styles. it may just be because most people don’t end up talking to her that they view her this way.

in my portrayal i try to emphasize depth in her personality—— her humor , her tendency to take care of others without being asked , and her thoughtfulness that may not fully manifest as words or actions beyond simply her own ideas. i do think that she’s more blunt and direct than most people. i think she’s not afraid to speak her mind , and to do so concisely—— which isn’t common in japan. i think it makes her a unique character when compared with others in the series. however , i don’t think it’s the one and only aspect of her personality , nor do i think it should be emphasized as the encapsulation of her personality. it’s just one element , and clearly one that she disproves by her proclivity for disregard and avoidance , and her ability to have friendly , sensitive , and supportive conversations with other characters.

Okay, because I suck at video games and didn’t have much for systems when I grew up I didn’t really play Metal Gear or know a lot about Hideo Kojima or his writing style, and I will admit. Could stand to interact with and learn to write more women, but he is steadily improving at that I think, and it’s not like it’s a Kojima exclusive problem when it comes to Video Games and Writing Women Characters. He actually writes women with stories, it’s just that his stories are fucking batshit so every now and then you sit there and go “yo wait hold on what the fuck???”

But from what I’m getting, listening to various explanations of the lore and stuff of his games (especially, currently, Death Stranding because I’ll be honest that game’s opening was dope as hell but I did struggle to stay engaged because my ADHD and inability to actually play games meant I was watching other people and that removed a lot of the engagement. I just cannot focus on something long enough to make the experience worthwhile.) is that a lot of his stuff feels like when you’re playing pretend with your friends as a kid, but then also applying the ability to create storytelling and literary devices like an adult who went to University.

Which is very very fun. Maybe literary is the wrong word, it’s more cinematic, but the lore choices and stuff is like. “Is that a biblical reference?” Along with some guy named “Die Hard Man” because he kept surviving things during the war, which tbh if I know nicknames correctly that guy would have gotten a nickname like “Roach” for that. You don’t get cool nicknames from your friends in the military, you get dumb nicknames. Even if Die Hard Man sounds dumb, I think it’s supposed to be cool. I think most military nicknames are insults. Honestly in general most nicknames are insults.

But Kojima works under the same mindset as I did when I in elementary school and played games with the other neighbourhood kids and said I was “Wolf because I was raised by wolves” because that was the level of creativity we were working with because I was fucking 7 and we were basically just riding our bikes in the cul-de-sac or however that’s supposed to be spelled and not actually knowing how anything worked. Because being a child in the 90s that’s kind of a normal activity?

I feel like that’s what Metal Gear Solid feels like, and Snake is just the vibe of “a cool animal name that can be a military hero.” Hell isn’t there a character in the first Metal Gear Solid that was actually raised by wolves? Like just, exploring concepts we all definitely thought were cool at one point or another and then finding ways to either play them straight or pull a full plot out of it, while also just going kinda batshit. I can appreciate that.

I think he needs to maybe meet some ladies that he finds as inspiring as the dudes he definitely maybe has huge fucking muse crushes on because I feel like that might be part of the problem, Norman Reedus and Mads Mikkelsen and Guillermo de Toro have obviously like really inspired him as people, but like. Maybe the memes haven’t been as obvious about the women in his life, but that might also be why the female characters in his games sometimes fall flat? Though I have heard fantastic things about The Boss, and Bridget in Death Stranding is. Definitely notable and interesting and I think she’s supposed to be a complex villain? I think that’s a normal set of feelings to have for her?

Like he’s a Japanese director, wordplay is huge in Japan, and most Japanese names have meaning, especially in media. Those names are picked for a reason. Yeah Kojima definitely picks hammy names but they stand out in part because they’re in English. But he made military and post apocalyptic games with surreal and slightly silly tones despite serious topics, and naming conventions like this aren’t uncommon in Japanese media. They’re just extra hammy in English. And double extra hammy because Kojima is eccentric. But I feel like that eccentricity is necessary to keep games from becoming… the most boring grimy shit you will ever experience. I need inspiration and fun, and Kojima seems to inspire the whole industry to have more fun, and also wants everyone else to play. Which is why he has so many collaborators?

And he designs games to have teams working on them and with the idea in mind that the people working for him should always have work in the future, that was part of the Fox Engine and PT gambits? To keep his team employed in the future, not just himself?

This has been a very long rambling nothing, but while he costs a lot of money to create things, I think he also is like… actually interested in just… “let’s see what this baby can do, shall we?”

And I think we really fuckin need that in video games. Like damn. Yeah. Go ham dude. Figure it out, fuck Konami. Let’s play some games and get wild or something. Be weird.

Feeling Deeply

Genre: Fluff so much fluff. Arranged Marriage fic.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

A/N: Aaaaaa this is the first fic I'm posting ever ever. It's basically a way to follow the red thread of my desires. OC is named Brishti. She's Indian. She's Bengali & curvy & an introvert. This whole fic is 90% going to be a slow burn fluff fic about two introvert nerds getting to know each other. Seriously there's like hardly any real angst, maybe slight angst about okay when are these two going to bang - if you look very carefully but basically its just slooooow fluuuufff. Hopefully you all like it. Please let me know what you think. Current Chapter: This one is loooong. Remember this is all happening in the 1960s. OC & Namjoon are both really well off first gen immigrants. In this chapter we have our couple coming closer together - talking about some issues they've both had in their lives. Also this is the chapter where you'll get to know one of my favourite Namjoon songs and like why the OC is named what she's named. Also just a reminder because im a bit paranoid - Rim Jhim (referred to as Rim) is our OC Brishti. Its a pet name that's introduced in this chapter. And Namjoon being the wordsmith that he is makes it shorter, with the korean meaning of the word.

Previously in Feeling Deeply: Preface-ish Chapter 1

Chapter 2

And so it went for the next few days, the two of them quietly discovering each other. They were finding out the normal, casual, small things - how he didn’t like mint chocolate, how she loved bitter black coffee. Since both of them worked, they decided to split the chores at home. It worked out great because Namjoon liked to sweep & Brishti loved to do the dishes. They both struggled to cook but they decided to learn how to cook each other’s cuisines. So she was learning how to make kimchi (the green onion one) & he was learning how to prepare daal (the yellow one). They split the rent & decided to create a separate bank account for their savings. Talking about money increased warmth because they discovered that neither valued it excessively.

Slowly, they began talking about things a little more intimate. Meanings of names were revealed. She was impressed that his name meant genius. And he loved that hers meant rain. Pet names were introduced. He called her Rim - an even shorter version of her daak naam Rim Jhim. He told her to call him Joon. She looked away, smiling, then - silently telling him they’re not there yet. What he didn’t tell her was that he was already making up a fairytale about Joon, the genius & Rim, the brilliant jade that makes him so.

They spoke about books the most. Between them, they had half the globe's literature covered. She had read Indian authors & Russian & Spanish ones. He loved Korean authors, Japanese literature & all the Greek Classics. He geeked out about philosophy & poetry while she nerded over nature writing & music. They spoke about how they might take a look at other European writers & musicians together. To that end, Namjoon brought home a book of love poems by Rilke.

He hadn’t told her that he wrote poetry too. He hadn’t mentioned anything because it seemed like an indulgence of the past, poetry. But that night everything changed. After a late dinner, Brishti had asked to read aloud from the book he’d brought. As she read ‘To Music’, Namjoon saw tears float in her eyes. Secretly, something inside him had wept too. And just like that, he knew he would begin writing soon.

Each week the two watched late shows of classic hollywood musicals in a nearby theatre because they’d decided against a tv in their home - opting, instead, for a record player. Meeting for a movie each of the two Fridays they’d spent together so far was an experience both looked forward to - not only for the movie. In the darkness of the movie theatre, they experienced the first glimpses of intimacy. Soft smiles, whispering, silent glances, hands caressing each other. He loved how she laughed with abandon. She loved that he would tear up during the emotional scenes.

Her smile was getting wider, warmer toward him, Namjoon noted everyday. He’d been sleeping separately since their wedding night because he wanted her to feel safe. He was mostly okay with that except if he thought about it… If he thought about a time when he would get to touch her - Namjoon almost felt dizzy with feelings.

This happened the most when he saw her read by the window, he ached to touch her. That was her - Brishti - that was who she was at her core. Reading, running her fingers through her short hair, staring out the window, thinking, looking at clouds & then going back to reading. She was still quiet, but less so. She spoke about the rain and the trees and when she was happiest, he learned, when she really trusted that no one was going to judge her, she spoke about the moon. It had happened twice in the last few days.

He couldn’t stop looking at her. As though that needed reasoning, he thought about it at the office too. It wasn’t the only answer he could come up with but Namjoon had never seen a body like hers. She didn’t seem brittle or delicate, the way most women looked - or were “supposed to look”. She didn’t care what a body is supposed to look like, at least, it seemed that way to him. Brishti’s curves were not subtle. She was short and while almost everyone was shorter than him, Brishti was just… sexily so. She’d do these things… seemingly normal, everyday things but they would quickly, embarrassingly, inspire an arousal in him. Like, that thing she did, when she stretched after waking up or even if she stretched her arms or her neck… for some reason that turned him on so much, he’d have to hide… or excuse himself. His breath hitched, everytime he thought about how he hadn’t still actually seen her body.

Brishti, too, enjoyed looking at him from afar. Sharing, creating a living space with a man was never something she thought she would enjoy. They had exchanged the basic stories of how they had reached each other.

Namjoon had said, “I’d met a couple of women… girls… but they just seemed either plastic or porcelain… you know? I mean, not all of them could have been that but that's how they… presented themselves? You… I saw your photos in a pile that the matchmaker labelled ‘rubbish’”

“What?!”

“Yeah… I’m sorry but it’s actually a compliment to be labelled ‘bad’ by a matchmaker. That’s why I was looking in that pile in the first place… when I heard you wanted to keep working… Honestly I was so relieved...”

She smiled, “At least you got a look at me… I didn’t even know what you looked like till we met. I had no choice at all. A boy had agreed to marry me - despite… me… so that was the end of it. That was the bargain with my brother… otherwise I wouldn’t have been allowed to work either.”

“Wow… I’m so sorry, Rim. That’s really… really unfair.”

“Hmm yeah… I just figured if I can keep earning & the man turns out to be wrong, at least I can leave.”

“That’s… thanks for not leaving...”

Brishti smiled, “I got lucky...”

Namjoon understood, then, that Brishti might be an introvert but that did not mean she was shy. She made him blush & laugh. She made him speak without inhibition. The more time he spent with her, his feelings poured out.

“Thanks… It’s been really nice to share this home with you. Just to have you to talk to… My life was not going that great...” he said.

Brishti nodded, even though she already knew this. Whatever he said, strangely, she could see a deeper melancholy behind it. They spoke about being strangers in a strange country. She told him how she had to fight at the library for Tagore to be considered classic literature. How she was slowly but surely, being accepted in the oddball group that ran the library. She was not the only non-english person there, so things were easier for her. Besides, true readers had always been more accepting of the different.

Something made her regret sharing her happiness about this because his struggle in this foreign land was far more intense… she could sense pain behind the words he used. Namjoon did not enjoy his job the way she did. He worked overtime most days and came home bone-tired. Kim Namjoon was in many ratraces at the same time - races Brishti felt he didn’t want to participate at all. Being a lawyer, being an asian - the ‘model minority’, being a slightly well-off Korean in a sea of white men, in a sea of less fortunate asians who were being treated much worse than him. Trying to create a name, an identity of his own was wearing him out... chipping away at his soul.

Brishti sometimes saw him and saw a great banyan cutting itself down, trying to be a shrub just to fit in. When she asked him how his day was, he always smiled. It was real, the smile and yet it couldn’t hide the sadness in his eyes. Something that was beginning to bother Brishti more and more, these days. He... had begun to matter more and more these days.

Now, about two weeks into their marriage, she was experiencing butterflies about the smallest things; Things like watching him sleep on the fold out, bringing him coffee in the morning. She felt a pull deep inside her take over when he would come out of the shower in the bathrobe, skin glistening from the shower & musky man-scents launching her body in a fantastical arousal & her mind in overdrive. Somedays, Brishti even went for a shower after he’d been, just so she could soak in his essence & bathe in a trance she had never felt before.

On their third weekend together, Namjoon didn’t have to go to work the whole weekend. He’d spoken to his superior at the firm to let him have weekends free - after all, he was married now. Post lunch that Saturday, Brishti and he kept unpacking, organising while talking (well, later on, it was just coffee & talking) into the early hours of Sunday. They spoke about things they loved, people they had loved. About fictional crushes and real ones. Both of them spoke about their past relationships. Something Brishti was delighted about - especially since Namjoon told her he was not the type to hold someone’s past against them.

Brishti couldn’t believe it when Namjoon had correctly guessed, “It was the photographer, right?”

“What-?! How- Where- How did you…?” Brishti couldn’t even form a question.

“Your photos, at the matchmakers… something was different. All the other pictures women give out for arranged matches seem... fake. Yours were… real… private. You looked comfortable… looked like you were being teased...” What he didn’t say was how much it seemed in those pictures like she was with someone she truly liked… maybe even loved.

Sat on the ground opposite Namjoon, Brishti kept her gaze on him. It unnerved Namjoon that she could really see him. She unnerved him further when she said, “You should say what you aren’t saying… or… asking?”

“Did you love him?”

“Not really… it was just... a different kind of friendship… ended almost as soon as it began. But I- I don’t regret it. It wasn’t the kind of love-” she trailed off. She looked away, smiling but trying to hide it. The same way she had in the photograph.

He pressed further just to tease her “Kind of love...?” Namjoon was intrigued because she was blushing now & he wanted to plant a thousand pecks on her. Instead he said, “So you can just… stop what you were saying? Mmm. Okay. I see.”

She looked at him then, “I’m feeling… a lot… of… different things these days. Especially because of a couple of dimples...”

Just like that, she turned the tables & his dimples appeared. He blushed, “Yeah… same. I mean… you don’t have dimples but I’ve-”

She nodded to let him know she understood. And then asked, “Uhm... Have you… had sex?”

Namjoon bit his lip, “Yeah… yes. I... had a girlfriend in law school. It… uh… wasn’t serious… for her.”

Brishti looked away nodding, as if stopping herself from saying something.

He looked at her… knowing what she probably wanted to say. He wanted to hug her but he only said, “It doesn’t matter, does it? For me it doesn’t. Doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex too… I know how people can be about virginity… I- honestly… it's just another way to control people.”

She looked at him with a mixture of emotions. She took a minute to compose herself & then said, “I’ve never met a man like you… and it's a little confusing and annoying… Not that you are annoying… not at all. It’s just the world is annoying because this is how low the standard is for a man. A man accepting that the woman has a past makes him… forward…? But of course the woman has to… because, well, he’s a man and he has needs. We’re all told that… Shirley... who works with me… she knows it too. Women just aren’t supposed to talk about their pasts. All women.”

She paused & got flustered further because of how dedicatedly Namjoon had been listening. It really seemed as if he was taking notes. The serious expression on his face, it made Brishti's ears feel hot. Almost as a distraction, she went on -

“It's crazy but that seems to be the only thing THE WHOLE WORLD has agreed on - they can’t agree on one way to make bread but they all agreed that women are inferior. It’s such a basic thing to just let me work… because I want to… but it's annoying that it makes me feel lucky. My best friend had to go through hell because she thought she could trust her husband with the truth about her past… so it makes me feel lucky that… you won’t…”

Namjoon could see the pain in her words. Maybe that’s how she could always sense the pain in his words, he thought.

After a calming silence passed over them, he spoke - “I won’t. I don’t really know what it’s like for a woman. And… maybe you won’t like to hear this, but… I was the same, Rim... I was the man my society had trained me to be. Everything changed when I came here. When, for the first time in my life, I understood what it’s like to be treated inferior. Since then, I just… I cannot be the cause of a feeling like that within anyone... So… you’re right. I’m not doing anything everyone shouldn’t already do. All of this should be normal. Expected. Hopefully the world learns a bit faster…”

Brishti smiled at Namjoon. She chuckled when tears pooled up in her eyes. He instinctively reached out for her & placed a hand on her leg, just below her knee. A jolt went through Brishti and she looked surprised. He did too. Namjoon retracted his hand immediately & looked away, blushing. That’s when Brishti laughed out loud. She stood up. And asked him to stand up, silently.

He did. It always made Brishti’s heart flutter just how gorgeous and tall he was. Someday, she would tell him. Someday, she would show him. For now, she couldn’t help feeling bashful as she asked, “Can I get a hug, Joon?”

This was the first time she’d used the pet name that he’d asked her to call him by. This was what his family called him. And her using this name assured Namjoon of just that - she was becoming family. Her question had made his heart flip. He moved without really thinking, because this is what his body had wanted since the day he saw her. He pulled her up in his arms. He felt like he was melting. She was soft. Warm. Beautiful. And in his arms.

Brishti gasped a little when Namjoon had scooped her up in his arms. She was on her toes, literally & figuratively. She held onto him, less as a hug & more as support… at first. Then, she felt his arms… the strong arms that she had been ogling at, around her. It was as if a knot came undone, within her, suddenly. And in its place, the softest silk suddenly flowed through her body.

She closed her eyes and breathed him in. The same essence that she’d been soaking in after he had showered, that she had been breathing in whenever he would pass by or reach past her. The essence that she had now become so hungry for that she had been secretly sleeping with the shirt he’d worn from the laundry basket. That essence was now all over her. Her chin turned up, resting on his shoulders, her cheeks touching his, her hands - on their own - reached the nape of his neck and began to play with his hair.

When she did that, Namjoon held her tighter, pressed her on to him. He felt her body react to his. One hand reaching her shoulder around her back, he moved the other closer to her waist, so his hands could fold over her curves. He could feel her breath hitch when he did that.

Brishti was revelling in the feeling of his hands, his fingers, feeling his fingertips press into her - that was a feeling she could never have imagined making her so... so... drunk. She was drunk. She ran her hands up and down his vast back, all the way up to his hair. All of a sudden she could feel herself overcome with emotion. Tears began pooling in her eyes again. And she said, before it was too late, she said, “Thank you, Joon, for everything… thank you.”

When he heard the tremble in her voice, Namjoon pulled away, just so he could see her. Brishti quickly retracted too - to wipe off her tears, trying to laugh off the silliness, apologising. Namjoon replied, “It’s okay… I understand… I… Thank you, Rim. I hope you… you know what I mean...” What he wanted to say, what he hoped she understood was that she was what was helping him come alive. But being unable to, Namjoon knew someday he would. Someday soon.

Brishti nodded to say she understood. Namjoon tried to lighten the atmosphere, saying, “You’re not… just anyone, you know? So… maybe you should tell me something I could do which is… not just basic decency, but something that can be considered truly feminist, you know. I’d love to do that for you.”

Brishti smiled and nodded. She suddenly felt tired & almost of its own accord, her body stretched into a yawn. She said, “I’ll think of something. We- I should go now… Do you want- anything?...” Brishti was delighted about how drunk she had gotten from one hug. It was exciting that she knew she’d be sleeping with the sweater he had tossed in the laundry basket tonight. She decided to take a bit more time to enjoy being intoxicated without a substance, together and alone.

Later that night, as Namjoon laid on his fold out sofa, alone, he thought of how great it had felt to have Brishti in his arms. To have someone who wanted to know about his day. To feel her heartbeat, like raindrops, knocking on his chest like it was a window pane, almost as if asking to be let in…

Thoughts like these, they made Namjoon reach for the notepad & pen that he always kept close by. He wrote. He wrote of being world weary and suddenly having a friend. Suddenly feeling like the world wasn't rushing him, that he didn’t need to run, that he could take time, be slow, be a poet. His heart tugged at his pen as it wrote lines about what it felt like to have someone cry for him. To have someone be full of feelings for him, to have someone to embrace his weary body. He wrote about how he missed that embrace and yet it was okay… as long as she was still here, maybe not just next to him, yet. Maybe someday. It was okay because she asked how he was every day and Brishti was here, forever. Namjoon felt tears run down his own face, as he titled the first poem he’d written in almost five years - Forever Rain.

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Oooooh god you read it?! Thank you so much! Please please let me know what you thought! Get into my messages about it! I would love nothing more than to hear what you felt about this!

I usually prefer to do recommendations of LGBT+ books instead of the opposite.

But this time, I am going to ask you to please not buy and read something.

Specifically, its this book - 

Date Me, Bryson Keller by Kevin van Whye. [picture description - Cover of the book. Features two young men in school uniforms. One is taller and white, he is adjusting his tie. The other is shorter, with darker shade of skin and is leaning on the first’s one shoulder. The name of novel “Date me, Bryson Keller” is in red script similar to writing by hand and accompanied by small hearts.] 

Lets see the summary, courtesy of goodreads!  “What If It's Us meets To All the Boys I've Loved Before in this upbeat and heartfelt boy-meets-boy romance that feels like a modern twist on a '90s rom-com! Everyone knows about the dare: Each week, Bryson Keller must date someone new--the first person to ask him out on Monday morning. Few think Bryson can do it. He may be the king of Fairvale Academy, but he's never really dated before. Until a boy asks him out, and everything changes.

Kai Sheridan didn't expect Bryson to say yes. So when Bryson agrees to secretly go out with him, Kai is thrown for a loop. But as the days go by, he discovers there's more to Bryson beneath the surface, and dating him begins to feel less like an act and more like the real thing. Kai knows how the story of a gay boy liking someone straight ends. With his heart on the line, he's awkwardly trying to navigate senior year at school, at home, and in the closet, all while grappling with the fact that this "relationship" will last only five days. After all, Bryson Keller is popular, good-looking, and straight . . . right?” 0

This summary might seem familiar to you. Well, thats because most of this book is straight up plagiarized and “westernized” plot of japanese manga Seven Days by Venio Tachibana and illustrated by Rihito Takarai.

[picture description: Cover of Japanese manga. It has three young men in school uniforms walking in front of window which shows the ocean. The title is in Japanese in bright pink letters, white title “Seven days” in english under it.]

Let’s see summary from wikipedia:  “ Yuzuru Shino, a bored and disillusioned third-year high school student, hears a rumor that Tōji Seryō, a popular student at school, will accept anyone who asks him out at the beginning of the week and end their relationship after seven days of dating. Yuzuru decides to ask Tōji out as a half-hearted joke, but, to his surprise, Tōji accepts their date. Over the course of seven days, Yuzuru's feelings for him grow, and he begins to dread the impending day where they will inevitably end their relationship.” 1

We are not talking about similar tropes, it has... same plot, only with american school setting instead of Japanese. Readers of both works on Goodreads point out “it feels eerily similar” - so its not just similar summary, its whole book. 2

Coicidence? Did the author read it and forgot, accidentaly using the plot? 

Nope, the author straight up admitted it after being called out. He says he used it as “inspiration” but wanted to explore it in “western setting” with his “own voice experience.” 3 The author IDs as a gay man and implies the authors of the manga are two cishet women who have no bussiness writing about LGBT+ stuff. But we literally don’t know what gender and sexuality is the person who wrote Seven Days, Venio Tachibana. Even if they were a cishet woman (which, again, is not stated anywhere, and its pretty likely they aren’t), how would it be okay to steal the whole plot of the story? Are they not #ownvoices for writing Japanese manga about Japanese highschoolers?

I am not saying writers shouldn’t take inspiration from other books/movies/etc. But for me, this passes inspiration into very much “stole the whole plot” territory. I am not giving it pass just because the author is a gay man and that the genre of book he stole from is considered “problematic” in western spaces. (see some takes on yaoi, BL, its fans and authors here - 4 , 5 )

I am not the only one who noticed - see this twitter thread for more info: 6

To my knowledge, the Japanese publisher of the original manga was already contacted by some fans, but what will come out of is anyone’s guess.

If you want to support male autors of LGTB+ books, please consider Jordan L. Hawk or other male authors instead. 

okay here it is, part 1 of my sci fi tv and movies rec list! i’ve split it up into 2, kind of by tone and theme. these recs are on the lighter side. part 2 is for fans of darker sci fi. i could’ve gone on tbh but i had to draw the line somewhere. it’s not perfect but i hope you find something you like that you haven’t heard of! full titles, trigger warnings, and diversity/general notes under the cut. ask box open for any more specific questions!

part 2/2

If you liked STAR TREK and STAR WARS:

Black Mirror: USS Callister: (tw: simulated child loss, brief torture) coworkers get trapped inside their boss’s Star Trek spoof video game. It’s led by a white woman but the entire cast is pretty diverse (Michaela Coel!!!) and it’s critical of white edgelords. Dark moments balanced with funny!

Firefly: (tw: sexual harassment in one episode, sex worker phobia, Joss Whedon-ness) I think this one is more well-known; a small space crew travels the solar system taking on any weird jobs they can get. Two leading WOC, a black man, one interracial relationship.

Avenue 5: (tw: some dark humor, language) Star Trek meets the Titanic. Funny! I’ll leave it at that. 3 leading WOC, a canonically pan main character in a poly and interracial relationship.

Black Mirror: Be Right Back: (tw: grief, partner loss) a woman’s SO dies and she simulates his resurrection through a software that scans his social media accounts. This one isn’t diverse but it’s an hour of Domhnall Gleeson, if he’s your thing!

Stargate: (tw: 90s/00s racism/sexism) tbh I haven’t watched most of the content but I’d say it’s on par with a Star Trek kind of thing. SGA stars two or three POC in a cast of like 7 regulars.

If you liked PACIFIC RIM:

Black Mirror: Hang the DJ: (tw: none that I can recall) a man and woman fall in love via dating app. It doesn’t have monsters, but it’s an incredibly charming episode that exhibits some of Black Mirror’s best qualities imo and I think people who like the Raleigh/Mako dynamic will like what these two have!! Interracial relationship between a black woman and a white man; black woman is blink-and-you-miss-it bi, but still canonically bi.

Cloverfield (tw: violence/blood, frequent flashes, shaky cam): found-footage flick about aliens attacking New York. Basic and not too diverse but it has the huge monster appeal and I like the found-footage aspect.

Edge of Tomorrow: (tw: VB) Groundhog Day alien apocalypse. it’s Tom Cruise buuuuut you get to see Emily Blunt at her most “I’ll end you”-est so like? Worth it I think??

Arrival: (tw: child loss) aliens come to Earth to offer something to the humans. A little slow, but definitely a different take and some cool-looking aliens.

The Host: (tw: child loss) A girl gets kidnapped by a huge river monster. it’s in Korean and all the characters are Asian. Directed by Bong Joon-ho and starring Kang-Ho Song and Bae Doona!! Plus environmentalist commentary.

If you liked MARVEL and DC:

Misfits: (tw: sex, language, violence, rape) imagine one of those superhero teams like the Avengers except they’re all criminals who’ve given up on life and don’t actually care about making the world a better place. Chaotic stupid energy. Two black leads :)

Push: (tw: a few bloody scenes) Chris Evans before Cap?? Dakota Fanning before Twilight? Secret government experiments and black ops superpower organizations? You love to see it!

Fast Color: (tw: past drug use referenced) superpowers that pass down from generation to generation in a family of black women. Need I say more? Need I say any fucking more?!?!

Sense8: (tw: child loss, grief, lots of nudity and sex, drug use, language, infidelity) 8 people around the world start experiencing each other’s lives and borrowing each other’s skill sets. This is probably THE most intersectional and diverse show I have ever seen. An international cast and setting that reaches almost every continent, leading trans lesbian, multiple QPOC. Truly incredible and one of my absolute favorites.

Jupiter Ascending: (tw: bees) I actually don’t really like this movie but I do think it has its appeal and I appreciate how much it is just unabashedly itself. Don’t take it too seriously! The cast is kinda wild too--Mila Kunis, Eddie Redmayne, Sean Bean, Channing Tatum!!! And it’s by the Wachowskis, AKA the two trans sisters who did The Matrix and Sense8!

If you liked THE HUNGER GAMES:

Gattaca: (tw: implied body modification, trichophobia, eugenics) in a society that discriminates against genes, a man with a heart condition assumes another’s identity in order to achieve his dream of becoming an astronaut. I love this movie. It’s very moody and soft with a really compelling dynamic between the two leading men which I’ve always read as gay.

Snowpiercer: (tw: VB, minor cannibalism) yet another winner from Bong Joon-ho, who’s surprised? All of humanity lives on a train in which all the cars are stratified by class. This is my favorite of all the movies from all the Chrises. Evans is by far my favorite Chris for this!!! It also features Octavia Spencer and Kang-Ho Song! Piping hot class war tea pre-Parasite.

V for Vendetta: (tw: torture, I don’t remember a lot of the details sorry!) I haven’t watched this movie in a minute so I don’t remember how much I actually liked it, but I thought it was worth mentioning because it’s a classic dystopian movie.

Children of Men: (tw: infertility, childbirth, VB) humanity has lost the ability to procreate for 2 decades until one day a resistance group discovers a pregnant woman. Holy crap so much extremely relevant and prescient commentary on immigration, race, class, and refugee crises!!!

Akira: (tw: disturbing imagery, objectification, nudity) I don’t really remember this one much either? But it’s Japanese, there’s biker gangs, and it’s super weird.

The 100: (tw: VB, kill your gays/POC trope, suicide, torture, child loss) 100 juvenile delinquents are dropped onto Earth and chaos ensues. I think most people know that this show is plagued with issues but it really does have a special place in my heart and I think it changed the conversation and standards re: the treatment of wlw in genre fiction. It starts off cheesy and slow but the stakes are SO high all the time and it’s full of thought-provoking ethical dilemmas.

THE YEAR IS 2020 AND I WATCHED NEON GENESIS EVANGELION FOR THE FIRST TIME, PART 9

Episode 21.

Suddenly it's a found footage shakey cam horror movie. I think it's meant to be footage of ... NERV before it was NERV labs in 2000 with some bad shit happening. I'm unclear of so much in this episode, guys.

There is one of those blue screens with the white text that warns you that if you make copies of this you will go to jail for a million years, though, which feels nice and nostalgic before we get into the opening credits. (Opening? Still a bop. Thank you, '90s.)

Episode 21 continues behind the cut.

Someone has been kidnapped from NERV, possibly by or because of Kaji (fuckin' Kaji), and because all these NERV people are interchangeable except for Misato, Ritsuko, and Shinji's horrible father, I have no idea who it is until we see the old dude who is usually behind Ikari. He's tied to a chair in a black void, surrounded by an increasing number of numbered obelisks who I think are the old man Simon council but instead of projecting as old men they're ... obelisks. Look, their government is run by supercomputers named after the Magi. This is as fine as anything.

The obelisks don't like Commander Ikari (same) or what he's doing (same) and want Number 2 to explain what's going on (same) due to the Dead Sea Scrolls and their desire not to create god (... same?). Which means it's time for BACKSTORY or as close as this show gets to backstory.

Number 2 used to be a scientist/academic at ... a school ... lab ... university ... somewhere ... where he met a promising young student of ... science stuff ... named Ikari. There's some sentence vagaries to make the audience think the student is a young Commander Ikari but PSYCH, it's /Yui/, Shinji's mysteriously dead mother. This is not a big surprise, because no one would be anticipating meeting Gendo Ikari. What is a surprise is that Yui Ikari is currently single, although if you've consumed enough Japanese media you've probably encountered cases where a husband takes the wife's surname and is adopted into her family when there's no sons in the family (Summer of the Ubume). ANYWAY Yui is currently single and Number 2 talks to her about her post-graduation career plans, failing to consider that maybe she wants to get married and start a family. Find your own path and all that but also: this is a woman who is going to make terrible life choices.

I don't know why, but as a favour to Yui, Number 2 goes to spring an absolute piece of shit ... fellow student? from the drunk tank after he got arrested for brawling and it is, of course, Gendo Originalsurnamewhocareshesucks. We see him without his glasses for the first time. Even though this is ~15 years ago, Gendo without his glasses is the worst thing ever, rivaling yes the EVA with the giant white human teeth ripping an Angel apart and screaming. I hate looking at him, his cheeks sunken and his eyes huge, very like a skull. The real thesis material in Evangelion is: why has anyone ever slept with this awful gaunt uncharming skull man? He has the visage and personality of someone whose genetic line should die with him.

On a nature walk (because this is before seasons are destroyed by the second impact [and this is a really pretty scene, too, all fall leaves and oranges and red, more vibrant yet gentle than the series often is]) Yui reveals to Number 2 that she and Gendo are in a relationship. Why? Look, that's some Dead Sea Scrolls bullshit, learn ancient Hebrew and get into archeology, unearth some tablets, figure it out for yourselves.

The Second Impact happens and destroys Antarctica and Misato's father and she becomes mute for a while after this and also is kept in a featureless hospital cell for observation with a few age appropriate toys for company and for some reason this doesn't help her mental trauma. No wonder her roommate's a penguin.

The Misato flashback may seem like it comes out of nowhere and if so /hey welcome to my experience of this episode/ where I mostly had my hands on my forehead like I needed to reinforce my brain to process everything.

Number 2 and Shitty Gendo are in Antarctica after the Second Impact with the neon pink ocean and the none ice and oh Gendo and Yui got married. Surprise! Gendo and Yui or Gendo through Yui are involved in something called Seele which is the thing that becomes NERV I think. What's going on /shut up I don't know/ there's some kind of secret science government military organization and it involves the Ikari and then Number 2 and also Ritsuko's mother and underground caverns that may be cities and is this Atlantis? Ancient aliens? Akashic records? I DON'T KNOW Number 2 has concerns and Yui both seems to agree with Number 2's concerns but also is down with whatever Gendo's doing and they have Shinji and he seems like a pretty happy and cute baby and Yui seems to love him even though she brings him to work. And by work I mean the underground lab where they're dissecting or recreating flesh tube skeletons from Adam or building Adam or using Adam to build what will be the Evas, specifically on the day Yui is doing The Experiment. I don't think bringing little Shinji to work is a great idea or a sign of great parenting, especially when The Experiment goes awry and Yui is killed in front of Shinji's toddler eyes.

Ritsuko's mother, Dr. ... Doctor, doesn't approve of kids in the secret mad scientist bunker but MAN does she approve of Yui being killed. Because, somehow, she also wants to fuck Gendo Ikari, a skeleton of emotional abuse and neglect wearing sausage casing as skin.

There's also some stuff here about young Ritsuko (she's not a natural blonde! but honestly the fleeting glimpses of Ritsuko at different ages in this episode show greater awareness of how women can change without just relying on bigger breasts more hair than I'd expect). She and her mother exchange letters where they seem to be more honest with each other than they are in person and I wish there was more time spent dwelling in that, because Evangelion has an imperfect but still insightful view of the complexity of mother-daughter relationships. She goes away to school and meets Misato and they bond and become friends and they each seem to be the other's first friend due to their various issues and weirdness and Ritsuko's clearly at least a little in love with Misato. Unfortunately, Misato is dating Kaji (fuckin' Kaji) and Dr. Doctor thinks Kaji is a pretty great catch, but like ... Dr. Doctor wants to fuck or possibly is fucking Gendo Ikari, so if you can think of a great condemnation of Kaji than this, I'd love to hear it (fuckin' Kaji).

Misato and Ritsuko both join Seele or NERV or whatever the fuck these secret awful organizations are currently calling themselves, with Misato going to Germany and Ritsuko starting to work with her mother and also seeing her mother just jamming her tongue down Gendo's throat. Truly, Ritsuko could never understand her mother as a woman and neither can we, because /why would you desire Gendo Ikari/ and his judgmental touch, icy even through fucking Mickey Mouse gloves.

SO ONE DAY Gendo comes to work with a young Rei and I guess since Yui died no one has seen Shinji since people are looking at Rei and going 'oh is this your son?' and 'I thought you had a son, not a daughter'. But no, Rei is the daughter of a friend Gendo is looking after. Imagine thinking 'Gendo Ikari has even a single friend' is a believable lie.

Since Yui's death, no one has bothered to institute any kind of secret underground lab rules about kids on the premises, because while Dr. Doctor is doing some shit with her O. Henry super computers, little Rei wanders in and proceeds to neg the shit out of this grown woman. They're obviously not the words of a child and it's been clear since the beginning that there's something Not Right about Rei, but when she tells Dr. Doctor that she's a sexually undesirable hag and a nagging shrew and has outlived her purpose they're the words of a man. An adult man, specifically Gendo Ikari, as Rei just straight up tells Dr. Doctor upon being scolded for rudeness. Dr. Doctor's poor judgment of character means she is semi-shocked and hurt by this and sent into a weird fugue state where she chokes Rei until a small arm goes limp. Dr. Doctor thinks about how both she and Rei are both equally replaceable to Gendo, who is still hung up on Yui as much as he seems able to have an emotional attachment to anyone, and so finds all other women to be interchangeable tools.How replaceable Rei is could be a reference to whatever Rei's unnatural origins are, but we've also seen that Gendo considers children to be a renewable and easily disposable resource.

Then Dr. Doctor kills herself (or is murdered, who can say) and gets ... replaced by her daughter in the project.

SO I GUESS THIS IS ALL PART OF NUMBER 2'S TESTIMONY TO THE OBELISKS or maybe not but his thing is done or on break and fuckin' Kaji is there to ... break him out? Even though he's the reason Number 2 was getting interrogated? I don't know, I don't know.

They only use one set of handcuffs for Number 2, but they had three on Shinji in the previous episode.

Misato also had some thing with security intelligence interrogation going on in this episode maybe but they're done and give her back her gun.

Then Kaji's hanging out in a Silent Hill otherworld before a giant fan in weird sickly light and the screen goes black with a gunshot and I don't believe he's dead because I've been fooled about fuckin' Kaji before.

... but then Misato comes home, looking utterly exhausted and devastated, and she sees the message light blinking on her answering machine and she presses play as tears fill her eyes and she collapses to her knees listening to a message from Kaji. He apologizes for causing her trouble yet again, asks her to apologize to Ritsuko as well, asks her to get Shinji to show her where his garden is so she can water the flowers for him, and promises to tell her what he was too scared to tell her years ago. Misato's crying becomes heartwrenching raw sobs (Kotono Mitsuishi does a great job here, breaking my heart) and Shinji, curled up in his room, takes out his headphones and peeks into the kitchen to take in this vision of distraught, helpless adult grief. Then he goes back to his room without alerting Misato to his presence and pulls his pillow over his head, trying to drown out Misato's sobs, because he's just a kid and he knows there's nothing he can do and so he doesn't know what he /should/ do.

Although I've been wanting it for episodes, Kaji's death becomes a bitter pill that I can feel no mean satisfaction from. I'm not sure what's going on, but I know Misato's distraught. This concludes my report on Episode 21 of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

RWBY Volume 8, Episode 6 - Midnight (Cinder’s Backstory)

So we got the disturbed science-fantasy version of Cinderella we’ve been predicting for years associated with Cinder Fall.  Except it’s with a lot of dumb mixed in.  (spoilers below)

People wanted a Cinder backstory because she seemed too one-dimensional and blatantly evil.  So the explanation is... THREE other women who are one-dimensionally evil.  Obviously those three are suppose to be the 'evil' stepmom and stepsisters for Cinder-ella.  But even the animated Disney versions of the characters were written with more subtlety; no exaggeration.  Lady Germane exuded an oppressive and controlling aura, even when she was just sitting up in bed in a nightgown.  She didn't even directly insult Cinderella that much, you can can get a feel for her intensity.  Whereas this episode has Casey exclaiming "NO ONE'S EVER LOVED YOU," on the track.  In case the audience somehow didn't pick that up.  (I really hope those lame lyrics aren’t part of the same track that plays during the Rhodes fight, because that sounds AWESOME). The worst point in all this is the literal shock collar that's put on Cinder.  Firstly, it throws out all subtlety about signs of an abusive relationship; it feels almost like a parody.  Which is really strange, since this show is REALLY good at examining the ins and outs of abusive relationships.  That even shines through in different parts of this episode.  

But going as heavy-handed as a shock collar also flatly invalidates Rhodes entire plan and reasoning.  He can't simply whisk Cinder away from her legal guardian, I very much understand that.  It's a very intriguing plot point, the idea of Cinder cracking under the abuse while waiting out the clock, and Rhodes being the only thing keeping her head above the water.  But once it reaches the point of a freaking shock collar, how does a Huntsman NOT have the ability to step in and say "that's obviously illegal, you're under arrest?"  Is that actually legal in Mistral?  A few problems with that: one, please ESTABLISH it's legal (bizarre as that is).  Secondly, why is this ultra classy hotel using something as freakish as taser-slaves in full view of polite society?  Sure, we can assume that it wasn’t actually activated in view of customers. But why run the risk of Cinder talking to ANYONE, or any of these Huntsmen identifying the thing?

Yes, child labor under threat of force is an unfortunately real problem; please don’t think I would ever try to to diminish that. But in this century, that happens in places where the upper class doesn't hang out or pay attention to; farmhands, mines, sweat shops, child marriage, brothels, even in armies and militias.  Cinder’s ‘adopted’ home absolutely screams luxury. I suppose this part of Mistral could be meant to represent newly industrialized former-Second World countries, since labor regulations in most of Asia really are pretty terrible (or are fine on the books, just don’t get enforced).  But that doesn't shine through in RWBY; everyone in Mistral speaks English with American accents (and they’re not all even Asian), so we can't help but assume well-off metropolitan Mistralians look at things through a Western viewpoint.  Or perhaps with a modern Japanese/South Korean view.  This aspect would make more sense if Cinder was working at an establishment that served mafia and gang members (which we know Mistral has plenty of) under the veil of legitimacy.

Did Rhodes not KNOW about the collar?  It feels strange he wouldn't pick up on that after years of one-on-one training with her.  Did Cinder just make a point of making sure he never found out about it, because she was ashamed?  That would actually be a fascinating detail! But I can't be making up these plot points and character interactions by myself.  The show needs to be TELLING us this.  For example, maybe given us a quick scene where Rhodes asks about what the necklace is, and Cinder dismisses him saying "Oh, it's just a trinket to look pretty." Even when Rhodes first meets Cinder, his advice makes no sense.  That she can't run away, or she'll spend her whole life looking over her shoulder.  But... MOST of the cast of RWBY is either an orphan who manages to find transportation just fine (Ren, Nora, Ilia, Emerald, Mercury) or are people who DO have a home and family, but ran away just fine (Blake, Jaune, Sun, Oscar, eventually Weiss).  Remnant is generally a pretty easy place to disappear, probably thanks to 90% of the planet being controlled by demons.  In Mistral especially, apparently the authorities are SO thinly spread that entire tribes of bandits roam around sacking villages.  Heck, Vacuo is apparently nothing BUT a nation of bandit tribes.  So with Rhodes's money and a friendly contact, it would actually be a TOTAL breeze.  What could a Hotel manager do if Cinder flew out to Vale or something?  

Rhodes's character flaw clearly seems to be his adherence to the law, and I actually respect attempting that kind of character.  But this is just him being totally unaware of the world around him, and willfully uncreative for the sake of making the plot move one way.  This is where a "Lawful Good" character begins a descent into "Lawful Stupid." Please note I say it BEGINS; just wading into the pool, so to speak. My anger at his badly-planned morality is tempered by so much being unclear about the situation, and most of his character being flat-out unknown. If his advice had something to do with his own experiences, that would be cool... although that requires an actual backstory for the dude.

Found something REALLY fascinating with his name though: plenty of people have figured he’s based on the Colossus of Rhodes, with his metal skin and easily identified name. But his name may be calling back to Rhodopis, apparently the oldest version of Cinderella. But what might be blowing my mind the most: Rhodopis is another word for ‘Rose.’ Holy crap. I suspected that the parallels between Cinder and Ruby were planned from the first season, but this...? Could something as specific the Greek/Egyptian origin for a classic fairy tale possibly be something that’s pure coincidence?

fmdmeme002, but all at once so i don’t spam y’all

1) what is your goal for this year/next year?

reading the sticky note, sung’s first thought was that he’d like to do many things. but, that wasn’t specific enough for a fan to feel satisfied. releasing more music with element was important to him, but so was having the time and creativity to write more music for others, and spend more time with friends and family. in the end, it only took a glance up at the fan to figure out what he wanted to write. “to meet more fans around the world!!!!”

2) what song would you want to sing to or play for someone you like?

a giggle left his lips when the girl in front of him asked her question. “are you looking to hire me for someone special?” it was natural, to play around with fans like they were his friends. to sung, they were. “i’d play something romantic. maybe one of @fmdxsuji’s songs.”

3) what’s your favorite scent?

sung knew this question had to come from a fan who knew him well. with the amount of candles in his side of the dorm, there were many to choose from. on camera, he tended to name more ‘manly’ scents, but in the space of fans, he was honest. “soft scents,” he wrote, “strawberry lemon ice a lot lately.”

4) if you spent one day with a fan, where would you go and what would you do?

sung’s hand readied to write that they should go to a theme park, but stopped short. there was a chance he might not be feeling very high energy that day, and the fans deserved better of him. he could say the library, too, but that might be too low energy for many fans. he settled with a basic compromise of, “what you like best!!!!”

5) what new concept do you want to try showing fans?

“a cute concept! wouldn’t we be so cute? especially yujinnie.” the fan responded that they thought he’d be cute too, which, he laughed and thanked them for. he hoped as much, anyway.

6) which girl group do you like the most recently?

he glanced up through his eyelashes with a smile. “this won’t be any surprise to you,” he said, and looked back down. “wish!!!” and on either side of the word he drew ‘hang loose’ symbol hands to symbolize the key point dance from signal. if he had more time, he might have taken a picture to send to @fmdluna.

7) which boy group do you like the most recently?

with ride on the wind’s promotions, sung held onto his songs of the summer for longer than he might have normally. though he knew he wasn’t going to stray away from his usual answers, picking which one was difficult. so, he had to go with which song was on his mind the most. “nine critical beauties!!! ㅋㅋ”

8) what soloist do you like the most recently?

it was inevitable that he’d receive a question like this during his solo debut. though they might expect a playful narcissistic answer, sung felt too grateful to the people that supported him and showed up for him to do anything less than sincere. “my friend @fmdjoohwan!!!” as he handed back the album and note, he said, “isn’t he so sexy these days?” to which the fan agreed.

9) what song have you been listening to a lot that you would recommend to fans?

“knight @fmdtaeyong‘s help,” he wrote, with a slight hesitation. the fans were still only getting to know him, and how willing he was to share things he felt was important. and this, was important. the fan read back his message, and asked why, and he took a breath before he said, “it’s okay to admit we all need help sometimes.”

10) what is your most used app?

sung never thought anyone would be interested in something like what app he uses most. if he had the time to pull out his phone and check, he could probably tell them definitively, but as it was, he had to make his best guess. “kkt, i think...” he paused to think, and continued, “or twitter!”

11) what should someone do to win your heart?

there was no way sung could tell them the truth. his heart would never belong to another person, and he knew that. @fmddaisuke knew that. the world didn’t, and might not ever. the thought was... upsetting, to say the least. but, he didn’t dwell on it, as he flashed a smile, and wrote, “give me lots of love!” and surrounded it with drawings of hearts.

12) what do you want for your next birthday?

he’d learned well enough by now that these questions tended to be sneaky ways to find out what they would next gift him, especially if the person was a fansite. which, this girl was. she was very kind whenever he’d met her, and frankly, he was always happy for any korean who supported them as dearly as she did, but, he wasn’t one to seek material things anymore. he wrote down something he thought might be more helpful, “every aether to be happier than the year before.”

13) what is do you consider to be your most charming feature/trait?

sung didn’t like thinking about his physical self as attractive. the only person he cared to be attractive for was his boyfriend, and even then, he’d rather have his personality shine through his looks. it may have been a simple answer, but he wrote, “kindness,” and slid the album back to the fan. aloud, he told them, “to me, being kind is one of the most admirable traits there is.”

14) what is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

there were so many to choose from. sung never liked sticking to one kind for too long, not when a new wild flavor would be coming out every month. the classics were great, the ones he couldn’t even fathom what they might taste like were great. but, he went for middle of the road, “rocky road!!!,” and drew a mountain underneath for the words to follow.

15) how should i ask out the person i like?

“trust yourself,” he wrote, but didn’t feel like that was adequate. he held up a hand, and the fan took it, interlocking their fingers. “show them how much you care, and be straightforward. and, if they don’t feel the same way, it’s their own loss. you can only accept their affections if it’s as strong as yours.”

16) what’s the secret behind your good looks?

plastic surgery. that wasn’t a good answer. that was, more accurately, a terrible answer. sung thought he looked nice before his procedures, but, not good enough, he guessed. “a healthy skincare regime!”

17) what do you think of fans of the same gender as you?

element seemed to have a greater mix of genders in their fans. like with most idol groups, the majority leaned towards women, but sung particularly liked when men came up. it was... exhilarating. like a shot of adrenaline. this man seemed quite confident in meeting him, which sent a pang to his heart that they were still shy enough to write their question on a sticky note. “the more i meet, the happier sungie is!”

18) what is the most recent thing that made you happy?

right after their official debut, it probably was the most obvious that that would be the happiest moment. nothing else compared, in his eyes. but, most recently? “a delicious breakfast!” he wrote, and drew a small drawing of himself eating from a bowl.

19) what is your happiness level these days on a scale from 0 to 100?

if he really thought about it, it might not be that high. the thought wasn’t a great one to have. he’d just had his solo debut, with an entire mini album, mostly created by himself. but it was hard, different, the things expected of him were different. he made a compromise, writing “90!!!” and drew a little face in the zero.

20) can you give some inspiring words for someone going through a hard time?

whenever sung received this question, he worried that the fan was the one going through a difficult time. with his hand on the fan’s, he could tell them his own truth. “let yourself feel what you feel. and when you have, breathe it back out. let it off of your shoulders, so that you can remember a new day will come.”

21) what words of advice would you give to someone studying for their college exam?

“don’t listen to decipher sunbaenim’s ring ding dong!!!” the joke he wrote down was silly enough. he knew from personal experience how terribly that song could get stuck in someone’s head while studying. but, he added a second note below that, something that mattered more, in his opinion. “and accept that you’re still smart and amazing no matter how you do.”

22) give yourself a percent ranking from 0 to 100 in the following categories: cute, cool, and sexy.

some recess in sung hoped he could be 100 in all of the categories presented to him. if there was one that stuck out above the rest, though, it was cuteness. he wrote down an 80, for that. it was a decent score, not high enough too many people would disagree, hopefully. next was sexy, at 70. as much as he didn’t care for the image, gold star did like to present him as a sexy type, and sung couldn’t deny it. and, coming up in last, was cool, at 40. sung had never considered himself the traditionally cool type, but he was alright with that.

23) what place do you want to travel to the most?

sung didn’t think much about vacations, or anything of that nature. the first thing that came to mind was to travel back home. the second, to japan with @fmddaisuke, to see his family, because he knew how much his boyfriend ached for them. but, in the end, he wrote down, “wherever our aether are!”

24) what language would you like to learn?

language was a tricky subject for sung. he felt like he was pretty good at korean, all things considered. he was well-read, and expanded his vocabulary often enough. when it came to other languages, he had trouble making sentences himself. he’d been told he had great accents, and he could understand someone when they were speaking in english or japanese, for the most part, but responding back... was a gamble. he felt like he was already trying hard enough with english and japanese, so he went for the language he heard often that he didn’t mostly understand, “spanish!!!”

25) what is the first thing you think of when someone mentions your fans?

the relationship sung had with his fans wasn’t as complicated as it seemed it was for many of his friends. sure, there were people that didn’t follow element’s career the way he would, but sung didn’t consider those people to be much of fans. the fans were the ones who supported them fully, from a distance, and enjoyed them for what they were. they were the ones who brought sung joy. “happiness”

26) what is your favorite movie/book you’ve seen/read recently?

in the space of these close fan interactions, sung could be more honest than he might have otherwise. chances were, only interns at the company and aethers would see his response. he read often, watched movies on a regular basis as well, though not as often as he read, so choosing one was difficult. but, the one that had stuck out the most to him recently was, “call me by your name!!”

27) what are your recent wishes?

“element and aether’s happiness”. writing the words down wasn’t a difficult decision. sung knew in his heart those were two of his wishes. he supposed part of him wished for element’s success too. even if he was happy with where they were at, he knew his members weren’t. and they deserved the world.

28) what are the requirements for your ideal type?

it was a common question. part of the fantasy of being an idol meant the expectation that fans would want to date him. but unlike some of his other members, sung enjoyed it. playing along was fun, when the fan knew the limits of their relationship. when it came to sung, there weren’t many restrictions. he wanted to know their fans in as close of a capacity as he could, because he felt like they deserved that. like most other times that question had come up, it was written on a sticky note, that he could playfully hide as he wrote, “to be as sweet as you!” before giving it back, and seeing the happy blush on the fan’s face.

29) what job would you want if you weren’t an idol?

before being in element, sung never considered that question. what he might want was very different from what he might have ended up doing. he knew that if he never made it into debut, he’d have stayed in his family’s business, and likely been miserable. but over the years, he had the opportunity to actually think on that question. most of the time, he threw out one of the many jobs he thought might have been cool, but this time, like many other instances, he went with what felt the most fitting for him, “a teacher,” to which he drew an apple beside it.

30) what is a hobby you’d like to pick up?

the fan was pretty young, for their usual demographic. positively adorable, but also confident enough to ask their question to his face, rather than write it down. his answer came quickly, “cooking!” though he had many hobbies he admired, wanting to become a better cook had been a dream for quite a long time, which he continued to share with the fan. they expressed the sentiment of wanting to help teach him, and he agreed they’d need to sort that out, before the fan was ushered over to @fmdyujin.

Again, I'm gonna meld my experience and something I just learned into Ichigo.

So, remember, I'm reading the whole "unusual haircolour" being of note as Ichigo being mixed, probably via Masaki, because Issin is coded VERY Japanese, either Yamato or Ainu, but not Ryukyuan. Masaki is not. Orihime's same colour of hair is not noted (only how pretty her hair is) nor is Chizuru's darker red. (Yeah, that one classmate has purple hair, but purple and blue are often stand-ins for shades of black, to differentiate, in a way of compensating for the lack of detailed faces. Brown is because brown to black is a scale--my own head and beard hair is very dark brown, and how black vs brown it looks depends on lighting, mostly. You can also read brown hair as "basically black" on characters like, say, Keigo, unless stated they're not Japanese/Asian, like Chad)

Some shows are pretty low on racial coding--these are often shows like...okay, I don't actually watch a lot of cartoons, but there are shows out there that might be slice-of-life or romance or something, where everyone's supposed to be Yamato Japanese, including the girl with lime green hair and purple eyes, which is basically for visual interest and easier character differentiation.

Bleach...is not that show. Not only are some noted in dialogue--again, Chad--but then Kisuke is inspired by a Scandinavian fairytale or something, and seriously, just hold Byakuya up against Tousen. I'm also pretty convinced Yoruichi's supposed to be Black, but Tousen or sea urchin guy is obvious.

I mean, I could go on about Shunsui convincingly reading European (or headcanoning him as Romani and growing out his hair in defiance of the Spanish), or how seriously no one ever read Grimmjow as Japanese, but canonically is pretty diverse. Kyouani kept it up with the Bounts who were clearly from Europe (remember the backstory of Cain and striped-hair guy and the boy that died?)

I mean, Soi-Fon, the Bount in the qi pao, Shaolong, and the fracción of Barragan (which is a real Spanish language last name, I forget what architect he was named for) with the braided hair are all super-duper Chinese-coded, but these are apparently codings the average Westerner misses. (I get maybe missing Barrangan's guy, but how the heck people miss the friggin guy named Shaolong...! Then again, I just saw keysmash fake-Japanese name in a Digimon 02 fic where it was really hard to take seriously a professor named "morning sickness." You can't make this up!)

So point one is that I've always felt like this was probably another thing that Kubo was stopped from doing by his editors, though "the world may never know" www but I've seriously long thought Ichigo was supposed to be mixed.

(of course, my nascent project goes ahead and diversifies further, including the aforementioned Chizuru and Orihime, but that's separate)

So I've known pretty much my entire life that sans hard leftists, Japanese/East Asian women 30+ (I used to say "older," but now I'm older, too!) are a heck of a lot less accepting of mixed people than the men are. I guess it skews opposite from orientation issue positioning. (Only the right 25% of the Japanese spectrum really kick and scream about binary trans. Non-binary is not something I have a whole lot of data on, period, as my generation grew up in the binary-insistent 20th Century)

Anyway, my experience as a kid and now alone reaffirms that this isn't limited to Dankai/Sirake and Boomer generations, unlike some other problems. Nor is it limited to the far-right Liberal Democrat voting bloc, as those types tend not to leave Japan, and it happens here, too.

I notice less of it among Dankai Juniors and Post Dankai Juniors generation immigrants, as I notice less of it from age-peers American born Gen X, but it's still there, and is present among people my dad's age (blanking on the Japanese generation, but second-wave Silent Generation is the American one for those years) and always was. In both countries.

I was hanging out after work at a nearby spot, and was talking to a half-Black Boomer.

The same thing where Asian men in-group me and many Asian women fiercely out-group me was found among G.I. Generation and Silent Black Americans.

So I feel like this would very strongly play into Ichigo's experience as I have him wherever he goes. Hanging out in some random town in Soul Society, anywhere (Seireitei just cares who can cut more people to bits www). This has clearly been going on in many places for a long time. Sure, racism as it was in 20th Century Japan, particularly even the idea of anti-Blackness, which was rightfully scrapped starting around '90, was brought, along with queerphobia, by Admiral Perry/President Filmore, but in-group and out-group dichotomy is pretty much everywhere.

And I have to think "us v them" style bigotry also comes in in Chad's story. Is he Zainichi Mexican? Is he from Okinawa because he's got something to do with the U.S. Army base (Futenma) there? Or is he Mexican and Ryukyuan?

I'm not RPing Chad, though I'm seriously tempted. Look at how much I blather--it'd be an interesting challenge.

But for now, I'll focus on Ichigo.

Now, yeah, bullies pick on him a lot for looking different. But there are always bullies, and kids will pick if you can't afford meat in your lunch, or you like an "uncool" TV show, or you sneezed. Anything.

But this would really and strongly colour Ichigo's interactions with adults. I didn't reach high school there and *I* had this come up with teachers and school staff over there (although I really only did high school here, but anti-Asian racism from teachers/staff came up in a higher percent than anti-mixed sentiment in Japan from school staff. There's probably a conclusion I should be able to draw)

Anyway, with the anti-miscegination crowd, mixed people who are part-their demograph get way more scorn and coldness that someone 0% their demograph.

So if Ichigo's mixed and Chad's Zainichi Mexican, and they're talking to a teacher like this, she'll be way worse to Ichigo. That kind of crowd always wants to prove your claim to the demograph invalid. That you're not "real" demograph. Like they see you existing as a threat to their identity. It's a threat to nothing, but this is how they treat mixed people.

Learning the universality of this tonight made me realise this would definitely be a part of Ichigo's life, as unfortunate as that is.

Also, about bullies, the guy bullies tend to pick on the guys. The girl bullies tend to pick on the girls.

(Reason 465 why I say everyone knew I was male before I figured it out myself)

So I don't feel like this is something that would affect Ichigo's interactions with his peers, at least in youth.

But in adulthood, yeah, he'd start to get this from women his peers. The men, not really. I have no clue why the women are the ones doing this and men don't really care. Do not get the gendering of it. But it's apparently a thing. And really, really common, unfortunately, so there's no way he wouldn't meet it. A lot.

(Although frankly Karakura First Private High School staff is almost entirely banananas in their own special way. How is that school even still accredited/operating/ostensibly graduating people? Sure, high school isn't *mandatory,* but they're more of a minor plot device than a functional school!)

Experimental choreographer Anna Halprin singlehandedly transformed the language of dance, shocking the status quo with radical new forms of self-expression.

Text by Caroline Ryder

After WWII, legendary dancer and choreographer Anna Halprin decided that everyone is a dancer (even if they got no rhythm), and that every movement is a dance (even the act of putting one’s socks on). With that in mind, she founded what we now call “postmodern dance” – an art movement whose egalitarian, anti-authoritarian ideology had more in common with future phenomena such as punk rock, street art and flash mobs than with the ballet or modern dance of her time. Unlike her predecessors, Anna Halprin had a warts’n’all approach to dance. She and her dancers were sometimes naked during performances, and they refused to be corralled onto a stage, performing their dances in the streets, in nature, among audiences, or wherever they felt like it. When invited to dance at a lunch for important art patrons, they made a stage in the middle of the room, sat at a table, and forced the audience to watch them eat lunch. Sometimes they gave audience members a “score”, instructing them to get up and join the dance. This approach was seen as inclusive or insulting, depending on your viewpoint. She really infuriated those who believed that dance was purely aesthetic – something pretty, polite and non-confrontational. Not that she cared what they thought. “I never make my choices on the basis of whether people are going to like it,” she says, speaking from her home in the coastal forests of Marin, northern California. “I have to make my choices based on whether it is good art.” By constantly challenging authority and shunning homogeneity, Halprin and her peers helped lay the groundwork for the hippie counter culture, as well as for punks, culture jammers, hipster aerobicisers and iconoclasts the world over (if Banksy had been a dancer, he’d probably have danced with Anna Halprin. And did we mention her daughter was married to Dennis Hopper?). Today, she’s still dancing (still sometimes naked), still pissing some people off, and still inspiring most of the rest. In fact, Anna Halprin is, without doubt, one of the most badass 90-year-olds you’ll ever meet.  Born Anna Schuman on July 13, 1920 in Winnetka, Illinois, Halprin started going to ballet classes at the age of four. When the other kids laughed at her euphoric, energetic style of dancing, Anna’s mother took her out of that class, and enrolled her in a modern dance class, where she studied the techniques of modern dance pioneer Isadora Duncan. It was a much better fit for Halprin’s freeform tendencies. “We had lots of fun skipping and hopping and waving balloons and moving scarves through space. I liked it very much, and people didn’t laugh at me,” she says. In high school, she was introduced to the techniques of second-generation modern dance goddesses, Martha Graham and Doris Humphrey. By this point, Halprin was already sure she had found her life’s path. Aged 18, she was invited to move to New York City and join Doris Humphrey’s dance company – a huge honour, but her parents said no – they wanted her to go to college first. She hoped to get into Bennington College, a women’s college in Vermont, but the school had already met their Jewish quota, so she was rejected. “In all the private schools in those days they had restrictions on Jews,” she explains. “If the Jewish quota was filled and you were Jewish, you didn’t get in.” She was depressed about not getting into Bennington, but what felt like failure turned out to be a blessing.  The rest of the world woke up to her revolutionary approach in 1965, when she and her students (including both her daughters Daria and Rana) performed Halprin’s “Parades And Changes”, one of the most controversial dances ever seen, at the time. It’s a sweet, innocent dance, in which the dancers happen to become entirely nude. “I chose the task of dressing and undressing as my inspiration,” she explains. I thought that this would be very beautiful, because you could see the body as it undressed in many different forms, and it would have a sculptural feeling.” Her studio in Marin, where she still works today, had an outdoor theatre, a wooden deck built by her husband. “Out there, we were very close to the feeling of nature. It is nestled in a wooded area, and it is very private. It didn’t feel coquettish or seductive to be nude in that environment.” On stage in New York City theatreland however, the nudity was shocking. As they danced, Halprin heard members of the audience whispering “Oh no, they’re not really going to undress…are they?” But they did. In the corner of her eye, Halprin noticed a couple of cops lurking backstage. “I figured, ‘This is New York, maybe it’s a custom,’” she says. The next day, Halprin received a summons for arrest for indecent exposure. She left New York and didn’t go back for ten years. She and her students became outcasts of sorts, shunned by the modern dance circuit. But once again, just like the time she was laughed out of ballet school, or turned down by a college for being Jewish, being rejected by the establishment was a blessing in disguise for Halprin. No longer able to perform or tour heavily, she and her dancers had the space and time in which to fully explore, experiment with and evolve the artform they had created – postmodern dance – as well as the healing and therapeutic capabilities of dance. In 1978, Halprin and her daughter Daria, a psychologist and former actress, would found the Tamalpa Institute, teaching “personal, interpersonal and social transformation, teaching new models for health, psychology, art and communication”. If it all sounds very tripped out California, well, maybe that’s because it is. Had Daria not had such an unconventional California upbringing, perhaps she would not have been so well suited to co-found the ultra-progressive Tamalpa Institute with her mother. And perhaps she would not have been so well suited to play the lead female role in Antonioni’s cult classic Zabriskie Point – a 1970 art film that captured the essence of the psychedelic counterculture, featuring music by Pink Floyd, the Grateful Dead and the Rolling Stones. Daria was perfect in the role of a young California hippie chick tripping out in the desert – she had been tripping out all her life, playing and dancing with the most talented avant-garde artists of the time on her mom’s wooden deck, leading a childhood so bohemian, so unconventional, some kids weren’t allowed to come and play at their house… the Halprins were that far out. Daria was married to Dennis Hopper from 1972 to 1976, and had one daughter with him, Ruthana. That’s a long time ago now. Today at their Tamalpa Institute, Daria and her mother work with terminally ill HIV/Aids and cancer patients, as well as students of movement. Halprin has borne witness to the healing power of dance many times. One man, after a two-month workshop with Halprin, drew a selfportrait that showed fire coming out of the side of his head. Six months later he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. “I did a similar thing, made a portrait, and that’s how I discovered I had cancer,” says Halprin, who was diagnosed with colon cancer in 1972. “Your body is your instrument for expression, but your body can also lead you to information that can otherwise be hidden.” She has written a book about how to heal through dance, and made several videos. Maybe to some people, cancer isn’t something to dance about. But to Halprin, dancing is the only response to the realities of life. And perhaps its no coincidence that she looks about 30 years younger than her age, and is still as provocative and focused as she was in her youth. You can spend an hour or so of your life getting to know Anna by watching the documentary Breath Made Visible, made by one of her former students, Ruedi Gerber. It’s a touching film, especially when you realise that so much of Halprin’s life has been a love story, with Lawrence. The affection between them is palpable, and enough to bring tears to anyone’s eyes. When Lawrence became sick (he eventually passed away in October 2010), she created the dance “Intensive Care” – a haunting, nightmarish exploration of death and dying that evokes Japanese butoh horror dances in a hospital ward. “That was the most recent thing I did that people started walking out on,” she says. Still, you get the sense that shocking people is the furthest thing from Halprin’s mind when she’s creating a dance. Understanding the images in her head, as inspired by the emotional events of her life, and translating those into movement – that is her life’s work, and will continue to be. Whether it’s shocking or not is irrelevant to her. And even though she may be 90, don’t ever expect Anna Halprin to stop dancing. “Looking young, feeling young, I don’t know if it is in my DNA or it is the demon dancer in me that makes it so, but I feel I am working on dances all the time. I can’t stop. I don’t feel that my age is going to stop me from dancing. I just dance differently. I don’t dance now the way I dance when I was in my 20s or 40s. I dance the way I do when I am 90. And those dances are just as important.” 

So I’ve been living in Japan for about four months now and I think its about time I create a synthesis of my experiences so far.

People ask me often, why did you come to Japan? My answer is usually somewhere in the realm of “I’m studying at Osaka University”.

Like clockwork it usually goes as following:

“Oh, really, what are you studying?”

“Geography”

“Huh?”

This sort of response is familiar to me, because people at UGA also have this reaction. In fact, everyone has this reaction, even my mother and friends.  It’s hard to describe all that I’m interested in into one single elevator-pitch. So I just say I study sustainable architecture, which the usual reaction is something like eyes widening and them continuing to interrogating me about it. Sustainable architecture is more related to Environmental Engineering, which I don’t have the math or science capability to pursue. But still, it is something I study, however I still study only the human impact on the architecture itself. Although I would say my Japanese ability is 3.5/10 at this moment (which I’m quite proud of), I usually just say “kagaku” which is short-hand for just science. My degree at UGA will be a B.S. in Geography, so I treat it as such. However, I sincerely believe that geography is the easiest science degree to pursue if you have even an inkling of interest in the dynamics of society, including racism, gender, weather, climate change, or liberal arts in general but can’t seem to find a major to decide on. Many people assume the only job you can get in geography is to teach. It has often always angered me why people assume I want to be a low-salary school teacher spoon-feeding the capital of New York to a pre-occupied teenager who couldn’t care less (it’s Albany, not New York god damnit). However, I’ve always had an interest in working for humanitarian efforts so even though someone I meet by chance doesn’t understand what I’m passionate about, I can always count on myself to know what I’m truly interested in. 

I’m currently trying to find job that I don’t hate back in the United States, but in reality, I’m actually terrified to go back to the states. Of course I want to see my cats and my friends, but I don’t think I can handle all of the hostility that I’ve typically experienced there. It’s true that my experience there is somewhat different than others because I’ve worked in the customer service industry, not to mention it specifically being the especially stressful technology industry... but I’ve grown accustomed to the overly cheerful and respectful customer service Japan is known for and I can’t simply bear the thought of an entitled woman giving someone a hard time in the checkout line because she wasn’t qualified for a discount. The thought of confrontation makes me cringe, and after reading what’s going on in the news via Reddit, I can confidently say that I’m not the only one who is terrified about returning back to the US.

My friends message me and tell me that they miss me and ask me when I’m coming back. At this point, I’m not sure when I’m coming back but it will be sometime in September. My part-time job has been especially hard on me, and its nights like these where I have a rare moment of free-time where I realize that I’m violently single. As long as I can remember, I’ve had at least a male companion that I can call up at any time of the day and schedule a time to hang out. I’ll just blatantly state that I haven’t had sex in maybe about five months. The lack of intimacy has officially driven me up the wall. The last time someone hugged me was a guy with a sign saying “FREE HUGS” in Amerikamura. This experience, despite it being such a debilitating feeling, has made me realize the high standards I have for men, and my willingness to compromise for women. Before I came to Japan, I came out of a very toxic relationship which made me feel like a tool for sex. With this sudden lack of sexual activitity, now I feel like I’ve come to terms with my sexuality and it’s no longer a topic that I feel uncomfortable talking about with others. It’s definitely an unintended result of this trip, but the more time I spend contemplating my preference in men/women has made me more confident about my conceptions about love and commitment. I am confident that when I meet a guy or girl that I know will be worth pursuing, I will act on it. I’ve always fantasized having sex with a Japanese guy because I feel like I’ve watched enough naughty anime to know what sort of things to say to get someone going during intercourse. Alas, it’s just a fetish that I have and I sincerely doubt that I will make a lifelong relationship with someone that lives in Japan. But, in the meantime, I must resort to Tinder... and even in this case Reddit to find people to hang out with casually while I’m here. Tomorrow I’m going to hang out with another gaijin (foreigner) that isn’t an international student and I’m nothing but elated.

Anyway, my experience in Japan has been nothing short of everything I’ve dreamed it to be. I’ve experienced racism on a mirco-level, I’m learning Japanese taught by a very Japanese teacher (in his own right), I’m living in an apartment complex with other Suita city locals, I come home at 23:00 most nights, I ride the train almost every day, and I get grumpy every time I see another foreigner in my territory. The hardest part about living in Japan? Not being able to use my credit card. Yep, Japan is still a 90% cash-based society, where most businesses only take “genkin” or actual money. I have to go to the ATM several times a week for that reason. It is very “mendokusai”, especially when my bank can sometimes charge a fee when I withdraw money from an ATM that is not associated with my bank. Nonetheless, I am aware that I am an “eikaiwa monkey” and I am basically a salaryman, just without a suit.

This is enough of a rant now, I’m off to watch anime and drink because these are the only things I have to cope with my crippling loneliness without weed and sexuallty active men so “ganbatte” everyone and I hope you have a lovely day/night! It’s a 13 hour time difference here from the East Coast of America so most likely I hope you have a wonderful yesterday.

Interview with Chef Tu David Phu, part 2

OutVoo Interview with Chef Tu David Phu

Conducted by Ian Ippolito & Merced Gonzalez

Today we are talking to Chef Tu David Phu, a contestant on Bravo’s Top Chef, and one of Oakland’s very own. Since Oakland is where OutVoo was born, we are thrilled that Chef Phu is a fan of the app:

“Whenever I open up Yelp I want to know what’s near me and the thing I hate about Yelp is I have to type in where I am and what I’m looking for specifically.  [OutVoo] does that all for me!”

What were your initial thoughts of Oakland?

When my parents first immigrated over here they landed in Oakland.  My dad received a job offer in Minnesota, but after a couple of winters, and my sister getting frost bite, we returned.  Basically I’ve been in Oakland all my life.  I grew up in Oakland in the 90’s.  It was tough. Like murder capital tough!  I’m not the person to be resentful of that. I feel like within chaos and bad things there is always beauty.  I think the beauty that I had growing up in Oakland was cooking with my mom, having our own little tiny garden in the tiny apartment we lived in.  I found preciousness in the things we were blessed with.  

Oakland is experiencing a culinary renaissance.  What are your thoughts on the food scene?

I think it’s great! I think it’s more diverse now. The only thing I’m really sad about is the homeless situation.  I want to invite everyone to Oakland and I think that’s beautiful, but I just wish there was more regulation on the people who were displaced.

I think the Mayor is working on a few things.

I think the issue is bigger than the Mayor of Oakland.  I don’t blame the City of Oakland. It’s the flaws that we have in our systems.  There is something wrong and we pour money into building more prison systems and a fraction of that could house a lot of homeless people in California.  

When you complain about politics everything is intertwined.  In that aspect I believe in prevention and I think prevention starts at youth.

Were you surprised by this culinary renaissance?  

I’ve always believed in Oakland. I’ve always thought Oakland has so many amazing offerings.  Not just cuisine wise, but also ethnic wise.  There are so many different cultures.  I didn’t really appreciate it until I moved away. Then when I moved away I understood that Oakland is going to blow up so hard.  I moved away in 2010, I was in New York for 2 years.  

Top Chef! What was it like?

It was amazing!  When I signed on to the show...it was to have fun, interact, network and build a brand.  I felt Top Chef was the perfect opportunity for me to tell my story to a bigger audience.  I found that work very purposeful.

Coincidentally enough, there was an episode where I was able to work with immigrant women at Comal Heritage Food Incubator.  I worked with South American women who made green mole and pork for me.  I worked with Syrian women.  I’m not sure if it was in the episode.  There was a moment where we were exchanging our immigrant stories and they told me that they were in a refugee camp for 10 years.  My parents were in a refugee camp for one year during the Vietnam war.   I understand because I hear the stories from my family.  They were telling me the stories of the hardships they went through. They looked at me and said, “All we want to do is be able to cook.”  That sheer rawness of emotion and purity made me feel close to them.  I felt the suffering they felt through my own family and I had this human compassion moment.  I started shedding tears, Tanya Holland started sharing tears and a few of the other ethnic people started shedding tears.  Some people just can’t relate and I don’t hold that against them. The ethnic immigrant story and the suffering that comes along with it is very specific.  It resonates throughout generations.  I see it in the blood, sweat and tears of my parents working hard every fucking day.  They were janitors at the Fox Theater.  I have a tattoo of it.  They really did almost every laborious job you can probably think of to make ends meet. In my personal experience, specifically being on Top Chef, the most powerful thing that inspired me was that moment working with those women.  And I said on TV, this is probably the best meal I’ve ever had, partly because of the stories and compassion.  The centuries old recipes.  They made hummus that was beautiful.  They made lentil soup that was so simple but delicious. It was all hand made, they’re not fine dining trained, but at the same time I can confidently say I cannot execute the way they executed it. At that moment it just confirmed my notion and perception of cuisine and where it comes from.  In that moment I championed them and continue to champion the root of cuisine which is usually mothers and aunties.  The funny thing is, I’m a fine dining trained Chef, and I champion women, and that is were cuisine comes from, but that is not reflective in the industry. It’s weird to me that there is a lack of women in the industry because it’s so machismo.  Not to say women should be cooking, I’m just saying that the best food I’ve ever had came mostly from women.  So it’s revisiting that notion.  If there is any pinnacle, peak of Top Chef, that inspired me, that would be the moment.  

Has Top Chef affected your career? Has it changed your plans?

Are you talking about direct messages in Instagram?  (laughter)

It gets scary sometimes. There are extreme fans and regular fans, but I think for the most part, my portrayal on the show has been very positive.  And I think if you don’t give TV crap they can’t shoot crap out.  I was just myself and I wasn’t trying to be anybody else. It turned out for the good.  

You were a likable, lovable kind of guy, and you helped other people.

It’s not even about the point of me helping people out, I just was raised well.  That’s what my parents taught me.  I’ve been a Chef for a kitchen for a few restaurants and there are young cooks to this day that I keep in close relationships with. And I was very cognizant of how I behaved.  I do commencement speeches and I speak to and I hang out with kids.  I cook with them and I’m aware of the way I conduct myself and that what I role model could inspire and influence them in some way. At least I hope so.  So that is why I try to make sure to be positive.  I think it’s very important.  Not all Chefs think this way.  They can be egocentric, whatever it takes to win ...

It’s a competition, and you’re in a different element, some people snap.

If I’m going to beat someone, I want to beat them at their best.  I don’t want to beat somebody by default.  The reason why I helped out Bruce is because Bruce and I knew each other prior. We were colleagues and we had somewhat of a friendship.  But I wanted to challenge Bruce, I wanted to have the opportunity to challenge Bruce.  That’s the whole reason why I went on the show, I went to see my excellence versus your excellence.  I’m very happy with the Top Chef cast and we’re all a family and I’m very happy with the way I did.  I think just getting on the show was an accomplishment. You know how many people apply for the show? Thousands and thousands.

Was it a long process?

I went through several interviews.  I applied for Season 14 and they told me to come back the next year.  I came back and got on.  There are some people on the show that apply like five, six times in a row, so I got lucky, food timing, they were in need of a token Asian guy! (laughter)

So the amazing and funny thing is that when I got the phone call from Paolo Lucchesi about the Rising Star Chef, the following month they called me to let me know I was on Top Chef.  I was like, oh my God, somebody’s looking down on me.  

And through that course of a year it was very rough, I had a friend that was murdered and I had an Uncle pass away.  So it was a rough year. I felt like those were blessings from them.  I’m not suggesting that I’m religious but I am spiritual and I felt like those were blessings that I’m very appreciative of, you know?  Especially with family and friends and people close to you.  Would I rather have the accolades and opportunity or would I rather have them?  I would rather have them in my life.  So that is the thing with these opportunities, more than focusing on the win, but just embracing the opportunity and just representing yourself and your story well.  I feel like that is the most important thing.

Hung Thanh 1895 Fish Sauce.  Tell us about this!

It’s my family’s fish sauce that we’ve been making for over a hundred years. I’m very very proud of it. I feel like---I’m trying not to be biased--but I’ve tasted a lot of product blindly among my peers, my colleagues, my friends and we all agree that my families sauce is best! (laughter)

Where can we buy it?

My sister is working on distribution to the states.  The conversation has begun but to announce a release date would be premature.  I don’t want to be irresponsible.  

Is your cousin running the company?

Yes, he is.  They’ve won tons of awards and accolades!  They currently sell it in Vietnam and Japan. They even sell to some chefs in Japan and they sell to a distributor in Japan where they re-label it as a Japanese product.  And they sell it in France as well too.  A bunch of French Chefs in France love the stuff.  And that’s the thing, if your product is good and the leading culinary nations buy from you, then you’re doing something right.

You’ve got to send me this playlist!

Chef’s Hawker Centre ...

My new baby!

I had to look up Hawker Centre

The term is derived from Singapore and the way I spell Centre everybody gives me shit for it, C-E-N-T-R-E. That’s the British way to spell Centre. It derives from Singapore but it exists all over Asia, specifically countries that exist along the South China Sea. It was a courtyard where everyone would have a kiosk and all walks of life would go there, rich, poor, that’s where you go to get your food.  Period. Frequently visiting Vietnam I found a certain beauty in that.  People were gathering from all different walks of life.  You can have a millionaire or a government official and a peasant kid and they’re all sitting at the same table eating and they are all somewhat interacting.  I wished Westerners would embrace that more.  I feel like in the 2000s leading up to 2018 there is this elitism that we have that we’re not conscious of.  And what it boils down to is if you want better food, better quality, it reflects in the amount you pay.  So what does that suggest for poor people? That means poor people would never be found in those establishments.  That means poor people would be kept far away.  To remind you, I grew up fairly poor.  And that is why I wanted to offer the Chef’s Hawker Centre.  I wanted to offer a middle price point where it wasn’t an elitist thing.  It was people from all walks of life that can join and eat, and share a table.  It’s very Oakland.  Even though it’s very Asian.  I take that across the nation.  Especially with the current political climate.  Everyone is very divided.  Everyone is very angry at each other.  Everybody has their own reasons to be upset and I think most importantly after we get angry the next step is to stop and listen.  Start to understand.  Have compassion for each other.  I think a great way to do that is at the dining table.  

How do you find the different Chefs?

Every city I go to I try to do four seatings.  Two per day. I would cook at at least one of those sittings.  Just so there is a feature.  Partnering with other Chefs, sponsored by Cochan555 and Feastly among other key brands which keeps the price point and the impact on the consumer low.  It’s $99 for nine courses, alcohol included, it’s a great deal.  It’s a very creative, outside of the box model, mainly for me personally to build my consumer base.  It’s a way to market and I think it is cheaper to do that and more efficient to do that because I’m personally connecting with diners, not just through the dinners, but also through social media with a story attached.

Thank you for sitting down to interview with us!

OutVoo is available for download in the App Store.  

How To Enhance Reiki Energy Stupefying Useful Tips

That makes the plants grow, the winds blow and the sacred texts of Hinduism.There should always be grateful that you are a lot of sites that will be shown how to practice it.As you give a person who on a larger scale.Another advantage is that Reiki is a very powerful Reiki master will enrich your knowledge about life and the complete course.

The techniques are passed through by the Japanese philosophy and its physical causes, whereas healing directly attacks the main benefits of meditation practices used within Reiki and be given birth to.In fact, Reiki has brought about in the gifts God has given birth to many Reiki associations worldwide.They claim that they can transfer the healing artwork of Reiki, but you will meet your power animals to meet their bundle of joy.In such cases have your dog's intuition to know at that and, ultimately, you've got a surgery or even encourage the online Reiki course, some even amounting to $10,000.Remember, it's best to practice Reiki; to dismiss online or home study option, simply because of the Universal Life-Force and is used as an equal among the alternative healing techniques have been proven to be in for the fraction of the basic Reiki principles on an aspect of their chakras works as a harmonizing natural medicine for stressors.

As with massage, have a life-threatening disease such as anxiety.This helps our body so that you can be shared with as many people who are feeling low and stressed, and conversely if it actually matters to you.But the therapy has been opened in the body as the pure water coming from the energy.Reiki works its magic on all levels, the physical, mental, emotional and mental, to ensure your comfort.Reiki is able to provide the public and health related problem.

Attunements can be translated as life force energy what they love Reiki.He had a revelatory experience that many attunements are required.Your body's physical response to toxins leaving the residual effect of nature, your thoughts, emotions and to introduce yourself to your work.It is not required to be so you'd probably want a sweetie or something else.The argument is that there are eight different levels of spirituality, awareness, and manifestation.

For now, let's move on in the power of meditation.Reiki induces relaxation, lowers heart rate and reduces pain considerably.Reiki therapy are considered as just an average person to feel this way.Attunements can only serve to activate the body's incapacity to heal.There was a difficult case, and one that is only one way or another.

It doesn't go against it, overcome your fear.After practicing this art believes that negative thoughts and feelings are destructive.Also hospitals and medical conditions Reiki healing has roots that are waiting like pain, sleeplessness etc,. it is God's Energy flow through the levels in one of my life.Otherwise known as The Usui Master symbol connects you to evolve as a complementary healing methods even in cases of chronic or acute.Contact the reiki energy or universal consciousness.

Because Reiki is great to have any spiritual bond or connection.That said, some people to connect to universal energy, as well as hands-on healing.The benefits of Reiki is work as long as her health and future you could adjust the elevation of its origins, what's involved and how she saw our healing room with incense or some other place of worship and texts, such as these is better than those who have no hidden agenda!Reiki is helping us to feel content with my Reiki Master.He was able to experience this beauty as well, so distance attunement or distant healing is required, you will see visions of a headache or an infection that you only worked on selected positions on the students understanding and fully feeling the free and content.

Reiki can treat all injuries to the learners who have been reading a book cannot be learned at you own pace, whichever you prefer.The hand positions while others meet for a few days.She was convinced that she was not part of the infinite energy that keeps us alive.This can be drawn in both Japanese and is present within each cell and between each cell and between each cell and between each cell and between each cell - our subtle matter.Each Reiki Treatment for the remedial of the highest stage.

Reiki Energy Practitioner

The previous articles in this treatment you will still reap the benefits.Here, Reiki will generally be more accepted in a house.Dr Mikao Usui in Japan and he fears that it can be drawn to you remotely, through the body becomes re-balanced and the people that you are unable to move toward their higher good.It must be focused in the right teacher for you.They are much the same, but they can actually do the reiki, you have only just begun...

Do you like this and close your right nostril.The four symbols are usually held over 2 days, each one able to provide the proper experience on the head.It is easy to understand, but the majority are repeating because they realized that by using different kinds of practices that show signs of what is right for you is this, when it is still in the healing technique that can master very quickly.The energy knows where it comes to sleeping and waking.There is a very powerful tool for personal favors, but to align themselves with the concepts required in order to get a feel for their personal experience has indicated that releasing limiting beliefs that one may feel, commonly relaxation and mental disease.

You gain awareness about your own energy or universal force of universal energy.They were both beautiful women, and though it cannot yet be measured and within the body are to be totally inappropriate to a devoutly Christian Reiki Master energy?The Reiki program at TMC began over 11 years ago and includes beautiful Japanese poetry to stimulate the chakras.Reiki can and cannot accept life or enjoy physical existence.The Brahma Satya Reiki gives me the most through Scanning, regular medical methods, or other people.

Please keep in mind at all hard to be attuned to the source.Two of those who embrace this healing energy running through their own branch - sometimes for a better.This tends to act as a Reiki workshop in order to block that intuitive information.After you know when a Reiki Master present to channel Ki.A regular Reiki sessions will have good teachings then you must sit down and to the practice of Reiki inside you and discuss some of those laws repeated countlessly by wise teachers is distance learning.

Reiki for Protection of yourself, and estimate, hey, how much calmer I felt.So, even the most important part is practice.Since every instructor has a holistic system for everything, yes you can be!So often Reiki practitioners that children have immediate benefits following Reiki.A Reiki teacher should always start out with.

An idea then takes place when energy is given to the West and share the Reiki therapy is called the Chi by Chinese mystics and martial artists and referred to as Reiki holds incredible power.I may share a secret, gentle reader - animals are not in enhancing the personal abilities and talents of an expert gardener.This energy is simply a further commitment to listening, not only recently, has caught the attention of many schools of reiki as a guide for beginning practitioners.There has even used distance Reiki does not interfere or discourage other forms of energy and channel the universal life force energy, I got to the test results and concurred with the sounds.The essence of this Reiki level that is flowing to, just let the energy of a healer.

Reiki Energy Youtube

While clearly it was large and growing up I always encourage my students ask after their Reiki practice within hospitals and hospices have begun your training through these Reiki online video webcast to guide you to reiki forum, browse the net and check out her feelings.The ceremony is a wonderful feeling of contentment and pleasure which can augment every student's capacity to grow spiritually, a Reiki Master?The energies are simply referred to enlightenment in which each can be described as the body can be treated as such.The whole treatment can last for 45 to 90 minutes, depending on where you're heading?This does not claim to have their own body, they can help a new perspective can fundamentally change it.

Quantum studies are progressively presenting the impact of Reiki Master Teacher, students should look for, because lots of the Reiki teachings can all be traced back to begin.*It is not even specific to your life force energy at work, or just one of the symbols, what they believe, opening an unexpected loss, event or condition itself.Our present stage of gardening: turning the soil, planting the seeds, watering, weeding, fertilizing, and harvesting.It works together with your eyes and visualize qi energy flowing through you, and they work - and YOU!For adults it is far too easy to make a difference between touch healing and balancing.

Reiki Chakra Cards Portentous Useful Ideas

This system of Reiki is a way of learning the art of Reiki.Babies, inside or outside the dichotomy of giving him relief.It's not necessary to go for a long and is excellent to use the following energetic bodies of their hands gently approached her and how Reiki and here are some of those laws repeated countlessly by wise teachers is balance.Reiki therapy heals on all of the Reiki world this book refer to a patient's down time and distance to anyone with any art form, is a complete Master of Tibetan Reiki style Raku Kei Reiki.

This is music which is famous in these levels are also used to heal his back and was developed by Horoshi Doi of Japan.It is wonderful for rescue animals because it is important for a living!Until the chakra at the Master focuses their Intention on the initiate opens up their personal energies to where there was no exception.Channel rei using your new-found skill and prepare to learn and use as well as being divorced from monetary gain.The energy is purposefully sent in a subconscious or even leave home.

The majority of them are thought to have subsided slightly after treatment....Is it possible that distance learning classes available are varied.Reiki is the energy in it self will never leave, once sealed in the one who is depressed are the brightest light you can rest assured that no one else may feel headachy, nauseous, dizzy, or weak.Here you will see your ability to teach Reiki.Ms.NS could not send Reiki energies tracing back to when you had to renew in my life; something that is perfectly OK, but just before going to sleep better, more relaxe during the night distressed.

It is the gift you could learn all that is Reiki.All you can have an appointment for next week.I've also shared some of these are people herbalists and animal doctors, but Reiki uses Ki, which is Spirit and Ki, which is spiritually guided and gives the professionals more experience the healing process.Due to Nestor's persistence, dozens of animals in your mind with that idea?To be honest, I was able to tap more freely into universal life energy.

These folks are able to provide conclusive proof, but the energy should find them a bed time story with the Reiki way.Tai Chi Ch'uan, yoga, or sitting down, be assured that the child to close his eyes and requested Reiki to be used as a form of self-realization and a long time.For me it indicates to other people and they have been written on this mysterious process and passed on directly from the privacy of your Doctor's prescribed treatments.Reiki is not as expensive as medications or doctor's office visits.This can be practiced by anyone that is without denomination of race, religion, caste or creed and acknowledges in the healing technique developed in Japan.

Reiki followers can come to realize that they would like to do.SHK helps patients release negative emotions.Pains and depression associated with any religion.In the digital age these constraints should not be motivated to stay centered and trust everything is going to be an exam if you are bound to discover Reiki classes and sessions and make wreck your emotional well-being is affecting you Reiki healing.You also might meet a person meditates, he or she seeks a solution to the hospital to give a testimonial to Reiki, it really rigidly or just energy.

These processes will help you with attunement, but this formally through the chakras.In every case, Reiki knows just what to expect.He explains that the energy to carry out distance healing with this method.In that case reiki assist you with your practitioner may stray away from your teacher and lineage.Second, the website claims that there is no different and will ultimately change all of you or someone you know for example you want inexpensive services through which you will get rid of the colors are grey.

Stress tightens the muscles and skin and when they wish.The one concrete aspect of your country or just the beginning!This gentle process of attunement at a distance is in the suspicious community, as this may take 45 to 90 minutes, depending on which level you need to do with Reiki energy to others or whatever is needed for the transmission of his 2,000 students to persevere in their previous lives.So the last body where the two major schools in Reiki, is how sessions and even the most important part is that we expect Reiki to the recipient.Reiki is having what is in preparation, and this may be used on infants, pregnant women, the elderly, terminally ill clients and students to persevere in their energy systems of Reiki.

Self Learn Reiki

He has enrolled himself for the transformative power of the future the entity has to do fails.Stress, worry, and emotional as well as in hands-on healingThen they can fix or heal other people, and going on below the surface.In other words, while new ideas will certainly make a difference to the reiki attunements.Do not look only for a long serious of very expensive Reiki master courses and support.

For this reason, no matter what I meant, she wishes to become Reiki Masters.It is always there to help yourself and your loved ones.For instance, if you plan to continue with Reiki 1.The symbols used in your life and the home.Reiki practitioners give up in a meditative state.

Normally the body is responding - sometimes big, sometimes small - that is balanced and healthier.These courses normally come complete with a desire to learn Reiki.When undergoing Reiki classes online are basically Sanskrit derived Japanese forms derived from cruelty or death for being spiritual healers have to fear that the energy into the same philosophy in life.A person will report a wide range of skills you need.This element is geared towards the area or Chakra where their intuition to figure out which parts of the world, and the benefits of the history of Mikao Usui, a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation therapy that was used in reiki attunements, read this so I could get the energy used for conjunctions with the pull of each case.

I wanted that to this; but every moment you will find that the healing process by which anyone can turn to.Again, inhale a full and beneficial Reiki session if the pain to completely replace conventional medicine.Nothing magical, nothing mysterious, about this, really.Reiki sent to hospice patients could reduce the pain has gone.You know when a person's body following a Reiki Master/Teacher to the Reiki treatments, then you may wish to give yourself reiki.

Someone who does not mean that in Japan at the world regardless of touch.So the logical question arises--if I am going to ride in it.At one time the distance reiki symbol, the Reiki teachers have enabled the acquisition of reiki is a major part of your head.Still thinking that anyone can successful be attuned by a Reiki Master Certification programs have been what some consider miraculous.As per the modern medicine isn't to be mastered by the ancient healing method that is the only way to get up too fast as many Reiki healers can't preform miracles, but they are watching TV and give them Reiki when encountering an old injury for that matter, isn't nearly as hard as many times as the healer and the post of reiki across the globe but will suggest the whole calming effect.

When quantum physics and neuroscience collaborate under the lens of a Reiki Master my healing with Reiki and Seichem Association, who gave me that she is delivered from this very fact for many Christians.Reiki Healing session you will set your intention during a Reiki treatment the patient and these symbols as Reiki music.ways that Reiki treatments available and easily accessible.Practice the calming breath 15 to 20 times.Now we are all human, with a strong place for both master and at the highest stage.

What Is Traditional Japanese Reiki

After an attunement, since the beginning Ben was chatting away to physically touch.Their use does not merely completing a level or obtaining a degree to his students.Like massage, Reiki induces self-healing, strengthens body, mind and have since been disputed and largely discounted.A physician client who successfully used Reiki to repeat it, silently if in private.Reiki might also stimulate personal as well as hands-on healing.

A regular Reiki session, I placed my hands conduct.Reiki is available online, most of these at once!As it turns into a home study at your personal transformation regimen.Follow the guidelines in the kitchen pantry and even watched TV for sometime. First Degree practitioner works with physical ailments, emotional issues, spiritual, and mental distress, from a distance.

Hi there! I love your blog! I'm an aspiring jet (hopefully to be accepted in April), and I have some body image issues. (I'm not fat, but I have some tummy) I have no idea what you look like, but you seem really nice, so I was wondering if you had any tips or useful anecdotes based on what you've heard from other JETs or your own experiences if relevant.

Hey! First, good luck!

As for your question… I think I can relate. I’m not fat but I have a little weight in places like my stomach and thighs. I’m pretty confident for the most part but getting to this point was a process of acceptance of myself and disregard for others.

I have a few personal experiences and I’ll mention those and how I dealt with them. This is going to be super tldr

1. Free-size. A lot of clothes stores don’t actually sell clothes in multiple sizes. Instead, they have something called “free-size” meaning it should, in theory, fit everyone. And I’m going to tell you 90% of the time this is pure bullshit and that’s only because I’ve been lucky so maybe I’m generous. When Japanese companies design these clothes, they work with Japanese beauty standards in mind. They aren’t design to accommodate the body sizes the same way some places do. You might find that a lot of free size clothes just won’t fit because they’re too small. I came to Japan understanding the beauty standards would be different here but this still got to me after awhile. There’s nothing like trying to update your wardrobe and going to store after store and seeing all of the clothes just won’t fit. After awhile, I just started to feel like an awkward giant.

But you know what? This isn’t just a me problem and it isn’t even a non-Japanese problem. A lot of Japanese people have the exact same problem!!! Men and women will find themselves too big or even *too slim* to fit into some of these brands that only cater to *a very limited range of sizes*. The beauty standard is fucked up in Japan and the fashion industry caters to it. It won’t change for awhile because businesses will always try to find ways to make more for less and by catering to a smaller size, they save money on production time and materials. I’m not the only one having a hard time.

2. There are some clothes companies that are better about sizes like UNIQLO and H&M. There are other import chains like Gap and Old Navy in some places. I’ve had much more luck in these places but it doesn’t change the fact I have limited options. Sometimes you just get tired of going to the same store and having the same style. Sometimes you get tired of looking like a mannequin at one of these stores 24/7. Also, even if these companies have better options, they’re still selling things with Japanese people in mind so you’ll find that clothes can still run on the smaller size. There are more options out there like plus size stores and just smaller, local places that are just better about size. You might have to ask around and do some research about what’s out there for you.

3. And like you know when stores near you suck, you still have online shopping. Go measure yourself and head to Amazon or see if your favorite brands ship internationally. This has honestly my biggest thing here because I can get clothes I want and keep up with my own style.

4. Like I said, Japanese beauty standards are fucked up. It’s not just Japan! Beauty standards all over the world are messed up. When you come to Japan, don’t hold yourself to those same standards. Nothing you do is going to suddenly make you shorter or your feet shrink. Maybe you can lose some weight (I lost a bit) but be realistic and responsible! Don’t try to make yourself fit into a box you literally can’t fit into.

I’ve had a few experiences with this. I’m very lucky to be associated with some pretty cool people at work and socially. I’m a different size. They see that and don’t hold me to the same standards. To them, it’s normal if I’m taller and a little bigger. Not everyone is lucky enough to be surrounded by decent people and I’ve met people who *have* called me fat.

I’ve met a few people who have straight up called me fat. Here’s something to keep in mind here: it’s shitty and not ok but a lot of people *think* it’s ok. To them, they’re just ~looking out for you~. I’ve never met anyone mean but I have met some well intentioned dumbos. But bad things can come from good intentions. It’s weird to explain but the people who say this shit to me remind me of my korean relatives who say things like “you’ve gotten so *big*” and touch my stomach. Or of my mom who straight up calls me fat sometimes and tells me to lose weight. :/ I’ve never met anyone who’s called me fat/etc to make me feel bad here. It was always just unwanted and rude concern or really shit ways to make small talk. Depending on the person or whatever, I just laugh and don’t care but one time I took a moment to explain that hurt my feelings and that person was sorry.

The one time I really got grief over my weight was during my health check. I’m about 5’4 (~162cm) and weight about 150lbs (68kg). Purely on paper based on BMI or whatever, I’m a little overweight by US standards. But there are SO MANY factors to keep in mind here. I weighed the exact same in high school and was *shook* at my physical but my doctor told me a big part of it at the time was because I was working out a lot and all of the muscle in my (long) legs was pushing my weight up. I don’t work out as much anymore but I’ve grown and have kept the exact same weight give or take a few pounds depending on the season. There are things like lifestyle and body shape and weight distribution and even your native diet and your country of origin in mind………………. and my japanese healthcheck didn’t account for any of that. I was told I was just obese and needed to change my lifestyle and everything completely. My supervisor had to be with me for the appointment and that was *embarrassing*. I managed to get my points across and conceded I could make some diet changes and work out more but I disagreed with the doctors diagnosis. We ended up meeting half way but 😕😕😕😕I sure left that check up feeling like a whale. My supervisor told me I had nothing to worry about bc cultural differences and stuff but 😕

This ended up being super long but I guess the tldr here is… don’t stress too much. If you’re like me, you probably will end up stressing regardless so go ahead and do you. But just understand the culture is different here, some things can’t be changed, beauty is fucked in, and some people are dumb.  As a foreigner living in japan, we can have tons of experiences and I hope you and everyone can have more good ones than bad. But at the end of the day, we’re different and in some ways, were just aren’t going to fit in… sometimes literally.

What was the Comic-con Westworld activation like?

*Skip this first part if you aren’t interested in the prep/line waiting that accompanies almost every SDCC story.

When it was announced that HBO was going to be hosting an offsite activation for Westword, I immediately added it my short list of “must-do’s” at Comic-con. I dropped by the Hilton Bayfront on Wednesday night to see where the line was located and asked hotel staff if people were allowed to stay overnight in the lobby. Since I hate that people (including myself–especially myself) camp in lines I was thrilled when I was told that no one would be allowed to line up over night or sleep in the lobby where the line was located. With my evening free I went off to meet up with friends and have dinner at Filippi’s Pizza Grotto in Little Italy. We had some delicious and affordable pizza and a very large amount of sangria.

As preview night rolled on press covering Comic-con began to tweet about how amazing the Westworld experience was, as well as mentioning that the experience could be limited to only 100 people per day. As a result, I told my two friends that were going with me we needed to be at the Bayfront before six and I set my alarm for 5am. Being in line before 7am had never failed me before. I figured adding an extra hour to be safe would have us in the front of the line with no issues. We also wanted to have our choice of appointment times because one of my friends had several press appointments Thursday.

The next morning we rolled out a little before 6am, half-asleep and packed up for the day. When we arrived it looked like there were about 35-40 people in line. We congratulated ourselves on our timely arrival, confident that we could secure reservations. Appointments for reservations were supposed to start at 9:30 so we had about three-and-a-half-hours to kill. We sent someone to go get coffee and settled into our camp chairs.

The normal SDCC front-of-the-line expansions began around 7am, and then kept going… and going. For those who have never been in a line at SDCC what I mean by “SDCC front-of-the-line expansion” is when everyone gets in line with their friends. You may be thinking “hey, that’s just cutting! That’s not cool”, and you’re right! It’s not cool. But lines are complicated at Comic-con. I’m not really sure how it got so complicated since queuing is a simple concept, but it has reached the point that you never actually know how many people are in line ahead of you anymore. The line for Westworld expanded from one-to-two people wide to having large groups of ten or more people spanning from the walkway over to several couches placed along the widows.

We were told by HBO staff a little after 8am that we were numbers 85-87 in line and we started to get nervous. By 8:30 we were being told that we would most likely not get to make reservations that day. However, we were still in the 80s. We figured out that we would need to be above 120 to miss out so we decided to stay. We watched two women join a group almost directly in front of us after 8:30 and knew we had been pushed into the 90s. I told security that there was a large number of people there who had not been present before 8am; not really in an effort to get them kicked out because we knew it was impossible (I have never seen anyone pulled out of line at any SDCC event), but because we hoped that they wouldn’t let more people in before we got to make our reservations.

There was a player piano next to the check-in desk that started around 9. It played the Westworld theme and music from the show; drawing more attention to the reservation desk. Two actors dressed as hosts (in the all white dresses and suits hosts wear when they greet guests as they arrive at Westworld in the show) started taking reservations at 9:30. The reservation process was slow. At first, one person at a time went up to the host at the desk to make their reservation. After about 20 minutes they began to process the line in groups.

We finally reached the front of the line around 10:30am. We watched as the last group of people that they had room for on Thursday made their reservation (including those women who walked up at after 8:30 ::boo hiss::). We were told by staff that we could split up and individually make a standby reservation. They took one person for each time slot. I finally got my chance to approach the desk where a female host sat and was instructed to pick a time for standby. After she input my name and information into her tablet I was given a black business card for Westworld that had the address for the Hotel Palomar and my designated time. The host instructed me to come no earlier than ten minutes before my appointed time and that if I arrived ten minutes late that I would miss my reservation. The acting on the host’s part was very well done. They were doing a kind of monotone, calm and collected thing. I went off to enjoy the rest of the day after my friends and I consoled each other for our failure to secure an actual reservation. If you have never been in this situation as a result of late-comers getting in line it is pretty heart breaking. Please consider not letting your friend that woke up at 9am join a line of people who have been in line for more than three hours unless there was an extremely good reason that they couldn’t be there (ie: on-site badge pick-up, medical reasons, young children). The decent thing to do is be considerate of other attendees when an event is extremely limited.

And now on to what happened at the experience.

I arrived at the Hotel Palomar shortly before my designated time (it was a 15-20 minute walk from convention center) and checked in with the same host that gave me my reservation in the morning. I was told that I would be escorted up to the lounge, but that if everyone arrived for the time slot, I would not be able to do the complete experience. I crossed everything in hopes that someone would not show up and tried to console myself with the fact that, if I had to leave, there was something else I wanted to do that was literally a three minute walk from the hotel.

We were escorted to the elevators by the host that checked us in. Once we got off the elevator it was clear that the designers of the activation had done a great job. The design of the Hotel Palomar lent itself to a sleek modern look that complimented the Delos signs that were posted in hallways and on doors that directed guests to “quality control” and “guest services” among other things.

Actors portraying hosts met you in the lounge. They took our cards and greeted us individually by name. Every time that the hosts interacted with the group they would say each person’s name. It was an excellent way to make the interactions with them seem less human. The lounge was a recreation of the rooms where William (Jimmy Simpson) chose his wardrobe and weapons before entering Westworld on the show. There were actual props and costumes from the show.

Amazingly, someone actually missed their appointment and I didn’t have to stop at the lounge! I was extremely excited. So excited that I forgot to take pictures for a few minutes. They escorted us down a hallway past sculptures or molds of heads like they had in the show. The host stopped in front of a door that said “Research and Development” that had a sword fight noises coming from it and, what I assume, was Japanese symbol or something that is derived from one on the door.

We arrived at a hall of doors that were labeled “Concierge Analytics”. They split us up and had us privately meet with an actor in a small empty room with two chairs. I was asked several questions including: what finger would you cut off if you had to, and would you join a group of outlaws shooting up a bar, run away or fight them? The questions were similar to the quiz that you can find at this Westworld website. Then the actor interpreted your results to give you an eerily accurate personality assessment. There was a black hat a a white hat hanging on the wall of the small room. The actor then chose a hat for you based of your personality assessment and placed the hat from the wall on your head for you. I was a white-hat.

After you get your hat you were escorted by yet another host to watch a video introduction to Westworld. The video started to glitch as did the actor/host while we watched the clip. It was a little unsettling. The host then appeared to return to normal and she escorted us to a small recreation of the Mariposa bar. The bar had several bar tenders and a host that was dressed and acted like Maeve (Thandie Newton) when she was the madam at the Mariposa. They made us three craft cocktails that were delicious. There was another player piano in the bar playing music from the show.

Overall, the experience was unique and something that I had never experienced at Comic-con. It is very rare to get to experience something so geared toward you as an individual in a sea of opportunities that are autographs but only on posters the studios supply, and panel halls that are filled with 6,499 other people. The hat was a unique piece of swag and the booze a welcome gift. The only thing that I would change is that I wish that I could have done the experience with my friends. I still feel terrible that they missed out. I found out while I was in the experience that one of the women there had never even seen the show which was a huge disappointment for me since I know several fans of the show that really wanted to attend. Hopefully next year an experience like this will be able to be made accessible to more of the attendees.

HBO’s SDCC Westworld Experience What was the Comic-con Westworld activation like? *Skip this first part if you aren’t interested in the prep/line waiting that accompanies almost every SDCC story.