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firstcurse-moved · 1 year

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Don’t perceive this post its going to be so rambley and unfocused, literally all over the place because it doesn’t have a point its just me talking shit, but I have a couple of thoughts I wanted to put out there. Basically I’m giving Henry a birthday and instead of being a normal person and just saying the the date and fucking off I’m gonna be a crazy person make it too deep. I decided he’s sharing the same month as Will (March) and I’m pretty sure I’m going to go with the date of the 8th because it is parallel to Will’s birthday of the 22nd. (I know the D*ffer brother’s seem to be planning to change this bc they forgot but idc) It also makes Henry a Pisces which is very sexy to me as both a fellow Pisces and someone who loves filling shit with meta and symbolization because I’m insane like that.

Pisces, a water sign, is the last constellation of the zodiac. It's symbolized by two fish swimming in opposite directions, representing the constant division of Pisces's attention between fantasy and reality. As the final sign, Pisces has absorbed every lesson — the joys and the pains, the hopes and the fears — learned by all of the other signs. This makes these fish the most psychic, empathetic, and compassionate creatures of the astrological wheel. With such immense sensitivity, Pisces can easily become swallowed by emotions and must remember to stay grounded in the material realm. Pisces is ruled by Neptune, the celestial body that governs creativity and dreams, and these ethereal fish adore exploring their boundless imaginations. In its more nefarious form, however, Neptune also oversees illusion and escapism. Neptunian energy is like the energy of the ocean: magical, mysterious, and often scary. When the fog is thick on the water, the horizon is obstructed and there is no differentiation between the sea and the sky. A mutable sign, Pisces effortlessly adapts to their surroundings. These visionary fish have unparalleled access to the collective unconscious through their clairvoyance and make incredible artists and creatives.

In my big fat opinion this all fits who I perceive Henry to have been as a human. and it also works as a very tasty dark mirror of what Henry becomes as Vecna. I’ve always hated the popular depiction of Pieces as people tend to only focus on the preposed sensitive, shy, artistic traits, no one ever focuses on the terrifying depth of a Pisces or the devastation that can be done by having both the most expansive imagination and the most refined ability to perceive and understand other people’s emotions or insecurities. Like I really gotta be out here doing everything myself.

There is a frightening duality of the Pisces and the two fish swimming in opposite directions can also draw parallels to the yin and yang. The Pisces being represented by water is suited in the amount of forms water can take. Most people view water as gentle and healing. However, water can be as fiercely destructive as any other element. The form of a clear stream, an inviting lake, a refreshing shower and gentle waves can easily become a raging river, a dark ocean, a violent storm and a devastating tsunami. We’ve seen this very duality from Henry, and Vecna is his shadow self; the darkest most monstrous version of him. in physical form.

Henry’s status as the first test subject, the oldest and the most powerful also fit well with the Pieces being the last and most mature of the zodiac on different ends of a spectrum, with Henry also being the first and oldest test subject, representing the beginning and end. I’m sure I don’t have to go into all the spicy symbolism of Pisces being alternative dimensions and being a traveler and a link to said dimensions because I think thats damn obvious. Same to be said the representation of dreams and illusions.

I also think its very funny that Venca / Henry had an early design phase where he was heavily based on fish and water. I’ve personally always had the water relations in my portrayal because thats just how he’s hittin me but this further links some things together really nicely.

Lastly the dual fish are often considered to be a symbol to a Pisces soul considered to be in two pieces. We can again draw this back to the yin-yang aesthetic but I’m intending it entirely to represent how Henry is clearly an inverted parallel to Will and how they are “linked.” To me I also draw from the aesthetic of silent hill and Alessa and Cheryl, again with Alessa being the dark mirror of Cheryl and the two being soul-connected. Alessa the dark half and Cheryl the light half.

With Henry and Will I see this linking of “souls” to have taken place through the mind-flayer, who previously to infecting Will had merged with Henry. Since Will’s abduction and apparent “resurrection” he’s shown some type of psychic ability, which seems to have come from whatever “”part”” of Henry was in the mind-flayer and invaded Will creating this weird connection they have. ( We also literally saw human Henry was VERY similar to Will particularly in terms of being sensitive, artistic “loners.” )

Metaphorically, the mind-flayer’s dark influence is suppose to represent hatred, abuse and pain, rejection, isolation and essentially a caution about the perils of someone experiencing trauma without a support network, allowing negative emotions and suffering to corrupt someone’s soul which is very symbolic to Henry, while Will parallels and inverts this as someone who is also a societal outcast and a minority, etc, but unlike Henry he had a support group, this didn’t let the darkness win or rather he wasn’t driven toward it and was instead pulled away from it.

Side note: If the mind-flayer is sentient and I believe it is to an extent, yes, I view it as something that “preyed” on Henry due to being an outcast and yes, it is using him but at this point he’s using it just as much. Their relationship is both parasitic and symbiotic, which seems to be a contradiction but we’re dealing with over-powered psychics, alternative hellish dimensions and eldritch entities here, so far its working out for them but I def wouldn’t say all of this has been most beneficial to Henry. I mean ... look at him.

Anyway, Henry and Will also share the aesthetic of wizardry and ‘returning from death’; Will as the “Zombie boy “ and his Dnd character being a Cleric and Henry as “Vecna” the all-powerful god-lich.

I’ve spoke about Henry’s parallels to DnD’s Vecna before as well as mentioned the likeness of the mind-flayer to both the “elder brain” of the Dnd mind-flayers and the “Serpent” associated to DnD Vecna, but to paste from Dnd beyond in regard to the Cleric:

Clerics are intermediaries between the mortal world and the distant planes of the gods. As varied as the gods they serve, clerics strive to embody the handiwork of their deities. No ordinary priest, a cleric is imbued with divine magic. Divine magic, as the name suggests, is the power of the gods, flowing from them into the world. Clerics are conduits for that power, manifesting it as miraculous effects. The gods don’t grant this power to everyone who seeks it, but only to those chosen to fulfill a high calling. Harnessing divine magic doesn’t rely on study or training. A cleric might learn formulaic prayers and ancient rites, but the ability to cast cleric spells relies on devotion and an intuitive sense of a deity’s wishes. Clerics combine the helpful magic of healing and inspiring their allies with spells that harm and hinder foes. They can provoke awe and dread, lay curses of plague or poison, and even call down flames from heaven to consume their enemies. For those evildoers who will benefit most from a mace to the head, clerics depend on their combat training to let them wade into melee with the power of the gods on their side.

This kinda fits everything about Will and Henry having a soul-link connection through some “divine” other-wordily force. Henry is linked to the mind-flayer entity and so is Will, so Will is also linked to Henry, meaning the three of them are joined in weird psychic soul-bond horror.

Also If Will’s birthday remains the 22nd (and it should!) he is an Aries, the “first” sign of the zodiac which adds further parallels to and is repeatedly symbolic to the “beginning” and “end” (Will being the beginning, everything “starting” with his abduction and Henry being the “end,” introduced last in the recent season and will be what the series ends with, as well as with the last season ending around Will just as the first season began around Will.) Aries is also a fire sign, opposite of Pisces as a water sign. Will is heavily related to fire. Finally, I think its about time the water-element gets to be the mean, “evil” one and the fire-element gets to be the nice, “good” one bc the inverse of that is beat to hell as a trope, evil water-people represent.

Some people might argued that Henry/Vecna/the MF is represented by fire as well but nah bruh, fire, light, heat, they all harm the MF, Henry was set alight with Molotov's for a reason, the MF and by extension Henry are dark, shadowy and MOIST and thats a fact, source: the damp squelching sound effects and the need the ST make up crew had to be constantly redosing Jamie in lube as Vecna.

Basically Henry (As Vecna) is a perilous bog, a shadow, cold and dark while Will is the light and warmth, a torch and a cleansing flame. Henry/Vecna is the curse and Will is the cure.

#⊰ ° ‧: 🕸️ * ● 𝐈 ° ━◞ Out Of Character ⊱#⊰ ° ‧: 🕸️ * ● 𝐈 ° ━◞ Headcanons ⊱#headcanons

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theoreticslut · 3 years

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✨ FACE REVEAL ✨

I had a few people vote for a face reveal during my End of the Year Party plus I decided that I just really wanted to do one...so here it is!! Kind of a New Year gift, kind of not. I hope I sort of look how you guys pictured me, if not sorry? I guess, I don’t know 😅💗 I hope you’re all having a great New Year’s Day (or New Year’s Eve still)! Love you guys Xx

Also, if you wanna keep reading below the line I’ve decided to give you all a little ‘About me’ too! 💗

✨ ABOUT ME ✨

- 19 at the moment! My birthday is coming up in March though so we’re almost 20!! Very excited (not really, being an “adult” is hard)

- Aries baby!! Definitely feels like it fits me well so take that as you will 😂

- INFP-T personality; basically I’m optimistic & always looking for opportunities, as well as always putting others before myself & trying to get along with everyone. I’m also really hard on myself though! If you want, you can read more here

- HUFFLEPUFF 💛

- college student studying psychology even though I started with absolutely no idea what I wanted to do (still don’t in all actuality but I’m really liking psychology so there we are)

- absolutely love my friends and I just hope they all know how much I love them bc I’m really bad at keeping up conversation at times

- I’ve written fanfiction since I was about 11 but i’ve had a LONG hiatus in there

- I actually started out writing 1D fanfics and then moved into 5SOS fanfics, and obviously I’m now at HP 💗💗

- I have always ALWAYS wanted to write a full novel though!! My dream job used to be author, which I still think would be AMAZING, but I just don’t really see it happening

- I’ve actually got a lot of things I like to do, I just never have the time to actually do them...

-> such as: photography, art (drawing, painting, & sculpting), yoga, travel, makeup, swimming, & volleyball

- Similarly, I have a lot of shows/books/music I like that I enjoy sporadically

-> tv shows/movies like: Lucifer, Criminal Minds, Supernatural, Julie and the Phantoms, The Umbrella Academy, Jane the Virgin, Avatar: The Last Airbender, The Legend of Korra, Black Butler, My Hero Acdema, Black Clover, To All The Boys I Loved Before, Harry Potter (obviously), Marvel (all of it), Clueless, 10 Things I hate About You (my literally all time favourite!!) etc etc.

-> Books/Authors like: Harry Potter (obviously), Vampire Academy, Heroes of Olympus, The Lunar Chronicals, the Touch series (I think is what it’s called??), Sarah Dessen, Laurie Halse Anderson, John Green, various poets, etc etc.

-> musical artists like: One Direction (I honestly miss them but their solo music is really good too!!), Five Seconds of Summer, Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, Falling in Reverse, Dodie, All Time Low, Green Day, Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift, Alec Benjamin, Anarbor, Blink-182, Chase Atlantic, The Wallows, Conan Gray, Deco, Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Jesse McCartney, Lauv, etc etc.

- I’m a ray of sunshine and love “preppy/girly” things like scrunchies, bright/pastel colours, dainty jewelry, etc but at the same time I feel like I’m into the the darker aesthetics for personality like with some of the music I like to listen to, the clothes/colours I wear most often, and some of the jewelry I like so idk

- I am DYING to get more piercings and get some tattoos!! I only have my ears (lower lobes) pierced but I’d like a few more in my ears, I’d love to get my nose & my belly button done. I’ve always wanted tattoos since I was six I stg. I just ADORE the look of the them and honestly have like five different ones planned out already. I was supposed to get one done for my 18th birthday, but it’s yet to happen :(

- Honestly, I’m just a huge dork who wants to make everyone happy because I know what it’s like to be unhappy & no one should feel that way.

I can’t really think of anything else to put at the moment, but if there’s anything else you’d like to know or if you want to talk to me about anything I’ve mentioned go ahead and send me an ask/message!!

I love you guys and hope you’re all having a great New Year’s!! Xx

#face reveal #this is me #about me #this was kinda really nervewracking #pls be kind #imma softie #& i'll probably cry if you're rude #or i'll just become a bitch and I really don't like that #get to know me #get to know the person behind the blog #hp fanfic writer

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florvinhara · 3 years

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my detectives (part 1)

kjahfjhsj i can have a little infodumping... as a treat... anyway this was originally gonna be 1 post but then i got carried away so part 1 in the series of me ranting abt my detectives!

Kira Isabella Song

Romances N, F, or M

Age: 25 at the start of book 1, currently 26

Birthday: February 7

Star sign: Aquarius sun, Taurus moon, Scorpio rising

Height: 5’7”

Hair: Short, ash blonde, a little longer than chin length

Eyes: dark brown

Race/ethnicity: Korean-American

Other appearance details: Several beauty marks on face and body. a few subtle scars on face/legs from falling out of trees, etc. fingers are callused from band practice and left hand fingers are a little crooked from being broken.

Languages: English, Spanish, a few basic phrases in some other languages

Stats:

Charming/Intimidating

Impulsive/Cautious

Sarcastic/Genuine

Friendly/Stoic

Easygoing/Stubborn

Heart/Mind (equal)

Optimist/Pessimist

Team player/Independent

Primary skills: Science & combat

Strengths: Trustworthy, strong, courageous, calm under pressure, compassionate, thorough, clever, good intuition, self-sufficient, sure of herself

Weaknesses: Petty, caustic, distrustful, secretive, lackadaisical, insubordinate, emotionally unintelligent, can be disdainful, uncommunicative, contrary

Personal:

overall body language is casual and unbothered, lowkey her posture is kind of yikes RIP but she has a very fluid way of moving

her voice is smooth and somewhat low in pitch, very even in tone

Loud and/or jumbled sounds sometimes overwhelm her; she usually has noise cancelling headphones with her just in case

Rebellious as a teenager; she started skipping school and getting into fights, did some graffiti and one time she stole a street sign that she may or may not still have

When she wasn’t breaking rules, etc. she was taking boxing lessons, chilling in the library, going on runs, or playing bass guitar in her band

Wanted to get out of Wayhaven as soon as possible after college but was arrested after she came back because she was selling fake IDs and stole a car; absolutely did not want to be law enforcement but Rebecca and the captain essentially made her

The deal was that she would work at the station for 5 years and if she did well/stayed out of trouble she could then quit- she's 3 years into it

deep down if she wasnt a detective she would want to be a paramedic

She shares a lot of mannerisms with Rebecca and they’re way more similar than she’d like to admit

Birds FREAK her out seriously; she’ll deny that she’s afraid of them but she’ll cross the street to get away from them, also hates crowded places and deep water

Scary resting face and has a habit of just... eerily staring at people who are bothering her until they get spooked, but she's not actually that angry or grouchy, she's really just Vibing u know? she's not gonna correct anyone's impression though or they might start like... Talking to her :/

Loves any book/movie/show with a secret society or spy element and stories about a Hero and their Journey, also loves angsty philosophy books; her favorite movies are cheesy but feel-good (The Mummy, Pacific Rim, anything with big CGI monsters)

Doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth but would kill someone for strong coffee; if she’s really tired you can catch her drinking it cold straight from the pot with a straw

Emo/pop punk teen and she definitely cried when MCR broke up, she also listens to a lot of Dixie Chicks, Johnny Cash, Dottie West, Patsy Cline, etc

She’s been drawing since she was a kid- mainly works with charcoal and sometimes pastels. her sketchbooks are like her diaries and she’s never shown them to Anyone Ever

In her spare time, she still plays some guitar, draws, or reads; her library is extensive because she keeps every book she’s ever read or intends to read (it’s one of the few things she’ll drop real money on)

Very tactile person and fussy about textures, she prefers ultra soft blankets/pillows and her bed is basically a nest

Practical, efficient, frugal- she doesn’t necessarily find joy in cooking or anything but she can do it well enough, quick showers, uses cheap soap/shampoo, cuts her own hair

Her hands get super dry/chapped in the winter and it hurts very much :(

Never yells; when she gets angry she’s very cold & will Not hold back; every word is designed to hurt bc she’s purposefully poking at things she knows are sore spots

At the start of the books, she’s kind of... sleepwalking through life? like, she was in a not-great place mentally for most of her teens and didn’t really have a plan for the future but law enforcement was definitely not it? She isn’t feeling super passionate about what she’s doing and it kind of sucks to not have joy in purpose :( luckily that’s changing and is gonna be a significant part of her journey through the series!

Her apartment is cluttered but clean and she knows where everything is, if someone moved one of her things she would not be able to find it and it would bother her until she located it

She’s not stubborn exactly? Like she’ll concede an argument if it’s not super important to her and has no problem with losing or backing down in many cases; she’s pretty open minded in that respect, but if something is central to her values then she will Die before she backs down

On that note she’s overall a very logical person but when it comes down to it she'll follow her heart/first instinct

Does not care about rules or procedures At All, she'll follow them if it suits her end goal but otherwise... nope

Lowkey she… did not care about the reveal? it was a surprise but not her first priority in the moment- she kind of already thought UB was sketchy and didn’t trust them, so mainly she was pissed off that Rebecca had sent them to babysit her instead of actually help solve the murders

Speaking of Rebecca their relationship is kind of yikes. Kira isn’t exactly mad that Rebecca was gone so often, but she does think that she kind of forfeited her parenting rights and was annoyed that Rebecca was interfering with her life; first by getting her on the force and then by dropping UB on her. So now it’s Very Awkward between them because Kira doesn’t want to be like… mean but honestly what is there to say?? They’re trying but neither of them like to share personal information so it’s rough

On the subject of sharing, she just… genuinely doesn’t like to open up. Like, it doesn’t come naturally and in her mind it’s just… nobody else’s business what she’s feeling/what’s going on in her life

Genuinely does not realize that people care about her unless they openly tell her lmao... sad hours but at this point in the story she honestly doesnt think that any of UB cares abt her beyond their job besides the one she's dating :(

"Everyone should be allowed to feel things and rely on the support of the people around them, their emotions are Valid. not me though, this is my personal problem and as such its dumb so i have to get over it alone"

Her primary love language is acts of service, she wants the people she loves to have everything they might need; she’s Soft and really just wants snuggles but also she does not want to address it out loud

Her way of asking for affection is to just... stand/sit there and occasionally glance at the person... hovers like a sad ghost until she gets a hug... literally like 🥺👉👈 sjdhdkn Clown girl

She’s sarcastic and makes a lot of snarky comments, but generally she’s pretty honest unless she doesn’t want to talk about something (in which case she’ll brush it off and deflect or change subjects) which is why it annoys her so much when people are willfully dishonest or conniving

Pretty adaptable and capable of rolling with the punches but she generally dislikes surprises and being the center of attention

genuinely she's pretty chill! and a Huge enabler of chaos as well, like unless it's specifically bothering her she's gonna let it happen and mostly she thinks it's pretty funny to watch from the sidelines

in short she's basically like a feral cat who stares suspiciously at everyone from a distance until they successfully pspspsps their way into her heart and then she would die for them <3 but if she's mad she will make direct eye contact while shoving glasses off the counter

ahdgsksg ok last one i swear she Cannot Sit Properly, always has to be some flavor of lounging or leaning or sitting twisted into a pretzel

#my eternal love for u if u made it thru this whole post <3 #lowkey these are gonna double as my writing notes which are currently scattered between 5 million notes on my phone #ANYWAY #twc

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hxseok-honee · 5 years

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i found | part 29

a/n: o h b o y here we go- the BIG BOI CHAPTER! i’ve had the idea for this chapter since basically the beginning of the au, and after a long time planning and an even longer time writing and editing, she’s complete. a huge fucking thank you to my bby girl @deepseavibez (ALSO IT’S HER BIRTHDAY OMG MY BBY)- she’s the first to read any of my drafts and also be very honest and real with me about them, and im incredibly appreciative of her. she told me she needed at least 24 hours before she was allowed to speak to me again after she read this chapter bc she was just gonna end up yelling at me, which i love about her. i hope you enjoy it!! lmk what you think uwu~ [also i first had the idea for this chapter after listening to Violence by Tender! not on the playlist but a v good listen for this chapter if you’re into that]

previous | next

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It’s been four weeks. Four weeks of whispering and pointing. Four weeks of uncertainty and confusion. Four weeks of being avoided by the one person in this school who had always sought him out first. He knows something is wrong- he knows it’s his fault. She told him that she doesn’t regret what happened between them, but everything she’s been doing is telling him that she does. Avoiding his gaze, being vague in her texts, barely speaking to him in class- it’s obvious that she lied to him when she told him everything was fine between them. It’s so obvious that he can’t tell what hurts more: the fact that she lied or the fact that she’s not even trying to hide it.

Yoongi’s barely been able to get out of bed in the morning these days, let alone sit through all his classes and see Y/n every day. He’s gotten so used to her warm presence that he’s almost unable to revert to his old self with her. He’s forgotten what it feels like to ignore her and only acknowledge her when he has to, and it kills him inside to know that she’s doing it without even hesitating.

And yet, he finds himself showing up to their shared classes every day hoping that maybe she’ll come around. Today is no different. Although she was acting the same in potions, he’s still holding onto the hope that she’ll have even the smallest of smiles on her face when she walks into transfiguration. So as he sits there, trying to prepare himself for what’s likely to be another failure, he finds himself wondering yet again what he could have done differently - wondering how things could have ended up like this. He’s so lost in his head that he almost doesn’t hear her reach her seat, the sound of her bag hitting the desk interrupting his internal despair.

Taking a quick glance at her and confirming that she’s, yet again, not going to acknowledge him, he sighs slightly and opens his textbook, wishing for what feels like the millionth time that things will get better soon. He mumbles a quiet greeting in her direction and waits until she’s hummed in response to start flipping his textbook open. He can hear people whispering behind them, and when he looks over his shoulder he finds that most of the people in the room are looking at him and Y/n. Even a month later, they’re the most popular topic of conversation.

Before long, McGonagall enters the room and silences the class, beginning her lesson for the day. They make it about halfway through the class before she gives them partner work, at which point Yoongi is groaning internally. Y/n’s managed to get through every set of partner work they’ve had without initiating any form of communication, only speaking when Yoongi directly asks her for help. Even now, she’s started working on the assignment without him, leaving him to stare glumly down at his textbook.

He finishes about half of the work before he gets to a question he can’t answer no matter how hard he searches through the chapter, so finally he swallows his pride and pokes her arm, frowning deeply when she flinches away from him. She doesn’t even look at him when she speaks, still staring down at her own textbook.

“What’s up?” Yoongi’s heart skips a beat at the sound of her voice, and he hates himself for it in that moment. Clearing his throat, he taps a finger on his textbook.

“I don’t understand number 12. Can you just show me where it’s explained in the book?” Keeping his eyes on the pages as she reaches over to flip through his book, he’s on the verge of sighing again when something catches his attention. There, peeking out just a tiny bit from under the sleeve of her sweater, is a mark. It’s almost impossible for him to see, but as she’s flipping pages her sleeve rises marginally, exposing her wrist to him. And the more he looks, the more he realizes it’s not just a mark- it’s a bruise.

His blood runs ice cold in his body as something else registers in his mind- he hadn’t just asked her about their relationship that day.

‘is anyone bothering you? there’s no one trying to mess with you, is there?’

Yoongi’s breath catches in his throat as he remembers their conversation. He had assumed she’d lied to him about regretting the night in the common room, but it was entirely possible she’d lied about something else. Dragging his eyes in her direction as if in slow motion, he takes in her appearance as she focuses on finding the passage in his book. He hasn’t looked at her properly in a long time, too busy trying to close himself off to her again, but now he does. What he sees has his fists clenching tightly in his lap, everything becoming so clear now.

Her skin is pale and her eyes are sunken in like she hasn’t slept in days. He can see a cut on the corner of her lip, still red as if it had happened that very day. It’s obvious she tried to cover it up before class, but the makeup is messy, as if applied with a shaky hand. Pulling his gaze down, he has to stop himself from reacting when he sees evidence of more bruising just under the collar of her shirt. As Yoongi stares at her, he wonders just what else she could be trying to hide under those long sleeves and that high collar, and his blood boils at the realization that she had probably flinched away from his touch earlier for a different reason than he had thought. His imagination is running so violently wild now that he can’t stop himself from calling out to her.

“You lied to me.” She freezes in her task, gaze finally lifting to meet his after so long. When she sees the anger swimming in his eyes, she swallows hard. Looking around and realizing that the same nosy people are still watching them as subtly as they can manage, she tries to deflect the conversation. Now isn’t the time to talk about this.

“Yoongi, let’s talk about this later, please-” Her words only incite his anger further, and she has to stop herself from jumping when he slams his hand down on the table, catching everyone’s attention.

“You told me everything was fine!” His voice cracks on the last word, his desperation finally showing as McGonagall starts to make her way over to them. Attempting to ease the situation, Y/n reaches out to grab Yoongi’s shoulder, but he backs away from her touch, choosing instead to reach out with his own hand and take hold of her wrist. Ignoring her protests, he grips her sleeve and pulls it up, exposing her arm to him.

He feels like his breath has left him entirely when he sees her skin, every inch of it covered in dark bruises. Handprints left by several people, scratches and cuts littering the surface of her arm from her wrist to her elbow- everything he had hoped was just his imagination is there, right in front of him. He barely has time to lock eyes with her, hers filled with frustration and his overflowing with disbelief, before she’s yanking her arm out of his grasp, standing out of her chair and successfully knocking it over in the process. He follows her lead, yelling after her as she turns on her heel and rushes for the door, ignoring McGonagall’s request for him to calm down.

“You can’t just keep ignoring me, Y/n!” Not even sparing McGonagall a second glance, he follows after Y/n, fighting the urge to yell at everyone as they start talking loudly now. McGonagall’s call follows him out into the corridor, but by that point he’s already locked onto Y/n’s retreating frame and he knows he won’t let this moment pass.

Catching up to her quickly, he reaches out and takes hold of her arm, almost giving in to the guilt that courses through him when she flinches at the pressure on her skin. Dragging her down the corridor and into an empty classroom, he releases her arm, the guilt so strong now it’s as if he were the one that had put those bruises on her body. Slamming the door shut behind him, he looks at her through eyes filled with pain, frustration, and - most notably - intense anger.

“Why did you lie to me, Y/n?” She’s turned away from him, and it’s so isolating that he just keeps talking, saying anything he can to get her to react to him. “Why didn’t you tell me that any of this was happening? You’ve never lied to me before, Y/n, so why now? Do you blame me for this?” It’s those words that trigger a response from her, so charged with emotion that Yoongi almost takes a step back when she turns to face him.

“Blame you? Yoongi, how could you think that I blame you for this?” She sighs angrily, running a hand through her hair, and Yoongi’s heart lurches when the bottom of her sweater rises just slightly and he sees more damaged skin there. He can feel the corners of his eyes prickling at the sight, the thought of what she’d been through running through his mind as he wonders where he’d been when this was all happening. Swallowing hard and blinking rapidly, he listens as she continues her rant.

“Yoongi, of course I don’t blame you for this. You didn’t cause this. I just didn’t want you to find out - is there something so wrong with that? Is there something wrong with me not wanting you to start even more fights? I’m fine, Yoongi-” All the self-control he had left in his body leaves him as he explodes.

“You’re not fine, Y/n! And it is my fault! I know that, you know that, everyone in this whole fucking school knows that! But you keep pushing me away- you won’t let me protect you! And for what? You want to stop me from starting fights, but I’ve just spent the last four weeks in a constant fight with myself, wondering what I did so wrong that you would push me away this much!” He’s breathing hard, so hard that he thinks he might actually pass out if he doesn’t calm down soon. But he can’t stop himself now- he needs to know everything now. She doesn’t step away from him as he approaches her, and he notes in the back of his mind that at least he isn’t scaring her. She’s a lot more resistant to his temper than anyone else he’s ever dealt with. Running his hands down the length of her arms as softly as he can, he keeps his hold on her as he addresses her, his voice low.

“Tell me who it was.” Her nostrils flare at his demand, and he knows he’s pushing her limits, but he has to know.

“No, Yoongi. I don’t want you fighting anyone-”

“Y/n, please-”

“I said no, Yoongi. I’m fine.” There’s something about hearing those two little words again, so obviously a lie. He’s so tired of hearing her push him away. Everything about the last month has put him on the edge of breaking down, and to have her do to him the very thing she always told him to never do - to have her push him aside like she couldn’t depend on him, like everything they’d been through had been for nothing - it pushes him over the edge.

He knows she feels it when her expression falls blank, her eyes staring up at him as if asking if he’s really about to go through with this. Still, he has to know what’s been done to her-

he knows he’s officially lost his mind and probably all of her trust, but he can’t let this go unhandled. So he pushes further, keeping a firm hold on her as his eyes stay locked on hers. And finally - at the reaction she gives, pushing against his grip almost violently - he knows he’s found it.

“Yoongi, don’t you dare-” He closes his eyes at her words, shutting her out as he locks onto the memory in the recesses of her mind. Fighting the urge to cry, he whispers out to her, broken and desperate.

“I’m sorry, Y/n.”

There’s too many. Too many instances when he should have been there and wasn’t. The first shove, the first grab, the first taunt. The Ravenclaw boy that pushed her aside as he passed her in the corridor. The group of Gryffindor girls that cornered her in the bathroom and clawed at her until all that was left was bloody skin and a crying girl. The Slytherins that hexed her in the courtyard, pulling her feet from under her and forcing her to float upside down in the air, exposing her underwear in front of a dozen people.

Every time, there was another there to save her. Despite her curses and attempts to stay strong, there was always another there to pick her up and hide her away. The Gryffindor hothead, the pair of Ravenclaws, her favorite Hufflepuffs. Her boys, always finding her before Yoongi ever could. Always there, wreaking havoc on those that dare to hurt their friend. At least she had them. But there, amongst all the moments, is a more recent one that floats in the forefront of her thoughts, almost overpowering in nature.

She’s walking down the corridor toward the library, quickly and almost fearfully as she checks over her shoulder constantly. She’s so busy glancing behind her that she misses what’s in front of her. Looking ahead of her and realizing too late that she’s being approached by two Slytherins, she swears under her breath and turns back, trying to get away. When she turns back, however, she sees two more Slytherins rounding the corner and heading right for her. Looking back and forth, she realizes she’d be alone in this even if there were 50 other people in the corridor with them - she can’t get out of this.

Before she can react, one of the Slytherins - the only girl - takes hold of the back of her head and yanks back sharply, eliciting the scream of pain she was looking for. Throwing Y/n against the wall, the other three hover over her as their smaller friend swings endlessly, connecting with Y/n’s body over and over again. But when Y/n manages to fight back, landing a particularly nasty hit on the girl’s nose, the three boys jump into action.

One of them raises his hand and brings it down across her face harshly as another pins her to the wall and starts sending hit after hit into her torso. Y/n feels something crack in her body, and she screams so loud that she thinks maybe a teacher will hear her, but the third boy is grabbing her by the back of the neck and throwing her forward, shoving her to the ground with much more force than needed. At this point, even a small poke would send her into a fetal position on the ground, but it’s not like they care. The girl grabs the back of her head again, forcing to look up at them.

“It’s not so easy now when this Prince isn’t here to protect you, is it?” Y/n’s breath comes out as a wheeze, prompting one of the boys to send another punch to the same spot on her ribs that she’s fairly certain has already snapped in half. She screams again, and, on the edge of unconsciousness, she hears someone who sounds oddly like Namjoon running down the corridor, yelling her name. Before slipping over the edge and blacking out, the girl whispers in her ear again, her words echoing throughout the memory violently.

“You should have been more careful.”

Pulling out of her mind, the first thing Yoongi notices is the overpowering guilt that’s filling him, almost as if all the emotion he once had is now draining out of his body and leaving him to deal with the consequences. Recognizing just how bad of a person he’s become in the last ten minutes, the second thing he notices is the feeling of hands on his chest, slamming down repeatedly as they push him away. Looking down and finding himself staring into Y/n’s eyes, his brain registers faintly that this is the first time she’s ever expressed herself violently- the first time she’s ever put her hands on someone. But he can’t bring himself to be upset by the fact that she’s hitting him over and over again; he’s too busy recognizing himself in the reflection in her eyes - eyes overflowing with tears, eyes that have never looked at him like he was an enemy until this very moment.

Allowing her to push him back, allowing her to keep pushing until he’s backed up completely against a wall, he lets her cry and push at his chest without even thinking of stopping her. He deserves this, he knows he does. He’s done the one thing she’s asked him to never do, so long ago when they weren’t even friends yet. He knows that, and he knows there’s nothing he can do to stop this. He’ll just stand here and accept the pain that follows because he knows he deserves it. She’s been chanting something through her tears this whole time, the words finally registering properly in his ears.

“I hate you- I hate you- I hate you-” Each one comes with another blow to his chest, her forehead finally coming to rest on his shoulder as she sobs, her fists weakening against his form as she tires herself out. Once he knows she’s done, he brings his arms up slowly, desperate to hold her but terrified that she wants nothing to do with him anymore. Wrapping her in his hold, he chokes back a sob of his own when she clings to him and brings him close to her. Keeping her in his arms, he slides his back down the wall until they’re sitting together on the floor, his arms around her as she sits between his legs.

Leaning his head on her shoulder, he whispers apologies to her repeatedly, repenting for what he’s done. He buries his face in the crook of her neck as the tears that have been hovering at the corners of his eyes finally fall, the dam breaking as he begs her to forgive him. They sit there together, crying as they both understand what’s happened to them the last four weeks- crying as they realize how much they need each other, how impossible it’s become for them to push the other away after all this time.

Once they’re both done crying, Yoongi lifts his head and looks down at her through red-rimmed eyes, brushing her hair out of her face and wiping the tears from her eyes as she does the same for him. He’s still whispering apologies to her, and she’s just nodding along, having already forgiven him without even realizing it. But he’s not done apologizing, and he’s not sure he ever will be.

“You can keep hating me if you want. I deserve it. I know I do.” He says it through a raspy voice, having abandoned any form of embarrassment left in his body. He just needs her to know how he feels, even if it’s the last time she talks to him. He has no idea that she’s just watching him now, running her fingers softly across his cheeks as tears continue to slip from his eyes.

Leaning into her touch, he doesn’t notice how close he’s getting until his forehead is pressed against hers and their noses are brushing. His breath gets caught in his throat, a feeling he’s well-accustomed to by now, but this time he welcomes it. He won’t let her get away from him this time. He won’t let her go another day not knowing how he feels.

So when he tucks a hand behind her neck this time, he knows there’s nothing left for him to do. Leaning in closer and pausing to give her time to push him away, he waits until he feels her grip on the front of his shirt tighten before he’s pressing his lips to hers.

The feeling that spreads through his chest is so sudden and violent that he feels like he might need to pull away, but he knows he wouldn’t be able to do it even if he wanted to. All he can do is press his mouth even closer to hers, hugging her to him while she runs her fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. He knows he hasn’t been able to really tell her how he feels about her, so he pours everything into the kiss, refusing to break it even when his lungs start yelling at him. She’s the first to pull away, finally overpowered by the need to breathe, but even then it’s only for a second before she’s leaning into him again, as desperate as he is to show him everything she feels for him.

Eventually they break the kiss, breathing heavily as they stare at each other, both uncertain as to what happens next. They sit there for a few minutes, just taking each other in. Yoongi runs his fingers through Y/n’s hair and she plays with the hem of his shirt. He leans into her and presses his lips to hers once more before pulling away and moving his mouth to her ear, whispering softly to her as her face warms, her hands running up the length of his arms and clinging to his shoulders and he holds her close.

“You’re mine now, Y/n - so get ready to deal with me forever, because I’m never letting you go.”

#bts texts #bts au #bts smau #bts social media au #bts hogwarts au #min yoongi #yoongi x reader #yoongi texts

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prescxtts · 6 years

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HEEYYY !! i’m so excited to be here omg.. i’m SOOO late as always but anyway.. i creeped on this before the revamp but never had the guts to join ?? i’m glad i did now tho.. anyway, hello, i’m mel.. 20, gmt+2.. so.. worst timezone probably. this is noah.. he’s a revamped character of mine under a diff name and i’m so happy to be playing him (sorta) again. i wrote a bit aobut him below and i’ll set up an actual bio page tomorrow since it’s like.. 4am.. AJSDFJKD

a HARRY STYLES lookalike just rolled into new york city in their ferrari. noah prescott just had a birthday bash for his twenty second birthday. i doubt he’ll make it here in new york city since i hear he tends to be abrasive, but on the other hand he is intrepid. ( cismale & he/him )

noah was born to a famous musician and the producer behind her success. his family was known in the entertainment industry for years and their legacy ran deep.

he obviously has a lot of responsibilities that come with having a last name like his and he has a lot to prove once he’s out in the spotlight.

his parents controlled his life growing up to a certain extent. they weren’t exactly strict .. not unless the family image was at risk. they had to ensure he’d still keep up with his school work and get the best grades while also keeping up with extracurricular activities and music lessons. in a way, they also picked out his friends for him which resulted in a lot of surface level friendships.

as long as he did everything they signed him up for, they pretty much didn’t care what his weekends were like? so they didn’t mind him going out to parties when he was old enough and coming home late or bringing girls home every night. they didn’t mind the alcohol and drug use either.. again, as long as he was sober in the morning and it didn’t affect his grades etc.. they really didn’t care.

that eventually started affecting him when he realized he wasn’t getting any attention and his parents weren’t around for the important things. he wasn’t ever validated and he felt ignored most of the time.. like his needs and feelings weren’t a priority at all.

because of this, he started to rebel against his parents more and it’s surprising to them when it really shouldn’t be.. and it’s more so for attention and well, maybe to piss them off a little.

like it fucks him up a little that his parents know little to nothing about him or his personality because they have a false image of him in their minds and they’re just now realizing that he’s not who they thought he was... and it just breaks his heart cause he doesn’t feel like he was ever really validated or accepted LOL.. it was always about the plan rather than what noah wanted to do/liked to do.. not once. but he’ll never say that out loud.

he kinda just changed entirely. if i had to put a label on him, it’d be the connard.

here’s another thing with his parents.. his dad cheats a lot and his mom KNOWS about all his affairs .. at first noah was confused.. didn’t know that she knew until his mom just casually brought it up in a convo and he was shook like.. u knew this whole time..

his mom loves appearing perfect and that’s why she won’t grant his dad a divorce because she wants a perfect looking family in the spotlight.

the affair affected his mom more than his dad and so she turned a bit obsessed with noah’s career and which direction to take it in. it kinda became her next ‘project’ and she wanted to dictate everything pretty much.. down to what genre he’d go into.

that’s why he hasn’t released any music yet.. his mom wants him to do mainstream stuff but it’s truly not who he is as an artist and he wants to do what he pleases. she thinks his type of music is meaningless and obnoxious and quote on quote ‘non-profitable’ but he just wants to do something meaningful and stick to what he likes, rather than what would sell the most copies.

he still feels pressure being a prescott and deep down, it really makes him insecure.. he’s scared he won’t live up to people’s expectations and have a successful career like his parents. irrelevancy is his biggest fear basically. and though it always appears like he has it all together, he’s just exhausted from having soo much to live up to and sometimes wishes he could just step back from it all.

he can come off as immature sometimes.. a bit incompetent even, but when he’s in the studio, he’s ready to give it his all and just overall, he’s really professional when it comes to his music. anything else? he pretty much has no interest in.. so he’ll continue to immaturely brush off.

personality wise.. he’s kinda bluster. he can be frustrating sometimes because he likes getting under people’s skin. he lives 2 provoke but hates being provoked LMAO.. will lash out if that happens.. he has a bit of a temper too.

he can be stubborn, thinking he’s right all the time etc.. even when he’s not. he says the wrong shit all the time tbh and it ends up hurting people bc he just doesn’t know how not to? sometimes he’ll do it on purpose if he’s trying to hurt someone.

in his defense, he wants to be a better person. be kinder, softer but then again, he doesn’t know how. being an asshole has worked fine for him so far.

his parents weren’t really around for him when he was growing up when it came to important stuff and they never really discussed his feelings. they weren’t the kind of family to vent to one another or talk about their problems so he kinda just new to keep everything bottled up. that carried over to now and he just doesn’t know how to truly talk about feelings.. so he also is really bad if people come crying to him about stuff cause he’s just like .. huh.. tears make me uncomfortable ..

ughghgh,.. my mind is all muddled rn and i have sooo much i wanna add and a lot of things to tweak in this but i’m getting tired and i have a feeling this is all over the place.. i’m sorry if it feels hectic SFJDKSJ i’m a mess.. he’s a mess ugh! whatever. if we’re plotting and i remember something suddenly i’ll let u know but for now... i guess we’ll see where he goes .

#✘ :: ☇ behind the scenes. / ooc.#wealthyhq:intro

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livingasaghost · 6 years

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alright folks. settle in. this is the story of how i met taylor swift after waiting 10 years. whew.

i don’t honestly know how to start this bc i never thought i’d make this text post.

so it all started on tuesday night. i was reading and scrolling my phone as one does, and then i get a text from hailee aka @ootwoodsyet aka my twin.

taylornation sent her a dm and both of us FREAKED OUT. we were cautiously optimistic but i think both of us were like OKAY THIS IS IT! THIS IS WHAT WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR! EVERYONE STAY CALM IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING! so anyway, obviously hailee is the best person in the universe and replied putting my name in as her plus one and then we just texted each other non-stop for like two hours straight. tn replied to her email and asked for our social media handles, my full name, and our birthdays. we could hardly sleep that night, so when we woke up early the next morning we texted each other still freaking out. finally TN emailed back and was like OKAY YOU TWO ARE ON THE GUEST LIST! HAILEE LITERALLY FACETIMED ME FROM HER CAR AND WE BOTH LOST IT. at that point we immediately started making plans bc the next day thursday was the event in chicago. we had no idea when or where it was happening, but we knew we were going to be there. so we started prepping. i had to cancel on a client photoshoot (oops...but i’m not sorry) and uh hailee may or may not have had food poisoning that morning......so i went to platos closet and bought a new dress (velvet, blue, and PERFECT) and then i packed up a bag bc i was gonna go straight from my parents’ house to louisville on saturday for the rep show (wtf). neither of us slept very well wednesday night, and then AND THEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE WEIRDEST BEST DAY OF LIVES.

thursday june 28, 2018 --

i woke up at 7:15 and drove like 8 hours north from nashville to chicago. there was actually a decent amount of traffic that day but at one point i had to take a detour because there was a crash on i65. so on this random detour in southern indiana, a little ways outside of louisville, i was blasting better than revenge and i look to my left and I SAW TAYLORS FACE ON A TRUCK AND I SCREAMED BECAUSE THE REP TOUR BUSES WERE JUST SITTING IN THIS RANDOM LOT

I THOUGHT IT HAD TO BE A SIGN AND UH I GUESS I WAS RIGHT???? i also passed a place called “swifty farms” (what) and of course i drove through taylorsville so um needless to say....it was all meant to be

i eventually made it to chicago at 5:30pm and i picked up hailee from the train station. we flipped bc we literally did this exact same thing less than a month about for the 2nd chicago show and HERE WE WERE AGAIN FOR THE SAME WOMAN soooo we made our way to the first location that TN said to meet at by 7pm. we pulled up at like 6:15 and the parking lot was full but they already had a line of people. after finding a nearby garage to park in, we literally RAN across the way to get in line (it was like 10 minutes and we were so sweaty wow) and then we were in line and we had to go through two different security sections - each one asked for our names and ids. then at the second checkpoint they gave us wristbands based on our ages (i’m over 21) and eventually we went off to give them our phones and bags and stuff. then we were directed onto a greyhound bus and when we got on we legitimately became the most obnoxious people i’ve ever known in my entire life.

when we got on they were playing reputation (duh) and RFI was on so we literally listened through the album one whole time and it was WILD. we didn’t have our phones so we were just freaking out about twitter. we spent the whole time singing along and being totally in awe. the whole bus did 123 LETS GO BITCH during delicate, and thennn during getaway car when she goes SAID GOODBYE IN A GETAWAY CAR the bus MOVED AND WE LEFT TO GO TO THE SECONDARY LOCATION (john mulaney???)

so we drove until new years day came on and then we pulled into this random alley. before we could get up, this CAMERA crew showed up and went to the back of the bus to film us. they told us to be excited so we WERE?? and then we got off and went inside this random venue. hailee and i gripped each other’s hands so hard and then we went down this tunnel with mirrors & screens & then i almost broke down into tears bc it was all so overwhelming. they had so many professional photographers asking to take our photos and then the taylor people were handing out raffle tickets telling us to do stuff. it was like this weird underground area that had these gorgeous industrial bathrooms (with so many toiletries like oil sheets & dry shampoo & tampons & gum & hair ties) and there were arcade games and an led dance floor that lit up with hearts where you stood and there was a skee ball thing where we STOOD ON IT AND GOT OUR PHOTO TAKEN and they had claw machines with merch inside and these HUGE photobooth backdrops (BIG REPUTATION + taylors face + a huge snake) and basically you had to do stuff to get tickets and then you could use the tickets to get free merch! we didnt catch on quick enough though so we didn’t get anything more exciting than a water bottle & a tote (which were still so cool)

so anyway, we did some stuff, got a BIG REPUTATION non-alcoholic drink that was like soda water + blackberry syrup + a lime and it was just okay haha and as we went over to try and get our free merch we heard a THATS TAYLOR SWIFT scream from across the room and basically RAN to see what was happening. and that’s when this wall opened up and uh WE WALKED INTO A CONCERT VENUE AND LOST ALL CHILL

IT WAS SUCH A SMALL VENUE HAILEE AND I WERE IN THE BACK ROW BUT LITERALLY WE SPENT 10 MINUTES HYPERVENTILATING AND SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER!!! there were cameras everywhere, and it was so industrial but there was PIANO + THE SPARKLY GUITAR + THE KOI GUITAR?????? AND HER BLACK GUITAR WITH THE STARS ON THE FRETS!! so we hung out for a while in taylor limbo and felt like we were gonna combust and then AND THEN THE NIGHT KICKED INTO HIGH GEAR AND I SWEAR HAILEE AND I BOTH JUST BLACKED OUT

THE LIGHTS WENT OUT AND TAYLOR JUST FREAKING WALKED OUT ON STAGE AND I ALMOST BURST INTO TEARS SHE WASN’T REAL BUT SHE WAS RIGHT THERE AND I WANTED TO EXPLODE anyway she wore a green jumpsuit with a huge belt and some cute high heeled booties and uh she was her usual cute self being like HI GUYS WHATS UP there were like 200 people there and i couldn’t get over that!!! this was her smallest show in like 10 years???? AND I WAS THERE??? uh but yeah so she did 6 songs - gorgeous + delicate on guitar, all too well + new years day on piano, and shake it off on guitar. here are some highlights from that set...

the whole crowd did *DING* during gorgeous and 123 LET’S GO BITCH during delicate

taylor said that they were trying to decide if they needed backing vocalists and she decided not to and it turned out they didnt need them because we sung literally ALL the backing parts - like the high pitched “delicate” - we did that

she didnt even finish the last delicate bc we sang it so loud and she just laughed

she was so so SOOOOO comfortable with us like i have never seen her so candid and chill and relaxed?? like she was smiling and giggling and she made mistakes and didn’t even care and it was so CUTE I CANT STAND IT

at the piano she was like “oooh sorry i didnt get to sound check hang on lemme figure this out”

when she sat at the piano she was like “wow my hair’s so long” and how she thought about cutting it for these upcoming florida shows since it’s so hot and then the crowd was like OMG CUT IT or OMG DONT CUT IT and our section was like CUT ITTTT and she looked directly at us and was like mmmmm “you guys dont want it....” and wow i think she looked at me then wowowow

she explained that for all too well it was such an emotional song and she used to hate playing it bc it made her so sad but bc we love it so much now she loves playing it bc it makes her think of us and she was freaking SMILING DURING THIS WHOLE PERFORMANCE!! like the last time i saw her perform it live in my presence was 5 years ago at the red tour in chicago and she was crying but during this time she was LAUGHING AND SMILING

someone sang all to welllllll really terribly and off key and the whole audience fell silent and taylor just looked at that person and laughed and we all lost it

then she talked about writing reputation and how it was so cathartic for her and like she came up with the “there will be no explanation there will just be reputation” rhyme and it was so cool that now she has to stick to it and not give interviews so she was excited to explain to us more about the album

AND THEN she told this story about how 2 new years ago she was celebrating and just like realizing that everyone just wants to kiss someone at midnight but you really need someone to look after you while you’re popping advils the next day

she played new years day and we were all so emo wow

so then she gets up to get her guitar and we’re all like PLAY THE SPARKLY GUITAR!!!! and she looked so dismayed she was like “guys it’s just a prop it isn’t tuned” and we were so sad we were like TUNE IT!!! and she’s like NO I CANT

so thennnn she’s like “okay so i have one more song” and we were all like “PLAY MORE PLAY MORE” and she said “well, i could play you three more songs ORRRR we could take pictures...” and wow everyone died it was wild

she played shake it off acoustic and im not okay

then she explained what was gonna happen next and she was like FIRST OF ALL i cant really talk to you since i’m touring i need to save my voice and i’m not supposed to talk and second, we’re doing it in groups of four so make friends bc you’ll get photos in groups of four!

then as she finished she was like “uh i guess i’ll just go back here? no one really told me what was happening or what to do so...ILL SEE YOU SOON!!!”

as we walked out i saw a girl hugging her friend and crying. relatable. so hailee and i waited for our blue color to be called and went to claim our free merch. after we freshened up, we were waiting and this girl offered us poptarts and we both looked at each other and were like “omg poptarts” soooo then we got at the end of the line for the M&G. we were freaking out and we didn’t know what we’re gonna say and it was so surreal. like, we were gonna meet taylor swift. TAYLOR SWIFT! FUCK

so we’re waiting. and then these staff people come over and ask how many we have in our party (we say 2) and immediately they’re like...i think we have 2 openings over here hang on. so they deliberate, and then we’re being motioned to the FRONT OF THE LINE and we skip like 50 people and OUR HEARTBEATS TOOK OFF! WE WERE NOT ALL THERE! WE EXPLODED! WE WERE SO UNPREPARED TO JUMP THAT LINE BUT WOW WE WERE REALLY OUT THERE GETTING READY TO MEET TAYLOR.

we then were ushered upstairs and they lead us over a little bridge that was above the concert venue. eventually we made it past another security checkpoint and got to this fabric walled hallway where we glimpsed MAMA SWIFT and we almost lost it.

as we approached the very front of the line, TREE PAINE SHOWED UP and was just so sweet and nice and bubbly and we immediately decided to stan her. she was like “wow this is such a beautiful group of people you all look fantastic!” and we were like WOW ITS TREE PAINE and so then THEN ANDREA CAME BACK OUT AND WAS LIKE HELLO WOW YOU ALL LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!!! and i shook her hand and told her it was honor to meet her and she was so so happy

(this whole time dont blame me and delicate was playing in the background)

((at one point tree was trying to figure out what was playing and i was like ITS DELICATE and she was like OH YEAH YOU’RE RIGHT))

sooooooo ummmmmm then security was ushering us around the corner and into this back area and TAYLOR SWIFT WAS RIGHT THERE??????? hailee and i were GRIPPING each others hands and i almost broke down into tears but hailee was like NO YOUR MAKE UP DONT DO IT YET NOT YET HOLD IT TOGETHER

and taylor (that sneaky bitch i love her) saw us together and basically took a photo with the other 2 people in our group and THEN came over to us to do us separately (!!!) ((apparently according to hailee the at&t lady running the thing was like “what is happening” but it’s taylor swift so she can do anything) so she walked over to us and we kept our cool somehow and i was like “WE WAITED 10 YEARS FOR THIS” and she high fived me and was like “WE DID IT!!” and i told her i drove 8 hours from nashville and she was baffled about how far that was. hailee thanked her for making her more courageous and resilient and we thanked her for the pride speech in chicago and she was so excited we went to the rain show. then i thanked her for writing “invisible” and she looked at me like OH WOW IM SHOCKED she was like “wow no one ever talks about that song thank you!” and i told her it made me feel seen and she was just so so kind and warm and did i mention she hugged us? and she’s kinda tall but she felt like our height and she felt like our best friend? ummm yeah so then the at&t people were like PICTURE and we went over and hailee and i both blacked out like we don’t remember what the background looked like??? i assume it’s the same as it always is but we didn’t notice lol um yeah so i remember smiling for the photo and i LEANED MY HEAD AGAINST TAYLORS???!?!? and then as we were finishing i was like IM GOING TO LOUISVILLE ON SATURDAY!!! and she was like “wow im so excited! i cant wait to be back on tour! i always hate the breaks in between!” and then i was like “CAN YOU PLAY SOMETHING FROM SPEAK NOW” and she was like “oh maybe” but she looked so disinterested i was thinking TAYLOR COME ON ITS SPEAK NOW and then i said i love you and she said i love you i think and then we got out and wowowowowowow

tree paine was there again and we were like OMG THAKN YOU CAN WE HUG YOU and she was so sweet like YES OF COURSE!!!! (um @tree-paine you are literally the kindest i would die for you) anyway hailee had a letter for taylor and she asked tree if someone could give it to her and tree was like i’ll put it in my back pocket!! and then we left and we kept thanking people as we walked out and that is the story of the greatest night of my life.

thank you to at&t and to hailee and to @taylornation and of course to @taylorswift wowowow i never thought this would happen to me and it did IT REALLY DID WOW

#personal #taylor swift #at&t #taylor swift now #i met taylor swift #6/28/18 #reputation

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meepface · 6 years

Text

sorry i have a lot to say

Have you been disappointed in the past three days?

yeah but i’m a tough bitch and i got over it

What will you be doing in the next 2 hours?

i’m going tf to sleep i have work at 9 am

Is your birthday in February, October, or May?

Do you have a good relationship with your ex?

we don’t talk anymore but i wish nothing but the best for her always

Are you someone who hates to read?

no absolutely not i love reading so much i wish i had more time to read

Who did you last get high with?

either my boyfriend or my friend emily i can’t remember

Does your mother have a sister? If so, what’s her name?

no she has a brother named scott

When was the last time you had brownies?

my bf and i got a brownie at tiff’s treats one night like two weeks ago and it was pretty fucking good

What does your last text in your inbox say from a girl?

it was my coworker telling me she can’t take my shift tomorrow that i’m really tryna get out of. smh

At what age do you want to have your first child?

oof, i don’t even want to think about that yet. i don’t think i’ll even consider that until i’m in my thirties

Do you ride a bus regularly?

when school’s back in i probably will ride the campus busses

Does/did your school require uniforms?

Do you live alone?

nah i live w my parents & my brother but i wanna live alone :/

When was the last time you were out of your home town?

today my mom and brother and cousin and i road tripped to a small lil town bc we were taking my cousin back home after he visited us all weekend

If you had to eat breakfast tomorrow morning, what would you eat?

a breakfast taco from my favorite taco trailer with some avocado on top would be so lovely !!

Have you ever touched a cow?

yes

Is there a particular race that you find more attractive than another?

nah

Have you ever had a churro?

yes they are very good !! there’s a really good churro place where i live & i wanna take everybody i know there at least once

What’s the next movie you’ll watch in theaters?

hopefully mamma mia 2 or christopher robin. i also just watched blackkklansman with my bf and it was so good that i’m probably gonna see it again

Are you part of an organization that helps out other people [in any way]?

yes actually !! i just signed up to be a social media director for a local LGBTQ+ safe space and i am v excited to work for them this fall semester!!

Where was the last place you went shopping?

i went to H&M w my brother & my cousin !! i wanted to buy this cute dress and this floral romper but i need to save so i couldn’t :/

Who was the last person you gave money to?

omg this is a story but basically my bf always tries to pay for our meals when we go out and i don’t want him constantly paying so i gave him $20 and wouldn’t let him give it back so he kept it and then we were hanging out in my car and he snuck it into my glove compartment and then i snuck it into his backpack when i was at his house one night and then we were working together and he bought something from my register and ‘tipped’ me the same $20 bill and then i fucking LOST IT and then a week later i was at work and some customer tipped me a $2 bill and i got the idea to add a 0 after the 2 so it would be a $20 bill and i gave it to him and he thought it was the most romantic thing and he keeps it in his wallet now. i love him

Do you plan on dressing up for Halloween this year?

of course i do !! my friends and i are having a vine themed halloween party and i am very excited for it

Do you pay with cash, credit/debit, or checks most often?

debit pretty much always

Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed?

yes i have and it’s my favorite thing in the world and i get to do it again friday night and maybe saturday night too!!!!!!!

Would you ever be a stripper?

i don’t think i have the confidence

Is there a guy that knows a lot about you?

yes !!

Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?

yes we talk every day !!

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

yes & i am so grateful :)!!!

If you were in the hospital on life support, would the last person you kissed visit you?

oh absolutely. whenever i was in the ER w really bad food poisoning my bf called out of work and was going to drive like an hour to get to me and was spamming me w things i should do to make me feel better all day and i have never had someone care about me that much in my life

It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely?

my bf bc he never sleeps lmao

Are you good at giving directions?

yes actually i’m pretty good w that!!

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

yeah for sure

Did you cry from a text last night?

nope

Can you count your serious relationships on one hand?

yeah i’ve had two that i would consider serious, my current one being one of them

Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing right now?

forever 21 i think

Do you know anyone with the same name as you?

spelled differently but yes

You can get a puppy or a new car. Which do you choose?

puppy !! i am v happy w my car and i love puppies

Do you wear a belt with every pair of jeans?

i pretty much have to

Everyone has that one relationship they would do over & change something right?

idk. i think everything happens for a reason but i think there are some things i would change about it. not to change what happened though

Do you have a hard time letting go?

i guess so

#like if ya read #long post #about me

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choric · 6 years

Text

( park jimin - demimale, he/they ) — did you see noeul han walking down the street? the twenty-three year old has lived here for three weeks. i heard they’re an aspiring painter & a part-time barista now, time sure flies. gooey by glass animals always did remind of them, maybe it’s because they’re so audacious & charitable. though i did hear they can also be commanding & capricious if you catch them on a bad day.

hey babes drum-roll it’s admin fany here to welcome yall~ with some random info about me I guess uh so I’m 26, living in northern europe, most of the time dying bc I’m not made for these hot ass summers, other times just being distracted twelve times outta ten jsyk I’m not ignoring anyone my attention span is just in the negatives. or I’m playing overwatch. or subnautica when I’m feeling particularly masochistic. would drop dead without tea. ye. that’s all for today folks

anyway here’s Noeul’s profile if you wanna peep also a very messy plot page aaaand I’m gonna ramble about him now uwu

tw: emotional abuse, tw: assault ( kinda brief mentions, esp the assault, I tried keeping it safe )

born in Seoul but his family moved to USA when he was barely 6. they moved around a l o t since then but stayed within the borders. save for one weird year in France back in 2010

he haTED it. all the constant moving around and starting at new schools with new people trying to get new friends and find new hobbies and leaving pretty much everything behind so often just stressed the hell out of his young self and he was in a perpetual state of over-emotional about the whole ordeal and angry and bitter and yeah. not having a good time

over the years he managed to find ways to cope with it, drawing and painting being a major thing as it was one of very few things he could just continue without any special arrangements made or it feeling different. putting all that bent up negativity on paper was helpful in itself so he stuck with it without much thought then, clinging into a lifeline of one constant in a sea of variables

later on it morphed from being less of a therapeutic activity and more one of him being able just flow with creativity, paint with a less personal agenda and enjoy it way more too ( not to say he doesn't still use it as a form of escapism too )

reading was another thing he found enjoyment in, especially during his early teenage years. that is something he doesn't engage that often in anymore however

his parents didn’t really care about what hobbies he took on ( even with painting carrying throughout the years he ended up trying a whole slew of other things too ) until it became apparent he was actually considering art as a legit career path. neither agreed it being a good idea but they didn’t flat out deny him either.. just were very patronising about it for months and by that time he had come to actual decision of going through with it out of pettiness alone lmao. which of course served nothing but to legit piss them off and led to a number of arguments they still have to this day yikes

his parents entire view on life seemed to be there was no point getting attached to anything, sentimentality was a flaw and you could just buy everything you needed again without much care for what was left behind. especially his mom had a lot of emotionally abusive ways to steer his life in the direction she wanted, but giving just enough freedom for him to think he had a say in anything. not to say she wasn’t supportive and encouraging too but he honest to god can’t tell now how much of it was genuine. she was especially fond of using subtle blackmail in form of referring to her own feelings and how his actions will upset her, occasionally bursting into a loud tirade which was then quickly pushed to the side without any apologies for making him in turn upset so boy was always just on edge. this still happens but he pretty much only communicates with her through calls anymore so, Noeul just hangs up when she starts acting up. his dad was more the type to not involve himself into his hobbies and likes or anything at all he only cared about academic plans.

that all messed him up big time in his younger years bc he was inherently just very attached to everything and everyone but now.. it’s almost the complete opposite, enough repetition and shit will stick I guess cause he has next to no sentimental feelings towards anything, in turn actually loves travelling and meeting new people now. partially also cause he doesn’t feel obligated to uphold anything or allow himself being chained down, he treats everything like it’s fleeting, but not without care– don’t assume he doesn’t care when that’s something he does in abundance actually. he just.. accepts nothing lasts forever. ironic enough he’s adopted far too many of his parent’s habits to count now but has grown more tender with the experiences rather than cold. probably a miracle in itself. hella guarded about his feelings tho

so yeah he moved to LA ( parents were at the time both living in NYC ) for art school and got that bachelor of fine arts degree, graduating just spring last year and has no desire to further those studies cause screw school he’s done with institutions for a decade

also his parents filed for divorce while he was at it. before he was even done with freshman year. wasn’t all too surprising nor did he have anything to really say about it, except the times mom called him whilst drunk and essentially blamed it on him being a bad son :/// his dad’s fucked off somewhere he hasn’t heard whole lot from him in last three years beside birthday texts and money transfers to his bank account. and subtle messages through mom about how he expects him to clean up one of these days. meanwhile mom mostly contacts just to check he’s alive & doing well financially while slipping in vague ‘if you would have just listened to me‘s and ‘when will you come to your senses’s >_>

forgot to mention his dad’s a CEO of a small airline company. don’t ask me what his mom does idk prob some manager of a huge ass successful online shop?? something along those lines

will not speak about them if asked tbh don't expect anything other than "they're alive."

does not like announcing his ( their ) wealth to the world either and tries not to make decisions that could reflect that but something always has to give in the end. like he’s just way too happy to blow money on other people no matter how subtle he tries to be about it and often like his parents buys new stuff instead of finding ways to bring his old along, some of his clothes are also a dead giveaway it’s not so much that he specifically purchases anything cause it’s designer but if it looks nice he doesn’t see it as any different buying from any other store around. smells awfully lot like privilege but he’s unapologetic in getting exactly what he wants, it’s not his problem if someone takes offence to that

kind of also hates that he’s so dependant on parent’s money still but has made peace with it by giving away and works twice as hard for his own stuff, regardless if it yields anything cause he’s not doing this whole painting thing as a means to gain money ( would like to, but alas, it’s a tricky career path ) more from pure passion for the art

and noeul def is not gonna tell them to stop sending him cash he'll just have fun spending it in all the shit they'd hate-- even if they've basically set conditions but weird enough haven't cut him off yet. guess that really is the only thing they can give him and they know it too :))

so. doesn’t actually like sitting idle even tho he all but could, yet cannot happily place himself in an establishment with very strict 9 to 5 shifts and such, so if and when he takes on extra work occasionally it’s always part-time, and for own personal gratification

in the case of him recently taking on a spot as a part-time barista here in acarike ( started like, two days ago or something ) was also bc of keeping up appearances ( surely he would run out of money eventually? no, but no one needs to know that ) and getting to know some of the people around since his group of road-tripping friends have seriously decided to settle in

if anyone was wondering yes he has experience working in cafes, among other places. his parents abhorred him taking on such jobs at all cause “what was the point? are we not providing enough?” first of all did he ask?

I guess he is currently residing in the stardust motel?? but is looking for a place

for him travelling in the past few years has been sorta cathartic, inspiring if I dare say both in personal growth and in his work since he can decide on everything by himself, where he wants to go, for how long, for why etc

sometimes likes when he has company for that, other times he just needs to make a trip in solitary. altogether prefers meeting random people along the way

is a kind of odd friend, loyal, compassionate and all that but puts himself before anyone else. or rather puts his emotional and other needs before everything else. if he feels you’re the one getting more out of it than he is it’s not worth it sorry. very generous tho and sees it as his duty to help others in any way if it doesn’t inconvenience him. not unreliable but available only when it suits him. so unless it’s life threatening or emotional distress he will not drop everything for even a friend’s sake you can wait an hour or two. can make friends as quick as he drops them

might get a little inappropriately affectionate with friends. especially so when intoxicated

is an even weirder lover. he loves the idea and feeling of being in love and the emotional thrill of it. relationships are fun yeah but commitment?? not in his. vocabulary. to elaborate he lives for the push and pull and the suspense of it all and needs things to stay stimulating on all levels across the board when deepening relationships further while also being able to maintain a sense of own freedom. he craves the sort of emotional security and gratification it all brings but refuses to become dependant on it ( he knows how that will go ), furthermore does not like all the limitations it brings nor everything being perfect to the point of feeling fake??

tries to make it clear that he’s NOT looking for anything long term but even then people haven’t taken it well when he out of the blue announces they should stop whatever it is they’re doing. he always feels bad about it and tries to part in good terms but yeah :// many hearts have been broken. it’s probably even worse for the other person cause Noeul himself seems to have absolutely no problem continuing his life like nothing happened. all this has made him into a bit of a serial dater??

in whole he takes everything as they are, nothing is everlasting and he doesn’t try to make it so, doesn’t necessarily want to. values experiences but doesn’t get too hung up on letting go of them. including relationships. this is something a lot of people in his life wont understand and it’s frustrating for everyone involved sometimes but you gotta do what you gotta do. might be scared of opening up to people. of that attachment. maybe he’s actually just picky and is waiting for something out of the world magical who knows

repels all negativity as if his life depended on it like. add begone thot meme here

but can also be very confrontational so???

is actually in constant war with himself over positive and negative emotions but filters that out pretty handily. most of the time. cause uh absolutely will turn vicious and loud when angry. sensitive to criticism and personal attacks but gets over it quick enough. does hold grudges but mainly towards people whose opinion he cares about. strangers rarely phase him. has random emotion™ bursts but tbh only cries when being shouted at and/or being target of someone’s wrath-- OR when noeul's angry himself?? also lowkey dramatic but most of the time he’s just sorta chill and cheery, occasionally sarcastic but in a good-natured way he doesn’t mean ill with it. has very strong opinions on some things but doesn’t care if someone else sees it differently. as long as they’re not saying their way is the only right way. or if their reasoning is utter bullshit which he will call out then :))

negative people just make him laugh. will not take your ass seriously at all if you’re being a douche. used to take offence to these kinds of people all the time but he’s grown out of it and learned to simply ignore people who don’t deserve the time of his day. at least outwardly.

similarly used to be very.. well. lets say prone to letting people control and push him around cause that’s what he had learned to accept but whoo boy when he finally figured it out and took the reigns into own hands no one could stop him try it bitch

likes doing things in own terms in general, need for control has kinda taken off so will not take kindly to being ordered around in any manner. tries not to impose on other people or be pushy himself but cannot stand indecisiveness so. it happens. for better or for worse

in tune with his surroundings and current community of people if something’s off he can sense it and it will bug him to no end before it’s fixed. this could be anything from his room being in disarray to something going on in the city in whole

I ain’t saying he’s a psychic but actually stupid intuitive most cases WILL see through your bullshit don’t even try

…ok but lowkey into supernatural stuff and spirituality all that jazz he’s gone through it all while trying to find himself– which is a whole another can of worms we ain’t opening here

did I forget to mention noeul and co ( minho & jae ) rolled into town in this shiny big rv. he's def looking to buy a smaller car to drive around

not too keen on giving rides to strangers since this one time two summers ago that went south real fast when a guy pulled a knife on him. has a pretty big scar to show for it on his right side? tummy?? there’s a pic in the profile page if you’re curious. he jokes about it now "it adds character" but is actually terrified of that happening again so perpetually jumpy minho blames himself for it cause he's dumb

you can prob hear him coming 5 miles away with the amount of jewellery he adorns

don’t get me started on his wardrobe it’s a mixed bag and then some. gender norms belong into the fiery pits of a volcano

is equal parts a tea & coffee enthusiast basically lives off that stuff. i'm probably not even exaggerating here boy forgets to eat when he gets focused on something and just wolfs down a pot of coffee.

obsessed with watermelon flavoured lollipops probably has one on him at all times somehow magically pulls them outta thin air??

you can prob find him painting outside in the randomest places when the weather's nice

likes painting on people probably as much as painting them

it’s not an intimacy thing I swear. but. can be?? probably accidentally turns that way that’s just how he is

prefers either to focus on faces ( eyes specifically ) or nude models in general fcking @ him

this. is so long already I’m sorry omg

and that’s all I got my brains’ fried over this all but yo come plot with me pls also check my plots maybe orrr if you want me to check your plots ( I’d love to!! ) come poke me ay ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

#acarike:intro #i am physically incapable of keeping these things short #hands out cookies to anyone who read through all that bless your heart #cake gif bc CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!

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fmdtaeyongarchive · 7 years

Text

↬ i beg you, don't be disappointed with the man i've become.

date: december 5, 2017 (d-7 to album release)

location: knight’s dorm

word count: 1,705

summary: honestly idek. ash hates himself. he’s doing great emotionally.

notes: depression tw. mentions of alcohol abuse. mentions of weight loss and vaguely(?) suicidal thoughts tw. i lost the original version of this para back in october so i finally rewrote it and gave it a makeover to be relevant now.

“I wish my family and friends, they stay healthy I wish that love was a currency and the whole world was wealthy I found myself late night wishing on a star Everyday I wish I'd never broken a heart.”

when his manager said ash’s new schedule would be a lot busier than it had originally been, he hadn’t been kidding. for the past month and a half, it’s been the same. ash spends all day in the studio recording either for his album, or a portal single, or one of knight’s albums, and then he has concept meetings for music videos and photo shoots and stages, and they’re all pointless because they rarely consider his input anyway. there are days ash leaves with a success to his record for expressing his own vision, but they’re rare and he wonders how he can feel so stifled when the music on the album itself is so intrinsically his work, from his lyrics to his music to his voice.

today is a good day, at least. recording for his album is long done and the meetings are only about promotion concepts now. nothing today directly contradicts his own vision, so he celebrates the small victory in his mind as he leaves the bc building.

as decent as his day has been, when he gets back to the knight dorm for the day, he wants to be alone, so when his phone starts to vibrate on his bedside table, he plans to ignore it. when he looks down and sees a face time request from ‘mom’, though, he has no choice but to pick it up. there hasn’t been a time since he debuted that he got to talk to his parents enough and it’s been even worse lately with his busy schedule.

“mom?”

his mother’s face appears on the screen and she looks just like she always does, somehow both put-together like the magazine editor she is and as relaxed as the free spirit he knows her to be. “ashton! i’m glad i caught you. you’re not busy now, are you?”

“no, mom,” ash answers, angling the camera to show her where he is before bringing it back to his face. “i’m just at the dorm. i’m not doing anything.” he’s unable to keep himself from smiling at seeing his mom’s face and hearing her voice. he sees her disappear off-screen for a few seconds before his dad joins her in the frame.

“son!” his dad bellows with a wide grin, before it falters with what ash reads as concern."you look like you’ve lost weight. you’re losing those signature kwon cheeks that made your mother fall for me.” ash sees his mom roll her eyes and the homesickness hits him all at once. “your mom and i have been watching your award shows performances and you’re getting really thin. they better not be starving you over there.”

“all i do is eat, dad. you know me.”

“are you sure? you’re starting to look as thin as you did last year, kid. you lost a lot of weight back then.”

the mention of the previous year makes ash shift on his bed. as open as his relationship with his parents is, he’s never found it in him to tell them more than the basics of what had happened last year. they didn’t even know he’d been put on antidepressants and gone through endless sessions with his therapist. they didn’t know he’d lost all of his passion and desire to exist like air knocked out of his lungs after a blow to the stomach. he knows it’s not a big deal and it’s not really a secret and they’d be supportive and want him to be healthy, but he doesn’t want to worry them. they’re too far away to do anything and it’s not their problem.

his mom seems to notice his sudden discomfort and traces the path of the conversation away from his dad’s train of thought.

“do you think you’ll be able to come home for your birthday and christmas this year?” she asks.

“mom... i...” he doesn’t know why he’s hesitating. she has to know the answer. he knows her, which means he knows she only asked out of the tiny shred of hope that it would be different this year. “my album’s coming out and i’ll be promoting over christmas.” his voice takes on a melancholy tone. “i really wish i could, but you know i don’t get a say in it.” he has no control over the circumstances, but guilt begins to bubble in his chest anyway.

“we’ll send your gift in the mail, then,” his mom says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. ash knows his parents miss seeing him. likewise, he misses them more than he could ever convey to them. he misses home. no matter how long he lives in seoul or how many friends he makes there, it will never be his home.

“so, ash..,” his dad speaks up with a more awkward tone after a few seconds of silence in which the guilt only continues to eat away at ash. “you know we don’t usually read all the rumors about you, but we saw they’ve been popping up again an awful lot.” it’s a topic ash has dreaded having to discuss with his parents. “you’re doing okay, right, ash? you’re so young, kid, and we know you have a different kind of pressure on your shoulders than most kids your age do, but we don’t want you to let all of that get to you,” his dad says and ash barely holds back a bitter laugh. can they really not tell that it got to him a long, long time ago? “we know who you are, son, and it’s not any of the hate you get. you have a lot of love to give and you’ve always had a kind heart. we’ve never questioned that.” the words should reassure ash, but there’s something about them that makes him feel like there’s a but coming.

and it does come.

“but you’re not... drinking too much, are you?” of course they’ve seen the video from back in tokyo. if they keep tabs on him, they were bound to. he just hopes they haven’t read the comments. ash deserves all of the harsh words he gets, but they don’t deserve to have to read them. they don’t deserve to realize that despite all of their best efforts, their son has turned out to be someone so unlikable and flawed beyond repair.

“i’m an adult. i can drink,” he says with as much conviction as he can muster. there’s nothing wrong with him having a drink, but that doesn’t keep him from feeling guilty every time he resorts to getting so drunk that he can finally feel something close to numbness. it isn’t fair for him to be numb when so many others have suffered because of him. the poison eating away at his soul is his punishment and yet he’s so weak, he tries evade it. the guilt he’d felt earlier from not being able to visit home for the holidays has spread to his whole body now.

he can’t look into the screen of his phone anymore and a silence hangs in the air of his room. in the quiet, the urge to drown himself in the calming sea of liquor creeps up on him again and, god, does he hate himself for it. he wonders if instead of his punishment being his own pain, it’s his inability to disappear into thin air. the only way he could possibly hope to atone for his mistakes is to let everyone live their lives free of him before he can do something else to hurt them.

his parents deserve to have a good person for a son, but he doesn’t know how to apologize for the fault of his existence.

instead, he clears his throat and blinks back tears threatening to wet his face. “um, hey, guys.” his voice nearly cracks, just like he can feel his composure doing. “i know i said i wasn’t busy, but i forgot to do something important before i came home. i actually have to go, sorry. it’s a..,” he wavers, “a work thing.”

ash can see the disappointment in his parents’ faces and although he knows it isn’t directed at him, he thinks it should be.

“okay, well, i love you, ashton,” his mom says first. her sadness at their short conversation weighs heavy on his heart.

his dad adds, “yeah, we love you. stay healthy, okay, son?”

ash nods wordlessly, fighting back the urge to tell them he doesn’t deserve their love. he knows they’d argue to the contrary because they’re good and loving people. much more so than he’s ever deserved. “i love you guys. talk to you soon.” his response is quiet and he gives them a forced smile before ending the call and tossing his phone to the foot of his bed.

the tears come as soon as there’s no one to see them, but ash fights hopelessly to hold them back. they feel like stinging acid running down his cheeks. they’re tears he shouldn’t be shedding. what has he done to earn the right to be sad? so many have it worse than him, yet he has the audacity to cry. tears have always come too easily to him because of his selfish need to release his own pain.

he rubs the soft fabric of his sweater over the damp skin under his eyes as he reaches over to turn off the lamp on his bedside table. he feels the darkness blanket the room and then slowly creep into his heart as he rests the side of his head against his pillow and curls up into himself. a puddle of dampness from his tears forms on the pillowcase, but he doesn’t notice. he tries to fight back all of his thoughts, to let his mind go blank of any intrusion without the aid of liquor. it’s not as easy, but nothing ever is for him lately.

he doesn’t remember falling asleep, but eventually he gives in to the thoughts prodding at his mind and, exhausted by his own crying, drifts off into a dreamless sleep with only the hope that it will all be better when he wakes up. that he will be better when he wakes up.

#&& when you're screaming but they only hear you whisper | self para #&& bring color to my skies | character development #no way i'm going to get all the self-paras i want to write done before....... something

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delusionaliisms · 7 years

Note

sage n xander for the shippy meme.... :')

“ send me a ship and i’ll tell you…” // accepting.

Q01. who asks the other on dates ?

wELL WELL WELL …. neither anymore lmao. but when they were ~together~, i feel like xander asked sage on dates more ?? or like they planned one out together like idk a day out somewhere or a night in, watching netflix and ordering takeaway ??

Q02. who is the bigger cuddler ?

highkey sage but lowkey xander lmao. xander is a big cuddler deep down ok but it just takes a lot of luring out to get it to show so i’m gonna say that sage is the bigger cuddler & xander loves it. he loves cuddling even though he pretends to be all Strong and Tough and Buffy who needs no cuddles whatsoever but we both know that sometimes he needs to be the little spoon too and have his hair caressed :///

Q03. who initiates holding hands more often ?

i think xander used to initiate it more often? like it was probably his way of showing everyone like hEY LOOK AT US WE ARE A COUPLE YUP THIS BOY IS MINE PLEASE STAY TEN FEET AWAY FROM HIM THANK YOU IN ADVANCE bc he’s possessive as fuck like that. but then eventually it probably became like a habit in the few months and now if they’re :) walking next to each other :) his first instinct is to grab sage’s hand :) but :) :) he can’t :)

Q04. who remembers anniversaries ?

me: what anniversaries…. ok but i think sage does bc xander is deadass so bad with remembering dates like this man barely even remembers his own BIRTHDAY … and he’s always had difficulties with knowing ~what exactly~ is their anniversary like.. the day they met? the day they first kissed? the day they first confessed their feelings? the day they established that yes we are a Thing, we are boyfriends?? he’s just confused ok so i’m pretty sure that sage is better at remembering the dates.

Q05. who is more possessive ?

ok like i said, xander is possessive as fuck so definitely him. like he gives sage hickeys just because he wants everyone to know that sage is his & his only ( even though he isn’t, but that’s on u @xander, not that anyone else would know that anyway ) and he just ?? always finds himself around and close to sage whenever they’re like at the same party / bar and he sees some stranger chatting him up like he’ll find a way to Interfere .. one way or another ! but then again i feel like they’re both possessive in their own way.

Q06. who gets more jealous ?

again, xander lmao.. he’s probably the most jealous person ever & i fucking hate him for that … like the only reason why he’d be so bothered by some guy chatting sage up, is bc he feels like sage is HIS ??? even though they’re not together anymore. and his jealous ass is also the type to ask around their friend group like … u know if sage has a new guy ... like he’s impossible. even when they were together, he probably like never left sage’s side when they were out for the night & having a few drinks with friends ,,,, just bc he’s possessive and jealous & can’t have anyone trying to steal his boy away from him :////

Q07. who is more protective ?

they’re both protective in their own way like xander’s the type to square up to fight anyone who’s even a little mean to sage ?? but then they’re also protective in a way like.. getting upset when they hear that the other hasn’t eaten all day? reminding each other to eat and do things that are bASIC HUMAN NEEDS ( tho not anymore bc that’d .. lowkey be weird like just randomly texting each other like “hey have u eaten today ? if not, go have some ok thanks !” ) lmaooo.

Q08. who is more likely to cheat ?

ok honestly… i think xander. realistically speaking i don’t think he would but if he would, that’d only be because he’d freak out at how serious things were getting & it’d be like.. the only way he could think of that’d make sage?? RUN THE OTHER DIRECTION?? like he’d only do it a) bc he’s scared and b) bc he’d be trying to push sage away bc god knows that no other way could do it.

Q09. who initiates sexy times the most ?

um… sage always booty calls xander… so him? ok honestly i think xander sometimes calls him for a booty call late at night when he’s downed one too many drinks and his bed feels too cold and too empty to be sleeping in alone. but mostly sage initiates them i think?

Q10. who dislikes PDA the most ?

ok so probably ? xander ? idk how sage feels about pda but xander definitely doesn’t like overly excessive, annoying and grossing everyone out- type of pda. like hugging, holding hands, little kisses and little touches are fine but unless you’re heavily making out at some bar bathroom, pls don’t be all over him bc that’ll annoy the shit out of him & make him push them away. bUT LUCKILY they don’t have that problem bc i feel like the only time they ever do pda these days, are when they’re at the same party / club / bar and they’re making out in some corner or in the bathroom tbh.

Q11. who kills the spider ?

again, idk how sage feels about spiders and bugs in general or like if he’s afraid of them / just doesn’t like to kill them but xander always kills all & any bugs, including spiders, bc he doesn’t like them. they’re too tiny and look odd and they make him uncomfortable ok, he might be 6′4′’ ft tall and be as muscular as he is bUT BOI does he hate bugs lmao. they make him UNEASY so he kills all and any bugs he sees !!

Q12. who asks the the other to marry them ?

hold on hold on ……. these two have trouble even aDMITTING THAT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER / HAVE CAUGHT FEELS …. and u want me to talk about them getting married … me: ok Sure why not ! dfkfkldg ok but hypothetically speaking if they were ever to get married, i feel like xander would be the one to get on one knee bc he’d rather propose to someone than be proposed to tbh.

Q13. who buys the other flowers or gifts ?

OK SO ……. i think xander used to buy these cute lil gifts for sage?? like just random things that made him think of his fav boy or things that he’s certain that he’d like? just cute lil things like that to show his appreciation for him. AND FLOWERS !!! flowers for sure, which would be kind of ironic bc sage is a florist himself but like.. watch xander bring him flowers??? like his fave ones if he knows what they are. but then again, idk but like sage seems like the person who would ?? also maybe bring xander flowers ?? idk it’s a cute thought ok :(

Q14. who would bring up possibly having kids ?

this one goes into the same category as the marriage one …… they cant even !!!! admit that they love each other !!!! let alone bring up having kids !!! the fuck !!!! but again, for the sake of this meme.. hypothetically speaking, it’d have to be sage bc xander is scared of parenting honestly like… he’d Not have children if his partner didn’t suggest them / it didn’t just happen, like that man would Not suggest it himself so it’d have to be sage who’d bring it up.

Q15. who is more nervous to meet the parents ?

sage was, for sure !!! ok xander was kind of nervous as well bc he’s never met his partner’s parents / guardians before ( this bitch has !! never !! had a real relationship before !! ) but he’s also very charming and comes along with most people so he wouldn’t be like ~too worried~ or nervous. but we TALKED ABOUT THIS ONCE and i think u said sage was more nervous to meet xander’s family ?? so i’m gonna say him.

Q16. who sleeps on the couch when the other is angry ?

lmao NEITHER… they just storm out right away bc they don’t live together / have no reason to stick around for the night. or at least xander would storm out and bang the doors after himself lmao. idk if sage would be that extra but i’m pretty sure they both would just leave.

Q17. who tries to make up first after arguments ?

ok i think that it depends? like the one who started the argument / was wrong / made the other upset etc, would be the one to come crawling back & try to make up for the fight? like they should tbh, i know that xander sure as hell wouldn’t go and try to make up if sage was the one who’d started the argument in the first place.

Q18. who tells the other they love them more often ?

boi … is u for real rn…. NEITHER !!!! these little shits are too afraid to admit it !!! what the FU CK !!!!!

#flcwershops #› :·° ░▒█ ⋮ ❛ ᵐʸ ᵃᵐᵇᶦᵗᶦᵒᶰ ᶜᵒᵘᶫᵈ ᵈᵉᵛᵒᵘʳ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵗᵃʳᶫᶦᵍʰᵗ ❜ ❪ answered ooc. ❫#› :·° ░▒█ ⋮ ❛ ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ᵃ ᶠᶫᵃˢʰᶫᶦᵍʰᵗ ᶦᶰ ᵃ ᵈᵃʳᵏ ʳᵒᵒᵐ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ᶫᵒᶰᵉᶫᶦᵉˢᵗ ᵇᶫᵃᶜᵏᵒᵘᵗ ❜ ❪ xander & sage. ❫#lmao some of these questions were ...#WILD bc their relationship isnt at That Point yet lmao

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atlantias · 7 years

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date #3 of 2017

so this the 3rd date with the 22 year old TA from here and here.

i was so so so excited to see him, i was giddy the whole day, i couldn’t stop smiling and listening to upbeat music. when i got to his house, i got there before him and he told me to go in bc his door was unlocked omg. so i get there and use the bathroom, and then when i walked downstairs he was already there, and he startled me. we hugged and we started watching bates motel. i was so happy and content, we cuddled and he has this nice comforting way of rubbing my shoulder or my knee or my leg when we’re cuddling.

but after the first episode we went to a fancy burger place (it was delicious) and of course listened to music (he let me play my songs). i played love somebody by wafia (another one of my fav songs) and he told me he liked it. lol i sang along to all da songs. we got back to his house and we straight up watched like 6 episodes of bates motel in a row omg. so a recurring thing the past couple of dates is that we would watch netflix and then have sex on his couch bc his bedroom is right next to his mom’s and we couldn’t do it there. so we small talk and joke a little right after watching bates and then honestly he just jumps my bones. at this point, i was happy (finally off my period) and i like kissing him. this is graphic lmao but i wanna include it bc it’s important. after he finished, he told me he felt stoned, as if he was on morphine, and he told me it was a good feeling. i thought it was cute, and i recall kissing his face and stroking his hair as he just held me close. i asked him “am i too heavy?” and he laughed bc it was “a polite question” and he also said “youre not heavy.” yo come to find out i actually bled a little on him which was embarrassing but again he wasn’t bothered by it.

so we end up going up to bed. at this point i started feeling kinda emotional bc my ex’s birthday was on january 10th (the next day bc this was the 9th) and i teared up in his tv room as he was upstairs getting water. i put on my sweater and go to my bag in the entrance hall and as i was rummaging through things he came downstairs. he seemed taken aback to see me in the entrance hall as if i was going to leave because he paused and just looked at me. i finally looked up and asked if i could have an oversized shirt. he told me he was giving his fargo shirt (the one he gave me last time), and he stated it was his favorite shirt.

we go up to his room and i get ready for bed. this is the first time i dont fix my makeup, but rather take off my makeup. i felt comfortable enough. i cry a little to myself in the bathroom bc i hurt physically and emotionally. we lay down and we cuddle a little, but im still crying a little so i move away from him, putting my back to him. he reached out, rubbing my back as i cried silently. after a lil while i get myself together, turning back to him and he told me he just wanted me to be comfortable. after a lil bit of silence i ask if he’s really tired and he told me no, that we could talk a little. i get silent and he goes “wazzaaaaaap” bc it’s some sort of fucking film reference idk he luvs movies. im bad at talking about my feelings, but im most comfortable in the dark, so i ask “what is this?” there’s moments of silence and he finally responds “well, for lack of a better word, fun.” when he said that, my heart sank and i was so quiet.

the summary is that we talk a little bit about the direction of what’s happening. so basically, he tells me “i see you as a friend and im sure you see me as a friend too” and when i ask why i met his mom he said that he thought it was the polite thing to do. he told me that he’s “bad at reading social situations” and that things he does and says isn’t the same as others view it or some shit. he told me that he has never had a girlfriend (i dont believe that bullshit bc i did some facebook stalking) and that he “has a feeling” taht the first girl he dates is the one he’s going to marry. he also tells me that he’s always working and that he’s gonna be busy, that maybe he’ll be in california or chicago or somewhere in new england after grad school. and i was so overwhelmed, i was like “shit youre talking about the long term.” i told him i wanted to know where we go from here, whether we’re going to see each other again and he said “oh i thought so.” he also told me “i think what “this” is is two consenting adults having fun and enjoying each other’s company which is healthy and good for the mentality” or something like that. i told him that labels are good to know where we’re going and what to do and how to plan. after that, we small talk a little i force laughs and then i stop responding. he told me he had the bastille cover of no scrubs stuck in his head and i told him i did too. in the end, i rolled over and turned my back to him. i was so angry that he led me on that angry tears poured from my face. i felt so stupid. and he just fell asleep. i hated that part.

in the morning, i turned back to him and i just stared at him. i wondered if he felt guilty. if he felt the anger radiating off of me. i decided at that point to kinda harden my heart and in a way use him to get what i want without getting more emotions involved. so we cuddle some more and we end up having sex in his bed. lowkey i was so angry that i just wanted to fuck all the anger out, but i dont think he knew i was angry. in the end i ended up bleeding again and i actually hurt physically, which fueled more anger.

he fucking love bagels so we ended up going to get bagels again. we listened to old arctic monkeys songs and i got to see a glimpse of the sea. after getting bagels to go, he dropped me off at my car and we hugged briefly. he told me to drive safely and then sped off to see his dad. i ended up leaving.

summary n thoughts: im angry that i let myself fall so fast. i thought you were supposed to believe people’s actions over their words, but this time the actions showed much different things from his words. why read me your favorite poetry? why introduce me to your mom? why sing along to songs together? why show me the place your friend crashed his car and died? why try to get to know me? why take me to a fancy expensive restaurant and try to impress me when all you intended to do was be friends? i dont know what’s going to happen. i want to see him again, but idk if that’s good for me. i want him to know how much what he did sucked and hurt me. it’s only january 10th and im already disappointed and tired. i know im bad at showing my feelings and at opening up and talking about myself and i wonder if something i did or didnt do changed his mind about me or if he was just an oblivious asshole the whole time.

#college #boys #:(

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shushthisaintmytumbla · 3 years

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6/8/2021 Life Update!!!

Omg I cannot believe it has been 8 freaking months since the last time i wrote here. SO MUCH has changed its insane. JK not really, but the good news is covid is basically over!!!!!!! I got a vaccine back in March and so did my fam so I have been livvinnnn way more than the last time we spoke. I almost teared up reading back on the last life update to see strong I was at that time and how much I’ve been able to hold onto those values of self worth and confidence to this day. As much as 2020 SUCKED... so much personal growth came from it that I truly don't know if I would've had if it weren't for life slowing down, working from home, and being able to really focus on myself.

I guess to reflect on some of the past 8 months... that boy i mentioned i was talking to but wasn't sure about hmm idk how to explain it but I definitely never felt a spark.. we hung quite a few times, but everything felt very structured and I don't know if it was because of the state of the world or if I just wasn't really into it. But I must say im really grateful to have met him and I still talk to him every now and then to this day. I think he's a really sweet human and someone I want in my life as a friend. He moved to NYC so who knows maybe ill see him over there ;)

Since were on the boy update, I’ve recently went on a couple dates with 2 different guys both super sweet but idk im not seeking something and its definitely difficult to try to date while still living in OP. I hate keeping secrets, but I HATE the idea of telling my parents about a date lol

Work has pretty much remained the same buuuut about a month after my last post i really stuck to my gun about wanting something new and exciting and I got a job as an assistant to an influencer. It has been a really fun experience getting to learn more about the business side of things and I can definitely see my career shifting in that direction if I want out of the music biz. My boss boss recently just left the company so things are starting to pick up more with work which could affect this influencer role. Im just gonna let my real job play out and see where things go. We were told a return to office date in Sept. which I am very very scared about. I DO NOT want to go back to an office. As much as I love socializing, I LOVE the flexibility and freedom of WFH. It is definitely a HUGE reason why I have been able to stay so fit the past year and a half. I’m really scared about going back to a 9-5 office life and lose this motivation I have rn for fitness.

As far as the future, I am SO confused on where I am headed which is really scary but I guess exciting too. I have not given up my hopes of moving to NYC. It is literally all I think about most days. I know my parents would be super bummed for me to move away, but at this point i have no desire to be back in LA. I would have no one I really care to live with here since everyone else kind of is moving out with others or have different plans. I really just think I need change after a year of so much stillness. I crave a new city, making new friends, and making a new version of myself or I guess just building off of this new found appreciation I have for my self. Moving across the country sounds very scary to me, but I know I need to do it. Im dead set on the idea. I just need to find a job and a place to live there lol. I do have some leads on roommates (Molly and then maybe this girl I met from Molly in Prague). The issue with it is i don't think they'd move till Feb 2022, which seems like FOREVER AWAY.

Living at home makes me feel like my life is on pause. I don't feel like I can grow or become my own person while under my parents roof. Also, since the last time we’ve chatted here, a lot of family dynamic has changed. Im not gonna spill the tea here bc its really deep and personal and thats a lot for saying on a platform where im fine writing EVEERYTHING. Its just something i can't come to terms with opening up about to anyone, but lets just say I need distance and to create my own future.

As far as life, I have been able to travel a lot more in the past few months. In the beginning of May I spent 2 weeks in Hawaii with Mckay, her friend Mara, Cassidy, and Mara’s friend Daron. It was SO fun. The most fun I’ve had in a while. It was my first time on a plane in so long and it felt soooo good to be away. I also have travelled to Phoenix/Scottsdale AZ a couple times with Fiona and that was so fun. I am weirdly obsessed with AZ now I could also see myself living there if it weren't so damn hot and if i knew some more people. Traveling again fills me with so much joy. I have some other fun trips coming up like Glacier National park with my family, another trip to AZ (lol told you im obsessed) for my birthday weekend, and I even purchased CONCERT TICKETS for Kygo in sept. wow I can't wait for my first concert back. oh wait i also have Harry in AUGUST fuck ya life is getting good again.

I’m really not sure what the new few months holds for me with work, friends, relationships, where I will end up, etc. which really scares me and I don't know why. I usually like having things figured out and a game plan and I legit have none. If you ask me now my hope is to get out by late aug/sept. I have some plans through then, so after that I really want to dig into my escape to NYC. Covid kinda fucked up life threw me around and is now spitting me back into a place where i don't know where to go or when to make the next move. I feel at a weird place with my friendships. Obviously I love my friends, but everyone is kinda starting to do their own thing, focus on themselves, and go on their own necessary path, and that is why I am so motivated to make my own. I have been manifesting a move to New York for almost a year now lol so CASE the next time we meet here you better have a fricken plan to get your butt to New York. Do it for yourself. Do it and don't look back. Change will be good and necessary. YOU GOT THIS.

Talk soon x

Casey

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secretariatbourgeoisophobe · 7 years

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i got myself tagged by @ilyatath and @fmlforeverwrites and its taken me so long to do this bc im trash but hye ho here i am!!!

rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people. yeah im not even gonna get close to 20 people and i have a feeling that some of you have already done this but oh well @asharadaynes @tooextremeforlouisiana @aaron-burrsir @kreacherwrites @kryptxns @opalcscent @beccabec876 @mynameismelodypond and if any of y’all who ain’t tagged wanna do this then be my guest

the last

1. drink: strawberry and kiwi squash which honestly tastes a surprising amount like nondescript punch

2. phone call: i don’t make phone calls but i guess when my auntie called last week to check one of the boxes she was storing here??????

3. text message: last general message was to an rp partner this morning lmao bc i wanted to hurt her w ship inspo

4. song you listened to: lost boy by ruth b i think????

5. time you cried: months ago idk like it could legit be 2 or 18 months ago i have no idea

6. dated someone twice: u presume me to have dated someone once

7. kissed someone and regretted it: regret can be avoided if u never do the thing in the first place

8. been cheated on: u can’t get cheated on if u never dated in the first place

9. lost someone special: as long as ghosting on friends doesn’t count then this is a hard no

10. been depressed: yeaaaahhhhh the apathy’s still w me even outside of the severe episodes

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: surprisingly enough ive never actually reached this point before even beer olympics wasnt as dicey as id expected

3 favourite colours

12. dark reds (like burgundy, maroon or crimson)

13. black like my soul

14. idek black and red or my go to faves maybe dark purples/blues??????

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yeah yeah yeah going to america kinda meant i had to lmao

16. fallen out of love: im gonna say no but this is a massive probably

17. laughed until you cried: i dont think so????? but idk maybe

18. found out someone was talking about you: nah i dont think so im too boring to be talked about

19. met someone who changed you: im gonna say yeah, im probs gonna say this a lot but going to america was hella good and it was p hard not to be changed by all the stuff over there

20. found out who your friends are: sorta yes sorta no idk let me be a cryptid in peace

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: i. have. never. been. kissed.

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them i think idk i should probs clear some of those dicks out

23. do you have any pets: unfortunately no but i want a fucking cat when im older

24. do you want to change your name: not really nah. it’s basic but its mine and i kinda like it but if u use the wrong form of my name for our friendship level then i will feel uncomfy

25. what did you do for your last birthday: packed up all my shit then chilled w my friends and played mario kart

26. what time did you wake up: around 9 i think???? i dont do well w remembering shit

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: im p sure i was sorting out my inventory in da:i, idk i was deffo doing inquisition shit then

28. name something you can’t wait for: the last jedi to come out. gimme fucking force sensitive finn!!! make jedistormpilot canon u cowards!!!!!

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: an hour or so ago. she’s around and hovering and i just want her to go

31. what are you listening to right now: the goldbergs is on in the background rn but im not actively paying attention

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: i mean it felt like there were three dozen different toms back at school so yeah

33. something that is getting on your nerves: my parent’s constantly hanging around, the dread thought that my sister is coming home in around an week and i will get no peace

34. most visited website: this blue hellsite

35. hair colour: brown

36. long or short hair: it’s kinda long but it really doesn’t look like it lmao

37. do you have a crush on someone: not really?????? idk emotions are weird fucking things

38. what do you like about yourself: i mean i tend to refuse to back down on most things so i guess dedication is a way to make that sound positive??????

39. piercings: honestly i dont think i could ever get a piercing they weird me out for myself they say as they have a tattoo and are planning like half a dozen more

40. blood type: o+ which i guess is a pretty versatile type

41. nickname: no-one actually calls me this but my fave for me would just be d. the single letter by itself. and it absolutely has to be in lowercase people do also often call me dan and sometimes danny but none of them are at the right friend level and it is a Bad

42. relationship status: single as a pringle for 20 solitary years

43. zodiac: taurus. i was also born in the year of the ox so rip anyone who tries to argue w me

44. pronouns: they/them pls n thnx

45. favourite tv show: i watch like a million different shows and they are all trash but rn my fave is probs coach trip and i hate that most u have never seen it and dont know how much fun it is

46. tattoos: i got a geometric heart on my chest and im planning so many more pls message me about it so i can gush about it to someone

47. right or left handed: right like any good god-fearing person who is not influenced by the devil and witchcraft

48. surgery: ive never had surgery myself and i hope i never will (unless it’s for organ donation)

50. sport: i row, not well but to a vaguely competitive standard and i enjoy it even though my hands are llike permanently callused now

51. vacation: my last one was to boston for a week after the academic year ended but going to mexico over easter was gr9 too

52. pair of trainers: if we’re talking actual proper trainers then ive only got one pair from decathlon but i do have some hella nice vans which i got for p cheap

GENERAL

53. eating: food is good. and not to be stereotypical but chicken is the best. esp rice and peas and chicken. also carbs. there is no such things as too much carbs. the media is lying to you

54. drinking: rum. it might be a bad thing that my first thought was to go to alcohol but idc im a mess

55. I’m about to: idk probs play some more inquisition

56. waiting for: my motivation to return from the war?????? to finish studying so i can move out of my parents’ house and steadily become the family’s queer cryptid

57. want: my parents to shut up and leave me alone. not gonna happen tho

58. get married: yes ofc i do im a fucking romantic mess bicth lemme indulge my fantasies

59. career: philosopher lmao. i get paid to sit around and bullshit all day what could be better

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: ofc hugs are better lmao they’re just like !!!!! hug me all day idc

61. lips or eyes: eyes ofc, eyes are soft and pure. gimme those fucking eyes

62. shorter or taller: honestly i love me a good height difference either way but like ideally she’d be taller but im like 6′0 on a good day and i have to keep reminding myself that’s kinda tol so taller is unlikely rip me

63. older or younger: idgaf tbh but im amongst the youngest most of the places i go so younger would be nice i guess lmao

64. nice arms or nice stomach: umm idk both are nice and give good #aesthetics but i gotta agree w ilyatath and say goodlegs are the best plus good legs basically ensure a good ass

65. hookup or relationship: i told u im a fucking romantic gimme them sweet ass relationships. make me know that im special and important to u

66. troublemaker or hesitant: honestly hesitant but if my friends are causing trouble bet ur ass imma be there tagging along

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: im p sure y’all can guess the answer to this by now lmao

68. drank hard liquor: it’s not a real drink unless there’s liquor in it

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: one time i lost a pair of glasses the same day i got them

70. turned someone down: nah this has never happened to me

71. sex on the first date: ive never kissed someone, what else do u think i haven’t done.......

73. had your heart broken: yeah no this hasn’t happened. not properly anyway. like i said, feelings are weird

74. been arrested: it’s not a crime if u dont get caught

75. cried when someone died: nah ive never been close enough to anyone i knew who died

76. fallen for a friend: sorta yes sorta no im weird feelings are odd and my life is a mess

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: i wanna say yes but kinda no my self confidence also needs to return from war

78. miracles: i wanna say i do but im not sure the universe is a fundamentaly chaotic system so i guess weird shit deffo could happen

79. love at first sight: i think some people can get it but i doubt for me and most people will probs have to work for it

80. santa claus: nah that man’s a scam

81. kiss on the first date: if u wanna kiss on the first date then fucking do it!!!!! dont let life hold u back!! dont let ur dreams be memes!!!!! u take their face anfd fucking kiss it!!!!

82. angels: eeehhhhhhhhh probs not

OTHER:

84. eye colour: brown. kinda darker brown than my hair but still brown

85. favourite movie: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) directed by Joe Russo and Anthony Russo

#text #they speak #my life #fuck this took longer than i was expecting #but here it is #marvel at the mess that is my life #food tw #alcohol tw

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