#bc i didnt wanna be annoying
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i had to reformat that entire cl16 smau bc tumblr hates me for some god knows why reason so im so sorry to everyone who's already seen that smau lmfao
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pls rb for larger sample size n___n and feel free to add why you prefer your app of choice in the tags/replies
#tear.txt#polls#i wanna seeeee what ppl r using#i use autodesk sketchbook ... i hav ibis paint and medibang downloaded but theyr too cluttered for me haha#theres too much going on on a tiny screen i like sketchbook bc its simpler n___n#but one thing abt it is that i wish i could arrange the brush order or delete some ...#its annoying having to scroll all the way down bc i switch between brushes a lot#and i wish there was brush stabilization and ability to clip layers#i didnt realize how badly my hand tremors before using this app !!! 😭😭😭#also iv only used the first 3 apps in this poll i just googled popular drawing apps for the rest lmao#bc i hav android i dont hav access to procreate pocket or adobe fresco u_______u
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cant sleep … plagued with thoughts.. overstimmed… also starving… time to scroll tumblr till i have to go to class :,((
#my thoughts#i slept like 3 hours but my roommate kept moving and it bothered me where every movement made me irrationally angry#and i keep waking up and having immediate brainrot lfjkfnfjnf so its fun but also not bc im literally SO drained pleasssseee shut up brain#like baby i have a presentation tomorrow at 8:30AM and i have to do a whole reflection paper#go to fucking sleeeeeeep#and the worst part is i FORGOT to eat . before bed . cuz i was too tired and said fuck it ill eat in the morn#which is horrible bc now im like. starving and gross bc i also didnt do anything i kinda just collapsed JFKDNDKDN#but i dont wanna get up. because. um. four am and i dont wannnnaaa eat.i waanaa eat in the morning#so ive just been holding stan bunny close and thinking thoughts while actively trying to sleep JFKDNFKDJD#anyways. Im a functioning human person!#: D !#GggfrRRRAGGhggh#so annoying bc i usually can sleep on command like its nothing lmfao#but i have too many things on my frickin mind i cant shut it up pensive#anyways THIS IS A LONG TAG THING NSJFJDKFJD UHHHHH runs away#DELETE LATER????
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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I'm melodramatic
It's psychosomatic
I'm plastic, fantastic
#oba didnt make misa an actual threat to light bc he knew she was already too powerful#smh#i believe in evil misa killing people in full pink#ALSO LIKE#SPOILERS FOR DEATH NOTE#BUT SHE TOOK SHINIGAMI'S EYES TWICE#AND STILL SURVIVED LIGHT#LIKE MISA WAS POWERFULLLL AF AND PEOPLE WRITING HER OFF AS AN ANNOYING CHARACTER MAKE ME WANNA PUNCH CONCRETE#plus...lesbian queen#my trashy art#misa death note#misa amane fanart#misa amane#misa amane death note
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Why are you bug
its funny bc my name is just based off my fave davekat ship art
#awooga!#homestuck#ask bug#im not joking i didnt know what to make my handle but then i saw this art post and knew immediately#the only reason why im bug on twt and not karkat(bug) is bc i noticed myself pop up when u search 'karkat' and i KNOW thatd be annoying#i didnt wanna accidentally spam people on twitter
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ill be having such a good time then Boom, someone says something
#i love to drive... when i know where im going#im a great driver#but my navigation skills are so shit. theyre so shit#yall i cannot. for the life of me. read fuckin google maps well while driving#i cant judge the distance of a turn.. i think a right turn is a left bcs the screen didnt rotate yet and it's#and i cant remember road names bcs im a landmark man#it's so embarrassing. and all my good driving turns to shy shit bcs it's like. idk. i hate being weird. i hate feeling stupid#i hate being stupid#i hate being told im not stupid until i do smthing stupid again and they get annoyed and u can tell they took it back#bcs everyones right. everyones so right so im not mad at them. im not#im just mad at myself. like it's so fucked. i hate being fucked (literally) (asexual)#i hate getting marked for being wrong in math bcs i saw the + as a ÷ and i did the division right but no one cares abt that bcs it's weird#it's fucked it's so fucked im so fucked#it's so embarrassing. i hate being embarrassing#it's not quirky or cute or anything. setting the wrong alarm bcs i saw the 8 as a 6 is not funny. it's not when u keep doing it#and u keep doublechecking urself and get it wrong anyways#i hate being stupid. i hate being stupid. i hate being stupid. i hate being stupid#u think i dont want to just be normal and fun and carefree with things people find easy? you think i dont want an easy life?#u think i like making people's lives hard? you think i Like being a burden???#i dont wanna be here .
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onmw walking to the gym on my own o.o
#im anxious bc i mixed up me and my mom's gym card so i have to ask in the reception for help#also they havent put the times they are in the reception online >.<#so idek if i can get inside today (since idk which card is whose i cant try to go in the locked way)#so i might be walking all this way just to have to walk home again#also it's annoying bc i was supposed to go earlier today w my mom#but she keeps bailing on me every week#so at first i was in a bad mood and didnt wanna do anything#then i started feeling bored and restless and just decided to go#but yeah this can be all for nothing since i might get there and the doors are locked and no one's in the reception lol
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another tagg deyna doodle ^_^
#my art#I CANT STOP DRAWING HIM HELP ME.. this one is the only one thats presentable (not a scribbly mess or showing munt) <- i didnt say that#i need to figure out his design… i like redwall being descriptive but not exact to allow freedom but could you be precise this time.#ive been just drawing scribbles on his face and hoping it looks something sawney would give a thumbs up to#I REALLY DONT WANNA FILL THE REDWALL TAG WITH A MILLION OF MY DOODLES . SO .#infested my brain. if i dont draw this stupid otter or any of the guys in his book ill explode.#doodled tammo too but i fear its been so long i cant draw him accurately LOL#<- READING I DIDNT REALIZE TAGG HAD FISHBONES ON HIS TAIL OR AN EEL BAG?#ended up making an appearances thread bc of that LOL#im so glad tags exist so i can ramble paragraphs in here and make it optional for people to look at#otherwise id be the most annoying poster in the world#taggerung#deyna#edit: dunno why this is tagged mature other than the munt part. thanks tumblr for recognizing what munt is
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my favorite game to play with the ao3 search bar is looking up a thought i had in my head and seeing if anyone has written anything about it and then being disappointed but motivated.
*checks clipboard silently and crosses out something*
ice skating lumity fic
firefighter au
graveyard worker luz/ghost amity au
#i should really go to sleep#um maybe ill talk about the girl in the graveyard soon bc omg#idk why but the idea of amity being a ghost and haunting luz and the both of them being annoyed with one another like “why are you here”#“i live here. WHY are YOU in my house.” -> “you stole my necklace!!” -> “wdym!! i bought it from a-” -> “turn it over” -> “...oh”#mb i really wanna just talk about midwestern farmland stuff because god the imagery of gravel roads and wide open spaces idk man#im like insane over it in my head. i am eating drywall about luz working at a graveyard and amity haunting her bc oh whoops she now has her#necklace and woah you know what? “if you even care i didnt ask to be burned at the stake”#i will do more later
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does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians
#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic#im just like. tired of gnawing#and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get#content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky#young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me#im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing &#digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances#m text#i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story#not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a#lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out#bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples#and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified#(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right)#and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here#(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh)#I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost.#anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein#out as lesbian#like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has#to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic)#meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just#and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so#yknow. personal viewer bias here#but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian#and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out#but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough.#im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes#I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY.#like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'
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I'm watching this girls review/talk about all of the Percy Jackson books, and tbh I've never seen someone with so little media literary. She's turning me into a Jason Grace defender, and I don't even care for Jason that much.
#im just so annoyed watching her videos#tbh idk why im still watching them#maybe a morbid sense of curiosity? idk...#the way she talks about the books and characters makes it clear that she didnt understand them at all 😭😭😭#ESPECIALLY Jason#idk im just annoyed i needed to get this out of my system#i dont wanna talk bad about anyone but i dont understand how she's coming up with half the stuff she says#ill prob stop watching her soon bc i srsly dont know why im putting myself through this#but seriously i never thought id feel as defensive of jason as i do rn#anyway#riordanverse#percy jackon and the olympians#heroes of olympus#jason grace#random#low key rant in the tags#rick riordan
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deadnamed at my father's funeral
#parental death tw#family death tw#not sure how else to tag this one#yeah december was a very rough month for me :)))#i actually drew this on the way to my hometown a couple days after i got the news that my dad had passed away#fully anticipating that one of the grueling parts of the process would be the incessant deadnaming and misgendering#bc my dad himself never once used my right name after i came out to him. not once#i asked and we even got in fights about it! bc he just REFUSED to do it#didnt want to think of me as a man at all. i was his only daughter and his baby girl and he didnt wanna accept that id changed#in that way#but i do know bc his wife told me that despite not really accepting the truth about my identity#he was very glad that i seemed happy about it#so i think thats whatll be important to me about it#he didnt get it and didnt really accept it for himself but he was happy that i was happy#anyway it was indeed annoying at the service but more people were chill about it than i expected#and i also had to deal with fewer people than i thought i would#was talking to one of his old band friends who i vaguely remembered and joked that 'i was a girl last time u saw me'#and he said 'youre still a girl' and i just went 'no i am not. the sideburns beg to differ.'#then at the end of the service when people were leaving he came and asked for my New name and when i told him#he was like 'ok ill try to remember that'#i like to think he realized instantly the faux pas he made and was like Yikes. This Is Her/His Dads Funeral. Maybe I Should Be Cool.#anyway. the whole affair was exhausting but i got some nice things out of it too#like hanging out w my brothers#then we got home and me and my wife both had covid bc life wasnt done kicking me in the dick i guess!#im good now i think tho. its fine its fine its fine
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I will read the most inane and useless stuff for hours just for my own interest/enjoyment, but reading academic papers is like pulling a tooth 😭😭 like I genuinely think I'd find the info interesting but the fact that ik it's in pursuit of doing an assignment somehow manages to kills my motivation 100%
#step 1. you pick a research topic you find genuinely interesting#step 2. you have to research and read papers abour this topic. hey dont you remember you find this interesting??#i just remember going on deep dives learning about random historical figures#but absolutely god forbid i read anything in the pursuit of actual schoolwork#i think its mostly that i feel constantly under duresss when im reading it yknow?#all i can think is: im going to have to write something about this#lol just need someone i can blab to about politics and maybe it would actually work out for me#but ugh yeah theres just such a palpable difference btwn reading smth for enjoyment and reading something 'for work'#here is an example!#in my one class i think my prof put The Prince as a reading#i didnt even look cause im liek yeah i aint reading all of that#fast forward a year later: oh my god! i wanna read machiavelli so bad! i wanna feel intellectual 🥰🥰#literally bought myself a copy of it .....#i think im too self aware. id like to remove all sense of context from my brain#literally spent hours today watching documentaries that are actually pretty relevant to my one course#<- but note. they werent FOR my course. i was just doing ir for fun! i wanted to learn!!#but if i got assigned a hour and a half docu for class....that shit would not be getting done#ugh yeah anyways i have two research papers this sem#and its so fucking annoying bcs its so open to my choices. like here. you can pick smth you find genuinely interesting#and you guys literally witness me constantly learn info and want to apply it#but the thought of having to write a paper for school(god forbid) literally keeps me awake at night#its just yeah. wish i could remove that particular barrier from my brain#bcs some of the things i do for fandom are literally borderline research papers#like. read and research a bunch. write about it to other people. apply the info(in fic/drawing/meta)#and really the topics are not so different from my actual coursework#but when i contemplate having to research and write for school it just flatlines my brain#need to start forcing people to watch me borderline seminar so that it feels more fun and in-line w what i do on here#the fernando card post???? practically a research paper. god. my brain is so bad#catie.rambling.txt
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Gotta say it's really jarring to see how big WoF has gotten. I was there when the fandom was really small and there were only like 3 youtube channels that had the characters. i had a canon url. it was easy. and then i look at the series now and its got a comic series and theres apparently a netflix adaptation. and my college store has them too apparently??? like they thought wof deserved to go along with common YA series like the hunger games?? what on earth happened how is this already feeling larger than warrior cats. why is wc only just now getting a comic adaptation of the original story sdlkfjskdlf
#and now we've come full circle cause i had a wof sideblog bc i worried i was annoying my mutuals with ''obscure'' teen dragon books#and now well. i have a wc blog now bc i kept posting out of context takes about it on main and making my mutuals go ''what the fuck''#and i didnt wanna subject them to my reread when i decided to do it sjdlkfjsdlkfsjdf#and then a couple of yall followed me here anyways <3 <3 <3#actually idk whats bigger. wof or wc#i feel like i see more wc online but ofc that could just be bc i withdrew from the wof fandom entirely for personal reasons
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seeing how your skinny pretty friends get treated in comparison to you during high school is one thing but seeing that in adulthood when youre going out to bars?? well thats just suicide inducing
#in high school its like i really dont give a shit i didnt really wanna date anyways plus you knew everyone well so a lot of it#was personality based too#but my first few trips to bars were with my brother and our other guy friend and i was NEVER approached#which again. i dont really want that anyways. but to be out with the pretty girls in my lab and see SOOO many men come up to them is like. 😐#it feels so stupid to be annoyed about bc like. i dont even really want strangers coming up to me anyways plus a lot of times its really#pushy. but i have gotten to the point of being mostly body neutral about myself like i dont really think abt it that much#but it reminds me that oh yeah im fat and have a plain face and therefore i will always be treated as secondary to strangers#whateverrrrrr. i hate it hereeee
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