#basically I want a weirdo who’s most likely autistic to my weirdo who has adhd | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

daveyfvckingjacobs · 10 months

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Prev anon here PLEASE say more, I love modern aus sm

*dramatic sigh*

*checks watch* I have hw to do but if you insist

au is honestly the vaguest way to phrase it but I love it nonetheless. I think that the main reason yous all like the tweets so much is they’re 100% my mind without incorrect quotes or anything involved so thank @finchfvkingcortez and the hour long convos we have for that because that shit is BIZARRE

so yeah. sorta modern/social media where the main shenanigans we talk about are race and albert dealing with god damn tiktok comments (cause we all know they can be WILD). the most fleshed out bits are specific character hcs so yous get that first

as per usual with modern aus, the manhattan newsies collectively live in a group home (and milk tf out of it just because it gets funny reactions online). they’re pretty chill with it, and do weekend/morning newspaper rounds for what’s basically pocket money let’s be honest

anyway

character hcs

race - he/him, trans and ‘aggressively bi’. he went through the whole she/her > she/they > they/them > he/they > he/him pipeline and will murder you if you bring it up. he’s dating albert and spot, spot basically on accident after albert dared him to flirt with her and they flirted back and massively just Vibes™️. I feel like I overuse him in tweets but he’s so dumb that he just works here. autism/adhd king, with a sprinkling of ptsd, and he does NOT take his meds ever, driving everyone insane but they love him anyways. italian and very passionate about it. has way too much clout on tiktok and farms his friends for it

albert - he/him, gay, dating finch, spot and race “somehow”. I pretty much combine sky and jacob with him, where he has two older and one younger brother. benji is with a foster family albert didn’t want to stay with and their older brothers are in an endless battle to get custody of them both (he jokes about it sm and they both hate him for it, like “you got custody yet???” “fuck you”). he has too many piercings to count because he does them himself whenever he gets bored and Does Not Learn that it’s a bad idea. dealt with cd when he was younger but it didn’t develop further. he knows like three phrases in portuguese and got into an argument with finch about him being wrong without realising he was speaking spanish once

jack - he/him and bi, dating katherine and davey (after kath put a gun to his head and made him ask davey out). he’s the identified Big Brother of the others and takes it comically seriously while also being exhausted of them all. by all technicalities he’s flagged on every train line that leave the city because he definitely has not made it halfway to new mexico once at 11, but that’s irrelevant he’d never do that again nope. adhd and some mild abandonment issues, hands are always covered in doodles and he also draws on everyone else too whether they want him to or not

davey - he/they, demiboy and gay, dating Jack and has absolutely zero idea how it happened (“I’m going out with jack…” “your sisters ex?” “…yeah?” “ok then🧍”). he’s much more of a weirdo than people give them credit for and comes out with thee most concerning statements completely unprompted like it’s nothing. jewish, autistic with a side of anxiety that the newsies are helping a lot with and be spend 99% of their time with them between school to the point he’s almost dead on his feet. he’s this close to changing race’s twitter password, and is besties with elmer who loves the opportunity to speak polish with someone

crutchie - any pronouns, just chills with identifying as queer and milks ‘had polio in the 21st century’ like their life depends on it because how else are you gonna cope with severe neglect. most people call him charlie in public because they’re all terrified of getting chewed out by well meaning members of the public (crutchie won’t correct anyone). an absolute menace with nerf guns and usually sticks to jack like glue, because they spent time in and out of foster homes when they were much younger together

katherine - she/her, bi, dating jack. she’s practically an inch away from losing her job with how much time she spends not working to hang around with the newsies, is captain of the javey fan club and just all around a legend. constantly gets rich jokes and accepts it as necessary for their friendship. most of what I have for her aligns with canon already ngl

spot - she/he/they, genderfluid and bi, agab is the worlds biggest unsolved mystery that will remain unsolved. always refers to race and albert as her weird looking dogs. lives in a home in brooklyn after spending a few years completely on the streets. ptsd and absolutely no ability to acknowledge it (race and al help), and he’s absolutely covered in both stick and poked and legit but illegal tattoos

finch - he/him, gay, dating albert. he ran away a total of six times and lived in several parks for weeks before someone decided ‘hey maybe we should take him away lol’ and so deals with chronic hypothermia and trust issues. raised a baby sparrow that won’t leave now that it’s an adult, but he didn’t name it so the others just call it “finch’s baby boy”. irish/spanish decent but no real connection to either because it’s a link to his family, which he’d rather not have

morris - he/him, gay and steadily getting over a lot of internalised homophobia. spent way too much time with oscar in and out of crappy homes or their father/uncles ‘care’ so is very dependent on his brother. autism, ocd and cptsd, all of which he gets very little actual support for. he spends way too much money endlessly looping on the subway cause the movement is relaxing. he’s on friendlier terms with the newsies than oscar

oscar - he/it, aroace, probably aligns with agender but doesn’t think about it, autism/adhd (where adhd is significantly more apparent), bpd, aspd, cptsd and mild dyscalculia because he’s my current fav so I have to fuck it over the most. very protective over morris and has zero tolerance for the newsies unlike his brother. it’s camera roll consists entirely of bad candids of morris. taught himself to play a guitar he found in a skip, cannot read sheet music and primarily uses it as stim. I could do an entire thing just about modern delancey’s honestly

I said more x

feel free to ask stuff about this cause I love developing the nonsense the way I don’t get to just in the tweets

#newsies #newsies the musical #modern #social media au #newsies au #modern newsies #jack kelly #racetrack higgins #davey jacobs #morris delancey #oscar delancey #albert dasilva #katherine plumber #spot conlon #crutchie morris #finch cortes #newsies hc

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thoughtsdying · 3 years

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Being aroace is coming out to your mother in front of her friends in the midst of a discussion about what being asexual or arromantic even means, because while you were trying to correct the assumptions made (basically asexuality is no libido ever and aromanticism sounds very suspicious and like asexual people are aro anyway, they don’t want relationships which like, what the basic uneducated allo thinks) giving away only that you’ve read on it an “us” slipped in and then everyone is like looking at you and you say

“well yes i’m asexual, so i know what i’m talking about”

and your mother is like “since when, i know you have like a working libido” (thanks mom thats more i ever wanted to know about you aknowloeging the fact i masturbate).

and you go like “from a year ago more or less”

and also she says “why didn’t you tell me? i fear you’re saying that because you feel disconnected from other people you need to trust more not evade yourself from reality”

and then someone, all the someones else are “oh, but if you have a libido you’re repressing, that’s celibacy” “really, no attraction at all? and what if you see someone cute?”

and you go “asexuality is lack of attraction not of sexual desire. and i think they aesthetically cute and move on with my life? there’s no need or impulse for something more?”

and they “but what if you’re like. attracted intelectually? sapiosexuality is a thing right”

and then you go again “then i want to talk and be friends? that doesn’t have anything to do with sexuality for most people?”

and you freak out and walk out almost crying after another round of the same, from your mother. and she walks away towards you. and well maybe your mother now thinks you’re an even bigger weirdo with attachement issues, but she respects the label bc celibacy and abstinenece and nirvana i guess, as she would respect if i were to be a monk or something (which. no. that’s not the thing. that’s not what it means mom why do you think that?)

and she goes “but really did you have to react so badly when everyone started asking questions and go out so dramatically? why are you so sad, aren’t gay or trans kids proud of coming out bc they’re secure on their identities?”

well mom. i’m pretty sure most were lowkey terrified and cried even if only of relief or something, but being asexual has just gotten me being condescended to by you bc you think is an option i’ll grow out off once i pass my twenties, and also maybe the fact of impulsively coming out in front of a lot of well-meannig clueless people asking lots of questions about why asexuality/aromanticism made no sense to them including you, felt invalidating to me, right?

i’m sure it had nothing to do with why i never told you although the word was on my radar since my mid teens-

maybe i can be irrationaly emotional about something that’s so personal being dissected in front of others when you’re also since i was a teen being worried about me being more “social, normal, assertive” and just before going to that lunch you told your early twenties daughter who has more than once broken down crying bc she doesn’t understand how to connect with people to act less autistic out of nowhere (i really am not on the spectrum i felt, but maybe on the adhd one) and quit with the serious face and the headphones and the avoidance.

maybe i came only partially came out, not that it matters to you when you already think asexuality is not wanting to ever be in a relationship, ever, so, the same of aromanticism, and i didn’t even try to explain more, bc i don’t want to be dissected by you and told “oh, you’re just an snowflake and the fact you cried on me means you’re unhappy with the label not like all those other out lgbt teens young adults i know, so like you just need to go to the psychologist like you were trying to do just after the pandemic and before, see if you have issues with the adhd or the inteligence or somehting”

thanks a lot mom.

#aromanticism #asexuality #coming out #queer #asexual #aromantic #aro spec #ace spec

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werevulvi · 3 years

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Hi, could you tell me more about your autism and diagnosis and how you deal with it, how old you were diagnosed

I don't know a lot about my autism, tbh, as I never bothered to read up on it and I was never properly informed on it. But what I do know is that I learned slowly as a kid, learned to walk at age 3, was very clumsy (like medically abnormally clumsy physically, could barely run at all and couldn't climb, etc) required special treatment to learn how to eat as a toddler because I hated the sensory experience of solid food and chewing, I was incapable of understanding sarcasm, interpreted everything literally, I was stimming a lot, had monotone body language and speech, etc. I was very obviously "different" according to my parents already from around age 1 or 2, and required literally constant attention for the first 4 years of my life. Started daycare at age 4, in small groups.

Then as I started school at age 6, apparently the school nurse had told my parents that I'm probably autistic, so I consider that my "inofficial diagnosis" but they decided to ignore that and didn't tell me (until 10 years later.) I was bullied in school for being "the weird kid" by both classmates and teachers who thought I was a retard and annoying, basically, I guess. I was called a freak and weirdo a lot. But like I was proudly a weirdo, and resented normativity.

As I got up into ages 10-12 my depression and DID symptoms (alter) kinda took over and became more prominent than my autism symptoms, as I wasn't as physically clumsy anymore and started learning social cues. My mental health continued to decline over the next few years, until I sought out therapy on my own at age 16. It led me to doing my first few suicide attempts, which led me to ending up at a closed psychiatric ward.

While staying there for a few weeks, I got evaluated for autism (without knowing that's what I was tested for) as well as a few physical things, such as my hearing impairment and chronic headache. And those tests led to an official Asperger Syndrome diagnosis, when I was 16, by the very end of year 2005. I also got diagnosed with borderline psychosis and mild depression, and got pumped full of anti-depressants and anti-psychotic (neuroleptic) drugs. Then my mom finally told me that she basically always knew about my autism, and I was really pissed at her for not having told me before. I resented my autism diagnosis right from the start, and the older I got, the more I resented it. Never identified with it, only ever saw it as a huge burden.

Then throughout the rest of my teens, I went to a school for neurodivergent people (basically upper high school) but still flunked it. I was a complete and utter mess, and got little to no actual therapy. They just kept shoving me around from one psychiatric department to another, due to my comorbid issues, no one could help me, it seemed. Every once in a while I'd make another half assed suicide attempt to make them take me seriously, which only worked for a few months at a time. In total, I've made 19 suicide attemps over 12 years. Oh lord, psychiatry was so bad!

Adulthood came along and I got benefitted with sickness compensation, and got my first apartment at age 20. It didn't go great. I accidentally flooded it and had to move out, and didn't manage to keep it clean or anything while I lived there. I was barely functional and alcoholic, constantly self-harming, just to try to manage attending school. Despite getting help from caretakers offered by the state (?) weekly, I was really dysfunctional. I switched apartments several times, and kept flunking school while trying to live my miserable life, always hanging by a thread. Until I moved back to my parents at age 23. They had moved to a miserable island far away from all my friends. Got an apartment on that island close to my parents, but my issues continued being the same level of awful, up until about age 27.

What this has to do with my autism is that... uh, I basically understand it as that it impedes on my executive function really dramatically, and like although I can physically do pretty much anything, mentally I just somehow can't. Especially repeatedly, and often enough. Like I can't keep any routine for the life of me, not even simple shit like sleep cycle, eating habits, brushing my teeth, etc. Let alone school or a job, or even hobbies. Everything is infrequent and too seldom, if at all. So everything in my life keeps falling apart as I basically have no foundation to stand on, and I get sensory overload suuuuper easily. So like just going shopping/cleaning/laundry/hobbies/school/anything for half an hour can drain me significantly and make me incapable of managing doing anything else for the rest of that entire day. It's very hard for me to explain, but it's like I only ever have 3 spoons per day, but most things requitre 10+ spoons, so I go backwards on my energy resources a lot and end up having to rest for DAYS after just one hour's activity.

At age 27 I ditched the social service caretakers, as they were seriously depriving me of my privacy while being largely unhelpful, and I began to finally try to pull myself together. I still get a lot of help from my mom, with anything from paying my bills and grocery shopping, to driving me places and dealing with soul-sucking authorities for me. This takes off a lot of the burden and allows me to manage doing at least a few things on my own, like working out, cleaning (yay I manage keeping my apartment clean nowadays!), laundry, occasional shopping, art projects, online socialising, etc. I still go to therapy biweekly but it's still largely unhelpful. At least I managed to make them stop tossing me around between departments like a football though, and I'm still gonna try to get some proper trauma therapy, and maybe also look into that adhd group I was promised last year, if it'll ever resume again post-corona...

I've still never had a job in my life and still have incomplete grades. But I got permanent sickness compensation now, so that's neat. At least I don't have to worry financially. I'm also trying to get started with some "work training" stuff which is basically "pretend work" for people who can't work, just to have something to do. I'll most likely be granted acces to that. However, it seems irony is that most of those are located out in the middle of nowhere where no buses go, and I can't afford a fucking car or driver's licence because I can't work. Mom probably won't drive me several times a week for that. Fucking fantastic. Makes me almost wanna kill someone... argh! Those little things really piss me off.

Life is absolutely not going the way I want and I blame my autism for it, mostly. I am drowning in frustration, and my anger issues making me scream my lungs out in pure despair, shows that. I'm considered offically disabled due to my autism, and it just fucking sucks ass. How lonely, under-stimulated yet easily over-stimulated, bored, meaningless and unfulfilled my life is. There are far more severely autistic people out there who somehow manage to live far more functional lives, and I'm jealous of that. I dunno how to break free from this misery. It feels like the only thing I've ever managed to accomplish in life is transitioning genders, and making art that I don't wanna sell. I wanna have a "normal" job, a car and driver's licence, I wanna have cats and a social life, I want parties at night clubs again, I want hobbies outside of my home; hookups, friends and lovers; I want to be able to have a functional romantic life with someone I can marry and start a family with.

But is any of that ever gonna happen? I hope so, but it feels bleak. Because my autism feels like such a huge burden on my life, and a huge hindrence to my dreams and goals... like I'm over 30 already and still a disabled and having my mom living half my life for me, miserable mess and not given any useful therapy, I'm left to my own vices to figure out how to adult... Because of all that, I hate my autism and I wish there was a cure, I swear to fuck. So for your question, how I deal with it: not fantastically. Not sure if you wanted a relay of my entire life, but I hope that’s okay! Didn’t know how else to answer your questions.

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