Day after tomorrow I get my PC back and I’m gonna play so many fucking video games

“There are other TTRPGs besides D&D.”

Yeah, this whole take (and everything that usually comes with it) sucks and here’s why.

1. You’re not actually suggesting anything else.

I have never seen “Stop playing D&D” accompanied by so much as the NAME of another RPG. 

When someone is actually, GENUINELY recommending another game, they don’t feel the need to accompany it with “Stop playing D&D.”

In this case, you’re not telling people to play another TTRPG. You’re just telling them to STOP playing the TTRPG they already know, love, and have fun with.

In other words, you’re just telling them to stop playing TTRPGs entirely.

2. Okay ... which ones don’t suck?

This is related to 1. above, but: okay. You want me to try other games than D&D. Which ones don’t suck?

Which ones provide a BETTER experience in what I’M looking for than D&D?

Am I supposed to spend money buying all the rulebooks for every RPG until I find one that does what I like better? Do YOU have that kind of money? Because I sure as fuck don’t.

Surely you don’t want me to PIRATE the rulebooks? 

Even if I did, I’d then have to spend hours and hours and hours learning each one. Then I’d try it, find out I don’t like it, and then start the whole process over again. 

Do YOU have that kind of time? Because I sure as fuck don’t.

3. You assume I haven’t tried other games.

The whole basis of the “other games exist” statement is an assumption that the listener has not tried other games. And you know what they say about assumptions.

I’ve tried other RPGs. I do not like them as much as D&D.

But once again, YOU DON’T ACTUALLY CARE about my experience.

You haven’t taken the time to understand WHY I even like D&D. You don’t know what about it appeals to me. You’re just whining at me from the sidelines because you wish more people liked YOUR favorite TTRPG.

Which you’re not even bothering to promote or name. Probably because deep down you realize that if someone else played it, they wouldn’t like it, and then you’d feel bad.

So it’s easier to make other people feel bad instead.

4. You don’t actually understand what’s great about D&D.

This is the core of the argument, which is why I’ve already mentioned it several times in the above points.

Here’s what many people (including myself) love about D&D (specifically 5e, which is the current version):

a. D&D is a relatively simple system to understand, with a lot of complexity to unlock slowly. 

Anyone can pick it up over the course of one session. Yet you can still learn more about it after twenty years.

I’ve introduced a dozen or more people to D&D 5e. I was never able to do this with earlier editions of D&D, and god forbid I try systems like Pathfinder.

I don’t want to run all my players’ characters for them because they don’t understand the rules. And unless I’m playing with a table of math nerds, that’s what’s going to happen in other systems.

b. D&D has name recognition and that is FUCKING IMPORTANT. 

If YOU know the rules, you’re able to interest new people in D&D because they know, more or less, what they’re in for.

This is important because (surprise! People seem to fucking forget this) TTRPGs ARE SOCIAL ACTIVITIES AND YOU NEED TO HAVE OTHER, OFTEN “UNINDOCTRINATED” INVOLVED.

Even with D&D’s name recognition, this can be a tough sell to the “uninitiated,” even if they go on to find out D&D is one of their favorite activities.

So imagine how much fucking harder it is to approach your coworker and ask them, “Hi, would you be interested in playing a game called Vampire: The Masquerade with me?”

c. D&D has a MASSIVE pre-existing community.

You can find a group online. You can find a group in person. 

As per point b. above, you CAN “recruit” people to D&D easily, but if you’re not good at that or you just don’t want to, odds are great that you can find a group anyway.

Try finding a GOOD group to play Call of Cthullu with in bumfuck rural America. I’ll wait.

d. D&D adapts to almost every subgenre of fantasy adventure.

D&D is one of the most adaptable systems out there. You can do high fantasy, low fantasy, dark fantasy, political intrigue. You can do mostly roleplaying, or you can do mostly combat. 

There are probably “better” systems for high fantasy, low fantasy, all the subgenres. But D&D lets you do it all with ONE SYSTEM.

Most of the other games and/or systems I’ve tried are really good at doing ONE VERY SPECIFIC NICHE THING.

So ... what if you learn that system, but your group doesn’t want to do that niche thing?

What if you do one campaign in that system, but then you want to do your next campaign a different way?

And we’re back to the problem of having to go invest money and time most people DO NOT FUCKING HAVE to learn a whole new system.

So stop it.

Listen, this rant is not to shit on YOUR favorite TTRPG.

I’m sure it’s great. I’m sure you have fun with it. I would love to play it with you some time.

But when you’re on there on this internet saying “There are other systems besides D&D,” 99% of the time, you’re being an asshole.

You know what the best way to introduce people to your pet system is?

Same as it is with D&D. Invite them to your table, sit them down, and play.

When you come on the internet and make people feel bad for a hobby they enjoy, you’re acting like a fucking Gamergater or Comicsgater and it’s gross.

It makes you feel superior because you’re a “higher level” of nerd than all these plebs who are encroaching into “your” hobby.

But most of the time you just look like a whiny asshole.

Stop it.

Rant over. I’m gonna go write now.

Idea to write for OBX!!!! The pogues just having a good evening together, like playing truth or dare like 16 year olds before the events of the show take place!!

heyo all, writing is hard for me recently so i decided that i would do something based off what real life is like right now with a lil inspo from this request tossed in :) hope you like it!! (naturally, reader is dating jj in this bc i can’t help myself hehe oops)

summary: jj, y/n, and the rest of the pogues (including sarah) live in the world we’re all currently living in: quarantine. so what happens when the craziest friend group in the obx are trapped inside the Chateau for weeks at a time without any authority figures or outsiders? to put it simply, anarchy happens. (alternate summary: what i wish i was doing during this stupid quarantine instead of sitting in my room to avoid my parents’ hovering.) (alternate, simple summary: a hot ass day in quarantine with the pogues.) word count: 2101

sticky. why the hell were you sticky?

you opened your eyes with a deep groan, peeling yourself from jj with a disgusted look on your face. “jj, get off of me.” you’d both been laying on your stomachs as you slept, but the boy had somehow wound up directly on top of you. it would’ve been kind of endearing, cute almost, to wake up so close to jj, if it wasn’t so fucking hot.

someone across the room laughed lightly, and you slipped out from under jj and flipped onto your back, sitting up and squinting to see who it was. when you saw sarah, kie, and pope staring at you from the table a few feet away from the pull-out couch, you let out an annoyed puff of air, raking a hand through your bedhead to slightly calm it. leaning back on your hands, you glanced back down at your boyfriend. his nose was scrunched up, and his hand started rustling around the sheets until it made contact with your right calf. satisfied, his face relaxed again. before you could look back to your friends, pope was speaking. “i don’t know how the two of you managed to sleep like that all night. with those body temperatures combined, i’m pretty sure you should’ve burst into flames by like, 2am.”

“c’mon, pope,” sarah smirked. “they’re in love. their feelings for each other, they’re hotter than anything. like, hotter than--”

“hotter than the flames in hell!” kie interrupted proudly. “and the obx may feel like it’s hotter than that already, but--”

“nothing compares to their sacred, burning love.” sarah and kie both smiled smugly at their own ability to finish each other’s sentences, fist bumping as pope shook his head. “that was good. i love us.” the girls giggled again, and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit too.

“can you corny fucks shut the hell up? a guy can never get a wink of sleep around here, shit.” with that, jj was rolling over, too, a very unimpressed look plastered on his face as he scolded his friends. not as eager to be awake as you had been, jj groaned as he stretched, flopping into your lap on his back when he was finally done waking himself up. your hands naturally found their way to his hair, scratching at his scalp subconsciously as you looked around at the mess of the Chateau. “where’s jb at? and why is it so fucking hot in here?”

“you can’t really complain about body temps when you’re curled up in your girlfriend’s lap like a cat, bro,” pope pointed out. jj rolled his eyes as pope continued. “but since you asked so nicely, it’s the first heat wave of the year-- you’d know that if you ever listened to anything i say throughout the day. john b’s out trying to get food and water and stuff before it’s all gone.”

jj muttered something under his breath about wishing pope had gone out with their other friend as his eyes closed again at the feeling of your fingertips on his hairline. “you know what we should do today?”

“make out? at least let me brush my teeth first, you animal,” jj interjected. you flicked his nose, ignoring the comment otherwise. “oh, so you don’t wanna make out? alright, y/n, but just remember, it’s your rule!”

“jj, why does everything always have to be about you?”

“i have needs, kie!”

“okay, okay, okay, i think y/n had an idea. let the woman speak!” sarah quickly redirected.

“thank you,” you smiled pointedly at sarah. “i think-- and tell me if there are any objections-- i think, maybe, we should day-drink.”

as soon as the words left your mouth, the door beside you was swinging open with a creak, john b bursting into the room. “did someone say-- DAY-DRINK?” he held up a six pack of beer in each hand, that bright and proud john b grin plastered on his face. the entire group cheered, jumping up to help him bring in the groceries he’d gotten his hands on. “thanks to mr. c’s non-existent credit card limit, we are now loaded. thanks kie!” he tossed her dad’s card back on the table, the curly haired girl laughing at his words. kiara had somehow convinced her parents that spending her quarantine with the pogues at john b’s house was an acceptable idea, and they had even given her an emergency credit line for necessities and necessities only.

beer was an absolute need for the pogues, to be fair.

----

a few hours later, everyone was pretty day-drunk, so to speak.

sarah was currently engaged in a deep conversation with pope about why, exactly, he wanted to be a coroner so badly. you were in the middle of an arm-wrestling tournament against john b, with jj and kie passing the group’s second blunt of the afternoon back and forth. “y/n, your hand is fucking slippery!”

“fuck you, john b! it’s sweaty! haven’t you noticed that it’s a million damn degrees in this place?”

the arm wrestling tourney came to a close soon after, and the group went back to sweating, smoking, and throwing back beers. your feet wound up in jj’s lap as you tried to fan yourself with an empty, folded up cardboard box that one of the six-packs had come in. “hey kie, do you think your dad would mind if we used his credit card to buy a decent air conditioning system for this shithole? no offense, john b.”

“actually, y/n, i kind of take offense to that. just a little, you know?” you stuck your tongue out at your friend, throwing your piece of cardboard at him.

“you know, guys,” sarah spoke up. “me and my sister used to play this game--”

“oh, sarah, please tell me it’s not truth or dare with no dare.” john b’s face twisted into disapproval, and it was sarah’s turn to stick her tongue out at him.

“it is truth or dare with no dare, and i don’t hear any better ideas from anyone else, so we’re playing.”

jj’s hand came down on your ankle as he sat up and looked at the other blonde of the group. “actually, i’m thinking me and y/n will just roll another blunt and go hide in the guest room. that would be a better idea, i think.”

“no way, dumbass! if we have to do it, you two are sticking around for it too. pogues never abandon pogues, remember?” kie and her rules. “so, who starts?”

“well usually when i’ve played before it’s only been two people, so maybe i’ll ask the first question and we can all go around and answer?” jj groaned at this new development, causing you to smile. you flopped around on the futon a bit until your side was pressed against his, and he threw his arm around your shoulders once you’d settled. “okay, first question. um, let’s see... i don’t know. what’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?”

----

“weirdest place you’ve ever had sex. three, two, one, go!” jj pointed to john b, and the entire group erupted into laughter. john b was clearly struggling to think of an answer, and jj, who had become strangely invested in hour-long game, was running out of patience. “c’mon, man!”

“jesus christ, jj, i don’t know!” john b choked out through his laughs. “a bell tower, i guess?”

“great! sarah? where’ve ya done it, kook princess?” that one earned a smack on the arm from you, and jj quickly rephrased. “sorry! i meant, uh, where’ve ya-- i don’t know. just-- what’s your answer?”

sarah glanced between john b and jj, hesitating before she answered. “conveniently enough, my answer is also... a bell tower.”

with the ruckus that answer caused, you weren’t expecting the game to end any time soon.

----

“oh, my god. i finally don’t feel like i’m burning alive anymore.” pope threw his arms victoriously above his head as he made the statement, kie smiling at him and wrapping an arm around his waist.

“that’s how fucked the weather’s gonna be forever if humans don’t start taking care of the planet, pope. isn’t that crazy?” pope looked at her and nodded with a slightly terrified look in his eye, not finding the person kie became when drunk completely trustworthy to not flip out on him for his history of littering and excessive plastic use.

“you know, guys,” john b called out, quickly changing the subject. “this is kind of insane.”

“what do you mean, johnny boy? what’s so insane about a heat wave?” your head was pretty much buried in jj’s chest as you spoke, with his hands slowly tracing big circles in your back. the last blunt of the night had just been smoked, and it was hitting you both a little harder than the others had. for the past few minutes, you’d been thinking about you and jj finally making your way to the guest room for the more intimate one-on-one time that the weed had made you crave. as soon as he’d put the roach down, you’d crawled into his lap. the temperature had dropped reasonably, and the sticky feeling you’d experienced that morning was now completely out of the picture. your left hand was wrapped around jj’s neck, your right just hidden under his shirt as your thumb stroked back and forth just above his hip. jj had watched you nuzzle into that position through hooded red eyes with a little amused smile playing his lips, before returning the physical affection by sliding one hand reassuringly onto the back of your neck and letting the other draw shapes into your back.

by the time john b had finished gazing around lovingly at the group before answering, you had almost forgotten about having asked a question to begin with. “not the heat wave, y/n.” his correction reminded you of what the conversation had been, and your tilted your head up to make eye contact with jj. when you locked eyes, you knew jj was thinking the same thing as you: john b’s about to get corny and emotional. and you were both right. “seriously, look at us. isn’t this crazy?” you and jj smiled at each other, and you placed a loving kiss on his jawline before refocusing your sight on john b. “how did we all end up together? i mean, three losers who met in elementary school,” john b listed, looking to you and jj with a bright smile as you felt jj squeeze your neck lightly. “a weird kid who, for some reason, is totally obsessed with dead bodies and shit,” pope looked a john b awkwardly as kie giggled, slipping her hand into pope’s. “and a couple of fucking kooks.” sarah hummed from her spot next to john b, kie sarcastically saluting with her free hand. “you guys, somehow, we all got together, all found each other. what are the odds of that? what are the odds that we found this totally perfect, totally dysfunctional but perfect little family?”

before you could stop yourself, you felt the first tear slip down your face. “fuck you, john b,” you muttered quietly, taking your hand out from under jj’s shirt to swipe at the wetness on your face. scrubbing away the rest of the tears in your eyes before they could escape, you put your hand back down on jj’s arm this time.

“yeah, fuck you, john b. why you makin’ my girl cry, bro?” everyone chuckled softly, admiring each other in the moment. “alright, though, really. since she’s already crying, i guess i should say it now.” your head lifted back up to look at jj, and he looked back down at you as he continued. “i love you.” as you both broke into smiles, he looked back to your friends. “i love all of you guys. you’re all annoying as fuck, and i know i live for giving you all a hard time and stuff. but seriously. this is my family. pogues forever.”

“shit,” kie muttered this time, her thumb swiping under her own eyes as pope looked down at her adoringly. “pogues forever, guys. thank you for taking in us stupid kooks and letting us be who we are. pogues for-fucking-ever.”

“as corny as it sounds, i feel like we’re kind of required to group hug now,” pope added. “everybody up! i love you sickos and psychos, criminal records and all!”

and then, you all hugged the shit out of each other. pogue style.

valentines day alphabet  ( no longer accepting )

literally no one asked for this, i’m just doing this one to treat myself

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

He’s such an affectionate guy that it’s hard to pin down one way. Skip is physically affectionate with the people he cares for, giving it out almost absently; he’s generous with his time and with his money, putting effort into finding gifts for people he cares for. His primary love language, though, has got to be gestures. Skip loves being able to show people how much he cares. He’ll run errands, do favors, rearrange his schedule just so his friend doesn’t have to go to a party alone...  what really sets Skip apart from the crowd is the sheer lengths he’s willing to go to for other people.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

He doesn’t know the first thing about flowers, but damn him if he’s not going to try. Skip has a fixed idea of what “the perfect boyfriend” looks like, and chases that ideal constantly. It’s romantic to show up to your date’s house with flowers, so of course he’s going to do that! Except he got them for $5 at the grocery store, they’re bright purple and leaking dye everywhere, now it’s all over his suit, damn it  ----   he puts in the effort. That’s what counts.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

Like...  he’s not obsessive about it, but would he tackle his buddies for a pack of M&Ms? Absolutely. Without hesitation. Eating chocolate is great, but all the fun lies in obtaining it.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

It needs to be something fun. Skip...  gets bored easily, and on dates he must keep himself entertained. He’d love to go out dancing, or to do something fun  ---  in the modern era, he’d love laser tag and carnival dates, just because of the raucous atmosphere. Skip can have a good time with pretty much anyone, but he loves doing fun things with his partner the most.

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

He’s such a great hugger. Skip gives big brother hugs  ---  the kind that seem to wrap you up, like they’re determined to protect you from the world, fierce and fond all at once. He pulls someone in close, pressing his chin against their head or shoulder, and rubs their back until they settle down. His hugs can be enthusiastic when the mood calls for it, but also really, really tender. 

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

He’s such a friendly flirt. Which isn’t to say he’s bad, but, like...  half the time you can’t tell if he’s actually flirting or just being nice. He doesn’t have a lot of game, but Skip’s got the personality to make up for it. He’s just charming. A well-delivered pick-up line can make anybody laugh, whether it’s good or not. That’s his go-to move when flirting  ---  get someone laughing, start up a conversation, and get a feel of who they are from there.

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

He’s very good at getting gifts for the people closest to him; people always drop hints, and he’s learned how to pick him up. If his sister wants a new makeup kit, he’ll get it for her; if his mother’s been needing new music to play, he’ll buy her a record. Skip likes giving gifts, regardless of the occasion...  but for casual friends, on birthdays and the like, he’s prone to giving gag gifts. If he can’t be certain it’s something they’ll love, he’d at least like it to be something they’ll laugh at.

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

Quicker than he means to be. Skip’s never been good at guarding his heart; he lets people in too easily, and is always quick to see the best in others. Yeah, he’s been stung by people he cared about before, so he should really know better...  but he’d rather have a hundred friends than five enemies. When he feels himself falling in love, he falls fast.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Honestly, it’s not something he gives much thought to. Once he’s fallen in love, it’s the easiest thing to say in the world. Yes, he loves them! Yes, he wants the world to know it! He’ll tell his friends. He’ll tell his grandma. He’ll tell the old guy at the convenience store who smells like socks. He’s in love with the most amazing person in the world! (He talks about his partner so much that his friends half-feel like they’re dating them too.) It’s just as easy for Skip to say it to their face as it is to say it behind the back. He says it so often that his partner becomes desensitized to it after a while...  but it sure is nice to hear.

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

He’s actually really decent about jealousy. While he’ll get protective if he sees his little sister talking to a man, he isn’t weird when it comes to his own relationships. So long as he trusts the guy, he doesn’t think they’d move in on his partner; and, of course, he trusts his partner to the moon and back.  If an interaction seems too friendly, he’ll keep an eye on it, but he’d never dream of snooping or interrogating his partner over it.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Skip is a very gentle kisser. He’s careful in his actions, in the tender movements of lips against lips, because he’s so conscientious of his partner; any sign that they’re not enjoying it, and he’ll lose his nerve. It’s not that he lacks confidence, but Skip needs encouragement from his partner, egging him on and fueling into his passion; with it, he burns a steady flame. He’s playful with his kisses, making sure his partner isn’t holding onto any anxiety. Intimate moments like this, in Skip’s mind, should be fun, not overwhelming. He loves to trail kisses along his partner’s jaw and neck, murmuring praise between each breath as his hands explore their body as much as he’s allowed to.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

Skip feels a very intense bond with his family. He and his siblings couldn’t be closer, and he’s felt responsible for his mother since he was a kid; she’s always looked after him, but he also looks after her. Skip also adores his friends more than it’s possible to say  ---  and the sheer amount of friends he has speaks to how much love he’s got to give.

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

He’s more in-the-mood at night, because Skip and mornings don’t really get along. Anytime before 8am, he’s just going through the motions of existing. His partner could tie him to the bed and shower him with rose petals, and he’d have trouble remembering it come afternoon. (He might fall asleep in the middle of the show.) Nights are a way better time for romance.

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

Skip’s got an adventurous streak. There’s not much he’s afraid to try once  ---  that includes positions, places, and kinks. While he doesn’t have a depth of experience behind him, he’s got a keen sense of movement  ---  the way his partner’s body shifts against his own, the way he grinds against them, the way their chest heaves and their limbs slide under his palms...   sensation is a big thing for him, and he can’t help noting each one during the act. They taste sweet, and smell like summer rainstorms, and when they moan his name it sounds like a prayer...  honestly, he gets riled up on the sensations alone. He’s an energetic partner, but will match his pace to suit his companion’s. While he can’t help being loud, he’s love a partner who could match him, or at least be a little verbal in bed  (again, he needs encouragement).  He’s a pretty firm switch, but is thrilled when his partner takes control. Getting a little rough drives him wild.

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

Well, he isn’t Shakespeare in love. He tries his best. Skip knows better than to write love poetry, and he’s got no talent with a pen, but...  he’s achingly sincere with his words. When he tells someone he loves them, there’s not a hint of artifice  ---  he just means it, with every cell in his body, and the truth radiates through his words.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Skip needs someone he can connect to. Someone warm, emotional, who someone with understanding and empathy. He’s drawn to...  very bright people. He’s definitely want someone with a good sense of humor; he’d never be happy in a relationship with someone he couldn’t laugh with. Having fun, going on adventures, being a little stupid at times...  these are all things Skip values in a relationship, and his partner would have to be able to roll with that. He’d probably love an artist, someone creative, who has passions and isn’t afraid to talk about them. Somebody who can keep up a conversation  ---  communication is a huge thing for him in relationships, so he’d need a partner open to doing that. Someone who values family highly, with a deep capacity for love and a firm sense of self. And, of course, they have to have a great laugh.

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He’d absolutely ask the question  ---   the real question is, how. Knowing Skip, he’s not going to settle for something conventional. Dinner-date proposals are played out, and he doesn’t want to put his partner on the spot with something too public. He might enlist his best friends to help plan, just to have people to brainstorm with; in the meantime, Skip would sow his seeds. He’s not a huge planner, and has all the subtlety of a drunk duck, so if he makes a plan, his partner will be able to tell something’s up. He finally concocts some wild plan with Penkala and Malarkey, springing it on his partner last minute...  and once they’ve finished doing a scavenger hunt or chasing squirrels in the park with messages around their necks, whatever the boys have come up with, he’ll drop to one knee with a look of extreme hope on his face. “I’ve wanted to ask this for a long time  ---  hell, probably since the minute I met you  ---  but now just feels right. Do you...  feel the same way?”

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He’s got a very strong romantic side that really only comes out once he’s “in love” with someone. Like...  he’s not always successful, but he’s very creative about it, and very enthusiastic. Yes, he did knock over the candles and accidentally set the food on fire, but wasn’t a romantic dinner a great idea? He likes being romantic, because doing things like that, putting on a show, feels like giving to his partner.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

He definitely had a few girls in the neighborhood with crushes on him, cause Skip was an absolute sunbeam as a kid...  but his true loves were both at home. Skip’s mom and his little sister both got the lion’s share of his attention growing up; he loved them both so much that romance never crossed his mind.  (That changed when he got to high school don’t worry, but it was fun while it lasted.)

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

Sure he does. Okay, it’s not for everyone  ---  his parents sure didn’t have it, and he learned the rough way that high school romances are usually too flighty to be called love  ---  but it’s a thing, no doubt. It’s real for the people who want it, and who’re lucky enough to find it. That’s gonna be him...  one day, he’ll fall in love too.

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

He had a few nasty breakups in high school. They never knocked him out for long, but definitely hurt, and he still carries the scars from them. Let’s just say, the words “we need to talk” set off some Kill Bill sirens in his head.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

He gets weirdly enthusiastic about it. For Skip, Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to impress. He’s always got plans  ---  as a kid, he made a point of being both his mom and his little sister’s Valentine every year. As he got older, he never lost the habit of double-Valentining. Now, he usually goes on double-dates with his sister. Does his V-day date really want to be hanging out with Ruth and her boyfriend of the week while Skip argues with the maître d' about dinner reservations he absolutely didn’t book last minute? Probably not, but he didn’t consider doing it any other way. Skip always wants to give his partner a good time, but he’s usually...  just a bit too much on Valentine’s Day. He’d be better off relaxing and just letting his partner plan something.

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

Absolutely! He doesn’t have to think about that one. Skip’s got a ring picked out in his head and is ready to walk down the aisle by, maybe...  the sixth-month mark? It’s not that he moves fast, he’s just very confident in his own heart. When he knows, he’s sure. Getting married has always been something he wants  ---   not having grown up with a stable family unit, he craves his own little slice of domestic bliss  ---  and as long as it’s to the right person, he’s ready to go.

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

With extreme glee. He loves throwing out goofy ones, just to see how his partner reacts, and will lay it on thick in front of their friends just to make people groan...  but in private, he’s fond of “baby”, “doll”, “sweetie”, and the very cheesy “lovebug”, which earns him well-deserves eyerolls.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Very. Skip doesn’t seem like a serious guy at first glance  ---  but he’s got an intensely protective side, cultivated from looking after his family since he was a little kid. He’ll lay it all on the line for the people he loves. No one messes with them. No one hurts them. Skip will take care of it, and he’s not afraid to get physical to do it. His go-to, of course, will always be to try and make nice first, see if a little friendliness can diffuse a tense situation...  but if someone lays hands on his loved one, all bets are off. No one would take Skip for a fighter until he throws that first punch.

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

Oh no, his Mama raised him right  ---   these lips don’t kiss and tell! (That’s a lie. He spent a full hour talking Malarkey’s ear off about an amazing kiss he had on a date once, until Malarkey wanted to smother him.) Honestly...  not many. He’s always been a popular guy, but that doesn’t automatically translate into “people want to take him to bed”. Skip’s been with three people. He’s not the type for sleeping around  ---   he takes sex personally, more than he really means to.

B&C Behind the Scenes: Retro Video Capture On a Budget

People who follow Bread and Circuses know that the blog is dedicated almost entirely to pop culture analysis. But people who are my friends also know that I’m a huge geek for computer hardware. So today, you’ll get you a man who can do both. This is my first behind the scenes feature, where I talk about crazy learning experiences in being a small-time YouTuber. This piece will be very technical, so I don’t blame you for skipping it.

The next project for Bread and Circuses is a full documentary and retrospective on Final Fantasy IX (2000, PlayStation), maybe the most important game in my life and one of the best RPGs ever made. Due to the scope of the video, I’m replaying all the original Final Fantasy games for the original PlayStation to jog my memory and give context for the less researchy parts. I am doing this on original hardware and a tube TV, without resorting to emulation or the re-releases. And I’ll be recording the entire game.

The choice for original hardware came for a few reasons. For one, the newer ports of Final Fantasy games are…mixed, at best. IX’s updated ports feature higher quality models and cutscenes, but the backgrounds are blurry, the new fonts and interface are hideous, and the overall “feel” of the original game is somewhat lost. As inspiration for writing the script, I also want the nostalgic experience of how I first experienced the game.

With that being said, I had a major hurdle to overcome: how do I record 50+ hours of gameplay from a 1995 console?

Step 1: Capture Setup

Most game capture these days is done in two ways: via the device playing the game, or via a capture card. The first method is quite easy on PC: you just fire up Open Broadcaster Suite, use a quick setup guide and you’re good to go. This is what I’ve done for all my videos thus far.

For modern consoles, you can use an HDMI capture card like the Elgato HD60. The cards aren’t exactly cheap, but they’re affordable enough for most streamers and let’s players.

But there’s one problem: both the original PlayStation and PlayStation 2 do not have HDMI output. The early model PS3s can play PS1 games and have native HDMI, but they are rare, expensive, and often break.

While you can buy HDMI adapters for the OG PlayStation, they are spotty in quality and present yet another challenge: such adapters often introduce noticeable input lag. Though FFIX is not a fast-paced game, the lag is still bothersome. They also don’t work with my tube TV, which is critical for my desired creative process.

That leaves me with two capture options: composite or S-Video. Composite video is the little yellow guy you used to plug into your tube TV. It looks decent on those, but when captured digitally, the blurriness and drab colors are immediately apparent. It’s for this reason that I purchased S-video cables; without going into boring technical detail, S-Video delivers far richer colors. Because the adapter includes both, I can output to my TV and computer at the same time with no additional equipment!

Speaking of adapters, the PS2 also has the option to output component video, arguably the best analog video available. While capture solutions exist for component video, my tube TV does not accept it. So to use component, I would need a system of complicated adapters and converters to both record on my computer and play on my TV at the same time. It’s too much hassle for not enough results.

So instead, I did some research and bought this little guy: the Hauppauge USB Live-2. There are many adapters like it, but Hauppauge has brand recognition in this area. This adapter also uses 4:2:2 chroma subsampling, meaning that it sacrifices very little in color depth compared to some cheaper models. It plugs into any USB port.

My tube TV only supports mono sound, which means it only needs one audio cable. I hooked up the left channel (white cable) to my TV, and the right channel (red cable) to my capture card. When outputting FFIX in mono mode, both devices receive the same sounds, and the music doesn’t suffer from missing stereo effects. Perfection.

Step 2: PS1 or PS2?

So as most people know, the PlayStation 2 is backwards compatible with original PlayStation games. The method by which this is done, however, differs based on the model.

Early PS2s have an actual PS1 processor on their motherboard. For the PS2 it’s used for sound and input/output, but when playing a PS1 game this CPU is instead, providing nearly perfect PS1 support. Sony actually did the same thing with the first PS3, but soon realized it was very expensive and scrapped it.

For later models of the PS2 – the slimlines – Sony switched to software emulation to save costs and space. The software emulation works very well, but it is just that: emulation. It is very rare for emulators to be literally perfect replications of the original experience, and Sony’s for the PS2 – called POPS – is not 100% accurate. I also don’t have a slim, so there’s that.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I first dug out my old PlayStation 1, purchased new in 1998. While the system itself still works shockingly well (despite some skipping during movies), I quickly ran into a problem: the PS1 outputs at 240p. For the uninitiated, video nomenclature like 240p refers to the number of lines in the image along with the scan type. So 240p means there are 240 lines of pixels in the image, and they are updated progressively, meaning all at once.

Older tube TVs can accept 240p input, but output it in interlaced form. This means that the TV quickly updates every other line of the image, rather than the entire image at once. It works pretty good for this type of TV, but on a modern monitor introduces some problems…which I’ll get to in a bit.

Image from dummies.com. Fitting.

However, this was a problem for me because my new capture card did not accept 240p input. I tried countless times to get it to accept PS1 video, and it just didn’t work. However, I noticed that my PS2 did. That’s because the PS2 outputs by default at 480i, an interlaced mode that my capture card accepted.

So I opted to use my “fat” PS2 instead, which is a SCPH-30001 model, purchased new in 2001. It includes the original PlayStation chip, and – to my enormous surprise – read my original Final Fantasy IX CDs perfectly. Because the PS2 accepts PS1 controllers and PS1 memory cards, it was an almost flawless version of the original PS1 experience. Awesome!

Step 3: Recording

With setup out of the way, I got to the final step of the project: actually recording digital video.

I use Open Broadcaster Software (OBS) for all my video and streaming projects. It’s free, powerful, and pretty fast. My capture device was immediately detected by OBS, but there was one immediate problem.

Remember the interlacing I mentioned earlier? When you display interlaced video on a progressive screen – AKA any modern flat-panel monitor – you get a horribly ugly effect where the video seems to be ripping itself apart. This is called combing, and it sucks. Thankfully, OBS supports native deinterlacing, so I was able to fix it right up.

That being said, let’s break down the different parts of recording with OBS:

Resolution: the PS2 outputs in 720x480 pixels, but my videos are at 1920x1080. However, recording at 1080p requires more hardware power, so I get more definition at the expense of less overall quality. I chose instead to record at 720p, which is closer to the PS2’s native resolution and allows me to capture better colors with less blur.

Framerate: this is where things got interesting. I master all of my videos at 60 frames per second. Very, very few PS1/2 games (FFIX included) hit 60fps, because the hardware of the time just wasn’t capable of rendering graphics that fast. However, they do output at a 60 hertz refresh rate, meaning that the image updates 60 times per second even if the console doesn’t actually produce new frames that fast. So if you record at under 60fps, you get noticeable judder in your footage. That being said, 60fps was a requirement.

Encoding: I wanted to get the highest possible quality picture. My computer has a Ryzen 5 1600 processor – a capable mid-range CPU – and is excellent at software video encoding. I used the OBS x264 encoder running at medium quality. Any higher than medium and I started experiencing skipping footage as my CPU went to 100% utilization. I gotta admit, it’s pretty cool hearing my computer fans kick into overdrive as the CPU is pushed to its limits.

Bitrate: I’m recording a lot of footage here, so while I needed high quality, I also have to keep storage limitations in mind. I did some experimenting and decided on a bitrate of 9000kbps, still above YouTube quality while also saving space. This also means that each hour of footage is about 4GB; given that FFIX is about 40 hours long, that means roughly 160GB of footage for the game. Not bad, considering.

Deinterlacing: OBS presents a slew of options for deinterlacing your footage, and the differences can be tough to spot. The only option that gave me zero trouble – no juddering or excessive blur – was Yasif 2x. I also increased the brightness and saturation to make up for some of the analog video deficiencies.

I’ve included sample footage below, along with pictures of my setup. If you’re an aspiring retro YouTuber or streamer, feel free to PM me with any questions. This stuff was kinda intimidating to figure out and I’m happy to help!

Until then, I’ll be in Gaia. Or Terra, once I hit Disc 3.

Jon

Full Setup

Cable Routing Detail

The TV inputs run through this old AV hub I dug up from my teenage bedroom. This lets me run the cables behind my desk to keep things a bit neater. I say a bit because you can still see the cables back there, but that’s showbiz, baby.

Sample Footage

Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 2 Chapter 16

• IT’S HAPPENING FAM!

• Since there’s a chance that Homecoming Ball is going to be an absolute disaster, might as well put my crown on now

•

WHAT URGENT MATTER WHICH URGENT MATTER. LIAM YOU SHOULD TELL ME THESE THINGS.

• Maxwell since when was Bertrand a ‘calm presence’ 😂

• “No plots, schemes or blonde-haired barriers in the way!” Bertrand tells me. You sure about that boi? Coz everytime someone says something won’t happen in this book, it fucking happens 😑

• MAXWELL SINCE WHEN WAS ME ACCEPTING A PROPOSAL IN MY WAITRESS UNIFORM A GOOD IDEA

• When in doubt (and in NY getting engaged) dress like a New York skyscraper

• I had thought the Bertrand Savannah story would be over by now, but it isn’t. Far from it. But from what I gather - he seems to a. think that restoring Beaumont House’s glory comes first, b. feel that his love for Savannah (he does mention that he “treasures” her messages) is a distraction, c. deems himself a failure. There are some pieces to this puzzle missing and methinks we’ll find them all only in Book 3.

•

Legit. This right here is how my MC ended up head over heels for him.

• Liam: You radiated…possibility.

I believe at some point in the chapter, Liam highlights this as true not only in his own case, but applies it to how she changed Drake’s, Hana’s and Maxwell’s lives as well. I love that even in this, he doesn’t want to think only of himself. He sees how the MC has influenced his friends as well.

• I love how all our choices in Book 1 have been incorporated in this chapter.

• My favourite sequence in the chapter thus far is when Liam tells us about how he met the rest of the gang. It really does give us an idea of their background and history, and why they all really worked as a team, a unit, a group.

•

The first thing that came to my mind was how Maxwell was the first person to recognize the effect the MC had on Liam, way before even Drake did. He was the first to realise that Liam had found in the MC something he’d never had before, and thought to himself “I don’t want Liam to lose that”. It makes his first invitation to Cordonia that much more poignant, IMO.

• Lol I love how both Liam and Drake’s friendship is comprised entirely of them repeatedly rescuing each other 😂 They’re each other’s Knights in Shining Armour lol.

• OMG I FEEL SO VALIDATED BY WHAT LIAM SAID ABT HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH HANA?? I’D BEEN SAYING THIS SINCE BEFORE BOOK 2 CAME OUT OMG THANK YOU FOR CONFIRMING LIAM xD

• “Even back then…I knew [Hana and I] would be kindred spirits” - PREACH BRUH THATS WHAT I SAID

•

I SAID THAT TOO.

• “[Hana] is brilliant at a great many things…but hiding her feelings isn’t one of them”. AND THAT.

• In one fell swoop, Pixelberry made “With a Little Help From My Friends” parts one and two canon 😂😂

• Pixelberry also made @toglidethroughlife fic “This Love” partly canon with a way way happier ending if you’re a Liam stan xD

• This reminds me of that time when they made the abdication suggestion (and the MC’s response) that we saw in @violetflipflops “I Will Wait” canon too.

• “I didn’t realise that being a good ruler meant taking the reins for myself. Not until you.” Yes yes YES.

• MC you’re a shitty dog owner. You didn’t even notice your dog has been missing for the last few days? Whaaaaaa?

• He called me queen of his heart 😭😭😭😭

.• YES LIAM YES YES YES I’VE BEEN WAITING TO SAY YES SINCE CHAPTER 16 OF BOOK 1

• GUYS DID YOU NOTICE WE GET A ROMANCE MEGAPOINT ONCE WE GET ENGAGED???

• Back when I played the chapter I assumed the megapoint meant this LI would be exclusive for you from that point on…but alas. Looks like that isn’t the case. I do think we’ll see this megapoint next chapter with the others too. Maybe.

•

What he means is “sorry, Joy, I don’t think your little eyes can handle the smut”.

• Soooo this time’s diamond option is purely sexytimes, with a side order of Lady Liberty trivia. (the lightning one sounds ominous and symbolic of Liam in some ways). I’m okay with that because I really liked the non-diamond journey that preceded it, I thought that was a beautiful way to retrace their steps to the very beginning of their journey together.

• Also. As I have said before. Cordonian men have a thing for pinning their women to walls 😂

• This comes up if the MC speaks about Lady Liberty being struck by lightning 600 times.

Liam says the MC represents possibility. The MC says this. The Bad is gonna happen fam. In the Finale 😭😭😭

• Yknow there are several ways this could go down:

1. An assassination

2. A coup

3. Possible leaking of Constantine’s involvement in the conspiracy, leading to people losing their faith completely in Liam. It would take a great amount of effort for Liam to win his people’s trust, all through no fault of his own 😭

I hate option 1 but at least I hate it the least 😭😭😭 I’d much rather Liam get heroically injured than emotionally and publically torn apart like that 😭😭😭😭

• MADELEINE KNOWS SOMETHING.

• MAYBE REGINA KNOWS SOMETHING TOO IDK. MAYBE EVEN ADELEIDE KNOW SOMETHING. OR NOT. IM SO CONFUSED.

• If you reject Liam’s proposal, the resulting behaviours from the MC’s side are highly problematic:

1. She does it NOW when this man is on his one knee with a ring. Imagine how much more poignant and beautiful this admission would have been if they let you say it way back at the balcony. Imagine having the opportunity to tell Liam you love someone else at that point, seeing him conflicted, sad, confused - BUT AT LEAST he knows the stakes and knows it involves you finally going to the love interest of your choice in the end. Imagine him saying “I’m hurt, and sad, but that’s not what matters. What matters is that we clear your name.” How much more poignant that scene would have been. How much richer would it have made Liam’s story with you even if you weren’t pursuing him. It would allow him to maybe explore other options with other people. And it would be completely in character for him to let go that way. The MC, Liam and all the LIs would have wound up all looking good. Having it stretch out this far and crushing him like this is great drama but it makes the MC look like a complete tool. ESP when Liam offers her a duchy and her response is to be happy. HAPPY. “Sure I trampled your heart on my high heels but LAND. TITLES. MY OWN COAT OF ARMS. YAY. Who cares about you boo?”

2. Having the option of kissing him, and having sex with him, even though you have rejected him. Sure, Liam tries to make us feel better about initiating by bringing up the way Cordonia secretly does relationships, but in this case they don’t have consent from the LIs. She’s telling him she wants to have sex with him, at a time when he is vulnerable, desperately in love, still not over her, shocked and confused. That’s manipulative on levels I can’t even begin to describe. There should have allowed Liam to pull a Zig here, not continue placing her on a pedestal. Zig wants the TF MC, and he makes his feelings very clear to her while playing pool, but if she chooses to cheat on her LI with him he makes it very clear how absolutely callous that is on both him and the other LI. It makes it clear that this choice - taken with no one’s consent, and obviously focussed just on her own needs without caring whether other people will get hurt in the process - is wrong. He lets her know her behavior was terrible. Liam would have been well within his rights to tell the MC that too.

At the very least they could have had Liam bring the polyamorous option up and THEN state “but hey, you shitty person, we don’t have Drake/Hana/Maxwell’s say on this yet”.

This isn’t in any way comparable to the Liam/Madeleine/MC situation. Liam was in a forced arrangement, one that he had been clearly manipulated into. Liam had Madeleine’s explicit consent, and got the MC’s as well, before moving forward. Plus he never intended to keep the arrangement with Madeleine, hoping to break it when the MC’s name was cleared (a promise he acted upon and fulfilled immediately, might I add). Here, the MC and Liam are free, as are the other LIs, and they have nothing holding them back. And as I mentioned earlier there is no explicit consent from the LIs, the way there was with Madeleine. Liam is a guy who stayed ridiculously faithful to the MC from the moment she entered the competition, didn’t even look in the direction of the rest of the competition when he was well within his rights to. Ignored Madeleine to a large extent the whole duration of their engagement. Basically ONLY lavished attention, love and devotion to the MC. What about this guy screams “yeah let’s bang without consent from the ppl you’re actually in love with” to you?

• Liam is not the one with the problem here. Nor is the player. The problem is the writing and the game.

• This is an obvious attempt at cashgrab. Now that we will begin to go official with our LIs, how are we going to buy ALL the exclusive LI scenes the way we’ve been doing so far? They can’t completely diverge the stories the way they did with RoE (RoE could afford to do this because there were other characters and storylines we could find ourselves invested in, so restricting it to just one LI in Book 3 was okay), nor can they do what they’re currently doing in TS or ES or LH because the relationship dynamics in this book are vastly different. So they bring up this piss poor excuse so that they can still manage to make sex scenes with the LIs possible even if you’re supposed to be going official with them by the end of the book. Ick. All it does is leave a bad taste in my mouth.

• Other stans I hope you get your sexytimes soon!

Ep 8 Pt 1 | I Am The Loop! - Taylor

THE WAY I PLAYED MYSELF OMFGGGGG

If I had just fricken voted for Chloe lmfao!!!!! God I am the worst Survivor player ever.  The good news is that I think everyone kept me on the revote????

Frankly, I may have fucked up my game, but at least it was the round before merge maybe??? I don't know if jury will start after this next tribal, but my goal was merge and I am PRAYING to all that is holy that I made it.

Holy fuck!!! Megs going and two idol plays!!!! We love the drama!!!!! I manifested Megs going before merge and here it is! 

Just so y'all know what went down....

I voted for Jacob, BUT I told Jacob I voted for Ali and I also told Ali I voted for Ali.... lmao BECAUSE ALI SAID HE VOTED FOR ME!!!

This is honestly the most crackheaded thing I've ever done. Ari knows that I voted for Jacob.... which could be bad? but I trust them not to expose me just yet. 

Y’all making merge is such a fricken relief honestly. But also I’m scared af. I think there are a lot of eyes on me. I’ve survived so many tribal councils. People have to know I’m connected. I am not gonna down play it necessarily but I’m gonna try to blend in.

It seems like there are quite a few people mad at each other frim the other tribe. I can see Nic and Brandi being targets quickly bc of their tribes last tribal council. I need to minimize my target as much as I can now. I need to like meditate on it and see what I think is best.

First impressions of the two people I haven’t met yet are:

Jabari - very outspoken, had great energy. I think jabari is likely fiercely loyal but not afraid to play dirty when she has to. I wanna pick her brain a little bit about her swap tribe dynamics. TSL - I really like her! She has a good spirit and seems like a really strong social player. She is someone to watch out for but could be a good person to have on my side.

My plan moving forward is to stay swap tribe strong for as long as I can, but also, if Ali needs to go home.... he needs to go hone 

WE DID IT I MADE MERGE I CAN FINALLY BREATHE AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

oh my god oh my god okay. so tonight HAPPENED and i sure did predict it right from the start! i sure did tell ali not to do it and he sure did it anyway! but it's fine this is actually kind of excellent because it means me and jacob look entirely innocent, dan now trusts me even more fully and feels guilty for not telling me what he was doing, i have less of an obvious connection to ali, and we can go into merge with the idea of drama / discontent in order to more effectively mine intel.

so anyways. all that aside, let's talk about MERGE itself! here's where i am at, should i choose to believe everything i've been told: -jacob and i are bffs final 2 until we die -ali and i are also obviously gucci always -dan allegedly trusts me more than anyone and constantly thanks me for being so amazing -josh and i are a secret pair beware where we'll have each other's backs even if we end up on different sides of the numbers -taylor is absolutely thrilled to have me back and acts like she's just regrown a missing arm about it -brandi wants to get to know me and is working with tsl so might actually mean it -nic and emma are ???? dont really care tbqh sorry -jabari is also very ?????? that's [checks notes] six out of nine people who at least have expressed interest in wanting to work with me, if not outright proclaiming their undying love & affection. do i believe all of it? hell no - but it's a pretty good starting point!

i think this season twist is actually going to work really well for me because usually when i make it to merge, the sequence of events is: a) ari wants to work with everyone, b) ari tries to work with everyone and play the middle hardcore, c) ari eventually gets caught playing the middle and sent home for being a threat. BUT this time there's so much more room to maneuver about the votes because i can literally tell anyone i voted however they wanted me to and there's no proof against it. so i guess my primary objective = get everyone to love me and be my bff jenna-style, then tell them what they want to hear, then pull all my puppet strings to get all of them out. listen, it's the first night of merge and i am allowing myself to dream big. while we're at it then, let's have my ideal bootlist!!!!

10th place: jabari. nothing personal, i just think she's the hardest person to connect with socially and strategically from my past experiences. maybe she'll prove me wrong, but from what others have told me about how she's been on the new beeho, it doesn't seem like it. also this round jacob wins immunity. 9th place: emma. i said it day one and i'll say it again... galapagos has spoken and they've gotta go. i win immunity this round and tsl buys a gun and tells nobody but me about it. 8th place: nic. this is mainly because i think dan has some kind of attachment to him that'll be hard to shake for a bit but by this point nic will have gotten himself into enough hot water and dicey scenarios that dan won't find him worth the trouble and will be happy to let him go. jacob wins immunity again, probably in a really cool big-brain live challenge. 7th place: this is where we get down to people i actually want to work with so it'll be interesting to navigate but i think josh has to go here. he hasn't been doing enough socially and i was never gonna take him to the end anyway. sorry host bestie! we'll mix it up this round and let dan win immunity just to feel good about himself bc he's probably had a rough few days and needs a break. 6th place: ali. ily bb but you gotta go sis, you're gonna drag me down with you if i let you get too far! i'll act like this is a big shocker to me but jacob will have found out about it. also i think an idol will get used this round for sure and maybe even another secret advantage. 5th place: this is the last time i can use my gun and by chance it happens to also be an idol so i am going to use it to shoot tsl outta this game. we'll let jacob win immunity again. 4th place: brandi. honestly you stuck it out way longer than i expected and it's been an honor getting to know you but you're far too likeable to get close to ftc! there will be some unnecessary drama but it won't actually matter that much. oh and jacob won immunity for the fourth time but he gave it up to me. 3rd place: i can't believe i let dan get this close to the end! sneaky sneaky! if it's a final three that's fine because i can attribute his early survival and merge moves to myself, but if it's final 2 then he's gotta go and tell the jury how great i am (i cried during the live tribal it was very emotional). i think we all forfeit immunity here as it's the only fair thing. 1st and 2nd place: ari and jacob will split the prize in a first-time-ever deadlock tie and will both share the rodeo crown. i win the fan favorite though obvs. tsl is player of the season and ali is the best villain and brandi is the hero that everyone loves. all the hosts pick jabari as their fave.

I made merge!! Yay! Me and Ari bout to secret pair beware this game #TeamLasagna

me josh and nic are the cutest alliance i feel so bad for megs but oh well she gonna win retirement home second chances she highkey ate thats why she had to go i feel like rn my chances are low rn of winning but im here to cause chaos have some fun and have me or my allies win special shout out to josh without them i would wanna quit but that would suck and shout out to nic too i am kinda scared for merge but im really excited i dont think these people would take the easy route if not thats not trying to win but who knows tbhh i kinda want old pearl back together lowkey but im not sure im trying to think of my target list rn so rn im just gonna try to be more social then i was a few rounds ago make sure that i can get my footing back like i did pre swap!

mmmmmm MMMMMMMMMMMMM this is starting to look very fun and festive over here! the more intel we gather the more it's becoming clear that this first vote is gonna be a taylor/brandi versus nic/emma/josh/jabari bonanza with the four of us sitting pretty getting to decide who we want to work with. i'm personally more inclined toward the taylor/brandi of it all, what a coincidence that the four people i was least enthused about are also all working together... gonna call with dan and compare notes more later but i am feeling very optimistic

also people i want to work with to people i want out v soon OG: Pearl Josh> Nic> Dan> Brandi this is tough i really love og pearl probs the fav og tribe i ever been on like ever...

og beeho Ari > Taylor (she a threat i think taylor is lovely and like them alot )but i dont wanna go super far with them ) > Jacob > Ali >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Jabari.. Jabari is nice but idk if i can work or trust with them tbh i like everyone left haha also im aware or think that ari is the biggest threat but would i maybe die on my sword for them.. if i work with them yeah.. im not that person that i was a few years ago 

Why is everything I know a lie? Apparently Megs never wanted me in her alliance of her, Brandi, Jabari, and Taylor to begin with and only added me because Jabari requested it? Which I guess is why they thought her and I were a duo? I'm having trouble understanding what Meg's vendetta was against me. I literally have spent the entire game trying to socialize with her and Brandi and I thought it was going well?????????????????????????????????? What did I do to her?????????????? Genuinely????????????????????

Anyway. Jabari is so kind. I really feel like I can trust her now. I feel like this merge vote will come down to Me/Emma/Jabari/Josh vs. Ali/Taylor/Brandi with Dan, Jacob, and Ari somewhere in the middle. I have the most confidence of Dan working with us but even with his vote it'd be 5-5, not to mention Brandi has a double vote. But atleast our side has an idol.

It seems like I am once again on the bottom for no reason. Even in her absence Megs is fucking me over. 

My headspace is so fucking bad rn about this game. I just feel like even tho I’m probably in a decent position that this competition will be won by more dominant people than me. This challenge definitely doesn’t play to my strengths and idk wtf to do.

I talked to Ari about it and they really want me to try hard but I just like really don’t care... if I’m the next to go, I’m the next to go. I must be such a horrible ally bc I am seriously checked out rn.

Dear Jsh, if you have any brain cells now is the time to use them. I need to speak to Brandi and Dan and solidify something with them. I also have to reach out to Ari to see if working with them is an option moving forward. I got the vibe last round that Taylor was only using me to survive the Megs and I mean....fair I was doing the same to her but I’m hoping she doesn’t find out that I’ve been lying to her by saying I voted Nic. I really hope Ari doesn’t snitch. I don’t think Ari is a rat but...you never know!

The way I see it me, Emma and Nic have two options. Work with Ari, Ali and Jacob or work with Brandi and Dan. Working with New Pearl seems like a no brainer since we hold majority easily but the question is if they ARE willing to work with us. The problem with solidifying an OG Pearl alliance is Brandi doesn’t trust Nic and I don’t trust Dan. What Nic wants to do is bring in Jabari and kick out Dan and have a 5 person alliance with AARP (me Nic and Emma) + Dan and Jabari which I am defenitely not on board moving forward. I can work with them for one round but I honestly would rather work with Ari and Jacob both who I actually talk to regularly. I just really need to make this alliance to happen because I like to work with people I actually get along with.

As far as the vote is concerned...Ideally I would like to vote out Taylor or Ali this round because I can’t figure out where they stand but Ali is an unlikely person to be voted out because Ari is protecting him.

first merge boot be lookin good for me if people dont put in effort into speaking to me why should i try? jabari i dont want to target them anymore its not smart i need to talk to brandi alot more also idk im kinda tired thank god i got the idol.

dan is having a rough time today and i feel bad :( it also doesn't help that ALI decided to tell nic that he thinks dan is a threat which ofc nic ran and told dan right away so i had to be like ali wtf don't do that!! and he was like no but its good for us bc they'll think we aren't close...... that is NOT THE POINT RIGHT NOW ALI!!!

okay because apparently i’ve put more thought into this than even i thought i had, here’s my take on a Harvest Moon au, and y’all know this is gonna be a klance one - literally half (if not more) of this au is based off a romance option in More Friends of Mineral Town

okay so i’m basing this au (pretty loosely honestly) off my personal favorite harvest moon game (b/c it’s actually the only one i ever played lmao): Friends of Mineral Town/More Friends of Mineral Town, and if anyone actually ends up reading this and wants to know more of a summary about the game itself to understand what’s happening in this au then i’ll happily get into that -- but for now while i’m assuming that i’m just talking to myself, 

Firstly, Lance impulse-buying a farm for this au is honestly so Relatable 

Secondly, listen in the game there’s this guy named Cliff who recently moved to town too and he doesn’t have any family and he’s really quiet and kind of a loner and you have to befriend him within the first year of the game or else he literally leaves town forever -- and i can’t remember everything but i’m pretty sure of all the romance options for dudes he’s the one that loves nature the most and i just - does this all not just scream Keith????? 

plus the pastor of the church in the game asks you to make friends with this guy because he has a hard time making friends himself and with a mentor figure like that how can you nOT immediately be inspired to throw a little broganes in the mix here, but okay messing around with storylines to make it 100000 times more applicable to the Lumberjack Keith Living in the Mountains aesthetic that i want: 

Shiro’s a military veteran that moved to this tiny town and built himself a little cottage in the mountains for optimal Rest and Relaxation

he serves as the lumberjack in the town, operating his woodworking business from his mountain cottage

Shiro’s cousin Keith moves in with him for Unknown Reasons not too long before Lance moves to town

Keith helps Shiro with his orders to build/carve stuff for the other townspeople

he’s super closed-off and has no idea how to handle social situations but he Tries

he probably comes off a little rude at first but once the townspeople learn (probably either from Shiro or firsthand experience) that he’s really just an awkward sweetheart they quickly warm up to him

not that this makes Keith any less awkward around people but it does earn the townspeople the occasional grateful smile when they respond to his lack of people-skills with kindness 

Lance and Keith actually don’t meet for a while after Lance buys the farm actually 

Before Lance can even think about having animals on his land he’s got to weed-eat the heck out of the place, and that’s putting it lightly because damn this place hasn’t seen any sort of care for y e a r s at this point and calling it “overgrown” is the understatement of the year -- but basically this doesn’t really require any woodworking yet

plus Keith doesn’t really ever go into town unless it’s for a job, so between Lance spending most of his time wrasslin’ with mother nature and Keith basically refusing to leave the mountains they’re constantly missing each other

they hear of the other’s existence sure, but it’s basically one of those ‘everyone knows this person and talks about them but i haven’t seen them even oNCE and i’m not entirely convinced this isn’t just a giant prank’ situations 

Lance is the new talk of the town what with him being the first person to buy the farm and then actually stick around in  a g e s, but Keith always takes the path to and from town that’s on the other side of a hill from the farm, and basically never really gets a chance to #confirm this gossip  

Everyone tells Lance that if he needs any repairs done or when he wants to fix up the barn & animal pens then he should go talk to Shiro and Keith

Lance has actually met Shiro a couple times now (who has also confirmed the existence of this Keith person) but somehow Keith becomes like the one person in the entire town that Lance has yet to meet

Eventually this is resolved after a pretty gnarly storm rolls through and leaves Lance’s roof with at least five different leaks and Lance has to go to Shiro for help

Keith is actually out when Lance pays the little mountain cottage a visit (Lance seriously doubts the guy’s existence at this point)

There are more storms coming soon and Shiro suggests getting the leaks repaired early the next day, to which Lance agrees, entirely forgetting that “early” in this town actually means “the asscrack of dawn” until Shiro shakes his hand with a comment of “Great, I’ll see you at 6 in the morning then.” and by then he’s already agreed he can’t just back out

Which means that the next day he’s scrambling to make himself look somewhat presentable when he wakes up to a knock on his door (sleeping right through the five alarms he’d set for himself) and flings open the door to greet Shiro- only it’s not Shiro

It takes an embarrassingly long time for Lance’s brain to start working again and when it does of course the first thing out of his mouth is about as eloquent as he feels, “You’re not Shiro.”

Lance isn’t entirely sure how to read the other guy’s face, he can’t tell if he’s pissed off from his comment or incredulous at Lance’s incredible powers of observation- “Congratulations, you have eyes.” - okay maybe a bit of both but really though who has that level of wit this early in the morning?? that should be illegal 

“I’m Keith. I’m here to fix your roof.” - and this is how Lance learns that the Mythical Keith is actually Real

Basically it’s not the best meeting and Lance is kinda put off that he got dragged so hard before his brain was even functioning properly for the day

Plus it’s like whatever circumstances had kept them from meeting in the first place are just gone now because he starts seeing Keith everywhere

Okay goin’ into lightning round here b/c this is already 10 years longer than I was expecting and i still need to write a short paper due tomorrow

Basically Lance starts getting more of the buildings on his land fixed up, which requires Keith (and sometimes Shiro) to be there

(You KNOW Shiro has Keith go help Lance instead of being there himself because he knows Lance and Keith are about the same age and this is a great opportunity for Keith to make a friend)

Keith gets to witness Lance still trying to get used to early morning wake-up times, and while initially it was kind of frustrating as they come to know each other a bit better it becomes Endlessly Amusing

They wind up developing this snarky banter with each other because of it, and even though they’re under the pretense of dragging each other eventually one of them will say something that gets them both laughing

Basically they wind up having a lot more fun than either of them expects to, and this of course do not go unnoticed by the town and probably leads to a lot of comments on it as the nosy neighbors (read: Hunk) try to get them good good deets on the situation

Now while I am making it all sound like fun and games here (which it certainly is, this au has gotta be just as feel-good and chill as the game is), Keith is definitely still mostly quiet and removed from everyone 

Lance probably finds him in the mountains by himself a lot when Lance goes up there to forage or mine

At the end of the day I want it to be this super chill and kind of wistful and feelgood au where Lance slowly learns about this mysterious boy with a mysterious and sad past that lives in the mountains with his cousin

and Lance comes to be a real source of happiness and friendship and support for Keith, which leads to Keith opening up more to the townspeople and making even more friends (Pidge, Hunk, Allura, Coran -- which I already have some ideas for them but I’ll get to that Later)

and Keith kind of unintentionally helps Lance figure out who he is as a person (something Lance felt like he lost while living in the city)

and man i just want a soft good story about two boys helping each other figure out their place in the world and what it means to belong somewhere, but Harvest Moon edition

This concludes my unintentional Essay on a harvest moon au thank you all for coming to my ted talk i hope everyone has a good night 

Looking back at how an old friend from High school forwarded me how he’s doing and some other associates are, I’m starting to glean a little more on the whole melee toxicity and on Smash as a whole. It’s a bit of a read, so, I’ve put it under a read more

So, when I was high school, and, as a kid, I never heard of the series at first. I had a friend, we’ll call him M, who introduced me to it as one of the ways he and another friend of ours, C, would always play to relieve stress and just have fun. Now, the prospect of a fighting game that had characters from nintendo in it seemed a bit farfetched to me, but, c’est la vie.

C and M played the games together every now and again, personally, I never got with it because M and I, while we were best friends... We were at odds with each other. M would get angry that I simply liked other characters, like for example, Amy Rose, while he wanted me to read the comics to learn about Sally Acorn and why she was “much better than” Amy for whatever reason. Normally, this isn’t much to really be at odds about, but M really did this with a lot of things I enjoyed. I like Sonic heroes, he sang the song of Sonic Adventure 2, I liked Pokemon, he claimed the competitive strategies were contrived compared to “real” video games. 

It came to the point in our friendship where, while I was “still” friends with M as a sophomore going to junior year in 2015/4, we weren't as much friends as we were “yeah, we talk during lunch but we wouldn't really be friends.” C was our third friend who M and I would hang out with, and seeing him and M get together without me, of course, made me feel left out. It was C who brought up the idea, before M hitched on and decided it was a good idea. I got the ropes, picked up the games, and played it for some time as Ike before learning how to play Peach on my own.

When I first played smash against my friends, it was tough... M would always beat me of course because he had played since Melee, but would give insults to me about my gaming choice and character usage. C was about the same, but more subtle to it, though, it seeped into me and while I wasn’t throwing controllers by any means, I was definitely more angry and Salty when playing because I wasn’t taught much besides the basics. I didn’t know about Peach’s float  until I picked up myself or Ike’s armor when using Aether.

And that’s when I broke off later on, the game became too much for me, it was past the end of Brawl’s wifi usage, and we had to mod our games using an SD card in order to have it play with friend codes. But I never touched the game as much because of C and M’s influence on me. Later that year, I wasn’t best friends or friends with either of them anymore. They introduced a new friend and in the halls, would blatantly mention playing smash with them so as to incite me, but it never worked. That was then the time I got into Skullgirls, and boy oh boy I could sing its praises all day. I played with people who were courteous and tried to teach me better when I was stumbling trying to do a simple combo, and someone went far enough to teach me a bread and butter combo I stick with on Squigly to this day, and even when I lost, there was no insults... No “Git Gud or you have no future”. It was, “hey, you did good! But here’s what I’d do in the next round...” and we’d discuss from there. It was a disappointment to lose, of course, but I always learned from it.

But, that’s not the point. M and C later dumped that same friend under the context that he wasn’t a good enough player for them to compete with. They had wanted to go pro.

Pro as in Project M and Melee contests.

I watched from afar, and played Brawl casually when allowed in my high school’s smash com. (though, it was very small because many people only wanted melee and no one really had the money much less the controllers or console to actually play it.) As the cultural club president, it was I who had to make events based on the ideas of the students, and what did you know, Smash Melee was the top voted game, though, with no one to actually bring a game console or controllers.

That was when M came up again, debuted that he’d bring in his own console. For old times’ sake, he said, though I’d never play melee with him. I agreed, but only on the pretense that he brought a good number of controllers and if need be, whatever he needed to boot up the console and such. You didn’t need much when you get a game going in front of high school boys in an All Boys High School. Emphasis on all boys.

The contest came and we were swamped with kids coming in from all ages, making a good 3-400 bucks all together with entrance fees and people buying food from the school and such. But what stood out to me, was the players.

There was the insults, the name calling, the taunting.

It flashed me back to when me and M and C would play.

Then the losing parties would rage, throw and kick the controllers and some of us had to personally remove them from the scene, but it kept with me that day. I just stared.

One kid threw his controller at another kid’s face because he was upset that he lost only because Marth was broken or something amongst those lines. 

Another kid was angry at M because M “spammed” the same move over and over again. M remarked, “It’s not my fault you’re just a brawl player.” and the kid left with a few tears in his eyes and stomped on his controller outside.

I got into playing the game again, a casual match with M this time, “for old times’ sake” was my excuse, but he wanted to money match me on Brawl just to prove he was the best of the community. Mainly so I would have a repeat of Link using his Up B whatever on Peach and I’d have to hear her scream “No...!” again, probably.

But, I played, used float correctly and effortlessly knocked him out of the game with three stocks much to his and my surprise.

The kids were ecstatic, I was just gawking, and M was furious. So furious in fact, he called me out for playing some “shitty game” and I was “fucking annoying playing Peach all the time.”

It hit me how bad the game really affected us, and I offered him a handshake regardless, but he smacked my hand away and left in a huff.

He later texted me and cursed me out because I wasn’t “there” for him and so on, and continued even when I never answered, but I personally showed the disciplinarian I was being harassed. But it stuck with me how badly Smash was impacting me back then, and how it currently affects people now.

I was lucky enough to get out of the whole thing before hand, but I lost a couple of friends due to the competitive scene that I’m not interested in anymore. Call it what you will, but the games itself, the intense need to win and the “salty” spotlights on losing... It doesn’t make it anymore healthy as it does broken and toxic. There was elitism in who you played as in my experience, and I came a long way of trying to asses myself from the competitive community than I do in Skullgirls and say other games as well.

That’s just my slice of life so to speak on Melee and the other games, and it’s personally why I don’t show up to the competitions or the scenes, but you’ll still find me playing against the best of them in my college campus’ game room. Games are meant to be fun. They’re not a lifestyle for you. They’re not meant to lose people over digital characters smacking each other around.

They’re games meant to have fun and enjoy some time away from daily life. I’m personally disappointed that it took me a while to see that now. But, I’m proud of myself for learning that revelation as time has gone on. 

3 Tag Games

Tagged by @pod7et

1: Are you named after someone?  was. I fixed that 11 1/2 years ago.

2: When was the last time you cried? Uh, not caused by a fic? Not sure. But I was very close this saturday

3: Do you like your handwriting? Nope. And I know that seems weird, that as an artist I have horrible handwriting, but i do. I apparantly just have no patience to wait - my art thumbnails also look very awful. the difference is, the first time i'm trying to get the idea down fast before my brain moves on or forgets. the second time is to make it nice. I never get around to writing it a second time unless its typed up.

4: What is your favorite lunch meat? in general: Roast Beef. specifically - the Buttercup Dairy Store Cajun Roast Beef. A small mom and pop owned store back home where i had my first job.

5: Do you have kids? yes. one.

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you? i don't see why not?

7: Do you use sarcasm? everyone around me does so if i do, it doesn't get noticed as sarcasm. i have it, i try to, but my levels of sarcasm just doesn't compare

8: Do you still have your tonsils? Yes

9: Would you bungee jump? *SHUDDERING* Why would you ask me that? WHY?

10: What is your favorite kind of cereal? I don't eat cereal anymore

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? I used to, but i have a pair of shoes now that i can get on and off without having to, so i don't bother anymore

12: Do you think you’re a strong person? No

13: What is your favorite ice cream? Vanilla bean - Breyers or Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby

14: What is the first thing you notice about people? Uh...colors, I think. They'll draw your eye in and then you start noticing everything else.

15: What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? MY HEIGHT (I'm so short and its not fair - my dad was a whole foot taller than me. so's his brother. and his oldest sister is almost a foot taller than me as well

16: What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? blue striped pj’s

17: What are you listening to right now? Everyone's sleeping and i was too lazy to find my headphones, so all i'm listening to is my fingers typing and the humming refridgerator (i apparantly can't spell that.)

18: If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Well, that depends. Am I picking it? Or does each color have some deep meaning that would be applied to me? Becuase if it's the first, the color would be blue. if its' the second, you'll have to give me the chart...

19: Favorite smell? BACON

20: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my mum-in-law (and yes, i call her mum. and no, i'm not from England. so there.)

21: Favorite sport to watch? Yuri on Ice. that totally counts, right?

22: Hair color? plain old brown with silver creeping in. sometimes i dye it to bring out the red highlights that hide inside. usually that means i've just turned my whole head red. :P

23: Eye color? Brown

24: Do you wear contacts? I can't wear them anymore. they hurt my eyes.

25: Favorite food to eat? Bacon. what, i can use the same answer twice! okay fine - how about something i can't get anymore because i don't know how my father cooked it?

26: Scary movies or comedy? Comedy! I'll even watch scary stuff sometimes if it has enough comedy

27: Last movie you watched? You know what? NO. I ain't telling cause i really regret watching it. WHILE i was watching it, but i was too lazy to find something else.

28: What color of shirt are you wearing? my bright orange pj's

29: Summer or winter? Autumn!!!

30: Hugs or kisses? Hugs

31: What book are you currently reading? Does fanfic count? if not, I technically have several books i'm in the middle of right now - i think i started them 2 years ago. before i realized i could read fanfic on my nook.

32: Who do you miss right now? dad

33: What is on your mouse pad? N/A (laptop has the touchpad, and even when it doesn’t, i use a trackball. no mouse necessary - but we did have one a friend stole from our college computer lab that my hubby used for like, forever.

34: What is the last TV program you watched? um.....oh! the Red Green Show

35: What is the best sound? music. or laughing.

36: Rolling Stones or The Beatles? not sure

37: What is the furthest you have ever traveled? NH to California

38: Do you have a special talent? i like to think so

39: Where were you born? Deleware

******************************

Alright, I was tagged by @dmsilvisart to answer 8 questions and tag 9 people who I would like to get to know better. Here we go:

1. Relationship Status: Married 11 1/2 years, known each other for 22

2. Favorite Color: Blue!!!!!!

3. Pets: None. Everyone in my house but me is allergic

4. Last Song I Listened To: That was hours ago! you expect me to remember? :( Right now i have the Yuri on Ice open theme song stuck in my head. Which makes me mad because i tried to buy it on Amazon and the only copies i could find were NOT the version in the open (different singer) or only 30 seconds long (when the open is around a minute and a half)

5. Favorite TV Shows: Supernatural, Doctor Who, Star Trek, Sherlock, Yuri on Ice, M*A*S*H (no one said it still had to be on the air...or in its original run...or...any kind of...qualifier), Stargate, Eureka, slayers, Furuba and probably so much more if i had any brain left for thinking

6. First Fandom: Star Trek

7. Hobbies: Reading, writing, arting (though i want that to be more than a hobby), Games (puzzles, board, card and video - everything really), knitting, scrapbooking

8. Books I’m Currently Reading: Several. from like, 2 years ago, before the whole nook thing. BUT! I am holding @unforth-ninawaters "Glimmer of Hope" hostage until i get more of my work done and i'm sooooo antsing to read it right now!

************************ Alphabet Game

Tagged by @tenoko1

a - age: 39.9

b - biggest fear: Being in open water or being lost, or being alone

c - current time: 3:05am

d - drink you last had: tea

e - every day starts with: my daughter waking me up for a hug before she leaves for school. then i attempt to fall back asleep until i get a nerf shot at my ass (by my husband) as a pretend alarm clock

f - favorite song: Dust in the Wind (but really, so SO many good ones to choose from! how do you choose?)

g - ghosts, are they real: can't decide

h - hometown: where i live now? where i was born? Where i grew up? I never know which version of the question i'm being asked...

i - in love with: not sure what to put here

j - jealous of: anyone whose life is more together than mine i guess. Or people who waste their opportunities

k - killed someone: um, no

l - last time you cried: This saturday I came really close. I had to go hide.

m - middle name: Is my maiden name - i was rather partial to it and since i was moving my old middle name to the first position i said, sure, why not. Let's just lop off that first name and move everything over one to make room for that new last name. wasn't like i was using that old first name anyway.

n - number of siblings: 1.5 (aka, a full sister and a half brother. whom i havent seen since he was 5 except for one time, by accident, at a con. Where he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with our family.

o - one wish: To be able to support myself on my artistic ability

p - person you last called/texted: do the website IMs count? cause that would be either jhoomwrites or mittensmorgul

q - questions you’re always asked: did you draw this?

r - reasons to smile: my kid, music, my art, comments on my fics

s - song last sang: aaaaaah....All of me? i...think? I was singing along

t - which time? Because according to my fitbit, i was awake 17 times last night

u - underwear color: the hated pink color

v - vacation destination: so. many. places! japan, ireland, greece, a supernatural convention for the ENTIRE weekend

w - worst habit(s): Tumblr, procrastination - oh wait, same thing

x - x-rays you’ve had: i've had a variety of things like that - xrays, mri's, catscans...hip, sinus, teeth, baby, gallstones, foot, etc

y - your favorite food: For the third time, BACON!

z - zodiac Sign: Aries

Not tagging anyone - if you wanna do it, go ahead :D

I Want My Great Memory Back! http://yourgradgear.com/2017/09/27/i-want-my-great-memory-back/

New Post has been published on http://yourgradgear.com/2017/09/27/i-want-my-great-memory-back/

I Want My Great Memory Back!

Blanking on names? Left your iPhone in a cab? Our writer tests whether the latest science-backed recall tricks will really turn your mind into a steel trap.

Jancee Dunn

July 22, 2015

I used to have a memory that amazed people, but in the last few years I’ve had trouble remembering names and movie titles. (“You know, the one about the guy who goes somewhere? It won that award…”) I hope to have many years of sharp thinking ahead of me—I’m in my mid-40s, nowhere near senior-moments territory—so I got to wondering: Is there something I should be doing now to counteract the lapses that already seem to be taking place?

There’s no way around the fact that memory erodes as we get older. The hippocampus, the area of your brain responsible for building memory, loses 5 percent of its nerve cells with each passing decade. Plus, aging slows production of acetylcholine, a neurotransmitter vital to learning and memory. Based on these facts, scientists once believed that a person’s mental ability peaked early in adulthood, then went downhill from there. But over the last few decades, research has found that adults’ brains are still able to form new, memory-building neural networks in a process known as neuroplasticity. The reassuring latest thinking: With a little effort, anyone can boost their power of recollection.

To test this theory in the real world, I tried an array of research-backed brain-sharpening techniques over one six-week period. Am I now able to list all 44 U.S. presidents? No. But can I more easily summon up where I put my keys? Yes. And I think being able to leave my apartment and lock the door is a more valuable life skill than remembering James K. Polk. Here’s what worked for me—and what fell flat.

Technique #1: Play brain games

Puzzles like Sudoku and crosswords may improve memory and delay brain decline, though experts are not yet sure why. “My guess is that playing them activates synapses in the whole brain, including the memory areas,” says Marcel Danesi, PhD, author of Extreme Brain Workout. Research so far is decidedly mixed: Some studies have found that, while doing crossword puzzles may make you better at remembering the capital of Burkina Faso, there’s little evidence they’ll boost your performance at more general tasks, like remembering where your car is parked. But a 2011 study showed that participants who played a computer game called Double Decision for six years improved their concentration so much that they had a 50 percent lower rate of car accidents.

So I decided to try an online brain-training program called Lumosity, which neuroscientists from Harvard, Stanford and the University of California at Berkeley have used in their own studies; its creators claim that 97 percent of users improve their memory in just 10 hours of playing time. First I answered a series of questions at lumosity.com to identify which of my cognitive processes, including memory, could use a little help. Then I received a personalized training regimen. A 10-minute daily series of games is free, and a more advanced program is available for $12.95 a month. (Being cheap, I stuck with the former.) The games are pure fun—remembering a pattern of blocks, spotting a bird in a field—and are based on what research has found to improve concentration and other cognitive skills.

My grade: B- By the end of a month, my “brain performance index” score rose 6 percent—not amazing in the Lumosity world, but respectable. The main problem: You have to play the games every day, forever, to keep up the benefits. I’ve mostly kept up. (Except on weekends. Or if I’ve had a busy week. OK, I haven’t kept up.)

Technique #2: Eat the right foods

According to Gary Small, MD, director of the UCLA Memory Clinic, memory superfoods include antioxidant-rich, colorful fruits and vegetables, which protect your brain from harmful free radicals. He’s also enthusiastic about low-glycemic carbs, like oatmeal, and anything with omega-3 fatty acids. In fact, a recent study published in Neurology found that people with low levels of omega-3s had brains that appeared to be a full two years older in MRI scans. That was incentive enough for me to follow the memory-enhancing diet from Dr. Small’s book The Memory Prescription, which claims it works in just two weeks. Much like the Mediterranean diet, it’s heavy on produce, legumes, nuts and fish. It’s low on meat, since meat’s omega-6 fatty acids may contribute to brain inflammation, a possible underlying mechanism for Alzheimer’s. Refined sugars produce a similar effect, so they were also out. (That was the toughest for me.) I ate a farmers market’s worth of blueberries, spinach, avocado and beets, and consumed enough fish to sprout gills. I also went beyond Dr. Small’s advice and took 2.4 micrograms of vitamin B12, the standard recommended daily amount—since studies show people with low levels perform poorly on memory tests—and 1,000 international units of vitamin D, discovered by Tufts University researchers to boost cognitive function. (My doctor signed off on the supplements.)

My grade: A It was difficult to eat meat only once a week, until I noticed how much less physically and mentally sluggish I felt. And my memory became markedly sharper over 14 days. (For instance, I quit using a bookmark because I could remember the page number I’d stopped on the night before.) Planning those meals took a lot of prep, but it paid off tremendously. I still try to use the diet as a guideline: I eat meat once a week, aim for five fruits and vegetables a day and pop omega-3 supplements (since I don’t get as much fish as I did on the diet).

            Next Page: Technique #3: Quit multitasking

[ pagebreak ]Technique #3: Quit multitasking

“One reason people can’t remember where their keys are is they’re not paying attention when they put them down,” says Mark McDaniel, PhD, a psychology professor and memory researcher at Washington University in St. Louis. (His suggestion for always finding them: “When you put them down, stop and say out loud, ‘I’m leaving my keys on my dresser,'” or wherever you’re placing them.) Studies show that it takes eight seconds to fully commit a piece of information to memory, so concentrating on the task at hand is crucial. I willed myself to stop giving everything “continuous partial attention,” a term coined by tech honcho Linda Stone. I put away my gadgets when they weren’t absolutely needed. I didn’t have 10 websites up all at once. I called a friend, sat on my bed, closed my eyes and actually listened to what she was saying.

My grade: B+ It’s amazing how difficult it is to do one thing at a time. Concentration takes work, but I found I could remember appointments better because I paid attention when I made them and repeated the day and time, rather than agreeing to commitments while doing the laundry and returning e-mail messages. My husband, usually my living iCal, was very impressed.

Technique #4: Master a new skill

A recent Swedish study found that adults who learned a new language showed improved memory for people’s names, among other things. Any activity that is practiced diligently, such as knitting or skiing, will likely have this effect, researchers say. I vowed to learn to play the keyboard. On YouTube I found PlayPianoKing, an affable guy who teaches everything from Pachelbel’s Canon to “Gangnam Style.”

My grade: C- While I did learn a mean “Gangnam” and felt my concentration improve, I soon gave up: With brain games and a diet overhaul crowding my schedule, the hour-long, every-other-day lesson was making me cranky, even before I saw any noticeable memory gains.

Technique #5: Get more sleep

Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania have discovered that losing half a night’s rest—three or four hours—on just one evening can erode memory. And the journal Nature Neuroscience recently reported that one way to slow decline in aging adults is to improve the length and quality of sleep. During a deep sleep of eight hours or more, it’s believed that the brain shifts memories from temporary to longer-term storage. Yet according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one third of us get less than seven hours a night—including me.

So, for more than a month, I implemented a stringent schedule: I would put my preschooler to bed and take a bath. Then I’d hit my own bed with a book, rather than watch TV or movies, which several studies reveal will make you feel too keyed up to wind down. Normally I fall asleep at 11:30 p.m. and wake at 5:45 a.m., but the new routine put me out by 10.

My grade: A+ Nothing had a better effect on my memory than that long stretch of sleep. I was able to semi-credibly measure the difference because I started my other interventions a few weeks before this one. I bounded out of bed fully recharged. My mind became as focused as a laser beam; I even remembered every mom’s name during the school run (no more “Hey, you!” or just “Hi!”).

Technique #6: Use mnemonic devices

These are basically memory tools that give meaning and organization to a random group of words or concepts. They could be an acronym (BOG for “Buy oranges and grapes”), an exaggerated visualization (imagining a massive stethoscope to remember a doctor’s appointment) or a rhyme (to recall a co-worker’s name, I’d remember, “Ted has a giant forehead”). Memory champions also love chunking, or breaking a large amount of information into more manageable nuggets. Say you have to memorize these numbers: 2214457819. It’s much easier to do as a phone number: 221-445-7819.

My grade: A+ I found these tactics enormously helpful. I usually forget my poor nephew’s birthday, but this year I actually sent a gift, thanks to the unpleasant but memorable NITS (“Nephew is 10 Sunday”).

Technique #7: Hit the gym

Researchers from the University of California at Irvine recently discovered that a little exercise might yield big mental benefits. They had one group of subjects ride stationary bikes for six minutes, while another group cooled their heels. Afterward, the active group performed significantly better on a memory test. Instant results! The researchers believe the boost may be tied to an exercise-induced brain chemical called norepinephrine, which has a strong influence on memory. And Dr. Small contends that exercise is the best memory aid of all. “It can increase your brain size,” he says—and the bigger your brain, the greater your capacity to remember. His recommendation: 20 minutes of brisk walking a day. I began doing an hour daily—more than Dr. Small recommends, but also more consistent than the gym workouts a few times a week I used to favor, and, according to many experts, more effective in juicing up memory.

My grade: A- This moderate, regular activity worked wonders on my stress levels, and it became much easier to concentrate afterward, so I could fix things (like a grocery list) into my memory. I grew addicted to my walks and still take them. In fact, I found that the memory-boosting healthy lifestyle habits—exercising more, stressing less, eating a better diet—were the most sustainable over time. And that’s a win-win.

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A post about volunteering at AX a month later. Hella long shit under the cut lol

I held off posting about AX b/c I had a lot of uncomfortable, negative emotions going on. Overall, it was a good experience and one I don’t regret since I learned a lot. Now that I’ve waited so long to post tho, I’m not sure if I remember everything clearly lmao. This is going to be hella long, I can feel it.

Day -2: It was actually really stressful for me the first day. I volunteered with Ray, but we were in different departments and carpools. I only really went to AX b/c I wanted to make friends that were into the same things I was, since most of my close friends don’t really watch/read stuff. I was essentially going into my first con alone and although I’m pretty good about being friendly and trying to make friends, I still felt really lonely since I hadn’t clicked with anyone yet. I spent most of that day wandering around with this group of guys I don’t even remember and Nicole who was in my dept. The guys got along really well, really fast, and I tried to talk to Nicole, but she was really difficult to talk to, giving one word answers most of the time. Through the week tho, I learned she was just a really shy person. My carpools were one of my managers (meaning he was hella busy) and a kinda obnoxious person so I just sat around in the old HQ on my phone. It wasn’t until the night meeting that I met David, tall Justin, Leon, and Jordan who were in my dept, as well as each others roommates. Honestly, if I never met these guys, I would have had a horrible time. They were really easy to get along with and let me into their group pretty naturally, and I was surprised that they had all just met that day b/c it seemed like they had known each other a long time based on how they acted. David was essentially the cool-guy, leader of their group. We were joined by short Justin and his old roommate Joseph, and Barney. I got to know them and we all traded contact info and decided to have a drinking party post meeting. Tbh I was incredibly concerned with being the only girl going to drink with a bunch of guys I had just met, even if they were friendly. Joseph and short Justin wanted to buy better drinks and I tagged along and got to know them better. Stuff kinda got out of hand when we found out Joseph’s room was connected to the hotel pool, and short Justin invited everyone at the pool to join us so he could flirt with the girls. Everyone was super nice to me, which was gr8 b/c people kept making me drinks and trying to chat me up lol. I spent a long time laying on Joseph’s bed talking to David which Joseph was mildly annoyed with short Justin and decided to eat an edible to ease his anger. That first night was probably the most drunk I’ve ever been hahahaha

Day -1: The next day wasn’t too much different,sleeping in, just going to meetings/training and getting to know more people. I was a lot less lonely b/c I had an actual group to talk to now. Spent a lot of time talking to short Justin and meeting my new roommate Vanessa. And then we had another drinking party which I can’t really remember the details of. A lot of the dept members still weren’t there, so it was just the usual few. 

Day 0: This was probably the wildest day for me LMAO. Our volunteer work officially starts on Day 1, so I was getting kinda nervous since the con center was actually really big and I had to learn the entire layout to do my job properly. Most of the volunteers in my dept (GOH Control btw) were there now. Our job is to escort VIPs and provide light security when moving them from location to location. We use the back passageways of the convention center to help protect them. As a dept, we went around to every important location and the basic passages to each. Since it was my first time seeing some locations, I still didn’t really know what was where, so when one Kenya (my manager/carpool) asked for people to stay behind and help Sonya (dunno if anyone reads this, but names will just be people in my dept unless stated otherwise) practice giving orders, I volunteered to stay behind. In the end 4 vets: short Justin, Sean, Mono, and Jeff stayed to help 4 new: me, Gary, Nicole, and Robert. We were sent out as a large group and the vets wanted us to lead the way, but it was such a shitstorm. Gary was our lead, but each vet directed him a different way to go and yelled a lot at us, which really wasn’t helpful. We got lost, Robert went to the bathroom without even telling us, and decided to go back to the new HQ. Gary was furious. He demanded that we split into pairs b/c he couldn’t deal with 4 people yelling different things at him, and honestly, I was pretty pissed too and seconded his idea. It was quiet and a little awk since no one really knew each other and didn’t know who to pair off with until short Justin called dibs on me. In my mind it made sense b/c I thought we were p good friends and he was a 3 year vet. Everyone else paired off from there, and we split up to explore the mostly empty con center on our own. 

I was so stressed about trying to figure out and memorize locations that I didn’t really notice Justin trying to hit on me. At first it was just shoulder grabs and hand bumps, but it became hand holding and hip grabs pretty soon. At first I thought that maybe he was just walking really close and he didn’t know it, and he was still doing a pretty good job of showing me around the center with an occasional pick up line here or there (like asking me to the dance), which I took as him just wanting to get to know me as a friend. It didn’t suck when we were holding hands and honestly, his looks are my type and we were into a lot of the same video games, shows, etc. I just didn’t think things were going to escalate so fast. Pretty much done with the tour, he decided to test me/show me his “secret locations” in case of emergency, and looking back on it now, I was pretty dumb to have fallen for that haha. Tbh I was really excited, like wow this guy actually knows his stuff, I’m glad we were paired up together. And then suddenly we’re making out in an elevator. It was alright, neither good or bad, really only a feeling like “oh huh I guess this is happening, I guess we’re making out now.” I broke the kiss to explain that I asexual and that if he wanted to fuck, I was def not his girl. I think he took it as, “hoo boy this young girl is an inexperienced virgin, i’m gonna show her the ropes, etc.” We wandered around more, stopping to make out more and more frequently, and as it went on, I felt more flustered, nervous, and uncomfortable b/c it seemed like everything was going a bit too fast for me. Making out now included grinding and ass grabs which weren’t bad, they just weren’t goo either. Every time, I broke the kiss sooner and sooner, apologizing more and more, and IDK why I always apologize for being inexperienced/not putting out even when I know I don’t owe the guy anything. I knew he was getting more upset each time I stopped, and tbh if I was him, I’d be mad too. We eventually split after his best friend came to get him, and I had to meet up with my roommates to see a panel. I was so emotionally drained that I actually called Landon to vent to him, and I still feel shitty about having to do that. When my roommates found me, they could tell something was up, and I explained the situation to them. We went to the panel, but they had late volunteer shifts in their departments, so I decided to go around what parts of the con were open by myself. The panel was so funny, but not enough to take my mind off of what just happened. Eventually I met this guy named Henry who asked me if there was anything good to see at like 10 PM. He said he was looking around for business and eventually handed me a business card after I showed him a probably skeptical face LOL. He asked for social media in order to see some panels with me and I gave him my fb after deciding he was harmless. He never did message me to see something with him, but did wish me happy birthday. I don’t think I went to any drinking party that night. I was so beyond flustered aaaaaaa.

Day 1: An early morning and the first day we wore suits!!!! Since we’re security, we have a dress code of wearing suits on Day 1 and 4, while the other days are business casual. Volunteering was a lot of fun, job-wise. I enjoyed walking around and escorting a lot for some reason. No problems there really. When I got there, I had my first escort job solo and I was a little nervous. Which didn’t really help that my guest literally ran in front of me and I had to chase after his ass in my heels. Justin looked damn good in his suit, tho tbh there were a few other attractive boys and I thank the lord for our dress code LOL. Anyway, short Justin spent the whole day ignoring me and hitting on Sonya, which hurt more than I expected. I hadn’t actually rejected Justin either, but he only spoke to me when I offered people food or if we were sent on escort jobs together, which actually ended up being often. We were supposed to go to the overwatch panel together, but didn’t. Sonya and I started hanging out as the only 2 girls on shift who actually talked, and when she started complaining about Justin’s advances on her, I came clean about what happened between Justin and I b/c I wanted to vent. While I was starting to develop feelings for Justin and actually feeling jealous over him flirting with other girls, I felt more sad about losing a good friend (b/c we were into the same things, tho who knows, maybe he was lying idk). While venting in some secret code to Sonya, across the table Luis was trying to put the pieces together and eventually became interested in the convo as was Toshi, since we were around Justin and the other managers, Sonya and I stated it was just some story. Toshi, Gary, David, and I were eventually sent on an escort mission and I accidentally let slip that I had been hit on by other guys (I was so frustrated about the Justin situation and there had been a few harmless attendees who hit on me as well). David and Gary left to go hit on girls/take pictures with cosplayers, so Toshi asked me what the story was and I ended up unloading all of my problems onto this poor, unsuspecting boy. We went around the con together and talked, and found out we both liked BNHA, and it was such a good friendship b/c he was kinda into Sonya and I was trying to deal with whatever feelings I had for Justin, so it was just, idk, nice to be able to talk to someone and not worry about advances????

Toshi, Leon, and I were the only underage kids that actually hung out and went to the night parties. After getting to know Toshi, I learned that he wanted to get hella lit and I knew that there would be more parties. I went around and impulse bought a poster and spent time trying to go to some panels. When the shifts were over, I went back to the hotel hung around with David’s crew and spent the rest of the night chilling with my roommates. David then messaged me asking me to the dance, and I tried to deflect him since I was still into Justin. I think that day we also almost made the mangaka of Shoukugeki no Soma cry??? b/c he loved how we escorted him hahahaha

Day 2: Not really anything special, just more of the same kinda stuff as day 1. I spent so much money and time in artist alley RIP. Wake up early, do the escorting, explore con during free time, drinking party at night. Gary asks me out to coffee. Still mild jealousy over Justin, but I treated him as a friend like normal. I did some jobs and got candy and a free autograph!! which was rly nice of the people.My sister and her friend came, so we got some boba, and when I got back to the con center I walked from the con center to the hotel with the squad b/c they didn’t feel like waiting for a shuttle. it was tiring but a lot of fun. Since there wasn’t too much that day, everyone wanted to have a big drinking party, and Toshi was super excited b/c his goal was to get mad lit, and I went to keep an eye on him. On the shuttle, he and Sonya, who were now pretty close, both asked me if Justin was still bothering me, and I didn’t notice Luis and Joseph sitting behind us on the mostly empty shuttle, listening. They asked me about what happened and imparted wisdom from their age LOL. The people who I vented to then became Luis, Sonya, Joseph, and Toshi. Unrelated, David didn’t talk to me as much as he used to either. He flirted with a lot more girls in front of me, and Toshi and Luis said he was trying to make me jealous. I don’t get jealous ever, the stuff with short Justin was the first time that it happened to me tbh. Leon, Toshi and I are 19, compared to the rest of the dept who are 22+. It was a pretty fun night, since ofc I kept getting free drinks again, good stories, good people. 

Day 3: Not much different job wise, but I spent all my break time walking around, so i was exhausted when I had to go back, which was really dumb of me. Met up with Roman and Leinad and went around artist alley some more. Before I came back I bought some food from the Persona 5 food truck which was really good, but this creepy guy bombarded me with questions. He started off with asking my age and saying I looked young which was an instant red flag. His persistence and advances made me really uncomfortable and while I did get hit on quite a bit throughout AX, this guy was probably the worst. Leon asked me out to the neon district show and I softly turn him down. I was sent to the rooftop bar to help escort guests, but they sent me back after finding out I couldn’t drink. I decided to stay in HQ watching David and tall Justin’s stuff b/c they were going to be at the bar after we were done for the day. I thought I was just being nice, but apparently not??? When David and tall Justin get back, David tells me that he got me into the bar. That he gave away as exclusive lanyard to get me in. And ofc I’m like???/ Why???? would you do that for me???? And he just says that he wants me to see the bar, and enjoy stuff at my first con. I can’t really turn him down after he gave away his lanyard for me, so I go to the bar, they mark my hand so that I don’t drink. It was fun seeing my managers get wasted and seeing VIPs shred the dance floor tho. Luis was there and kind of questions why I’m with David, and I get a lot of questions asking if I’m his girlfriend or not. When we get back to the hotel and check discord, Gary was upset that he missed the previous party that was a lot of fun so we threw another one. A lot of shit happened. The guys thought it would be funny to invite tall Justin’s crush to the party. Tall Justin is kinda an asshole, but I learned that he was a nice guy who put up a tough douche facade in order to not look weak in front of the other guys. When he finds out that they invite her, he storms out of the party, and I felt so bad that I chased after him, and Luis chases after me, though we come back after we can’t find him. Regi gave me some boba, so I didn’t drink that much that night, Toshi had to be restrained because he was drinking too much. I messaged David to come and tell Luis and Joseph about what happened. Jeanette takes 6 shots too many after David arrives. David flirts with tall justin’s girl to make me jealous. Eventually the shuttles stop and a couple of us decide to take the last shuttle. That night was one I’ll never forget. I was pretty drunk, and Jeanette was so gone it was so funny. Tall Justin holds Jeanette up and escorts her back, I’m mostly fine, but Luis watches out for me anyway. Mono helps Toshi, and Robert comes with us. The rest decide they’ll take an Uber later. As soon as we exit the door, Jeanette falls down and asks for water, I run back inside to get her some water, find out there’s none left and then Jeanette finds her water bottle in her shorts. Tall Justin can barely hold her up and struggles to drag her to the shuttle stop. We eventually lose Mono, Robert, and Toshi, and get on a different shuttle. Jeanette can’t even sit up and flops all over Justin, while Luis and I are losing it in the seat behind them. Once we get to the hotel, Jeanette falls on the ground in front of her room and we try to find her room key in her pockets and it ends up being demagnetized, I start running downstairs and almost trip myself, Luis yelling behind me, we get back, open the door and try to be as quiet as possible since everyone in the room is asleep. I’m holding the room door open and Jeanette complains about using the bathroom so Justin opens the door for her, but she locks herself in. After Justin finally gets her out of the room, Jeanette starts calling for Luis over and over and over. At this point I just lose it and slide to the ground, trying to keep my laughs quiet. Luis walks away from door and goes down the hall, trying not to laugh himself. Meanwhile tall Justin is whisper-yelling at us that we’re so useless. After we finally get jeanette into bed and close the door, Luis and I bust up laughing while Justin tells us that he’s never drinking with us ever again.

Day 4: A very slow day. A late shift for me, so I spent the rest of my time looking for stuff in artist alley tho I decide to cut my free time early and start going on escorts even tho I don’t need to. Last day of suits and a bunch of us leave to go see the Cowboy Bebop concert. I get sent with short Justin on an awkward coffee run. I end up stuck with Joseph, Regi, Jeff, and short Justin who decide that they shouldn’t leave me by myself, which was p nice. I didn’t know if my ride wanted to go to the AX volunteer bowling after-party, and we all decide to go. Outside I meet David’s friend Josh, who takes it upon himself to talk to me and even volunteer to escort me to the after-party. The other guys look kind of worried and walk a little bit ahead of us. When we get there, Josh says goodbye and gives me his raffle tickets. It ends up being me, Jeff, Joseph, short Justin, Mono, Robert, Daisy, Jeanette, Eric + his gf, and Luis as the crew. Justin and I have a friendly rivalry as we bowl. I get to know Daisy a little bit more and wait for my carpool to be done with his work. When Kenya gets there, we say goodbye, and everyone hugs, with Justin squeezing me for a long time and whispering to keep in touch that I don’t respond to. On the way home, we get lost trying to find an open Starbucks before Kenya loses his mind. 

Post-AX, there were a lot of post-con depression feels since I ended up missing everyone hahah. I did get to hang out with Jeanette, Daisy, Joseph, and David once to get curry which was super fun, and Jordan, tall Justin, Joseph, David, Jeanette, and a few others messaged me for a good month before we both got lazy. I met a lot of good people, made a lot of good friends, bought a lot of sweet merch, learned some lessons, and enjoyed escorting. Overall, it was a really good time. I guess the biggest downside is the romantic aspect, but I guess that was just whats happens when you’re one of the only friendly, young girls in a dept. full of guys. It was nice getting free drinks tho. Tall Justin asked me out on a date over text, and when I said nah he tried to play it off like he didn’t mean to say date. Idk why Jordan messaged me after con, we didn’t really talk too much during. David still messages me and idk if it’s as friends or not. I guess the thing that I hated the most was that I couldn’t tell who was being a friend and who was hitting on me anymore. And it hurt a lot to know that people didn’t actually care who I was and only liked me because I was a young, fresh face that they thought they could teach, and then when it didn’t go well, they just stopped being friends. I came to make friends, and ofc I knew romance was a possibility, but everyone was essentially my co-worker, so why not try to get along even after the romance doesn’t work????? I just don’t get it. I’m quite thankful for Joseph tho, we ended up being pretty good friends and had some pretty interesting/deep convos. I just wish people were closer to hang out with. I’ll probably volunteer next year if nothing gets in my way as far as possible school/work. I really enjoyed the escorting, panels, and art I got to see tho!!!! I also just wish I had like even 1 friend to go with, ‘cause Ray ended up being p busy as well and our schedules didn’t always line up. 

Hopefully next year is better, and I should def be more careful.