#as told on twitter
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Story time: yard chaos
[I told this story on Twitter today, 11/29/22, because I like to be as dramatic and ominous as possible.]
Friends, you may be aware that I often tell Neighborhood Gothic tales about the happenings on my street. I have another one.
So yesterday I look out the kitchen window and see about 15-20 fluorescent-vested workers (who do they work for? We just don’t know) hanging out about 1-2 houses down. Just chilling on both sides of the street, sitting on the storm drain, in the yards, what have you.
And they are more than welcome to; I just don’t know why. Tons of trucks around. Including multiple USIC trucks: People What Identify Your Underground Utilities. You may remember that I ran into one while I was tripping on yard nightshade. Good people, necessary, ideal.
I go about my business (cleaning out my tea kettle). Sometime later, loud machine noises. Bear in mind that I live in an area where there is always someone working loudly on something. Cutting down dangerous trees (RIP🌲), building new houses, eternally landscaping. I shrug.
I look out the window again. The corner of my neighbor’s yard is thoroughly dug up. Now, this summer, I watched a man cut down a whole-ass tree and every single bush (including two beautiful gardenias) of hers branch by branch. There are naught but stubs now.
Am I now that old lady who peers out the window at the doings of the street? Yes. Do I know Debra’s life? No. Do I have any idea why twenty workers are needed to dig up one corner of her yard? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Some hours later, my mom comes home for lunch. She is INCANDESCENT with rage. I assume it’s because our street is clogged with trucks. Why u mad tho? “WHY AREN’T YOU MAD?” After some confusion, my mom gets it through my placid head that the workers
are digging up
OUR YARD
I hadn’t looked out the FRONT window; our dog had been asleep and hadn’t needed to go out. There are three GIANT HOLES, like 3x3 and half a grave deep, at the street end of our yard, like prairie dog holes from hell. Nobody said FUCK ALL to me about this.
My mom’s higher self is a capable, savvy woman who knows her worth. My mom’s shadow self is a Karen. She marches out there to ask what the FUCK is going on. A foreman steps forward. “Oh, they didn’t put a letter on your door?” NO!!!!
I can’t tell if this [a tweet that did not in fact go through] went through or not, because they keep cutting off the wifi. There is a crane over my street now
What is GOING ON, asks my mom. “Something about fiber optic cables,” the foreman says. SOMETHING?? “Something about phones.” IN 2022??? We Just Don’t Know.
Holes begin to spread up the street.
By sundown, every single yard upstreet of mine has a minimum of three deep pits exposing Unknown Cables. Turf has been skinned off and thrown aside. I’m just like, this might as well happen. My mom now has a contractor’s business card. Neighbors are mad. Nobody was warned.
I’m out with Cooper on the deck (where he likes to chase falling leaves) in the dimming sunlight, and I happen to look around at the street.
Water is cascading down the road.
I live on a hill. You know how it looks during a hard rain, just little wavelets washing down the road? That. Water pouring down the entire width of the street, gutter to gutter. The deluge has already reached the intersection and shows no sign of stopping.
My phone has no wifi.
The Workers from Somewhere have hit a water main up the street. In front of a lawyer’s house, I’m told, so have fun with that. What I learn later is, despite there being 3-4 USIC trucks on the street, no one ever marked any utilities. Somebody told the workers not to wait.
Birmingham Water Works trucks, flashing their lights in the darkness, show up at 9 pm to fix the busted water main. Neighbors are wandering around fretting that the Great Flood of ‘22 is going to show up on their utility bills. The lawyer is very popular.
I get up this morning. By 6 am, they are back out there, doubling down. This is not the workers’ fault, btw. Honest day’s work, dishonest employer.
Every single house on my side of the street has a minimum of four (4) fiber optic prairie dog pits now.
I don’t know WHAT and I don’t know WHY. And now, there is a crane over my street for something happening underground. Orange cones and a giant wheel of orange and blue cable have appeared. Someone is brandishing a rake. End transmission for now.
UPDATE: The crane is ripping out a small tree (RIP 🌳) near the top of the street. I do not know if this is related or not. Either shit just got real with the cable digging, or we have dueling contractors.
[Situation in progress, more later]
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#😏#sorry i shamelessly stole this from twitter because elliott told me to#thanks twitter user majipres for this pic
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Fe3h did not have a beauty pageant sequence, but if it did I'm 99% sure this is how it would go
#carrying over my posts from twitter choo chooooo#fe3h#2023 art#fe3houses#fire emblem#what commentary tag could I possibly add to this#flayn has a lil shark fin nose and i think that's cute#sylvain was completely on board with this idea and im sure it was in a completely normal way#it was Hilda and Dorothea's idea first probably#this is why the game never let them support#holst traveled miles just for the opportunity to brag about his sister#no one told him this was happening he simply smelled it in the air
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Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.
"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."
translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"
It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!
very this
#red said#it's just. I'm obsessed.#everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong#this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT#because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION#i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this?#why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered#but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances#then she left and nothing else occurred'#if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING#i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened#because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all.#a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman#b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening#c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that?#you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much#it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'
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Some stupid doodles i did bc i have some free time. Ive thought about this for MONTHS and im so glad i have an account to share it with other people now
#hed be a twitter slang user for sure#its true kevin williamson told me#billy loomis#stu macher#stuilly#scream 1996#billy loomis x stu matcher#scream fanart#latenightsundayblues art tag
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bad week for PMs of island nations across the world
#EDIT >#i have been told that it wasn’t actually protestors who burnt the president’s house rather police#unfortunately tumblr doesn’t delete posts like twitter so i’m editing the tags#i should have put ‘the PM/president of sri lanka’s house is on fire’ instead#please do keep this in mind when you share the news! apologies again#world politics#current events#british politics#shinzo abe#uk politics#sri lanka#boris johnson#supernatural
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My friend made a super cool language guessing game that is now fully functional!
https://langle.uk/
The database has a lot of minority languages (especially in level 3) and if you don’t guess correctly, you get a hint based on linguistic relatedness.
#this is genuine btw#not some weird hacked post#he's just coded it ground up and i told him not to do blue because of twitter/tumblr/fb/etc#but evidently twitter blue is now (mostly) gone so it's less of an issue#linguistics
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I love this tweet so much
#undertale#yume nikki#frisk#I don't CARE if they look like they have a bald spot btw#people on Twitter told me about it and I actually just don't care enough to do something about it lol
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Temeraire modern AU concepts don’t usually keep the treason even if they keep the dragons and an implied war and tbh that’s kind of a shame because “Laurence vs. the Twitter account Jane Roland forces him to use regularly to rehabilitate his image and tell his side of the story” would be a source of absolutely endless comedy methinks
#he does 100% challenge multiple people to real actual duels on Twitter#the fridge horror here that Jane hasn’t told him about#is it’s also meant to keep him in the public eye so the government can’t quietly off him#temeraire
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#someone on twitter told me there's a spanish football club called osasuna and my brain shortcircuited#suna rintarou#haikyuu#scribbles#miya osamu#osasuna#sunaosa
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my honey bee, come and get this pollen 🍯
#someone on twitter told me this photo looked like a painting that belonged in a museum#and i’m still riding that high soo#it’s me#18+ only#18+ content#nsft pics#nsft girl#spicy content#spicy pics#tumblr girls#pretty girls#sexy content#sexy tease#bootie peach#cutie w a bootie
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Twitter: December 13, 2022
I Have A Dentist Appointment This Afternoon For My Chipped Front Teeth And, Waiting For It In The Meantime, I Want To Throw Up
My sister is now at Urgent Care waiting to see if she has pneumonia, pleurisy, and/or blood clots in her lungs. I love December but man, FUCK this month
Goodish news, my sister has pleurisy but no blood clots, so we got that going for us
Newsish news, I need two zirconium crowns for my front teeth; the chips were ultimately caused by grinding my teeth in my sleep. Hilariously, zircon is my birthstone and my birthday is tomorrow (12/14).
Marriage equality is protected, I can get married someday, and a dance remix of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” is playing in the dentist’s office. A Day
Bonus info for you alone, Tumblr, where the Redacted Internet Provider does not have a presence: lmao my mom found smoking-gun photos of them fucking up our sewer line
#tw: teeth#it’s my trigger. I have nightmares about my teeth. second only to the eye squick#me for some reason#as told on twitter
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<3
#my friend told me to draw this so here we are#‘his love language is physical violence’ (c) guy from twitter#call of duty#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#ghostsoap#soapghost#call of duty fanart
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What is your Roman Empire in terms of Sonic?
#Sonic the Hedgehog#Shadow the Hedgehog#Sonic Twitter Takeover 5#Tails the Fox#Dr. Eggman#Sonic Twitter Takeover#This is canon—SEGA told me
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you know what i’d like to see? i’d like to see Andrew realise what Neil’s duffle bag means to him. that he’s carried his entire life inside that bag for years. that, after all, they’re not that different — it’s not like Andrew got to take much from foster home to foster home.
i want Andrew to start buying random things for Neil. little things, big things, unimportant things. small trinkets that don’t mean much, except they mean that Neil’s whole life can’t be packed into a bag anymore. that he can’t just run in the middle of the night.
by the time Andrew graduates it would take a whole moving truck to ever put all of Neil’s belongings in. and they’re scattered too. Neil has stuff that is his — only his — not just at PSU, but at the house in Columbia, and at Andrew’s new place too.
so when Andrew graduates — through kisses and promises and badly-hidden sniffles — he gets rid of the old duffle, and replaces it with a beautiful leather holdall (something good enough for Neil) so that Neil can pack his stuff and come see him on weekends or during break.
and Neil can’t fit not even a tenth of his things in it, but that’s okay because this bag isn’t a tool to help him run and hide. but it fits just enough for him to come and see Andrew: for him to come home.
#i told twitter the other day i’d been having very soft andreil thoughts#well#here we are#all for the game#the foxhole court#andreil#[insert keyboard emoji here]#aftg
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I miss these guys so bad
#kingdom hearts#kh#soriku#sora#riku#i told myself i was gonna post this on tumblr when i first posted it on twitter and then forgot until now LMAO#dani draws stuff
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