Q!BBH's report

LOOK WHAT I MADE 2 DAYS!

FILBO! He's so cute and small!

I'm also thinking of sewing Floofty, but it all depends on your asset ;3

"it's okay not to reblog this, but think about why you don't." hmm. okay. well, i have OCD and i refuse to reinforce the obsessive compulsive cycle that states my goodness as a person and an ally to marginalized folk hinges on pressing a button to share a post to less than 300 people on my little corner of the internet. there. i thought about it, ya happy now?

Otto screwed up

My spirits lift every time I remember that this is exactly what Otto proposed to make Rhaenyra heir to the Iron Throne.The only reason Viserys didn't have a son was because poor Aemma was forced into consummation her marriage too early. After her death, Viserys, who was not yet thirty, could remarry a woman who could bear him sons, as happened in the canon. All Otto had to do was wait a couple of years. Afterwards, Viserys would have a son and become an heir, and Daemon would be left with nothing. But Otto hated the prince so much that he wanted to hurt him immediately.

But as a result, Rhaenyra became an obstacle not only for Daemon, but also for Otto’s own grandchildren, and both of Daemon’s sons became kings of Westeros. It’s even a pity that Otto died and couldn’t see this.

Called in sick for the first time at this job n was so brave about it

In my mind i dont think swatch necessarily hates spamton but spamton does think they hate him

I'm slowly getting through them.... slowly but surely :3

I was watching RotG and suddenly I could only see the meme with the increasingly large dominos. With the small domino being 'Pia watching RotG' and the big domino being 'Efnisien, Gary, Anton, Temsen, Gwyn and Augus all starring in the same a/b/o fic'. Does RotG hold a special place for you, thinking of all the stories you've written since?

Hmm,

Yes and no? There's an even smaller domino you're not seeing which is that I had written original characters and stories before this, and Augus in particular was based off an original character I'd written before (and not published) so like, Rise of the Guardians didn't *invent* him, I did, years before I ever watched the movie. But there's also dominoes that drove me out of the fandom, and it was my bitterness re: the fandom that prompted the writing of original fic in the first place.

So let me tell you a story, anon. If you don't want to know how toxic the RotG fandom could be, I recommend you just walk away now and know that no, actually, RotG doesn't have a special place in my heart, knowing I wrote original fic to initially escape the way some small pockets of that fandom treated me. Otherwise I would have written RotG fiction for far far longer, because as the old-timers will remember, I actually had a couple of longfic ideas lined up to go immediately after SAL that I abandoned because of well...everything.

I actually spent a while after finishing SAL kind of hating Rise of the Guardians because of some nasty drama and meanness/spite towards me, particularly in the last few chapters, and it took about 2-3 years before I could even consider watching the movie again or write for the fandom again. And then by the time I'd come back, all of my original stuff was established, and I felt a lot more comfortable, and a lot more 'fuck the haters' with some of the stuff I had previously had to deal with.

(Fandom wank beneath the cut, lol)

For example (self-harm and suicide mention) one person would specifically post graphic horrible self-harm photos complete with blood tagged into the RotG and blackice tag/s specifically to coincide with my chapter releases towards the end of SAL - and she was a BNF in the fandom in her own way, so *everyone* kind of knew who she was and what she was doing - and she blamed me and my story for the self-harm, and so I had people coming to me going 'do you realise what this story is doing to this person, don't you even care.' And of course I felt horribly guilty and distressed, but I was also at this point around 7/8 chapters from finishing the story, wanting to give everyone a happy ending, and after posting the last chapter I broke down and cried because I was just so relieved that I didn't have to be tormented by this specific person anymore or see these images as a survivor of suicide attempts and self-harm myself.

But also just crying out of sheer distress because of how horrible those last few weeks were, because like, if it wasn't for the readers I would have walked away due to the pressure and bullying and coercion to get out of the fandom just because I had a story that some folks enjoyed reading. That was a level of targeted hate I'd never encountered before, and have never encountered since.

Around that time a couple of small hate groups started up about me, and I would get messages like 'you realise there are hate groups about you, right?' and I'd be like 'please don't tell me about this, people can hate me, leave them alone.' Then there was the time I just got - over around 10 days - about 100+ messages telling me to kill myself because of SAL and how 'horrible' it was re: it's 'really dark themes' which I find hilarious now, but back then, was actually really stressful when it coincided with someone literally *harming themselves* or posting old self-harm photos on days I posted a chapter, talking about how the reason she was doing it was because she hated that my story was so popular when it didn't deserve to be.

Like, no, I did not have a special relationship with Rise of the Guardians by then, or the fandom. I hated it. It's why I stopped writing for it when previously I literally had so many ideas I wanted to write for Jack/Pitch. For years after that. I would remember the good memories I'd made with SAL, but a lot of readers followed me into original works. And otherwise, all I remembered was being forced to see those photos and this person's tags if I went into the tags to look for fanart to share and promote. I'd made some very good friends (some very best friends, actually), and some of us got the hell out of that fandom as fast as we possibly could to escape these people.

So like, I would love to say that like, I feel nothing but fond memories thinking of the influence Rise of the Guardians has had on me, but no fandom that I've ever been in has ever had this kind of level of underground viciousness that developed as the story gained momentum.

When I wrote The Golden Age that Never Was I was truly detached from the fandom and the movie. I was writing based on my memories and feelings of the characters. I didn't look in the tags like I used to, and instead looked for when I was mentioned directly. I had a spike of anxiety every time I got an anon message while writing it, and I had to like...avoid fics and a bunch of other stuff to get through it.

I have watched Rise of the Guardians since and I do really enjoy it, but...I don't see the dominoes the same way you do anon, probably because of the way it all happened in my head, though I do think putting original writing on AO3 happened partly because I was in a hurry to get out of the RotG fandom. So in a way RotG is connected to that, but like, only because I was fleeing and abandoning all of my Pitch/Jack ideas as I went (to the point where people remembered them and still asked me about them years later and I was like 'haha oh no sorry I'm not writing those oh well maybe one day!')

Chances are high I actually wouldn't have written original fiction if my love for Rise of the Guardians had still stayed strong. I was ready to write two very specific longfics, and had done worldbuilding for both, and was talking openly about them, but towards the end of SAL I bolted from the fandom as fast as I could. The hate I got from specific corners of the RotG fandom is one of the reasons I started writing Game Theory before SAL was even finished - to cope with how I felt about the end of SAL and the hatred I was getting there. When some of those folks said 'omg I'll never read a story about Augus' I was literally like 'oh thank fuck, I'm going to be left alone now.'

Like...I got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia like 6 months after that, I cracked teeth because of how stressed I was, and I still have crowns in my mouth and teeth removed because of that whole period. I was sleeping an average of 3 hours a night.

...I feel a very special fondness for the people who supported me at the time, especially my good friend Silvia, who is still my beta and friend today. She is responsible for far more of the dominoes that have led to this moment than Rise of the Guardians could ever directly be. And I am extraordinarily grateful for the readers who have found my stuff since. Now the majority of readers of my original stuff have never actually seen Rise of the Guardians or read my RotG fics, and like, actually sometimes that's really nice, if a bit weird.

I have never, in my life, encountered a fandom that could get as toxic as pockets of Rise of the Guardians got, and I'm including Dragon Age: Inquisition in that, which had literal blocklists of asexual people, so you know I mean business! But as a final point, I do want to say the majority of people there were amazing, absolutely amazing, this is truly a case of a few bad apples spoiling the whole experience, and I'm still to this day gutted it happened like that, and have zero surprise a lot of people left the fandom all at once, at the same time, because of it.

are we collectively just not gonna talk about Dutch’s Fatherless Behavior or-

My Five: Yeah I’m the most cool, collected and badass person in this township. Nothing fazes me or affects me. I never cr-

About ten minutes earlier:

My Five, crying, holding up a video on a old phone of baby Sara: Peter! Look at how cute this video of Sara is!!!!!

Inspired by this post by @stealingpotatoes

Trying the dual daggers and while it isn't really my style, they lack the weight that I associate Blasphemous' combat with, they are fairly fun and powerful. Being on my third run through early game I was able get The Unwavering One snagged before I took on even the first of the three early bosses.

Monodrone — Somewhere Dark

dumping some stuff here bc my ipad is not working rn so i probably wont be able to draw for a while

two of these are requests from oomfies (sorry sunny the dany x jhogo piece i left u hanging with for like 3 months now lol)

jc one is based on an official WH illustration by fritz eichenberg

ghibli batb ill post once i fix it ive been changing around the colors and details for like a week and i am still not satisfied

jaime sketches are just anatomy practice using pinterest references or #jaimeilynyaoi not stuff i tend to post here

tyrion & tysha is something bigger that i plan to render. wanna continue it bad at some point. kinda want them to sit inside of a lion’s mouth or something idk

Is Buddha a saint? (Essay)

Buddha was the prince of a kingdom and grew up without any problems from birth. When he went outside the castle, he saw people struggling with the 4 sufferings of ``birth, old age, disease, and death.'' At that time, Buddha thought, ``What should I do to free people from these sufferings?'' He became a monk, attained enlightenment, and saved people.

Now, what was his state of mind when he witnessed ``birth, old age, disease, and death''? First, common sense suggests that his first impression was that these people were ugly. He is a prince who has never seen anything ugly. He must have felt uncomfortable even if he didn't understand what it meant.

The question then becomes what the Buddha was thinking. If his first impression of ``ugliness'' made him immediately want to ``save them,'' then he is certainly a saint. However, if you look at it from an evil perspective, you could say that he pondered the idea, ``What should I do to maintain a life without any inconvenience as a prince (in some way...not affected by birth, old age, disease, or death...)'' couldn’t you?

Of course, Buddha probably had no intention of maintaining his life as a prince. However, he must have thought about avoiding the pressures of birth, old age, illness, and death ``in the most effective way.'' In other words, he probably thought that he wanted to be saved first and foremost, not others, but himself. This is how I think "common sense". As a result, Buddha came to be known as a saint.

Rei Morishita

仏陀は聖人か？（エッセイ）

仏陀は王国の王子、生まれてから何不自由なく育った。彼が城外に出てみると、「生老病死」の苦しみにあえぐ人々を目撃した。その時、仏陀は「人々をこれらの苦しみから解放するためにはどうしたらいいか？」と考え、出家し、悟りを開いて人々を救ったという。

さて、「生老病死」を目にしたときの、彼の心理はどうだったのだろう？まず常識的に考えられるのは、「これらの人々が醜い」という第一印象を、彼が持ったということであろう。彼は醜いものなどみたこともない王子だ。意味することは解らずとも、不快に感じたに違いない。

そしてその時、仏陀がなにを考えたかが、問題になる。「醜い」という第一印象から、直ちに「彼らを救いたい」と考えたのなら、たしかに彼は聖人だ。だが、意地悪い見方をすれば、「王子としての何不自由のない生活を、何らかの形で（・・・生老病死に左右されない・・・）維持するにはどうすれば良いか」と考えをめぐらしたと言えなくもない。

もちろん、王子としての生活をそのまま維持しようとは仏陀も考えてはいなかったろう。だが生老病死の圧力を「もっとも有効な形で」回避することは考えたであろう。つまりは、まずは他人ではなく、何より自分が救われたい、と考えたのではないか。このように、「常識的な」私は考える。そして結果として、仏陀は聖人と言われるようになったのだろう。

had my wisdom teeth removed and they prescribed me basically just tylenol about it

i spend a lot of time on r/duggarssnark and a lot of time on the freejinger forum before that and despite being a fundie snarker for like.... ten years at this point i have somehow never attempted to make an ~elevated tater tot casserole. guess i know what im doing this friday